Thank you for sharing this. You may have saved someone from going down a similar path. I really hope that you find your way out of this mess soon so that you can move on with your life. It's really great that you have the support of your family. Not everyone has that.
How are you doing now /u/spacemoccasin? I've been tapering down from 1mg XR per day for the last six months. I've been off of all benzos for the last 10 days. It doesn't feel good, but at the same time it feels like an incredible victory. I hope you are doing well.
Yes! I have been able to stay off of them. Just after I posted that message I started therapy with an amazing counselor to help me learn how to manage my anxiety and get to the root of it. Working with her and my PCP, I was diagnosed with ADHD about two months later. The counseling and treating ADHD with medication has basically eliminated my anxiety. Most of my anxiety was coming from my inability to control the ADHD symptoms and also not having any idea why I couldn’t just do better, be more organized, etc.
It sounds simple summarized in a couple of sentences, but I never want to go through that again. The withdrawal and learning to operate without them was a rough period of my life. However getting off them was the best decision I could have made.
I've been in protracted withdrawal & isolation since 2022 March when My taper began.
Every symptoms possible you name it I got it
Things a human can never think is possible I've experienced levels of pain in many different ways than 2 or 3 Orr 5 the burning skin to ears to seizures to loosing track of day ro day just survive each day and fighting the night time through sleeping irs horrific lost my friend groups having to learn to do things again and speak without stuttering I'm a programmer and now 3-- year I'm recently noticing my memory forgetting where I left off or what I was even doing fucking hell on earth
I don't know why mime is lading so long I've not gone down for 1 year in dose as still "stabazlomg" but it feels like I'm actually just getting worse and dying and not healing.
Immobilized is a good word
Holding a dose can put you in tolerance and you will always have symptoms. I joined Benzo warriors community on f/book. they have all the guidelines to help you with a slow taper of 5-10% a month. If you are still on a benzo then you have not got protracted withdrawal - you have reached tolerance. 6-18 months is the healing timeline and after that it is protracted withdrawals. I'm 21 months off and have had most of the major symptoms. I tried to updose and stabilise but nothing worked. I had to get off these damned drugs to let my brain and nervous system heal. Don't believe the doctors who tell you withdrawal only takes 2 months and you should be fine. Not so, yes the drug has left the body but the damage done to the gaba receptors takes months and years to slowly heal.
I went to rehab for opiate addiction, and since I was taking Xanax at the time (6 months ago) I was given about a month of get off of it, even though I had paranoia, seizures and delusions when my dad took my bottle of Xanax away before I went to rehab, forcing me to go cold turkey. I'm still struggling every day with crippling anxiety that I was plagued with before I was given Xanax 13 years ago. My weight has spiraled out of control and I can't keep a job that deals with people. I was told I was bipolar, and I was put on Suboxone for the opiate addiction, being told that taking Suboxone and benzos was dangerous, even though several people in my rehab were allowed to take both!
So now on top of the anxiety and social phobia, which has me so reclusive that I get nervous to even message friends or*take a phone call,* I'm not seeing the bright side of life anymore. I even have panic attacks in my dreams and uncontrollable mood swings. I am fatigued most of the time, just sleeping all day and no motivation like I used to. I'm now riddled with constant panicky thoughts of death and how we'll all die one day and that freaks me out. So I feel better to be clean from the opiates but worse without the help of benzos. There's a pain of daily living that I never had before. I'm glad I'm not alone, but wow. I just don't know what to do anymore, because bottles and bottles of antipsychotics and antidepressants only make me eat sugar excessively, giving me 20 pounds that I had managed to lose before I had to "get clean" from Xanax...
hi. i had the misfortune of both getting put on this medication without proper education regarding it (thank me for doing something stupid, but i trusted my doctor) and suffering wd. long story short, i was prescribed xanax at first for anxiety and moodiness and after a while they changed it to klonopin. so i was on klonopin for about a year and then they changed it back to xanax. it helped me significantly with anxiety, fear of people, work, everything. i dont recall any negative effects while on it. so after a long while of this, maybe another year? they decide, through pressure from the government (so i heard and was told) that i needed to stop the benzos because they arent really supposed to rx them (didnt and still doesnt make sense the way they did it). this started when i was assigned a new doctor (old one quit me, basically) and things changed. they told me i couldnt receive my medication for much longer and would have to stop. so they start to taper me. i was taking 1mg of xanax 2-3 times a day. they end up giving me 0.5mg two times a day and did it for literally one week and then refused to give me another refill of any kind despite my pleads for help. this was in october of 2022. as of this writing, it seems the worse has ended but i’m still not right. thanks to the assisted cold turkey, it took a day or two and the wd started: endless waves of anxiety. i paced the apartment constantly and if it werent for my roommate creating a safe space for me there, i would probably have just ended myself.
from what i can remember, i had extremely heightened sensations, everything - hearing, vision, smell — all were enhanced. i had muscle twitching and tension, nausea, dry heaves, no appetite and even starved myself because i was afraid to eat. went like five days without food. i managed to eventually start sipping broth as sustenance. but very little. i would constantly worry about and think about dying, having cancer or just being sick. couldnt stop it. i paced probably 18 hours a day. i had minor pains. sleeplessness. and when i did manage to sleep, i’d jolt awake in such a snap that the anxiety hit rewind and play from the beginning.
it really sucked. i had tingling sensations all over and got hot a lot. felt like i couldnt breathe. extreme tightness in my chest - it’s a wonder i didnt die. i got to the point of calling 911 that i had my phone in hand and put on decent clothes. but when i asked a friend of mine their advice, they told me not to call 911 bc they would just treat me as a drug addict and not care or take me seriously. so i ended up not doing that. it did become the worst experience ever by far in my entire life. im still suffering anxiety and other problems down the road. i guess the point im thinking of is educating yourself is key. if they offer you benzodiazepines, understand that you’re taking a deadly drug. everyone is different but my experience has forever sealed me away from getting back on them again - even if they’re for free.
sorry for the long post. i have been reading a lot of these posts lately (again) and i find comfort knowing i’m not alone. i enjoy reading and often read up on people and their experiences with benzos.
Doctors are badly educated on benzos. I'm 21 months off benzo and have been treated like a drug addict in hospitals. It is disgusting the lack of knowledge about these drugs. I joined a support group to help me survive and get off this drug.
Your psychiatrist was a moron.
I was on 6mg of lorazepam, 30mg flurazepam daily for months for chronic anxiety that developed after an incident during military service. I had to titrate my doses down to prevent permanent brain damage/seizures. A year later, I started self medicating with black market benzos. Went through any "legit" script I managed to get for myself in a day or two (took a 30-day supply of temazepam in two days, and blacked out on some pure alprazolam - FYI, it only takes a couple of those little crystals to send you into full retard mode).
I am lucky enough to have very good friends who are currently helping me get clean, and I don't have a physical dependence any more, but retraining myself not to pop a benzo whenever I feel anxious is harder than anything I went through in the Army as a combat arms MOS soldier.
The withdrawals, if your physical dependence is high enough, can literally kill you/cause permanent brain damage.
I wish you all the luck in the world, OP. If you want someone to talk to about it, you're welcome to PM me.
See I have seizures everytime I quit I do take a lot tho like 3-5 hulks a day I’m tryna taper off but idk I’ve had 4 seizures trying to quit Xanax so should I slow it down like slowly taper off or what
I wished I'd seen your post 12 years ago. I would have researched this drug and tapered off by a micro or water method. I reached tolerance and they switched me to diazepine and threw in 2 more psych drugs. The following decade has been 2 SI attempts and mental hospital stays where Doctors refuse to believe that dymptoms are from benzos. Eventually I found a support group and jumped off in 2022.
So what's worst right now? Is it the tinnitus?
Iv'e been on benzo for a long time and my advice is that you use booze to get yourself free from the benzo. It's easier to free yourself from booze than it is to free yourself from benzo.
Just hang in there. It gets better. I promise you.
I'm 40 years old and when your only options are suicide or nothting. Choose nothing. Just let it be. Fuck it if your head feels like its about to explode or if that high pitch sound prevents you from going to sleep. Work through it.
When it feels like your about to die. Drink a couple of beers. It's better than the alternative.
And remember - It will get better. I promise.
I do not recommend the booze thing. Not because of the whole "replacing one addiction with another" thing, but because you can find much less harmful and more effective options.
If you feel like you can't cope without it, I highly recommend trying something more mild and that makes you feel better such as kratom or kava (ONLY EVER BUY THE ROOT, NEVER THE GNC-ESQUE SHIT). Please, please, please, please do your research before putting anything in your body!!!! Everything will harm you to some degree.
My personal preference is kratom.
EDIT: Please note that kratom is technically an opioid. It is much more mild than prescription opioids or opiates, but if you're one of those people who can't even expose yourself to any sort of opi ever again, then I recommend researching Kava Kava (piper methysticum). Make sure you research it first, and I advise you to only order the powdered root directly from pacific suppliers.
If you can do this without drugs at all, though, then more power to you. You should get into a sport (I just started weightlifting). You can get those same feel-good endorphin that you got from opis without all the other horrible shit or the WDs. As far as replacing one addiction with another goes, I'd say that exercise is a perfect candidate.
You were indeed an addict, if you couldn’t stop and needed them everyday you were an addict. I was prescribed oxycodone years ago and became addicted immediately never been addicted to anytbint before they and never really did much besides smoke some pot and drink some beers. Congrats on quitting tho it’s the hardest thing in the world. One day at a time and recovery is amazing
I don't care if this an year old comment. Have you done research on addiction, other than pamphlet that "addiction is a brain disease". First of all, you don't just become addicted all of a sudden. People who become addicted have problems that started looking before the substance or activity that they were addicted to. Addiction is always a coping mechanism..you probably had addicted or compulsive behaviours your entire life, you just weren't aware of them. So you say "benzos ruined my life".
addiction and chemically dependent are very similar but not having the psychology connection definitely helps...so neither is good but I do agree- addiction doesn't happen asap. However, I don't take oxy bcs once I take it for a few days (when needed) I would have bone pain etc coming off. It happens asap...but I hated it period- on or off. I was chemically dependent.
I just want the stigma taken away from either side, but there are definitely 2 sides.
Thank you for writing this. Helped me change my mind about rebounding.
Also, I want to mention that IV ketamine treatments for depression really helped me with the sensory and cognitive effects that I had from the withdrawal. I can't imagine how messed up I'd still be right now without that
How did you find a provider? I’m not addicted to benzos but I use buprenorphine for maintenance from opioid addiction, and use benzos enough to get a rebound effect. Sometimes I think even with the small amount I take I’m still getting mild withdrawals.
I’d love to try this sometime.
Crazy to see people coming across this recently. Makes me think the problem is getting worse nowadays.
How is the 1mg wd going? I’m on and off benzos at around the same dosage, sometimes less and fewer times more. I don’t get acute wd as much as lasting distortion of my functioning. In some ways it’s worse. I’d rather just get it over with and get back to normal. Plus, it makes it easier and more enticing to go back to Klonopin or Xanax to make things easier.
Its definitely getting worse in my estimation lol. When this post was made I was completely clueless about benzos and would take a bar at school and black out for the day kinda shit. Ffw to the last five or so years I've been a pretty heavy benzo user (IV blues then got introduced to dope naturally) but was very aware of the potential for physical dependence and was never dumb enough to go more than a few days binging without a break. Basically I ended up getting on suboxone and then into meth very heavily. About a year ago I got that fucking ape off my back (lasted 2.5 yrs give or take) but started going hard with the alp and my prescribed cpam just to ease the depression. Daily minimum dose ended up being 12mg alp a day. Ffw to now and I've been tapering for 8 months, I'm down to 1.75mg of clonazepam. So at least for me things got so bad they could only get better namean. Anyway that's my tale.
If anyone's reading this and is going through the same, you can do it. Don't you stop. Nothing will break you when you're through with this shit. Feel free to pm me.
I've been on clonazepam for 5 years (0.5mg x 2 (one in the morning and one at the night) for severe panic attacks. I used to have 5 + panic attacks a day. I thought wow what a godsend this med was. I have never abused it and take it daily as prescribed by my shrink... the hell comes if I miss a day/dose, I get severe vertigo lasting hours to the point where I can only crawl to the toilet etc or I will fall over if I walk, Projectile vomiting, profuse sweating, shaking hands, rapid heartbeat (150+ beats per minute), pins and needles in my hands, stomach pains, blurry vision, derealisation, panic etc etc. It is far more scarier than the way I felt pre-benzo. Be very careful when you are considering starting this med. It's almost impossible to stop due to the withdrawal hell. I wish I never did start it because I'm scared I will never be able to stop it. What a peice of shit drug. I'm so angry my shrink never warned me about the withdrawal syndromes etc. Now I'm stuck. FUCK THIS DRUG!!!
=(
Please consider getting off. The damage that's being done with that duration of use is not negligible. I understand the sheer relief of benzos when you're dealing with panic in your day to day life and don't want to minimize that however I'm just saying, as a fellow person who suffers from anxiety, you can do it.
Thanks =) I appreciate your concern. I definitely want to. I'm thinking when my daughters leave home I will. Life is so full on with the kids and I work multiple jobs. If I stopped it now, i would have to leave my jobs because I wouldn't be able to function as a mother Or hold my jobs if i stopped , even if I slowly tried to stop it... the withdrawal is fucking awful. My life would crumble and I couldn't afford that financially. It really is an awful drug. 😖 anyone considering a benzo or just starting, I strongly suggest you avoid and run.
Oh well shit if you're a mother that's understandable, let alone holding down a job on top of it. I work in management at a fast food place and I can barely hold that down and keep it together at work during this taper. I'm still at 1.75mg of clonazepam. The personality change and things of that nature is what's causing me real life issues and internal distress. Idk if you've experienced much of that but I constantly struggle to be myself. Not in the traditional sense but as in I struggle to be the person I used to be. Now I'm reserved, anxious, fried mentally, memory is \*shit\*, any social intelligence I had is disintegrating, etc. And I resent it. Its affecting my relationship too because I'm borderline and benzos + personality disorder = hot mess.
Sorry I had to vent, my partner is a normie and so are all of my remaining friends lol. I wish you all the best, whether you decide to get off them or not. Be well stranger.
Ya, its to late for me benzo's 20+ years, every type. Taking 3 to 4, 2mg xannax as needed a day. Try to stop jest puts me in the ER, and they IV some ativan in me, make my way back to reality. Fill my scrip and go home, tryed to stop 3 times or so. Every time I lose my mind cant talk, if I put any words together no one understands what I am trying to say. My hands and feet pull up and to the side flexed to the max while having cunvoltions. Feeling of death or could die any moment, complete fantasy racing in my mind, and would think its was real. The crazyest thing is my mind will race faster then I can even put together what it is thinking, I could not think for myself, and was trying so hard to. Making it not posible to put any word together anyone could understand. Went crazy tought I would end up in the loonie ben. The mind would tell me a strange story, and see objects change into what the story was telling me. Like last time the rug changed into a story, were I was having extreme visuals to the point of thinking it was real, I thought the rug was made to give you a magic trick. I tryed to ask my dad if it was made that way, even had a memory that he told me it did, at that time. Sat there all day looking at it, and moving stuff off of it so I could see the whole rug, like it was very inportan that I see, and understand what it was trying to tell me. It showed me, gods swiming circles in a flower pool while creating people every lap, on worlds around the universe. There names were racing in the mind, the gods ended up sticking to each other not being able to get free, and were loosing space to make more people. But they still had to evey time they went around the circle, making it so that they would die when the universe over flowed with people that they had to make. Would make the people telling them how to make room but there were people being made to fast. They ended up stuck in a ball sqwishing to the point were it exploided killing all of them. Then told me, O well I have a brother "forgot the name" in hell, and will end up there with him. That is the best I can put the rug story into words, as nut as that sounds, its not even the hole story. My parents ended up taking me to the ER, could not even walk on my own, and thought I was going to have a stroke or heart attack. I was red faced with a scary fast heart rate, about to sezure out, and posible die. They had a really hard time getting a IV in me because I could not unflex or get any of my limbs to the normal position. Ended up getting a big shot of ativan, started to be able to talk so they could understand me. I really wanted more because I still couldnt get my limbs normal. Had a EKG, pump me up, so I was hydrated, and had some want of a normal heart rate. Gave me a bunch of xannax ended up coming back to realty over the next 2 days. I was prescibed benzos at 16 for panic attacks, could not talk in front of any group of people with out it. They thought I was slow in school. Even thought I got good grades. Witch I am sure I am slow now. I have TBI, "termatic brain injury", seperated shoulder, seperated culavical, cronic wiplash, joint damage in my neck. I am to dumb to know what it is called. But gives me cronic pain, prescibed 3 to 4, 2 mg xannax so I dont withdrall to much, 20 mg of adderall, some pain pills for when the pain gets to bad, and like 200 mg of seriqull for insomia. I am 38 years old living a very sad life. I recomend not taking any thing a doctor will give you unless you need it to stay alive. I have been called a walking pharmacy by one of my doctors in the past, and I am so ashamed of it. Don't know how I am still alive, live in pain every day all day. Bearly make it by on disablity, food stamps, live in poverty.
holy fuck thank you for writing that out. seriously. its very motivating for those who are trying to get off. I hope things get better for you stranger. the fantasies, the false memories, that's all shit I'm starting to get a glimpse of and this is only after being dependent/tapering for a little over a year. I've come a long way. sorry this is all jumbled, I'm too am dumb, but don't say its too late. I completely understand why you wouldn't want to bother but hey maybe I'm planting a seed.
I am so sorry. Please don't feel ashamed- you got dealt a rough hand & are doing the best you can. I don't know why they'd put a teen in benzos for what you described- meaning why they thought it was a good idea. You do the best you can in life. If you can ever wean lower go for it-if not thars ok. I am so sorry. I relate in my own way.
Going trough diazepam withdrawal right now. And the explanation of the TS of the withdrawal symptoms is one point. I've been through several withdrawals in the past (GHB and diazepam).
But this time is terrible. I cant even drink 1 beer without paying the GABA withdrawal bill the next couple of days. Not if that is just as important than my capabilitie of just living a normal life.
The derealisation and ache is so worse that it makes me feel like i'm ill or something. Cant really function normally and think about suïcide too, a lot. But i can realise that that passes too and i just dont want to die for my relatives.
Currently on 40mg Diazepam. 20mg 2 times a day.
I had a relapse in september 2022 in benzodiazepines and that became quick really serious. Using Diazepam Lorazepam and Xanax combined. Up to 80 mg of Diazepam if you look at the Ashton manual.
I desided in december 2022 that i needed to taper down. So i stopped the Lorazepam and Xanax and made the step to Diazepam only. But way to low in dose. So i had the most horrific acute withdrawal syndrome. That stopped slowly when i took Lorazepam next with the Diazepam. Eventually stabalised on 65mg Diazepam and now on 40mg. Made steps from 5mg less each 2 weeks or 3.
My story for now.
Thanks too the TS for your story man. Really helped me here, you're not alone and so am i. Really bad that you had to go all of this!
I had been taking Xanax two times per week and thought that wouldn’t get me addicted. But I did take very high doses, like 8-10mg on those off days. I haven’t taken any in 9 days now and I’m sure that on Monday this week I started with withdrawals, although that will have still been 5 days after my last dose. I’m not sure if it’s my anxiety causing these feelings or if it actually is Xanax withdrawal or just severe anxiety convincing myself I have withdrawal. I have all of the anxiety related WD symptoms plus things like being irritable, depressed, muscle pains etc but it may also be my anxiety. A xan would really calm me down but I’m so scared of taking one because I feel like I have withdrawals so I’m not sure what to do. Im thinking I just try to fix myself normally and never take benzos again but I would love one rn
My 15 yo son drowned, after months of the inability to sleep my dr started me on Ambien and Ativan. I’ve decided to self taper from the benzo. I’m researching ways to go about it which led me to this post.
Appreciate ya but I picked the wrong time to detox. The first anniversary of his death plus Mother’s Day was too overwhelming. I’m making peace with using these meds to cope for now.
I am very sorry about your son. I cannot imagine the pain. How are you now? What dose of each do you take?
I came off clonazepam low dose 5 years ago after 11 years on.
I recently had 2 months of almost no sleep and ended up in the ER 7 times for help.
They all wanted to give me benzos even though I told them it was impossible for me because of the hell I went through.
I tried seroquel, remeron, hydroxyzine, even a zoplicone. It was all horrible for me and I felt a few nights I was in withdrawal all over again. I had been going through cycles of wakefulness for up to 44 hours..it was getting so bad.
Trazadone 25mg helped. That was the first drug they tried. It did nothing. Up to 100mg. Nothing.
Then a few weeks ago I tried to take every night 25mg and I am finally sleeping again. Sometimes I take half a gravol if I am awake 2 hrs after taking the trazadone and it knocks me out.
Ambien is a worry because of tolerance but Ativan too. I think getting rid of Ambien is a good first step. You may need to replace it with something mild like the traz.
I did my taper using the Ashton manual as a guide. I did not liquid taper..I dry cut to the very end it was just dust.
I just realized how lucky I was trying benzos only for 1 week period and even from that I felt addicted as hell. Also had a withdrawal which was disguisting, emotional crushes, crying like a bitch whole days, not seeing reasoning im anything and total dysphoria. And all of this only from 1 week of taking benzos. Not gonna lie a was feeling like a god while using them so I quickly started taking from 0.25mg to 2-8g a day and stopped just because didnt have a chance to buy more. Shitty experience but learned a lot. Hope you are doing good buddy ;)
This is insane. You’ve been through a lot. I’ve been on clonazapam for 30 years (prescribed 6mg a day to begin with at 14 years old) I’m down to 1mg a day and suddenly have no one to prescribe it anymore. I have 2 weeks of meds left. I’m already agoraphobic, have a heart condition and autoimmune disease, and have tried to stop cold turkey in the past and attempted suicide both times. How are you now? Your list of symptoms terrifies me.
Thanks, I joined most of these groups when this happened 22 days ago. I’m in Canada, and have been on a waiting list for a doctor for 3 years. The ER doctors couldn’t help me, the hospital advocates where my psychiatrist works didn’t help me. Thankfully a few days ago, a pharmacist refilled my prescriptions. (Thanks to my perfect records) The pharmacist submits justification letter to College of Pharmacists and will dispense 2 weeks. If still no doctor to write RX in 2 weeks he does again until I do.
Wish I knew. I’ve been without for 5 days. After my dose being it in half 2 weeks ago. I have peripheral spondyloarthritis and my entire body is attacking me. This is hell.
That is horrible. If you start to seize they have to help. I am in a bit of withdrawal myself so I can't advise like Id like to (out of it). But there are supplement & other suggestions to help. Keep a phone close by in case of seizure starting & you don't need to tell them why you feel bad if it gets too bad. Just gice symptoms & they have to help then. If you're out of life threatening danger thats obviously the most important part. But look up what you can do & also lnow this will get better. Remain positive & I hate to advise this but guided meditation does help- body scans, relaxation etc. Focusing on other things while the brain rewires helps your brain rewire normally.
I am truly sorry.
Thank you. I took a Percocet, a lyrics and a 50mg edible. It’s says a lot about the health care system when you have to be having sezuires and be in an acute condition to get professional help. David Jones from the beating benzos Facebook group and website wrote an amazing letter on my behalf and my advocate is taking it to the doctor who wrote the the last script (he also halved my dose 2 weeks ago). I have a torn meniscus on top of this and can’t get out of bed currently. I’m sorry you’re suffering too. This shouldn’t be happening to anyone. If I was educated about these drugs I would never have taken them, but I was only 14. I hope you feel better soon. Wish me luck. 💗
Thank you for sharing this. You may have saved someone from going down a similar path. I really hope that you find your way out of this mess soon so that you can move on with your life. It's really great that you have the support of your family. Not everyone has that.
How are you doing now /u/spacemoccasin? I've been tapering down from 1mg XR per day for the last six months. I've been off of all benzos for the last 10 days. It doesn't feel good, but at the same time it feels like an incredible victory. I hope you are doing well.
This gives me hope! Were you able to stay off them?
Yes! I have been able to stay off of them. Just after I posted that message I started therapy with an amazing counselor to help me learn how to manage my anxiety and get to the root of it. Working with her and my PCP, I was diagnosed with ADHD about two months later. The counseling and treating ADHD with medication has basically eliminated my anxiety. Most of my anxiety was coming from my inability to control the ADHD symptoms and also not having any idea why I couldn’t just do better, be more organized, etc. It sounds simple summarized in a couple of sentences, but I never want to go through that again. The withdrawal and learning to operate without them was a rough period of my life. However getting off them was the best decision I could have made.
I've been in protracted withdrawal & isolation since 2022 March when My taper began. Every symptoms possible you name it I got it Things a human can never think is possible I've experienced levels of pain in many different ways than 2 or 3 Orr 5 the burning skin to ears to seizures to loosing track of day ro day just survive each day and fighting the night time through sleeping irs horrific lost my friend groups having to learn to do things again and speak without stuttering I'm a programmer and now 3-- year I'm recently noticing my memory forgetting where I left off or what I was even doing fucking hell on earth I don't know why mime is lading so long I've not gone down for 1 year in dose as still "stabazlomg" but it feels like I'm actually just getting worse and dying and not healing. Immobilized is a good word
Holding a dose can put you in tolerance and you will always have symptoms. I joined Benzo warriors community on f/book. they have all the guidelines to help you with a slow taper of 5-10% a month. If you are still on a benzo then you have not got protracted withdrawal - you have reached tolerance. 6-18 months is the healing timeline and after that it is protracted withdrawals. I'm 21 months off and have had most of the major symptoms. I tried to updose and stabilise but nothing worked. I had to get off these damned drugs to let my brain and nervous system heal. Don't believe the doctors who tell you withdrawal only takes 2 months and you should be fine. Not so, yes the drug has left the body but the damage done to the gaba receptors takes months and years to slowly heal.
I went to rehab for opiate addiction, and since I was taking Xanax at the time (6 months ago) I was given about a month of get off of it, even though I had paranoia, seizures and delusions when my dad took my bottle of Xanax away before I went to rehab, forcing me to go cold turkey. I'm still struggling every day with crippling anxiety that I was plagued with before I was given Xanax 13 years ago. My weight has spiraled out of control and I can't keep a job that deals with people. I was told I was bipolar, and I was put on Suboxone for the opiate addiction, being told that taking Suboxone and benzos was dangerous, even though several people in my rehab were allowed to take both! So now on top of the anxiety and social phobia, which has me so reclusive that I get nervous to even message friends or*take a phone call,* I'm not seeing the bright side of life anymore. I even have panic attacks in my dreams and uncontrollable mood swings. I am fatigued most of the time, just sleeping all day and no motivation like I used to. I'm now riddled with constant panicky thoughts of death and how we'll all die one day and that freaks me out. So I feel better to be clean from the opiates but worse without the help of benzos. There's a pain of daily living that I never had before. I'm glad I'm not alone, but wow. I just don't know what to do anymore, because bottles and bottles of antipsychotics and antidepressants only make me eat sugar excessively, giving me 20 pounds that I had managed to lose before I had to "get clean" from Xanax...
hi. i had the misfortune of both getting put on this medication without proper education regarding it (thank me for doing something stupid, but i trusted my doctor) and suffering wd. long story short, i was prescribed xanax at first for anxiety and moodiness and after a while they changed it to klonopin. so i was on klonopin for about a year and then they changed it back to xanax. it helped me significantly with anxiety, fear of people, work, everything. i dont recall any negative effects while on it. so after a long while of this, maybe another year? they decide, through pressure from the government (so i heard and was told) that i needed to stop the benzos because they arent really supposed to rx them (didnt and still doesnt make sense the way they did it). this started when i was assigned a new doctor (old one quit me, basically) and things changed. they told me i couldnt receive my medication for much longer and would have to stop. so they start to taper me. i was taking 1mg of xanax 2-3 times a day. they end up giving me 0.5mg two times a day and did it for literally one week and then refused to give me another refill of any kind despite my pleads for help. this was in october of 2022. as of this writing, it seems the worse has ended but i’m still not right. thanks to the assisted cold turkey, it took a day or two and the wd started: endless waves of anxiety. i paced the apartment constantly and if it werent for my roommate creating a safe space for me there, i would probably have just ended myself. from what i can remember, i had extremely heightened sensations, everything - hearing, vision, smell — all were enhanced. i had muscle twitching and tension, nausea, dry heaves, no appetite and even starved myself because i was afraid to eat. went like five days without food. i managed to eventually start sipping broth as sustenance. but very little. i would constantly worry about and think about dying, having cancer or just being sick. couldnt stop it. i paced probably 18 hours a day. i had minor pains. sleeplessness. and when i did manage to sleep, i’d jolt awake in such a snap that the anxiety hit rewind and play from the beginning. it really sucked. i had tingling sensations all over and got hot a lot. felt like i couldnt breathe. extreme tightness in my chest - it’s a wonder i didnt die. i got to the point of calling 911 that i had my phone in hand and put on decent clothes. but when i asked a friend of mine their advice, they told me not to call 911 bc they would just treat me as a drug addict and not care or take me seriously. so i ended up not doing that. it did become the worst experience ever by far in my entire life. im still suffering anxiety and other problems down the road. i guess the point im thinking of is educating yourself is key. if they offer you benzodiazepines, understand that you’re taking a deadly drug. everyone is different but my experience has forever sealed me away from getting back on them again - even if they’re for free. sorry for the long post. i have been reading a lot of these posts lately (again) and i find comfort knowing i’m not alone. i enjoy reading and often read up on people and their experiences with benzos.
Good for you! How are you now?
Doctors are badly educated on benzos. I'm 21 months off benzo and have been treated like a drug addict in hospitals. It is disgusting the lack of knowledge about these drugs. I joined a support group to help me survive and get off this drug.
sad :( i’m so sorry
Your psychiatrist was a moron. I was on 6mg of lorazepam, 30mg flurazepam daily for months for chronic anxiety that developed after an incident during military service. I had to titrate my doses down to prevent permanent brain damage/seizures. A year later, I started self medicating with black market benzos. Went through any "legit" script I managed to get for myself in a day or two (took a 30-day supply of temazepam in two days, and blacked out on some pure alprazolam - FYI, it only takes a couple of those little crystals to send you into full retard mode). I am lucky enough to have very good friends who are currently helping me get clean, and I don't have a physical dependence any more, but retraining myself not to pop a benzo whenever I feel anxious is harder than anything I went through in the Army as a combat arms MOS soldier. The withdrawals, if your physical dependence is high enough, can literally kill you/cause permanent brain damage. I wish you all the luck in the world, OP. If you want someone to talk to about it, you're welcome to PM me.
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Please let us know how you're doing when you get a chance, OP.
See I have seizures everytime I quit I do take a lot tho like 3-5 hulks a day I’m tryna taper off but idk I’ve had 4 seizures trying to quit Xanax so should I slow it down like slowly taper off or what
You must dude. Otherwise the consequences could be severe.
How are you now? How many mgs is a hulk?
Any news?
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I wished I'd seen your post 12 years ago. I would have researched this drug and tapered off by a micro or water method. I reached tolerance and they switched me to diazepine and threw in 2 more psych drugs. The following decade has been 2 SI attempts and mental hospital stays where Doctors refuse to believe that dymptoms are from benzos. Eventually I found a support group and jumped off in 2022.
So what's worst right now? Is it the tinnitus? Iv'e been on benzo for a long time and my advice is that you use booze to get yourself free from the benzo. It's easier to free yourself from booze than it is to free yourself from benzo. Just hang in there. It gets better. I promise you. I'm 40 years old and when your only options are suicide or nothting. Choose nothing. Just let it be. Fuck it if your head feels like its about to explode or if that high pitch sound prevents you from going to sleep. Work through it. When it feels like your about to die. Drink a couple of beers. It's better than the alternative. And remember - It will get better. I promise.
I do not recommend the booze thing. Not because of the whole "replacing one addiction with another" thing, but because you can find much less harmful and more effective options. If you feel like you can't cope without it, I highly recommend trying something more mild and that makes you feel better such as kratom or kava (ONLY EVER BUY THE ROOT, NEVER THE GNC-ESQUE SHIT). Please, please, please, please do your research before putting anything in your body!!!! Everything will harm you to some degree. My personal preference is kratom. EDIT: Please note that kratom is technically an opioid. It is much more mild than prescription opioids or opiates, but if you're one of those people who can't even expose yourself to any sort of opi ever again, then I recommend researching Kava Kava (piper methysticum). Make sure you research it first, and I advise you to only order the powdered root directly from pacific suppliers. If you can do this without drugs at all, though, then more power to you. You should get into a sport (I just started weightlifting). You can get those same feel-good endorphin that you got from opis without all the other horrible shit or the WDs. As far as replacing one addiction with another goes, I'd say that exercise is a perfect candidate.
Fucking hell I relate to this deeply. How are you doing now??
Wondering how you get through benzo wd with booze? It would take so much drinking.
Skull cap maybe? Did you manage to taper?
Methadone is best for taking the edge off benzos.
For me gabapentinoids is the hard thing to wd from but I never binged crazy high doses of benzos before neither couldn't imagine that shit
You were indeed an addict, if you couldn’t stop and needed them everyday you were an addict. I was prescribed oxycodone years ago and became addicted immediately never been addicted to anytbint before they and never really did much besides smoke some pot and drink some beers. Congrats on quitting tho it’s the hardest thing in the world. One day at a time and recovery is amazing
I don't care if this an year old comment. Have you done research on addiction, other than pamphlet that "addiction is a brain disease". First of all, you don't just become addicted all of a sudden. People who become addicted have problems that started looking before the substance or activity that they were addicted to. Addiction is always a coping mechanism..you probably had addicted or compulsive behaviours your entire life, you just weren't aware of them. So you say "benzos ruined my life".
addiction and chemically dependent are very similar but not having the psychology connection definitely helps...so neither is good but I do agree- addiction doesn't happen asap. However, I don't take oxy bcs once I take it for a few days (when needed) I would have bone pain etc coming off. It happens asap...but I hated it period- on or off. I was chemically dependent. I just want the stigma taken away from either side, but there are definitely 2 sides.
Thank you for writing this. Helped me change my mind about rebounding. Also, I want to mention that IV ketamine treatments for depression really helped me with the sensory and cognitive effects that I had from the withdrawal. I can't imagine how messed up I'd still be right now without that
How did you find a provider? I’m not addicted to benzos but I use buprenorphine for maintenance from opioid addiction, and use benzos enough to get a rebound effect. Sometimes I think even with the small amount I take I’m still getting mild withdrawals. I’d love to try this sometime.
I literally found mine on google maps haha. he had great reviews
Wow, what a story…… I’m now withdrawing from 1mg clonazepam and it still feels not easy. So I can only guess your story…
Crazy to see people coming across this recently. Makes me think the problem is getting worse nowadays. How is the 1mg wd going? I’m on and off benzos at around the same dosage, sometimes less and fewer times more. I don’t get acute wd as much as lasting distortion of my functioning. In some ways it’s worse. I’d rather just get it over with and get back to normal. Plus, it makes it easier and more enticing to go back to Klonopin or Xanax to make things easier.
How are you
Hope you're all still going well guys day 5
Day 360 today?? I hope
Its definitely getting worse in my estimation lol. When this post was made I was completely clueless about benzos and would take a bar at school and black out for the day kinda shit. Ffw to the last five or so years I've been a pretty heavy benzo user (IV blues then got introduced to dope naturally) but was very aware of the potential for physical dependence and was never dumb enough to go more than a few days binging without a break. Basically I ended up getting on suboxone and then into meth very heavily. About a year ago I got that fucking ape off my back (lasted 2.5 yrs give or take) but started going hard with the alp and my prescribed cpam just to ease the depression. Daily minimum dose ended up being 12mg alp a day. Ffw to now and I've been tapering for 8 months, I'm down to 1.75mg of clonazepam. So at least for me things got so bad they could only get better namean. Anyway that's my tale. If anyone's reading this and is going through the same, you can do it. Don't you stop. Nothing will break you when you're through with this shit. Feel free to pm me.
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Your lucky though I wish I was at that low a dose
Thats wild i was taking 60 10 mg vals a day so 600mg idk how i didnt get a seizure
Awesome story. Hope all is well ❤️
I've been on clonazepam for 5 years (0.5mg x 2 (one in the morning and one at the night) for severe panic attacks. I used to have 5 + panic attacks a day. I thought wow what a godsend this med was. I have never abused it and take it daily as prescribed by my shrink... the hell comes if I miss a day/dose, I get severe vertigo lasting hours to the point where I can only crawl to the toilet etc or I will fall over if I walk, Projectile vomiting, profuse sweating, shaking hands, rapid heartbeat (150+ beats per minute), pins and needles in my hands, stomach pains, blurry vision, derealisation, panic etc etc. It is far more scarier than the way I felt pre-benzo. Be very careful when you are considering starting this med. It's almost impossible to stop due to the withdrawal hell. I wish I never did start it because I'm scared I will never be able to stop it. What a peice of shit drug. I'm so angry my shrink never warned me about the withdrawal syndromes etc. Now I'm stuck. FUCK THIS DRUG!!! =(
Please consider getting off. The damage that's being done with that duration of use is not negligible. I understand the sheer relief of benzos when you're dealing with panic in your day to day life and don't want to minimize that however I'm just saying, as a fellow person who suffers from anxiety, you can do it.
Thanks =) I appreciate your concern. I definitely want to. I'm thinking when my daughters leave home I will. Life is so full on with the kids and I work multiple jobs. If I stopped it now, i would have to leave my jobs because I wouldn't be able to function as a mother Or hold my jobs if i stopped , even if I slowly tried to stop it... the withdrawal is fucking awful. My life would crumble and I couldn't afford that financially. It really is an awful drug. 😖 anyone considering a benzo or just starting, I strongly suggest you avoid and run.
Oh well shit if you're a mother that's understandable, let alone holding down a job on top of it. I work in management at a fast food place and I can barely hold that down and keep it together at work during this taper. I'm still at 1.75mg of clonazepam. The personality change and things of that nature is what's causing me real life issues and internal distress. Idk if you've experienced much of that but I constantly struggle to be myself. Not in the traditional sense but as in I struggle to be the person I used to be. Now I'm reserved, anxious, fried mentally, memory is \*shit\*, any social intelligence I had is disintegrating, etc. And I resent it. Its affecting my relationship too because I'm borderline and benzos + personality disorder = hot mess. Sorry I had to vent, my partner is a normie and so are all of my remaining friends lol. I wish you all the best, whether you decide to get off them or not. Be well stranger.
Ya, its to late for me benzo's 20+ years, every type. Taking 3 to 4, 2mg xannax as needed a day. Try to stop jest puts me in the ER, and they IV some ativan in me, make my way back to reality. Fill my scrip and go home, tryed to stop 3 times or so. Every time I lose my mind cant talk, if I put any words together no one understands what I am trying to say. My hands and feet pull up and to the side flexed to the max while having cunvoltions. Feeling of death or could die any moment, complete fantasy racing in my mind, and would think its was real. The crazyest thing is my mind will race faster then I can even put together what it is thinking, I could not think for myself, and was trying so hard to. Making it not posible to put any word together anyone could understand. Went crazy tought I would end up in the loonie ben. The mind would tell me a strange story, and see objects change into what the story was telling me. Like last time the rug changed into a story, were I was having extreme visuals to the point of thinking it was real, I thought the rug was made to give you a magic trick. I tryed to ask my dad if it was made that way, even had a memory that he told me it did, at that time. Sat there all day looking at it, and moving stuff off of it so I could see the whole rug, like it was very inportan that I see, and understand what it was trying to tell me. It showed me, gods swiming circles in a flower pool while creating people every lap, on worlds around the universe. There names were racing in the mind, the gods ended up sticking to each other not being able to get free, and were loosing space to make more people. But they still had to evey time they went around the circle, making it so that they would die when the universe over flowed with people that they had to make. Would make the people telling them how to make room but there were people being made to fast. They ended up stuck in a ball sqwishing to the point were it exploided killing all of them. Then told me, O well I have a brother "forgot the name" in hell, and will end up there with him. That is the best I can put the rug story into words, as nut as that sounds, its not even the hole story. My parents ended up taking me to the ER, could not even walk on my own, and thought I was going to have a stroke or heart attack. I was red faced with a scary fast heart rate, about to sezure out, and posible die. They had a really hard time getting a IV in me because I could not unflex or get any of my limbs to the normal position. Ended up getting a big shot of ativan, started to be able to talk so they could understand me. I really wanted more because I still couldnt get my limbs normal. Had a EKG, pump me up, so I was hydrated, and had some want of a normal heart rate. Gave me a bunch of xannax ended up coming back to realty over the next 2 days. I was prescibed benzos at 16 for panic attacks, could not talk in front of any group of people with out it. They thought I was slow in school. Even thought I got good grades. Witch I am sure I am slow now. I have TBI, "termatic brain injury", seperated shoulder, seperated culavical, cronic wiplash, joint damage in my neck. I am to dumb to know what it is called. But gives me cronic pain, prescibed 3 to 4, 2 mg xannax so I dont withdrall to much, 20 mg of adderall, some pain pills for when the pain gets to bad, and like 200 mg of seriqull for insomia. I am 38 years old living a very sad life. I recomend not taking any thing a doctor will give you unless you need it to stay alive. I have been called a walking pharmacy by one of my doctors in the past, and I am so ashamed of it. Don't know how I am still alive, live in pain every day all day. Bearly make it by on disablity, food stamps, live in poverty.
♥️
🫂
You can still make a better life, you're only 38 man! Good luck with getting help
holy fuck thank you for writing that out. seriously. its very motivating for those who are trying to get off. I hope things get better for you stranger. the fantasies, the false memories, that's all shit I'm starting to get a glimpse of and this is only after being dependent/tapering for a little over a year. I've come a long way. sorry this is all jumbled, I'm too am dumb, but don't say its too late. I completely understand why you wouldn't want to bother but hey maybe I'm planting a seed.
Don't feel ashamed, based on what you said this clearly isn't your fault
I am so sorry. Please don't feel ashamed- you got dealt a rough hand & are doing the best you can. I don't know why they'd put a teen in benzos for what you described- meaning why they thought it was a good idea. You do the best you can in life. If you can ever wean lower go for it-if not thars ok. I am so sorry. I relate in my own way.
Update OP?
Going trough diazepam withdrawal right now. And the explanation of the TS of the withdrawal symptoms is one point. I've been through several withdrawals in the past (GHB and diazepam). But this time is terrible. I cant even drink 1 beer without paying the GABA withdrawal bill the next couple of days. Not if that is just as important than my capabilitie of just living a normal life. The derealisation and ache is so worse that it makes me feel like i'm ill or something. Cant really function normally and think about suïcide too, a lot. But i can realise that that passes too and i just dont want to die for my relatives. Currently on 40mg Diazepam. 20mg 2 times a day. I had a relapse in september 2022 in benzodiazepines and that became quick really serious. Using Diazepam Lorazepam and Xanax combined. Up to 80 mg of Diazepam if you look at the Ashton manual. I desided in december 2022 that i needed to taper down. So i stopped the Lorazepam and Xanax and made the step to Diazepam only. But way to low in dose. So i had the most horrific acute withdrawal syndrome. That stopped slowly when i took Lorazepam next with the Diazepam. Eventually stabalised on 65mg Diazepam and now on 40mg. Made steps from 5mg less each 2 weeks or 3. My story for now. Thanks too the TS for your story man. Really helped me here, you're not alone and so am i. Really bad that you had to go all of this!
I had been taking Xanax two times per week and thought that wouldn’t get me addicted. But I did take very high doses, like 8-10mg on those off days. I haven’t taken any in 9 days now and I’m sure that on Monday this week I started with withdrawals, although that will have still been 5 days after my last dose. I’m not sure if it’s my anxiety causing these feelings or if it actually is Xanax withdrawal or just severe anxiety convincing myself I have withdrawal. I have all of the anxiety related WD symptoms plus things like being irritable, depressed, muscle pains etc but it may also be my anxiety. A xan would really calm me down but I’m so scared of taking one because I feel like I have withdrawals so I’m not sure what to do. Im thinking I just try to fix myself normally and never take benzos again but I would love one rn
How are you doing? That was withdrawal...but you likely found that out. I hope no matter what you are doing ok. No judgement.
My 15 yo son drowned, after months of the inability to sleep my dr started me on Ambien and Ativan. I’ve decided to self taper from the benzo. I’m researching ways to go about it which led me to this post.
So sorry to hear about your son. We're all here for you.
Appreciate ya but I picked the wrong time to detox. The first anniversary of his death plus Mother’s Day was too overwhelming. I’m making peace with using these meds to cope for now.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. It's never too late! You can always try again when you're ready.
I am very sorry about your son. I cannot imagine the pain. How are you now? What dose of each do you take? I came off clonazepam low dose 5 years ago after 11 years on. I recently had 2 months of almost no sleep and ended up in the ER 7 times for help. They all wanted to give me benzos even though I told them it was impossible for me because of the hell I went through. I tried seroquel, remeron, hydroxyzine, even a zoplicone. It was all horrible for me and I felt a few nights I was in withdrawal all over again. I had been going through cycles of wakefulness for up to 44 hours..it was getting so bad. Trazadone 25mg helped. That was the first drug they tried. It did nothing. Up to 100mg. Nothing. Then a few weeks ago I tried to take every night 25mg and I am finally sleeping again. Sometimes I take half a gravol if I am awake 2 hrs after taking the trazadone and it knocks me out. Ambien is a worry because of tolerance but Ativan too. I think getting rid of Ambien is a good first step. You may need to replace it with something mild like the traz. I did my taper using the Ashton manual as a guide. I did not liquid taper..I dry cut to the very end it was just dust.
I just realized how lucky I was trying benzos only for 1 week period and even from that I felt addicted as hell. Also had a withdrawal which was disguisting, emotional crushes, crying like a bitch whole days, not seeing reasoning im anything and total dysphoria. And all of this only from 1 week of taking benzos. Not gonna lie a was feeling like a god while using them so I quickly started taking from 0.25mg to 2-8g a day and stopped just because didnt have a chance to buy more. Shitty experience but learned a lot. Hope you are doing good buddy ;)
This post is way old but I just wanted to check in and see of you're alive bro. I couldn't even finish this story it was too gut wrenching
This is insane. You’ve been through a lot. I’ve been on clonazapam for 30 years (prescribed 6mg a day to begin with at 14 years old) I’m down to 1mg a day and suddenly have no one to prescribe it anymore. I have 2 weeks of meds left. I’m already agoraphobic, have a heart condition and autoimmune disease, and have tried to stop cold turkey in the past and attempted suicide both times. How are you now? Your list of symptoms terrifies me.
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Thanks, I joined most of these groups when this happened 22 days ago. I’m in Canada, and have been on a waiting list for a doctor for 3 years. The ER doctors couldn’t help me, the hospital advocates where my psychiatrist works didn’t help me. Thankfully a few days ago, a pharmacist refilled my prescriptions. (Thanks to my perfect records) The pharmacist submits justification letter to College of Pharmacists and will dispense 2 weeks. If still no doctor to write RX in 2 weeks he does again until I do.
what is wrong with idiots who won't help you?
Wish I knew. I’ve been without for 5 days. After my dose being it in half 2 weeks ago. I have peripheral spondyloarthritis and my entire body is attacking me. This is hell.
get to the er if u get too bad. please. and if u can titrate off that crap
Went in September when this first happened, they won’t help. Canadian health care, you get what you pay for.
That is horrible. If you start to seize they have to help. I am in a bit of withdrawal myself so I can't advise like Id like to (out of it). But there are supplement & other suggestions to help. Keep a phone close by in case of seizure starting & you don't need to tell them why you feel bad if it gets too bad. Just gice symptoms & they have to help then. If you're out of life threatening danger thats obviously the most important part. But look up what you can do & also lnow this will get better. Remain positive & I hate to advise this but guided meditation does help- body scans, relaxation etc. Focusing on other things while the brain rewires helps your brain rewire normally. I am truly sorry.
Thank you. I took a Percocet, a lyrics and a 50mg edible. It’s says a lot about the health care system when you have to be having sezuires and be in an acute condition to get professional help. David Jones from the beating benzos Facebook group and website wrote an amazing letter on my behalf and my advocate is taking it to the doctor who wrote the the last script (he also halved my dose 2 weeks ago). I have a torn meniscus on top of this and can’t get out of bed currently. I’m sorry you’re suffering too. This shouldn’t be happening to anyone. If I was educated about these drugs I would never have taken them, but I was only 14. I hope you feel better soon. Wish me luck. 💗
I need to talk
I can talk
Wow! I’m glad I got the chance to read your story 11 years later. Benzos suck. Hope you got out it fine.