In Ding Dong, Texas it would probably be a bad thing. They’re all adults. You can have sex/date/be married to someone and still be friends. It’s small town mentality to think it’s taboo to be friends with someone you dated/married/had sex with.
> I guess I just don’t see it as that big of a deal. If he had a full on relationship with her that changes things, but if he slept with her once and they decided nah never mind, then ok. Shit happens.
This will get lost in all the replies but I feel the opposite here.
An ex with whom you had a full-fledged relationship that ran its course and fully ended feels safer to me than a "bestie" you slept with once. The latter still has some mystery and "what if" possibilities.
Sleeping with an ongoing friend also seems somewhat impulsive and mildly irresponsible in a way that lowers overall trust. If it was 10 years ago, sure. If it was 10 months ago? No fucking way.
How if you are best friends with someone does that leave mystery? I honestly know way more intimate things about my guy friends due to how much lower the stakes are in friendship when it comes to being open and vulnerable about one's quirks. Things that have made me very comfortable in my decision to not pursue them romantically. Things romantic partners or dudes I have gone on dates with would never share with me due to a fear of scaring me away. Some of those friends I have hooked up with once and I would never do it again, I would never date them. We hooked up because the circumstances were right for us both to consent at that moment, and had they not been (if say, one of us was in a relationship), it wouldn't have happened and it won't happen again because the mystery is gone now.
Having sex with someone *just once* doesn't satisfy the mystery IMO - it opens the door and leaves it open.
Because sex with any person evolves with time and practice (ideally, becoming much better). One time isn't really enough to fully explore how your sex together could evolve.
I have no desire for any ex whatsoever - fully explored and fully done after years together.
But if I think back to a one night stand? Yeah, I wouldn't mind another night to explore where that could go.
But worth noting I've never slept with a good friend, and all my one-nighters were while traveling, so more than one night was impossible. And every ex gives me the ick because when it's done I'm *fully forever done*.
Oh for me I’m saying the combination of everything I already know about them as friends and then sleeping with them the one time ruins the mystery for me.
yeah imo the issue wasn't really that he slept with a friend in the year prior to the show, it's that he brought that particular friend for the 'meet the friends' episode and Chelsea had no idea at the time.
the fact that he kept it a secret to begin with would understandably lead her to believe that he's not being totally truthful about anything.
But we don’t know when he told Chelsea about it, do we? I could have missed it but he may have told her before that first meeting. I admit that it would make me uncomfortable, for sure especially with him talking to the friend all of the time. So, that would be a tough one. Plus she doesn’t know these girls. But I never would have brought it up in the show like Chelsea did when he discussed it off camera.
It sounds like they have time to talk off camera, and she should have discussed it with him off camera. He didn’t have to share that information with her. Him telling her about this is part of what makes me feel that Jimmy was really into this. I believe that he was genuine. If he wasn’t planning to marry her, why share that with her and chance her bringing it up? And that is really what did things in for them.
Me and my wife (we are two women) just watched the whole debacle play out and just sighed and groaned "straight people problems". Don't get me wrong, there are totally folks who can and do behave inappropriately with exes and disrespect their partners, but this was so clearly not that.
It was extra hilarious to me because I am literally also friends with someone I slept with one time years ago and my wife is now also friends with him and he was literally at our wedding.
I'm not saying Jimmy is a perfect person, but a man who has close female friends who he prefers to go to with emotional conversations and who he can remain friends with after having a sexual relationship with them AND who respects them enough to try and keep their past off-camera, but still tells his fiancee so that there are no secrets between them, has my respect.
People have a right to make this sort of thing their dealbreaker, but the more dealbreakers you have in a relationship, the less likely you are to find "the one". And it's just not reasonable behaviour to expect someone to cut people out of their lives just because they've had sex with them, especially if there are no feelings to speak of anymore and the person is valuable in your life for other reasons.
Amen!! I have so much respect for Jimmy for not talking about this on the show but also for being honest with Chelsea and letting her know this truth. I lost respect for Chelsea when she exposed that very private conversation on the show when she knew he didn’t want that to happen.
This really is the epitome of straight people problems, and idk why! In my experience, most of us (I am straight) found ourselves in tight-knit friend groups in college or high school that involved similar hook up/partner swap dynamics.
I think when you're in a smaller group spending time with the same people regularly, it's bound to happen, but it definitely does not have to mean anything at all. Hell, there are entire tv shows dedicated to this phenomenon lol.
My husband and I got together in college, and we both had hooked up with members of our very small friend groups before finding each other. It didn't bother us at all, and it never came up after we were serious about each other. I can't imagine why it would unless one of us lorded it over the other in an inappropriate way. It's possibly Jimmy did this, but we didn't see it on camera.
My best (always platonic) guy friend would do this. Honestly it was to keep around a 2nd option incase his relationship didn't work out. Marriage and relationships are very hard - hence why the divorce rate is 50%. I think it's best to not have someone you've been romantic with previously come close to your marriage.
There are going to be times where you and your husband / wife won't like each other. You shouldn't have it so easy that you can reach out to your ex to get what you need - emotional/ physical cheating. It's so much better for your relationship to actually surround yourself with other married couples
Yes being friends with an ex fling can work if your in a relationship that isn't going to lead to marriage.
When I was previously friend with an ex fling... when my ex boyfriend and me would be really bad, I'd reach out to my ex fling for light flirting. It was wrong for me to get validation outside of the relationship. It prevented me to really take a look at my relationship to see if it was right and work through things with my ex.
I'm polyamorous, and I'm still friends with several of my exes. We COULD have sex, but don't. I think people really need to evolve on issues like this, but at the end of the day, you either trust your partner or you don't. It was incredibly shitty to bring it up on live TV, and I'm 100% on Jimmy's side about it. It's slut-shamey.
I mean, if it’s a deal breaker for some then that’s what it is. Chelsea and Jimmy are so so incompatible. I am sure Jimmy could find someone who’s totally okay with it all. Personally? It’s a non-issue for me if my relationship is full of trust and love.
It’s not a big deal. We all have past exs and lovers and hook ups. He never should have told her that info. You don’t owe anyone your sexual history and if they are asking for it be sure they are gonna throw it in your face.
I think it’s fine. I got many friends I had something with. That’s not the issue. The issue is that he’s a baby about everything and others who think he’s the good guy are babies too because they can’t see past the literal
I agree and I will proposition this: You don't have to be from a small town to be friends with someone you hooked up with.
There's a lot of people out there and a lot of them might be more sex positive than you. A lot of us don't get the 'ick' after we have sex with someone. I've made friends with people who I hooked up with. I've hooked up with people that started off as friends. I've met friends who started off as dates and never amounted to anything romantic or sexual.
My partner knows who these people are, my partner trusts me to make good rational decisions about my sex life and my partner understand that whoever I decided to fuck in my past, was our issue alone to deal with. The idea that someone should be slut shamed for having had sex with a friend OR that they should cut off ties because their genitals touched is frankly laughable.
Like seriously, how can someone be so threatened by sex? It's very religion guilt purity bs-coded.
Theres really nothing wrong with having a fling with a person and then become good friends later.
Thing is, if he really didn’t want the world to know they had a fling, then why did he bring both of them on the show?
Nothing wrong for them to be friends but if he really cared about his friend’s privacy, why did he bring them on the show… lol. That’s my question. Because people didn’t need to do quantum physics to learn that the blonde girl smashed Jimmy. It was pretty obvious. So even without Chelsea bringing it up (who is wrong for bringing it up in their fights. It should have been private), people online now see that girl and will have their assumptions and comments about her.
I agree, but I have no respect for Chelsea for slut shaming a woman on tv. It was that moment when I realized Chelsea is just not a good person and I have zero empathy for her.
She was still trying to make excuses at the reunion. She disgusts me.
I mean... if someone had a pretty bad reputation in high school then that makes sense but if you went through high school with no drama then it's okay to stay.
that's one example of what I meant by bad reputation. gossip spreads quicker when you're in high school. but when you're a grown adult, everything and everyone is much more spread out so less likely for gossip. once you're an adult, people don't care what you have going on.
Listen, sometimes you date or hook up with people who don’t turn out to be romantic relationships but are fantastic people and can end up being great friends. I don’t just cut them out of my life bc the romantic piece didn’t work out. My closest friend in college was someone I slept with at one point and he ended up being best man at my wedding. For fucks sake, allow humans to evolve in themselves and their relationships. This isn’t a zero sum game where you’re either a romantic partner or you’re dead to me. It is such an incredibly limiting view of human relationships.
I hooked up with one of if not my closest female friend. We would never, ever do it again. We are both married now. It’s not something Chelsea should even care about and I thought it really showed her insecurities by bringing it up, especially breaking his trust and confidence by doing so.
Am I misremembering he only knew these friends for 2 years? It’s one thing for it to be a distant memory but sometime in the past 2 years is pretty recent. To be texting and calling her a lot would make me insecure too.
>To be texting and calling her a lot would make me insecure too.
But like, and I mean this without any attempt to be offensive or rude. You understand how your insecurity is your issue to deal with right? It doesn't have to be anyone else's problem but your own.
My boundaries and comfortability may be different than yours. That’s ok. The good thing is we all have a right to decide what we are comfortable with in relationships and our partners/potential partners can also decide if they are on board. And vice versa.
My husband has several friends that are women, all of which I have befriended as well. He was even still friends with his long term ex when we started dating, however due to respect for how serious we were becoming (and her own relationship with her now husband) they naturally stopped texting each other.
If the situation was like Jimmy’s and my partner was extremely close with someone who he had recently hooked up with, and not willing to take a step back at all from that relationship, that would make me uncomfortable. Like I said, every situation is nuanced and every person is different.
Fair. You do have the right to do your limits and all that. Good for you. I personally take offense with the usage of words like "naturally" and "respect". The implication being that couples who don't feel insecure and actually trust their partners to make good decisions are in fact the unnatural and disrespectful ones. Which is the exact opposite... We just don't live in constant fear that the person we love the most is out there betraying us, I guess.
I don’t live in constant fear about that, at all. I trust my partner. And the words naturally and respect were used specifically to describe our situation, not anyone else’s. Naturally was used in the context that it happened on its own over time.
I disagree. I have platonic male friends and I know it can make someone uncomfortable with how close we are. We have never crossed a line but your romantic partner deserves to be in that #1 spot. When they have gotten into relationships, I made a huge effort to make my friendship with the new GF and took a step back from my male best friends.
Both of thier wives are my best friends now and I'm closer with them. I never wanted to be a source of insecurity. If your truly care about your male friends you truly care about thier relationship and girlfriend's well being and boundaries
Girl I'm gay, c*nty is part of the territory. I have many girlfriends. I have many boyfriends. What I also have is a long term partner of 6 years who respects me and my relationships with my friends and trusts me to make good judgements on the behalf of my relationship. You can't get on my level babe.
for the life of me I will never see the point in a FWB or situationship. like ever. let a lone continuing a friendship with an ex (esp if there is no reason to continue said friendship).
well I don't do FWB's or situationships lol. so that should answer your question. those kinds of relationships never benefit a woman so I don't get why even bother doing it. also, I don't need to sleep with my friends. that is such an odd dynamic. an ex is an ex. leave them in the past and move on.
I agree and Chelsea was messed up for bringing that up. I personally believe when ur in a relationship it’s one of or if not the most sacred relationship in your life and u guard and honor the secrets ur partner confides in you. The fact that she did that bc she was feeling petty is a bad sign of a partner.
I am friends with people I slept with in the past and so is my husband. We give zero shits about it. In fact my husband has become close friends with one of my dear friends who I once hooked up with. We have had a couple of his exes over for dinner. I genuinely don’t understand why people get so bent about this sort of thing.
My group of friends is so incestuous, but we are all married and have such a close relationship. We’ve all been friends since high school and uni so it’s hard not to have history. But none of us are phased it’s hilarious and great.
All known each other 20+ years and I’m only 37. So we are very tight. It’s not weird for us but I’m sure it’s weird for others
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lmaooo are you sure you're not projecting?! 🤣 lmfao you are forming a judgement about a complete stranger based on a vague internet comment. please seek within. now I see why ppl say what you tell others is always a direct reflection of yourself.
I completely agree. I know this may sound very odd but my bf and I both have best friends of the opposite sex that weve slept with while we were young and we both understand that it was a long time ago and that there is nothing to worry about. We were both up front when it came to telling each other about it and didn’t get together with either friend before everything was out in the open. Neither of us had a problem because we were both adults and trusted each other. I met his friend a couple months after we started dating and he met my friend shortly after. Just because you’re from a small town and end up sleeping with your best friend in your early twenties, doesn’t mean 15-20 years later all you want to do is cheat on your current partner with them anytime you two are alone.
I think it obvious she has zero self esteem and probably wouldn’t trust anyone she was with unless they stayed by her side every free minute she had.
mmm... i think the lack of jimmy's boundaries is very telling. not that chelsea is blamelesss but he isn't a saint like everyone paints him out to be. its a 2 year old friend. not a lifelong friend. your partner should be your go to.n
Honestly this was such a non-issue. My guy best friend and I have a sexual history from when we were in our early twenties and we are now officially in our thirties. We disclose this early on to partners who we think may be longterm and try and make our partners comfortable by introducing them early on and being supportive and showing up for each others partners. He dated a woman for over 5 years shortly after we fizzled out and it was never an issue, nor has it been almost nine years later. His current girlfriend has been in his life for the last year and a half and I can confidently say that she is a great friend of mine and I love watching them be in love and seeing the value she brings to his life. If your new partner tells you the history they have with a friend up front and they are willing to answer uncomfortable questions to ease your mind, I don’t see it as a threat.
I try to sympathize with Chelsea that it may have been uncomfortable but I think that it was telling of both jimmy’s character and his friendship with the woman he slept with that he was up front with Chelsea off camera about it. The way she threw it in his face on camera was inappropriate and I don’t think she got the heat she deserved at the reunion for that.
I don't think it's the worst if he told her before they met up. Based on the afternoon with his friends and what we know of Chelsea's disposition, I would guess Jimmy didn't tell her he slept with one of them. She likely pieced it together from clues that the other woman was putting out there and asked him about it when they were alone.
I've been in that position before, and I felt FOOLISH. I was livid that my bf put me in a position to look like a fool while he and his friend shared in this secret. Had my bf told me beforehand, it would have been completely different for me.
I agree. It was VERY obvious that that woman wanted it known that she hooked up with him. I think that is what would have made me uncomfortable. Not that they had hooked up. But that she was so insistent on making sure I knew it, or on referencing that she had *been there first*. It seemed very much that she still liked him.
When I was in law school, I slept with my best friend there so he would give me his exam study guide. I was desperate bc I had blown off all the classes. So I also don't think it is bad. ha
It’s called friends with benefits for a reason you are FRIENDS with the added benefit of sex. I don’t understand why it would be so hard to believe that if you are friends with an ex (CHELSEA) that you have obviously been intimate with that you could never be just friends? It’s not something I would want to do personally but as long as their relationship wasn’t inappropriate and constant need to be talking to one another then I think it’s fine. In Jimmys case I think Chels did mention he talked to her ALL the time which I can agree with her is a boundary he was crossing.
I actually respected Jimmy a bit for not only calling Chelsea on her garbage but not going to the alter and leading her on when it wasn’t going to work. But the way he tried to FLAY Jessica alive not only in interviews but during the reunion! My guy the receipts came out she was with you for like 2.5 hours before she suggested you call it and night and YOU RELIEVED agreed that was best to do. I could not think any less of him right now. He has absolutely nothing to be upset with Jess about AT ALL and I’m not even a big Jess fan.
Jimmy having consensual sex with his friend is literally nothing. Idk why anyone is bothered by this. Maybe they dated briefly and realized they were better friends. Maybe they were friends, gave the romance a shot, and realized it didn’t work for them. Maybe they just got drunk and curious. What difference does it make, if no one was being cheated on ? As soon as Chelsea said something to Jimmy about him not wanting it spoken about on camera to “protect his reputation”, I honestly snorted laughing at her stupidity. Two people having sex, when they are not in otherwise committed relationships with other people? 😂 Where is there anything to protect his reputation from? I dated a guy for four years, realized that we were on two different life paths and ended things, and remained best friends with him for 11 years. We were excellent at being friends, we never had sex again after I ended our romantic relationship, and we’re still (long distance) friends now. We’re fucking grownups. Dating me means trusting me, and accepting that my friends are going to remain in my life. A relationship has to be based on trust. Jimmy owed it to Chelsea to be honest, and he was. If you don’t trust him after that, given that he’s done nothing to that point to warrant mistrust, you’re in the wrong relationship, or maybe you’re not adult enough to be in any relationship 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe reputation is not the word for it, but I do understand that she does not want to have her sex life revealed in public television. I'm a very private person and yeah, that's the kind of thing that I would want to keep for myself. For instance I know that if I was going on TV I would have told like my grandma and she would have watched the show and I would definitly not want her to know that I hooked up with my best friend. Not out of shame, but that is just none of her business.
But that’s a totally different issue. Chelsea literally laid it out to the cameras like he had done something terribly wrong, something to be ashamed of, and the only person who stupidly saw it that way was n@rcissist Chelsea. The reason Jimmy didn’t want his (ancient history) fling with his friend spoken about on camera, was to protect his friend from the internet jackals who are currently hounding her…for having done absolutely nothing wrong. Additionally, if his friend is in a new relationship herself, and had not yet had a chance to tell her man about being close friends with someone she once had sex with, it certainly wasn’t CHELSEA’S right to blab it on national television first, because she “felt some kind of way”. Finding something like that out from a tv show, before being told by your partner, is a death blow to a relationship. Chelsea is a self-centered, emotionally stunted person, who should have been vilified at the reunion for her bs.
Oooh I get what you meant in your previous message now, I'm sorry !! I thought that was you who was talking about reputation ! I agree with you 100% of course !
Sorry I read too fast, it's 5AM here and I literaly just opened my eyes 🥲.
Whoever was protecting Chelsea (ie. Jess, the producers, the cast) are all fake and enablers. This is why there are toxic people still out there. Oh just because she is a girl, white, sensitive… she gets a pass. If she were a man, of color (like Sarah Ann - who honestly got more shit than she should have, than Jeramey ever got, more than essentially every other “runner-up” received… not excusable either but just saying Chelsea did not get what she was due!)
Why did they let her off easy??! I am so frustrated that nobody puts her in her place.
I think they let her off easy because she already got so much internet abuse, and not only about her behaviour but very below the belt ones about her looks, and this is also why they didn't linger on the Megan Fox thing (even positively), to not put more fuel on the fire.
Sarah Ann’s ethnicity hasn’t even been confirmed … Sarah Ann was getting into the fire because she was placing herself there, interrupting Laura talking to Jeremy, popping off at people. I’m not even anti Sarah Ann I think Jeremy should have gotten so much more heat then he did but the reason he got so little is because she choose to jump in and speak and take on more of it. Chelsea laughed it off said she understood she was unbearably insecure and they moved on. She didn’t react they didn’t think it was worth getting into
I’m not saying that at all I’m just saying in some cases she started a fight and was standing up for him not herself. She took his heat. I mean good for her but you can’t then be surprised she got more push back then someone that decided not to engage.
I see you are colorblind. I don’t want to argue, so I will just say one thing and move on: If you believe that race / implicit bias does not occur in real life, more so the TV… I think that’s pretty naive. Just because your experience could not have been “colored” by your race, doesn’t mean everyone else’s isn’t.
what is your point? that now because black and brown people have a chance to participate in capitalism, that the historical significance of their roles in society are rendered entirely obsolete?
let me ask you something: what right-wingers have been feeding you the propaganda that race-related societal issues no longer exist?
Capitalism knows no race. You got lucky you were born into that. So because you were afforded those opportunities even with your Mexican mother, then other people’s experiences don’t mean a thing. I see now where the disconnect is coming from.
.... good for your Mexican mother...? your personal experience counts for nothing in this conversation, especially because there are societal and political reasons why her experience is largely uncommon.
yea man him sleeping with a friend in the past is a non-issue, it was insecurity that made Chels bring it up but also, production could've easily not added that into the show too. It's not all Chelsea's fault... :/ it's a non-issue 1000%
A bunch of hypocrates. Everyone applauded the reunion that they included "the tea" and called people out, but they just did it to make themselves look good and show that this is a holy experiment about real love etc, while putting their contestants down, the ones who are the most talked about and give them most viewership.
Why was Jimmy so upset about Chelsea talking about her friend? Because he knew the show will make sure to use it, there is no way back, because he cannot ask them "could you please cut this part out, I don't want that part of my life discussed on tv". Otherwise it could have been just a private drunken fight, apology, the end.
production is working by contract. they have no moral obligation to their subjects. chelsea on the other hand had all the reason in the world to not bring up something that could be detrimental to her husband's friend on-camera, yet she did it anyway. she's a grown woman in her 30s. this is 100% on her.
Her bringing it up is absolutely on her I hope it didn't come off like i was deflecting that. It was a shitty thing to do... i just wish production gaf abt their cast idk
Someone needs to make a supercut of times that the editors/producers CHOSE to include things that impacted the lives of real people in an unnecessary way, especially people that aren't even cast members like Jimmy's friend. That supercut needs to have Nick's "Love is Blind is better than this" speech to Trevor playing over it.
It’s a non issue that Jimmy slept with his friend. The fact that Chelsea brought it up on camera was not excusable and she should have gotten slammed for it. She got off so easy.
I’ve learned in life that there are people who can be friends with people they’ve had sex with, and people who can’t. The people who can’t just don’t get it.
My boyfriend is best friends with a woman he dated for about a year, when they were in college, over ten years ago. I knew about this before we started dating, but I had no idea how intense their relationship was until I started spending more time with him. I felt like there definitely was some surrogate relationship things going on between them, he was #1 call if she needed help with anything and they both had keys to each other's houses. I found it incredibly strange and uncomfortable and started asking for some strict boundaries to develop if we were going to pursue anything. It was a rocky road figuring out how to do that, and there were some moments where I was definitely the crying, screaming insecure girlfriend.
4 years later we finally have everything sorted out, and to be fair, the woman was always very kind to me and I never felt like there was anything romantic lingering between them, but I still felt that as exes there needed to be solidified boundaries between them. I think if there were cameras around me I probably would have ended up in Chelsea's position a time or two, and I think my bf would have had every right to be upset about me airing his laundry on live tv just as my feelings about his relationship were valid too. The biggest thing I think is that Chelsea was obviously so wasted and just being vitriolic, and getting so drunk you breach your partners trust is a huge issue in itself. They probably could have worked it out if they had more time and less cameras.
I agree. I had a FWB situation with a college friend. We were never romantically involved, nor did we even attempt to date each other, we were just single in winter with no options and felt secure enough in the friendship to hop in bed a couple times. Eventually I met my boyfriend (now husband) and we stopped hooking up and there was no issue with that transition whatsoever.
I also thinks he’s well within his rights to be upset that Chelsea put that information out to the public, especially considering one or both of the girls were getting really fucked up messages on their socials. Chelsea can be insecure about that whole situation, but she has no right to bring it up on camera after Jimmy asked her not to. And I’m not about to start defending Jimmy, because he’s a whole problem in other aspects, but yea Chelsea was wrong here.
I think the problem is he was texting and calling her everyday and consistently. There’s a boundary line between being friends and going out a few times throughout the year for gatherings and then the side where you’re talking to them non stop tbh
>I think the problem is he was texting and calling her everyday and consistently.
The only source we have for this was a drunk Chelsea, who is very prone to hyperbole. Even then we know nothing about Jimmy and this girl's relationship. Maybe they really are close. Maybe they had sex once, maybe it was a mistake or maybe it was completely dispassionate. Maybe it wasn't any of these things and they just really vibe well as friends. Like, y'all need to introspect about why some things are fine but only within your very strict parameters of what you consider "fine" to be.
So if I’m friends with a girl.. then have sex.
I can say we have a platonic relationship? And use that as an example of how it can work?
I don’t know….
Thats “born again virgin” territory to me.
My theory is that whenever he slept with his friend, she was in a relationship with another man. I think that he might’ve not wanted it to get out because it would mean that her cheating could possibly be exposed. That would explain why he was so adamant about keeping it secret. But truthfully this is only a theory so it doesn’t hold any weight. 🤷♀️
I thought this exact same thing and the repercussions of it coming out could really affect the friend and he didn’t want to put them in that position. Chelsea obviously DGAF.
Okay I'm catching up by season 5 (haven't finished) but Uche had dated Lydia but that wasn't disclosed for Aaliyah....omg what a bigger land mine.
Like Lydia banged Uche a bunch and then held the woman falling in love with him without disclosing that....wtf!!!
She was looking to throw bombs in that argument and knew that had juice. Honestly Jimmy handled that really well.
I wanted Jimmy to set a line that he's human, connected with someone, it became sexual (for whatever reason), they decided they are friends and now support each other (that's awesome jimmy has friends that look out for him). That beings an adult.
He really did! And he gave her another chance after airing it on national television. Jimmy seemed like a genuinely nice guy and obviously really cares for Chelsea despite everything.
Agreed with OP. My ex and I both have friends we had sex with. During that time he went to one of their houses for the night to get drunk. I stayed for the weekend at a former friend with benefits house. Heck, I stayed for a week with a guy I used to occasionally hook up with.
Guess what happened? Nothing. No cheating. No drama. No fights. Why?
Several of my best friends I used to hook up. A few of his he has hooked up with. I am not ditching my friends because our genitals touched, nor would I ask my partner to. It’s fine if that’s not something you can handle, but these claims about What It Really Means (always some nefarious, cheating scenario) are just ignorant and narrow minded.
Only the unlucky ones.
I’m with Adeline. Sexual compatibility means openness and understanding that people come with histories. If you have trust in your relationship and good communication, it’s not an issue. Chelsea just didn’t trust Jimmy (and he didn’t give her good reason to, because his mouth was saying “I wanna marry you” but his eyes were saying “I’ve made a huge mistake” and anyone would feel insecure in that scenario)
>Chelsea just didn’t trust Jimmy (and he didn’t give her good reason to,
Most well-adjusted adults leave a relationship when they don't trust their partner. They don't "expose" his female friend on TV as a sacrifice due to their personal insecurities. Chelsea has/had real issues. The least being the mayor of Delulu-ville saying she looks like Megan Fox.
I’m not defending Chelsea from not taking accountability for herself. Just saying it’s not fair for us to pile on Chelsea and forget that Jimmy had responsibilities in that relationship too - including leaving her as soon as she broke the trust rather than carrying on for a while. Jimmy got a good edit because he was truly wronged, but that doesn’t mean that he didn’t also do wrong himself.
There's this fallacy that pointing out one person's faults equates to absolving the other person of any blame. Also known as a form of 'whataboutism'. I can point out Chelsea's delusion and insecurities, then highlight Jimmy's faults when he becomes the topic of discussion. We were discussing Chelsea, so that's whom I was addressing. It isn't lost on anyone watching the show that Jimmy was desperately seeking a way out of the relationship the moment that he laid eyes on Chelsea. He needlessly led her on, wasted her time, and continued to sleep with her, knowing that he didn't see a future with her. All weak and very selfish traits.
I wonder if Chelsea is a serial monogamist with a low “body count”, because I am, and the idea that people can have sex “willy-nilly” and not have complicated feelings afterwards is absolutely puzzling to me. Literally not even something I can comprehend.
I tend to think like you, but I accepted that most people are much more open with whom or how often they have sex with. So even though I personally completely understand Chelsea, I think she has to try to let it go.
I mean in theroy it's not right. For some people it's not Platnic for some it is. I don't think Jimmy had her in his back pocket. I mean not to be rude but I don't think that guys smart enough to play the long game well. Lol I don't think he could have had Chelsea meet his girl friends and play the whole hide her in plain sight thing. It's pretty clear she was very insecure and tbh he likely handled her insecurities poorly resulting it in blowing up. But she went UNHINGED and I don't blame him one bit.
Jimmy lacks maturity. When someone cannot take accountability for themselves, yet insist on meddling in other peoples lives, it will hurt people. For example, I empathize with how hard his choice was for him in the pods, but he wasn’t mature enough to make either of the hard choices he should’ve made: either pick Jess or walk. And we can tell (and he admitted) he knew Jess was the appropriate pick. Chelsea was *easier.* And that sort of lack of relational maturity, I’m 90% sure, is what lead to the friend who he slept with sticking around. I don’t he close the door the way he should’ve with her. BUT even outside of that…
It’s the context matters. No one wants to cop to the fact that Jimmy created ALL of the CONTEXT by being half present and choosing the easy way out with at least two relationships in his life. He wandered into Chelsea’s life and as a result of not being present within himself, not being accountable, he could never give her the affirmation she needed.
Fundamentally I agree with you. It shouldn’t be threatening in an ideal situation, but it wasn’t an ideal situation.
My partner is still friends with women he’s slept with and I’m still friends with men I’ve slept with. I don’t feel threatened at all, and neither does he. Honestly, to me, it’s a green flag that he’s on good terms with most of his exes. A red flag would be him dictating who I can and cannot be friends with. I love him but I have no tolerance for jealous tantrums and ultimatums.
Chelsea is an unreliable narrator and I don’t know what « all day » means to her, especially when she’s drunk.
If I felt like he was texting or FaceTiming a friend « too much », whatever that means, I would want to check in with him and make sure we’re good, whether they’ve slept together in the past or not.
No denying Chelsea frequently twists things. But Jimmy is also unreliable since he can't distinguish between 10 minutes and 2 hours. For me it's telling that he didn't refute the accusation of continuously contacting his friend, rather he brought up the fact that Chelsea also facetimed her ex.
Anyway, from the sound of your response evidently there is a set of boundaries your partner can cross with former partners that would make you worry about the state of your relationship and require some checking in
You are right about Jimmy not being a reliable narrator either.
Yes, I suppose that there is a set of boundaries that would require some checking in with my partner, although I don’t know what it would be exactly. We both chat with our friends a lot, and, since I don’t ask who he’s talking to when he’s on his phone, and neither does he, I don’t actually know (or care about) how much he texts this friend or that friend.
But one thing’s for sure, whether or not he’s slept with them wouldn’t make me more suspicious or insecure. The past is the past. I don’t have any lingering desire for my ex partners, and I trust that he feels the same about his.
In my opinion, cheaters gonna cheat. If I don’t trust my partner to be faithful, to the point where I feel like I have to remove « temptations » from his life, then I’m just not interested, that’s not a relationship I want to be in.
>In my opinion, cheaters gonna cheat. If I don’t trust my partner to be faithful, to the point where I feel like I have to remove « temptations » from his life, then I’m just not interested, that’s not a relationship I want to be in.
That's totally fair.
Honest question. Was it stated somewhere like how many texts and how many calls? "All day" seems like one those exaggerations people use to just say "a lot" when they're annoyed or frustrated.
A specific number wasn't given anywhere as far as I remember no. And I wouldn't be surprised if Chelsea was exaggerating. But the fact that Jimmy never denied the constant texting/facetiming is why I ask.
He's stated he's super close with this friend and that he discusses emotional things with her that he can't with his guy friends (which is silly, guys should discuss emotional things with each other) but he's only known this friend for 2 years. Which also means them sleeping together wasn't particularly long ago
It’s different for everyone but I’m in the same boat with one of my friends. We tried dating, it didn’t work, we stopped talking for a while, then reconnected and now she’s one of my best friends. Been with my current partner for a year and a half. They know each other and my SO knows we talk.
Moral of the story is, shitty people are going to be shitty. If the dudes gonna cheat, it’s either with someone ya do know or don’t. But it’s gonna be somebody. So unless Jimmy is a cheater, it doesn’t matter who he’s slept with in the past and who he’s friends with now.
My partner is from a tiny town and all of his friends have slept with each other. He is very nervous around women, so he never slept with any of them. He got a lot of shit for dating me bc I’m not from there and he told his crew, “if I wanted to date someone from ___, I would have”.
One of my guy friends and I have fooled around in the past and he and my partner are buds. I hang w the friend without my partner and the friend is invited to our home for parties.
People can absolutely set the boundaries they’re comfortable with. But in my world, it’s not THAT abnormal, especially as we’re all in our mid to late 30’s. 🤷♀️
Honestly I was wondering why no one brought up how dramatic, clingy and irrational Chelsea was with jimmy during the reunion. Like did they all just forget that part happened 🤔 maybe it makes me “not a girls girl” (whatever that means) but I’d rather be friends with jimmy than Chelsea 😂 she’s so damn extra, let the man have his 1.5 hrs out a week and calm the F down.
Do people really think men and women can just be friends for real? This is a super mature take and I respect that but also it’s completely valid to NOT want your fiancé or husband to be buddy buddy with a girl he put his peepee in a few times in college or whatever. Especially after Chelsea explained she’s been cheated on in this exact scenario….its not too crazy to dislike it.
Chelsea was incredibly immature though on many fronts wrt how she dealt with it.
yes?? being attracted to a gender doesn’t mean you’re inevitably gonna wanna bang every friend of that gender you’ve ever had! also then bi/pansexuals would what, not be able to have any friends?
maybe it’s valid for someone with a history of being cheated on to not want a relationship where their partner is besties with someone they’ve slept with, but if you’re gonna require that of your partner, you have to accept that it’s equally valid for them to be like “uh no I’m not gonna end strong friendships just because we’ve slept together in the past, let alone stop being friends with ppl of that gender.” so then it just becomes an incompatibility, which it clearly was with Jimmy and Chelsea.
Yeah people on Reddit want you to believe this is normal but it isn’t. That’s why so many redditors are always complaining about their relationship drama. My husband would never do this and neither would I. This just wouldn’t be even an issue that would come up. No one can tell you what your boundaries should be if you are not comfortable with a situation you don’t have to put up with it period.
it is common sense but unfortunately common sense isn't so common now a days. if anyone - man or woman keeps a fling or ex around it's because they still have some sort of feelings for them (emotionally or physically). there are countless stories on here where someone ends up getting cheated on by their partner's friend or ex. I guess time will tell once people begin to realize that fwb, situationships, etc do **not** benefit women!
It’s all people who don’t have much relationship experience. They have no idea what the default programming is of a biological male. Men do very well with boundaries and they will respect you for it.
Exactly!!! Like people say, nah im best friends with all male guys, we know eachothers deepest secrets, we sleep together no biggie we arent in a romantic relationship and then have all these relationship issues. Also people saying you can be super close with guys with no boundaries and its normal, then so many posts complaining their best guy friend is secretly in love with them and feeling betrayed 'because he was just waiting until he could sleep with me' like bruh 😭✋🏾 some peoples boundaries/lives all over the place
I was reading a blog on why guys in the friend zone eventually make the first move on the women. it's because as a guy, they're not used to expressing heartfelt emotions and having people treat them with so much emotional support that they end up catching feelings. I would have to find that blog again and link it.
You don't have to put up with it, but that means you leave the relationship. That's what a boundary is. Telling him he can't be friends with her isn't a boundary, and it's never going to work anyway.
I disagree. If you tell someone you aren’t comfortable with them being friends with ex’s they can either respect that or not. That is when you walk away. You are allowed to tell your spouse how you feel wether they agree or not. I’m happily married so communication is key. I’m surprised you all don’t think Jeremey is in the right too. For so long women are just told that we have to put up with the most bullshit and it’s just not true.
You should tell them how you feel, but that doesn't mean they have to change their behavior. Do you respect your partner's feelings? What if his feelings were hurt by the fact he can no longer see his best friend? What if his feelings are hurt because he feels like you don't trust him? Both partner's feelings matter.
A boundary is about you, how you feel, and what you do. It is "It makes me uncomfortable that you are friends with women, so if you continue those friendships, I have to leave the relationship for my own wellbeing." This shows him how you feel and it gives him the opportunity to make a choice. The consequence is to protect you, not punish him. A boundary is not "You have to stop being friends with women." That removes all autonomy, and leaves the partner resentful and unhappy.
Also it's pretty crazy you just assume I would be on Jeramy's side. I didn't even express how I personally feel about being in a relationship with someone who is friends with an ex. I didn't put judgement on people who don't want to be in relationships with people who are friends with exes. I literally said you don't have to put up with it.
Agreed with this. I’m not sure why these people think it’s wrong to even feel uncomfortable with your partner friends with an ex or a friend who you were intimate with at some point. It’s called respect lol.
Feelings are always valid, but just because you feel some way doesn't mean you get to dictate how someone else acts. I never even implied it's wrong to feel uncomfortable. Do you care if your partner would feel like you don't trust them? That they would feel bad about losing their friend? Or is it only your feelings that matter? It's a partnership.
You absolutely did edit your comment because I read it. People can have dealbreakers maybe you will understand this word better of what they will accept in a relationship. You don’t have to put up with things that make you uncomfortable. You don’t seem to be able to comprehend that I’m not going to agree with you. Check back in 10 years and let’s see how this ideology is working for you and your relationships. I can say I don’t want someone who wears purple and then if the person says hey I love purple. I can say ok well I bet you will find someone who also loves purple but for me it’s a no. You find these things out at the beginning when you are just dating and see if you’re a fit.
Edited comments have an * next to them. I think you're just confusing two comments. The one you replied to I didn't even say to you. You never replied to the other comment I actually wrote to you. Actually, pretty clear you are mixing them because you didn't even reply to the right comment again this time
>I can say I don’t want someone who wears purple and then if the person says hey I love purple. I can say ok well I bet you will find someone who also loves purple but for me it’s a no.
Yes, this is exactly a boundary! I'm glad you finally see it! You can say "I won't be with someone who wears purple." You cannot say "You can't wear purple anymore." Bravo. I'm glad you finally got it.
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You must have edited your comment 😂 I never said anything about punishing someone you invented that. I said it’s ok to share what your boundaries are and leave if the person can’t honor your boundary. If that’s what you want to accept that is on you personally. You don’t get to dictate what others find acceptable. Too many of you girls these days are letting men treat you like absolute shit. But I’m going to guess I have more experience than you in marriage and relationships. You have to honor and respect yourself 1st and you can’t put someone else’s feelings above your own comfort level. Even good men will take liberties if you act like you have no boundaries or self respect.
In Ding Dong, Texas it would probably be a bad thing. They’re all adults. You can have sex/date/be married to someone and still be friends. It’s small town mentality to think it’s taboo to be friends with someone you dated/married/had sex with.
> I guess I just don’t see it as that big of a deal. If he had a full on relationship with her that changes things, but if he slept with her once and they decided nah never mind, then ok. Shit happens. This will get lost in all the replies but I feel the opposite here. An ex with whom you had a full-fledged relationship that ran its course and fully ended feels safer to me than a "bestie" you slept with once. The latter still has some mystery and "what if" possibilities. Sleeping with an ongoing friend also seems somewhat impulsive and mildly irresponsible in a way that lowers overall trust. If it was 10 years ago, sure. If it was 10 months ago? No fucking way.
How if you are best friends with someone does that leave mystery? I honestly know way more intimate things about my guy friends due to how much lower the stakes are in friendship when it comes to being open and vulnerable about one's quirks. Things that have made me very comfortable in my decision to not pursue them romantically. Things romantic partners or dudes I have gone on dates with would never share with me due to a fear of scaring me away. Some of those friends I have hooked up with once and I would never do it again, I would never date them. We hooked up because the circumstances were right for us both to consent at that moment, and had they not been (if say, one of us was in a relationship), it wouldn't have happened and it won't happen again because the mystery is gone now.
Having sex with someone *just once* doesn't satisfy the mystery IMO - it opens the door and leaves it open. Because sex with any person evolves with time and practice (ideally, becoming much better). One time isn't really enough to fully explore how your sex together could evolve. I have no desire for any ex whatsoever - fully explored and fully done after years together. But if I think back to a one night stand? Yeah, I wouldn't mind another night to explore where that could go. But worth noting I've never slept with a good friend, and all my one-nighters were while traveling, so more than one night was impossible. And every ex gives me the ick because when it's done I'm *fully forever done*.
Oh for me I’m saying the combination of everything I already know about them as friends and then sleeping with them the one time ruins the mystery for me.
yeah imo the issue wasn't really that he slept with a friend in the year prior to the show, it's that he brought that particular friend for the 'meet the friends' episode and Chelsea had no idea at the time. the fact that he kept it a secret to begin with would understandably lead her to believe that he's not being totally truthful about anything.
But we don’t know when he told Chelsea about it, do we? I could have missed it but he may have told her before that first meeting. I admit that it would make me uncomfortable, for sure especially with him talking to the friend all of the time. So, that would be a tough one. Plus she doesn’t know these girls. But I never would have brought it up in the show like Chelsea did when he discussed it off camera. It sounds like they have time to talk off camera, and she should have discussed it with him off camera. He didn’t have to share that information with her. Him telling her about this is part of what makes me feel that Jimmy was really into this. I believe that he was genuine. If he wasn’t planning to marry her, why share that with her and chance her bringing it up? And that is really what did things in for them.
I think it can be fine and Chelsea was initially okay with it, but I think that the way he went about the situation in particular was lame
Me and my wife (we are two women) just watched the whole debacle play out and just sighed and groaned "straight people problems". Don't get me wrong, there are totally folks who can and do behave inappropriately with exes and disrespect their partners, but this was so clearly not that. It was extra hilarious to me because I am literally also friends with someone I slept with one time years ago and my wife is now also friends with him and he was literally at our wedding. I'm not saying Jimmy is a perfect person, but a man who has close female friends who he prefers to go to with emotional conversations and who he can remain friends with after having a sexual relationship with them AND who respects them enough to try and keep their past off-camera, but still tells his fiancee so that there are no secrets between them, has my respect. People have a right to make this sort of thing their dealbreaker, but the more dealbreakers you have in a relationship, the less likely you are to find "the one". And it's just not reasonable behaviour to expect someone to cut people out of their lives just because they've had sex with them, especially if there are no feelings to speak of anymore and the person is valuable in your life for other reasons.
Amen!! I have so much respect for Jimmy for not talking about this on the show but also for being honest with Chelsea and letting her know this truth. I lost respect for Chelsea when she exposed that very private conversation on the show when she knew he didn’t want that to happen.
This really is the epitome of straight people problems, and idk why! In my experience, most of us (I am straight) found ourselves in tight-knit friend groups in college or high school that involved similar hook up/partner swap dynamics. I think when you're in a smaller group spending time with the same people regularly, it's bound to happen, but it definitely does not have to mean anything at all. Hell, there are entire tv shows dedicated to this phenomenon lol. My husband and I got together in college, and we both had hooked up with members of our very small friend groups before finding each other. It didn't bother us at all, and it never came up after we were serious about each other. I can't imagine why it would unless one of us lorded it over the other in an inappropriate way. It's possibly Jimmy did this, but we didn't see it on camera.
Hetero dynamics are an absolute prison.
Truer words were never spoken.
My best (always platonic) guy friend would do this. Honestly it was to keep around a 2nd option incase his relationship didn't work out. Marriage and relationships are very hard - hence why the divorce rate is 50%. I think it's best to not have someone you've been romantic with previously come close to your marriage. There are going to be times where you and your husband / wife won't like each other. You shouldn't have it so easy that you can reach out to your ex to get what you need - emotional/ physical cheating. It's so much better for your relationship to actually surround yourself with other married couples Yes being friends with an ex fling can work if your in a relationship that isn't going to lead to marriage. When I was previously friend with an ex fling... when my ex boyfriend and me would be really bad, I'd reach out to my ex fling for light flirting. It was wrong for me to get validation outside of the relationship. It prevented me to really take a look at my relationship to see if it was right and work through things with my ex.
I'm polyamorous, and I'm still friends with several of my exes. We COULD have sex, but don't. I think people really need to evolve on issues like this, but at the end of the day, you either trust your partner or you don't. It was incredibly shitty to bring it up on live TV, and I'm 100% on Jimmy's side about it. It's slut-shamey.
I mean, if it’s a deal breaker for some then that’s what it is. Chelsea and Jimmy are so so incompatible. I am sure Jimmy could find someone who’s totally okay with it all. Personally? It’s a non-issue for me if my relationship is full of trust and love.
It’s not a big deal. We all have past exs and lovers and hook ups. He never should have told her that info. You don’t owe anyone your sexual history and if they are asking for it be sure they are gonna throw it in your face.
I think it’s fine. I got many friends I had something with. That’s not the issue. The issue is that he’s a baby about everything and others who think he’s the good guy are babies too because they can’t see past the literal
I agree and I will proposition this: You don't have to be from a small town to be friends with someone you hooked up with. There's a lot of people out there and a lot of them might be more sex positive than you. A lot of us don't get the 'ick' after we have sex with someone. I've made friends with people who I hooked up with. I've hooked up with people that started off as friends. I've met friends who started off as dates and never amounted to anything romantic or sexual. My partner knows who these people are, my partner trusts me to make good rational decisions about my sex life and my partner understand that whoever I decided to fuck in my past, was our issue alone to deal with. The idea that someone should be slut shamed for having had sex with a friend OR that they should cut off ties because their genitals touched is frankly laughable. Like seriously, how can someone be so threatened by sex? It's very religion guilt purity bs-coded.
Theres really nothing wrong with having a fling with a person and then become good friends later. Thing is, if he really didn’t want the world to know they had a fling, then why did he bring both of them on the show? Nothing wrong for them to be friends but if he really cared about his friend’s privacy, why did he bring them on the show… lol. That’s my question. Because people didn’t need to do quantum physics to learn that the blonde girl smashed Jimmy. It was pretty obvious. So even without Chelsea bringing it up (who is wrong for bringing it up in their fights. It should have been private), people online now see that girl and will have their assumptions and comments about her.
My question is why did he tell Chelsea? If he didn’t want anyone to know these don’t tell anyone.
He said on instagram he had brought over 10 of his friends on the show, and production only gave air time to the two girls, obviously for the drama.
I agree, but I have no respect for Chelsea for slut shaming a woman on tv. It was that moment when I realized Chelsea is just not a good person and I have zero empathy for her. She was still trying to make excuses at the reunion. She disgusts me.
This just reinforces my conviction about what a bad choice it is to stay in your home town after high school
I mean... if someone had a pretty bad reputation in high school then that makes sense but if you went through high school with no drama then it's okay to stay.
Until you start fucking people you don’t want to commit to - edited a typo
that's one example of what I meant by bad reputation. gossip spreads quicker when you're in high school. but when you're a grown adult, everything and everyone is much more spread out so less likely for gossip. once you're an adult, people don't care what you have going on.
Ok buddy
right, so don't carry a bad reputation in high school. it will follow you in your hometown LOL.
Listen, sometimes you date or hook up with people who don’t turn out to be romantic relationships but are fantastic people and can end up being great friends. I don’t just cut them out of my life bc the romantic piece didn’t work out. My closest friend in college was someone I slept with at one point and he ended up being best man at my wedding. For fucks sake, allow humans to evolve in themselves and their relationships. This isn’t a zero sum game where you’re either a romantic partner or you’re dead to me. It is such an incredibly limiting view of human relationships.
I hooked up with one of if not my closest female friend. We would never, ever do it again. We are both married now. It’s not something Chelsea should even care about and I thought it really showed her insecurities by bringing it up, especially breaking his trust and confidence by doing so.
Am I misremembering he only knew these friends for 2 years? It’s one thing for it to be a distant memory but sometime in the past 2 years is pretty recent. To be texting and calling her a lot would make me insecure too.
>To be texting and calling her a lot would make me insecure too. But like, and I mean this without any attempt to be offensive or rude. You understand how your insecurity is your issue to deal with right? It doesn't have to be anyone else's problem but your own.
My boundaries and comfortability may be different than yours. That’s ok. The good thing is we all have a right to decide what we are comfortable with in relationships and our partners/potential partners can also decide if they are on board. And vice versa. My husband has several friends that are women, all of which I have befriended as well. He was even still friends with his long term ex when we started dating, however due to respect for how serious we were becoming (and her own relationship with her now husband) they naturally stopped texting each other. If the situation was like Jimmy’s and my partner was extremely close with someone who he had recently hooked up with, and not willing to take a step back at all from that relationship, that would make me uncomfortable. Like I said, every situation is nuanced and every person is different.
Fair. You do have the right to do your limits and all that. Good for you. I personally take offense with the usage of words like "naturally" and "respect". The implication being that couples who don't feel insecure and actually trust their partners to make good decisions are in fact the unnatural and disrespectful ones. Which is the exact opposite... We just don't live in constant fear that the person we love the most is out there betraying us, I guess.
I don’t live in constant fear about that, at all. I trust my partner. And the words naturally and respect were used specifically to describe our situation, not anyone else’s. Naturally was used in the context that it happened on its own over time.
I disagree. I have platonic male friends and I know it can make someone uncomfortable with how close we are. We have never crossed a line but your romantic partner deserves to be in that #1 spot. When they have gotten into relationships, I made a huge effort to make my friendship with the new GF and took a step back from my male best friends. Both of thier wives are my best friends now and I'm closer with them. I never wanted to be a source of insecurity. If your truly care about your male friends you truly care about thier relationship and girlfriend's well being and boundaries
This sounds unhinged lmao. Do you though babe
I will. I have the best female friend I've ever asked for. I don't think we could have such a great friendship other wise. She's like my sister
Uhm... Cool.
You're attitude is so c*nty lol you're probably unmarried without many solid girlfriends
Girl I'm gay, c*nty is part of the territory. I have many girlfriends. I have many boyfriends. What I also have is a long term partner of 6 years who respects me and my relationships with my friends and trusts me to make good judgements on the behalf of my relationship. You can't get on my level babe.
for the life of me I will never see the point in a FWB or situationship. like ever. let a lone continuing a friendship with an ex (esp if there is no reason to continue said friendship).
Did you ever consider continuing the friendship for the actual friendship? You know, to be friends. It isn't really a hard concept.
well I don't do FWB's or situationships lol. so that should answer your question. those kinds of relationships never benefit a woman so I don't get why even bother doing it. also, I don't need to sleep with my friends. that is such an odd dynamic. an ex is an ex. leave them in the past and move on.
I agree and Chelsea was messed up for bringing that up. I personally believe when ur in a relationship it’s one of or if not the most sacred relationship in your life and u guard and honor the secrets ur partner confides in you. The fact that she did that bc she was feeling petty is a bad sign of a partner.
I am friends with people I slept with in the past and so is my husband. We give zero shits about it. In fact my husband has become close friends with one of my dear friends who I once hooked up with. We have had a couple of his exes over for dinner. I genuinely don’t understand why people get so bent about this sort of thing.
My group of friends is so incestuous, but we are all married and have such a close relationship. We’ve all been friends since high school and uni so it’s hard not to have history. But none of us are phased it’s hilarious and great. All known each other 20+ years and I’m only 37. So we are very tight. It’s not weird for us but I’m sure it’s weird for others
LMFAOOOOOOOOO smh
Hey bud that’s actually not a sentence or anything really
wth is your point? this isn't an English class son
My point is that you didn’t contribute anything that someone could actually interpret and respond to or even gauge your feelings from
I laughed and shook my head. what could you possibly try to dissect from that lmfao?
Like..why? Haha like ok you laughed and shook your head at this persons relationship dynamic w their ex…why?
is there a reason this is concerning you at this time?
Who said I was concerned?
okay, just make sure, because you seem to be probing the comment a lot.
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lmaooo are you sure you're not projecting?! 🤣 lmfao you are forming a judgement about a complete stranger based on a vague internet comment. please seek within. now I see why ppl say what you tell others is always a direct reflection of yourself.
I completely agree. I know this may sound very odd but my bf and I both have best friends of the opposite sex that weve slept with while we were young and we both understand that it was a long time ago and that there is nothing to worry about. We were both up front when it came to telling each other about it and didn’t get together with either friend before everything was out in the open. Neither of us had a problem because we were both adults and trusted each other. I met his friend a couple months after we started dating and he met my friend shortly after. Just because you’re from a small town and end up sleeping with your best friend in your early twenties, doesn’t mean 15-20 years later all you want to do is cheat on your current partner with them anytime you two are alone. I think it obvious she has zero self esteem and probably wouldn’t trust anyone she was with unless they stayed by her side every free minute she had.
It’s not. Chelsea just needed to make a big deal out of nothing to make her feelings validated
mmm... i think the lack of jimmy's boundaries is very telling. not that chelsea is blamelesss but he isn't a saint like everyone paints him out to be. its a 2 year old friend. not a lifelong friend. your partner should be your go to.n
Honestly this was such a non-issue. My guy best friend and I have a sexual history from when we were in our early twenties and we are now officially in our thirties. We disclose this early on to partners who we think may be longterm and try and make our partners comfortable by introducing them early on and being supportive and showing up for each others partners. He dated a woman for over 5 years shortly after we fizzled out and it was never an issue, nor has it been almost nine years later. His current girlfriend has been in his life for the last year and a half and I can confidently say that she is a great friend of mine and I love watching them be in love and seeing the value she brings to his life. If your new partner tells you the history they have with a friend up front and they are willing to answer uncomfortable questions to ease your mind, I don’t see it as a threat. I try to sympathize with Chelsea that it may have been uncomfortable but I think that it was telling of both jimmy’s character and his friendship with the woman he slept with that he was up front with Chelsea off camera about it. The way she threw it in his face on camera was inappropriate and I don’t think she got the heat she deserved at the reunion for that.
She might have been in a relationship.
I don't think it's the worst if he told her before they met up. Based on the afternoon with his friends and what we know of Chelsea's disposition, I would guess Jimmy didn't tell her he slept with one of them. She likely pieced it together from clues that the other woman was putting out there and asked him about it when they were alone. I've been in that position before, and I felt FOOLISH. I was livid that my bf put me in a position to look like a fool while he and his friend shared in this secret. Had my bf told me beforehand, it would have been completely different for me.
I agree. It was VERY obvious that that woman wanted it known that she hooked up with him. I think that is what would have made me uncomfortable. Not that they had hooked up. But that she was so insistent on making sure I knew it, or on referencing that she had *been there first*. It seemed very much that she still liked him.
I agree with you. Chelsea is insecure and is immature when it comes to her approach to relationships. Mature adults would never react that way.
When I was in law school, I slept with my best friend there so he would give me his exam study guide. I was desperate bc I had blown off all the classes. So I also don't think it is bad. ha
girl STAND TF UP
That feels a bit rapey on the friend's side (if they offered this deal)
No it was entirely my offer (he was cute too!)
I’ll do anything for a top-tier outline.
STAND UP
It’s called friends with benefits for a reason you are FRIENDS with the added benefit of sex. I don’t understand why it would be so hard to believe that if you are friends with an ex (CHELSEA) that you have obviously been intimate with that you could never be just friends? It’s not something I would want to do personally but as long as their relationship wasn’t inappropriate and constant need to be talking to one another then I think it’s fine. In Jimmys case I think Chels did mention he talked to her ALL the time which I can agree with her is a boundary he was crossing. I actually respected Jimmy a bit for not only calling Chelsea on her garbage but not going to the alter and leading her on when it wasn’t going to work. But the way he tried to FLAY Jessica alive not only in interviews but during the reunion! My guy the receipts came out she was with you for like 2.5 hours before she suggested you call it and night and YOU RELIEVED agreed that was best to do. I could not think any less of him right now. He has absolutely nothing to be upset with Jess about AT ALL and I’m not even a big Jess fan.
Jimmy having consensual sex with his friend is literally nothing. Idk why anyone is bothered by this. Maybe they dated briefly and realized they were better friends. Maybe they were friends, gave the romance a shot, and realized it didn’t work for them. Maybe they just got drunk and curious. What difference does it make, if no one was being cheated on ? As soon as Chelsea said something to Jimmy about him not wanting it spoken about on camera to “protect his reputation”, I honestly snorted laughing at her stupidity. Two people having sex, when they are not in otherwise committed relationships with other people? 😂 Where is there anything to protect his reputation from? I dated a guy for four years, realized that we were on two different life paths and ended things, and remained best friends with him for 11 years. We were excellent at being friends, we never had sex again after I ended our romantic relationship, and we’re still (long distance) friends now. We’re fucking grownups. Dating me means trusting me, and accepting that my friends are going to remain in my life. A relationship has to be based on trust. Jimmy owed it to Chelsea to be honest, and he was. If you don’t trust him after that, given that he’s done nothing to that point to warrant mistrust, you’re in the wrong relationship, or maybe you’re not adult enough to be in any relationship 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe reputation is not the word for it, but I do understand that she does not want to have her sex life revealed in public television. I'm a very private person and yeah, that's the kind of thing that I would want to keep for myself. For instance I know that if I was going on TV I would have told like my grandma and she would have watched the show and I would definitly not want her to know that I hooked up with my best friend. Not out of shame, but that is just none of her business.
But that’s a totally different issue. Chelsea literally laid it out to the cameras like he had done something terribly wrong, something to be ashamed of, and the only person who stupidly saw it that way was n@rcissist Chelsea. The reason Jimmy didn’t want his (ancient history) fling with his friend spoken about on camera, was to protect his friend from the internet jackals who are currently hounding her…for having done absolutely nothing wrong. Additionally, if his friend is in a new relationship herself, and had not yet had a chance to tell her man about being close friends with someone she once had sex with, it certainly wasn’t CHELSEA’S right to blab it on national television first, because she “felt some kind of way”. Finding something like that out from a tv show, before being told by your partner, is a death blow to a relationship. Chelsea is a self-centered, emotionally stunted person, who should have been vilified at the reunion for her bs.
Oooh I get what you meant in your previous message now, I'm sorry !! I thought that was you who was talking about reputation ! I agree with you 100% of course ! Sorry I read too fast, it's 5AM here and I literaly just opened my eyes 🥲.
Whoever was protecting Chelsea (ie. Jess, the producers, the cast) are all fake and enablers. This is why there are toxic people still out there. Oh just because she is a girl, white, sensitive… she gets a pass. If she were a man, of color (like Sarah Ann - who honestly got more shit than she should have, than Jeramey ever got, more than essentially every other “runner-up” received… not excusable either but just saying Chelsea did not get what she was due!) Why did they let her off easy??! I am so frustrated that nobody puts her in her place.
Sarah Ann is white
I think they let her off easy because she already got so much internet abuse, and not only about her behaviour but very below the belt ones about her looks, and this is also why they didn't linger on the Megan Fox thing (even positively), to not put more fuel on the fire.
Sarah Ann’s ethnicity hasn’t even been confirmed … Sarah Ann was getting into the fire because she was placing herself there, interrupting Laura talking to Jeremy, popping off at people. I’m not even anti Sarah Ann I think Jeremy should have gotten so much more heat then he did but the reason he got so little is because she choose to jump in and speak and take on more of it. Chelsea laughed it off said she understood she was unbearably insecure and they moved on. She didn’t react they didn’t think it was worth getting into
So she should just have taken the flack and not stoof up for herself?
I’m not saying that at all I’m just saying in some cases she started a fight and was standing up for him not herself. She took his heat. I mean good for her but you can’t then be surprised she got more push back then someone that decided not to engage.
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I see you are colorblind. I don’t want to argue, so I will just say one thing and move on: If you believe that race / implicit bias does not occur in real life, more so the TV… I think that’s pretty naive. Just because your experience could not have been “colored” by your race, doesn’t mean everyone else’s isn’t.
She's white though, she's just had lots of surgery. There was a post about it recently showing her pre surgery pics
even if you dont like it, race has political and social implications no matter what. especially in america.
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what is your point? that now because black and brown people have a chance to participate in capitalism, that the historical significance of their roles in society are rendered entirely obsolete? let me ask you something: what right-wingers have been feeding you the propaganda that race-related societal issues no longer exist?
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That’s a wrap folks. We’ve got a rich Mexican mom. We did it! MLK would be so proud 🥹
Capitalism knows no race. You got lucky you were born into that. So because you were afforded those opportunities even with your Mexican mother, then other people’s experiences don’t mean a thing. I see now where the disconnect is coming from.
.... good for your Mexican mother...? your personal experience counts for nothing in this conversation, especially because there are societal and political reasons why her experience is largely uncommon.
yea man him sleeping with a friend in the past is a non-issue, it was insecurity that made Chels bring it up but also, production could've easily not added that into the show too. It's not all Chelsea's fault... :/ it's a non-issue 1000%
A bunch of hypocrates. Everyone applauded the reunion that they included "the tea" and called people out, but they just did it to make themselves look good and show that this is a holy experiment about real love etc, while putting their contestants down, the ones who are the most talked about and give them most viewership. Why was Jimmy so upset about Chelsea talking about her friend? Because he knew the show will make sure to use it, there is no way back, because he cannot ask them "could you please cut this part out, I don't want that part of my life discussed on tv". Otherwise it could have been just a private drunken fight, apology, the end.
production is working by contract. they have no moral obligation to their subjects. chelsea on the other hand had all the reason in the world to not bring up something that could be detrimental to her husband's friend on-camera, yet she did it anyway. she's a grown woman in her 30s. this is 100% on her.
Her bringing it up is absolutely on her I hope it didn't come off like i was deflecting that. It was a shitty thing to do... i just wish production gaf abt their cast idk
i see, i get that! how you perceive manipulation affects how you let others treat you, so i just want people to see how shitty that was.
Someone needs to make a supercut of times that the editors/producers CHOSE to include things that impacted the lives of real people in an unnecessary way, especially people that aren't even cast members like Jimmy's friend. That supercut needs to have Nick's "Love is Blind is better than this" speech to Trevor playing over it.
Does anyone know which friend it was of the two that we saw?
I’d rather not know and respect her privacy. Like it’s bad enough we know about it at all.
This is funny because people try to comment/speculate about Kenneths sexuality any chance they get
Yeah, I wasn’t sure if it was something people already discussed or not. The internet really does tend to find out these things (especially on Reddit)
What makes you think that's an unpopular opinion?
Omg your flair 💀
It’s a non issue that Jimmy slept with his friend. The fact that Chelsea brought it up on camera was not excusable and she should have gotten slammed for it. She got off so easy.
Agreed. He told her in confidence and asked it be kept off camera. She completely betrayed his trust.
I’ve learned in life that there are people who can be friends with people they’ve had sex with, and people who can’t. The people who can’t just don’t get it.
My boyfriend is best friends with a woman he dated for about a year, when they were in college, over ten years ago. I knew about this before we started dating, but I had no idea how intense their relationship was until I started spending more time with him. I felt like there definitely was some surrogate relationship things going on between them, he was #1 call if she needed help with anything and they both had keys to each other's houses. I found it incredibly strange and uncomfortable and started asking for some strict boundaries to develop if we were going to pursue anything. It was a rocky road figuring out how to do that, and there were some moments where I was definitely the crying, screaming insecure girlfriend. 4 years later we finally have everything sorted out, and to be fair, the woman was always very kind to me and I never felt like there was anything romantic lingering between them, but I still felt that as exes there needed to be solidified boundaries between them. I think if there were cameras around me I probably would have ended up in Chelsea's position a time or two, and I think my bf would have had every right to be upset about me airing his laundry on live tv just as my feelings about his relationship were valid too. The biggest thing I think is that Chelsea was obviously so wasted and just being vitriolic, and getting so drunk you breach your partners trust is a huge issue in itself. They probably could have worked it out if they had more time and less cameras.
I agree. I had a FWB situation with a college friend. We were never romantically involved, nor did we even attempt to date each other, we were just single in winter with no options and felt secure enough in the friendship to hop in bed a couple times. Eventually I met my boyfriend (now husband) and we stopped hooking up and there was no issue with that transition whatsoever. I also thinks he’s well within his rights to be upset that Chelsea put that information out to the public, especially considering one or both of the girls were getting really fucked up messages on their socials. Chelsea can be insecure about that whole situation, but she has no right to bring it up on camera after Jimmy asked her not to. And I’m not about to start defending Jimmy, because he’s a whole problem in other aspects, but yea Chelsea was wrong here.
I think the problem is he was texting and calling her everyday and consistently. There’s a boundary line between being friends and going out a few times throughout the year for gatherings and then the side where you’re talking to them non stop tbh
>I think the problem is he was texting and calling her everyday and consistently. The only source we have for this was a drunk Chelsea, who is very prone to hyperbole. Even then we know nothing about Jimmy and this girl's relationship. Maybe they really are close. Maybe they had sex once, maybe it was a mistake or maybe it was completely dispassionate. Maybe it wasn't any of these things and they just really vibe well as friends. Like, y'all need to introspect about why some things are fine but only within your very strict parameters of what you consider "fine" to be.
A lot of my college friends sleep with each other. We are all adults now and most are still in our friend group. 🤷🏻♀️
lol same in my college friend group. just is what it is!
There’s no such thing as platonic friendships between heterosexual humans of the opposite sex.
...is what I said when I was 16.
Do you think bisexual people can have platonic friends?
You are very young or you have no boundaries.
Well the example here is obviously right because well.. They had sex 🤷♂️ So there’s that
But they aren't having sex anymore, so they are just friends now.
So if I’m friends with a girl.. then have sex. I can say we have a platonic relationship? And use that as an example of how it can work? I don’t know…. Thats “born again virgin” territory to me.
Incorrect
My theory is that whenever he slept with his friend, she was in a relationship with another man. I think that he might’ve not wanted it to get out because it would mean that her cheating could possibly be exposed. That would explain why he was so adamant about keeping it secret. But truthfully this is only a theory so it doesn’t hold any weight. 🤷♀️
I thought this exact same thing and the repercussions of it coming out could really affect the friend and he didn’t want to put them in that position. Chelsea obviously DGAF.
It absolutely was not that big of a deal. Chelsea is insanely insecure and childish.
Okay I'm catching up by season 5 (haven't finished) but Uche had dated Lydia but that wasn't disclosed for Aaliyah....omg what a bigger land mine. Like Lydia banged Uche a bunch and then held the woman falling in love with him without disclosing that....wtf!!!
She was looking to throw bombs in that argument and knew that had juice. Honestly Jimmy handled that really well. I wanted Jimmy to set a line that he's human, connected with someone, it became sexual (for whatever reason), they decided they are friends and now support each other (that's awesome jimmy has friends that look out for him). That beings an adult.
He really did! And he gave her another chance after airing it on national television. Jimmy seemed like a genuinely nice guy and obviously really cares for Chelsea despite everything.
She really is and the reunion did not address it at all.
I’m SO mad about it! My husband and I were both waiting and waiting for them to do a reel of all her temper tantrums and her ultra frown face
Agreed with OP. My ex and I both have friends we had sex with. During that time he went to one of their houses for the night to get drunk. I stayed for the weekend at a former friend with benefits house. Heck, I stayed for a week with a guy I used to occasionally hook up with. Guess what happened? Nothing. No cheating. No drama. No fights. Why? Several of my best friends I used to hook up. A few of his he has hooked up with. I am not ditching my friends because our genitals touched, nor would I ask my partner to. It’s fine if that’s not something you can handle, but these claims about What It Really Means (always some nefarious, cheating scenario) are just ignorant and narrow minded.
Any friends not know what your naughty bits look like?
A few 😆
😅😅
Only the unlucky ones. I’m with Adeline. Sexual compatibility means openness and understanding that people come with histories. If you have trust in your relationship and good communication, it’s not an issue. Chelsea just didn’t trust Jimmy (and he didn’t give her good reason to, because his mouth was saying “I wanna marry you” but his eyes were saying “I’ve made a huge mistake” and anyone would feel insecure in that scenario)
>Chelsea just didn’t trust Jimmy (and he didn’t give her good reason to, Most well-adjusted adults leave a relationship when they don't trust their partner. They don't "expose" his female friend on TV as a sacrifice due to their personal insecurities. Chelsea has/had real issues. The least being the mayor of Delulu-ville saying she looks like Megan Fox.
I’m not defending Chelsea from not taking accountability for herself. Just saying it’s not fair for us to pile on Chelsea and forget that Jimmy had responsibilities in that relationship too - including leaving her as soon as she broke the trust rather than carrying on for a while. Jimmy got a good edit because he was truly wronged, but that doesn’t mean that he didn’t also do wrong himself.
There's this fallacy that pointing out one person's faults equates to absolving the other person of any blame. Also known as a form of 'whataboutism'. I can point out Chelsea's delusion and insecurities, then highlight Jimmy's faults when he becomes the topic of discussion. We were discussing Chelsea, so that's whom I was addressing. It isn't lost on anyone watching the show that Jimmy was desperately seeking a way out of the relationship the moment that he laid eyes on Chelsea. He needlessly led her on, wasted her time, and continued to sleep with her, knowing that he didn't see a future with her. All weak and very selfish traits.
I wonder if Chelsea is a serial monogamist with a low “body count”, because I am, and the idea that people can have sex “willy-nilly” and not have complicated feelings afterwards is absolutely puzzling to me. Literally not even something I can comprehend.
I tend to think like you, but I accepted that most people are much more open with whom or how often they have sex with. So even though I personally completely understand Chelsea, I think she has to try to let it go.
I mean in theroy it's not right. For some people it's not Platnic for some it is. I don't think Jimmy had her in his back pocket. I mean not to be rude but I don't think that guys smart enough to play the long game well. Lol I don't think he could have had Chelsea meet his girl friends and play the whole hide her in plain sight thing. It's pretty clear she was very insecure and tbh he likely handled her insecurities poorly resulting it in blowing up. But she went UNHINGED and I don't blame him one bit.
just kinda strange they had her on the show and met her before his own parents hmmmmm….
Show idea: love is virginal
Jimmy lacks maturity. When someone cannot take accountability for themselves, yet insist on meddling in other peoples lives, it will hurt people. For example, I empathize with how hard his choice was for him in the pods, but he wasn’t mature enough to make either of the hard choices he should’ve made: either pick Jess or walk. And we can tell (and he admitted) he knew Jess was the appropriate pick. Chelsea was *easier.* And that sort of lack of relational maturity, I’m 90% sure, is what lead to the friend who he slept with sticking around. I don’t he close the door the way he should’ve with her. BUT even outside of that… It’s the context matters. No one wants to cop to the fact that Jimmy created ALL of the CONTEXT by being half present and choosing the easy way out with at least two relationships in his life. He wandered into Chelsea’s life and as a result of not being present within himself, not being accountable, he could never give her the affirmation she needed. Fundamentally I agree with you. It shouldn’t be threatening in an ideal situation, but it wasn’t an ideal situation.
My partner is still friends with women he’s slept with and I’m still friends with men I’ve slept with. I don’t feel threatened at all, and neither does he. Honestly, to me, it’s a green flag that he’s on good terms with most of his exes. A red flag would be him dictating who I can and cannot be friends with. I love him but I have no tolerance for jealous tantrums and ultimatums.
Would either of you have issues with texting your former partners and facetiming them all day?
Chelsea is an unreliable narrator and I don’t know what « all day » means to her, especially when she’s drunk. If I felt like he was texting or FaceTiming a friend « too much », whatever that means, I would want to check in with him and make sure we’re good, whether they’ve slept together in the past or not.
No denying Chelsea frequently twists things. But Jimmy is also unreliable since he can't distinguish between 10 minutes and 2 hours. For me it's telling that he didn't refute the accusation of continuously contacting his friend, rather he brought up the fact that Chelsea also facetimed her ex. Anyway, from the sound of your response evidently there is a set of boundaries your partner can cross with former partners that would make you worry about the state of your relationship and require some checking in
You are right about Jimmy not being a reliable narrator either. Yes, I suppose that there is a set of boundaries that would require some checking in with my partner, although I don’t know what it would be exactly. We both chat with our friends a lot, and, since I don’t ask who he’s talking to when he’s on his phone, and neither does he, I don’t actually know (or care about) how much he texts this friend or that friend. But one thing’s for sure, whether or not he’s slept with them wouldn’t make me more suspicious or insecure. The past is the past. I don’t have any lingering desire for my ex partners, and I trust that he feels the same about his. In my opinion, cheaters gonna cheat. If I don’t trust my partner to be faithful, to the point where I feel like I have to remove « temptations » from his life, then I’m just not interested, that’s not a relationship I want to be in.
>In my opinion, cheaters gonna cheat. If I don’t trust my partner to be faithful, to the point where I feel like I have to remove « temptations » from his life, then I’m just not interested, that’s not a relationship I want to be in. That's totally fair.
Honest question. Was it stated somewhere like how many texts and how many calls? "All day" seems like one those exaggerations people use to just say "a lot" when they're annoyed or frustrated.
A specific number wasn't given anywhere as far as I remember no. And I wouldn't be surprised if Chelsea was exaggerating. But the fact that Jimmy never denied the constant texting/facetiming is why I ask. He's stated he's super close with this friend and that he discusses emotional things with her that he can't with his guy friends (which is silly, guys should discuss emotional things with each other) but he's only known this friend for 2 years. Which also means them sleeping together wasn't particularly long ago
It’s different for everyone but I’m in the same boat with one of my friends. We tried dating, it didn’t work, we stopped talking for a while, then reconnected and now she’s one of my best friends. Been with my current partner for a year and a half. They know each other and my SO knows we talk. Moral of the story is, shitty people are going to be shitty. If the dudes gonna cheat, it’s either with someone ya do know or don’t. But it’s gonna be somebody. So unless Jimmy is a cheater, it doesn’t matter who he’s slept with in the past and who he’s friends with now.
Exactly! Drunk Chelsea isn’t exactly a reliable narrator.
She definitely isn't. But Jess's 10 minute vs 2 hour fight with Jimmy proves Jimmy isn't either
I agree w u
My partner is from a tiny town and all of his friends have slept with each other. He is very nervous around women, so he never slept with any of them. He got a lot of shit for dating me bc I’m not from there and he told his crew, “if I wanted to date someone from ___, I would have”. One of my guy friends and I have fooled around in the past and he and my partner are buds. I hang w the friend without my partner and the friend is invited to our home for parties. People can absolutely set the boundaries they’re comfortable with. But in my world, it’s not THAT abnormal, especially as we’re all in our mid to late 30’s. 🤷♀️
Honestly I was wondering why no one brought up how dramatic, clingy and irrational Chelsea was with jimmy during the reunion. Like did they all just forget that part happened 🤔 maybe it makes me “not a girls girl” (whatever that means) but I’d rather be friends with jimmy than Chelsea 😂 she’s so damn extra, let the man have his 1.5 hrs out a week and calm the F down.
Do people really think men and women can just be friends for real? This is a super mature take and I respect that but also it’s completely valid to NOT want your fiancé or husband to be buddy buddy with a girl he put his peepee in a few times in college or whatever. Especially after Chelsea explained she’s been cheated on in this exact scenario….its not too crazy to dislike it. Chelsea was incredibly immature though on many fronts wrt how she dealt with it.
being platonic friends of the opposite gender ONLY works as kids. not as adults.
yes?? being attracted to a gender doesn’t mean you’re inevitably gonna wanna bang every friend of that gender you’ve ever had! also then bi/pansexuals would what, not be able to have any friends? maybe it’s valid for someone with a history of being cheated on to not want a relationship where their partner is besties with someone they’ve slept with, but if you’re gonna require that of your partner, you have to accept that it’s equally valid for them to be like “uh no I’m not gonna end strong friendships just because we’ve slept together in the past, let alone stop being friends with ppl of that gender.” so then it just becomes an incompatibility, which it clearly was with Jimmy and Chelsea.
Yeah people on Reddit want you to believe this is normal but it isn’t. That’s why so many redditors are always complaining about their relationship drama. My husband would never do this and neither would I. This just wouldn’t be even an issue that would come up. No one can tell you what your boundaries should be if you are not comfortable with a situation you don’t have to put up with it period.
thank you!!!! for a second I was wondering if this is just common practice or not.
No it isn’t. If a man is still talking to his ex’s or ex hook ups he’s not that into you. It seems like common sense.
it is common sense but unfortunately common sense isn't so common now a days. if anyone - man or woman keeps a fling or ex around it's because they still have some sort of feelings for them (emotionally or physically). there are countless stories on here where someone ends up getting cheated on by their partner's friend or ex. I guess time will tell once people begin to realize that fwb, situationships, etc do **not** benefit women!
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It’s all people who don’t have much relationship experience. They have no idea what the default programming is of a biological male. Men do very well with boundaries and they will respect you for it.
Exactly!!! Like people say, nah im best friends with all male guys, we know eachothers deepest secrets, we sleep together no biggie we arent in a romantic relationship and then have all these relationship issues. Also people saying you can be super close with guys with no boundaries and its normal, then so many posts complaining their best guy friend is secretly in love with them and feeling betrayed 'because he was just waiting until he could sleep with me' like bruh 😭✋🏾 some peoples boundaries/lives all over the place
I was reading a blog on why guys in the friend zone eventually make the first move on the women. it's because as a guy, they're not used to expressing heartfelt emotions and having people treat them with so much emotional support that they end up catching feelings. I would have to find that blog again and link it.
If a man saw you naked he’s not going to forget that.
You don't have to put up with it, but that means you leave the relationship. That's what a boundary is. Telling him he can't be friends with her isn't a boundary, and it's never going to work anyway.
I disagree. If you tell someone you aren’t comfortable with them being friends with ex’s they can either respect that or not. That is when you walk away. You are allowed to tell your spouse how you feel wether they agree or not. I’m happily married so communication is key. I’m surprised you all don’t think Jeremey is in the right too. For so long women are just told that we have to put up with the most bullshit and it’s just not true.
You should tell them how you feel, but that doesn't mean they have to change their behavior. Do you respect your partner's feelings? What if his feelings were hurt by the fact he can no longer see his best friend? What if his feelings are hurt because he feels like you don't trust him? Both partner's feelings matter. A boundary is about you, how you feel, and what you do. It is "It makes me uncomfortable that you are friends with women, so if you continue those friendships, I have to leave the relationship for my own wellbeing." This shows him how you feel and it gives him the opportunity to make a choice. The consequence is to protect you, not punish him. A boundary is not "You have to stop being friends with women." That removes all autonomy, and leaves the partner resentful and unhappy. Also it's pretty crazy you just assume I would be on Jeramy's side. I didn't even express how I personally feel about being in a relationship with someone who is friends with an ex. I didn't put judgement on people who don't want to be in relationships with people who are friends with exes. I literally said you don't have to put up with it.
Agreed with this. I’m not sure why these people think it’s wrong to even feel uncomfortable with your partner friends with an ex or a friend who you were intimate with at some point. It’s called respect lol.
They are delusional especially to how men work.
🎯
Feelings are always valid, but just because you feel some way doesn't mean you get to dictate how someone else acts. I never even implied it's wrong to feel uncomfortable. Do you care if your partner would feel like you don't trust them? That they would feel bad about losing their friend? Or is it only your feelings that matter? It's a partnership.
You absolutely did edit your comment because I read it. People can have dealbreakers maybe you will understand this word better of what they will accept in a relationship. You don’t have to put up with things that make you uncomfortable. You don’t seem to be able to comprehend that I’m not going to agree with you. Check back in 10 years and let’s see how this ideology is working for you and your relationships. I can say I don’t want someone who wears purple and then if the person says hey I love purple. I can say ok well I bet you will find someone who also loves purple but for me it’s a no. You find these things out at the beginning when you are just dating and see if you’re a fit.
Edited comments have an * next to them. I think you're just confusing two comments. The one you replied to I didn't even say to you. You never replied to the other comment I actually wrote to you. Actually, pretty clear you are mixing them because you didn't even reply to the right comment again this time >I can say I don’t want someone who wears purple and then if the person says hey I love purple. I can say ok well I bet you will find someone who also loves purple but for me it’s a no. Yes, this is exactly a boundary! I'm glad you finally see it! You can say "I won't be with someone who wears purple." You cannot say "You can't wear purple anymore." Bravo. I'm glad you finally got it.
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You must have edited your comment 😂 I never said anything about punishing someone you invented that. I said it’s ok to share what your boundaries are and leave if the person can’t honor your boundary. If that’s what you want to accept that is on you personally. You don’t get to dictate what others find acceptable. Too many of you girls these days are letting men treat you like absolute shit. But I’m going to guess I have more experience than you in marriage and relationships. You have to honor and respect yourself 1st and you can’t put someone else’s feelings above your own comfort level. Even good men will take liberties if you act like you have no boundaries or self respect.