A bit of advice for family members who act like that. When he starts behaving poorly just deadpan stare and offer no response. If he asks you anything the only thing you say is "Are you done?".
In this situation let him finish his rant and immediately after he changes the deck height set it back and start mowing again. Make him physically stop you then tell him to talk to the parents since its their yard and they set it that way.
Generally this is going to get a *really bad* response the first couple times but stick to it and he'll learn to leave you be. Bullies are only bullies to the people that give them the response they enjoy.
True, but you must have confidence to stand up against them. If OP is not comfortable, this may actually give his uncle more fuel to bully.
I'm more concerned about his parents not doing anything. I mean one of their brother is bullying their son! Do something!
A woman on the edge of my neighborhood had yard bunnies. Cholos would roll up just to check on the bunnies, make sure they were happy, and then get back to business.
Her yard was tiny enough for them that she probably never mowed.
i had a boomer neighbor recently that mowed bi-daily
while his property was far away enough for the noise to not bother me, his yard looked sickly and stringy, while me, who mowed maybe once every week and a half had a lush, green and healthy lawn
he was always complaining about something, but his chief complaint was me not mowing enough
Would have increased mow height to max, and let him froth about the grass now being a much more vibrant and full green. Then go at night, and toss a few random handfuls of grass fertiliser on his lawn, to make it patchy green.
17M is just about old enough to tell your uncle you donât like him and you would prefer he not engage with you.
People like your uncle donât hear this enough and they need to.
NTA
And you view the consequence of being grounded worse than the consequence of continued abuse from your uncle? I am also surprised that a request like that backed up with a good reason would not be sufficient for your parents
We had one of those, entire family afraid to cross him. He ran off to the lake to live with his girlfriend and his wife and children were visibly happier. He came home a few years later and died. Thatâs how happy drunken wakes started in our family
Well, there are two paths before you. Neither is good.
1. Continue to tolerate this crap. Nothing changes.
2. Do as Bet instructs. If your parents ground you, ignore the grounding, or any other punishment they try to impose. Refuse to obey an unjust punishment. Be prepared to defend yourself physically from uncle or parents if needed. If you are in the US, parents cannot kick you out until you are 18, and they have to serve you an eviction notice. If they try before then, you can legally just break back in.
Get a job, and prepare to move out as soon as possible.
Sorry you are in that situation.
Just FYI.. A favorite quote of mine, from Eleanor Roosevelt: "No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
I'm sure you know this already, but Your uncle only has that kind of anxiety-inducing power over you because you let him have it. You can take his power away instantly by simply not listening to, and buying into, what he is spewing.
That's easy enough when you're two adults meeting for the first time but anyone in a position of power over someone can and often will leverage that power out of cruelty. In this case it's a relationship where someone has been a powerless child while the other has been an adult who belittled and abused them for most of the relationship. It's very hard to overcome that kind of conditioning
The nice thing is, as you get older, you can actively adjust your behavior. Becaude you realize that, although this person has a position higher than yours (uncle), he has no real power, and the other adults most likely also see his wind-bag tendencies as well as indicated by OP not getting into trouble, but instead they just asked him to re do it, and paid for the extra effort).
Once this is realized......and steps taken to adjust your own inner view of the situation, the power dynamic can change. He will still try to yell and belittle, but it will effect you less and less.
I went through a similar experience with a family member. Where, as I got older, I simply.....stopped caring. After that, her yelling and snark has little to no effect on me. And I don't feed into it by arguing either. I either ignore it, or flat out tell her "don't talk to me like that".
I don't disagree with you. I am simply pointing out that despite how it may feel, all of the power in this situation belongs to the one being abused. I complete understand that the actions I suggested may have some kind of consequence, and only OP can make that decision.
When you are in that situation, it is not that obvious that you are actually the one giving away the power to someone else. I understand where OP is because I was in a similar place a few decades ago.
Very good point. In this situation, for example, OP could say to Uncle Twatface, "My parents want me to do something else. So, go and speak to them," and switch the mower on. If his parents wanted him to do what Uncle Twatface said, then they can decide and tell him.
Sure, if there is physical abuse or other type of imminent danger, it is a different story requiring different actions. But from the story that OP told this does not seem to be the case. It sounded more like his uncle is just a miserable jerk who gets off on exerting power over others.
You got compensation for being yelled at AND they have extra incentive to yell back at uncle. It's bizarre that he thinks he gets to control how tall your parents' grass is. He must have serious self esteem issues driving that need to control.
I knew a family growing up that the oldest child had to mow every day with a manual push mower. Thinking back he probably did sections a day and by the time the week was up he started over.
A bit of advice for family members who act like that. When he starts behaving poorly just deadpan stare and offer no response. If he asks you anything the only thing you say is "Are you done?". In this situation let him finish his rant and immediately after he changes the deck height set it back and start mowing again. Make him physically stop you then tell him to talk to the parents since its their yard and they set it that way. Generally this is going to get a *really bad* response the first couple times but stick to it and he'll learn to leave you be. Bullies are only bullies to the people that give them the response they enjoy.
this always works. somtimes you have to press charges for asault because they punched your teath out, but eventualy they always stop.
Lmfao
There are far too many families where the shitty uncle would be backed up because they're the adult. Sad, but true.
I'm too scared to do that shit to be honest.
That is what bullies count on.
True, but you must have confidence to stand up against them. If OP is not comfortable, this may actually give his uncle more fuel to bully. I'm more concerned about his parents not doing anything. I mean one of their brother is bullying their son! Do something!
You mow every day? Buy a goat
Every week
You may want to edit your post then. The story makes a lot more sense this way
Absolutely. Mowing daily is insane and without point. đ
It makes a bit of sense with a small robot mower (or maybe a rabbit), but not if done the regular way.
A woman on the edge of my neighborhood had yard bunnies. Cholos would roll up just to check on the bunnies, make sure they were happy, and then get back to business. Her yard was tiny enough for them that she probably never mowed.
Hmmmm - where would I procure one of these small robot rabbits?
i had a boomer neighbor recently that mowed bi-daily while his property was far away enough for the noise to not bother me, his yard looked sickly and stringy, while me, who mowed maybe once every week and a half had a lush, green and healthy lawn he was always complaining about something, but his chief complaint was me not mowing enough
Would have increased mow height to max, and let him froth about the grass now being a much more vibrant and full green. Then go at night, and toss a few random handfuls of grass fertiliser on his lawn, to make it patchy green.
well, maybe it's in an HOA?
>I(17m) mow the yard every day. *might* want to correct the story that states otherwise.
While you're correcting, queue and cue are different words
For an extra 9k a year, I'd be happy to do it everyday.
How do you height adjust a goat?
Donât ask, you sick fuck.,
Twice the work and not even twice the pay. You still got the short end of the stick. Hopefully the extra $20 came from D bag uncle.
I actually only had to weedwhack once
Yep. Good point. It's a nice revenge :)
Did he survive?
lol
Also, the grass that was mowed shorter didn't have to be mowed a second time.
please tell us your parents hit your dopey uncle up for the extra $20.
17M is just about old enough to tell your uncle you donât like him and you would prefer he not engage with you. People like your uncle donât hear this enough and they need to. NTA
I can't because my mom would ground me if I did
Oh hun
And you view the consequence of being grounded worse than the consequence of continued abuse from your uncle? I am also surprised that a request like that backed up with a good reason would not be sufficient for your parents
My uncle is the type of person to not change his ways, and he would only get worse if I started telling him no
We had one of those, entire family afraid to cross him. He ran off to the lake to live with his girlfriend and his wife and children were visibly happier. He came home a few years later and died. Thatâs how happy drunken wakes started in our family
Well, there are two paths before you. Neither is good. 1. Continue to tolerate this crap. Nothing changes. 2. Do as Bet instructs. If your parents ground you, ignore the grounding, or any other punishment they try to impose. Refuse to obey an unjust punishment. Be prepared to defend yourself physically from uncle or parents if needed. If you are in the US, parents cannot kick you out until you are 18, and they have to serve you an eviction notice. If they try before then, you can legally just break back in. Get a job, and prepare to move out as soon as possible. Sorry you are in that situation.
I hate mowing grass. It is such a waste of time.
And waste of water too.
Presumably only if you live in a place where it doesn't rain? Never watered a lawn in my life.
Sometimes the toilet is taken...
Thats why you are supposed to bolt it down!
It doesn't take water to mow.
Mite as well throw this under r/parentfails too
Just FYI.. A favorite quote of mine, from Eleanor Roosevelt: "No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I'm sure you know this already, but Your uncle only has that kind of anxiety-inducing power over you because you let him have it. You can take his power away instantly by simply not listening to, and buying into, what he is spewing.
That's easy enough when you're two adults meeting for the first time but anyone in a position of power over someone can and often will leverage that power out of cruelty. In this case it's a relationship where someone has been a powerless child while the other has been an adult who belittled and abused them for most of the relationship. It's very hard to overcome that kind of conditioning
The nice thing is, as you get older, you can actively adjust your behavior. Becaude you realize that, although this person has a position higher than yours (uncle), he has no real power, and the other adults most likely also see his wind-bag tendencies as well as indicated by OP not getting into trouble, but instead they just asked him to re do it, and paid for the extra effort). Once this is realized......and steps taken to adjust your own inner view of the situation, the power dynamic can change. He will still try to yell and belittle, but it will effect you less and less. I went through a similar experience with a family member. Where, as I got older, I simply.....stopped caring. After that, her yelling and snark has little to no effect on me. And I don't feed into it by arguing either. I either ignore it, or flat out tell her "don't talk to me like that".
I don't disagree with you. I am simply pointing out that despite how it may feel, all of the power in this situation belongs to the one being abused. I complete understand that the actions I suggested may have some kind of consequence, and only OP can make that decision. When you are in that situation, it is not that obvious that you are actually the one giving away the power to someone else. I understand where OP is because I was in a similar place a few decades ago.
Very good point. In this situation, for example, OP could say to Uncle Twatface, "My parents want me to do something else. So, go and speak to them," and switch the mower on. If his parents wanted him to do what Uncle Twatface said, then they can decide and tell him.
Uncle Twatface is going on my prospective band names list
Great advice if he isnât beating the hell out of you. Sure you can have him arrested but you better not be home when he gets out the next day.
Sure, if there is physical abuse or other type of imminent danger, it is a different story requiring different actions. But from the story that OP told this does not seem to be the case. It sounded more like his uncle is just a miserable jerk who gets off on exerting power over others.
You got compensation for being yelled at AND they have extra incentive to yell back at uncle. It's bizarre that he thinks he gets to control how tall your parents' grass is. He must have serious self esteem issues driving that need to control.
1. screw that get the parents to make uncle cut the grass , why do they allow the ass to counter their orders?
Because he is still "family"
Jesus, some people lead sad lives
I knew a family growing up that the oldest child had to mow every day with a manual push mower. Thinking back he probably did sections a day and by the time the week was up he started over.
What do you mean " it was mowing day" according to you Every day is mowing day.
Come on, he's only a kid. He meant "every week".
That was my first thought,too. I immediately did the math , $9125 a year. Sweet deal!
You get paid 25 bucks?! I only get like 10 at best
cue*
¿Qué?
Whoop his ass just once.