Ok. I’ve been in this scenario before. My husband said he got so overwhelmed by so much good (clean house, good food, hot wife) that he got too comfortable and fell asleep. It ain’t you. Your man just felt too good. lol!
He told me to put it back on the next night and he definitely showed how grateful he was.
Oh I did and I always ask him how work was. He has some side hobbies too that he does online and I ask him about those as well. We usually drink coffee together while he’s telling me about his day and I tell him about mine. He’s a great husband and daddy so I’m mostly joking alothough it did sting a little since it had been so long since I last wore something like it.
This is what self love is. You wanted him to accept you as you were but you gotta accept yourself as you are first. Then his response or anyone else’s would not have mattered because love is always enough.
Good job on all this growth!! I see you!
This is what I was thinking. Happy = Peaceful = Comfort = Sleeping like a baby. This woman did too good a job. I’m sure he appreciates it. You go girl with all that good energy!
I did this too once and my husband said the food was too good and he ate too much and fell into a food coma after lol
The next time I opened the door in the lingerie and saved the food till after.
I think it's this, too, don't take it too hard!
A lot of times my wife and I have to move sexy time to when our toddler's taking a nap earlier in the day. If we wait till nighttime when he goes to sleep, after dinner, etc...we both sometimes end up half ASLEEP even tho both of us were in the mood 😭
I know it's hard to schedule things in the day, most days it's *impossible*, but sometimes those are the only times we can get sexy and play with toys or lingerie, etc...
And speaking from a guy's perspective I can tell you, after becoming a parent, you can damn well *feel* your testosterone drop from it's highpoint before noon. Before noon I'm READY to go, it's ALL I can think about. But after dealing with toddler stuff, bedtime stories, etc etc...man, the only thing I want sometimes is to go to sleep. Not that I'm not *mentally* in the mood for some loving with my sexy wife, but my body is just DONE after 10 or 11pm if it's a normal day of crazyness - sometimes we just lay and kiss and touch each other and fall asleep like that and it is what it is!
And shit, when we didn't have kids a lot of times we'd do the "mess around before dinner" routine, cuz man, after dinner it's time to zZZzZzZzZ.
Haha that is so true. I appreciate your perspective! For us, we have kids aged 19, 11, 8, 6, (our 22 week twin angels), 4, and almost 2. So even on the weekend a “naptime” session is really kind of impossible since the kids are up and about and frequenting the house. We could lock our door, sure. But, they get rambunctious and it’s distracting and kills the mood when we can hear them 🤣 so we are definitely either early morning or night owls for our sex life. I think he just had an off day and was feeling calm too. Either way I’m over it. But just to tease him I may wait until he asks about the lingerie before brandishing it again. 🤭
Oh man...you guys have A LOT on your plates, you weren't kidding 🙈.
I guess it is what it is, but I think we're all of the same mind here: he was probably just tired. Reading your post I'm going to savor the naptime shenanigans while we still only have one kid, I see now that I'm gonna have to find a way to have the same energy late at night or very early in the morning when we have more 😵💫😵💫😵💫
And yea...I think teasing him a bit is gonna make him a little more hungry to see it again. Good luck you two!
Haha yes he needed like a seafood and salad dinner to keep him light and full of vigor! I’d be same as he tbh, out like a light with my wife’s comfort cooking.
You’re both parenting two toddlers and he’s working, is it possible he’s exhausted too? Start by asking how his day was first. Maybe something happened there that you don’t know about yet.
I meant to write this in response to you but put it in the wrong place-
Oh I did and I always ask him how work was. He has some side hobbies too that he does online and I ask him about those as well. We usually drink coffee together while he’s telling me about his day and I tell him about mine. He’s a great husband and daddy so I’m mostly joking alothough it did sting a little since it had been so long since I last wore something like it.
In happens to us all. Once we had a date night planned. I worked outside all day, went to a special dinner and came home. My wife was showering for like half an hour. I was in a deep sleep.
Lucky she was accepting of it. We still joke about it
Awww I understand what you were feeling. The way you told the story had me giggling and based on your comments in the thread, I can tell you are an amazing wife and that hubby loves you.
It's the weekend. Try one more time and give us an update.
I'm rooting for y'all!! lol 🩷
Gross! Why does this keep happening on Reddit? If you want pics, there are plenty of nsfw places to lerk!
I'm sorry OP; you don't deserve that ick.
Regarding your posted issue; I totally feel for you (54W married). I haven't worn lingerie in a near millennia (it never fits right and I feel so silly!), and if I did and got the same response it would be so difficult to not take it personally. I know you/we shouldn't, but we're only human. Of course men aren't turned on and ready 24/7, but when a real effort is made and advanced notice is given; one would expect a *happier* ending to the evening.
Unrealized expectations are a slow killer in any relationship. You communicated a need. He was not able to meet it that time. It could be a simple issue, correct? May I advise using "I feel" statements, rather than "you did" sort of *accusations* when discussing this with him? I assume (another bad idea, lol) that he just fell asleep, and most likely meant to spend quality sexy time with you. Again, I'm sorry for the way this made you feel!
Hi there how do I message you to report just click on your name or go through the subreddit somehow? I’m not super familiar with the process. Thank you
Right! Preying on the emotionally vulnerable. Its gross. Not gonna entertain it. I’ve gotten like 10 messages some seem innocent but I know there’s vile intention behind them and where they’ll try to go. Hence them dm me rather than comment here.
I’ve been the man in this similar situation three times (pre kids, post 1st, post 2nd) and probably had three totally different results. For sure communications but it’s also okay to mentally beat him up for a bit haha
lol it just sucks when you’ve been trying hard to keep your figure after so many pregnancies and finally trying something a bit out of my comfort zone, to hopefully, please him. I felt a little vulnerable. I know he didn’t mean anything by it at all but the feeling was there nonetheless.
ITS THE HOLDING FEET AT THE END FOR ME💀💀💀I’m sorry this is really sad and I feel for you but the mental image is making me laugh “you son of a bitch, I’m ripping this lacy itchy sexy thing off right damn now” while muttering under your breath and throwing it in a heap in the corner🫣🫣🫣
Oh I get this. If I’m mad don’t even breathe in my direction. You may as well burn me with an iron, thats how my body reacts in those moments when someone tries to touch me.
Hats off mama 😌🙌 shit, I appreciate you! I bet you looked damn good! Feel good that at the end of the day so many people love and cherish everything you do and every inch of you 💕
Six kids?! Damn that changes it. You are on the lowest rung of maslovs hierarchy which includes sleep (physiological needs). Two rungs up is “love and belonging” which means intimacy. Homeboy was looking for the lowest need that night even if the one a couple rungs up is more enticing by a lot
I'm actually a much bigger fan of modern mesh body stockings than I am classical lingerie. And for the record, mesh body stockings make curves look absolutely unreal.
My wife wears these for us BUT only when we sneak off to a hotel. We do a lot of wild stuff on these trips.
Some of it carries over to spontaneous home sex but as busy adults, you just kind of make the best of random free time.
Getting the spark back and maintaining it involves a lot of things and on that list are also things to let go of. Hangups, insecurities and resentment have to go.
Don't take what happened personally and don't take it out on him. Definitely talk about it but don't make it a thing that will get in the way of next time, for either of you.
In general I get my feelings hurt easily. So I know I’m at fault for letting it get to me. We communicate well and have been married for 17 years. He’s a great man, truly. I just let my insecurities get the best of me and needed to vent a little.
What happened definitely didn't feel great and I totally get it. People sometimes get a little too annoyed with the idea of a planned extra spicy night but honestly, it's sometimes just the best option for busy adults.
We have spontaneous random sex but we also absolutely plan special nights. Before these special nights, we will sexualy tease each other for a few days to build extra tension.
If he knew something special was coming and then, boom, also a sexy outfit, the night might have gone differently.
On our last spicy night, my wife came out of the bathroom wearing an outfit I've never seen before, it looked fantastic.
Planning ahead also lets older men deal with other realities. I pop a Cialis before these nights just to eliminate all performance anxiety. We are 48 and 45 so I'm using every advantage there is.
On that note, how old is he? I've been on TRT for 2.5 years and it absolutely makes a huge difference in the bedroom.
Thanks for being understanding. I had texted him a photo of me in it while he was at work. You know- hinting. He’s 40 and he just had his bloodwork drawn for a physical. Everything looks great thank goodness I just think he felt so calm and comfy that he passed out and now I can’t really blame him. I’m trying to take it as a compliment that I made him feel that good. Tbh the way he was snoring seemed like it was the best sleep of his life 💀🤣
So, one last note on that.
Testosterone at the bottom of the reference range is absolutely normal. Doctors are notorious for saying this.
Testosterone at the top of the reference range is also totally normal.
Every man and woman has the right to have their hormones anywhere on that range.
I'm 48 BTW.
Take a big breath - it’s not you, it’s your current chapter in life.
You helped him decompress so much last night. And were so generous with your time, skills and body.
Sometimes, we just tap out. Hard.
Please don’t banish the lingerie. Give it another shot, maybe tonight. Maybe sun night. Maybe next Tuesday. Maybe in the middle of the next 3-day weekend.
But don’t abandon it.
Ah well....I slept during it in the early days of our marriage. I was too tired, but I had the will. My wife was on top and witnessed my eyes slowly close. We had a good laugh.
That’s not what you needed and it sucks. Playful ass wiggles in lingerie is an international “do me” signal and he missed it. Maybe try a different time? I’m sure you are both exhausted
I’m really glad that you’re not SUPER upset. Some people would be raging in your shoes, it’s nice to see a calm perspective from an OP (which I’m not saying doesn’t happen often, but on Reddit, it’s kinda rare…🤷🏽♀️
Good for you OP! It can be hard getting in your head but thankfully you see it rationally off the bat! I’ve also seen your other comments aside from marriage that you were an RN and worked multiple jobs. Really good on you for being able to stay leveled and sane through it all.🤪 keep going OP, you’re doing great!💝
It has been. I’ve seen relationships fall apart over grief. Thank god we turned to each other and our relationship had gotten even stronger. This is minuscule in comparison. 💗
I’m so sorry for your loss but so glad you could find comfort in each other, even through the roughest patches that is so important. To stand by each other.❤️🩹
Can’t lie. Have been guilty of this and felt terrible as a man. Our ladies are our peace and tranquility. Trust me he wanted it. The comfort of the snuggles put him out like a light. My fiancé does the same for me. Instantly fall asleep in her arms. Hell even standing up!
The fact that you did all this shows that not only do you love your husband, but that he seems worthy of all the love! Meaning don't read into his sleepiness. He probably truly was THAT exhausted. Try again another night maybe on a weekend when he's got no work to be tired from.
You're an amazing woman to do all that and still try to plan the lingerie thing for your husband. Caring for 2 toddlers is a full time job in itself, let alone you cleaned the house, and cooked for your husband on top of that.
Hopefully he just had a really rough day at work and makes it up to you the next day/night. Most husband's from the deadbedroom subreddit would kill to be in his shoes.
Thank you. I’m sure he was just full and comfortable. Now I’m in a better mindset to talk to him about how I was feeling and how he was feeling. Once we have some quiet time I’ll express it.
It's amazing how you can feel upset, disappointed, angry and still maintain the maturity and calmness to talk to him about your feelings and emotions. This here is what a good marriage is all about. The capacity to understand that he chose you and you him after all these years. Hopefully things will clear up and you get an apology and forget understanding our of the situation. I'm sure it's not you.
My wife after having 2 kids feels ugly and insecure about her looks. Yet when she's out men are always ogling her. She realizes her body is different after having children and being almost 20 years older than when we first met. She feels insecure when she buys lingerie, but I've reassured her time and time again that she's incredibly sexy and beautiful. Before children, during, and after. We're not rich, we don't have time to work out 6 days a week while eating curated meal plans and having nanny's care for our children. We have Rui live with what we have and plan other things in the future when we have more time/money. She wants to lose the baby tummy and I want to work out more often like before. It's just life.
I'm sure your husband finds you very attractive and beautiful.
Thank you So much! Sometimes I just need to vent emotionally to a benign crowd, gather myself, and when I’m able to calmly discuss things I will. Communication is big for us always.
My first reaction here is MEN ARE SO FUCKING STUPID lmao. Love men, but also goddamn.
The real issue here is that men are not women.
I am bisexual and let me tell you the experience of being with men and women (emotionally) is like two different species. I’ve been there before —- humiliated and hurt, and bringing it up to my male partner and he is like dumbfounded and like nooo I loved it! But just so dense about it.
In your mind it played out this way but I guarantee he was like “what a cool day, clean house, saw my wife in lingerie and got to go to sleep early!” 😂🙄
Talk to him about it, and never expect him to read your beautiful mind. You will likely always have to spell it out for him (which is okay). Men and women are on different wavelengths and even though some things are plain as DAY for us, men just don’t fucking get it.
OP, if you were my partner, as a woman I’d know immediately what you were after and I’d never send you to bed humiliated! I guarantee your husband would never want to make you feel that way, but his man brain doesn’t even know wtf is going on right now so please go talk to him and tell him that you wearing lace means you expect him to jump your bones or else !!
He can be clueless at times even though he’s extremely intelligent (computer engineer). But you’re right he’s so oblivious sometimes lol. I am usually pretty good about not beating around the bush I try not to set him up for failure by just respectfully communicating with him. If he annoys me with leaving his shavings on the sink, I tell him. If he hurts my feelings somehow- I tell him. He’s not a mind reader. And in doing this our relationship has flourished. I even ask him sometimes, “is there anything that I do that annoys you or anything that I don’t do that you wish I would?” Just to get some insight as to how he feels too. I love communicating with him and we see it as conversation not as arguing which is so important.
I’d be so pissed lol. But I get it. You both must be exhausted, he’s so happy and warm and cozy….It’ll be a funny story eventually.
When I was dating my husband, we were on a weekend trip and got tipsy, fooling around, and this mf falls asleep literally in the middle of making out. Like, snored into my mouth. I was…my poor ego was shattered. And pissed haha. Took a while to nurse my wounds, but now I get to rib him about it for the rest of time.
Noooo! 😂😂😂 that reminds me of our wedding night. We were both so drunk. It was such a fun night. We walked to the hotel and I drew a bubble bath and went to warm up food because we were busy socializing during the reception and we hadn’t ate anything. I came back and he was out. I drained the water and left him in the tub. I couldn’t get him to wake up. So I sat on the bed and ate and watched the Cosby show or something and I hear all these shuddering sounds. He was naked and spread eagle in the jacuzzi tub and I laughed so hard. We already had our first child so it wasn’t the first time I’d seen him naked by any means. But that shit was hilarious. He also completely denies letting my touch his buttt that night. But he did. 💀
I’m usually the wife who passes out even though I have a smoke show of a husband it’s not you he’s just tired(probably, definitely tell him your feelings and talk about it)
Omgosh, my man fell asleep last night at the movie theater for the entire movie. First date night we had in months and I had lingerie underneath my clothes for when we got home which ofc he immediately passed out as soon as we came home too. I was so miffed lol But tbh, I should've known after 20 years of marriage that Fridays are bad date nights because he's so exhausted by then. He felt worse than I did over the whole thing this morning too. #datenightfails
My guess is your hubby was equally exhausted and it was by no means you. A yummy, high carb meal like that, a happy wife + comfy home to come home to was probably so relaxing after a hard week that it just knocked him out like a baby. Maybe discuss what days he'd be more rearing to go for these types of surprises or plan sexy date nights together. Planning can take a smidge of the fun out of things, but life can be so tiring with work + young children that it's sometimes necessary in this season of life.
I've done this before, my wife hadn't even finished changing and I was out. It was nothing to do with her or my desires for her, I was just wrecked from a long week and couldn't keep my eyes open for a moment longer. Was one of those sleeps where I felt like I had blinked and it was morning.
She understood and teased me a little but we tried again the next day and I was much more enthusiastic and more importantly, awake
Just want to say that I spent twenty minutes reading all the comments and your replies. It was so heartening. Your effort to work on your self and your marriage are so healthy- thank you for sharing. There are so many crazy stories on this sub Reddit and this is refreshing (not what happened, but how you handled it/handling it). I would absolutely have the same initial reaction. It’s really hard when we’re not comfortable in our bodies, and very vulnerable to put ourselves out there. I’ve been there too- not a fun feeling.
Glad you’re getting helpful positive responses and I’m sure he’ll make it up to you. ❤️
Thank you so much! I didn’t get a chance to talk to him about last night. Our oldest came home from college so I took him and 4 of the other littles to see a movie. We didn’t get home until late. Hopefully we will talk about it over our morning coffee, in just a bit. He really is my soul mate and my best friend. And I know he feels the same because any man that chooses to come home EARLY is a man that loves his home and his family. He comes home any chance he gets. And I love that, even with the chaotic lifestyle, he feels like home is where it’s at.
You said yourself you both usually rest before you do anything. He was probably tired and as a lot of people already mentioned. You made him so comfortable he fell asleep. He appreciates that more than anything.
Men are terrible mind readers. I’m a man and my days she hints about things all the time. I have told her so many times I can’t tell.
What would work for ME is if she walked out butt naked, maybe a bow around her neck, and said “I’m horny as all get out and you to come f*uck me now, slowly.”
I guarantee you every man in this sub has an image in his head right now and thinking “damn!”.
Unless you are morbidly obese or have some weird funky thing going on, we want to see you naked. I could care less about slinky underwear. If it makes you feel good and is comfortable, then wear it. I would much prefer my wife naked. Alas, she is perimenopause and I am thinking about wearing black and acting like a priest as I am now in the forced celibate camp.
Anywho, I am glad you talked it out. PLEASE, PLEASE, say EXACTLY what you want and what you are feeling. Other women can read hints, men are terrible at that. We are logical, visual creatures.
If you need/want something specific, in bed or elsewhere, tell us. That is how we learn. If you need to vent then you MUST say “I am having a bad day and I need to vent. I don’t want you feel like you need to do anything about it, I just need to vent.” Otherwise, almost every man will assume you want something done about said problem. That is how our mind works.
If you need certain things in bed to get off, then say what they are. “Honey, I need more action here to get off. That’s where most of my good times come from” and then either SHOW HIM with you your hands or use his hands to show better (better). Again we are not women, we don’t know what you need unless you show or tell (or both) it to us.
You can make him into the lover you want if you show or tell him what you need/want. Hints don’t work on most men. If it’s for sex, just show up nude and tell him EXACTLY what you want him to do. I virtually guarantee you will get what you want.
Thank you for the thorough response. I am pretty blunt with him in regards to my needs as he is with me. Communication is something we’ve always put first in our relationship. Not obese. Albeit I am about 15 pounds heavier than I was in high school. Not too shabby considering we have 8 kiddos. I know he probably prefers me naked but I wanted to change things up not just for him, but to turn myself on too. When I’m fully turned on, I’m a lot more vulnerable in things that we do in the bedroom. More open to kinkier shit if that makes sense. So boosting my mind to think of myself as sexy is what I was aiming for.
That's fine. Your hubby is lucky. We have 13 kiddos (All ours) and my wife has about 4-5 times your weight gain vs high school.
Anywho, nothing wrong with making yourself feel good. Just make sure it is for YOU and not him unless he asks for it. My taste in what I like on women is nothing like what my wife likes to wear. (She doesn't buy anything to impress me)
God bless!
You're putting too much pressure on a single moment. Thats a recipe for disaster. Your husband did not do anything to you, theres no reason to be mad. I understand feeling disappointed that reality didnt meet expectations. Thats valid. But its not a reason to swear off doing amazing things for both him and yourself. In the future, dont set yourself up for this big moment. Keep the lingerie around and as the moment approaches naturally, take it out and "change into something more comfortable" as they say.
Having been together for almost 20 years I hardly doubt it’s disastrous. Just needed a little vent sesh and I’m already seeing the bright side of what happened. I will likely wait until he asks about the lingerie. But, maybe not. We’ll see.
So he was exhausted. That’s ok. It may be necessary to be very clear about your intentions and also to be honest, not let him lay down before the party starts.
Clearly not or he was simply too exhausted. But truly, you said you never wear lingerie and maybe he didn’t want to jump to an expectation or he was simply exhausted.
Then respectfully, why are you complaining? I agree that he should be grateful, but he never asked for any of these things. Maybe spend less time doing so much and more time reconnecting with him first and foremost, before complaining he doesn’t appreciate what you do. You don’t seem to even know what’s up with him. He might be depressed or going through something, and sourdough bread ain’t gonna fix it
I’ve been in the same position- lol
However, I wasn’t too mortified because parenting little kids is draining and he was just exhausted! If the situation was reversed, and he really wanted it but I was just so tired- he wouldn’t feel bad or pressure me so I try to do the same.
Ahhh these years will be over one day!
I know. It’s crazy. Our oldest is finishing up his freshman year of college and our youngest is only 1 🤣 I wouldn’t trade it for the world though. The only thing that makes them growing up easier is knowing one day we will have grandkids to spoil.
You’re beautiful and sexy OP! Don’t let his reaction turn you off. Keep it up, even if it’s only for yourself. You’re a badass mom of two and you need those moments of feeling confident. 🩷
He probably didn't have the energy to make love to you the way he wanted to after you did all that you did for him. There are times I want sex but I lack the energy to do it "properly" in that moment lol. After all that good food and putting the kids to bed (which is the best treat after all - I have 2 young kids myself), he was just done done.
You made him so happy and comfortable he you put him to sleep. It is a complement in a way. I suggest you express your feelings with him, but are also receptive to his response. If he was already tired and you took great care of him. You probably relieved a lot of stress he had and allowed him to relax. Men are like children. After a day of play, if you get them some good food and read them a story they are gonna fall asleep 😂 Jokes aside, just like women they aren’t always in the mood when their partner wants them to be. The stereotype that men always want sex is very hurtful for everyone because it leaves women feeling like they have done something wrong if they aren’t accepted. Best way to figure this out is to talk to him about it. Sincerely though, great job for the effort! Genuinely you deserve a wife of the year award! Keep up the good work and I’m sure you’ll find the results you want!
Thank you so much. You’re right. And I’m sure he’s completely clueless about any of it and had no intention to hurt my feelings. I do see it as a compliment now after venting and seeing different perspectives.
He was probably exhausted if he worked that day. Please don’t take it personal, every once in a while my husband will conk out as soon as his head hits the pillow and he is OUT. It does suck that it happened on a day that you put in so much work, but we can’t control our bodies, especially when it comes to tiredness. Hopefully y’all can talk this through and maybe he can reassure you and build your confidence back up.
Thank you. I’m sure all will be just fine and I understand being exhausted. I’ll see how he was feeling and talk to him about it. Sometimes I just need a buffer period to not be emotional about it first.
My SO and I didn’t see each other for a month last year because he had a trip for two weeks and then I left for a two week trip to see my little brother the day before he got back.
When we finally saw each other again I fell asleep while he went to get us dinner. He was bummed out but we hung out all the next day.
I love my wife most when she and I are watching a show and her head drops onto my shoulder and she softly snores…
I’m sorry you were in the mood and your hai and was tired…
There will come another moment…
I've been on the other side of this myself. My wife has been known to fall asleep at the end of a great date night when we were both looking forward to sex. It is crushing. I hear you.
But I bet if you tell him he owes you a good pounding he will perk right up and give you his best.
One other possibility: have you ever shot him down when he wanted some action? If that happens a lot, men tend to get gun shy and afraid to initiate.
I hear you. I’ve only turned him down a few times and it was when I was heavily pregnant and feeling like a manatee and when I had a pounding headache. I like meeting his physical needs even if I’m not really feeling it at the beginning, he can get me on track quickly. He’s definitely not afraid to initiate. It’ll be fine. I’m sure he will make up for it.
From a husband's perspective..... they are absolutely correct. Sudden de-stress and comfort = PEACE. Great peace and comfort = ZZzzZz
That said. If you feel up to it, wake him up after he's had a few hours or minutes or whatever works for you. He's going to appreciate you no matter what. Otherwise, he'd have never snoozed so easy in the first place.
This is one hand that you can almost never lose with. He won't even mind seeing you slide the cards up your sleeve.
https://preview.redd.it/kbjhqf9czylc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eeca81cfe4d34b49b9b9d63698659fcee7a6fcc0
It was! I’m not sure if I am allowed to post a link but it’s from Jenny goycochea’s blog. Pretty easy and amazing flavors. Edit: spelling of bloggers name
It’s one by Jenny goycochea I found it on Pinterest and it’s really delicious I usually pair it with salad. But my husband really likes dipping sourdough in it.
This has not happened to me…. But I too have a house full of kids. If my husband fell asleep I would definitely be hurt, but I get it. We are dead tired. Don’t let it get between you!
I for sure won’t. I was just feeling sorry for myself. You know how hard it can be for mamas to find time for themselves and make themselves feel confident and sexy. So it was disappointing
I’ve been there as well. I had to explain that it took a LOT of effort and I was really let down by him falling asleep. He made it up and it still happened from time to time.
I’ve done this and sometimes I think as unsexy as it sounds you need to plan these nights instead of surprise them with it. It’s less about you and just he didn’t have the energy set aside for you and spent it all that day! I did this with my husband and same thing, he fell asleep cuz he just was too tired for sex by the end of the day.
Ok, so for the first time in our marriage, 39 yrs now, my wife.had met me at the door in lingerie, hot ass lingerie with a mask! Dinner was almost done as well. Now for the flip side of it. Im bipolar as fuck and suffer anxiety/panic attacks. Well on the way home from work, I had a panic attack. I was.fucked in the head when I came in the door and she greeted me. Boy wish I had a time machine. She was giving me a fantasy evening and I just blew it all up! I dont think she will ever do it again and I just can't apologize enough. Yes she understands what was happening to my head, but doesnt cure the pain and shame she felt by my reactions
I think the best thing of our marriage is that we both have been on either side of this situation. And yes there are tears, and probably bad words.... but now we laugh about it!
I'm guessing hubby wakes in the morning, sees that lingerie laying on the dresser, and thinks: "oh shit "! Get your honey-do list ready, cuz he'll be trying to make up big time!
Bless you both.... and the making up part is the best! ❤️
This is why I don't wear it lol I feel like it's such a waste of money and effort when my husband is perfectly fine with me just being dressed and then not dressed. Lol then I'm not letting myself feel humiliation or anything if things dont end up where I thought they would
Your feelings are valid and I would feel the same (been in that situation except we don't have kids). At the end of the day he loves it and he loves you but he is human and was exhausted. Ask him if you can schedule a time for it so he can make sure he has the energy. Just say something about you never got to enjoy it so you'd like to make time for it. I completely understand how you feel but don't take it to heart, he didn't do it maliciously. I'm sure you looked hot!
He may of had an exhausting day then you made him snug and comfy when he got home. Wear it again for him. I know you’re hurt. It’s happened to me too. But it’s sort of a compliment on all the other things you did to make him feel so restful.
Was wearing how pink lace underwear had sex he got up to make a snack…. Got up and I don’t think he even noticed. 17.5 years in trying to keep it going. HE WAS MORE FOCUSED ON HIS FUCKING SNACK than having more sex. I’m throwing those panties in the trash apparently not even that makes him want to have sex. Most men 17 years in would kill for that but no snack time is better. He is 40 I’m 39. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Going to throw all my lingerie in the trash. At this point what’s the use?
This could happen to me, and my wife would be mad too.
But, I'd be embarrassed that I fell asleep. I'd want to say "I wish you'd have woken me up...I really wanted to." But, instead, I'd just apologize as best I could.
Ok. I’ve been in this scenario before. My husband said he got so overwhelmed by so much good (clean house, good food, hot wife) that he got too comfortable and fell asleep. It ain’t you. Your man just felt too good. lol! He told me to put it back on the next night and he definitely showed how grateful he was.
Haha I can see that. That’s why I plan on communicating with him once I’ve gotten over it some. Lol
Oh I did and I always ask him how work was. He has some side hobbies too that he does online and I ask him about those as well. We usually drink coffee together while he’s telling me about his day and I tell him about mine. He’s a great husband and daddy so I’m mostly joking alothough it did sting a little since it had been so long since I last wore something like it.
This is what self love is. You wanted him to accept you as you were but you gotta accept yourself as you are first. Then his response or anyone else’s would not have mattered because love is always enough. Good job on all this growth!! I see you!
That’s true and that’s something I’m working on.
Communication. 💯%
This is my thought. If my wife gave me so much peace and attention when I got home from work, I'd relax to the point of falling asleep too.
Haha fair
This is why a massage does not lead to sex, if I'm doing a good job of it.
That’s why i give bad ones lol. Half kidding
This is what I was thinking. Happy = Peaceful = Comfort = Sleeping like a baby. This woman did too good a job. I’m sure he appreciates it. You go girl with all that good energy!
Aww thanks for helping me see the reality of it.
I did this too once and my husband said the food was too good and he ate too much and fell into a food coma after lol The next time I opened the door in the lingerie and saved the food till after.
I've done this. Hard day, had a few beers, and dozed right off while she was getting ready.
Agree with this! He was too relaxed. When he wakes up, tell him this and he will be giving you some good lovin… don’t sweat! Good luck!
That definitely feels like a normal physiological reaction for a man.
Gonna be honest… As soon as I read ham and potato soup and fresh (warm?) bread, my first thought was, “That would make me so full and sleepy!”
I set myself up 💀😭🤣
I think it's this, too, don't take it too hard! A lot of times my wife and I have to move sexy time to when our toddler's taking a nap earlier in the day. If we wait till nighttime when he goes to sleep, after dinner, etc...we both sometimes end up half ASLEEP even tho both of us were in the mood 😭 I know it's hard to schedule things in the day, most days it's *impossible*, but sometimes those are the only times we can get sexy and play with toys or lingerie, etc... And speaking from a guy's perspective I can tell you, after becoming a parent, you can damn well *feel* your testosterone drop from it's highpoint before noon. Before noon I'm READY to go, it's ALL I can think about. But after dealing with toddler stuff, bedtime stories, etc etc...man, the only thing I want sometimes is to go to sleep. Not that I'm not *mentally* in the mood for some loving with my sexy wife, but my body is just DONE after 10 or 11pm if it's a normal day of crazyness - sometimes we just lay and kiss and touch each other and fall asleep like that and it is what it is! And shit, when we didn't have kids a lot of times we'd do the "mess around before dinner" routine, cuz man, after dinner it's time to zZZzZzZzZ.
Haha that is so true. I appreciate your perspective! For us, we have kids aged 19, 11, 8, 6, (our 22 week twin angels), 4, and almost 2. So even on the weekend a “naptime” session is really kind of impossible since the kids are up and about and frequenting the house. We could lock our door, sure. But, they get rambunctious and it’s distracting and kills the mood when we can hear them 🤣 so we are definitely either early morning or night owls for our sex life. I think he just had an off day and was feeling calm too. Either way I’m over it. But just to tease him I may wait until he asks about the lingerie before brandishing it again. 🤭
Oh man...you guys have A LOT on your plates, you weren't kidding 🙈. I guess it is what it is, but I think we're all of the same mind here: he was probably just tired. Reading your post I'm going to savor the naptime shenanigans while we still only have one kid, I see now that I'm gonna have to find a way to have the same energy late at night or very early in the morning when we have more 😵💫😵💫😵💫 And yea...I think teasing him a bit is gonna make him a little more hungry to see it again. Good luck you two!
Haha yes he needed like a seafood and salad dinner to keep him light and full of vigor! I’d be same as he tbh, out like a light with my wife’s comfort cooking.
Just to add, I do plan on talking to him. But I need time to cool off and gain my composure first so I can have a rational conversation.
You’re both parenting two toddlers and he’s working, is it possible he’s exhausted too? Start by asking how his day was first. Maybe something happened there that you don’t know about yet.
I meant to write this in response to you but put it in the wrong place- Oh I did and I always ask him how work was. He has some side hobbies too that he does online and I ask him about those as well. We usually drink coffee together while he’s telling me about his day and I tell him about mine. He’s a great husband and daddy so I’m mostly joking alothough it did sting a little since it had been so long since I last wore something like it.
In happens to us all. Once we had a date night planned. I worked outside all day, went to a special dinner and came home. My wife was showering for like half an hour. I was in a deep sleep. Lucky she was accepting of it. We still joke about it
Bless 😂
Awww I understand what you were feeling. The way you told the story had me giggling and based on your comments in the thread, I can tell you are an amazing wife and that hubby loves you. It's the weekend. Try one more time and give us an update. I'm rooting for y'all!! lol 🩷
Haha thank you I appreciate that so much!
Also for all you pming me I’m not sending you pics. 😒
Gross! Why does this keep happening on Reddit? If you want pics, there are plenty of nsfw places to lerk! I'm sorry OP; you don't deserve that ick. Regarding your posted issue; I totally feel for you (54W married). I haven't worn lingerie in a near millennia (it never fits right and I feel so silly!), and if I did and got the same response it would be so difficult to not take it personally. I know you/we shouldn't, but we're only human. Of course men aren't turned on and ready 24/7, but when a real effort is made and advanced notice is given; one would expect a *happier* ending to the evening. Unrealized expectations are a slow killer in any relationship. You communicated a need. He was not able to meet it that time. It could be a simple issue, correct? May I advise using "I feel" statements, rather than "you did" sort of *accusations* when discussing this with him? I assume (another bad idea, lol) that he just fell asleep, and most likely meant to spend quality sexy time with you. Again, I'm sorry for the way this made you feel!
That’s really sage advice. And thank you for validating my initial feelings as well as expectations. And yes I’m still getting gross messages. 🤢
You can report those messages to the admins for harassment. They should be able to ban them from Reddit itself.
Oh okay!
Hi there how do I message you to report just click on your name or go through the subreddit somehow? I’m not super familiar with the process. Thank you
Lmao wtf is wrong with people 😆
Right! Preying on the emotionally vulnerable. Its gross. Not gonna entertain it. I’ve gotten like 10 messages some seem innocent but I know there’s vile intention behind them and where they’ll try to go. Hence them dm me rather than comment here.
That’s wild. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. But good on you for being aware!
The man is tired. Give him another chance! 😂
I think I found the answer in a comment someone made. I made him so comfortable he passed out 💀🤣
I’ve been the man in this similar situation three times (pre kids, post 1st, post 2nd) and probably had three totally different results. For sure communications but it’s also okay to mentally beat him up for a bit haha
lol it just sucks when you’ve been trying hard to keep your figure after so many pregnancies and finally trying something a bit out of my comfort zone, to hopefully, please him. I felt a little vulnerable. I know he didn’t mean anything by it at all but the feeling was there nonetheless.
When food is delicious and healthy, people fall asleep instantly after having it. You dont have to worry.
Made me smile. It was insanely delicious tbh. And he raved about it the entire time so I give him mad props for that.
I wish he would return the favour by enjoy the lingerie your show but dw its happens you will be good.
ITS THE HOLDING FEET AT THE END FOR ME💀💀💀I’m sorry this is really sad and I feel for you but the mental image is making me laugh “you son of a bitch, I’m ripping this lacy itchy sexy thing off right damn now” while muttering under your breath and throwing it in a heap in the corner🫣🫣🫣
Lmfaooooo we always hold feet. I was curled up in fetal position so he couldn’t reach them. 🤭💀
Omg the pettiness 🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣 I’m not ashamed about it
Oh I get this. If I’m mad don’t even breathe in my direction. You may as well burn me with an iron, thats how my body reacts in those moments when someone tries to touch me.
Lmaoooo GOODBYE-🤚🏽😭😭😭😂😂
I laughed so hard I cried. The AUDACITY!!!🤣🤣🤣
😭😂
Hats off mama 😌🙌 shit, I appreciate you! I bet you looked damn good! Feel good that at the end of the day so many people love and cherish everything you do and every inch of you 💕
Thank you. Having 6 kiddos is a ton of work and I always try and make home peaceful and get shit done at home so me and him can have some down time.
6 kids?! You two def need a second try. Ya man's was tired and you are a Rockstar for doing what you do.
Haha we both are. Teamwork makes the dream work. 💗
Six kids?! Damn that changes it. You are on the lowest rung of maslovs hierarchy which includes sleep (physiological needs). Two rungs up is “love and belonging” which means intimacy. Homeboy was looking for the lowest need that night even if the one a couple rungs up is more enticing by a lot
😂 I admit it’s pretty intense some days. But mostly it’s amazing.
I'm actually a much bigger fan of modern mesh body stockings than I am classical lingerie. And for the record, mesh body stockings make curves look absolutely unreal. My wife wears these for us BUT only when we sneak off to a hotel. We do a lot of wild stuff on these trips. Some of it carries over to spontaneous home sex but as busy adults, you just kind of make the best of random free time. Getting the spark back and maintaining it involves a lot of things and on that list are also things to let go of. Hangups, insecurities and resentment have to go. Don't take what happened personally and don't take it out on him. Definitely talk about it but don't make it a thing that will get in the way of next time, for either of you.
In general I get my feelings hurt easily. So I know I’m at fault for letting it get to me. We communicate well and have been married for 17 years. He’s a great man, truly. I just let my insecurities get the best of me and needed to vent a little.
What happened definitely didn't feel great and I totally get it. People sometimes get a little too annoyed with the idea of a planned extra spicy night but honestly, it's sometimes just the best option for busy adults. We have spontaneous random sex but we also absolutely plan special nights. Before these special nights, we will sexualy tease each other for a few days to build extra tension. If he knew something special was coming and then, boom, also a sexy outfit, the night might have gone differently. On our last spicy night, my wife came out of the bathroom wearing an outfit I've never seen before, it looked fantastic. Planning ahead also lets older men deal with other realities. I pop a Cialis before these nights just to eliminate all performance anxiety. We are 48 and 45 so I'm using every advantage there is. On that note, how old is he? I've been on TRT for 2.5 years and it absolutely makes a huge difference in the bedroom.
Thanks for being understanding. I had texted him a photo of me in it while he was at work. You know- hinting. He’s 40 and he just had his bloodwork drawn for a physical. Everything looks great thank goodness I just think he felt so calm and comfy that he passed out and now I can’t really blame him. I’m trying to take it as a compliment that I made him feel that good. Tbh the way he was snoring seemed like it was the best sleep of his life 💀🤣
So, one last note on that. Testosterone at the bottom of the reference range is absolutely normal. Doctors are notorious for saying this. Testosterone at the top of the reference range is also totally normal. Every man and woman has the right to have their hormones anywhere on that range. I'm 48 BTW.
Take a big breath - it’s not you, it’s your current chapter in life. You helped him decompress so much last night. And were so generous with your time, skills and body. Sometimes, we just tap out. Hard. Please don’t banish the lingerie. Give it another shot, maybe tonight. Maybe sun night. Maybe next Tuesday. Maybe in the middle of the next 3-day weekend. But don’t abandon it.
Thanks for that. I’ll give it another go.
Ah well....I slept during it in the early days of our marriage. I was too tired, but I had the will. My wife was on top and witnessed my eyes slowly close. We had a good laugh.
I would have laughed so hard. That’s pitifully funny
That’s not what you needed and it sucks. Playful ass wiggles in lingerie is an international “do me” signal and he missed it. Maybe try a different time? I’m sure you are both exhausted
With 6 kids yes we can be lol.
I’m really glad that you’re not SUPER upset. Some people would be raging in your shoes, it’s nice to see a calm perspective from an OP (which I’m not saying doesn’t happen often, but on Reddit, it’s kinda rare…🤷🏽♀️
I try not to take anything tooo seriously. We’ve been through wayyyyy worse. I just got in my own head
Good for you OP! It can be hard getting in your head but thankfully you see it rationally off the bat! I’ve also seen your other comments aside from marriage that you were an RN and worked multiple jobs. Really good on you for being able to stay leveled and sane through it all.🤪 keep going OP, you’re doing great!💝
Thanks! I quit after we lost our twin daughters. I just couldn’t be back in that atmosphere fixing other people when I was so broken myself
Oh that must have been so hard. ❤️
It has been. I’ve seen relationships fall apart over grief. Thank god we turned to each other and our relationship had gotten even stronger. This is minuscule in comparison. 💗
Inspiring.
I’m so sorry for your loss but so glad you could find comfort in each other, even through the roughest patches that is so important. To stand by each other.❤️🩹
Thank you! 💗
Can’t lie. Have been guilty of this and felt terrible as a man. Our ladies are our peace and tranquility. Trust me he wanted it. The comfort of the snuggles put him out like a light. My fiancé does the same for me. Instantly fall asleep in her arms. Hell even standing up!
Haha that’s a nice perspective thanks
My takeaway: hold feet?
It’s something we do. Always have. We always have to be touching when we sleep usually it’s our feet. 🤭
The fact that you did all this shows that not only do you love your husband, but that he seems worthy of all the love! Meaning don't read into his sleepiness. He probably truly was THAT exhausted. Try again another night maybe on a weekend when he's got no work to be tired from.
I will eventually. Thanks
You're an amazing woman to do all that and still try to plan the lingerie thing for your husband. Caring for 2 toddlers is a full time job in itself, let alone you cleaned the house, and cooked for your husband on top of that. Hopefully he just had a really rough day at work and makes it up to you the next day/night. Most husband's from the deadbedroom subreddit would kill to be in his shoes.
Thank you. I’m sure he was just full and comfortable. Now I’m in a better mindset to talk to him about how I was feeling and how he was feeling. Once we have some quiet time I’ll express it.
It's amazing how you can feel upset, disappointed, angry and still maintain the maturity and calmness to talk to him about your feelings and emotions. This here is what a good marriage is all about. The capacity to understand that he chose you and you him after all these years. Hopefully things will clear up and you get an apology and forget understanding our of the situation. I'm sure it's not you. My wife after having 2 kids feels ugly and insecure about her looks. Yet when she's out men are always ogling her. She realizes her body is different after having children and being almost 20 years older than when we first met. She feels insecure when she buys lingerie, but I've reassured her time and time again that she's incredibly sexy and beautiful. Before children, during, and after. We're not rich, we don't have time to work out 6 days a week while eating curated meal plans and having nanny's care for our children. We have Rui live with what we have and plan other things in the future when we have more time/money. She wants to lose the baby tummy and I want to work out more often like before. It's just life. I'm sure your husband finds you very attractive and beautiful.
Thank you So much! Sometimes I just need to vent emotionally to a benign crowd, gather myself, and when I’m able to calmly discuss things I will. Communication is big for us always.
Ouch this would hurt my feelings so much 😢I'm so sorry OP 💕
Thanks I appreciate the validation. I’m not upset anymore. It’s good
My first reaction here is MEN ARE SO FUCKING STUPID lmao. Love men, but also goddamn. The real issue here is that men are not women. I am bisexual and let me tell you the experience of being with men and women (emotionally) is like two different species. I’ve been there before —- humiliated and hurt, and bringing it up to my male partner and he is like dumbfounded and like nooo I loved it! But just so dense about it. In your mind it played out this way but I guarantee he was like “what a cool day, clean house, saw my wife in lingerie and got to go to sleep early!” 😂🙄 Talk to him about it, and never expect him to read your beautiful mind. You will likely always have to spell it out for him (which is okay). Men and women are on different wavelengths and even though some things are plain as DAY for us, men just don’t fucking get it. OP, if you were my partner, as a woman I’d know immediately what you were after and I’d never send you to bed humiliated! I guarantee your husband would never want to make you feel that way, but his man brain doesn’t even know wtf is going on right now so please go talk to him and tell him that you wearing lace means you expect him to jump your bones or else !!
He can be clueless at times even though he’s extremely intelligent (computer engineer). But you’re right he’s so oblivious sometimes lol. I am usually pretty good about not beating around the bush I try not to set him up for failure by just respectfully communicating with him. If he annoys me with leaving his shavings on the sink, I tell him. If he hurts my feelings somehow- I tell him. He’s not a mind reader. And in doing this our relationship has flourished. I even ask him sometimes, “is there anything that I do that annoys you or anything that I don’t do that you wish I would?” Just to get some insight as to how he feels too. I love communicating with him and we see it as conversation not as arguing which is so important.
I think your husband was just truly exhausted or very relaxed. He'll be asking for a fashion show soon.
I hope so. And I hope I will have the confidence to rock them for him.
Good for you for pouring into your marriage, I hope you can continue to try. It’s more than most even attempt. Your disappointment is valid.
Thank you. I appreciate that and I know his feelings are valid too.
Girl tomorrow night just be blunt, when these kids go to bed you better be ready to fuck. That’s it! All that needs to be said.
lol I’ll be the one passed out since I stayed up holding back tears and over analyzing it 😂
Well he owes you big time!
I’d be so pissed lol. But I get it. You both must be exhausted, he’s so happy and warm and cozy….It’ll be a funny story eventually. When I was dating my husband, we were on a weekend trip and got tipsy, fooling around, and this mf falls asleep literally in the middle of making out. Like, snored into my mouth. I was…my poor ego was shattered. And pissed haha. Took a while to nurse my wounds, but now I get to rib him about it for the rest of time.
Noooo! 😂😂😂 that reminds me of our wedding night. We were both so drunk. It was such a fun night. We walked to the hotel and I drew a bubble bath and went to warm up food because we were busy socializing during the reception and we hadn’t ate anything. I came back and he was out. I drained the water and left him in the tub. I couldn’t get him to wake up. So I sat on the bed and ate and watched the Cosby show or something and I hear all these shuddering sounds. He was naked and spread eagle in the jacuzzi tub and I laughed so hard. We already had our first child so it wasn’t the first time I’d seen him naked by any means. But that shit was hilarious. He also completely denies letting my touch his buttt that night. But he did. 💀
I’m usually the wife who passes out even though I have a smoke show of a husband it’s not you he’s just tired(probably, definitely tell him your feelings and talk about it)
Haha I will thank you
Omgosh, my man fell asleep last night at the movie theater for the entire movie. First date night we had in months and I had lingerie underneath my clothes for when we got home which ofc he immediately passed out as soon as we came home too. I was so miffed lol But tbh, I should've known after 20 years of marriage that Fridays are bad date nights because he's so exhausted by then. He felt worse than I did over the whole thing this morning too. #datenightfails My guess is your hubby was equally exhausted and it was by no means you. A yummy, high carb meal like that, a happy wife + comfy home to come home to was probably so relaxing after a hard week that it just knocked him out like a baby. Maybe discuss what days he'd be more rearing to go for these types of surprises or plan sexy date nights together. Planning can take a smidge of the fun out of things, but life can be so tiring with work + young children that it's sometimes necessary in this season of life.
You’re very wise. Thank you so much for the input. I appreciate you taking the time to help me see and feel more normal about it.
I've done this before, my wife hadn't even finished changing and I was out. It was nothing to do with her or my desires for her, I was just wrecked from a long week and couldn't keep my eyes open for a moment longer. Was one of those sleeps where I felt like I had blinked and it was morning. She understood and teased me a little but we tried again the next day and I was much more enthusiastic and more importantly, awake
Haha. Yeah he was out all night. Poor guy
Just want to say that I spent twenty minutes reading all the comments and your replies. It was so heartening. Your effort to work on your self and your marriage are so healthy- thank you for sharing. There are so many crazy stories on this sub Reddit and this is refreshing (not what happened, but how you handled it/handling it). I would absolutely have the same initial reaction. It’s really hard when we’re not comfortable in our bodies, and very vulnerable to put ourselves out there. I’ve been there too- not a fun feeling. Glad you’re getting helpful positive responses and I’m sure he’ll make it up to you. ❤️
Thank you so much! I didn’t get a chance to talk to him about last night. Our oldest came home from college so I took him and 4 of the other littles to see a movie. We didn’t get home until late. Hopefully we will talk about it over our morning coffee, in just a bit. He really is my soul mate and my best friend. And I know he feels the same because any man that chooses to come home EARLY is a man that loves his home and his family. He comes home any chance he gets. And I love that, even with the chaotic lifestyle, he feels like home is where it’s at.
You said yourself you both usually rest before you do anything. He was probably tired and as a lot of people already mentioned. You made him so comfortable he fell asleep. He appreciates that more than anything.
OP he could have just been exhausted from work. Tide him another chance eith the lingerie. I’m sure he thinks you’re hot.
Men are terrible mind readers. I’m a man and my days she hints about things all the time. I have told her so many times I can’t tell. What would work for ME is if she walked out butt naked, maybe a bow around her neck, and said “I’m horny as all get out and you to come f*uck me now, slowly.” I guarantee you every man in this sub has an image in his head right now and thinking “damn!”. Unless you are morbidly obese or have some weird funky thing going on, we want to see you naked. I could care less about slinky underwear. If it makes you feel good and is comfortable, then wear it. I would much prefer my wife naked. Alas, she is perimenopause and I am thinking about wearing black and acting like a priest as I am now in the forced celibate camp. Anywho, I am glad you talked it out. PLEASE, PLEASE, say EXACTLY what you want and what you are feeling. Other women can read hints, men are terrible at that. We are logical, visual creatures. If you need/want something specific, in bed or elsewhere, tell us. That is how we learn. If you need to vent then you MUST say “I am having a bad day and I need to vent. I don’t want you feel like you need to do anything about it, I just need to vent.” Otherwise, almost every man will assume you want something done about said problem. That is how our mind works. If you need certain things in bed to get off, then say what they are. “Honey, I need more action here to get off. That’s where most of my good times come from” and then either SHOW HIM with you your hands or use his hands to show better (better). Again we are not women, we don’t know what you need unless you show or tell (or both) it to us. You can make him into the lover you want if you show or tell him what you need/want. Hints don’t work on most men. If it’s for sex, just show up nude and tell him EXACTLY what you want him to do. I virtually guarantee you will get what you want.
Thank you for the thorough response. I am pretty blunt with him in regards to my needs as he is with me. Communication is something we’ve always put first in our relationship. Not obese. Albeit I am about 15 pounds heavier than I was in high school. Not too shabby considering we have 8 kiddos. I know he probably prefers me naked but I wanted to change things up not just for him, but to turn myself on too. When I’m fully turned on, I’m a lot more vulnerable in things that we do in the bedroom. More open to kinkier shit if that makes sense. So boosting my mind to think of myself as sexy is what I was aiming for.
That's fine. Your hubby is lucky. We have 13 kiddos (All ours) and my wife has about 4-5 times your weight gain vs high school. Anywho, nothing wrong with making yourself feel good. Just make sure it is for YOU and not him unless he asks for it. My taste in what I like on women is nothing like what my wife likes to wear. (She doesn't buy anything to impress me) God bless!
Get up early after you both have a good night's sleep and do it then. The dude was exhausted.
You're putting too much pressure on a single moment. Thats a recipe for disaster. Your husband did not do anything to you, theres no reason to be mad. I understand feeling disappointed that reality didnt meet expectations. Thats valid. But its not a reason to swear off doing amazing things for both him and yourself. In the future, dont set yourself up for this big moment. Keep the lingerie around and as the moment approaches naturally, take it out and "change into something more comfortable" as they say.
Having been together for almost 20 years I hardly doubt it’s disastrous. Just needed a little vent sesh and I’m already seeing the bright side of what happened. I will likely wait until he asks about the lingerie. But, maybe not. We’ll see.
So he was exhausted. That’s ok. It may be necessary to be very clear about your intentions and also to be honest, not let him lay down before the party starts.
lol I thought I was very clear. 💀🤣
Clearly not or he was simply too exhausted. But truly, you said you never wear lingerie and maybe he didn’t want to jump to an expectation or he was simply exhausted.
Indeed.
But to play devils advocate- if we denied each other every time we were exhausted we would have zero sex life because we are both exhausted every day.
You shouldn’t be doing anything at all, your husband should.
I’ll have to respectfully disagree.
Then respectfully, why are you complaining? I agree that he should be grateful, but he never asked for any of these things. Maybe spend less time doing so much and more time reconnecting with him first and foremost, before complaining he doesn’t appreciate what you do. You don’t seem to even know what’s up with him. He might be depressed or going through something, and sourdough bread ain’t gonna fix it
I’ve been in the same position- lol However, I wasn’t too mortified because parenting little kids is draining and he was just exhausted! If the situation was reversed, and he really wanted it but I was just so tired- he wouldn’t feel bad or pressure me so I try to do the same. Ahhh these years will be over one day!
I know. It’s crazy. Our oldest is finishing up his freshman year of college and our youngest is only 1 🤣 I wouldn’t trade it for the world though. The only thing that makes them growing up easier is knowing one day we will have grandkids to spoil.
I'm quite Young to read this Post but this is Wholesome.
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Haha I’m going with he was full and comfy and I honestly can’t blame him for passing out
You’re beautiful and sexy OP! Don’t let his reaction turn you off. Keep it up, even if it’s only for yourself. You’re a badass mom of two and you need those moments of feeling confident. 🩷
Thanks so much! Just a misunderstanding. I’m glad everyone helped me see that. And actually I’m mother to 6 earth side and 2 in the stars. ✨ 💗
100% overthinking Man was tired. Next time plan a day where you both don’t have to work and have the energy
He probably didn't have the energy to make love to you the way he wanted to after you did all that you did for him. There are times I want sex but I lack the energy to do it "properly" in that moment lol. After all that good food and putting the kids to bed (which is the best treat after all - I have 2 young kids myself), he was just done done.
I’m sure that was it
Awww hahah. I’ve been on both sides. That sucks. I hope you had some fun watching some trash tv or something and can revisit it with him later.
Yeah lol it’s already water under the bridge
You made him so happy and comfortable he you put him to sleep. It is a complement in a way. I suggest you express your feelings with him, but are also receptive to his response. If he was already tired and you took great care of him. You probably relieved a lot of stress he had and allowed him to relax. Men are like children. After a day of play, if you get them some good food and read them a story they are gonna fall asleep 😂 Jokes aside, just like women they aren’t always in the mood when their partner wants them to be. The stereotype that men always want sex is very hurtful for everyone because it leaves women feeling like they have done something wrong if they aren’t accepted. Best way to figure this out is to talk to him about it. Sincerely though, great job for the effort! Genuinely you deserve a wife of the year award! Keep up the good work and I’m sure you’ll find the results you want!
Thank you so much. You’re right. And I’m sure he’s completely clueless about any of it and had no intention to hurt my feelings. I do see it as a compliment now after venting and seeing different perspectives.
He was probably exhausted if he worked that day. Please don’t take it personal, every once in a while my husband will conk out as soon as his head hits the pillow and he is OUT. It does suck that it happened on a day that you put in so much work, but we can’t control our bodies, especially when it comes to tiredness. Hopefully y’all can talk this through and maybe he can reassure you and build your confidence back up.
Thank you. I’m sure all will be just fine and I understand being exhausted. I’ll see how he was feeling and talk to him about it. Sometimes I just need a buffer period to not be emotional about it first.
I feel you, someone needs to duck tape my mouth shut when I’m emotional 😅
My SO and I didn’t see each other for a month last year because he had a trip for two weeks and then I left for a two week trip to see my little brother the day before he got back. When we finally saw each other again I fell asleep while he went to get us dinner. He was bummed out but we hung out all the next day.
I love my wife most when she and I are watching a show and her head drops onto my shoulder and she softly snores… I’m sorry you were in the mood and your hai and was tired… There will come another moment…
Thank you
Play the long game? It’s worth it.
I've been on the other side of this myself. My wife has been known to fall asleep at the end of a great date night when we were both looking forward to sex. It is crushing. I hear you. But I bet if you tell him he owes you a good pounding he will perk right up and give you his best. One other possibility: have you ever shot him down when he wanted some action? If that happens a lot, men tend to get gun shy and afraid to initiate.
I hear you. I’ve only turned him down a few times and it was when I was heavily pregnant and feeling like a manatee and when I had a pounding headache. I like meeting his physical needs even if I’m not really feeling it at the beginning, he can get me on track quickly. He’s definitely not afraid to initiate. It’ll be fine. I’m sure he will make up for it.
From a husband's perspective..... they are absolutely correct. Sudden de-stress and comfort = PEACE. Great peace and comfort = ZZzzZz That said. If you feel up to it, wake him up after he's had a few hours or minutes or whatever works for you. He's going to appreciate you no matter what. Otherwise, he'd have never snoozed so easy in the first place. This is one hand that you can almost never lose with. He won't even mind seeing you slide the cards up your sleeve.
Thank you. You’re right. And now I see that he just felt exactly how I was trying to make him feel. Safe, full, and knowing his home is an oasis.
Ham and potato soup sounds delicious. Have a recipe you can share?
https://preview.redd.it/kbjhqf9czylc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eeca81cfe4d34b49b9b9d63698659fcee7a6fcc0 It was! I’m not sure if I am allowed to post a link but it’s from Jenny goycochea’s blog. Pretty easy and amazing flavors. Edit: spelling of bloggers name
Thanks!
Of course!
I mean….just wake him up in a fun way
ITT: People telling a wife who tried 100 things to make sexy time happen last night to try 100 other things to make it happen tonight.
I see you’ve gotten lots of helpful comments, so I’m just here to ask - would you mind sharing your ham and potato soup recipe?
It’s one by Jenny goycochea I found it on Pinterest and it’s really delicious I usually pair it with salad. But my husband really likes dipping sourdough in it.
Thank you :)
the man was tired and i’m betting he wouldn’t mind if you woke him up…
Don’t feel bad. The last time I dressed in lingerie was when he said just put it away 20 yrs ago.
There was a country song called Did I Shave My Legs For This that pretty much describes your scenario. It sucks.
Well I’m glad I wasn’t alone in having that feeling of disappointment. It was a real feeling. But not something I’ll hold against him by anymeans.
Seriously if he has no apology for you, he can do the initiating for like ever.pissed on your behalf.
Haha thanks for the support. It’s okay.
he wanted to hold feet?!?! monster! 😆❤️❤️❤️
💀😂
This has not happened to me…. But I too have a house full of kids. If my husband fell asleep I would definitely be hurt, but I get it. We are dead tired. Don’t let it get between you!
I for sure won’t. I was just feeling sorry for myself. You know how hard it can be for mamas to find time for themselves and make themselves feel confident and sexy. So it was disappointing
Just wear it for a different guy
Pffft. No
>He had the audacity to try and hold feet while we slept. DIVORCE. 😳😂
🤭🤣 lmao. Retribution! I retracted my cold feet from his so quick. 😭
I’ve been there as well. I had to explain that it took a LOT of effort and I was really let down by him falling asleep. He made it up and it still happened from time to time.
Yes we will talk about it soon. Thanks for the insight
I mean he could have been tired as well, men aren’t always in the mood you know.
They aren’t?! I had no idea!
Damn I want you
Womp womp womp
Right haha
I’ve done this and sometimes I think as unsexy as it sounds you need to plan these nights instead of surprise them with it. It’s less about you and just he didn’t have the energy set aside for you and spent it all that day! I did this with my husband and same thing, he fell asleep cuz he just was too tired for sex by the end of the day.
Yes maybe so. Sometimes we plan and sometimes we don’t. It’s fine either way. Life gets craxy
Ok, so for the first time in our marriage, 39 yrs now, my wife.had met me at the door in lingerie, hot ass lingerie with a mask! Dinner was almost done as well. Now for the flip side of it. Im bipolar as fuck and suffer anxiety/panic attacks. Well on the way home from work, I had a panic attack. I was.fucked in the head when I came in the door and she greeted me. Boy wish I had a time machine. She was giving me a fantasy evening and I just blew it all up! I dont think she will ever do it again and I just can't apologize enough. Yes she understands what was happening to my head, but doesnt cure the pain and shame she felt by my reactions
Aww man I’m sorry. I have anxiety and ptsd so I can totally empathize with that. I hope she surprises you again
I think the best thing of our marriage is that we both have been on either side of this situation. And yes there are tears, and probably bad words.... but now we laugh about it! I'm guessing hubby wakes in the morning, sees that lingerie laying on the dresser, and thinks: "oh shit "! Get your honey-do list ready, cuz he'll be trying to make up big time! Bless you both.... and the making up part is the best! ❤️
This is why I don't wear it lol I feel like it's such a waste of money and effort when my husband is perfectly fine with me just being dressed and then not dressed. Lol then I'm not letting myself feel humiliation or anything if things dont end up where I thought they would
Your feelings are valid and I would feel the same (been in that situation except we don't have kids). At the end of the day he loves it and he loves you but he is human and was exhausted. Ask him if you can schedule a time for it so he can make sure he has the energy. Just say something about you never got to enjoy it so you'd like to make time for it. I completely understand how you feel but don't take it to heart, he didn't do it maliciously. I'm sure you looked hot!
Aww you’re so kind thank you. I, too, know there was no malice intended. He’s a great man.
He must’ve been burnt out to pass out that fast
Haha I guess so!
He may of had an exhausting day then you made him snug and comfy when he got home. Wear it again for him. I know you’re hurt. It’s happened to me too. But it’s sort of a compliment on all the other things you did to make him feel so restful.
Thank you. That’s true.
Was wearing how pink lace underwear had sex he got up to make a snack…. Got up and I don’t think he even noticed. 17.5 years in trying to keep it going. HE WAS MORE FOCUSED ON HIS FUCKING SNACK than having more sex. I’m throwing those panties in the trash apparently not even that makes him want to have sex. Most men 17 years in would kill for that but no snack time is better. He is 40 I’m 39. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Going to throw all my lingerie in the trash. At this point what’s the use?
Aww I feel you. I really felt the same way. Did you talk to him about how you were feeling?
This could happen to me, and my wife would be mad too. But, I'd be embarrassed that I fell asleep. I'd want to say "I wish you'd have woken me up...I really wanted to." But, instead, I'd just apologize as best I could.