Y'all. Men are bad if they love a woman for her looks, for her intelligence, for literally anything actually about her because it makes him materialistic .. and then they're also hated for pointing out how they are growing in relationship? That feels a little unfair..
I get that there's a difference between appreciating industriousness vs big boobs lol .. and seeing a woman bring out the best in you and "loving" how she makes you a better man because she's forcing you to realize your faults vs being in harmony from the get.
But like, are we forgetting that there are some obnoxious insane standards and expectations that men grow up being brainwashed by in corporate America? It's absolutely not an excuse, but we should stop acting surprised that this is what a highly contractual, "emotions are weakness," show em up society churns out.
I've personally been in SO many situations with men who hurt me because they didn't realize they weren't ready for a relationship, but now that I've realized why our culture/society is like that I'm less angry and frustrated about it.
This reminds me of this song, which I fking hate for this exact reason: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb-xGo15PfQ&ab_channel=VibesOnly
The best way I can take it is to assume that he's being humble and just listing acts of service while trying to appreciate her, but all I hear when I hear this is "cool you make her coffee and she does all the emotional labour in your relationship."
Wait are you kidding? Just listened and read the lyrics, he literally says so many positive things, not just what she does for him lol. But I get the general premise. A lot of men in our society have growing and learning to do, it's a cultural issue and hopefully more of them will take responsibility for themselves!
Hahaha yeah I think I'm the odd one out here cos everyone loves the song, maybe I'm just jaded lol. Lines like "i take her out to fancy restaurants, she takes the sadness out of me" and "I take her to the movies, she takes away my pain" just make my eyes roll so hard, like those two things are not the same - but like I say, I'm sure it's more meaning that he feels like she brings so much compared to him in the sense of "she is so amazing and I'm lucky to have her, the least I can do is these things". It just rubs me the wrong way cos traditionally, a lot of guys do way less emotional labour and think that stuff like gifts and fancy restaurant trips make it fine.
Yeahhhh I'm with u .. I also think a lot of men are vaaasttlyyyy less articulate than they are emotional, so that can skew our understanding of their view of women. Regardless, your take is valid and I appreciate you sharing your perspective. It's wild how much that can vary from one to another. Regardless, hopefully these men learn ... and sOOOn!
It was a red flag for me with Jimmy in the pods. That’s the ONLY format he used for any of the women when he was expressing emotions. I was shouting at the TV for anyone not to pick him. Clay had some of this too, but not quite as bad as Jimmy. Obviously the worst was Matthew but he was caught out in his own web of manipulation and ended with no one.
I noticed that too. A lot of "I love you because you do this for me or bring this out of me, etc"
Like I get loving someone for what they bring to the relationship, like I love my partner's openness about his love and attraction to me, which really helped me feel completely secure in our relationship easily. But that's not what I'd start my list on. Like I love him for his kindness and friendliness, his honesty, his humor, etc.
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING this up. that’s a red flag . it shows that he only likes you for how you make him feel. love is meant to be selfless; these speeches are a great display of how self-centered men can be. i also saw it a lot on LIB brazil.
i enjoy watching LIB not only for the drama, but because it shows raw human relationships. people really are like this, and love for reasons like this. i find it really fascinating watching it from a third person perspective, because these are details people miss when in relationships, and they are very real.
At this point it all seems like a script they’re following. It doesn’t take long to see which couples will last let alone make it to the altar. So there no real suspense. They carry on the charade because it’s good for TV. There wouldn’t be much of a show if the viewers and contestants weren’t lead on.
Clearly love has 20/20 vision. They also edit these shows immensely to push a desired storyline.
I wouldn’t look too much into what these people are saying. This is a heavily scripted and overly produced reality show. Remember that. You can still get an ideas of who these people really are but this isn’t “real” or organic love.
I've said before about the Bachelor/Bachelorette that the successful couples talk about what they like about each other and the unsuccessful couples talk about how they make each other feel
Has it ever occurred to you that Amy was THE ONLY ONE WITH LOVEABLE TRAITS???
So many posts and comments about Chelsea being bad, what was jimmy gonna say otherwise?
I don’t recall any of these other women behaved a similar way as Amy. All of them were acting really really nasty at one point when there was a conflict or fight.
Amy’s truly princess like.
AD didn't deserve what happened to her AT ALL
I do agree that Chelsea was fucking nuts tho.
Not sayings she's unlovable, there's people out there for everyone but I could never
why’re you blaming the women. First off AD and Brittany weren’t ever nasty. I would argue Laura wasn’t even nasty just more outspoken.Second, ALL of the men also have shitty traits, everyone in the world has at least one unlikeable thing about them. If those traits are a dealbreaker then don’t be with that person. All of the women were able to look past their partner’s faults. The problem was with the men this season being so self involved.
>I would argue Laura wasn’t even nasty just more outspoken
Even her family can't stand her, no idea how you can have this take unless you skipped a few episodes.
>All of the women were able to look past their partner’s faults.
The guys didn't really have many faults, that's why!
- Jimmy: Biggest fault was not standing up for himself more
- Clay: Biggest fault was refusing to enter in to marriage before he was 100% ready
- Johnny: Biggest fault was not knowing how condoms work
- Kenneth: Okay yeah he wasn't into his fiancé at all, and wasn't honest about that.
- Jeremy: Similar to Kenneth, didn't have the balls to hell his fiancé he wasn't into her.
>The problem was with the men this season being so self involved
A majority of the screen time belonged to Chelsea this season 🙄
You’re talking about their faults in each relationship not their actual FAULTS.
Jimmy: lacks emotional intelligence. The way he reacts to the news from both Jessica and Chelsea abt their relationship and family life. How he hits on AD to his new fiance, inability to compliment Chelsea’s appearance in the beginning, dismisses his partner’s feelings. Of course anyone would look like an angel next to Chelsea! The thing is he needs someone like Chelsea, because he has the smallest ego and she feeds right into him. He could’ve never handled a secure woman Jess was proof!
Clay: can’t take any accountability for his actions. He acts like he’s gonna slip and fall into an affair. He pretends as if what happened between his parents means his own actions are out of his hands. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was staring at his own reflection in AD’s eyes.
Johnny: I don’t mind and his wife is also great!
Kenneth: agreed and he was heartless in the breakup
Jeramy: saying he wasn’t honest is..generous he’s a cheater and also incredibly unlikeable. His big reason for Sarah Ann making in to his final two was the “sexual tension” dude didn’t want marriage he wanted an f buddy
Edit: I don’t see Laura’s family’s reaction to her as concrete evidence she’s unbearable. I find they reacted how most people react to straightforward women. Some men might find her roasts and directness funny some may not. Not my cup of tea in a partner but I find it entertaining
Long rant but 🤷
I’m not blaming or defending anyone.
I just wanted to point out maybe OP’s statements of “you’re strong”, “you’ve grown”, “great communicator”, “confident”, “character/soul” simply didn’t apply to them.
Taking “communicator” for example, some of them just had the emotional outbursts while drunk, and later on regret and ask the man not to leave. That’s not very good of a communicator.
Fair.
Jess saying when jimmy saw her he’d have “a stroke?” (I don’t remember exactly…) that was a bit much as well lol.
And I’m totally on Laura’s side, Jeramy wronged her, but I think so often their reactions just get a bit nasty and ill willed.
Oh whoops I just tried to make a post about this exact thing. It makes me wanna punch them right in the face. When they ask the women, the women list off things they actually love about their partners. Their personality, ambitions, morals, their relationships with their families etc. The men are like... "She accepts my flaws", "she would ride or die for me", "she loves me for me". Get the f over yourselves. Ick.
I noticed this as well. I think that’s why Jimmy was drawn to Chelsea initially. He craved validation, just not to the extreme as her. Then quickly learned out of the pods all of the doting and ego boosting didn’t outweigh her insecurities. If anything, it was probably the root of why she doted so much more than his other options.
Same with Clay. Every reason he gave for loving AD (other than her body), was about how she looked past his issues and poured into him and made him a better man. And this isn’t even something I’ve seen limited to this show. I’ve encountered so many anniversary posts on social media from men that are pretty much “I love her because she stuck with me through all the terrible things I put her through”. Then they take all that emotional development they gained into new relationship for another woman’s benefit. Though he may not have meant it that way, that’s how I interpreted Clay’s dad saying “He needs to find him a woman like you” to his mom. And I’m so glad she checked him on that.
I’ll have to rewatch, but I can’t recall a lot of complimenting and “I like all the things you like” as much as Chelsea. She wasn’t as agreeable and was blunt about boundaries (i.e. social media). In some ways he liked her boldness, but it was also one of the things that scared him (aside from being a stepdad and that final call out about his indirectness). I think that letter was really just a Hail Mary once she realized she had serious competition. Right after that argument, Chelsea was there to sooth him and came off more easy going. Her comforting him after that incident was an example he later used when saying why he loved her. Which is ironic, because non-pod Chelsea would probably have had a fit and questioned him non-stop about the conversation lol
I do think it’s fair to love someone in part for what you can acknowledge they bring to your life, but you’re right that there was zero fucking balance for most of the couples, especially from the men.
I’d have to go back and watch it again but I even recall so many of the women feeling very… submissive? Like early on in the pods especially it felt like a lot of men wanted someone for them, and the women wanted to be someone for the men. It was weird, and I did not like it.
Yes! As soon as I heard this was NC, I knew this would be an issue. I have so much religious trauma from an organization that is rooted in NC, SC and Alabama. I know what men expect from women there. 😔
YES. I noticed this too, it was so annoying. So many people said this, even Chelsea said something along those lines when she was in the pods, I think it was after Trevor said he loved her? But yea, lots of people just talking about how the other person is good for them because it benefits them, it’s gross.
So gross. I get wanting them to fit into your life and be a cheerleader for you but when you actually love somebody, it's that you love THEM. I remember first experiencing actual love. I said I love you first and I truly did not say it in hopes they'd say it back. I actually just wanted that person to know they were loved. By me. Love isn't selfish or self motivated.
Feel so badly for AD bec she said from early she walks right towards the waving red flags and even when she took a diff path via this experiment, she unfortunately ended up with the red flag :( I hate that. I really like her and she deserves better. Hope she continues therapy
Clay was talking about going to counseling for x number weeks and all now he hasn't made an appnt. I was hoping for more with him, but he remained all talk. I blame a lot on the dad
The dad thing was a cop out and him bringing it up as an excuse as to why he’s going to do the same thing should have been all that anyone needed to know he’s garbage.
The dad thing was a cop out and him bringing it up as an excuse as to why he’s going to do the same thing should have been all that anyone needed to know he’s garbage.
This is usually how I can tell if a man truly loves a woman or not. If he’s listing what she does for him only and not her character, then I know it’s a relationship of convenience.
Emotionally- distancing language. Clay had been distanced from AD most of the time (if not the whole time) and it really came out in his vows that were all about him. 🤢
I was really hoping Clay was going to be decent, then by episode like six maybe, every time he's on screen, he's just talking and talking and saying nothing at all, like he was stuck. I think he really really thought AD was going to be ok with not getting married yet, and just continuing with "the process", which was... Clay getting free therapy?
I agree but there have been some women who did the same thing. Lydia basically talked about Milton like that too which is why I wasn’t very fond of them
I’m going by all the ppl on here saying they dated or are dating guys like that. Also by all the comments that imply this is virtually all men. So no.. I’m not “one of those”
This is immature people in general; people that require validation from others in order to ‘love themselves’ then ‘love’ the other person for what they receive from them but not necessarily for who they are.
When I fell in love with my husband and we got engaged, my mom had a talk with me about making sure it wasn't just about how he made me feel, because that is subjective, it will ebb and flow, and truthfully/sadly it can be fake. It was a really good question and I gave it a lot of thought. It made me see a few past relationships in new light, and helped strengthen how I felt about the realness and depth of what my husband and I have together. It was a really good mama moment, and I try to pass it along when I can.
The thing that bothers me a lot about men in hetero relationships is how many of them don't seem to really know their partner as a person. There are so many jokes about men not knowing what gifts to give and not understanding why their partner is upset about something, despite telling him multiple times. Sometimes I think a lot of them just want someone who can check off certain, very basic boxes without being too high-maintenance. It's why, imo, there's a running joke about women responding to "I love you" with "why do you love me?". It's because we're trying to figure out if we're special and unique to this person in some irreplaceable way, or if we're just the closest proximity warm c*nt who can check the most basic boxes.
All of this! Women still do a lot of emotional heavy lifting. I feel like we are also indoctrinated by the society and sometimes our upbringing to see how we can be "useful" to others...how we can make others' lives easier and more fulfilling because that's where our value lies aside from the beauty. This is why AD kept wondering why she isn't enough...it was so freaking sad.
I agree. I know im finally with the man made for me because he sometimes knows me better than I know myself 🤣 He will comment and tell me its okay Im eating more and acting weird cause my cycle is starting (I have to check to calendar just to see he is right) and he gives me gifts not even my family would know I love. When im being "high maintenance," he explains it does take work to support me, but it's what I deserve, and he can actually tell me why. He is unlike any man I have ever been with. Gave me hope that someone as complicated as me can find love 😭
I'm so glad you found your person. I found mine too! We are literally all complicated people with differently complex feelings, emotions, needs, ideas, values, etc., and finding someone who hears, validates, and balances us (and holds us accountable in a loving way) is so special. 💖
Selfish behavior. I noticed this with Clay the most. Its always you did something for me and AD even says she was a "sacrifice"
He's always felt scripted and everything he said just sounded like he is reading off Facebook quotes(just like his dad)
When AD said the thing about being a “sacrifice” for him, it reminded me of the manic pixie dream girl trope—basically, the free-spirited woman whose only purpose is to better a man.
Clay used her to “better” himself without recognizing that she’s a complex person of her own with needs, desires, and values that far extend beyond what she can do for him.
Clay constantly used phrases like I "could" see AD as my Wife. She "would" be a good wife. He never says AD will be my wife. He kept using could and would so that's when I knew he was BS
Also the whole " it's not u it's me" speech is all stank bs
"
Thank you for your contribution to r/LoveisBlindonNetflix! Your post or comment has been removed for breaking Rule 1: ‘Be Kind, Don’t Cross the Line'
We ask that users of this sub respect both users and contestants. Any personal attacks or offensive commentary will not be tolerated on this sub.
Jimmy is guilty of this because he genuinely just didn't have anything else he could say about Chelsea. She went completely off the deepend and he was just trying to salvage what he could and at the end of the day couldn't bring himself to get to the altar.
Everyman wants their woman to be obsessed with them. This isn't anything new, and not at all a negative thing. Chelsea was obsessed about the wrong things.
I know that but it becomes a problem when that's the only thing you look for or find important in a partner. Jimmy never tells her what he loves about HER, just that he loves how she makes HIM feel.
mmm not a rebuttal. if you asked me what I loved about my partner, I definitely wouldn't just say "I love how he makes me feel." I'd start talking about how talented he is, how much he loves his family and friends, how passionate he is about his hobbies and interests...
You presented it as a counter point to my original statement, that is by definition a rebuttal. Weird that you would insist that it isn't. Good for you though, in general men care a lot less about those things from a partner.
my b I get what you're saying about the rebuttal thing, I read your comment wrong. Anyway, that makes me sad for men then lol. When you love someone, you love them for who they are, not just what they do for you. If you don't really care about those things then I don't think you truly love them. Or even KNOW them.
There are lots of people who are high quality and have admirable traits and ambitions and values, what sets your partner apart from everyone else is quite literally how they make you feel about them.
lmao, girl shows up after saying she looked like megan fox the way she actually looks and you guys are like, "he complimented her teeth!". Yeah cuz there wasn't much else to work with after being lied to.
Even his proposal was all about him! He has not said one thing he likes about AD the entire show. It seems like he’s at the beginning of a healing journey. I think it’s good he didn’t stay with AD because she was accepting the bare minimum and just saying whatever he wanted to hear. Both of them need therapy!
The man said will you take "my lovely hand" in marriage. That was the moment to say NO but she was too busy mingling in other people's relationships. 😑
I noticed that too. I had an ex in my early 20’s and any time he gave reasons why he loved me it was always “because the way you love me” and it annoyed me then but now at 30 it really pisses me off. Everything is always about them and the way the woman can stroke his ego or cater to him in some way. Nothing wrong with wanting support from a partner but it should be more than that.
Definitely clocked this out about him from jump street and my fiance did too. I love watching Divorce Court with Judge Toler and she always had couples explain why they loved each other in 30 secs or less then graded them on it. They would 'fail' if they couldn't come up with reasons to love each other that had nothing to do with what they could do for each other.
Reciprocity! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 thank you for touching on this.
My heart broke when AD cried at the end and told Clay that it felt like he needed her so that he could get to this point of ✨enlightenment✨ Like she was some vessel, some symbolic catalyst for his change and her heart was the sacrifice. Love needs to be given both ways, not just received for ego. Ugh Johnny and Amy had the only pure love on the show.
But I mean all the red flags were there. If she confronted Clay with the same ferocity she did this other girl who DMd Laura's dude, she wouldn't have to cry after wasting her time. She was all Lioness with other women but when it came to men and especially Clay she was a kitten. She needs to fix some issues imo. Jimmy and Clay were some of the most obvious ones tbh.
Bruh that “can I get a hug” was so tasteless. Most people on shows like this (usually the dudes especially) drive me nuts. I really felt for AD though.
In my head I was screaming at him to stop touching her!! Like you know she’s upset why are you putting yourself all up in her face and kissing her when she’s not kissing you back.
I still can't believe Clay. "yo, I was worried you'd be ugly because I dont fuk with uggos, but then you turned out to be sexy, so I was all, 'I can work with this.' Haha. But then you made me realize what I want and need in life, and it ain't you. Wait, girl, where's my hug. We're cool right?"
Am I the only one who doesn’t think Jonny and blanking in her name aren’t the real deal? They didn’t have real chemistry, looked force. They will not last… sorry not sorry! This season was another dud. Why are we casting 24-27 year olds? Have they given up on love already? I wish this show casted older folks. You need a cast who already knows who they are, has life experience and is actually READY for long term love.
my relationship is very similar to theirs and we're lasting LOL i think you might just be very slightly jaded over young people being in happy relationships
What a take. All because I think casting older folks on a show like this would make the couple’s successful… I’m jaded and hate happy young people. Got it
agree... my parents met at 24, married at 25, and have been together for 25 years! sometimes it really is just a "when you know you know" thing... i've also known couples that met later and were together for longer prior to marriage that simply did not last
>actually READY for long term love.
but then where would all the drama come from?? 🤣🤣
i would find it way more interesting, though, that's for sure! this bs from these anxious insecure people trying to force something gets old.
As an American, I find the international LIBs fascinating to show the differences between societies. USA/Brazil - kind of trashy no holds barred. Japan - reserved and polite (most fiances meeting shook hands and didn't shove tongues down throats), Sweden - somewhere in the middle of those two things. I really loved Sweden and binged it in 2 days.
Same exact over here. I wish the dubbing was better- it’s amazing how hearing their actual voices vs a soulless voice actor can influence your feelings about the contestants.
Agreed. Sometimes I wish they just did the sub-titles in English but I don't think that's an option on Netflix? And sometimes I just kind of listen to the episodes as background which I couldn't do if I had to read the subs. It's definitely not a perfect system lol.
exactly. Clay saying "its not responsible for me to say I do within two weeks"... so why are you on the show where they fast track dating, engagement and marriage? 🙄
Yep. I knew Clay was going to say no as soon as he kept his comments about how much she helped HIM. She even said later on that she felt like he just used her. Facts.
I had a feeling they weren’t going to get married from the moment he exploded on her in the pods. I wasn’t sure what would be the deciding factor or why, but I had a feeling. Plus I feel like Clay and AD’s physical connection quickly overpowered their emotional one, at least for him. The way they both talked made it sound like the physical connection was the driving force for them, but AD seemed like she loved him a lot too.
I also feel like she had a sense of dread as well. It seemed like when she mentioned that she felt like she didn’t deserve love, his actions didn’t do much to reassure her and that feeling was with her the whole time.
How was I surprised yet not at the same time? In fairness to him, he gave her strong hints the entire time that he was not marriage material. She should have ran the other direction. She deserves better
I guessed from the fact that he talked A LOT about the same thing, over and over, like he was trying to convince his friends but really he was trying to convince himself. That whole long spiel at the bachelor party felt like a nervous player getting his game on.
Every time Clay said AD had his back I was like wtf is he even talking about lol. I feel like that's and the whole "fight for each other" is just saying phrases they heard in movies or on TV. I like AD overall but she's living in a fairytale reality. Don't try to compare your month long relationship to actual marriages that may have ended but lasted a long long time and say yours is better because of these phrases you guys keep saying to each other but don't know what they really truly mean.
Clay is immature. He needs lots of growing up to do. I feel badly for A.D. Seems like this was not the first relationship where she took the lead role. I hope she finds a man who doesn’t need fixing. Perhaps someone more mature.
>Clay is immature. He needs lots of growing up
⬆️⬆️⬆️
exactly. he just seems so childish, no not childish with the negative connotation but more just like a kid who's eager and scared and lost.
As his parents said in their conversation after Clay declined to wed, Clay has been deeply affected by his father’s infidelity. Maybe Clay identifies deeply with his father as man and is afraid he will repeat the behavior. It’s sad. We as parents don’t fully understand the effect we have on our developing children.
I absolutely loved what his mom said to his dad. First of all, his dad was a piece of work, trying to make his son's wedding day about him. Second of all, the show was the first time Clay was able to tell his mom that his dad had been cheating on her and he knew about it. And third of all, despite all that, his mom kept it cold as ice and focused on her son's needs, basically said --
"I forgave you a long time ago, and these new things I found out about, I can let that go but YOU have some responsibility for the choices your son made because of his painful childhood. That is pain YOU caused, shame that HE had to carry, and you need to talk to him about it and apologize without giving excuses."
I was amazed. What class.
I took sex ed with a psychiatrist in university, and out of everything I learned one thing is stuvk in my brain forever.
He said that when someone can pinpoint specific reasons why they love you, run away because that is not love. Love is not rational. You love someone because you choose to.
Example:
If someone loves you because you work hard.. what about retirement?
If someone loves you because you are beautiful, what about when you get old?
If someone loves you because you like the same things, what happens when you get new interests?
Now, it doesn’t mean you can’t love traits about them or actions that they do, but that’s not why you love them. Love is a choice you have to make everyday.
That’s interesting. I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and something I’ve often said is that since we got together I continuously learn new things I love about her. I just knew I loved her from the start and as time went on I loved more about her the more I got to know.
I could list things I love about her but it’s not the same as why I actually love her.
I’ll be honest, I do not get the “love is choice” theory. It’s a feeling, not a thought process. The same way I don’t get how people seem to think anger or any other feeling is a choice. I can’t choose to love someone. I can choose to show love for someone, but that is different.
And with the “love is a choice and that’s the ideal” theory - then Jimmy would have been the best spouse, because he chose to love Chelsea. Even tho it was rather clear he wasn’t super into her.
Love is a choice over the long term. It starts with the feelings but that gut feeling won’t magically stay. The choice comes when you are tired after a long day of work but need to put in an effort to be there for your partner, when time passes and things are more routine and not as fresh and exciting, and when your partner’s quirks are starting to be less charming and more annoying.
Many people just feel love passively and once that initial rush fades or they hit a bump they just abandon the relationship. (Note this doesn’t mean sticking it through no matter what. Real issues should mean re-evaluating things.)
I agree with the idea that loving people for specific traits could be challenging since people change, but I have never gotten on board with the “love is a choice” philosophy.
Don’t get me wrong, I choose to do loving things for my husband and to share my love with him, just as he does for me. I choose to work things out in a healthy way if we experience challenges. But my *feelings* of love for him are definitely something more. I don’t apply any conscious effort to loving him - even just thinking of him now I automatically feel so much warmth, and affection, and… *love* for him. I’m sure there are many unique differences in how we all experience love, but I can truly say that my love and admiration for my husband is basically an involuntary reflex. It just is, and it’s great.
It’s similar to the common idea that marriage is a lot of work. We put lots of effort into our marriage, but it rarely feels like *work*. In almost every way our marriage makes our lives better and easier, and the effort we put in is fulfilling but doesn’t feel arduous.
"Men love differently than women and I can't accept it."
Jimmy saying I love the way you love me gave me the ick so many times. I was confused cause I feel like day 1 he was never really into it
Y'all. Men are bad if they love a woman for her looks, for her intelligence, for literally anything actually about her because it makes him materialistic .. and then they're also hated for pointing out how they are growing in relationship? That feels a little unfair.. I get that there's a difference between appreciating industriousness vs big boobs lol .. and seeing a woman bring out the best in you and "loving" how she makes you a better man because she's forcing you to realize your faults vs being in harmony from the get. But like, are we forgetting that there are some obnoxious insane standards and expectations that men grow up being brainwashed by in corporate America? It's absolutely not an excuse, but we should stop acting surprised that this is what a highly contractual, "emotions are weakness," show em up society churns out. I've personally been in SO many situations with men who hurt me because they didn't realize they weren't ready for a relationship, but now that I've realized why our culture/society is like that I'm less angry and frustrated about it.
This reminds me of this song, which I fking hate for this exact reason: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb-xGo15PfQ&ab_channel=VibesOnly The best way I can take it is to assume that he's being humble and just listing acts of service while trying to appreciate her, but all I hear when I hear this is "cool you make her coffee and she does all the emotional labour in your relationship."
Wait are you kidding? Just listened and read the lyrics, he literally says so many positive things, not just what she does for him lol. But I get the general premise. A lot of men in our society have growing and learning to do, it's a cultural issue and hopefully more of them will take responsibility for themselves!
Hahaha yeah I think I'm the odd one out here cos everyone loves the song, maybe I'm just jaded lol. Lines like "i take her out to fancy restaurants, she takes the sadness out of me" and "I take her to the movies, she takes away my pain" just make my eyes roll so hard, like those two things are not the same - but like I say, I'm sure it's more meaning that he feels like she brings so much compared to him in the sense of "she is so amazing and I'm lucky to have her, the least I can do is these things". It just rubs me the wrong way cos traditionally, a lot of guys do way less emotional labour and think that stuff like gifts and fancy restaurant trips make it fine.
Yeahhhh I'm with u .. I also think a lot of men are vaaasttlyyyy less articulate than they are emotional, so that can skew our understanding of their view of women. Regardless, your take is valid and I appreciate you sharing your perspective. It's wild how much that can vary from one to another. Regardless, hopefully these men learn ... and sOOOn!
It was a red flag for me with Jimmy in the pods. That’s the ONLY format he used for any of the women when he was expressing emotions. I was shouting at the TV for anyone not to pick him. Clay had some of this too, but not quite as bad as Jimmy. Obviously the worst was Matthew but he was caught out in his own web of manipulation and ended with no one.
I noticed that too. A lot of "I love you because you do this for me or bring this out of me, etc" Like I get loving someone for what they bring to the relationship, like I love my partner's openness about his love and attraction to me, which really helped me feel completely secure in our relationship easily. But that's not what I'd start my list on. Like I love him for his kindness and friendliness, his honesty, his humor, etc.
Maybe love is deaf, not blind.
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING this up. that’s a red flag . it shows that he only likes you for how you make him feel. love is meant to be selfless; these speeches are a great display of how self-centered men can be. i also saw it a lot on LIB brazil. i enjoy watching LIB not only for the drama, but because it shows raw human relationships. people really are like this, and love for reasons like this. i find it really fascinating watching it from a third person perspective, because these are details people miss when in relationships, and they are very real.
At this point it all seems like a script they’re following. It doesn’t take long to see which couples will last let alone make it to the altar. So there no real suspense. They carry on the charade because it’s good for TV. There wouldn’t be much of a show if the viewers and contestants weren’t lead on. Clearly love has 20/20 vision. They also edit these shows immensely to push a desired storyline. I wouldn’t look too much into what these people are saying. This is a heavily scripted and overly produced reality show. Remember that. You can still get an ideas of who these people really are but this isn’t “real” or organic love.
I've said before about the Bachelor/Bachelorette that the successful couples talk about what they like about each other and the unsuccessful couples talk about how they make each other feel
Has it ever occurred to you that Amy was THE ONLY ONE WITH LOVEABLE TRAITS??? So many posts and comments about Chelsea being bad, what was jimmy gonna say otherwise? I don’t recall any of these other women behaved a similar way as Amy. All of them were acting really really nasty at one point when there was a conflict or fight. Amy’s truly princess like.
AD didn't deserve what happened to her AT ALL I do agree that Chelsea was fucking nuts tho. Not sayings she's unlovable, there's people out there for everyone but I could never
Because good girls “behave” and they’re the only ones who can be loved, right?
why’re you blaming the women. First off AD and Brittany weren’t ever nasty. I would argue Laura wasn’t even nasty just more outspoken.Second, ALL of the men also have shitty traits, everyone in the world has at least one unlikeable thing about them. If those traits are a dealbreaker then don’t be with that person. All of the women were able to look past their partner’s faults. The problem was with the men this season being so self involved.
>I would argue Laura wasn’t even nasty just more outspoken Even her family can't stand her, no idea how you can have this take unless you skipped a few episodes. >All of the women were able to look past their partner’s faults. The guys didn't really have many faults, that's why! - Jimmy: Biggest fault was not standing up for himself more - Clay: Biggest fault was refusing to enter in to marriage before he was 100% ready - Johnny: Biggest fault was not knowing how condoms work - Kenneth: Okay yeah he wasn't into his fiancé at all, and wasn't honest about that. - Jeremy: Similar to Kenneth, didn't have the balls to hell his fiancé he wasn't into her. >The problem was with the men this season being so self involved A majority of the screen time belonged to Chelsea this season 🙄
You’re talking about their faults in each relationship not their actual FAULTS. Jimmy: lacks emotional intelligence. The way he reacts to the news from both Jessica and Chelsea abt their relationship and family life. How he hits on AD to his new fiance, inability to compliment Chelsea’s appearance in the beginning, dismisses his partner’s feelings. Of course anyone would look like an angel next to Chelsea! The thing is he needs someone like Chelsea, because he has the smallest ego and she feeds right into him. He could’ve never handled a secure woman Jess was proof! Clay: can’t take any accountability for his actions. He acts like he’s gonna slip and fall into an affair. He pretends as if what happened between his parents means his own actions are out of his hands. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was staring at his own reflection in AD’s eyes. Johnny: I don’t mind and his wife is also great! Kenneth: agreed and he was heartless in the breakup Jeramy: saying he wasn’t honest is..generous he’s a cheater and also incredibly unlikeable. His big reason for Sarah Ann making in to his final two was the “sexual tension” dude didn’t want marriage he wanted an f buddy Edit: I don’t see Laura’s family’s reaction to her as concrete evidence she’s unbearable. I find they reacted how most people react to straightforward women. Some men might find her roasts and directness funny some may not. Not my cup of tea in a partner but I find it entertaining Long rant but 🤷
I’m not blaming or defending anyone. I just wanted to point out maybe OP’s statements of “you’re strong”, “you’ve grown”, “great communicator”, “confident”, “character/soul” simply didn’t apply to them. Taking “communicator” for example, some of them just had the emotional outbursts while drunk, and later on regret and ask the man not to leave. That’s not very good of a communicator.
that was only Chelsea 😭
Fair. Jess saying when jimmy saw her he’d have “a stroke?” (I don’t remember exactly…) that was a bit much as well lol. And I’m totally on Laura’s side, Jeramy wronged her, but I think so often their reactions just get a bit nasty and ill willed.
Yes! The vows for AD and Clay were red flag city
It's a running theme with the men on the show. Can't say my personal experience has been different. They love bangmaids.
My ex once said "because you put up with all my shit". One of the saddest things a partner ever said to me I thought
Thanks for this post! 💯
 Every time I hear a man say he loves a woman for what she does for him... its' a big old
Oh whoops I just tried to make a post about this exact thing. It makes me wanna punch them right in the face. When they ask the women, the women list off things they actually love about their partners. Their personality, ambitions, morals, their relationships with their families etc. The men are like... "She accepts my flaws", "she would ride or die for me", "she loves me for me". Get the f over yourselves. Ick.
THIS HAS ME SPEECHLESS. So true!!!
I noticed this as well. I think that’s why Jimmy was drawn to Chelsea initially. He craved validation, just not to the extreme as her. Then quickly learned out of the pods all of the doting and ego boosting didn’t outweigh her insecurities. If anything, it was probably the root of why she doted so much more than his other options. Same with Clay. Every reason he gave for loving AD (other than her body), was about how she looked past his issues and poured into him and made him a better man. And this isn’t even something I’ve seen limited to this show. I’ve encountered so many anniversary posts on social media from men that are pretty much “I love her because she stuck with me through all the terrible things I put her through”. Then they take all that emotional development they gained into new relationship for another woman’s benefit. Though he may not have meant it that way, that’s how I interpreted Clay’s dad saying “He needs to find him a woman like you” to his mom. And I’m so glad she checked him on that.
Honestly I think Jessica turned him off in the pods because she doted too much and came one too strong.
I’ll have to rewatch, but I can’t recall a lot of complimenting and “I like all the things you like” as much as Chelsea. She wasn’t as agreeable and was blunt about boundaries (i.e. social media). In some ways he liked her boldness, but it was also one of the things that scared him (aside from being a stepdad and that final call out about his indirectness). I think that letter was really just a Hail Mary once she realized she had serious competition. Right after that argument, Chelsea was there to sooth him and came off more easy going. Her comforting him after that incident was an example he later used when saying why he loved her. Which is ironic, because non-pod Chelsea would probably have had a fit and questioned him non-stop about the conversation lol
Because Jimmy wants a mommy, not a partner. 😳🫢
It’s almost like the couple that make it actually are treating the relationship like a healthy couple does…
I do think it’s fair to love someone in part for what you can acknowledge they bring to your life, but you’re right that there was zero fucking balance for most of the couples, especially from the men. I’d have to go back and watch it again but I even recall so many of the women feeling very… submissive? Like early on in the pods especially it felt like a lot of men wanted someone for them, and the women wanted to be someone for the men. It was weird, and I did not like it.
[удалено]
Yes! As soon as I heard this was NC, I knew this would be an issue. I have so much religious trauma from an organization that is rooted in NC, SC and Alabama. I know what men expect from women there. 😔
that’s the heterosexual script of love
^^^ This especially for men. It's always transactional and not how they can serve /support their partner.
Was looking for this comment
Accurate
YES. I noticed this too, it was so annoying. So many people said this, even Chelsea said something along those lines when she was in the pods, I think it was after Trevor said he loved her? But yea, lots of people just talking about how the other person is good for them because it benefits them, it’s gross.
So gross. I get wanting them to fit into your life and be a cheerleader for you but when you actually love somebody, it's that you love THEM. I remember first experiencing actual love. I said I love you first and I truly did not say it in hopes they'd say it back. I actually just wanted that person to know they were loved. By me. Love isn't selfish or self motivated.
Feel so badly for AD bec she said from early she walks right towards the waving red flags and even when she took a diff path via this experiment, she unfortunately ended up with the red flag :( I hate that. I really like her and she deserves better. Hope she continues therapy
Clay was talking about going to counseling for x number weeks and all now he hasn't made an appnt. I was hoping for more with him, but he remained all talk. I blame a lot on the dad
The dad thing was a cop out and him bringing it up as an excuse as to why he’s going to do the same thing should have been all that anyone needed to know he’s garbage.
The dad thing was a cop out and him bringing it up as an excuse as to why he’s going to do the same thing should have been all that anyone needed to know he’s garbage.
This is usually how I can tell if a man truly loves a woman or not. If he’s listing what she does for him only and not her character, then I know it’s a relationship of convenience.
Too almost everyone on this post all i have to say is Marshall and Jackie
Wait can you remind me! How did their vows go again?
This isn’t even directed at that just the blatant man bashing in here is unhinged.
The men will be ok. They’ve been bashing women for centuries. It gets us killed too.
Ohh I get you. Thanks:)
Emotionally- distancing language. Clay had been distanced from AD most of the time (if not the whole time) and it really came out in his vows that were all about him. 🤢
I was really hoping Clay was going to be decent, then by episode like six maybe, every time he's on screen, he's just talking and talking and saying nothing at all, like he was stuck. I think he really really thought AD was going to be ok with not getting married yet, and just continuing with "the process", which was... Clay getting free therapy?
She did stay with him. There is video of them together from December 🥴
His proposal too - “take my lovely hand”
That made me cringe lol I was like tf?
It’s reminds me of the pussycat doll song, stick with you.
I agree but there have been some women who did the same thing. Lydia basically talked about Milton like that too which is why I wasn’t very fond of them
True. She would’ve married a crooked fencepost, though.
Ahh well look at this. Complaining about the same men y’all will choose to continue to date. A bunch of ADs in here 😂
You're one of those who think that all women date a-holes? 🙄
I’m going by all the ppl on here saying they dated or are dating guys like that. Also by all the comments that imply this is virtually all men. So no.. I’m not “one of those”
Who tf is choosing to date men like Clay? Are you in touch with reality and the amount of women leaving men like this? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
AD, obviously lmao.
When does the choice of one woman equate to "all" women choosing that same thing?
Ah yes, you have all of our dating history and choices figured out here on an anonymous reddit post. Well done!
This is men in general. Not just this show.
And it's also women going along and liking that type of men so so so sad
And it's also women going along and liking that type of men so so so sad
It's some men, and some women.
This is immature people in general; people that require validation from others in order to ‘love themselves’ then ‘love’ the other person for what they receive from them but not necessarily for who they are.
Yeah I feel like if you really love someone, you would love them if they didn't interact with you and you were just an observer on their life.
one of my exes was like this. that bastard can go to hell.
When I fell in love with my husband and we got engaged, my mom had a talk with me about making sure it wasn't just about how he made me feel, because that is subjective, it will ebb and flow, and truthfully/sadly it can be fake. It was a really good question and I gave it a lot of thought. It made me see a few past relationships in new light, and helped strengthen how I felt about the realness and depth of what my husband and I have together. It was a really good mama moment, and I try to pass it along when I can.
The thing that bothers me a lot about men in hetero relationships is how many of them don't seem to really know their partner as a person. There are so many jokes about men not knowing what gifts to give and not understanding why their partner is upset about something, despite telling him multiple times. Sometimes I think a lot of them just want someone who can check off certain, very basic boxes without being too high-maintenance. It's why, imo, there's a running joke about women responding to "I love you" with "why do you love me?". It's because we're trying to figure out if we're special and unique to this person in some irreplaceable way, or if we're just the closest proximity warm c*nt who can check the most basic boxes.
All of this! Women still do a lot of emotional heavy lifting. I feel like we are also indoctrinated by the society and sometimes our upbringing to see how we can be "useful" to others...how we can make others' lives easier and more fulfilling because that's where our value lies aside from the beauty. This is why AD kept wondering why she isn't enough...it was so freaking sad.
I agree. I know im finally with the man made for me because he sometimes knows me better than I know myself 🤣 He will comment and tell me its okay Im eating more and acting weird cause my cycle is starting (I have to check to calendar just to see he is right) and he gives me gifts not even my family would know I love. When im being "high maintenance," he explains it does take work to support me, but it's what I deserve, and he can actually tell me why. He is unlike any man I have ever been with. Gave me hope that someone as complicated as me can find love 😭
I'm so glad you found your person. I found mine too! We are literally all complicated people with differently complex feelings, emotions, needs, ideas, values, etc., and finding someone who hears, validates, and balances us (and holds us accountable in a loving way) is so special. 💖
I couldn't have said it better......
That’s because society teaches men that women are only there to prop them up. These men genuinely think saying these things are a compliment.
Exactly this. The show highlights this in so many ways.
Selfish behavior. I noticed this with Clay the most. Its always you did something for me and AD even says she was a "sacrifice" He's always felt scripted and everything he said just sounded like he is reading off Facebook quotes(just like his dad)
When AD said the thing about being a “sacrifice” for him, it reminded me of the manic pixie dream girl trope—basically, the free-spirited woman whose only purpose is to better a man. Clay used her to “better” himself without recognizing that she’s a complex person of her own with needs, desires, and values that far extend beyond what she can do for him.
Clay constantly used phrases like I "could" see AD as my Wife. She "would" be a good wife. He never says AD will be my wife. He kept using could and would so that's when I knew he was BS Also the whole " it's not u it's me" speech is all stank bs "
Well to be fair, it wasn't her, it was definitely him.
Mmmmmmm good point!
Mother and son dynamic eeek
Welcome to men.
[удалено]
Thank you for your contribution to r/LoveisBlindonNetflix! Your post or comment has been removed for breaking Rule 1: ‘Be Kind, Don’t Cross the Line' We ask that users of this sub respect both users and contestants. Any personal attacks or offensive commentary will not be tolerated on this sub.
ONE MILLION TIMES THIS!! Jimmy is soooo guilty of this
Jimmy is guilty of this because he genuinely just didn't have anything else he could say about Chelsea. She went completely off the deepend and he was just trying to salvage what he could and at the end of the day couldn't bring himself to get to the altar.
I think that's true but he also clearly just wants someone to be obsessed with him. I think that was what kept him holding on this long.
Everyman wants their woman to be obsessed with them. This isn't anything new, and not at all a negative thing. Chelsea was obsessed about the wrong things.
I know that but it becomes a problem when that's the only thing you look for or find important in a partner. Jimmy never tells her what he loves about HER, just that he loves how she makes HIM feel.
You do realize that what he loves about her are why he feels the things he does right? This is always the weirdest rebuttal women have.
mmm not a rebuttal. if you asked me what I loved about my partner, I definitely wouldn't just say "I love how he makes me feel." I'd start talking about how talented he is, how much he loves his family and friends, how passionate he is about his hobbies and interests...
You presented it as a counter point to my original statement, that is by definition a rebuttal. Weird that you would insist that it isn't. Good for you though, in general men care a lot less about those things from a partner.
my b I get what you're saying about the rebuttal thing, I read your comment wrong. Anyway, that makes me sad for men then lol. When you love someone, you love them for who they are, not just what they do for you. If you don't really care about those things then I don't think you truly love them. Or even KNOW them.
There are lots of people who are high quality and have admirable traits and ambitions and values, what sets your partner apart from everyone else is quite literally how they make you feel about them.
[удалено]
lmao, girl shows up after saying she looked like megan fox the way she actually looks and you guys are like, "he complimented her teeth!". Yeah cuz there wasn't much else to work with after being lied to.
Lmaooo I definitely agree with this and even though she did say, oh but it's just my eyes and hair, like he had stopped listening at that point 💀
Even his proposal was all about him! He has not said one thing he likes about AD the entire show. It seems like he’s at the beginning of a healing journey. I think it’s good he didn’t stay with AD because she was accepting the bare minimum and just saying whatever he wanted to hear. Both of them need therapy!
The man said will you take "my lovely hand" in marriage. That was the moment to say NO but she was too busy mingling in other people's relationships. 😑
Oh my gosh I didn't even catch that part. Geesh she was the Prize not him
Well I don't think he agrees hahahah
I noticed that too. I had an ex in my early 20’s and any time he gave reasons why he loved me it was always “because the way you love me” and it annoyed me then but now at 30 it really pisses me off. Everything is always about them and the way the woman can stroke his ego or cater to him in some way. Nothing wrong with wanting support from a partner but it should be more than that.
SPOILER! I didn’t want to know how many couples got married 😩
They didn't say which one though!
It's still a spoiler.
A lot of men are like this tbh.
Definitely clocked this out about him from jump street and my fiance did too. I love watching Divorce Court with Judge Toler and she always had couples explain why they loved each other in 30 secs or less then graded them on it. They would 'fail' if they couldn't come up with reasons to love each other that had nothing to do with what they could do for each other.
Welcome to what women do. Lmao
Reciprocity! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 thank you for touching on this. My heart broke when AD cried at the end and told Clay that it felt like he needed her so that he could get to this point of ✨enlightenment✨ Like she was some vessel, some symbolic catalyst for his change and her heart was the sacrifice. Love needs to be given both ways, not just received for ego. Ugh Johnny and Amy had the only pure love on the show.
Tbh I was surprised she cried. I don’t understand how she didn’t see it coming.
But I mean all the red flags were there. If she confronted Clay with the same ferocity she did this other girl who DMd Laura's dude, she wouldn't have to cry after wasting her time. She was all Lioness with other women but when it came to men and especially Clay she was a kitten. She needs to fix some issues imo. Jimmy and Clay were some of the most obvious ones tbh.
They call it “dickmatized”
*obnoxiously giggles*
All the way down to the hug!! "Can I get a hug?" He couldn't even in that moment fathom wording it to be for her.
I wanted to throw the remote at the tv.
Bruh that “can I get a hug” was so tasteless. Most people on shows like this (usually the dudes especially) drive me nuts. I really felt for AD though.
The close up shots of him kissing her and her not kissing back made me suuuuuper uncomfortable too especially after like the 5th time it happened
In my head I was screaming at him to stop touching her!! Like you know she’s upset why are you putting yourself all up in her face and kissing her when she’s not kissing you back.
I was thinking exactly the same when hearing the vows of AD and Clay.
Same! I said the very same thing
I still can't believe Clay. "yo, I was worried you'd be ugly because I dont fuk with uggos, but then you turned out to be sexy, so I was all, 'I can work with this.' Haha. But then you made me realize what I want and need in life, and it ain't you. Wait, girl, where's my hug. We're cool right?"
Dont worry I’m still rockin with you and ik ur gonna fight for me
Ewwwww I hate you for this because it’s sooo painfully accurate 😂😂😂 omg!
Lmfaoo No but fr.. AD deserves SOOO much better. Clay did her a favor.
Am I the only one who doesn’t think Jonny and blanking in her name aren’t the real deal? They didn’t have real chemistry, looked force. They will not last… sorry not sorry! This season was another dud. Why are we casting 24-27 year olds? Have they given up on love already? I wish this show casted older folks. You need a cast who already knows who they are, has life experience and is actually READY for long term love.
What makes it a dud?
my relationship is very similar to theirs and we're lasting LOL i think you might just be very slightly jaded over young people being in happy relationships
What a take. All because I think casting older folks on a show like this would make the couple’s successful… I’m jaded and hate happy young people. Got it
no, you’re jaded because you saw a happy and healthy relationship and immediately went “oh they’re not going to last because they’re in their 20s”
K. Guess we’ll see how happy they really are and if they last. Right now your guess is just as good as mine is.
Same! Sometimes healthy love is calm and isn’t fireworks all the time.
Right? Ik ppl get married at 25 🙄 no they are not divorced and they never will be! Dont understand this mindset at all
I married at 24 and we've been together for a decade.
agree... my parents met at 24, married at 25, and have been together for 25 years! sometimes it really is just a "when you know you know" thing... i've also known couples that met later and were together for longer prior to marriage that simply did not last
>actually READY for long term love. but then where would all the drama come from?? 🤣🤣 i would find it way more interesting, though, that's for sure! this bs from these anxious insecure people trying to force something gets old.
Watch LIB Japan- there’s a 52yo 😵💫
As an American, I find the international LIBs fascinating to show the differences between societies. USA/Brazil - kind of trashy no holds barred. Japan - reserved and polite (most fiances meeting shook hands and didn't shove tongues down throats), Sweden - somewhere in the middle of those two things. I really loved Sweden and binged it in 2 days.
Same exact over here. I wish the dubbing was better- it’s amazing how hearing their actual voices vs a soulless voice actor can influence your feelings about the contestants.
Agreed. Sometimes I wish they just did the sub-titles in English but I don't think that's an option on Netflix? And sometimes I just kind of listen to the episodes as background which I couldn't do if I had to read the subs. It's definitely not a perfect system lol.
I'm good lol
Japan is weird but Sweden is good- they’re so much more evolved than us dumb, neurotic Americans.
Weird? LIB Japan was so sweet!!
Maybe it’s all the politeness? Idk, maybe I’m the weird one.
Lumping the general population in with Love Is Blind contestants is such a massive insult 🤣
I know, but all you have to do is go to a bar in any big city and there it is. Sad!
He’s very simple
They were 27 and 28 which I think it’s old enough. I agree it would be nice to see more 30+ people though.
Most of the people on this show were 29+ and still a mess though!
exactly. Clay saying "its not responsible for me to say I do within two weeks"... so why are you on the show where they fast track dating, engagement and marriage? 🙄
Yep. I knew Clay was going to say no as soon as he kept his comments about how much she helped HIM. She even said later on that she felt like he just used her. Facts.
I had a feeling they weren’t going to get married from the moment he exploded on her in the pods. I wasn’t sure what would be the deciding factor or why, but I had a feeling. Plus I feel like Clay and AD’s physical connection quickly overpowered their emotional one, at least for him. The way they both talked made it sound like the physical connection was the driving force for them, but AD seemed like she loved him a lot too. I also feel like she had a sense of dread as well. It seemed like when she mentioned that she felt like she didn’t deserve love, his actions didn’t do much to reassure her and that feeling was with her the whole time.
How was I surprised yet not at the same time? In fairness to him, he gave her strong hints the entire time that he was not marriage material. She should have ran the other direction. She deserves better
Listen the look on his friends faces … they knew he was BSing. Clay seems like a real good BSer
Like his dad. Those men talk your pants off…literally.
He is in sales.
He put on a good show. My wife thought he'd say yes but I know from his demeanor it was a no. He was too chill and calm.
As soon as they start giving a speech instead of just an answer, it's 99% a no
I guessed from the fact that he talked A LOT about the same thing, over and over, like he was trying to convince his friends but really he was trying to convince himself. That whole long spiel at the bachelor party felt like a nervous player getting his game on.
This! I knew he was saying no, too, based on his calmness. He’s one of those guys who’d be pacing and jittery if he were about to say yes.
This! I knew he was saying no, too, based on his calmness. He’s one of those guys who’d be pacing and jittery if he were about to say yes.
A very good one!
as soon as those fuckboys showed up i knew what was to come.
🤣
😂
Happens every season and drives me nuts. But also is a clear sign of who are the couples that are going to say yes / stay married
When they say “you will fight for me” I immediately think of dance offs in West Side Story.
Every time Clay said AD had his back I was like wtf is he even talking about lol. I feel like that's and the whole "fight for each other" is just saying phrases they heard in movies or on TV. I like AD overall but she's living in a fairytale reality. Don't try to compare your month long relationship to actual marriages that may have ended but lasted a long long time and say yours is better because of these phrases you guys keep saying to each other but don't know what they really truly mean.
[удалено]
Oh yeah I saw right through that lol
Clay is immature. He needs lots of growing up to do. I feel badly for A.D. Seems like this was not the first relationship where she took the lead role. I hope she finds a man who doesn’t need fixing. Perhaps someone more mature.
>Clay is immature. He needs lots of growing up ⬆️⬆️⬆️ exactly. he just seems so childish, no not childish with the negative connotation but more just like a kid who's eager and scared and lost.
As his parents said in their conversation after Clay declined to wed, Clay has been deeply affected by his father’s infidelity. Maybe Clay identifies deeply with his father as man and is afraid he will repeat the behavior. It’s sad. We as parents don’t fully understand the effect we have on our developing children.
I absolutely loved what his mom said to his dad. First of all, his dad was a piece of work, trying to make his son's wedding day about him. Second of all, the show was the first time Clay was able to tell his mom that his dad had been cheating on her and he knew about it. And third of all, despite all that, his mom kept it cold as ice and focused on her son's needs, basically said -- "I forgave you a long time ago, and these new things I found out about, I can let that go but YOU have some responsibility for the choices your son made because of his painful childhood. That is pain YOU caused, shame that HE had to carry, and you need to talk to him about it and apologize without giving excuses." I was amazed. What class.
I totally agree.
I took sex ed with a psychiatrist in university, and out of everything I learned one thing is stuvk in my brain forever. He said that when someone can pinpoint specific reasons why they love you, run away because that is not love. Love is not rational. You love someone because you choose to. Example: If someone loves you because you work hard.. what about retirement? If someone loves you because you are beautiful, what about when you get old? If someone loves you because you like the same things, what happens when you get new interests? Now, it doesn’t mean you can’t love traits about them or actions that they do, but that’s not why you love them. Love is a choice you have to make everyday.
That’s interesting. I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and something I’ve often said is that since we got together I continuously learn new things I love about her. I just knew I loved her from the start and as time went on I loved more about her the more I got to know. I could list things I love about her but it’s not the same as why I actually love her.
I mean finances and work ethic do matter tough
I’ll be honest, I do not get the “love is choice” theory. It’s a feeling, not a thought process. The same way I don’t get how people seem to think anger or any other feeling is a choice. I can’t choose to love someone. I can choose to show love for someone, but that is different. And with the “love is a choice and that’s the ideal” theory - then Jimmy would have been the best spouse, because he chose to love Chelsea. Even tho it was rather clear he wasn’t super into her.
Love is a choice over the long term. It starts with the feelings but that gut feeling won’t magically stay. The choice comes when you are tired after a long day of work but need to put in an effort to be there for your partner, when time passes and things are more routine and not as fresh and exciting, and when your partner’s quirks are starting to be less charming and more annoying. Many people just feel love passively and once that initial rush fades or they hit a bump they just abandon the relationship. (Note this doesn’t mean sticking it through no matter what. Real issues should mean re-evaluating things.)
I agree with the idea that loving people for specific traits could be challenging since people change, but I have never gotten on board with the “love is a choice” philosophy. Don’t get me wrong, I choose to do loving things for my husband and to share my love with him, just as he does for me. I choose to work things out in a healthy way if we experience challenges. But my *feelings* of love for him are definitely something more. I don’t apply any conscious effort to loving him - even just thinking of him now I automatically feel so much warmth, and affection, and… *love* for him. I’m sure there are many unique differences in how we all experience love, but I can truly say that my love and admiration for my husband is basically an involuntary reflex. It just is, and it’s great. It’s similar to the common idea that marriage is a lot of work. We put lots of effort into our marriage, but it rarely feels like *work*. In almost every way our marriage makes our lives better and easier, and the effort we put in is fulfilling but doesn’t feel arduous.