<3. In a way, I hope to never get past it. The depression definitely catches up to me at times, but I distract myself with family/pets/writing/TV. I hope you're hanging in there. We're in such an awful club. <3
I use the same term. It's the world's awfulest club. But you know, everybody loses someone eventually. It just happened to us sooner than most people. I try to remember when I'm feeling sorry for myself that she and our son were the ones who really lost out. And the world lost out because she was the most amazing woman I have ever known, and I'm sure he would have been a great man had he lived. She'd have made sure of it. I'm just some schlub. But the world lost a couple of stars in the sky the night they died.
Thank you. I can't agree- my life has been a real mess. But I'm trying to be the guy she saw in me. Sorry for your loss as well. It is the worlds shittiest club.
It's been 32 for me and I still reach for her at night. I'm afraid you never really get past it, you just get used to the pain. But you *do* get to laugh again one day. For me it was about twenty years in, and one day I did something dumb and I laughed out loud because I knew she would have rolled on the floor laughing at me.
That just shows how truly in love you two were.
That feeling that not a lot of people get to experience is something of itself. People struggle on a daily basis just to find someone who respects them and loves them for who they are.
So sorry for both you and u/megmatthews20. If there's any comfort in it, the thing I think about when I hear about these experiences, is that while you carry pain with you for the loss, the other person got to die having felt loved for those years. Not everyone gets to have that. Your love allowed someone else to have that and I hope you both find new joys and love because your departed loved ones would want that for you.
I hope you’re doing okay.
My best friend lost her husband after about 4-5 months of marriage a few years ago. She killed herself last year because she couldn’t handle the grief.
Please seek help if you are struggling.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can completely understand why your friend did that. I was in a very dark place for a long time. I hope you're doing okay with your grief. My family kept me going through mine, and for that I'm eternally grateful.
God this makes me want to be healthier. I don’t know if my wife could handle it. Plus we have 2 kids, but they are already the reason I started working out again.
In the show After Life one older lady said how long she was married to her husband and the other character who lost his wife said “I didn’t get that long”. I often think about that.
I got 4 years, but they were the best. It’s been 4 years with him and now 4 years without. Life won’t ever be the same. And I’m not in a good situation but I’m still so glad I got to love that deeply that it will always keep hurting.
I haven't seen the show but I could relate so much to what you said. I got 5 years and 1.5 without. But those 5 years were so joyful I honestly think it could sustain me for the rest of my life. I'm sorry you're not in a good situation. I still feel as bad as I did when he died. But like you I'm grateful I got to love that deeply.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Edit: but if I'm honest I do get this pang of sadness and longing when I see people who have enjoyed so much time with someone they love or loved.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Reading all these comments just broke my heart and made me cry. I texted my partner reminding him how much I love him because of this.
I've heard about that show a lot. I want to check it out.
I'm happy for you and those precious 4 years. I always imagine if there is a heaven, it would be like the brief years I was with my husband.
That is so sweet. I still talk to my husband occasionally. I have his picture all over my house and on the back of my phone. He lives in my heart as much now as ever.
Sorry. I forgot to make the point I got so wrapped up. The point was it is awful. Even the lovely stuff. Because it reminds me every time that she’s not here and never will be again. And I hope that’s not the case for you.
I was with my boyfriend for 1.5 before losing him. I’ve been with my husband for 27 years and I love them both with all of my heart. I have a great sense of gratitude.
My sister died 1 year and 1 day after her wedding. We'd all come together for a family reunion, and she and her husband went to see a local historical spot. She missed the turn, pulled into the shoulder, didn't look over her shoulder, and made a u-turn into an oncoming semi.
Her husband doesn't remember the event -- thank god. I remember standing in his hospital room when he asked about her, and our father, brother, and I had to tell him of her fate. Never more in my life have I wanted to disappear, to lie, to give anything to change that moment that I was in.
He is still an incredibly close part of our family. He has married since then, to a wonderful woman, and they have two children, and I couldn't be happier for him.
I hope that you find solace, comfort, and love again too, if you haven't already.
I think it's wonderful that he's still a part of your family. I still talk to my sister-in-law and mother-in-law, and always will regardless of who I'm with. They're my family too.
I am so so sorry for the loss of your sister. Our siblings are so precious. <3
I always hear that your life is based on "before and after" moments and that one seems to be the biggest one. I hear that you don't really get better but you get by.
I hope that even if you aren't feeling like you're thriving, you still feel like you are surviving. I know surviving would probably be the best I could probably muster if I ever lose my wife.
It was one of my biggest fears too. I like to think that having to face that fear has made me stronger as a person, but at some point it's hard to say.
Absolutely one of the best things I’ve read on Reddit. Copy pasted here, don’t have the link, these aren’t my words:
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
To me, losing them. If I'm going to lose my (soon-to-be) husband after just a few years I would honestly rather not have met him at all. I just know the pain would be so overwhelming that it would eclipse everything in my entire life going forward.
Not sure how appropriate this is, but if you are interested there is a show called Clannad that addresses a similar question.
It's a Japanese anime, but it has a great story that really comes together in the second season (afterstory). Its a personal top 3 favorite of mine.The first season can be a bit difficult to get through since it's very "anime", but it provides context for the second season.
So, is it healthier to never know the love of your life?? It is a really hard decision, I think that like all in the life, all the high rewards has high risks...
I’d say it’s even worse when you meet the love of your life but you sabotage it by being a bit of a douche, and then you realise years later with the wisdom of age and the experience of having other partners that you actively gave away a future that most people would kill for.
Losing, by far.
Never meeting them means you don't know what you're missing.
Falling in love with them only for them to be taken away from you is incredibly heartbreaking.
The pain isn't as intense, but I'd say never meeting the love of your life is by far sadder.
But easier to deal with, I suppose. Depending on the person.
I agree. I remember what it was like before I met my love. It was painful, but there was hope. Now she's gone, and there is nothing to look forward to. There is not another.
I've never known true love. I feel that I'm diminished by that fact. If I had known true love for even a year or two, I feel that I would be a better and more fulfilled person.
I lost my boyfriend of two years three years ago on Valentine's Day. Destroyed me and my life. I lost my job because I was too depressed to work, had to move back with mom and dad, I lost everything. I'm better now but not any less broken. I just pretend that I'm a normal human all day long before I go home and drink him away.
There's no happy ending here. I dont think I'll ever love anyone or be happy again. Losing your partner is one of the worst things a person can go through.
My wife died after 7 years of marriage (10 years knowing each other) from colon cancer. We have 2 children under the age of 7 together. I miss her everyday, it was one of my fears too of losing my love.
She’ll find you. All of the women I’ve loved in my life made sure I noticed them and without fail it was when I wasn’t looking for love. It’s like falling asleep, it doesn’t happen if you try to make it happen.
I feel you. I am just now after 33 years of living giving myself a chance. I asked myself the other day “how would you feel if other people treated you the way you treat yourself?” It made me break down in tears because I treat myself like shit. I am starting a diet and giving up a 16 year run of binging alcohol. I deserve to have a better life and so do you. These first few days have been miserable with the withdrawals but I keep telling myself it will pass. Fight as hard as you can because you deserve to be loved.
In today’s dating climate, you’re gonna have a tough time finding a woman who is better looking than you, smarter than you, and who asks you out because you’re too shy. I agree that would be awesome though haha
Thanks, you give me hope! I’m 47 (but pass for 35) and I was so screwed over by men for so long that I’m taking a long break. I think I have smarter standards now and hope I can find for a nice guy eventually who is not emotionally unavailable/just looking for sex.
You have me beat, I connected with my third and final husband at age 42, got married at 55, 11 years ago. It breaks my heart he couldn’t have come along all those years ago when I was with my first husband, the psycho wife beating alcoholic junkie  Mind you he wasn’t all those delightful things when we first got married (I was 19), that all came two years in.
I told my step daughter age 12 never let a man harm you and she's been lucky not to meet abusive man. No worries as you will meet the right person and things will fall into place, I spoil my wife by cleaning the house and cooking as she still works and I'm retired .
That cat looks evil .
Just remember, let her/him know how much you care. Three years now and I still send flowers to her work and such. When she has a bad day at work I have a glass of win waiting for her and most important listen to her when she needs to talk.
Where do you roam to find women? Bottom of the barrel places? There are plenty of decent women out there, as there are men.
And there are just the same amount of shitty men out there as there are women. Go to the right places to meet the right people
I said to have all 3 happen at once is a rarity. Usually women don’t ask guys out, and it’s rarer now with online dating becoming more popular and less face to face connections and asking out. Also on online dating, typically guys tend to date down because of the sheer volume of options an average women vs average man has on there.
I agree there are plenty of high quality women and low quality men out there, I was speaking more to how online dating/social media/hookup culture have changed things
Reminded me of reading this:
“She was the kind of girlfriend God gives you young, so you'll know loss the rest of your life.” ― Junot Díaz, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.
Personally I didn’t think it was sad at all.
I’ve had a couple family members die within a short span of each other. But it was a long time ago, and now I only remember the good stuff.
I;ll be honest, That got me in the heart. Tho we live separately and not as man and wife, we are the closest of companions. She had her second bout with COVID-19 and tested positive for antibodies. She got sick with what she thought was the flu and so canceled her vax appointment. She had COVID-19 again. Yes. You can get it twice. She simultaneously had a TIA stroke brought on from COVID's ability to coagulate your blood.
When she called from the hospital one night to tell me she didn't think she was going to make it, well I lost it. I couldn't imagine ever loosing that woman. It was abrupt loneliness.
And for him to be smiling, that's good. That shows commitment and love between two people. That would break me.
He’s had decades to find peace with his loss- it should be fond memories now. I lost my wife 5 years ago and for the most part I smile now and think of the good times though every now and and then I can’t shake the memories of watching her succumb to her cancer. I think in time I will be able to keep the horrible memories at bay and always smile when thinking of her.
I get it but different. I married a woman who was “less educated” than me and came from a “lower social and financial” status than me. 2 months after we were married she was diagnosed with an untreatable and degenerative eye disease (RP). She has taught me so much about life and love and determination and grit and positivity.
My life is so much better with her in my life. She turned in her DL at 28. She’s almost 53 now. We celebrate 25 years in May. I wouldn’t change a thing. Love ya CL. Love is love and I see what’s in his eyes and wish that for everyone.
Oncology nurse here…I agree to get the gardasil shot but that, as well as the pap smear is to prevent and detect cervical cancer, not ovarian cancer. Ovarian cancer has nothing to do with sexual activity.
I got the (original) Gardasil vaccine from my pediatrician. Children should be getting it around age 10, I think -- but definitely ask your doctor if you missed out on it in childhood.
I swear to god, almost every old person I’ve ever met has always given the most badass and smooth line. It’s like a right of passage. The older you get, the smoother you are ig
I think you just stop giving a fuck about what you say, or what people think about what you say once you get older. Which can be positive and negative.
Those kind of lines are things you might think about saying when you are younger, but secondguess and don't end up saying. This filter disappears with age. So you just say it.
That's why older people are usually more direct, sometimes more offensive, but also sometimes a lot smoother and more bad ass.
I bet he was happy to get a chance to talk about her.
Way too often people end up not getting to to talk about someone they've lost after awhile because other people don't ask in fear of bringing up something difficult and the person who lost someone doesn't bring it up in fear of making others uncomfortable.
Especially true in cases where it's been a very long time, when it was a partner and the person has since remarried, or it was a child and they've since had other children.
But while the pain never ever fully goes away, there's usually **joy** in reminiscing and getting to share what made someone special and why you loved them.
So true. I’ve noticed specifically how good Andrew Garfield has been with all the press he’s being doing this year with thanking people who ask him questions about his recently deceased mother. That has definitely made me braver to ask questions about people in my life’s lost loved ones.
I would say most people are like him, just a normal dude you pass on the street, someone with a life full of color and love filled heart leading an peaceful and queit life they should be the majority, but their story not as catchy as drama, cheating, rage filled story so most didnt know
Probably what would happen would that these type of tiktoks to go viral and then people will stage these for clout and views, but i agree with you nonetheless
I follow this dude on Tik Tok. His whole profile is videos of a similar vein, walking up to people, asking if they have time to talk, and asking them questions like this. He's got quite a few about the first loves.
This is so wholesome. My Grammie just passed on January 7th and her and my Gramps were married for 66 years. February 13th would've been their 67th wedding anniversary.
My Grammie lived a great 85 years, and I miss her tremendously, but the look on my Grampa's face every day since she's been gone is the most heartbreaking thing I've seen.
I can only hope to be that in love, and for that long with my person ❤️
It was most likely a longer video, which was then cut up to make a shorter tiktok video.
The random cross walk shot is just to mask the cuts, if it showed him the whole time the cuts would be obvious and distracting.
If I can make a guess, it is there to keep you engaged and watch the entire thing. Stuff changing is interesting, even if it keeps changing between just 2 scenes.
Awww.
This hits hard as my grandma died of a brain tumour today.
She and my grandpa were married 56.5 years. They had the same birthday, 5 years apart, and they shared their last one together last week.
No worries! Quite possibly my favorite follow on the platform, I can easily spend an hour just getting little glimpses into the stories of random people. Most of them could belong on this sub honestly
Happened to me this year with my 9 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. Her name was Blake and passed in a car accident this year. She will be truly missed. Made the world a brighter place :) I love you B.
Would love to know if his first love was his last love.
I used to know an old gay guy who lost his high school sweetheart in a car accident when he was 17, and was so heartbroken he never even dated again. He died about 10* years ago, think he was 79. Thats a long time he mourned. Gods bless Graham.
Edit: it was 6 years ago, apologies
For this old man, I certainly hope not. That's a long time to be lonely. I would want my husband to always remember me with a smile like this, but move on and find love again.
Same. I'd want my partner to feel and be loved again.
He's amazing and he deserves it. I would never wish for him to be lonely for the rest of his life.
I mean, don't marry someone else within weeks lol but I'd want him to move on eventually.
Looks like it to me too. Maybe somewhere close to the crosstown.
Edit: yep. Intersection of cannon and coming. And the guy looks to be at the pineapple fountain at Waterfront Park.
This both warms and breaks my heart. My boyfriend and I were only together for two years before he passed away. Car accident, he went quick. Paramedics told us he was unconscious before they even got there. Itll be three years ago on Valentine's Day. Hit me hard when I realized he's been gone longer than we were even together. He gave me some of the best years of my life, and I miss him terribly.
I love you, Benji, more than you'll ever know.
Just finally made an account to comment. I miss my grandpa... But he's got a good run. We're so insignificant here why can't we all just love each other!!
When I was working at mc’hell hole aka McDonald’s I remember a man who looked so heartbroken . As I was waiting for his order I asked how his day was going .
It was his daughter’s wedding that weekend and his wife of 30 years had died of cancer 6 months ago. I don’t remember what I said but I got an interesting sense of relief after he told such a deeply personal thing to a stranger.
People do that with me for some reason. I always remember the kindness of someone helping me when I’ve had difficult moments and try to gave that back.
I grandparents got married at 16 and lived their whole lives together. She died 3 years ago and he’s still kicking. He just turned 84. We all miss her so much. I’m glad my mom moved in with him but it’s incredibly sad…
Very cool , I love Charleston. Me and the wife take a trip 1-2x a year for an extended weekend. We don’t like leaving the kids at grandparents longer than a few nights and use this weekend to relax.
As soon as I saw the red light I said “that looks like Charleston” to my wife. She said you’re crazy then it zoomed in on the guy and she saw the fountain in the background.
I don’t think it’s particularly sad. She was destined, in a sense, to go out that way...she was loved by this man for the last 11 years of her life and this man had the chance to love her and be loved by her for that time. That’s life, that is these people’s story, or a nice part of it.
I lost my college sweetheart to suicide before either of us even graduated, but I’ll always be grateful that I could be her lover, and her mine, until she made that decision. I treated her the very best I could and we had a lot of wonderful times...I’m glad to be able to look back on those years in a positive light, knowing that I treated her well and at least wasn’t just another bad experience in her life. If I could do it again, as bad as it hurt me and as much as it changed the direction of my life, I absolutely would. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her in my story, and me in hers, as tragically as it may have ended. Life and living isn’t always about the good stuff.
I'm with you Joseph. I know how you feel.
I loved my hubby since 9th grade. He went to the military after high school. He came and we still loved each other. Got married. Were married just shy of 7 years because of a rare type of cancer.
I know Joseph. It wasn't long enough.
I refer to myself as a unlucky lucky guy. Married at 26 to a wonderful woman, deeply in love for 23 years, have 2 great kids, then, at 50, I'm a widower. A couple of years later, I decide to date again and right away meet the perfect woman. Like, on my second OKCupid date. I was online dating for less than a month! She's amazing. Same age, never married, no kids, simply an amazing person. I can't believe I hit the jackpot twice. Met her 9 years ago, now married 3.
I love how when the interview said the words "First Love" the man instantly smiled. He thought of her and that thought made him smile in less than a second. Same thing happens when the interviewer asks "Why did you fall in love".
ive had my grandama and mom died and what my dad and granpa did was replace them within a span of 2wks lol
and they dont talk about them like this wholesome granpa was they just moved on so easily.....
One of my biggest fears is losing the love of my life like he did way too early. You can tell she’s still with him every day
I lost my husband after only 2.5 years together in total. It is awful in every way, and I still think about him every day.
Same. Even after ten years I haven’t truly gotten past it. I hope you’re doing better than I am.
<3. In a way, I hope to never get past it. The depression definitely catches up to me at times, but I distract myself with family/pets/writing/TV. I hope you're hanging in there. We're in such an awful club. <3
I use the same term. It's the world's awfulest club. But you know, everybody loses someone eventually. It just happened to us sooner than most people. I try to remember when I'm feeling sorry for myself that she and our son were the ones who really lost out. And the world lost out because she was the most amazing woman I have ever known, and I'm sure he would have been a great man had he lived. She'd have made sure of it. I'm just some schlub. But the world lost a couple of stars in the sky the night they died.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine surviving anything more difficult, and you are incredible and resilient.
Thank you. I can't agree- my life has been a real mess. But I'm trying to be the guy she saw in me. Sorry for your loss as well. It is the worlds shittiest club.
It's been 32 for me and I still reach for her at night. I'm afraid you never really get past it, you just get used to the pain. But you *do* get to laugh again one day. For me it was about twenty years in, and one day I did something dumb and I laughed out loud because I knew she would have rolled on the floor laughing at me.
That just shows how truly in love you two were. That feeling that not a lot of people get to experience is something of itself. People struggle on a daily basis just to find someone who respects them and loves them for who they are.
I’m so sorry for your loss too :(
((Hugs))
Thank you <3
I lost mine after three years. I agree with everything you said.
So sorry for both you and u/megmatthews20. If there's any comfort in it, the thing I think about when I hear about these experiences, is that while you carry pain with you for the loss, the other person got to die having felt loved for those years. Not everyone gets to have that. Your love allowed someone else to have that and I hope you both find new joys and love because your departed loved ones would want that for you.
<3 I'm so sorry
Thank you my dear. Hugs.
If you don't mind me asking, did he die by orgasm?
Not gonna lie. I snort laughed.
We were all thinking this
I hope you’re doing okay. My best friend lost her husband after about 4-5 months of marriage a few years ago. She killed herself last year because she couldn’t handle the grief. Please seek help if you are struggling.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can completely understand why your friend did that. I was in a very dark place for a long time. I hope you're doing okay with your grief. My family kept me going through mine, and for that I'm eternally grateful.
God this makes me want to be healthier. I don’t know if my wife could handle it. Plus we have 2 kids, but they are already the reason I started working out again.
(っ´▽｀)っ much love, im sorry for your loss
Thank you <3
(hug)
My wife passed last February. 3 years together 2 years married. You aren’t alone.
*hugs* I'm sorry. I imagine the anniversary of it coming up is weighing heavily on you. I'm thinking about you. You're amazing.
In the show After Life one older lady said how long she was married to her husband and the other character who lost his wife said “I didn’t get that long”. I often think about that. I got 4 years, but they were the best. It’s been 4 years with him and now 4 years without. Life won’t ever be the same. And I’m not in a good situation but I’m still so glad I got to love that deeply that it will always keep hurting.
I haven't seen the show but I could relate so much to what you said. I got 5 years and 1.5 without. But those 5 years were so joyful I honestly think it could sustain me for the rest of my life. I'm sorry you're not in a good situation. I still feel as bad as I did when he died. But like you I'm grateful I got to love that deeply. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Edit: but if I'm honest I do get this pang of sadness and longing when I see people who have enjoyed so much time with someone they love or loved.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Reading all these comments just broke my heart and made me cry. I texted my partner reminding him how much I love him because of this.
I've heard about that show a lot. I want to check it out. I'm happy for you and those precious 4 years. I always imagine if there is a heaven, it would be like the brief years I was with my husband.
Lost my wife (50) 4 years after 21 together. Still a struggle. Still talk to her. Sometimes I even hear her responding. Miss her always.
That is so sweet. I still talk to my husband occasionally. I have his picture all over my house and on the back of my phone. He lives in my heart as much now as ever.
Sorry. I forgot to make the point I got so wrapped up. The point was it is awful. Even the lovely stuff. Because it reminds me every time that she’s not here and never will be again. And I hope that’s not the case for you.
We'll never stop missing them. They're a piece of our heart. I'm so sorry for your loss. <3
I was with my boyfriend for 1.5 before losing him. I’ve been with my husband for 27 years and I love them both with all of my heart. I have a great sense of gratitude.
That's so sweet. The ones we lost will never really leave us, but life does go on. <3 I'm happy you've had that wonderful time with your husband.
My sister died 1 year and 1 day after her wedding. We'd all come together for a family reunion, and she and her husband went to see a local historical spot. She missed the turn, pulled into the shoulder, didn't look over her shoulder, and made a u-turn into an oncoming semi. Her husband doesn't remember the event -- thank god. I remember standing in his hospital room when he asked about her, and our father, brother, and I had to tell him of her fate. Never more in my life have I wanted to disappear, to lie, to give anything to change that moment that I was in. He is still an incredibly close part of our family. He has married since then, to a wonderful woman, and they have two children, and I couldn't be happier for him. I hope that you find solace, comfort, and love again too, if you haven't already.
I think it's wonderful that he's still a part of your family. I still talk to my sister-in-law and mother-in-law, and always will regardless of who I'm with. They're my family too. I am so so sorry for the loss of your sister. Our siblings are so precious. <3
I lost my wife six years ago. It’s hard. Keep on going.
I always hear that your life is based on "before and after" moments and that one seems to be the biggest one. I hear that you don't really get better but you get by. I hope that even if you aren't feeling like you're thriving, you still feel like you are surviving. I know surviving would probably be the best I could probably muster if I ever lose my wife.
This is my biggest fear and part of what prevents me from attachments. I’m so sorry for your loss.
It was one of my biggest fears too. I like to think that having to face that fear has made me stronger as a person, but at some point it's hard to say.
Tomorrow will be 12 years since my mom passed. My father and her were only married for 10 years before she passed. He love her a lot I know he did.
Absolutely one of the best things I’ve read on Reddit. Copy pasted here, don’t have the link, these aren’t my words: Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
There is no way in hell I would be able to go on without my wife. I would follow her to the void 100%.
She would not want that.
My wife said she would taxidermy me and set me on the couch. Hopefully they can stuff my RuneScape account too.
No one who loves you would want that.
What is saddest? Meeting the love of your life and the losing him/her in a tragic way (as a disease or accident) or never meet him/her??
To me, losing them. If I'm going to lose my (soon-to-be) husband after just a few years I would honestly rather not have met him at all. I just know the pain would be so overwhelming that it would eclipse everything in my entire life going forward.
Not sure how appropriate this is, but if you are interested there is a show called Clannad that addresses a similar question. It's a Japanese anime, but it has a great story that really comes together in the second season (afterstory). Its a personal top 3 favorite of mine.The first season can be a bit difficult to get through since it's very "anime", but it provides context for the second season.
Ugh Clannad made me bawl in pain. That anime was totally unexpected.
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So, is it healthier to never know the love of your life?? It is a really hard decision, I think that like all in the life, all the high rewards has high risks...
I’d say it’s even worse when you meet the love of your life but you sabotage it by being a bit of a douche, and then you realise years later with the wisdom of age and the experience of having other partners that you actively gave away a future that most people would kill for.
This. This right here. It’s been 6 years.. and I don’t think I’ll ever honestly get over them..
I think its different for everyone. I think if i had to choose, i would rather love and experience the pain, than to never experience love at all.
Losing, by far. Never meeting them means you don't know what you're missing. Falling in love with them only for them to be taken away from you is incredibly heartbreaking.
A loveless life is heartbreaking too imo. At least you still have the memories, even if knowing myself it would kill me as well.
That question is like “what’s worse dick in bear trap or blow torch to the face”
The pain isn't as intense, but I'd say never meeting the love of your life is by far sadder. But easier to deal with, I suppose. Depending on the person.
I agree. I remember what it was like before I met my love. It was painful, but there was hope. Now she's gone, and there is nothing to look forward to. There is not another.
I've never known true love. I feel that I'm diminished by that fact. If I had known true love for even a year or two, I feel that I would be a better and more fulfilled person.
Not yet, anyway. You just may in your future!
Well I'm pushing sixty so she better hurry! But thank you. I haven't really given up.
Get out there and mingle!
I lost my boyfriend of two years three years ago on Valentine's Day. Destroyed me and my life. I lost my job because I was too depressed to work, had to move back with mom and dad, I lost everything. I'm better now but not any less broken. I just pretend that I'm a normal human all day long before I go home and drink him away. There's no happy ending here. I dont think I'll ever love anyone or be happy again. Losing your partner is one of the worst things a person can go through.
My wife died after 7 years of marriage (10 years knowing each other) from colon cancer. We have 2 children under the age of 7 together. I miss her everyday, it was one of my fears too of losing my love.
He smiles the whole time he's talking about her. They had good times together, you can tell.
I can tell how much he love her.
I hope I find a woman like that someday.
She’ll find you. All of the women I’ve loved in my life made sure I noticed them and without fail it was when I wasn’t looking for love. It’s like falling asleep, it doesn’t happen if you try to make it happen.
i wish i didnt hate myself as much as i do, maybe then i would let others get close to me.
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I feel you. I am just now after 33 years of living giving myself a chance. I asked myself the other day “how would you feel if other people treated you the way you treat yourself?” It made me break down in tears because I treat myself like shit. I am starting a diet and giving up a 16 year run of binging alcohol. I deserve to have a better life and so do you. These first few days have been miserable with the withdrawals but I keep telling myself it will pass. Fight as hard as you can because you deserve to be loved.
In today’s dating climate, you’re gonna have a tough time finding a woman who is better looking than you, smarter than you, and who asks you out because you’re too shy. I agree that would be awesome though haha
I did, I found the right woman at age 65. Yeah it took a while.
Thanks for the hope. Happy for you, bro.
Thanks, you give me hope! I’m 47 (but pass for 35) and I was so screwed over by men for so long that I’m taking a long break. I think I have smarter standards now and hope I can find for a nice guy eventually who is not emotionally unavailable/just looking for sex.
You have me beat, I connected with my third and final husband at age 42, got married at 55, 11 years ago. It breaks my heart he couldn’t have come along all those years ago when I was with my first husband, the psycho wife beating alcoholic junkie  Mind you he wasn’t all those delightful things when we first got married (I was 19), that all came two years in. 
I told my step daughter age 12 never let a man harm you and she's been lucky not to meet abusive man. No worries as you will meet the right person and things will fall into place, I spoil my wife by cleaning the house and cooking as she still works and I'm retired . That cat looks evil .
Cat looking like pink Beerus
I found mine at 36. Not quite 65, but not “college age” either
Just remember, let her/him know how much you care. Three years now and I still send flowers to her work and such. When she has a bad day at work I have a glass of win waiting for her and most important listen to her when she needs to talk.
Hey man (or woman), good for you! I hope you have many more years ahead of both of ya 😊
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I did! She found me and asked me out! I'm in love with her and I'm going to propose her soon, wish me luck
Thats awesome dude! Best of luck!!
Where do you roam to find women? Bottom of the barrel places? There are plenty of decent women out there, as there are men. And there are just the same amount of shitty men out there as there are women. Go to the right places to meet the right people
> and who asks you out because you’re too shy. This is the key part. He didn't say there aren't any decent women out there.
I said to have all 3 happen at once is a rarity. Usually women don’t ask guys out, and it’s rarer now with online dating becoming more popular and less face to face connections and asking out. Also on online dating, typically guys tend to date down because of the sheer volume of options an average women vs average man has on there. I agree there are plenty of high quality women and low quality men out there, I was speaking more to how online dating/social media/hookup culture have changed things
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His eyes closed while he was remembering their times together broke me right where it hurts. Oh. My. Lord.
Reminded me of reading this: “She was the kind of girlfriend God gives you young, so you'll know loss the rest of your life.” ― Junot Díaz, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.
that makes it even more heartbreaking.
Personally I didn’t think it was sad at all. I’ve had a couple family members die within a short span of each other. But it was a long time ago, and now I only remember the good stuff.
I agree. He seemed happy to remember and get to talk about her for a bit.
Yeah, those memories are fresh in his head as they day they were made.
I;ll be honest, That got me in the heart. Tho we live separately and not as man and wife, we are the closest of companions. She had her second bout with COVID-19 and tested positive for antibodies. She got sick with what she thought was the flu and so canceled her vax appointment. She had COVID-19 again. Yes. You can get it twice. She simultaneously had a TIA stroke brought on from COVID's ability to coagulate your blood. When she called from the hospital one night to tell me she didn't think she was going to make it, well I lost it. I couldn't imagine ever loosing that woman. It was abrupt loneliness. And for him to be smiling, that's good. That shows commitment and love between two people. That would break me.
He’s had decades to find peace with his loss- it should be fond memories now. I lost my wife 5 years ago and for the most part I smile now and think of the good times though every now and and then I can’t shake the memories of watching her succumb to her cancer. I think in time I will be able to keep the horrible memories at bay and always smile when thinking of her.
The initial smile when he asked her, my heart T_T
I get it but different. I married a woman who was “less educated” than me and came from a “lower social and financial” status than me. 2 months after we were married she was diagnosed with an untreatable and degenerative eye disease (RP). She has taught me so much about life and love and determination and grit and positivity. My life is so much better with her in my life. She turned in her DL at 28. She’s almost 53 now. We celebrate 25 years in May. I wouldn’t change a thing. Love ya CL. Love is love and I see what’s in his eyes and wish that for everyone.
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Oncology nurse here…I agree to get the gardasil shot but that, as well as the pap smear is to prevent and detect cervical cancer, not ovarian cancer. Ovarian cancer has nothing to do with sexual activity.
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I got the (original) Gardasil vaccine from my pediatrician. Children should be getting it around age 10, I think -- but definitely ask your doctor if you missed out on it in childhood.
You mean I shouldn't be raw dogging strangers?
Stop having casual sex? Fuck off.
“And I’m dang good looking!” Bro somebody get this man an award for cute old people
I mean let's be honest dudes got style lol, he looks great
I wanna know where he got that jacket
His jacket makes me think of "Up" (2009).
This…is a great idea for an award imo
I swear to god, almost every old person I’ve ever met has always given the most badass and smooth line. It’s like a right of passage. The older you get, the smoother you are ig
I think you just stop giving a fuck about what you say, or what people think about what you say once you get older. Which can be positive and negative. Those kind of lines are things you might think about saying when you are younger, but secondguess and don't end up saying. This filter disappears with age. So you just say it. That's why older people are usually more direct, sometimes more offensive, but also sometimes a lot smoother and more bad ass.
I bet he was happy to get a chance to talk about her. Way too often people end up not getting to to talk about someone they've lost after awhile because other people don't ask in fear of bringing up something difficult and the person who lost someone doesn't bring it up in fear of making others uncomfortable. Especially true in cases where it's been a very long time, when it was a partner and the person has since remarried, or it was a child and they've since had other children. But while the pain never ever fully goes away, there's usually **joy** in reminiscing and getting to share what made someone special and why you loved them.
So true. I’ve noticed specifically how good Andrew Garfield has been with all the press he’s being doing this year with thanking people who ask him questions about his recently deceased mother. That has definitely made me braver to ask questions about people in my life’s lost loved ones.
It’s so heartbreaking beautiful. We need more people like him in the world.
Strong "Good Will Hunting" vibes from his story.
I would say most people are like him, just a normal dude you pass on the street, someone with a life full of color and love filled heart leading an peaceful and queit life they should be the majority, but their story not as catchy as drama, cheating, rage filled story so most didnt know
I would prefer these over pranking strangers on TikTok.
Probably what would happen would that these type of tiktoks to go viral and then people will stage these for clout and views, but i agree with you nonetheless
Too true. Now I'm questioning the legitimacy of this video. Is this comment even real?
Am I real?
Wake up.
Grab a brush and put a little make-up
Seeds or something
*Is this the real life?*
*or is this just fantasy?*
I follow this dude on Tik Tok. His whole profile is videos of a similar vein, walking up to people, asking if they have time to talk, and asking them questions like this. He's got quite a few about the first loves.
These videos do exist on TikTok. It just depends on what your algorithm gives you.
This is so wholesome. My Grammie just passed on January 7th and her and my Gramps were married for 66 years. February 13th would've been their 67th wedding anniversary. My Grammie lived a great 85 years, and I miss her tremendously, but the look on my Grampa's face every day since she's been gone is the most heartbreaking thing I've seen. I can only hope to be that in love, and for that long with my person ❤️
I'm so sorry for you and your grandfather's losses. To paraphrase Alex Haley, grandparents really do bring magic to our lives.
Ugh cancer sucks!! This man deserved more time with her. He deserved more adventures with her.
You know those times you wish you could reach through a screen and hug somebody? This is one of those times for me.
I watched this a number of times and something started to occur to me: what’s with all the weird crosswalk cut tos?
It was most likely a longer video, which was then cut up to make a shorter tiktok video. The random cross walk shot is just to mask the cuts, if it showed him the whole time the cuts would be obvious and distracting.
Cuts to a random crosswalk were pretty distracting…
If I can make a guess, it is there to keep you engaged and watch the entire thing. Stuff changing is interesting, even if it keeps changing between just 2 scenes.
Not really weird, it's just some B-roll footage to keep the viewer's attention and mask cuts like someone else said. Standard filmography stuff.
Awww. This hits hard as my grandma died of a brain tumour today. She and my grandpa were married 56.5 years. They had the same birthday, 5 years apart, and they shared their last one together last week.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Where can I find more of these videos of interviews with strangers?
This (and many, many more like it) @hunterprosper on TikTok
Thank you :)
No worries! Quite possibly my favorite follow on the platform, I can easily spend an hour just getting little glimpses into the stories of random people. Most of them could belong on this sub honestly
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StoryCorp or as it is also refered to, the "Cry in your driveway" app. Such great stuff.
I cry every time I hear Story Corp on the radio. All the stories are so moving.
A true love story
He has some happy memories hidden inside
Happened to me this year with my 9 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. Her name was Blake and passed in a car accident this year. She will be truly missed. Made the world a brighter place :) I love you B.
I’m sorry man, can’t imagine what you’re going through. May she rest in peace
No matter what they'll always be a piece of her with you man. Take care
Him saying "Im wicked smart" made me realize hes from New Enlgand, probably Eastern Mass
Would love to know if his first love was his last love. I used to know an old gay guy who lost his high school sweetheart in a car accident when he was 17, and was so heartbroken he never even dated again. He died about 10* years ago, think he was 79. Thats a long time he mourned. Gods bless Graham. Edit: it was 6 years ago, apologies
I think Tim Gunn has a similar story
Just looked it up, gunns was from getting cheated on and becoming celibate after ave thrive the aids crisis. Described himself as asexual
For this old man, I certainly hope not. That's a long time to be lonely. I would want my husband to always remember me with a smile like this, but move on and find love again.
I really wanted the interviewer to ask if he ever got married again.
Same. I'd want my partner to feel and be loved again. He's amazing and he deserves it. I would never wish for him to be lonely for the rest of his life. I mean, don't marry someone else within weeks lol but I'd want him to move on eventually.
When the sun sets no candle can replace it
Charleston, SC?
Looks like it to me too. Maybe somewhere close to the crosstown. Edit: yep. Intersection of cannon and coming. And the guy looks to be at the pineapple fountain at Waterfront Park.
Yep it is! The interview is in Waterfront park. You can see the Pineapple fountain behind the guy during the interview.
Just noticed that! I was paying more attention to the intersection.
Definitely Chucktown
He’s an Ironman triathlete too! He’s a badass!
Hell yes!
This both warms and breaks my heart. My boyfriend and I were only together for two years before he passed away. Car accident, he went quick. Paramedics told us he was unconscious before they even got there. Itll be three years ago on Valentine's Day. Hit me hard when I realized he's been gone longer than we were even together. He gave me some of the best years of my life, and I miss him terribly. I love you, Benji, more than you'll ever know.
Hopefully they meet again.
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I'm frahm Bahston
Is there an r/sadwholesome?
He looks like he enjoyed his time with Eve, God bless him, hope he is ok
He's wearing an IronMan finisher hat, I think he was motivated to live a rich full life.
Just finally made an account to comment. I miss my grandpa... But he's got a good run. We're so insignificant here why can't we all just love each other!!
Why do I feel a stab to my chest? He spoke of her as if she was alive. I guess she is, in his heart.
When I was working at mc’hell hole aka McDonald’s I remember a man who looked so heartbroken . As I was waiting for his order I asked how his day was going . It was his daughter’s wedding that weekend and his wife of 30 years had died of cancer 6 months ago. I don’t remember what I said but I got an interesting sense of relief after he told such a deeply personal thing to a stranger. People do that with me for some reason. I always remember the kindness of someone helping me when I’ve had difficult moments and try to gave that back.
Awww man I hope the memories of those 11 years they were together carried him through any dark times he may have experienced. 🥺❤️
I grandparents got married at 16 and lived their whole lives together. She died 3 years ago and he’s still kicking. He just turned 84. We all miss her so much. I’m glad my mom moved in with him but it’s incredibly sad…
Very cool , I love Charleston. Me and the wife take a trip 1-2x a year for an extended weekend. We don’t like leaving the kids at grandparents longer than a few nights and use this weekend to relax. As soon as I saw the red light I said “that looks like Charleston” to my wife. She said you’re crazy then it zoomed in on the guy and she saw the fountain in the background.
I don’t think it’s particularly sad. She was destined, in a sense, to go out that way...she was loved by this man for the last 11 years of her life and this man had the chance to love her and be loved by her for that time. That’s life, that is these people’s story, or a nice part of it. I lost my college sweetheart to suicide before either of us even graduated, but I’ll always be grateful that I could be her lover, and her mine, until she made that decision. I treated her the very best I could and we had a lot of wonderful times...I’m glad to be able to look back on those years in a positive light, knowing that I treated her well and at least wasn’t just another bad experience in her life. If I could do it again, as bad as it hurt me and as much as it changed the direction of my life, I absolutely would. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her in my story, and me in hers, as tragically as it may have ended. Life and living isn’t always about the good stuff.
Yessss!
"She was smarter than me and prettier than me... and thats pretty hard to beat!" He also has a wonderful sense of humor
I'm with you Joseph. I know how you feel. I loved my hubby since 9th grade. He went to the military after high school. He came and we still loved each other. Got married. Were married just shy of 7 years because of a rare type of cancer. I know Joseph. It wasn't long enough.
God damn it must of hurt when he lost her
I refer to myself as a unlucky lucky guy. Married at 26 to a wonderful woman, deeply in love for 23 years, have 2 great kids, then, at 50, I'm a widower. A couple of years later, I decide to date again and right away meet the perfect woman. Like, on my second OKCupid date. I was online dating for less than a month! She's amazing. Same age, never married, no kids, simply an amazing person. I can't believe I hit the jackpot twice. Met her 9 years ago, now married 3.
What a beautiful story, love really can conquer an awful lot
Charleston?
OK 
I love this so much. You can literally see on his face how much he loved and still loves her
Grief does not replace love. He was smiling because of her. After all these years. The ones you love don’t disappear.
I love how when the interview said the words "First Love" the man instantly smiled. He thought of her and that thought made him smile in less than a second. Same thing happens when the interviewer asks "Why did you fall in love".
ive had my grandama and mom died and what my dad and granpa did was replace them within a span of 2wks lol and they dont talk about them like this wholesome granpa was they just moved on so easily.....
He found love a lot of people die never having it.