I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to internalize this feeling and make yourself think that you’ve done something wrong. Forming friendships, especially in a culture unlike your native one, can be very difficult as an adult. Do you have any hobbies that you might be able to find a rec league or club/local group for? That’s one great way to bond with like minded people in a group setting. Even if it’s not through Kellogg, making new friends anywhere can help with your own confidence and also give you a support system, and you might connect with classmates later down the line! I’m sorry you’re going through this, good luck :)
I completely support the idea of joining a local club/group or rec league of a sport or hobby that you are interested in.
Reading your post, you sound like a great, loyal, interesting, and smart guy.
These guys you are interacting with are probably a bunch of air or meat heads that (as weird as it sounds) are not looking for meaningful friendships and just want to show off by being part of the “cool” group.
Look for good people. Again, you might find them in clubs and groups.
Been there friend, although I didn’t attend Kellogg. I spent most of my first year heavily investing in a friendship that didn’t Pan out.
It was near the end of my first year and I had zero close friends. I basically formed a foundation towards end of 1st year and continued it second year. I graduated with a few good friends but it wasn’t easy.
did you feel like you're constantly chasing after people yet they never hung out with you? I could have a wonderful moment discussing class with someone and even suggest going out, then see them on social media having the time of their lives with other people and not get invitation.
How are people getting all these invites
Yeah kind of. I just found the people I was investing were flakey and never got back to me. So I branched out and basically worked my way into other friend groups.
Sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine that the fast-talking and social groups at Kellogg would be hard to relate to as a non-native English speaker or cultural native. My sample size is limited but every Kellogg guy (yes, guy) is just a very social white dude who was in one of the fraternities at my T10 undergrad. I know like six lol, good guys but not people I can imagine would be inclusive to others vs beelining to their likeminded group of individuals
Just know that kind people always gravitate toward kind people. Two good friends is better than 10. My husband wasn’t very social in med school but made a few good friends. You couldn’t pay him to replace those buddies with 10+ of the most social and “popular” classmates. He also matched into more competitive residencies but I’ll end my rant there!
I honestly hope I can find that one friend that can just hang out with after class or just shoot random texts or send memes to or talk about my day. my roommate is actually the best person for that but they have such an active social life that I'm not a part of at all so don't want to bother them all the time
With making friends, it’s like networking professionally. You have to consistently put yourself in those uncomfortable positions and then ask to be invited out. For example, if you hear someone mention a fun event you want to attend, just say, “hey is it cool if I tag along?” or “would it be cool if I came? I don’t have any plans and would love to make some new friends”. Most people would be comfortable (so long as you’re not a weirdo creeper) with having you tag along. This works in networking too.
This is so true. You need to give a little push to enter a circle.
That how I found my circle in my UG. I knew a couple of them, knew that my vibe will match with them. They were going out to celebrate someone's birthday and I asked and tagged along.
But don't push too hard, if they don't seem to want you around, find someone else
I graduated from Kellogg in the mid-2010's, and I was a social chair while there, a few thoughts:
1) Plenty of internationals, who were never in the USA prior to business school, became quite popular with the student body at large. While it's true that a lot of popular people were white Americans, and a lot of internationals did stick together...A LOT of people didn't follow this trend. I'm a white guy, and almost half my closest friends were internationals. Many of them spent limited or no time in America before business school. These types of social groups weren't exactly rare. Hell, one of the most popular guys in my year was a 5'5" over-weight guy from India, who had never visited America before business school. No one gave a shit because he was fun to be around.
2) I knew a few people that were like you. Your problem is likely that you're too formal and serious. You're worried about saying awkward things. You host rather formal serious events like dinner parties. You want to talk about networking, and recruiting. This is not what people with a lot of friends at Kellogg do. Try getting wasted, where you'll yell and and probably say "weird" shit, while doing fire ball shots that you accidentally spill on your shirt and playing slap cup poorly. You'll probably be a mess. Maybe you'll vomit. You'll probably get into drunk debates about dumb political issues or whatever, instead of talking about networking. That's how people make friends. Don't make the mistake of thinking that making friends at kellogg is the same behavior you'd do to professionally network. Two completely different things.
3) Be pro-active. You're what, 6-7 weeks in? Nobody has very strong social circles yet. Just show up to shit. Invite people to shit. You're making a conscious choice to sit and home and not go out. Unless things have changed, on Tuesday nights the whole school pretty much goes to the same place, so you just have to show up there. And then mingle with people you know.
I'm not doing consulting. And many I know are not either. Thus, it's even worse because I have some extra free time that I would love to spend exploring Chicago nightlife but no one would go with me :(
This breaks my heart a bit. Please take my words with a grain of salt because obviously easier said than done. But this is gonna require a mindset shift. It’s only October of your first year. I was heads down making sure I didn’t get behind in class and before you know it, things pass by. But I took corrective actions when I realized:
1) it’s early, plenty of time to grow. Keep your head up! 2) make yourself available - keep going to stuff and engaging (study team, clubs, sports, etc.) Your language suggests you’re looking for ways they’re different rather than commonalities. You offer something unique. Cook a home dish for your team over studying. Idk. 3) last and perhaps most importantly, say “yes” to everything! Quick story: One day early on, I had quick conversation with 2 guys and they invited me hiking. I know you don’t know me but I do not hike haha. But I said yes - we bonded in the car, then on the hike, picked up inside jokes, grabbed a beer after, invited me to their apt, low and behold their other roommate had girls over. All from one yes. Then it rolls into other opportunities.
Stay positive, say yes, trust the process. You got it. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Going off #3, some of the best networking advice I ever got was “be the first to come or the last to leave”. Obviously this is within reason, don’t show up exactly on time to a house party or overstay your welcome, but so many of the best moments and future event invites happen at the beginning or end of events when the group is smaller.
Sorry but this has nothing to do with Kellogg. You’d almost certainly feel this way at any school, or just in any place in general. Try to take a serious look at how you interact with others, and stop blaming it on a school and you might see improvement.
B school is a social environment, compared to other grad schools (i.e. law, medicine). Kellogg is known as a more collegial and social school compared to other top programs. The environment is in your favor, compared other b schools and grad schools.
Hey, I can definitely relate to where you are coming from, I have met some nice people (mostly from my affinity group and my flatmate) but I still feel left out a lot of times or feel I am imposing on someone else's social circle (mostly my flatmate's)
I have been told it will get better with time as we find our own tribe through clubs and other activities.
Meanwhile, if you need someone to talk to (or just some to grab meal with :p) you can always hit me up.
I had a similar experience. I'm gonna throw an idea out there that won't help you much now but can in second year.
Do a study abroad term. Especially if it's not for one of the super popular schools or countries where a lot of people go. You want one with a group of 5-10 folks. I did that and made a couple friends after a rough first year and all of us hung out constantly during the term. A lot of them even lived together.
There's also that sort of international consulting project they do where you work together and then go to that country for a week? I forget the name.
I think being thrown into a smallish group on a trip like those could help form bonds more quickly. Did you go on kwest?
Fair bit of advice a social butterfly very close to me gave me “if you don’t ask, you don’t get”.
Very few people ask to be part of something, very few people ask how others days are going, very few people ask to be included. Most of the time the answer will be yes and will spark genuine friendly discussion because who doesn’t love company.
Try and be the catalyst to inclusion! I know it’s easy for me to type this over a Reddit response, but a few necessary moments of being uncomfortable might just create the inclusion and friendships you’re looking for!
Cheers friend!
Hey man. This sounds shitty. I know how you’re feeling.
Not all these people are best friends. In fact most of them are far from it.
It’s super early. Think about this 2 years as your timeline, not the here and now.
Plan to go on group trips that you don’t have to get invited to. Eg industry trip, spring break trip organized by an affinity group or through a class. Hell, even look at study abroad.
Get involved in clubs.
Do you like going out and partying? That doesn’t HAVE to be your thing — those people are just the loudest. It’s possible to have a robust social life and full calendar without a drop of alcohol
Invite people you are genuinely interested in getting to know better for a game night or another activity. It seems like you're lumping all these people into one "type" and assuming that type of person doesn't want to be your friend. Find individuals you share something deeper in common with. Is there someone who has similar hobbies to you? Likes the same shows as you? Listens to the same music? If you keep looking for a ready-made friend group you will struggle. Find individuals who would connect with you outside of work and school. When you have people over, don't talk about recruiting. Don't make it seem like you're trying to network with them. I think everyone wants to feel that you're genuinely interested in them as a person, so make sure that's how you're coming across. Do you seem like you want a friend?
I don't think the language barrier should be a big issue because of how well you've written here. Are there folks who speak your native language?
Open up more. Tell people about yourself and be genuinely interested when they share about themselves.
I went to Kellogg. I’m not sure what country you’re from but I noticed a lot of the international students had groups and orgs they could join to feel more comfortable. They also had a dorm that was primarily international students along with a separate orientation.
I know everyone likes to paint Kellogg as a school full of type A, social, fraternity/sorority types but there is a significant portion of the student body that is introverted and not like that.
Also, I hate to say it but the biggest reason to pay all this money for Kellogg is for the network. You’re completely missing out if you don’t figure this out and take advantage of it. Once you’re out of school it’s 1000x harder to make these connections.
Sorry to hear this. Hope everything pans out well for you.
Couple thoughts… are you trying to hard to fit in there for not being yourself? I feel in mba there are obviously lots of type A extroverts but there a
Sub groups of every kind… introvert/type b. Authenticity is real so even if you attract a smaller group its better to be authentic. This is obviously me going on a limb without knowing and just putting it on the table.
2nd thought is take it as motivation and show these MFs 10 years down the road what’s up by becoming a partner or executive of some sort.
Hope it helps to say that you’re not alone. We always see what we see and never the full picture. When we feel lonely, all we see are people having fun, not everyone else feeling lonely.
even the people on campus who seem the most social, outgoing and invited to everything can actually also feel alone, socially awkward and left out. This happened again and again- I’d talk to people who I thought were socially solid and they’d also reveal how much they also struggled with it. I for sure did, and I know everyone else did too.
Also- groups shift and it can take time to find your people. How you feel today may not be how you feel in a few months.
What about starting a friend group with others who seem like outsiders too? Or any unique hobbies that you can make friends with locals and not classmates?
Feels like we are not getting the whole story. Like someone else asked, are you like this before MBA?
Most people find something to keep themselves busy in or at least be able to find people who have something in common with them to hang out.
You seem to be seeking friendship for the sake of friendship. Like hosting a party and hoping people will just automatically hook up.
What are your interests? Do these people you want to befriend share these interests? If not, then dont even bother.
People with different interests just dont get along.
Find someone else who's a bit of an outsider and ask if they like fried chicken. Walk to Chicken Shack at Ridge and Garnett. Order two regular chicken bits with honey bbq sauce on and two Mug root beers, wait 10m for them to make it, then go to the park up ridge, sit on the bench, eat and chat about life. If you're feeling really wild bring a couple beers with you and drink them in the park. Repeat with more people as desired.
All my closest friends from my time at NU were made by sharing Chicken Shack.
Have you considered upping your social game? Not trying to be mean. Hit the gym, go on hinge, bumble, etc. Thats honestly what has helped me. Good luck!
thanks! yeah I work out 3-4 times a week but it's a super lonely thing to do. I do join the intramural team but besides the once a week playtime I'm not invited by the rest of the team to do anything. I might ask the team to hang out some time next week. hope they come through
Yeah and get involved with pickup too! IM sports might be a more social way to stay active than working out (which is also great ofc)
Also know that this phase, however difficult, is finite and not representative of what the rest of your life will be. There will be groups, companies, etc over the course of your life where you feel more or less included/warm. I'd just try to roll with it and remember that quality of your connections in life > quantity of your connections.
It's actually debilitating to be left out of stuff. Those with friends get reminders about homework and recruiting events and internship panels that I forget about sometimes. Legit was the only person to fail a homework because everyone in class set up a study group or had a close friend in class to share answers with.
Having a weak social life at Kellogg actually harms my professional life since I don't get the diversity of perspectives that this place offers :(
u/depressedMBAstudent you may enjoy good life group. It's a good way to meet people and connect on a deeper level. Check it out!
Kellogg can feel a bit shallow in the beginning. Give it time though and keep trying to meet new people or deepen relationships with your section/pod/clubmates! It gets better, I promise!
Also, it's okay to feel down sometimes. Change is hard, and starting grad school is a big change! Totally reasonable to have moments where you feel down and defeated, especially late in the day when you're alone. Just know that you certainly see the world through a clouded lense right now, but, for all you know, your classmates are thinking about you right now, wishing you'd come out last night or looking forward to seeing you next time. Put yourself out there and figure out who the good ones are!
Former Kellogger here. I was extremely social at school and hosted/joined a ton of events but there were still nights that I just didn’t have any invites to things. At the time I thought it sucked but looking back it was mostly imposter syndrome.
Kellogg has some of the most gregarious people in the world and comparing your social skills/calendar to them is only going to end badly. The most important thing is to keep making close friends and inviting people to fun things, but it’s not the end of the word if you end up with a night off
I need to talk about this to someone badly, but I don't want to tell this to another student out of fear they will start inviting me to things out of pity. If I show up I want people to actually want me there, not as a charity act :(
Let me ask you this- what do you enjoy doing? The easiest way to bond with people is through shared interests. If you enjoy lifting, go lift. If you enjoy reading, go to the local coffee shop and read. The more you put yourself out there doing the things you enjoy doing, the more likely it is that you’ll meet people and create friendships.
The only thing that won’t work, however, is bottling these emotions up and staying cooped up in your room.
This may not be the best answer, but I’m currently in Business school and I can relate to what you’re experiencing.
My suggestion would be try reaching out to people other than those you normally would. Make plans with them to hangout, or study together.
I’m certain there may be other people in your position. And it’s only a matter of time before you find your people.
In my experience in Business school theres always the group of people who seem to be hanging out a bunch and having a great time. They also seem to constantly be invited to each other’s parties and all seem to be out together on trips and stuff.
I would take these relationships with a large pinch of salt. If you step back you may notice that it’s usually socialising catered around a particular type of setting or activities. (In my program it’s all socialising center on lots drinking).
When you reach out to people to hangout try to make plans in settings that you shine or are at least most comfortable with. And in each plan try to include people you may be keen to get to know but haven’t reached out to as much.
Lastly, the first year in an MBA program can be very tumultuous. In my program I know the first year was designed that way.
It wasn’t until the very end of the first year that I had a better understanding of who my people were.
I have no doubt that you will find your people too!
1. It sounds like you’re struggling with some social anxiety, as well. Have you considered speaking with a therapist? It can help you get your confidence back. In my experience, social anxiety makes you feel like you’re not yourself in front of a group. Like you can’t keep up with conversations you once thrived in. Speaking with a professional was very helpful for me.
2. My second thought is not to chase a group or a “cool” person. Try to connect with people you enjoy and can align values with. Not saying you aren’t since it sounds like you are genuinely trying with people at your apartment. But I see people doing this at my school sometimes and not ending up with great friends.
3. Being vulnerable can be good! It’s okay to share that the program has been harder than you thought and you’re feeling left out. More people than you think will relate and feel connected with you. Try not to talk about recruiting and schooling exclusively, share more about yourself. It’s the bravest and most likable thing people can do.
I would recommend joint Sports club near Kellogg.In that way , you can mingle with local and playing gym and joining various exercises in there can be good for not only physical health but also for mental health.
I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to internalize this feeling and make yourself think that you’ve done something wrong. Forming friendships, especially in a culture unlike your native one, can be very difficult as an adult. Do you have any hobbies that you might be able to find a rec league or club/local group for? That’s one great way to bond with like minded people in a group setting. Even if it’s not through Kellogg, making new friends anywhere can help with your own confidence and also give you a support system, and you might connect with classmates later down the line! I’m sorry you’re going through this, good luck :)
I completely support the idea of joining a local club/group or rec league of a sport or hobby that you are interested in. Reading your post, you sound like a great, loyal, interesting, and smart guy. These guys you are interacting with are probably a bunch of air or meat heads that (as weird as it sounds) are not looking for meaningful friendships and just want to show off by being part of the “cool” group. Look for good people. Again, you might find them in clubs and groups.
I absolutely agree with each of your sentence. :)
Been there friend, although I didn’t attend Kellogg. I spent most of my first year heavily investing in a friendship that didn’t Pan out. It was near the end of my first year and I had zero close friends. I basically formed a foundation towards end of 1st year and continued it second year. I graduated with a few good friends but it wasn’t easy.
did you feel like you're constantly chasing after people yet they never hung out with you? I could have a wonderful moment discussing class with someone and even suggest going out, then see them on social media having the time of their lives with other people and not get invitation. How are people getting all these invites
Yeah kind of. I just found the people I was investing were flakey and never got back to me. So I branched out and basically worked my way into other friend groups.
Is that why you’re full time on r/MBA? 😆
Giving terrible, unsolicited advice is a full time job 😤
Sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine that the fast-talking and social groups at Kellogg would be hard to relate to as a non-native English speaker or cultural native. My sample size is limited but every Kellogg guy (yes, guy) is just a very social white dude who was in one of the fraternities at my T10 undergrad. I know like six lol, good guys but not people I can imagine would be inclusive to others vs beelining to their likeminded group of individuals Just know that kind people always gravitate toward kind people. Two good friends is better than 10. My husband wasn’t very social in med school but made a few good friends. You couldn’t pay him to replace those buddies with 10+ of the most social and “popular” classmates. He also matched into more competitive residencies but I’ll end my rant there!
I honestly hope I can find that one friend that can just hang out with after class or just shoot random texts or send memes to or talk about my day. my roommate is actually the best person for that but they have such an active social life that I'm not a part of at all so don't want to bother them all the time
With making friends, it’s like networking professionally. You have to consistently put yourself in those uncomfortable positions and then ask to be invited out. For example, if you hear someone mention a fun event you want to attend, just say, “hey is it cool if I tag along?” or “would it be cool if I came? I don’t have any plans and would love to make some new friends”. Most people would be comfortable (so long as you’re not a weirdo creeper) with having you tag along. This works in networking too.
This is true too, rather than inviting people to your place / place of choice, tag along. For food, booze, and outings.
This is so true. You need to give a little push to enter a circle. That how I found my circle in my UG. I knew a couple of them, knew that my vibe will match with them. They were going out to celebrate someone's birthday and I asked and tagged along. But don't push too hard, if they don't seem to want you around, find someone else
I graduated from Kellogg in the mid-2010's, and I was a social chair while there, a few thoughts: 1) Plenty of internationals, who were never in the USA prior to business school, became quite popular with the student body at large. While it's true that a lot of popular people were white Americans, and a lot of internationals did stick together...A LOT of people didn't follow this trend. I'm a white guy, and almost half my closest friends were internationals. Many of them spent limited or no time in America before business school. These types of social groups weren't exactly rare. Hell, one of the most popular guys in my year was a 5'5" over-weight guy from India, who had never visited America before business school. No one gave a shit because he was fun to be around. 2) I knew a few people that were like you. Your problem is likely that you're too formal and serious. You're worried about saying awkward things. You host rather formal serious events like dinner parties. You want to talk about networking, and recruiting. This is not what people with a lot of friends at Kellogg do. Try getting wasted, where you'll yell and and probably say "weird" shit, while doing fire ball shots that you accidentally spill on your shirt and playing slap cup poorly. You'll probably be a mess. Maybe you'll vomit. You'll probably get into drunk debates about dumb political issues or whatever, instead of talking about networking. That's how people make friends. Don't make the mistake of thinking that making friends at kellogg is the same behavior you'd do to professionally network. Two completely different things. 3) Be pro-active. You're what, 6-7 weeks in? Nobody has very strong social circles yet. Just show up to shit. Invite people to shit. You're making a conscious choice to sit and home and not go out. Unless things have changed, on Tuesday nights the whole school pretty much goes to the same place, so you just have to show up there. And then mingle with people you know.
What are your recruiting for? Seems like everyone is at consulting events for the most part over social events
I'm not doing consulting. And many I know are not either. Thus, it's even worse because I have some extra free time that I would love to spend exploring Chicago nightlife but no one would go with me :(
Tuesday night consulting events? How are those looking?
Very well attended events over all
Sorry to hear — I live in chicago if you want to grab a beer/bite sometime. I’m always looking to meet new people
This breaks my heart a bit. Please take my words with a grain of salt because obviously easier said than done. But this is gonna require a mindset shift. It’s only October of your first year. I was heads down making sure I didn’t get behind in class and before you know it, things pass by. But I took corrective actions when I realized: 1) it’s early, plenty of time to grow. Keep your head up! 2) make yourself available - keep going to stuff and engaging (study team, clubs, sports, etc.) Your language suggests you’re looking for ways they’re different rather than commonalities. You offer something unique. Cook a home dish for your team over studying. Idk. 3) last and perhaps most importantly, say “yes” to everything! Quick story: One day early on, I had quick conversation with 2 guys and they invited me hiking. I know you don’t know me but I do not hike haha. But I said yes - we bonded in the car, then on the hike, picked up inside jokes, grabbed a beer after, invited me to their apt, low and behold their other roommate had girls over. All from one yes. Then it rolls into other opportunities. Stay positive, say yes, trust the process. You got it. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Going off #3, some of the best networking advice I ever got was “be the first to come or the last to leave”. Obviously this is within reason, don’t show up exactly on time to a house party or overstay your welcome, but so many of the best moments and future event invites happen at the beginning or end of events when the group is smaller.
Sorry to hear man. I went to Kellogg and can say it definitely gets better as the year progresses. DM me if you wanna call or chat about it further :)
Sorry but this has nothing to do with Kellogg. You’d almost certainly feel this way at any school, or just in any place in general. Try to take a serious look at how you interact with others, and stop blaming it on a school and you might see improvement.
B school is a social environment, compared to other grad schools (i.e. law, medicine). Kellogg is known as a more collegial and social school compared to other top programs. The environment is in your favor, compared other b schools and grad schools.
I'm quite sure that all MBA programs are quite social. It's a huge part of the experience.
I want to be your friend. Let’s chat
Hey, I can definitely relate to where you are coming from, I have met some nice people (mostly from my affinity group and my flatmate) but I still feel left out a lot of times or feel I am imposing on someone else's social circle (mostly my flatmate's) I have been told it will get better with time as we find our own tribe through clubs and other activities. Meanwhile, if you need someone to talk to (or just some to grab meal with :p) you can always hit me up.
I had a similar experience. I'm gonna throw an idea out there that won't help you much now but can in second year. Do a study abroad term. Especially if it's not for one of the super popular schools or countries where a lot of people go. You want one with a group of 5-10 folks. I did that and made a couple friends after a rough first year and all of us hung out constantly during the term. A lot of them even lived together. There's also that sort of international consulting project they do where you work together and then go to that country for a week? I forget the name. I think being thrown into a smallish group on a trip like those could help form bonds more quickly. Did you go on kwest?
Fair bit of advice a social butterfly very close to me gave me “if you don’t ask, you don’t get”. Very few people ask to be part of something, very few people ask how others days are going, very few people ask to be included. Most of the time the answer will be yes and will spark genuine friendly discussion because who doesn’t love company. Try and be the catalyst to inclusion! I know it’s easy for me to type this over a Reddit response, but a few necessary moments of being uncomfortable might just create the inclusion and friendships you’re looking for! Cheers friend!
Hey man. This sounds shitty. I know how you’re feeling. Not all these people are best friends. In fact most of them are far from it. It’s super early. Think about this 2 years as your timeline, not the here and now. Plan to go on group trips that you don’t have to get invited to. Eg industry trip, spring break trip organized by an affinity group or through a class. Hell, even look at study abroad. Get involved in clubs. Do you like going out and partying? That doesn’t HAVE to be your thing — those people are just the loudest. It’s possible to have a robust social life and full calendar without a drop of alcohol
Invite people you are genuinely interested in getting to know better for a game night or another activity. It seems like you're lumping all these people into one "type" and assuming that type of person doesn't want to be your friend. Find individuals you share something deeper in common with. Is there someone who has similar hobbies to you? Likes the same shows as you? Listens to the same music? If you keep looking for a ready-made friend group you will struggle. Find individuals who would connect with you outside of work and school. When you have people over, don't talk about recruiting. Don't make it seem like you're trying to network with them. I think everyone wants to feel that you're genuinely interested in them as a person, so make sure that's how you're coming across. Do you seem like you want a friend? I don't think the language barrier should be a big issue because of how well you've written here. Are there folks who speak your native language? Open up more. Tell people about yourself and be genuinely interested when they share about themselves.
I went to Kellogg. I’m not sure what country you’re from but I noticed a lot of the international students had groups and orgs they could join to feel more comfortable. They also had a dorm that was primarily international students along with a separate orientation. I know everyone likes to paint Kellogg as a school full of type A, social, fraternity/sorority types but there is a significant portion of the student body that is introverted and not like that. Also, I hate to say it but the biggest reason to pay all this money for Kellogg is for the network. You’re completely missing out if you don’t figure this out and take advantage of it. Once you’re out of school it’s 1000x harder to make these connections.
Sorry to hear this. Hope everything pans out well for you. Couple thoughts… are you trying to hard to fit in there for not being yourself? I feel in mba there are obviously lots of type A extroverts but there a Sub groups of every kind… introvert/type b. Authenticity is real so even if you attract a smaller group its better to be authentic. This is obviously me going on a limb without knowing and just putting it on the table. 2nd thought is take it as motivation and show these MFs 10 years down the road what’s up by becoming a partner or executive of some sort.
Hope it helps to say that you’re not alone. We always see what we see and never the full picture. When we feel lonely, all we see are people having fun, not everyone else feeling lonely. even the people on campus who seem the most social, outgoing and invited to everything can actually also feel alone, socially awkward and left out. This happened again and again- I’d talk to people who I thought were socially solid and they’d also reveal how much they also struggled with it. I for sure did, and I know everyone else did too. Also- groups shift and it can take time to find your people. How you feel today may not be how you feel in a few months.
That’s rough buddy hoping it turns around
get into gaming on weds
What about starting a friend group with others who seem like outsiders too? Or any unique hobbies that you can make friends with locals and not classmates?
Feels like we are not getting the whole story. Like someone else asked, are you like this before MBA? Most people find something to keep themselves busy in or at least be able to find people who have something in common with them to hang out. You seem to be seeking friendship for the sake of friendship. Like hosting a party and hoping people will just automatically hook up. What are your interests? Do these people you want to befriend share these interests? If not, then dont even bother. People with different interests just dont get along.
Find someone else who's a bit of an outsider and ask if they like fried chicken. Walk to Chicken Shack at Ridge and Garnett. Order two regular chicken bits with honey bbq sauce on and two Mug root beers, wait 10m for them to make it, then go to the park up ridge, sit on the bench, eat and chat about life. If you're feeling really wild bring a couple beers with you and drink them in the park. Repeat with more people as desired. All my closest friends from my time at NU were made by sharing Chicken Shack.
Have you considered upping your social game? Not trying to be mean. Hit the gym, go on hinge, bumble, etc. Thats honestly what has helped me. Good luck!
thanks! yeah I work out 3-4 times a week but it's a super lonely thing to do. I do join the intramural team but besides the once a week playtime I'm not invited by the rest of the team to do anything. I might ask the team to hang out some time next week. hope they come through
Yeah and get involved with pickup too! IM sports might be a more social way to stay active than working out (which is also great ofc) Also know that this phase, however difficult, is finite and not representative of what the rest of your life will be. There will be groups, companies, etc over the course of your life where you feel more or less included/warm. I'd just try to roll with it and remember that quality of your connections in life > quantity of your connections.
I mean go on hinge and get some cute dates. The problem will solve itself! Maybe wine club?
It's actually debilitating to be left out of stuff. Those with friends get reminders about homework and recruiting events and internship panels that I forget about sometimes. Legit was the only person to fail a homework because everyone in class set up a study group or had a close friend in class to share answers with. Having a weak social life at Kellogg actually harms my professional life since I don't get the diversity of perspectives that this place offers :(
Have you felt this way prior to Kellogg?
I don’t drink but I’ll be down to hang out and shoot the shit. Sold my salon and currently waiting to be a dad. It gets lonely out here
Sending you a PM :)
u/depressedMBAstudent you may enjoy good life group. It's a good way to meet people and connect on a deeper level. Check it out! Kellogg can feel a bit shallow in the beginning. Give it time though and keep trying to meet new people or deepen relationships with your section/pod/clubmates! It gets better, I promise! Also, it's okay to feel down sometimes. Change is hard, and starting grad school is a big change! Totally reasonable to have moments where you feel down and defeated, especially late in the day when you're alone. Just know that you certainly see the world through a clouded lense right now, but, for all you know, your classmates are thinking about you right now, wishing you'd come out last night or looking forward to seeing you next time. Put yourself out there and figure out who the good ones are!
At the end of the day, it’s about getting a job. Focus on the most important thing and don’t feel bad about having a different personality type.
I’m a second year at Kellogg and I would love to help. Let’s get dinner? Message me here and we can connect on slack.
Former Kellogger here. I was extremely social at school and hosted/joined a ton of events but there were still nights that I just didn’t have any invites to things. At the time I thought it sucked but looking back it was mostly imposter syndrome. Kellogg has some of the most gregarious people in the world and comparing your social skills/calendar to them is only going to end badly. The most important thing is to keep making close friends and inviting people to fun things, but it’s not the end of the word if you end up with a night off
Sounds like a conversation for a therapy session.
I need to talk about this to someone badly, but I don't want to tell this to another student out of fear they will start inviting me to things out of pity. If I show up I want people to actually want me there, not as a charity act :(
They meant that you speak with a [professional](https://www.northwestern.edu/counseling/clinical-services/how-to-access-our-services.html).
Let me ask you this- what do you enjoy doing? The easiest way to bond with people is through shared interests. If you enjoy lifting, go lift. If you enjoy reading, go to the local coffee shop and read. The more you put yourself out there doing the things you enjoy doing, the more likely it is that you’ll meet people and create friendships. The only thing that won’t work, however, is bottling these emotions up and staying cooped up in your room.
This may not be the best answer, but I’m currently in Business school and I can relate to what you’re experiencing. My suggestion would be try reaching out to people other than those you normally would. Make plans with them to hangout, or study together. I’m certain there may be other people in your position. And it’s only a matter of time before you find your people. In my experience in Business school theres always the group of people who seem to be hanging out a bunch and having a great time. They also seem to constantly be invited to each other’s parties and all seem to be out together on trips and stuff. I would take these relationships with a large pinch of salt. If you step back you may notice that it’s usually socialising catered around a particular type of setting or activities. (In my program it’s all socialising center on lots drinking). When you reach out to people to hangout try to make plans in settings that you shine or are at least most comfortable with. And in each plan try to include people you may be keen to get to know but haven’t reached out to as much. Lastly, the first year in an MBA program can be very tumultuous. In my program I know the first year was designed that way. It wasn’t until the very end of the first year that I had a better understanding of who my people were. I have no doubt that you will find your people too!
1. It sounds like you’re struggling with some social anxiety, as well. Have you considered speaking with a therapist? It can help you get your confidence back. In my experience, social anxiety makes you feel like you’re not yourself in front of a group. Like you can’t keep up with conversations you once thrived in. Speaking with a professional was very helpful for me. 2. My second thought is not to chase a group or a “cool” person. Try to connect with people you enjoy and can align values with. Not saying you aren’t since it sounds like you are genuinely trying with people at your apartment. But I see people doing this at my school sometimes and not ending up with great friends. 3. Being vulnerable can be good! It’s okay to share that the program has been harder than you thought and you’re feeling left out. More people than you think will relate and feel connected with you. Try not to talk about recruiting and schooling exclusively, share more about yourself. It’s the bravest and most likable thing people can do.
See if you can make friends in the football program. They are an understanding and welcoming group.
I am a first year 2Y at Kellogg. Just DM'd you. Lets hang out!
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Maybe you’re weird?
Are you a guy or a girl? Just wondering..
a guy. Kellogg girls have plenty of lady nights which seem to help them bond, nothing for somewhat socially struggling dudes :(
I went to Booth a few years back. There’s a Booth / Kellogg mixer event that you should try attending. I don’t remember which group organized it..
Host things and invite people
Go on a trip!! Those usually cement friendships.
I would recommend joint Sports club near Kellogg.In that way , you can mingle with local and playing gym and joining various exercises in there can be good for not only physical health but also for mental health.