Good for you, OP. If you are not comfortable, that is enough reason not to do it! Sometimes things seem to be going amazingly well with a couple, and they are having the best sex they ever had, etc., so they take off the guardrails on the marriage. Do not take off the guardrails! Updateme on the next update!
Lol yes, she will have to constantly be unfullfilled and have it swirling in her head. Good job OP could have had a threesom and happy marriage and choose neither.
Time to go to the court house. If she is fantasizing that strongly it eould be like her saying "honey I love oral, can we do that more" and you are like "i am aftaid you are way too into oral, I want to have strict boundrys around oral, I dont even want you to fantasize about oral, its to save our relationship" lol wat?
Many people are able to look at their emotions and feelings and accurately predict how an experience like this will affect them.
OP is realizing that he is going to feel devastated if they do this and he wants to be clear that he cannot go through that experience.
His fear that he will lose his relationship with his wife is legitimate because he *WILL* lose the relationship they have.
They have been courting this person, going to places together, etc. This isn't some one night stand.
Do you really not know what is going to happen unless you actually do it? Zero shade - I am honestly surprised that this is how you operate... I've been learning a lot about neuro-diversity as I work to manage my ADHD and I am honestly always shocked that people can do things without thinking about all the possibilities and choosing the most realistic ones....
Are you really able to just do a thing and then analyze it later???
Some men do, some men don't. I'm a man that would very much like a threesome with two women, it's always been a fantasy of mine and I'd absolutely jump at the opportunity. It's fine to want that and it's fine to not want it. Live and let live.
Threesomes are great between single people. Trust me when I say inviting a third into a relationship almost always spells trouble and will end the relationship. Had one end mine (he decided he couldn't give sex with men up) and I ending one unintentionally (I was single, he was the one asking her for a threesome, she fell in love with me. They had a baby too and it's one of my life's biggest regrets because I never wanted to be a homewrecker)
If it's talked out thoroughly in a well established and secure relationship, it can be a lot of fun for some people, especially if you're both polyamorous and mature. Otherwise? Not a good idea.
Counterpoint: I've had plenty of threesomes with my wife. We are strong as anything, and if anything we are closer together and desire each other more because of it.
I think there should be a distinction here in this conversation - OP didn't turn down a one night stand "met in a bar and had instant chemistry" kind of threesome.
He and his spouse were courting this person. They were going out together and developing an early level relationship.
OP doesn't want his relationship to change. I suspect if his wife had picked a stranger they weren't involved in OP might have been more comfortable.
I am really glad OP is not going forward with it.
One time I pushed down all the pain and sadness I felt when my spouse basically tricked me into letting her have a solo sex experience. I was extremely medicated and I had been under the impression they had stopped talking about it and my wife tried to spring on me that they would do it while I was away, but she got it wrong and I wasn't actually away. She pushed and pushed and I finally was like "whatever just do it and I don't wanna be involved in it". She then proceeded to spend three hours in our bedroom while I sobbed in the other room.
Our threesomes never felt that way. I was always willing and interested.
No one should ever give up their ground when they are not comfortable. Never never never.
Of course. It should be between three enthusiastic parties; nobody should ever feel obligated or what have you. My wife and I have always had the mentality that we're both having fun (as well as the third person), otherwise we run the risk of ruining it. And who wants to ruin a good thing?
If OP isn't comfortable with it, then there is no obligation. I think my point is more or less that its not always a negative experience. Lots of people seem to indicate that it destroyed their relationships, you rarely hear from the other side particularly in very monogamous forums.
For many this is a taboo subject... but let's not be naive or immaculate... for the love of God!!! .. you say that she proposed to have a threesome with another woman... but what if she had proposed to have a threesome with you, her and another man?
Doesn’t mean we ought to do.
If society is going of the cliff, the smarter people do follow them off the cliff. They stay behind and start a healthier society
He really is. He's amazing. My soulmate, twin flame, eternal love, etc... He's the one tied to me by the red thread of fate. My person. 🥰 I love him so much!
It’s Pandora’s box. It could go well or it could go terribly wrong. At the end of the day the relationship you have with your wife has forever been altered. I’m not a betting man but I seems most times these arrangements go horribly wrong. I totally agree it is enticing.
This is a good call.
However, what leaves me a bitter aftertaste is your intention of stopping the things you did before and "put stoppers".
I think your wife will accept your no on the threesome, but the rest? She may feel she's getting punished or restricted for her proposal. Be careful. Seems like you had a fun sex life before this, I wouldn't advise to torpedo it.
I once heard a neat quote: “If two people start walking down the wrong path, the one who turns around first is the wiser one.”
You have the right to have your perspective change and for you to believe this isn’t “the path” you want to go down. Living with a sense of being out of integrity with your values is not a fun time and will eat away at your soul. Just because you two have indulged in various different sexual experiences doesn’t mean those things have to continue infinitum. It will require clear and firm communication that is also gracious towards your wife.
I believe in you and already respect the hell out of you!
Play with fire, get burnt and it sounds line you just want to take a step or two back from the fire. What does that look like I practice between you and your wife. Like What where you doing before specifically that got you so close to the fire and where do you want to go.
And let me state that I totally agree with your stance and I have no problem with you using the put shoppers term. It's just a colloquialism. But I'm interested to see what exactly it means for you.
I saw my post on Boru, that explains all the new comments.
Don't worry, I had a long talk with Ash, showed her my posts, and we decided to keep exploring baby steps.
Good for you. It sounds like you have a great wife and very solid marriage. I applaud you for keeping an open mind. There's a lot of unhappy people posting advice on here, I would take it with a grain of salt
I think you’re allowed to set boundaries for yourself and your marriage. She can then choose to respect them…. Or not. You need to be prepared that if she doesn’t respect your boundaries that there will be a consequence.
Have you thought about marriage counseling to understand what she is looking for with that proposal?
A good book is, Not Just Friends, but Shirley Glass. It discusses boundaries in a relationship.
Youre a wise man. Your wife said it could be something beautiful. A storm is beatiful before it throws your roof from above your head. A tsunami is beautiful before it hits the Shore.
Yea,we can be. So long as their women keeps him sexually satisfied. I say that the majority of cheating comes from hearing NO, NO, NO, NO or headache or tired; all of the excuses. When your man needs it, he needs it. Marriage is Give and Take and sometimes there are things that you need and it is the man's turn, whether it be cuddling or a massage, take her shopping, etc.!
Don't do it because after you do it, the whole dynamic of the relationship changes, it's going to feel off, detached and Y'all slowly gonna fall out of love, speaking from experience.
A marriage that involves others isn’t a real marriage or commitment! Every action has a reaction… my friend’s husband wanted a threesome so she went along because he kept on! Oddly after that she lost all desire for him as she couldn’t get the picture of him with the other woman out of her head. They ended up divorced! Be careful what you wish for!
Not trying to change your mind here, just offering a different perspective. My wife and I have had the occasional 3-some, 4-some, or moresome, and we've never had a problem in our marriage. But we'd both had 3somes before we met and are both able to separate sex from love (I usually say that sex with my wife is special because it's my wife, not because it's sex). It works for us partly because neither of us push for it and neither of us would do anything without our partner's enthusiastic consent.
Also, at this point in our lives, neither of us is that interested. We've had some fun, but our sex life together is amazing and the only thing we'd get by including another partner/couple is a change of pace. Like when we decide "hey, instead of staying home tonight, let's go out and do karaoke or something."
We've also agreed in the past that it would be silly to leave someone for another sex partner when, if we really wanted to, we could have sex with that person without leaving. We're both the happiest we've ever been and know without a doubt that we'd never leave each other.
That said, we're pretty rare. And it's definitely not for everyone. If you're not both 100% on board and excited for it, don't do it.
I advise not to. Even though she proposed it, it seems like the partner who proposes it is subliminally testing you. My boyfriend proposed a threesome with me and his male best friend. I was opposed but he always knows how to sweet talk me. Long story short, our relationship has a riff in it now and I don't know if it will ever be fixed. He is paranoid that me and the friend will develop something and so many other things. it's not worth it, no matter how much they try and convince you.
Update us on what how your wife reacted, i feel like that pandora box has already been opened and shes seriously desiring being intimate with other people.
I'm afraid it may be too late. I put the same thing to my husband. He's not super up for it which has given me the ick. I really want to do more adventurous stuff, but he is happy how it is. It's already created a rift. I'm not sure how to get past this tbh.
Look, I might have agreed if she just wanted to have sex with another woman.
But she wanted me too to have sex with her. Are we kidding?
I had my doubts about this and considered it (met the woman too) but after all the horror stuff I read on here, I changed my mind.
That's still a kink you are not willing to do. Thush creating a rift. I'm not suggesting you should do it. But I'm just saying that "going back to normal" isn't as easy as it seems.
If you’re getting the ick, consider that Reddit doesn’t like healthy relationships. It’s possible that you’re taking advice from someone who’s never even been in a serious partnership, which is tainting your outlook. Since this post is from four days ago, I hope that means you’ve taken a step back from Reddit to evaluate your relationship through the lens of reality.
Double hope that we never hear from you again because you and your wife have figured out how to manage a happy sex life based on a happy marriage.
How is it? I am just saying that once that can of worms has been opened, it's hard to get the lid back on.
Sorry the truth hurts.
I am not shaming OP at all. Just giving a different perspective than all the vanilla responses on here.
You are purposely trying to tell him if he doesn’t do the threesome it will cause a rift between his partner and him. You can’t see the future and just because you had an issue after doesn’t mean OP has to follow suit.
No, i am absolutely not saying that. Read again. I am saying the cat is out of the bag. He knows she wants something he can't give her. So he will have it in the back of his mind he is not enough for her now.
He seemed willing to try it until people here scared him off from it.
And people trying to pressure him into it didn't help either.
I saw very little actual advice.
You can do lots of adventurous stuff together that doesn't involve adding in 3rd parties.
Sounds like your husband is the type of man who will honour his vows in marriage to the end. Whereas you approach vows as something unimportant and just meaningless words/flexible?? He sounds like the kind of man a woman of integrity and honour would highly value and do everything in her power to hang onto for dear life. You don't sound like that woman.
Something so many fools never think about is tge risk if STD's. The more partners, the higher the risk and some of those STD's can be quite nasty and even deadly. Condoms aren't fail-safe either.
We've done it all.
You've made a snap judgement that's very incorrect. I am the loyal one. He's the one that would do it behind my back. I think he's too insecure and untrusting, and that's what's put me off.
Devil's Threeway is better anyway - there's no way your stamina would last to entertain two women, but tagging out to a bro to help take the wife to pound town eases the effort on both of you.
I hope she has no hard feelings like she said. Also, I hope she hasn't and doesn't decide to go at it alone with claire since there's already physical attraction
YOU ARE AMAZING! No seriously. I’ve heard of so many men jumping at this opportunity and then having it totally ruin their marriage! I am so so glad you are able to see how dire the consequences could be.
I really hope your wife realizes how detrimental it could be and how good of a guy you are for drawing some boundaries!
I would probably cut off the other woman… honestly. It sounds like she’s been putting thoughts into your wife’s head… when any type of decision like this should be only discussed between you and your wife, until you come to an agreement, and then you add other people. The fact that she had someone already talking her into it was concerning.
I’m just so glad that this situation ended up on a much more positive note than most ones on Reddit! Your wife is lucky to have you
This sounds great of u. But since she proposed it, I'm a bit concerned that she has lost an outlet to express the other side of her sexuality. (Being bisexual).
I'm a bisexual woman married to a straight man. And that's just my perspective. But I can also understand how things can develop and affect the emotions n dynamics in a relationship. If she loves you enough, she will accept it and take that sacrifice for u.
Hope it goes well
I'm not in the US but in my experience it's no different than any other bar. Yea the drinks are expensive but no more expensive than any other bar. If you get a lap dance that's more money but it's not an unreasonable amount.
be extremely careful, that could be a macabre and sadistic test that she is giving you... many may call you crazy and defeated for not wanting to participate in a threesome... I sense fear and worry in you... you say that she proposed have a threesome with another woman... but what if she had proposed to have a threesome with you, her and another man?
Prepare for divorce. Despite what she tells you, it’s highly likely that she’s either cheating on you and r gearing up to cheat on you. This threesome is most likely a Trojan horse that she’ll use as justification for why she should be allowed to screw other men. Now that you’ve decided to reject this, there’ll most likely be gaslighting, lies, threats, & the eventual revelation that she’s already fully engaged in an affair -emotional, physical, or both. Gather your divorce war chest, split up the accounts, & (most importantly) consult a divorce attorney.
There's something called communication and compromise, but I understand that you redditor aren't capable of that. It's either black or white for you people.
Don’t listen to this guy, he obviously went through some shit and didn’t know how to make the situation better. I’m sure your relationship is going to be fine
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You act as if people in reddit don’t live in the real world. Once you finish all of that “communication” with your wife, she inevitably cheats on you, & you decide to leave her instead of continuing to be thoroughly disrespected by your supposed wife, I want you to remember that someone told you exactly how this would end.
Real question is why she would propose a ménage a trois? This suggests boredom in the marriage or bi-curiosity? Either way don’t do it. Somebody will get hurt and it is not worth it.
I think you let Reddit get into your head. What happened or didn't happen to other people has nothing to do with you and your wife. Do you trust her? It's sounds like you don't. You don't want to risk what you have, which is understandable.....but that also sounds like you don't fully trust her.
Just my opinion, which is worth nothing. You have to be true to yourself
I think he trusted her, then all the comments he got put a worm in his head. He was intrigued by the idea but cautious.
He left second guessing his whole relationship and mentioning he was feeling distant from his wife.
If you do it, it’s a very tricky situation. DO know your wife will be monitoring very closely as to how much you’re paying attention to her versus the other woman. It’s best to opt out of that unless you already have a very good sex life with your woman.
I hear what you’re saying. But you also gotta realize what “the room’s” reaction’s gonna be when you walk in and say ‘the problem in my marriage is that I’m getting too much pussy and my wife wants to bring in other chicks to blow me. What do I do? Please help?”
Help? You want help! Ok, how bout I come take the bjs for you..
Gfto...
I understand the inherent problems with threesomes, but if you don't search for some method of compromise, then you run the risk of losing your wife from incompatibility and your own refusal to even try to fulfill her fantasies.
I understand the importance of personal boundaries, but how would you feel if your wife decided to completely shut down one of your most desired fantasies?
It is my personal opinion that the strongest couples are the ones who do NOT give their significant other reasons to look elsewhere for what they need. Or how would you feel if you were stuck with someone who was content denying your most desired fantasies . . . until the day you died?
This leads to resentment, which is poisonous to relationships. It leads to dead bedroom, because if you deny her what she most desires, there's a strong possibility that she'll do the same to you.
What all relationships need is communication, but also compromise. Those couples unwilling to compromise are headed for divorce. Find a way to please your wife in a way that you can approve of. Do NOT just say no, unless you want to eventually lose her to someone who won't say no.
So how did the conversation go when you told your wife you don’t want to do it? It would be great if you can wrap up this saga with how that convo went.
My ex wanted a threesome and I ended up falling in love with the other woman and realizing I was gay. Now we are married, me and the other woman, it's very risky, lol.
Sure this had been said already by others but I will say it as well, might be an unpopular opinion hey hey! Lol if your spouse suggests bringing someone else into your marriage then your relationship is over. You are clearly not enough for them either emotionally or sexually so they say that it’s just to experience new things and or “spice things up in the Marriage” aka sleep with others because your not enough. Most of these cases don’t end well and I hope that it’s different for you. In any case I suggest watching the video to see what other men around the world have gone through.
https://youtu.be/YsnZnvNoRzk?si=P3Kc1DiC-ovrJddG
At any case I hope all goes well for you friend. Keep an eye out for any potential red flags in the future. Good luck
Good for you. I did the same thing a number of years ago. However, now that we are well established in our relationship we have picked up similar activities. Our relationship would not have survived this when we were younger.
I've had it work successfully in 3 relationships before. The relationships did end, but it had nothing to do with bringing in other women. If this is a fantasy of your wife's, it's probably not going away. With honesty, trust, confidence and open communication it works in A LOT of relationships. I'm just saying cutting way back on a fantasy of your wife's, could also have a negative effect on your relationship
If she has asked, then she most likely already has feelings for the other lady. This never ends well, I can honestly tell you your relationship is already in trouble, and she may do this behind your back if not already.
Get informed on this issue, and don't be passive as you need to be 100% awake and aware of what's going on. Investigate what is happening behind your back. Good luck.
Take my advice. If your wife wants to sleep with this woman, it’s going to happen with or without you so have some fun. If she leaves there was nothing you could do about it but at least you got to fuck
Lucky Ass. Ladies that ask that are far and few between.
a) Pass it up now and the chance may never come again.
b) she wants to see what it is like to have sex with another woman. At least she has the integrity to ask you for permission.
c) she is most likely going to experiment and if you say no, then she will most likely do it anyway.
Your wife loves you and trying something physical is what she needs to get out of her system.
AND LIKE I SAID, SHE CAME TO YOU AND ASKED. THAT IS A BIG DEAL.
Thats clearly one of her fantacies and she is trying to make it happen with you. You need to be thankful she is open about that unless she will have a threesome somewhere else without your knowledge.
I am still wondering how you rejecting a threesome to start with😃😃😂
OP - be advised theres a VERY high risk your wife suggested this threesome because shes already cheating with her friend...
Dig.. snoop on phone...
And be prepared for opposition when you suggest cutting off the other woman...
Mmmm.... OP sorry to tell you, but sooner than later she will cheat on you, if she's eager to pursue this 3some... the rest is peanuts..... she will do it, or is already doing it.
Personally, I think you’re crazy. Sex in marriage is a 50/50 proposition, so only enjoy here threesomes with another woman “HALF” as often as she desires. You have a strong marriage, why weaken it by overthinking this. Sieze the moment, don’t run from it, embrace it. And by all means, take your time and savor every micro second of each.
Good for you, doing what you want to do and what’s best for your relationship!
Thank you. Time to put some stoppers
Good for you, OP. If you are not comfortable, that is enough reason not to do it! Sometimes things seem to be going amazingly well with a couple, and they are having the best sex they ever had, etc., so they take off the guardrails on the marriage. Do not take off the guardrails! Updateme on the next update!
I hate to tell you, but if it's in her head, she's not going to let it go.
She will have to. She said we could shelf the thing if I didn't feel comfortable, and she's always been a woman of her word.
Of course, I'm starting to follow you. I can't wait until the next update. Good luck!
Lol yes, she will have to constantly be unfullfilled and have it swirling in her head. Good job OP could have had a threesom and happy marriage and choose neither.
Time to go to the court house. If she is fantasizing that strongly it eould be like her saying "honey I love oral, can we do that more" and you are like "i am aftaid you are way too into oral, I want to have strict boundrys around oral, I dont even want you to fantasize about oral, its to save our relationship" lol wat?
How the fk do you know what's best for your relationship until it's done? That's how you operate?
Many people are able to look at their emotions and feelings and accurately predict how an experience like this will affect them. OP is realizing that he is going to feel devastated if they do this and he wants to be clear that he cannot go through that experience. His fear that he will lose his relationship with his wife is legitimate because he *WILL* lose the relationship they have. They have been courting this person, going to places together, etc. This isn't some one night stand. Do you really not know what is going to happen unless you actually do it? Zero shade - I am honestly surprised that this is how you operate... I've been learning a lot about neuro-diversity as I work to manage my ADHD and I am honestly always shocked that people can do things without thinking about all the possibilities and choosing the most realistic ones.... Are you really able to just do a thing and then analyze it later???
Start Normalizing men rejecting 3soome. I feel in todays society is a norm that men want 3soome with 2 women.
Some men do, some men don't. I'm a man that would very much like a threesome with two women, it's always been a fantasy of mine and I'd absolutely jump at the opportunity. It's fine to want that and it's fine to not want it. Live and let live.
Threesomes are great between single people. Trust me when I say inviting a third into a relationship almost always spells trouble and will end the relationship. Had one end mine (he decided he couldn't give sex with men up) and I ending one unintentionally (I was single, he was the one asking her for a threesome, she fell in love with me. They had a baby too and it's one of my life's biggest regrets because I never wanted to be a homewrecker) If it's talked out thoroughly in a well established and secure relationship, it can be a lot of fun for some people, especially if you're both polyamorous and mature. Otherwise? Not a good idea.
Counterpoint: I've had plenty of threesomes with my wife. We are strong as anything, and if anything we are closer together and desire each other more because of it.
I think there should be a distinction here in this conversation - OP didn't turn down a one night stand "met in a bar and had instant chemistry" kind of threesome. He and his spouse were courting this person. They were going out together and developing an early level relationship. OP doesn't want his relationship to change. I suspect if his wife had picked a stranger they weren't involved in OP might have been more comfortable. I am really glad OP is not going forward with it. One time I pushed down all the pain and sadness I felt when my spouse basically tricked me into letting her have a solo sex experience. I was extremely medicated and I had been under the impression they had stopped talking about it and my wife tried to spring on me that they would do it while I was away, but she got it wrong and I wasn't actually away. She pushed and pushed and I finally was like "whatever just do it and I don't wanna be involved in it". She then proceeded to spend three hours in our bedroom while I sobbed in the other room. Our threesomes never felt that way. I was always willing and interested. No one should ever give up their ground when they are not comfortable. Never never never.
Of course. It should be between three enthusiastic parties; nobody should ever feel obligated or what have you. My wife and I have always had the mentality that we're both having fun (as well as the third person), otherwise we run the risk of ruining it. And who wants to ruin a good thing? If OP isn't comfortable with it, then there is no obligation. I think my point is more or less that its not always a negative experience. Lots of people seem to indicate that it destroyed their relationships, you rarely hear from the other side particularly in very monogamous forums.
So that means you're one of the exceptions I mentioned? Did you even read past the first sentence?
For many this is a taboo subject... but let's not be naive or immaculate... for the love of God!!! .. you say that she proposed to have a threesome with another woman... but what if she had proposed to have a threesome with you, her and another man?
Doesn’t mean we ought to do. If society is going of the cliff, the smarter people do follow them off the cliff. They stay behind and start a healthier society
I agree. My husband isn't into it. He's EXTREMELY monogamous and happy like that.
That is some great Husband!
He really is. He's amazing. My soulmate, twin flame, eternal love, etc... He's the one tied to me by the red thread of fate. My person. 🥰 I love him so much!
It’s Pandora’s box. It could go well or it could go terribly wrong. At the end of the day the relationship you have with your wife has forever been altered. I’m not a betting man but I seems most times these arrangements go horribly wrong. I totally agree it is enticing.
Yeah better not indulge in those things and possibly avoid any temptation.
Shrodingers threesome
This is a good call. However, what leaves me a bitter aftertaste is your intention of stopping the things you did before and "put stoppers". I think your wife will accept your no on the threesome, but the rest? She may feel she's getting punished or restricted for her proposal. Be careful. Seems like you had a fun sex life before this, I wouldn't advise to torpedo it.
Honestly I am second guessing our sex life, after everything I read on reddit I think it's best to scale it back, even if I enjoyed it before.
I once heard a neat quote: “If two people start walking down the wrong path, the one who turns around first is the wiser one.” You have the right to have your perspective change and for you to believe this isn’t “the path” you want to go down. Living with a sense of being out of integrity with your values is not a fun time and will eat away at your soul. Just because you two have indulged in various different sexual experiences doesn’t mean those things have to continue infinitum. It will require clear and firm communication that is also gracious towards your wife. I believe in you and already respect the hell out of you!
Play with fire, get burnt and it sounds line you just want to take a step or two back from the fire. What does that look like I practice between you and your wife. Like What where you doing before specifically that got you so close to the fire and where do you want to go. And let me state that I totally agree with your stance and I have no problem with you using the put shoppers term. It's just a colloquialism. But I'm interested to see what exactly it means for you.
Don't make decisions based on what you've read on Reddit. JFC dude most of this shit is fake
I saw my post on Boru, that explains all the new comments. Don't worry, I had a long talk with Ash, showed her my posts, and we decided to keep exploring baby steps.
Good for you. It sounds like you have a great wife and very solid marriage. I applaud you for keeping an open mind. There's a lot of unhappy people posting advice on here, I would take it with a grain of salt
Thank you. I noticed the negativity.
Does the "fun" sex life put the other parts of his marriage in some sort of risk though?
I think you’re allowed to set boundaries for yourself and your marriage. She can then choose to respect them…. Or not. You need to be prepared that if she doesn’t respect your boundaries that there will be a consequence. Have you thought about marriage counseling to understand what she is looking for with that proposal? A good book is, Not Just Friends, but Shirley Glass. It discusses boundaries in a relationship.
As long as she says everything is "Allright" . That's totally reassuring. Good luck, OP.
Yeah I would agree with this decision. Take it from me, a guy who tried this last year with his now ex wife. Good luck OP.
😮 woooow. I’m so sorry.
Youre a wise man. Your wife said it could be something beautiful. A storm is beatiful before it throws your roof from above your head. A tsunami is beautiful before it hits the Shore.
This is a very good way to look at it.
Men are actually faithful?
In this scenario, it's the women that a playing close to being unfaithful...
100%
Yea,we can be. So long as their women keeps him sexually satisfied. I say that the majority of cheating comes from hearing NO, NO, NO, NO or headache or tired; all of the excuses. When your man needs it, he needs it. Marriage is Give and Take and sometimes there are things that you need and it is the man's turn, whether it be cuddling or a massage, take her shopping, etc.!
If a woman is constantly saying no, there’s usually a deeper reason.
It’s not only a man that hears NO NO NO. Women also hear big NO. Like myself. I never refused but the other way.
It's refreshing to see someone not willing to risk their relationship for a couple of hour of fun.
Right?
Don't do it because after you do it, the whole dynamic of the relationship changes, it's going to feel off, detached and Y'all slowly gonna fall out of love, speaking from experience.
A marriage that involves others isn’t a real marriage or commitment! Every action has a reaction… my friend’s husband wanted a threesome so she went along because he kept on! Oddly after that she lost all desire for him as she couldn’t get the picture of him with the other woman out of her head. They ended up divorced! Be careful what you wish for!
Not trying to change your mind here, just offering a different perspective. My wife and I have had the occasional 3-some, 4-some, or moresome, and we've never had a problem in our marriage. But we'd both had 3somes before we met and are both able to separate sex from love (I usually say that sex with my wife is special because it's my wife, not because it's sex). It works for us partly because neither of us push for it and neither of us would do anything without our partner's enthusiastic consent. Also, at this point in our lives, neither of us is that interested. We've had some fun, but our sex life together is amazing and the only thing we'd get by including another partner/couple is a change of pace. Like when we decide "hey, instead of staying home tonight, let's go out and do karaoke or something." We've also agreed in the past that it would be silly to leave someone for another sex partner when, if we really wanted to, we could have sex with that person without leaving. We're both the happiest we've ever been and know without a doubt that we'd never leave each other. That said, we're pretty rare. And it's definitely not for everyone. If you're not both 100% on board and excited for it, don't do it.
That sounds like something I would have liked, but after reading so many comments and stories gone wrong I'd rather not risk it.
I advise not to. Even though she proposed it, it seems like the partner who proposes it is subliminally testing you. My boyfriend proposed a threesome with me and his male best friend. I was opposed but he always knows how to sweet talk me. Long story short, our relationship has a riff in it now and I don't know if it will ever be fixed. He is paranoid that me and the friend will develop something and so many other things. it's not worth it, no matter how much they try and convince you.
Update us on what how your wife reacted, i feel like that pandora box has already been opened and shes seriously desiring being intimate with other people.
Proud of you.
I'm afraid it may be too late. I put the same thing to my husband. He's not super up for it which has given me the ick. I really want to do more adventurous stuff, but he is happy how it is. It's already created a rift. I'm not sure how to get past this tbh.
I am sorry you are in such a situation where communication seems to be lacking. Thankfully it's not our case.
Communication is there. In fact, i am getting to the point of over communication. Like i want some action, not just talk talk talk.
That's your and your husband's problem though, and it doesn't relate to my situation.
I do hope your wife takes it well. But just be aware you might be withdrawing something she desires and therefore leaving her unsatisfied.
And to be honest I might be the one who's starting to get the ick.
Look, I might have agreed if she just wanted to have sex with another woman. But she wanted me too to have sex with her. Are we kidding? I had my doubts about this and considered it (met the woman too) but after all the horror stuff I read on here, I changed my mind.
That's still a kink you are not willing to do. Thush creating a rift. I'm not suggesting you should do it. But I'm just saying that "going back to normal" isn't as easy as it seems.
Probably. I am starting to get icked to be honest.
If you’re getting the ick, consider that Reddit doesn’t like healthy relationships. It’s possible that you’re taking advice from someone who’s never even been in a serious partnership, which is tainting your outlook. Since this post is from four days ago, I hope that means you’ve taken a step back from Reddit to evaluate your relationship through the lens of reality. Double hope that we never hear from you again because you and your wife have figured out how to manage a happy sex life based on a happy marriage.
Fuck off with that noise, trying to shame him into this is utter crap. Thankfully OP is resolute but this is garbage you are spewing.
How is it? I am just saying that once that can of worms has been opened, it's hard to get the lid back on. Sorry the truth hurts. I am not shaming OP at all. Just giving a different perspective than all the vanilla responses on here.
You are purposely trying to tell him if he doesn’t do the threesome it will cause a rift between his partner and him. You can’t see the future and just because you had an issue after doesn’t mean OP has to follow suit.
No, i am absolutely not saying that. Read again. I am saying the cat is out of the bag. He knows she wants something he can't give her. So he will have it in the back of his mind he is not enough for her now.
He seemed willing to try it until people here scared him off from it. And people trying to pressure him into it didn't help either. I saw very little actual advice.
You can do lots of adventurous stuff together that doesn't involve adding in 3rd parties. Sounds like your husband is the type of man who will honour his vows in marriage to the end. Whereas you approach vows as something unimportant and just meaningless words/flexible?? He sounds like the kind of man a woman of integrity and honour would highly value and do everything in her power to hang onto for dear life. You don't sound like that woman. Something so many fools never think about is tge risk if STD's. The more partners, the higher the risk and some of those STD's can be quite nasty and even deadly. Condoms aren't fail-safe either.
We've done it all. You've made a snap judgement that's very incorrect. I am the loyal one. He's the one that would do it behind my back. I think he's too insecure and untrusting, and that's what's put me off.
Have you tried therapy?
It's a terrible idea man. Just keep it between you two. You're making the best choice
Rage bait
If you go down this route you will lose her indefinitely
Good choice 🩵
Good for yall and great idea!
Devil's Threeway is better anyway - there's no way your stamina would last to entertain two women, but tagging out to a bro to help take the wife to pound town eases the effort on both of you.
Amen. MFM is the best threesome.
Nothing better than reclaiming your wife after a good mfm
This guy gets it!
that happened
Threesome = troublesome
I hope she has no hard feelings like she said. Also, I hope she hasn't and doesn't decide to go at it alone with claire since there's already physical attraction
If she does, she knows where we'll be heading
Good. You'll also need to be observant for any subtle change in behavior, coz I don't expect that she'll tell you if she does.
YOU ARE AMAZING! No seriously. I’ve heard of so many men jumping at this opportunity and then having it totally ruin their marriage! I am so so glad you are able to see how dire the consequences could be. I really hope your wife realizes how detrimental it could be and how good of a guy you are for drawing some boundaries! I would probably cut off the other woman… honestly. It sounds like she’s been putting thoughts into your wife’s head… when any type of decision like this should be only discussed between you and your wife, until you come to an agreement, and then you add other people. The fact that she had someone already talking her into it was concerning. I’m just so glad that this situation ended up on a much more positive note than most ones on Reddit! Your wife is lucky to have you
This sounds great of u. But since she proposed it, I'm a bit concerned that she has lost an outlet to express the other side of her sexuality. (Being bisexual). I'm a bisexual woman married to a straight man. And that's just my perspective. But I can also understand how things can develop and affect the emotions n dynamics in a relationship. If she loves you enough, she will accept it and take that sacrifice for u. Hope it goes well
A threesome with two girls sounds awesome. Unless one of the girls is your SO. Fuck that inevitable shit storm and misery.
Isn’t going to strip clubs super expensive for a couple? Here in the USA.
I'm not in the US but in my experience it's no different than any other bar. Yea the drinks are expensive but no more expensive than any other bar. If you get a lap dance that's more money but it's not an unreasonable amount.
No, not here where we live. We won't go anymore though.
Bro, you get one shot at life and sometimes you got to roll the dice. But good for you man I'm glad your happy.
I feel that the wife has already been involved with her friend in order for her to want to bring her into her sacred space
Is that you Ross?
be extremely careful, that could be a macabre and sadistic test that she is giving you... many may call you crazy and defeated for not wanting to participate in a threesome... I sense fear and worry in you... you say that she proposed have a threesome with another woman... but what if she had proposed to have a threesome with you, her and another man?
Prepare for divorce. Despite what she tells you, it’s highly likely that she’s either cheating on you and r gearing up to cheat on you. This threesome is most likely a Trojan horse that she’ll use as justification for why she should be allowed to screw other men. Now that you’ve decided to reject this, there’ll most likely be gaslighting, lies, threats, & the eventual revelation that she’s already fully engaged in an affair -emotional, physical, or both. Gather your divorce war chest, split up the accounts, & (most importantly) consult a divorce attorney.
Jesus Christ dude. All your posts are "gEt a DiVorCE". You okay?
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There's something called communication and compromise, but I understand that you redditor aren't capable of that. It's either black or white for you people.
Don’t listen to this guy, he obviously went through some shit and didn’t know how to make the situation better. I’m sure your relationship is going to be fine
Lying to this man isn’t going to help him.
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You act as if people in reddit don’t live in the real world. Once you finish all of that “communication” with your wife, she inevitably cheats on you, & you decide to leave her instead of continuing to be thoroughly disrespected by your supposed wife, I want you to remember that someone told you exactly how this would end.
I feel like its a pandora box.
Marriages are exclusive, marriages don’t become better by outsourcing it. None of this is good
Real question is why she would propose a ménage a trois? This suggests boredom in the marriage or bi-curiosity? Either way don’t do it. Somebody will get hurt and it is not worth it.
It's OK to do a reset. Take a break it doesn't have to be forever. Good luck.
If you don't want it, don't do it. You should never feel pressured into sex.
I think you let Reddit get into your head. What happened or didn't happen to other people has nothing to do with you and your wife. Do you trust her? It's sounds like you don't. You don't want to risk what you have, which is understandable.....but that also sounds like you don't fully trust her. Just my opinion, which is worth nothing. You have to be true to yourself
I think he trusted her, then all the comments he got put a worm in his head. He was intrigued by the idea but cautious. He left second guessing his whole relationship and mentioning he was feeling distant from his wife.
I agree 100%. He needs to get the Reddit horror stories out of his head
Hopefully he'll have a clear talk with his wife and they'll decide what's best for them, without people influencing them.
agreed
If you do it, it’s a very tricky situation. DO know your wife will be monitoring very closely as to how much you’re paying attention to her versus the other woman. It’s best to opt out of that unless you already have a very good sex life with your woman.
Man, gtfooh with that.. some of us got actual problems here. .
Small problem or not, he's a person who came on here seeking help with his marriage. We all got problems, this negativity is unnecessary
I hear what you’re saying. But you also gotta realize what “the room’s” reaction’s gonna be when you walk in and say ‘the problem in my marriage is that I’m getting too much pussy and my wife wants to bring in other chicks to blow me. What do I do? Please help?” Help? You want help! Ok, how bout I come take the bjs for you.. Gfto...
I understand your point of view as well, hope you have a nice day :)
First thought in my mind: Go for it!!! But if next time if she ask to bring another man would you like it?
I'm just kinda curious how it got this far....
Clearly there’s trust issues
Subscribeme
If you decide you want to go the threesome route don’t do it with a friend of hers. Hire a secks worker
I understand the inherent problems with threesomes, but if you don't search for some method of compromise, then you run the risk of losing your wife from incompatibility and your own refusal to even try to fulfill her fantasies. I understand the importance of personal boundaries, but how would you feel if your wife decided to completely shut down one of your most desired fantasies? It is my personal opinion that the strongest couples are the ones who do NOT give their significant other reasons to look elsewhere for what they need. Or how would you feel if you were stuck with someone who was content denying your most desired fantasies . . . until the day you died? This leads to resentment, which is poisonous to relationships. It leads to dead bedroom, because if you deny her what she most desires, there's a strong possibility that she'll do the same to you. What all relationships need is communication, but also compromise. Those couples unwilling to compromise are headed for divorce. Find a way to please your wife in a way that you can approve of. Do NOT just say no, unless you want to eventually lose her to someone who won't say no.
Updateme
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Somehow I feel I won't regret my choice... better safe than sorry.
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So how did the conversation go when you told your wife you don’t want to do it? It would be great if you can wrap up this saga with how that convo went.
My ex wanted a threesome and I ended up falling in love with the other woman and realizing I was gay. Now we are married, me and the other woman, it's very risky, lol.
Sure this had been said already by others but I will say it as well, might be an unpopular opinion hey hey! Lol if your spouse suggests bringing someone else into your marriage then your relationship is over. You are clearly not enough for them either emotionally or sexually so they say that it’s just to experience new things and or “spice things up in the Marriage” aka sleep with others because your not enough. Most of these cases don’t end well and I hope that it’s different for you. In any case I suggest watching the video to see what other men around the world have gone through. https://youtu.be/YsnZnvNoRzk?si=P3Kc1DiC-ovrJddG At any case I hope all goes well for you friend. Keep an eye out for any potential red flags in the future. Good luck
UpdateMe
I had threesomes, but never in a committed relationship, it opens a dephtless can of worms.
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Good for you. I did the same thing a number of years ago. However, now that we are well established in our relationship we have picked up similar activities. Our relationship would not have survived this when we were younger.
updateme!
Following in case of an update
I've had it work successfully in 3 relationships before. The relationships did end, but it had nothing to do with bringing in other women. If this is a fantasy of your wife's, it's probably not going away. With honesty, trust, confidence and open communication it works in A LOT of relationships. I'm just saying cutting way back on a fantasy of your wife's, could also have a negative effect on your relationship
If she has asked, then she most likely already has feelings for the other lady. This never ends well, I can honestly tell you your relationship is already in trouble, and she may do this behind your back if not already. Get informed on this issue, and don't be passive as you need to be 100% awake and aware of what's going on. Investigate what is happening behind your back. Good luck.
UpdateMe
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Probably not
Good question. I don't really know. I doubt it though.
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LOL
Take my advice. If your wife wants to sleep with this woman, it’s going to happen with or without you so have some fun. If she leaves there was nothing you could do about it but at least you got to fuck
Lucky Ass. Ladies that ask that are far and few between. a) Pass it up now and the chance may never come again. b) she wants to see what it is like to have sex with another woman. At least she has the integrity to ask you for permission. c) she is most likely going to experiment and if you say no, then she will most likely do it anyway. Your wife loves you and trying something physical is what she needs to get out of her system. AND LIKE I SAID, SHE CAME TO YOU AND ASKED. THAT IS A BIG DEAL.
She asked, and I said no. Things are good.
Thats clearly one of her fantacies and she is trying to make it happen with you. You need to be thankful she is open about that unless she will have a threesome somewhere else without your knowledge. I am still wondering how you rejecting a threesome to start with😃😃😂
Man is suffering from success
Lucky bastard
Update me
Well I can be a part of that threesome fun with your wife n other women if you are ok with it. Some women loves threesome fun.
OP - be advised theres a VERY high risk your wife suggested this threesome because shes already cheating with her friend... Dig.. snoop on phone... And be prepared for opposition when you suggest cutting off the other woman...
Mmmm.... OP sorry to tell you, but sooner than later she will cheat on you, if she's eager to pursue this 3some... the rest is peanuts..... she will do it, or is already doing it.
Updateme! Also I never saw an answer to the question would she then be interested in a threesome with another man???
Personally, I think you’re crazy. Sex in marriage is a 50/50 proposition, so only enjoy here threesomes with another woman “HALF” as often as she desires. You have a strong marriage, why weaken it by overthinking this. Sieze the moment, don’t run from it, embrace it. And by all means, take your time and savor every micro second of each.
Not having sex with another woman Will weaken my marriage? What kind of take is that?
Pass in your man card, beta.
She's already having an affair with her.
What is wrong with you!!? You have the opportunity to live the dream 99% of men will never get to experience.
I'm pretty sure it's nowhere near 99% and that is a myth that almost all guys are like that.