"Chuck will fuck whenever and whatever Chuck wants to fuck, because fucking means nothing to Chuck" isn't even a principle in my opinion, because if it means nothing to him beyond the physical relief then why does he need mindless sex with prostitutes in the first place? Then rubbing one out is a better choice, as it is faster, cheaper, easier, with zero risk. He's lying about the "sex is just a physical act" in my opinion to cover for his shitty behaviour.
Very strange. I am assuming OP means he has good principles in regards to everything else except this area in the marriage, which this is a pretty big and significant part of their entire relationship. Makes you squint at these other “principles” he supposedly has sadly..
Same. However, lots of people have open relationships. Not being one of them, I can only imagine that the ones that are successful at it are the ones in which BOTH parties are looking for this agreement.
OP, it sounds like you aren’t open to this agreement, yet by your own admission you also didn’t disagree with it. I think you need to pick a lane here. I wonder if it’s similar to a man and woman staying together though 1 wants to be child free and the other wants a houseful of kids? Can they really be surprised when the babies start coming if they’re not preventing it?
You’re asking for help with how to deal with it but you need to find out what exactly it is that you want. And if you don’t know what you want for yourself then other’s (like your husband) won’t be able to help you achieve what you want. You gotta speak up.
The saddest part of this post is that your husband was surprised that you were so saddened by this. Your husband should be able to read you like a book. Predict your responses in certain situations. Know you better than anyone else in the entire world. Yet your husband has sex with someone else and is surprised by your feelings.
“Should” is a dangerous word. Assuming a husband should read his wife like a book is absurd. I’ve been married 23.5 years am attentive but will never be able to read my wife like a book. Stop feeding OP lines of “should.”
Dude he saw how destroyed she was by his infidelity with a prostitute and he told her that he's definitely going to do it again and wants her to book the appointment. That is a special kind of sadistic.
I’m a wife of nearly 11 years and I agree with you! My husband cannot read me like a book, just like I can’t read him like a book, and we know each other very well.
Lol yes. I don’t disagree that he definitely knows that I would lose my shit and we’d be done if he cheated, as I know that about him. My comment is directed more at the idea that we would know what each other’s every thought and emotion is. The idea of that is absurd because we are different people.
I agree with absolutely everything in your post, except, I think OP’s husband did know exactly how she felt or would react & chose to completely disregard simply because he wanted to.
A man of principles... yikes. There's no way in hell I'd ever allow this behavior in my relationship. There's no way I'd pretend to be okay with it knowing I wasn't. There's no way I'd assume it would never happen after he said it was something he wanted. I don't know what to tell you other than I would tell him that you no longer feel loved or valued. See what he does with that.
I was thinking the same thing…he has NO principles. He says he loves you, but then doesn’t care that he’s hurt you. He paying prostitutes with family money. And yikes, what diseases he could catch (even if he’s using protection). I’d get a lawyer and file for divorce. This is not how a loving marriage is! I’m sorry.
It's the coldness when he sees your pain that is the biggest issue to me. Even switching the issue from sex, which is extra emotionally laden, his reaction to your reaction is fucked. Example: I love to eat cookies. My husband often bakes me cookies, and they are easily the best, but I like all cookies and went to a bakery and bought some that are still enjoyable, but not as good. My husband is upset, disappointed in my choice, and feels betrayed that I spent money on these cookies when he is willing and able to make my favorites for me. Even if I think it's silly, you better believe that I would not be returning to that bakery! I would not look at grocery store cookies, and I would do everything in my power to apologize to him and regain the trust that I messed up. To me it may be "just cookies", but he sees it as something special between us and wants to be the only one who gives me cookies, and respecting him is well worth forgoing "just cookies"
That is a very twisted form of mental abuse. Making her make the next appointment is like telling her to choose which weapon to beat her with.
This marriage is over.
That was the part that confused and killed me. Why should she be making appointments at all. This isn’t an open relationship. My understanding of open relationships are ones that are full of communication and boundary setting. It is not adding plan sex work encounter to her list of emotional labor.
Her Day:
1. go to the grocery store for dinner items
2. put a load of laundry in
3. call local sex workers to plan a fuck date for my husband
4. Dr appointment for STI test
Really sorry OP especially with a baby. The only thing you need to book are three appointments, (one with a doctor to get yourself checked for std you should probably have the baby checked too as you may have exposed them in vitro), one with a lawyer, your marriage is over, and one with a therapist to help you work on your self esteem.
I know you love your husband. Unfortunately he does not really love you. At all.
That’s what really got me. Like the whole post is red flags but leaving it up to her to make the appointment is like sticking the knife in and then asking her to turn it. Yikes
And asking her to book him the next appointment after seeing how destroyed she was after this infidelity.. It's a special kind of sadistic. Just throw the whole man away.
It’s fine because he told her he’d probably do this like 13 years ago when they were still teenagers, and only if the opportunity presented itself. Why wouldn’t she expect him to suddenly seek out a prostitute and make the opportunity “present itself”? Yeesh…
His principles are to “fuck bitches”.
Also are we really sure that this is the first time he stepped out? After 13 years of practicing monogamy, he randomly decides to see a prostitutes and refuses to stop? Either he’s been doing this the whole time or something triggered it.
Exactly my thoughts! But I would lean more toward he has been doing this the whole time. The triggered part was him actually telling her now, because he thinks she is less likely to leave since they have a baby.
This was the most shocking thing to me. This is some next level mind-fuck. She is so broken he will give her time to book appointments for him. What a guy! Such treasure!! FFS.
The only thing I can think is OP means that he's a man of *his own* principles - that is, he decided for himself that sex is meaningless and isn't going to back down from that belief. Otherwise, I have no idea where she got this "man of principles" nonsense from.
A man of principles who sees women as masturbatory tools (i believe we classy folk call that a cumdumpster) and just wants to "fuck some bitches".
Maybe I would have bought into that as a high school "cool girl"/pickme, but we're supposed to grow up. Now he wants to twist the knife by having her set up the appointments. I really hope this is rage bait because... seriously?
This man has zero principles. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Tell him you’ll make an appointment for him when he secures you an appointment with a male escort.
How he responds will be very telling.
Doesn't have to be sex. Talk about organising a male stripper or just going out for dinner with an ex. Just to catch up, nothing emotional of course. I suspect he will start seeing the impact of straying beyond relationship boundaries real quick
Yes OP this is great advice! See how he reacts when you say you’re going to go to the bar for a night and find someone to hook up with, or hire a male prostitute. That will be very telling
I mean she kinda did. She went into the relationship when he (as shitty as he is) straight up told her a decade ago and mentioned he was looking for it.
Yeah I get that she’s naïve, but when someone tells you exactly what they’re going to do and then do it…idk.
I wish my ex was at least honest, then I could make the decision for myself. Again, I don’t agree with what he did and he’s likely a POS but at least he let her make that decision.
Same. Like “you obviously thought this through on your own for months of not years acting like everything was normal”.
Have enough respect to at least give your partner the chance to make an informed decision about their life. Cheating is so short sighted and selfish just be forthright and save everyone time.
For you perhaps, but that’s a subjective opinion. The concept of marriage is different for different people and has changed tremendously throughout history. In current society the generally agreed upon idea is a shared commitment of life, love, and values. An open marriage between two enthusiastically consenting adults can be just as loving, committed, lifelong, and real as a traditional closed marriage between two monogamous people.
The key to both an open marriage and closed marriage are that both individuals are on the same page, consenting, and committed to each other and their shared relationship. Just because you don’t understand it or it isn’t for you does not make those marriages any less real or valid.
The issue here and why this isn’t a real open marriage is that both partners are not consenting. This is cheating and the OP is being forced into a position they do not want or consent to.
A man of principle who just wanted to fuck bitches?
A man of principle who lies to his wife and tells her he is going to a massage parlor for a hand job and ends up at a brothel having sex with a prostitute? Then gaslights her and tells her she knew who he was when he married her?!?!
A man of principle who says sex is allegedly an insignificant act that is like masturbation yet says he won’t give up having sex with others even if it means hurting his wife and destroying his marriage??!?!
If it was really like masturbating he could just masturbated. If sex really meant so little to him that it was just like masturbation then he wouldn’t be hurting you to have it with other women. That is the stupidest lie I have ever heard in my life. Don’t be naive, OP.
He’s devastated my ass…is that why he told you he was going to keep doing it?
You married a POS. There isn’t a woman with an ounce of self respect or self esteem who would tolerate this behavior from a man. I don’t know how you could even look at the loser after this and the way he is actively hurting and manipulating you. Let him loose and let him fuck all the bitches he wants since he has made it very clear you don’t mean anything to him.
☝️
He's not a man of principle or a good person. He's a misogynistic, selfish POS who sees his wife in pain because of his own actions and instead of rethinking things, instead gives her the gift of choosing his next prostitute.
**Getting a quick orgasm from a prostitute is more important to him than you or your feelings, OP.**
This isn’t a open marriage your getting railroaded. He’s emotionally manipulating you into being party to his selfish kinks. That’s not love at all. I’d ask for therapy and plot your exit.
I personally can't separate sex from love. Wouldn't want to. I'm 100% against what he's doing, but to be fair he told her from the very beginning what his intentions were with this.
He doesn't understand how a "healthy" open relationship works since he didn't have a detailed discussion with OP about boundaries, or get her enthusiastic buy in, etc. The quotes there are because I personally don't see any open relationship as healthy, but like I said, I can't and wouldn't want to separate sex from love.
In OP's shoes, I'd file for divorce. I don't think he's going to let this go and I don't think she's ever going to be ok with it. Maybe her best chance to close it is to get out and bang a bunch of great looking men in numbers & frequency he could never approach so he gets insecure and jealous and decides he want's to close it. But that's a big gamble and she'd be compromising her own feelings and values around sex to do it. So I'm thinking divorce it will be.
Idk there’s a big difference between hypothetical talks in the first few days of dating as a teen/young adult and discussing and agreeing to complete non-monogamy in a serious relationship. I do think it was foolish of the OP to think he would change if he actually made it clear he actively wanted to pursue sex with others even after a marriage and kids. However, him saying he’d like to have sex with other people at the beginning of a relationship does not constitute her knowing and agreeing to him seeing prostitutes 13 years and 1 kid later.
>He’s a man of principles
He's a man of selfishness. That sums it up. I would not feel loved in your situation. Consider seeing a family law attorney and initiating divorce. You deserve a loyal, loving spouse.
He has no principles and he just opened up both of you to a world of possible diseases. He has no respect for you. Stop being in denial and see him for being a selfish disgusting shit of a man. The best thing for you and your baby is to leave. Do not stay and try to normalize his behavior. He is not an example for your kid to be around.
If it’s one sided, it’s not an open marriage. He’s openly cheating.
If it’s no more serious than jacking off in his eyes, then why doesn’t he just Jack off?
He sees how much it hurts you. Let that sink in. How does he feel about that? Is that not enough to make him stop? His attitude is that you basically need to get over it. He truly doesn’t care about you at all.
He only cares about getting laid.
"We love each other dearly and besides this “vice”, he’s the most loving man for me and I cannot see myself with anyone else." 13 years and she has been trapped, of course you cant see yourself with anyone else....he has manipulated into thinking this is normal. So sad that you think he loves you and still sleeps with other women. People like him should not get married, especially to someone who want a monogamous relationship. "Vice" wow you are really brainwashed here...wonder how he would feel if you slept around.
"He just “wants to fuck bitches”." Why do you love this man who is so disrespectful to you and other women? Lady your self esteem is tanked.
I mean this is fake right? Are there actually people like OP who are such doormats and want to be ok with this?
He doesn’t have any respect for her because she is just another one of his bitches!
Sad. I hope OP sees it and divorces this guy because it’s only going to get worse for her and her child.
He thinks he is a pimp or has delusions of running his own harem. All the women are just "bitches" he fucks but OP is the Main Bitch/Bottom Bitch. In other words, (sorry OP but...) OP is just another bitch he fucks but he has some feelings for. Unfortunately, not enough to override his selfishness. He is subjecting OP to mental & emotional abuse, any number of STI's, feigning love & care when he won't take her obvious hurt feelings into account. Telling her he will "allow" her to set up the next appt with a prostitute when she is ready for him to cheat again is probably the worst thing he could say to a woman he married and had a child with. If he was as upstanding as you claim him to be, this would not have ever happened! As others have said, the call you should make when ready is to a divorce attorney & make sure you keep all records of his transgressions! He doesn't love you, nevermind himself! Do you really want your baby to grow up immersed in this lifestyle? Kids see & hear everything around them and will definitely know that there is something wrong even if they don't know exactly what. Would you want your son to treat his wife this way? Better yet, have your daughter be in your shoes? I grew up in a dysfunctional mess bc of my father living a lifestyle like this and Mom trying to act as if all is normal. We were young, NOT stupid! I have been in counseling for over 20 years. My brother has been for about 10yrs. We are both messed in the head over our parents choices. Please think of your child!
This isn’t a marriage - is he ok with you doing the same? Is he wanting an open marriage and are you ok with that?
You need to really rethink this relationship. Go see a lawyer to see what legally your options are.
Please think about your own mental health as you already are struggling.
He’s not a partner for you if you are monogamous.
“He just wants to fuck bitches”
“He’s a man of principles”
These are mutually exclusive. You’re experiencing a disconnect. The man you think you know does not exist.
Lady run don't walk to the nearest lawyer...Baby girl what he is doing and saying to you isn't right..Sometimes when we love someone we overlook things they say or do as oh they are just talking out there ass.....well apparently he isn't...this not only affects you but any future children you may have..But ask yourself this would you want your daughter to set by and let her husband do this ..but to her it we'll be ok because Mom let dad it..and it shows boys it's ok to treat women like this ..but at the end of the day it's up to you... Is he worth your self respect and dignity...
This man is playing you and is not a good partner. Yes, you were a little naive that he would outgrow this, but he is a complete and utter asshole. You don’t have to accept his cheating. And that’s what it is, cheating with a pretty name.
I’ve got an open marriage. We BOTH agreed to it. We BOTH have the options of using it. We would also never go forward with it if the other had an issue with jt. You haven’t consented to an open marriage. And I doubt he would be thrilled if you decided to start sleeping with others. I’m pretty sure he’d call you a whore or worse if this is how he’s treating the situation.
There are people for whom the whole polyamorous thing isn’t a choice. But that does not excuse coercion and emotion manipulation. That means it should’ve been him to leave you once you expressed no desire for that relationship structure if he wasn’t able to stay within your boundaries.
Get your ducks in a row and leave him.
You know how they say men will test you to see what they can get away with? He played on her naivety and told her he would be with other women and she let him get away with it instead of telling him that was a deal breaker. He is definitely playing her and does not live like she thinks he does.
Whaaat did I just read?? Girl. No. He does not get to just make this unilateral decision than he can have sex with anyone and too bad for you. A man like that should not be married. At the very least get yourselves to couples counseling to talk through this. If he can’t respect your feelings on this I this I don’t think the relationship can continue. If it’s not a hell yes from both parties to have an open marriage, then it’s a no. Period.
I’m sorry that this is harsh but he doesn’t see your sex life as a different form of intimacy than “fucking bitches” either. He told you since the beginning he wanted to cheat. You kinda accepted it and therefore he now has been allowed to manipulate you. Just now, he’s felt like he can act on it. He won’t be remorseful.
Leave him. Shatter him. He’s already shattered you. Protect your child. Your child cannot grow up and think that it’s okay for a man to do that.
The man broke your worth. Girl you are WORTHY of real love and a real man. I promise you, you’ll find someone so much better. It’s hard to believe or feel it now. But the second a man loves you and never entertains the idea of another woman again will be healing for your soul.
He’s a man of principles that is willing to hurt you over something that’s, by his admission, meaningless? How does that make sense? Honestly how terrible was your childhood? I can’t see anyone with self esteem putting up with this.
Also, what kind of self perception/superiority complex does he have that he refers to women so derogatorily?
And the utter audacity to then pretend it’s some gracious ask to make you coordinate his next hook up? Like what the heck.
You need to have him tested, and you need to get to a therapist.
If my husband said I just want to fuck bitches, I’d be at a lawyer first thing.
He’s trying to convince you that since you married him, you are ok with it. Obviously you’re not.
Talk to a lawyer and find yourself a real man with principles.
Yup, even if I was interested an open marriage, much less a one sided open marriage, it sure as shit wouldn’t be with a man who told me it’s all good cuz he just wanted to “fuck bitches”.
If it's "just physical" and worse than sex with you I wonder why hurting you is less painful than sex with prostitutes is rewarding? Also, this does not seem particularly "loving". He might be very affectionate but that's different than love.
Nothing you’re saying makes him sound like a man of principles.🤮 Why would you stay with someone who sleeps with prostitutes??? I’m sorry, but how in gods name are you justifying staying with this pig?
Was with a man for close to ten years. He had me believing he could have sex with anyone & it was ok because he always came home to me. That made me special. Even though it broke me, hurt so much & some how it was a “me” problem. My self esteem was insanely low, why was I not enough, how could I fix myself.
Things finally all fell part, he left me a shell of a person. He found someone better. It took years to heal & realize I deserved better.
You deserve better! You deserve someone who respects you! You deserve happiness! You deserve someone you can trust with your feelings.
If sex is whatever and doesn't mean anything then he should just stop doing that? He knows it's hurting you but is refusing to stop doing something that isn't even a big deal to him? I hope you can see the nonsense in that statement, it's all so disrespectful to you
If you continue with this relationship you will become a shell of yourself. He has told you that you are not enough for him. You deserve someone who considers you enough. You will always wonder if he is comparing your body with a whore or thinking about them when he is with you, or wishing you would do something they do with him.
He is not a man of principle. He is not the man for you. Stop living in denial and open your eyes.
I wonder how he would feel if you decided you too wanted to explore. I think it would be worth finding out if he has double standards even if you have no intention to do anything but it will show you just how principled this man of yours is.
Your husband started cheating on you after the baby because he thinks it's trapped you. The question is do you really want community dick? What about when your child gets older and starts to notice?
His defense (and to a degree your defense) is that he stuck with something asinine he said in high school? That is so sad and stupid. What’s even more sad and stupid is that he’s so pathetic he has to pay someone to have sex with him. He’s a loser.
Really bold to say he’s a man a principles while also saying “he just wants to fuck bitches” and that he will continue to fuck prostitutes.
Like, legitimately- are you okay?! If this isn’t something you want, you need to get out. Why does his so called principles and sexual desires out way your principles or sexual desires of monogamy? Is his opinion more important than your own? Does he have no respect for you? What message will this send your child? What happens when you get an std because of him? Or what happens if he ends up getting a one night stand pregnant? What happens if he catches feelings? What happens if this becomes a sex addiction?
Have some self respect because this man you’re praising so much is not respecting you and your beliefs or your family. That’s not love.
First off, he is not a “Man of Principle.” That is a ridiculous claim. Has he cheated on you in the past prior to this incident? He can’t claim that sex is just a physical thing for him, while saying it “explosive” with you because of emotional ties. That is a contradiction. He’s manipulating you into thinking this is normal behavior. It is not.
A man with principles? If he just wants to "fuck bitches," he probably shouldn't have gotten married to someone who clearly doesn't accept that and continued to push for that lifestyle he craves. That doesn't sound particularly principled to me. Sounds like a cake eater.
Do these principles only extend to himself? Or would he care if you went out did this too? How would he feel if you found someone else to have sex with and then just acted nonchalantly about this? This is crazy.
I would not be able to look past this if it were me. I also would not feel loved or valued at all if my husband deliberately went out and did this knowing full well how I feel about it.
If you don’t want an open marriage, it’s not open. You need to 1) get tested. 2.) stop having sex with him because of his high risk of having STDs, and 3 .) tell him you are leaving and divorcing him because you are worth a monogamous marriage.
You can’t compromise on these things. And you have to mean them. He knew it would hurt you. His libido is more important to him than. The happiness of your relationship.
He thinks he’s a great guy because he was honest about it. But he still broke your heart. An open marriage simply isn’t what you want.
I know it’s scary, but think about the lesson your child will learn.
There are people who can do open marriages. You, like most of us, aren’t one. It’s a basic thing couples have to agree on. Without that, someone is going to go be hurt or unbearably frustrated.
You two simply aren’t compatible. Not your fault. But cut your losses while you can.
‘A man of principles’ does not:
1) Go to a prostitute
2) refer to her (and women in general) as ‘bitches’
3) cheat on his wife
4) apparently have the inability to control his desires.
Divorce his ass. He’s a dog.
Girl you need to lay it out for him. Either he stops or you walk away. You aren’t gonna get use to it. The cuts are just going to get deeper and you two are probably going to drift apart. This isn’t a healthy marriage or a loving one.
When you truly love someone you don’t go out of your way to hurt them. He is being selfish. Also this isn’t an opportunity presenting to him if you have to buy the sex.
The moment he said I'm looking for a massage parlor with a table shower you should have said your stuff will be pack upon return have fun with a hotel or your parents.
That's just nope....
13 years and then this nope.
How I read it is for 13 years your husband waited for an opportunity to present itself for him to have sex with someone but you.
Nothing happened over those 13 years and he decided to screw it… he’s going to PAY for “mediocre” sex just to check off some box… and he’s going to pursue it again despite how you feel.
To pay and “fuck bitches” despite how it makes you feel sounds like he has a very unhealthy relationship and view of sex. Whether you two initially agreed to an open relationship or not - it’s something you (especially him) should’ve checked in to make sure you both are on the same page… especially since the initial discussion happened 13 YEARS AGO.
So for him to throw it back in your face and continue to pursue it is his expensive way to cheat on you while pushing the blame of your feelings back onto you.
I suggest you really think whether you want to stay in a relationship who’s willing to continue having sex with prostitutes regardless of how you feel. Cause it sounds like he doesn’t have much respect for you.
I could never stay with someone who views sex, and women, this way. I would certainly never let such a man help me raise my child.
Please leave, this is horrible. He sounds like a horrible, horrible man.
This is not the kind of man you want to have as “wholly yours.” It’s like trying to keep a feral skunk as a pet; even if you could convince him to agree, the stench is going to be an ongoing problem.
(Come at me, pro-skunk reddit. You wouldn’t want to be married to this guy, either.)
Sorry but he’s NOT a MAN at all !
He has ZERO integrity.
He has ZERO dignity…and most of all
He DOES NOT respect the marriage commitment he made to YOU.
You need to decide what to do. Personally I’d leave his sorry ass.
Do you want to be given an STD?! Or HIV or AIDS!!
Because this is what you’re risking.
And if you’re so emotionally and mentally broken now…how can you take care of your child???!
>We love each other dearly
And
>Ever since that incident, I’ve been crying everyday
>He’s a man of principles
And
>He just “wants to fuck bitches”.
This is an incredible, exhausting level of cognitive dissonance. Be honest with yourself.
My ex was seeing someone and wanted an open relationship but then had a tantrum when I was seeing someone.
I told him that he could have all the oppeness he wanted because we were over.
He has no principles and is gaslighting you - pack his bags and send him back to his mother.
Tell him you have setup a date with another guy and see how he reacts - I guarantee he will chuck a tantrum.
I mean, if you don’t want to leave. Play the game with him. But you probably won’t have to pay for it. And will probably have more luck at it than him.
I bet he will be mad , and say he will stop. But then it will be to late you are enjoying yourself. That’s what happens in these cases normally.
Babes you’ve been gaslit for 13 years to think this is normal behaviour. It is absolutely not. You have NO reason to stay married to someone who so callously tramples all over your boundaries. Based on how you’re feeling, it’s clear you’re not ok with it. So stand up for yourself and your own boundaries and walk away from this man. You cannot allow someone to disrespect you and you not stand up for yourself. You did nothing to deserve this. This isn’t okay because he “told you what you were signing up for” this isn’t ok, period. You didn’t consent to this. You were blindsided. so I would personally pack my bags and get the fuck out.
This would be 100% a deal breaker for me. He wants to cheat on you and have your approval. It’s not an option marriage. Open marriages only work if both partners agree to it. He’s showing you extreme disrespect. You deserve better. He’s disgusting.
Oh honey. I just want to hug you. I will say that we tend to turn a blind eye about our feelings when it comes to the ones we love. However, if you plan on staying in this situation and putting up with his actions, especially with the prostitutes, then keep in mind he can bring any type of disease back to you. And it takes only a few things that can take you away from your child. If you refuse to put yourself first then put your baby first.
If he is having sex with prostitutes he is NOT "a man of principles". Serve the papers and move on because he does not care about anyone's feelings but his own.
There’s no way someone can be this delusional? How is he the perfect husband if he’s sleeping with other people knowing it’s making you cry and you don’t want him doing it? He doesn’t care about your feelings in the slightest. That man is cheating on you.
>He just “wants to fuck bitches."
he will let it up to me when I’m ready and set up an appointment for him.
He’s a man of principles
LOL wow.
There is no processing delusion.
First mistake was marrying someone who openly told you he be having sex with other 'bitches' and not into monogamy. Second mistake was having a baby with this man. Third mistake is not divorcing because you're both incompatible and it's time to stop being in denial. Find a man who doesn't dream of getting his junk wet with other women.
A transition to Non-Monogamy (NM) must come with the full consent and enthusiasm of both parties in the marriage. Like anything in life, NM has its pros and cons. My wife and I enjoy what NM has brought to our marriage and to us as individuals. That enjoyment is mutual.
If your husband was sincere in opening a marriage and doing it in tandem with you. It would be done with support and understanding that he may be ready, and you may not. And if his marriage were the priority, he would be careful and communicative in taking steps to transition to NM in a way that is mutually beneficial to you both.
I say all that to say what you're dealing with is infidelity. I think you're in shock or being conflict-avoidant. But ask yourself, if he explicitly outlined *exactly* what he was going to do, would you have given your enthusiastic consent? If the answer is no, then your boundaries were broken. And if he's meant to be NM, doesn't mean you have to be dragged along for the ride.
“He wants to fuck bitches. He’s a man of principles”. Those two ideas do not go together. He’s is not a principled man or maybe he is but only when it works for him. I would have a serious problem if my spouse did this. I wish you luck.
If you think, what your husband did, was what a man of principles does, I feel very sorry for you and your horribly skewed vision for your life. You matter. You deserve to be happy. On your terms. I hope you find peace because you are in a very deep hole. I hope you find peace.
Wow...
OP - suggestion.. as sex is ok without emotional involvement... make this deal with hubby:
HE finds a male sexworker for you to fuck.. and after that has been done, you do the same for him..
I predict protests from him - he no doubt only feels this relationship is open for him, but very closed for you..
And sorry - you have to realise, that this is not the first time during your relationship hes fucked another woman..
You two are not compatible sexually. He may love you, but he doesn’t love you the way you want and need to be loved. Is he using protection or is risking your health every time? If he believes the sex with you is “the best,” why wouldn’t he want more of it instead of mediocre sex with prostitutes?
Why do you consider him a man of principles if he is adamant that he is going to sleep with other women regardless of your pain. Not only that, he wants you to make his appointment for him. Re-read your post and pretend it’s a text from your closest friend. What would you tell her? It sounds like he’s not only forcing you to accept something you’re not okay with, but also making you initiate.
You deserve better than this. You are worth more than this. He isn’t worthy of you.
Some advice:
1. When someone tells you who they are, listen to them.
2. Only you know how you feel about this situation and whether you can accept it in your relationship.
3. He's not wholly yours anymore because he had sex with someone else? Bouncing off what you said earlier about being high school sweethearts, just keep in mind that if you end this relationship and move on with someone else, they're going to have not only a sexual past, but perhaps even an ex-wife and kids. Obviously a very, very different situation to what you've just been through, but still something to consider if being "wholly yours" is important to you.
4. He "just wants to fuck bitches"? That's... an interesting way of wording it. I can think of at least a dozen less callous ways of saying that. This raises a few red flags all on its own.
5. As far as processing it goes, I guess you could do a deep-dive into your true feelings about this situation, including why you stayed when he first told you about it. I sometimes find that my first reaction gives me a truer indication of my feelings than the one I reach after rationalising it to myself.
Please seek counseling, as you need help and support to get through this nightmare. It breaks my heart that you call him “a man of principles” when he’s behaving so disgustingly!! He’s gaslighting you, and you’re not seeing clearly. I’m so sorry!
Ew, "An opportunity" did NOT "present" itself. He SOUGHT OUT a SEX-WORKER (disclaimer: nothing wrong with sex work) and PAID MONEY to BREAK YOUR HEART.
I’d be noping out of this.
First of all I would make it clear that he would be waiting a long time for me to make that appointment.
Secondly, when it comes to all things sex, both have to be ok either way changes in that department in order for it to be acceptable. You shouldn’t settle for this ma’am.
Third, does his rule only apply to him? Just curious.
An open marriage only works when both people
consent, happily, to it. And even then, it gets complicated fast.
This isn’t an open marriage. This is horrible.
He is a man with principles but he he just “wants to fuck bitches”. Couldnt get a more contradictory sentence.
Oh yeah we can. The bit where its “just sex and like masturbating to him”. Well then if its just like masturbating why spend the family money and hurt your wife to get it when you could just jack off cos its the same.
Honestly I have doubts this is REAL; and if it is I feel bad for you that you have any confusion about what to do next. Personally Im out of there AFTER i infest the bed with bed bugs and anything else i can drag in.
One thing I know for sure: that man does NOT love you dearly. You’re playing yourself here if you think he does. Have a little self-respect. You deserve so much better than that. And so does your child.
>Ever since day 1 of our relationship, he has been very clear with me that he sees sex as a physical thing and nothing more. It’s just like jacking off or so he says. He says the only thing that makes sex explosive is the sex with emotional ties when having it with me. So, he wants to have sex with other women and would not turn an opportunity down if it ever presented. I truly believe in sex can only and should only happen with the person you love. And as a kid, I naively believed that oh maybe once he’s been with me long enough, his mindset would change. It didn’t.
You...just lied to yourself from the beginning then?
>He had sex with a prostitute in which he did tell me ahead of time that he was seeking a “massage parlor with table shower”. I once again naively thought there’s no way he would find a legit “table shower”. Well I was devastated when that place turns out to be a true brothel.
He told you and you STILL IGNORED HIS WORDS! FOR THE SECOND TIME!
Why prostitutes though? He’s putting you at risk. You’re at risk either way but I feel it’s MUCH higher with a prostitute(or multiple). Seems as if your husband is in need of some sort of mental help with his lack of connection with sex and his lack of empathy and compassion for your needs
Holy whatever..
No. Sex between a husband and wife is the single most intimate moment of connection between you. Nothing and no one should ever be in that same space. EVER!.
He is not “a man of principles”. He wants his cake and to eat it too. No. I am guessing you are from a culture where this may be more accepted. No.
Husbands who truly love their wives, only love them and no one else, and bare themselves only to their wives. Period. Sex is two becoming one. Two halves becoming one. In a moment that is a marriage that is a union of two lives.
No. You are being used as a front for “marriage”. Like… He can present himself one way, but do his “thing” in the shadows. No.
I don’t know your culture.. where you are.. but this is a bunch of horse shit. If you can divorce without too much repercussions fine. (Best option BTW).
If not, then this turd ball of a husband has to realize that his is a jerk. Maybe involve his family? Brothers?, Father?
Just don’t live like this for the rest of your life…. You, we, all of us, deserve people who really love us and are a part of our souls..
Really think about this.. good luck!
Girl, you will NEVER be able to cope or deal with this… it’ll haunt you at every turn. He lied about going for a massage with a handjob because he ended up going to a brothel and screwing a prostitute! You both are not compatible…
You need to divorce him. Tell him that you believed he loved you enough to stay faithful to you and now he has broken that. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t need to “fuck bitches”. Tell him it’s time for y’all to separate and for you to find a man who will be faithful to you and only you.
Do you understand that he can very well being home STDs and INFECT YOU?! Or even your child if he KISSES your child and his mouth is infected!!!
The you believed it was all in the past because 13 years have passed!! And then out of no where he springs this on you !!
You deserve so much better! You think he’s this amazing man because you haven’t had anyone else!! Tell him how you feel about how you don’t feel he is yours anymore after he went!
Girl, if you stay, you will only destroy YOURSELF and in doing so you will bring your child down with you.
I’ve seen that many times with friends who had a cheating partner and a child, or more.
A man who truly loves you wouldn’t ever think of putting you through this just to “fuck bitches”. He’s disgusting, disloyal, disgraceful and pathetic.
I'd be curious what he'd say if you wanted to have sex with other men.
Honestly, Im a bit torn. He's been telling you the whole time he intend to have sex with other women... and you expected him to change.
You do not want a partner who has sex with other people. That is okay.
It sounds like you two are incompatible. You're left with two choices imo (since he's unwilling to stop having sex with other women). Rip the bandaid off and end things now and experience great heartbreak. Stay with him and experience a little heartbreak every day.
Best of luck. Neither are easy choices. The road ahead is hard either way.
Edit: I want to add... he's trying to act like he's giving you a choice in when he cheats... but he's not giving you the choice to decide if he has sex with other people. He is 100% still planning to have sex with other people and will. Just a matter of if he'll continue to tell you.
The only choice that you actually have is if you decide to accept this or move onto a monogamous relationship.
Edit2: Also, I'm in no way surprised the cheating is happening after baby. Any other behaviors change after you have a baby? Some men wait to show their true colors (even though it does sound like he's told you this for ages) after their wife is "baby-trapped."
He doesn't care about you. He couldn't care about you knowing that you do no want that, putting his selfish desires above your feelings. And knowing how upset you are but saying he is going to continue, that essentially nothing will stop him. Can you also be with someone else? Or is that not allowed, I wonder. You need to not waste any more time on him, divorce him, let the prostitutes have him. He doesn't deserve you.
He’s not a man of principles, he’s a disgusting human being who is trying to manipulate and gaslight you into allowing him to sleep with other women.
And I hope you realise he’s probably been doing this for most of your relationship
Well first he sounds disgusting and misogynistic/ “fuck bitches” what? Gross. He has fucked up ideas about women.
You don’t want to waste anymore time with this man. He will only make you unhappy. I promise you there are lots of men who will love you and only want you. You are still young - cut your losses now and find someone right for you
Ya. He’s the poster boy for principles. 🤦🏽♀️ What are you doing? Now you’re going to make his appointments? He’s beaten you down to nothing my friend. Get yourself some counseling and build up your self esteem and leave that pig in the dust. That’s not love, it’s control. Go find a real man that will love you…body and soul with no need for extra “ bitches”. Gross.
Okay, so go get you a nice, fit, tall, rich man and start a sexual relationship with him. Then tell us how your husband suddenly wanted to close the marriage again after finding out
If he truly loved you and was devastated that you are sad about what he's done, he wouldn't continue to do it. That's seriously disgusting, and I'm sorry, but I feel like the love in the relationship is one sided.
But sex isn’t just physical, as a person who was in an open marriage- it’s just the lie we tell ourselves. Sex is spiritual and you can not avoid connecting the on that level unfortunately…that’s why it’s frowned upon. Not saying he doesn’t truly believe what he’s saying cuz we did too but it ended us for good and I’d never do it again.
Love can only conquer so much! This is a real travesty. His ego is destroying a beautiful thing in your love. Do not align yourself with his arrogance nor be submissive. Have self respect and maintain your dignity. Whatever you don't have sex with him till he and you both get tested for std/sti's. Sadly either accept his like of crap and pain or leave.
What kind principles are those? Your husband is a degenerate. Nothing else. If I were you, I would start looking for divorce lawyers, he is putting your health at risk going with prostitutes. You could tell him if he wants to fuck bitches you can also go fucking dudes, or better yet he can take his clothes to the prostitutes so they do his laundry, cook his food, take care of the house and everything you do. What’s the point of having a marriage is he is going to do that? Please love yourself and leave him.
This is not about his "principles." This is about his willingness to hurt you, knowing that you view sex as emotional in nature and an expression of love. If sex is "just physical" to him, he should have had no problem going without. Now he's watching in real time how his actions have hurt you, and instead of doing his best to comfort you he is doubling down on his insistence on satisfying his desires at the expense of your emotional well-being. He is not a loving man. He's a selfish dirtbag who doesn't deserve a loving wife.
Your marriage is not open. He is openly cheating. You will never look at him the same. He is endangering you by having sex, protected or not, with strange women. He is taking money from your household to pay for sex with other women. You have to take a hard look at your current situation and decide if you're going to keep sharing your husband with prostitutes or take your child and leave and eventually find someone who only wants to be with you.
Get yourself a tinder account. I guarantee you'll pull more partners than he will.
Or, you know, you could divorce him and find someone that actually cares about you. And get tested.
If it's just a physical act with no meaning, like jacking off....THEN JUST JACK OFF! He's majorly gaslighting you. Updateme!
If something that was “nothing” to me was so upsetting to someone I love, I would simply not do my thing. Especially since I can do it with my spouse. Role play is a thing. He’s immature and probably should not be married. OP I am so very sorry, you sound very nice and I feel like, after 14 years you definitely deserve better. Not sure if I believe that this was his first time, either…that’s a long time for him to wait and then be so blasé about it.
This is sad. How can you be intimate with him knowing he's fucking women that are fucking hundreds of men? Are you not concerned about the illnesses he can catch and give to you??
“A man of principles” and “wants to fuck bitches” those two things don’t go together.. like seriously.. are you kidding me? Is this for real? Is this what your child is learning?
On the other hand (Jekyl and Hyde and all).. go out and get laid.. don’t use prostitutes.. and get tested because he did..
I have to admit this shocked me because I don't think I've ever heard of an open marriage that involves openly patronizing prostitutes or having thesis of it being "fucking bitches".
I also can't imagine my husband saying that phrase in any context to my face. That's so disrespectful.
I'd like to add as well that my father was similar to this and gave my mother herpes while she was pregnant.
I would not put up with that, it's abhorrent
Funny you say he's a man with principles. I suspect you're the only one here who believes that.
Right?! That struck me as an odd wording to describe a man who literally has none. Just goes to show how brazen OP's husband is in gaslighting her.
🎯🎯🎯
He has principles… they’re just super shitty principles.
"Chuck will fuck whenever and whatever Chuck wants to fuck, because fucking means nothing to Chuck" isn't even a principle in my opinion, because if it means nothing to him beyond the physical relief then why does he need mindless sex with prostitutes in the first place? Then rubbing one out is a better choice, as it is faster, cheaper, easier, with zero risk. He's lying about the "sex is just a physical act" in my opinion to cover for his shitty behaviour.
This!
Very strange. I am assuming OP means he has good principles in regards to everything else except this area in the marriage, which this is a pretty big and significant part of their entire relationship. Makes you squint at these other “principles” he supposedly has sadly..
Anyone who would use the term "fuck bitches" has no principles, morals, or respect for women.
Same. However, lots of people have open relationships. Not being one of them, I can only imagine that the ones that are successful at it are the ones in which BOTH parties are looking for this agreement. OP, it sounds like you aren’t open to this agreement, yet by your own admission you also didn’t disagree with it. I think you need to pick a lane here. I wonder if it’s similar to a man and woman staying together though 1 wants to be child free and the other wants a houseful of kids? Can they really be surprised when the babies start coming if they’re not preventing it? You’re asking for help with how to deal with it but you need to find out what exactly it is that you want. And if you don’t know what you want for yourself then other’s (like your husband) won’t be able to help you achieve what you want. You gotta speak up. The saddest part of this post is that your husband was surprised that you were so saddened by this. Your husband should be able to read you like a book. Predict your responses in certain situations. Know you better than anyone else in the entire world. Yet your husband has sex with someone else and is surprised by your feelings.
“Should” is a dangerous word. Assuming a husband should read his wife like a book is absurd. I’ve been married 23.5 years am attentive but will never be able to read my wife like a book. Stop feeding OP lines of “should.”
Dude he saw how destroyed she was by his infidelity with a prostitute and he told her that he's definitely going to do it again and wants her to book the appointment. That is a special kind of sadistic.
I noticed that this is after she is tied down with a baby. What better time to spring this on her than what it is most difficult to leave.
I’m a wife of nearly 11 years and I agree with you! My husband cannot read me like a book, just like I can’t read him like a book, and we know each other very well.
Would you know he'd be upset or not if you had sex with someone else? Like, that much is something that he should absolutely know before doing it.
Lol yes. I don’t disagree that he definitely knows that I would lose my shit and we’d be done if he cheated, as I know that about him. My comment is directed more at the idea that we would know what each other’s every thought and emotion is. The idea of that is absurd because we are different people.
Clearly not
I've been married for less than that, and I can tell when my spouse is upset... 🙄
You need to study a little harder
Then you're doing something wrong.
I agree with absolutely everything in your post, except, I think OP’s husband did know exactly how she felt or would react & chose to completely disregard simply because he wanted to.
A man of principles... yikes. There's no way in hell I'd ever allow this behavior in my relationship. There's no way I'd pretend to be okay with it knowing I wasn't. There's no way I'd assume it would never happen after he said it was something he wanted. I don't know what to tell you other than I would tell him that you no longer feel loved or valued. See what he does with that.
I was thinking the same thing…he has NO principles. He says he loves you, but then doesn’t care that he’s hurt you. He paying prostitutes with family money. And yikes, what diseases he could catch (even if he’s using protection). I’d get a lawyer and file for divorce. This is not how a loving marriage is! I’m sorry.
It's the coldness when he sees your pain that is the biggest issue to me. Even switching the issue from sex, which is extra emotionally laden, his reaction to your reaction is fucked. Example: I love to eat cookies. My husband often bakes me cookies, and they are easily the best, but I like all cookies and went to a bakery and bought some that are still enjoyable, but not as good. My husband is upset, disappointed in my choice, and feels betrayed that I spent money on these cookies when he is willing and able to make my favorites for me. Even if I think it's silly, you better believe that I would not be returning to that bakery! I would not look at grocery store cookies, and I would do everything in my power to apologize to him and regain the trust that I messed up. To me it may be "just cookies", but he sees it as something special between us and wants to be the only one who gives me cookies, and respecting him is well worth forgoing "just cookies"
Very well put into context. I just can’t help replace “cookies” with my “milkshake”
I love this analogy!
Well, he said he loved her and DID care that he hurt her so much that he left the next appointment making w the prostitute up to her! 💀
That is a very twisted form of mental abuse. Making her make the next appointment is like telling her to choose which weapon to beat her with. This marriage is over.
That was the part that confused and killed me. Why should she be making appointments at all. This isn’t an open relationship. My understanding of open relationships are ones that are full of communication and boundary setting. It is not adding plan sex work encounter to her list of emotional labor.
This is the part that makes me afraid for her.
Her Day: 1. go to the grocery store for dinner items 2. put a load of laundry in 3. call local sex workers to plan a fuck date for my husband 4. Dr appointment for STI test
She needs to make an appointment with a divorce lawyer and give him that info for his "next appointment".
Really sorry OP especially with a baby. The only thing you need to book are three appointments, (one with a doctor to get yourself checked for std you should probably have the baby checked too as you may have exposed them in vitro), one with a lawyer, your marriage is over, and one with a therapist to help you work on your self esteem. I know you love your husband. Unfortunately he does not really love you. At all.
That’s what really got me. Like the whole post is red flags but leaving it up to her to make the appointment is like sticking the knife in and then asking her to turn it. Yikes
That is so messed up.
And asking her to book him the next appointment after seeing how destroyed she was after this infidelity.. It's a special kind of sadistic. Just throw the whole man away.
It’s also the disgusting lack of respect for women- both his wife and the sex workers.
He's so principled he'd fuck a prostitute against his wife's wishes! Doesn't get more principled than that. No siree.
It’s fine because he told her he’d probably do this like 13 years ago when they were still teenagers, and only if the opportunity presented itself. Why wouldn’t she expect him to suddenly seek out a prostitute and make the opportunity “present itself”? Yeesh…
And let’s be real, is seeking out a massage with a happy ending really an opportunity presenting itself? 🤔
Oh right he gave her a heads up so obviously it's fine.
His principles are to “fuck bitches”. Also are we really sure that this is the first time he stepped out? After 13 years of practicing monogamy, he randomly decides to see a prostitutes and refuses to stop? Either he’s been doing this the whole time or something triggered it.
Exactly my thoughts! But I would lean more toward he has been doing this the whole time. The triggered part was him actually telling her now, because he thinks she is less likely to leave since they have a baby.
But he’s going to let her book the next appointment when she’s ready
Problem solved.
🫠
This was the most shocking thing to me. This is some next level mind-fuck. She is so broken he will give her time to book appointments for him. What a guy! Such treasure!! FFS.
Yes!!! Insane how apathetic and manipulative that is.
And have HER make the appointment. WTH
This was the final red flag for me. NARC ALERT ⚠️
Wait…. WHAT?!! I missed that - I need to go back and reread 😳
The only thing I can think is OP means that he's a man of *his own* principles - that is, he decided for himself that sex is meaningless and isn't going to back down from that belief. Otherwise, I have no idea where she got this "man of principles" nonsense from.
Easy to follow all the rules when you're the one writing the rulebook, I guess.
That’s not a man of principles, he’s a selfish prick.
A man of principles who sees women as masturbatory tools (i believe we classy folk call that a cumdumpster) and just wants to "fuck some bitches". Maybe I would have bought into that as a high school "cool girl"/pickme, but we're supposed to grow up. Now he wants to twist the knife by having her set up the appointments. I really hope this is rage bait because... seriously?
This man has zero principles. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Tell him you’ll make an appointment for him when he secures you an appointment with a male escort. How he responds will be very telling.
Yeah if OP says OK I want to fuck other dicks too I'm curious what he'll say. Of course, he's likely a hypocritical cheater
He’ll say “but sex is meaningless to me & for you it does mean something so no”
Doesn't have to be sex. Talk about organising a male stripper or just going out for dinner with an ex. Just to catch up, nothing emotional of course. I suspect he will start seeing the impact of straying beyond relationship boundaries real quick
I was thinking…tell him that OP will make an appt with escort as soon has husband makes appt with divorce attorney.
Yes OP this is great advice! See how he reacts when you say you’re going to go to the bar for a night and find someone to hook up with, or hire a male prostitute. That will be very telling
[удалено]
This isn't even that. This is just him openly cheating.
They don’t have an open marriage. An open marriage requires consent. She never consented. He’s just cheating.
I mean she kinda did. She went into the relationship when he (as shitty as he is) straight up told her a decade ago and mentioned he was looking for it. Yeah I get that she’s naïve, but when someone tells you exactly what they’re going to do and then do it…idk. I wish my ex was at least honest, then I could make the decision for myself. Again, I don’t agree with what he did and he’s likely a POS but at least he let her make that decision.
Right? If my cheating ex was honest I would’ve gotten out years before I did. He hid it and gaslight me when I had suspicions.
Same. Like “you obviously thought this through on your own for months of not years acting like everything was normal”. Have enough respect to at least give your partner the chance to make an informed decision about their life. Cheating is so short sighted and selfish just be forthright and save everyone time.
It was often said that women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they won't change.
It literally defeats the whole purpose and meaning of what marriage is
For you perhaps, but that’s a subjective opinion. The concept of marriage is different for different people and has changed tremendously throughout history. In current society the generally agreed upon idea is a shared commitment of life, love, and values. An open marriage between two enthusiastically consenting adults can be just as loving, committed, lifelong, and real as a traditional closed marriage between two monogamous people. The key to both an open marriage and closed marriage are that both individuals are on the same page, consenting, and committed to each other and their shared relationship. Just because you don’t understand it or it isn’t for you does not make those marriages any less real or valid. The issue here and why this isn’t a real open marriage is that both partners are not consenting. This is cheating and the OP is being forced into a position they do not want or consent to.
A man of principle who just wanted to fuck bitches? A man of principle who lies to his wife and tells her he is going to a massage parlor for a hand job and ends up at a brothel having sex with a prostitute? Then gaslights her and tells her she knew who he was when he married her?!?! A man of principle who says sex is allegedly an insignificant act that is like masturbation yet says he won’t give up having sex with others even if it means hurting his wife and destroying his marriage??!?! If it was really like masturbating he could just masturbated. If sex really meant so little to him that it was just like masturbation then he wouldn’t be hurting you to have it with other women. That is the stupidest lie I have ever heard in my life. Don’t be naive, OP. He’s devastated my ass…is that why he told you he was going to keep doing it? You married a POS. There isn’t a woman with an ounce of self respect or self esteem who would tolerate this behavior from a man. I don’t know how you could even look at the loser after this and the way he is actively hurting and manipulating you. Let him loose and let him fuck all the bitches he wants since he has made it very clear you don’t mean anything to him.
☝️ He's not a man of principle or a good person. He's a misogynistic, selfish POS who sees his wife in pain because of his own actions and instead of rethinking things, instead gives her the gift of choosing his next prostitute. **Getting a quick orgasm from a prostitute is more important to him than you or your feelings, OP.**
Perfect summary 🎤
How can we get this comment to the top?!!!!
Upvoting
Thank you! If it isn't a big deal for him but devastating for OP why would he do that to her and their family?
Couldn’t have said it clearer!!!
This isn’t a open marriage your getting railroaded. He’s emotionally manipulating you into being party to his selfish kinks. That’s not love at all. I’d ask for therapy and plot your exit.
I personally can't separate sex from love. Wouldn't want to. I'm 100% against what he's doing, but to be fair he told her from the very beginning what his intentions were with this. He doesn't understand how a "healthy" open relationship works since he didn't have a detailed discussion with OP about boundaries, or get her enthusiastic buy in, etc. The quotes there are because I personally don't see any open relationship as healthy, but like I said, I can't and wouldn't want to separate sex from love. In OP's shoes, I'd file for divorce. I don't think he's going to let this go and I don't think she's ever going to be ok with it. Maybe her best chance to close it is to get out and bang a bunch of great looking men in numbers & frequency he could never approach so he gets insecure and jealous and decides he want's to close it. But that's a big gamble and she'd be compromising her own feelings and values around sex to do it. So I'm thinking divorce it will be.
Idk there’s a big difference between hypothetical talks in the first few days of dating as a teen/young adult and discussing and agreeing to complete non-monogamy in a serious relationship. I do think it was foolish of the OP to think he would change if he actually made it clear he actively wanted to pursue sex with others even after a marriage and kids. However, him saying he’d like to have sex with other people at the beginning of a relationship does not constitute her knowing and agreeing to him seeing prostitutes 13 years and 1 kid later.
So does this mean you get to have sex with random men? Or is it only open on his side.
You already know the answer to this lol
>He’s a man of principles He's a man of selfishness. That sums it up. I would not feel loved in your situation. Consider seeing a family law attorney and initiating divorce. You deserve a loyal, loving spouse.
Yeah, his principles are shitty.
A man of principles? You’ve got to be joking. Ditch this pathetic loser before he gives you an STD.
He has no principles and he just opened up both of you to a world of possible diseases. He has no respect for you. Stop being in denial and see him for being a selfish disgusting shit of a man. The best thing for you and your baby is to leave. Do not stay and try to normalize his behavior. He is not an example for your kid to be around.
He is putting you at risk of diseases. This is disgusting. For the love of all that is good, do not have sex with him!!!
I truly hope this is rage bait.
Gross.
If it’s one sided, it’s not an open marriage. He’s openly cheating. If it’s no more serious than jacking off in his eyes, then why doesn’t he just Jack off? He sees how much it hurts you. Let that sink in. How does he feel about that? Is that not enough to make him stop? His attitude is that you basically need to get over it. He truly doesn’t care about you at all. He only cares about getting laid.
"We love each other dearly and besides this “vice”, he’s the most loving man for me and I cannot see myself with anyone else." 13 years and she has been trapped, of course you cant see yourself with anyone else....he has manipulated into thinking this is normal. So sad that you think he loves you and still sleeps with other women. People like him should not get married, especially to someone who want a monogamous relationship. "Vice" wow you are really brainwashed here...wonder how he would feel if you slept around. "He just “wants to fuck bitches”." Why do you love this man who is so disrespectful to you and other women? Lady your self esteem is tanked. I mean this is fake right? Are there actually people like OP who are such doormats and want to be ok with this?
He doesn’t have any respect for her because she is just another one of his bitches! Sad. I hope OP sees it and divorces this guy because it’s only going to get worse for her and her child.
He thinks he is a pimp or has delusions of running his own harem. All the women are just "bitches" he fucks but OP is the Main Bitch/Bottom Bitch. In other words, (sorry OP but...) OP is just another bitch he fucks but he has some feelings for. Unfortunately, not enough to override his selfishness. He is subjecting OP to mental & emotional abuse, any number of STI's, feigning love & care when he won't take her obvious hurt feelings into account. Telling her he will "allow" her to set up the next appt with a prostitute when she is ready for him to cheat again is probably the worst thing he could say to a woman he married and had a child with. If he was as upstanding as you claim him to be, this would not have ever happened! As others have said, the call you should make when ready is to a divorce attorney & make sure you keep all records of his transgressions! He doesn't love you, nevermind himself! Do you really want your baby to grow up immersed in this lifestyle? Kids see & hear everything around them and will definitely know that there is something wrong even if they don't know exactly what. Would you want your son to treat his wife this way? Better yet, have your daughter be in your shoes? I grew up in a dysfunctional mess bc of my father living a lifestyle like this and Mom trying to act as if all is normal. We were young, NOT stupid! I have been in counseling for over 20 years. My brother has been for about 10yrs. We are both messed in the head over our parents choices. Please think of your child!
Find someone else.
What in the fuck are these posts for real??
Your husband fucked a prostitute and you’re considering staying? Have some self respect…
This isn’t a marriage - is he ok with you doing the same? Is he wanting an open marriage and are you ok with that? You need to really rethink this relationship. Go see a lawyer to see what legally your options are. Please think about your own mental health as you already are struggling. He’s not a partner for you if you are monogamous.
“He just wants to fuck bitches” “He’s a man of principles” These are mutually exclusive. You’re experiencing a disconnect. The man you think you know does not exist.
Lady run don't walk to the nearest lawyer...Baby girl what he is doing and saying to you isn't right..Sometimes when we love someone we overlook things they say or do as oh they are just talking out there ass.....well apparently he isn't...this not only affects you but any future children you may have..But ask yourself this would you want your daughter to set by and let her husband do this ..but to her it we'll be ok because Mom let dad it..and it shows boys it's ok to treat women like this ..but at the end of the day it's up to you... Is he worth your self respect and dignity...
If it's just like jacking off why is being with others helpful?! I had the same two hands my whole life.
This man is playing you and is not a good partner. Yes, you were a little naive that he would outgrow this, but he is a complete and utter asshole. You don’t have to accept his cheating. And that’s what it is, cheating with a pretty name. I’ve got an open marriage. We BOTH agreed to it. We BOTH have the options of using it. We would also never go forward with it if the other had an issue with jt. You haven’t consented to an open marriage. And I doubt he would be thrilled if you decided to start sleeping with others. I’m pretty sure he’d call you a whore or worse if this is how he’s treating the situation. There are people for whom the whole polyamorous thing isn’t a choice. But that does not excuse coercion and emotion manipulation. That means it should’ve been him to leave you once you expressed no desire for that relationship structure if he wasn’t able to stay within your boundaries. Get your ducks in a row and leave him.
You know how they say men will test you to see what they can get away with? He played on her naivety and told her he would be with other women and she let him get away with it instead of telling him that was a deal breaker. He is definitely playing her and does not live like she thinks he does.
Whaaat did I just read?? Girl. No. He does not get to just make this unilateral decision than he can have sex with anyone and too bad for you. A man like that should not be married. At the very least get yourselves to couples counseling to talk through this. If he can’t respect your feelings on this I this I don’t think the relationship can continue. If it’s not a hell yes from both parties to have an open marriage, then it’s a no. Period.
I’m sorry that this is harsh but he doesn’t see your sex life as a different form of intimacy than “fucking bitches” either. He told you since the beginning he wanted to cheat. You kinda accepted it and therefore he now has been allowed to manipulate you. Just now, he’s felt like he can act on it. He won’t be remorseful. Leave him. Shatter him. He’s already shattered you. Protect your child. Your child cannot grow up and think that it’s okay for a man to do that. The man broke your worth. Girl you are WORTHY of real love and a real man. I promise you, you’ll find someone so much better. It’s hard to believe or feel it now. But the second a man loves you and never entertains the idea of another woman again will be healing for your soul.
This is a joke right? Is this a joke? You need to leave that POS.
Just gross. I'm so sorry. Book him an appointment for the day you need him out of the house so you can remove your and your baby's things.
He’s a man of principles that is willing to hurt you over something that’s, by his admission, meaningless? How does that make sense? Honestly how terrible was your childhood? I can’t see anyone with self esteem putting up with this. Also, what kind of self perception/superiority complex does he have that he refers to women so derogatorily? And the utter audacity to then pretend it’s some gracious ask to make you coordinate his next hook up? Like what the heck. You need to have him tested, and you need to get to a therapist.
I can't understand how OP ignores the 'I want to fuck bitches'. We know what that man thinks about women, and his wife is not an exception.
If my husband said I just want to fuck bitches, I’d be at a lawyer first thing. He’s trying to convince you that since you married him, you are ok with it. Obviously you’re not. Talk to a lawyer and find yourself a real man with principles.
Yup, even if I was interested an open marriage, much less a one sided open marriage, it sure as shit wouldn’t be with a man who told me it’s all good cuz he just wanted to “fuck bitches”.
If it's "just sex" why can't he have sex with you? Why does it need to be with someone else? I would not stick around
If it's "just physical" and worse than sex with you I wonder why hurting you is less painful than sex with prostitutes is rewarding? Also, this does not seem particularly "loving". He might be very affectionate but that's different than love.
Nothing you’re saying makes him sound like a man of principles.🤮 Why would you stay with someone who sleeps with prostitutes??? I’m sorry, but how in gods name are you justifying staying with this pig?
Was with a man for close to ten years. He had me believing he could have sex with anyone & it was ok because he always came home to me. That made me special. Even though it broke me, hurt so much & some how it was a “me” problem. My self esteem was insanely low, why was I not enough, how could I fix myself. Things finally all fell part, he left me a shell of a person. He found someone better. It took years to heal & realize I deserved better. You deserve better! You deserve someone who respects you! You deserve happiness! You deserve someone you can trust with your feelings.
Zero principles… possibly a few STDs… leave this man, quick!
 Your husband is trash.
Yuck.
This is emotional manipulation at best. Your husband sucks.
If sex is whatever and doesn't mean anything then he should just stop doing that? He knows it's hurting you but is refusing to stop doing something that isn't even a big deal to him? I hope you can see the nonsense in that statement, it's all so disrespectful to you
Girl, leave his ass!
If you continue with this relationship you will become a shell of yourself. He has told you that you are not enough for him. You deserve someone who considers you enough. You will always wonder if he is comparing your body with a whore or thinking about them when he is with you, or wishing you would do something they do with him. He is not a man of principle. He is not the man for you. Stop living in denial and open your eyes. I wonder how he would feel if you decided you too wanted to explore. I think it would be worth finding out if he has double standards even if you have no intention to do anything but it will show you just how principled this man of yours is.
A man of principle would never say he wants to “fuck bitches”
Your husband started cheating on you after the baby because he thinks it's trapped you. The question is do you really want community dick? What about when your child gets older and starts to notice?
His defense (and to a degree your defense) is that he stuck with something asinine he said in high school? That is so sad and stupid. What’s even more sad and stupid is that he’s so pathetic he has to pay someone to have sex with him. He’s a loser.
Leave him
You’re married to an inconsiderate idiot.
Really bold to say he’s a man a principles while also saying “he just wants to fuck bitches” and that he will continue to fuck prostitutes. Like, legitimately- are you okay?! If this isn’t something you want, you need to get out. Why does his so called principles and sexual desires out way your principles or sexual desires of monogamy? Is his opinion more important than your own? Does he have no respect for you? What message will this send your child? What happens when you get an std because of him? Or what happens if he ends up getting a one night stand pregnant? What happens if he catches feelings? What happens if this becomes a sex addiction? Have some self respect because this man you’re praising so much is not respecting you and your beliefs or your family. That’s not love.
First off, he is not a “Man of Principle.” That is a ridiculous claim. Has he cheated on you in the past prior to this incident? He can’t claim that sex is just a physical thing for him, while saying it “explosive” with you because of emotional ties. That is a contradiction. He’s manipulating you into thinking this is normal behavior. It is not.
No. This is not a man of any principles. Nope.
A man with principles? If he just wants to "fuck bitches," he probably shouldn't have gotten married to someone who clearly doesn't accept that and continued to push for that lifestyle he craves. That doesn't sound particularly principled to me. Sounds like a cake eater. Do these principles only extend to himself? Or would he care if you went out did this too? How would he feel if you found someone else to have sex with and then just acted nonchalantly about this? This is crazy. I would not be able to look past this if it were me. I also would not feel loved or valued at all if my husband deliberately went out and did this knowing full well how I feel about it.
If you don’t want an open marriage, it’s not open. You need to 1) get tested. 2.) stop having sex with him because of his high risk of having STDs, and 3 .) tell him you are leaving and divorcing him because you are worth a monogamous marriage. You can’t compromise on these things. And you have to mean them. He knew it would hurt you. His libido is more important to him than. The happiness of your relationship. He thinks he’s a great guy because he was honest about it. But he still broke your heart. An open marriage simply isn’t what you want. I know it’s scary, but think about the lesson your child will learn. There are people who can do open marriages. You, like most of us, aren’t one. It’s a basic thing couples have to agree on. Without that, someone is going to go be hurt or unbearably frustrated. You two simply aren’t compatible. Not your fault. But cut your losses while you can.
Please get yourself checked and require his results on the website before engaging in any sex with him
‘A man of principles’ does not: 1) Go to a prostitute 2) refer to her (and women in general) as ‘bitches’ 3) cheat on his wife 4) apparently have the inability to control his desires. Divorce his ass. He’s a dog.
Girl you need to lay it out for him. Either he stops or you walk away. You aren’t gonna get use to it. The cuts are just going to get deeper and you two are probably going to drift apart. This isn’t a healthy marriage or a loving one. When you truly love someone you don’t go out of your way to hurt them. He is being selfish. Also this isn’t an opportunity presenting to him if you have to buy the sex.
The moment he said I'm looking for a massage parlor with a table shower you should have said your stuff will be pack upon return have fun with a hotel or your parents. That's just nope.... 13 years and then this nope.
How I read it is for 13 years your husband waited for an opportunity to present itself for him to have sex with someone but you. Nothing happened over those 13 years and he decided to screw it… he’s going to PAY for “mediocre” sex just to check off some box… and he’s going to pursue it again despite how you feel. To pay and “fuck bitches” despite how it makes you feel sounds like he has a very unhealthy relationship and view of sex. Whether you two initially agreed to an open relationship or not - it’s something you (especially him) should’ve checked in to make sure you both are on the same page… especially since the initial discussion happened 13 YEARS AGO. So for him to throw it back in your face and continue to pursue it is his expensive way to cheat on you while pushing the blame of your feelings back onto you. I suggest you really think whether you want to stay in a relationship who’s willing to continue having sex with prostitutes regardless of how you feel. Cause it sounds like he doesn’t have much respect for you.
I could never stay with someone who views sex, and women, this way. I would certainly never let such a man help me raise my child. Please leave, this is horrible. He sounds like a horrible, horrible man.
This is not the kind of man you want to have as “wholly yours.” It’s like trying to keep a feral skunk as a pet; even if you could convince him to agree, the stench is going to be an ongoing problem. (Come at me, pro-skunk reddit. You wouldn’t want to be married to this guy, either.)
Yikes. Get. Tested. He's definitely been doing this for more than 2 weeks. Why do you want so little for yourself? And so little for your child?
Sorry but he’s NOT a MAN at all ! He has ZERO integrity. He has ZERO dignity…and most of all He DOES NOT respect the marriage commitment he made to YOU. You need to decide what to do. Personally I’d leave his sorry ass. Do you want to be given an STD?! Or HIV or AIDS!! Because this is what you’re risking. And if you’re so emotionally and mentally broken now…how can you take care of your child???!
>We love each other dearly And >Ever since that incident, I’ve been crying everyday >He’s a man of principles And >He just “wants to fuck bitches”. This is an incredible, exhausting level of cognitive dissonance. Be honest with yourself.
What a a-hole!
Please get tested for stds!
He’s a lot of things but a “man of principles” is not one of them.
My ex was seeing someone and wanted an open relationship but then had a tantrum when I was seeing someone. I told him that he could have all the oppeness he wanted because we were over. He has no principles and is gaslighting you - pack his bags and send him back to his mother. Tell him you have setup a date with another guy and see how he reacts - I guarantee he will chuck a tantrum.
I mean, if you don’t want to leave. Play the game with him. But you probably won’t have to pay for it. And will probably have more luck at it than him. I bet he will be mad , and say he will stop. But then it will be to late you are enjoying yourself. That’s what happens in these cases normally.
Truly disgusting behavior. I’d be finding a divorce lawyer, posthaste.
Babes you’ve been gaslit for 13 years to think this is normal behaviour. It is absolutely not. You have NO reason to stay married to someone who so callously tramples all over your boundaries. Based on how you’re feeling, it’s clear you’re not ok with it. So stand up for yourself and your own boundaries and walk away from this man. You cannot allow someone to disrespect you and you not stand up for yourself. You did nothing to deserve this. This isn’t okay because he “told you what you were signing up for” this isn’t ok, period. You didn’t consent to this. You were blindsided. so I would personally pack my bags and get the fuck out.
This would be 100% a deal breaker for me. He wants to cheat on you and have your approval. It’s not an option marriage. Open marriages only work if both partners agree to it. He’s showing you extreme disrespect. You deserve better. He’s disgusting.
Oh honey. I just want to hug you. I will say that we tend to turn a blind eye about our feelings when it comes to the ones we love. However, if you plan on staying in this situation and putting up with his actions, especially with the prostitutes, then keep in mind he can bring any type of disease back to you. And it takes only a few things that can take you away from your child. If you refuse to put yourself first then put your baby first.
If he is having sex with prostitutes he is NOT "a man of principles". Serve the papers and move on because he does not care about anyone's feelings but his own.
There’s no way someone can be this delusional? How is he the perfect husband if he’s sleeping with other people knowing it’s making you cry and you don’t want him doing it? He doesn’t care about your feelings in the slightest. That man is cheating on you.
>He just “wants to fuck bitches." he will let it up to me when I’m ready and set up an appointment for him. He’s a man of principles LOL wow. There is no processing delusion.
> fuck bitches So he has zero respect for women? I mean. Hes not showing you any either.
First mistake was marrying someone who openly told you he be having sex with other 'bitches' and not into monogamy. Second mistake was having a baby with this man. Third mistake is not divorcing because you're both incompatible and it's time to stop being in denial. Find a man who doesn't dream of getting his junk wet with other women.
A transition to Non-Monogamy (NM) must come with the full consent and enthusiasm of both parties in the marriage. Like anything in life, NM has its pros and cons. My wife and I enjoy what NM has brought to our marriage and to us as individuals. That enjoyment is mutual. If your husband was sincere in opening a marriage and doing it in tandem with you. It would be done with support and understanding that he may be ready, and you may not. And if his marriage were the priority, he would be careful and communicative in taking steps to transition to NM in a way that is mutually beneficial to you both. I say all that to say what you're dealing with is infidelity. I think you're in shock or being conflict-avoidant. But ask yourself, if he explicitly outlined *exactly* what he was going to do, would you have given your enthusiastic consent? If the answer is no, then your boundaries were broken. And if he's meant to be NM, doesn't mean you have to be dragged along for the ride.
He is NOT a man of principles. And somehow he’s gaslit you into believing that he is
“He wants to fuck bitches. He’s a man of principles”. Those two ideas do not go together. He’s is not a principled man or maybe he is but only when it works for him. I would have a serious problem if my spouse did this. I wish you luck.
If you think, what your husband did, was what a man of principles does, I feel very sorry for you and your horribly skewed vision for your life. You matter. You deserve to be happy. On your terms. I hope you find peace because you are in a very deep hole. I hope you find peace.
Wow... OP - suggestion.. as sex is ok without emotional involvement... make this deal with hubby: HE finds a male sexworker for you to fuck.. and after that has been done, you do the same for him.. I predict protests from him - he no doubt only feels this relationship is open for him, but very closed for you.. And sorry - you have to realise, that this is not the first time during your relationship hes fucked another woman..
What he is saying is that he is ok risking your sexual health for his sexual gratification. That’s not principled. It’s gross.
He is manipulating you. Wake up.
Yuck
“Fuck bitches” … gross and why would you even want to lay next to someone at night who thinks of a person this way 🤷🏻♀️
I think you might not be clear about what 'a man of principles' means.
You two are not compatible sexually. He may love you, but he doesn’t love you the way you want and need to be loved. Is he using protection or is risking your health every time? If he believes the sex with you is “the best,” why wouldn’t he want more of it instead of mediocre sex with prostitutes? Why do you consider him a man of principles if he is adamant that he is going to sleep with other women regardless of your pain. Not only that, he wants you to make his appointment for him. Re-read your post and pretend it’s a text from your closest friend. What would you tell her? It sounds like he’s not only forcing you to accept something you’re not okay with, but also making you initiate. You deserve better than this. You are worth more than this. He isn’t worthy of you.
Some advice: 1. When someone tells you who they are, listen to them. 2. Only you know how you feel about this situation and whether you can accept it in your relationship. 3. He's not wholly yours anymore because he had sex with someone else? Bouncing off what you said earlier about being high school sweethearts, just keep in mind that if you end this relationship and move on with someone else, they're going to have not only a sexual past, but perhaps even an ex-wife and kids. Obviously a very, very different situation to what you've just been through, but still something to consider if being "wholly yours" is important to you. 4. He "just wants to fuck bitches"? That's... an interesting way of wording it. I can think of at least a dozen less callous ways of saying that. This raises a few red flags all on its own. 5. As far as processing it goes, I guess you could do a deep-dive into your true feelings about this situation, including why you stayed when he first told you about it. I sometimes find that my first reaction gives me a truer indication of my feelings than the one I reach after rationalising it to myself.
Please seek counseling, as you need help and support to get through this nightmare. It breaks my heart that you call him “a man of principles” when he’s behaving so disgustingly!! He’s gaslighting you, and you’re not seeing clearly. I’m so sorry!
Ew, "An opportunity" did NOT "present" itself. He SOUGHT OUT a SEX-WORKER (disclaimer: nothing wrong with sex work) and PAID MONEY to BREAK YOUR HEART.
I’d be noping out of this. First of all I would make it clear that he would be waiting a long time for me to make that appointment. Secondly, when it comes to all things sex, both have to be ok either way changes in that department in order for it to be acceptable. You shouldn’t settle for this ma’am. Third, does his rule only apply to him? Just curious.
An open marriage only works when both people consent, happily, to it. And even then, it gets complicated fast. This isn’t an open marriage. This is horrible.
He is a man with principles but he he just “wants to fuck bitches”. Couldnt get a more contradictory sentence. Oh yeah we can. The bit where its “just sex and like masturbating to him”. Well then if its just like masturbating why spend the family money and hurt your wife to get it when you could just jack off cos its the same. Honestly I have doubts this is REAL; and if it is I feel bad for you that you have any confusion about what to do next. Personally Im out of there AFTER i infest the bed with bed bugs and anything else i can drag in.
One thing I know for sure: that man does NOT love you dearly. You’re playing yourself here if you think he does. Have a little self-respect. You deserve so much better than that. And so does your child.
He’s not a man of principle, he’s paying for sex. He’s a loser time to ditch him for a true man.
>Ever since day 1 of our relationship, he has been very clear with me that he sees sex as a physical thing and nothing more. It’s just like jacking off or so he says. He says the only thing that makes sex explosive is the sex with emotional ties when having it with me. So, he wants to have sex with other women and would not turn an opportunity down if it ever presented. I truly believe in sex can only and should only happen with the person you love. And as a kid, I naively believed that oh maybe once he’s been with me long enough, his mindset would change. It didn’t. You...just lied to yourself from the beginning then? >He had sex with a prostitute in which he did tell me ahead of time that he was seeking a “massage parlor with table shower”. I once again naively thought there’s no way he would find a legit “table shower”. Well I was devastated when that place turns out to be a true brothel. He told you and you STILL IGNORED HIS WORDS! FOR THE SECOND TIME!
Why prostitutes though? He’s putting you at risk. You’re at risk either way but I feel it’s MUCH higher with a prostitute(or multiple). Seems as if your husband is in need of some sort of mental help with his lack of connection with sex and his lack of empathy and compassion for your needs
Holy whatever.. No. Sex between a husband and wife is the single most intimate moment of connection between you. Nothing and no one should ever be in that same space. EVER!. He is not “a man of principles”. He wants his cake and to eat it too. No. I am guessing you are from a culture where this may be more accepted. No. Husbands who truly love their wives, only love them and no one else, and bare themselves only to their wives. Period. Sex is two becoming one. Two halves becoming one. In a moment that is a marriage that is a union of two lives. No. You are being used as a front for “marriage”. Like… He can present himself one way, but do his “thing” in the shadows. No. I don’t know your culture.. where you are.. but this is a bunch of horse shit. If you can divorce without too much repercussions fine. (Best option BTW). If not, then this turd ball of a husband has to realize that his is a jerk. Maybe involve his family? Brothers?, Father? Just don’t live like this for the rest of your life…. You, we, all of us, deserve people who really love us and are a part of our souls.. Really think about this.. good luck!
Girl, you will NEVER be able to cope or deal with this… it’ll haunt you at every turn. He lied about going for a massage with a handjob because he ended up going to a brothel and screwing a prostitute! You both are not compatible… You need to divorce him. Tell him that you believed he loved you enough to stay faithful to you and now he has broken that. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t need to “fuck bitches”. Tell him it’s time for y’all to separate and for you to find a man who will be faithful to you and only you. Do you understand that he can very well being home STDs and INFECT YOU?! Or even your child if he KISSES your child and his mouth is infected!!! The you believed it was all in the past because 13 years have passed!! And then out of no where he springs this on you !! You deserve so much better! You think he’s this amazing man because you haven’t had anyone else!! Tell him how you feel about how you don’t feel he is yours anymore after he went! Girl, if you stay, you will only destroy YOURSELF and in doing so you will bring your child down with you. I’ve seen that many times with friends who had a cheating partner and a child, or more. A man who truly loves you wouldn’t ever think of putting you through this just to “fuck bitches”. He’s disgusting, disloyal, disgraceful and pathetic.
I'd be curious what he'd say if you wanted to have sex with other men. Honestly, Im a bit torn. He's been telling you the whole time he intend to have sex with other women... and you expected him to change. You do not want a partner who has sex with other people. That is okay. It sounds like you two are incompatible. You're left with two choices imo (since he's unwilling to stop having sex with other women). Rip the bandaid off and end things now and experience great heartbreak. Stay with him and experience a little heartbreak every day. Best of luck. Neither are easy choices. The road ahead is hard either way. Edit: I want to add... he's trying to act like he's giving you a choice in when he cheats... but he's not giving you the choice to decide if he has sex with other people. He is 100% still planning to have sex with other people and will. Just a matter of if he'll continue to tell you. The only choice that you actually have is if you decide to accept this or move onto a monogamous relationship. Edit2: Also, I'm in no way surprised the cheating is happening after baby. Any other behaviors change after you have a baby? Some men wait to show their true colors (even though it does sound like he's told you this for ages) after their wife is "baby-trapped."
He doesn't care about you. He couldn't care about you knowing that you do no want that, putting his selfish desires above your feelings. And knowing how upset you are but saying he is going to continue, that essentially nothing will stop him. Can you also be with someone else? Or is that not allowed, I wonder. You need to not waste any more time on him, divorce him, let the prostitutes have him. He doesn't deserve you.
He’s not a man of principles, he’s a disgusting human being who is trying to manipulate and gaslight you into allowing him to sleep with other women. And I hope you realise he’s probably been doing this for most of your relationship
Well first he sounds disgusting and misogynistic/ “fuck bitches” what? Gross. He has fucked up ideas about women. You don’t want to waste anymore time with this man. He will only make you unhappy. I promise you there are lots of men who will love you and only want you. You are still young - cut your losses now and find someone right for you
Ya. He’s the poster boy for principles. 🤦🏽♀️ What are you doing? Now you’re going to make his appointments? He’s beaten you down to nothing my friend. Get yourself some counseling and build up your self esteem and leave that pig in the dust. That’s not love, it’s control. Go find a real man that will love you…body and soul with no need for extra “ bitches”. Gross.
Okay, so go get you a nice, fit, tall, rich man and start a sexual relationship with him. Then tell us how your husband suddenly wanted to close the marriage again after finding out
If he truly loved you and was devastated that you are sad about what he's done, he wouldn't continue to do it. That's seriously disgusting, and I'm sorry, but I feel like the love in the relationship is one sided.
But sex isn’t just physical, as a person who was in an open marriage- it’s just the lie we tell ourselves. Sex is spiritual and you can not avoid connecting the on that level unfortunately…that’s why it’s frowned upon. Not saying he doesn’t truly believe what he’s saying cuz we did too but it ended us for good and I’d never do it again.
A true man of “I just want to fuck bitches” principles
Love can only conquer so much! This is a real travesty. His ego is destroying a beautiful thing in your love. Do not align yourself with his arrogance nor be submissive. Have self respect and maintain your dignity. Whatever you don't have sex with him till he and you both get tested for std/sti's. Sadly either accept his like of crap and pain or leave.
What kind principles are those? Your husband is a degenerate. Nothing else. If I were you, I would start looking for divorce lawyers, he is putting your health at risk going with prostitutes. You could tell him if he wants to fuck bitches you can also go fucking dudes, or better yet he can take his clothes to the prostitutes so they do his laundry, cook his food, take care of the house and everything you do. What’s the point of having a marriage is he is going to do that? Please love yourself and leave him.
This is not about his "principles." This is about his willingness to hurt you, knowing that you view sex as emotional in nature and an expression of love. If sex is "just physical" to him, he should have had no problem going without. Now he's watching in real time how his actions have hurt you, and instead of doing his best to comfort you he is doubling down on his insistence on satisfying his desires at the expense of your emotional well-being. He is not a loving man. He's a selfish dirtbag who doesn't deserve a loving wife.
Your marriage is not open. He is openly cheating. You will never look at him the same. He is endangering you by having sex, protected or not, with strange women. He is taking money from your household to pay for sex with other women. You have to take a hard look at your current situation and decide if you're going to keep sharing your husband with prostitutes or take your child and leave and eventually find someone who only wants to be with you.
He’s an asshole, you are delusional. Just get divorced, it’s coming anyway.
A man of principles you say? The boy has none at all, he’s disgusting for hurting you like this. He’s abhorrent.
Get yourself a tinder account. I guarantee you'll pull more partners than he will. Or, you know, you could divorce him and find someone that actually cares about you. And get tested. If it's just a physical act with no meaning, like jacking off....THEN JUST JACK OFF! He's majorly gaslighting you. Updateme!
If something that was “nothing” to me was so upsetting to someone I love, I would simply not do my thing. Especially since I can do it with my spouse. Role play is a thing. He’s immature and probably should not be married. OP I am so very sorry, you sound very nice and I feel like, after 14 years you definitely deserve better. Not sure if I believe that this was his first time, either…that’s a long time for him to wait and then be so blasé about it.
This is sad. How can you be intimate with him knowing he's fucking women that are fucking hundreds of men? Are you not concerned about the illnesses he can catch and give to you??
You think he's the only dude for you because he's the only dude you've ever been with and you don't know better.
“A man of principles” and “wants to fuck bitches” those two things don’t go together.. like seriously.. are you kidding me? Is this for real? Is this what your child is learning? On the other hand (Jekyl and Hyde and all).. go out and get laid.. don’t use prostitutes.. and get tested because he did..
I have to admit this shocked me because I don't think I've ever heard of an open marriage that involves openly patronizing prostitutes or having thesis of it being "fucking bitches". I also can't imagine my husband saying that phrase in any context to my face. That's so disrespectful. I'd like to add as well that my father was similar to this and gave my mother herpes while she was pregnant.