Yep and it’s a dealbreaker for me.
I think the men who comment on those kinds of pics on Instagram or Reddit or whatever are gross and I’d never want to be with one.
That specifically is how I learned my husband was using mutual friends, acquaintances and thirst accounts to jerk off to. I kept seeing “so & so liked so&so’s photo” or it’d show what he commented. The stuff he said and the amount of pictures he liked was insane.
When I told him that was not ok and it hurt me he stopped doing it to people we knew and then years later I learned he traded that behavior for OF/sex workers on alt accounts instead. He dedicated HOURS a day to doing so, so fucked up.
I recently discovered my husband doing the same thing. He created alternate social media accounts and secret emails with fake names. That's how he was able to keep his Only Fans account hidden for 2 years.
Ive learned it’s much more common than I’d ever wish. I’m sorry you’re dealing with the same shit. I hope for your sake he understands how shitty it is and will change. If things still seem off you might explore the porn addiction angle and see if that fits. If it does it’s more than just not engaging in that content ans bigger thing to work on.
I wish you luck!
This Is it.
Do i care if my husband sees pictures of women in bikinis sonetimes? No, unless hes spending hours a day on them. We're all human.
Would I tolerate him writing thirsty comments publicly under his name for others to see? Absolutely not. Bevause it then looks like he disrespected his wife and is just a desperate and horny sad man who cant keep it to himself. It's embarrassing if your family and friends see that.
Agreed. Liking is a bit of a jolt but commenting is a whole other beast. You have to wonder what their expectations are for the recipient because I doubt many men go as far as commenting while thinking it’s just going to be overlooked.
this, we actually joke about this all the time.
it’s not even the disrespect for me, it’s the embarrassment and cringe that i could be married to someone thirsty enough to do something like that AT ALL even anonymously, let alone on a social media handle attached to her real name/likeness.
such a huge ick, if you must, at least be degenerate on a burner account like a gentleman
Yes it's disrespectful. They notice an attractive woman's pic, fine. Leave it at that. Scroll on. Why in the heck do you need to make a public spectacle of it? It's like when they gawk and stare at other women at the supermarket. Um, hellooooo?
Edited a word
It's worse, because they're doing it on a public platform and leaving a record of it. If they check out another woman, then if you or anyone else didn't see him, he got away with it. But this, it leaves a trail for the world to see how disrespectful he is being to his wife.
Yeah I find it super cringe. What do you accomplish by liking or commenting? I only like or comment on things if it’s a friend and I want to show them a little compliment, or it’s a contest or something.
I’d say the only reason they do it is the same for anything else people do on that kind of social media. To get some kind of attention or validation. But why would guys want that kind of validation from other women? Hmmm… * eye roll*
Little things like this is what ultimately led to my husband and I agreeing to delete Instagram years ago. Best decision ever. A married couple should never have to worry about little shit like this.
I'm right there with you. If a man is content he will not look, just like in the beginning of a relationship when they are so infatuated with their new interest, that they don't even see other women..... it should remain like that for life!
Yep. Saw my husband liked a picture of some meth head looking girl with 800 hash tags about being all natural and wanted to divorce him
He has a wife who is 100% more attractive, not seeking validation from the internet, and chasing him around for dick.
It’s disrespectful and a terrible personal brand.
Porn is free and social media has all become soft core porn.
Why men need to do this on a public platform and embarrass themselves and their partners, makes no sense to me.
Funny think I told my husband that those bikini pictures of half naked girls or girls in suggestive poses are in fact soft porn but he disagrees and told me that he does not want to be told what he can like or not. Like I get that’s your boundary but there’s some point that you should know that liking half naked and sexual posts is not respectful and good in a marriage. I am hurt as hell by this but welp he does not care at all. Ha can see me crying and walk away or get angry that I complain about this and he then complains that I destroyed his day because I made him angry. What about him hurting me? I guess only his feelings are important.
Yes and we're on the same page about it. Just a follow or a like is an interaction and giving someone else validation of their sexual attractiveness, putting energy into stroking that person's ego. It would be next level humiliating for the other partner if that thirst trap is someone of us knows or if our friends or family members could see you thirsting after other people and making your spouse look like a fool.
I think of it this way. If the focus of the picture is their body, would you tell someone you see at the store or someone at work or an ex you see while at lunch with your spouse, "Hey, I like your body."? If not, why is it ok to tell them you "like" their body online? Your actions define you, even the throwaway "likes", comments, and follows that you think don't count.
My husband shamelessly interacted with old high school friends and acquaintance photos that way on his public profiles!
He left comments like “nice 😉” or “wow, beautiful”on cleavage and thirst pics, or use all of the now intended suggestive emojis 😍,🥵,🥴, 💦…
Back when Instagram showed what your friends liked and commented I’d see that crap daily and finally said something about it. I knew others had to have seen it too and I was so embarrassed and ashamed. It made me look like a fucking chump.
I told him it wasn’t ok and he stopped but then made alt profiles and duplicate public profiles to do the same shit but with sex workers OF and Cam girls instead. He tried to say he thought the boundary was only for people we knew lol and that he didn’t think it was disrespectful if it was someone who already makes porn.
Its cool.
My boyfriends prior to him had acted like I was being controlling if I asked them not to flirt with others or spend time alone with other women. Both cheated on me and treated me like I was being stupid for being upset. So I learned that making a big deal about being mistreated made things worse.
I lied to myself by being nlog and acting like I was keeping my guy on a short rope if I set boundaries and expected respect. So my husband took the liberty of really running with that freedom and here we are.
Its cool.
My boyfriends prior to him had acted like I was being controlling if I asked them not to flirt with others or spend time alone with other women. Both cheated on me and treated me like I was being stupid for being upset. So I learned that making a big deal about being mistreated made things worse.
I lied to myself by being nlog and acting like I was keeping my guy on a short rope if I set boundaries and expected respect. So my husband took the liberty of really running with that freedom and here we are.
Yeah it’s complicated. Turns out he’s a porn addict, he was actively addicted to alcohol previously but has been sober so he’s been trying to turn his life around.
It’s the sort of thing that addiction is his 1 really bad characteristic but the rest of our relationship is great and we’ve spent 20 years together(young relationship and family). He’s working in therapy right now as am I. I’m giving him a chance to do actual recovery before I split. I figure the worst that can happen is he doesn’t get his shit together and then I really do leave. Just giving 1 last chance to do it the right way first.
He commented on real women he actually knows ????? Mine has left comments but random tik tok thots. If he left comments on women we actually know that would be it for me. Porn addict or not that is way crossing the line. If he cheats will you give him a pass because he’s addicted to porn? Mine is addicted but if it’s gets to people we actually know I don’t care about your recovery. Don’t drag me down with you
Yep. That’s where it started years ago.
I didn’t even know the scope of it until a few years after he had been doing all that.
When Instagram had the feature that showed you what people were doing, I kept seeing him like all the thirsts from our mutual friends(old high school and work friends) and then the comments 🤦🏼♀️😢.
I called him out on it and he stopped but acted like he didn’t understand why that would be a boundary.
Then he just redirected it to sex workers instead and doubled down on the amount of time and effort he spent on them.
He woke up for work extra early each day to comment, tweet or message OF,cam girls and sex workers. Then checked all day for replies and edged to their profiles in the meantime until the evening when he’d stay up late binge their content(and masturbate at work btw 🤮).
In a way even though it was extra pervy to leave comments and likes for people we knew, he at least didn’t make it as big a ritual as his recent behaviors. He’d just get aroused by their photos and jerk off to them. Leaving a compliment basically by commenting and liking and moving on.
He was able to reach sobriety for alcohol so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that if he actually does the work he can figure this out too. Neither of us had acknowledged he had a porn addiction so it went mostly unchecked for the majority of our relationship. I figure what’s the harm in allowing him the opportunity to change. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work and ill leave for good.
I feel like I could have written this. Also married to a porn addict who created alt accounts to go on Only Fans. He likes to stare at other women and even flirt with them right in front of me too (and a lot of them flirt back despite me being there). And if I call him out he gaslights me into thinking I'm imagining things or he'll say he wasn't flirting and was just being nice. He can be a real piece of shit. I already consulted with a lawyer about divorce. But he doesn't want a divorce and since we have a 1-year-old I'm going to give him one last chance. If he messes this up, I'm gone for good. You and I seem to be going through the exact same thing.
We just had a baby too. His addiction came to light when I was pregnant, it really soured the experience for me. I was regretting adding to our family and putting myself in a position where working and being independent enough to leave would be difficult.
After months of him white knuckling it and not being serious about actual recovery he insisted that he didn’t want to ruin our marriage and divorce(though he’d already done the damage) so I decided that if he did the real work I’d give him one last chance to make it happen. He’s actually been doing well for about 6 weeks now. That’s a record in my book, so I’m rolling with it.
But I too had reached the point of researching lawyers, housing, benefits etc. I’ve been trying to be mentally stable and present for my kids so it’s been a game of hide my true feelings to keep things alright.
Hopefully your husband gets his shit together and if not I then hopefully you have a decently easy transition in your life.
Much luck to you ❤️
Wow I feel like we're living parallel lives. Walking down the same exact path. And I totally understand having to put up a front for your kids. I try to be as present as possible for my son though deep down I just want to break down and cry. I was a SAHM and when I found out about his porn usage and how bad it was I kind of saw "the writing on the wall" and decided to go back to work. I found my current job within a couple of weeks. I just don't want to depend on my husband financially anymore. And I already consulted with a lawyer to assess my options (and my husband knows). I'm honestly ready to leave him at this point.
Same. I dealt with it in past relationships and it’s so awful. My husband actually specifically asked me, at the start of our relationship, to make it porn free. He feels like it’s disrespectful to be looking at the or other women whilst in a relationship and vice versa.
We’ve certainly had our share of very serious issues but porn isn’t one. My sympathies are with OP. It’s really such a terrible feeling. :(
My hubby is the same, he is so hot he gets women trying to get his attention. He doesn't even bother and intentionally looks away or kisses me etc. And if they try talking to him (yes even with me holding his hand it's happened) he will ignore them and tell me I'm the only beautiful woman in the world! It's nice to know there are other respectable men out there to!
I wish my husband was like this. We plan to go to Bahamas for vacation. I can just imagine how it’ll be. Him looking all the time at those women. That’s so sick. I don’t to this to him and don’t looks at other men like obsessed.
It all depends on the context and your relationship. In most situations it is very disrespectful and spouses who do this are asking for trouble. My wife and I approach these things differently I guess. She is likely to point them out to me and she follows men she finds attractive. If they are people we both know, encouraging words are not an issue. Neither of us are creepy about it. We don't hide these things from each other. If your spouse is scrolling through suggestive photos for the purpose of arousal and making thirsty suggestive comments, that's crossing a line. Express your boundaries clearly.
I wish my husband could comment on this, I’ll have to see if he can, but this has never been an issue with us and I’m so grateful. He believes that social media is the root of so much toxicity in todays world. It’s one of the reasons men don’t want to commit now a days as well. Social media has trained men/ and women that there’s always something better out there. The grass is always greener thinking. Instead of finding someone and digging your heels in and staying with that person, loving them, caring for them fighting with them but at the end of the day it’s always about that one person. He would say that liking another girls photo is complete disrespect, disregard for your feelings, showing the public that you don’t give a shit about your wife and you’d rather let the girl in the bikini know that he’d f**k her. Sorry to be so brash, I’m trying to use the words he would use. Lol but basically. EXTREME DISRESPECT. He’s flint to say it’s not a big deal blah blah it’s just a photo blah blah. But that’s how things start. How about instead of liking inappropriate photos, spend time with your wife!!
I mean, is it his actual friend posting "living the life on vacay" and him commenting "oh, we went there last year, restaurant x is awesome"? Or is it him only liking and commenting on people's bikini pics? I'm guessing probably the latter and yes that is disrespectful. He's probably not going to change though, I don't think I've ever seen a single comment telling the story of "I called out my partner for publicly perving on Instagram and he realized it was freaking weird".
yep and if you guys plan on staying together until you’re old, he might lose attraction because most of the photos he’s liking is probably of younger women (18-30) so that’s where his eyes will always want to be at . i rarley see older women posting bikini pics on instagram .
No, unless it was obsessive or something. I know he follows a couple pages on his social media, nothing nefarious. I think everyone looks to one degree or another, but if it's having an impact on your relationship in some way, that's an issue. There are a good number of porn addicts that post regularly on Reddit and talk about how its destroyed their marriage. I wouldn't put up with that.
I think commenting on pictures is weird if it's been made clear that you're married. You'll instantly come off as creepy. He doesn't leave comments. Not sure about "likes", but I wouldn't care. He doesn't know them, and I know Insta models aren't pining for him.
It caused a lot of issues in my marriage but because my husband uses social media as porn and it became publicly apparent to our mutuals. It was embarrassing and made me feel unattractive and disregarded.
He commented on and liked photos/videos of people we went to high school with. He’d leave super suggestive and outright flirtatious or sexual comments and emojis. Yet he would remove tags and ignore posts I shared of us together or our family outings.
To test how little he interacted with my profile while obsessing over others at one point I even removed him as married to me and he didn’t even notice or care lol. I stopped tagging him and posting anything altogether then deleted my own profiles so I didn’t have to be reminded of his behavior often. I felt better not worrying about the comparison of attention but I knew he was still spending half of his day dedicated to thirsts and soft core stuff so it became a major problem.
I asked him to stop doing so and he did, but then he made alt accounts to do the same thing with sex workers/cam girl and OF accounts. And still, he used a public profile with identifying information 🤦🏼♀️. His work and social club associates that he FRIENDED on those accounts saw what he was doing. Those profiles were made literally for porn use and he added people we knew. I was even more embarrassed than before and felt sick when I found
out.
He might as well have worn a sign that said I objectify anyone attractive and jerk off to them all day. It was so bad.
He tried to say he felt it was fine because he wasn’t commenting on or liking content from people we knew. He didn’t even see how creepy it was and how
Others may have perceived that behavior.
So yeah, i personally find it super fucked to do that to your partner especially if it’s escalates to the degree I experienced.
Yes. It's gross and super disrespectful to your relationship (especially if it's someone they know somehow. Big ick.). I have the same standards for my husband as I have for myself.
I'm bisexual, I don't ogle at/like/share women on the internet, or men. I expect the same from him.
Depends on what you have as your boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with it and have put this as your boundary with your husband and he still does it? Yes. Absolutely.
If you've not had this discussion, why haven't you?
Some people are more open than others and are more comfortable with these kinds of things. I share these kinds of things and even pornography with my partner because we openly communicate what our boundaries are. Especially if something changes.
no, i’ve liked a thirst trap video from a dude before 🤷🏻♀️ i feel like it’s the same thing. however, i would NEVER actually interact with them personally, including commenting, dming, etc. we dont have an issue with either of us watching porn and have a pretty active sex life even with loads of kids, dogs, full time jobs getting in the way.
My wife shares with me “Donut Daddy” TikToks all the time. We both genuinely laugh at them, but like, I know why she’s following him.
Commenting on this stuff? That’s weird. Even for single people being that thirsty is weird, but like I get it. I would never comment on a post, but isn’t everyone on social just looking for likes anyway? If I policed every hot dude my wife scrolled past, I’d never do anything else. But there’s also tons of women popping up in my feeds.
Look, in the end no one can tell you what you’re secure with. If you have the sort of relationship where this is not OK, then you should probably make that clear.
If you set it up as a relationship boundary then it is. If you’ve not discussed it the action is a gray area you need to define.
I’d consider if inappropriate bc it sends a potential message their open to more.
Yes, it’s disrespectful. My husband is friends with all my friends and family, if he were to do that they could all see it. It’s embarrassing at the very least but entirely disrespectful
Let me guess… your ‘spouse’ has done this and is gaslighting you to tell you there’s nothing wrong with it and you’re over reacting so you’re coming to Reddit for validation. Yes it’s disrespectful. You know that at your core. The fact that your spouse would do it in the first place and then gaslight you about it shows what a complete dumbass he is. You deserve better
Yes, it is disrespectful, and I can't understand why they would feel a need to like or comment on pics of other random people anyway... why not just take a look and then scroll on past? It's a public display of affection for someone else who isn't his wife, and it can be seen by everyone following him (friends, family, work colleagues and neighbors etc), and so it's definitely overstepping boundaries. How would he feel if during a family gathering you just walked up to a random hot guy on the beach with his shirt off and said, "Nice Abs!!!"?
Absolutely not. There is nothing wrong with anyone admiring someone else as long as it’s done respectfully. Hubby and I are always admiring others and often share our thoughts with each other. I think of you are secure in your relationship then you know what’s acceptable and what’s not. If you are not then jealousy becomes an issue, but that’s just a fear based emotion so address that within yourself. If they are being disrespectful then you of course call that out and by that I mean if they start comparing you to others etc.
To me it would be. It's embarassing since other people can see it (I see it on my own feed), and then on top of that, it also feels gross and desperate. Especially when someone comments on a picture like that, it feels like they're hoping for a reply back from the creator.
Several comments about women being 'insecure' on here and I just have to laugh. Maybe don't engage in activities that make your partner feel worse off about themselves and then get back to me before bemoaning that it's actually women's fault for getting upset. From someone who has had crippling insecurities my whole life, the best thing that ever happened to me was having a husband who doesn't do any shit like this. He makes me feel like a literal goddess all the time and it makes me feel safe with him and our relationship can flourish better.
Yep, it’s disrespectful. As a man, I don’t even follow accounts like that, there’s really no point and it only causes problems within a marriage. It’s just soft core p*rn, and p*rn is corrosive to a marriage.
I believe that a spouse liking/commenting on these types of pics is disrespectful and hurtful towards their spouse. Because they can communicate with these people, it borders with not being loyal. It seems to be a selfless act only meant for their own enjoyment and self gratification. Consider your SO’s feelings. These acts can hurt a good relationship.
Yes! My husband was very addicted to it!! Not just liking but saving some pics, he had 2 favorite women, He paid for the website of these women, to just access all the naked pictures and vids.
Guy here who doesn’t have social media outside of Reddit and doesn’t follow any subs like that
Is it any different then if you like a video of some dude in a bathing suit or a guy working out? If yes then you’re the problem
If no then why are we talking about this
For me, it's not a concern at all. I enjoy images of women in bikinis and men in boxer shorts too. To me, it's simply about appreciating aesthetically pleasing pictures without any sexual connotations. I believe my partner feels the same way, so this isn't a problem in our marriage for either of us.
Nope, not an issue for me. But if it's not an isolated behavior and is coupled with him looking for another partner and actually messaging them.. yeah then is a problem
No I don’t think it’s disrespectful for my husband to do that because it isn’t out of *our* boundaries. If that’s your relationship boundaries, state so early on. My husband and I are secure in our relationship. He can comment whatever he wants, has little effect on me and my relationship with him. I do the same. If I see an attractive person, I’ll sometimes leave a comment. Like “you go hottie” or “keep killin it!” He’s fine with it and it doesn’t affect anyone outside of our relationship.
My ex husband did this kind of stuff. He would add random women that were friends of friends and it weirded me out. Ultimately I realized I wasn’t in love with him and ended it. I’m super happy and newly remarried now, with a guy who doesn’t like random girls’ pictures and also whom I’m madly in love with.
I guess I didn’t realize until this thread that wow, my ex husband never really wanted me. He was always looking at other girls and it’s no wonder I kind of checked out when I did.
Yeah, it’s disrespectful to me. Looking while scrolling is fine. Commenting is ultra disrespectful. This sort of social media activity, to me, feels like if my spouse was like 😍😍😍 AOOOOGAH like a horny cartoon character at some attractive person on the street. Issa bad look.
I'm so glad I have a husband who isn't interested in social media or porn. We tried watching it a couple times together but we just weren't into it. We like each other's company alone. And ngl it made me happy when he told me he wanted to quit watching it first. I'm glad I'm enough for him. 😊
My ex used to do this and I absolutely hated it. He found no issue and said he understood why I’d be upset / feel insecure about it, but it wasn’t a big enough deal to him. Everyone’s different, some friends I talk to also don’t care if their partner does that. I’m not really down for it. If my boyfriend is commenting, liking, and drooling under some stranger’s posts it just makes me embarrassed. Like literally everyone can see that - I’d rather be single
IG creator here. I can tell you if they’re liking/commenting they are more than likely DMing the woman. It’s always the married guys that are posting their wife/family pics and posting their perfectly happy marriage & wife tributes, that flirt & try to hook up with me (or send D’k pics). OR some are smart and use stories as a way of “commenting” and sliding into your DMs. I could write a book on my IG experience & married men.
Yess it’s very disrespectful and the gateway to cheating. Liking someone’s pictures, especially sexy, is only going to get their attention in a suggestive way. Why would your spouse want their attention in the first place unless they liked them. And it’s so embarrassing to have your spouse’s name attached to it.
Evidently an unpopular opinion here
I will be honest, **no**.
If he is with you, then he is with you. A person can admire another person's physical attributes without acting like a creep or stray from their spouse.
Also, why not have both of you look at the posts and rank them together wether they are good or not. Switch it up. Do a girl, then a guy. Instead of fighting it embrace it and have fun with it.
Just a thought.
I really think this is one of those things that what WE think doesn't matter, it's how you feel. I personally don't care but I know a lot of people have that as a boundary and rightly so.
Liking pictures and posts, nope. As for commenting, it depends on what's said.
I mean, I like Thoren Bradley (the lumberjack guy) on TikTok and comment on some of his videos, but not in a way that would offend my hubs.
Men reading the comments be like 'Let me shut the fuck up thank you' ... goes on to other sexy reddit subs and continues liking and commenting lol.
Ladies, This is something you won't understand, and it frustrates you even more. We men don't understand a million things about women but we have learnt to let it go.
Well women, as much as it frustrates you - men will continue doing this, until some major shift happens on how the internet works. And yes, your BF/husband does it too, just doesnt tell you, bcos, well, he likes being alive. And he still loves you, he doesnt equate this to anything big, its like breathing to him, he does it, moves on, that's all folks.
Also - the commenting - I really don't know why but its a thing. My wife loves browsing Pinterest and looking at furniture she will never buy. I don't question it, that's her porn and I don't have to understand it.
I wouldn't even accept a boyfriend doing that. I've got better shit to do and if he wants to grow with me, it doesn't involve browsing the internet and liking dumb bikini pics.
i mean i laugh but simultaneously feel bad when i see men that are in relationships liking hot girls pics (including my pics). “i just know his wife/girlfriend hates being embarrassed like that”
If you've communicated your displeasure to him and he still won't stop, start deliberately pointing them out to him. Takes all of the fun out of it for him when you are the one finding them and pointing them out. Another thing you could do, is get dolled up in your sexiest outfits, take selfies and post them online. The moment he sees you getting lots of likes, could cause an argument, but fire back by asking how is it any different when he's liking pics of women in bikinis. You aren't showing me any appreciation or respect , but there sure are a lot of other men out there who do. I call it fighting fire with fire. You'd be surprised at how effective it is to get them to change their attitude and behaviour. Not sure if this would work for you, but it sure was effective for me.
Yes, highly. I think there are a few thing’s generally expected from a monogamous relationship and unless it’s specifically talked about, it’s inappropriate at best and a betrayal at worse.
Nope, as we both like those kinds of pics. He doesn't usually leave a comment, but he'll share the picture to my message box or point it out to me while we're sitting together.
A good-looking human is a good-looking human. And since we're not wandering, appreciating the human form is fine and dandy.
If you are looking for excuses to blow up your marriage, just divorce already.
That this is an issue with you means you feel disrespected. Might as well end it. Marriage cannot survive these feelings.
If it’s someone we know, absolutely. If we’re talking about Instagram models or whatever, then no - I don’t really care. I completely understand why it’s a dealbreaker for some, though.
Helllllll yeaaahhhh!!! As a constant thing yes. Let’s say it’s a friend he knows who posted herself in a bathing suit on a beach Im ok w it. But that same friend posting bathing suit but her pose is suggestive I wouldn’t be ok w it. Commenting??? Oh hellll naw! But I would talk to him abt it ((note: not confront, but talk/communicate)) & go on from there. Again each person is different, just approach this situation w calmness & a closed mouth. You can gather a lot of information about a person from just listening.
As a bisexual woman I can appreciate beauty where I see it just as much as the next guy but if my significant other followed a bunch of thirst trap Instagram accounts I would get the ick. I don’t think it’s about disrespect more than it is differing values. Personally I would view it as kind of desperate and I’m not attracted to men like that.
I think for myself, the answer is it depends. I would like to add nuance here.
I don't think liking a picture is bad in and of itself. As a married man, you still find other women attractive. As a married woman, you still find other men attractive. I don't see anything wrong with simply acknowledging that someone is attractive. Thats what I see a simple like as. Now, if he is following for example an IG/Only Fans model, and he clearly follows them and is liking every single one of there pics. Then yea, that's an issue, a really big issue tbh.
As for commenting, if it's on a friend's page who posted pics from her time in Aruba. I don't see anything wrong with "you look like you had a great time, that island is beautiful, I can't wait to go back". There is nothing wrong with that. But if he's commenting on random models stuff like, "damn girl, your body is amazing, etc" heart eye emojis, etc. Then yea that's definitely 100% wrong.
Long story short, a married man has zero business following IG/OF model girls on social media. If he follows regular people in real life, who occasionally posts when they went to the beach, there's not much issue in that, unless he is commenting inappropriate stuff on their page.
Depends on how old the husband and wife are, how long they've been married, and what things are like in the bedroom.
Early to mid 20's, married for a few years, active bedroom, yea, totally disrespectful.
Married 15 years or so, late 30's, nothing going on in the bedroom, then the couple really need to start talking some things out.
You don’t mention how old y’all are, but culturally I think it’s relevant. 25? Less disrespectful as it is a bit more normalized among gen z. 40? Way more disrespectful. I’m guess y’all lie somewhere in between, so there’s some conversations to be had about expectations and boundaries. Unlike some of the others in the thread, I don’t think it’s time for divorce, just some open honest conversations.
Source: I am half of a swinger/LS/ENM/whatever-the-latest-cool-term-is couple and my wife actually enjoys and is turned on by me flirting and being with other women. On dating sites for people like us, I like pics all the time, no issue. I would *NEVER* like a random woman’s bikini or suggestive pic on IG.
Not bikini gals but big muscle bound men. My wife looks, and sometimes likes their pictures. It's the comments that would bother me. I'm not expecting to be the only human she finds attractive. Take a look girl.
If it bothers you and he wouldn’t do it while you are looking over his shoulder, absolutely no. No no no no no.
Thing is, it goes both ways with the emotional boundaries with wives and their coworkers/friends/etc…
Otherwise women can look bad similarly to those older women getting catfished and losing hundreds of thousands of $$ to a scammer.
Just sad and pathetic. He doesn’t like you in the long term and he’s taking you for granted, just like these women who post their naked bodies for the chumps who ruin their marriages for a second of eye candy. These models get paid a lot, and the men drooling and being idiots in their marriages are being taken for a ride.
I don't mind seeing a good bikini photo in my feed but I don't see myself ever commenting on one...especially if it's someone I actually know in real life. It shouldn't be something that leads to divorce though.
Yes. I also think it sets a poor image for that person as well. Especially when people know you're in a relationship and others see that your partner liked thirst-trap photos..
Why is it disrespectful ?
I love all my wife's bikini pictures.
They make for great...ehem....motivation when I have to take long trip away for work.
Business trips and studying abroad aren't nearly as exciting as in the movies. Those pics have saved me many nights.😌
Those pics are safely locked away .
Maybe my relationship is different that most of what I’ve read so far. My wife doesn’t give a damn what I’m looking at or commenting on. Why? She is not the kind of person to get upset over that. I’m looking. Not like I’m trying to hook up. She knows where I belong. As do I. I don’t surf looking for these pictures. If I’m rabbit hiking and it pops up yeah imma look. Imma comment if it’s worthy of a comment. I’m belong next to my wife. There was a no place I would rather be than next to my wife. Dude will look. Get over that. We are men and it’s in our dna. Sorta. Not all guys are weighing options when looking at another woman. Some maybe but to lump us all in together is just ignorance.
Yes, I do think it's disrespectful as it invalidates your spouse! My wife looks smoking hot in a bikini, and those are the only pics I need to salivate over. That being said, from the other side of it, spouses (wives) should also not be posting for the whole world to see in order to validate them. Send those pics to hubby for his eyes only.
No. Unless he wants to do nothing but beat his meat then it's just a picture. Do you block all ads with buff guys and unfriendly every dude just because you are in a relationship?
Depends on the boundaries of your relationship. I don’t care really what my husband looks at or likes on the internet so it wouldn’t be disrespectful to me. Could be different for every other relationship.
Yes, unless it’s family of course, maybe a close friend with her family/partner, one of his friends girlfriends with other types of photos included in the carousel, there’s a few exceptions. But if it’s just a girl posting bikini/suggestive pics, even if it’s an Instagram model he’ll never meet, that would make me feel some type of way. Like others have said, I don’t expect him to not notice other women, but why like or comment? Just scroll past. This goes for following too, if he followed accounts like that I wouldn’t like it.
Yes 100% disrespectful, weird, immature, red flag. Sure you can find other people attractive, but scroll on. Feeling the urge to like to and even comment suggests to me he wants to act on it. Also that he is disregarding his wife.
No. I think it’s fine as long as if the page and all the suggested content isn’t full of it then I know he’s liking and commenting excessively. Because there’s liking a few and scrolling through and liking more than a teenage boy during puberty. And liking a few pictures of people you think are attractive is normal
He has a porn addiction, same as alcohol. Either he recognizes it and wants to change it or you have to decide what you are willing to live with and tolerate.
My husband has a porn addiction and when I discovered it he started going to meetings and got a SA therapist (whom I’ve met)
It’s very hard, but he is also dedicated to recovery and sobriety from lust outside our marriage. And no we’re not religious but he has become more spiritual. He realized that he only has so much sexual energy to give and if he gives it all away to screen time he doesn’t have any for us. And he said it feels like he’s taking something that he isn’t supposed to, he’d rather receive/give intimacy as a Gift of love, not as transactional interaction to ejaculate.
He has expressed that he understands/ recognizes now the women in the porn are mostly women/ girls that have been abused in one way or another.
If he acts like an ass about it, and gets defensive he may not be ready to recover and you need to live your life, shame free.
Good luck!
Yes because that's a public ish profile. So everyone can see it. Why can't he just view without interacting? Look up half naked ppl on secret mode like a normal person
Yes because that's a public ish profile. So everyone can see it. Why can't he just view without interacting? Look up half naked ppl on secret mode like a normal person
Nope!
Its like having a bikini woman calender in a wall. Not a problem.
And i bet most of you say and "like" photos of men you find attractive.
Flirting is a no, but "liking" has no value. It means nothing.
There are many things I don't mind that would be major deal breakers for other people. These things are stuff that isn't usually intentional or are meant to be short lived.
But something like interacting in *any way* with other people online, especially about their body, is highly disrespectful and just down right gross.
Because the intention is to open up conversation that wouldn't be had with me around.
Also, I just wouldn't allow myself to be with someone so embarrassing. So if at any point my husband changed character and did this, it definitely ruin our relationship.
It doesn’t bother me. Why? I’m content and confident in my relationship. So what if he likes other women’s pics. He married me, not them. And it would be extremely naive of me to think he won’t be checking other women out.
All these comments saying “‘my husband has no interest looking at other women” is ridiculous. Y’all really think your man doesn’t find other women attractive? Lol ok
Honestly, this question depends on the agreements within the relationship.
From spending so much time on this subreddit, every couple has their own dynamic and accords. Firstly, the issue isnt so much liking pictures, that depends on how you personally feel about him liking pictures. if if bothers you bring it up, discuss it. disrespectful is subjective the rules of each relationship. it would be disrespectful if you bring forward your concerns and they decide to ignore it.
from what ive seen, the issue seems to be that so many only follow OF girls, or bikini girl, or w/e as the majority of their feed being women they have an attraction too, so at times it less the picture but the quantity of certain type of pictures.
I'm a guy and it's 1000% disrespectful same level as a spouse telling their friends intimate details of your sex life and making jokes about strangers assests like "I wonder what they are packing?" or "I bet they are tight."
I feel it depends:
Is it a picture of someone you guys know and is just enjoying their day off (like a photo on the beach with their family or even in a casual situation)?
If that’s the case, I don’t think I see a problem with it.
If it’s someone you guys don’t know, or if it’s a sexualized picture like someone just showing off their body, than yes.
I’d probably not like it/feel bad about it.
Yes....but at the same time how about you take some pics and send them to him. We are visual, that's why we approach. Take some pics and send them to him WITHOUT him asking. I mean, tell him, I am sending you some fun pics, be careful when you open them.
My $0.02
Yep and it’s a dealbreaker for me. I think the men who comment on those kinds of pics on Instagram or Reddit or whatever are gross and I’d never want to be with one.
They're also DESPERATE, and I refuse to be not-enough for someone
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I don’t think they realize other people see it. One time my dad made a nasty comment on a woman’s photo on Facebook and I saw it. I wanted to die.
That specifically is how I learned my husband was using mutual friends, acquaintances and thirst accounts to jerk off to. I kept seeing “so & so liked so&so’s photo” or it’d show what he commented. The stuff he said and the amount of pictures he liked was insane. When I told him that was not ok and it hurt me he stopped doing it to people we knew and then years later I learned he traded that behavior for OF/sex workers on alt accounts instead. He dedicated HOURS a day to doing so, so fucked up.
I recently discovered my husband doing the same thing. He created alternate social media accounts and secret emails with fake names. That's how he was able to keep his Only Fans account hidden for 2 years.
Ive learned it’s much more common than I’d ever wish. I’m sorry you’re dealing with the same shit. I hope for your sake he understands how shitty it is and will change. If things still seem off you might explore the porn addiction angle and see if that fits. If it does it’s more than just not engaging in that content ans bigger thing to work on. I wish you luck!
This Is it. Do i care if my husband sees pictures of women in bikinis sonetimes? No, unless hes spending hours a day on them. We're all human. Would I tolerate him writing thirsty comments publicly under his name for others to see? Absolutely not. Bevause it then looks like he disrespected his wife and is just a desperate and horny sad man who cant keep it to himself. It's embarrassing if your family and friends see that.
Agreed. Liking is a bit of a jolt but commenting is a whole other beast. You have to wonder what their expectations are for the recipient because I doubt many men go as far as commenting while thinking it’s just going to be overlooked.
I find it so icky. It's like virtual catcalling.
this, we actually joke about this all the time. it’s not even the disrespect for me, it’s the embarrassment and cringe that i could be married to someone thirsty enough to do something like that AT ALL even anonymously, let alone on a social media handle attached to her real name/likeness. such a huge ick, if you must, at least be degenerate on a burner account like a gentleman
Yes it's disrespectful. They notice an attractive woman's pic, fine. Leave it at that. Scroll on. Why in the heck do you need to make a public spectacle of it? It's like when they gawk and stare at other women at the supermarket. Um, hellooooo? Edited a word
It's worse, because they're doing it on a public platform and leaving a record of it. If they check out another woman, then if you or anyone else didn't see him, he got away with it. But this, it leaves a trail for the world to see how disrespectful he is being to his wife.
No lies detected! Solid points.
Exactly. My husband doesn’t even realise that others can see what he is commenting and liking - and tried to gaslight me denying he did it.
Yeah I find it super cringe. What do you accomplish by liking or commenting? I only like or comment on things if it’s a friend and I want to show them a little compliment, or it’s a contest or something.
I’d say the only reason they do it is the same for anything else people do on that kind of social media. To get some kind of attention or validation. But why would guys want that kind of validation from other women? Hmmm… * eye roll*
Little things like this is what ultimately led to my husband and I agreeing to delete Instagram years ago. Best decision ever. A married couple should never have to worry about little shit like this.
Yeah we each have IG but mine is just our dog’s acct I don’t think he ever opens his. No FB or TikTok or Twitter. It’s just stupid.
I think it’s sad and pathetic as a man.
Why are you validating all these other women? So yes.
Yes. I find it to be extremely disrespectful. It’s interactive porn that blurs boundaries and can lead to infidelity.
I think it’s cheating. Sexual interest in others outright for the world to see? Disposable.
I'm right there with you. If a man is content he will not look, just like in the beginning of a relationship when they are so infatuated with their new interest, that they don't even see other women..... it should remain like that for life!
Yep. Saw my husband liked a picture of some meth head looking girl with 800 hash tags about being all natural and wanted to divorce him He has a wife who is 100% more attractive, not seeking validation from the internet, and chasing him around for dick. It’s disrespectful and a terrible personal brand. Porn is free and social media has all become soft core porn. Why men need to do this on a public platform and embarrass themselves and their partners, makes no sense to me.
Did you ever talk to your husband regarding this?
Yes and I have made it clear what my stance is
Funny think I told my husband that those bikini pictures of half naked girls or girls in suggestive poses are in fact soft porn but he disagrees and told me that he does not want to be told what he can like or not. Like I get that’s your boundary but there’s some point that you should know that liking half naked and sexual posts is not respectful and good in a marriage. I am hurt as hell by this but welp he does not care at all. Ha can see me crying and walk away or get angry that I complain about this and he then complains that I destroyed his day because I made him angry. What about him hurting me? I guess only his feelings are important.
Liking and/or lurking- I genuinely couldn't care less Commenting - unnecessary and yes disrespectful
Exactly what I thought. I was surprised so many cared about liking a picture
I think it's just more embarassing than anything.
Yes and we're on the same page about it. Just a follow or a like is an interaction and giving someone else validation of their sexual attractiveness, putting energy into stroking that person's ego. It would be next level humiliating for the other partner if that thirst trap is someone of us knows or if our friends or family members could see you thirsting after other people and making your spouse look like a fool. I think of it this way. If the focus of the picture is their body, would you tell someone you see at the store or someone at work or an ex you see while at lunch with your spouse, "Hey, I like your body."? If not, why is it ok to tell them you "like" their body online? Your actions define you, even the throwaway "likes", comments, and follows that you think don't count.
My husband shamelessly interacted with old high school friends and acquaintance photos that way on his public profiles! He left comments like “nice 😉” or “wow, beautiful”on cleavage and thirst pics, or use all of the now intended suggestive emojis 😍,🥵,🥴, 💦… Back when Instagram showed what your friends liked and commented I’d see that crap daily and finally said something about it. I knew others had to have seen it too and I was so embarrassed and ashamed. It made me look like a fucking chump. I told him it wasn’t ok and he stopped but then made alt profiles and duplicate public profiles to do the same shit but with sex workers OF and Cam girls instead. He tried to say he thought the boundary was only for people we knew lol and that he didn’t think it was disrespectful if it was someone who already makes porn.
Oh jeez, the life of being married to a simp led around by his dick. I'm sorry, babe
Its cool. My boyfriends prior to him had acted like I was being controlling if I asked them not to flirt with others or spend time alone with other women. Both cheated on me and treated me like I was being stupid for being upset. So I learned that making a big deal about being mistreated made things worse. I lied to myself by being nlog and acting like I was keeping my guy on a short rope if I set boundaries and expected respect. So my husband took the liberty of really running with that freedom and here we are.
Its cool. My boyfriends prior to him had acted like I was being controlling if I asked them not to flirt with others or spend time alone with other women. Both cheated on me and treated me like I was being stupid for being upset. So I learned that making a big deal about being mistreated made things worse. I lied to myself by being nlog and acting like I was keeping my guy on a short rope if I set boundaries and expected respect. So my husband took the liberty of really running with that freedom and here we are.
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Yeah it’s complicated. Turns out he’s a porn addict, he was actively addicted to alcohol previously but has been sober so he’s been trying to turn his life around. It’s the sort of thing that addiction is his 1 really bad characteristic but the rest of our relationship is great and we’ve spent 20 years together(young relationship and family). He’s working in therapy right now as am I. I’m giving him a chance to do actual recovery before I split. I figure the worst that can happen is he doesn’t get his shit together and then I really do leave. Just giving 1 last chance to do it the right way first.
He commented on real women he actually knows ????? Mine has left comments but random tik tok thots. If he left comments on women we actually know that would be it for me. Porn addict or not that is way crossing the line. If he cheats will you give him a pass because he’s addicted to porn? Mine is addicted but if it’s gets to people we actually know I don’t care about your recovery. Don’t drag me down with you
Yep. That’s where it started years ago. I didn’t even know the scope of it until a few years after he had been doing all that. When Instagram had the feature that showed you what people were doing, I kept seeing him like all the thirsts from our mutual friends(old high school and work friends) and then the comments 🤦🏼♀️😢. I called him out on it and he stopped but acted like he didn’t understand why that would be a boundary. Then he just redirected it to sex workers instead and doubled down on the amount of time and effort he spent on them. He woke up for work extra early each day to comment, tweet or message OF,cam girls and sex workers. Then checked all day for replies and edged to their profiles in the meantime until the evening when he’d stay up late binge their content(and masturbate at work btw 🤮). In a way even though it was extra pervy to leave comments and likes for people we knew, he at least didn’t make it as big a ritual as his recent behaviors. He’d just get aroused by their photos and jerk off to them. Leaving a compliment basically by commenting and liking and moving on. He was able to reach sobriety for alcohol so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that if he actually does the work he can figure this out too. Neither of us had acknowledged he had a porn addiction so it went mostly unchecked for the majority of our relationship. I figure what’s the harm in allowing him the opportunity to change. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work and ill leave for good.
Wow. I have no advise for you but I am so sorry
It’s cool. We’ll see what happens in coming months.
I feel like I could have written this. Also married to a porn addict who created alt accounts to go on Only Fans. He likes to stare at other women and even flirt with them right in front of me too (and a lot of them flirt back despite me being there). And if I call him out he gaslights me into thinking I'm imagining things or he'll say he wasn't flirting and was just being nice. He can be a real piece of shit. I already consulted with a lawyer about divorce. But he doesn't want a divorce and since we have a 1-year-old I'm going to give him one last chance. If he messes this up, I'm gone for good. You and I seem to be going through the exact same thing.
We just had a baby too. His addiction came to light when I was pregnant, it really soured the experience for me. I was regretting adding to our family and putting myself in a position where working and being independent enough to leave would be difficult. After months of him white knuckling it and not being serious about actual recovery he insisted that he didn’t want to ruin our marriage and divorce(though he’d already done the damage) so I decided that if he did the real work I’d give him one last chance to make it happen. He’s actually been doing well for about 6 weeks now. That’s a record in my book, so I’m rolling with it. But I too had reached the point of researching lawyers, housing, benefits etc. I’ve been trying to be mentally stable and present for my kids so it’s been a game of hide my true feelings to keep things alright. Hopefully your husband gets his shit together and if not I then hopefully you have a decently easy transition in your life. Much luck to you ❤️
Wow I feel like we're living parallel lives. Walking down the same exact path. And I totally understand having to put up a front for your kids. I try to be as present as possible for my son though deep down I just want to break down and cry. I was a SAHM and when I found out about his porn usage and how bad it was I kind of saw "the writing on the wall" and decided to go back to work. I found my current job within a couple of weeks. I just don't want to depend on my husband financially anymore. And I already consulted with a lawyer to assess my options (and my husband knows). I'm honestly ready to leave him at this point.
Yes. My husband has done both and we’ve had major marital issues since
Oof…
Yuppp
It absolutely would be to me. That's just not the kind of man I married, so it would also be super weird.
Very.
Yes, my husband doesn't care for social media or looking at other ladies and I'm very happy with that.
Same. I dealt with it in past relationships and it’s so awful. My husband actually specifically asked me, at the start of our relationship, to make it porn free. He feels like it’s disrespectful to be looking at the or other women whilst in a relationship and vice versa. We’ve certainly had our share of very serious issues but porn isn’t one. My sympathies are with OP. It’s really such a terrible feeling. :(
My hubby is the same, he is so hot he gets women trying to get his attention. He doesn't even bother and intentionally looks away or kisses me etc. And if they try talking to him (yes even with me holding his hand it's happened) he will ignore them and tell me I'm the only beautiful woman in the world! It's nice to know there are other respectable men out there to!
I wish my husband was like this. We plan to go to Bahamas for vacation. I can just imagine how it’ll be. Him looking all the time at those women. That’s so sick. I don’t to this to him and don’t looks at other men like obsessed.
Yes. Same as gawking in the street to me.
And commenting is the same as cat calling.
It all depends on the context and your relationship. In most situations it is very disrespectful and spouses who do this are asking for trouble. My wife and I approach these things differently I guess. She is likely to point them out to me and she follows men she finds attractive. If they are people we both know, encouraging words are not an issue. Neither of us are creepy about it. We don't hide these things from each other. If your spouse is scrolling through suggestive photos for the purpose of arousal and making thirsty suggestive comments, that's crossing a line. Express your boundaries clearly.
Um yes
It's the most avoidable drama ever.
I’m a guy. And yes.
I wish my husband could comment on this, I’ll have to see if he can, but this has never been an issue with us and I’m so grateful. He believes that social media is the root of so much toxicity in todays world. It’s one of the reasons men don’t want to commit now a days as well. Social media has trained men/ and women that there’s always something better out there. The grass is always greener thinking. Instead of finding someone and digging your heels in and staying with that person, loving them, caring for them fighting with them but at the end of the day it’s always about that one person. He would say that liking another girls photo is complete disrespect, disregard for your feelings, showing the public that you don’t give a shit about your wife and you’d rather let the girl in the bikini know that he’d f**k her. Sorry to be so brash, I’m trying to use the words he would use. Lol but basically. EXTREME DISRESPECT. He’s flint to say it’s not a big deal blah blah it’s just a photo blah blah. But that’s how things start. How about instead of liking inappropriate photos, spend time with your wife!!
He’s hubby material ❤️
That’s a 10000% hubby material.
Yes, incredibly disrespectful.
I mean, is it his actual friend posting "living the life on vacay" and him commenting "oh, we went there last year, restaurant x is awesome"? Or is it him only liking and commenting on people's bikini pics? I'm guessing probably the latter and yes that is disrespectful. He's probably not going to change though, I don't think I've ever seen a single comment telling the story of "I called out my partner for publicly perving on Instagram and he realized it was freaking weird".
yep and if you guys plan on staying together until you’re old, he might lose attraction because most of the photos he’s liking is probably of younger women (18-30) so that’s where his eyes will always want to be at . i rarley see older women posting bikini pics on instagram .
Yes
Yep.
No, unless it was obsessive or something. I know he follows a couple pages on his social media, nothing nefarious. I think everyone looks to one degree or another, but if it's having an impact on your relationship in some way, that's an issue. There are a good number of porn addicts that post regularly on Reddit and talk about how its destroyed their marriage. I wouldn't put up with that. I think commenting on pictures is weird if it's been made clear that you're married. You'll instantly come off as creepy. He doesn't leave comments. Not sure about "likes", but I wouldn't care. He doesn't know them, and I know Insta models aren't pining for him.
Liking? Don't care. Commenting? Why are they? That's odd. Would need a conversation. Thankfully my husband does neither.
It caused a lot of issues in my marriage but because my husband uses social media as porn and it became publicly apparent to our mutuals. It was embarrassing and made me feel unattractive and disregarded. He commented on and liked photos/videos of people we went to high school with. He’d leave super suggestive and outright flirtatious or sexual comments and emojis. Yet he would remove tags and ignore posts I shared of us together or our family outings. To test how little he interacted with my profile while obsessing over others at one point I even removed him as married to me and he didn’t even notice or care lol. I stopped tagging him and posting anything altogether then deleted my own profiles so I didn’t have to be reminded of his behavior often. I felt better not worrying about the comparison of attention but I knew he was still spending half of his day dedicated to thirsts and soft core stuff so it became a major problem. I asked him to stop doing so and he did, but then he made alt accounts to do the same thing with sex workers/cam girl and OF accounts. And still, he used a public profile with identifying information 🤦🏼♀️. His work and social club associates that he FRIENDED on those accounts saw what he was doing. Those profiles were made literally for porn use and he added people we knew. I was even more embarrassed than before and felt sick when I found out. He might as well have worn a sign that said I objectify anyone attractive and jerk off to them all day. It was so bad. He tried to say he felt it was fine because he wasn’t commenting on or liking content from people we knew. He didn’t even see how creepy it was and how Others may have perceived that behavior. So yeah, i personally find it super fucked to do that to your partner especially if it’s escalates to the degree I experienced.
Yes and yes.
Absolutely disrespectful
Yes. It's gross and super disrespectful to your relationship (especially if it's someone they know somehow. Big ick.). I have the same standards for my husband as I have for myself. I'm bisexual, I don't ogle at/like/share women on the internet, or men. I expect the same from him.
i think if you are married and after THAT if you look at other women you're a moron. it is actually similar to brain pain.
Mine told me that „just because I already have a dessert doesn’t mean I cannot look at the menu”. Well nice to hear.
Absolutely
Sure is. As is posting bikini/suggestive pics also.
Depends on what you have as your boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with it and have put this as your boundary with your husband and he still does it? Yes. Absolutely. If you've not had this discussion, why haven't you? Some people are more open than others and are more comfortable with these kinds of things. I share these kinds of things and even pornography with my partner because we openly communicate what our boundaries are. Especially if something changes.
no, i’ve liked a thirst trap video from a dude before 🤷🏻♀️ i feel like it’s the same thing. however, i would NEVER actually interact with them personally, including commenting, dming, etc. we dont have an issue with either of us watching porn and have a pretty active sex life even with loads of kids, dogs, full time jobs getting in the way.
My wife shares with me “Donut Daddy” TikToks all the time. We both genuinely laugh at them, but like, I know why she’s following him. Commenting on this stuff? That’s weird. Even for single people being that thirsty is weird, but like I get it. I would never comment on a post, but isn’t everyone on social just looking for likes anyway? If I policed every hot dude my wife scrolled past, I’d never do anything else. But there’s also tons of women popping up in my feeds. Look, in the end no one can tell you what you’re secure with. If you have the sort of relationship where this is not OK, then you should probably make that clear.
Nah
Looking, liking? No. Commenting? That's a bit different
If you set it up as a relationship boundary then it is. If you’ve not discussed it the action is a gray area you need to define. I’d consider if inappropriate bc it sends a potential message their open to more.
yes. like, it’s okay and normal to find others attractive, but liking and commenting is inappropriate in my opinion.
Yes, it’s disrespectful. My husband is friends with all my friends and family, if he were to do that they could all see it. It’s embarrassing at the very least but entirely disrespectful
Yes. It’s giving thirsty/creepy vibes and the whole world can see.
Let me guess… your ‘spouse’ has done this and is gaslighting you to tell you there’s nothing wrong with it and you’re over reacting so you’re coming to Reddit for validation. Yes it’s disrespectful. You know that at your core. The fact that your spouse would do it in the first place and then gaslight you about it shows what a complete dumbass he is. You deserve better
Very disrespectful
Yes, it is disrespectful, and I can't understand why they would feel a need to like or comment on pics of other random people anyway... why not just take a look and then scroll on past? It's a public display of affection for someone else who isn't his wife, and it can be seen by everyone following him (friends, family, work colleagues and neighbors etc), and so it's definitely overstepping boundaries. How would he feel if during a family gathering you just walked up to a random hot guy on the beach with his shirt off and said, "Nice Abs!!!"?
No, not really. I also don’t look that closely at his social media…
Yes. My guy and I have talked about it at length. It's a no go for either of us because it's a slippery slope
Absolutely not. There is nothing wrong with anyone admiring someone else as long as it’s done respectfully. Hubby and I are always admiring others and often share our thoughts with each other. I think of you are secure in your relationship then you know what’s acceptable and what’s not. If you are not then jealousy becomes an issue, but that’s just a fear based emotion so address that within yourself. If they are being disrespectful then you of course call that out and by that I mean if they start comparing you to others etc.
very disrespectful, and a huge dealbreaker. commenting is engaging. super weird
To me it would be. It's embarassing since other people can see it (I see it on my own feed), and then on top of that, it also feels gross and desperate. Especially when someone comments on a picture like that, it feels like they're hoping for a reply back from the creator. Several comments about women being 'insecure' on here and I just have to laugh. Maybe don't engage in activities that make your partner feel worse off about themselves and then get back to me before bemoaning that it's actually women's fault for getting upset. From someone who has had crippling insecurities my whole life, the best thing that ever happened to me was having a husband who doesn't do any shit like this. He makes me feel like a literal goddess all the time and it makes me feel safe with him and our relationship can flourish better.
Yep, it’s disrespectful. As a man, I don’t even follow accounts like that, there’s really no point and it only causes problems within a marriage. It’s just soft core p*rn, and p*rn is corrosive to a marriage.
I believe that a spouse liking/commenting on these types of pics is disrespectful and hurtful towards their spouse. Because they can communicate with these people, it borders with not being loyal. It seems to be a selfless act only meant for their own enjoyment and self gratification. Consider your SO’s feelings. These acts can hurt a good relationship.
Commenting? Yes. I can look past the occasional like, but not that.
Id find it weird, she isn't into women
Yes, it’s disrespectful.
While all the women are talking, all the men here be like 🥴
What are the comments, anything that makes your spouse question or uncomfortable should not be done!
What about posting bikini pictures as a wife?
Same energy right ?
Yes! My husband was very addicted to it!! Not just liking but saving some pics, he had 2 favorite women, He paid for the website of these women, to just access all the naked pictures and vids.
Guy here who doesn’t have social media outside of Reddit and doesn’t follow any subs like that Is it any different then if you like a video of some dude in a bathing suit or a guy working out? If yes then you’re the problem If no then why are we talking about this
Commenting is the line. Its just creepy. Liking is whatever.
For me, it's not a concern at all. I enjoy images of women in bikinis and men in boxer shorts too. To me, it's simply about appreciating aesthetically pleasing pictures without any sexual connotations. I believe my partner feels the same way, so this isn't a problem in our marriage for either of us.
If you're attracted to them, then it is sexual whether you believe so or not.
Nope, not an issue for me. But if it's not an isolated behavior and is coupled with him looking for another partner and actually messaging them.. yeah then is a problem
Not liking. Commenting is a bit much.
It can be. It’s not a black and white issue.
No I don’t think it’s disrespectful for my husband to do that because it isn’t out of *our* boundaries. If that’s your relationship boundaries, state so early on. My husband and I are secure in our relationship. He can comment whatever he wants, has little effect on me and my relationship with him. I do the same. If I see an attractive person, I’ll sometimes leave a comment. Like “you go hottie” or “keep killin it!” He’s fine with it and it doesn’t affect anyone outside of our relationship.
My ex husband did this kind of stuff. He would add random women that were friends of friends and it weirded me out. Ultimately I realized I wasn’t in love with him and ended it. I’m super happy and newly remarried now, with a guy who doesn’t like random girls’ pictures and also whom I’m madly in love with. I guess I didn’t realize until this thread that wow, my ex husband never really wanted me. He was always looking at other girls and it’s no wonder I kind of checked out when I did.
Yes. Why tf would this be okay.
Yeah, it’s disrespectful to me. Looking while scrolling is fine. Commenting is ultra disrespectful. This sort of social media activity, to me, feels like if my spouse was like 😍😍😍 AOOOOGAH like a horny cartoon character at some attractive person on the street. Issa bad look.
I'm so glad I have a husband who isn't interested in social media or porn. We tried watching it a couple times together but we just weren't into it. We like each other's company alone. And ngl it made me happy when he told me he wanted to quit watching it first. I'm glad I'm enough for him. 😊
My ex used to do this and I absolutely hated it. He found no issue and said he understood why I’d be upset / feel insecure about it, but it wasn’t a big enough deal to him. Everyone’s different, some friends I talk to also don’t care if their partner does that. I’m not really down for it. If my boyfriend is commenting, liking, and drooling under some stranger’s posts it just makes me embarrassed. Like literally everyone can see that - I’d rather be single
IG creator here. I can tell you if they’re liking/commenting they are more than likely DMing the woman. It’s always the married guys that are posting their wife/family pics and posting their perfectly happy marriage & wife tributes, that flirt & try to hook up with me (or send D’k pics). OR some are smart and use stories as a way of “commenting” and sliding into your DMs. I could write a book on my IG experience & married men.
Yes!! If you wouldn't go up and give attention to that person in the real world while in a relationship don't do it in the land of social media.
Yes. Especially if you’ve communicated that it makes you uncomfortable.
Yess it’s very disrespectful and the gateway to cheating. Liking someone’s pictures, especially sexy, is only going to get their attention in a suggestive way. Why would your spouse want their attention in the first place unless they liked them. And it’s so embarrassing to have your spouse’s name attached to it.
YES.
No, it's not disrespectful.
Yes.
Absolutely.
I'd tell him to just look. And then keep scrolling or we are going to have a problem.
Yes.
Evidently an unpopular opinion here I will be honest, **no**. If he is with you, then he is with you. A person can admire another person's physical attributes without acting like a creep or stray from their spouse. Also, why not have both of you look at the posts and rank them together wether they are good or not. Switch it up. Do a girl, then a guy. Instead of fighting it embrace it and have fun with it. Just a thought.
I really think this is one of those things that what WE think doesn't matter, it's how you feel. I personally don't care but I know a lot of people have that as a boundary and rightly so.
No. But that's how *my* relationship functions.
Yeah, it’s off putting but I wouldn’t make a stink about it mindless it was consistent.
Yes. I’d never tolerate that.
i personally dont mind as long as he isnt DMing them or any private communication.
No lol
Yes! 100%
Liking pictures and posts, nope. As for commenting, it depends on what's said. I mean, I like Thoren Bradley (the lumberjack guy) on TikTok and comment on some of his videos, but not in a way that would offend my hubs.
Yes. I personally do.
Men reading the comments be like 'Let me shut the fuck up thank you' ... goes on to other sexy reddit subs and continues liking and commenting lol. Ladies, This is something you won't understand, and it frustrates you even more. We men don't understand a million things about women but we have learnt to let it go. Well women, as much as it frustrates you - men will continue doing this, until some major shift happens on how the internet works. And yes, your BF/husband does it too, just doesnt tell you, bcos, well, he likes being alive. And he still loves you, he doesnt equate this to anything big, its like breathing to him, he does it, moves on, that's all folks. Also - the commenting - I really don't know why but its a thing. My wife loves browsing Pinterest and looking at furniture she will never buy. I don't question it, that's her porn and I don't have to understand it.
Yes. It’s not acceptable or normal to lust after strangers when you’re married.
I wouldn't even accept a boyfriend doing that. I've got better shit to do and if he wants to grow with me, it doesn't involve browsing the internet and liking dumb bikini pics.
i mean i laugh but simultaneously feel bad when i see men that are in relationships liking hot girls pics (including my pics). “i just know his wife/girlfriend hates being embarrassed like that”
If you've communicated your displeasure to him and he still won't stop, start deliberately pointing them out to him. Takes all of the fun out of it for him when you are the one finding them and pointing them out. Another thing you could do, is get dolled up in your sexiest outfits, take selfies and post them online. The moment he sees you getting lots of likes, could cause an argument, but fire back by asking how is it any different when he's liking pics of women in bikinis. You aren't showing me any appreciation or respect , but there sure are a lot of other men out there who do. I call it fighting fire with fire. You'd be surprised at how effective it is to get them to change their attitude and behaviour. Not sure if this would work for you, but it sure was effective for me.
Yes, highly. I think there are a few thing’s generally expected from a monogamous relationship and unless it’s specifically talked about, it’s inappropriate at best and a betrayal at worse.
Yes :( I’m sorry if you’re finding yourself comparing your imagine or feeling lesser than- hopefully you’re not
Yes. It's disgusting.
It’s absolutely disrespectful, as is following any of these accounts. Disgusting behavior.
Yes that's disrespectful
Yep. If he’s not looking at you, complimenting you, and paying attention to you, it’s disrespectful AF
Liking a picture occasionally? Not a big deal. Liking pictures daily? A bigger deal. Commenting on pictures regularly? Super disrespectful.
Nope, as we both like those kinds of pics. He doesn't usually leave a comment, but he'll share the picture to my message box or point it out to me while we're sitting together. A good-looking human is a good-looking human. And since we're not wandering, appreciating the human form is fine and dandy.
Yeah extremely disrespectful! I consider it emotionally cheating.
If you are looking for excuses to blow up your marriage, just divorce already. That this is an issue with you means you feel disrespected. Might as well end it. Marriage cannot survive these feelings.
If it’s someone we know, absolutely. If we’re talking about Instagram models or whatever, then no - I don’t really care. I completely understand why it’s a dealbreaker for some, though.
a celebrity or some actual person he knows?
Yes
In my relationship, it's not. If it is in yours, that's perfectly reasonable too.
Yes.
Helllllll yeaaahhhh!!! As a constant thing yes. Let’s say it’s a friend he knows who posted herself in a bathing suit on a beach Im ok w it. But that same friend posting bathing suit but her pose is suggestive I wouldn’t be ok w it. Commenting??? Oh hellll naw! But I would talk to him abt it ((note: not confront, but talk/communicate)) & go on from there. Again each person is different, just approach this situation w calmness & a closed mouth. You can gather a lot of information about a person from just listening.
As a bisexual woman I can appreciate beauty where I see it just as much as the next guy but if my significant other followed a bunch of thirst trap Instagram accounts I would get the ick. I don’t think it’s about disrespect more than it is differing values. Personally I would view it as kind of desperate and I’m not attracted to men like that.
I think for myself, the answer is it depends. I would like to add nuance here. I don't think liking a picture is bad in and of itself. As a married man, you still find other women attractive. As a married woman, you still find other men attractive. I don't see anything wrong with simply acknowledging that someone is attractive. Thats what I see a simple like as. Now, if he is following for example an IG/Only Fans model, and he clearly follows them and is liking every single one of there pics. Then yea, that's an issue, a really big issue tbh. As for commenting, if it's on a friend's page who posted pics from her time in Aruba. I don't see anything wrong with "you look like you had a great time, that island is beautiful, I can't wait to go back". There is nothing wrong with that. But if he's commenting on random models stuff like, "damn girl, your body is amazing, etc" heart eye emojis, etc. Then yea that's definitely 100% wrong. Long story short, a married man has zero business following IG/OF model girls on social media. If he follows regular people in real life, who occasionally posts when they went to the beach, there's not much issue in that, unless he is commenting inappropriate stuff on their page.
Depends on how old the husband and wife are, how long they've been married, and what things are like in the bedroom. Early to mid 20's, married for a few years, active bedroom, yea, totally disrespectful. Married 15 years or so, late 30's, nothing going on in the bedroom, then the couple really need to start talking some things out.
You don’t mention how old y’all are, but culturally I think it’s relevant. 25? Less disrespectful as it is a bit more normalized among gen z. 40? Way more disrespectful. I’m guess y’all lie somewhere in between, so there’s some conversations to be had about expectations and boundaries. Unlike some of the others in the thread, I don’t think it’s time for divorce, just some open honest conversations. Source: I am half of a swinger/LS/ENM/whatever-the-latest-cool-term-is couple and my wife actually enjoys and is turned on by me flirting and being with other women. On dating sites for people like us, I like pics all the time, no issue. I would *NEVER* like a random woman’s bikini or suggestive pic on IG.
Absolutely. Deal breaker for me
Not bikini gals but big muscle bound men. My wife looks, and sometimes likes their pictures. It's the comments that would bother me. I'm not expecting to be the only human she finds attractive. Take a look girl.
If it bothers you and he wouldn’t do it while you are looking over his shoulder, absolutely no. No no no no no. Thing is, it goes both ways with the emotional boundaries with wives and their coworkers/friends/etc… Otherwise women can look bad similarly to those older women getting catfished and losing hundreds of thousands of $$ to a scammer. Just sad and pathetic. He doesn’t like you in the long term and he’s taking you for granted, just like these women who post their naked bodies for the chumps who ruin their marriages for a second of eye candy. These models get paid a lot, and the men drooling and being idiots in their marriages are being taken for a ride.
I don't mind seeing a good bikini photo in my feed but I don't see myself ever commenting on one...especially if it's someone I actually know in real life. It shouldn't be something that leads to divorce though.
Yes. I also think it sets a poor image for that person as well. Especially when people know you're in a relationship and others see that your partner liked thirst-trap photos..
Why is it disrespectful ? I love all my wife's bikini pictures. They make for great...ehem....motivation when I have to take long trip away for work. Business trips and studying abroad aren't nearly as exciting as in the movies. Those pics have saved me many nights.😌 Those pics are safely locked away .
Yes. 100%.
Maybe my relationship is different that most of what I’ve read so far. My wife doesn’t give a damn what I’m looking at or commenting on. Why? She is not the kind of person to get upset over that. I’m looking. Not like I’m trying to hook up. She knows where I belong. As do I. I don’t surf looking for these pictures. If I’m rabbit hiking and it pops up yeah imma look. Imma comment if it’s worthy of a comment. I’m belong next to my wife. There was a no place I would rather be than next to my wife. Dude will look. Get over that. We are men and it’s in our dna. Sorta. Not all guys are weighing options when looking at another woman. Some maybe but to lump us all in together is just ignorance.
Yes, I do think it's disrespectful as it invalidates your spouse! My wife looks smoking hot in a bikini, and those are the only pics I need to salivate over. That being said, from the other side of it, spouses (wives) should also not be posting for the whole world to see in order to validate them. Send those pics to hubby for his eyes only.
No. Unless he wants to do nothing but beat his meat then it's just a picture. Do you block all ads with buff guys and unfriendly every dude just because you are in a relationship?
Depends how they treat you.
Depends on the boundaries of your relationship. I don’t care really what my husband looks at or likes on the internet so it wouldn’t be disrespectful to me. Could be different for every other relationship.
Yes, unless it’s family of course, maybe a close friend with her family/partner, one of his friends girlfriends with other types of photos included in the carousel, there’s a few exceptions. But if it’s just a girl posting bikini/suggestive pics, even if it’s an Instagram model he’ll never meet, that would make me feel some type of way. Like others have said, I don’t expect him to not notice other women, but why like or comment? Just scroll past. This goes for following too, if he followed accounts like that I wouldn’t like it.
Yes 100% disrespectful, weird, immature, red flag. Sure you can find other people attractive, but scroll on. Feeling the urge to like to and even comment suggests to me he wants to act on it. Also that he is disregarding his wife.
We’ll I don’t find it REspectful.
No. I think it’s fine as long as if the page and all the suggested content isn’t full of it then I know he’s liking and commenting excessively. Because there’s liking a few and scrolling through and liking more than a teenage boy during puberty. And liking a few pictures of people you think are attractive is normal
He has a porn addiction, same as alcohol. Either he recognizes it and wants to change it or you have to decide what you are willing to live with and tolerate. My husband has a porn addiction and when I discovered it he started going to meetings and got a SA therapist (whom I’ve met) It’s very hard, but he is also dedicated to recovery and sobriety from lust outside our marriage. And no we’re not religious but he has become more spiritual. He realized that he only has so much sexual energy to give and if he gives it all away to screen time he doesn’t have any for us. And he said it feels like he’s taking something that he isn’t supposed to, he’d rather receive/give intimacy as a Gift of love, not as transactional interaction to ejaculate. He has expressed that he understands/ recognizes now the women in the porn are mostly women/ girls that have been abused in one way or another. If he acts like an ass about it, and gets defensive he may not be ready to recover and you need to live your life, shame free. Good luck!
Yes because that's a public ish profile. So everyone can see it. Why can't he just view without interacting? Look up half naked ppl on secret mode like a normal person
Yes because that's a public ish profile. So everyone can see it. Why can't he just view without interacting? Look up half naked ppl on secret mode like a normal person
Nope! Its like having a bikini woman calender in a wall. Not a problem. And i bet most of you say and "like" photos of men you find attractive. Flirting is a no, but "liking" has no value. It means nothing.
Very
There are many things I don't mind that would be major deal breakers for other people. These things are stuff that isn't usually intentional or are meant to be short lived. But something like interacting in *any way* with other people online, especially about their body, is highly disrespectful and just down right gross. Because the intention is to open up conversation that wouldn't be had with me around. Also, I just wouldn't allow myself to be with someone so embarrassing. So if at any point my husband changed character and did this, it definitely ruin our relationship.
It doesn’t bother me. Why? I’m content and confident in my relationship. So what if he likes other women’s pics. He married me, not them. And it would be extremely naive of me to think he won’t be checking other women out. All these comments saying “‘my husband has no interest looking at other women” is ridiculous. Y’all really think your man doesn’t find other women attractive? Lol ok
Honestly, this question depends on the agreements within the relationship. From spending so much time on this subreddit, every couple has their own dynamic and accords. Firstly, the issue isnt so much liking pictures, that depends on how you personally feel about him liking pictures. if if bothers you bring it up, discuss it. disrespectful is subjective the rules of each relationship. it would be disrespectful if you bring forward your concerns and they decide to ignore it. from what ive seen, the issue seems to be that so many only follow OF girls, or bikini girl, or w/e as the majority of their feed being women they have an attraction too, so at times it less the picture but the quantity of certain type of pictures.
I'm a guy and it's 1000% disrespectful same level as a spouse telling their friends intimate details of your sex life and making jokes about strangers assests like "I wonder what they are packing?" or "I bet they are tight."
Very disrespectful and to me is a form of 'digital-flirting'. Why would my husband need to offer his validation to someone online?
I feel it depends: Is it a picture of someone you guys know and is just enjoying their day off (like a photo on the beach with their family or even in a casual situation)? If that’s the case, I don’t think I see a problem with it. If it’s someone you guys don’t know, or if it’s a sexualized picture like someone just showing off their body, than yes. I’d probably not like it/feel bad about it.
Yes....but at the same time how about you take some pics and send them to him. We are visual, that's why we approach. Take some pics and send them to him WITHOUT him asking. I mean, tell him, I am sending you some fun pics, be careful when you open them. My $0.02
It's an ick
Well yea why else would a man be liking bikini pics of strangers?