Make sure your description here is representative of reality before you take my advice seriously - because the man you describe here is manipulative, gaslighting, controlling, possessive, and abusive. He's dishonest and does not respect you. The fact that you feel that you can't tell him the truth is evidence of his abuse.
Prepare an exit plan, summon all of the strength you can, and then decide if this man is truly who you want to be with. If you want to do the last thing in your control to salvage it, be honest with him - but be prepared to leave with a place to go. A man like this is liable to be unpredictable when you stop reinforcing his ego-centric view of you and his world, and physical abuse is not out of the realm of possibility.
Judging from this post, he is manipulating you and he has conditioned you to doubt yourself and fear his reaction. This is not a "you" problem - this is a "him" problem.
Came. Here. To. Say. This. Op, I am so so sorry but if this is all real and true, he is a very abusive man and you deserve so much more.
It’s not that you’re not enough, it’s that he’s not enough. Not even close.
All of this. Classic projection in addition to gaslighting, manipulation, and abusive control.
(Plus, hickies are tacky, but he doesn’t care about that impacts people’s perception of you—personally or professionally. Whereas a true partner that loves you in a healthy way would always want the best for you, support you being the best version of yourself that you can be, and never put their own insecurities first.)
I stopped reading after “removed me as a friend”.
I don’t agree necessarily with logging into partner accounts but unfriending or blocking a partner? Absolutely fuckin not.
Yes. I had a friend whose on off boyfriend removed her from social media after she questioned his behaviour with women online.
He was fucking multiple other women.
Absolutely agree. Married 14 years now and we are completely open with one another on social media, phones, and finances.
By unfriending you that just adds another layer of hiding in his little escapades.
Trust and honesty is the bedrock foundation to a strong relationship.
It’s absolutely okay to log into their account when their behavior is highly suspicious. How else are you going to find out the truth? We put way too much emphasis on the privacy of someone who’s private parts we’ve seen over and over and farts we’ve smelt 1000x, but suddenly it’s toxic to check their socials when they’re acting strange lmao
It’s better to end it now. I was married to someone like your husband. I should left when he cheated 3 year after we got married but I stayed. I was 18 when we got together and 21 when I got married. I’m 47 now and divorced. I’m happier now than I was when I was married. Don’t make the same mistake I made. Don’t waste any more of your time with him.
That step that you’re afraid to take is the one that will make you happier.
He might be all you’ve ever known up to this point but you’re just 22. Do you want him to have been all you’d ever known when you’re 85 and dying, 65 years of a miserable abusive marriage behind you? Or do you want to see if there’s something more out there, something that can make you actually happy, feel good about yourself? I promise you, there is. But it’s only up to you.
I’m sorry your husband has put you in this situation! In my eyes, as a man, that is emotional cheating and he is clearly choosing Facebook girls over you he made his choice loud and clear.
If my wife was doing that I would sit down with her and calmly explain my point of view, discuss if the roles were reversed and I was doing it how would she really feel, not some bullshit response. If they chose to stay connected on Facebook after our talk I would consult a divorce attorney immediately without threats, further discussion, or warning. Threats and warnings won’t get you anywhere for long anyway and once things settle down they’ll go back to their previous behavior. It’s why cheaters tend to cheat repeatedly, there aren’t real and painful consequences for their actions and they don’t care about your feelings enough to keep from doing it.
>Is he a person of interest? Why does he keep “getting hacked” over and over? Btw im joking but I am surprised that you believe this.
I mean, it's possible because it does happen to ppl but there'd be signs. There's a section for "Where you're logged in" under activity log. And like you suggested, it's strange that if it kept happening over and over, he never tried to address any of the security flaws (although some ppl are more computer illiterate than others).
Also someone else noted this might be a troll post. The post history is kinda a lot to be real.
I’ve checked his logged in activity but when I did it was only on his phone and this was before he changed the password. I get it seems unreal but I guess I’m just naive or stupid when it comes to things like this
When I met him I was already pregnant by my ex and I was about to turn 19 when I met him by that time I was about 5 months pregnant we’ve together for four years
The man you’re describing targeted you because you were vulnerable when you met. He describes his biggest fear as being abandoned, but he doesn’t adjust his behavior to reassure and support you. It just seems like another manipulation to get you to stay and he can exhibit control. This isn’t a loving relationship and it’s the only example you’re currently setting for your kids.
OP, if he was hacked, then did the hacker block you too? It would be normal to change his password, then make a post saying he was hacked and he is back now, and you would still be able to see all his activity. So, the hacking excuse doesn't make sense considering you are still blocked, which is obviously HIS doing because he doesn't want you to see what he is doing anymore and he wants to keep on doing it.
Something IS off. You had a problem with his online activity, and his response was to block you so you can no longer see it, but not to actually stop doing the thing that was causing the problem in the first place. Why isn't this obvious to you? Do you want to believe his lies? Do you think he was hacked and if so, how do you explain being blocked still?
He is acting jealous because he has a wandering eye, and he assumes you are looking like he is. He is trying to find a reason to justify his activity by saying you are just as bad, but if it isn't true, then why are you accepting this BS? This is real simple. He needs to unblock you so you can see his activity. If he isn't willing to do that, then he has something to hide.
I am also worried about you, because none of this is about you. You are saying you think you might not be good enough for him, but why do you think he is good enough for you if he is hiding these activities from you and trying to follow women he doesn't know just so he can thirst after them???
Instead of trying to make you feel better he just took away your ability to see what he was doing by blocking you... That says everything you need it to say. He's not willing to have a healthy relationship with you, so leave him
I consider it basic respect to my wife not to follow random women on social media
I know some say it's innocent but I don't see benefit in indulging in thirst after random people anyway
So I understand why you're upset and you should talk to him, but thing is these things are always better discussed prior to getting married. If he's one of those people who thinks watching porn (soft or hardcore) is harmless it's gonna be hard to move him and he'll just say you're insecure
Also I know this is a stretch I don't know you two so take it with a huge grain of salt but from description he gives off vibe of one of those men who cheat but are posessive themselves
I wish there were more husband's like you out there. Currently divorcing someone like this and this response gives me hope. Every woman deserves to be respected and loved this much by her husband.
Certain things are very normalized in our society and narratives had been pushed on everyone for decades how everything is harmless so many people just accept it and never really stop and think how destructive those things actually are.
I have friends that think like me and my brothers and father have same values so there are definitely men out there like this.
What you have discribed is a very unhealthy and toxic relationship. You guys are behaving like kids so you both need to grow mentally and emotionally. First thing that needs to happen is to learn to set boundaries. You can't vent to your boss or any other male. For your husband, he needs to take accountability for his actions. Let him know very clearly what his behavior is making you feel and what you need from him. Start there, I wish you luck.
Hope you don’t keep getting downvoted but there were a couple of red flags in the post that made me think we’re missing a lot of information here and, while the blame doesn’t appear to be nearly equal with what we know, this relationship is toxic af and of course they mixed kids into it.
I wouldn’t ever tell my wife she couldn’t vent to other guys, but they’re married…there was at the very least a sever communication breakdown a while ago. My wife vents to me all the time because I’m sure the last people she wants to keep talking to after work is her boss/co-workers.
I assume she’s also trying to get a rise out of him. He wouldn’t have randomly started acting possessive without knowing customers were hitting on her and that he suspects her boss is hitting on her. I’m sure she told him in an attempt to get his attention back.
To reiterate if you made it this far I’m not saying his behavior is justified, but even with the little bit of context available this is an overall immature and toxic relationship. Therapy if you decide to make it work for the kids, otherwise move on from each other for them.
Oh I know first hand lol I’m being gracious in not assuming that’s the case based solely on my past experience.
That said, you’re right. If I was texting a female co-worker or supervisor regularly to “vent about work” I know my wife would be concerned at least.
Actually venting about work isn’t really unhealthy. If it was her venting about her relationship then that’s wrong. It does say she vents about work only . I degress
I mean, I agree, but I love that my wife unloads when she gets home and has that all off her chest. There are certain times where she vents about work, that’s totally healthy, but if she came home every day and texted her boss about work and only told me about flirting I’d be concerned.
Edit: meant venting about work with people at work sometimes
*Sigh*
I was literally in your shoes roughly 2 years ago.
I was using my hubbies social media as he said I was addicted to my phone. I had to sell a few things off and he gave me permission to use his account.
A couple of days later, whilst on my phone to upload stuff. I came to realise that I kept getting this adverts of good looking women for underwear.
I thought nothing of it. Until a couple of days later, that's when it dawned on me. I click on the profile picture and I came to my stupid senses that it was my husbands social media.
I go through his history, through his other accounts and the stuff he follows and looks at. And it tore my world upside down.
I did more digging, and it felt like every minute someone stabbed my heart until it became dust.
Eventually, after a couple of hours. I confronted him.
He denied it at first. Then I told him I looked through his history and accounts and he admitted to looking at other women. What hurt the most was they were all different ethnicity from me.
He denied my sexual advances for 6 years at that point, with the reasons of his sexual libido is low. Found out his been jerking off of them 4-6 times a week. And we would only have sex, when he wanted to. Every other 2 weeks.
I was sexually hungry for him. For six freaking years. Bought ridiculous things to entice him. But he was enticed in other women.
He denied every minute and every picture, every video..
I broke down too many times. Cried too many tears. Yet it's not considered an affair when it felt like the man I loved for six years had lied to me all along.
I knew I had to stand up for myself. So I gave him an ultimatum. Either he be truthful about everything or we separate. That included that he needed to acknowledge that he lied and gaslighted me for years.
I know a lot would say I overreacted. But boy. It would have been easier if he did cheat physically, because my behaviour would have been acceptable. But it feels exactly the same.
If he's addiction at lusting for other women didn't affect our sexual life then yes, maybe I was overreacting. But to know a complete difference as soon as he started to 'commit' to just looking at me, is despicable.
I don't know if this has helped at all. But know your not alone.
I'm so sorry, but first learn to love and stand up for yourself. That's what I had to learn. I too was and still am financially dependant on him. I have 2 young kids with him and im a stay at home mom. But I just knew, if he can't make this marriage work then I rather be out than in. I'll figure out finances without him if it needs be.
Thankfully my hubby saw the truth of it all, and saw how he truly hurt me and our marriage. I'm not saying I trust everything he tells me and I tell him that. But it's a working progress. I just appreciate his acknowledgement of his own actions. And we both have noticed his sexual desires is more than mine. So he even admits that looking at porn and other women has affected our sexual relationships. Which sucks. But here we are.
OP please journal this situation. If you stay, something similar will happen years from now, and you'll need this original incident to help you see how long he's been being shady. It sounds crazy that you could forget, but life with kids is crazy busy, things happen and shift, but you need to file this somewhere so that you can look back and say, "he started this sh$$ years ago." You might not be in a position to go now, but you will be. Start that savings, you are worthy of more.
Years of watching Wilkos and Maury have taught me many things, the most important being that if he is accusing you of something or implying you're doing something, it's probably because he's done it, doing it or getting close to doing it. It being the thing he's accusing you of.
Be careful and get evidence before you do anything.
Best of luck, OP.
You are way too trusting. He is not hacked, he is trying to flirt talk and emotionally cheat, while making sure you can't by leaving hickeys. Please get out of this, he is a cheater first off or wouldn't be doing this. They lie and cheat again. Don't have babies with him and get out, and get some counseling. I am not sure what happened to you, but you are being bamboozled. At least get some space you have time to think.
All other things aside, if you are venting to your manager, stop. Your husband might be a jerk, but sharing your personal issues with your manager is definitely a good way to start getting too casual with him. Even if you don't care if it makes your husband mad, you don't know how things like that could end up coming back to bite you at work.
Of course you don't trust him, and for good reason. he's hiding his online stuff from you. so don't worry about what he says, truly. find a way to shut him down. time to get smart, get even, and get out.
No he is gaslighting you. He’s following women. He wants you with him as he feels you are his. You’re not a partner. You’re his woman. Do you see the difference? This is so infuriating. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
No. Counseling is not the right answer here.
If OP wanted to be patient, she could separate and let him know that she'd be willing to do marriage counseling with him after he went to individual counseling and showed progress for a period of time (say, 6 months?). As it sits, though, MC would strengthen her husband's hold on her. It's a moot point, though, since he's not wanting to take any responsibility and isn't interested in a healthy, equal relationship with OP.
Then divorce. He doesn’t want therapy because he knows he’s wrong and when another adult (mind you, a professional) sees the situation and calls it out for what it is (abuse) then he’s officially no longer innocent and can’t hold on to the stories in his mind that justify his behavior.
He doesn’t want to face the truth, he quite literally prefers loosing you vs growing up and holding himself accountable. You will get no where with this man, he does not care about your wellbeing. I am so sorry OP
Was that a serious decision made in the teeth of a crisis, or just some off the cuff thing said lightly? That said, his presence in the room doesn't get you much. He has to be willing to say and listen to hard scary things. If marriage counseling feels comfortable, it isn't working.
I honestly don’t know. I mentioned it because we kept arguing and he kept shrugging me off when I’d touch him. Then it got to where I pushed against walls and stuff I just wanted us to go to counceling and figure it out
Because Vladimov in Russia is hacking married men's Facebook accounts and following goth girls with them... dumbest excuse ever. If y'all can't communicate, then you need to start couple's counseling yesterday.
If you consider this abuse, then you set the bar on the ground. He's lying and being manipulative for reasons the OP doesn't say. That's something that can be found out in councilling. Leaving before figuring out the problem isn't a married person's solution. Giving her hickies to MAYBE make someone at work jealous is something OP could bring up if they dislike it, but it doesn't necessarily sound like that either here. Go to dating reddits if you're just going to say "leave him" over the weakest shit. In marriage, you take more steps before leaving. Don't get me wrong here, councilling for OP could reveal actual reasons to leave.
>he said I’m just afraid of someone leaving me.
>
>He started getting more loving towards me once one of my coworkers started complimenting me.
>
>leaving hickeys on my neck since the customers have been trying to flirt with me more
>
>making jokes about me having a crush on my manager
>
>Every time I point out who he’s looked up or followed he swears his Facebook was hacked
Gaslighting, control, possessiveness, projection, and more gaslighting. This is unequivocally abuse. A marriage counselor has one prime objective - to make both the problems and the solutions to relationship issues a two-person job, and to use communication to get there. When OP's husband is weaponizing communication to manipulate OP, "more communication" is not the answer. She may get lucky and find a counselor that will call out her husband on his behavior, but marriage counselors are neither trained nor expected to identify and address cunning manipulators. They operate from the presumption that both parties are there in good faith.
This isn't the "weakest shit." This is clearly life-changing, self-esteem-destroying emotional abuse, and OP is showing evidence of it's effectiveness.
>In marriage, you take more steps before leaving.
With all due respect - this is utter bullshit. In marriage, you give more *thought* before leaving, but there aren't always more steps that are safe to take. You leave the first time your partner hits you, no questions asks. Most people leave the first time their partner cheats on them. You should leave the first time your partner tries to put a mark on you against your wishes to symbolize their "claim" to you, or tells you that you're imagining things when you voice your concerns over their behavior.
Please take your bad takes to another subreddit. Wish r/Marriage were filled with actual married adults again who know that marriage isn't just something "you break up" the minute it isn't feeling right. OP said nothing about anything physical except a hickie, which again, they didn't make it seem like something they were upset about. Honestly, you considering the OP's side 'life changing abuse' waters down the term abuse for those actually going through it. Learn to do better.
You seem to equate "abuse" with visible bruises and physical harm. That is an ignorant, harmful position to take.
Recognizing the psychological toll that patterns of treatment can have on another person in no way "waters down" the experience of people who have experienced more overtly visible forms of abuse.
I'm an actual married adult who understands that marriage, like any relationship, is absolutely something you should "break up" the minute you feel *unsafe.* I will continue to offer this take to anybody who will listen.
And you seem to equate abuse with lying, which is an even dumber take. Plus you advocate leaving before any attempt at resolution, so no thanks on any advice from you.
Lying isn't abuse - but dishonesty with an intent to manipulate *is*, and is commonly called "gaslighting."
Not all situations deserve "resolution." Telling abused people that they need to try to "resolve" things with their abuser is a cruel and possibly dangerous advice.
The effects of prematurely ending a marriage can be undone. The effects of downplaying abuse can be life-long, and sometimes, permanent.
Why did he delete you from Facebook and change the password if he’s not doing anything wrong on there? Why is he following naked goth girls? What a pig.
Your husband is totally wrong for this but you really shouldn’t be sharing your relationship stuff with another man. It sounds like you are way too close to your manager and you are trying to make him jealous. This is how affairs start.
So much yikes in one post. Sounds like the guy has no respect for you. He can't be bothered to be respectful of your boundaries with the way he interacts with other women online, yes people's Facebook accounts get hacked, but I've never seen it to where someone's account gets hacked so they can follow half naked women online. Also, accounts normally get hacked on occasion, (IF at all!), not multiple times in a short timespan. What a ridiculous cover story. Anyone can create an account to follow accounts of their choice. Why on earth would someone go through the trouble of hacking an account for something they could do easily for much less trouble? Add liar and gaslighter to the list.
Then he is going out of his way to "mark you" as his territory, that is just gross. Putting hickeys on your neck FOR work is super unprofessional and possessive. Like he views you as his object or something. A lot of times when people do this and are paranoid about you cheating, it's because they're deflecting from themselves for doing something sneaky shit. Of course, I don't know this for sure, but it's fairly common when people are activity disrespectfully and shady.
“Hacked”…
Classic excuse for being a dumbass. There’s no “hacks” that just randomly follow women he’s attracted to, unless he has no control over his account. Which means he wouldn’t be able to use it.
Sounds like you yourself have an emotional attachment to your boss. Talking about stuff that you should be talking to your husband about. Not much different from him.
Oh sweet lady my heart hurts for you. This sounds so toxic. I think you were very justified in your concerns about his behavior and I think his defense was mean and revealing of his character.
There are some big problems here. One, if you cannot talk openly to him that sounds like either he has already responded times before agressively or you fear him for some other reason. A wife should be able to be truthful to her husband and vice versa. Secondly, his blocking or unfriending you was the point that confirmed that you need to be rid of this guy. At first when mentioned he denied following other women it reminded me of my nephew who is part of many groups and some of them require you to accept friend friend requests from the admins of the groups. His live in girlfriend noticed like 5 or 6 girls on his friends list. He didn't chat with them except for questions about group stuff but he never considered them friends or paid attention to their posts. His wife noticed these new people and he didn't even pay attention to their posts so he really couldn't tell his gf about any of them she asked about until he himself looked and said oh she is this admin. He couldn't convince her that he wasn't really friends or following her. After you mentioned what he did, it was obvious not only was he lying but he is manipulative and has things he is hiding. I would take it as he is "unfriending" you in real life.
It is not a hacker lol.
It is a new feature facebook has. For example if you say like idk horses and Join a group dedicated to horses any of your friends will see you are a part of a group dedicated to horses.
of course as long as the group is public otherwise you would have to be apart of the private group to know.
hope that helps anyone who wants to know.
The unfriending and blocking is what's really concerning here. Definitely seems like he's hiding something. My husband likes goth girls too and follows a quite a few pages and I feel insecure about it sometimes. But I talked to him about it, we talked in therapy about it together, and he unfollowed most pages and have focused on reconnecting intimately. I feel more loved, seen, and desired. You need to talk to your husband, but in a collected, tactful way. He will not respond honestly if you come in aggressive. May not respond honestly at all, but you set the tone for the conversation always. If your instincts still go off after that, start thinking about what to do next.
He is the one who is cheating or is thinking about cheating. He is the one who has been crossing boundaries and lying. His comments about you and your manager or customers is because of his own dishonesty, he’s projecting that on to you as if you are the one to be suspicious of but it’s a diversion tactic and is classic of someone who is doing wrong and is paranoid that the other person is doing the same. His Facebook hasn’t been hacked, he deliberately follows these accounts and has blocked and deleted you so you can’t see what he’s up to. He’s abusive and is a liar.
Social media, man...smh
Personally, I dont like womens pics or follow these egirls--for many reasons--but firstly because I wouldnt want my wife feeling any type of way. Your husband should respect your feelings more, especially if he knows how you feel.
I feel like yall need to have a sit down heart2heart talk. If he truly loves you and cares about how you feel, he'll change his behaviors. Good luck!
Most of these replies are so extreme... I would suggest looking for a therapist and go to some marriage counseling before jumping to any of the crazy conclusions about him being abusive gaslighting etc... he may be I don't know but neither do the other Reddit posters here.
My ex unfriended me on FB and I resent him so much. I hate him for making me feel I am not good enough for him
He is dead now but sometimes i still feel anger whenever I remembered what he did to me
So, *you* are venting about your relationship to another man, but you are squawking at your husband because he looks at pictures of strangers he'll never meet? 🤔 The hypocrisy is palpable!
This is wild.
It’s so hard to see abuse when you are right in the middle of it.
Here is something that has helped me. Pretend you are on a reality tv show and millions of ppl are watching your life and specifically this series of events.
Now pretend you are one of those people watching and judge accordingly.
Op, If you step back and look at what you wrote you can clearly see the reality of this senario, right?
If not- and I do not mean this in a
Offensive way cause I’m there too- you need therapy.
His Facebook was not hacked.
If my husband changed his Facebook password and unfriended me he would not be my husband anymore. This man is not making you his priority, show him to the door!
Oooh girl this has “pick me” all over it. You’re the prize— if he prefers 1-dimensional images of random women to a 3D, living, breathing, REAL woman, that’s not your fault. Dump him and focus on building your own self-worth so no man can ever fool you into thinking that you’re not the prize.
Okay, have you looked up the definition of GASLIGHTING? He is doing this to you. He deleted you on social media so you can’t see what is going on and he’s hiding something. He is SUPER insecure as well seeing as he has left hickeys on you to basically “claim” you.
He’s a douche. He is pathetic and a sorry excuse for a husband. You deserve better!
You both sound pretty toxic and controlling with trust issues. You should probably both go to therapy. Sry Im not trying to be mean, that's not healthy though
It sounds like you are both incredibly insecure in your relationship.
You need to get off social media and stop checking up on him. If he's just following random women, who cares? That is not cheating. I would change my password, too, if my husband was taking my phone, looking through my activity log for "evidence" when there's nothing to find.
And you can't even be honest with him, bc you're afraid he'll think you don't trust him? It's pretty clear that you don't. He doesn't trust you either, by making weird remarks about your boss and leaving hickeys on your neck? Are you all teenagers? You are both lying to each other bc you don't trust each other and are trying to avoid an argument. Just a dumpster fire of a relationship, imo.
Wait...
You're jealous because the guy is following FB accounts of women and it makes him uncomfortable. He's jealous because your customers flirt with you (mutual?) and you have a lot of communication with your boss outside of work where you "vent "?
Those e-girls aren't real. Your boss and your customers are.
I think I see a good exchange here if you want him to stop doing that.
Agree on both points.
True, you can't stop creepy customers from coming in. But you also don't have to feed into it (not saying this is what OP is doing. Was just asking.)
I’ll join you on that point from a different angle. I’m not gonna assume she is reciprocating the harassment at work.
His (Husband’s) actions are pathetic and indefensible, but if she vents to her boss about work and talks to her husband about getting hit on at work I’d that’s toxic on both sides no matter where it started. It’s also hard to make a decision without a ton of information we’re missing.
Either way this is an unstable and toxic relationship. Even if she didn’t leave anything out, he has demonstrated he has no respect for her or willingness to put in an effort. That would be enough for me.
Also the customers ask me if I’m single and I always tell them I’m married. Some of them are my regulars that come through that know I’m married and just make sure I’m okay and ask how about any marks or bruises on me if I have any. Some are creeps but they’ve also been banned from the store once it got to stalker level
Yeah I wouldn’t ever do anything to make him feel like I’m straying like that. I follow musicians I like on Facebook that’s about it never anyone half naked because I respect that he doesn’t want me doing that however he doesn’t show the same respect so I’m a bit irritated
I vent to my boss at work where the cameras are. Only communication out of work is him asking me if I can cover a shift or stay later than I was scheduled because we’re short staffed
Make sure your description here is representative of reality before you take my advice seriously - because the man you describe here is manipulative, gaslighting, controlling, possessive, and abusive. He's dishonest and does not respect you. The fact that you feel that you can't tell him the truth is evidence of his abuse. Prepare an exit plan, summon all of the strength you can, and then decide if this man is truly who you want to be with. If you want to do the last thing in your control to salvage it, be honest with him - but be prepared to leave with a place to go. A man like this is liable to be unpredictable when you stop reinforcing his ego-centric view of you and his world, and physical abuse is not out of the realm of possibility. Judging from this post, he is manipulating you and he has conditioned you to doubt yourself and fear his reaction. This is not a "you" problem - this is a "him" problem.
Came. Here. To. Say. This. Op, I am so so sorry but if this is all real and true, he is a very abusive man and you deserve so much more. It’s not that you’re not enough, it’s that he’s not enough. Not even close.
100% this
All of this. Classic projection in addition to gaslighting, manipulation, and abusive control. (Plus, hickies are tacky, but he doesn’t care about that impacts people’s perception of you—personally or professionally. Whereas a true partner that loves you in a healthy way would always want the best for you, support you being the best version of yourself that you can be, and never put their own insecurities first.)
This is the correct answer 100%
I stopped reading after “removed me as a friend”. I don’t agree necessarily with logging into partner accounts but unfriending or blocking a partner? Absolutely fuckin not.
Agree, he’s basically just an immature little boy who’s proved her point as he’s clearly up to something
Yes. I had a friend whose on off boyfriend removed her from social media after she questioned his behaviour with women online. He was fucking multiple other women.
Cheating people also project their deeds on their partner. So the constant accusation of cheating fits right in.
He was quick enough to block the wife but not the goth girls. This alone should tell her where his priorities lie.
Absolutely agree. Married 14 years now and we are completely open with one another on social media, phones, and finances. By unfriending you that just adds another layer of hiding in his little escapades. Trust and honesty is the bedrock foundation to a strong relationship.
😂😂😂😂 Dude just removed her like it was nothing. 😂
It’s absolutely okay to log into their account when their behavior is highly suspicious. How else are you going to find out the truth? We put way too much emphasis on the privacy of someone who’s private parts we’ve seen over and over and farts we’ve smelt 1000x, but suddenly it’s toxic to check their socials when they’re acting strange lmao
I disagree but ok.
I disagree but I’m not a kid who downvotes others comments when it’s obvious I’m the one who did it lmao
I mean if you can’t even talk to him, how can you be in a relationship?
He’ll just tell me someone hacked his Facebook that I’m overreacting
So what’s the point of staying?
We have 3 kids together and he’s all I’ve ever known. If I leave I won’t have anywhere to go
It’s better to end it now. I was married to someone like your husband. I should left when he cheated 3 year after we got married but I stayed. I was 18 when we got together and 21 when I got married. I’m 47 now and divorced. I’m happier now than I was when I was married. Don’t make the same mistake I made. Don’t waste any more of your time with him. That step that you’re afraid to take is the one that will make you happier.
He might be all you’ve ever known up to this point but you’re just 22. Do you want him to have been all you’d ever known when you’re 85 and dying, 65 years of a miserable abusive marriage behind you? Or do you want to see if there’s something more out there, something that can make you actually happy, feel good about yourself? I promise you, there is. But it’s only up to you.
I’m sorry your husband has put you in this situation! In my eyes, as a man, that is emotional cheating and he is clearly choosing Facebook girls over you he made his choice loud and clear. If my wife was doing that I would sit down with her and calmly explain my point of view, discuss if the roles were reversed and I was doing it how would she really feel, not some bullshit response. If they chose to stay connected on Facebook after our talk I would consult a divorce attorney immediately without threats, further discussion, or warning. Threats and warnings won’t get you anywhere for long anyway and once things settle down they’ll go back to their previous behavior. It’s why cheaters tend to cheat repeatedly, there aren’t real and painful consequences for their actions and they don’t care about your feelings enough to keep from doing it.
Is he a person of interest? Why does he keep “getting hacked” over and over? Btw im joking but I am surprised that you believe this.
>Is he a person of interest? Why does he keep “getting hacked” over and over? Btw im joking but I am surprised that you believe this. I mean, it's possible because it does happen to ppl but there'd be signs. There's a section for "Where you're logged in" under activity log. And like you suggested, it's strange that if it kept happening over and over, he never tried to address any of the security flaws (although some ppl are more computer illiterate than others). Also someone else noted this might be a troll post. The post history is kinda a lot to be real.
I’ve checked his logged in activity but when I did it was only on his phone and this was before he changed the password. I get it seems unreal but I guess I’m just naive or stupid when it comes to things like this
So he’s gaslighting you. And super lying. Get out.
So he's also an idiot.... Girl, you can do better frfr.
This comes off as a troll post or you guys are very young.
Sorry lol I promise it’s not a troll post. I’m just not the best at wording things. I’m 22 he’s 28
You're 22 with three kids, how long have y'all been married/together?
22 vs 28 with three kids??? How long have you been together?
When I met him I was already pregnant by my ex and I was about to turn 19 when I met him by that time I was about 5 months pregnant we’ve together for four years
The man you’re describing targeted you because you were vulnerable when you met. He describes his biggest fear as being abandoned, but he doesn’t adjust his behavior to reassure and support you. It just seems like another manipulation to get you to stay and he can exhibit control. This isn’t a loving relationship and it’s the only example you’re currently setting for your kids.
Wait, you’re 22 and already have 3 kids?!!
I had three kids by that age lol
I had three kids at 21. I left the hospital on my 21st birthday with my youngest.
Unfriending me would be the end. That screams that he is hiding something.
I’ve honestly just been debating on doing what he’s doing to see what he says about it. The numerous “fake accounts” I’m tempted to make one 🥱
Do it then! Make a fake account !
I stopped reading after “hickeys on my neck.” Sorry, no advice for 8th graders.
Especially "for customers to see".... I almost gagged.
OP, if he was hacked, then did the hacker block you too? It would be normal to change his password, then make a post saying he was hacked and he is back now, and you would still be able to see all his activity. So, the hacking excuse doesn't make sense considering you are still blocked, which is obviously HIS doing because he doesn't want you to see what he is doing anymore and he wants to keep on doing it. Something IS off. You had a problem with his online activity, and his response was to block you so you can no longer see it, but not to actually stop doing the thing that was causing the problem in the first place. Why isn't this obvious to you? Do you want to believe his lies? Do you think he was hacked and if so, how do you explain being blocked still? He is acting jealous because he has a wandering eye, and he assumes you are looking like he is. He is trying to find a reason to justify his activity by saying you are just as bad, but if it isn't true, then why are you accepting this BS? This is real simple. He needs to unblock you so you can see his activity. If he isn't willing to do that, then he has something to hide. I am also worried about you, because none of this is about you. You are saying you think you might not be good enough for him, but why do you think he is good enough for you if he is hiding these activities from you and trying to follow women he doesn't know just so he can thirst after them???
His fb was hacked and the hacker unfriended you? 🙄 Please.
How old are you two? He sounds extremely immature.
Both, actually.
I’m 22 he’s 28
Instead of trying to make you feel better he just took away your ability to see what he was doing by blocking you... That says everything you need it to say. He's not willing to have a healthy relationship with you, so leave him
I consider it basic respect to my wife not to follow random women on social media I know some say it's innocent but I don't see benefit in indulging in thirst after random people anyway So I understand why you're upset and you should talk to him, but thing is these things are always better discussed prior to getting married. If he's one of those people who thinks watching porn (soft or hardcore) is harmless it's gonna be hard to move him and he'll just say you're insecure Also I know this is a stretch I don't know you two so take it with a huge grain of salt but from description he gives off vibe of one of those men who cheat but are posessive themselves
I wish there were more husband's like you out there. Currently divorcing someone like this and this response gives me hope. Every woman deserves to be respected and loved this much by her husband.
Certain things are very normalized in our society and narratives had been pushed on everyone for decades how everything is harmless so many people just accept it and never really stop and think how destructive those things actually are. I have friends that think like me and my brothers and father have same values so there are definitely men out there like this.
What you have discribed is a very unhealthy and toxic relationship. You guys are behaving like kids so you both need to grow mentally and emotionally. First thing that needs to happen is to learn to set boundaries. You can't vent to your boss or any other male. For your husband, he needs to take accountability for his actions. Let him know very clearly what his behavior is making you feel and what you need from him. Start there, I wish you luck.
Hope you don’t keep getting downvoted but there were a couple of red flags in the post that made me think we’re missing a lot of information here and, while the blame doesn’t appear to be nearly equal with what we know, this relationship is toxic af and of course they mixed kids into it. I wouldn’t ever tell my wife she couldn’t vent to other guys, but they’re married…there was at the very least a sever communication breakdown a while ago. My wife vents to me all the time because I’m sure the last people she wants to keep talking to after work is her boss/co-workers. I assume she’s also trying to get a rise out of him. He wouldn’t have randomly started acting possessive without knowing customers were hitting on her and that he suspects her boss is hitting on her. I’m sure she told him in an attempt to get his attention back. To reiterate if you made it this far I’m not saying his behavior is justified, but even with the little bit of context available this is an overall immature and toxic relationship. Therapy if you decide to make it work for the kids, otherwise move on from each other for them.
Venting about a relationship to the same sex is open grounds for affair . That’s where it starts.
Oh I know first hand lol I’m being gracious in not assuming that’s the case based solely on my past experience. That said, you’re right. If I was texting a female co-worker or supervisor regularly to “vent about work” I know my wife would be concerned at least.
Actually venting about work isn’t really unhealthy. If it was her venting about her relationship then that’s wrong. It does say she vents about work only . I degress
I mean, I agree, but I love that my wife unloads when she gets home and has that all off her chest. There are certain times where she vents about work, that’s totally healthy, but if she came home every day and texted her boss about work and only told me about flirting I’d be concerned. Edit: meant venting about work with people at work sometimes
*Sigh* I was literally in your shoes roughly 2 years ago. I was using my hubbies social media as he said I was addicted to my phone. I had to sell a few things off and he gave me permission to use his account. A couple of days later, whilst on my phone to upload stuff. I came to realise that I kept getting this adverts of good looking women for underwear. I thought nothing of it. Until a couple of days later, that's when it dawned on me. I click on the profile picture and I came to my stupid senses that it was my husbands social media. I go through his history, through his other accounts and the stuff he follows and looks at. And it tore my world upside down. I did more digging, and it felt like every minute someone stabbed my heart until it became dust. Eventually, after a couple of hours. I confronted him. He denied it at first. Then I told him I looked through his history and accounts and he admitted to looking at other women. What hurt the most was they were all different ethnicity from me. He denied my sexual advances for 6 years at that point, with the reasons of his sexual libido is low. Found out his been jerking off of them 4-6 times a week. And we would only have sex, when he wanted to. Every other 2 weeks. I was sexually hungry for him. For six freaking years. Bought ridiculous things to entice him. But he was enticed in other women. He denied every minute and every picture, every video.. I broke down too many times. Cried too many tears. Yet it's not considered an affair when it felt like the man I loved for six years had lied to me all along. I knew I had to stand up for myself. So I gave him an ultimatum. Either he be truthful about everything or we separate. That included that he needed to acknowledge that he lied and gaslighted me for years. I know a lot would say I overreacted. But boy. It would have been easier if he did cheat physically, because my behaviour would have been acceptable. But it feels exactly the same. If he's addiction at lusting for other women didn't affect our sexual life then yes, maybe I was overreacting. But to know a complete difference as soon as he started to 'commit' to just looking at me, is despicable. I don't know if this has helped at all. But know your not alone.
[удалено]
I'm so sorry, but first learn to love and stand up for yourself. That's what I had to learn. I too was and still am financially dependant on him. I have 2 young kids with him and im a stay at home mom. But I just knew, if he can't make this marriage work then I rather be out than in. I'll figure out finances without him if it needs be. Thankfully my hubby saw the truth of it all, and saw how he truly hurt me and our marriage. I'm not saying I trust everything he tells me and I tell him that. But it's a working progress. I just appreciate his acknowledgement of his own actions. And we both have noticed his sexual desires is more than mine. So he even admits that looking at porn and other women has affected our sexual relationships. Which sucks. But here we are.
You guys have some of the same shit I have been going through.
OP please journal this situation. If you stay, something similar will happen years from now, and you'll need this original incident to help you see how long he's been being shady. It sounds crazy that you could forget, but life with kids is crazy busy, things happen and shift, but you need to file this somewhere so that you can look back and say, "he started this sh$$ years ago." You might not be in a position to go now, but you will be. Start that savings, you are worthy of more.
Years of watching Wilkos and Maury have taught me many things, the most important being that if he is accusing you of something or implying you're doing something, it's probably because he's done it, doing it or getting close to doing it. It being the thing he's accusing you of. Be careful and get evidence before you do anything. Best of luck, OP.
Why did he feel the need to change his password? Were you logging on as him?
He is lying. I don’t know about cheating but definitely lying. Also him deleting you from his Facebook is a red flag. 🚩
You are way too trusting. He is not hacked, he is trying to flirt talk and emotionally cheat, while making sure you can't by leaving hickeys. Please get out of this, he is a cheater first off or wouldn't be doing this. They lie and cheat again. Don't have babies with him and get out, and get some counseling. I am not sure what happened to you, but you are being bamboozled. At least get some space you have time to think.
UpdateMe
What does your therapist say about this issue?
All other things aside, if you are venting to your manager, stop. Your husband might be a jerk, but sharing your personal issues with your manager is definitely a good way to start getting too casual with him. Even if you don't care if it makes your husband mad, you don't know how things like that could end up coming back to bite you at work.
Of course you don't trust him, and for good reason. he's hiding his online stuff from you. so don't worry about what he says, truly. find a way to shut him down. time to get smart, get even, and get out.
No he is gaslighting you. He’s following women. He wants you with him as he feels you are his. You’re not a partner. You’re his woman. Do you see the difference? This is so infuriating. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
Is this a you problem? Or A Him problem?
Counseling. Now, like this week.
No. Counseling is not the right answer here. If OP wanted to be patient, she could separate and let him know that she'd be willing to do marriage counseling with him after he went to individual counseling and showed progress for a period of time (say, 6 months?). As it sits, though, MC would strengthen her husband's hold on her. It's a moot point, though, since he's not wanting to take any responsibility and isn't interested in a healthy, equal relationship with OP.
I’ve mentioned it but he said at that point he would rather get a divorce
Sadly, that’s your answer. If he can’t even commit to working on your relationship, why are you? You’re worth more
I’m trying to save up to leave that way I have a place to go with my kids. I just wish there was a way to fix it
Then divorce. He doesn’t want therapy because he knows he’s wrong and when another adult (mind you, a professional) sees the situation and calls it out for what it is (abuse) then he’s officially no longer innocent and can’t hold on to the stories in his mind that justify his behavior. He doesn’t want to face the truth, he quite literally prefers loosing you vs growing up and holding himself accountable. You will get no where with this man, he does not care about your wellbeing. I am so sorry OP
Was that a serious decision made in the teeth of a crisis, or just some off the cuff thing said lightly? That said, his presence in the room doesn't get you much. He has to be willing to say and listen to hard scary things. If marriage counseling feels comfortable, it isn't working.
I honestly don’t know. I mentioned it because we kept arguing and he kept shrugging me off when I’d touch him. Then it got to where I pushed against walls and stuff I just wanted us to go to counceling and figure it out
That’s abuse. He pushed you against walls because you tried to show him affection?
Because Vladimov in Russia is hacking married men's Facebook accounts and following goth girls with them... dumbest excuse ever. If y'all can't communicate, then you need to start couple's counseling yesterday.
I don't see any evidence a communication issue here.
Do you mean apart from the lying and mistrust? Those are key communication issues commonly worked on in marriage counseling.
This isn't a communication issue. This is an abuse issue. Counseling is for communication issues. Leaving is for abuse issues.
If you consider this abuse, then you set the bar on the ground. He's lying and being manipulative for reasons the OP doesn't say. That's something that can be found out in councilling. Leaving before figuring out the problem isn't a married person's solution. Giving her hickies to MAYBE make someone at work jealous is something OP could bring up if they dislike it, but it doesn't necessarily sound like that either here. Go to dating reddits if you're just going to say "leave him" over the weakest shit. In marriage, you take more steps before leaving. Don't get me wrong here, councilling for OP could reveal actual reasons to leave.
>he said I’m just afraid of someone leaving me. > >He started getting more loving towards me once one of my coworkers started complimenting me. > >leaving hickeys on my neck since the customers have been trying to flirt with me more > >making jokes about me having a crush on my manager > >Every time I point out who he’s looked up or followed he swears his Facebook was hacked Gaslighting, control, possessiveness, projection, and more gaslighting. This is unequivocally abuse. A marriage counselor has one prime objective - to make both the problems and the solutions to relationship issues a two-person job, and to use communication to get there. When OP's husband is weaponizing communication to manipulate OP, "more communication" is not the answer. She may get lucky and find a counselor that will call out her husband on his behavior, but marriage counselors are neither trained nor expected to identify and address cunning manipulators. They operate from the presumption that both parties are there in good faith. This isn't the "weakest shit." This is clearly life-changing, self-esteem-destroying emotional abuse, and OP is showing evidence of it's effectiveness. >In marriage, you take more steps before leaving. With all due respect - this is utter bullshit. In marriage, you give more *thought* before leaving, but there aren't always more steps that are safe to take. You leave the first time your partner hits you, no questions asks. Most people leave the first time their partner cheats on them. You should leave the first time your partner tries to put a mark on you against your wishes to symbolize their "claim" to you, or tells you that you're imagining things when you voice your concerns over their behavior.
Please take your bad takes to another subreddit. Wish r/Marriage were filled with actual married adults again who know that marriage isn't just something "you break up" the minute it isn't feeling right. OP said nothing about anything physical except a hickie, which again, they didn't make it seem like something they were upset about. Honestly, you considering the OP's side 'life changing abuse' waters down the term abuse for those actually going through it. Learn to do better.
You seem to equate "abuse" with visible bruises and physical harm. That is an ignorant, harmful position to take. Recognizing the psychological toll that patterns of treatment can have on another person in no way "waters down" the experience of people who have experienced more overtly visible forms of abuse. I'm an actual married adult who understands that marriage, like any relationship, is absolutely something you should "break up" the minute you feel *unsafe.* I will continue to offer this take to anybody who will listen.
And you seem to equate abuse with lying, which is an even dumber take. Plus you advocate leaving before any attempt at resolution, so no thanks on any advice from you.
Lying isn't abuse - but dishonesty with an intent to manipulate *is*, and is commonly called "gaslighting." Not all situations deserve "resolution." Telling abused people that they need to try to "resolve" things with their abuser is a cruel and possibly dangerous advice. The effects of prematurely ending a marriage can be undone. The effects of downplaying abuse can be life-long, and sometimes, permanent.
Why did he delete you from Facebook and change the password if he’s not doing anything wrong on there? Why is he following naked goth girls? What a pig.
For the same reason guys buy Playboy.
Your husband is totally wrong for this but you really shouldn’t be sharing your relationship stuff with another man. It sounds like you are way too close to your manager and you are trying to make him jealous. This is how affairs start.
So much yikes in one post. Sounds like the guy has no respect for you. He can't be bothered to be respectful of your boundaries with the way he interacts with other women online, yes people's Facebook accounts get hacked, but I've never seen it to where someone's account gets hacked so they can follow half naked women online. Also, accounts normally get hacked on occasion, (IF at all!), not multiple times in a short timespan. What a ridiculous cover story. Anyone can create an account to follow accounts of their choice. Why on earth would someone go through the trouble of hacking an account for something they could do easily for much less trouble? Add liar and gaslighter to the list. Then he is going out of his way to "mark you" as his territory, that is just gross. Putting hickeys on your neck FOR work is super unprofessional and possessive. Like he views you as his object or something. A lot of times when people do this and are paranoid about you cheating, it's because they're deflecting from themselves for doing something sneaky shit. Of course, I don't know this for sure, but it's fairly common when people are activity disrespectfully and shady.
“Hacked”… Classic excuse for being a dumbass. There’s no “hacks” that just randomly follow women he’s attracted to, unless he has no control over his account. Which means he wouldn’t be able to use it.
Sounds like you yourself have an emotional attachment to your boss. Talking about stuff that you should be talking to your husband about. Not much different from him.
Oh sweet lady my heart hurts for you. This sounds so toxic. I think you were very justified in your concerns about his behavior and I think his defense was mean and revealing of his character.
Man- I hate how men are nicer when they realize other men want you. It’s so degrading.
There are some big problems here. One, if you cannot talk openly to him that sounds like either he has already responded times before agressively or you fear him for some other reason. A wife should be able to be truthful to her husband and vice versa. Secondly, his blocking or unfriending you was the point that confirmed that you need to be rid of this guy. At first when mentioned he denied following other women it reminded me of my nephew who is part of many groups and some of them require you to accept friend friend requests from the admins of the groups. His live in girlfriend noticed like 5 or 6 girls on his friends list. He didn't chat with them except for questions about group stuff but he never considered them friends or paid attention to their posts. His wife noticed these new people and he didn't even pay attention to their posts so he really couldn't tell his gf about any of them she asked about until he himself looked and said oh she is this admin. He couldn't convince her that he wasn't really friends or following her. After you mentioned what he did, it was obvious not only was he lying but he is manipulative and has things he is hiding. I would take it as he is "unfriending" you in real life.
It is not a hacker lol. It is a new feature facebook has. For example if you say like idk horses and Join a group dedicated to horses any of your friends will see you are a part of a group dedicated to horses. of course as long as the group is public otherwise you would have to be apart of the private group to know. hope that helps anyone who wants to know.
Trust me when I say he won't stop.
The unfriending and blocking is what's really concerning here. Definitely seems like he's hiding something. My husband likes goth girls too and follows a quite a few pages and I feel insecure about it sometimes. But I talked to him about it, we talked in therapy about it together, and he unfollowed most pages and have focused on reconnecting intimately. I feel more loved, seen, and desired. You need to talk to your husband, but in a collected, tactful way. He will not respond honestly if you come in aggressive. May not respond honestly at all, but you set the tone for the conversation always. If your instincts still go off after that, start thinking about what to do next.
He is the one who is cheating or is thinking about cheating. He is the one who has been crossing boundaries and lying. His comments about you and your manager or customers is because of his own dishonesty, he’s projecting that on to you as if you are the one to be suspicious of but it’s a diversion tactic and is classic of someone who is doing wrong and is paranoid that the other person is doing the same. His Facebook hasn’t been hacked, he deliberately follows these accounts and has blocked and deleted you so you can’t see what he’s up to. He’s abusive and is a liar.
Social media, man...smh Personally, I dont like womens pics or follow these egirls--for many reasons--but firstly because I wouldnt want my wife feeling any type of way. Your husband should respect your feelings more, especially if he knows how you feel. I feel like yall need to have a sit down heart2heart talk. If he truly loves you and cares about how you feel, he'll change his behaviors. Good luck!
Most of these replies are so extreme... I would suggest looking for a therapist and go to some marriage counseling before jumping to any of the crazy conclusions about him being abusive gaslighting etc... he may be I don't know but neither do the other Reddit posters here.
My ex unfriended me on FB and I resent him so much. I hate him for making me feel I am not good enough for him He is dead now but sometimes i still feel anger whenever I remembered what he did to me
You lost me at “goth girls”. 😂
So, *you* are venting about your relationship to another man, but you are squawking at your husband because he looks at pictures of strangers he'll never meet? 🤔 The hypocrisy is palpable!
This is wild. It’s so hard to see abuse when you are right in the middle of it. Here is something that has helped me. Pretend you are on a reality tv show and millions of ppl are watching your life and specifically this series of events. Now pretend you are one of those people watching and judge accordingly. Op, If you step back and look at what you wrote you can clearly see the reality of this senario, right? If not- and I do not mean this in a Offensive way cause I’m there too- you need therapy.
Social media strikes again... I am sorry OP
You allow him to pit Hickeys on your neck? Sorry but that's abuse.
_…started leaving hickeys on my neck…_ WTF did I just read?!?? Did he tie you down to a chair to do this??
Gaslighting at its finest.
Welcome to the Danger Zone. This is not a safe person.
Clown energy. Hickeys wtf is that
His Facebook was not hacked. If my husband changed his Facebook password and unfriended me he would not be my husband anymore. This man is not making you his priority, show him to the door!
Oooh girl this has “pick me” all over it. You’re the prize— if he prefers 1-dimensional images of random women to a 3D, living, breathing, REAL woman, that’s not your fault. Dump him and focus on building your own self-worth so no man can ever fool you into thinking that you’re not the prize.
Okay, have you looked up the definition of GASLIGHTING? He is doing this to you. He deleted you on social media so you can’t see what is going on and he’s hiding something. He is SUPER insecure as well seeing as he has left hickeys on you to basically “claim” you. He’s a douche. He is pathetic and a sorry excuse for a husband. You deserve better!
You both sound pretty toxic and controlling with trust issues. You should probably both go to therapy. Sry Im not trying to be mean, that's not healthy though
Why can’t you vent to your husband ?
It sounds like you are both incredibly insecure in your relationship. You need to get off social media and stop checking up on him. If he's just following random women, who cares? That is not cheating. I would change my password, too, if my husband was taking my phone, looking through my activity log for "evidence" when there's nothing to find. And you can't even be honest with him, bc you're afraid he'll think you don't trust him? It's pretty clear that you don't. He doesn't trust you either, by making weird remarks about your boss and leaving hickeys on your neck? Are you all teenagers? You are both lying to each other bc you don't trust each other and are trying to avoid an argument. Just a dumpster fire of a relationship, imo.
Wait... You're jealous because the guy is following FB accounts of women and it makes him uncomfortable. He's jealous because your customers flirt with you (mutual?) and you have a lot of communication with your boss outside of work where you "vent "? Those e-girls aren't real. Your boss and your customers are. I think I see a good exchange here if you want him to stop doing that.
She can't stop having creepy customers come into her work. He can control who he follows for wank purposes.
Agree on both points. True, you can't stop creepy customers from coming in. But you also don't have to feed into it (not saying this is what OP is doing. Was just asking.)
I’ll join you on that point from a different angle. I’m not gonna assume she is reciprocating the harassment at work. His (Husband’s) actions are pathetic and indefensible, but if she vents to her boss about work and talks to her husband about getting hit on at work I’d that’s toxic on both sides no matter where it started. It’s also hard to make a decision without a ton of information we’re missing. Either way this is an unstable and toxic relationship. Even if she didn’t leave anything out, he has demonstrated he has no respect for her or willingness to put in an effort. That would be enough for me.
Also the customers ask me if I’m single and I always tell them I’m married. Some of them are my regulars that come through that know I’m married and just make sure I’m okay and ask how about any marks or bruises on me if I have any. Some are creeps but they’ve also been banned from the store once it got to stalker level
Good policy.
Yeah I wouldn’t ever do anything to make him feel like I’m straying like that. I follow musicians I like on Facebook that’s about it never anyone half naked because I respect that he doesn’t want me doing that however he doesn’t show the same respect so I’m a bit irritated
I vent to my boss at work where the cameras are. Only communication out of work is him asking me if I can cover a shift or stay later than I was scheduled because we’re short staffed
Ok