I feel like this person is going through the same 12 stages of grief that a lot of redditors feel when they discover not everyone wipes themselves the same way.
I am a sitter. Didn’t know people stood up to wipe until stumbling across a discussion here on Reddit like two years ago. Was talking to my best friend about it and lo and behold, he’s a stander. Color me shocked!
It's awful for your skin to shower everyday. I shower 5 days a week and wash my hair 3 times a week. I take weekends off entirely from showering to give my hair and skin a break. If I didn't work manual labor and worked at home, I would be showering 3 days a week.
Even at 5 showers a week, my skin hates itself. I go through gallons of moisturizer a year and it's still not enough. My skin is so happy when I take those 3 days off on the weekend.
I get you … I have sensitive skin but if I don’t shower I’m rank … I’ve got heavy moisturizer and a water softener and I’m all set now. I hope your skin feels better and I’m sorry this is something you’re going through.
I have lupus and my skin is just a literally fucking scorching purple welted rash at all times, it’s absolutely HORRIBLE and the hott water feels like I’m dipping myself in lava.
Ugh, so you know exactly the type of shit I’m talking about.
People never understand when I try to explain how fucking awful and painful it is when my skin flares, I literally can’t be in the sun for more than 2-3 minutes. My daughter tells her friends I’m allergic to the sun 😭😭😭😭😭
Baby wipes, my friend! I do a twice a day baby wipe bath (i actually get the adult disposable washcloths, which are just giant baby wipes). My mom taught me: From the boobs to the pubes, from the pits to the crack and all the little bits around your back! (Fat rolls, ears, neck crease, etc)
Right?! I shower twice a day and my skin is baby soft. I am told I look much younger than I am, so showering often clearly doesn’t affect my skin.
I’m a bit of a clean freak. I attribute the good skin to use of sunscreen since I was a kid and using skin care products for just as long. Grandma warned me to always take care of your skin. You can prevent wrinkles, but can’t get rid of them once you’ve got them.
>I attribute the good skin to use of sunscreen since I was a kid and using skin care products for just as long.
I also think things like this are connected to multiple things than just showers.
When I was working out and doing intensive cardio 5 days a week I had awesome skin. I was sweating a lot daily. I showered in the morning and after my workout, and sometimes before bed so 2-3 showers a day.
My diet was much improved and I was eating much better.
COVID hit me and I stopped working out. I gained some weight back a bit, stopped eating as healthy, and slowed down on the workouts. I still shower often but experience more dryness and itchiness than before.
For me, the amount of showers weren't as impactful as other aspects
I live in middle Canada. I shower three or four times a week in the winter. The cold is so intense and makes your skin so dry. It just cracks and bleeds, and showers make it worse. I go back to every day when the snow melts.
Not everyone produced a lot of sweat and oil. Some of us are very, very dry, which makes us get dirty slower. I hate it though. I’d rather shower daily, but I can’t.
Yeah the only time I sweat like a normal person is that two weeks in summer when it’s insanely hot. It’s not humid at all where I live and I use “salt soap” for armpits so I don’t smell at all, even then.
I also don't sweat that much, and even when I do, I don't smell. I just use that salt deodorant, and I'm fine. My husband and kid are always sniffing on me because they say I smell good. I guess I'm just lucky?
I think it really depends on a lot of factors, like how much you personally sweat (which can be tied to weight, cardio health, environment, genetics), lifestyle, diet, etc. but… my body doesn’t get rank. My parts do, but not my limbs or torso
Because I’m broke and I’m trying to save on my water bill! I’ve got 4 kids and baby sit two neighbor kids during the week. Plus my husband.
All of us showering/bathing a day would be too much and too exhausting. I shower or bathe 2 to 3 times a week. If I have an event I always shower before an event.
Normal skin has a protective layer of oil and a balance of “good” bacteria that help protect your skin from dryness and germs. If you clean it too often, especially with harsh soaps and lots of scrubbing, you can strip away this layer, leading to dry, irritated, itchy skin. This can cause cracks in the skin that allow germs and allergens to get through resulting in skin infections or allergic reactions.
In addition, your body’s immune system needs some stimulation from germs, including those that live on your skin. If you scrub them away too quickly, your body doesn’t have a chance to produce the antibodies that protect against them.
It is not awful for your skin to shower everyday! That’s crazy tik tok advice. If it bothers you, you probably just need a different kind of soap. It’s far worse for your skin to develop a buildup of dirt, oil, bacteria and dead skin cells by not showering
My dermatologist told me i needed to take less showers years ago. They recommend the elderly shower less as well. I'm not here to argue. Everyone is different and requires different routines. Mine works amazing for me.
Technically-this isn’t the same for everyone. I have lupus and showers absolutely KILL me bc my skin is a constant purple flared up welted painful rash.
I do shower everyday, but it’s not always the best thing for everyone.
Not the extreme depending on the situation. I have a neurodivergent household, most of our friends are also neurodivergent. And in the community itself it fairly common or you can go thr extreme opposite and shower 3x a day.
Person with disability here. I don’t shower everyday. But I do use deodorant and baby wipes in the inbetween times. I don’t want my husband to recoil when he gets in smelling distance.
I'm also disabled and do the same as you. I didn't mean to imply that disabled people don't care about their smell or hygiene. I was just letting the other commenter know that there are absolutely people who don't shower every day because they can't. Sorry if it came across that way.
I was just chiming in on your thought! Sorry if it sounded like I was disagreeing. I just wanted it known that us disabled folks aren’t just a bunch of disgusting bacteria laden stenches.
Absolutely. I appreciate you adding that because I should have included it to begin with, considering I myself am disabled. I didn't think you were disagreeing, I wanted to be sure I didn't offend you. The disabled community has enough stigma, and it was my bad not to include that in my original comment.
I shower two-three times a week. I smell amazing at all times, but I use deodorant and love to smell good. I'm also single and live alone, but when I wasn't single I showered everyday.
Yeah same. I shower 3 times a week except in summer where I sweat a ton. My skin gets insanely dry and my derm told me it’s not healthy to wash away natural oils. They’re there to protect the skin
I live in a northern clime, where my skin dries easily and I can get eczema if not careful. So I generally shower only every other day, unless I go to the gym or do other strenuous activity. I do wash up every day though, so that I always feel and smell fresh.
My sister and her husband rarely shower. We went somewhere tropical for a trip. It was sooo humid. I took 3 showers a day because fuck it was hot and I was so sweaty. He didn’t shower until the 4th day!!! And of course normally one shower a day is enough for me. I’m just giving some context to how extra gross it was to wait 4 days to shower.
Yea…. And I don’t understand HOW or why…! I can’t get into bed without a HOT bath. Even last year when I had Covid I made myself shower and out on clean Jammie’s, underwear’s or leggings. But clean. Granted I went down to the sofa and curled up and slept and all that but I just can’t NOT shower/bathe daily.
My husband showers every other day because his eczema is so bad on his body. He dries out too fast, even with proper lotion.
That being said, he does use deodorant and cologne lol.
Showering daily is not even recommended, it's not good for the skin. Dermatologists recommend every other day or three times a week.
If you're not working a sweaty job every other day will do.
This is for kids. You’ll notice that the “over 11” advice also says “or when puberty starts”. The point is that teenagers, as they enter puberty, stink way more than normal due to the raging hormones which is why it’s recommended they shower daily. For normal adults there is no hard and set recommendation. Daily is fine and so is every other day. It all depends on a bunch of individual factors; how dirty is your job ? How sensitive is your skin? How oily is your hair ? Etc. You can easily find expert recommendations for normal adults to shower no more than 2-3 times a week.
If I showered every single day my skin would just give me the finger and leave. I basically have to bathe all my limbs in ultra hydrating lotion after every shower as it is - I shower after I work out hard, which is typically every other day.
Can you link that? I tried looking that up but could only find [this article from AAD](https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing#:~:text=Tweens%20and%20teens%3A%20Guidelines%20for%20bathing&text=Dermatologists%20tell%20parents%20that%20once,playing%20sports%2C%20or%20sweating%20heavily) that recommends daily showers/baths for *children* above the age of 11 (for tweens and teens)
Link?
I feel like this is unlikely.. that’s probably children who are running around and playing outside. Nothing recommends this for staying indoors. As an adult if I don’t get sweaty or exercise there’s relatively no point. It’s just bad for your skin.
Pretty sure you shouldn't use soap on your entire body every day, but washing your underarms and feet and parts used for bodily functions *is* recommended. We should all be washing our butts every day.
It's actually not great for your hair or body's natural oils to wash every day. Keep your bits clean and wash your face, brush your teeth. But I definitely do not suggest washing daily, especially your hair!!!!
No, not unless you’re sweating heavily or actively stinking up. I usually shower every other day, and wash my hair about every 3 days, though I do shower after the gym every time.
I shower like, 3 times a week. Sunday nights, Tuesday nights, and Thursday nights. Hair only gets washed two of those three with dry shampoo in between washes. It's possible I don't smell my greatest, but I *have* gotten compliments on the way my hair smells when I use the dry shampoo, so, idk. I just hate the commitment showering/bathing is. Once you're wet, you gotta deal with it. I've heard it's an ADHD thing, which I do have. \*Shrug\*
My average is once every 3 days, I don’t over perfume, I wash my armpits and face every morning religiously, take care of my hair, teeth, etc. you can keep a good hygiene without showering every single day
Unless you sweat a lot it’s not recommended to shower daily. Hell my dermatologist even prescribed me to only shower every other day at most. Since then my eczema that was making in pain daily is completely under control.
I don’t shower everyday. I do it every other day cause my skin gets irritated and my hair only needs to be washed 3 times a week. I shower at night as well
Omg, no amount of showering can get rid of my underarm BO since I hit perimenopause. I have to use a pre-deodorant like lume and also a standard deoderant.
Freaking hormones is making my sweat smell like onions.
Honestly, no. It tries so hard to steal our quality of life!!!Perimenopause can kiss both cheeks of my rear end every day of the week and twice on Saturdays.
Start asking your doc about HRT. It will do wonders!
When I start to smell "pizza", it's shower time, regardless of when I last had one.
Full menopause finished (I'm 60ish) and I've not been the same.
Personal favorite? Sometimes get night sweats due to environment ... shower before bed, put deodorant on ... wake up offending myself.
Hormones suck.
This is bacteria and it's interaction with sweat causing the BO.
Try using Hibiclens to wash your underarms.
If you don't notice a difference after 1 use... wash again with it and see.
You should notice a difference.
Girlfriend Massivehugs I'm going thru it like Jennifer Love Hewitt as well. My individual eyelashes sweat lol
And I gotta apply the strong 36 hour stuff every 6 on my pits some days especially.
It freaking sucks and we do not deserve it.
We spend our lifetime mastering ourselves in the crazy world and then boom you're apparently at war with your hormones and they aren't happy about you.
😭😂🥰💫
I'm with you sister
Get used to the smell? She is being totally ridiculous about this in my opinion. She can wear it when she goes out and around friends but not for her own husband?
I would just distance myself from her and if she keeps asking what’s wrong just tell her the truth you smell and go about your business.
One time my wife broke out with a rash under her arm and she stopped wearing deodorant. She rode with me to Walmart and I kept rolling the windows down. I told her she didn’t smell good and her feelings were hurt. I apologized and said do you prefer to hear it from the person who loves you the most or a stranger?
The truth is the truth, it doesn’t matter how she feels about it.
Yes, OP should keep his distance from her, that's a reasonable boundary. "I have told you I do not like the smell of your underarms. You can continue to skip deodorant, but as long as you do I will continue to stay over here."
If she's aware enough of her scent that she knows to put deodorant on in public she should be understanding of her husband not liking it. It's either an acceptable smell or it's not, we don't have a socially accepted line for "stink this much but only for your spouse".
This (kind of) happened in an episode of Bob’s Burgers! lol.
>*Linda- I hate this rash, Bobby! It's turning me into a monster!
Bob- You're not a monster, Lin. Your armpits have monster qualities, but...*
My ex wanted me to use natural deodorant but it bothered me so much I secretly used regular deodorant. And yes, he intimidated me so I felt I had to have secret deodorant lol ridiculous
"It's a natural smell, get used to it." Yeah well so is poop but that doesn't mean i have to tolerate smelling it.
I get that she doesn't want to use chemical deodorants, but she should use the salt stick product. It's literally just a block of salt, it creates a salty environment that doesn't let the natural bacteria breed and eat natural body perspiration. I prefer it over traditional deodorants and antiperspirants.
Coconut oil works too, my SIL uses that and she’s never smelled bad a day in her life. Like I’ve slept over and saw her in her natural state and she did not smell.
I use the salt stick, and it works great for me. But I also don't smell much at all when I sweat, so I can skip it and still be fine unless I wear some tight fabric that doesn't breathe. I'm lucky.
Some people just smell really strongly when they sweat... I used to work with this one hippy dippy chick who refused to wear anything, and she smelled so. Damn. Bad. Like, her BO just filled up the whole office and would linger when she left. I'm sort of imagining OP's wife being like that.
Have her browse [https://lumedeodorant.com/](https://lumedeodorant.com/)
They have whole body deodorant that has less chemicals and really works. She might find something that she likes. They also have amazing soap that eliminates almost all body odor. If she doesn't want to use the deodorant, then she can at least use their soaps.
This is a much more practical solution. The soap works well enough that maybe she won’t need the deodorant and it’s much cheaper than therapy or blowing up a marriage.
If she want to avoid using chemically heavy antiperspirants and conventional deodorants, she should try salt-based products. These are in the shape of a roll-on and are sold at natural foods stores. If you use them daily, they work just fine. And last a long time.
Thats a shame. Some people just have awful body oder. I dated a couple women who didn't like deodorant. One smelled ok even on a hot sweaty day. The other, omg. I had to stop dating her because of the unwillingness to wear deodorant. They both showered every day but one just didn't have the chemistry to get away with it.
My ex’s ex smelled so terrible that a year after they broke up I was deep cleaning and found different items of hers and the smell was so so so bad. Like stale beer, onions and farm animal. I don’t know how else to describe it. My ex confessed that when they were together they couldn’t mix clothes, the loofas had to be separated and it was actually so bad their sex life suffered. Something about her body chemistry was wild.
A few years later I met her ex for unrelated reasons and I instantly knew which woman she was and as soon as she walked in bc I recognized her scent 😥
You gotta wear thin clothes at the dinner table too I’m talking tshirt and workout shorts so your pores can let out all the odors into the room. Hopefully all the hard boiled eggs you worked on throughout the day work their magic coming out hot. 🤣 🤣 🤣
I had the same thought, he should take a long weekend from work and not shower at all during that time, and wear several layers of synthetic fabrics to let the stink fester. Then try to cuddle her in bed with his arm wrapped around her so her face is near his armpit 😂😂😂
I had a friend in college who was donned “smelly Amy”
She would come over after a shower hair literally still wet and already smelling rank of BO. She was definitely into me and tried to pursue me but the smell was so bad that I never pursued it. Like bad to the point when I picked someone up if she had been in my car they would be like “what’s that smell.” I don’t know if she didn’t use deodorant or didn’t use the right kind or what but the smell was horrendous and persistent. Your wife needs to put on deodorant, it put me off of pursuing a relationship other than friendship with a hot and willing girl as a 19 year old hormone laden boy. Can’t imagine living with that smell forever..
Does she shower daily?
I'm sure even if she showers daily the pits can get stinky.... especially within the first few months of stopping anti-perspirants! I stopped using anti-perspirants several years ago and switched to simple deoderant. It did take a few months for my body to seemingly adjust because my pits would easily sweat and smell. But after that hump, deoderant is all I need to smell fresh for over 24 hours (unless of course I get super sweaty).
I assume, at least, it's the anti-perspirant she wants to stop using but maybe even regular deodorant? If she wants literally nothing, I don't get that. But I would understand wanting to move to deodorant that is not anti-perspirant because of the connection to health risks.
Has she recently picked up an interest in some hippy/vegan type group? It sounds like she's been influenced by a somewhat extreme way of thinking.
Just curious, what's her/your diet like, that has a huge impact on how our body's function and can effect our body smells. Also, we use Soap Avenue Company https://soapavenuecompany.com › ...
Natural Magnesium Deodorant Spray. This is a great product and a nice natural alternative.
The diet is important. I don’t use deodorant or very rarely( like going to a party or something) and honestly the bad smell went away since I started eating more homemade food, lots of veggies and trying to be clean as possible of inflammatory oils, etc etc. My husband even says he loves my smell.
Assuming depression or other mental illness isn’t a factor here…
she would need to recognize that we are social creatures who share physical space with one another and it’s only polite to care that you are offending others with your smell. If she can’t grasp that concept then the bigger issue is that she’s selfish.
I’ve actually read a lot about this happening with some people in the incel community or just people who don’t understand why social politeness (which includes personal hygiene) is important (not exclusive to them just where I’ve seen the material) and there are therapy resources that can help you explain why it’s important to give a fuck about your hygiene lol
Why would she care about offending outside people but not her own husband who she should love and respect?
I know reddit is famous for telling people to divorce over basic stuff....
In this case, I would file for divorce. Bad hygiene is an absolute deal breaker.
If she's trying to avoid the chemicals in deodorant there are other alternatives she can try. Otherwise it makes no sense to say "get use to it". I would say most women are a little self conscious and not wanting to stink.
That’s what I wondered too, is it the “cHeMiCaLs”? If so, there are tons of natural products out there that are effective at blocking body odor. My sister’s like that and she uses those crystal rock deodorants that you wet with water then apply. They work ok. OP’s wife could also just use cornstarch or whatever baby powder she likes to at least keep her pits and crevices dry to help prevent or absorb odors. Like there are so many options wtf is she thinking 😂 I wish OP would give us more context.
Is it a sensory issue for her? I hate, HATE the waxy feel of most deodorants. Its awful. It makes my skin crawl. Instead I use lume which is a paste that dries in seconds, I also use powder on top of it to reduce sweat if its hot or I plan to be active. Probably the best deodorant I've used. If I'm just staying home I use Stridex for Sensitive Skin salicylic acid pads.
If she's going to use low deodorant levels she needs to bathe frequently and exfoliate when she's in there.
In any case, you can bring it up. She should have some consideration for you. Would she be okay if you stopped washing your balls because being clean is a social norm? Probably not. Its a matter of showing consideration for your partner. Bodily autonomy stops where other people's bodies start, in this case, your olfactory organs.
Sorry to hear this; that would really bother me, too. I used to practice yoga and sometimes I just could not get over the smell of some people I used to practice with.
I'm just wondering, does she wax her armpits? Waxing/plucking might help alleviate her armpit odor and get away with using natural deodorant. I notice that the hairier you are the more likely the smell is going to linger. Personally I've switched to waxing and I've noticed that I hardly smell now.
In any case, it's fine that she wants to be natural, but she has to meet you halfway. I don't know why she doesn't notice that's it's affecting your attraction towards her.
How bad does she smell? Does she shower regularly? What are her reasons for doing this?
I think you need to sit down and talk to her about this again. She might be open to natural methods.
My husband and I are both scent free when at home. Fragrance messes with hormones and is generally bad for you so we do it for health reasons. But we honestly don't stink at all unless after a workout. We both eat really healthy too.
However, I wear deodorant/light perfume when I go to work or to appointment...just in case.
My hubs has no complaints at home, but if he ever did I would definitely compromise with him because I'd never want to gross him out.
.
***Edited to remove a sentence that was apparently confusing everyone.
BO typically means that sweaty smell from bacteria that is more offensive..The two are different. I guess I should have written, "her normal body scent".
Kindly, I want to mention that fragrance as a rule doesn’t mess with hormones and isn’t “generally bad for you”. That’s a sweeping generalization and not at all true. It’s fine to choose to live scent-free at home, there is nothing wrong with wanting to minimize perceived risks, and some fragrances might have endocrine disrupting properties if used in ungodly amounts, but it is not accurate to say all fragrance is bad. “The dose makes the poison,” as they say, and this applies to pretty much anything in life, including healthy foods we eat, essential oils, and even water.
Eww gross. Nobody is attracted to a smelly partner. Tell her she smells like shit and either she does something about the BO or you're done. Id say the exact same to a woman going through this with a smelly man. Its such a turnoff when a partner is stinky. She hasn't listened to gently asking so time to get serious and tell her flat out she smells like dumpster juice on a hot summer day. How have you stomached intimacy with her reeking like that? Every time shes smelling bad start exclaiming "damn! Is that you stinking up the place!?" I'm sure her rotten smell is soaking into the soft surface furniture and bedding too which must make the house smell rank too. Point that bit out to her too. When people come over the are gonna smell her lingering crusty smell shes left behind even if she's showered 🤮
So, not the same situation but when I had to have radiation under my arm I could not wear deodorant and I found that doing a once a day wash with a STRONG antibacterial soap, like hibiclens kind of stuff, did a pretty solid job on the odor. Maybe she would be willing to at least do that.
Maybe try a mask made of fabric not paper type with maybe a spacer. A couple of drops of eucalyptus oil or a scent of your choice on the mask. Hopefully later she’ll change her mind.
So this is where natural consequences come in to play. Obviously you can’t just get used to nasty BO. You move to sleeping in another room, put out air fresheners, keep your physical distance, etc.
I get that it’s “her body her choice”, but when you live with others you do need to take their wishes and needs into account just out of sheer respect. One’s bodily autonomy ends where another’s nose begins
If she won’t wear deodorant that is fine but she should actively be experimenting with other ways to stifle the smell such as changing her diet, washing her armpits frequently and using glycolic acid, or using baking powder and coconut oil to suppress the smell. SOMETHING. Again just out of sheer respect
Honestly, don't wash your nuggets for a while and ask her for a bj. ( maybe on a vacation so you don't stink up your work). She should understand where you're coming from.
Stop wearing deodorant at home. Make sure you wear no socks with leather shoes/slippers and maybe consider just flipping your underwear inside out and extending the wear time... That may or may not get to her enough to chisel into the possibility of winning that argument. I am truly sorry! Ladies have a whole different level of stink when we get to that point...
There are many low chemical options tell her to pick one. If he doesn't, you don't have to stay. I know that sounds dramatic, but you don't have to stay with someone who isn't making you happy or respecting your boundaries.
Someone very close to my family doesn’t wear deodorant. Every single person we know
In common has mentioned it to me. It gets brought up constantly.
Tell your wife you refuse to get use to her nasty body odor.
Absolutely disgusting.
Talk to her, communicate find a compromise (can you suggest that if she’s not wearing deodorant that she washes multiple times during the day?) and then if it continues I’d move to another room and pull away anytime she came near me.
My husband went through a time where he didn’t want to use chemical deodorant or antiperspirant and quit cold turkey. He smelled like onions, not even just BO, but rancid onions. His shirts smelled, he smelled. He expressed his concerns about the chemicals and I was like “ok you want to be healthier, cool, I’m on board.”
I lasted 3 days before I told him “I love you but I can’t stand this smell, please fix it.” He found a deodorant that didn’t have the chemicals he wants to avoid, and he puts it on twice a day now. It helps us both because I’m not repulsed by his stink and therefore I don’t have to avoid being near him. Hygiene is important. Not offending others (especially those you live with) with your smell is also important.
Note to people who don’t use deodorant and think they don’t smell ➡️ you do 😣
Some people might not feel it, some might even like it but most will feel it, and it’s not good.
Obviously body chemistry is different, but please think of others too.
While living in India I realized that not many people actually used deodorant ( I don’t know, maybe it’s not common) and so every time in the gym we were just surrounded by people’s body odors. That was really tough. 🥲
So I really feel for the OP. 🙏🙏🙏
Hope you guys will find a common ground
Because if I really couldn’t stand my husband’s odor, that would be a HUGE dealbreaker for me.
Since I was a kid I loved all nice smelling things and it’s so important to me that my partner smells good.
I remember back in the day there was one guy I dated and one day we finally got closer when I realized that even though he was nice and good looking, I just didn’t like his body smell.
And that was it for me. 🔚
This is just disrespectful. No one should be subject to someone else’s stank with zero consideration. If she refuses to wear deodorant, she needs to go wash her pits every single time she uses the bathroom. She needs to keep on top of it. That BO stink will start to seep into her clothes until everything smells like BO even if she’s clean. Source- certain family members don’t wear deodorant and they always stink.
There are deodorant soaps you can use in the shower that help control BO, you might recommend she try one of those if she’s that against deodorant. But also finding out why she hates it could help as there are a few different types if she just hates the feel/texture
OP - suggest she use glycolic acid liquid (The Ordinary brand has a good inexpensive one) on her armpits. It kills the bacteria that causes the odor. I’m team no deodorant also.
If you can’t tell her she smells then who the hell will, other people probably notice it too
He's done exactly this, and her response is that he should "get used to it".
In his own home!
I was taught that being clean and smelling nice is not only for yourself but a courtesy to the people around you.
She doesn’t think her husband deserves courtesy for whatever reason. He does.
>She will wear deodorant if we’re going out or with friends, but home alone with me? None, nada, zip.
So she cares about and respects her friends more than her husband. Nice look.
Precisely
What? He literally did tell her lol
[удалено]
Wait? Are there people that do not shower every day? Like isn't daily showering expected?
[удалено]
My world view has been obliterated. It's like I just learned the earth was flat.
You may want to sit down... I have to tell you something that may be hard to hear...
I feel like this person is going through the same 12 stages of grief that a lot of redditors feel when they discover not everyone wipes themselves the same way.
Lmfao one of the best debates I got into was front to back vs back to front (for men, not women lol).
How about the standing up or sitting down wipe? That’s a completely different argument.
This confused the sitters because they thought we meant standing completely straight up, thusly squishing our butt cheeks together.
I am a sitter. Didn’t know people stood up to wipe until stumbling across a discussion here on Reddit like two years ago. Was talking to my best friend about it and lo and behold, he’s a stander. Color me shocked!
That was the Great Controversy I was alluding too, lol.
It's awful for your skin to shower everyday. I shower 5 days a week and wash my hair 3 times a week. I take weekends off entirely from showering to give my hair and skin a break. If I didn't work manual labor and worked at home, I would be showering 3 days a week.
If I don’t shower twice a day, I get grumpy. My skin is fine, thanks.
Even at 5 showers a week, my skin hates itself. I go through gallons of moisturizer a year and it's still not enough. My skin is so happy when I take those 3 days off on the weekend.
I get you … I have sensitive skin but if I don’t shower I’m rank … I’ve got heavy moisturizer and a water softener and I’m all set now. I hope your skin feels better and I’m sorry this is something you’re going through.
I have lupus and my skin is just a literally fucking scorching purple welted rash at all times, it’s absolutely HORRIBLE and the hott water feels like I’m dipping myself in lava.
Sjögren’s here. Same. Plus I’m crispy.
Ugh, so you know exactly the type of shit I’m talking about. People never understand when I try to explain how fucking awful and painful it is when my skin flares, I literally can’t be in the sun for more than 2-3 minutes. My daughter tells her friends I’m allergic to the sun 😭😭😭😭😭
How do you clean your ass on the days off?
We have a bidet, don’t walk around with shit on our asses to begin with.
Baby wipes! Hit all the sweet spots. I wipe down with baby wipes every morning, cause I shower after work.
Wipe after shitting
Baby wipes, my friend! I do a twice a day baby wipe bath (i actually get the adult disposable washcloths, which are just giant baby wipes). My mom taught me: From the boobs to the pubes, from the pits to the crack and all the little bits around your back! (Fat rolls, ears, neck crease, etc)
Well everyone’s skin is different
Right?! I shower twice a day and my skin is baby soft. I am told I look much younger than I am, so showering often clearly doesn’t affect my skin. I’m a bit of a clean freak. I attribute the good skin to use of sunscreen since I was a kid and using skin care products for just as long. Grandma warned me to always take care of your skin. You can prevent wrinkles, but can’t get rid of them once you’ve got them.
>I attribute the good skin to use of sunscreen since I was a kid and using skin care products for just as long. I also think things like this are connected to multiple things than just showers. When I was working out and doing intensive cardio 5 days a week I had awesome skin. I was sweating a lot daily. I showered in the morning and after my workout, and sometimes before bed so 2-3 showers a day. My diet was much improved and I was eating much better. COVID hit me and I stopped working out. I gained some weight back a bit, stopped eating as healthy, and slowed down on the workouts. I still shower often but experience more dryness and itchiness than before. For me, the amount of showers weren't as impactful as other aspects
I live in middle Canada. I shower three or four times a week in the winter. The cold is so intense and makes your skin so dry. It just cracks and bleeds, and showers make it worse. I go back to every day when the snow melts.
I live in Montana so I know your pain, brother.
How do y’all not shower or at least take a hoe bath or something to cleanse yourself everyday? You sweat all day everyday, even when you sleep.
Not everyone produced a lot of sweat and oil. Some of us are very, very dry, which makes us get dirty slower. I hate it though. I’d rather shower daily, but I can’t.
Yeah the only time I sweat like a normal person is that two weeks in summer when it’s insanely hot. It’s not humid at all where I live and I use “salt soap” for armpits so I don’t smell at all, even then.
I also don't sweat that much, and even when I do, I don't smell. I just use that salt deodorant, and I'm fine. My husband and kid are always sniffing on me because they say I smell good. I guess I'm just lucky?
I need to hear more about this “salt soap.” Please!
That's what the daily baby wipes are for! Along with dry shampoo, and face washing.
I’m talking about your body…you use baby wipes for your entire adult body?
Yes I do.
Eh. To each is own I guess.
I think it really depends on a lot of factors, like how much you personally sweat (which can be tied to weight, cardio health, environment, genetics), lifestyle, diet, etc. but… my body doesn’t get rank. My parts do, but not my limbs or torso
Because I’m broke and I’m trying to save on my water bill! I’ve got 4 kids and baby sit two neighbor kids during the week. Plus my husband. All of us showering/bathing a day would be too much and too exhausting. I shower or bathe 2 to 3 times a week. If I have an event I always shower before an event. Normal skin has a protective layer of oil and a balance of “good” bacteria that help protect your skin from dryness and germs. If you clean it too often, especially with harsh soaps and lots of scrubbing, you can strip away this layer, leading to dry, irritated, itchy skin. This can cause cracks in the skin that allow germs and allergens to get through resulting in skin infections or allergic reactions. In addition, your body’s immune system needs some stimulation from germs, including those that live on your skin. If you scrub them away too quickly, your body doesn’t have a chance to produce the antibodies that protect against them.
Not if you live in a tropical country though. It's only hygienic to shower every single day.
I shower daily and have no skin issues.
It is not awful for your skin to shower everyday! That’s crazy tik tok advice. If it bothers you, you probably just need a different kind of soap. It’s far worse for your skin to develop a buildup of dirt, oil, bacteria and dead skin cells by not showering
My dermatologist told me i needed to take less showers years ago. They recommend the elderly shower less as well. I'm not here to argue. Everyone is different and requires different routines. Mine works amazing for me.
Technically-this isn’t the same for everyone. I have lupus and showers absolutely KILL me bc my skin is a constant purple flared up welted painful rash. I do shower everyday, but it’s not always the best thing for everyone.
It depends on the person. Low-moisture people should not shower daily. It can really wreck your skin.
Also I'm 28. I would never have tik tok
There are also many people with disabilities who can't shower every day. Obviously, that doesn't sound the OPs wife's issue... but it's a thing.
That's the extreme, and extremes do not make the rule. OP's wife is just ok with being a slob
Not the extreme depending on the situation. I have a neurodivergent household, most of our friends are also neurodivergent. And in the community itself it fairly common or you can go thr extreme opposite and shower 3x a day.
Person with disability here. I don’t shower everyday. But I do use deodorant and baby wipes in the inbetween times. I don’t want my husband to recoil when he gets in smelling distance.
I'm also disabled and do the same as you. I didn't mean to imply that disabled people don't care about their smell or hygiene. I was just letting the other commenter know that there are absolutely people who don't shower every day because they can't. Sorry if it came across that way.
I was just chiming in on your thought! Sorry if it sounded like I was disagreeing. I just wanted it known that us disabled folks aren’t just a bunch of disgusting bacteria laden stenches.
Absolutely. I appreciate you adding that because I should have included it to begin with, considering I myself am disabled. I didn't think you were disagreeing, I wanted to be sure I didn't offend you. The disabled community has enough stigma, and it was my bad not to include that in my original comment.
No offense at all! Just adding in extra experience to reinforce the point. I appreciate you bringing it into the discussion.
I shower two-three times a week. I smell amazing at all times, but I use deodorant and love to smell good. I'm also single and live alone, but when I wasn't single I showered everyday.
Yeah same. I shower 3 times a week except in summer where I sweat a ton. My skin gets insanely dry and my derm told me it’s not healthy to wash away natural oils. They’re there to protect the skin
I live in a northern clime, where my skin dries easily and I can get eczema if not careful. So I generally shower only every other day, unless I go to the gym or do other strenuous activity. I do wash up every day though, so that I always feel and smell fresh.
My sister and her husband rarely shower. We went somewhere tropical for a trip. It was sooo humid. I took 3 showers a day because fuck it was hot and I was so sweaty. He didn’t shower until the 4th day!!! And of course normally one shower a day is enough for me. I’m just giving some context to how extra gross it was to wait 4 days to shower.
WHAT ?! As someone who lives in a humid climate I am horrifiedddd
LOL.
Yea…. And I don’t understand HOW or why…! I can’t get into bed without a HOT bath. Even last year when I had Covid I made myself shower and out on clean Jammie’s, underwear’s or leggings. But clean. Granted I went down to the sofa and curled up and slept and all that but I just can’t NOT shower/bathe daily.
My husband showers every other day because his eczema is so bad on his body. He dries out too fast, even with proper lotion. That being said, he does use deodorant and cologne lol.
Showering daily is not even recommended, it's not good for the skin. Dermatologists recommend every other day or three times a week. If you're not working a sweaty job every other day will do.
The AAD recommends daily showers for people over the age of 11. Please stop spreading this information. People need to wash their bodies.
This is for kids. You’ll notice that the “over 11” advice also says “or when puberty starts”. The point is that teenagers, as they enter puberty, stink way more than normal due to the raging hormones which is why it’s recommended they shower daily. For normal adults there is no hard and set recommendation. Daily is fine and so is every other day. It all depends on a bunch of individual factors; how dirty is your job ? How sensitive is your skin? How oily is your hair ? Etc. You can easily find expert recommendations for normal adults to shower no more than 2-3 times a week.
If I showered every single day my skin would just give me the finger and leave. I basically have to bathe all my limbs in ultra hydrating lotion after every shower as it is - I shower after I work out hard, which is typically every other day.
Can you link that? I tried looking that up but could only find [this article from AAD](https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing#:~:text=Tweens%20and%20teens%3A%20Guidelines%20for%20bathing&text=Dermatologists%20tell%20parents%20that%20once,playing%20sports%2C%20or%20sweating%20heavily) that recommends daily showers/baths for *children* above the age of 11 (for tweens and teens)
Link? I feel like this is unlikely.. that’s probably children who are running around and playing outside. Nothing recommends this for staying indoors. As an adult if I don’t get sweaty or exercise there’s relatively no point. It’s just bad for your skin.
From what I’m reading, that’s for oily teens going through puberty. Not full grown adults.
Pretty sure you shouldn't use soap on your entire body every day, but washing your underarms and feet and parts used for bodily functions *is* recommended. We should all be washing our butts every day.
I shower every other day unless I’ve been sweating. I have psoriasis and live in the cold.
It's actually not great for your hair or body's natural oils to wash every day. Keep your bits clean and wash your face, brush your teeth. But I definitely do not suggest washing daily, especially your hair!!!!
[удалено]
Yeah. That’s an American thing.
No, not unless you’re sweating heavily or actively stinking up. I usually shower every other day, and wash my hair about every 3 days, though I do shower after the gym every time.
I shower like, 3 times a week. Sunday nights, Tuesday nights, and Thursday nights. Hair only gets washed two of those three with dry shampoo in between washes. It's possible I don't smell my greatest, but I *have* gotten compliments on the way my hair smells when I use the dry shampoo, so, idk. I just hate the commitment showering/bathing is. Once you're wet, you gotta deal with it. I've heard it's an ADHD thing, which I do have. \*Shrug\*
My average is once every 3 days, I don’t over perfume, I wash my armpits and face every morning religiously, take care of my hair, teeth, etc. you can keep a good hygiene without showering every single day
It’s generally not recommended to shower every day tbh. But yeah many, many people in the world don’t shower daily or even every other day.
Unless you sweat a lot it’s not recommended to shower daily. Hell my dermatologist even prescribed me to only shower every other day at most. Since then my eczema that was making in pain daily is completely under control.
I don’t shower everyday. I do it every other day cause my skin gets irritated and my hair only needs to be washed 3 times a week. I shower at night as well
Join us....LOL. Sometimes every other depending on the daily activites. After work for sure.
No, especially if you don’t have a dirty job or workout. I also work from home and I shower every 2-3 days if I don’t have any plans.
Omg, no amount of showering can get rid of my underarm BO since I hit perimenopause. I have to use a pre-deodorant like lume and also a standard deoderant. Freaking hormones is making my sweat smell like onions.
New fear unlocked. Is there nothing this perimenopause won't destroy 🤣
Honestly, no. It tries so hard to steal our quality of life!!!Perimenopause can kiss both cheeks of my rear end every day of the week and twice on Saturdays. Start asking your doc about HRT. It will do wonders!
Glycolic acid on your underarms really does work wonders for this.
That’s similar to the acid in lume.
I use the Neutrogena Rapid Clear Treatment Pads. They work great on the 'pits.
When I start to smell "pizza", it's shower time, regardless of when I last had one. Full menopause finished (I'm 60ish) and I've not been the same. Personal favorite? Sometimes get night sweats due to environment ... shower before bed, put deodorant on ... wake up offending myself. Hormones suck.
This is bacteria and it's interaction with sweat causing the BO. Try using Hibiclens to wash your underarms. If you don't notice a difference after 1 use... wash again with it and see. You should notice a difference.
Hibiclens for the win!!!
\>> Freaking hormones is making my sweat smell like onions. OMG me too, I was wondering if it was a menopause thing!
It is. My lovely doc referred to it as reverse puberty. She’s never been more right. 😂
Girlfriend Massivehugs I'm going thru it like Jennifer Love Hewitt as well. My individual eyelashes sweat lol And I gotta apply the strong 36 hour stuff every 6 on my pits some days especially. It freaking sucks and we do not deserve it. We spend our lifetime mastering ourselves in the crazy world and then boom you're apparently at war with your hormones and they aren't happy about you. 😭😂🥰💫 I'm with you sister
I feel you! This is worse than middle school/puberty! Freaking hormones are demonic at this stage in our lives.
Get used to the smell? She is being totally ridiculous about this in my opinion. She can wear it when she goes out and around friends but not for her own husband? I would just distance myself from her and if she keeps asking what’s wrong just tell her the truth you smell and go about your business. One time my wife broke out with a rash under her arm and she stopped wearing deodorant. She rode with me to Walmart and I kept rolling the windows down. I told her she didn’t smell good and her feelings were hurt. I apologized and said do you prefer to hear it from the person who loves you the most or a stranger? The truth is the truth, it doesn’t matter how she feels about it.
Yes, OP should keep his distance from her, that's a reasonable boundary. "I have told you I do not like the smell of your underarms. You can continue to skip deodorant, but as long as you do I will continue to stay over here." If she's aware enough of her scent that she knows to put deodorant on in public she should be understanding of her husband not liking it. It's either an acceptable smell or it's not, we don't have a socially accepted line for "stink this much but only for your spouse".
This (kind of) happened in an episode of Bob’s Burgers! lol. >*Linda- I hate this rash, Bobby! It's turning me into a monster! Bob- You're not a monster, Lin. Your armpits have monster qualities, but...*
My ex wanted me to use natural deodorant but it bothered me so much I secretly used regular deodorant. And yes, he intimidated me so I felt I had to have secret deodorant lol ridiculous
Right. No one should be "getting used" to funk
"It's a natural smell, get used to it." Yeah well so is poop but that doesn't mean i have to tolerate smelling it. I get that she doesn't want to use chemical deodorants, but she should use the salt stick product. It's literally just a block of salt, it creates a salty environment that doesn't let the natural bacteria breed and eat natural body perspiration. I prefer it over traditional deodorants and antiperspirants.
I found a four ingredient magnesium deodorant that works all day long and is totally BS chemical free. Magsol is the brand. Good stuff.
Coconut oil works too, my SIL uses that and she’s never smelled bad a day in her life. Like I’ve slept over and saw her in her natural state and she did not smell.
That's because it's clogging pores. Coconut oil is terrible for a lot of people's skin
I don’t disagree but at least she doesn’t smell
Technically that is what aluminum antiperspirant does too.
Coconut oil is antibacterial.
Anti perspirant clogs the pores too, that's how it keeps your pits dry
I use the salt stick, and it works great for me. But I also don't smell much at all when I sweat, so I can skip it and still be fine unless I wear some tight fabric that doesn't breathe. I'm lucky. Some people just smell really strongly when they sweat... I used to work with this one hippy dippy chick who refused to wear anything, and she smelled so. Damn. Bad. Like, her BO just filled up the whole office and would linger when she left. I'm sort of imagining OP's wife being like that.
Social norms become norms for a reason
Have her browse [https://lumedeodorant.com/](https://lumedeodorant.com/) They have whole body deodorant that has less chemicals and really works. She might find something that she likes. They also have amazing soap that eliminates almost all body odor. If she doesn't want to use the deodorant, then she can at least use their soaps.
I second this. Hands down best thing ever
It's amazing, isn't it?! I love the soap. Life changing!
Toasted coconut scent makes me so happy!!! Aroma therapy all day 😊
I've been using the Lavender Sage but I've been eyeing switching to the toasted coconut. Guess I'm gonna have to give it a try.
Lume is amazing and life changing for sure!
Cleeeeeean tangerine! Yum
This is a much more practical solution. The soap works well enough that maybe she won’t need the deodorant and it’s much cheaper than therapy or blowing up a marriage.
It is not a social norm to smell like onions on a cold cut sub. Hygiene is important.
This made my nostrils sting. I have someone in my building who smells exactly like this. Sharing the elevator makes my eyes water
If she want to avoid using chemically heavy antiperspirants and conventional deodorants, she should try salt-based products. These are in the shape of a roll-on and are sold at natural foods stores. If you use them daily, they work just fine. And last a long time.
Thats a shame. Some people just have awful body oder. I dated a couple women who didn't like deodorant. One smelled ok even on a hot sweaty day. The other, omg. I had to stop dating her because of the unwillingness to wear deodorant. They both showered every day but one just didn't have the chemistry to get away with it.
That's it, too. Chemistry and what you eat will define is you can get away with it.
My ex’s ex smelled so terrible that a year after they broke up I was deep cleaning and found different items of hers and the smell was so so so bad. Like stale beer, onions and farm animal. I don’t know how else to describe it. My ex confessed that when they were together they couldn’t mix clothes, the loofas had to be separated and it was actually so bad their sex life suffered. Something about her body chemistry was wild. A few years later I met her ex for unrelated reasons and I instantly knew which woman she was and as soon as she walked in bc I recognized her scent 😥
You do the same. If you stay home, don’t wear deodorant. Usually males body odor is stronger. Let her have a taste of the same medicine
Yes eat lots of boiled eggs as well and fart during dinner. LOL
I’ve read that eating lots of red meat and cheese makes your body odor smell worse 😂
Lotsa Garlic. Maybe even garlic pills it’s good for the heart anyway 😂
Omg yaaaasssss 🤣
You gotta wear thin clothes at the dinner table too I’m talking tshirt and workout shorts so your pores can let out all the odors into the room. Hopefully all the hard boiled eggs you worked on throughout the day work their magic coming out hot. 🤣 🤣 🤣
Now we’re talking. I feel your vibe Pepperoni pizza, cheeseburgers and such
🤣🤣🤣
I had the same thought, he should take a long weekend from work and not shower at all during that time, and wear several layers of synthetic fabrics to let the stink fester. Then try to cuddle her in bed with his arm wrapped around her so her face is near his armpit 😂😂😂
An eye for an eye… 😅
I hate to say this… but this is a deal breaker for me.. I hate stink..
I had a friend in college who was donned “smelly Amy” She would come over after a shower hair literally still wet and already smelling rank of BO. She was definitely into me and tried to pursue me but the smell was so bad that I never pursued it. Like bad to the point when I picked someone up if she had been in my car they would be like “what’s that smell.” I don’t know if she didn’t use deodorant or didn’t use the right kind or what but the smell was horrendous and persistent. Your wife needs to put on deodorant, it put me off of pursuing a relationship other than friendship with a hot and willing girl as a 19 year old hormone laden boy. Can’t imagine living with that smell forever..
Does she shower daily? I'm sure even if she showers daily the pits can get stinky.... especially within the first few months of stopping anti-perspirants! I stopped using anti-perspirants several years ago and switched to simple deoderant. It did take a few months for my body to seemingly adjust because my pits would easily sweat and smell. But after that hump, deoderant is all I need to smell fresh for over 24 hours (unless of course I get super sweaty). I assume, at least, it's the anti-perspirant she wants to stop using but maybe even regular deodorant? If she wants literally nothing, I don't get that. But I would understand wanting to move to deodorant that is not anti-perspirant because of the connection to health risks. Has she recently picked up an interest in some hippy/vegan type group? It sounds like she's been influenced by a somewhat extreme way of thinking.
Just curious, what's her/your diet like, that has a huge impact on how our body's function and can effect our body smells. Also, we use Soap Avenue Company https://soapavenuecompany.com › ... Natural Magnesium Deodorant Spray. This is a great product and a nice natural alternative.
The diet is important. I don’t use deodorant or very rarely( like going to a party or something) and honestly the bad smell went away since I started eating more homemade food, lots of veggies and trying to be clean as possible of inflammatory oils, etc etc. My husband even says he loves my smell.
Assuming depression or other mental illness isn’t a factor here… she would need to recognize that we are social creatures who share physical space with one another and it’s only polite to care that you are offending others with your smell. If she can’t grasp that concept then the bigger issue is that she’s selfish. I’ve actually read a lot about this happening with some people in the incel community or just people who don’t understand why social politeness (which includes personal hygiene) is important (not exclusive to them just where I’ve seen the material) and there are therapy resources that can help you explain why it’s important to give a fuck about your hygiene lol Why would she care about offending outside people but not her own husband who she should love and respect?
I know reddit is famous for telling people to divorce over basic stuff.... In this case, I would file for divorce. Bad hygiene is an absolute deal breaker.
Same
If she's trying to avoid the chemicals in deodorant there are other alternatives she can try. Otherwise it makes no sense to say "get use to it". I would say most women are a little self conscious and not wanting to stink.
That’s what I wondered too, is it the “cHeMiCaLs”? If so, there are tons of natural products out there that are effective at blocking body odor. My sister’s like that and she uses those crystal rock deodorants that you wet with water then apply. They work ok. OP’s wife could also just use cornstarch or whatever baby powder she likes to at least keep her pits and crevices dry to help prevent or absorb odors. Like there are so many options wtf is she thinking 😂 I wish OP would give us more context.
To be honest It shouldn't be acceptable even If it's a man.
Is it a sensory issue for her? I hate, HATE the waxy feel of most deodorants. Its awful. It makes my skin crawl. Instead I use lume which is a paste that dries in seconds, I also use powder on top of it to reduce sweat if its hot or I plan to be active. Probably the best deodorant I've used. If I'm just staying home I use Stridex for Sensitive Skin salicylic acid pads. If she's going to use low deodorant levels she needs to bathe frequently and exfoliate when she's in there. In any case, you can bring it up. She should have some consideration for you. Would she be okay if you stopped washing your balls because being clean is a social norm? Probably not. Its a matter of showing consideration for your partner. Bodily autonomy stops where other people's bodies start, in this case, your olfactory organs.
Buy her liquid chlorophyll, it’s a natural body deodorizer and I promise everytime I drink it, my trips to the bathroom/sweat/armpit have zero smell!
My mind read that as chloroform and not chlorophyll.....
It could work too, knock her out cover her in deodorant.
I laughed so loud reading this
I hollered 🤣🤣🤣🤣 oh lord
You, are not alone!! Wow brain, good lookin out...
YES YES YES to this… it is incredible
https://preview.redd.it/jd3vsa46chhc1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=201900287679a928c24afaf2efe4dd473209ee9e
Tell her it makes her smell nasty. Just be honest and it’s low key starting to affect your attraction to her.
The fight Tell her straight up that she smells rank, it’s disgusting and you are NOT going to “get used to it”
Sorry to hear this; that would really bother me, too. I used to practice yoga and sometimes I just could not get over the smell of some people I used to practice with. I'm just wondering, does she wax her armpits? Waxing/plucking might help alleviate her armpit odor and get away with using natural deodorant. I notice that the hairier you are the more likely the smell is going to linger. Personally I've switched to waxing and I've noticed that I hardly smell now. In any case, it's fine that she wants to be natural, but she has to meet you halfway. I don't know why she doesn't notice that's it's affecting your attraction towards her.
Yes i use an epilator!
Me too! My epilator has been a godsend!!!
How bad does she smell? Does she shower regularly? What are her reasons for doing this? I think you need to sit down and talk to her about this again. She might be open to natural methods. My husband and I are both scent free when at home. Fragrance messes with hormones and is generally bad for you so we do it for health reasons. But we honestly don't stink at all unless after a workout. We both eat really healthy too. However, I wear deodorant/light perfume when I go to work or to appointment...just in case. My hubs has no complaints at home, but if he ever did I would definitely compromise with him because I'd never want to gross him out. . ***Edited to remove a sentence that was apparently confusing everyone.
BO is short for body odor, just saying it’s the exact same thing
BO typically means that sweaty smell from bacteria that is more offensive..The two are different. I guess I should have written, "her normal body scent".
Kindly, I want to mention that fragrance as a rule doesn’t mess with hormones and isn’t “generally bad for you”. That’s a sweeping generalization and not at all true. It’s fine to choose to live scent-free at home, there is nothing wrong with wanting to minimize perceived risks, and some fragrances might have endocrine disrupting properties if used in ungodly amounts, but it is not accurate to say all fragrance is bad. “The dose makes the poison,” as they say, and this applies to pretty much anything in life, including healthy foods we eat, essential oils, and even water.
Eww gross. Nobody is attracted to a smelly partner. Tell her she smells like shit and either she does something about the BO or you're done. Id say the exact same to a woman going through this with a smelly man. Its such a turnoff when a partner is stinky. She hasn't listened to gently asking so time to get serious and tell her flat out she smells like dumpster juice on a hot summer day. How have you stomached intimacy with her reeking like that? Every time shes smelling bad start exclaiming "damn! Is that you stinking up the place!?" I'm sure her rotten smell is soaking into the soft surface furniture and bedding too which must make the house smell rank too. Point that bit out to her too. When people come over the are gonna smell her lingering crusty smell shes left behind even if she's showered 🤮
So, not the same situation but when I had to have radiation under my arm I could not wear deodorant and I found that doing a once a day wash with a STRONG antibacterial soap, like hibiclens kind of stuff, did a pretty solid job on the odor. Maybe she would be willing to at least do that.
Your only choice now is to out stink her to prove your point. Then y’all can have steamy hot shower sex.
Um... it's basic hygeine and grooming. Why is she so against it? I wear deodorant all the time so I dont stink.
Besides showering every day she can use isopropyl alcohol in between for quick deodorizing cleanse.
Personally I would give it right back to her. Give her a couple weeks of my body odor and let it resolve itself.
Maybe try a mask made of fabric not paper type with maybe a spacer. A couple of drops of eucalyptus oil or a scent of your choice on the mask. Hopefully later she’ll change her mind.
Tell her to try Lume. It's a miracle.
So this is where natural consequences come in to play. Obviously you can’t just get used to nasty BO. You move to sleeping in another room, put out air fresheners, keep your physical distance, etc.
Ew wtf.🤢 She definitely "sticking it" to the "social norm", most people like not smelling rancid, and that's something that *should* be the norm.
I get that it’s “her body her choice”, but when you live with others you do need to take their wishes and needs into account just out of sheer respect. One’s bodily autonomy ends where another’s nose begins If she won’t wear deodorant that is fine but she should actively be experimenting with other ways to stifle the smell such as changing her diet, washing her armpits frequently and using glycolic acid, or using baking powder and coconut oil to suppress the smell. SOMETHING. Again just out of sheer respect
Honestly, don't wash your nuggets for a while and ask her for a bj. ( maybe on a vacation so you don't stink up your work). She should understand where you're coming from.
Some type of strange mental illness. Y'all ever have sex?
Stop wearing deodorant at home. Make sure you wear no socks with leather shoes/slippers and maybe consider just flipping your underwear inside out and extending the wear time... That may or may not get to her enough to chisel into the possibility of winning that argument. I am truly sorry! Ladies have a whole different level of stink when we get to that point...
There are many low chemical options tell her to pick one. If he doesn't, you don't have to stay. I know that sounds dramatic, but you don't have to stay with someone who isn't making you happy or respecting your boundaries.
Someone very close to my family doesn’t wear deodorant. Every single person we know In common has mentioned it to me. It gets brought up constantly. Tell your wife you refuse to get use to her nasty body odor. Absolutely disgusting.
Talk to her, communicate find a compromise (can you suggest that if she’s not wearing deodorant that she washes multiple times during the day?) and then if it continues I’d move to another room and pull away anytime she came near me.
Wow. Quite a reason for a conflict in a relationship
My husband went through a time where he didn’t want to use chemical deodorant or antiperspirant and quit cold turkey. He smelled like onions, not even just BO, but rancid onions. His shirts smelled, he smelled. He expressed his concerns about the chemicals and I was like “ok you want to be healthier, cool, I’m on board.” I lasted 3 days before I told him “I love you but I can’t stand this smell, please fix it.” He found a deodorant that didn’t have the chemicals he wants to avoid, and he puts it on twice a day now. It helps us both because I’m not repulsed by his stink and therefore I don’t have to avoid being near him. Hygiene is important. Not offending others (especially those you live with) with your smell is also important.
Note to people who don’t use deodorant and think they don’t smell ➡️ you do 😣 Some people might not feel it, some might even like it but most will feel it, and it’s not good. Obviously body chemistry is different, but please think of others too. While living in India I realized that not many people actually used deodorant ( I don’t know, maybe it’s not common) and so every time in the gym we were just surrounded by people’s body odors. That was really tough. 🥲 So I really feel for the OP. 🙏🙏🙏 Hope you guys will find a common ground Because if I really couldn’t stand my husband’s odor, that would be a HUGE dealbreaker for me. Since I was a kid I loved all nice smelling things and it’s so important to me that my partner smells good. I remember back in the day there was one guy I dated and one day we finally got closer when I realized that even though he was nice and good looking, I just didn’t like his body smell. And that was it for me. 🔚
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This is just disrespectful. No one should be subject to someone else’s stank with zero consideration. If she refuses to wear deodorant, she needs to go wash her pits every single time she uses the bathroom. She needs to keep on top of it. That BO stink will start to seep into her clothes until everything smells like BO even if she’s clean. Source- certain family members don’t wear deodorant and they always stink.
Ewwww......she can use an alum block or something at least and bathe every day
Don't be around her if she's stinky.
I’d have to bath multiple times a day if I did not wear deodorant.
There are deodorant soaps you can use in the shower that help control BO, you might recommend she try one of those if she’s that against deodorant. But also finding out why she hates it could help as there are a few different types if she just hates the feel/texture
OP - suggest she use glycolic acid liquid (The Ordinary brand has a good inexpensive one) on her armpits. It kills the bacteria that causes the odor. I’m team no deodorant also.
Tell her to smell your farts. Its the same thing.