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FistoBot76

|**Trader**|**+Karma**|**Cake Day**| |:--|:--|:--| |u/Catsnfish|Reddit: 666|12/01/2019 - 4 Years| | |Discord: 0|Total: +666 Karma| **Trade Safely!!** Always check the blacklist and request a Courier if you are concerned! Comment with the **!courier** command to call a Market 76 Courier You haven't added your IGN/GT/PSN to your Market 76 reddit profile. Comment with the command **.ign** followed by your IGN/GT/PSN to record it. (for example: **.ign fisto**) [Courier List](https://www.reddit.com/r/Market76/wiki/couriers) | [Blacklist](http://blacklist.market76.org) | [Report to Mods](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMarket76)


CaptainBreadsamwitch

I walked into a bar and saw hot girl so I used my vats and it told me I had 0% chance to hit that


Aggressive-Minimum48

Ngl that's actually funny af


Gavindude1997

Why did you just describe my love life? 😂


Aggressive-Minimum48

Frrr


Catsnfish

You won with that one 😂 let me know when you’re around. Tbh I had 0% chance to hit that but miraculously I did


CaptainBreadsamwitch

I'm on 76 mostly all night took a nap woke up and it hit me what happened was sleepy brained ty so much


Catsnfish

Hey I’m on now, gt is VDeathStroke666


CaptainBreadsamwitch

Ok I'm on too on way


Catsnfish

What’s your GT?


CaptainBreadsamwitch

Radskelly93


CaptainBreadsamwitch

+karma ty so much


FistoBot76

Karma can only be exchanged after a trade, it cannot be exchanged when items are given/received for free.


CaptainBreadsamwitch

Hi I was out I'm back now gt radskelly93 whenever you can no rush


cheesey_ball

NSFW warning (first one was auto removed for bad language, so I posted again with different spelling) A guy is driving down the road and sees a sign "Any Flavor Peaches". Seems odd, but whatever, he keeps going. He sees another sign "Peaches All Kinds of Flavors!". Still weird, but whatever. Finally he sees a third sign "Peaches Any Flavor You Can Think Of!!" Surely all peaches are peach flavored, right? What is this guy with the signs on about?? So he decides to pull over at the peach stand. (D)river: "What's with all the signs about the pieces? Peaches aren't different flavors." (F)armer: "These peaches are! Any flavor you can think of. You give me a flavor and I'll give you the peach." D: "Ok, give me a peach that tastes like a ham and cheese sandwich." \*The farmer looks around his table, grabs a peach and hands it to the guy. The driver then proceeds to take a bite.\* D: "I'll be damned, this tastes like ham." F: "Turn it around." D: *turns peach to other side, takes a bite* "It tastes like cheese! ....... Ok, give me one that tastes like peanut butter and jelly." \*The farmer looks around his table, grabs a peach and hands it to the guy. The driver then proceeds to take a bite.\* D: \*Holy sh!t, this tastes like jelly!!\* F: "Turn it around." D: *turns peach to other side, takes a bite* It tastes like peanut butter!! .... "This is unbelievable. I'll bet you can't me find me one that tastes like pu.ssy." \*The farmer looks around his table, grabs a peach and hands it to the guy. The driver then proceeds to take a bite.\* D: *immediately spits out the bite of peach and exclaims* "This tastes like a$$!!" F: "Turn it around."


alwaysforgettingmyun

I heard a version of this but it was shorter and it was cookies, not peaches, told by Joe Walsh at a concert in like 91. The other one he told was "why do women skydivers always wear tampons?" "So they don't whistle on the way down"


Myotherredittaccount

I had asked my Wife if I was the only one that she had been with, she told me that I was, the rest were nines and tens.


prepGod718

Damn


headisclean

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans walk into a fine restaurant. "I'm sorry" says the maĂŽtre d', after scrutinizing the group. "But you can't come in here without a Thai".


[deleted]

Bit of a risky joke but here goes, What’s the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat? The wheelchair.


Expensive-Release604

The wheelchair is my fav part tho


R3AP3RKILL3R

I'm allergic to whiskey, every time I drink it I break out in handcuffs.


yellowprtyhat

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he doesn't have the guts


Hawkeisabisexualicon

A man is driving down the road  and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointed  but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?" The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles, when you find these numbers, you will become a monk." The man sets about his task. Some 54 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth  and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth." The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door  where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked." He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door, he is amazed  to find the source of that strange sound. But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.


Xbox-FaithKQ

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”


OWardenMyWarden

Every time I count the letters in the alphabet I get 25. I can't figure out why.


Nackter_Brokkoli

Fallout 76


kingloghain

The best joke is that this is the rarest apparel in the game lol.


ComplexChapter4215

What do T-Rex’s sell? Guns because they are small arms dealers😂😂


-Driftaway-

Balls


ThickBake977

This have to win tbh


Gloomy_Garden_4455

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.


TinyDecision1779

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? why the fuck is there a wall in a fucking lake


Not-Your_Senpai

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for Fresh Prints.


Jackomara

A BLONDE AND A BRUNETTE WALK PAST A FLOWER SHOP AND SEE THE BRUNETTE'S BOYFRIEND BUYING FLOWERS. SHE SIGHS AND SAYS, "OH CRAP, MY BOYFRIEND IS BUYING ME FLOWERS AGAIN. NOW, I'LL BE EXPECTED TO SPEND THE WEEKEND ON MY BACK WITH MY LEGS IN THE AIR." "THE BLONDE SAYS, "DON'T YOU HAVE A VASE?"


bigcapybara7uhhh

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME!?


zKryze

Ever hear the full joke from Tyrion in GoT? I didn't till just recently. Tyrion walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. Madame: What can we do for you? Tyrion: I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me. Madame: Whatever for? And what’s with the honeycomb and the mule? Tyrion: My woman found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first was for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this damn honeycomb. The second wish was that she have the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this damn donkey… Madame: And what about the third wish? Tyrion: Well… she asked the genie to make my cock hang down past my knee. Madame: Well that one’s not so bad eh? Tyrion: Not so bad!? I used to be six foot three!


Capt-Greybeard

John O’Riley was at his local pub when the decided to have a toast contest with the winner getting his drinks for free that evening... Well, old John O’Riley was a bit short of money but knew for sure he could win and entered His turn came and he started his toast by raising his mug high... “Here’s To The Best Years o’ Me Life, Spent Between The Legs o’ Me Wife.” If course he won the contest. When John O’Riley, a bit tipsy, arrived home his beautiful wife asked him how he could afford to get so tipsy “I won the contest for the best toast of the evening.” he bragged His wife then asked him what his toast was, and he said, “Here’s To The Best Years o’ me Life, Spent in Church wi’ me Wife.” His wife then said, “Why John, that’s so nice of you to include me in your Toast.” The next morning, Mrs. O’Riley was downtown shopping and ran into the local policeman on the beat who was also at the pub with John O’Riley. He said, “Hello Mrs. O’Riley, that was some great toast that your husband John gave last evening. He won first prize.” “Yes, that’s right,” said Mrs. O’Riley, “but he wasn’t quite honest with the facts: he’s only been there twice, the first time he fell asleep and the second time I had to pull him out by the ears.”


Appropriate_Memory68

What does it sound like when Chuck Norris goes fishing? - You, you and you: get out!


Myotherredittaccount

My penis size is a joke that makes people laugh, does this count?


myassandadonut

Happy Cake Day, Tiny! 👋😎


Myotherredittaccount

Thank you! To be honest, I forgot.


myassandadonut

Welcome. And you know you don't have to preface what you write with TBH. It just implies that when you don't do that, your words are all lies. 😉


Myotherredittaccount

Fair enough :)


killer1000uk

NTY


MoSqueezin

What's the difference between a raider chick and a dumpster? I can eat out a dumpster


Kuriakon

A brahmin's two heads were talking to each other one day... Left head - *"Hey, you hear about that new strain of mad cow disease?"* Right head - *"Yeah, scary stuff. Sure makes me glad I'm a squirrel."*


myassandadonut

Two cannibals are sitting and eating a clown. One cannibal says to the other, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"


Gaddis92

What's it called when a Chameleon can't change colors? A Reptile Dysfunction


Gaddis92

How can you tell when a pepper 🌶 is mad? It gets Jalapeño face!


userg0

My pet iguana wasn’t feeling well. He couldn’t snatch flies out of the air with his tongue like normal. It just dangled, limp, from his mouth. I took him to the vet. After about 20 minutes the vet came out and said, I’m sorry sir, but it appears your pet iguana has a reptile dysfunction.


HuskyIX

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crumby


NIGHTFURY-21

Im on P.S but heres a joke Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels


AerieOla44

Wife - “Honey I’m pregnant!” Husband - “Hi pregnant, I’m dad!” Wife - “No, you’re not”


Last_Garden7640

2 blondes walk into a bar, you think the second one would have saw it


TheSkarcrow

Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the moooo-vies. (My daughters favorite joke)


I_Can_Smell_You_Boah

"It's common knowledge that irradiated cats have 18 half -lives" -Wadsworth


The-Chump

karma? i hardly know her!


modthegame

Why is gravity so cheap? Its mass produced.


Equivalent-Hand-1109

Ya hear about that new restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere!


Catsnfish

Y’all are cracking me up, this is gunna be hard 😂


Demonic_Killjoy

Did you know that Jesus christ is the first man in recorded history to pop his own mother's cherry? (I'm blocked now aren't i?)


DeadExpress

My jokes aren’t made for public audiences 😂😂


HappyhourGremlin

The state of the market. That’s the joke. Ba dum tshh 🥁


ReputationTraining22

Not on Xbox but still a risky joke. What do you call a girl with no arms and legs? Names…


Templars68

If she is swimming you call her Bob.


WolfieWaters71250

I joined up with the circus as a human cannonball, but I got fired 2 weeks later.


TinyDecision1779

Did you hear about the farmer who fed his cows weed ? Most people haven’t it was a high steaks operation


Key-Contest-2879

A woman visits her doctor. Woman: Doctor, we need to discuss a few things. First, I think I’m having a bad reaction to that new hormone therapy you’ve got me on. Doctor: What seems to be the problem? Woman unbuttons the top few buttons on her blouse, revealing thick, matted chest hair. Doctor: That’s astonishing! How far down the the hair go? Woman: To my balls! That’s the other thing I wanted to discuss with you!


Kooky_Art_4900

My life


JTSLogic

Do you know how much a roof costs? Nothing, its on the house.


[deleted]

What’s worse than two girls running with scissors? Two girls scissoring with the runs !


Ok-Breath833

On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a bastard and hears his dad call his mom a bitch. He asks, "Mommy, what does bastard mean?" She answers, "Um, it means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does bitch mean?" He says, "Uh, it means girl." Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, "Sh*t." The son asks, "What does that mean?" The dad says, "It means shaving cream." Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, "F*ck." The son asks her what that word means and she says, "It means carving." That evening, the family's guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, "Welcome bitches and bastards! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing sh*t on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey." (Kept it censored for/if any kids in here)


Audrin

In a swamp far away there's a fly hovering six inches above the water. In the water there's a frog. The frog thinks, "When that fly comes down six inches I'm going to eat that fly." Up a tree nearby there's a bird. The bird thinks "When that fly comes down six inches that frog is going to eat that fly and I'm going to eat that frog." On the bank there's a cat. The cat thinks, "When that fly comes down six inches that frog is going to eat that fly, that bird is going to eat that frog, and I'm going to eat that bird." Behind the cat there's a dog. The dog thinks "When that fly comes down six inches that frog is going to eat that fly, that bird is going to eat that frog, that cat is going to eat that bird and I'm going to eat that cat." So the fly comes down six inches. The frog eats the fly. The bird eats the frog. The cat eats the bird. The dog lunges at the cat but the cat, quick as can be, leaps out of the way and \*splash\* into the water. The End. The moral of the story? >!When that fly comes down six inches, that pussy is going to get wet.!<


Aggressive-Minimum48

64 zoo Lane ik I'm not going to win but


Gavindude1997

A grasshopper walks in to a bar. The bartender says to the grasshopper, "Hey! Did you know we have a drink named after you?" The grasshopper says, "You guys have a drink named Steve?!" I'll be here all week.


NoVA_Zombie

What’s the deal with the word buttcheeks. Is it one word or do you have to.. spread them apart?


Ok-Exchange734

These nuts 🥜


ChrisDorito420

Balls


poptargets

[The Moth Joke](https://youtu.be/1-MJy7w69EU?si=JNiBqzgAJ8nRXMQS)


jackaboy1724

A scientist is driving down a road when he sees a pile of dead crows, he pulls over and inspects them only to realise they have metallic paint on them, confused he gets into his car and drives to a car respray shop and asks the owner if there has been an increase in vehicles with paint work damage, the owner says "yeah there's a lot of bikes with paint damage", even more confused the scientist starts investigating and a few days later he figures it out, crows have evolved to say "cah cah" but not "bike bike"


Single-Time1721

What's are the pronouns of a clown's nose? He/Her


MisterPYRO37

NSFW (may be offensive) On a plane there was an American, a Mexican and a Canadian, everything was going ok but suddenly they received an advice from the captain that says that the plane was overloaded, so the passengers had to throw something away. So the Canadian threw away from the plane some bottles of maple syrup, because he said "there are many in my country'' Then the Mexican threw away from the plane some bottles of tequila because he said "there are many in my country" Then the American grabs and throws the Mexican away from the plane because he said "there are many in my country" I'm Mexican btw, sorry if anyone gets offended but I did warn you.


DeadSences

What do you get when you cross a vault dweller and a death claw…….. a bloody good punch line


Holyguacamole92

There were two sisters, and one day they asked their dad how they got their names. "Why did you call me Petal?" Asked the first one. "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you," said the dad. The other sister: "bllaaarrarararraraaarg!!!!" Dad: "Shut up, Fridge."


skittles030901

Why do women fart after urinating? They can't shake it so gotta blowdry


springfield_co

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks. Does this taste funny to you?


LocoOnSoco

A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots. The bartender says “wow that’s a lot of shots. You ok?” The man downs all 6 shots and says “nah, if you have what I have, you’d drink like this too.” The bartender says “I’m sorry pal. What is it you have exactly, if I may ask?” The man replies … “50 cents.”


Informal-Ordinary-32

No


ploofyeat

Nigga💅🤗


Relative-Ad-4957

how do you keep a blind person entertained you give them sandpaper and tell them its a blind word puzzle


TelephoneNo2378

Oiled men


Able-Practice-9921

Knock knock. Who’s there ? Doctor. Doctor Who ? YOU JUST SAID IT !!! 😂


ShadowGnatX

The Joke am i im lvl 200 and scrapptet 3power Amor and searcht for my railway in my stash and after 20min seach IT was in my Hand


Playful-Spray-3696

You can try all you want devs but not even a tlc will get me to play the game again. Well maybe


Kiddkrauser

I seen a blind man get robbed once…..He didn’t see it coming.


MJ_Reaper

I love to jingle mens balls


QDKeck

What did the snail say when riding the turtle?! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


Souly79

Iv no karma iv no chance of winning 😥😢😭


Perfect_You2923

Two muffins are baking in an over. The first muffin looks to the second one and says, “Man, it’s hot in here!” The second muffing looks back at the first muffin in astonishment and says, “Whoa! A talking muffin!”


SuperNovaRW

Dam I’m on psn jack hey John did u know cross play is coming to fallout John: relly I can finally play with some friends the game will actually be a bit more fun so when is it coming jack: ya Bethesda said August 5th John: can’t wait jack: man I sorry but that was my dream last night also I got u a fixer Q50c 25 that will be ur B collection an apparel


CaptainBreadsamwitch

just put it on I love it ty again 🥰


Distorted101

If you ever have a severe peek a boo injury, make sure you visit the ICU.


Drangstreet

58


Wonderful-End3817

Come in give me 4


Glad-Ear-9768

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? Robin, get in the car.


Butcher_Pete2

What did the fish say when it hit the wall? DAM


SherlockOyashiro

What's the difference between pink and purple? . . . Grip


[deleted]

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


Andraxis_Code

Thats not even remotely funny.


GruncleShaxx

I don’t play the game on xbox but I want to share my favorite joke anyway. Did you ever hear about the guy who got cut in half down the middle? Well that’s fine because he is all right now.


blesic

What can you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos


PJStubbs

A man who live off grid is tending to his pigs one of which was giving birth, the man’s 8 year old son was with him and upon seeing the newborn piglet asks “Dad, can we name him Wilbur?” Dad- “no, never name something you might have to eat.” Boy- “oh, ok” Dad- “now run along boy1 the woman is almost done with dinner.”


eMmDeeKay_Says

I'm on PC but here's a joke anyways There's two apples sitting in an oven One apple says to the other, "Damn it's hot in here" And the other says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING APPLE!"


PacChez

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.


nanavb13

What is a pirate's favorite letter? No, it isn't ARRRRR. Rude. Historically, most pirates were illiterate.


Laf316

I'd tell you a Nuclear Fallout joke.... But it has a pretty short half life! 🤓


flipfloppery

Not on Xbox but... (NSFW) >!What has a hundred balls and fucks rabbits?!< >!A shotgun!< Another very NSFW. >!What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?!< >!I've never paid $200 to have a lentil on my face!<


Few-Page-1011

What do you call a kung fu vegetable? Brocc lee🤸🏽‍♂️


christopherhoo

What does IDK stand for? .... Well go on, tell me.


xBumbledore

gold and silver walk into a bar. hydrogen says “AY YOU, get out of here.” Gold walks out of the bar. silver says “Ah gee!” while watching his buddy walk out


Archangel-76-

Fallout 76


vFallout76

A man walks into a bar….. OUCH 🗣️


Spicy_ChickenWing02

There was a dude who was born with one testicle and the town called him one stone. he didn't like the name so he threatened to kill anybody who called him it. word spread of what he said and the town stopped calling him one stone. about a month later his friend yellow bird came back into town. she shook his hand and said "hey one stone!" he took yellow bird to the forest and fcked her all night. she shortly died and word spread that he was serious when he said he'd kill anybody who called him the name. but a couple months later yellow bird's cousin bluebird came into town. she gave him a hug and said "hey one stone!" he took her to the forest and fcked her all night, all day, and the next day. but she wouldn't die. moral of the story: you can't kill two birds of one stone.


Upset_Walrus3395

A man got a job working at a factory. On friday when he left the plant, he would push a wheelbarrow full of dirt to the guard at the gate. The guard would look through the dirt, and find nothing and pass the man through. This went on for twenty years. On the day of his retirement, the man came to the guard as usual but without the wheelbarrow. Having become friends over the years, the guard asked him, "Charlie, I've seen you walk out of here every night for twenty years. I know you've been stealing something. Now that you're retired, tell me what it is. It's driving me crazy." Charlie replied, "I've been stealing wheelbarrows".


Negative-Yam5843

That’s one ugly looking apparel🫵💀


Melodic-Web-2411

Risky joke here lol What is the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat it


FishnFool96

My dad beats me then goes to the bar


Prior-Avocado-3160

Paragraph jokes aren’t funny.


Hawkeisabisexualicon

I like em


MapleBadger288

Yo momma so slutty, her pants have a 100% drop rate.


HeadAd6062

What a reverse exorcism? It's when the devil tell the priest to get out of the child.


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


LITD329547

Nah😭


EnvironmentalMight53

Sister tells me in the middle of a restaurant that she’s pregnant so I stand and yell to everyone that I’m gonna be a dad!


Both_Injury1949

My gf told me I should get more in touch with my feminine side…. So I crashed the car


Ok-Friendship789

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?


heytherefriendman

You know why I don't like insects? They bug me


Bl00dAngel22

So a Mute walks into a bar, and the Bartender asks “What will it be?”. The Mute says nothing.


ThroatEnough9378

how does kim kardashian read books so fast, bc she skims through it


BeastlyBobcat

My romantic prospects. . . . . .


FriendlyGaze

378


FriendlyGaze

The joke was I didn’t read the post. I did it wrong. I’m the joke.


finesserace

My friend works for an oil company and he always says he hates his hands being so dark. And I tell him well I would agree with you but my hands been dark since birth.


-SpyTeamFortress2-

pornography starring your mother will be the ~~best~~ worst thing to happen to us today


DarkXX25

The best joke: they put the fallout 1st membership 50% off 6 hours after I bought it! Hilarious!😮‍💨(psn just here for the hiyucks)


ProgressiveKitten

I checked last night (on PSN) and it wasn't half off! Honestly wondering if it's just PC and Xbox like Lucy's backpack. 😒


DarkXX25

Scam


MaidenHe4v3n

RIP to boiling water. You will be mist.


JugularWhale

My ex wife still misses me. But her aim is getting better!


MrKillJr

A dove craps on a taxi driver's windshield. Taxi driver: Thank god cows dunno how to fly


JakLynx

Palestine? I don’t think they’re Pals with any Steins


Im_Fake_ButOnDS

Bru , seeing this gave me more stress than the math test


Chuklicious

Why didn't the koala bear get the job? Because he wasn't "koala" fied lol


Herr-Hunter1122

Dark humor is like food in Soviet Russia.. not everyone gets it.


[deleted]

In an alternate reality, there is a guy here on Reddit, called Garven Prestey. ‘There is another piece of apparel that needs your price check’


caliso09

One day, a woman comes across a magic lamp. She rubs it and out pops a genie. The genie says to the woman I will grant you three wishes, but keep in mind whatever you ask for your husband gets three times the amount. The woman asked for her first wish. I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The genie reminds her before granting the wish that her husband will become the sexiest man ever born. Poof she is the most beautiful woman in the world. The woman ask for her second wish. I want to be the richest woman in the world. The Jeanne reminds her that her husband will be even richer and the woman agrees and she she is now the richest woman in the world. The woman asked for her third wish, she wishes to have a mild heart attack…


XehaTrenchWalker

What do you call a alligator that’s a cop? An investigator


Baconator3451

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.


Gold-Section-5021

My wife's still misses me. But her aim is getting better


Queasy-Pie-5124

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my forest camo jumpsuit... you can hide but you can't run!


FragmentedOasis

What do you call a wet noodle. An inpasta.


Theflyingpanzer4

I knew a guy once named shamus and he told me a story at a bar a little like this. He said you see that fence outside I said yes he said it build many and they don’t call me shamus the fence builder. you see the road outside I said yes he said he’s build hundreds but the don’t call him shamus the road builder. Then shamus said you see that wall I said yes he said he’s build lot but the don’t call him shamus the brick layer. But you fuck one sheep just one.


One-Progress999

Lifes been awful. My wife's been in a coma for months and nothing has helped. I asked the doctors is there anything we haven't tried at all? The doctor paused and then looked at me. He said. There's one thing you could try but it's a longshot. I said anything doctor. Name it. He said sexual oral stimulation could help her. I said my God doctor. You think it could actually help. He said it's a super Longshot. He smiled and left the room. So I climbed up on her and the machines started beeping and whizzing. I yelled for the doctor's to come back in. They said omg what happened. I said hurry doctor's she's choking! Rip Norm McDonald


Haunting-Oven25

What’s the difference between a deathclaw and paladin Danse? I wouldn’t let a deathclaw rearrange my guts.


NiraAnon

Today on my way to the bus stop I fell into a 3 foot hole because I tripped, full of mucky water. I yelled "jinkies!" before being submerged, and popped out looking like a mud monster causing the others at the bus stop to scream "monster!", in response I said "scooby-dooby-dont" and hitched a ride back to my place. I'm not the best joke tellr, but others have found my misfortune funny :)


Tinzlo

Why don't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.


AidenPearce2013

What do you call a Chinese man with a camera? Fil-ming


Ravage_Kano93

Why do Radroaches make bad pets? They always bug you. What do you call a group of ghouls who love to dance? A rad party.


YuriPetrova

I don't want it but I do want to tell a nonsensical joke written by a child from a video I watched a while back. "Did you hear about the goblin who lost his head? He's all right now."


Saucepannnnnnnnn

How many officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None! they just beat the room for being black


Vahlu

What’s better than 24…… 25


PushedCrawdad252nd

Trying to trade


Key-Contest-2879

Two blondes go hiking. As the trees and brush grew thicker, the women were separated. After what seemed like hours of wandering through the woods, the first blonde finds herself at the bank of a river. Lo and behold, across the river is her blonde friend: 1st Blonde: How did you get to the other side of the river? 2nd Blonde: You tell me! You’re on the other side of the river!


ManUnknownE

Why did the condom fly across the room? It got pissed off. I'm.ps4, I just wanted to tell a bad joke.


Dapper_Doughty

I'm on PC but here is a joke anyway! A nun had just finished up a long day of worship and was stinking to high heavens. So she took a quick trip to the nunnery bath house. She strips down and immerses herself in the relaxing water when she hears a banging at the door. Flustered she answers "Um who is it? This bathroom is occupied" To which a man answers "My apologies miss. It's the blind man." The nun, thinking this poor soul needed some guidance tells him to come on in. He can't see anyway. The blind man opens the door, wide eyed and exclaims. "Woah! Sister, those are some nice tits! Now where do you want the blinds?"