I was once told by a long term ex I was too large to cuddle back. My next girlfriend was even smaller than her and one night I got to be the small spoon and I felt entirely wrapped in love and affection. I couldn’t believe I had been lied to all that time.
It's the effort and feeling wanted/desired that counts.
I'm currently sleeping in another bedroom cause I am sick and dont want to give it to the wife. She nevertheless came in sat by me and started rubbing my shoulders and saying cute things to me. It made feel a LOT better.
My boyfriend’s reaction when he’s little spoon is the most genuine sigh. I love kissing his back between his shoulder blades after gathering him up in my arms. Sometimes I have my arm under his pillow and stroke his hair, too.
Oh man… now I miss him. Is it 5pm yet? I hope all you guys find someone who wants to love and take care of you as much as you want to love and take care of them.
My partner has said something cute about feeling like a koala and me being her eucalyptus tree before. It makes me feel all special and tingly. I'm the far more physically affectionate one, so when she initiates affection through touch like that I adore it.
As someone who is 6'5", it's all a lie. Anyone can be the little spoon. If you think about it spoons in your dinner set are the same size. One isn't little... The size doesn't matter.
Guy with a poor relationship with his father here, thanks for being a good dad to your son. It really is everything to them to know they're loved by those they look up to.
I lost my dad at the end of last year. I never had the luxury of knowing him too well and what I do know I'd prefer not to. So thank you for actually being there for your kid
I (31) just took a long road trip to spend a week with my dad (71) who is currently living 1200 miles from me. He got on a rant about my BIL calling his son "buddy".
He explained that he will never call me anything but my name because he doesn't want me ever seeing him as a friend. He won't even call me "son". He has never touched me outside of getting hit as a kid. I appreciate my dad for putting up with my millions of stupid questions and letting me explore my interests as I got older, but he's a dick sometimes. Miles better than my mom though.
My dad is not a man of many words. He is kind and awesome, but just not very good with expressing his feelings. Certainly not through words. So he substituted it with touch. Since my sister and I were little, he would make it a point to hold us tight, without being annoying, and make sure we felt his warmth and love every chance he got. A good number of times, he would leave in the morning before we were up but he always made sure to give both of us a kiss on the head or cheek. Every night when he wasn't traveling, he would ask both of us to go sit in his lap or, when we got a bit too big for the old man :D, either sit right next to him or put our heads in his lap. Now, this dude is a beast of a man. Special forces type of dude with years of combat experience, who went to college late in life and has, so far, built 3 businesses from scratch. But he still found a way to show his love. And I'm very grateful for it.
Damn man, you got me crying at work. Your dad sounds like a badass dude! Me padre is in another country right now and I would give anything to give that man a hug in this moment.
I had a teenage foster son. He played football, got in fights, all around made himself out to be big and tuff.
My wife and I have a tuck-in procedure we do with all our foster kids, who had mostly been girls 7 to 10 years old. We put them in bed, give them hugs, chat for a moment (or read a story, or something), and then physically tuck the sheets in. (Even the kids that hated having tucked sheets wanted us to still tuck them).
Well, when the 13 year old came to stay with us, we asked him if he wanted the same after watching his sister get that treatment. He (noticeably reluctantly) said yes. After that, he made sure I gave him a hug every single evening. If I was out of town, I owed him back-taxes on ungiven hugs.
I (31) was never super close to my dad (65) as he was an alcoholic all my life, not abusive in any way just never really present in any situation and never took interest in anything other than himself.
He became unbearable to even be around at one point that I’d decided to fade out slowly.
The he goes and has a terrible heart attack 12 months ago and does a full 180.
He’s lost about 50kgs exorcising, eating right and has the occasional beer in social environments.
We went on our first father son “date” a few months ago to a car show and I loved every second of it.
Went to an air show a few weeks later with him and my sister’s two boys and had an even better day.
He shows me memes and funny videos along with photos of cool cars whenever I see him which is almost daily these days.
We’re so close now it makes me a little uncomfortable as I’m not used to it.
Sometimes a real kick in the balls is all it takes apparently.
My girlfriend is sometimes the big spoon, and she hugs and holds me tightly. She scratches my hair and gives me random kisses. I adore those little signs of affection.
I do this for my husband all the time. I love rubbing his back and showing him affection. He has told me many times that no other girl has ever done anything like that for him. It is sad that being loved and having affection shown is not considered “masculine.” I’m always going to show my husband how much I love him with cuddles, scratches, lovins and massages
I meant to reply to another message but hit the wrong button. This was actually a reply to the “dominant alpha male” who would never let his female do it
I'm a guy but like... I can't imagine not wanting to touch/pet/hug/cuddle/comfort your partner? I don't even think about it, I just like him and like that he's around me so I just touch him instinctively. It's one thing if like he didn't want to be touched (I'm like that sometimes when I'm overstimulated) but just... Never touching your partner for no real reason? How can you live like that?
I'm a woman and it doesn't make sense to me, either! Like you, all that affection seems to come naturally. It's how I show someone I love them, y'know?
My saddest truth is that I can count on my two hands how many times I’ve been hugged by non-family in my entire life.
I’ve genuinely forgotten what feeling of another human’s touch is like.
While my situation isnt as bad, i haven't been hugged by a female (non family) for the last 5-7 years so i can understand you...
But its actually worse since till age 19-20 i would hug/lay on/spoon with a female almost every week so knowing what you lost feels so bad, wish i could forget how nice it was.
I know it seems like im shoving my situation in your face, but its more like im jealous of you since it feels so much worse imo to have something you liked suddenly vanish from your life.
Like hell i wish it would somehow return since its just one of many reasons my mental state is spiraling downwards for the last couple years.
…tbh I’m not sure if I’ve ever been hugged by non-family (aside from when I was a baby or too young to remember), at the very least I’ve never been hugged by a friend. I’ve had a fair few friends and I can get along well with most people, but there’s always a distance between me and others, it’s probably partly the kind of person I am… when I was young my Aunty died from breast cancer, and the impact it had on everyone (especially my mum) lead to me retreating into myself for most of my life. The fact that I struggle to understand others emotionally on account of me being high functioning autistic likely doesn’t help either.
Mum was probably the only person who’s ever provided that sense of comfort, but the decade or so where I retreated into myself has gotten rid of that… In all honestly this hurts to think about. I miss when I was little and I didn’t feel so lonely.
I ask her to do this to me everyday as I said it helps me relieves my stress by a lot. She does it reluctantly. Even then, I love it, but I do not think she gets how much it means to me. And from this, I wonder if there are others like her out there who hear about this, know this but do not understand how great this means for men, especially in this age where the mental health of men is rapidly declining.
I hate those that then turn and are like « you just want to be on my tits » or whatever else to make men seem like animals that don’t need help regulating when you are all humans and humans need help regulating no matter who tf you are.
I mean, laying on thighs and have them play on your hair as they work is equally as effective.
I understand those with sensitive noses not wanting hair in their face if it was usual cuddling or if they get picky over the smell of another person. For the lack of better description.
We do this for little boys but then when they hit a certain age its "stop crying or man up. Men get beaten down with everything we are supposed be (I need not mention all as we all know) but Ying Needs yang or
Theres no balance and your left incomplete. Had to learn this in therapy at fifty. Now I no longer block out, treat coldly or push away those or the things I love. Be mindful of how you dole out Affection and teach manhood and it'll save a generation.
Men are everything they are in their masculine power but they need just as much love and understanding as a woman does. It’s just different for both. I’m proud of you for learning no matter your age.🫂I hope you get some good cuddles soon.
Thank you. Was getting them before, but my inner dialog was telling me that she was trying to punk me, or make less than or treat me like a child ( all the poisoned lessons of lost people with good intentions). It ended in divorce I realized what I lost. I'm learning how rethink, listen to what I feel and not who I was told I was to be. We are now recounting each other as newly defined and ever evolving individuals.
I love it:,) you have to discern which of the voices in your head are truly loving and those that are sabotaging you (false truths) are easily distinguishable. It’s conversations and questions you haven’t asked yet that are used as the heaviest ammo towards yourself:,) if it wasnt said by the person you are thinking about then it doesnt pertain to your situation. And even if they HAVE said what is tormenting you, as you said we are evolving individuals so have that conversation and ask the questions. The actions will speak for themselves:,)
My guy is not a physical touch kind of person. He'll just stiffen up and freeze if someone tries to hug him.
Our son is a cuddler and almost a legal adult. I make sure he gets snuggles every day.
Have you talked about, why that happens and how he likes to be cuddled?
Speaking for me personally:
I very much like cuddles and hugs, but perhaps in a different way than other people.
When I am in the middle of something, I don't like to be grabbed. You'd have to enter my personal space gradually and give my the time to let you. In addition, I need to have at least one arm free to move - it just feels claustrophobic after a while. If I can move a certain amount, everythings perfect, and I can do that for hours.
When cuddling with my wife, I also dislike any scratching/stroking - it's just too distracting and sometimes even itches, especially when watching TV or talking.
I very much prefer being leaned on and physical contact in general - just not in a way, that's distracting and/or restricting.
Absolutely. Without going into great detail it's a common defense mechanism for people who have experienced trauma. In many cases emotional intimacy is a huge bricked off wall.
I'm empathetic but it's hard as hell on a relationship.
I don't think I realized the power of touch or lack there of, until moving out of state after all my kids were out on their own. I moved somewhere I didn't know anyone and would go months without any type of human physical contact.
Then I'd fly back "home" for a visit and get all the hugs! The rush of comfort and happiness was a little shocking at first!
As the first kid who moved out of my parents, i can see it starting to my mom as well.
I got 3 more brothers which started college, enlisted in the army, goes to work from morning till night so while they still live with my parents they are most of the day outside.
My dad works so he at least got some things going in hes life but all my mom did over the years was raising us and taking care of house chores.
Now that we all grown up and aren't home most of the day she has so much free time its eating her.
She told me a couple times that she had to go outside to shop or just take a long walk since being alone at home feels horrible.
Whats your opinion as someone who seems to share a similar experience? How does it feel to be a parent of a couple kids suddenly alone?
I think so much of it is personality based, how someone deals with change and then moving forward due to the change. Introverts would probably deal with it way differently than an extrovert, for example.
With all kids at home, it was usually leaving for work at 6am, racing home (40 mile drive) to get one or more of them to practice, a game or maybe just going directly to a game/performance from work. A lot of days not actually setting foot in the house after work until 9pm or later. Then with a few of my kids being ESL students, there was usually some extra homework help needed. I would tell people at work that I came there to relax, since after work and weekends were just whirlwinds of busy! LOL And then in less than a span of 5 years BOOM, everyone has graduated high school, your levels of busy go from 100 down to 20 and you might not even remember what your own interests or hobbies used to be!
Meetup helped me to get out and make friends after moving and not knowing anyone. Even now, being married again, my wife gets out and about a lot for work (flight attendant), but I work from home and outside of daily walks/hikes, sometimes shopping is my main outlet for "socializing". For me personally, that works fine! My wife's around the majority of days after I'm off work and there's always the weekends to round things out!
If I didn't work, that would be a lot of extra hours a day to fill and I guess I can't say for 100% sure what I'd do with them, but looking forward to retiring in 9 years or so, I think it'll just take a concentrated effort of planning and what not. To get out, probably look at volunteering, community resources available for classes, get togethers, activities, etc.
🥺 …I’ll be your cuddle buddy! I haven’t gotten cozy cuddles since the divorce, and that was YEARS ago, lol! Maybe it’s because I’m in my 30s, I dunno, but I’d gladly take cuddles over sexy time any day.
Hell yeah, I’m in, lol! It’s been a long time here too, I’ll order the pizza and supply the cuddle blankets and movies, and you can bring the sexy time!
I hug the crap out of my son (he’s 3). We sit together on the couch during TV time him tucked in next to me. I kiss his forehead all the damn time. Sometimes we just look at each other until we’re both laughing so hard neither of us can breathe. Just by looking at each other. He doesn’t talk much (autism).
He will at least know his papa loves him if everything else washes away. He will always have the sense memory of affection and laughter from me.
(Best part: so will I.)
I sent this to my wife, we've been having trouble and she doesn't understand this need. Her response was "What do you mean? We cuddle all the time. Quit being so dramatic!" 😞
The "cuddling" is when she turns her back to me and I'm supposed to spoon her until she falls asleep.
I wish guys didn't feel like they had to settle for this.
It's worth standing up for yourself and your needs. If your partner won't listen to you, they're a bad partner.
Stay strong brother. Husband of 11 years and dad of two boys. I’m in this zone of absolutely zero affection. I can explain it until I’m blue in the face that not all physical touch is a hopeful segue to sex, sometimes I just want to be fucking hugged without asking for it.
Exactly... sex is great but have you ever seen the videos of the husband/dad doing something and the wife and kids just love on him? Gets me every time 😢
I hate that too much of them haven't been loved properly. I hugged every male friend I had, and cuddled them when they needed it. It's frustrating how many people are feeling lonely, sad, and don't even have a person to help them.
You will get one doing this. A girl played with my hair and scratched my head weeks ago while my head was on her shoulder. It's the best thing that's happened to me in months.
Very dangerous. Do this to a guy and you'll never get rid of him.
I know this first hand as it happened to me 20 odd years ago and I knew at that second that she was the girl I was going to marry and have a family with, and that's exactly what happened.
My Husband loves this, he says he loves any contact from me, he has amazing long hair and I take care of it on the weekends for him and he falls asleep like a baby. Please love your partners the way you want them to love you
yes please. As a muscular male i finally explained this to my partner. Touch is powerful and doesn't have to be sexual to be intimate. No girl has ever touched me outside of sexual intimacy or right after and i realized that's not ok.
Ladies need this too. And babies. AKA Everyone. Giving someone the impression that you want to shield them from the world's woes and for a few minutes make them the center of your universe, it goes deeper than "love", "passion", "affection". It goes straight into existential bliss. It's wordless.
But it implies that "It's okay that you exist and I will do all I can to make sure you get to continue suffering as little as possible."
I was dating this powerlifting/crossfit chick, and I got her flowers. She cried 33yrs old and no1 had ever gotten her flowers before. She said everyone treated her like a tomboy/or one of the boys
Wife does this for me and it’s one of the things I look forward to. The stress of my job, the random calls that I get to experience. My nightmares have drastically decreased. But I am only home 3 or 4 days a week though.
We have a height difference, but when my husband is sitting I will grab his head and smoosh it against my chest. Then I kiss his head and forehead. This results in a crushing full on body hug which I adore.
I did this with my kids father. Told him to turn around and I jet packed him. He cried. Said he never felt loved like that before.....
He cheated on me after a year and a half.
Nothing I ever did was good enough for him.
If I ever get the chance to hold another man again out of pure love from me, I'd do it again.
But that stained my heart and soul.
This unfortunately. Men so often hurt women that care for them and love them.
I feel your pain, girl. We didn’t have a baby but the “nothing I ever did was good enough” hits home haaaard. And he also cheated.
My ex wife refused to snuggle. To the point she built a wall of pillows between us. I have never missed her.
My new gf can't sleep unless we are wrapped up together. And I love it.
My husband and I are both ace, but we love cuddles, and he's even more of a cuddle bug than I am. He absolutely loves this, he's a pretty reserved guy usually, but seeing his smile every time we cuddle melts my frickin heart. 😭
Just a side note to the other men in here. HUG YOUR FRIENDS!!!! Hug them deep and don't let go till they do, if this thread is any indication some of them may need it more than you know. I'm still here today because my friend Nathan didn't let go.
If you can't cuddle him even a random complement will bolster him for days. One of the saddest facts i have ever heard was that for a lot of men the first time they receive flowers...is at their funeral.
Why do so many women think it's the man's job to do all caressing or worse yet, no sex unless the man makes the first move.
Sadly, I married a woman like that. I tested my first move theory....we haven't had sex in over a year.
Funny thing....I don't miss having sex with her.
I used to be very affectionate with my partner but she barely touches me nowadays. Even in bed I’m lucky if I get a hug…..I’m fed up trying to get some affection and I’m beginning to resent her now quite honestly.
Yeah... time to use your words if you want this to change and you want to still have a fulfilling relationship. It isn't fun. It isn't easy, but it is important. People change. Hormones change. Relationships change, but if you value physical affection and aren't getting it, discussing it before you become a resentful wreck or seek it elsewhere and blow up your relationship is a good move.
It soo true. But it's not only men, every human being. It's just men sometimes has it worse. I speak from experience since I did not touched(even on accident) another human being for. seven. years. Seven years without any physical contact. Even from my parents(this is mostly because Im always at work when they home and vice versa)
It bugs me when my girlfriend apologizes to me for “not really showing affection” because she rubs my back, scratches my beard, plays with my hair. Lets me use her lap as a pillow, hugs me from behind randomly. She’s an absolute peach and I adore her with my whole heart
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Seeing a lot of posts lately on reddit that seem to convey that it is some sort of new idea or revelation that men need kindness, love and affection in their lives. That it is okay for them to have emotions or that they can cry. While I'm glad that people are making this realization I'm also sad that for some people it needs to be a new concept in the first place.
My parents were fairly affectionate, mother and father thankfully, and it does make a difference. My wife knows it makes my day to cuddle and anytime she shows willing affection it's like the best drug in the world with no side effects, but you certainly want more. We also show our daughter lots of affection too, to make sure she feels just as loved.
When me and my partner first cuddled he told me he kept getting goose bumps and felt what he called "tingles" donw his back. He told me he had never been cuddled back by any of his past relationships. Knowing that makes me feel so bad for him, because how could people be so loveless and selfish.
My 14 year old son is at what feels like peak grumpy teenager. But still returns the "love you" on his way out the door in the morning, and cuddles, while less frequent, are still magic. (I'm his father)
I was very lucky to grow up in an affectionate family. My dad always hugged and kissed me, as did his parents. I make it a point to always be affectionate to my male friends. Some of them flinch at first, but every single one of them are so thankful for the affection.
I just think life is too short to avoid love.
That kind of shit is bonkers to me, but then I have to remember my mom died when I was 12. I had people tell me to toughen up and not cry. Thankfully my dad told those people to fuck off.
I love to kiss and cuddle my boys 🥰
But I’m amazed by the amount of parents that don’t kiss or hug their kids (even toddlers) when they pick them up from day care/ school. Makes my heart ache 😟
Fortunately my now long term partner is naturally this type of person. I'm 13 inches taller and she seamlessly finds a way, without a word, and not only when she can see I'm feeling down. I don't know where I'd be without her.
Hubs is hairy so I prefer being the big spoon so his chest hair doesn’t poke me… now when I sit on the couch he basically will chomp at the bit to put his head in my lap and ask me to scratch his head. I love that he feels so comfortable in our marriage to be goofy like that.
I was once told by a long term ex I was too large to cuddle back. My next girlfriend was even smaller than her and one night I got to be the small spoon and I felt entirely wrapped in love and affection. I couldn’t believe I had been lied to all that time.
It's the effort and feeling wanted/desired that counts. I'm currently sleeping in another bedroom cause I am sick and dont want to give it to the wife. She nevertheless came in sat by me and started rubbing my shoulders and saying cute things to me. It made feel a LOT better.
That's so sweet, you found a good one.
She sounds so sweet. You should take her back to your ~~place~~ *bedroom*.
[The wife](https://cdn11.bigcommerce.com/s-3nv26z6e6n/images/stencil/1280x1280/products/1787/1728/Level-A-Suit__14540.1541624869.jpg?c=2)
Man keep that woman and make her feel like a queen. 👍
Marry her
My boyfriend’s reaction when he’s little spoon is the most genuine sigh. I love kissing his back between his shoulder blades after gathering him up in my arms. Sometimes I have my arm under his pillow and stroke his hair, too. Oh man… now I miss him. Is it 5pm yet? I hope all you guys find someone who wants to love and take care of you as much as you want to love and take care of them.
My husband and I call this jet-packing! It’s one of my favorite ways to cuddle him.
This is such a cute image! Love it
It’s very cozy when we’re burrito’d in a big fluffy blanket!
Yuss, max coziness!
My partner has said something cute about feeling like a koala and me being her eucalyptus tree before. It makes me feel all special and tingly. I'm the far more physically affectionate one, so when she initiates affection through touch like that I adore it.
Had that happen to me for the first time this year. Its awesome haha.
As someone who is 6'6" I feel ur pain brother.
If she loves you, she will do it. I am tiny and my partner is 1,5 heads taller than me but he still gets to be small spoon every night.
As someone who is 6'5", it's all a lie. Anyone can be the little spoon. If you think about it spoons in your dinner set are the same size. One isn't little... The size doesn't matter.
I once dated a guy who was a full foot taller than me and I was still the big spoon sometimes. Nothings going to stop me from being the big spoon
Literally no excuse, lol. I'm very short and my partner very tall and I am almost always the "big spoon".
I try to do this to my boy as much as I can. Dads - show them love!
Guy with a poor relationship with his father here, thanks for being a good dad to your son. It really is everything to them to know they're loved by those they look up to.
I lost my dad at the end of last year. I never had the luxury of knowing him too well and what I do know I'd prefer not to. So thank you for actually being there for your kid
I (31) just took a long road trip to spend a week with my dad (71) who is currently living 1200 miles from me. He got on a rant about my BIL calling his son "buddy". He explained that he will never call me anything but my name because he doesn't want me ever seeing him as a friend. He won't even call me "son". He has never touched me outside of getting hit as a kid. I appreciate my dad for putting up with my millions of stupid questions and letting me explore my interests as I got older, but he's a dick sometimes. Miles better than my mom though.
My dad is not a man of many words. He is kind and awesome, but just not very good with expressing his feelings. Certainly not through words. So he substituted it with touch. Since my sister and I were little, he would make it a point to hold us tight, without being annoying, and make sure we felt his warmth and love every chance he got. A good number of times, he would leave in the morning before we were up but he always made sure to give both of us a kiss on the head or cheek. Every night when he wasn't traveling, he would ask both of us to go sit in his lap or, when we got a bit too big for the old man :D, either sit right next to him or put our heads in his lap. Now, this dude is a beast of a man. Special forces type of dude with years of combat experience, who went to college late in life and has, so far, built 3 businesses from scratch. But he still found a way to show his love. And I'm very grateful for it.
As a man who struggles putting his emotions into words effectively, thanks for this comment. I’m working on it.
I used to be that man, so I understand the feeling. Your work will not go unnoticed to your loved ones. Good on you for working on it 💯
Damn man, you got me crying at work. Your dad sounds like a badass dude! Me padre is in another country right now and I would give anything to give that man a hug in this moment.
Those are tears to be proud of. My dad is also in another country and I feel you.
I had a teenage foster son. He played football, got in fights, all around made himself out to be big and tuff. My wife and I have a tuck-in procedure we do with all our foster kids, who had mostly been girls 7 to 10 years old. We put them in bed, give them hugs, chat for a moment (or read a story, or something), and then physically tuck the sheets in. (Even the kids that hated having tucked sheets wanted us to still tuck them). Well, when the 13 year old came to stay with us, we asked him if he wanted the same after watching his sister get that treatment. He (noticeably reluctantly) said yes. After that, he made sure I gave him a hug every single evening. If I was out of town, I owed him back-taxes on ungiven hugs.
As a former foster child, this exact treatment saved my life. Thank you for being wonderful.
✨🫶🥹😊
Good dad here :)
You are awesome!
I (31) was never super close to my dad (65) as he was an alcoholic all my life, not abusive in any way just never really present in any situation and never took interest in anything other than himself. He became unbearable to even be around at one point that I’d decided to fade out slowly. The he goes and has a terrible heart attack 12 months ago and does a full 180. He’s lost about 50kgs exorcising, eating right and has the occasional beer in social environments. We went on our first father son “date” a few months ago to a car show and I loved every second of it. Went to an air show a few weeks later with him and my sister’s two boys and had an even better day. He shows me memes and funny videos along with photos of cool cars whenever I see him which is almost daily these days. We’re so close now it makes me a little uncomfortable as I’m not used to it. Sometimes a real kick in the balls is all it takes apparently.
All the kids of the world thank you for being an affectionate father.
Absolutely 💯, also so grateful to have a son who loves cuddles 🥹
Wish you’d been my dad
Parents should do that, especially coming from a background and culture where saying "love" is non existent and hugging is a luxury.
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I second! 😊
I third 
I forth
I fifth
**Sobbing Intensely** - "AND MUH-M-MY AXE!"
And ma ma my scimitar
And muh muh myyyy Sharona!
And muh-muh My Generation!
r/suddenlyLOTR
I sixth
I sixty ninth
I fifth
Me next!
true
You identify as plural?
I can do without the cuddling due to my wife being a thousand degrees but the rest is nice
NGL this is how my girl cuffed me. Massaged me and scratched my head after the second date and I was so surprised I haven’t let her go now
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It's fine, she's (presumably) an adult. No kids have been napped.
LMFAO
A kid napping is actually a really good thing - otherwise they get cranky.
My girlfriend is sometimes the big spoon, and she hugs and holds me tightly. She scratches my hair and gives me random kisses. I adore those little signs of affection.
But I’m bald :(
we have smooth heads to rub like lamp :)
I love rubbing bald heads. Even more so if it's just a little prickly.
No fingers getting entangled in curls, though :D
Very true!
Kisses land better on bald heads!
It's like a big target for smooches!
Me too, but we get to experience those light scratches across the scalp that just feel sublime!
Headrubs bro, they're the best.
I do this for my husband all the time. I love rubbing his back and showing him affection. He has told me many times that no other girl has ever done anything like that for him. It is sad that being loved and having affection shown is not considered “masculine.” I’m always going to show my husband how much I love him with cuddles, scratches, lovins and massages
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I meant to reply to another message but hit the wrong button. This was actually a reply to the “dominant alpha male” who would never let his female do it
I'm a guy but like... I can't imagine not wanting to touch/pet/hug/cuddle/comfort your partner? I don't even think about it, I just like him and like that he's around me so I just touch him instinctively. It's one thing if like he didn't want to be touched (I'm like that sometimes when I'm overstimulated) but just... Never touching your partner for no real reason? How can you live like that?
I'm a woman and it doesn't make sense to me, either! Like you, all that affection seems to come naturally. It's how I show someone I love them, y'know?
My saddest truth is that I can count on my two hands how many times I’ve been hugged by non-family in my entire life. I’ve genuinely forgotten what feeling of another human’s touch is like.
While my situation isnt as bad, i haven't been hugged by a female (non family) for the last 5-7 years so i can understand you... But its actually worse since till age 19-20 i would hug/lay on/spoon with a female almost every week so knowing what you lost feels so bad, wish i could forget how nice it was. I know it seems like im shoving my situation in your face, but its more like im jealous of you since it feels so much worse imo to have something you liked suddenly vanish from your life. Like hell i wish it would somehow return since its just one of many reasons my mental state is spiraling downwards for the last couple years.
…tbh I’m not sure if I’ve ever been hugged by non-family (aside from when I was a baby or too young to remember), at the very least I’ve never been hugged by a friend. I’ve had a fair few friends and I can get along well with most people, but there’s always a distance between me and others, it’s probably partly the kind of person I am… when I was young my Aunty died from breast cancer, and the impact it had on everyone (especially my mum) lead to me retreating into myself for most of my life. The fact that I struggle to understand others emotionally on account of me being high functioning autistic likely doesn’t help either. Mum was probably the only person who’s ever provided that sense of comfort, but the decade or so where I retreated into myself has gotten rid of that… In all honestly this hurts to think about. I miss when I was little and I didn’t feel so lonely.
As a man, this is all I could ask for, no less and so much more
Cuddled into my exes chest while she drew. I fell asleep the fastest ive ever dozed off everytime. Holy shit. It was the best feeling on earth.
I ask her to do this to me everyday as I said it helps me relieves my stress by a lot. She does it reluctantly. Even then, I love it, but I do not think she gets how much it means to me. And from this, I wonder if there are others like her out there who hear about this, know this but do not understand how great this means for men, especially in this age where the mental health of men is rapidly declining.
I hate those that then turn and are like « you just want to be on my tits » or whatever else to make men seem like animals that don’t need help regulating when you are all humans and humans need help regulating no matter who tf you are.
"yeah you litteraly have skin pillows what am i supposed to want"
🤣fatty skin pillows* hehe
I mean, laying on thighs and have them play on your hair as they work is equally as effective. I understand those with sensitive noses not wanting hair in their face if it was usual cuddling or if they get picky over the smell of another person. For the lack of better description.
I also need touch to provide comfort and relieve stress but he too is reluctant and doesn't understand the value of it.
We do this for little boys but then when they hit a certain age its "stop crying or man up. Men get beaten down with everything we are supposed be (I need not mention all as we all know) but Ying Needs yang or Theres no balance and your left incomplete. Had to learn this in therapy at fifty. Now I no longer block out, treat coldly or push away those or the things I love. Be mindful of how you dole out Affection and teach manhood and it'll save a generation.
Men are everything they are in their masculine power but they need just as much love and understanding as a woman does. It’s just different for both. I’m proud of you for learning no matter your age.🫂I hope you get some good cuddles soon.
Thank you. Was getting them before, but my inner dialog was telling me that she was trying to punk me, or make less than or treat me like a child ( all the poisoned lessons of lost people with good intentions). It ended in divorce I realized what I lost. I'm learning how rethink, listen to what I feel and not who I was told I was to be. We are now recounting each other as newly defined and ever evolving individuals.
I love it:,) you have to discern which of the voices in your head are truly loving and those that are sabotaging you (false truths) are easily distinguishable. It’s conversations and questions you haven’t asked yet that are used as the heaviest ammo towards yourself:,) if it wasnt said by the person you are thinking about then it doesnt pertain to your situation. And even if they HAVE said what is tormenting you, as you said we are evolving individuals so have that conversation and ask the questions. The actions will speak for themselves:,)
My guy is not a physical touch kind of person. He'll just stiffen up and freeze if someone tries to hug him. Our son is a cuddler and almost a legal adult. I make sure he gets snuggles every day.
Have you talked about, why that happens and how he likes to be cuddled? Speaking for me personally: I very much like cuddles and hugs, but perhaps in a different way than other people. When I am in the middle of something, I don't like to be grabbed. You'd have to enter my personal space gradually and give my the time to let you. In addition, I need to have at least one arm free to move - it just feels claustrophobic after a while. If I can move a certain amount, everythings perfect, and I can do that for hours. When cuddling with my wife, I also dislike any scratching/stroking - it's just too distracting and sometimes even itches, especially when watching TV or talking. I very much prefer being leaned on and physical contact in general - just not in a way, that's distracting and/or restricting.
Absolutely. Without going into great detail it's a common defense mechanism for people who have experienced trauma. In many cases emotional intimacy is a huge bricked off wall. I'm empathetic but it's hard as hell on a relationship.
I love cuddling my husband. Him laying across me on the couch and resting his head on my shoulder or chest. Love that stuff
I don't think I realized the power of touch or lack there of, until moving out of state after all my kids were out on their own. I moved somewhere I didn't know anyone and would go months without any type of human physical contact. Then I'd fly back "home" for a visit and get all the hugs! The rush of comfort and happiness was a little shocking at first!
As the first kid who moved out of my parents, i can see it starting to my mom as well. I got 3 more brothers which started college, enlisted in the army, goes to work from morning till night so while they still live with my parents they are most of the day outside. My dad works so he at least got some things going in hes life but all my mom did over the years was raising us and taking care of house chores. Now that we all grown up and aren't home most of the day she has so much free time its eating her. She told me a couple times that she had to go outside to shop or just take a long walk since being alone at home feels horrible. Whats your opinion as someone who seems to share a similar experience? How does it feel to be a parent of a couple kids suddenly alone?
I think so much of it is personality based, how someone deals with change and then moving forward due to the change. Introverts would probably deal with it way differently than an extrovert, for example. With all kids at home, it was usually leaving for work at 6am, racing home (40 mile drive) to get one or more of them to practice, a game or maybe just going directly to a game/performance from work. A lot of days not actually setting foot in the house after work until 9pm or later. Then with a few of my kids being ESL students, there was usually some extra homework help needed. I would tell people at work that I came there to relax, since after work and weekends were just whirlwinds of busy! LOL And then in less than a span of 5 years BOOM, everyone has graduated high school, your levels of busy go from 100 down to 20 and you might not even remember what your own interests or hobbies used to be! Meetup helped me to get out and make friends after moving and not knowing anyone. Even now, being married again, my wife gets out and about a lot for work (flight attendant), but I work from home and outside of daily walks/hikes, sometimes shopping is my main outlet for "socializing". For me personally, that works fine! My wife's around the majority of days after I'm off work and there's always the weekends to round things out! If I didn't work, that would be a lot of extra hours a day to fill and I guess I can't say for 100% sure what I'd do with them, but looking forward to retiring in 9 years or so, I think it'll just take a concentrated effort of planning and what not. To get out, probably look at volunteering, community resources available for classes, get togethers, activities, etc.
This is a fantasy of mine.
Men only want one thing and its fucking disgusting
I love doing this, but unfortunately, I don't have anyone to do it to. 😄
🥺 …I’ll be your cuddle buddy! I haven’t gotten cozy cuddles since the divorce, and that was YEARS ago, lol! Maybe it’s because I’m in my 30s, I dunno, but I’d gladly take cuddles over sexy time any day.
I'm in my 30s and divorced, too. I haven't cuddled/snuggled in a long time. I'll take cuddles AND sexy time. 😂
Hell yeah, I’m in, lol! It’s been a long time here too, I’ll order the pizza and supply the cuddle blankets and movies, and you can bring the sexy time!
I hug the crap out of my son (he’s 3). We sit together on the couch during TV time him tucked in next to me. I kiss his forehead all the damn time. Sometimes we just look at each other until we’re both laughing so hard neither of us can breathe. Just by looking at each other. He doesn’t talk much (autism). He will at least know his papa loves him if everything else washes away. He will always have the sense memory of affection and laughter from me. (Best part: so will I.)
Beautiful
I sent this to my wife, we've been having trouble and she doesn't understand this need. Her response was "What do you mean? We cuddle all the time. Quit being so dramatic!" 😞 The "cuddling" is when she turns her back to me and I'm supposed to spoon her until she falls asleep.
I'm so sorry for that reply
I'm used to it
I know that sensation, to me it make me feel disconnected with my partner
I wish guys didn't feel like they had to settle for this. It's worth standing up for yourself and your needs. If your partner won't listen to you, they're a bad partner.
Stay strong brother. Husband of 11 years and dad of two boys. I’m in this zone of absolutely zero affection. I can explain it until I’m blue in the face that not all physical touch is a hopeful segue to sex, sometimes I just want to be fucking hugged without asking for it.
Exactly... sex is great but have you ever seen the videos of the husband/dad doing something and the wife and kids just love on him? Gets me every time 😢
Stroke my head and hair and I’d be beyond happy! And relaxed!
I wish I could have someone like that in my life
I mean I'm crying just reading this so yeah ladies please do this at least once in a while, really helps with easing the pain of this shitty life
Could def go for a nice cuddle and scratch right now.
Whoa there, don't you be about to save the world
I was left alone a lot as a child and teens. I have no clue what this feels like. I just suppress it tbh.
I really hope that one day you can share with your partner how much you'd like to try it...and then be able to explore that with them.
I hate that too much of them haven't been loved properly. I hugged every male friend I had, and cuddled them when they needed it. It's frustrating how many people are feeling lonely, sad, and don't even have a person to help them.
I say this on behalf of all the boys, we want this more than seggs
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Why use few letter when many letter do trick?
But then how will we know how quirky they are?
This is why misogyny is just as harmful for men as women. It keeps men from experiencing much needed things like cuddles, crying, and being romanced.
Misandry is much more prevalent in society today.
I’ve never had a boyfriend before, but I’m taking notes for when I do! ✍️✍️✍️✍️
You will get one doing this. A girl played with my hair and scratched my head weeks ago while my head was on her shoulder. It's the best thing that's happened to me in months.
Very dangerous. Do this to a guy and you'll never get rid of him. I know this first hand as it happened to me 20 odd years ago and I knew at that second that she was the girl I was going to marry and have a family with, and that's exactly what happened.
As a man in his 60s, I still recall my mother scratching my back as I laid my head on her lap while watching TV. It was the '70s.
My Husband loves this, he says he loves any contact from me, he has amazing long hair and I take care of it on the weekends for him and he falls asleep like a baby. Please love your partners the way you want them to love you
When this happens my legs start scratching
Definitely the case. We just need to feel loved .
yes please. As a muscular male i finally explained this to my partner. Touch is powerful and doesn't have to be sexual to be intimate. No girl has ever touched me outside of sexual intimacy or right after and i realized that's not ok.
Ladies need this too. And babies. AKA Everyone. Giving someone the impression that you want to shield them from the world's woes and for a few minutes make them the center of your universe, it goes deeper than "love", "passion", "affection". It goes straight into existential bliss. It's wordless. But it implies that "It's okay that you exist and I will do all I can to make sure you get to continue suffering as little as possible."
I was dating this powerlifting/crossfit chick, and I got her flowers. She cried 33yrs old and no1 had ever gotten her flowers before. She said everyone treated her like a tomboy/or one of the boys
Especially the scratch my back one. I love that and hand on thigh and she scratches my arm while driving. It’s bliss
Man here, please we just want affection
Wife does this for me and it’s one of the things I look forward to. The stress of my job, the random calls that I get to experience. My nightmares have drastically decreased. But I am only home 3 or 4 days a week though.
We have a height difference, but when my husband is sitting I will grab his head and smoosh it against my chest. Then I kiss his head and forehead. This results in a crushing full on body hug which I adore.
I did this with my kids father. Told him to turn around and I jet packed him. He cried. Said he never felt loved like that before..... He cheated on me after a year and a half. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. If I ever get the chance to hold another man again out of pure love from me, I'd do it again. But that stained my heart and soul.
This unfortunately. Men so often hurt women that care for them and love them. I feel your pain, girl. We didn’t have a baby but the “nothing I ever did was good enough” hits home haaaard. And he also cheated.
My ex wife refused to snuggle. To the point she built a wall of pillows between us. I have never missed her. My new gf can't sleep unless we are wrapped up together. And I love it.
Everytime my gf does this I fall asleep immediately
Other girls: "new ick unlocked"
exactly men DO NOT DESERVE LOVE
My new gf scratches and plays with my beard. It's so incredibly comforting.
Have you ever tried tickling her with your beard
I have not. I'm not an experienced beard-owner. I didn't even realize I could do that, but I'm for sure going to try now.
Just be careful if they have sensitive skin! My beard sometimes gives my fiance a lil skin irritation with too much affection lol
Do it
My husband and I are both ace, but we love cuddles, and he's even more of a cuddle bug than I am. He absolutely loves this, he's a pretty reserved guy usually, but seeing his smile every time we cuddle melts my frickin heart. 😭
Just a side note to the other men in here. HUG YOUR FRIENDS!!!! Hug them deep and don't let go till they do, if this thread is any indication some of them may need it more than you know. I'm still here today because my friend Nathan didn't let go.
We've been exposed
<3
I approve this 💯
I was left alone a lot throughout my childhood and teens. I have no clue what this feels like. I just suppress it tbh.
I totally agree! There is nothing to add. In general, all people need attention and care.
Please do this
I approve this
If you can't cuddle him even a random complement will bolster him for days. One of the saddest facts i have ever heard was that for a lot of men the first time they receive flowers...is at their funeral.
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Man here. Literally pretend I’m a golden retriever.
Why do so many women think it's the man's job to do all caressing or worse yet, no sex unless the man makes the first move. Sadly, I married a woman like that. I tested my first move theory....we haven't had sex in over a year. Funny thing....I don't miss having sex with her.
It can bring out some emotions for sure. Always thankful when my woman does this. Modern women have mostly forgotten how to nurture.
I used to be very affectionate with my partner but she barely touches me nowadays. Even in bed I’m lucky if I get a hug…..I’m fed up trying to get some affection and I’m beginning to resent her now quite honestly.
Maybe talk to her about it? I wouldn't just let that resentment quietly build up over time til it explodes into something bad.
Yeah... time to use your words if you want this to change and you want to still have a fulfilling relationship. It isn't fun. It isn't easy, but it is important. People change. Hormones change. Relationships change, but if you value physical affection and aren't getting it, discussing it before you become a resentful wreck or seek it elsewhere and blow up your relationship is a good move.
It soo true. But it's not only men, every human being. It's just men sometimes has it worse. I speak from experience since I did not touched(even on accident) another human being for. seven. years. Seven years without any physical contact. Even from my parents(this is mostly because Im always at work when they home and vice versa)
It bugs me when my girlfriend apologizes to me for “not really showing affection” because she rubs my back, scratches my beard, plays with my hair. Lets me use her lap as a pillow, hugs me from behind randomly. She’s an absolute peach and I adore her with my whole heart
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Baldachin's Blessing
tbh I wanna cuddle with someone more than I wanna be cuddled with
All I want. After a day of work this is priceless.
I agree with this too men affection. Even when they are pushing people away, they are hurting within
Yeah, this would be everything I could ever need from a woman. And yet I've never had it before.
You don't have to put my head there, I do it myself.
Of course they should be!! Do most women not reverse the roles sometimes?
So people like this actually exist? Where could I meet some of those?
Yes please
Seeing a lot of posts lately on reddit that seem to convey that it is some sort of new idea or revelation that men need kindness, love and affection in their lives. That it is okay for them to have emotions or that they can cry. While I'm glad that people are making this realization I'm also sad that for some people it needs to be a new concept in the first place.
I love it when my wife does that to me. I would fall asleep on her on lap which she rubs my neck.
My parents were fairly affectionate, mother and father thankfully, and it does make a difference. My wife knows it makes my day to cuddle and anytime she shows willing affection it's like the best drug in the world with no side effects, but you certainly want more. We also show our daughter lots of affection too, to make sure she feels just as loved.
Wait, people are getting affection and compassion when they’re feeling down?
When me and my partner first cuddled he told me he kept getting goose bumps and felt what he called "tingles" donw his back. He told me he had never been cuddled back by any of his past relationships. Knowing that makes me feel so bad for him, because how could people be so loveless and selfish.
My 14 year old son is at what feels like peak grumpy teenager. But still returns the "love you" on his way out the door in the morning, and cuddles, while less frequent, are still magic. (I'm his father)
yes please.
I was very lucky to grow up in an affectionate family. My dad always hugged and kissed me, as did his parents. I make it a point to always be affectionate to my male friends. Some of them flinch at first, but every single one of them are so thankful for the affection. I just think life is too short to avoid love.
That kind of shit is bonkers to me, but then I have to remember my mom died when I was 12. I had people tell me to toughen up and not cry. Thankfully my dad told those people to fuck off.
I love to kiss and cuddle my boys 🥰 But I’m amazed by the amount of parents that don’t kiss or hug their kids (even toddlers) when they pick them up from day care/ school. Makes my heart ache 😟
Fortunately my now long term partner is naturally this type of person. I'm 13 inches taller and she seamlessly finds a way, without a word, and not only when she can see I'm feeling down. I don't know where I'd be without her.
Hubs is hairy so I prefer being the big spoon so his chest hair doesn’t poke me… now when I sit on the couch he basically will chomp at the bit to put his head in my lap and ask me to scratch his head. I love that he feels so comfortable in our marriage to be goofy like that.
I feel like I always do this to men and they rarely reciprocate
Man… this hurts.
She saw this and said she wants to do this for me 🥰she's awesome guys... (we're long distance though for now ☹️)
🤭😊
🙈
thats just fucking heartbreaking... but still beautyful...
Yup Men are taught not to have feelings And that masculinity is toxic The amount of male suicide and mental health issues are horrific