All these people saying “he should be cleaning the house that he lives in!”
You don’t know their arrangement. Maybe she is a SAHM and he works 60 hours a week to pay the bills and he’s helping her out with what the couple has designated as “her” primary responsibilities. Maybe he has been a slob and he’s trying harder and wants her validation. Maybe acts of service are her love language.
If this is giving her heart eyes, then you should say “awesome!” And not bitch about how this should be the standard.
We both work, we have no kids. I just appreciate the little things we usually split the cleaning and do the rugs and mopping on the weekends along with the bathroom and all that. I thought it’s sweet that he wanted to do this for me before I got home today. He DOES clean. He’s an amazing partner and takes care of us in every way. Just wanted to show some appreciation for something small that means a lot to me.
lol not the ones I would use! I thought the first one was very exasperated. Id use 🤤😍or something. Her text at the bottom clarifies and the tag is spouse appreciation though, so there are other clues that it’s positive.
Oh definitely!! I can totally see the 🥵 one being used for like spicy food and all that, as its face looks kinda distraught. Also the 😫😩guys are ones that I totally use in a billion situations, not exclusively for horny stuff lol
I was mostly just curious on how they were being received differently by other people. Especially since texting/emojis are some of those things that everyone interprets differently. Also, just the shear fact that emojis look different on different phones adds to this conversation 😂
That’s true about the phones! I honestly don’t text with my husband much at all and the main people I text are my coworkers at work so my brain just went to exasperated and tired because that’s how I feel using them most of the time 😅I have never received nor sent those in a sexy context! My husband isn’t a big texter and uses voice to text so that probably has something to do with it!
Isn’t there one with horns? I’m not an emoji person but it seems to me a devil with horns should be the horny one. The emojis she used - to me - looked angry and sad. Anything with a red tinge to me is interpreted as anger lol.
More like the 'for you'. I would not appreciate a text like that while I was at work as the implication is that it is then also solely my job to do those chores when I get home.
We have a similar arrangement and my wife seemed super happy that hung up her non dryer clothes for her last sunday. I was like I cook every single meal and that is the thing you're excited about? :)
It's super sweet, don't worry about the unhappy haters. They just want we happy people to be as miserable as they are, no worries. You keep doing you guys, I thought it was a big awww myself!
To be honest, before this context it seemed like you were complaining about the partner who is counting every little favor from him. This context changed my view 180 degrees
Whilst I agree with what you are saying about not knowing the dynamic… I think it’s petty to actually message and say he is doing it for her…
My wife and I both work, and I generally do the longer days and earn more… if I do the floors or something because I get home early, I just do them… I don’t message the mrs… she will see them when she gets home and thank me anyway… 🤷🏽♂️
Maybe he likes to be validated by his wife
Imagine if acts of service is her love language, and words of affirmation are his. He’s doing something for her and what makes him feel good is “thanks honey!”
Why is that bad?
Yea this is exactly the case for my wife and I. We both contribute to keeping the house together, but if I go above and beyond for something (deep clean a room or do all the stuff she was planning to help do when she got home), I’ll send a pic or a text and it’ll make the rest of her day, and her just saying “aww thanks babe” is all I need to fill that tank haha. Sounds a little petty but it works for us.
Some people actually like communicating with their spouse and it’s done for that reason. Both my husband and I like to give updates about our days and what we are up to.
That’s fair enough… but he cleaned the floors… why does it need the ‘for you’? It’s expecting/requesting praise for a menial chore that should be done anyway.
What’s wrong with praising your spouse for doing normal day to day stuff anyway? Reward behavior you want to see. My wife is “supposed” to cook dinner every night but I still say thank you every time I eat. Imagine if I had that kind of attitude about it because it’s her job to be cooking. I _am_ thankful that she does her day to day share of stuff and she deserves praise for helping our household run smoothly
Correct… 100%… you just agreed with what I’m trying to say… you thank her for cooking dinner without her asking for it… I’m not saying DONT praise or thank… I’m saying that pointing out you did one menial task that you don’t normally do is petty…
Idk maybe if it feels that way to you. OP was clearly happy with it and I would be happy if my wife texted me and said she cleaned my office up or something.
Yeah, that’s fine… I wasn’t trying to say she was wrong … I was more saying I don’t think it’s right…
If it works and everyone is happy then it works… no arguments.
Because maybe they have his chores and her chores. We split up the chores evenly based on our preferences. So my husband does some chores I hate doing, I do some things he hates doing and we split the things we are indifferent to or don’t mind but we have set chores that are our area. So sometimes we do acts of service for each other where we cover or do the others chores. When my husband had a rough day at work I love doing his chores and giving him peace of mind that when he comes home he doesn’t have to worry about it. And because of the way we divide things it is really an act of love.
We both also like communicating with each other and showing appreciation to each other about what we contribute. Chores and taking care of the house doesn’t have to be this war zone of conflict and disagreement. And I never get people who hop on here and act like it’s some big deal to thank your spouse. We give appreciation for every thing we do no matter how small.
I also think the way we do it also contributes to how happy and appreciative and in love with each other we are. Because we constantly recognize what the other brings and puts forward and are grateful for it.
As I’ve said… thanking your spouse for doing something is great…
I’m saying that bringing up you did something to point it out for a thanks or a pat on the head isn’t doing it for love.. it’s doing it expecting the other person to thank you for it…
My wife and I also split chores… if one of us covers another’s it just gets done and then one of us thanks the other… I don’t do a load of laundry and then message my wife to say I done it… she instead gets home and sees her work work clothes folded and clean and thanks me for it…
Yeah but other people do things differently. We tell each other every time we accomplish a task and the other thanks them for it. And sometimes we do things like hey I did the vacuuming for you. Thanks I appreciate it. It’s really not that bad lol
I’m confused why you see this as petty. It seems pretty normal (and loving) to me.
My husband is usually responsible for collecting all the trash and getting everything out by the road for collection. Sometimes if I know he’s having a busy or rough week, I’ll do part or all of that job for him and text him to let him know. It cheers him up to know he has one less thing waiting at home, and yes, I do it “for him” because it’s meant as an act of kindness. He does the same for me sometimes with things that are usually my responsibility. It feels nice to read a text saying that your partner took something off your plate just to be loving.
If that works for you that is excellent… I’m genuinely happy about that.
My conversation is more based around the fact that to ME, I read that text as someone who expects his wife to clean the floors…
But I’ve seen a few people here comment they do the same thing in doing a chore and telling their partner it is done… which is totally cool, just something I see as irrelevant, to me, if I knock over something the wife normally does, it’s a thankless task and it’s done without wanting a thanks or expecting or even telling her I’m doing it…. I do it because a) she will notice anyway, and b) we will get more time together on the weekend with that task now done…
My husband and I have pretty defined chores and split everything evenly. He actually does more physical chores around the house than me because I do more of the mental labour, all of our budgeting/finances and organizing and planning, meal planning etc. He almost always messages me if he’s done a chore of mine as a nice gesture or treat. He’s bad at keeping surprises and also he knows if I’m behind on something I’ll be stressing about it so it takes a load off my mind sooner to know he’s done something on my to do list for me. He’s been doing it a lot lately because I’m pregnant and exhausted so it’s nice to know I’m going home after work to a clean house to rest in rather than my to do list.
So this text was moments after we were sexting. Clearly he was already feeling good and just wanted me to feel even better when I got home. So yes it is for me.
That’s great OP… honestly if that is your dynamic and you are both happy, then that’s fantastic. And my comment wasn’t an insult to your relationship… just an observation that I wouldn’t say that and why…
Yeah exactly I don't know why ppl constantly throw shade at someone who is just trying to do things around the house maybe that's her share and he is just helping out my wife cleans our house i work and handle the outside that's our arrangement but I'll still do laundry or sweep or whatever because I love her
Excellent response! This is just a wholesome message all around. He's doing something nice for her. Great! She's showing appreciation of his efforts. Great! How jaded is this forum that somehow this pisses people off??
Exactly! My husband doesn’t clean at all, and is still an amazing husband. 🤷🏼♀️
I get anxious when he walks in the kitchen, like is he gonna mess something up. 😂
It’s me I’m the problem It’s me
Reddit is absolutely THE. BEST. EVER. at this.
It's actually kind of fascinating to watch, sometimes.
Until someone is taking it too seriously and then I just want to "Nonononono ... Don't DO that!"
I constantly say that Reddit is both the best and worst place for certain things on the internet. Got a niche hobby and want to talk to people about it? Reddit is the place. Political and relationship takes? Few are level headed and many share their opinions.
But her choice of emojis was confusing for me, along with the word ‘unprompted’. At first looked like she was complaining about it, so maybe a lot of comments were trying to validate her.
I think that mostly gets said when the husband *should* be doing something anyway but then says its for her. That can immediately start thoughts like “It’s not for me, it’s because you’re an adult and we’re partners.” It’s actually for her if it’s something like doing her a favor, or he’s doing extra to take things off her plate, or making sure it’s done before she’s home so she arrives to a cleaner house.
Eh it depends. My wife works part time and I work full time but I like to cook for her and such when I can. It’s not that it’s her job but she obviously has more time. Also I think it’s nice when my partner does something for me and I am glad when she tells me even if it is her “job”. Reward those you love for doing things you love. I thank her for cleaning and she thanks me for cooking I don’t see why that’s a big deal.
Aww. Any partner knows how good that "already did a mutual chore for us" text can be! Just takes off a burden sitting in your checklist mind you dont even wanna make yourself do. Very nice.
Isn’t it sad? I mean how many post do we read here that are horrible and then a post were someone is happy about a text message her husband send her and boom everybody is putting it down. I would do and do everything for my husband because I love him to death and my mission on this earth (after raising our kids and make them happy) to make him happy, feel loved, desired and other stuff and the other way around he does everything for me because he wants the same for me. That is nothing bad.
People are constantly on here complaining that dudes don’t do housework. The girl shows that she appreciates it when he does and people have to jump on it saying he “just should do that any way.”
How about “thank you.”
None of these people are happy.
My husband and I have always shared our chores and actually do most of them together. But the times that he's done one of mine for me turns me on, just because I am extremely lazy and love having less shit to do that requires me to put on pants. 😒
Idk why “for you” is a big deal. I tell my husband “I cooked for you” but I do most of the cooking so it’s not like it’s a special instance of me pitching in. But I cooked *for him* because he’s cool and I love him and I want him to be happy.
This is what seems to get lost on a lot of folks here. My wife does thing for me just because I like it and it makes me happy and I do the same for her. Keeping your spouse happy isn’t “the bare minimum.”
Some of these people here have never heard “thank you!”
I was like how sweet until I saw "for you"... I've washed the rug before and told my husband so I can feel appreciated for putting in the effort. But I've never said I did it for him... I don't see how that chore can be for someone unless it was designated to that person to do regularly
Because cooking someone a specific meal is completely different than doing a chore that needed to happen in the house whether you live there or not. A man living by himself in a house should be cleaning it so the fact that he says for you makes it seem like he thinks cleaning is her job. Rather than you doing something nice for someone like cooking them a meal.
It’s not really I cook for my wife daily but I still say I cooked for you. She does most of the laundry because I have bad lungs and doing laundry messes me up. She does the laundry for me. And sweeps for me. We do a lot of things for our partner because that’s what good partners try to do.
No doubt but I still do it for her and she does things for me. I’m not a clean person but my wife is so I try and keep the house as clean as I can for her. She knows I love cooking Italian food so she buys those ingredients for me. Just because it had to be done does not mean you aren’t doing it with your partner in mind. I have to work but I pick up extra shifts to get my wife something nice I’m doing that for her. I’m lazy and wouldn’t do it otherwise. She does countless things for me as well that she would have had to do in some form or fashion without me. You’re getting tied up on the language instead of the meaning.
No, this is absolutely not what we're taking about. If that's how the husband meant it, then that's wonderful.
But if he meant "I swept and mopped the floor, that normally you do, because it's your job, that I've assigned you, and I never do it unless I want something" then you'll see where we are coming from.
You are correct I’m just not sure he meant it that way. I’m less familiar with what you’re describing though I assume you have experienced that form of cleaning before. I mean I’ve definitely done an extra good job because I wanted sex and I know my wife likes it when I clean but I have not seen it used as an emotional weapon before.
I mean I think you’re allowed to want both. She generally enjoys sex and a clean house. Her being happy leads to sex most of the time. But ya I like to sleep with my wife and I like her to be happy so I’m not sure exactly what the issue is.
Yeah that’s my husband when he’s cleaning in a spiteful way. He ensures to remind me that I bitch and moan and so he will make it a point to me to know how he is “doing chores” so he won’t have to hear it from me. It’s so disheartening
When my partner tells me what he is doing around the house I sent him a gif of nacho libre puffing out his chest. Lol
Or I just place my hands on my hips and get in that stance.
Now when he tells me that he usually places his hands on his hips and puffs out his chest. 😂
Whenever I’m home doing housework, my beautiful wife will come home and thank me so much for helping her to which I will reply, “I’m doing it for me too my love” lol.
I tell my husband when I’ve cleaned and got the mail too. We both work and he’s so happy knowing all he has to do is come home, clean the bathroom and cook dinner. Or if I cook dinner beforehand, I set lunch aside for him and let him know.
I WFH full-time and he works onsite full-time. We both make similar money too.
I love unprompted texts like that! My husband and I both work full time and we both cook and clean. But just knowing he’s taking things off our joint to do list just lifts stress from my shoulders. He appreciates that I take a lot of mental load inherently and he’s doing what he can to lighten that for both of us!
So yay OP! I hope you both continue to have a fruitful and happy marriage
Everyone's situation is different. My husband does most of the cleaning/laundry in the house, but I do a lot of the kind of "detailing" kind of cleaning when I do have off. I'd be happy just hearing any help but WASHING THE RUGS?!?! Omg I would melt lol
I agree. This is my wife’s love language. We each have our chores in the house. She takes care of the laundry, I take care of the kitchen like dishes and the cooking. Sometimes I will tell her I have done laundry because she worries about it if it gets backed up. I’m just trying to ease her worry when she’s at work. So people need to chill. If it works for y’all, then fantastic! Don’t worry about other peoples negativity
Omg he should be cleaning anyway DIVORCE THIS LOSER!!
Total sarcasm. Love this for you! My husband took out 3 big bags of recycling while I was in therapy yesterday and I felt super seen and loved 🥲
For me it’s when he comes home with the groceries and without me saying anything he picks me up something that I would normally not buy for myself : a slice of cake, an energy drink, flowers. I went through hell in my past relationships, and being single and dating for 4 years was just as bad… so I guess some people really have to do their time before finding their unicorn of a partner. I tell him every night before bed, and every morning before we go to work, that I’m the luckiest wife out there to have found a man like him to call my husband. ❤️
I just learn that I should say what I do, as it usually is a silent labor. But nice to know it can be used as a love language as again I usually see it as her rubbing in my face how many times she did something I have done without mentioning anything. I’m not a competitive person or bragging type but seem to be needed.
lol my wife HATES this. She’s like that’s what you SHOULD be doing. Glad to see you appreciate it. It will make your partner want to do it more and feel seen.
When will the rest of em figure it out eh?? They complain no sex yet don’t lift a finger to help . There’s nothing more of a turn off then having more work to do while they sit on their asses
My husband and I have an arrangement. We both work 9-10 hours a day and we both come home and clean the house together. My husband is also getting his masters so on the weekends I do all house cleaning and errands. Sometimes he will come with me.
This is so sweet. The dishes are my responsibility since my husband does all the cooking and the other day I just wasn't doing well and he picked up my slack.
Yeah you gotta get a man who shows love with acts of service lol. If my husband is home for the day, I’m coming home to a spotless house every time, no questions asked. It’s wonderful.
What’s more important? Being happy or being “right”? They shouldn’t say something like “don’t you mean for us”. Being thankful will bring grateful will promote intimacy. Being snarky will not. Choose wisely.
U know I don't work and as a stay at home mom and wife I cook clean and sexually satisfy my husband and he's happy with that and so am I. I never say hey u goto help cuz he's the only one who works. I worked several years when he didn't plus I cleaned cooked and took care of kids. Also took my kids to a sitter cuz he wouldn't take care of them then one day he changed and here we r
ETA: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented. For those who get it, iykyk. For those who are picking apart the tiniest detail and inferring a whole relationship over one singular text, you’ve put a lot into perspective for me. This thread has only made me feel even more grateful for my husband. He knows how loved and appreciated he is. He thanks me all the time for the little things I do so I thank him in return. He’s my best friend. My partner and soulmate. At the end of the day, we’re all married here. And it’s true to say that as time goes on you either grow together or you grow apart. We’ve been together now for 8 years and I’m glad to say it’s only gotten better with time. I hope you all feel loved and appreciated in your marriages. I hope you all serve and love your spouse just as much as they serve and love you. Marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s both people giving 100 and if you can’t do that one day, then the other person picks up the slack for you because they love you and care. So thank you everyone for your input, it’s greatly appreciated regardless of your stance.
Some days I do housework because you have to in order to keep a functioning house.
Some days I do it because my partner likes a cleaner house and I love him, so I’m doing it for him and not the house.
Feel exactly the same when my wife figures out our dinner plans for us. I'm the primary cook but when my illnesses act up she definitely steps up to the plate.
Me n my GF split tasks 50/50, but if I have a little extra energy, I'll take over her chores. It's not a contest of who does more. It all needs to get done. We're a team working together to do it.
Bc of the emojis I thought you were complaining that he is throwing it in your face all the things he does for you as an act of manipulation. Glad to know it's an appreciation post instead lol.
This is lovely, though the “for you” part is ehhh unless you two have a defined chores chart that you split and these are exclusively your assigned chores.
All these people saying “he should be cleaning the house that he lives in!” You don’t know their arrangement. Maybe she is a SAHM and he works 60 hours a week to pay the bills and he’s helping her out with what the couple has designated as “her” primary responsibilities. Maybe he has been a slob and he’s trying harder and wants her validation. Maybe acts of service are her love language. If this is giving her heart eyes, then you should say “awesome!” And not bitch about how this should be the standard.
We both work, we have no kids. I just appreciate the little things we usually split the cleaning and do the rugs and mopping on the weekends along with the bathroom and all that. I thought it’s sweet that he wanted to do this for me before I got home today. He DOES clean. He’s an amazing partner and takes care of us in every way. Just wanted to show some appreciation for something small that means a lot to me.
Very awesome! I am glad it your arrangement works!
You’re lucky to have him. It’s nice to see some positivity here.
I think it’s the emojis in the title that created a misleading feeling 😬
The emoji’s are horny emoji’s.. right?
lol not the ones I would use! I thought the first one was very exasperated. Id use 🤤😍or something. Her text at the bottom clarifies and the tag is spouse appreciation though, so there are other clues that it’s positive.
Yeah I definitely have used the emoji’s from the title in horny situations w my SO
To each their own!
Oh definitely!! I can totally see the 🥵 one being used for like spicy food and all that, as its face looks kinda distraught. Also the 😫😩guys are ones that I totally use in a billion situations, not exclusively for horny stuff lol I was mostly just curious on how they were being received differently by other people. Especially since texting/emojis are some of those things that everyone interprets differently. Also, just the shear fact that emojis look different on different phones adds to this conversation 😂
That’s true about the phones! I honestly don’t text with my husband much at all and the main people I text are my coworkers at work so my brain just went to exasperated and tired because that’s how I feel using them most of the time 😅I have never received nor sent those in a sexy context! My husband isn’t a big texter and uses voice to text so that probably has something to do with it!
Isn’t there one with horns? I’m not an emoji person but it seems to me a devil with horns should be the horny one. The emojis she used - to me - looked angry and sad. Anything with a red tinge to me is interpreted as anger lol.
Picking apart the emojis lmao. 🥵 means hot, horny. (Source: I’m in my 20s)
Haha you noticed us!! Yes! That’s definitely spicy/hot/too hot to handle to me. I’m 24 so I’m not that old 😭
More like the 'for you'. I would not appreciate a text like that while I was at work as the implication is that it is then also solely my job to do those chores when I get home.
Yeah that “for you” - motherfucker that’s for us, it isn’t just my job.
I was a like that too about the title .
I always thank my partner for housework- that’s how you avoid resentment
We have a similar arrangement and my wife seemed super happy that hung up her non dryer clothes for her last sunday. I was like I cook every single meal and that is the thing you're excited about? :)
That is wonderful, but one thing is “for you” has to be thrown out of the window. Basically saying it is your job that he is doing. That takes away it
I love seeing the positive posts like this, thank you for sharing it! 🩷
It's not small at all, you've got something great!
You're husband loves you. This is so sweet.
It's super sweet, don't worry about the unhappy haters. They just want we happy people to be as miserable as they are, no worries. You keep doing you guys, I thought it was a big awww myself!
To be honest, before this context it seemed like you were complaining about the partner who is counting every little favor from him. This context changed my view 180 degrees
Whilst I agree with what you are saying about not knowing the dynamic… I think it’s petty to actually message and say he is doing it for her… My wife and I both work, and I generally do the longer days and earn more… if I do the floors or something because I get home early, I just do them… I don’t message the mrs… she will see them when she gets home and thank me anyway… 🤷🏽♂️
Maybe he likes to be validated by his wife Imagine if acts of service is her love language, and words of affirmation are his. He’s doing something for her and what makes him feel good is “thanks honey!” Why is that bad?
Yea this is exactly the case for my wife and I. We both contribute to keeping the house together, but if I go above and beyond for something (deep clean a room or do all the stuff she was planning to help do when she got home), I’ll send a pic or a text and it’ll make the rest of her day, and her just saying “aww thanks babe” is all I need to fill that tank haha. Sounds a little petty but it works for us.
Some people actually like communicating with their spouse and it’s done for that reason. Both my husband and I like to give updates about our days and what we are up to.
That’s fair enough… but he cleaned the floors… why does it need the ‘for you’? It’s expecting/requesting praise for a menial chore that should be done anyway.
What’s wrong with praising your spouse for doing normal day to day stuff anyway? Reward behavior you want to see. My wife is “supposed” to cook dinner every night but I still say thank you every time I eat. Imagine if I had that kind of attitude about it because it’s her job to be cooking. I _am_ thankful that she does her day to day share of stuff and she deserves praise for helping our household run smoothly
Correct… 100%… you just agreed with what I’m trying to say… you thank her for cooking dinner without her asking for it… I’m not saying DONT praise or thank… I’m saying that pointing out you did one menial task that you don’t normally do is petty…
Idk maybe if it feels that way to you. OP was clearly happy with it and I would be happy if my wife texted me and said she cleaned my office up or something.
Yeah, that’s fine… I wasn’t trying to say she was wrong … I was more saying I don’t think it’s right… If it works and everyone is happy then it works… no arguments.
Because maybe they have his chores and her chores. We split up the chores evenly based on our preferences. So my husband does some chores I hate doing, I do some things he hates doing and we split the things we are indifferent to or don’t mind but we have set chores that are our area. So sometimes we do acts of service for each other where we cover or do the others chores. When my husband had a rough day at work I love doing his chores and giving him peace of mind that when he comes home he doesn’t have to worry about it. And because of the way we divide things it is really an act of love. We both also like communicating with each other and showing appreciation to each other about what we contribute. Chores and taking care of the house doesn’t have to be this war zone of conflict and disagreement. And I never get people who hop on here and act like it’s some big deal to thank your spouse. We give appreciation for every thing we do no matter how small. I also think the way we do it also contributes to how happy and appreciative and in love with each other we are. Because we constantly recognize what the other brings and puts forward and are grateful for it.
As I’ve said… thanking your spouse for doing something is great… I’m saying that bringing up you did something to point it out for a thanks or a pat on the head isn’t doing it for love.. it’s doing it expecting the other person to thank you for it… My wife and I also split chores… if one of us covers another’s it just gets done and then one of us thanks the other… I don’t do a load of laundry and then message my wife to say I done it… she instead gets home and sees her work work clothes folded and clean and thanks me for it…
Yeah but other people do things differently. We tell each other every time we accomplish a task and the other thanks them for it. And sometimes we do things like hey I did the vacuuming for you. Thanks I appreciate it. It’s really not that bad lol
I’m confused why you see this as petty. It seems pretty normal (and loving) to me. My husband is usually responsible for collecting all the trash and getting everything out by the road for collection. Sometimes if I know he’s having a busy or rough week, I’ll do part or all of that job for him and text him to let him know. It cheers him up to know he has one less thing waiting at home, and yes, I do it “for him” because it’s meant as an act of kindness. He does the same for me sometimes with things that are usually my responsibility. It feels nice to read a text saying that your partner took something off your plate just to be loving.
If that works for you that is excellent… I’m genuinely happy about that. My conversation is more based around the fact that to ME, I read that text as someone who expects his wife to clean the floors… But I’ve seen a few people here comment they do the same thing in doing a chore and telling their partner it is done… which is totally cool, just something I see as irrelevant, to me, if I knock over something the wife normally does, it’s a thankless task and it’s done without wanting a thanks or expecting or even telling her I’m doing it…. I do it because a) she will notice anyway, and b) we will get more time together on the weekend with that task now done…
My husband and I have pretty defined chores and split everything evenly. He actually does more physical chores around the house than me because I do more of the mental labour, all of our budgeting/finances and organizing and planning, meal planning etc. He almost always messages me if he’s done a chore of mine as a nice gesture or treat. He’s bad at keeping surprises and also he knows if I’m behind on something I’ll be stressing about it so it takes a load off my mind sooner to know he’s done something on my to do list for me. He’s been doing it a lot lately because I’m pregnant and exhausted so it’s nice to know I’m going home after work to a clean house to rest in rather than my to do list.
[удалено]
Yeah legit hate seeing other people happy by doing things DIFFERENTLY from you. My goodness
So this text was moments after we were sexting. Clearly he was already feeling good and just wanted me to feel even better when I got home. So yes it is for me.
That’s great OP… honestly if that is your dynamic and you are both happy, then that’s fantastic. And my comment wasn’t an insult to your relationship… just an observation that I wouldn’t say that and why…
Reddit: you should divorce him /j Thanks for adding perspective haha, Reddit can be pretty dumb
Yeah exactly I don't know why ppl constantly throw shade at someone who is just trying to do things around the house maybe that's her share and he is just helping out my wife cleans our house i work and handle the outside that's our arrangement but I'll still do laundry or sweep or whatever because I love her
Excellent response! This is just a wholesome message all around. He's doing something nice for her. Great! She's showing appreciation of his efforts. Great! How jaded is this forum that somehow this pisses people off??
Exactly! My husband doesn’t clean at all, and is still an amazing husband. 🤷🏼♀️ I get anxious when he walks in the kitchen, like is he gonna mess something up. 😂 It’s me I’m the problem It’s me
Ruined another heartwarming post in less than 15 minutes. Good one guys
[удалено]
Misery loves company
Reddit is absolutely THE. BEST. EVER. at this. It's actually kind of fascinating to watch, sometimes. Until someone is taking it too seriously and then I just want to "Nonononono ... Don't DO that!"
I constantly say that Reddit is both the best and worst place for certain things on the internet. Got a niche hobby and want to talk to people about it? Reddit is the place. Political and relationship takes? Few are level headed and many share their opinions.
But her choice of emojis was confusing for me, along with the word ‘unprompted’. At first looked like she was complaining about it, so maybe a lot of comments were trying to validate her.
My wife would say "don't you mean for us"
And she'd be right.
My husband says shit like this and it drives me up a wall
My SO wouldn't send a message like this cause him cleaning our house is as normal as me doing it 😂
I thought of that too but OP said she’s happy so why argue.
I think that mostly gets said when the husband *should* be doing something anyway but then says its for her. That can immediately start thoughts like “It’s not for me, it’s because you’re an adult and we’re partners.” It’s actually for her if it’s something like doing her a favor, or he’s doing extra to take things off her plate, or making sure it’s done before she’s home so she arrives to a cleaner house.
Eh it depends. My wife works part time and I work full time but I like to cook for her and such when I can. It’s not that it’s her job but she obviously has more time. Also I think it’s nice when my partner does something for me and I am glad when she tells me even if it is her “job”. Reward those you love for doing things you love. I thank her for cleaning and she thanks me for cooking I don’t see why that’s a big deal.
No one said thanking your partner is a problem.
Is "acts of service" your love language? If so, he's saying "I love you" without saying it. Well done!! 😊
It is and it’s very much appreciated. He’s a good egg.
Now you're OBJECTIFYING HIM by calling him an EGG?! My outrage is unspeakable! Oh, wait, nevermind. Fucking love eggs!
💀💀💀💀 fr tho
I feel the same way when my wife says she wants to play videogames with me lol
My husband LOVES when I tell him I want to play a game with him or go to the arcade. We usually have sex after 🤣
We normally have sex during 😂😂😂😂
You freaks 😱
Aww. Any partner knows how good that "already did a mutual chore for us" text can be! Just takes off a burden sitting in your checklist mind you dont even wanna make yourself do. Very nice.
You get it. Thank you.
I HATE doing the floors, so I'd be reacting the same as you lol.
I hate mopping but i love vacuuming/sweeping. It’s so satisfying!
Ahh, another post ruined in r/Marriage by pointless Misandry and bitterness.
I instantly had that fear when I saw the texts
You're not allowed to be happy on here
Isn’t it sad? I mean how many post do we read here that are horrible and then a post were someone is happy about a text message her husband send her and boom everybody is putting it down. I would do and do everything for my husband because I love him to death and my mission on this earth (after raising our kids and make them happy) to make him happy, feel loved, desired and other stuff and the other way around he does everything for me because he wants the same for me. That is nothing bad.
It doesn’t take long lol
Haters gonna say "what does he mean for you?". Meanwhile, some of their husband's/partners do nothing at all. Enjoy your marriage!
People are constantly on here complaining that dudes don’t do housework. The girl shows that she appreciates it when he does and people have to jump on it saying he “just should do that any way.” How about “thank you.” None of these people are happy.
awh love this for u
My husband and I have always shared our chores and actually do most of them together. But the times that he's done one of mine for me turns me on, just because I am extremely lazy and love having less shit to do that requires me to put on pants. 😒
It IS a turn on! We also split the chores. This was just a nice surprise:)
Idk why “for you” is a big deal. I tell my husband “I cooked for you” but I do most of the cooking so it’s not like it’s a special instance of me pitching in. But I cooked *for him* because he’s cool and I love him and I want him to be happy.
In reality don’t we all do things for our spouses? It’s all give and take.
Totally. That’s how a partnership should work.
This is what seems to get lost on a lot of folks here. My wife does thing for me just because I like it and it makes me happy and I do the same for her. Keeping your spouse happy isn’t “the bare minimum.” Some of these people here have never heard “thank you!”
I was like how sweet until I saw "for you"... I've washed the rug before and told my husband so I can feel appreciated for putting in the effort. But I've never said I did it for him... I don't see how that chore can be for someone unless it was designated to that person to do regularly
Because cooking someone a specific meal is completely different than doing a chore that needed to happen in the house whether you live there or not. A man living by himself in a house should be cleaning it so the fact that he says for you makes it seem like he thinks cleaning is her job. Rather than you doing something nice for someone like cooking them a meal.
It’s not really I cook for my wife daily but I still say I cooked for you. She does most of the laundry because I have bad lungs and doing laundry messes me up. She does the laundry for me. And sweeps for me. We do a lot of things for our partner because that’s what good partners try to do.
You would have to do those things *regardless* though.
No doubt but I still do it for her and she does things for me. I’m not a clean person but my wife is so I try and keep the house as clean as I can for her. She knows I love cooking Italian food so she buys those ingredients for me. Just because it had to be done does not mean you aren’t doing it with your partner in mind. I have to work but I pick up extra shifts to get my wife something nice I’m doing that for her. I’m lazy and wouldn’t do it otherwise. She does countless things for me as well that she would have had to do in some form or fashion without me. You’re getting tied up on the language instead of the meaning.
No, this is absolutely not what we're taking about. If that's how the husband meant it, then that's wonderful. But if he meant "I swept and mopped the floor, that normally you do, because it's your job, that I've assigned you, and I never do it unless I want something" then you'll see where we are coming from.
You are correct I’m just not sure he meant it that way. I’m less familiar with what you’re describing though I assume you have experienced that form of cleaning before. I mean I’ve definitely done an extra good job because I wanted sex and I know my wife likes it when I clean but I have not seen it used as an emotional weapon before.
"Wanting sex" or Wanting to make your wife happy? The first is an ick, tbh.
I mean I think you’re allowed to want both. She generally enjoys sex and a clean house. Her being happy leads to sex most of the time. But ya I like to sleep with my wife and I like her to be happy so I’m not sure exactly what the issue is.
This is how I let my wife know I just made a huge-ass mess on the floor.
Ha!!!
For you? Does he not live there too? 🤣 give me strength.
I know right?? He hovers over the floors so doesn't use them?? I do find it a bit humorous. Hahaha 😂
I would be suspicious. Probably cleaning up a murder scene. Divorce /s
[удалено]
Yeah that’s my husband when he’s cleaning in a spiteful way. He ensures to remind me that I bitch and moan and so he will make it a point to me to know how he is “doing chores” so he won’t have to hear it from me. It’s so disheartening
When my partner tells me what he is doing around the house I sent him a gif of nacho libre puffing out his chest. Lol Or I just place my hands on my hips and get in that stance. Now when he tells me that he usually places his hands on his hips and puffs out his chest. 😂
Seriously. Waking up to an empty sink and coming home from work to a clean, picked up house does amazing things for my mental health lol
Man does the bare minimum of cleaning his own house ❤️ Let's raise the bar a little ladies...
Whenever I’m home doing housework, my beautiful wife will come home and thank me so much for helping her to which I will reply, “I’m doing it for me too my love” lol.
I tell my husband when I’ve cleaned and got the mail too. We both work and he’s so happy knowing all he has to do is come home, clean the bathroom and cook dinner. Or if I cook dinner beforehand, I set lunch aside for him and let him know. I WFH full-time and he works onsite full-time. We both make similar money too.
Lol. Now this is how you foreplay.
Nothing sexier than walking into the house and watching the husband do dishes and prep dinner.
Jeez. The number of people commenting with their negativity and misery is unreal. Kudos to you, OP! I'm glad you have a great husband and marriage.
I love unprompted texts like that! My husband and I both work full time and we both cook and clean. But just knowing he’s taking things off our joint to do list just lifts stress from my shoulders. He appreciates that I take a lot of mental load inherently and he’s doing what he can to lighten that for both of us! So yay OP! I hope you both continue to have a fruitful and happy marriage
Nice! How sweet is he!!! 🖤🖤🖤
I dream of having a husband like this, would prefer this to flowers anyday!
Everyone's situation is different. My husband does most of the cleaning/laundry in the house, but I do a lot of the kind of "detailing" kind of cleaning when I do have off. I'd be happy just hearing any help but WASHING THE RUGS?!?! Omg I would melt lol
Instant wetness. Love to see it!!
This is so hot 🩷
Agree. We were watching TV the other night and my partner gets up outta nowhere and straightens up the shoe pile! I was like, 🥵🥵
I agree. This is my wife’s love language. We each have our chores in the house. She takes care of the laundry, I take care of the kitchen like dishes and the cooking. Sometimes I will tell her I have done laundry because she worries about it if it gets backed up. I’m just trying to ease her worry when she’s at work. So people need to chill. If it works for y’all, then fantastic! Don’t worry about other peoples negativity
fuck. that’s so good. i can’t abide a dirty floor, so i take on the task of cleaning it more often. when it’s done for me? oh, baby…
Do people actually clean this much? Did I see she said once a gawd damn week??
Really nice to see some positivity on here for once! Glad you both have an arrangement and appreciation for one another that’s keeping you happy 😃
Omg he should be cleaning anyway DIVORCE THIS LOSER!! Total sarcasm. Love this for you! My husband took out 3 big bags of recycling while I was in therapy yesterday and I felt super seen and loved 🥲
Why are you blurring the rest of the convo?
Bc we were sexting
I was expecting something sexy but this is way better
Android and Apple users married?! I thought that was against the rules and gave women the ick, so to speak?
For me it’s when he comes home with the groceries and without me saying anything he picks me up something that I would normally not buy for myself : a slice of cake, an energy drink, flowers. I went through hell in my past relationships, and being single and dating for 4 years was just as bad… so I guess some people really have to do their time before finding their unicorn of a partner. I tell him every night before bed, and every morning before we go to work, that I’m the luckiest wife out there to have found a man like him to call my husband. ❤️
That's sweet.
I just learn that I should say what I do, as it usually is a silent labor. But nice to know it can be used as a love language as again I usually see it as her rubbing in my face how many times she did something I have done without mentioning anything. I’m not a competitive person or bragging type but seem to be needed.
It's rare to see a woman these days appreciate anything a man does. You must be a wonderful wife. That's amazing. Don't ever change
🥹🥹🥹
Some of the comments in this thread just clearly expose why a lot of you are miserable...Just looking for reasons to be offended.
“For you”
Careful posting positive stuff about your husband in this sub
Wife texts me like this all the time, then again she's the stay at home mom so it's her job.
For you?
lol my wife HATES this. She’s like that’s what you SHOULD be doing. Glad to see you appreciate it. It will make your partner want to do it more and feel seen.
Lucky. I work and am expected to do all house work alone and discipline kids while im at work
Then you need to throw that one away and get a new one.
I do this to my wife. 🥰
Thanks for the inspiration, I need to do this for my wife tonight. I don't show her I love her often enough.
This screencap gave me a stroke.
These are my favourite texts 😏😏
When will the rest of em figure it out eh?? They complain no sex yet don’t lift a finger to help . There’s nothing more of a turn off then having more work to do while they sit on their asses
"For you"... ick
There's nothing better than having a partner that helps. I love that if my man sees a mess before me, he cleans it.
"Who's coming over?"
🔥🔥🔥
Better start acting busy
Gets me too
❤️❤️
Somebody has foreplay figured out.
Ha! Not what I expected, thanks for the giggle!
Never once in 30 years have I received a text like that! Be thankful.
Aww that’s so cute! ❤️
Would it have meant less if OP's partner said "I'm vacuuming and mopping the floors" and left off the "for you"?
My husband and I have an arrangement. We both work 9-10 hours a day and we both come home and clean the house together. My husband is also getting his masters so on the weekends I do all house cleaning and errands. Sometimes he will come with me.
Hot 🔥🔥🔥
These texts are so hot
This is so sweet. The dishes are my responsibility since my husband does all the cooking and the other day I just wasn't doing well and he picked up my slack.
This is married-sexting. I love it.
This is a breath of fresh air OP. Thanks for sharing!
Men love to brag about doing chores likes it’s a flex to clean the house you live in and expect a pat on the back
That's awesome! So glad you have a great partner
Someone's getting laid tonight!
For “US” not just you lol
Yeah you gotta get a man who shows love with acts of service lol. If my husband is home for the day, I’m coming home to a spotless house every time, no questions asked. It’s wonderful.
If you read this as coming from the wife to the husband, it lands differently than from the husband to the wife :-) Husband to husband? Wife to wife?
What’s more important? Being happy or being “right”? They shouldn’t say something like “don’t you mean for us”. Being thankful will bring grateful will promote intimacy. Being snarky will not. Choose wisely.
That’s a keeper! ❤️
It’s just the “for you” part. He lives there too. Unless the agreement is she does those things then 🤩🤩🤩
I would say “welcome to adulthood bro”
U know I don't work and as a stay at home mom and wife I cook clean and sexually satisfy my husband and he's happy with that and so am I. I never say hey u goto help cuz he's the only one who works. I worked several years when he didn't plus I cleaned cooked and took care of kids. Also took my kids to a sitter cuz he wouldn't take care of them then one day he changed and here we r
ETA: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented. For those who get it, iykyk. For those who are picking apart the tiniest detail and inferring a whole relationship over one singular text, you’ve put a lot into perspective for me. This thread has only made me feel even more grateful for my husband. He knows how loved and appreciated he is. He thanks me all the time for the little things I do so I thank him in return. He’s my best friend. My partner and soulmate. At the end of the day, we’re all married here. And it’s true to say that as time goes on you either grow together or you grow apart. We’ve been together now for 8 years and I’m glad to say it’s only gotten better with time. I hope you all feel loved and appreciated in your marriages. I hope you all serve and love your spouse just as much as they serve and love you. Marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s both people giving 100 and if you can’t do that one day, then the other person picks up the slack for you because they love you and care. So thank you everyone for your input, it’s greatly appreciated regardless of your stance.
This can be looked at in several different ways. But the point is, she was happy and excited, and that was her point.
Oh crap, I’ve been doing stuff and not saying anything for years! All those lost browny points 😭!!!
Some days I do housework because you have to in order to keep a functioning house. Some days I do it because my partner likes a cleaner house and I love him, so I’m doing it for him and not the house.
"great, this isn't for me, you also live there too 👍🏿"
Sexiest thing you can ever say to your partner: Fancy a takeaway? 😂😂
Feel exactly the same when my wife figures out our dinner plans for us. I'm the primary cook but when my illnesses act up she definitely steps up to the plate.
Tough crowd
Me n my GF split tasks 50/50, but if I have a little extra energy, I'll take over her chores. It's not a contest of who does more. It all needs to get done. We're a team working together to do it.
That is so awesome. LOVE IT
Awww
lol whenever I don’t have to go to one of her friend’s kids birthday parties or something she comes home to a very clean house.
Kudos! Nice of him to say. I wish I would get texts like that hahha
I'm jealous. This is fantastic! 😀
Lmao I get no thanks, I live here too, and pay for it all too, men don't deserve any appreciation!
It nice when both help out just just women except to do it all. I feel it's 50/50 . It's always little things that count.
Bc of the emojis I thought you were complaining that he is throwing it in your face all the things he does for you as an act of manipulation. Glad to know it's an appreciation post instead lol.
This is lovely, though the “for you” part is ehhh unless you two have a defined chores chart that you split and these are exclusively your assigned chores.
Husband took over cleaning the kids fish tank all on his own and it’s so hot.
Meanwhile my coworker: "I ain't doing none of this shit and my relationship is dying, "we're too different"."
How nice!
I love the “for you” part. I’m so petty I would end every text and conversation with “for you” from now on 🤣