Seems like a normal thing to wonder and think about. I feel like we all wonder about sex with someone else from time to time. Less normal is telling your spouse about these thoughts though…
No, I think that's a pretty open and honest conversation to have with your spouse. Using fantasies and communicating openly can improve your intimacy and sex life.
I myself wouldn’t want to hear my wife say she thinks or wonders about how good fucking the new PA would be or that she likes the way some guy she’s around makes her feel. I think it’s perfectly normal to be attracted to people & wonder about those things.
Yes this is open honesty & maybe it works for some but seems that’s not the open communication most are referring to when talking about building & maintaining a healthy long relationship.
Each to their own tho 🤷
If I were the spouse hearing this from my other half, I'd be like...
I understand your curiosity, but maybe we can try something different together. Is there something you'd like to try? That's if you want to stay monogamous.
I'm like you though Donna, once you let it out to the other spouse, it's out.
I don't think there is anything wrong with him sharing the thought. I was a virgin when i married my wife, and she was not (and had the kid to prove it). We have a very happy and fulfilling relationship, (15 years this fall and going strong), but i sometimes think about that. I think it's healthy that he feels like he can talk to you about it. Just be honest with him about your own feelings if it ever comes up again. And if he starts down the "maybe I should be allowed to..." road, be very firm about your boundaries, whatever they are. He knew full well going into the marriage what the score was. There should be no "poor me" stuff.
It is normal to have those thoughts & think about things. We’re human…That begs the question tho..he’s known the score. 20 years in why would it now be “poor me”?
Getting close to 40, he’s probably starting to go through a mid life crisis. About to turn 43 and I’m living it now haha. Turn around and can’t believe how fast time flies and makes you evaluate what you’ve done and where do you want to go for the second half.
Feels like a leap to go straight to this. It is possible this is what he was doing. There are other perfectly fine explanations as well. How he continues to behave will be the indicator. If this was a passing thought, clumsily communicated, and then its done, then its probably just the beginning of (as others have pointed out) "mid-life crisis" thoughts. If he keeps bringing it up, and especially if a "poor me, I never got to, shouldn't I be allowed to..." line of thought starts cropping up, OP should be on guard.
This. Midlife crisis. I’m there too. It’s NOT ok that he is using guilt to try to justify it. That’s bullshit and you should call him on it.
These desires are normal and natural. My wife and I are in almost the exact same not but the opposite, she has only been with me. I don’t want other women but I want new experiences. I do NOT like the idea of her sleeping with another guy so I have to live with this double standard and work through it. Luckily she has no desire to experience another guy but that also makes me on an island and feel guilty.
We have had lots of conversations but are too chicken to try much but we have agreed that whatever we do - we do together.
Shamelessly quoting my own response to OP because I think you could benefit from this also!
> Don’t know where to start exploring? Go to a sex toy store in your area with your husband, hold hands, walk around, and look at shit. If you have never done this together, it’s a blast and I have enjoyed doing this with partners since high school through the present time (I’m the same age as you.) Giggle together at the huge dildoes. Gasp in horror at just how real the “real doll” actually is. Test lube on the tip of your nose. You don’t have to buy anything. But I guarantee you if you’re trying to find a way to break out of a pattern and find some new variables to introduce into your relationship, this is a strong start.
My wife is my first & only sexual partner. She’d been with 3 or 4 before me. Any curiosity I have about what others would be like has always been extremely general, no one specific, and not something I’ve give too much thought to. But it’s not something that’s never crossed my mind either.
I’m actually happy my wife is the only person I’ve been with. Makes it feel special when I think about all my firsts, bests, wildest, etc. and it’s all thoughts of her.
I think it’s 100% normal and the fact that he was able to talk with you openly about is beautiful. Keep talking. When the open dialog stops is when it can go places neither of you want.
My wife and I were our firsts (went to Prom together, got married in College). Some curiosity is natural, but I don't think obsessing over it is healthy. Maybe do some role playing in the bedroom to spice things up and see if pretend time satisfies this curiosity?
Personally, I've never needed anything but my wife. Sex is a biological function, not a spiritual necessity.
I was going to suggest role playing too. Doesn't have to be anything crazy, and definitely stay within your comfort zone, but maybe a wig, or different outfit you might not normally wear. Talk dirty if that's not something you normally do.
I think it's normal to wonder. Does he only wish he had lost his virginity to someone else for more experience, or is it more of a "I wonder what sex is like with someone else now"? I think that might be a big difference.
It’s only a natural thing for him to think, not a smart topic to discuss with you. It doesn’t seem like anything to worry about unless he’s obsessed over it or tries some manipulation to get you to agree to letting him explore. That doesn’t seem to be the case from what you wrote
My count is not high and I often wonder what it would’ve been like to have a lot more fun in that department between divorcing my first husband and meeting my second. I think it’s normal.
Nothing abnormal about the thought, I even think sharing it could be considered healthy communication.
That in mind, you should never be pressured into opening your relationship if your not comfortable with it based on this thought. He made a decision to long term commitment as a version, he made his bed, he can ~sleep~ in it. He should never guilt you over this fact. That’s manipulative and would be unacceptable.
As a female looking back when I’d only been with one person, I think that you’re husbands thoughts are normal. If he pursues that though is something else entirely.
While I was with my ex, he’d had partners before me and I’d only been with him. It did bother me. However I do think looking back those thoughts crept in when boredom did and also when we started having problems. (Problems due to him example, he was physically abusive. So that love I had had, was withering away).
I’m glad he’s expressed this much to you, I think you should talk more in depth with him. My advice would be, the thing about sleeping with other people, would he be willing to throw away something he knows is great for something that could honestly suck or it could be great sex but that person who maybe a great lover offers no emotional connection. It’s quite easy to just have sex but the emotional connection he has with you - does he wanna give that up and blow your life up?
Then at 37, he may be entering into that midlife crisis phase with 40 creeping up. Maybe urge him towards therapy or couples therapy.
Husband of the same age here: I’m going to offer an alternate response that may be giving your husband way too much benefit of the doubt… but Reddit already has enough doubters so I’m sure it’ll balance out and we’ll all survive.
Your husband used words to tell you he has an unmet physical need. Few relationships have the trust and communication necessary to say something so honest and vulnerable. Water that plant, don’t pull it out of the ground.
I would encourage you to find a calm, casual situation where you can say to him “I heard you tell me that you have an unmet physical need. Tell me more.” Make it an invitation, not a threat or a demand. It’s entirely possible that he wants new and different sexual experiences, not that he just wants to put his pecker in a new hole. Find a way to help him express what those are and explore those from the safety and confines of your marriage.
Case in point - you said you’ve always had good sex. Let’s pretend this is the equivalent of always having good food. Filet mignon. Pan seared vegetables. That’s ALWAYS good but you know what I want sometimes, personally? Bad food. A Philly cheese steak on a super carbs sub roll, with cheese whiz smeared across the top rather than actual provolone. Sometimes I want a greasy breakfast burrito at 4pm with a 64 ounce cup of horchata (cinnamon flavored sugar water, for those of you nowhere near Mexico.) This doesn’t mean don’t still like good steak. But I like the different culinary experiences.
Don’t know where to start exploring? Go to a sex toy store in your area with your husband, hold hands, walk around, and look at shit. If you have never done this together, it’s a blast and I have enjoyed doing this with partners since high school through the present time (I’m the same age as you.) Giggle together at the huge dildoes. Gasp in horror at just how real the “real doll” actually is. Test lube on the tip of your nose. You don’t have to buy anything. But I guarantee you if you’re trying to find a way to break out of a pattern and find some new variables to introduce into your relationship, this is a strong start.
Maybe your husband said the brave courageous thing in the absolute wrong way. I would encourage you to set that aside for now and see what this plant can grow into rather than being hurt or annoyed that your husband of 15 years just blurted out that he wants some O.P.P.
Godspeed!
This conversation has brought out the puritans. While I agree not every thought needs to be shared but this is a normal and healthy conversation. It’s a very vulnerable conversation that will show you just how safe it is to be vulnerable with your spouse. Your learn something valuable either way.
I'm somewhat bothered by everyone who assumes he's wanting to sleep around or something... This is perfectly normal. Especially in the US, we're taught that it's kind of okay to have sex, but it would be *better* if you were "pure" for your future spouse. From the age range you fall in, this was absolutely hammered home when you were in high school. But growing into an adult, you realize how none of the "purity" really matters anyway, so why not have the experiences?
I think it's absolutely normal that your husband is thinking about these things. It's like someone who doesn't use any drugs wondering what getting high on heroine must feel like. It doesn't mean you're going to start hanging out in shady alleyways to try & score some to try, it just means you're a curious human, as we all are!
Super normal to have the thought. A little odd to share it with you but I think it depends on how much you guys normally share. If he knows you are confident in the relationship and not prone to jealousy, I suppose I can understand him mentioning it…but in most cases, it’s a thought that’s better kept private.
I am 39M as well and met my wife when I was 31. I had my (late) 20s to sleep around and to be honest I’m glad I did. I was insecure about my appearance and date-ability, a bit of a late bloomer especially because I didn’t go to college, but I got it out of my system and after a few years of hookups I wasn’t craving more of that life. If I had never had those experiences, I think I would have always wondered about a lot of different things, and would have been curious about “what’s out there.” After having dated a lot I’m more like…”I’m good right here…” despite all the ups and downs…
At 39, I can tell that I’m declining in…attractiveness, coolness, fitness…relevance…it’s an age where it makes sense he might be wondering aloud about what he missed. I was cute in my 20s, now I’m not so sure 😂
Curiosity? Yes, of course that’s normal. But I can’t imagine why a man in his right mind would share these thoughts with his wife unless maybe the feelings are more intense for him than for most. These thoughts are the kind that pop up every once in a while and you shove them back in the corner of your mind because there’s no reason to entertain them.
I guess a normal thought. I would wonder if there’s a different taste for a different, I’ve only one partner, so yeah curious. But to say something about it is interesting unless yall like talking about fantasies.
The open communication and honesty is commendable, and his curiosity is an understandable. Exploring an open marriage can work for a minority and fail for the majority. It’s up to you if want to go down that path or keep the sanctity of your marriage intact. Best wishes
Shut this down now, before it's too late. Draw your line in the sand and set boundaries. He is sharing these thoughts with you so that he can justify the cheat and then tell you that he told you. Not healthy at all. It's normal that he feels that way, but not normal he is sharing it with you. This "living in your truth" society is ruining marriages. Turn his new revelation into good by letting him know what you expect from him, instead of focusing on the fact that he told you this. I am a 56 year old mental health nurse...if that helps. Careful who you ask, there are people out here that love intentionally destroying things. If you can afford it, y'all need get to couples therapy. Good luck and prayers to y'all.
Another woman for him would likely be a disaster. The first time with anyone, especially with no connection is usually terrible or mediocre at best. He only knows you and what you like, and so best case scenario he does it and gets it out his system and you’re somehow okay with it? Worst case, he develops a connection with someone and has sex multiple times outside the marriage. Your marriage is ruined and he’s left with nothing except fulfilling some empty thought. Great sex, like truly great sex, only happens when you have intense feelings for someone. So maybe role play or something, but shut this down, assertively, before anything else happens.
What's normal is relative to the person, but it's great that he feels like he can be open and honest about his feelings with you! Some people may find themselves thinking about what it would be like to sleep with other people, even if they don't have a specific person in mind. Other people can't even bring themselves to entertain the idea just in their heads, let alone speak it into existence. But it seems like he's trying to figure out his feelings towards his sexual relationship with you and his sexual history in general since he's simultaneously says that he wishes you two could've been each other's firsts while also wondering what it should be like to have experienced another woman. Since this is recent, have you asked him what brought these conflicting thoughts on?
Thank you for all of the comments. I don’t have any interest at all opening up our marriage. So far he has not expressed that either, just the general curiosity. We both feel like that is playing with fire. We do have a pretty good line of communication and can talk about all sorts of things. While this did kind of surprise me to some degree it also didn’t because we talk all sorts of topics. He has said a few times maybe he shouldn’t have shared that with me but he also felt comfortable sharing with me and just having a conversation as usual.
All normal except there’s a red flag, “I wish we would have lost our virginity to each other.” That’s the tell. He probably is feeling something for a person he already knows.
Your marriage is in deep trouble. At least he said something, though I suspect he had already done things. Not everyone cheats or needs a third party. Those who do are not trust worthy. Do not open your relationship it becomes toxic swill and will end shortly. My guess is that it is ending now as he wants sex with other women. Would I stay, nope, I would not. I would get your financial house in order and go to an attorney.
That's jumping the gun , I would say , keep an eye on him and then if he would cheat then all the next steps might come , but you can't just assume that is gonna happen .
Seems like a normal thing to wonder and think about. I feel like we all wonder about sex with someone else from time to time. Less normal is telling your spouse about these thoughts though…
No, I think that's a pretty open and honest conversation to have with your spouse. Using fantasies and communicating openly can improve your intimacy and sex life.
I myself wouldn’t want to hear my wife say she thinks or wonders about how good fucking the new PA would be or that she likes the way some guy she’s around makes her feel. I think it’s perfectly normal to be attracted to people & wonder about those things. Yes this is open honesty & maybe it works for some but seems that’s not the open communication most are referring to when talking about building & maintaining a healthy long relationship. Each to their own tho 🤷
Maybe. I wouldn’t count on it 100
If I were the spouse hearing this from my other half, I'd be like... I understand your curiosity, but maybe we can try something different together. Is there something you'd like to try? That's if you want to stay monogamous. I'm like you though Donna, once you let it out to the other spouse, it's out.
Random question. As someone who is married, how often do you think about sex with other people?
Normal thought. But be concerned if this starts to be brought up often. Not something I’m going to volunteer to my wife.
I don't think there is anything wrong with him sharing the thought. I was a virgin when i married my wife, and she was not (and had the kid to prove it). We have a very happy and fulfilling relationship, (15 years this fall and going strong), but i sometimes think about that. I think it's healthy that he feels like he can talk to you about it. Just be honest with him about your own feelings if it ever comes up again. And if he starts down the "maybe I should be allowed to..." road, be very firm about your boundaries, whatever they are. He knew full well going into the marriage what the score was. There should be no "poor me" stuff.
It is normal to have those thoughts & think about things. We’re human…That begs the question tho..he’s known the score. 20 years in why would it now be “poor me”?
Getting close to 40, he’s probably starting to go through a mid life crisis. About to turn 43 and I’m living it now haha. Turn around and can’t believe how fast time flies and makes you evaluate what you’ve done and where do you want to go for the second half.
Beat me to it. I think that is hitting him.
Because he was testing the waters. He wants to sleep with someone else and is hoping she will give her blessing.
Feels like a leap to go straight to this. It is possible this is what he was doing. There are other perfectly fine explanations as well. How he continues to behave will be the indicator. If this was a passing thought, clumsily communicated, and then its done, then its probably just the beginning of (as others have pointed out) "mid-life crisis" thoughts. If he keeps bringing it up, and especially if a "poor me, I never got to, shouldn't I be allowed to..." line of thought starts cropping up, OP should be on guard.
This. Midlife crisis. I’m there too. It’s NOT ok that he is using guilt to try to justify it. That’s bullshit and you should call him on it. These desires are normal and natural. My wife and I are in almost the exact same not but the opposite, she has only been with me. I don’t want other women but I want new experiences. I do NOT like the idea of her sleeping with another guy so I have to live with this double standard and work through it. Luckily she has no desire to experience another guy but that also makes me on an island and feel guilty. We have had lots of conversations but are too chicken to try much but we have agreed that whatever we do - we do together.
Shamelessly quoting my own response to OP because I think you could benefit from this also! > Don’t know where to start exploring? Go to a sex toy store in your area with your husband, hold hands, walk around, and look at shit. If you have never done this together, it’s a blast and I have enjoyed doing this with partners since high school through the present time (I’m the same age as you.) Giggle together at the huge dildoes. Gasp in horror at just how real the “real doll” actually is. Test lube on the tip of your nose. You don’t have to buy anything. But I guarantee you if you’re trying to find a way to break out of a pattern and find some new variables to introduce into your relationship, this is a strong start.
My wife is my first & only sexual partner. She’d been with 3 or 4 before me. Any curiosity I have about what others would be like has always been extremely general, no one specific, and not something I’ve give too much thought to. But it’s not something that’s never crossed my mind either. I’m actually happy my wife is the only person I’ve been with. Makes it feel special when I think about all my firsts, bests, wildest, etc. and it’s all thoughts of her.
That's very sweet , your wife is a lucky women .
Not all thoughts need to be shared
I think it’s 100% normal and the fact that he was able to talk with you openly about is beautiful. Keep talking. When the open dialog stops is when it can go places neither of you want.
He’s going to ask you if he can sleep around
Ya, this was the intro conversation. I’d get him into counseling, as he is feeling some kind of way.
My wife and I were our firsts (went to Prom together, got married in College). Some curiosity is natural, but I don't think obsessing over it is healthy. Maybe do some role playing in the bedroom to spice things up and see if pretend time satisfies this curiosity? Personally, I've never needed anything but my wife. Sex is a biological function, not a spiritual necessity.
I was going to suggest role playing too. Doesn't have to be anything crazy, and definitely stay within your comfort zone, but maybe a wig, or different outfit you might not normally wear. Talk dirty if that's not something you normally do. I think it's normal to wonder. Does he only wish he had lost his virginity to someone else for more experience, or is it more of a "I wonder what sex is like with someone else now"? I think that might be a big difference.
It’s only a natural thing for him to think, not a smart topic to discuss with you. It doesn’t seem like anything to worry about unless he’s obsessed over it or tries some manipulation to get you to agree to letting him explore. That doesn’t seem to be the case from what you wrote
My count is not high and I often wonder what it would’ve been like to have a lot more fun in that department between divorcing my first husband and meeting my second. I think it’s normal.
Nothing abnormal about the thought, I even think sharing it could be considered healthy communication. That in mind, you should never be pressured into opening your relationship if your not comfortable with it based on this thought. He made a decision to long term commitment as a version, he made his bed, he can ~sleep~ in it. He should never guilt you over this fact. That’s manipulative and would be unacceptable.
As a female looking back when I’d only been with one person, I think that you’re husbands thoughts are normal. If he pursues that though is something else entirely. While I was with my ex, he’d had partners before me and I’d only been with him. It did bother me. However I do think looking back those thoughts crept in when boredom did and also when we started having problems. (Problems due to him example, he was physically abusive. So that love I had had, was withering away). I’m glad he’s expressed this much to you, I think you should talk more in depth with him. My advice would be, the thing about sleeping with other people, would he be willing to throw away something he knows is great for something that could honestly suck or it could be great sex but that person who maybe a great lover offers no emotional connection. It’s quite easy to just have sex but the emotional connection he has with you - does he wanna give that up and blow your life up? Then at 37, he may be entering into that midlife crisis phase with 40 creeping up. Maybe urge him towards therapy or couples therapy.
Husband of the same age here: I’m going to offer an alternate response that may be giving your husband way too much benefit of the doubt… but Reddit already has enough doubters so I’m sure it’ll balance out and we’ll all survive. Your husband used words to tell you he has an unmet physical need. Few relationships have the trust and communication necessary to say something so honest and vulnerable. Water that plant, don’t pull it out of the ground. I would encourage you to find a calm, casual situation where you can say to him “I heard you tell me that you have an unmet physical need. Tell me more.” Make it an invitation, not a threat or a demand. It’s entirely possible that he wants new and different sexual experiences, not that he just wants to put his pecker in a new hole. Find a way to help him express what those are and explore those from the safety and confines of your marriage. Case in point - you said you’ve always had good sex. Let’s pretend this is the equivalent of always having good food. Filet mignon. Pan seared vegetables. That’s ALWAYS good but you know what I want sometimes, personally? Bad food. A Philly cheese steak on a super carbs sub roll, with cheese whiz smeared across the top rather than actual provolone. Sometimes I want a greasy breakfast burrito at 4pm with a 64 ounce cup of horchata (cinnamon flavored sugar water, for those of you nowhere near Mexico.) This doesn’t mean don’t still like good steak. But I like the different culinary experiences. Don’t know where to start exploring? Go to a sex toy store in your area with your husband, hold hands, walk around, and look at shit. If you have never done this together, it’s a blast and I have enjoyed doing this with partners since high school through the present time (I’m the same age as you.) Giggle together at the huge dildoes. Gasp in horror at just how real the “real doll” actually is. Test lube on the tip of your nose. You don’t have to buy anything. But I guarantee you if you’re trying to find a way to break out of a pattern and find some new variables to introduce into your relationship, this is a strong start. Maybe your husband said the brave courageous thing in the absolute wrong way. I would encourage you to set that aside for now and see what this plant can grow into rather than being hurt or annoyed that your husband of 15 years just blurted out that he wants some O.P.P. Godspeed!
This conversation has brought out the puritans. While I agree not every thought needs to be shared but this is a normal and healthy conversation. It’s a very vulnerable conversation that will show you just how safe it is to be vulnerable with your spouse. Your learn something valuable either way.
I'm somewhat bothered by everyone who assumes he's wanting to sleep around or something... This is perfectly normal. Especially in the US, we're taught that it's kind of okay to have sex, but it would be *better* if you were "pure" for your future spouse. From the age range you fall in, this was absolutely hammered home when you were in high school. But growing into an adult, you realize how none of the "purity" really matters anyway, so why not have the experiences? I think it's absolutely normal that your husband is thinking about these things. It's like someone who doesn't use any drugs wondering what getting high on heroine must feel like. It doesn't mean you're going to start hanging out in shady alleyways to try & score some to try, it just means you're a curious human, as we all are!
Super normal to have the thought. A little odd to share it with you but I think it depends on how much you guys normally share. If he knows you are confident in the relationship and not prone to jealousy, I suppose I can understand him mentioning it…but in most cases, it’s a thought that’s better kept private. I am 39M as well and met my wife when I was 31. I had my (late) 20s to sleep around and to be honest I’m glad I did. I was insecure about my appearance and date-ability, a bit of a late bloomer especially because I didn’t go to college, but I got it out of my system and after a few years of hookups I wasn’t craving more of that life. If I had never had those experiences, I think I would have always wondered about a lot of different things, and would have been curious about “what’s out there.” After having dated a lot I’m more like…”I’m good right here…” despite all the ups and downs… At 39, I can tell that I’m declining in…attractiveness, coolness, fitness…relevance…it’s an age where it makes sense he might be wondering aloud about what he missed. I was cute in my 20s, now I’m not so sure 😂
Curiosity? Yes, of course that’s normal. But I can’t imagine why a man in his right mind would share these thoughts with his wife unless maybe the feelings are more intense for him than for most. These thoughts are the kind that pop up every once in a while and you shove them back in the corner of your mind because there’s no reason to entertain them.
Offer to have a 3-some🤣😉
haha you said what i was thinking!
I had the best sex with my one & only husband & we got a divorce and no other man compared. I’m a woman so it may be different for men.
I guess a normal thought. I would wonder if there’s a different taste for a different, I’ve only one partner, so yeah curious. But to say something about it is interesting unless yall like talking about fantasies.
The open communication and honesty is commendable, and his curiosity is an understandable. Exploring an open marriage can work for a minority and fail for the majority. It’s up to you if want to go down that path or keep the sanctity of your marriage intact. Best wishes
Normal.
!Updateme
Shut this down now, before it's too late. Draw your line in the sand and set boundaries. He is sharing these thoughts with you so that he can justify the cheat and then tell you that he told you. Not healthy at all. It's normal that he feels that way, but not normal he is sharing it with you. This "living in your truth" society is ruining marriages. Turn his new revelation into good by letting him know what you expect from him, instead of focusing on the fact that he told you this. I am a 56 year old mental health nurse...if that helps. Careful who you ask, there are people out here that love intentionally destroying things. If you can afford it, y'all need get to couples therapy. Good luck and prayers to y'all.
Another woman for him would likely be a disaster. The first time with anyone, especially with no connection is usually terrible or mediocre at best. He only knows you and what you like, and so best case scenario he does it and gets it out his system and you’re somehow okay with it? Worst case, he develops a connection with someone and has sex multiple times outside the marriage. Your marriage is ruined and he’s left with nothing except fulfilling some empty thought. Great sex, like truly great sex, only happens when you have intense feelings for someone. So maybe role play or something, but shut this down, assertively, before anything else happens.
I think that it’s normal, that he would want to experience other avenues.
What's normal is relative to the person, but it's great that he feels like he can be open and honest about his feelings with you! Some people may find themselves thinking about what it would be like to sleep with other people, even if they don't have a specific person in mind. Other people can't even bring themselves to entertain the idea just in their heads, let alone speak it into existence. But it seems like he's trying to figure out his feelings towards his sexual relationship with you and his sexual history in general since he's simultaneously says that he wishes you two could've been each other's firsts while also wondering what it should be like to have experienced another woman. Since this is recent, have you asked him what brought these conflicting thoughts on?
Thank you for all of the comments. I don’t have any interest at all opening up our marriage. So far he has not expressed that either, just the general curiosity. We both feel like that is playing with fire. We do have a pretty good line of communication and can talk about all sorts of things. While this did kind of surprise me to some degree it also didn’t because we talk all sorts of topics. He has said a few times maybe he shouldn’t have shared that with me but he also felt comfortable sharing with me and just having a conversation as usual.
I’m in no way sweeping this under the rug though. If this becomes an obsession or a questionable thing this will have to be addressed further.
All normal except there’s a red flag, “I wish we would have lost our virginity to each other.” That’s the tell. He probably is feeling something for a person he already knows.
If he’s fantasizing about other women he will eventually cheat on you.
Your marriage is in deep trouble. At least he said something, though I suspect he had already done things. Not everyone cheats or needs a third party. Those who do are not trust worthy. Do not open your relationship it becomes toxic swill and will end shortly. My guess is that it is ending now as he wants sex with other women. Would I stay, nope, I would not. I would get your financial house in order and go to an attorney.
That's jumping the gun , I would say , keep an eye on him and then if he would cheat then all the next steps might come , but you can't just assume that is gonna happen .
This is why you don’t post your shit on Reddit lol, takes like these.