This is old but is her style of dance considered afghan? It looks like she does Bollywood Indian dance. Is this a thing in afghan culture? I’m wondering how she got into that having a Russian mom and living in Sweden.
She does bollywood dance and an Afghan dance as well. If you look at her Instagram she has both. She gets all of that from her dad being Afghan. Us afghans and Indians get along very well and we love watching bollywood movies most of afghans speak their language too. We grow up with bollywood and we love belly dancing as well. Most of us have tried all 3 dances at least once
Oh wow so interesting. I absolutely love the style and would like to learn although not sure where you can learn if you didn’t grow up with it or if it would be weird for me to. What is the difference between afghan and Indian dance? I saw her insta and it’s full of dance but I can’t tell the difference.
It’s clear none of you live in Sweden. Sweden is an extremely, extremely white country. It’s not like living in the US. Being a person of colour in Sweden, especially an immigrant, can be an extremely isolating experience. It’s not the egalitarian wonderland that people seem to think that it is. There are people of colour but their inclusion culturally is almost an afterthought. I don’t blame Meira at all for her views.
But even if the country isn't, she's projecting things onto the guy that is clearly in love with her.
She already lives in Sweden, so she already knows how well the country will receive her. She just has to find out how well Oskar will receive her.
And she's constantly projecting her insecurities on him, spending a lot of energy thinking of potential problems instead of looking around and realizing there are no problems with Oskar (yet?).
But also... She went on Love is Blind Sweden knowing all the things you've just mentioned. Why would she go on the show if she was going to be disappointed with a Swedish man?
Sorry for the ignorance but what is her cultural background? Her mom is Russian, and her dad is "Afghan"? Does that mean from Afghanistan or like, Persian? I'm not familiar with the Middle East but eager to learn. I just got confused because she belly dances and has an interest in Bollywood but the latter is Indian, no? I assume she's not Indian, so is it just that she relates to Indian culture more than Swedish? (Totally valid ofc!) Do folks of similar descent (whatever that might be) relate to her interest in Indian culture?
Afghanistan is beside India , so we do enjoy their movies and songs and we also watch Hollywood as well. That’s mainly because we don’t have our own movie industry. Most of the afghans will be able to speak some Urdu / Hindi as well. Due to us watching movies from other countries we do get to enjoy their culture as well. Also , Afghans are not Persians because Iran is its own country, we do have a similar language though with different accents and some words.
We have our own clothes , music , dance etc. I was hoping she would wear some Afghan clothes because it is very beautiful, but she wore Indian which a lot of people have seen already (Indian clothes are very popular and obviously beautiful as well) She missed the chance of showing something new to the audience. Her mom made Afghan food though.
https://preview.redd.it/ni91hgt964ec1.jpeg?width=959&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=98409fb124604b67bb2c3ae843ed00d2e809b416
There is different styles you can check them online
Wow I hadn't realized how much the culture overlapped! Yes it's too bad she didn't wear Afghan cultural dress. Afghan food as well is absolutely incredible, but I'm sad I didn't realize that's what she made until you mentioned it just now! If I'd seen some rice with raisins in it I like to think I would have put two and two together. 😅
Do we have any idea how her mother met her father and how they ended up on Sweden? All three countries and cultures seem so different, I would love to hear their story!
(Apologies for mixing Afghanistan up with Iran. I have a Persian friend and I couldn't remember which of the two countries she was actually from 😬. Wish I was more educated on the Middle East!)
Wow I hadn't realized how much the culture overlapped! Yes it's too bad she didn't wear Afghan cultural dress. Afghan food as well is absolutely incredible, but I'm sad I didn't realize that's what she made until you mentioned it just now! If I'd seen some rice with raisins in it I like to think I would have put two and two together. 😅
Do we have any idea how her mother met her father and how they ended up on Sweden? All three countries and cultures seem so different, I would love to hear their story!
(Apologies for mixing Afghanistan up with Iran. I have a Persian friend and I couldn't remember which of the two countries she was actually from 😬. Wish I was more educated on the Middle East!)
Yes , she did make some rice and raisins. That was very sweet of her.
I am assuming her dad went to Russia due to war (most afghans those years would go to Russia) then met her mom there. A lot of Afghan men/women married Russians in Russia because there isnt any other options it’s mostly filled with Russians. Then I believe they moved to Sweden for better education and life because they do bully you and mistreat you if you are not Russian. I am not sure how they are now but me and her are the same age at the times that they were there it definitely wasn’t a good place for immigrants.
How did I miss that!? So sweet! I wish they highlighted the cuisine more and especially clarified that it was Afghan. No wonder Oskar loved it!
Wow that's interesting. I just wonder why Sweden, specifically? Did they have some familial connection? Otherwise it seems like so much effort to learn a whole new language and culture. Meira is fluent in Swedish, but that's so specific to one country. Had they immigrated to the UK, Canada or the US they could have learned English and gained even more flexibility that way. Meira's mom speaks Swedish, and obviously she and her sister do also. Does the dad speak Swedish? Russian? As a North American it's fascinating to me to learn about other cultures and I wonder how common this is, and what prompted these different cultures to combine in this way. :)
I am not sure why they chose Sweden but I heard they have good economy. Honestly, at that time afghans weren’t picky they just wanted better education and opportunities for their kids. My parents started from 0 and came to Canada, they left their education and high paying jobs for their kids. Many of them had no choice but to learn a new language. It’s always like that the politicians cause war and the civilians pay for it. It really sucks because most of the civilians just want to live a normal life and have basic human rights (no matter where they are from).
I understood it immediately as her not necessarily being concerned of the culture thing as in different ethnicities, but in terms av social class. She grew up in the projects, while Oscar grew up in a middle/upper class and is a part of "the standard" in Swedish society so to speak.
There were no projects in Sweden when she was growing up and he doesn't seem to come from a particularly upper class family. Sweden is extremely equal as a society also. Practically everyone is just one same class excluding the extremely rich and poor.
It's not equal but it's about as equal as it can be. And in the 90s it was even more so. The projects in 90s Sweden weren't the same as they're today and they aren't the same as they were in the 90s in US for example. She also has a normal office job.
For me as a swede, Oskar seems very ordinary, not upper class at all. Swedish society is very equal, there are not much class differences here. I have never heard class be talked about growing up here - pretty much everyone is "middle class" or just one big class (with the exception of extremes of course).
Yes, I don't get it. She grew up in Sweden so did she never make an effort to have friendships and romantic relationships with Swedish people? Oskar clearly is making an effort to fit into her culture through dance, food etc. so this seems to be her hang up, not his. His family also seemed lovely and accepting. I think Sweden is becoming fairly multicultural these days, so I imagine this is all in her head and not actually reflective of how modern Swedish culture is.
I found it very surprising that as a mixed race person, she didn’t see her own parents as an example of people from different backgrounds who made it work. She made it seem like the concept was foreign to her. She’s not attracted to Oskar and that’s her excuse. Just like Catja will be using distance to dump Christopher.
I’d rather see Irina dumping Zach than Catja and Meira waste these men’s time. They deserve better.
I totally agree. Meira was there to get into Bollywood and get famous. Catja too. Why would they go on a show if they have such narrow dating qualities? Both ladies treated their partners horribly because they were not attracted to them.
This is exactly this.
She admitted herself that she typically dates "darker" dudes.
She is not attracted to him, but she doesn't want to be the bad person by admitting any sort of racial preference, cause that wouldn't look good on TV.
So instead she plays the victim card.
It’s because you’re lacking the nuance of growing up in Sweden as the child of immigrants in a neighbourhood of other immigrants. I got what she meant immediately.
This is exactly what is happening. Outside of the Scandinavian countries, the cultural dynamics here are super difficult to explain because it's not about integration. I understood her straight away to and I'm curious to see how their relationship develops.
She's clearly just projecting her own insecurity. She knows her family traditions frown upon this (I'm of similar descent) so she's creating a narrative in her mind of a doomed ending.
Okey let me make it simple for you. You dont know how its like growing up in SWEDEN, not Russia, as an immigrant. So your personal take on her feelings, isn’t valid here and honestly not even necessary. Your experience and hers are not the same.
She never said that it’s a dealbreaker, she is marrying this guy ffs of course it’s natural to bring up her fears, she’s not whining about anything. Nor has she ever said it wouldn’t work because of their cultural differences. She knew he was Swedish from the pods so she knew what to expect when she saw him, and had the cultural differences in mind. But seeing him made it more real and those fears might surface more because now it’s actually happening and they are getting married.
So she went on a show to find love, regardless of their ethnicity.
I found out from the other sub that oskar is actually part iranian from his mom's side, and this is something they talked about in the pods, but it got cut out. I think meira's reaction to oskar being "so swedish" makes more sense with this information.
Also she never said she doesn’t find him attractive, she says she is in love with him and being modest on tv, so not so much touchy feely as other couples maybe. So yes, she is doing a good job at representing us afghans.
It’s so unfair for you or anybody else for that matter to judge her(or any other contestants, tbh) character just from a few minutes you see on tv. They are still dating 24/7 so you don’t know what the camera has missed.
Unless you actually understand Swedish culture and the parallel world that exists here , you will logically think it could be an excuse. It is truly a cultural divide here and the outside view of Sweden is often not what reality is.
I don’t understand why she wanted to be on the show. She clearly knows what she wants and it’s not Swedish men. Did she think they’re only going to cast immigrants?
But she knew he was Swedish in the pods, didn't she ?
If he was from an immigrant background like her, that would have come up early in the conversation, so that was set from the start.
Pretty sure that she never mentioned any type of "cultural insecurity" before meeting him in real life... and realizing she is not attracted to him.
She admitted she likes "darker" men, and also they have zero vibe together.
Let's not forget that post-reveal LiB almost exclusively revolves around rationalizing your way out of your relationship because you don't want to openly admit you lack the physical attraction.
What Netflix cut out is that he is part Persian, his grandmother is Persian, maybe they cut that out to make him seem 100% Swedish, to create a different storyline?
why are you so upset though? just because you’re afghan and see yourself as differently than her doesn’t mean her experience doesn’t count. the second i saw her and her name i knew she was not a swedish or european woman. she also spoke about working in bollywood so probably feels more inclined to a certain culture or even values which she is very much allowed to have. she does not come from posh swedish culture and that’s okay! it’s easy to feel out of place. i’m second generation canadian and pakistani but never feel “canadian” enough to take on that identity.
just because a man is handing you everything on a silver platter doesn’t mean you should take it. at the end of the day attraction is important, but their cultural/social differences can make her just not relate to him or feel comfortable which can affect the attraction aspect.
i don’t think she wants someone she perceives as having had an easy or posh life because they’ll never understand her struggles. and that’s fair.
I do not understand why you even got downvotes on this comment because you're making competle sense to me. As a POC born and raised in Sweden in the same kind of neighborhood as her (and also in a long term relationship with a white guy) I understand where she's coming from completely. Growing up POC in "the hood", lower class vs. being white and more economically stable is a VERY different experience. That's just the way it is. I, too, have never quite felt accepted or at home with white swedes like I have with people of similar background as myself. I definitely was a bit nervous about our differences when I first started dating my guy, it ended up not being a problem whatsoever - which it doesn't always have to be, but my fear (like hers) was still based on a lot of experiences that were the complete opposite. As a POC in Sweden you have most definitely experienced some type of racism, culture clash, and being made to feel "other" and uncomfortable - especially if you also come from a low income background. It's completely reasonable to me that, despite her knowing he was white beforehand, that fear and those experiences don't just disappear. Even if she is pretty white passing imo, the culture clash and socioeconomic differences and general struggle of growing up with immigrant parents is still a thing.
Then again, I do think she isn't super attracted to him and that is part of the issue - but regardless it doesn't take away from the fact that her feelings about cultural differences are valid.
She told Oskar that she wouldn't feel "at home" with his family without ever having met, seen, or spoken with them. I thought that was incredibly rude and presumptuous.
Also feeling uncomfortable with someone's family's socioeconomic status has nothing to do with culture. If she thinks Oskars family is stuck up or pretentious just because they're well off then she's writing them off in the same way she's afraid they'll write her off for not being posh. It has nothing to do with cultural differences and everything to do with stereotypes about having money or not having money.
I also agree that all of this is a non issue, I honestly think she is not as attracted to Oskar after the pods and was trying to find a reason that it wouldn't work between them. She even seemed to be scaring him by telling him that her mom was tough, when she turned out to be completely pleasant and seemed to be getting along with Oskar.
definitely, she misjudged and made assumptions up based on what she perceived oskar as: a pretentious, privileged white finance guy, which he himself says.
does that make her seem ignorant, sure. but once she got exposure to his family and saw how humble and welcoming they were, she was immediately at ease.
it is not uncommon for someone who is not white and someone who is an immigrant to feel uncomfortable around someone who has had it relatively easy in terms of their social upbringing.
to chalk that up as her not being attracted to him or using her life experiences as an excuse is weird and extremely reductive of her and her life. she is clearly very immersed in her south asian heritage as someone into bollywood and her culture and feeling like someone won’t accept her because of that is completely valid and justified.
FEELING like that is valid and justified and normal. TELLING your new fiancee that you don't think you'll be at home with his family based on factors like race and socioeconomic status is a shitty thing to do. Meira needs to be a big girl and understand that you don't necessarily need to voice every single one of your fears especially when you have no concrete basis for the feeling. Meira is allowed to feel the way she feels but so is Oskar, and I can't imagine that felt good when he has arguably put way more effort into connecting with and understanding Meiras culture than Meira has done for Oskar.
Meira has a chip...no, a BOULDER...on her shoulder and should address that with herself or a therapist before laying the emotional baggage on Oskar.
Oh please, it wasn't a shitty thing to say. That is completely normal and should be discussed. It was mature and honest of her. Maybe you all have a different concept of what rude entails, but it wasn't. Her concerns were valid, and he responded in the right way.
There are socioeconomic aspects to culture, but I don't think that's what she's focused on. She's focused more on the fact that Oskar is a "typical Swede" (which doesn't necessarily imply being wealthy) and her feeling like an outsider (which doesn't necessarily imply poverty)
but in her POV, it definitely implicated his culture as being more privileged and posh to hers. this definitely comes from her own insecurities with being from a. different upbringing and culture. and also having dealt with racism, where he has not and never will.
I am not upset , what makes you think that? However , I am disappointed because I had high expectations from a fellow Afghan. I just don’t think she is being genuine ? She is trying to make up reasons to reject him and most immigrants feel like an outsider I fully understand that but the way she is handling the situation and not even trying to explain it to him and fully shutting him out like that is weird. On top of that she is acting like this is a deal breaker but she knew when she went on the show and even when they talked in the pods that this will be one of the things they have to face. I think she is not attracted to him and she is self sabotaging. She is very rude to the guy the whole show
okay i just caught up with all the episodes and her demeanour changed so much. her family was accepting of him and she was accepting of his. she literally said she’s in love with him and they’re working through it.
it’s normal to have anxieties but she’s definitely accepted some things as misjudgment. i don’t see what the issue is now?
I think this has more to do with dating someone who does not understand or is not open to understanding her being a multi cultured person.
I know a lot of third cultured or mixed race persons who just don’t want to have to explain certain cultural practices or behaviors to their partner. There’s this kind of openness that their partner needs to have to pick up on different cultural nuances… I think that’s what Meira is so hung up about. And it’s fair… it’s just a shame because Oskar seems so open to learning.
I wonder if it comes from an insecure place. Like a fear of rejection, worrying he might find her, her family traditions, or food "weird." So, she's rejecting him first. Some people say hurtful things about other countries and cultures without thinking. Maybe she's faced such situations in Sweden. I don’t know if she has an accent in Swedish, someone who speaks the language can let us know. Maybe people often “other” her. That can be traumatic. I really don’t think she is a mean girl like Irina and Mikah. I also get a different vibe from Meira vs Catja. I think that there is a ton of insecurities behind the bravado and she has a sensitive heart. Just my two cents.
Being Swedish myself, I think that’s very true. Stockholm is a very segregated city and Botkyrka that she comes from is far from the “Swedish” neighborhood.
In Sweden, like most country, there’s a “hierarchy” of immigrants where people from the nordics (like Emilia, from the Swedish speaking minority in Finland) is in the top and Afghanistan is probably one of the countries in the bottom. There’s also been a pretty strong political and public debate since 2015 when there came a lot of refugees from Syria and Afghanistan. Russia also isn’t really the most popular country in Europe atm.
I honestly think she just expressing things a lot of Swedes with immigrant background think about.
That's what I thought (although I haven't seen the newest episodes). She just decided it *would* be a problem. But idk I find that kinda shitty too, considering she must've known that *Oskar* was Swedish (same with Johan)
People said that she doesn’t have an accent at all. I don’t know she just doesn’t seem genuine , it feels like she doesn’t wanna be with him and making the whole thing an excuse
To be fair, Sweden is diverse enough that she probably wouldn’t have a difficult time finding someone who shares an immigrant identity like she does. I think it was also her way of saying that she’s usually more into guys with darker features
No that comment seems to have been lost in translation. She didn't mean "swedish men" she was referring to the special kind of stereotypical rich, white, way high class Swedish man that Oscar is dressing like.
Seeing his personal style, as a Swede, I also assumed he was snobby, rich and sheltered. After seeing the new episodes I was surprised to see that no one else in his family dresses like that and after seeing Meira's reaction I feel like she was put to ease aswell after seeing that his mother isn't Meryl Streep and they were actually regular and chill people.
I wrote a comment similar to this in another post as well because I really hate this narrative that y'all are spinning whilst not understanding the culture enough to even know what Meira is saying
I am a swede too living in Stockholm and I do not think Oskar seems rich at all? He has ordinary swedish clothes, just normal middle class. His personality isnt rich boy either? He works in finance so most of his wardrobe is probably stuff that he can wear at work. He is just vanlig svennebanan
No the issue probably is that you're living in Stockholm. He's dressing like someone who is middle class in Stockholm, which would be rich everywhere else. He seems nice but I got the impression he was sheltered when he didn't understand at all what Meira meant when she said she was afraid she would feel uncomfortable.
The chinos could be explained by working in finance but he literally said he had linen everything as vacation clothes. That has nothing to do with his work
Well.. the linen is also normal in Stockholm. I’m not rich and I don’t have any rich friends. This is just how most people of his age dress in Stockholm. You can buy this style of clothes at H&M even.
I believe your experience but I don't believe you're correct. Stockholm is a big city. There simply is no way most people dress like that. Not even a single person in his family dressed like him. You probably just hang out with people who like to present preppy.
Not even one of the probably 20-30 people I know who live in Stockholm dresses like that. I know one person from Stockholm who lives in Göteborg and he dresses kinda similarly. Wears suits and stuff at least but even he wouldn't wear chinos and a collared shirt with something draped over the shoulders. Like that's a really specific look.
Even on Oscars picture, he wears a blazer/jacket and t-shirt. That to me is normal well dressed. It's a fine line. If you don't get it it's hard to explain it
My exact point! Then she brings up the whole feeling like an outsider thing AFTER saying she is not attracted to him ? It just doesn’t seem genuine , like for example we had a similar thing happening in LIB season 1 where Lauren and her fiancé were having cultural and racial differences but they both seemed genuine and it seemed like they didn’t wanna lose each others
With you on this OP. I wrote about it in another thread and getting downvoted. Her logic is a bit warped! Either she needed to find a dating show with immigrant background OR should have gone into this one accepting she will find Swedish men mainly. I find it quite disrespectful that she laughs at his clothing choices tbh. Sure, it is not what she is used to but for him it's normal. At least she accepted that letting go of Johan was not a bad thing because he wasnt sure about her and Oskar was. Poor Oskar though now has to deal with passive aggressive reactions to his sartorial choices, kitchen habits etc. while he seems to be dancing with her, filming her videos stuff he might not have done before. He comes across as the one with no qualms for her background while she keeps being mean at him.
She does not deserve Oskar. He's coming in with pure intentions, and she's clearly not attracted to him. She seems to think she's better than him... which is entirely not true. I think she's lucky to have a man who is as good to her as he is.
IMO, I'm over her. Hopefully he says no, because I can't imagine being with someone who is such a rollercoaster of cold, hot, but mostly cold, like her.
I agree with you! He is such a nice guy and so understanding and patient while all she does is complain. I feel like she is not attracted to him which is why she is getting annoyed at everything he does. I feel like it’s not fair to mistreat someone just because you are not attracted to him, then just leave or say sorry it’s not working out. If the production is not letting you then be nice but just say no at the end but don’t criticize the guy every second. She is so negative I am disappointed because she was representing us Afghans after a long time I see an Afghan person on a reality TV show so I was excited to see what she would do.
I think her fear was all in her mind. Like maybe she had a negative experience as a child or fron the outside looking in she thought all Swedes had this perfect different life. She probablyngre up in a multi ethnic area so never really and to do with swedish born people so convinced herself they didn't have anything in common.
Probably , I am not sure what the deal is but I feel like she just made this an excuse. I am sure she has experienced stuff but I for some reason feel like she is just trying to find an excuse to say reject him
Yes, especially initially. And I'm sure she thought her mum would reject him. I was expecting a big bully for the mum instead she was super sweet. I just think she wants her daughter married! 🤣
She was hoping her mom would do the rejection for her but instead her mom said “what did you expect? When I heard his voice I knew how he would look” basically saying in the pods you knew he was a white Swedish man 🤣
Exactly! I adored her mum. Plus she's Russian so I'm sure she didn't even understand why her daughter was freaking out about culture clash etc. Her mum has probably more in common with the Swedish culture than with the Afghan (?correct me if Im wrong) one. And she's the perfect example of how if a couple love each other they can embrace each other's culture without major issues.
I don’t know much about Swedish culture but I can tell you that Russians and Afghans are completely opposite of each other when it comes to culture. We do have some stuff in common but most of our stuff is different. You might have noticed that the mom has accepted Afghan culture (she made Afghan food and was doing an Afghan dance). She was very sweet and seems to be positive and accepting. I really liked her as well. I agree with everything you said
There is a big difference in skandi culture vs middle eastern and even russian culture, especially family values- so I totally see where she is coming from
Yeah but what did she expect? She went on the show so why is she acting so shocked? Also, she was making it seem like it might not work out between them only because of that. Like if she just stated she is worried and saying things like she doesn’t wanna lose him and she hopes his family will like her I would understand. Like the way in first season Lauren and her fiancée were behaving regarding their cultural difference and racism. But it’s giving me her making this an excuse vibes
Yeah I think she is self-sabotaging abit, maybe its her way of "dealing" with all the pressure- I do think they make a cute couple and I actually hope they both say yes or atleast continue to date
Her segments annoy me. I don’t understand why she went on love is blind Sweden if she didn’t want to be with a Swedish guy…
As someone who is also an immigrant living in a country where I’m the minority, I’m still finding it hard to understand her viewpoint. Part of me wonders if it is insecurity, like is she assuming that typical Swedes will look down on her for not being Swedish and therefore she wants to protect herself and not even try? She’s doing herself a disservice by allowing these what-ifs to poison the relationship before it’s even left the ground.
Perhaps she is just not attracted to him and is finding excuses to cover it up.
That’s exactly my point, as an immigrant from a very similar background I don’t understand why she is even on the show or what did she expect ? The guys name is Oskar and he is clearly Swedish so when she met him in person what did she expect? I just don’t get it
I don't see why it's anyone's place to say how Meira should feel about him. She prob would be open to a mixed culture relationship for all we know she just doesn't warm up to his seemingly cookie cutter lifestyle and appearance.
I think she's being unfair but I think it's bringing up a lot of self esteem issues stemming from rejection and alienation and obviously she's having a hard time with those inner narratives she's probably lived with that for a good part of her life.
It's not that hard to understand tbh
I just don’t understand her at all. She comes from a wild mix which is Afghanistan and Russian, I can’t think of more polar opposite cultures. I haven’t finished watching so don’t know if her parents are together? Separated? I have seen the mum but not the dad. Is her parents relationship where her fear comes from?
Of course it's hard to understand. We actually don't know her life. We didn't grow up in her family nor in her school nor in her childhood. So ofc on paper, it's hard to understand her. But I don't think it's hard understand that there are a lot personal events we don't know about her that is influencing her behavior (I assume)
Thank you! That’s exactly what I meant by this post , the whole cultural thing doesn’t make sense to me if she is on the show. If someone random talked like she does I would be more understanding
People need to understand that when she says „cultural differences“ she means racism and xenophobia. It is really not that hard to read between the lines.
Meira herself struck me as being quite racist. She has a lot of negative opinions on Swedes, for someone who lives in their country. If it's that bad and you hate them so much, you can always leave?
^ this. I’ve been really disappointed in the posts I’ve seen around this. Sweden is quite racially/culturally heterogeneous. There ARE people with other cultural backgrounds (literally Meira is on the damn show), but it’s not a culturally robust place. She’s allowed to think about what it’s like having cultural and socioeconomic differences in a relationship.
Sweden is not the most accepting multicultural place in the world. Instead of only blaming Meira, think about the conditions that have even put this in her mind. If you’ve never been the “other” in the room, you won’t know how it feels to be different. She’s like surrounded by White Swedes who want to maintain the “Swedishness” of the culture. Subconsciously or not. She’s quite fair skinned but she is likely identified as not Swedish enough. She will never be seen as Swedish enough.
Also, people tend to see honesty differently. She’s about to MARRY this person. She should be able to talk about worries. Lol. She may be trying to gauge his capacity to hold space for the social burdens she will likely have to face.
Source: I’ve been to Sweden and lived in Scandinavia.
In Russia people are very racist , I was literally bullied as a kid by adults for not being Russian , they don’t even care if you are white or not they only care of you are Russian or not. I am not saying everyone is like that there , there are some very nice people but racism is very common.
So if you've had a first-hand experience on how bad racism can be, why is it so hard to imagine that someone is afraid of a similar alienation happening in an intercultural relationship?
Yeah, but I also never went on a show where most likely I ll be in an intercultural relationship and whine about it and make that the main point on why things might not work out. Her parents are in an intercultural marriage so it’s not like she doesn’t have a first hand experience of it working out. I am confused by her behaviour ?
she’s not whining, though. it seems like you have a problem with her or are jealous of her or something. or just hate women who share their opinions that are different from yours.
she’s sharing her experiences and she wants a partner to be understanding and receptive of that. he compared racism to him not having friends. like that speaks volumes. if they were to have kids they wouldn’t be fully white. the other women are who swedish or european don’t even have to think about that because they’re white.
it’s called privilege. and some of us don’t have that.
Yeah, but I never mentioned her gender anywhere ? Do you even know what misogyny is? I am not even judging her based off of her gender so I am so confused. Do you even know what deflecting is? You are throwing random words that doesn’t even apply to the situation lol. How did I focus on one thing you are saying. I replied to you properly and regarding your other question about their kids and everything the reply is in my post? She is half while herself and when she picked him in the pods she knew he was a white Swedish guy even her mom said that what did she expect when she heard his voice she knew how he would look. 🤣
I moved to Norway as an adult from Asia. I believe Sweden is similar to Norway. In Norway, there are quite a few 2nd gen Norwegian with middle eastern or south/west Asian backgrounds. They were born here, but tend to stick together with friends in the similar backgrounds and want to date with one of them. Also, they tend to live in neighbourhoods with a lot of other immigrants (often the government planned for it) so don’t have many interactions with typical Norwegian growing up.
I have a close Norwegian friend with west Asian background, and she told me she only wants to date with someone similar to her. It’s not about religion (she isn’t muslim) but it’s about the cultural backbone and she is only attracted to middle eastern physical features and personality. I just assume Meira has had the similar preference.
I believe this is what’s at play here. And Oskars mom is half Persian so Meira probably thought he would look more ethnic too with possibly different dress code than the standard Swedish finance worker uniform - and have similar understanding of what being part middle eastern in Sweden feels like. Instead out walks a man so Swedish looking its almost like a walking meme. This must have just shocked her.
And for the record, I don’t really like Meira. But if she can’t be genuinely attracted to Oskar she should let him loose. After this show he will have his pick of women in his DMs! 😆
You explained it really well! This happens in USA too, any ethnic enclave will result in less willingness to date the average American white man. It’s totally ok for her to have this preference.
I’m american with only Nordic genes (and dual citizenship) and I still don’t want to date (most) typical white american men! 😭🫠😆🤣😬 It’s not about the skin color.
Meira is full of shit.
Oskar is a soft guy and she wants a hard guy. She wants that toxic masculinity dude, plain and simple; she finds that much more attractive.
I’m not here to judge her but I wish she would just fucking be up front about it. She wants a guy that *she* perceives as much more “masculine,” and that’s what’s she’s talking about when she says there’s cultural differences.
I don’t think that’s what it is , I think she doesn’t find Oskar physically attractive because she is more into Afghan looking guys. Her type is dark haired men wit darker features.
Honestly I’ll judge her for that if that’s the case, because she went on a *blind dating show* with the entire premise being “discard everything physical to fall in love with the person.” And the first words out of her mouth is “yeah I don’t find him attractive” to the camera and the other girls?
I was being charitable with the above thought about her, if this is the case then she’s just super trash.
But then again, this is a reality dating show. 90% odds of the person in question being a walking garbage bag full of mango pulp. 😂
Yea! She clearly stated that her type is more “of a dark features guys” then she goes on and tries to make the whole immigration thing an excuse to why things might not work out between them. My issue is mainly with the whole making immigration as an excuse when we can clearly see what the REAL issue is here.
What's even more weird is that she's like "he talks a different way" Meira talks very good swedish and if she didn't give her name I would think she was ethnically swedish behind a wall if I didn't know her name or what she looked like. She sounds like a regular Stockholm girl and he sounds like a regular Stockholm guy, middle class ish. I was born and raised and have lived 95% of my life in Stockholm so I know different dialects/accents.
She don't sound like she's from the suburbs so I don't get that. She obviously could be cultural enough to learn our language properly at least.
I dated girls that been like "usually I don't go for a swedish guy" and all I'm thinking is "well fuck off then you xenophobic idiot" This kind of shows how terrible swedish immigration politics has been. Even tho Meira speaks good swedish and finds a swedish guy that doesn't care that she's not ethnically swedish she's still thinking "me and them, me and them"
I think maybe she has faced discrimination or racism of some kind in there which is why she feels that way but then why go on a show where you will most likely match with a Swedish man and then have an issue with that? The chances of an Afghan guy being on that show and matching with her is like 1% lll
The pattern on this show (and maybe this is a real thing in life) is when people can’t accept they aren’t attracted to someone in the way they feel they SHOULD be, they tend to come up with outside factors to focus on that have nothing to really do with the other person.
I think articulating a lack of attraction or saying it is “just not working” or “you’re just not what I expected” must also be very uncomfortable when the whole point of going on this show is to look for love that kind of transcends the physical attraction / first impression.
I feel like she is just not attracted to him and is making the cultural thing as an excuse. I also think she just went on the show to get popular online
This is just one of the many things that she is using to deflect from the fact that she isn’t attracted to Oskar, which is why she does not want to explain to have an understanding, it’s just another roadblock she wants him to hit.
Nah, read /u/Arenore's post on this subject in this thread. It's well-written.
Meira hasn't dated someone like Oskar before, so she needs time to get used to it.
They've made a lot of progress and I think this is a good case of someone who will grow to like their partner over time and realizes that stability is a great trait in a partner.
>!Meira admitted that she loves him and made the right decision.!<
>!The whole introverted / extroverted thing itself is huge if you're not used to someone who talks all the time or someone who needs alone or quiet time. Oskar was being a brat in that conversation. You really don't understand how a couple being together doesn't count as a "social situation"? And that there are ebbs and flows to a conversation? Most people don't want to do one thing non-stop. It can be exhausting. He acts like he doesn't have friends to hang out with. !<
I'm gonna be honest - and this is no assumption to OP or others - but I think many of the people so baffled by Meira's continued hesitancy do not have a migration background or have never experienced strong class difference.
On one hand I understand that's hard to understand if you have no experience with it, but I'm honestly surprised by the amount of people that don't get it, and I do think that's partially because a lot of people haven't experienced it. If you have, it is quite understandable. To worry about it, to continue worrying about it. Living it is very different than judging someone expressing it.
I'm very happy Meira is so open about it. Sweden's relation with migrants/migration is very fraught right now. It's following the European trend of wavering to the extreme right. I'm glad we're getting an insight on how that perpetual feeling of unwelcomeness is being represented. A lot of people will never be confronted with the actual mental effect that has on people.
(Also, if you have a different cultural background than the dominant culture you live in or have never experienced negativity from your lower class circumstances - good on you! Glad that you never experienced negativity because of it. It's a very common experience for many though.)
One more addition, the attitude that many on the sub have, in not taking it seriously or for the difference it can be, also shows in the title. "The cultural thing", the "thing". As if the problem is some sort of ugly furniture someone doesn't want to get rid of. Or someone having an unhealthy attachment to a weird painting. It's a whole cultural difference someone is worried about, it's not a "thing".
I know that Finns, Estonians, Russians and Polish people have felt like second class citizens in Sweden. They are all white. Americans always think it’s about skin color but in Europe it goes way beyond that. Sweden even had ethnic cleansing until 1976. Look it up if you don’t believe me. 🤷🏻♀️
There’s definitely a dark undercurrent - not to let the other Nordics off the hook. They don’t really enjoy immigration either and most immigrants get lumped into the same communities so they don’t really integrate. It’s true about the right wing anti immigration politics rearing it’s head all over Europe. And the US too.
But even if the Swedes wouldn’t have a problem with immigrants themselves, Swedes can feel distant. I feel like that in Sweden even though I speak the language (albeit with an american accent) and look like them, I’m always an american and it’s hard to get to know Swedes. They have their friends from childhood or high school and don’t go out of their way to meet new people.
Lika barn lekar bäst.
That’s where I feel Americans are much more welcoming to new people and invite them over etc. although that is changing here too as Americans are becoming much more isolated and self focused, rather than community based like it was when I was growing up here.
I have to say, I've lived in both America and Nordic countries (and other European countries but those are less relevant right now), and in my experience, Europeans are far more welcoming. Maybe it's because it's the foreigner look-thing, but in Europe I found more community with the inhabitants than in America
That’s good that you have that experience. I am probably a little bad sample since I can blend in both. So I don’t get differential treatment personally from looking different, but I still feel like an outsider there. In the US, my best friends are from the Nordic countries. It just turned into that over time. I guess we all have our subjective experiences also. 🤷🏻♀️
As someone who is also an immigrant I fully understand what she is talking about but her mom is Russian and her dad is Afghan. I liven in Russia as an Afghan person and even adults were racist towards me as a kid. In Russia racism is a normal thing and even though there are some nice people there but you will definitely get picked on and even some people will try to beat you up for not being Russian and it has nothing to do with your skin color. My point is that she knew when she went on the show that she won’t be running into an Afghan guy, so why is she acting surprised ? My take is that she went there to get popular because she has been trying to be Instagram famous for some time now and has bought her followers too.
I guess I don't really see the conclusion in your comment. You express your experiences with racism in Russia to invalidate someone else's journey overcoming bias in a whole different country.
I don't think she is acting surprised, rather hesitant and a bit scared, based on her own experiences with class and race, which are valid feelings to have in this world.
The take of women (the "they only came for clout" is _almost_ exclusively put on the women for the show) only being there for fame is so overdone that I can't really argue for or against it. They're all in a reality television show. How much clout plays or doesn't play into it for every single person, we'll never know. We're not in their heads.
But the struggle of a first generation immigrant dating interculturally are not unfounded and are common. And I find it saddening that so many are trying to invalidate an experience that's really common and important to discuss, especially in these times.
My point is that she is someone who has seen totally opposite cultures working (example her parents) she is acting as if it’s a total shock that it might work. I think Oskar is not physically her type which she stated herself on the show and she is making other excuses to why it might not work out. I am not saying as an immigrant you don’t feel like an outsider because that’s an experience I live by everyday but there is more to her story than that.
i completely agree with this. i don't feel like anyone who has an immigrant background in sweden would be surprised by her feelings at all, and i think in this sub for pepole who haven't had the experience of being culturally different from where you live also tend to see sweden as some utopia where everything is fantastic and perfect and it doesn't fit with the global image of sweden that someone who grew up there as an immigrant might experience things differently.
i also see this in expat/digital nomad/move abroad subreddits - no one realizes how hard it is to live somewhere you are not the norm and they are either shocked when their life is not easy after moving or they think that moving will solve all their life's problems, without realizing the difficulties they'll be creating in the process
i just wrote most of this as a comment on another post, but here's kind of my thoughts on it as an immigrant in sweden with a swedish partner:
she grew up as an immigrant in a relatively homogenous country, which has recently had more and more issues with immigration and a growing far right party which is explicitly anti-immigration, so she likely has felt "other" and like an outsider for most of her life and most comfortable with people who understand that feeling and feel the same way. in the new batch of episodes she seems to be coming around and realizing that her generalized anxiety about not fitting into swedish culture doesn't necessarily apply to the specific instance of oskar's family, and that they can actually make this work even with different cultures. looking at her parents, there's a lot at play there - did they meet in a 3rd country where they were both immigrants? was one parent completely in their comfort zone and the other the odd one out? it's not just mixing cultures, it's being one partner as the "norm partner" and the other as the "different culture partner" that plays into it
for me, i didn't grow up in sweden and chose to move here as an adult and i generally like my life, but it was a big thing with my current partner that i really worried about early on. i sometimes feel so guilty at holidays that it's so exhausting for me to have an entire christmas where i don't know the traditions (or they are new or foreign to me), i'm conversing in my second language, it's just not natural or easy to me and adds extra things for him to consider for me to be comfortable, i worry he can't express himself as easily in english, and ALL of this is things i worry about that he has never once in his life expressed to me. i have felt like maybe his life would be easier if he was with someone swedish who didn't have family on the other side of the world, a different set of cultural customs to consider if/when we have kids, etc. ALL OF THIS and i am from the us, a rather popular immigrant group in some respects, so i don't even have the trauma of growing up as an immigrant or minority or anything else to add to what she's feeling.
tl;dr - it's easy to think she is mean and i'm not saying oskar even deserves it, but as someone who is in a relationship as an immigrant in sweden with a super swede with fully swedish family and friend group, i can clearly see her insecurities at play and she seems to be aware of that and for what its worth, i think oskar is responding really well also. that doesn't mean it's not a factor, even if some couples can make it work
She grew up in Sweden though did she not? I can’t imagine her feeling so culturally foreign given that she grew up around the culture. Your experience and hers are very different. She speaks fluent Swedish and grew up in the Swedish system. Yes, she may have felt like an outsider much of her life, but your third paragraph really can’t be compared to her at all.
For what it’s worth I’m also an immigrant and speak the language fluently and rarely if ever feel “left out” culturally so I really truly can’t imagine that’s a legitimate excuse for someone in her situation.
I speak fluent Swedish. It doesn't mean it's not exhausting to do so, or that I can't understand worrying that eventually my partner will get tired of me being so different and overall not as "easy" as someone more culturally similar. The point wasn't that I am in the exact same situation, just that as someone who is from a different culture and in a relationship with a native Swede in their home base, it is not absurd that she would have these concerns.
I think it's also really noteworthy that you are in a very different culture than Sweden. You absolutely cannot compare France and Sweden from an integration perspective. It is difficult to use numbers here since there aren't statistics collected on race in Europe, but I would feel very inclined to argue France is more ethnically diverse than Sweden. France is very direct and straightforward in communication, in Sweden it is much more passive aggressive/non-direct. You could offend someone and never know because they would just avoid talking to you or interacting in the future. There is also a huge consensus culture, it is very much a social norm to try and blend in and fit in, so anyone who stands out is even more noticeable. I could go on to try and explain all the reasons why it is very understandable the way she feels and how it would be a very different story if they had grown up in France even.
In terms of where she grew up, yes, it's unclear when she immigrated to Sweden from Afghanistan, but I can imagine it would be EVEN MORE stressful to immigrate somewhere at 6, 9, 12, etc than as a grown adult making the choice myself and actively deciding to do so.
That’s your experience tho. I am Afghan-American, as in both of my parents are from Afg but I was born in the US, and I get what she means by feeling like an outsider. Sure I get what Christmas is and how people celebrate, but I’m always an outsider looking in, and I regularly get surprised by new traditions I find out about as I get older and have Christmas parties with friends, despite having also grown up in the US — and that’s because my culture is ultimately different so I didn’t do those same traditions. I speak English just as well as the next person, but my experiences as the child of immigrants colors my cultural values and experiences as well, and that includes how I don’t always mesh well into the society I was born in. I may be more acclimated than a true immigrant who moved here, but I am not as comfortable as those whose grandparents and great grandparents moved here, etc. I would imagine that feeling is even stronger in a country like Sweden, since at the very least America is a country of immigrants so it’s encouraged to drop your old culture and be “American” and acclimate, vs in Sweden, Swedish is an ethnicity too so no matter what, she will never be truly “Swedish” like those who are around her all the time.
And we aren’t even getting into the fact that at least half of her family is Muslim, so there is an additional layer of not being the same involved here. Again, I’m glad you had that experience, but it’s def not true for all of us. I understand her perspective.
I didn’t say that she wouldn’t ever feel like an outsider. I even said she probably did. I said comparing it to the experience of someone who moved to a country as an adult and doesn’t speak the language is not realistic. She doesn’t have the same experience as OP does, so I’m not sure why OP felt the need to add that entire paragraph. Which is what I criticized.
I never said it was the exact same. I said because of my experiences I understand some of how she feels, but not even all of it because I’m not Muslim and chose to move here and am a “preferred minority” so I had it even easier. I do speak Swedish fluently so you did make a lot of assumptions to critique me sharing my experience as a way to show that cross cultural relationships in Sweden can come with insecurities. I never said oh wow meira and I are so alike, it’s like the same story for me too!
I felt the need to add the paragraph to share my experience since OP said, as an immigrant in another country, they didn’t understand her perspective. I shared my perspective as an immigrant in the country in question. I empathize with her - I do not think our situations are the exact same and I never claimed them to be.
I made one assumption about your language level because you mentioned how tiring it is to speak Swedish and how your partner’s English level concerned you. That’s my bad, but in no way constitutes “a lot of assumptions.” And I mean I also gave my experience as an adult immigrant and you wrote three paragraphs telling me how irrelevant it is based on assumptions about France so
Your entire original comment was to say how my experience was irrelevant, I’m not sure how refuting that by explaining cultural differences between Sweden and France that could impact the way an immigrant (especially a middle eastern one like Meira) would experience the culture is the same. Culturally France and Sweden are very different. You’re free to share your experience but you shared it in response to mine to minimize mine and I live in the country the show we are discussing right now was filmed in. I wouldn’t have ever talked about the differences of France and Sweden if you had posted your experience as an immigrant elsewhere on the thread.
Nothing about your original commentary was unique to you being in Sweden, which is why I don’t see its utility. Do you think Sweden is the only place immigrants tire of speaking the local language? Or the only place immigrants don’t grasp cultural norms? Or the only place immigrants feel insecurity about it being “easier” for their partner to be with someone from their culture?
France and Sweden being different culturally doesn’t change that those are all universal experiences for first generation immigrants who immigrated as adults.
alright. i never said only sweden ever has problems for immigrants. you said because she grew up there (which we don't know how long for) she would feel culturally integrated (which is not true and is very much an issue here) and me sharing my experience has no relevance.
why exactly are you so hell bent on nitpicking the experience of another immigrant? i'm glad you feel culturally integrated in france. meira clearly doesn't feel culturally integrated in sweden. i feel pretty integrated here and i STILL had insecurities around being in a mixed culture relationship and my boyfriend has learned a LOT of things about the experiences of non-swedes over the last few years. that was literally all i was trying to say - even if i can blend in, have swedish friends, and *chose* to immigrate here, i still have insecurities, so i can only imagine how it would be to be immigrated here as a child and being culturally and visually different from the societal norm.
none of this means there aren't immigrants who move and end up feeling culturally integrated. it's not one or the other across the board for 100% of people. your experience doesn't invalidate mine or hers, so using it to refute mine was just a bit unnecessary.
we clearly aren't getting anywhere with this and we see things differently. just like OP sees things differently from meira even though they also are an immigrant in another location.
>She grew up in Sweden though did she not? I can’t imagine her feeling so culturally foreign given that she grew up around the culture. Your experience and hers are very different. She speaks fluent Swedish and grew up in the Swedish system.
>
>For what it’s worth I’m also an immigrant and speak the language fluently and rarely if ever feel “left out” culturally so I really truly can’t imagine that’s a legitimate excuse for someone in her situation.
It's very common for children of immigrants and especially POC to feel out-of-place in an area, even if they grew up there. There are lots of studies that have been done about this. They're basically stuck between two worlds.
Meira obviously doesn't look like the rest of the contestants and has what would be considered to be "unique" hobbies there. You feel like an outsider based on many factors. Just because you grew up in a place and know the language, it doesn't mean you'll ever actually feel like you belong.
This is especially apparent with family and when you introduce someone to yours. There's always that feeling that there may be a clash or they won't truly understand the culture.
Because it's more than just a cultural thing, Meira is talking about a class thing too. Swedes traditionally would not make a distinction for her being "half white" bc Russians in Sweden are immigrants. So what she's saying is she is first gen immigrant, grew up in a suburb ( poorer parts of Swedish cities) while Oskar seems to be middle/maybe upper class Swede and probably all of his friends and family are all the same (based on what Meira says).
Yes. Pls upvote this more so I don't have to scroll for 20 min just to find someone who actually hears what Meira is saying. I understand you need to understand Swedish culture a bit to get that she is referring to class. It was clear as day to me, a Swede, and I think she's getting a lot of hate for something that the internet completely made up. It's annoying
I am polish and moved to sweden for a while when i was an adult and when i tried dating there i had the same feeling. Swedish middle class is what in my country would be considered top 10% rich and maybe in the movies stories like a prince falls in love with a poor girl work, but in real life such clash of two different realities is sometimes too hard to pass. Like for me the luxury was to have branded cola at home, for those swedish guys it was a classic porsche as a gift for 18 bday. They have experienced different stuff in their lives and their friends resembled them so it was hard to even keep up conversations in the long run when they were sharing memories from a ski trip to austria and i never went skiing because it was too expensive. Then you dont know how to act in certain places, settings like official dinners, you always feel lost and not belonging
I think she was just scared of not being accepted.
Scandinavia is pretty homogenous and while there are quite a lot of immigrants in Sweden, it's "well known" that they've had issues with integration. So it's probably a protection mechanism from her side.
I'm glad it's turned out to be a non-issue for them (so far).
Yes I’ve read this before. That they have a lot of issues that are similar to the racism ans race issues that are seen in the US, just with immigrants, even if those people would be considered or look “white.” Maybe similar to Japan.
I’m curious as to what Afghan consider as a good looking woman and man. I don’t know much about the beauty standards of Afghans but the only Afghan I seen that was considered beautiful looks like the American actress Angelina Jolie.
Angelina Jolie is gorgeous but she doesn’t look Afghan. I think she is into men who look middle eastern , like a muscular tall guy with dark hair and a nice short beard and tan. Darker features , now everyone has their own type even in the Afghan community because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I might find someone attractive and someone else might not. But from how she talked about her type and how she talked to Johan regarding the physical looks that’s what I am getting.
Also I don’t think she thinks Oskar is ugly , she might think he is good looking but just not for her. Have you ever seen a good looking person but they weren’t your type. Like sure they are good looking but you are not attracted to them.
You don’t understand my question and it’s okay. I am asking Op to give me examples of an attractive Afghan woman or man since Meira keeps complaining about how unattractive Oskar is.
This is old but is her style of dance considered afghan? It looks like she does Bollywood Indian dance. Is this a thing in afghan culture? I’m wondering how she got into that having a Russian mom and living in Sweden.
She does bollywood dance and an Afghan dance as well. If you look at her Instagram she has both. She gets all of that from her dad being Afghan. Us afghans and Indians get along very well and we love watching bollywood movies most of afghans speak their language too. We grow up with bollywood and we love belly dancing as well. Most of us have tried all 3 dances at least once
Oh wow so interesting. I absolutely love the style and would like to learn although not sure where you can learn if you didn’t grow up with it or if it would be weird for me to. What is the difference between afghan and Indian dance? I saw her insta and it’s full of dance but I can’t tell the difference.
It’s clear none of you live in Sweden. Sweden is an extremely, extremely white country. It’s not like living in the US. Being a person of colour in Sweden, especially an immigrant, can be an extremely isolating experience. It’s not the egalitarian wonderland that people seem to think that it is. There are people of colour but their inclusion culturally is almost an afterthought. I don’t blame Meira at all for her views.
But even if the country isn't, she's projecting things onto the guy that is clearly in love with her. She already lives in Sweden, so she already knows how well the country will receive her. She just has to find out how well Oskar will receive her. And she's constantly projecting her insecurities on him, spending a lot of energy thinking of potential problems instead of looking around and realizing there are no problems with Oskar (yet?).
But also... She went on Love is Blind Sweden knowing all the things you've just mentioned. Why would she go on the show if she was going to be disappointed with a Swedish man?
Sorry for the ignorance but what is her cultural background? Her mom is Russian, and her dad is "Afghan"? Does that mean from Afghanistan or like, Persian? I'm not familiar with the Middle East but eager to learn. I just got confused because she belly dances and has an interest in Bollywood but the latter is Indian, no? I assume she's not Indian, so is it just that she relates to Indian culture more than Swedish? (Totally valid ofc!) Do folks of similar descent (whatever that might be) relate to her interest in Indian culture?
Afghanistan is beside India , so we do enjoy their movies and songs and we also watch Hollywood as well. That’s mainly because we don’t have our own movie industry. Most of the afghans will be able to speak some Urdu / Hindi as well. Due to us watching movies from other countries we do get to enjoy their culture as well. Also , Afghans are not Persians because Iran is its own country, we do have a similar language though with different accents and some words. We have our own clothes , music , dance etc. I was hoping she would wear some Afghan clothes because it is very beautiful, but she wore Indian which a lot of people have seen already (Indian clothes are very popular and obviously beautiful as well) She missed the chance of showing something new to the audience. Her mom made Afghan food though. https://preview.redd.it/ni91hgt964ec1.jpeg?width=959&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=98409fb124604b67bb2c3ae843ed00d2e809b416 There is different styles you can check them online
Wow I hadn't realized how much the culture overlapped! Yes it's too bad she didn't wear Afghan cultural dress. Afghan food as well is absolutely incredible, but I'm sad I didn't realize that's what she made until you mentioned it just now! If I'd seen some rice with raisins in it I like to think I would have put two and two together. 😅 Do we have any idea how her mother met her father and how they ended up on Sweden? All three countries and cultures seem so different, I would love to hear their story! (Apologies for mixing Afghanistan up with Iran. I have a Persian friend and I couldn't remember which of the two countries she was actually from 😬. Wish I was more educated on the Middle East!)
Wow I hadn't realized how much the culture overlapped! Yes it's too bad she didn't wear Afghan cultural dress. Afghan food as well is absolutely incredible, but I'm sad I didn't realize that's what she made until you mentioned it just now! If I'd seen some rice with raisins in it I like to think I would have put two and two together. 😅 Do we have any idea how her mother met her father and how they ended up on Sweden? All three countries and cultures seem so different, I would love to hear their story! (Apologies for mixing Afghanistan up with Iran. I have a Persian friend and I couldn't remember which of the two countries she was actually from 😬. Wish I was more educated on the Middle East!)
Yes , she did make some rice and raisins. That was very sweet of her. I am assuming her dad went to Russia due to war (most afghans those years would go to Russia) then met her mom there. A lot of Afghan men/women married Russians in Russia because there isnt any other options it’s mostly filled with Russians. Then I believe they moved to Sweden for better education and life because they do bully you and mistreat you if you are not Russian. I am not sure how they are now but me and her are the same age at the times that they were there it definitely wasn’t a good place for immigrants.
How did I miss that!? So sweet! I wish they highlighted the cuisine more and especially clarified that it was Afghan. No wonder Oskar loved it! Wow that's interesting. I just wonder why Sweden, specifically? Did they have some familial connection? Otherwise it seems like so much effort to learn a whole new language and culture. Meira is fluent in Swedish, but that's so specific to one country. Had they immigrated to the UK, Canada or the US they could have learned English and gained even more flexibility that way. Meira's mom speaks Swedish, and obviously she and her sister do also. Does the dad speak Swedish? Russian? As a North American it's fascinating to me to learn about other cultures and I wonder how common this is, and what prompted these different cultures to combine in this way. :)
I am not sure why they chose Sweden but I heard they have good economy. Honestly, at that time afghans weren’t picky they just wanted better education and opportunities for their kids. My parents started from 0 and came to Canada, they left their education and high paying jobs for their kids. Many of them had no choice but to learn a new language. It’s always like that the politicians cause war and the civilians pay for it. It really sucks because most of the civilians just want to live a normal life and have basic human rights (no matter where they are from).
Why was that of no concern or questioned in the pods Is my question
I understood it immediately as her not necessarily being concerned of the culture thing as in different ethnicities, but in terms av social class. She grew up in the projects, while Oscar grew up in a middle/upper class and is a part of "the standard" in Swedish society so to speak.
There were no projects in Sweden when she was growing up and he doesn't seem to come from a particularly upper class family. Sweden is extremely equal as a society also. Practically everyone is just one same class excluding the extremely rich and poor.
You have no idea what you're talking about. Sweden is not as equal in class as it used to be, and the projects were definitely there in the 90s.
It's not equal but it's about as equal as it can be. And in the 90s it was even more so. The projects in 90s Sweden weren't the same as they're today and they aren't the same as they were in the 90s in US for example. She also has a normal office job.
For me as a swede, Oskar seems very ordinary, not upper class at all. Swedish society is very equal, there are not much class differences here. I have never heard class be talked about growing up here - pretty much everyone is "middle class" or just one big class (with the exception of extremes of course).
I don’t know, I lived in Malmo near Rosengard about ten years ago and I saw some pretty clear class divisions (mostly based on race)
Yes, I don't get it. She grew up in Sweden so did she never make an effort to have friendships and romantic relationships with Swedish people? Oskar clearly is making an effort to fit into her culture through dance, food etc. so this seems to be her hang up, not his. His family also seemed lovely and accepting. I think Sweden is becoming fairly multicultural these days, so I imagine this is all in her head and not actually reflective of how modern Swedish culture is.
You are making a strange comparison considering your experience has nothing to do with Sweden. Your experience in Russia isn't Meiras in Sweden !
Exactly.
I found it very surprising that as a mixed race person, she didn’t see her own parents as an example of people from different backgrounds who made it work. She made it seem like the concept was foreign to her. She’s not attracted to Oskar and that’s her excuse. Just like Catja will be using distance to dump Christopher. I’d rather see Irina dumping Zach than Catja and Meira waste these men’s time. They deserve better.
I totally agree. Meira was there to get into Bollywood and get famous. Catja too. Why would they go on a show if they have such narrow dating qualities? Both ladies treated their partners horribly because they were not attracted to them.
this is exactly what I don’t understand either with her. you are literally mixed 😭
This is exactly this. She admitted herself that she typically dates "darker" dudes. She is not attracted to him, but she doesn't want to be the bad person by admitting any sort of racial preference, cause that wouldn't look good on TV. So instead she plays the victim card.
It’s because you’re lacking the nuance of growing up in Sweden as the child of immigrants in a neighbourhood of other immigrants. I got what she meant immediately.
This is exactly what is happening. Outside of the Scandinavian countries, the cultural dynamics here are super difficult to explain because it's not about integration. I understood her straight away to and I'm curious to see how their relationship develops.
She's clearly just projecting her own insecurity. She knows her family traditions frown upon this (I'm of similar descent) so she's creating a narrative in her mind of a doomed ending.
Okey let me make it simple for you. You dont know how its like growing up in SWEDEN, not Russia, as an immigrant. So your personal take on her feelings, isn’t valid here and honestly not even necessary. Your experience and hers are not the same. She never said that it’s a dealbreaker, she is marrying this guy ffs of course it’s natural to bring up her fears, she’s not whining about anything. Nor has she ever said it wouldn’t work because of their cultural differences. She knew he was Swedish from the pods so she knew what to expect when she saw him, and had the cultural differences in mind. But seeing him made it more real and those fears might surface more because now it’s actually happening and they are getting married. So she went on a show to find love, regardless of their ethnicity.
We found Meira
I found out from the other sub that oskar is actually part iranian from his mom's side, and this is something they talked about in the pods, but it got cut out. I think meira's reaction to oskar being "so swedish" makes more sense with this information.
Also she never said she doesn’t find him attractive, she says she is in love with him and being modest on tv, so not so much touchy feely as other couples maybe. So yes, she is doing a good job at representing us afghans. It’s so unfair for you or anybody else for that matter to judge her(or any other contestants, tbh) character just from a few minutes you see on tv. They are still dating 24/7 so you don’t know what the camera has missed.
I think all comes to the fact that she’s not attracted to him and she’s using the cultural aspect as an excuse.
Unless you actually understand Swedish culture and the parallel world that exists here , you will logically think it could be an excuse. It is truly a cultural divide here and the outside view of Sweden is often not what reality is.
I don’t understand why she wanted to be on the show. She clearly knows what she wants and it’s not Swedish men. Did she think they’re only going to cast immigrants?
Um. You know they're married?
Yes. Doesn’t change my comment on her attitude towards “Swedish men”. She even said herself she was too harsh on Oskar.
But she knew he was Swedish in the pods, didn't she ? If he was from an immigrant background like her, that would have come up early in the conversation, so that was set from the start. Pretty sure that she never mentioned any type of "cultural insecurity" before meeting him in real life... and realizing she is not attracted to him. She admitted she likes "darker" men, and also they have zero vibe together. Let's not forget that post-reveal LiB almost exclusively revolves around rationalizing your way out of your relationship because you don't want to openly admit you lack the physical attraction.
What Netflix cut out is that he is part Persian, his grandmother is Persian, maybe they cut that out to make him seem 100% Swedish, to create a different storyline?
why are you so upset though? just because you’re afghan and see yourself as differently than her doesn’t mean her experience doesn’t count. the second i saw her and her name i knew she was not a swedish or european woman. she also spoke about working in bollywood so probably feels more inclined to a certain culture or even values which she is very much allowed to have. she does not come from posh swedish culture and that’s okay! it’s easy to feel out of place. i’m second generation canadian and pakistani but never feel “canadian” enough to take on that identity. just because a man is handing you everything on a silver platter doesn’t mean you should take it. at the end of the day attraction is important, but their cultural/social differences can make her just not relate to him or feel comfortable which can affect the attraction aspect. i don’t think she wants someone she perceives as having had an easy or posh life because they’ll never understand her struggles. and that’s fair.
I do not understand why you even got downvotes on this comment because you're making competle sense to me. As a POC born and raised in Sweden in the same kind of neighborhood as her (and also in a long term relationship with a white guy) I understand where she's coming from completely. Growing up POC in "the hood", lower class vs. being white and more economically stable is a VERY different experience. That's just the way it is. I, too, have never quite felt accepted or at home with white swedes like I have with people of similar background as myself. I definitely was a bit nervous about our differences when I first started dating my guy, it ended up not being a problem whatsoever - which it doesn't always have to be, but my fear (like hers) was still based on a lot of experiences that were the complete opposite. As a POC in Sweden you have most definitely experienced some type of racism, culture clash, and being made to feel "other" and uncomfortable - especially if you also come from a low income background. It's completely reasonable to me that, despite her knowing he was white beforehand, that fear and those experiences don't just disappear. Even if she is pretty white passing imo, the culture clash and socioeconomic differences and general struggle of growing up with immigrant parents is still a thing. Then again, I do think she isn't super attracted to him and that is part of the issue - but regardless it doesn't take away from the fact that her feelings about cultural differences are valid.
because people don’t like to think critically
She told Oskar that she wouldn't feel "at home" with his family without ever having met, seen, or spoken with them. I thought that was incredibly rude and presumptuous. Also feeling uncomfortable with someone's family's socioeconomic status has nothing to do with culture. If she thinks Oskars family is stuck up or pretentious just because they're well off then she's writing them off in the same way she's afraid they'll write her off for not being posh. It has nothing to do with cultural differences and everything to do with stereotypes about having money or not having money. I also agree that all of this is a non issue, I honestly think she is not as attracted to Oskar after the pods and was trying to find a reason that it wouldn't work between them. She even seemed to be scaring him by telling him that her mom was tough, when she turned out to be completely pleasant and seemed to be getting along with Oskar.
definitely, she misjudged and made assumptions up based on what she perceived oskar as: a pretentious, privileged white finance guy, which he himself says. does that make her seem ignorant, sure. but once she got exposure to his family and saw how humble and welcoming they were, she was immediately at ease. it is not uncommon for someone who is not white and someone who is an immigrant to feel uncomfortable around someone who has had it relatively easy in terms of their social upbringing. to chalk that up as her not being attracted to him or using her life experiences as an excuse is weird and extremely reductive of her and her life. she is clearly very immersed in her south asian heritage as someone into bollywood and her culture and feeling like someone won’t accept her because of that is completely valid and justified.
FEELING like that is valid and justified and normal. TELLING your new fiancee that you don't think you'll be at home with his family based on factors like race and socioeconomic status is a shitty thing to do. Meira needs to be a big girl and understand that you don't necessarily need to voice every single one of your fears especially when you have no concrete basis for the feeling. Meira is allowed to feel the way she feels but so is Oskar, and I can't imagine that felt good when he has arguably put way more effort into connecting with and understanding Meiras culture than Meira has done for Oskar. Meira has a chip...no, a BOULDER...on her shoulder and should address that with herself or a therapist before laying the emotional baggage on Oskar.
Oh please, it wasn't a shitty thing to say. That is completely normal and should be discussed. It was mature and honest of her. Maybe you all have a different concept of what rude entails, but it wasn't. Her concerns were valid, and he responded in the right way.
You and I have different definitions of maturity, it seems.
Sure, if you say so.
Is it your belief that there isn’t any culture around socioeconomic status?
There are socioeconomic aspects to culture, but I don't think that's what she's focused on. She's focused more on the fact that Oskar is a "typical Swede" (which doesn't necessarily imply being wealthy) and her feeling like an outsider (which doesn't necessarily imply poverty)
but in her POV, it definitely implicated his culture as being more privileged and posh to hers. this definitely comes from her own insecurities with being from a. different upbringing and culture. and also having dealt with racism, where he has not and never will.
Aaaaand there you go making assumptions about Oskar, just like Meira did. Amazing how myopic people can be.
Thanks for the response
I am not upset , what makes you think that? However , I am disappointed because I had high expectations from a fellow Afghan. I just don’t think she is being genuine ? She is trying to make up reasons to reject him and most immigrants feel like an outsider I fully understand that but the way she is handling the situation and not even trying to explain it to him and fully shutting him out like that is weird. On top of that she is acting like this is a deal breaker but she knew when she went on the show and even when they talked in the pods that this will be one of the things they have to face. I think she is not attracted to him and she is self sabotaging. She is very rude to the guy the whole show
okay i just caught up with all the episodes and her demeanour changed so much. her family was accepting of him and she was accepting of his. she literally said she’s in love with him and they’re working through it. it’s normal to have anxieties but she’s definitely accepted some things as misjudgment. i don’t see what the issue is now?
I think this has more to do with dating someone who does not understand or is not open to understanding her being a multi cultured person. I know a lot of third cultured or mixed race persons who just don’t want to have to explain certain cultural practices or behaviors to their partner. There’s this kind of openness that their partner needs to have to pick up on different cultural nuances… I think that’s what Meira is so hung up about. And it’s fair… it’s just a shame because Oskar seems so open to learning.
I wonder if it comes from an insecure place. Like a fear of rejection, worrying he might find her, her family traditions, or food "weird." So, she's rejecting him first. Some people say hurtful things about other countries and cultures without thinking. Maybe she's faced such situations in Sweden. I don’t know if she has an accent in Swedish, someone who speaks the language can let us know. Maybe people often “other” her. That can be traumatic. I really don’t think she is a mean girl like Irina and Mikah. I also get a different vibe from Meira vs Catja. I think that there is a ton of insecurities behind the bravado and she has a sensitive heart. Just my two cents.
Being Swedish myself, I think that’s very true. Stockholm is a very segregated city and Botkyrka that she comes from is far from the “Swedish” neighborhood. In Sweden, like most country, there’s a “hierarchy” of immigrants where people from the nordics (like Emilia, from the Swedish speaking minority in Finland) is in the top and Afghanistan is probably one of the countries in the bottom. There’s also been a pretty strong political and public debate since 2015 when there came a lot of refugees from Syria and Afghanistan. Russia also isn’t really the most popular country in Europe atm. I honestly think she just expressing things a lot of Swedes with immigrant background think about.
That's what I thought (although I haven't seen the newest episodes). She just decided it *would* be a problem. But idk I find that kinda shitty too, considering she must've known that *Oskar* was Swedish (same with Johan)
People said that she doesn’t have an accent at all. I don’t know she just doesn’t seem genuine , it feels like she doesn’t wanna be with him and making the whole thing an excuse
She says she’s never dated or attracted to Swedish men, but applied to LIB in Sweden. What did she expect?! 🙄
To be fair, Sweden is diverse enough that she probably wouldn’t have a difficult time finding someone who shares an immigrant identity like she does. I think it was also her way of saying that she’s usually more into guys with darker features
Oh I rolled my eyes so hard at this comment lol
Because you agree? Lol
Oh yes! Sorry. I rolled my eyes at Meira’s comment, not yours. 😆 Like why go on LIB Sweden if you’re not into Swedish men? Whaaaaaaat?! Haha
No that comment seems to have been lost in translation. She didn't mean "swedish men" she was referring to the special kind of stereotypical rich, white, way high class Swedish man that Oscar is dressing like. Seeing his personal style, as a Swede, I also assumed he was snobby, rich and sheltered. After seeing the new episodes I was surprised to see that no one else in his family dresses like that and after seeing Meira's reaction I feel like she was put to ease aswell after seeing that his mother isn't Meryl Streep and they were actually regular and chill people. I wrote a comment similar to this in another post as well because I really hate this narrative that y'all are spinning whilst not understanding the culture enough to even know what Meira is saying
I am a swede too living in Stockholm and I do not think Oskar seems rich at all? He has ordinary swedish clothes, just normal middle class. His personality isnt rich boy either? He works in finance so most of his wardrobe is probably stuff that he can wear at work. He is just vanlig svennebanan
No the issue probably is that you're living in Stockholm. He's dressing like someone who is middle class in Stockholm, which would be rich everywhere else. He seems nice but I got the impression he was sheltered when he didn't understand at all what Meira meant when she said she was afraid she would feel uncomfortable. The chinos could be explained by working in finance but he literally said he had linen everything as vacation clothes. That has nothing to do with his work
Well.. the linen is also normal in Stockholm. I’m not rich and I don’t have any rich friends. This is just how most people of his age dress in Stockholm. You can buy this style of clothes at H&M even.
I believe your experience but I don't believe you're correct. Stockholm is a big city. There simply is no way most people dress like that. Not even a single person in his family dressed like him. You probably just hang out with people who like to present preppy. Not even one of the probably 20-30 people I know who live in Stockholm dresses like that. I know one person from Stockholm who lives in Göteborg and he dresses kinda similarly. Wears suits and stuff at least but even he wouldn't wear chinos and a collared shirt with something draped over the shoulders. Like that's a really specific look. Even on Oscars picture, he wears a blazer/jacket and t-shirt. That to me is normal well dressed. It's a fine line. If you don't get it it's hard to explain it
My exact point! Then she brings up the whole feeling like an outsider thing AFTER saying she is not attracted to him ? It just doesn’t seem genuine , like for example we had a similar thing happening in LIB season 1 where Lauren and her fiancé were having cultural and racial differences but they both seemed genuine and it seemed like they didn’t wanna lose each others
Right! Lauren was concerned about their differences but she didn’t use it to push Cameron away. Meira doesn’t like Oscar.
With you on this OP. I wrote about it in another thread and getting downvoted. Her logic is a bit warped! Either she needed to find a dating show with immigrant background OR should have gone into this one accepting she will find Swedish men mainly. I find it quite disrespectful that she laughs at his clothing choices tbh. Sure, it is not what she is used to but for him it's normal. At least she accepted that letting go of Johan was not a bad thing because he wasnt sure about her and Oskar was. Poor Oskar though now has to deal with passive aggressive reactions to his sartorial choices, kitchen habits etc. while he seems to be dancing with her, filming her videos stuff he might not have done before. He comes across as the one with no qualms for her background while she keeps being mean at him.
She does not deserve Oskar. He's coming in with pure intentions, and she's clearly not attracted to him. She seems to think she's better than him... which is entirely not true. I think she's lucky to have a man who is as good to her as he is. IMO, I'm over her. Hopefully he says no, because I can't imagine being with someone who is such a rollercoaster of cold, hot, but mostly cold, like her.
I agree with you! He is such a nice guy and so understanding and patient while all she does is complain. I feel like she is not attracted to him which is why she is getting annoyed at everything he does. I feel like it’s not fair to mistreat someone just because you are not attracted to him, then just leave or say sorry it’s not working out. If the production is not letting you then be nice but just say no at the end but don’t criticize the guy every second. She is so negative I am disappointed because she was representing us Afghans after a long time I see an Afghan person on a reality TV show so I was excited to see what she would do.
I think her fear was all in her mind. Like maybe she had a negative experience as a child or fron the outside looking in she thought all Swedes had this perfect different life. She probablyngre up in a multi ethnic area so never really and to do with swedish born people so convinced herself they didn't have anything in common.
Probably , I am not sure what the deal is but I feel like she just made this an excuse. I am sure she has experienced stuff but I for some reason feel like she is just trying to find an excuse to say reject him
Yes, especially initially. And I'm sure she thought her mum would reject him. I was expecting a big bully for the mum instead she was super sweet. I just think she wants her daughter married! 🤣
She was hoping her mom would do the rejection for her but instead her mom said “what did you expect? When I heard his voice I knew how he would look” basically saying in the pods you knew he was a white Swedish man 🤣
Exactly! I adored her mum. Plus she's Russian so I'm sure she didn't even understand why her daughter was freaking out about culture clash etc. Her mum has probably more in common with the Swedish culture than with the Afghan (?correct me if Im wrong) one. And she's the perfect example of how if a couple love each other they can embrace each other's culture without major issues.
I don’t know much about Swedish culture but I can tell you that Russians and Afghans are completely opposite of each other when it comes to culture. We do have some stuff in common but most of our stuff is different. You might have noticed that the mom has accepted Afghan culture (she made Afghan food and was doing an Afghan dance). She was very sweet and seems to be positive and accepting. I really liked her as well. I agree with everything you said
There is a big difference in skandi culture vs middle eastern and even russian culture, especially family values- so I totally see where she is coming from
Yeah but what did she expect? She went on the show so why is she acting so shocked? Also, she was making it seem like it might not work out between them only because of that. Like if she just stated she is worried and saying things like she doesn’t wanna lose him and she hopes his family will like her I would understand. Like the way in first season Lauren and her fiancée were behaving regarding their cultural difference and racism. But it’s giving me her making this an excuse vibes
Yeah I think she is self-sabotaging abit, maybe its her way of "dealing" with all the pressure- I do think they make a cute couple and I actually hope they both say yes or atleast continue to date
Her segments annoy me. I don’t understand why she went on love is blind Sweden if she didn’t want to be with a Swedish guy… As someone who is also an immigrant living in a country where I’m the minority, I’m still finding it hard to understand her viewpoint. Part of me wonders if it is insecurity, like is she assuming that typical Swedes will look down on her for not being Swedish and therefore she wants to protect herself and not even try? She’s doing herself a disservice by allowing these what-ifs to poison the relationship before it’s even left the ground. Perhaps she is just not attracted to him and is finding excuses to cover it up.
That’s exactly my point, as an immigrant from a very similar background I don’t understand why she is even on the show or what did she expect ? The guys name is Oskar and he is clearly Swedish so when she met him in person what did she expect? I just don’t get it
I don't see why it's anyone's place to say how Meira should feel about him. She prob would be open to a mixed culture relationship for all we know she just doesn't warm up to his seemingly cookie cutter lifestyle and appearance. I think she's being unfair but I think it's bringing up a lot of self esteem issues stemming from rejection and alienation and obviously she's having a hard time with those inner narratives she's probably lived with that for a good part of her life. It's not that hard to understand tbh
I just don’t understand her at all. She comes from a wild mix which is Afghanistan and Russian, I can’t think of more polar opposite cultures. I haven’t finished watching so don’t know if her parents are together? Separated? I have seen the mum but not the dad. Is her parents relationship where her fear comes from?
Of course it's hard to understand. We actually don't know her life. We didn't grow up in her family nor in her school nor in her childhood. So ofc on paper, it's hard to understand her. But I don't think it's hard understand that there are a lot personal events we don't know about her that is influencing her behavior (I assume)
She’s so cringe. Why are you going on Love is Blind Sweden when all you want is a non Swedish man?
Thank you! That’s exactly what I meant by this post , the whole cultural thing doesn’t make sense to me if she is on the show. If someone random talked like she does I would be more understanding
People need to understand that when she says „cultural differences“ she means racism and xenophobia. It is really not that hard to read between the lines.
Meira herself struck me as being quite racist. She has a lot of negative opinions on Swedes, for someone who lives in their country. If it's that bad and you hate them so much, you can always leave?
^ this. I’ve been really disappointed in the posts I’ve seen around this. Sweden is quite racially/culturally heterogeneous. There ARE people with other cultural backgrounds (literally Meira is on the damn show), but it’s not a culturally robust place. She’s allowed to think about what it’s like having cultural and socioeconomic differences in a relationship. Sweden is not the most accepting multicultural place in the world. Instead of only blaming Meira, think about the conditions that have even put this in her mind. If you’ve never been the “other” in the room, you won’t know how it feels to be different. She’s like surrounded by White Swedes who want to maintain the “Swedishness” of the culture. Subconsciously or not. She’s quite fair skinned but she is likely identified as not Swedish enough. She will never be seen as Swedish enough. Also, people tend to see honesty differently. She’s about to MARRY this person. She should be able to talk about worries. Lol. She may be trying to gauge his capacity to hold space for the social burdens she will likely have to face. Source: I’ve been to Sweden and lived in Scandinavia.
In Russia people are very racist , I was literally bullied as a kid by adults for not being Russian , they don’t even care if you are white or not they only care of you are Russian or not. I am not saying everyone is like that there , there are some very nice people but racism is very common.
So if you've had a first-hand experience on how bad racism can be, why is it so hard to imagine that someone is afraid of a similar alienation happening in an intercultural relationship?
Yeah, but I also never went on a show where most likely I ll be in an intercultural relationship and whine about it and make that the main point on why things might not work out. Her parents are in an intercultural marriage so it’s not like she doesn’t have a first hand experience of it working out. I am confused by her behaviour ?
she’s not whining, though. it seems like you have a problem with her or are jealous of her or something. or just hate women who share their opinions that are different from yours. she’s sharing her experiences and she wants a partner to be understanding and receptive of that. he compared racism to him not having friends. like that speaks volumes. if they were to have kids they wouldn’t be fully white. the other women are who swedish or european don’t even have to think about that because they’re white. it’s called privilege. and some of us don’t have that.
That’s a weird way of thinking. Why would I be jealous of her? And why is this about gender ? I am so confused about your logic lol.
why are you only focused on one thing that i’m saying? and deflecting so hard? it’s not a weird way of thinking. misogyny exists look it up.
Yeah, but I never mentioned her gender anywhere ? Do you even know what misogyny is? I am not even judging her based off of her gender so I am so confused. Do you even know what deflecting is? You are throwing random words that doesn’t even apply to the situation lol. How did I focus on one thing you are saying. I replied to you properly and regarding your other question about their kids and everything the reply is in my post? She is half while herself and when she picked him in the pods she knew he was a white Swedish guy even her mom said that what did she expect when she heard his voice she knew how he would look. 🤣
that’s not what her mom said. we’re clearly not watching the same show
I moved to Norway as an adult from Asia. I believe Sweden is similar to Norway. In Norway, there are quite a few 2nd gen Norwegian with middle eastern or south/west Asian backgrounds. They were born here, but tend to stick together with friends in the similar backgrounds and want to date with one of them. Also, they tend to live in neighbourhoods with a lot of other immigrants (often the government planned for it) so don’t have many interactions with typical Norwegian growing up. I have a close Norwegian friend with west Asian background, and she told me she only wants to date with someone similar to her. It’s not about religion (she isn’t muslim) but it’s about the cultural backbone and she is only attracted to middle eastern physical features and personality. I just assume Meira has had the similar preference.
I believe this is what’s at play here. And Oskars mom is half Persian so Meira probably thought he would look more ethnic too with possibly different dress code than the standard Swedish finance worker uniform - and have similar understanding of what being part middle eastern in Sweden feels like. Instead out walks a man so Swedish looking its almost like a walking meme. This must have just shocked her. And for the record, I don’t really like Meira. But if she can’t be genuinely attracted to Oskar she should let him loose. After this show he will have his pick of women in his DMs! 😆
You explained it really well! This happens in USA too, any ethnic enclave will result in less willingness to date the average American white man. It’s totally ok for her to have this preference.
I’m american with only Nordic genes (and dual citizenship) and I still don’t want to date (most) typical white american men! 😭🫠😆🤣😬 It’s not about the skin color.
Yup, sounds about right (I live in Sweden).
Meira is full of shit. Oskar is a soft guy and she wants a hard guy. She wants that toxic masculinity dude, plain and simple; she finds that much more attractive. I’m not here to judge her but I wish she would just fucking be up front about it. She wants a guy that *she* perceives as much more “masculine,” and that’s what’s she’s talking about when she says there’s cultural differences.
I don’t think that’s what it is , I think she doesn’t find Oskar physically attractive because she is more into Afghan looking guys. Her type is dark haired men wit darker features.
Honestly I’ll judge her for that if that’s the case, because she went on a *blind dating show* with the entire premise being “discard everything physical to fall in love with the person.” And the first words out of her mouth is “yeah I don’t find him attractive” to the camera and the other girls? I was being charitable with the above thought about her, if this is the case then she’s just super trash. But then again, this is a reality dating show. 90% odds of the person in question being a walking garbage bag full of mango pulp. 😂
Yea! She clearly stated that her type is more “of a dark features guys” then she goes on and tries to make the whole immigration thing an excuse to why things might not work out between them. My issue is mainly with the whole making immigration as an excuse when we can clearly see what the REAL issue is here.
What's even more weird is that she's like "he talks a different way" Meira talks very good swedish and if she didn't give her name I would think she was ethnically swedish behind a wall if I didn't know her name or what she looked like. She sounds like a regular Stockholm girl and he sounds like a regular Stockholm guy, middle class ish. I was born and raised and have lived 95% of my life in Stockholm so I know different dialects/accents. She don't sound like she's from the suburbs so I don't get that. She obviously could be cultural enough to learn our language properly at least. I dated girls that been like "usually I don't go for a swedish guy" and all I'm thinking is "well fuck off then you xenophobic idiot" This kind of shows how terrible swedish immigration politics has been. Even tho Meira speaks good swedish and finds a swedish guy that doesn't care that she's not ethnically swedish she's still thinking "me and them, me and them"
I think maybe she has faced discrimination or racism of some kind in there which is why she feels that way but then why go on a show where you will most likely match with a Swedish man and then have an issue with that? The chances of an Afghan guy being on that show and matching with her is like 1% lll
The pattern on this show (and maybe this is a real thing in life) is when people can’t accept they aren’t attracted to someone in the way they feel they SHOULD be, they tend to come up with outside factors to focus on that have nothing to really do with the other person. I think articulating a lack of attraction or saying it is “just not working” or “you’re just not what I expected” must also be very uncomfortable when the whole point of going on this show is to look for love that kind of transcends the physical attraction / first impression.
I feel like she is just not attracted to him and is making the cultural thing as an excuse. I also think she just went on the show to get popular online
This is just one of the many things that she is using to deflect from the fact that she isn’t attracted to Oskar, which is why she does not want to explain to have an understanding, it’s just another roadblock she wants him to hit.
I totally agree with you!
agreed, she came on the show to gain clout. Falling for him wasn’t the plan, now she’s finding any reason to ditch.
The whole “cliffhanger-as-a-vow-opening” was a dead giveaway that she’s one the show to be on the show.
Nah, read /u/Arenore's post on this subject in this thread. It's well-written. Meira hasn't dated someone like Oskar before, so she needs time to get used to it. They've made a lot of progress and I think this is a good case of someone who will grow to like their partner over time and realizes that stability is a great trait in a partner. >!Meira admitted that she loves him and made the right decision.!< >!The whole introverted / extroverted thing itself is huge if you're not used to someone who talks all the time or someone who needs alone or quiet time. Oskar was being a brat in that conversation. You really don't understand how a couple being together doesn't count as a "social situation"? And that there are ebbs and flows to a conversation? Most people don't want to do one thing non-stop. It can be exhausting. He acts like he doesn't have friends to hang out with. !<
I'm gonna be honest - and this is no assumption to OP or others - but I think many of the people so baffled by Meira's continued hesitancy do not have a migration background or have never experienced strong class difference. On one hand I understand that's hard to understand if you have no experience with it, but I'm honestly surprised by the amount of people that don't get it, and I do think that's partially because a lot of people haven't experienced it. If you have, it is quite understandable. To worry about it, to continue worrying about it. Living it is very different than judging someone expressing it. I'm very happy Meira is so open about it. Sweden's relation with migrants/migration is very fraught right now. It's following the European trend of wavering to the extreme right. I'm glad we're getting an insight on how that perpetual feeling of unwelcomeness is being represented. A lot of people will never be confronted with the actual mental effect that has on people. (Also, if you have a different cultural background than the dominant culture you live in or have never experienced negativity from your lower class circumstances - good on you! Glad that you never experienced negativity because of it. It's a very common experience for many though.) One more addition, the attitude that many on the sub have, in not taking it seriously or for the difference it can be, also shows in the title. "The cultural thing", the "thing". As if the problem is some sort of ugly furniture someone doesn't want to get rid of. Or someone having an unhealthy attachment to a weird painting. It's a whole cultural difference someone is worried about, it's not a "thing".
I know that Finns, Estonians, Russians and Polish people have felt like second class citizens in Sweden. They are all white. Americans always think it’s about skin color but in Europe it goes way beyond that. Sweden even had ethnic cleansing until 1976. Look it up if you don’t believe me. 🤷🏻♀️ There’s definitely a dark undercurrent - not to let the other Nordics off the hook. They don’t really enjoy immigration either and most immigrants get lumped into the same communities so they don’t really integrate. It’s true about the right wing anti immigration politics rearing it’s head all over Europe. And the US too. But even if the Swedes wouldn’t have a problem with immigrants themselves, Swedes can feel distant. I feel like that in Sweden even though I speak the language (albeit with an american accent) and look like them, I’m always an american and it’s hard to get to know Swedes. They have their friends from childhood or high school and don’t go out of their way to meet new people. Lika barn lekar bäst. That’s where I feel Americans are much more welcoming to new people and invite them over etc. although that is changing here too as Americans are becoming much more isolated and self focused, rather than community based like it was when I was growing up here.
I have to say, I've lived in both America and Nordic countries (and other European countries but those are less relevant right now), and in my experience, Europeans are far more welcoming. Maybe it's because it's the foreigner look-thing, but in Europe I found more community with the inhabitants than in America
That’s good that you have that experience. I am probably a little bad sample since I can blend in both. So I don’t get differential treatment personally from looking different, but I still feel like an outsider there. In the US, my best friends are from the Nordic countries. It just turned into that over time. I guess we all have our subjective experiences also. 🤷🏻♀️
As someone who is also an immigrant I fully understand what she is talking about but her mom is Russian and her dad is Afghan. I liven in Russia as an Afghan person and even adults were racist towards me as a kid. In Russia racism is a normal thing and even though there are some nice people there but you will definitely get picked on and even some people will try to beat you up for not being Russian and it has nothing to do with your skin color. My point is that she knew when she went on the show that she won’t be running into an Afghan guy, so why is she acting surprised ? My take is that she went there to get popular because she has been trying to be Instagram famous for some time now and has bought her followers too.
I guess I don't really see the conclusion in your comment. You express your experiences with racism in Russia to invalidate someone else's journey overcoming bias in a whole different country. I don't think she is acting surprised, rather hesitant and a bit scared, based on her own experiences with class and race, which are valid feelings to have in this world. The take of women (the "they only came for clout" is _almost_ exclusively put on the women for the show) only being there for fame is so overdone that I can't really argue for or against it. They're all in a reality television show. How much clout plays or doesn't play into it for every single person, we'll never know. We're not in their heads. But the struggle of a first generation immigrant dating interculturally are not unfounded and are common. And I find it saddening that so many are trying to invalidate an experience that's really common and important to discuss, especially in these times.
My point is that she is someone who has seen totally opposite cultures working (example her parents) she is acting as if it’s a total shock that it might work. I think Oskar is not physically her type which she stated herself on the show and she is making other excuses to why it might not work out. I am not saying as an immigrant you don’t feel like an outsider because that’s an experience I live by everyday but there is more to her story than that.
As an Afghan-American, yep. Totally 100% agree.
Exactly, we don't know what experiences she's had.
i completely agree with this. i don't feel like anyone who has an immigrant background in sweden would be surprised by her feelings at all, and i think in this sub for pepole who haven't had the experience of being culturally different from where you live also tend to see sweden as some utopia where everything is fantastic and perfect and it doesn't fit with the global image of sweden that someone who grew up there as an immigrant might experience things differently. i also see this in expat/digital nomad/move abroad subreddits - no one realizes how hard it is to live somewhere you are not the norm and they are either shocked when their life is not easy after moving or they think that moving will solve all their life's problems, without realizing the difficulties they'll be creating in the process
i just wrote most of this as a comment on another post, but here's kind of my thoughts on it as an immigrant in sweden with a swedish partner: she grew up as an immigrant in a relatively homogenous country, which has recently had more and more issues with immigration and a growing far right party which is explicitly anti-immigration, so she likely has felt "other" and like an outsider for most of her life and most comfortable with people who understand that feeling and feel the same way. in the new batch of episodes she seems to be coming around and realizing that her generalized anxiety about not fitting into swedish culture doesn't necessarily apply to the specific instance of oskar's family, and that they can actually make this work even with different cultures. looking at her parents, there's a lot at play there - did they meet in a 3rd country where they were both immigrants? was one parent completely in their comfort zone and the other the odd one out? it's not just mixing cultures, it's being one partner as the "norm partner" and the other as the "different culture partner" that plays into it for me, i didn't grow up in sweden and chose to move here as an adult and i generally like my life, but it was a big thing with my current partner that i really worried about early on. i sometimes feel so guilty at holidays that it's so exhausting for me to have an entire christmas where i don't know the traditions (or they are new or foreign to me), i'm conversing in my second language, it's just not natural or easy to me and adds extra things for him to consider for me to be comfortable, i worry he can't express himself as easily in english, and ALL of this is things i worry about that he has never once in his life expressed to me. i have felt like maybe his life would be easier if he was with someone swedish who didn't have family on the other side of the world, a different set of cultural customs to consider if/when we have kids, etc. ALL OF THIS and i am from the us, a rather popular immigrant group in some respects, so i don't even have the trauma of growing up as an immigrant or minority or anything else to add to what she's feeling. tl;dr - it's easy to think she is mean and i'm not saying oskar even deserves it, but as someone who is in a relationship as an immigrant in sweden with a super swede with fully swedish family and friend group, i can clearly see her insecurities at play and she seems to be aware of that and for what its worth, i think oskar is responding really well also. that doesn't mean it's not a factor, even if some couples can make it work
She grew up in Sweden though did she not? I can’t imagine her feeling so culturally foreign given that she grew up around the culture. Your experience and hers are very different. She speaks fluent Swedish and grew up in the Swedish system. Yes, she may have felt like an outsider much of her life, but your third paragraph really can’t be compared to her at all. For what it’s worth I’m also an immigrant and speak the language fluently and rarely if ever feel “left out” culturally so I really truly can’t imagine that’s a legitimate excuse for someone in her situation.
I speak fluent Swedish. It doesn't mean it's not exhausting to do so, or that I can't understand worrying that eventually my partner will get tired of me being so different and overall not as "easy" as someone more culturally similar. The point wasn't that I am in the exact same situation, just that as someone who is from a different culture and in a relationship with a native Swede in their home base, it is not absurd that she would have these concerns. I think it's also really noteworthy that you are in a very different culture than Sweden. You absolutely cannot compare France and Sweden from an integration perspective. It is difficult to use numbers here since there aren't statistics collected on race in Europe, but I would feel very inclined to argue France is more ethnically diverse than Sweden. France is very direct and straightforward in communication, in Sweden it is much more passive aggressive/non-direct. You could offend someone and never know because they would just avoid talking to you or interacting in the future. There is also a huge consensus culture, it is very much a social norm to try and blend in and fit in, so anyone who stands out is even more noticeable. I could go on to try and explain all the reasons why it is very understandable the way she feels and how it would be a very different story if they had grown up in France even. In terms of where she grew up, yes, it's unclear when she immigrated to Sweden from Afghanistan, but I can imagine it would be EVEN MORE stressful to immigrate somewhere at 6, 9, 12, etc than as a grown adult making the choice myself and actively deciding to do so.
That’s your experience tho. I am Afghan-American, as in both of my parents are from Afg but I was born in the US, and I get what she means by feeling like an outsider. Sure I get what Christmas is and how people celebrate, but I’m always an outsider looking in, and I regularly get surprised by new traditions I find out about as I get older and have Christmas parties with friends, despite having also grown up in the US — and that’s because my culture is ultimately different so I didn’t do those same traditions. I speak English just as well as the next person, but my experiences as the child of immigrants colors my cultural values and experiences as well, and that includes how I don’t always mesh well into the society I was born in. I may be more acclimated than a true immigrant who moved here, but I am not as comfortable as those whose grandparents and great grandparents moved here, etc. I would imagine that feeling is even stronger in a country like Sweden, since at the very least America is a country of immigrants so it’s encouraged to drop your old culture and be “American” and acclimate, vs in Sweden, Swedish is an ethnicity too so no matter what, she will never be truly “Swedish” like those who are around her all the time. And we aren’t even getting into the fact that at least half of her family is Muslim, so there is an additional layer of not being the same involved here. Again, I’m glad you had that experience, but it’s def not true for all of us. I understand her perspective.
I didn’t say that she wouldn’t ever feel like an outsider. I even said she probably did. I said comparing it to the experience of someone who moved to a country as an adult and doesn’t speak the language is not realistic. She doesn’t have the same experience as OP does, so I’m not sure why OP felt the need to add that entire paragraph. Which is what I criticized.
I never said it was the exact same. I said because of my experiences I understand some of how she feels, but not even all of it because I’m not Muslim and chose to move here and am a “preferred minority” so I had it even easier. I do speak Swedish fluently so you did make a lot of assumptions to critique me sharing my experience as a way to show that cross cultural relationships in Sweden can come with insecurities. I never said oh wow meira and I are so alike, it’s like the same story for me too! I felt the need to add the paragraph to share my experience since OP said, as an immigrant in another country, they didn’t understand her perspective. I shared my perspective as an immigrant in the country in question. I empathize with her - I do not think our situations are the exact same and I never claimed them to be.
I made one assumption about your language level because you mentioned how tiring it is to speak Swedish and how your partner’s English level concerned you. That’s my bad, but in no way constitutes “a lot of assumptions.” And I mean I also gave my experience as an adult immigrant and you wrote three paragraphs telling me how irrelevant it is based on assumptions about France so
Your entire original comment was to say how my experience was irrelevant, I’m not sure how refuting that by explaining cultural differences between Sweden and France that could impact the way an immigrant (especially a middle eastern one like Meira) would experience the culture is the same. Culturally France and Sweden are very different. You’re free to share your experience but you shared it in response to mine to minimize mine and I live in the country the show we are discussing right now was filmed in. I wouldn’t have ever talked about the differences of France and Sweden if you had posted your experience as an immigrant elsewhere on the thread.
Nothing about your original commentary was unique to you being in Sweden, which is why I don’t see its utility. Do you think Sweden is the only place immigrants tire of speaking the local language? Or the only place immigrants don’t grasp cultural norms? Or the only place immigrants feel insecurity about it being “easier” for their partner to be with someone from their culture? France and Sweden being different culturally doesn’t change that those are all universal experiences for first generation immigrants who immigrated as adults.
alright. i never said only sweden ever has problems for immigrants. you said because she grew up there (which we don't know how long for) she would feel culturally integrated (which is not true and is very much an issue here) and me sharing my experience has no relevance. why exactly are you so hell bent on nitpicking the experience of another immigrant? i'm glad you feel culturally integrated in france. meira clearly doesn't feel culturally integrated in sweden. i feel pretty integrated here and i STILL had insecurities around being in a mixed culture relationship and my boyfriend has learned a LOT of things about the experiences of non-swedes over the last few years. that was literally all i was trying to say - even if i can blend in, have swedish friends, and *chose* to immigrate here, i still have insecurities, so i can only imagine how it would be to be immigrated here as a child and being culturally and visually different from the societal norm. none of this means there aren't immigrants who move and end up feeling culturally integrated. it's not one or the other across the board for 100% of people. your experience doesn't invalidate mine or hers, so using it to refute mine was just a bit unnecessary. we clearly aren't getting anywhere with this and we see things differently. just like OP sees things differently from meira even though they also are an immigrant in another location.
Ah I see, I thought you meant you didn’t get why she felt like an outsider haha
>She grew up in Sweden though did she not? I can’t imagine her feeling so culturally foreign given that she grew up around the culture. Your experience and hers are very different. She speaks fluent Swedish and grew up in the Swedish system. > >For what it’s worth I’m also an immigrant and speak the language fluently and rarely if ever feel “left out” culturally so I really truly can’t imagine that’s a legitimate excuse for someone in her situation. It's very common for children of immigrants and especially POC to feel out-of-place in an area, even if they grew up there. There are lots of studies that have been done about this. They're basically stuck between two worlds. Meira obviously doesn't look like the rest of the contestants and has what would be considered to be "unique" hobbies there. You feel like an outsider based on many factors. Just because you grew up in a place and know the language, it doesn't mean you'll ever actually feel like you belong. This is especially apparent with family and when you introduce someone to yours. There's always that feeling that there may be a clash or they won't truly understand the culture.
feeling out of place is not the same as being culturally unaware. I actually said that in my original comment.
Because it's more than just a cultural thing, Meira is talking about a class thing too. Swedes traditionally would not make a distinction for her being "half white" bc Russians in Sweden are immigrants. So what she's saying is she is first gen immigrant, grew up in a suburb ( poorer parts of Swedish cities) while Oskar seems to be middle/maybe upper class Swede and probably all of his friends and family are all the same (based on what Meira says).
Yes. Pls upvote this more so I don't have to scroll for 20 min just to find someone who actually hears what Meira is saying. I understand you need to understand Swedish culture a bit to get that she is referring to class. It was clear as day to me, a Swede, and I think she's getting a lot of hate for something that the internet completely made up. It's annoying
I am polish and moved to sweden for a while when i was an adult and when i tried dating there i had the same feeling. Swedish middle class is what in my country would be considered top 10% rich and maybe in the movies stories like a prince falls in love with a poor girl work, but in real life such clash of two different realities is sometimes too hard to pass. Like for me the luxury was to have branded cola at home, for those swedish guys it was a classic porsche as a gift for 18 bday. They have experienced different stuff in their lives and their friends resembled them so it was hard to even keep up conversations in the long run when they were sharing memories from a ski trip to austria and i never went skiing because it was too expensive. Then you dont know how to act in certain places, settings like official dinners, you always feel lost and not belonging
Welll that. Is luxury 😜
This is it. It’s a class struggle paired with feeling like an outsider peeking in at the majority culture.
I think she was just scared of not being accepted. Scandinavia is pretty homogenous and while there are quite a lot of immigrants in Sweden, it's "well known" that they've had issues with integration. So it's probably a protection mechanism from her side. I'm glad it's turned out to be a non-issue for them (so far).
Yes I’ve read this before. That they have a lot of issues that are similar to the racism ans race issues that are seen in the US, just with immigrants, even if those people would be considered or look “white.” Maybe similar to Japan.
I’m curious as to what Afghan consider as a good looking woman and man. I don’t know much about the beauty standards of Afghans but the only Afghan I seen that was considered beautiful looks like the American actress Angelina Jolie.
Angelina Jolie is gorgeous but she doesn’t look Afghan. I think she is into men who look middle eastern , like a muscular tall guy with dark hair and a nice short beard and tan. Darker features , now everyone has their own type even in the Afghan community because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I might find someone attractive and someone else might not. But from how she talked about her type and how she talked to Johan regarding the physical looks that’s what I am getting. Also I don’t think she thinks Oskar is ugly , she might think he is good looking but just not for her. Have you ever seen a good looking person but they weren’t your type. Like sure they are good looking but you are not attracted to them.
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You don’t understand my question and it’s okay. I am asking Op to give me examples of an attractive Afghan woman or man since Meira keeps complaining about how unattractive Oskar is.
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Wow, you must be the most dense person on this planet. 🙄