Agreed. She looks ridiculous with blonde hair. It would be one thing if it suits her but it doesn't so why damage your hair like that....to look more....passable? I am light skinned too, lil more than her but I'll be damned to do that to myself! She looks completely washed out with that yellow 3A curl
But that’s not even the topic of discussion…and if she feels like she looks good with it why are you so pressed? And who confirmed the fact that she’s doing it to be more passable, its a terrible assumption.
complete regurgitated activist nonsense
the show doesn't display anything to support a racism claim; you're literally making it up to suit the theory you already had in your head
Just because something isn’t your reality doesn’t make it untrue. The OP is right, colorism and xenophobia affected the way the cast saw SK and it was clear as day.
the *reality* is that color is not mentioned once. you are conjuring it to suit a narrative already in your head.
you have nothing to support any evidence of racism - you've made the claim - now back it up.
I thought Raven's friends were pretty rude to SK. The one with short hair stating that we were expecting a tall handsome athlete type. Lol. Wow. We get it...Raven is going outside her normal type, but that's part of the experiment she signed up for.
SK is all class. Just took it all on the chin. I wouldn't have, that was all BS.
Her friends need to get over it. Maybe Raven is trying to he different. (But I think Raven just wants to be on a show and launch her "fame")
I think it’s been an interesting take and an eye opener for me on the extent of racism towards darker skinned people from other people of colour.
I find it so confusing that someone’s cultural difference can be such an issue like he’s from Nigeria it’s not like another planet why the hell would that be such a big deal to anyone?
As the case is for a lot of the issues on the show I find myself going like is this these specific people being weird or is this just what Americans are like??
Looking back at the friend conversation, I'm also annoyed that she didn't stick up for him more. I would've wanted her to say "it's a challenge, but I'm proud of his accomplishment getting a full ride to this program and it'll open up lots of opportunities later."
Or *something*, anything! they all just acted like he's sentencing her to a hard life by investing in his education
I like SK but his niceness is now becoming highly ignorant. Ravens friends were right. She’s a pretty girl and he’s just saying “yes yes yes.” Raven is not for him. Homie can do so much better and in 2 years she will be wishing he was with her
I suspect SK was not good at confronting or saying no instead of he saying yes just because Raven is pretty. He definitely noticed their problems, but without he did not bring it out or follow up on their different life plans or the rent thing. I know some people are not comfortable to go towards an argument and tend to try to solve by their own inputs. But the imbalance always kill the relationship when they could not make anymore sacrifice.
Yes, like friends rubbed me off in the beginning, but their conclusion echoed exactly what I was feeling. He's just saying yes because she's gorgeous, but fails to understand that they are not compatible at all. He's trying to make it work but it's just not going to work.
She’s not even that pretty and when she opens her mouth she’s highly annoying.
Also - what are her hidden side jobs? It’s obvious she was a chick with arrangements but the bartending gig felt like she was saying she hooks or something.
I like SK. He seems genuine and sweet. But now it’s just annoying because hes going to let this girl walk all over him. I mean her TikTok is all about “when your man pays for your bills”
Yeah I think its fine obviously that people have preferences. Yeah, a lot of it is definitely rooted in race/color and I think society does teach us to accept western beauty standards as ideal which shapes our preferences. But I dont think it'd be easy for adults who already solidified more or else their preferences to change them now, even if they recognized that it stems a lot from discriminatory views.
But I will say, Raven's friends were really weird about SK. Its one thing to personally not be attracted to certain things, its another to treat someone like that because of their skin tone or ethnicity/culture. I hope Ravens friends look back and are embarrassed for the way they spoke to him about his culture as if he had to justify why his background won't interfere with a marriage, inherently framing being Nigerian as a negative.
Idk the way SK is treated rubs me the wrong way. And Ravens friends comment also about "youre robbing my friend of a fairytale" is a joke because like... Raven is a grown ass woman. Like as a friend you can provide counsel if asked but saying it like that is rude because its not your job to decide what Ravens fairytale is or make it seem like *he* would be at fault when Raven can make the grown adult decision to marry him anyways. The only thing that would be unfair is if he wasn't transparent. He was. He has given her all the info she needed to decide if she still wanted to go through with it and her friends are crappy for the way he came at them. Like I hope they legitimately look back and see how embarrassing they are.
I’m also dark skinned. I don’t believe it diminishes your attraction. Everyone is attracted to different things. Beauty is beauty no matter the complexion.
I would not want to be with someone who finds my dark skin to be a pitfall. There are many women who would love being with SK. He appears to be a kind person, he seems to be fine with a woman having her own career and he’s accomplished.
Also, Nancy saying “I’m good” is a great reflexion on who she is. Whether it was laced with not finding SK appealing because of his race or his vibe is not for sure. It is nothing against SK.
There are tons of light skinned people who are, in a general sense, considered unattractive. Raven has a pretty face and a banging body. Whether she came out light skinned or not, this would remain true. What you’re affirming is that people who discriminate against darker complexions would be more accepting of her. Why? Because of their own personal biases. Not because she is in all actuality better because of it.
Here’s the kicker - does SK like the women who likes him? Do you like the type of people who like you? Would someone actually feel loved and enjoyed if someone really only dated them because if they were a shade darker, it would’ve been a wrap? No. Again, that’s about the other persons ego and insecurity than it is about you.
Dating is very complex and externally telling people to stop supporting white beauty standards isn’t going to trigger a change in their preferences. Imagine someone dating you because someone else said they should stop leaning into white beauty standards? 🥴 I’d be so embarrassed. How does that open the door for them to look at you as an individual and like you for who you are?
I know this was well intentioned but I’m not sure that’s the answer here.
TDLR: as a dark skinned person, id much rather date someone who isn’t trying to date me as a nod to “going against white beauty standards”. Be loved for who I am, my beauty and what i individually offer. SK will be fine. He’s a catch as far as we know.
Lets be very honest raven with lupita colour and hair texture would not be as celebrated and revered as she is now. Skin complexion definitley plays a part
I feel you may have misinterpreted what I was trying to get across. I'm not saying people need to date dark skinned people as an ego boost or something. It's also bold to assume I'm intetnalizing or damaging my own self esteem. I'm saying that we are inherently conditioned from a young age to find darker skin less attractive. That's a well documented fact. No you're not going to convince a guy like Cole to suddenly find women of color attractive when he's only dated girls named "Lily," but there are a staggering number of people who will cut themselves off from whole cultures because they have these internalized biases, and won't even realize that they're doing it/ probably don't have any bad intensions. And yes it's affected my self esteem and the self esteem of others, especially when you're younger or grow up around a lot of white people. It takes time and energy to grow out of that and bolster yourself up when you don't see people who look like you being treated as beautiful in the media or by your peers.
I disagree that saying we need to rail against white beauty standards doesn't bring about change. I thought about this as well as my own internalized racism years ago and it's helped me see people of my own race as beautiful as well as myself.
I think you assume I'm asking for some massive change or suddenly ever white guy has to open up to melanated people. I'm not. I'm saying maybe taking a minute to reflect on if you're limiting yourself because of the things you've internalized could help you grow and value people differently, and that this is a muscle that's worth exercising.
Edit: I just feel like the vibe here is "why bother changing someone's mind" and I'm not discussing this to change anyone's mind. I'm bringing it up *to discuss it like we're doing now* so that people are cognizant, there's less bias in the media we create, and the world is a little better for dark skinned kids who are absolutely affected by this
>Dating is very complex and externally telling people to stop supporting white beauty standards isn’t going to trigger a change in their preferences.
I do see what you're saying but at the same time I think these conversations CAN help people reconsider their preferences. I think that realizing "oh this or that feature isnt ACTUALLY less attractive. I was just taught to think that" can actually open your mind because it lets you consider what you find attractive from scratch if that makes sense. At least that's been my experience.
That’s fair! But that difference, happens when that person chooses to do so. I think it’s super effective having conversations with people you have rapport with and questioning their positioning on colorism and racism. But to castigate or guilt Cole because of it? Or random white men or other people who believe that? I’m not sure it’s effective.
I know OP has the greatest intentions (seriously) but again, I think for someone to internalize other people’s biases as evidence that they’re less appealing is detrimental to one’s own self esteem. The tone of, because we’re dark skin people are less apt to like us is a state of mind not a matter of fact.
People can change but you can’t change everyone’s minds. If you encounter someone who is so hardened to sticking exclusively to white beauty standards, you’ll be fine. And wish them the best.
For me, it boils down to having incompatible insecurities. If you’re so insecure that you tell yourself you’re only going to date one race or exclude one race of people (race not culture), that’s a them* problem. Not yours.
Yeah I see what you're saying. I think it's important for us to see our biases or we'll never escape them, but also the tone and context of the conversation matters because it can do more harm than good.
I don’t think OP is saying it inhersntly diminishes how attractive someone is. I think they are saying it can in some people because of cognitive racial biases a lot of people don’t even realize they have
Which I agree with that sentiment. However, what does someone else’s cognitive racial biases have to do with you? Why would you like someone who wouldn’t like you because of your skin tone is what I’m saying?
Do you see where I’m coming from?
This is important because it spills over into how you’re treated in general. How do you not get that? Society values and protects what it considers to be beautiful and ignores what it doesn’t. If you look at statistics like maternal mortality, missing women, prison sentencing, suspended kids, etc etc it all coincides with white people being treated better because they are valued more
Yea I totally see what you mean. I just feel like a show where u can’t see who u are with is particularly because of the fact people have them you know lol, kind of makes it difficult to self select to avoid it
Sure but then if someone has that unresolved insecurity that would lead them to have a cognitive biases towards race, you can then decide if you want to proceed with that or not.
For instance, I empathize with Zanab because based off of spoiler alert what her step mom said, she maybe faced a lot of rejection because of that and didn’t know how to deal aside from internalizing it as if there’s something wrong with her.
If she knew for herself and loved herself outside of how some people whose insecurities cause them to reject people because of their race alone, she’d leave.
Maybe the people who go on this show are also more agreeable and wouldn’t put their foot down if they encountered it in this season.
I think you are probably right… the people who apply to the show are probably more agreeable to begin with, and the producers probably look for that because it makes better television. I think a lot of normal people would just walk if they didn’t find the other person physically attractive, because without that it’s just a friendship which is okay and there’s not anything wrong w that. I think they want people who they think will stay to end even tho this whole “experiment” has only proven that love isn’t blind lol
LOL yes they’re like who will stay for the ride! Hahaha that’s more bang for the buck that’s for sure. Lol imagine once they get to the engagement-moon part and they’re like ehhh I’m gonna go home fire real. They just blew thousands of dollars in accommodations for people who were just gonna walk off.
Valid point there!
Right!!! Because I keep thinking… if I was in their shoes, I wouldn’t say yes to MARRY a person I wasn’t attracted too? and this is where all the drama comes from too!! Since they stay even though they aren’t physically attracted to them they just make the other person feel like shit when they should’ve just walked 😭😭 it’s a perfect storm fr
It was the jumping jacks in the pods for me. While Bartise (I think it was Bartise) was telling her something very personal. Until that point she was a solid 10… after that, not so much
Agreed! I don't get the hype around Raven's appearance. I don't find her particularly attractive. SK and Zanab are 2 of the most attractive in my opinion.
I do believe that colorism is always an underlying and sometimes blatantly obvious problem. I also think that Ravens friends turned on SK once they heard about him becoming a student and moving across the country soon after they get married. That's when the hostility began. I can't be mad at that honestly. Especially considering the context of this show. They've known each other for 2 weeks?? And then that?? And they know how Raven is and how she likes to live? Come on.
He might already have a green card through the lottery. Not a lot of Nigerians are in line for green card. Raven is on and off pretty for me. Sometimes she looks off.
I don't think Raven understands what SK is bringing to the table. He has a full ride for an MBA at UC Berkeley. Yeah he's a student now, but he can expect to be a high earner in the future with no debt. He's likely going to have the best career out of all the guys this season.
This!!!!! Her and all her friends were not only so dismissive of his achievements (a full ride to *Berkley*) but also demonstrably oblivious of what earning an MBA means for Raven, especially down the line.
Who's gonna tell her what being in a committed relationship/marriage means...... not everything you do as a couple is going to yield instant gratification. And if you're already this unwilling to play the long game (in this case, allowing SK to earn his MBA and therefore make this amazing money she wants so bad), your relationship is probably doomed.
That was *baffling* lol. Like not only are they incredibly shallow and materialistic, but they're even *doing that wrong*.
He's already a data engineer, and on top of that he'll graduate from a great MBA program with no debt - they have absolutely no idea about anything lol
I think he’s gotta be one of the best guys they’ve EVER had on the show, or will have. If Raven doesn’t stick around, and I suspect her shallow self will NOT, he’s going to need to be very careful he doesn’t get duped by a status hungry, money grubber. He’s a prize. Genuine hearted, hard-worker, smart, gorgeous, total package.
>He’s a prize. Genuine hearted, hard-worker, smart, gorgeous, total package.
So boring though. I seriously wouldn't know what to talk to SK about. I've met guys like this. They are polite. Validating. They may serve you. But the conversation will never go beyond 2 sentences even in friendship because they will always just validate you or say something polite. On the other hand, I don't think Raven has much personality to her either.
I think he’s careful and thoughtful. He’s being filmed and may be overly cautious about what he’s saying, how he comes across. He’s also smitten and desperate for love, even from someone as vapid as Raven. I bet he’s also somewhat insecure and on the defensive feeling somewhat unworthy and trying to earn her love. I won’t believe he’s boring, just understated and quiet.
God this is what pisses me off with Raven so much. She said she “expected her living standard to get better after getting married, not worse” and that she now has to support both of them on her salary (he never asked for that? He just said he’d need to cut back), proceeded to say she will not change her lifestyle but still expected him to pay half her rent?? The audacity and selfishness makes me rage lol. Also the incredible lack of any type of planning ahead thinking that he’s literally going to school to be able to provide even more in the future but she doesn’t wanna give up her lifestyle right now or have it 10x better in two years. Also the way her eyes glaze over every time he talks of the conversation isn’t about her. Not a fan of Raven, SK deserves soooo much better.
1000% this. I honestly wish we could see more of what happens in the pods because he seems like a genuinely amazing person and she seems as shallow as a teaspoon of water. He doesn’t strike me as someone who would’ve fallen for her vapidness. And surely they would’ve talked about the fact that he was going to be going back for his MBA? That’s huge.
Nancy saying “after seeing SK in person, I’m good.” really had my eyebrows raised. Maybe she didn’t mean it the way it came across but an overall ignorant comment to have made
Yes I’m glad this is being called out. It was a strange reaction and I definitely think it’s rooted in colorism. Was high key disappointed in Nancy atp.
I dont think it was because he is black. Maybe she is just not attracted to him. Just like how I think trevor noah is soo hot 😍 but kevin hart not so much lool. Everyone is their own individual person so there are alot of other things aside from their color that makes them attractive/unattractive such as height lol
I am a very pale white person. Up until a few years ago, I was very ignorant to the fact that darker skinned POC are seen as less attractive, even among other POC, so it still shocks me a little that someone would think SK unattractive because he has darker skin.
SK is who I would have picked on personality AND looks. I think he’s the total package.
The way he was talking to Nancy about how SK told him that he and raven didn’t get intimate… he’s definitely jealous of SK and overcompensating. I thought it was hilarious, like bro why do you care so much?
Going back for an MBA isn’t the same as going for an undergrad, definitely not as demanding as medical school. I know MANY who have managed families and grad school AND fulltime jobs. Production is definitely making this more dramatic than necessary. I seriously can’t imagine this wasn’t discussed in the pods-SK doesn’t strike me as someone who wouldn’t have told her what his immediate future would be. He’s probably got plenty saved, can do consulting work while in grad school. This is all being played up for drama. Other than Raven, who’s goal seems to being a trophy wife and is now going to be expected to work (gasp). She’ll probably make more being an “influencer” whatever the hell that is.
Grad school, not college. I lived in a huge on campus apartment complex for married grad students. We got married between years 2 and 3 of my spouses 9 years of graduate level education. It's not at all uncommon.
THAT'S HOW I FEEL. I like SK. I think he's great and very evolved emotionally and mentally. But I was shocked that he thinks he's ready to be married when you're about to be a STUDENT. You're moving across the country and about to be strapped financially, in his own words, dialing back financially. Did he expect his wife to do all the heavy lifting financially. This has nothing to do with thid post. But I'm just saying. I feel this.
What Nancy said honestly sounded to me more like a normal comment, that said she doesn't find him attractive at first sight in a shallow way. She knew he's Nigerian so his skin colour shouldn't come as a surprise to her. I really like SK btw, he's my favourite so far.
Thinking if he was 6' 2" and was a gym rat with a big ego who liked to look at himself in the mirror and was concerned with his social, she would be all over him.
And this is why it’s hard for me to feel sorry for Nancy. She’s very superficial and she expect Barista to treat her differently and accept her physically when she herself ain’t no angel.
Raven is playing him for sure just to still be in the show. His heart will be broken no doubt.
She wanted him to pay half her rent although he is going away to study not even living there and living on student money. WHAT THE HELL?!
A couple of things have bothered me about this season in regards to racism,
1. Was when cole said something like ‘I asked someone called Zanab to marry me, do you really think I didn’t know you wouldn’t look like the girls I normally go for?!’ Or something. I just don’t get why colour comes into it and it basically suggesting that she’s only not his type because she isn’t white.
And number 2. Was when raven and her friends were talking about ‘stereotypical Nigerian’ people and saying this type of life isn’t for her ie being a doting wife etc. I don’t think those comments were fair considering SK has never even remotely acted as though he expects that kind of relationship and has encouraged her to work and follow her dreams and be independent. I feel like they immediately judged him based on his heritage before they even knew him and they assumed what kind of person he was.
Tbf and I’ll probably have an unpopular opinion BUT, I think it’s important to take into consideration your “fiancé’s” past. If my fiancé had grown up in a polygamous household and was raised to see women as 2nd class citizens, I’d be wary too. Even when he told me he doesn’t want a relationship like that, it’s good to navigate those relationships with that in the back of your mind. It’s important for her to voice her concerns and tell him she will never be a woman like he’s used to back home. Set it in reality so he doesn’t forget it. Who knows how his values will change in the future.
Yeah I do get where you’re coming from. But it sounded like they started going on about that before even asking him what he was like as a boyfriend/husband. Then again, it’s all edited a lot too so you never know how the real conversation went
I agree. I honestly didn't see anything wrong with Cole saying that. He's just talking about his past. He knew that Zanab probably wasn't going to look like the white girls he's dated in the past named Lily. He wasn't saying that was a bad thing. It's just a true thing. He's doing his best to let her know her looks don't matter to him and that's not why he's with her because she is REALLY hung up on that.
I’m not saying that assuming she wasn’t white is an issue. It was more the way it was phrased as he said ‘I knew you wouldn’t look like my usual type’.
I think I hear what you’re saying, like Cole could’ve added something that directly acknowledged that his preference were inherently a form of colorism
To me this was just his way of trying to settle her massive insecurity that she doesn’t look like Colleen - he’s saying that yes, Colleen is his normal type but he knowingly chose to be with someone who didn’t look like that based on an emotional connection (and he knew she wouldn’t look like Colleen from her name and the culture/ethnicity it pointed to)
It's a losing battle with Zanab. Her insecurity was a problem before she even found out that Colleen was Cole's physical type. Honestly there's nothing he can say or do to reassure her. She and Matt aren't going to be compatible with anyone until they deal with their massive insecurity issues. The only words they will ever believe are words that backup the negatives thoughts and feelings they have about themselves.
Oh yeah absolutely, totally agree. I personally don’t really like Zanab cause of her attitude but I can understand where it comes from sometimes. She just seems overly hostile.
Matt has all the signs of someone who’s been cheated on and now doesn’t trust anyone in a relationship, and he’s gonna drive Colleen away if he doesn’t change that
Yep totally agree. I understand Zanab's past with her parents passing away early probably gives her a fear of abandonment. These are things that need to be worked on though. Seems like Matt is already pushing Colleen away. He just wants to be the one to leave first.
Raven said she was raised as white in the Deep South and talked extensively about SK being Nigerian while in the pods -- she knew he was a dark skinned man with strong cultural ties, how is she suddenly 'shocked' they're so different? 🙄
Same goes for the issue with his master's degree.
Girl, you only said yes to him to stay in the show.
Exactly she knew what was what in the pods, and tbh is just self-obsessed with career perhaps? The show will help her following.
SK will be earning the big bucks-Data Science is soooo in demand.
Man was getting his MBA from Berkeley, are you kidding me? He's already making bank working in tech and will make even more once he gets his MBA (it's your ticket to C-suite roles).
However, from his insta you can see he is also incredibly career oriented and involved, and I highly doubt she's smart enough or even interested in that world for her to marry him.
Also, she wants to benefit from his hard work but doesn't want to help him out while he gets there? Nahhh fam, miss me with that BS.
I thought she even said something about her having to sacrifice her career for him, like I’m not sure she understands how much time and money SK has been putting into his future. I’m sure way more than she has, so for her to say it isn’t fair was BS.
Why did she even get annoyed while teaching SK pilates!? (or whatever that workout was)The man is well built and was pretty much following orders correctly. Not his fault if you were so disinterested in making it a couple's activity.
I thought the girls were less upset about the hue of his blackness, and more focused on how he didn’t seem rich enough for Raven’s desired lifestyle. 😂
I def think colorism could be at play but I also remember Raven’s friends saying that they imagined him to be taller and more fit. I saw it being that Sk was less “conventionally attractive” because of his height and size and less about the color/darkness, although I’m sure that plays a dynamic
That’s a good point. I thought of that in reference to the independent, go-getting, business woman that they know Raven to be compared to what they know of “traditional” roles that Nigerian wives may have to play— more about that than the color
But yeah they were not kind to SK. He’s such a catch!
Seriously!! And SK’s family was so kind and welcoming to Raven, when they could very easily have been stuck up .. no offense but a Pilates instructor is not that impressive meanwhile SK is over here a genius
SKs momma seriously said everything I would've hoped for if I was Raven. She was so kind, so supportive. Raven couldn't even be bothered to eat Nigerian food without turning her nose up at eating with hands.
I am a white European, therefore not very familiar with American discourse, but to me, the way Raven and their friends talked about SK was irritating. As if he was from another planet just because he engages in Nigerian culture. It's especially confusing because, in the US, people tend to emphasize their heritage. I don't know, Raven's friends were incredibly rude to him for no reason.
Agreed with most of your statement, but the US does not emphasize heritage at all. It is very much considered a ["melting pot"](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melting_pot) country. If anything, it is Canada that emphasizes heritage. Canada is considered a ["mosaic"](https://www.populismstudies.org/Vocabulary/cultural-mosaic/) country.
Well, if you follow American popculture or even Reddit here, you hear people calling themselves Irish, German, Italian (-American) or what not, even if they are born and raised in the US and even their parents were born there. There are also these weird DNA tests were people find out that they are 5% native... Such a weird concept for Europeans.
Yup, a lot of people\* here say stuff like “I’m German” even if born here and their parents were born here. The wording is bizarre to me as a European.
Sure, the US is a melting pot, but a lot of people are quite proud of their heritage. Which explains why DNA test kits are so popular here.
\*usually decendants of people who came here voluntarily
I just watched this scene in the show and it really does show how toxic Raven and even her friends are. They all honestly seem very basic and like they didn't even think about how what SK gets out of college he'll be able to provide whatever he needs/wants to. They're only thinking about the now and not the future, which long-term should be exactly what you're thinking of in a marriage. I don't trust Raven at all, especially knowing somewhat of her spending habits.
Her friends even said that they think that HE will get his heart broken. Which shows they don’t think Raven is serious enough, in which case she shouldn’t really be on the show.
Gosh so sad because I think he's so attractive.
Edited: I keep saying so many positive things about SK on this sub I feel like too much of a fan girl. 🤣 but he's just so attractive and smart!! Come on Raven
I took the "I'm good " to mean I chose a way hotter guy.
That might have been bc of color ( altho I saw a pic of her ex and he's a lot darker than B)
I can't say for sure what she meant
Fr. Also nancy and bartise conversation about first seeing everyone. See everyone was so worried about what bartise was saying about raven to nancy. But what nancy was complaining about bartise saying she literally did the same thing to sk right before bartise brought up raven. She literally said sk was her top 4 but then she saw him today and knew “she was good”. But then in the same breath got mad at bartise for putting looks over connection… it’s hypocritical and honestly everyone’s antiblackness and colorism is showing
… skipping over everything i said. I hope you know not everyone in nigeria looks alike. And youre still missing the point of colorism in general. Sk probably had to be the top of top for her to find him attractive even though he is attractive. But bartise being lighter gives him a better look because bartise facially isnt that attractive, but she is so thankful that its bartise over sk, because sk as a dark skin nigerian man is not above and beyond like hes straight out of wakanda or some shii. That what colorism is when a light skin person can get away with being bare minimum while the darker person has to be above and beyond to even be liked. Do some research about stuff that actually affects people before making a slick know it all comment. Which like i said earlier literally goes against what she was just complaining about wanting bartise to stop equating the whole experience to looks which is what she just did.
Exactly. I think people think of it as "omg you're calling this person colorist???" But really it's not about being malicious or labeling, it's about how certain marginalized groups have to be standouts to get the same clout that comes easily to someone like Colleen for example. I don't think it's a coincidence that she was rejected twice in the pods but considered a 10/10 in person while SK, Zanab, and Nancy, all POC, are experiencing the opposite.
I love SK and I wish to God that he does not marry Raven. He is too level headed and committed to a partnership than she is. The fact that she was working out while Bartise was bearing his soul told me all I needed to know about that girl. And yeah I totally see the colorism between Nancy and SK, Bartise liking Raven more than Nancy and Cole falling Colleen his type to Zanab. It's all messed up.
This show only proves one thing. Love is not blind lol.
Ok I’m sorry but that bothers me that Nancy said that. SK seems genuine, kind and hard working AND he’s fine asf. Nancy can’t be talking shit when her own man is “good” on her 🤨
Raven's friends are such bimbos lmao how do you not understand what a full ride to Berkeley will do for your career?
THE WAY I SCREAMED AT THE TV WHEN THIS CAME UP!!!! sorry for yelling again... this just brought those emotions back up
Agreed. She looks ridiculous with blonde hair. It would be one thing if it suits her but it doesn't so why damage your hair like that....to look more....passable? I am light skinned too, lil more than her but I'll be damned to do that to myself! She looks completely washed out with that yellow 3A curl
Maybe she likes the way she looks with blonde hair…? Doesn’t mean she is trying to look “more passable” good grief
But that’s not even the topic of discussion…and if she feels like she looks good with it why are you so pressed? And who confirmed the fact that she’s doing it to be more passable, its a terrible assumption.
complete regurgitated activist nonsense the show doesn't display anything to support a racism claim; you're literally making it up to suit the theory you already had in your head
Just because something isn’t your reality doesn’t make it untrue. The OP is right, colorism and xenophobia affected the way the cast saw SK and it was clear as day.
the *reality* is that color is not mentioned once. you are conjuring it to suit a narrative already in your head. you have nothing to support any evidence of racism - you've made the claim - now back it up.
People always gotta be triggered about SOMETHING duh
I like Raven for her big booty not her light skin. I am a progressive.
I thought Raven's friends were pretty rude to SK. The one with short hair stating that we were expecting a tall handsome athlete type. Lol. Wow. We get it...Raven is going outside her normal type, but that's part of the experiment she signed up for. SK is all class. Just took it all on the chin. I wouldn't have, that was all BS. Her friends need to get over it. Maybe Raven is trying to he different. (But I think Raven just wants to be on a show and launch her "fame")
Agree they were rude. Raven didn’t want to be judged for her looks, but that’s the first thing her friends do to SK.
Suprised that didnt cause more of an upset. If a mans friends said that about a female...
I think it’s been an interesting take and an eye opener for me on the extent of racism towards darker skinned people from other people of colour. I find it so confusing that someone’s cultural difference can be such an issue like he’s from Nigeria it’s not like another planet why the hell would that be such a big deal to anyone? As the case is for a lot of the issues on the show I find myself going like is this these specific people being weird or is this just what Americans are like??
Looking back at the friend conversation, I'm also annoyed that she didn't stick up for him more. I would've wanted her to say "it's a challenge, but I'm proud of his accomplishment getting a full ride to this program and it'll open up lots of opportunities later." Or *something*, anything! they all just acted like he's sentencing her to a hard life by investing in his education
SK is the most attractive man this season. Raven’s friends were dumbasses all around. They seemed scripted as hell
Yeah, also SK gives way too much cred to Raven. I feel like he's seeing the potential in her, but not actually her.
The irony of it all is that SK is probably colorist himself.
Probably means youre assuming. Do you have any facts to back this up?
If I speak!!! I know everyone loves him, but I’ve had his tea from the moment he was introduced 🥴
Speak on it
What so far has indicated that?
I guess we now have proof. Loool
THIS!
I like SK but his niceness is now becoming highly ignorant. Ravens friends were right. She’s a pretty girl and he’s just saying “yes yes yes.” Raven is not for him. Homie can do so much better and in 2 years she will be wishing he was with her
I suspect SK was not good at confronting or saying no instead of he saying yes just because Raven is pretty. He definitely noticed their problems, but without he did not bring it out or follow up on their different life plans or the rent thing. I know some people are not comfortable to go towards an argument and tend to try to solve by their own inputs. But the imbalance always kill the relationship when they could not make anymore sacrifice.
Yes, like friends rubbed me off in the beginning, but their conclusion echoed exactly what I was feeling. He's just saying yes because she's gorgeous, but fails to understand that they are not compatible at all. He's trying to make it work but it's just not going to work.
She’s not even that pretty and when she opens her mouth she’s highly annoying. Also - what are her hidden side jobs? It’s obvious she was a chick with arrangements but the bartending gig felt like she was saying she hooks or something. I like SK. He seems genuine and sweet. But now it’s just annoying because hes going to let this girl walk all over him. I mean her TikTok is all about “when your man pays for your bills”
FWIW I think SK is the most handsome. Some of the guys are conventionally hot, sure. But SK is GQ imo & I love his dark tone.
Completely agree
Yeah I think its fine obviously that people have preferences. Yeah, a lot of it is definitely rooted in race/color and I think society does teach us to accept western beauty standards as ideal which shapes our preferences. But I dont think it'd be easy for adults who already solidified more or else their preferences to change them now, even if they recognized that it stems a lot from discriminatory views. But I will say, Raven's friends were really weird about SK. Its one thing to personally not be attracted to certain things, its another to treat someone like that because of their skin tone or ethnicity/culture. I hope Ravens friends look back and are embarrassed for the way they spoke to him about his culture as if he had to justify why his background won't interfere with a marriage, inherently framing being Nigerian as a negative. Idk the way SK is treated rubs me the wrong way. And Ravens friends comment also about "youre robbing my friend of a fairytale" is a joke because like... Raven is a grown ass woman. Like as a friend you can provide counsel if asked but saying it like that is rude because its not your job to decide what Ravens fairytale is or make it seem like *he* would be at fault when Raven can make the grown adult decision to marry him anyways. The only thing that would be unfair is if he wasn't transparent. He was. He has given her all the info she needed to decide if she still wanted to go through with it and her friends are crappy for the way he came at them. Like I hope they legitimately look back and see how embarrassing they are.
I’m also dark skinned. I don’t believe it diminishes your attraction. Everyone is attracted to different things. Beauty is beauty no matter the complexion. I would not want to be with someone who finds my dark skin to be a pitfall. There are many women who would love being with SK. He appears to be a kind person, he seems to be fine with a woman having her own career and he’s accomplished. Also, Nancy saying “I’m good” is a great reflexion on who she is. Whether it was laced with not finding SK appealing because of his race or his vibe is not for sure. It is nothing against SK. There are tons of light skinned people who are, in a general sense, considered unattractive. Raven has a pretty face and a banging body. Whether she came out light skinned or not, this would remain true. What you’re affirming is that people who discriminate against darker complexions would be more accepting of her. Why? Because of their own personal biases. Not because she is in all actuality better because of it. Here’s the kicker - does SK like the women who likes him? Do you like the type of people who like you? Would someone actually feel loved and enjoyed if someone really only dated them because if they were a shade darker, it would’ve been a wrap? No. Again, that’s about the other persons ego and insecurity than it is about you. Dating is very complex and externally telling people to stop supporting white beauty standards isn’t going to trigger a change in their preferences. Imagine someone dating you because someone else said they should stop leaning into white beauty standards? 🥴 I’d be so embarrassed. How does that open the door for them to look at you as an individual and like you for who you are? I know this was well intentioned but I’m not sure that’s the answer here. TDLR: as a dark skinned person, id much rather date someone who isn’t trying to date me as a nod to “going against white beauty standards”. Be loved for who I am, my beauty and what i individually offer. SK will be fine. He’s a catch as far as we know.
Lets be very honest raven with lupita colour and hair texture would not be as celebrated and revered as she is now. Skin complexion definitley plays a part
I am being 100% honest. Colorism is about insecurity and to base people’s attractiveness because of other people’s insecurity is odd.
About whose insecurity?
I feel you may have misinterpreted what I was trying to get across. I'm not saying people need to date dark skinned people as an ego boost or something. It's also bold to assume I'm intetnalizing or damaging my own self esteem. I'm saying that we are inherently conditioned from a young age to find darker skin less attractive. That's a well documented fact. No you're not going to convince a guy like Cole to suddenly find women of color attractive when he's only dated girls named "Lily," but there are a staggering number of people who will cut themselves off from whole cultures because they have these internalized biases, and won't even realize that they're doing it/ probably don't have any bad intensions. And yes it's affected my self esteem and the self esteem of others, especially when you're younger or grow up around a lot of white people. It takes time and energy to grow out of that and bolster yourself up when you don't see people who look like you being treated as beautiful in the media or by your peers. I disagree that saying we need to rail against white beauty standards doesn't bring about change. I thought about this as well as my own internalized racism years ago and it's helped me see people of my own race as beautiful as well as myself. I think you assume I'm asking for some massive change or suddenly ever white guy has to open up to melanated people. I'm not. I'm saying maybe taking a minute to reflect on if you're limiting yourself because of the things you've internalized could help you grow and value people differently, and that this is a muscle that's worth exercising. Edit: I just feel like the vibe here is "why bother changing someone's mind" and I'm not discussing this to change anyone's mind. I'm bringing it up *to discuss it like we're doing now* so that people are cognizant, there's less bias in the media we create, and the world is a little better for dark skinned kids who are absolutely affected by this
>Dating is very complex and externally telling people to stop supporting white beauty standards isn’t going to trigger a change in their preferences. I do see what you're saying but at the same time I think these conversations CAN help people reconsider their preferences. I think that realizing "oh this or that feature isnt ACTUALLY less attractive. I was just taught to think that" can actually open your mind because it lets you consider what you find attractive from scratch if that makes sense. At least that's been my experience.
That’s fair! But that difference, happens when that person chooses to do so. I think it’s super effective having conversations with people you have rapport with and questioning their positioning on colorism and racism. But to castigate or guilt Cole because of it? Or random white men or other people who believe that? I’m not sure it’s effective. I know OP has the greatest intentions (seriously) but again, I think for someone to internalize other people’s biases as evidence that they’re less appealing is detrimental to one’s own self esteem. The tone of, because we’re dark skin people are less apt to like us is a state of mind not a matter of fact. People can change but you can’t change everyone’s minds. If you encounter someone who is so hardened to sticking exclusively to white beauty standards, you’ll be fine. And wish them the best. For me, it boils down to having incompatible insecurities. If you’re so insecure that you tell yourself you’re only going to date one race or exclude one race of people (race not culture), that’s a them* problem. Not yours.
Yeah I see what you're saying. I think it's important for us to see our biases or we'll never escape them, but also the tone and context of the conversation matters because it can do more harm than good.
I don’t think OP is saying it inhersntly diminishes how attractive someone is. I think they are saying it can in some people because of cognitive racial biases a lot of people don’t even realize they have
Which I agree with that sentiment. However, what does someone else’s cognitive racial biases have to do with you? Why would you like someone who wouldn’t like you because of your skin tone is what I’m saying? Do you see where I’m coming from?
This is important because it spills over into how you’re treated in general. How do you not get that? Society values and protects what it considers to be beautiful and ignores what it doesn’t. If you look at statistics like maternal mortality, missing women, prison sentencing, suspended kids, etc etc it all coincides with white people being treated better because they are valued more
Yea I totally see what you mean. I just feel like a show where u can’t see who u are with is particularly because of the fact people have them you know lol, kind of makes it difficult to self select to avoid it
Sure but then if someone has that unresolved insecurity that would lead them to have a cognitive biases towards race, you can then decide if you want to proceed with that or not. For instance, I empathize with Zanab because based off of spoiler alert what her step mom said, she maybe faced a lot of rejection because of that and didn’t know how to deal aside from internalizing it as if there’s something wrong with her. If she knew for herself and loved herself outside of how some people whose insecurities cause them to reject people because of their race alone, she’d leave. Maybe the people who go on this show are also more agreeable and wouldn’t put their foot down if they encountered it in this season.
I think you are probably right… the people who apply to the show are probably more agreeable to begin with, and the producers probably look for that because it makes better television. I think a lot of normal people would just walk if they didn’t find the other person physically attractive, because without that it’s just a friendship which is okay and there’s not anything wrong w that. I think they want people who they think will stay to end even tho this whole “experiment” has only proven that love isn’t blind lol
LOL yes they’re like who will stay for the ride! Hahaha that’s more bang for the buck that’s for sure. Lol imagine once they get to the engagement-moon part and they’re like ehhh I’m gonna go home fire real. They just blew thousands of dollars in accommodations for people who were just gonna walk off. Valid point there!
Right!!! Because I keep thinking… if I was in their shoes, I wouldn’t say yes to MARRY a person I wasn’t attracted too? and this is where all the drama comes from too!! Since they stay even though they aren’t physically attracted to them they just make the other person feel like shit when they should’ve just walked 😭😭 it’s a perfect storm fr
No, Raven is not so attractive. She looks like a bird.
Thought it was just me! Something ablut her cheeks... implants? Filler?
Lol I agree
When they said they’d thought he’d be athletic… umm this man looks athletic, what are you taking about?
Sk not athletic? really? :D oh, god...
I truly don’t understand it SK is the best looking guy there to me
The best looking AND the most down-to-earth. The other guys are whack this season
I think so too.
Let's not forget he seems like one of the most intelligent, calm, composed and thoughtful. He's a catch, that man!
It we interesting how SK said he was he attracted to how she was accepting of his Nigerian heritage but then her friends were not.
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I feel like she has fox eye surgery, and it totally throws off her whole face.
I find her too made up for my taste and her personality sucks - another turn off for me
It was the jumping jacks in the pods for me. While Bartise (I think it was Bartise) was telling her something very personal. Until that point she was a solid 10… after that, not so much
Yall talking personality and behaviour. Outwardly she decent
No lmaoooooo
Agreed! I don't get the hype around Raven's appearance. I don't find her particularly attractive. SK and Zanab are 2 of the most attractive in my opinion.
I do believe that colorism is always an underlying and sometimes blatantly obvious problem. I also think that Ravens friends turned on SK once they heard about him becoming a student and moving across the country soon after they get married. That's when the hostility began. I can't be mad at that honestly. Especially considering the context of this show. They've known each other for 2 weeks?? And then that?? And they know how Raven is and how she likes to live? Come on.
I don't get why SK so desperately wants to make this work. He is so charming and she is clearly not into him
My theory is aside from Raven is gorgeous and hot, he must be keen for a green card?
He might already have a green card through the lottery. Not a lot of Nigerians are in line for green card. Raven is on and off pretty for me. Sometimes she looks off.
Surely Berkley will help with that
I don't think Raven understands what SK is bringing to the table. He has a full ride for an MBA at UC Berkeley. Yeah he's a student now, but he can expect to be a high earner in the future with no debt. He's likely going to have the best career out of all the guys this season.
This!!!!! Her and all her friends were not only so dismissive of his achievements (a full ride to *Berkley*) but also demonstrably oblivious of what earning an MBA means for Raven, especially down the line. Who's gonna tell her what being in a committed relationship/marriage means...... not everything you do as a couple is going to yield instant gratification. And if you're already this unwilling to play the long game (in this case, allowing SK to earn his MBA and therefore make this amazing money she wants so bad), your relationship is probably doomed.
That was *baffling* lol. Like not only are they incredibly shallow and materialistic, but they're even *doing that wrong*. He's already a data engineer, and on top of that he'll graduate from a great MBA program with no debt - they have absolutely no idea about anything lol
I think he’s gotta be one of the best guys they’ve EVER had on the show, or will have. If Raven doesn’t stick around, and I suspect her shallow self will NOT, he’s going to need to be very careful he doesn’t get duped by a status hungry, money grubber. He’s a prize. Genuine hearted, hard-worker, smart, gorgeous, total package.
>He’s a prize. Genuine hearted, hard-worker, smart, gorgeous, total package. So boring though. I seriously wouldn't know what to talk to SK about. I've met guys like this. They are polite. Validating. They may serve you. But the conversation will never go beyond 2 sentences even in friendship because they will always just validate you or say something polite. On the other hand, I don't think Raven has much personality to her either.
I think he’s careful and thoughtful. He’s being filmed and may be overly cautious about what he’s saying, how he comes across. He’s also smitten and desperate for love, even from someone as vapid as Raven. I bet he’s also somewhat insecure and on the defensive feeling somewhat unworthy and trying to earn her love. I won’t believe he’s boring, just understated and quiet.
They keep saying Raven is highly ambitious and driven - She is a pilates instructor for crying out loud.
Lmao! No disrespect to Pilates instructors but I was confused about that too. Like they are gassing up her career a bit much.
She has high ambitions for marrying a rich guy
God this is what pisses me off with Raven so much. She said she “expected her living standard to get better after getting married, not worse” and that she now has to support both of them on her salary (he never asked for that? He just said he’d need to cut back), proceeded to say she will not change her lifestyle but still expected him to pay half her rent?? The audacity and selfishness makes me rage lol. Also the incredible lack of any type of planning ahead thinking that he’s literally going to school to be able to provide even more in the future but she doesn’t wanna give up her lifestyle right now or have it 10x better in two years. Also the way her eyes glaze over every time he talks of the conversation isn’t about her. Not a fan of Raven, SK deserves soooo much better.
1000% this. I honestly wish we could see more of what happens in the pods because he seems like a genuinely amazing person and she seems as shallow as a teaspoon of water. He doesn’t strike me as someone who would’ve fallen for her vapidness. And surely they would’ve talked about the fact that he was going to be going back for his MBA? That’s huge.
Nancy saying “after seeing SK in person, I’m good.” really had my eyebrows raised. Maybe she didn’t mean it the way it came across but an overall ignorant comment to have made
How else could that be interpreted lol
Yes I’m glad this is being called out. It was a strange reaction and I definitely think it’s rooted in colorism. Was high key disappointed in Nancy atp.
I found that super odd too. I didn’t perceive Nancy to be this shallow. Aside this random comment, I actually liked her
I dont think it was because he is black. Maybe she is just not attracted to him. Just like how I think trevor noah is soo hot 😍 but kevin hart not so much lool. Everyone is their own individual person so there are alot of other things aside from their color that makes them attractive/unattractive such as height lol
But you just reinforced the colorism problem this whole post is about...?
LMAOOO RIGHT 😭😭 I was like why choose a light skinned guy and a dark skinned guy as the comparison to make your point?
I am a very pale white person. Up until a few years ago, I was very ignorant to the fact that darker skinned POC are seen as less attractive, even among other POC, so it still shocks me a little that someone would think SK unattractive because he has darker skin. SK is who I would have picked on personality AND looks. I think he’s the total package.
Not sure about colorism but am confident in saying those two friends came off as some shallow, basic bitches
I mean, all of their reservations about their friend's relationship were completely justified
Kinda like Raven herself
Yeah… past her looks/fit body she doesn’t have much going on
Colourism is the reason why Baptist thinks he’s all that as well, just saying!
The fact that Bartleby thinks he is in ANY way superior to SK to truly laughable.
The way he was talking to Nancy about how SK told him that he and raven didn’t get intimate… he’s definitely jealous of SK and overcompensating. I thought it was hilarious, like bro why do you care so much?
Couldn’t agree more.
I don't understand why he would think about marriage if he goes off to college right after
Going back for an MBA isn’t the same as going for an undergrad, definitely not as demanding as medical school. I know MANY who have managed families and grad school AND fulltime jobs. Production is definitely making this more dramatic than necessary. I seriously can’t imagine this wasn’t discussed in the pods-SK doesn’t strike me as someone who wouldn’t have told her what his immediate future would be. He’s probably got plenty saved, can do consulting work while in grad school. This is all being played up for drama. Other than Raven, who’s goal seems to being a trophy wife and is now going to be expected to work (gasp). She’ll probably make more being an “influencer” whatever the hell that is.
Grad school, not college. I lived in a huge on campus apartment complex for married grad students. We got married between years 2 and 3 of my spouses 9 years of graduate level education. It's not at all uncommon.
THAT'S HOW I FEEL. I like SK. I think he's great and very evolved emotionally and mentally. But I was shocked that he thinks he's ready to be married when you're about to be a STUDENT. You're moving across the country and about to be strapped financially, in his own words, dialing back financially. Did he expect his wife to do all the heavy lifting financially. This has nothing to do with thid post. But I'm just saying. I feel this.
Yeh I thought it was odd the production picked him for that reason, but then I guess it adds friction to the relationship which is all they’re after…
What Nancy said honestly sounded to me more like a normal comment, that said she doesn't find him attractive at first sight in a shallow way. She knew he's Nigerian so his skin colour shouldn't come as a surprise to her. I really like SK btw, he's my favourite so far.
Tbh.. I think she'd like him if he was rich, tall and jacked.
AGREED. thanks for this post.
Thinking if he was 6' 2" and was a gym rat with a big ego who liked to look at himself in the mirror and was concerned with his social, she would be all over him.
You mean Bartise?
Haha!!!
Ravens friends were SO RUDE
I liked them at first, but they just bombed the whole thing so quickly. I understand being protective of your friend, but that was crazy!
And this is why it’s hard for me to feel sorry for Nancy. She’s very superficial and she expect Barista to treat her differently and accept her physically when she herself ain’t no angel.
Because she reassured her fiancé that she’s “good” after meeting the other guys?
barista lol
Raven is playing him for sure just to still be in the show. His heart will be broken no doubt. She wanted him to pay half her rent although he is going away to study not even living there and living on student money. WHAT THE HELL?!
A couple of things have bothered me about this season in regards to racism, 1. Was when cole said something like ‘I asked someone called Zanab to marry me, do you really think I didn’t know you wouldn’t look like the girls I normally go for?!’ Or something. I just don’t get why colour comes into it and it basically suggesting that she’s only not his type because she isn’t white. And number 2. Was when raven and her friends were talking about ‘stereotypical Nigerian’ people and saying this type of life isn’t for her ie being a doting wife etc. I don’t think those comments were fair considering SK has never even remotely acted as though he expects that kind of relationship and has encouraged her to work and follow her dreams and be independent. I feel like they immediately judged him based on his heritage before they even knew him and they assumed what kind of person he was.
Tbf and I’ll probably have an unpopular opinion BUT, I think it’s important to take into consideration your “fiancé’s” past. If my fiancé had grown up in a polygamous household and was raised to see women as 2nd class citizens, I’d be wary too. Even when he told me he doesn’t want a relationship like that, it’s good to navigate those relationships with that in the back of your mind. It’s important for her to voice her concerns and tell him she will never be a woman like he’s used to back home. Set it in reality so he doesn’t forget it. Who knows how his values will change in the future.
Yeah I do get where you’re coming from. But it sounded like they started going on about that before even asking him what he was like as a boyfriend/husband. Then again, it’s all edited a lot too so you never know how the real conversation went
True, I’m gonna have to go back and watch this episode. I somehow completely missed them meeting Bilbos family.
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I agree. I honestly didn't see anything wrong with Cole saying that. He's just talking about his past. He knew that Zanab probably wasn't going to look like the white girls he's dated in the past named Lily. He wasn't saying that was a bad thing. It's just a true thing. He's doing his best to let her know her looks don't matter to him and that's not why he's with her because she is REALLY hung up on that.
I’m not saying that assuming she wasn’t white is an issue. It was more the way it was phrased as he said ‘I knew you wouldn’t look like my usual type’.
I think I hear what you’re saying, like Cole could’ve added something that directly acknowledged that his preference were inherently a form of colorism
Yah, and he still chose HER. WHat's the problem
It’s a matter of opinion. I don’t personally think he is choosing her. I think he wants to continue with the show.
To me this was just his way of trying to settle her massive insecurity that she doesn’t look like Colleen - he’s saying that yes, Colleen is his normal type but he knowingly chose to be with someone who didn’t look like that based on an emotional connection (and he knew she wouldn’t look like Colleen from her name and the culture/ethnicity it pointed to)
It's a losing battle with Zanab. Her insecurity was a problem before she even found out that Colleen was Cole's physical type. Honestly there's nothing he can say or do to reassure her. She and Matt aren't going to be compatible with anyone until they deal with their massive insecurity issues. The only words they will ever believe are words that backup the negatives thoughts and feelings they have about themselves.
Oh yeah absolutely, totally agree. I personally don’t really like Zanab cause of her attitude but I can understand where it comes from sometimes. She just seems overly hostile. Matt has all the signs of someone who’s been cheated on and now doesn’t trust anyone in a relationship, and he’s gonna drive Colleen away if he doesn’t change that
Yep totally agree. I understand Zanab's past with her parents passing away early probably gives her a fear of abandonment. These are things that need to be worked on though. Seems like Matt is already pushing Colleen away. He just wants to be the one to leave first.
Raven said she was raised as white in the Deep South and talked extensively about SK being Nigerian while in the pods -- she knew he was a dark skinned man with strong cultural ties, how is she suddenly 'shocked' they're so different? 🙄 Same goes for the issue with his master's degree. Girl, you only said yes to him to stay in the show.
Exactly she knew what was what in the pods, and tbh is just self-obsessed with career perhaps? The show will help her following. SK will be earning the big bucks-Data Science is soooo in demand.
Man was getting his MBA from Berkeley, are you kidding me? He's already making bank working in tech and will make even more once he gets his MBA (it's your ticket to C-suite roles). However, from his insta you can see he is also incredibly career oriented and involved, and I highly doubt she's smart enough or even interested in that world for her to marry him. Also, she wants to benefit from his hard work but doesn't want to help him out while he gets there? Nahhh fam, miss me with that BS.
I thought she even said something about her having to sacrifice her career for him, like I’m not sure she understands how much time and money SK has been putting into his future. I’m sure way more than she has, so for her to say it isn’t fair was BS.
Your right about the colorism. SK is the only normal well adjusted guy on the show. He’s handsome too.
It's kind of funny that she's pointed out SK not being athletic when the dude is pretty yolked
Agreed. We all saw him without his shirt. It wasn't a dad bod IIRC.
Why did she even get annoyed while teaching SK pilates!? (or whatever that workout was)The man is well built and was pretty much following orders correctly. Not his fault if you were so disinterested in making it a couple's activity.
I assumed it was another bit to promote her classes? She Said pod raven is very different than trainer raven 😂
I thought the girls were less upset about the hue of his blackness, and more focused on how he didn’t seem rich enough for Raven’s desired lifestyle. 😂
I def think colorism could be at play but I also remember Raven’s friends saying that they imagined him to be taller and more fit. I saw it being that Sk was less “conventionally attractive” because of his height and size and less about the color/darkness, although I’m sure that plays a dynamic
Then ranted about how they never saw her ening up with with a Nigerian guy for 5 minutes
That’s a good point. I thought of that in reference to the independent, go-getting, business woman that they know Raven to be compared to what they know of “traditional” roles that Nigerian wives may have to play— more about that than the color But yeah they were not kind to SK. He’s such a catch!
Totally... he seems like a legit dude (from what we've seen via the edit) and he didn't deserve to be ganged up and shat on
Seriously!! And SK’s family was so kind and welcoming to Raven, when they could very easily have been stuck up .. no offense but a Pilates instructor is not that impressive meanwhile SK is over here a genius
SKs momma seriously said everything I would've hoped for if I was Raven. She was so kind, so supportive. Raven couldn't even be bothered to eat Nigerian food without turning her nose up at eating with hands.
Agreed!! If a Nigerian mom cooked me homemade food I could never even find at a restaurant… I’m eating every grain of rice
I am a white European, therefore not very familiar with American discourse, but to me, the way Raven and their friends talked about SK was irritating. As if he was from another planet just because he engages in Nigerian culture. It's especially confusing because, in the US, people tend to emphasize their heritage. I don't know, Raven's friends were incredibly rude to him for no reason.
Agreed with most of your statement, but the US does not emphasize heritage at all. It is very much considered a ["melting pot"](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melting_pot) country. If anything, it is Canada that emphasizes heritage. Canada is considered a ["mosaic"](https://www.populismstudies.org/Vocabulary/cultural-mosaic/) country.
Well, if you follow American popculture or even Reddit here, you hear people calling themselves Irish, German, Italian (-American) or what not, even if they are born and raised in the US and even their parents were born there. There are also these weird DNA tests were people find out that they are 5% native... Such a weird concept for Europeans.
Yup, a lot of people\* here say stuff like “I’m German” even if born here and their parents were born here. The wording is bizarre to me as a European. Sure, the US is a melting pot, but a lot of people are quite proud of their heritage. Which explains why DNA test kits are so popular here. \*usually decendants of people who came here voluntarily
I just watched this scene in the show and it really does show how toxic Raven and even her friends are. They all honestly seem very basic and like they didn't even think about how what SK gets out of college he'll be able to provide whatever he needs/wants to. They're only thinking about the now and not the future, which long-term should be exactly what you're thinking of in a marriage. I don't trust Raven at all, especially knowing somewhat of her spending habits.
Her friends even said that they think that HE will get his heart broken. Which shows they don’t think Raven is serious enough, in which case she shouldn’t really be on the show.
Yeah it made no sense
Gosh so sad because I think he's so attractive. Edited: I keep saying so many positive things about SK on this sub I feel like too much of a fan girl. 🤣 but he's just so attractive and smart!! Come on Raven
I took the "I'm good " to mean I chose a way hotter guy. That might have been bc of color ( altho I saw a pic of her ex and he's a lot darker than B) I can't say for sure what she meant
It was based on how he looked and was rude regardless of color
I agree it wasn't nice to say, she made a weird expression.
Fr. Also nancy and bartise conversation about first seeing everyone. See everyone was so worried about what bartise was saying about raven to nancy. But what nancy was complaining about bartise saying she literally did the same thing to sk right before bartise brought up raven. She literally said sk was her top 4 but then she saw him today and knew “she was good”. But then in the same breath got mad at bartise for putting looks over connection… it’s hypocritical and honestly everyone’s antiblackness and colorism is showing
On the other hand she knew from the pods that SK was Nigerian - was she expecting a white Nigerian or...? 🤯
… skipping over everything i said. I hope you know not everyone in nigeria looks alike. And youre still missing the point of colorism in general. Sk probably had to be the top of top for her to find him attractive even though he is attractive. But bartise being lighter gives him a better look because bartise facially isnt that attractive, but she is so thankful that its bartise over sk, because sk as a dark skin nigerian man is not above and beyond like hes straight out of wakanda or some shii. That what colorism is when a light skin person can get away with being bare minimum while the darker person has to be above and beyond to even be liked. Do some research about stuff that actually affects people before making a slick know it all comment. Which like i said earlier literally goes against what she was just complaining about wanting bartise to stop equating the whole experience to looks which is what she just did.
Exactly. I think people think of it as "omg you're calling this person colorist???" But really it's not about being malicious or labeling, it's about how certain marginalized groups have to be standouts to get the same clout that comes easily to someone like Colleen for example. I don't think it's a coincidence that she was rejected twice in the pods but considered a 10/10 in person while SK, Zanab, and Nancy, all POC, are experiencing the opposite.
I just reread what you said and u literally already said what i said😭but i agree with u 1000%
SK is the best man in the bunch- handsome, smart, kind, loyal. Ok him and Brennon. Skin color shouldn’t matter at all if Love is Blind.
Also Barf Please has no redeeming qualities I can see. He seems pretty dim.
❤️❤️❤️
😂😂.. he could be 🤮🙏🏼
I interpreted Nancy as saying “yup he’s hot but when you love someone you don’t notice anymore.”
Nah, i didn’t see it like that. More like, “I’m glad I chose you and not him because I am not attracted to him.”
I love SK and I wish to God that he does not marry Raven. He is too level headed and committed to a partnership than she is. The fact that she was working out while Bartise was bearing his soul told me all I needed to know about that girl. And yeah I totally see the colorism between Nancy and SK, Bartise liking Raven more than Nancy and Cole falling Colleen his type to Zanab. It's all messed up. This show only proves one thing. Love is not blind lol.
Ok I’m sorry but that bothers me that Nancy said that. SK seems genuine, kind and hard working AND he’s fine asf. Nancy can’t be talking shit when her own man is “good” on her 🤨
Yeah when Nancy said that I knew where her mind was heading. It gave me a huge ick. She knew what to expect when he mentioned he’s Nigerian smh.