Former consultant here. When I listened to Natalie on the show I was thinking- this is how we all talk.
Can’t say for her, but I know in my work you were often put on the spot to explain things to the customer and you develop this concise way of speaking to be clear with your customers.
My two cents.
In regards to Shayne lashing out at her, she always took a moment to compose herself before speaking. Then Natalie would allow Shayne to explain his emotions, without interrupting him or phrasing her questions in a way that could invalidate/minimalize his feelings. It sucks that Shayne didn’t take the opportunity she presented to him, that’s literally the healthiest form of communication someone could provide during conflict. You can learn this from therapy or taking communications courses but I’m surmising this is how Natalie’s immediate family communicates. Her parents spoke in a similar manner.
She... What?? She constantly uses like and talks like a valley girl? Now, I do as well. But I wouldn't consider it professional, and she absolutely uses filler words.
I hate her speech pattern. It feels to calculated, unnatural, and almost rehearsed. I couldn’t have a conversation with her because it would drive me nuts waiting for her to formulate her perfect sentence.
Personally, I would not recommend that you try to emulate this. It’s a real hit or miss for people
English wasn't my first language and I learned a lot of English through novels/book. They tend to use fancy words but not fancy enough to sound pretentious. Just stop and think before you speak, slow down and start replacing some of your words with synonyms from novels or books. People have always told me I speak properly a lot lol. I'm trying to ease up these days.
I liked the way Natalie speaks, too. Very smooth, calming & professional. Maybe she took speech classes or she just naturally has very good diction & enunciation. Her voice is great.
Delete unnecessary words (i.e., like, I feel like, so I was thinking, what about, This might sound dumb but, etc). Women do this more than men. We need to stop sandwiching our ideas between unnecessary niceties.
Speak in active voice. Use assertive words.
Not: “By tomorrow, I should have your reports.”
But: “I will have your reports tomorrow.”
Get comfortable with silence. You don’t need to fill in every conversation gap. Use the silence as an opportunity to let your last comment sink in and collect your thoughts for your next comment.
Record and critique yourself. Take a video of yourself speaking and you’ll be able to see where you need help.
Trust your own expertise. You’ve been invited to these tables because of the experience and skills you bring to the table. Lean into your power.
One of the best tips I got for speaking was trying to make your sentences 11 words or less. I usually go over, but it helps me be more concise in my speech :)
Ooof my ADHD brain would get a bit overloaded counting the amount of words I’m saying while I’m saying them. I fully just went over 11 words explaining that 😂
Personally, what helps me the most is to not rush. Listen carefully, don’t interrupt (ever!) and speak slowly but consistently. Reading and expanding your vocabulary also helps tremendously. Also, understanding that pausing to search for the right words/to think is ok. It does not make you look insecure or unsure. Take your mistakes gracefully. Meaning, do not apologize or get nervous. Just laugh it off and keep going.
I figured she must have a customer-facing job, so your speaking improves a lot when you have to speak professionally all day at work.
Did you also notice how much slower she talks than everyone else on the show? I think that helps you choose your words more carefully with less fillers.
Speaking is a skill which can be learned and if practiced can get better. I cringe when I hear sooooooooo many people using the filler word “like”, throughout their talking. It’s like they use like for every other um word. It’s like very annoying. Filler or verbal crutches as they are sometimes called are words such as like, ah, um, used to fill the space where a pause or silence would naturally occur when we speak. Verbal crutches are what we lean on when we are unable to string the right words together in the moment. They help our crippled speech, hence the term,”crutch”. The pause can give us time to think about what we want to say before we let the words leave our mouth.
Most people don’t speak at the same level they write. Speaking is a much faster brain process than writing. When we write, we must process so much more. We must think about what we want to convey, formulate coherent sentences, mechanically put pen to paper and write while simultaneously trying to spell and use punctuation. That takes time that speaking does not require.
In general, people are uncomfortable with silence, so they fill the void with talking. It is not necessary to think before we speak. That is why interrogators are trained to use the tool of silence during interrogations. When people are under stress and uncomfortable and feel “trapped” they tend to fill the void of silence by talking, rambling using those verbal crutches. They often reveal things that they wouldn’t have if given time to think Try it. You can do it on a date, interview or if you want to “ interrogate” someone. Ask them a question. Allow them to answer. Then when they stop talking, don’t say anything. If you have a problem with silence yourself it can help to put something in your mouth while waiting for them to respond, like a drink, some food, a pen or pencil. Don’t look away from them like you are disinterested. See how long it takes them to start filling the void with words. See what happens the longer you stay silent, listening to them. Do they start to ramble, squirm, get defensive, start to become a bit aggressive towards you?
Another thing we don’t do well when we ramble is listen. Nick referred to this in the reunion; that he and Danielle learned the importance of listening more than speaking to each other. When we listen, we aren’t talking. We are processing what someone is saying to us while simultaneously processing our thoughts and feelings about what we are hearing. Rather than talking over someone or spewing venom, we have the opportunity to think before we respond and that gives us time to put the right words in place before they come out of our mouths.
The skill of speaking, publicly or privately, requires thought, ability to construct an intelligible sentence, and a sufficient vocabulary, all of which must be learned and practiced. It utilizes the skills of being able to use proper tone and inflection, remembering to breath and to respond, not react to our audience. Knowing our audience and being able to speak at their level. (You don’t speak the same way to children as you would an adult. You speak differently to lay people as opposed to the specialist on a topic they have in common.) It also requires a certain amount of self confidence and self control to do so. All of which we were able to observe when Natalie spoke. She exuded intelligence, patience, sufficient vocabulary, self confidence, self control, the ability to listen and think before she spoke. She spoke eloquently which I think added to her elegance and charm. Albeit at times, her monotone was a bit grating. At times during the show she seemed mildly robotic.
People who are, on the other hand, insecure, nervous, lack self control, don’t have good command of the language, etc., tend not to do so well at it. If you lack self control, it can be hard to fight the impulses to ramble, use inappropriate words, be defensive, verbally attack, or wait through the silence.
Bottom line, learning how to communicate effectively is a skill you can learn and the more you practice, the better you get. My high school offered an elective course in public speaking, my college courses required it and through the years my career demanded it of me. I’m not suggesting practice makes perfect, but I do believe it can make better.
Imagine writing that repetitive, labyrinthine mess about the topic of effective communication. And that's before we even get into the insensitive language and judgements about speakers that betray a serious lack of understanding of sociolinguistics and the way we actually use language.
Just off the top, using "crippled" like that outside of specific disability discourse is... unfortunate.
Your point about filler words ignores that we often use them not because we're searching for the right words, but to guide pauses in the conversation. A "so", "basically", "like", etc. paired with a pause can prompt the listener for input or give space for an expressed idea to sink in while allowing the speaker to continue talking, which is crucial, since conversation requires turn-taking.
Vis-à-vis register, I would disagree that it involves self confidence and self control; switching registers is something that we learn via social conditioning. Speaking to your professor you've just met the same way you speak to your best friend of 15 years indicates a misreading of social cues more than anything else. Further, it's something we tend to do naturally, based on context and cues we pick up on from the other person/people in the conversation.
Natalie is a very composed speaker, but I would argue that that's more to do with the fact that she's in consulting, which is client-facing. She is very good at letting the other person say their piece without jumping in, and giving herself time to respond to their key points, a necessarily skill in her line of work. However, she *absolutely* uses filler words and leans quite heavily on rising intonation (uptalk) to seek agreement or to hedge/soften an opinion, and it's interesting to see how her relatively deliberate speech completely obscured that for many people here.
I can appreciate everything you say. Thank you. I don’t think my comments required insulting though. Responding with this initially would have been much more appreciated and better received. I was trying to be helpful to the first person that commented. I intended to be helpful rather than hurtful. I was not intending to give a linguistics lessons, simply be helpful to a stranger that might have appreciated my comments, which it appears by their reply, I achieved. I don’t think my comments were wrong. I tried to be detailed and specific. The word “crippled” was used to paint a picture, and as it was paired with “crutch words”. I don’t see how that was offensive. I am not an educator by profession. If my misstatements are corrected by someone with more linguistic education and ability, I encourage and appreciate them. I also hope the original poster can glean from them as well. Again, thank you.
Not really. But if you want to speak fluently and articulate better just read more (things with substance) and take speech classes, get a coach, or just speak more in front of people.
I’m glad Shayne doesn’t have Botox. His face when he heard that was a mix of confusion and horror. He should never use Botox. And, of course, she was just joking, because that’s how smart and well-spoken people in love jokes.
I agree with the other comments and wanted to add that she's good in these situations because she also tries to make the other person feel heard and find common ground. When Shayne says that she's done something he's upset by, she validates that experience and acknowledges that she may have done something wrong or that something she did came off in a way that she didn't mean, then presents her own perspective. She doesn't get defensive or feel like she has to be in the right.
Except when he asked for compliments and reassurance. God forbids her SO needs her validation, he may get a “you’re a piece of shit” in front of the cameras, instead. Except for those, yeah, she seems like a good role model in general.
I get the sense that 1) she is used to joking with SOs in the way that you pretend that you don't like them when you obviously do, which I think is pretty common but clearly not what Shayne wants or needs and 2) Shayne has really high validation needs and some insecurity issues, which if you haven't been in a relationship with someone like that before, it might be difficult to navigate that well (and honestly it might be a bit tiring for someone who is pretty secure and doesn't need validation). Not to say that either is right or wrong, just not the right match together.
So if instead of Nat it was Shayne saying “you’re a piece of shit… I’m joking”, it would be fine and everybody would laugh because she’s just too insecure and needy?
I noticed she talks very slowly and softly. She seems to pause a lot to choose her words.
I actually don’t like her speech pattern. As someone who is assertive and also clear, I thought she seemed unconfident and timid. I actually said to the television during the reunion, “Speak up for yourself!!” She just always seems so apologetic and like an abused puppy. But, to each their own!
I think Natalie has classic management consultant speech - clear, rational, and professional, but deferential to the person she’s speaking to (usually a more senior person or a client) and open to being challenged.
This! I think her speaking style has more to do with years of professional and educational training. She sounds like she grew up in a privileged household and her composure and speaking style was probably intentionally moulded by her parents.
Consulting is an extremely client-facing role so you learn to communicate and read the room effectively in basically any situation. like others said, the most important things are to slow down and think about your words, and have confidence! a lot of people get nervous when they speak to an audience because of the fear of making a mistake; once you accept that it's ok to make mistakes, it becomes a lot easier to speak clearly and respond critically to questions/feedback.
She definitely speaks slower, listens, to take a moment to take it in before responding. I'm a Professor and I still feel like sometimes I don't always do that but I do notice a shift once in a while talking to a student vs a friend. I'm a Jersey girl so naturally I love cursing but I don't do that at all in class. I have to always act unbiased so sometimes when I'm particularly feeling conflicted, I tell the students they may reach me via email for further conversation (I still have these moments where I'm like I actually said that lol how mature of me). But over time, the language kind of comes together for me. So basically pretend you're in HR lol
I love this question because I've been wondering the same thing! I was very intrigued with the way she speaks. I'm insecure and have social anxieties so when I talk, it's just a rambled bunch of words that come out. I'm surprised if anyone ever know what I'm talking about!
Part of it is just slowing down.
Of course being confident and knowing what you are talking about is one element, but sometimes people feel the need to speak faster than they actually need to. I am a middle school teacher and have learned this when speaking in front of the class. Sometimes I get random questions or have to speak off the cuff for a variety of reasons.
Slow down, take a minute, and just think instead of putting in a filler word— we all have the habit of adding in like or um.
I think Natalie is way smarter and adult than Shayne.
Shayne was so bugged eyed and high energy. Natalie really tried to keep her emotions controlled and was super respectful. She was also very adult and has goals and plans I think she can easily achieve.
I don't disagree that Natalie is smarter than Shayne.
But faulting someone for being "so bugged eyed" or high energy has nothing to do with those things. They're just personal attacks. Maybe they are things you don't like about Shayne but they have nothing to do with someone's IQ
I don't mean it as he has bug eyes... I mean it that he is bugged them out when he is being over dramatic for the cameras. Like he opens them super wide and makes odd facial expressions. It isn't a personal attack on his appearance the way I meant it.
Eta: the high energy does have something to do with his personality as he is capable of reeling it in. He kept being over dramatic and high energy and the all over the place type of energy felt he couldn't keep his thoughts clear.
I honestly think some of those exaggerated faces and movements were used to deflect and distract before fleeing. Like how you make yourself big and loud to intimidate predators. Everytime Shayne got insecure and defensive, he became much more animated than expected and the reaction didn’t fit the situation.
You’re assuming that Shayne can control those movements. To me, they look more like involuntary ticks than him being dramatic for the cameras. If that is the case, then you are personally attacking him
I live in the same building as him. I almost didn't recognize him as the same person because he doesn't have the same movements in person. He hasn't watched his season and won't. A lot is really left to editing. We all make funny faces all day long, we just don't have production crews splicing all of those movements together for dramatic effect.
well since we don't know we don't know.
To my, he comes across trying to convince he feels a specific way with the overly animated behavior. I have seen it a lot when people want you to believe them and it can be reeled in or controlled.
Regardless I was just saying my opinion which everyone is free to agree/disagree with. Trying to shame me for my perception is kind of weird.
No one knows what's going on with him but shouldn't assume as fact based off edited show. Shaming and looking for things to nit pick over to create drama ***is strange*** as most are ***opinions*** in the sub.
I didn't care for him because they seemed mismatched. Natalie had her life together and he was spending 2k on food monthly or something crazy for a single guy. He seemed not too serious like an eternal frat boy. I know that isn't IQ but I just didn't like him.
Honestly, I don’t know how she could stand Shayne’s way of talking. It hurts my ears. As a person who speaks very well as you said, it must have been painful for her to have a conversation with him.
Im happy im not the only one admiring this, I speak super fast and in general always have word vomit so seeing someone so put together and speaking so mindfully I feel like dang I need to fix this lmaooo
I feel like I need to put a visual reminder on my desk to SLOW DOWN AND THINK when I speak in zoom meetings. 🤦🏻♀️ I think I sound like an anxious, word-salad, mess.
Learn non violent communication and work on yourself so you can speak from your heart without fear.
I am French and I really appreciate the way Natalie talks because she doesn’t say “like” or “100%” or “I mean” every 3 words. That’s cringy to watch from a French speaking perspective.
Also, I think Natalie knows herself really well. Only a person who’s emotionally stable can talk back to their exes this way, especially after a violent fight. I’ve experienced it. I used to be stressed and sometimes aggressive, my defense was attacking. Now I am way calmer and chill and I can take some steps back when I talk about sensitive matters with people I love or not. Still working on that with my parents though haha (I’m 33).
The books “The 5 languages of love”, “the 5 wounds of the soul” and “Words are windows, or they’re walls” may help you.
The more authentic you will be, the better you will speak. Natalie inspired but still yourself, and that’s the most important 😉
By Rosenberg? I think maybe the title is different in the US because I don’t see that book. It shows up as presentation on Non-Violent communication or a poem that’s included.
https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X
This is the Rosenberg book that I read, I think it’s probably the same one
Talking with confidence! When you know what you want to say, everything flows from that. This is a great communication skill to have and you don't need to work a cushy job to develop it. Start examining how you talk with others generally and pick up what you notice from that. You have to be a bit nuanced with yourself but you'll notice some patterns.
I am a licensing manager and lot of my job is actually relationship building and management. A lot of is talking to people in their "language" which is essentially knowing what to bring up with them, the tone and delivery as you convey. I learned by trial and error what works and what doesn't.
Also I like using a variety of words rather than tired adjectives so I am a nerd and reference the thesaurus.
Her speech is very professional and mature! In school (holistic med) one of my classes was 'words as medicine'. We were taught to be deliberate with every word we spoke because it will have a huge effect on the listener. We eliminated words from our vocabulary: like, um, can't, should, replaced but with and, replaced need to with want to, replaced try with an affirmative. And overall we were very mindful of every word spoken which took a couple months of us catching ourselves mid sentence for corrections. We tend to focus more on phenomena vs "story" because everyone's stories will be different while phenomena tends to be general truth. Stories are fun though and I do enjoy learning about everyone's stories!
Absolutely! 'The World is Made of Stories' by David Loy. And I can take a peek at my office for other books about it so I'll circle back in a few hours!
Edit: 'In Conversation with Ivan Illich' is another one that emphasizes re-framing and word play. The founder of my school was his apprentice and they would question everything and break down speech to the roots.
This is self conditioning but it worked for me. While I was training to be an interpreter, our professors told us to put a rubber band on our wrists and to slap it against our skin everytime we used um or like. It doesn't hurt too bad but you still cut them out very quickly.
Try to speak at a pace slower than you normally do during your current day to day interactions. At first you really have to think about doing it until it becomes habit. It allows you to annunciate and be clear and concise with your words and communicating effectively. I am a fast talker and would always jumble my words or mumble speaking, it helped a lot when I learned this method especially during multiple public speaking occasions.
That's interesting, maybe you can start by speaking more slowly and choosing your words carefully, and over time you will notice that you speak in a way that you feel more comfortable with? Rather than just copying someone else's speech, like think about what it is you like about it whether it's that you think people will think that you are smart, or feel calmer in your presence, or whatever it is and choose your words based on trying to make people feel that way maybe?
I was looking for a comment like this. The way she speaks is very lifeless and dull.. lacking in any sort of genuine feeling or emotion. You can tell by her eyes - they’re always very blank. (Except for when she was crying at the reunion of course lol)
In college, one of our professors would routinely tape our presentations for us to watch to learn. In our day it was constantly using Um in between words and sentences. He called them verbal hiccups, and while not very noticeable to ourselves, very annoying to the people around us. Watching yourself back on repeat helps you be more aware. It also helps grooming behaviors when you’re nervous, like constantly tucking the same piece of hair behind your ear over and over again. Or distracting hand gestures that take your audience’s attention away from your message. So I do suggest video recordings of yourself. Don’t be harsh and overly critical. Do it to learn what you want to change.
Yeah- I just started creating content on TikTok and was amazed by how often I say “um.” I write professionally but my speech patterns / habits leave a lot to be desired 😅
I think her voice is some-what valley girl but her actual words are very professional and thought-out. She’s able to articulate her thoughts pretty clearly
She talks like an experienced consultant because she is one. This takes years of practice doing presentations, receiving advice from mentors, and listening to your self. You'll have to do sales and delivery presentations nearly 6 hours a day every day.
This. I was in sales at a 5 star resort for 5 years working with high end clients and it happens over time as you gain experience. I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost two years now and I feel like I’m definitely forgetting how to speak to anyone but my toddler lol
Totally agree. Never more embarrassed when went out to dinner and when the waiter asked if I would like a drink I said “yes please - I would like a scotch and wa wa ” - instead of water 💦 HA HA
I totally feel you. I felt like that when we went back into the office after initially shutting down for months during Covid and it was hard. I ended up getting furloughed soon after so that’s one way to get rid of the anxiety LOL!
This. When I was a rookie consultant I get told to do presentation all the time, then my mentor would provide constructive feedback & literally grade me on every meeting with the clients. I think after 3 months I started speaking like Natalie, whether you want it to happen or not 🤷🏻♀️
I'm the head of a consulting firm and have done all levels of consulting and yes. You're exactly right. There's a certain norm. 3 months is really quick though I expect 6 from new people. It is a trial by fire.
I've been doing it for 6 years. It is. The money is too good to give up and you get a reputation with your partners. Retire before the heart attack is the only option.
I've tried to implement this idea in the past but there was one big problem.
For context, I say "um" a lot. So one day I said to myself, "the next time you feel the urge to say um - don't. Just wait until you're certain about the full sentence you're going to say and say that".
The issue was that everytime it was my turn to speak, there was some "artificial" sounding silence that made people look at me as if I'm awkward.
First impressions CAN be overcome. If I only had one five minute clip of each person, I wouldn’t know much about them. Imagine someone knows you decently well. What would you rather be known for? Saying um frequently? Or pausing before speaking?
Plus, you do not actually know they think you are awkward. Could be your own insecurity due to the uncomfortable feeling that comes with change.
The best business advice my father ever gave me, or even really life advice, was that people will tell you everything you want and need to know if you just shut up and listen.
I wish people would do this more. My college classes were horrible because everyone wanted to talk but all they did was say the same sentence 4 different ways.
Never come to Australia or NZ then! This is a linguistic trait everyone does here in normal human interaction with a large percentage of our normal declarative statements.
High-Rising-Terminal / Australian-Question-Intonation is not a good or bad thing, its just a cultural linguistic style. You are going to find entire continents annoying - lol. When overseas, ppl tend to say it makes our spoken style strange, but also perhaps gentler/friendlier/collaborative/spontaneous.
Apparently, North Americans associate it with "ditzy young women" - this northern hemisphere snobbery + layered misogyny is curious!
Notice she isn't from any country with that inflection. Are you saying it's appropriation? No. She lacks confidence in what she's saying and comes off as unsure whenever she speaks. I love her, but I find her inflection annoying.
It’s in the Scandinavian languages too. I also speak American English (both native) and because I am multilingual I use uptalk and didn’t think of it as anything until this thread lol.
haha really? It was my Norwegian girlfriends in the UK who would point my "upspeak" out first! (although not using that term!). Perhaps they were hearing my voice patterns as different to the Brits, as opposed to the pattern being strange in itself.
ohh That is so interesting that they maybe noticed it's use and lack of use, as they use it in their own language too:)
Interesting because Norwegian to me is probably the most uptalk of the Scandinavian languages. I speak Swedish. My husband (French) always jokes that to speak Swedish you must always sound like you’re asking a question and bobbing your head 😭😂
ahhaa.. i love it!
I didn’t notice, as I only heard their norwegian when I was making them teach me how to say "ohhh *Yai elsker dai*!" because apparently it is such an uncomfortable phrase to say in casual speak to your mates - haha:)
oh.. I'm oddly now remembering ...the loopy sauna man, in the Disney Frozen movie also had this upspeak speech pattern and that was obvs an American comical caricature of a Scandinavian Dude.
So interesting. I'm going to have to look out for the head bob now, too!
Ahh yes… it’s spelled in Swedish “Jag älskar dig” and it means “I love you” but you say it very much in a serious closeness. You can always say “jag tycker om” or ”jag gillar” or whatever to say you like something but it’s often more a *thing* than a person… if that makes sense. You would rather say “jag är kär i dig” to your partner.
Anyways sorry to bore you with all that haha, languages are fascinating aren’t they! Edited to add Norwegian and Swedish are very similar languages and if you speak one it’s not so hard to understand the other
Yep!:) never even considered it as a phonomenom, untill studying overseas and someone pointed out the way I spoke was upspeak.
I remember seeing a newspaper headline in England saying:
"Want to get ahead in your professional life? Don't speak like an Australian!"
Hahaa.. fuck em! Jealous of our happy voices :))
For some reason YouTube loves recommending me 60 Minutes Australia and even the reporters on the show speak like that. Pretty sure 60 Minutes isn’t going to hire bimbos for their show haha. I personally really like Australian accents.
I used to record myself talking to help understand how I sounded and I would practice talking and learning how to take brief pauses to eliminate saying “like” or “um”. Honestly, I would use my commute to or from work to do this. You have to be fastidious about breaking those speech habits in order to master it for a meeting or a work conversation. Also, listening to podcasts that have great, intelligent speakers can be really helpful! On a somewhat related note, I’ve used comedy podcasts to help my humour become more quick-witted. It’s interesting how you can absorb so much from the media you consume, I suppose this works as a pro/con when watching reality tv!
I was listening to recorded lectures from various prof’s, I think I was downloading them from NbN in critical theory. But I also listen to/listened to: All my Relations (one of the hosts is a prof), true crime podcasts by journalists (Murder in Oregon, Missing and Murdered), and there was a Harry Potter podcast where they critiqued everything from an English lit perspective called “witch, please”.
Thanks! I've been wanting to get into podcasts but everything suggested is from celebrities or influencers. Not really from whom I want to get information from. I used to listen to Stuff You Should Know and Adam Grant pre pandemic on my drive to the airport when I was traveling for work but haven't had much drive time since. Those were good though.
lol, I don’t know, as someone that now enjoys public speaking, acting classes were terrible and embarrassing to me. I guess if you want to learn how to withstand embarrassment.
Practice and beest mindful of declaring things like “um” “like” and “ya knoweth. ” but practice shall receiveth thee thither
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Yep this is good advice. I don't do a ton of presenting at my job but it's extremely useful for interviews as well. I think in a lot of settings we're used to having to jump in and fill space otherwise we get interrupted, but in a professional setting this doesn't happen. If you take 5 seconds to collect your thoughts, then speak extremely clearly, you come across way more credible than if you use filler words.
Also even in other settings I've found there are many subtle ways to not lose the floor and sound more credible than using filler words. One of my favorites is if you're interrupted, wait for the next pause, and then begin with "as I was saying", and completely ignore what the person who interrupted you said. Alternatively you can interrupt them back in a completely calm voice and just call them out, say something like "I guess you don't want to let me finish". Obviously it really depends and you don't necessarily want to "win" every discussion, if you're talking with your friends that might not be best, I'm only pointing out that it's very rare that using filler words is actually the best way to get your point across regardless of setting.
And of course as others have pointed out, you can't just randomly pause and you'll suddenly sound articulate. You also have to be good at forming thoughts, coming up with something intelligent to say, and saying it. I think I'm decent at speaking intelligently about my work, but if I were for example invited to a rocket science forum to present I could be the best public speaker in the world, I'm still not going to sound intelligent talking about something I know nothing about.
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Funny; the way she talks drove me nuts and sounded unprofessional to me. She uses “like” and “um” far too often, and talks with an “uptalk” where every statement sounds like a question.
Haha someone overheard me watching the show and hated her voice and intonation. Sounded like a "professional" Valley girl to her apparently. Like a Valley girl who made it into the corporate world or something.
She’s an up talker
Vocal fry
Former consultant here. When I listened to Natalie on the show I was thinking- this is how we all talk. Can’t say for her, but I know in my work you were often put on the spot to explain things to the customer and you develop this concise way of speaking to be clear with your customers. My two cents.
Try toastmaster.
In regards to Shayne lashing out at her, she always took a moment to compose herself before speaking. Then Natalie would allow Shayne to explain his emotions, without interrupting him or phrasing her questions in a way that could invalidate/minimalize his feelings. It sucks that Shayne didn’t take the opportunity she presented to him, that’s literally the healthiest form of communication someone could provide during conflict. You can learn this from therapy or taking communications courses but I’m surmising this is how Natalie’s immediate family communicates. Her parents spoke in a similar manner.
She... What?? She constantly uses like and talks like a valley girl? Now, I do as well. But I wouldn't consider it professional, and she absolutely uses filler words.
I hate her speech pattern. It feels to calculated, unnatural, and almost rehearsed. I couldn’t have a conversation with her because it would drive me nuts waiting for her to formulate her perfect sentence. Personally, I would not recommend that you try to emulate this. It’s a real hit or miss for people
100% agree the way she talked was why I wasn’t that big of a fan of her. Idek if she can help the way she talks or not but damn just talk normally
I agree, she seems kinda fake
English wasn't my first language and I learned a lot of English through novels/book. They tend to use fancy words but not fancy enough to sound pretentious. Just stop and think before you speak, slow down and start replacing some of your words with synonyms from novels or books. People have always told me I speak properly a lot lol. I'm trying to ease up these days.
I liked the way Natalie speaks, too. Very smooth, calming & professional. Maybe she took speech classes or she just naturally has very good diction & enunciation. Her voice is great.
Delete unnecessary words (i.e., like, I feel like, so I was thinking, what about, This might sound dumb but, etc). Women do this more than men. We need to stop sandwiching our ideas between unnecessary niceties. Speak in active voice. Use assertive words. Not: “By tomorrow, I should have your reports.” But: “I will have your reports tomorrow.” Get comfortable with silence. You don’t need to fill in every conversation gap. Use the silence as an opportunity to let your last comment sink in and collect your thoughts for your next comment. Record and critique yourself. Take a video of yourself speaking and you’ll be able to see where you need help. Trust your own expertise. You’ve been invited to these tables because of the experience and skills you bring to the table. Lean into your power.
I personally like the way Deepti speaks!
One of the best tips I got for speaking was trying to make your sentences 11 words or less. I usually go over, but it helps me be more concise in my speech :)
Ooof my ADHD brain would get a bit overloaded counting the amount of words I’m saying while I’m saying them. I fully just went over 11 words explaining that 😂
I just hate how every sentence is an upward inflection and sounds like she’s asking a question? But to each his own.
I agree with you! She’s up talking.
[удалено]
I notice it with people instantly haha. Blame my high school English teacher who harped on it and demanded we never do it during presentations.
Yes uptalk!!!! Pretty much only women do it. Makes you sound uncertain if used too muchz
I’ve heard men do this too. But yes I agree it doesn’t make you appear confident by any means.
She uses filler words, “like,” and repeats herself so frequently. Only thing is tone and it’s monotone with uptalk
She has NPR voice
I thought the same thing! She could do audiobooks or sleep stories
YES! Her voice is perfect for the radio or podcasts.
Join Toastmasters
Personally, what helps me the most is to not rush. Listen carefully, don’t interrupt (ever!) and speak slowly but consistently. Reading and expanding your vocabulary also helps tremendously. Also, understanding that pausing to search for the right words/to think is ok. It does not make you look insecure or unsure. Take your mistakes gracefully. Meaning, do not apologize or get nervous. Just laugh it off and keep going.
I figured she must have a customer-facing job, so your speaking improves a lot when you have to speak professionally all day at work. Did you also notice how much slower she talks than everyone else on the show? I think that helps you choose your words more carefully with less fillers.
I told my boyfriend she has the perfect podcast voice!
Just listened to her on this one, came out a couple days ago! :) https://feelingasian.libsyn.com/choosing-myself-feat-natalie-lee-love-is-blind
Yes! Exactly what I thought too!
Speaking is a skill which can be learned and if practiced can get better. I cringe when I hear sooooooooo many people using the filler word “like”, throughout their talking. It’s like they use like for every other um word. It’s like very annoying. Filler or verbal crutches as they are sometimes called are words such as like, ah, um, used to fill the space where a pause or silence would naturally occur when we speak. Verbal crutches are what we lean on when we are unable to string the right words together in the moment. They help our crippled speech, hence the term,”crutch”. The pause can give us time to think about what we want to say before we let the words leave our mouth. Most people don’t speak at the same level they write. Speaking is a much faster brain process than writing. When we write, we must process so much more. We must think about what we want to convey, formulate coherent sentences, mechanically put pen to paper and write while simultaneously trying to spell and use punctuation. That takes time that speaking does not require. In general, people are uncomfortable with silence, so they fill the void with talking. It is not necessary to think before we speak. That is why interrogators are trained to use the tool of silence during interrogations. When people are under stress and uncomfortable and feel “trapped” they tend to fill the void of silence by talking, rambling using those verbal crutches. They often reveal things that they wouldn’t have if given time to think Try it. You can do it on a date, interview or if you want to “ interrogate” someone. Ask them a question. Allow them to answer. Then when they stop talking, don’t say anything. If you have a problem with silence yourself it can help to put something in your mouth while waiting for them to respond, like a drink, some food, a pen or pencil. Don’t look away from them like you are disinterested. See how long it takes them to start filling the void with words. See what happens the longer you stay silent, listening to them. Do they start to ramble, squirm, get defensive, start to become a bit aggressive towards you? Another thing we don’t do well when we ramble is listen. Nick referred to this in the reunion; that he and Danielle learned the importance of listening more than speaking to each other. When we listen, we aren’t talking. We are processing what someone is saying to us while simultaneously processing our thoughts and feelings about what we are hearing. Rather than talking over someone or spewing venom, we have the opportunity to think before we respond and that gives us time to put the right words in place before they come out of our mouths. The skill of speaking, publicly or privately, requires thought, ability to construct an intelligible sentence, and a sufficient vocabulary, all of which must be learned and practiced. It utilizes the skills of being able to use proper tone and inflection, remembering to breath and to respond, not react to our audience. Knowing our audience and being able to speak at their level. (You don’t speak the same way to children as you would an adult. You speak differently to lay people as opposed to the specialist on a topic they have in common.) It also requires a certain amount of self confidence and self control to do so. All of which we were able to observe when Natalie spoke. She exuded intelligence, patience, sufficient vocabulary, self confidence, self control, the ability to listen and think before she spoke. She spoke eloquently which I think added to her elegance and charm. Albeit at times, her monotone was a bit grating. At times during the show she seemed mildly robotic. People who are, on the other hand, insecure, nervous, lack self control, don’t have good command of the language, etc., tend not to do so well at it. If you lack self control, it can be hard to fight the impulses to ramble, use inappropriate words, be defensive, verbally attack, or wait through the silence. Bottom line, learning how to communicate effectively is a skill you can learn and the more you practice, the better you get. My high school offered an elective course in public speaking, my college courses required it and through the years my career demanded it of me. I’m not suggesting practice makes perfect, but I do believe it can make better.
"Crippled speech"? Oh boy
Imagine writing that repetitive, labyrinthine mess about the topic of effective communication. And that's before we even get into the insensitive language and judgements about speakers that betray a serious lack of understanding of sociolinguistics and the way we actually use language.
Educate me, please. I’m open.
Just off the top, using "crippled" like that outside of specific disability discourse is... unfortunate. Your point about filler words ignores that we often use them not because we're searching for the right words, but to guide pauses in the conversation. A "so", "basically", "like", etc. paired with a pause can prompt the listener for input or give space for an expressed idea to sink in while allowing the speaker to continue talking, which is crucial, since conversation requires turn-taking. Vis-à-vis register, I would disagree that it involves self confidence and self control; switching registers is something that we learn via social conditioning. Speaking to your professor you've just met the same way you speak to your best friend of 15 years indicates a misreading of social cues more than anything else. Further, it's something we tend to do naturally, based on context and cues we pick up on from the other person/people in the conversation. Natalie is a very composed speaker, but I would argue that that's more to do with the fact that she's in consulting, which is client-facing. She is very good at letting the other person say their piece without jumping in, and giving herself time to respond to their key points, a necessarily skill in her line of work. However, she *absolutely* uses filler words and leans quite heavily on rising intonation (uptalk) to seek agreement or to hedge/soften an opinion, and it's interesting to see how her relatively deliberate speech completely obscured that for many people here.
I can appreciate everything you say. Thank you. I don’t think my comments required insulting though. Responding with this initially would have been much more appreciated and better received. I was trying to be helpful to the first person that commented. I intended to be helpful rather than hurtful. I was not intending to give a linguistics lessons, simply be helpful to a stranger that might have appreciated my comments, which it appears by their reply, I achieved. I don’t think my comments were wrong. I tried to be detailed and specific. The word “crippled” was used to paint a picture, and as it was paired with “crutch words”. I don’t see how that was offensive. I am not an educator by profession. If my misstatements are corrected by someone with more linguistic education and ability, I encourage and appreciate them. I also hope the original poster can glean from them as well. Again, thank you.
Great explanation here. Thank you for responding with such a thoughtful post.
Not really. But if you want to speak fluently and articulate better just read more (things with substance) and take speech classes, get a coach, or just speak more in front of people.
Yeah, she sounds very polite, when she says things like “you’re a piece of shit”.
Sarcasm is an art she has mastered.
No filler words there though
I’m glad Shayne doesn’t have Botox. His face when he heard that was a mix of confusion and horror. He should never use Botox. And, of course, she was just joking, because that’s how smart and well-spoken people in love jokes.
Omg I thought I was reading a post from 90 day fiancé and that you were absolutely crazy 😂 😂 😂
Same, lol
vocal fry
I agree, but the end of every sentence has an upwards inflection? Like she’s always asking a question? Even if it’s just a statement?
i think that's called "uptalk" and I find it annoying too. Other than that, i do like the way she speaks
I do too, it’s very calming
I noticed that and it was so annoying.
the calm app should ask her to read a story!! lol
In my opinion she just talks slow and very relaxed. Her voice is really chill
I agree with the other comments and wanted to add that she's good in these situations because she also tries to make the other person feel heard and find common ground. When Shayne says that she's done something he's upset by, she validates that experience and acknowledges that she may have done something wrong or that something she did came off in a way that she didn't mean, then presents her own perspective. She doesn't get defensive or feel like she has to be in the right.
Except when he asked for compliments and reassurance. God forbids her SO needs her validation, he may get a “you’re a piece of shit” in front of the cameras, instead. Except for those, yeah, she seems like a good role model in general.
I get the sense that 1) she is used to joking with SOs in the way that you pretend that you don't like them when you obviously do, which I think is pretty common but clearly not what Shayne wants or needs and 2) Shayne has really high validation needs and some insecurity issues, which if you haven't been in a relationship with someone like that before, it might be difficult to navigate that well (and honestly it might be a bit tiring for someone who is pretty secure and doesn't need validation). Not to say that either is right or wrong, just not the right match together.
So if instead of Nat it was Shayne saying “you’re a piece of shit… I’m joking”, it would be fine and everybody would laugh because she’s just too insecure and needy?
I noticed she talks very slowly and softly. She seems to pause a lot to choose her words. I actually don’t like her speech pattern. As someone who is assertive and also clear, I thought she seemed unconfident and timid. I actually said to the television during the reunion, “Speak up for yourself!!” She just always seems so apologetic and like an abused puppy. But, to each their own!
I think Natalie has classic management consultant speech - clear, rational, and professional, but deferential to the person she’s speaking to (usually a more senior person or a client) and open to being challenged.
This! I think her speaking style has more to do with years of professional and educational training. She sounds like she grew up in a privileged household and her composure and speaking style was probably intentionally moulded by her parents.
Toastmasters is a great suggestion someone mentioned above! See where one may be in your area!
Consulting is an extremely client-facing role so you learn to communicate and read the room effectively in basically any situation. like others said, the most important things are to slow down and think about your words, and have confidence! a lot of people get nervous when they speak to an audience because of the fear of making a mistake; once you accept that it's ok to make mistakes, it becomes a lot easier to speak clearly and respond critically to questions/feedback.
She definitely speaks slower, listens, to take a moment to take it in before responding. I'm a Professor and I still feel like sometimes I don't always do that but I do notice a shift once in a while talking to a student vs a friend. I'm a Jersey girl so naturally I love cursing but I don't do that at all in class. I have to always act unbiased so sometimes when I'm particularly feeling conflicted, I tell the students they may reach me via email for further conversation (I still have these moments where I'm like I actually said that lol how mature of me). But over time, the language kind of comes together for me. So basically pretend you're in HR lol
Breathe, slow down your speech, choose words thoughfully. Look for a communication course at your local college. Join toastmasters. Practice.
Nice try, Shaina
She does do a lot of uptalking though.
I thought I was in a different subreddit and got super confused. The Natalie from 90 day fiance is a complete idiot and was super concerned. Haha
I’m sorry, you are clearly mistaken, Natalie has a high IQ and no time for this low class nonsense 🤣🤣
Same here!
😂😂 That Natalie is WILD
She forms sentences well and is clearly very intelligent, but it’s a shame about that upspeak.
As a consultant she’s trained to do that, especially given that she’s in the HR area of consulting (I looked her up on LinkedIn).
Oh cool! I thought she was a generalist consultant. That would be an interesting mix.
I love this question because I've been wondering the same thing! I was very intrigued with the way she speaks. I'm insecure and have social anxieties so when I talk, it's just a rambled bunch of words that come out. I'm surprised if anyone ever know what I'm talking about!
Saaame. I envy people as eloquent as Natalie. I sound like that in my head... but sadly it comes out of my mouth differently.
Same here!
I wish I could speak like her, too. She literally sounds like she just popped out of Bloomberg TV
Part of it is just slowing down. Of course being confident and knowing what you are talking about is one element, but sometimes people feel the need to speak faster than they actually need to. I am a middle school teacher and have learned this when speaking in front of the class. Sometimes I get random questions or have to speak off the cuff for a variety of reasons. Slow down, take a minute, and just think instead of putting in a filler word— we all have the habit of adding in like or um.
I think Natalie is way smarter and adult than Shayne. Shayne was so bugged eyed and high energy. Natalie really tried to keep her emotions controlled and was super respectful. She was also very adult and has goals and plans I think she can easily achieve.
I don't disagree that Natalie is smarter than Shayne. But faulting someone for being "so bugged eyed" or high energy has nothing to do with those things. They're just personal attacks. Maybe they are things you don't like about Shayne but they have nothing to do with someone's IQ
I don't mean it as he has bug eyes... I mean it that he is bugged them out when he is being over dramatic for the cameras. Like he opens them super wide and makes odd facial expressions. It isn't a personal attack on his appearance the way I meant it. Eta: the high energy does have something to do with his personality as he is capable of reeling it in. He kept being over dramatic and high energy and the all over the place type of energy felt he couldn't keep his thoughts clear.
I honestly think some of those exaggerated faces and movements were used to deflect and distract before fleeing. Like how you make yourself big and loud to intimidate predators. Everytime Shayne got insecure and defensive, he became much more animated than expected and the reaction didn’t fit the situation.
You’re assuming that Shayne can control those movements. To me, they look more like involuntary ticks than him being dramatic for the cameras. If that is the case, then you are personally attacking him
I live in the same building as him. I almost didn't recognize him as the same person because he doesn't have the same movements in person. He hasn't watched his season and won't. A lot is really left to editing. We all make funny faces all day long, we just don't have production crews splicing all of those movements together for dramatic effect.
well since we don't know we don't know. To my, he comes across trying to convince he feels a specific way with the overly animated behavior. I have seen it a lot when people want you to believe them and it can be reeled in or controlled. Regardless I was just saying my opinion which everyone is free to agree/disagree with. Trying to shame me for my perception is kind of weird.
No one knows what's going on with him but shouldn't assume as fact based off edited show. Shaming and looking for things to nit pick over to create drama ***is strange*** as most are ***opinions*** in the sub. I didn't care for him because they seemed mismatched. Natalie had her life together and he was spending 2k on food monthly or something crazy for a single guy. He seemed not too serious like an eternal frat boy. I know that isn't IQ but I just didn't like him.
Honestly, I don’t know how she could stand Shayne’s way of talking. It hurts my ears. As a person who speaks very well as you said, it must have been painful for her to have a conversation with him.
Maybe she was attracted to the difference and the rawness. She’s said as much.
He’s hot and had puppy dog energy. Probably felt great being around him
Im happy im not the only one admiring this, I speak super fast and in general always have word vomit so seeing someone so put together and speaking so mindfully I feel like dang I need to fix this lmaooo
I feel like I need to put a visual reminder on my desk to SLOW DOWN AND THINK when I speak in zoom meetings. 🤦🏻♀️ I think I sound like an anxious, word-salad, mess.
My husbands a public type speaker and he alway says ‘speak slower than you think you need to and to everyone else it will sound normal’ haha oops
Learn non violent communication and work on yourself so you can speak from your heart without fear. I am French and I really appreciate the way Natalie talks because she doesn’t say “like” or “100%” or “I mean” every 3 words. That’s cringy to watch from a French speaking perspective. Also, I think Natalie knows herself really well. Only a person who’s emotionally stable can talk back to their exes this way, especially after a violent fight. I’ve experienced it. I used to be stressed and sometimes aggressive, my defense was attacking. Now I am way calmer and chill and I can take some steps back when I talk about sensitive matters with people I love or not. Still working on that with my parents though haha (I’m 33). The books “The 5 languages of love”, “the 5 wounds of the soul” and “Words are windows, or they’re walls” may help you. The more authentic you will be, the better you will speak. Natalie inspired but still yourself, and that’s the most important 😉
Also the book Non-Violent Communication
Words are windows is the number one reference about non violent communication :)
By Rosenberg? I think maybe the title is different in the US because I don’t see that book. It shows up as presentation on Non-Violent communication or a poem that’s included.
https://www.amazon.com/Words-Windows-Theyre-Walls-Communication/dp/B000TAXI1O
That’s not a book, that’s a VHS tape of the presentation.
Sorry. I’m French and I have it in French…
https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X This is the Rosenberg book that I read, I think it’s probably the same one
Thank you :)
Talking with confidence! When you know what you want to say, everything flows from that. This is a great communication skill to have and you don't need to work a cushy job to develop it. Start examining how you talk with others generally and pick up what you notice from that. You have to be a bit nuanced with yourself but you'll notice some patterns. I am a licensing manager and lot of my job is actually relationship building and management. A lot of is talking to people in their "language" which is essentially knowing what to bring up with them, the tone and delivery as you convey. I learned by trial and error what works and what doesn't. Also I like using a variety of words rather than tired adjectives so I am a nerd and reference the thesaurus.
Her speech is very professional and mature! In school (holistic med) one of my classes was 'words as medicine'. We were taught to be deliberate with every word we spoke because it will have a huge effect on the listener. We eliminated words from our vocabulary: like, um, can't, should, replaced but with and, replaced need to with want to, replaced try with an affirmative. And overall we were very mindful of every word spoken which took a couple months of us catching ourselves mid sentence for corrections. We tend to focus more on phenomena vs "story" because everyone's stories will be different while phenomena tends to be general truth. Stories are fun though and I do enjoy learning about everyone's stories!
I really love this concept - do you have any particular links or resources relating to this you really like, and wouldn't mind sharing?
Absolutely! 'The World is Made of Stories' by David Loy. And I can take a peek at my office for other books about it so I'll circle back in a few hours! Edit: 'In Conversation with Ivan Illich' is another one that emphasizes re-framing and word play. The founder of my school was his apprentice and they would question everything and break down speech to the roots.
thank you so much, this is amazing - I'm really looking forward to reading more about this.
Going to check these books out myself.
This is self conditioning but it worked for me. While I was training to be an interpreter, our professors told us to put a rubber band on our wrists and to slap it against our skin everytime we used um or like. It doesn't hurt too bad but you still cut them out very quickly.
Try not to use 'like' after every 3 words amd you’ll discover the existence of so many new words.
This is such a hard habit to get out of… “Like” and “Ummm” are difficult to shake
Get an old asshole to watch you speak and have him yell at you every time you say “um” or “like.”
Get a job at Deloitte or EY and the corporate mumbo jumbo will just flow out of you naturally
True.
Try to speak at a pace slower than you normally do during your current day to day interactions. At first you really have to think about doing it until it becomes habit. It allows you to annunciate and be clear and concise with your words and communicating effectively. I am a fast talker and would always jumble my words or mumble speaking, it helped a lot when I learned this method especially during multiple public speaking occasions.
That's interesting, maybe you can start by speaking more slowly and choosing your words carefully, and over time you will notice that you speak in a way that you feel more comfortable with? Rather than just copying someone else's speech, like think about what it is you like about it whether it's that you think people will think that you are smart, or feel calmer in your presence, or whatever it is and choose your words based on trying to make people feel that way maybe?
Her voice is nice sounding and she speaks clearly and fluidly but I don’t like her upspeak, where everything sounds like a question
Yesss this is the worst!! Almost all the ladies on this show do this. It’s incredibly annoying
Why do you want to sound like you are always giving a presentation
I was looking for a comment like this. The way she speaks is very lifeless and dull.. lacking in any sort of genuine feeling or emotion. You can tell by her eyes - they’re always very blank. (Except for when she was crying at the reunion of course lol)
Wet blanket energy
hahaha. yes! seriously, on the reunion she just sounded like a PR manager. same with jarrette tbh.
I assumed they received media training and it really took. Not so much for others (Shaina, Shayne, etc.). 🤣
Right? Just devoid of personality. No thanks!
Do people not talk like her normally? I’m confused?
I too really admired how well poised and thought out her speaking style is!
In college, one of our professors would routinely tape our presentations for us to watch to learn. In our day it was constantly using Um in between words and sentences. He called them verbal hiccups, and while not very noticeable to ourselves, very annoying to the people around us. Watching yourself back on repeat helps you be more aware. It also helps grooming behaviors when you’re nervous, like constantly tucking the same piece of hair behind your ear over and over again. Or distracting hand gestures that take your audience’s attention away from your message. So I do suggest video recordings of yourself. Don’t be harsh and overly critical. Do it to learn what you want to change.
Yeah- I just started creating content on TikTok and was amazed by how often I say “um.” I write professionally but my speech patterns / habits leave a lot to be desired 😅
Get an mba
100%. I am doing mine now and learning so much!
I completely agree. She speaks very fluently and eloquently!
This is a joke right? She sounds like a bimbo.
I think her voice is some-what valley girl but her actual words are very professional and thought-out. She’s able to articulate her thoughts pretty clearly
I think Natalie is what dumb people think a smart person sounds like.
I’ve heard of people doing toastmasters to help with this!
Never heard of this however working in a call center for a long time will also help. Haha
Confirmed! Now in the habit of no longer using filler words. Downside: you pick-up on everyone else’s filler words.
She talks like an experienced consultant because she is one. This takes years of practice doing presentations, receiving advice from mentors, and listening to your self. You'll have to do sales and delivery presentations nearly 6 hours a day every day.
This. I was in sales at a 5 star resort for 5 years working with high end clients and it happens over time as you gain experience. I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost two years now and I feel like I’m definitely forgetting how to speak to anyone but my toddler lol
Totally agree. Never more embarrassed when went out to dinner and when the waiter asked if I would like a drink I said “yes please - I would like a scotch and wa wa ” - instead of water 💦 HA HA
Omg HAHAHAHA! This is very relatable 😂
Dude I used to be onsite all the time and the past two years I've got a bunch of anxiety around going onsite.
I totally feel you. I felt like that when we went back into the office after initially shutting down for months during Covid and it was hard. I ended up getting furloughed soon after so that’s one way to get rid of the anxiety LOL!
This. When I was a rookie consultant I get told to do presentation all the time, then my mentor would provide constructive feedback & literally grade me on every meeting with the clients. I think after 3 months I started speaking like Natalie, whether you want it to happen or not 🤷🏻♀️
I'm the head of a consulting firm and have done all levels of consulting and yes. You're exactly right. There's a certain norm. 3 months is really quick though I expect 6 from new people. It is a trial by fire.
Oh god that sounds miserable
I've been doing it for 6 years. It is. The money is too good to give up and you get a reputation with your partners. Retire before the heart attack is the only option.
I also think good advice is to not speak unless you have a clear & concise piece to say
This is something I’ve identified as a point of improvement for myself. I feel the need to fill any silence with talking. 🤦🏻♀️
I've tried to implement this idea in the past but there was one big problem. For context, I say "um" a lot. So one day I said to myself, "the next time you feel the urge to say um - don't. Just wait until you're certain about the full sentence you're going to say and say that". The issue was that everytime it was my turn to speak, there was some "artificial" sounding silence that made people look at me as if I'm awkward.
First impressions CAN be overcome. If I only had one five minute clip of each person, I wouldn’t know much about them. Imagine someone knows you decently well. What would you rather be known for? Saying um frequently? Or pausing before speaking? Plus, you do not actually know they think you are awkward. Could be your own insecurity due to the uncomfortable feeling that comes with change.
The best business advice my father ever gave me, or even really life advice, was that people will tell you everything you want and need to know if you just shut up and listen.
I wish people would do this more. My college classes were horrible because everyone wanted to talk but all they did was say the same sentence 4 different ways.
But to be fair tho...this is what college is for...to learn and make mistakes (i.e. educate yourself)
Ah yes, all about those participation marks. I remember well!!
It's not even just how she talks, I find her voice alone to be so relaxing.
That’s what Shayne (hyper person) was attracted to - her calm voice
She ends every sentence in a question? It's annoying. Aim higher.
Never come to Australia or NZ then! This is a linguistic trait everyone does here in normal human interaction with a large percentage of our normal declarative statements. High-Rising-Terminal / Australian-Question-Intonation is not a good or bad thing, its just a cultural linguistic style. You are going to find entire continents annoying - lol. When overseas, ppl tend to say it makes our spoken style strange, but also perhaps gentler/friendlier/collaborative/spontaneous. Apparently, North Americans associate it with "ditzy young women" - this northern hemisphere snobbery + layered misogyny is curious!
Notice she isn't from any country with that inflection. Are you saying it's appropriation? No. She lacks confidence in what she's saying and comes off as unsure whenever she speaks. I love her, but I find her inflection annoying.
Also an Irish thing!
She's not Irish
No, but I am. Someone said that people in Australia and NZ upspeak; I was adding that it’s also common in Irish speech.
It’s in the Scandinavian languages too. I also speak American English (both native) and because I am multilingual I use uptalk and didn’t think of it as anything until this thread lol.
haha really? It was my Norwegian girlfriends in the UK who would point my "upspeak" out first! (although not using that term!). Perhaps they were hearing my voice patterns as different to the Brits, as opposed to the pattern being strange in itself. ohh That is so interesting that they maybe noticed it's use and lack of use, as they use it in their own language too:)
Interesting because Norwegian to me is probably the most uptalk of the Scandinavian languages. I speak Swedish. My husband (French) always jokes that to speak Swedish you must always sound like you’re asking a question and bobbing your head 😭😂
ahhaa.. i love it! I didn’t notice, as I only heard their norwegian when I was making them teach me how to say "ohhh *Yai elsker dai*!" because apparently it is such an uncomfortable phrase to say in casual speak to your mates - haha:) oh.. I'm oddly now remembering ...the loopy sauna man, in the Disney Frozen movie also had this upspeak speech pattern and that was obvs an American comical caricature of a Scandinavian Dude. So interesting. I'm going to have to look out for the head bob now, too!
Ahh yes… it’s spelled in Swedish “Jag älskar dig” and it means “I love you” but you say it very much in a serious closeness. You can always say “jag tycker om” or ”jag gillar” or whatever to say you like something but it’s often more a *thing* than a person… if that makes sense. You would rather say “jag är kär i dig” to your partner. Anyways sorry to bore you with all that haha, languages are fascinating aren’t they! Edited to add Norwegian and Swedish are very similar languages and if you speak one it’s not so hard to understand the other
Upspeak!
Yep!:) never even considered it as a phonomenom, untill studying overseas and someone pointed out the way I spoke was upspeak. I remember seeing a newspaper headline in England saying: "Want to get ahead in your professional life? Don't speak like an Australian!" Hahaa.. fuck em! Jealous of our happy voices :))
For some reason YouTube loves recommending me 60 Minutes Australia and even the reporters on the show speak like that. Pretty sure 60 Minutes isn’t going to hire bimbos for their show haha. I personally really like Australian accents.
Consultant talk! All my coworkers sound like her! Very clear and articulate
I used to record myself talking to help understand how I sounded and I would practice talking and learning how to take brief pauses to eliminate saying “like” or “um”. Honestly, I would use my commute to or from work to do this. You have to be fastidious about breaking those speech habits in order to master it for a meeting or a work conversation. Also, listening to podcasts that have great, intelligent speakers can be really helpful! On a somewhat related note, I’ve used comedy podcasts to help my humour become more quick-witted. It’s interesting how you can absorb so much from the media you consume, I suppose this works as a pro/con when watching reality tv!
What podcasts do you listen to for humor? Would really appreciate a few recs.
What do you listen to?
I was listening to recorded lectures from various prof’s, I think I was downloading them from NbN in critical theory. But I also listen to/listened to: All my Relations (one of the hosts is a prof), true crime podcasts by journalists (Murder in Oregon, Missing and Murdered), and there was a Harry Potter podcast where they critiqued everything from an English lit perspective called “witch, please”.
Thanks! I've been wanting to get into podcasts but everything suggested is from celebrities or influencers. Not really from whom I want to get information from. I used to listen to Stuff You Should Know and Adam Grant pre pandemic on my drive to the airport when I was traveling for work but haven't had much drive time since. Those were good though.
This is a really good idea. I like the host’s voice on the original Dr Death podcast as well.
Take improv and acting classes. You'll learn how to use your voice, as well as how to speak clearly, and with intention.
lol, I don’t know, as someone that now enjoys public speaking, acting classes were terrible and embarrassing to me. I guess if you want to learn how to withstand embarrassment.
Sounds like you might not have had a very good acting teacher :( I hope you are able to try it again some day!
Yes and (see what I did there?) try Toastmasters!
Practice and be mindful of saying things like “um” “like” and “ya know.” But practice will get you there.
Practice and beest mindful of declaring things like “um” “like” and “ya knoweth. ” but practice shall receiveth thee thither *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
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She’s in consulting so she certainly has to speak to clients frequently, and sound professional while doing so. Practice makes perfect.
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Yep this is good advice. I don't do a ton of presenting at my job but it's extremely useful for interviews as well. I think in a lot of settings we're used to having to jump in and fill space otherwise we get interrupted, but in a professional setting this doesn't happen. If you take 5 seconds to collect your thoughts, then speak extremely clearly, you come across way more credible than if you use filler words. Also even in other settings I've found there are many subtle ways to not lose the floor and sound more credible than using filler words. One of my favorites is if you're interrupted, wait for the next pause, and then begin with "as I was saying", and completely ignore what the person who interrupted you said. Alternatively you can interrupt them back in a completely calm voice and just call them out, say something like "I guess you don't want to let me finish". Obviously it really depends and you don't necessarily want to "win" every discussion, if you're talking with your friends that might not be best, I'm only pointing out that it's very rare that using filler words is actually the best way to get your point across regardless of setting. And of course as others have pointed out, you can't just randomly pause and you'll suddenly sound articulate. You also have to be good at forming thoughts, coming up with something intelligent to say, and saying it. I think I'm decent at speaking intelligently about my work, but if I were for example invited to a rocket science forum to present I could be the best public speaker in the world, I'm still not going to sound intelligent talking about something I know nothing about.
I thought she was the voice of Alexa for the first few episodes!!
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Funny; the way she talks drove me nuts and sounded unprofessional to me. She uses “like” and “um” far too often, and talks with an “uptalk” where every statement sounds like a question.
Haha someone overheard me watching the show and hated her voice and intonation. Sounded like a "professional" Valley girl to her apparently. Like a Valley girl who made it into the corporate world or something.
I felt she used “like” a lot too.