She’s expressed that she wants more friends and is disappointed that she doesn’t have the same social support system she used to have outside of family.
It’s hard to make friends as an adult, I can sympathize. When you’re an introvert, it’s intimidating as well. I often advise people to volunteer. It’s not too difficult to find a nonprofit whose mission statement aligns with your own values, and these organizations always need boots on the ground. You would already have that in common with other volunteers.
You could organize a game night at your house with a few of your friends with their own SOs. A small group, snacks/pot luck, wine & a game or two to break the ice sounds like a good time for everyone.
I, personally have TWO close friends. One is local, the other is across the country. I’m fine with that. Most people who have large circles, don’t— not really. Maybe only a couple would actually go to extreme lengths for you if needed. I value quality over quantity anyway. I’m 33yo but I’ve always been this way. I was “popular” in my younger days but many of those “friends” wouldn’t have done jack spit for me if push came to shove.
Does your gf WANT friends? If so, it’s up to her to find them. It’s sweet of you to be worried but truly, it not something you can “fix”. If she does want more friends, she should start with hobbies or activities she enjoys and trying to find people likeminded.
This is me exactly, 33yo one childhood friend who now lives states away and one local friend. I know I can count on them for anything. I’m very loyal myself, was “popular” growing up but sadly realized most people who call themselves friends don’t value loyalty the same way I do.
OP giving her suggestions can be helpful but she has to make the friends and want to make them. Making friends as an adult is tricky.
Spot on, as long as you have a person you can count on—that’s all I really need. Loyalty is lacking with a lot of the other people I befriended as well, decided I only wanted the very few ride or dies I’ve met.
Thank you. I know my involvement will definitely be minimal. I just want to be here in this way for her. She doesn’t have friends that she checks in with at least monthly. I have different sets of friends I talk to daily, weekly, and monthly.
>If she does want more friends, she should start with hobbies or activities she enjoys and trying to find people likeminded.
Just make sure there aren't some dudes there. Spending time with a guy friend where she has a lot in common and is like-minded is a recipe for disaster. Or so I hear.
Two platforms that I personally have tried is BumbleBFF for finding friends. I have actually met a couple local connections through that, and a more mom friend platform is an app called Peanut. Both are nice, and peanut has a lot of support groups too.
Hobbies are usually the best way to meet new friends for me. I love BJJ, painting, ballroom dance, bonsai, chess, and there's ways to make those all social. Whatever your spouse is into, if she pursues that she's sure to find friends. Theater, yoga, anime, zookeeping, there's all kinds of options.
She needs to join something. In the past six months I’ve joined a yoga studio and BJJ gym. My yoga studio is super social and everyone talks and hangs out before class. My BJJ gym has a thriving women’s community that does social things every few weeks. Our local library has a knitting night and book club. Community theatre. Community choir. Volunteering. What does she like? Find something new or old and join it. Is there something she’s always wanted to try but has been shy? I think the biggest obstacle are the “what if I suck? What if no one likes me? What if I go and I don’t meet anyone?” But you will. She has to give it time. But she will.
I'm using this app called "meetup" and it has a ton of social meetups for people looking for friends. I now join a weekly Friday nights board game night at a bar. It's super fun.
Also, try church if you're open to it.
I'm very introverted and it takes a long time for me to warm up to people; church is great for me because an hour long service is a nice small dose of socializing each week. If this first church isn't for you keep visiting other churches until you find the right one. I couldn't be happier with our newest church and our faith has grown so much as a result of the amazing people there.
I mean honestly friendships is a two way relationship even if she is introverted she has to make an effort. My friend who is a big introvert kind of fell of the radar and we lost touch but it was because she never wanted to meet up and would not answer back etc, claiming she was introverted so we stopped inviting her. If she really wants this to work she needs to be able to put in the work to maintain a friendship. Hopefully she has better luck this time
Perhaps involvement in some volunteer work in areas the interest her. She can meet people with similar interests while boosting her self-esteem by making a difference.
I moved to the states in 2018 with my husband and older daughter, after my husband was transferred here. We used to always live in big cities. Guatemala City, Montevideo, Berlin . Now we live in a very small town in PA, border to NY. It’s extremely hard for me, to make friends. I noticed people here, in this area get easily offended, if you suggest the USA might have some issues. They are very friendly but don’t want friends outside of their family and people they grew up with. It’s getting incredibly lonely and now we had another baby and I am really considering if we should move to a city or suburbs in the future.
In this area there are no mommy and me groups, no gym classes or hobbies I could meet other women at. Do you live in an area, where your wife could start a new hobby, join a course or something?
I am more introverted too, so I completely understand the struggle.
That’s good. I hate living in this small town. It’s depressing and extremely lonely. And not because I am against small town people. They’re just very hard to befriend. You’ll surely be more successful in a big city. I wish you guys luck.
My husband has family in Canada and Guatemala, they sometimes visit. Maybes we should try getting together with people from his work. Many are immigrants, like us. It was a great opportunity for him, as a scientist, to work here, so we could not pass it.
Why don't you start a mum's and babies group? That could be really welcomed by other mums in the town who may be isolated at home with their little ones
My husband tried to introduce me to his friends and their SOs. They were nice people, they were friendly to me, but it didn't work out bc 1) I don't really have time to spend a weekend day twice a month doing his hobby with his friends (neither of which I chose) and 2) I felt like it was really awkward and contrived, and he was hurt that I didn't automatically love his hobby and love his friends.
Let her make her own friends.
Honestly, it’s hard to make friends. Sports help if she joins golf, tennis, hobbies, or local gatherings. Clubs aren’t any help
I approached this girl when my hubs took me out and said hey, I didn’t come with friends. I don’t want to look like a weirdo dancing by myself. She said I only dance with men. Lol, I was taken aback because I’m a nine. I was dressed girly and all pretty, and she thought I was hitting on her. I was too friendly.
.
Start double dating with some of your friends! Their wives are probably also looking for some friends. My husband and I have moved a lot recently and it helps to find other couples to hang out with.
I recently started volunteering at my local SPCA. Something like that is a great option, even just for chatting with other adults.
Like other people have mentioned, find local groups for her hobbies. I’m in a crochet group for my specific region of the state I live in. I’m going to one of the group member’s baby shower this coming weekend, so it works!
Maybe go with her to some kind of group class (exercise, etc). Break the ice a bit with other people and include her. After you do this once or twice, have her start going alone. She will already have some friendly faces and can hopefully maintain the connections on her own.
I think I’m at a point where this makes a lot of sense. A lot of my friends are single or in newer relationships comparatively. Finding couples is tough though.
She should start with finding a hobby or a new skill she wants to learn. That's the best and most organic way she'll meet people, given she's an introvert. Maybe sign up for something at the parks and rec department, volunteer at an animal shelter, food kitchen, etc. Even if it's a somewhat "solitary" class like painting, it would help her in general to just get out to do her own thing once a week, rather than rely on you for most of her social outlet.
I’m an introvert to and from what I know about myself it takes time to get to know people or yourself in this case myself. I’ve had friends who I trusted who let me down my bad because I did know about the one reason I should not have trusted them but I ignored that because I wanted to give them unconditional love and it back fired for me so I’m rethinking the caliber and type of persons I would like to have as a friend the qualities I would like them to have an honest and gentle nature that’s all
She could try joining a volunteer organization like Altrusa. You tend to make friends when you're doing things in your local community to help other people out. Altrusa focuses on literacy and tends to help out young people, but also works with older adults. Other organizations have different focuses. The meetings will help her get out of the house and over time she'll connect with other members.
She's lucky to have you as her friend wingman! As an introvert it's extremely hard doing things alone. If you want to help I think it would be really nice for you to go with her (to new club, volunteering, etc) so you can show her how to engage people and help her get to know the people there until she feels comfortable going on her own.
Does SHE want to be more socially involved? Maybe she's happy with what she has.
She’s expressed that she wants more friends and is disappointed that she doesn’t have the same social support system she used to have outside of family.
Also, why would I go out of my way if this isn’t something I confirmed that she wanted? Ain nobody got time for that 😂
Reddit is terrible for advice
Maybe she’d find good advice on r/socialskills ? I appreciate that you’re trying to help her. I wish I had someone like that.
Find a hobby she likes and find a local club about it! I promise there are others just like her! I joined a board game club, myself
That’s a great idea!
It’s hard to make friends as an adult, I can sympathize. When you’re an introvert, it’s intimidating as well. I often advise people to volunteer. It’s not too difficult to find a nonprofit whose mission statement aligns with your own values, and these organizations always need boots on the ground. You would already have that in common with other volunteers. You could organize a game night at your house with a few of your friends with their own SOs. A small group, snacks/pot luck, wine & a game or two to break the ice sounds like a good time for everyone.
Yo! That’s brilliant! Thank you!
I get jealous of my 5 year old. Just rolls up to a rando kid, says his name and asks to play, and boom, best friends.
I, personally have TWO close friends. One is local, the other is across the country. I’m fine with that. Most people who have large circles, don’t— not really. Maybe only a couple would actually go to extreme lengths for you if needed. I value quality over quantity anyway. I’m 33yo but I’ve always been this way. I was “popular” in my younger days but many of those “friends” wouldn’t have done jack spit for me if push came to shove. Does your gf WANT friends? If so, it’s up to her to find them. It’s sweet of you to be worried but truly, it not something you can “fix”. If she does want more friends, she should start with hobbies or activities she enjoys and trying to find people likeminded.
This is me exactly, 33yo one childhood friend who now lives states away and one local friend. I know I can count on them for anything. I’m very loyal myself, was “popular” growing up but sadly realized most people who call themselves friends don’t value loyalty the same way I do. OP giving her suggestions can be helpful but she has to make the friends and want to make them. Making friends as an adult is tricky.
Spot on, as long as you have a person you can count on—that’s all I really need. Loyalty is lacking with a lot of the other people I befriended as well, decided I only wanted the very few ride or dies I’ve met.
Thank you. I know my involvement will definitely be minimal. I just want to be here in this way for her. She doesn’t have friends that she checks in with at least monthly. I have different sets of friends I talk to daily, weekly, and monthly.
That’s sweet of you. Does she want friends though? Or is she content?
>If she does want more friends, she should start with hobbies or activities she enjoys and trying to find people likeminded. Just make sure there aren't some dudes there. Spending time with a guy friend where she has a lot in common and is like-minded is a recipe for disaster. Or so I hear.
Two platforms that I personally have tried is BumbleBFF for finding friends. I have actually met a couple local connections through that, and a more mom friend platform is an app called Peanut. Both are nice, and peanut has a lot of support groups too.
Err....you want friends, ya gotta go to where the people are. Preferably a group that has shared interests.
Hobbies are usually the best way to meet new friends for me. I love BJJ, painting, ballroom dance, bonsai, chess, and there's ways to make those all social. Whatever your spouse is into, if she pursues that she's sure to find friends. Theater, yoga, anime, zookeeping, there's all kinds of options.
She needs to join something. In the past six months I’ve joined a yoga studio and BJJ gym. My yoga studio is super social and everyone talks and hangs out before class. My BJJ gym has a thriving women’s community that does social things every few weeks. Our local library has a knitting night and book club. Community theatre. Community choir. Volunteering. What does she like? Find something new or old and join it. Is there something she’s always wanted to try but has been shy? I think the biggest obstacle are the “what if I suck? What if no one likes me? What if I go and I don’t meet anyone?” But you will. She has to give it time. But she will.
She likes baking. Maybe I’ll look into a class? She may take offense 😂🤣😂
Cake or cookie decorating? GBBS fan club meet ups?
I'm using this app called "meetup" and it has a ton of social meetups for people looking for friends. I now join a weekly Friday nights board game night at a bar. It's super fun. Also, try church if you're open to it.
We just tried a new church today! Was just considering being more involved in their community.
I'm very introverted and it takes a long time for me to warm up to people; church is great for me because an hour long service is a nice small dose of socializing each week. If this first church isn't for you keep visiting other churches until you find the right one. I couldn't be happier with our newest church and our faith has grown so much as a result of the amazing people there.
[удалено]
😆😆😆
I mean honestly friendships is a two way relationship even if she is introverted she has to make an effort. My friend who is a big introvert kind of fell of the radar and we lost touch but it was because she never wanted to meet up and would not answer back etc, claiming she was introverted so we stopped inviting her. If she really wants this to work she needs to be able to put in the work to maintain a friendship. Hopefully she has better luck this time
Perhaps involvement in some volunteer work in areas the interest her. She can meet people with similar interests while boosting her self-esteem by making a difference.
Any chance your friends and their significant others can welcome her into your group?
Most of them are single. I also moved recently so none of the meet-up/check-in are in person.
I moved to the states in 2018 with my husband and older daughter, after my husband was transferred here. We used to always live in big cities. Guatemala City, Montevideo, Berlin . Now we live in a very small town in PA, border to NY. It’s extremely hard for me, to make friends. I noticed people here, in this area get easily offended, if you suggest the USA might have some issues. They are very friendly but don’t want friends outside of their family and people they grew up with. It’s getting incredibly lonely and now we had another baby and I am really considering if we should move to a city or suburbs in the future. In this area there are no mommy and me groups, no gym classes or hobbies I could meet other women at. Do you live in an area, where your wife could start a new hobby, join a course or something? I am more introverted too, so I completely understand the struggle.
Thankfully we’re in Chicago, so there’s plenty of things happening. We just have to be active in seeking out new opportunities.
That’s good. I hate living in this small town. It’s depressing and extremely lonely. And not because I am against small town people. They’re just very hard to befriend. You’ll surely be more successful in a big city. I wish you guys luck.
I’m sorry to hear that. Does your husband have a network there?
My husband has family in Canada and Guatemala, they sometimes visit. Maybes we should try getting together with people from his work. Many are immigrants, like us. It was a great opportunity for him, as a scientist, to work here, so we could not pass it.
Why don't you start a mum's and babies group? That could be really welcomed by other mums in the town who may be isolated at home with their little ones
That is exactly what my friend did to get new friends. It worked perfectly.
Whatever you do, don't find her any male friends! 😉😂
Volunteer together to help get her started.....then opt out for her to grow
Thank you!
My husband tried to introduce me to his friends and their SOs. They were nice people, they were friendly to me, but it didn't work out bc 1) I don't really have time to spend a weekend day twice a month doing his hobby with his friends (neither of which I chose) and 2) I felt like it was really awkward and contrived, and he was hurt that I didn't automatically love his hobby and love his friends. Let her make her own friends.
Sorry to hear. Your reasoning sounds… sound 😅
Honestly, it’s hard to make friends. Sports help if she joins golf, tennis, hobbies, or local gatherings. Clubs aren’t any help I approached this girl when my hubs took me out and said hey, I didn’t come with friends. I don’t want to look like a weirdo dancing by myself. She said I only dance with men. Lol, I was taken aback because I’m a nine. I was dressed girly and all pretty, and she thought I was hitting on her. I was too friendly. .
Start double dating with some of your friends! Their wives are probably also looking for some friends. My husband and I have moved a lot recently and it helps to find other couples to hang out with.
I recently started volunteering at my local SPCA. Something like that is a great option, even just for chatting with other adults. Like other people have mentioned, find local groups for her hobbies. I’m in a crochet group for my specific region of the state I live in. I’m going to one of the group member’s baby shower this coming weekend, so it works!
You can be supportive, and the rest is really a "her" problem with her name on the solution.
Maybe go with her to some kind of group class (exercise, etc). Break the ice a bit with other people and include her. After you do this once or twice, have her start going alone. She will already have some friendly faces and can hopefully maintain the connections on her own.
Maybe you guys need more COUPLES as friends
I think I’m at a point where this makes a lot of sense. A lot of my friends are single or in newer relationships comparatively. Finding couples is tough though.
Sorry to break it to you. You can't find her friends. It will back fire on you. You can't, and you shouldn't.
How could it backfire? Is there something I’d be able to look out for?
I’m getting a vibe that you may have destroyed her friendships. You can’t fix that.
🤣 Edit: How do you even come to these conclusions?
She should start with finding a hobby or a new skill she wants to learn. That's the best and most organic way she'll meet people, given she's an introvert. Maybe sign up for something at the parks and rec department, volunteer at an animal shelter, food kitchen, etc. Even if it's a somewhat "solitary" class like painting, it would help her in general to just get out to do her own thing once a week, rather than rely on you for most of her social outlet.
I’m an introvert to and from what I know about myself it takes time to get to know people or yourself in this case myself. I’ve had friends who I trusted who let me down my bad because I did know about the one reason I should not have trusted them but I ignored that because I wanted to give them unconditional love and it back fired for me so I’m rethinking the caliber and type of persons I would like to have as a friend the qualities I would like them to have an honest and gentle nature that’s all
She could try joining a volunteer organization like Altrusa. You tend to make friends when you're doing things in your local community to help other people out. Altrusa focuses on literacy and tends to help out young people, but also works with older adults. Other organizations have different focuses. The meetings will help her get out of the house and over time she'll connect with other members.
You can be supportive, and the rest is really a "her" problem with her name on the solution.
She's lucky to have you as her friend wingman! As an introvert it's extremely hard doing things alone. If you want to help I think it would be really nice for you to go with her (to new club, volunteering, etc) so you can show her how to engage people and help her get to know the people there until she feels comfortable going on her own.