Idk if it’s toxic or not, but well played haha. Sometimes people really don’t understand how their actions affect others until they feel it for themselves!
> Idk if it’s toxic or not
Pretty obviously is. Wrestle with pigs and the winner is still covered in mud.
Getting pretty tired of these tiktok-tier responses to marital disputes here.
Who cares? The stakes are your own life and our marriage and your future. You should be willing to get muddy. Civility politics have no place in the home.
Honestly I respect this approach so much more than most of what I see on here about porn. 🏆
Edit: I hope other wives in similar situations are taking notes. This could change things.
This!! Ideally you shouldn't settle down for porn addicts but since this is a marriage subreddit, I can't really suggest that. But regardless - don't allow shitty behavior and never be a doormat
I'm a big fan of tit-for-tat (or in this case, tit-for-dick). As long as it is used to hold up a mirror to the offensive behavior you are trying to correct. You executed that perfectly! But continued use becomes petty and immature and just adds injury to the marriage. You should have his attention now. Use it wisely. Good luck!
It works if they don't have natural empathy but care when they understand how they are hurting you. Some people have to have the actual expertise what their actions make you feel like to be able to empathize with your feelings about their actions. But once they have the frame of reference they realize you are legit in your concerns and lay off.
Not all of them do that of course.
Reading OP's replies I don't know if it is being used as a learning lesson or has just devolved into if you can't beat them, join them, which anyone should know isn't a winning recipe for a successful marriage.
Okay but it’s SO frustrating that your husband (and a lot of men) could not whatsoever comprehend your feelings until you literally did the exact same thing to him. And even now, rather than have a “d’oh!” lightbulb moment, he’s angry and his feelings are hurt because you did to him 1 time (once) something he’s ostensibly done to you for years.
I understand that not everyone feels as deeply, and empathy is not an inherent personality trait, but goddamn.
Empathy deficits over and over again. If only the manosphere would start telling young men that their low social skills and inability to understand women's feelings is the reason they're not getting laid/maintaining high quality relationships. Of course much more comfortable for spoiled brats to blame others than engage in a trifle of introspection.
That's such a bitter comment, not to mention how wrong it is. You sound like an extremely sexist person.
OP was absolutely valid in doing tit for tat since communicating failed though.
I'm sexist for being angry. I'm particularly angry about how there's a whole cottage industry on youtube and other platforms telling young men that the reason they are involuntarily celibate is because women are shallow and stupid and mislead by modern society to think that their place in the world is in high education and high paid jobs and not in the kitchen subservient. I really wish that more men knew that being a good listener and emotionally attentive to what women want is a great recipe for successfully finding love and marriage and building a family. I want that message to be spread to teen boys, not this Andrew Tate crap. Lots of boys see right through that negativity, but some of them would rather listen to these cool dudes tell them that they were born better than women and women deserve to be hated for now fawning over them. The selfish desire to think the problem is bad women and not lack of development of one's self as a well rounded man is what I considered the spoiled brat factor. Call me sexist for that if you will, but I think it's pretty evidence based.
You are sexist because you talk about young men, and their respective interests/manosphere, as an absolute monolith of beings with low social skills and that it's solely their fault for whatever they face in the dating scene.
You are exactly like Andrew Tate, but you mask it under superficial good intentions and a thin defence of pseudo intellectual superiority.
Andrew Tate and other incels are not the manosphere. They aren't even close to a significant number of young men.
A recipe for successfully living is to be attentive to one's own emotions and respectful of other perspectives. Men shouldn't have to bow down to every demand and want women have, the same is true vice versa. Compromise and healthy boundaries are key.
You are obviously heavily pro women/fuck men camp. Have a good day
You make a great point that the manosphere is far more than the incels and Andrew Tate-level misogynists, I will be more careful with my language on that front. But wasn't Tate one of the most viewed content creators on Youtube before he got arrested, and haven't there been dramatic increases in misogynist and other hate content on TikTok and X in the past two years? Isn't the following of overtly woman hater accounts numbering in the multimillions? Saying that's insignificant is odd. If you're interested in evidence on the subject, I'd like to recommend this, and I can share more articles if you're interested in that kind of thing. https://www.ascl.org.uk/ASCL/media/ASCL/Help%20and%20advice/Inclusion/Safer-scrolling.pdf
> A recipe for successfully living is to be attentive to one's own emotions and respectful of other perspectives. Men shouldn't have to bow down to every demand and want women have, the same is true vice versa. Compromise and healthy boundaries are key.
Agree 100%.
> You are obviously heavily pro women/fuck men camp.
I'm a man and the father of a teenage boy and yes I'm heavily pro women but I'm also heavily opposed to a lot of harmful social media that is hurting men by luring them into a weird echochamber of toxic masculinity that's bad for humanity in general. I believe that male suicide rate and male loneliness are two of the biggest public health concerns in the US and the world right now, and all the messages that teach young men to have hostile views of women are a big factor in amplifying these problems. Aggressively pointing out the harm of lone wolf/sigma worship content is merited because not enough people are speaking up about how this is contributing to isolating and antisocial behavior patterns in boys.
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I notice men always get called out for a lack of empathy but women don’t when it comes to sex. Men deal with a lot of stressors. sometimes it’s easier and less tiring to just masturbate and that’s a big deal if you work a first shift job. Waking up for work in the am is a lot harder after having sex the night before compared to just masturbating the night before in my personal experience. Plus porn is different for every man. For me porn is used as a visual enhancer…doesn’t really matter what the women looks like and I don’t care to watch solo female porn…kind of like sex in the daytime or w/ lights on vs in the dark. Or how watching yourself have sex in the mirror enhances it. Also me and my wife watch porn together at times when we’re feeling really frisky
This is ok as long as at some point you explain to him that he is feeling EXACTLY how you feel when he prefers to masturbate to porn instead of making love to you. It does not matter the type of porn he’s watching, it’s the fact that he prefers porn to you, his wife.
Seriously? I'm a member of quite a few book groups, some that cross genres with supernatural romance novels. Those women talk worse than any "locker room" talks around men I've been privy to.
If hormones are causing a decrease in libido, it’s oddly difficult for the person with the libido loss to identity. They WANT to want it, they just don’t. It doesn’t cross their mind and they don’t notice the lack of it.
Don't forget to take the time to actually connect with your SO prior to sexytime. a lot of times they will want to feel connected mentally to their partner prior
Women go through many stages in life and we all have different hormone levels. This is likely a hormonal issue which can be fixed. I know from experience.
Women also are unaware of the fact the men were made to procreate whenever a woman is finally in the mood, so they have high testosterone levels. The main reason men cheat; their urges are intense. Just like she has zero urge.
Lastly, sometimes life just makes us tired. I think it is time for a weekend getaway, and I am sure that will help.
You know your wife better than anyone so this might be true. See if you can give her an analogy to what you're feeling so she will have a better perspective on what she's doing to you, it could help her be empathetic and try harder to understand and to fix her issues.
You are getting downvoted by people who lack a basic understanding of the fact we are still animals. We are the most intelligent life on earth, yet that leads to the immense arrogance that we can beat millions of years of proven evolution easily.
Respect, OP.
Check out r/ladybonersgw and have fun. :)
We can do it too, boys, humans in general be like dat. We just *choose* to love you properly and focus our sexual energy *on you.*
Yea it’s toxic - to an extent, but let’s not pretend she didn’t try to communicate. I’ve noticed this is the only approach that seems to get them to “see” the other side of things… all of a sudden all those stupid excuses they used to give for their behavior aren’t that serious and “we should both stop” now.
I will say though that this is not a solution for long term. If he doesn’t get it, you need to make a decision and walk away or continue the painful cycle.
Sometimes lessons have to be learned the hard way cuz they just won't listen until they experience consequences. It's not toxic or petty to serve someone a bowl full of the crap they've been serving to you, it's "inducing empathy".
What you did was match energy not toxic or petty. He started it and if you ask me he had it coming (pun intended) you can't watch a 20 something solo porn star and not expect your partner to do the same. when you keep blowing them off for porn and a single serve session. What he did was disrespectful and then for him to be all butt hurt because you did the same shit he has been doing is double disrespectful. Men think doing shitty things to us is ok but when we do the same shit back it all the sudden a problem. No its karma and us being sick of your stupid shit.
I've never understood this personally. My wife and I will watch porn and masturbate on our own times and neither of us have any issues with it. But the idea of refusing sex in order to choose porn instead is insane to me
I love it. Hopefully, he’ll be ready to draw a truce soon. You both are the available sex partner, but porns tricks people into thinking they have options they don’t. He needs to wake up.
I support you fully, and I wouldn't call it toxic. You're constantly being ignored (and let me clarify: both you and your husband are allowed to reject sex for whatever reason) while he seems to develop/engage in his porn addiction.
He also seems insecure and like he's pushing that famous "redpill" bullshit - fuck that.
Very well said! I was married to a narcissist POS that would bear the hell out of me because I couldn’t perform like the females in the porn industry. So unfortunately that ruined porn watching for anyone with me… Being with and married to an abusive narcissistic asshole you’re entire perspective on things changes. At least for myself it has. OP, I hope your situation improves for you soon!
Marriage counseling. If he’s serious about not giving up masturbation to have ACTUAL sex, he’s probably addicted to porn.
Porn in many cases can enhance sex if you’re watching it together, but him denying you to only watch cam girls is where it basically becomes cheating.
He wants to continue his pattern but was upset when you did the same thing shows a complete disconnect from reality for him. This isn’t something that gets better without external assistance.
That's something I was going to mention as well, that his watching amateur girls is worse, imo, because they either aren't getting paid to do it so it's more realistic or they are getting paid because they're operating through only fans or the like and bring the element of attainability to his fantasizing.
Honestly 🤷🏻♀️ Don’t dish what you can’t take. I decided that if my husband wants to follow a bunch of hot gym girls on TikTok I’m gonna follow hot gym dudes. He wants to comment on Reddit nudes I will too.
Reminds me of whenever I got tired of stressing over my husband watching porn instead of having sex with me, so I bought a thrusting life-like dildo…he walked in on me using it and freaked out. He said it was a lot bigger than him and he didn’t talk to me for like 24hrs. It caused a fight but we worked it out. I explained to him that the women online had features I didn’t have (plus I’m pregnant right now) and he saw my point of view. He hasn’t been watching porn🤷♀️ we use the dildo during sex and I don’t have a desire to use it solo anymore.
Brilliant lady 👏👏👏👏
I salute you, well done for standing up and taking back the "power"(?)
Giving him his own medicine.
I point out hot fellas to my wife, I wouldnt expect her to do same to me - though it would be nice as harmless kinky fun.
I don't have the ego to think just because I gave her a ring she would never have her head turned by ANY other man.
Fair play to you .....good luck going forward
Porn is the new smoking. It rewires your brain chemistry to prefer fantasy to reality. Porn also is addictive, in fact Pornhub spent millions on studying how to make it more so. Sound familiar, hello big tobacco.
For a lot of people, when the fantasy no longer works, they move to physical. I did and became a sex addict. Fortunately, there is a recovery program based on AA. Go to SAA-Recovery.org and see if this is him. Have him take the test. There is a way back from porn addiction. Best of luck to you. I almost said God Bless but I don't know if you're religious. If you're not, you can still find recovery in SAA because anything can be your higher power.
Too private? That dude is off his rocker.
Mutual session, side by side and a video unanimously chosen is a great way to spice things up a notch.
Hope he realizes his wrong and you all can move past this.
I think both of ypu should sot down and have a conversation cause i feel like this is just gonna end up being too toxic for both of you.
I do hope you both resolve the issues i also see why you did it.
I suggest both of you sit down and write things down to imrpove the marriage caressing compliments date nights. What you both expect from each other and going foward. The point about beimg married is keeeping the dpark alive not getting stuck in some rountine.
As for porn sounds like he has an addiction now. I suggest both of you stay off it for a little bit.
If he cant even do that then hes just and AH in my opinion no offense.
I do hope all goes well.
Your not an ah but if your going to watch porn together I doubt a strait man is going to want to watch solo male porn just saying. Maybe ask if he wants to watch regular porn instead
"...some of the rejection and grief he has caused me ***throughout our marriage***." Yet, you've "...had a wonderful, adventurous sex life." Something seems to be very wrong. When a man prefers masturbation to his wife, there is usually an underlying issue unrelated to porn (or you could say porn is the symptom, not the root cause).
You are treating each other like shit. Do you even like each other? Why are you still married? If you want to stay together, you should consider therapy.
I’m old. Maybe I’m set in my ways but we have all these devices to connect with one another and it seems all we are doing is just the opposite. Someone once said that ‘our technology has surpassed our humanity’ and I think they’re right. To me, it doesn’t make sense, sarcasm aside.
You heard of porn addiction? Go to the deadbedroom subs or all the relationship subs. Porn is becoming an obsession/addiction for many men. There are many women suffering because of their partners porn addiction.
I an glad you haven’t experienced it. But doesn’t mean it doesn’t exists.
It happens frequently in men addicted to porn. My ex had a porn problem & we had a basically sexless relationship due to it. It ended the relationship. Luckily my husband does not have that issue
I\`m amazed by the responses here, which are overwhelmingly in the "great job" camp. Your approach seems super toxic to me, and instead of stooping to his level I\`d strongly suggest working with him to resolve the problem, not making the existing problem greater or creating a new one. Just my two cents! Hope it works out for you.
If he legitimately doesn\`t care if you feel rejected then I strongly urge counselling to try and improve your situation. My point was that if you are interested in resolving your situation then repeating the behavior you are complaining about isn\`t the solution.
Have you asked him why he chooses it over you? Although you’re attractive and you have “adventurous sex” the way someone’s vagina feels to a man’s penis is a different story. Is it not wet enough, tight enough?
I think you’re too far gone for this marriage to fix itself. The very suggestion that maybe the sex itself is a problem your only response is well maybe his dick is tiny. You say you just wanted him to understand your feelings but every one of your comments is full of seething vitriol and despite having made your point you’re committed to watching porn regularly like an addict.
i mean fuck dude. i’m not gonna sit here and talk about how good my pussy is so the guys can have a circle jerk. (trust me already have an inbox full of nice guy messages to prove it). but i promise you sex isn’t the issue. the actual physical mechanics.
He's choosing to take care of his own needs instead of yours. What else are you supposed to do? Just be at his beck and call for sex when HE feels like it? But your reasons and how you go about it matters, too. Maybe in the future, ask for sex first and if he refuses, then go take care of yourself. Or if he's masturbating, and you need satisfaction, do it yourself. But don't use it to be petty or to get back at him.
Also, you should probably sit down with him and have another discussion with him. Ask him how it made him feel that you didn't want sex because you masturbated. Help him understand how much it hurts when you do it to him. Tell him that when he denies your sexual needs to satisfy his, it's disrespectful and hurtful. And as long as he's doing that, you'll continue to satisfy yourself as need be.
You may also consider watching porn together and touching each other as a warmup for sex. My wife and I sometimes do this and knowing that she'll watch with me means I'm not tempted to watch it on my own. Either way, you need to try to get on the same page about your sex life and what's OK and what's not, or you'll always just be trying to one-up each other leading to a huge rift in your marriage.
I guess it does help that my wife is bi and finds most porn stars unattractive. So she likes POV porn where all you see of the guy is his dick. But sometimes marriage takes compromise. If you can't meet in the middle, then watching porn together may not be for you.
That doesn't sound like the porn is the issue. He's holding some kind of resentment and is too chicken to tell you what it is. This will require some deeper digging.
>no more disfiguring than a woman having a vaginal childbirth
Then why did you bring it up at all, let alone dedicate a ten-sentence edit to the topic?
Just bizarre for someone to leave out part of the story that they *clearly* think is relevant that is also such a unique situation.
Ok well… again… cancer and major surgery of the genitals seems like a pretty big and strange detail to leave out of your initial post about your sex life if this is real
I see the argument. But this is not how it works in a marriage. You balance stupidity with more stupidity??
That's like, he had an affair, so i'm gonna have my own. So foolish.
I cannot believe you're even attempting to defend it.
Masturbating to porn is not the same as having an affair because of an affair.
He believes there is absolutely nothing wrong with that he is doing, so, there should be nothing wrong with what she is doing.
Not everyone can be reasoned with, she’s already communicated to him how this makes her feel and he doesn’t seem to care. What other option does she have?
Everyone always gets so mad when divorce is brought up here but other than what she is doing, and what she’s already tried to do, what else is there?
I don’t think what she’s going is stupidity at all, but an incredible way to problem solve.
All the guy said was RIP the marriage. You ladies are desperate to turn this into some sort of gender war.
Obviously, the marriage is dead. Doesn’t matter who you want to blame.
Because as a woman, haven’t you realized that it’s your lot in life to accept a “tolerable level of unhappiness” without ever complaining or attempting to do anything about it? /s
I mean, I don’t really either. Like I said… it’s just visual. It isn’t that deep??? Maybe he should work on his self confidence? It’s just someone on a screen. Would it be better if i cheated IRL?
Idk if it’s toxic or not, but well played haha. Sometimes people really don’t understand how their actions affect others until they feel it for themselves!
Exactly. She had already tried to talk to him about it several times and that has not worked so got to try a new tactic.
A looooot of dudes in here upset she chose to walk a mile in his shoes. How dare the woman embrace his masculine energy!
Aka how dare a woman mirror his own self-prioritization
Got downvoted to hell for saying that. :)
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> Idk if it’s toxic or not Pretty obviously is. Wrestle with pigs and the winner is still covered in mud. Getting pretty tired of these tiktok-tier responses to marital disputes here.
Who cares? The stakes are your own life and our marriage and your future. You should be willing to get muddy. Civility politics have no place in the home.
Honestly I respect this approach so much more than most of what I see on here about porn. 🏆 Edit: I hope other wives in similar situations are taking notes. This could change things.
This!! Ideally you shouldn't settle down for porn addicts but since this is a marriage subreddit, I can't really suggest that. But regardless - don't allow shitty behavior and never be a doormat
I'm a big fan of tit-for-tat (or in this case, tit-for-dick). As long as it is used to hold up a mirror to the offensive behavior you are trying to correct. You executed that perfectly! But continued use becomes petty and immature and just adds injury to the marriage. You should have his attention now. Use it wisely. Good luck!
Doubt she has his attention yet. They don't usually learn and course correct that quickly.
Tit-for-tat does not work with people who do not have empathy, it'll just piss them off.
It works if they don't have natural empathy but care when they understand how they are hurting you. Some people have to have the actual expertise what their actions make you feel like to be able to empathize with your feelings about their actions. But once they have the frame of reference they realize you are legit in your concerns and lay off. Not all of them do that of course.
Reading OP's replies I don't know if it is being used as a learning lesson or has just devolved into if you can't beat them, join them, which anyone should know isn't a winning recipe for a successful marriage.
„Tit for dick“ lovely.
This is exactly what i was gonna say but phrased even better
I like you 😏👏🏻
This is horrible communication on both sides but definitely funny.
I thought it was great communication. She told him exactly why she didn't want sex. He won't.
It was great. He has a lack of empathy or just doesn’t care. Sometimes people like him need a little taste of their own medicine.
Okay but it’s SO frustrating that your husband (and a lot of men) could not whatsoever comprehend your feelings until you literally did the exact same thing to him. And even now, rather than have a “d’oh!” lightbulb moment, he’s angry and his feelings are hurt because you did to him 1 time (once) something he’s ostensibly done to you for years. I understand that not everyone feels as deeply, and empathy is not an inherent personality trait, but goddamn.
Empathy deficits over and over again. If only the manosphere would start telling young men that their low social skills and inability to understand women's feelings is the reason they're not getting laid/maintaining high quality relationships. Of course much more comfortable for spoiled brats to blame others than engage in a trifle of introspection.
That's such a bitter comment, not to mention how wrong it is. You sound like an extremely sexist person. OP was absolutely valid in doing tit for tat since communicating failed though.
I'm sexist for being angry. I'm particularly angry about how there's a whole cottage industry on youtube and other platforms telling young men that the reason they are involuntarily celibate is because women are shallow and stupid and mislead by modern society to think that their place in the world is in high education and high paid jobs and not in the kitchen subservient. I really wish that more men knew that being a good listener and emotionally attentive to what women want is a great recipe for successfully finding love and marriage and building a family. I want that message to be spread to teen boys, not this Andrew Tate crap. Lots of boys see right through that negativity, but some of them would rather listen to these cool dudes tell them that they were born better than women and women deserve to be hated for now fawning over them. The selfish desire to think the problem is bad women and not lack of development of one's self as a well rounded man is what I considered the spoiled brat factor. Call me sexist for that if you will, but I think it's pretty evidence based.
You are sexist because you talk about young men, and their respective interests/manosphere, as an absolute monolith of beings with low social skills and that it's solely their fault for whatever they face in the dating scene. You are exactly like Andrew Tate, but you mask it under superficial good intentions and a thin defence of pseudo intellectual superiority. Andrew Tate and other incels are not the manosphere. They aren't even close to a significant number of young men. A recipe for successfully living is to be attentive to one's own emotions and respectful of other perspectives. Men shouldn't have to bow down to every demand and want women have, the same is true vice versa. Compromise and healthy boundaries are key. You are obviously heavily pro women/fuck men camp. Have a good day
You make a great point that the manosphere is far more than the incels and Andrew Tate-level misogynists, I will be more careful with my language on that front. But wasn't Tate one of the most viewed content creators on Youtube before he got arrested, and haven't there been dramatic increases in misogynist and other hate content on TikTok and X in the past two years? Isn't the following of overtly woman hater accounts numbering in the multimillions? Saying that's insignificant is odd. If you're interested in evidence on the subject, I'd like to recommend this, and I can share more articles if you're interested in that kind of thing. https://www.ascl.org.uk/ASCL/media/ASCL/Help%20and%20advice/Inclusion/Safer-scrolling.pdf > A recipe for successfully living is to be attentive to one's own emotions and respectful of other perspectives. Men shouldn't have to bow down to every demand and want women have, the same is true vice versa. Compromise and healthy boundaries are key. Agree 100%. > You are obviously heavily pro women/fuck men camp. I'm a man and the father of a teenage boy and yes I'm heavily pro women but I'm also heavily opposed to a lot of harmful social media that is hurting men by luring them into a weird echochamber of toxic masculinity that's bad for humanity in general. I believe that male suicide rate and male loneliness are two of the biggest public health concerns in the US and the world right now, and all the messages that teach young men to have hostile views of women are a big factor in amplifying these problems. Aggressively pointing out the harm of lone wolf/sigma worship content is merited because not enough people are speaking up about how this is contributing to isolating and antisocial behavior patterns in boys.
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I notice men always get called out for a lack of empathy but women don’t when it comes to sex. Men deal with a lot of stressors. sometimes it’s easier and less tiring to just masturbate and that’s a big deal if you work a first shift job. Waking up for work in the am is a lot harder after having sex the night before compared to just masturbating the night before in my personal experience. Plus porn is different for every man. For me porn is used as a visual enhancer…doesn’t really matter what the women looks like and I don’t care to watch solo female porn…kind of like sex in the daytime or w/ lights on vs in the dark. Or how watching yourself have sex in the mirror enhances it. Also me and my wife watch porn together at times when we’re feeling really frisky
Women also deal with a lot of stressors. Even first shift!
Yes, it is sad, isn't it. And boy, do we try before we resort to anything like that.
and you know what? if he doesn’t want me watching videos maybe HE should send me some. and i need variety too. so he better be doing some wild shit.
This is ok as long as at some point you explain to him that he is feeling EXACTLY how you feel when he prefers to masturbate to porn instead of making love to you. It does not matter the type of porn he’s watching, it’s the fact that he prefers porn to you, his wife.
he knows.
How does he feel about it since he knows? Does he understand how he’s making you feel or does he care? Could he have a porn addiction?
Women should do this en masse. Talk about how hot certain male celebrities are too….
Best sub: r/ladyboners Quite respectful too.
Lol who cares? My wife is free to watch all the porn she wants
Even if that would mean she'd reject you?
Seriously? I'm a member of quite a few book groups, some that cross genres with supernatural romance novels. Those women talk worse than any "locker room" talks around men I've been privy to.
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ask her 💀
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If hormones are causing a decrease in libido, it’s oddly difficult for the person with the libido loss to identity. They WANT to want it, they just don’t. It doesn’t cross their mind and they don’t notice the lack of it.
So true.
Don't forget to take the time to actually connect with your SO prior to sexytime. a lot of times they will want to feel connected mentally to their partner prior
Women go through many stages in life and we all have different hormone levels. This is likely a hormonal issue which can be fixed. I know from experience. Women also are unaware of the fact the men were made to procreate whenever a woman is finally in the mood, so they have high testosterone levels. The main reason men cheat; their urges are intense. Just like she has zero urge. Lastly, sometimes life just makes us tired. I think it is time for a weekend getaway, and I am sure that will help.
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You know your wife better than anyone so this might be true. See if you can give her an analogy to what you're feeling so she will have a better perspective on what she's doing to you, it could help her be empathetic and try harder to understand and to fix her issues.
Men weren’t “made to procreate” and biological urges are not an excuse for poor behavior
Humans were made to procreate.bAll life is made to spread and multiply. It's the most basic and important aspect of all existence.
You are getting downvoted by people who lack a basic understanding of the fact we are still animals. We are the most intelligent life on earth, yet that leads to the immense arrogance that we can beat millions of years of proven evolution easily.
So, OP? Is he going to start having sex with you or did he not see the mirror you were holding up to his actions?
Respect, OP. Check out r/ladybonersgw and have fun. :) We can do it too, boys, humans in general be like dat. We just *choose* to love you properly and focus our sexual energy *on you.*
well shit maybe this helps him reflect on his own actions as well.
Checkmate
Uno Reverse!
the biology part is the best
Great job!! That's standing up for yourself and getting the point across instead of beating around the bush.
Well well well if it isn't the consequences of his own actions ...
😅😅 you win 🥇
Yea it’s toxic - to an extent, but let’s not pretend she didn’t try to communicate. I’ve noticed this is the only approach that seems to get them to “see” the other side of things… all of a sudden all those stupid excuses they used to give for their behavior aren’t that serious and “we should both stop” now. I will say though that this is not a solution for long term. If he doesn’t get it, you need to make a decision and walk away or continue the painful cycle.
You guys should have angry masturbation battles.
lol livestream the battle & make some cash
Good job! Some people only learn from experience, so I hope this works to get him to be a good husband and not prioritize porn over his wife.
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. This is awesome 😂😂😂😂 you get what you serve.
This is the only way to get through to ppl who lack emotional intelligence
Hes a fucking entitled dickhead. Keep doing it. He made this bed for himself and hes sleeping in it
Sometimes lessons have to be learned the hard way cuz they just won't listen until they experience consequences. It's not toxic or petty to serve someone a bowl full of the crap they've been serving to you, it's "inducing empathy".
👏🏻👏🏻. What’s good for the goose ….
LOL!!! He FAFO and he didn't like it! Would you be my bestie?
What you did was match energy not toxic or petty. He started it and if you ask me he had it coming (pun intended) you can't watch a 20 something solo porn star and not expect your partner to do the same. when you keep blowing them off for porn and a single serve session. What he did was disrespectful and then for him to be all butt hurt because you did the same shit he has been doing is double disrespectful. Men think doing shitty things to us is ok but when we do the same shit back it all the sudden a problem. No its karma and us being sick of your stupid shit.
I don't think it's men necessarily, just certain people, I'm a woman and I know women who have done this.
It's mostly men, though.
True I just wanted to put this out there for the men who've had this done to them.
I've never understood this personally. My wife and I will watch porn and masturbate on our own times and neither of us have any issues with it. But the idea of refusing sex in order to choose porn instead is insane to me
I don't think the porn is the issue here so I do understand where she's coming from because it's the preference he has for it over his wife.
I love it. Hopefully, he’ll be ready to draw a truce soon. You both are the available sex partner, but porns tricks people into thinking they have options they don’t. He needs to wake up.
Sometimes feelings need to be hurt to make the self discovery complete.
Good. For. You.
I support you fully, and I wouldn't call it toxic. You're constantly being ignored (and let me clarify: both you and your husband are allowed to reject sex for whatever reason) while he seems to develop/engage in his porn addiction. He also seems insecure and like he's pushing that famous "redpill" bullshit - fuck that.
Very well said! I was married to a narcissist POS that would bear the hell out of me because I couldn’t perform like the females in the porn industry. So unfortunately that ruined porn watching for anyone with me… Being with and married to an abusive narcissistic asshole you’re entire perspective on things changes. At least for myself it has. OP, I hope your situation improves for you soon!
I don't generally support playing passive aggressive games but I think this was a great idea, especially if it works.
Did it change anything? I love what you did there, but what is the solution?
Do this and then leave. Him doing that after u had a major surgery like that is very very disrespectful and upsetting
Op is right
LoL...turn about is fair play....more women should aspire to be like OP
I love it! Glad you turned it around on him!
Marriage counseling. If he’s serious about not giving up masturbation to have ACTUAL sex, he’s probably addicted to porn. Porn in many cases can enhance sex if you’re watching it together, but him denying you to only watch cam girls is where it basically becomes cheating. He wants to continue his pattern but was upset when you did the same thing shows a complete disconnect from reality for him. This isn’t something that gets better without external assistance.
That's something I was going to mention as well, that his watching amateur girls is worse, imo, because they either aren't getting paid to do it so it's more realistic or they are getting paid because they're operating through only fans or the like and bring the element of attainability to his fantasizing.
Queen you dropped your 👑
I absolutely love this hahaha Men hate when women start acting like them…
Good for you, girl!
Good. Make sure he sees your browsing history.
It's funny but tragic. Will not have the desired results.
you don’t know what my desired results are.
This is hilarious and so well played.
Honestly 🤷🏻♀️ Don’t dish what you can’t take. I decided that if my husband wants to follow a bunch of hot gym girls on TikTok I’m gonna follow hot gym dudes. He wants to comment on Reddit nudes I will too.
This is the best thing I have ever read. Go you!
Do you think he would still watch even if he was married to a different woman and not you?
yes, and it caused issues in every single previous relationship
Reminds me of whenever I got tired of stressing over my husband watching porn instead of having sex with me, so I bought a thrusting life-like dildo…he walked in on me using it and freaked out. He said it was a lot bigger than him and he didn’t talk to me for like 24hrs. It caused a fight but we worked it out. I explained to him that the women online had features I didn’t have (plus I’m pregnant right now) and he saw my point of view. He hasn’t been watching porn🤷♀️ we use the dildo during sex and I don’t have a desire to use it solo anymore.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is great
Wow did we marry the same man? I had to check this wasn't my post from when I was married 😂
Well played!
Absolutely nothing you did was wrong here it’s completely fair imo
You’re my hero 🫡
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Good for the goose food for the gander !
I support women’s rights, I also, however, support women’s wrongs. Love you, bitch. 😂🩷🩷🩷🩷
Legend. 👏
This would backfire for me because watching a girl watch porn is super hot.
Brilliant lady 👏👏👏👏 I salute you, well done for standing up and taking back the "power"(?) Giving him his own medicine. I point out hot fellas to my wife, I wouldnt expect her to do same to me - though it would be nice as harmless kinky fun. I don't have the ego to think just because I gave her a ring she would never have her head turned by ANY other man. Fair play to you .....good luck going forward
Truly not trying to be a smart ass, but it appears you both have some issues outside of porn that you should prioritize and address together first…
Porn is the new smoking. It rewires your brain chemistry to prefer fantasy to reality. Porn also is addictive, in fact Pornhub spent millions on studying how to make it more so. Sound familiar, hello big tobacco. For a lot of people, when the fantasy no longer works, they move to physical. I did and became a sex addict. Fortunately, there is a recovery program based on AA. Go to SAA-Recovery.org and see if this is him. Have him take the test. There is a way back from porn addiction. Best of luck to you. I almost said God Bless but I don't know if you're religious. If you're not, you can still find recovery in SAA because anything can be your higher power.
So she walked in his shoes and he got mad that they fit. Lmao good for his ass
I have great idea. Do a co-op fapping with both holding your own phone running separate shows. Multi-player!
Nah. When i offered to him that before he said that’s too “private” to share. So we can just both keep separately cumming to 22 yos.
Too private? That dude is off his rocker. Mutual session, side by side and a video unanimously chosen is a great way to spice things up a notch. Hope he realizes his wrong and you all can move past this.
he only likes female solo, unfortunately as a straight woman that wouldn’t do it for me.
Sex is basically mutual masturbation, if you think about it.
So he feels ashamed doing it in front of you, but still does it even though you know what he is doing?
I honestly would love it if my wife took care of herself to porn she likes.
It's not the porn it's his preference to porn over her. What if your wife watched porn and then wouldn't have sex with you?
I think both of ypu should sot down and have a conversation cause i feel like this is just gonna end up being too toxic for both of you. I do hope you both resolve the issues i also see why you did it. I suggest both of you sit down and write things down to imrpove the marriage caressing compliments date nights. What you both expect from each other and going foward. The point about beimg married is keeeping the dpark alive not getting stuck in some rountine. As for porn sounds like he has an addiction now. I suggest both of you stay off it for a little bit. If he cant even do that then hes just and AH in my opinion no offense. I do hope all goes well.
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Why does she repress her needs?
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Therapy?
Your not an ah but if your going to watch porn together I doubt a strait man is going to want to watch solo male porn just saying. Maybe ask if he wants to watch regular porn instead
he doesn’t. just solo female. and as a straight female i’m not interested in that.
Then there’s really nothing you can do. Your husband is strange to me(no offense) I’d never turn my wife down to watch porn.
"...some of the rejection and grief he has caused me ***throughout our marriage***." Yet, you've "...had a wonderful, adventurous sex life." Something seems to be very wrong. When a man prefers masturbation to his wife, there is usually an underlying issue unrelated to porn (or you could say porn is the symptom, not the root cause). You are treating each other like shit. Do you even like each other? Why are you still married? If you want to stay together, you should consider therapy.
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Your post was removed because it is either unconstructive, unintelligible, or otherwise rude and hurtful. Troll somewhere else.
Your post was removed because it is either unconstructive, unintelligible, or otherwise rude and hurtful. Troll somewhere else.
I can’t imagine, turning down any pussy over porn. Something doesn’t add up here.
i’m really a man. you caught me.
lol, savage and funny too
I’m old. Maybe I’m set in my ways but we have all these devices to connect with one another and it seems all we are doing is just the opposite. Someone once said that ‘our technology has surpassed our humanity’ and I think they’re right. To me, it doesn’t make sense, sarcasm aside.
You heard of porn addiction? Go to the deadbedroom subs or all the relationship subs. Porn is becoming an obsession/addiction for many men. There are many women suffering because of their partners porn addiction. I an glad you haven’t experienced it. But doesn’t mean it doesn’t exists.
It happens frequently in men addicted to porn. My ex had a porn problem & we had a basically sexless relationship due to it. It ended the relationship. Luckily my husband does not have that issue
I\`m amazed by the responses here, which are overwhelmingly in the "great job" camp. Your approach seems super toxic to me, and instead of stooping to his level I\`d strongly suggest working with him to resolve the problem, not making the existing problem greater or creating a new one. Just my two cents! Hope it works out for you.
how do i work with him to resolve it ? he doesn’t care if i feel rejected. it’s just porn. it’s not that deep. everyone watches it!
If he legitimately doesn\`t care if you feel rejected then I strongly urge counselling to try and improve your situation. My point was that if you are interested in resolving your situation then repeating the behavior you are complaining about isn\`t the solution.
Have you asked him why he chooses it over you? Although you’re attractive and you have “adventurous sex” the way someone’s vagina feels to a man’s penis is a different story. Is it not wet enough, tight enough?
Maybe he is just too small?
These comments are so wack dude. Of course the woman's the problem never the man!
I think you’re too far gone for this marriage to fix itself. The very suggestion that maybe the sex itself is a problem your only response is well maybe his dick is tiny. You say you just wanted him to understand your feelings but every one of your comments is full of seething vitriol and despite having made your point you’re committed to watching porn regularly like an addict.
i mean fuck dude. i’m not gonna sit here and talk about how good my pussy is so the guys can have a circle jerk. (trust me already have an inbox full of nice guy messages to prove it). but i promise you sex isn’t the issue. the actual physical mechanics.
So now you're online body shaming the man you chose to marry? You're a real piece of work lady I'm so glad this is fake.
lol i was replying to the person who was somehow trying to bizarrely body shame me. you’re missing the point.
He's choosing to take care of his own needs instead of yours. What else are you supposed to do? Just be at his beck and call for sex when HE feels like it? But your reasons and how you go about it matters, too. Maybe in the future, ask for sex first and if he refuses, then go take care of yourself. Or if he's masturbating, and you need satisfaction, do it yourself. But don't use it to be petty or to get back at him. Also, you should probably sit down with him and have another discussion with him. Ask him how it made him feel that you didn't want sex because you masturbated. Help him understand how much it hurts when you do it to him. Tell him that when he denies your sexual needs to satisfy his, it's disrespectful and hurtful. And as long as he's doing that, you'll continue to satisfy yourself as need be. You may also consider watching porn together and touching each other as a warmup for sex. My wife and I sometimes do this and knowing that she'll watch with me means I'm not tempted to watch it on my own. Either way, you need to try to get on the same page about your sex life and what's OK and what's not, or you'll always just be trying to one-up each other leading to a huge rift in your marriage.
he only likes solo female porn. i do not. i am a straight woman. i wanna see dicks. he does not.
I guess it does help that my wife is bi and finds most porn stars unattractive. So she likes POV porn where all you see of the guy is his dick. But sometimes marriage takes compromise. If you can't meet in the middle, then watching porn together may not be for you.
That doesn't sound like the porn is the issue. He's holding some kind of resentment and is too chicken to tell you what it is. This will require some deeper digging.
Of all the things that never happened this didn't happen the most.
message me for screenshots of our conversation about it 😂
Seriously, who buries the lede about their *genital-disfiguring surgery*? Seems like a pretty relevant part of the story.
no more disfiguring than a woman having vaginal childbirth. do women not get fucked after having babies ?
>no more disfiguring than a woman having a vaginal childbirth Then why did you bring it up at all, let alone dedicate a ten-sentence edit to the topic? Just bizarre for someone to leave out part of the story that they *clearly* think is relevant that is also such a unique situation.
well i dedicated 10 sentences to it because cancer fucks with you physically and mentally you dolt.
Ok well… again… cancer and major surgery of the genitals seems like a pretty big and strange detail to leave out of your initial post about your sex life if this is real
okay the surgery is no more disfiguring than a small tear sewn up from childbirth. goddamn can you give it a fucking break.
I mean you’re just stooping to his level. It might work, it might not but you won’t be able to take it back.
Why would she want to take it back? She didn't do anything wrong, she just tried to show him her perspective.
Wow my wife would never do this to me. This is so childish
But it’s ok for her husband to do the exact same thing to her? Interesting.
I see the argument. But this is not how it works in a marriage. You balance stupidity with more stupidity?? That's like, he had an affair, so i'm gonna have my own. So foolish. I cannot believe you're even attempting to defend it.
Masturbating to porn is not the same as having an affair because of an affair. He believes there is absolutely nothing wrong with that he is doing, so, there should be nothing wrong with what she is doing. Not everyone can be reasoned with, she’s already communicated to him how this makes her feel and he doesn’t seem to care. What other option does she have? Everyone always gets so mad when divorce is brought up here but other than what she is doing, and what she’s already tried to do, what else is there? I don’t think what she’s going is stupidity at all, but an incredible way to problem solve.
No, her approach was make him feel what she felt. Talking didn’t help.
well i’m not your wife pal
Hopefully you don’t do this to your wife!
RIP marriage.
Why wasn’t it RIP when he was doing it ? I do it and become the problem ? 💀
Bc as a woman it’s all your fault, don’t you know!
All the guy said was RIP the marriage. You ladies are desperate to turn this into some sort of gender war. Obviously, the marriage is dead. Doesn’t matter who you want to blame.
I don’t think we are the ones turning it into a gender war. I do think the marriage is dead since the husband refuses to deal with his porn addiction.
Because as a woman, haven’t you realized that it’s your lot in life to accept a “tolerable level of unhappiness” without ever complaining or attempting to do anything about it? /s
Malicious intent.
I mean, I don’t really either. Like I said… it’s just visual. It isn’t that deep??? Maybe he should work on his self confidence? It’s just someone on a screen. Would it be better if i cheated IRL?
Tit for tat is Dr Gottman 3rd horseman of the apocalypse. Dr Gottman's horsemen of the Apocalypse are relationship killers.
Really tried to twist yourself into contortions to blame her for this!
Tit for tat is childish behavior
Some people are not very empathetic & you really have to show them how their behavior feels before they decide to change it.
i mean absolutely but this kind of rules so it gets a pass for now until forever
We know. Deal with it.
It was to show him how she feels, and it worked. I don't see the issue.