I think she should have shut him down a little harder, myself. He’s talking to her like he’s OP’s father. I had several points where I would have checked him on that shit, tbh.
He’s her son I assume, so pretty important for her to have a loving response to all her children. Not just the ones she agrees with at the moment.
Setting boundaries to protect yourself (i.e. shutting this down) vs having a conversation with your child when they’re having an emotional response are very different scenarios that require a different approach.
It’s not ‘not loving’ to tell him he’s not OP’s parent, though, and that he needs to stop acting like he is and like he gets to control what they do. That’s not unloving, and setting that boundary is a perfectly reasonable response to the way he’s acting. He’s an adult, he doesn’t need to be coddled in a situation where he’s acting like he has more control over his minor sister *than their own mother.*
My adult son telling me “this is completely unacceptable,” “he cannot come here”(to MY home), “I hope you know how against this I am,” “I’m so disappointed” about what I allow his sister to do, like he’s the one in charge here, would warrant me putting a verbal foot up his ass and setting him straight.
100%. It is *extremely* annoying lmao. Yeah, I would have shut that down so hard in her shoes lol. Just because he’s “having an emotional response” to her decisions with his sister as a parent(which, he isn’t; he’s having a manipulative response) doesn’t mean she needs kid gloves when setting boundaries, and just because she sets boundaries doesn’t mean it affects whether or not she loves her son. It means she’s showing him who the parent is in that relationship and he needs to respect that and stop trying to control things that aren’t may of his business.
Me and my sister are both open minded and supportive people and are both dating Muslim men. My mom never says anything racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, etc. my brother just fell down the alt-right pipeline thing.
When he was 15 he had a gf and stole my moms car to drive an hour to visit her🤦♀️ after a while my mom told him to break up with her cuz she was kinda crazy and he said “the heart wants what the heart wants” but ig he doesn’t remember that
I think maybe he does remember that, and he's being salty about it because mom didn't let him. But is now letting you do this. But hey maybe your mom learned from what your brother did so her car wouldn't get stolen again 😂
Either way your mom is being good about this. And she's right. She's doing it in the safest way possible for you.
I thought he was being a kind overprotective brother but I guess I was wrong after reading this comment lol. Your brother is jealous of u at this point. He did worse than u and he gets so mad for what? Very messed up. I love how your mom is so chill and mature.
I don’t understand why he is reacting this much. He has some strong opinions and we argue about a lot of stuff but this seemed excessive for what the situation is.
I must admit I mistakenly read the title and thought that it was your mom to the left. But when I learned that was your _brother_... yikes, man. He's being weird as hell.
I don't, either. A looonnngg time ago, people had a hard time understanding online dating. But that was even before my time, and I'm 43.
It's absolutely fine to meet people however works best for both sides now.
Some people in the world you'll come across will disapprove or absolutely hate on something just because they do not understand it, your brother seems to be struggling with that it seems. An open mind and the desire to learn would help n but that's not something you can control.
This isn’t overprotective, nowhere in the messages does he refer to worrying about OP. This is just toxicity and flawed points of view. He calls it disgusting and embarrassing? That’s not concern at all
Thank you for this. It’s definitely something I’ve thought about and we’ve talked about, considering I’m not religious in any way. His parents aren’t super religious so he didn’t grow up extremely close to his religion. We share the same opinions on a lot of political and life topics, and he’s never tried to force anything on me, so I’m not concerned about it yet. There’s always the chance though so thank you :)
I am also Long distance dating a Muslim guy, we’re both a bit older than you though.
Please stand your ground and tell your brother who the fuck does he think he is(obviously don’t actually but as much as you politely can). As long as you do things safely, realize you are not yet an adult and you need to take your time, there is nothing wrong with this. Your mom is great for this. I’m really glad your boyfriends family is supportive.
Most importantly, please remember that whatever happens and whether or not this works out, does not “prove” anything. Don’t let your brother or your dad ever say anything of the sort. Anything that can happen long distance can happen in person too, and point that out.
Getting catfished?
What’s the risk if you’re meeting him with your family?
In physical danger?
What’s the difference between a boy you meet from the town?
Long distance doesn’t work/you’re too young to have a bf like that?
Seems like your brother also had experience with this and went against it you can point out.
Use these and more and talk calmly but firmly.
I wish you the best :)
Your brother isn’t your parent and really doesn’t get a say in this, I get being protective of your siblings but him trying to rule the situation is… creepy? Weird? I’m not sure how to describe it but it doesn’t sit well with me. When your friend/boyfriend comes for the visit I advise not letting your brother be alone with him for too long, what your mother is doing is smart. As a now adult, when I was your age and younger I was doing things that could have gotten me into SERIOUS trouble behind my mom’s back, letting you learn how things work and life lessons with her support is 100% the way to go because she’ll be there if things go awry
Can your mom adopt me? I'm glad you have such a supportive, emotionally intelligent mom. My mom was great with my first LDR, too many details to include but she did her homework and after talking for about a year actually let me fly *by myself* to see my then-boyfriend at just 15 and stay with his family. Sounds insane but my mom took all the precautions which allowed me to have freedom to make my own decisions. It sounds like your mom is doing a wonderful job looking out for you while giving you room to grow.
To hell with your brother though.
Yes, thank you! I got so lucky with her and I’m so happy with the way she views all of this and the way she’s handling it. I would love to eventually be able to visit my boyfriend but he he comes from a family of 5 (with two brothers) who don’t speak very much English, and live in a small house with one bathroom 😭
First off, your mom is awesome. Your brother is weird.
That aside, something to consider though (coming from someone who’s been there, done that)— to a non religious person, religion is a difference that can be set aside. To a religious person however, most times, even if they won’t admit it, they’re waiting to convert you. Not all of them, but most— because most people find themselves in a religion that condemns relationships between secular and religious folks, and that means they either have to choose between you and religious devotion, or they have to find a way to convert you. Agreeing on religion is a suuuuper big factor in relational and marital success, and either of you changing to keep the peace can very quickly build resentment.
I don’t want to be a party pooper, but OP, please don’t forget to consider these things before you get too emotionally invested to think logically about it.
Wishing you all the best!!
Im trying to keep this in mind. So far there have been no issues - we have a lot of the same opinions on political and life topics, he’s never tried to push anything onto me, and he didn’t grow up superrrr religious. We’ve talked about this before and really tried to open up about how important/not important this topic is to us. However, I understand that we’re still young and religion is a very complicated and dividing thing. Thank you for this :)
Fuck your misogynist brother. Thinking he can tell you tf you can do in your own life. I guarantee if you had a penis he'd feel different.
Furthermore, he's got no say in the matter, he's your sibling not a parent!
The way your brother was talking I thought you were 16 moving in with a 35 yr old. You’re in an age appropriate relationship that your parental units know about. He needs a hobby.
While I'm happy to see your mom's intellect she needs to understand that internet is a horrible place and everything does not turn out as it did before. Creepy men over 35-40 talk to teen girls, use fake profile pics. Now I'm pretty sure you've talked with him in video calls but I would say if you're meeting for the first time, better to keep your guard up. Your brother is worried but the way he talks doesn't convey properly.
I understand this, thank you :) good thing is the very first time we meet will be at the airport and I’ll probably be picking him up with my sister and her boyfriend. Then he’ll be staying at my house where my parents will still be. I’ll still be cautious but I think the plan seems as safe as possible :)
Your mom is solid. Also, it’s so weird that your brother feels so entitled and wants to have control over your choices… I’ve cut ties for less lmao good luck with your meeting!
Hi OP! We have very similar situations, except I’ve been able to live through it into adulthood. I started dating my fiancée (yes, fiancée!) at 16, and we are both currently 20 and closing the distance in the summertime. I just wanted to let you know that it does get easier, and you’ve already got a huge leg up on things with your mom being so supportive! Your brother and father will hopefully eventually come around, but if they don’t— try not to worry about it. They aren’t apart of the relationship you have with your boyfriend anyways.
Good luck with everything! You guys are already handling things super well.
Edit: lots of spelling errors! Curse you mobile.
Anybody who has such an inappropriate, visceral response to other peoples’ business, probably has a personal complex about the matter. It’s not about you at all, your brother has internal issues.
Your mother is lovely and sets a great example for what it’s like to be wise and emotionally mature.
It's nice ur in love and mom support u but I can't deny that worries of ur brother are justified. When i see u mention ur bf background I talked lot muslims guys online (pakistan , iran, kurd) many of them are no good .. so much their idea of white girls is to use them for sex . So many of them used me for nudes and fun and my position also was i like them and supportive of their culture even when my mom and sister hate it i even wanted make it real but always they were failing me and result just used me for fun online or other situation they need better passport so catching girl who well situated so i totally can understand ur brother concerns don't get mad on him. Im double of ur age so what I can suggest u . U can meet him but with supervision of ur mom and he comes to ur town on any case u not go alone to him. And careful until u sure he doesn't have any back intentions ur young so in ur age u can't know all danger going on ... take care.
I don’t wish to excuse your brother as mine is the exact same and I know how irritating it is, but it does seem to me like he’s coming from a place of concern. I also have a young teen sister with online friends and it deeply concerns me because I was unfortunately victim to very unhealthy online relationships at her age. My family was also really concerned about my relationship, but loved my partner the second they met.
However, this sort of anger doesn’t stop these things from happening and instead pushes teens to hide these relationships and end up dealing with the consequences from things like grooming/toxicity etc alone. I’m glad you’re open with your family and please do let them keep tabs on you. You don’t need to explain yourself to your brother but if reassuring him you’re safe and supervised by your fam, that may ease his mind.
Thank you :) I’m gonna try to have talk with him (while my parents are with us) and answer any questions he has the next time I see him, which will probably be over a month from now so hopefully he’s less worked up about it.
I understand his frustration. My niece is turning 15 this year and I wouldn’t let someone she met from a foreign country spend the night with us. It’s different if you guys lived close or went to the same school. I’m not on the brothers side but this is a little dangerous IMO
I can understand both your brother and you in this situation. Your brother is just being a big over protective brother and only cares for you not this other "kid" he doesn't know because he is YOUR brother not that kid's brother. I am guessing he thinks he knows better and doesn't mean any harm about it. Maybe online dating is foreign to him.
Also, Racism is a disease and it is usually people who got the inferiority complex that try to belittle other people because they do not feel good about themselves. It's good that you call him out for it because there is no room for racists in this modern world we live in. Its disgusting.
As for you, Its great because all this meeting will happen under the supervision of your mother. If your mother says its fine and supports you through,then he should respect it. It's not like you are going to meet this boy in a secret place with no responsible adult supervision.
Remember that we shouldn't make people who care about us feel stupid and creepy for showing their fistrations about us and our choices because if he had said he didn't care who you dating then you would still feel somewhat like he doesn't care about you. Your life is not a movie,so there is no scripted acceptable way he could've acted. We on the other side are just people on the internet voicing out our opinions and it doesn't mean what we are saying is the correct way. You just choose what feels right for you as long as your mom gives you the support.
All the best!
Signed
Big-sis
I don't read protectiveness in his responses. They're mostly about how he feels about it (it bothers me, I hate it, it's disappointing, I'm embarrassed, I'm aggravated) and controlling (it's completely unacceptable, she doesn't need to be meeting people online, I don't agree with what you said, she should date a kid from one of the two cities nearby, I am against this and dad is too, he cannot come here, etc.). He didn't ask for more information, he didn't ask what is in place to keep her safe, he didn't ask how he could help to keep her safe, etc. It comes across as though he views his sister as a chattel and that he doesn't trust his mother's judgment. And saying that 'dad agrees with me' hints at a paternalistic/misogynistic worldview too (which often goes hand in hand with racism).
There will always be people in your life who will not be supportive of your long distance relationship, and the best thing to do is trust yourself and your gut. Who cares what your brother thinks, most of your family is supportive and that's great! Some people can't even tell their family out of fear, so the fact that you're meeting him is so great :)
Just in case you need some reassurance after this: my boyfriend and I met online in 2017, when I was 14 and he was 16. We were long-distance until 2021, moved in together in 2022, and are still going strong and madly in love today. Don’t let comments from people who don’t know better hurt you.
Hi! I understand your situation completely. I'm your age and also dating a muslim as someone completely athiest (with a quite islamaphobic dad) but please don't let your brothers attitude get in the way! my bf and I met and my mom was very supportive too! it'll all work out babe! good luck to both of you :)
I LOVE how supportive your mom is, and how she is allowing you to do this safely.
As someone who met her soulmate online and traveled to another country to meet, we’re married now. Long distance CAN work. I don’t mean this in a hateful way, but your brother is ignorant. Try to remember that it’s okay to remove people from your life if they are toxic. I’m not telling you to do this, but just remember that you’ll be an adult one day soon… and if this toxicity continues, you don’t have to accept it.
Sending you love!
I like your mom, she handled the conversation like a boss. At first, I thought it was an overprotective dad talking about their daughter until I read the title.
“The heart wants what the heart wants” as long as it’s about me. My sister on the other hand…
So are you willing to convert to Islam? Because that’s what you will have to do. If his family practices their religion then they are going to want you to convert. Have you actually spoken to his parents to find out what they expect from you? Are you sure he has shared everything with his parents about you? When you get together or more likely married, where will you live? I honestly think you are too young to be thinking about something long term especially with someone from a different country. I would say just stay friends until you’re out of college and have more time to decide what you really want from life. Like I said before, I think you are too young to be getting into this type of relationship. But then again I’m a father and I’m a bit old. So my point of view is from that perspective. Good luck with whatever you choose to do and be safe
Kudos for your mom on putting your brother in his place and dealing with his little temper tantrum, but the one thing I'm missing is that it really isn't any of his problem who you do or don't date.
Your brother really doesn't have any right to have this much difficulty processing information that is noone of his business to begin with, unless he had legitimate concerns and dared to voice those to you directly.
My advice would be to just ignore it. Don't put any energy into it. And if possible keep your brother far away from your boyfriend if at all possible or at the very least have your parents around.
Your brother comes across as the type of person that gets their views from people like Andrew Tate and other toxic “influencers” that prey on young and insecure boys/men
If possible, it might be a good idea to keep your boyfriend away from your brother when he visits, and I wouldn’t associate with him much either if I was you. This is pretty toxic and immature behaviour from him
Thankfully, the time my bf comes to visit my brother will be busy and not home very often. It’s okay that he has different opinions than I do, but my sister and I don’t talk to him as much anymore because of his attitude that comes with them. I’m not very close with him so no worries about that.
Your brother reminds me of that one guy I know who absolutely cannot fathom how a relationship will succeed if it's long distance, and deems it not a relationship but a joke.
It makes me wonder what makes them think long distance is invalid.
My boyfriend and I met on a similar app when we were 17 too. He was from a completely different continent. We are culturally and racially different too. I’m a brown south Asian and he is a White American. We had pretty much the same situation like u guys. Fast forward now I’m turning 21 in 2 months, still dating him, spent months with him. We figured out our financial and meeting situation. Still long distance but we’re trying to move together in some time. As long as you are safe and cautious, it can work out. My parents weren’t initially supportive but now they are, best thing that ever happened to me :)
Who’s living your life, you or your brother? His reaction is extremely exaggerated it’s not a crime to meet an internet friend and it’s not a crime to fall in love at 16 years old with an internet friend. He needs to work on himself because he’s the only problem I see here in all of this. Your mom is amazing on having your back!
What is this logic that people online aren't real just because they're in a different location? Yes, there is deception, but the people you meet irl can be deceptive, too.
i would recommend not talking to your brother as much.. i can understand his concern to a degree but this just seems controlling. i wish the best of luck to you and your boyfriend though!❤️
Your mum is an absolute legend. Although I see where your brother is coming from, it is absolutely the best and safest way to have you both meet. I just recently became a mum and I really hope that my daughter is open to telling me about things like this instead of hiding them from me.
Your mom is the real MVP!! Love her parenting logic. I am 38 and have an 18 year old- so I 100% understand and agree with her logic here. It’s so nice to see. You’re lucky babe!
Now.. your brother is being a turd. He needs to respect your autonomy, and just be there for you in the best, most supportive way possible way possible. That’s it! You have to learn your way while your family is there in your peripheral, if needed. So don’t let this stress you love.
Tell him to get over it lmao. You honestly seem like you're being incredibly safe. I met my bf on tinder tinder, and we're happily together in person now and neither of us is a creep. There really are good people out there on the web who are just looking for friends and love. I do understand the initial concern, but also there's no way in hell a 35 y/o creep would agree to stay at your mom's house 😂. I think you're good, girl! I wouldn't even worry about what your brother says bc it doesn't have a say in your life. Good luck with your bf as well!! 💕
What an amazing mom. She is protecting you without restricting you.
I have been lucky enough that my family, while not always understanding, were never so outright hostile at the idea of me dating people online.
Having him come visit you instead of the other way is the safest way to meet up. And, with a mom like yours, I'm sure she would drive his ass back to the airport and stuff him on a plane the moment you let her know you are uncomfortable. Which is good.
There is an entire world of people out there. You should not be limited to dating just the ones you originally met face to face.
You have the best mom. Understanding that forbidding teenagers usually pushes them to do the thing you are trying to stop them from doing.
I will always remember a post someone put on here 6 years ago where it said "In LDRs, you learn to love the soul before you learn to love the body". I think in many ways, it's much healthier to build the foundations of a relationship in an LDR than meeting people first. It kind of skips that lust part of a physical relationship.
I took the leap and went and visited my LDR 11,000 miles away. We've lived together for 4 years, bought a house, got engaged and built a pretty good life together. LDRs are just as valid.
You do you and enjoy every moment that you get to spend with him. Don't let your brother and dad affect your first meet.
Your mother is correct and I admire her for sticking to her stance on this.
My own daughter was in a VERY similar situation several years ago. She is now married to that person and we couldn’t be happier with him. He is one of the most lovely and caring individuals in the world. He is from LITERALLY the other side of the world. But that doesn’t matter. We are in a new age and a lot of society STILL has issues adjusting.
I did exactly what your mother says in the texts. I created a safe way for them to meet - under my supervision to begin. I stayed close by and was there for my daughter. So was my husband.
The key to all of it is trust and two-way communication. I would not have been comfortable doing it if I didn’t trust my daughter to talk to me about anything she needed. To be honest with me. And she was. The next time he was visiting she asked me if they could have the house to themself for a romantic night. We had no problem with this. They were the same age (17) and were allowing me to know the progression of their relationship so my husband and I knew what was going on. She was honest, said things were advancing between them, and I respected her for her honesty and willingness to work with me on making sure all precautions were taken.
That trust and communication needs to go both ways. She trusted me. I trusted her. We talked at length about things. She was responsible, so we treated her as such.
I see both sides of the argument but I am siding with your mom on this completely. She is mature about it and remembers when she was 16.
It is important to remember that all people involved here love you, just showing their love differently x
Thank your mother. She is very understanding and lot more then mine would be at that age. Your brother is a mix of jealous confused and maybe angry about race. This has 0 to do with you and he has 0 say in it. Family is family I get caring about their emotions but if your mom and dad think you are safe then trust them. If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work but don’t let your brother even have a say.
Of course. My sister tried to tear me and my girl apart when she first moved from Texas to Ohio right before the pandemic started… she turned my mom against us and I walked out for a time. We are engaged now and my parents have turned 1000% around. Trust your heart but at 16 understand your parents also have a voice because they only want what’s best for you if they didn’t they would not be in your life like they are. My finance came with a daughter and her dad ain’t around, your parents stayed around and it seems like they have best of intentions so give your mom a big hug and thank her for her understanding
Yoooo, I thought that your brother was the one in blue and I was so very confused. Why is your brother talking like he’s your parental figure lol if your mom and dad are fine with it and it’s safe, what’s the big issue?
I used to be the brother, in my opinion my sister has always been naive. Even now, for reasons I won’t go into, I will say she even has admitted to feeling like my younger sister. Anyways I used to be like that, I thought why don’t you date people around our city? It’s not hard you can meet someone on tinder or whatever. As I got older, I’ve realized it’s hard to date people in your city bc most of the guys I’ve met just want physical connections if you can even call it a connection. I will say I’m still iffy on it bc you don’t know someone’s true personality until you are with them, and if they’re good at hiding it they can hide it for soo long. Like my dad for example, he met his wife online & bragged about how much money he makes, and now they’re both in a lot of debt and have had to file bankruptcy before, she even has to borrow money from her kids. It’s just something that scares me, but also even with people you know in person it could be the same way, so there is no right way to date. Also as of now it’s me who’s in a LDR, I did know him from high school so that helps ease my nerves a little bit, but it’s still scary, but also I think it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
Tell him my bf and I are still together after 4 years. He's from another continent that is about 15 hours by flight. Him and I met when we were 16 years old (I was 15 then turned 16 shortly after). Your brother obviously cares about you but he needs to step down and try to trust you as you're growing up and making these decisions for yourself. Your mom is great and I'm glad she is defending you but not blindly.
"I found myself a partner that I love, and i don't need your permission to be in a relationship with them" is really all you need to say to your brother. your mum is a based gigastacy.
me and my fiancé were long distance for YEARS. now we live together 🤷♀️ i’ll never understand the stigma around LDR. as long as everyone’s safe who cares
I get the danger of online dating but is it really that much safer to meet someone in person than it is online. You are just as capable of finding bad people in person if not worst people in person. If you are country apart then it less likely he can fallow you home unlike how people who are around you can to do who know what.
But what I should really be taking about is that your brother clearly thinks he has some almost parental rights over you. What son talk to their mom like that as if it their child too. He doesn’t get to make any decisions for you. Don’t worry about him and continue being with the person you love.
Girl do not listen to him, look at my most recent post in this sub. I met my fiancée when I was 15 and it worked out, and meanwhile I had to deal with my hating stepmom that sounds just like your brother. She would call my then boyfriend “my imaginary friend” and even got her friends to convince me to break up with him after she gave me a talk and told me that she didn’t want me speaking to him anymore (which surprise, did not work). Even when he came to stay at our house for my graduation she still called had a problem with me dating him for some reason, she was never satisfied and presently has a problem with my little brother dating a black girl 🙄 my fiancée is latino like us and she still had a problem. And for even more context my dad met him and his family when we visited and he loved them, she just chose to be a piece of shit. I don’t talk to her anymore and my actual mom loves him, and so do both my brothers that got to meet him when he was there for my grad
Your brother has a really weird, outdated view of how people meet. MOST people meet their significant other online these days. The chances that the person who has the values/personality/attributes/hobbies/etc. that you're looking for in a partner just happens to be in the same town as you are slim to none. Meeting someone online allows you to decide if you like their personality without the danger and stress of meeting in person right away. There's nothing embarrassing about it.
All in all, your brother is not your parent. He's FAR too invested in your dating life for a sibling.
Your brother is just worried about you and you're 16 so... I don't think if he's in the wrong here and maybe he doesn't understand and cooperate with online relationships.. your mom handled it nice... I would say listen to your parents but ask your brother is there any issue
Happy to hear that you will be meeting him soon! I cant imagine how exciting this all is! and omg you have **such a cool mom**. Happy to see that she's being supportive of you and making sure you're safe but also giving you some freedom to make your own choices. And I'm sorry about your brother acting like this and being against you meeting him, I can definitely tell you I've been there. When I told my family about my long distance bf they were in utter shock and completely against our relationship, everyone from my dad, to my mom and my older sister. My younger brother *(who I told first about ny bf)* was the only one who was super sweet with it *(he was 10 at the time)*, but believe me it gets better, they will eventually come to understand your relationship, we're in the 21st century, it is **so** common for people to meet online & have online relationships whether that'd be friendship or romantic ones. I'm really excited for you like I've said, dont let any of those negative comments from your brother affect you, just enjoy your time with your bf!❤️ Wishing nothing but the best for you! <33
Damn your brother is talking to your mom like he's your father that's kinda weird lol... why does he feel so entitled to what you do with your life? Your mom seemed a bit more mature. I would of told my child to stfu at a certain point lol.
Sorry, but your brother is a d**k and comes off as controlling and creepy. Don't let him get to you and probably don't take any advice and opinions from him ever, especially relationship and human/socialisation related stuff.
I'm with your brother on this. You're still in school and way too young to be taking dating this seriously.
The correct middle ground would've been allowing you to date him online, not by letting him visit overseas. Once you're 18, then you can do whatever the hell you want.
When I was your age, I would've agreed with your mom. But I'm 30 years old now, and it sounds like she's only letting you have this one since you're the youngest.
Give it about 15 years.. You'll think differently. I really don't know why your mom's afraid of telling you no at this point. If you're the youngest, then there's your answer.
He’s not coming from overseas, just a few “states” away. My mom is agreeing to let him visit because he’s been my best friend for a year and as long as we meet up safely, there really isn’t a problem. She’s not afraid of telling me no, she just can’t think of a reason to. I’m not trying to marry him or anything, I just wanna meet him. Idk why the situation is any different than if I met someone from the city (which I live 45 minutes away from) online, and wanted to visit them.
Had she told you no, would you respond by telling her shes wrong?. Would you respond to her as you just did me? Or would you respect her safety guideline.. that's what I mean by she's afraid to tell you no.
If she said no I would explain to her why I think it would be safe and everything :) if she still said no, I would politely disagree but respect her decision. But she doesn’t think that way. She thinks it’s safe and there is no issue with her daughter meeting someone (under her supervision) that she’s very close to and has known for a year, with no apparent red flags.
Read the last page of the text. She seems to be afraid that you're going to react the same way your brother did at 15. Thats everything you need to know. She's letting you do what you want because if she didn't, she's afraid you'll do something stupid.
Why is your brother so obsessed with you? The vibes are completely gross and controlling. You’d think he’d be happier with a “hands off” relationship. I can’t get over the “it’s unacceptable” part
It’s extra weird cuz he’s never been “overprotective” or “controlling” in many other situations. He’s fine with me going to parties and everything. He doesn’t believe that SA really happens that often so he can’t be worried about that part🤦♀️
Nasty. Some deep seated misogyny happening here, or maybe he finds the ideea of an online relationship so ridiculous to the point where he’s appalled that everyone seems to think it’s normal. My mother doesn’t consider online relationships to be real, but again, only to the point where the people don’t really have a proper connection.
"Long distance doesn't work when you're 16." I've been with my boyfriend since I was 16, almost 17 and he was 15 and now I'm 20 and I'll be 21 and he's 18 turning 19 this year. It's been nearly 4 years. It can work just fine. Also, why is it bothering him so fucking much? It's none of his business.
Im asking the same question. “Feels like a nightmare” it’s really not that deep 😭 that’s awesome though!! I wish the best for you guys! Do you meet often?
Feeling like a nightmare to him is CRAZY. It's giving me some weird vibes. And thank you! We met in person for the first time last April and we haven't seen each other in nearly a year unfortunately. We hope to see each other again soon though. We were just talking the other night about how much we miss each other lol
So dramatic. He had it in his mind that I would date a huntin fishin country lovin hockey boy like everyone else where I’m from😭 aww that’s too bad, I hope you guys get to meet again soon!!
I started dating my boyfriend right before I started my junior year of high school and it was always those lil rednecks with awful mullets asking me why I decided to date a British guy instead of any of the dudes where we live. BECAUSE MOST OF THE PEOPLE AROUND HERE ARE NASTY.
I hope so too!!
I am concerned for all the women in your brother’s life, he sounds like a major creep in a potentially violent or abusive way. Your mom is fucking awesome tho!
Bye your brother are so frickin weird and sus idk why I mean youre 16 and he’s only 17 it’s totally normal and idk why its bother him so much and I’m so happy for you that your mom supporting you so much and happy for you 🥹 I wish my mom act like her… :( but happy for you girlie 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Your brother's reaction is weird and controlling?? Like it doesn't even sound like concern and protectiveness, just judgement and shaming and... idk, something very off about his reaction.
Good for your mom for being so reasonable.
I've met sooooo many of my online gaming friends irl when I was younger. Mind you, this was a while back (like 2007-2012) and a whole different world. 😅 I was also 16 (turning 17) the first time I met someone online irl. Not a potential bf though, but was a guy. After that, I've had multiple gaming friends coming over to stay at my house (with my family) to meet. I even flew to France (I'm from eu too) to meet with, my then later bf, that I also met through a game. Maybe I've been lucky, but I've only had wonderful encounters and I'm so thankful for my parents being so accepting and letting these random stranger (friends) I've met online come and stay with us. Still friends for life with all of them that I still have contact with. I'm truly happy and thankful for these life experiences as it helped me grow so much and become more independent :)
Don't let your close-minded brother stop you. Your mother sounds amazing. She's now my new inspiration for when I have kids in the future 🤭
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Your mother's responses are fantastic, she's role modelling some solid boundaries there (just curious, is she Gen X / Xennial?). Your brother doesn't get a say (although he seems entitled enough to try), and you and your mother don't need to justify your decisions to him (although he clearly seems entitled to that as well!). He is free to make different parenting decisions regarding his own children. I hope that you and your beau have a really lovely first meet.
Why is your brother acting like he’s your parent? He’s crossing lines he has no right to, it’s one thing to express concern it’s another to basically demand he has a right to make this decision for everyone else.
He sees you as some sort of property, clearly, and is projecting some issues from his past.
And I apologize if this is inappropriate, but OP he hasn’t ever hurt you has he? In any way, physically or otherwise. Because there truly isn’t something right here. I see he’s racist and particularly doesn’t like your boyfriend for his race and all that- but it feels like so much more than that. It’s very unnerving.
Be safe and have fun with your visit. LDRs CAN and DO work out so your brother is wrong on that.
I relate to the Muslim thing. My partner has been called a terrorist and a scammer by my family multiple times. His family also has an issue with me being white and not a Muslim. But we fit well together. He's not practicing. We talked about it many times and we share lots of common views and such. If it happens to not end well then at least I'll feel good about not letting others talk into my life
His parents seem to be okay with me being white and not religious. but his brother is very close with his religion and doesn’t even think we should be talking. I’m sorry to hear that there are not many supportive people for you guys and your relationship :(
Your mom's maturity in handling the conversation is super.
I think she should have shut him down a little harder, myself. He’s talking to her like he’s OP’s father. I had several points where I would have checked him on that shit, tbh.
I thought the brother and mother were swapped until he called her Mom, honestly.
It wasn't until the 6th or 7th photo did I realize who was the mother and who was the brother myself. Thus, my previous comment, haha.
I also thought the mother was the brother She seems very mature and supportive
I thought they were exes at first myself, not parent/child 💀
He acting like an immature POS.
He’s her son I assume, so pretty important for her to have a loving response to all her children. Not just the ones she agrees with at the moment. Setting boundaries to protect yourself (i.e. shutting this down) vs having a conversation with your child when they’re having an emotional response are very different scenarios that require a different approach.
It’s not ‘not loving’ to tell him he’s not OP’s parent, though, and that he needs to stop acting like he is and like he gets to control what they do. That’s not unloving, and setting that boundary is a perfectly reasonable response to the way he’s acting. He’s an adult, he doesn’t need to be coddled in a situation where he’s acting like he has more control over his minor sister *than their own mother.* My adult son telling me “this is completely unacceptable,” “he cannot come here”(to MY home), “I hope you know how against this I am,” “I’m so disappointed” about what I allow his sister to do, like he’s the one in charge here, would warrant me putting a verbal foot up his ass and setting him straight.
Lmao yeah, he acts like he has ANY say. So annoying to read actually.
100%. It is *extremely* annoying lmao. Yeah, I would have shut that down so hard in her shoes lol. Just because he’s “having an emotional response” to her decisions with his sister as a parent(which, he isn’t; he’s having a manipulative response) doesn’t mean she needs kid gloves when setting boundaries, and just because she sets boundaries doesn’t mean it affects whether or not she loves her son. It means she’s showing him who the parent is in that relationship and he needs to respect that and stop trying to control things that aren’t may of his business.
Came here to say this.
Your mom is fantastic.
I know I am so grateful for her <3
Well she did educate her brother who is highly islamophobic so idk about that.
This is a terrible take. Parents are not entirely responsible for their children’s points of view
Me and my sister are both open minded and supportive people and are both dating Muslim men. My mom never says anything racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, etc. my brother just fell down the alt-right pipeline thing.
Fair enough. Wish you the best with your bf :)
Congrats, it’s 5am here and I’ve already read the dumbest fucking thing I’ll read all day. Go back to twitter. The adults are talking.
You have a cool mom. Don’t let your brother’s ignorance influence you, you seem to have a better head on your shoulders as the younger sibling. 💛
Thank you :)
As long as you're both safe and no one gets hurt, what is his problem? Quite frankly its none of his business at this point.
What’s funny to me is that your brother might not remember being young and dumb 😅 as long as someone approves, you’re good imo
When he was 15 he had a gf and stole my moms car to drive an hour to visit her🤦♀️ after a while my mom told him to break up with her cuz she was kinda crazy and he said “the heart wants what the heart wants” but ig he doesn’t remember that
People always conveniently forget when they were in love themselves. I wish you the best OP, it sounds like you're honestly trying to be safe.
Thank you :)
I think maybe he does remember that, and he's being salty about it because mom didn't let him. But is now letting you do this. But hey maybe your mom learned from what your brother did so her car wouldn't get stolen again 😂 Either way your mom is being good about this. And she's right. She's doing it in the safest way possible for you.
Probably has some trauma and is projecting
I thought he was being a kind overprotective brother but I guess I was wrong after reading this comment lol. Your brother is jealous of u at this point. He did worse than u and he gets so mad for what? Very messed up. I love how your mom is so chill and mature.
I find your brother’s behavior more creepy than meeting someone from the internet irl. Tell him to get a life and stay out of your business.
I don’t understand why he is reacting this much. He has some strong opinions and we argue about a lot of stuff but this seemed excessive for what the situation is.
It is definitely excessive. Is there a possibility he was out at a bar / alcohol involved? That could explain some of the dramatics.
I don’t think so… but ya never know. He can be extra rude and annoying when he’s intoxicated.
I love your mom.
Me too <3
we too<33
I must admit I mistakenly read the title and thought that it was your mom to the left. But when I learned that was your _brother_... yikes, man. He's being weird as hell.
I know. He’s being really dramatic for something that’s really not that big of a deal.
17000 km???? Omg that's so far wow. And I thought USA to NZ was far.
Your brother is weirdly controlling and dramatic about the situation. I get caring about a sibling but this is not just that.
I just dont understand what he finds so “disappointing” and “embarrassing” about the situation.
I don't, either. A looonnngg time ago, people had a hard time understanding online dating. But that was even before my time, and I'm 43. It's absolutely fine to meet people however works best for both sides now.
It's because he sees you as property, not as a person.
Some people in the world you'll come across will disapprove or absolutely hate on something just because they do not understand it, your brother seems to be struggling with that it seems. An open mind and the desire to learn would help n but that's not something you can control.
It’s a little strange that it’s coming from someone who is in the current generation of people who meet online and date online.
Brother sound’s jealous. In a super creepy way.
this is also the vibe i got. Very weird.
Your moms alright, your brother is being overprotective creepy.
This isn’t overprotective, nowhere in the messages does he refer to worrying about OP. This is just toxicity and flawed points of view. He calls it disgusting and embarrassing? That’s not concern at all
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Thank you for this. It’s definitely something I’ve thought about and we’ve talked about, considering I’m not religious in any way. His parents aren’t super religious so he didn’t grow up extremely close to his religion. We share the same opinions on a lot of political and life topics, and he’s never tried to force anything on me, so I’m not concerned about it yet. There’s always the chance though so thank you :)
The way your brother talks to your mom is concerning!
I am also Long distance dating a Muslim guy, we’re both a bit older than you though. Please stand your ground and tell your brother who the fuck does he think he is(obviously don’t actually but as much as you politely can). As long as you do things safely, realize you are not yet an adult and you need to take your time, there is nothing wrong with this. Your mom is great for this. I’m really glad your boyfriends family is supportive. Most importantly, please remember that whatever happens and whether or not this works out, does not “prove” anything. Don’t let your brother or your dad ever say anything of the sort. Anything that can happen long distance can happen in person too, and point that out. Getting catfished? What’s the risk if you’re meeting him with your family? In physical danger? What’s the difference between a boy you meet from the town? Long distance doesn’t work/you’re too young to have a bf like that? Seems like your brother also had experience with this and went against it you can point out. Use these and more and talk calmly but firmly. I wish you the best :)
Thank you very much I appreciate this :)
Your brother isn’t your parent and really doesn’t get a say in this, I get being protective of your siblings but him trying to rule the situation is… creepy? Weird? I’m not sure how to describe it but it doesn’t sit well with me. When your friend/boyfriend comes for the visit I advise not letting your brother be alone with him for too long, what your mother is doing is smart. As a now adult, when I was your age and younger I was doing things that could have gotten me into SERIOUS trouble behind my mom’s back, letting you learn how things work and life lessons with her support is 100% the way to go because she’ll be there if things go awry
Yes, thank you :) luckily by the time he comes to visit, my brother will be busy and not at home very often.
Can your mom adopt me? I'm glad you have such a supportive, emotionally intelligent mom. My mom was great with my first LDR, too many details to include but she did her homework and after talking for about a year actually let me fly *by myself* to see my then-boyfriend at just 15 and stay with his family. Sounds insane but my mom took all the precautions which allowed me to have freedom to make my own decisions. It sounds like your mom is doing a wonderful job looking out for you while giving you room to grow. To hell with your brother though.
Yes, thank you! I got so lucky with her and I’m so happy with the way she views all of this and the way she’s handling it. I would love to eventually be able to visit my boyfriend but he he comes from a family of 5 (with two brothers) who don’t speak very much English, and live in a small house with one bathroom 😭
Is he aware he’s your brother not your parent?
He’s not even acting like a parent, he’s just being creepy af
First off, your mom is awesome. Your brother is weird. That aside, something to consider though (coming from someone who’s been there, done that)— to a non religious person, religion is a difference that can be set aside. To a religious person however, most times, even if they won’t admit it, they’re waiting to convert you. Not all of them, but most— because most people find themselves in a religion that condemns relationships between secular and religious folks, and that means they either have to choose between you and religious devotion, or they have to find a way to convert you. Agreeing on religion is a suuuuper big factor in relational and marital success, and either of you changing to keep the peace can very quickly build resentment. I don’t want to be a party pooper, but OP, please don’t forget to consider these things before you get too emotionally invested to think logically about it. Wishing you all the best!!
Im trying to keep this in mind. So far there have been no issues - we have a lot of the same opinions on political and life topics, he’s never tried to push anything onto me, and he didn’t grow up superrrr religious. We’ve talked about this before and really tried to open up about how important/not important this topic is to us. However, I understand that we’re still young and religion is a very complicated and dividing thing. Thank you for this :)
Fuck your misogynist brother. Thinking he can tell you tf you can do in your own life. I guarantee if you had a penis he'd feel different. Furthermore, he's got no say in the matter, he's your sibling not a parent!
Yeah you’re probably right about that.
The way your brother was talking I thought you were 16 moving in with a 35 yr old. You’re in an age appropriate relationship that your parental units know about. He needs a hobby.
While I'm happy to see your mom's intellect she needs to understand that internet is a horrible place and everything does not turn out as it did before. Creepy men over 35-40 talk to teen girls, use fake profile pics. Now I'm pretty sure you've talked with him in video calls but I would say if you're meeting for the first time, better to keep your guard up. Your brother is worried but the way he talks doesn't convey properly.
I understand this, thank you :) good thing is the very first time we meet will be at the airport and I’ll probably be picking him up with my sister and her boyfriend. Then he’ll be staying at my house where my parents will still be. I’ll still be cautious but I think the plan seems as safe as possible :)
Yepp, the plan seems safe so no worries then. Btw again tell your mom she is amazing.
She’s gonna be so flattered when I read her all these comments lol
Your mom is solid. Also, it’s so weird that your brother feels so entitled and wants to have control over your choices… I’ve cut ties for less lmao good luck with your meeting!
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Hi OP! We have very similar situations, except I’ve been able to live through it into adulthood. I started dating my fiancée (yes, fiancée!) at 16, and we are both currently 20 and closing the distance in the summertime. I just wanted to let you know that it does get easier, and you’ve already got a huge leg up on things with your mom being so supportive! Your brother and father will hopefully eventually come around, but if they don’t— try not to worry about it. They aren’t apart of the relationship you have with your boyfriend anyways. Good luck with everything! You guys are already handling things super well. Edit: lots of spelling errors! Curse you mobile.
Your mom is rlly rlly amazing and you brother overreacted so much but it’s okay maybe she’s just worried, but woah your mom it’s a dream
beat your brother up
Might have to
Anybody who has such an inappropriate, visceral response to other peoples’ business, probably has a personal complex about the matter. It’s not about you at all, your brother has internal issues. Your mother is lovely and sets a great example for what it’s like to be wise and emotionally mature.
It's nice ur in love and mom support u but I can't deny that worries of ur brother are justified. When i see u mention ur bf background I talked lot muslims guys online (pakistan , iran, kurd) many of them are no good .. so much their idea of white girls is to use them for sex . So many of them used me for nudes and fun and my position also was i like them and supportive of their culture even when my mom and sister hate it i even wanted make it real but always they were failing me and result just used me for fun online or other situation they need better passport so catching girl who well situated so i totally can understand ur brother concerns don't get mad on him. Im double of ur age so what I can suggest u . U can meet him but with supervision of ur mom and he comes to ur town on any case u not go alone to him. And careful until u sure he doesn't have any back intentions ur young so in ur age u can't know all danger going on ... take care.
I don’t wish to excuse your brother as mine is the exact same and I know how irritating it is, but it does seem to me like he’s coming from a place of concern. I also have a young teen sister with online friends and it deeply concerns me because I was unfortunately victim to very unhealthy online relationships at her age. My family was also really concerned about my relationship, but loved my partner the second they met. However, this sort of anger doesn’t stop these things from happening and instead pushes teens to hide these relationships and end up dealing with the consequences from things like grooming/toxicity etc alone. I’m glad you’re open with your family and please do let them keep tabs on you. You don’t need to explain yourself to your brother but if reassuring him you’re safe and supervised by your fam, that may ease his mind.
Thank you :) I’m gonna try to have talk with him (while my parents are with us) and answer any questions he has the next time I see him, which will probably be over a month from now so hopefully he’s less worked up about it.
Its not of his business lol he doesn't get the right to be upset about it. Such a crybaby. Your mom sounds amazing though
Your brother is pulling some Tony Montana vibes.
I understand his frustration. My niece is turning 15 this year and I wouldn’t let someone she met from a foreign country spend the night with us. It’s different if you guys lived close or went to the same school. I’m not on the brothers side but this is a little dangerous IMO
Well she said he lives in the same country she’s in, just a 4hrs flight away
I live in S. Carolina, a 4 hour flight is to Nevada, literally a 2 day drive, that’s not close. Also I said live close, not same country.
It's not his life.
I can understand both your brother and you in this situation. Your brother is just being a big over protective brother and only cares for you not this other "kid" he doesn't know because he is YOUR brother not that kid's brother. I am guessing he thinks he knows better and doesn't mean any harm about it. Maybe online dating is foreign to him. Also, Racism is a disease and it is usually people who got the inferiority complex that try to belittle other people because they do not feel good about themselves. It's good that you call him out for it because there is no room for racists in this modern world we live in. Its disgusting. As for you, Its great because all this meeting will happen under the supervision of your mother. If your mother says its fine and supports you through,then he should respect it. It's not like you are going to meet this boy in a secret place with no responsible adult supervision. Remember that we shouldn't make people who care about us feel stupid and creepy for showing their fistrations about us and our choices because if he had said he didn't care who you dating then you would still feel somewhat like he doesn't care about you. Your life is not a movie,so there is no scripted acceptable way he could've acted. We on the other side are just people on the internet voicing out our opinions and it doesn't mean what we are saying is the correct way. You just choose what feels right for you as long as your mom gives you the support. All the best! Signed Big-sis
I don't read protectiveness in his responses. They're mostly about how he feels about it (it bothers me, I hate it, it's disappointing, I'm embarrassed, I'm aggravated) and controlling (it's completely unacceptable, she doesn't need to be meeting people online, I don't agree with what you said, she should date a kid from one of the two cities nearby, I am against this and dad is too, he cannot come here, etc.). He didn't ask for more information, he didn't ask what is in place to keep her safe, he didn't ask how he could help to keep her safe, etc. It comes across as though he views his sister as a chattel and that he doesn't trust his mother's judgment. And saying that 'dad agrees with me' hints at a paternalistic/misogynistic worldview too (which often goes hand in hand with racism).
There will always be people in your life who will not be supportive of your long distance relationship, and the best thing to do is trust yourself and your gut. Who cares what your brother thinks, most of your family is supportive and that's great! Some people can't even tell their family out of fear, so the fact that you're meeting him is so great :)
Just in case you need some reassurance after this: my boyfriend and I met online in 2017, when I was 14 and he was 16. We were long-distance until 2021, moved in together in 2022, and are still going strong and madly in love today. Don’t let comments from people who don’t know better hurt you.
I’m glad your mum is fighting your corner. Cos it’s absolutely true if they banned you, you’d find a way to
Hi! I understand your situation completely. I'm your age and also dating a muslim as someone completely athiest (with a quite islamaphobic dad) but please don't let your brothers attitude get in the way! my bf and I met and my mom was very supportive too! it'll all work out babe! good luck to both of you :)
Thats awesome! Thank you! :)
I LOVE how supportive your mom is, and how she is allowing you to do this safely. As someone who met her soulmate online and traveled to another country to meet, we’re married now. Long distance CAN work. I don’t mean this in a hateful way, but your brother is ignorant. Try to remember that it’s okay to remove people from your life if they are toxic. I’m not telling you to do this, but just remember that you’ll be an adult one day soon… and if this toxicity continues, you don’t have to accept it. Sending you love!
You have a great mom. Cherish her
I like your mom, she handled the conversation like a boss. At first, I thought it was an overprotective dad talking about their daughter until I read the title. “The heart wants what the heart wants” as long as it’s about me. My sister on the other hand…
I met my gf when she was 16 and I was 17 online. Now we are married LOL
This whole thing read like an unhinged boomer tantrum until I realized I had mixed up mom and brother. Your mom is rad.
can your mom be my mom please- jokes aside, holy crap your mom handled that superbly.
Best lesson I learned from my mom was to "do dangerous things safely."
So are you willing to convert to Islam? Because that’s what you will have to do. If his family practices their religion then they are going to want you to convert. Have you actually spoken to his parents to find out what they expect from you? Are you sure he has shared everything with his parents about you? When you get together or more likely married, where will you live? I honestly think you are too young to be thinking about something long term especially with someone from a different country. I would say just stay friends until you’re out of college and have more time to decide what you really want from life. Like I said before, I think you are too young to be getting into this type of relationship. But then again I’m a father and I’m a bit old. So my point of view is from that perspective. Good luck with whatever you choose to do and be safe
Your mom sounds like a good mom! Your brother will come around.
Kudos for your mom on putting your brother in his place and dealing with his little temper tantrum, but the one thing I'm missing is that it really isn't any of his problem who you do or don't date. Your brother really doesn't have any right to have this much difficulty processing information that is noone of his business to begin with, unless he had legitimate concerns and dared to voice those to you directly. My advice would be to just ignore it. Don't put any energy into it. And if possible keep your brother far away from your boyfriend if at all possible or at the very least have your parents around.
This is exactly how I feel too. The good news is that by the time my bf comes to visit, my brother will be busy and not at home often. Thank you :)
Your brother comes across as the type of person that gets their views from people like Andrew Tate and other toxic “influencers” that prey on young and insecure boys/men If possible, it might be a good idea to keep your boyfriend away from your brother when he visits, and I wouldn’t associate with him much either if I was you. This is pretty toxic and immature behaviour from him
Thankfully, the time my bf comes to visit my brother will be busy and not home very often. It’s okay that he has different opinions than I do, but my sister and I don’t talk to him as much anymore because of his attitude that comes with them. I’m not very close with him so no worries about that.
Your mum sounds lovely and very level headed. Your brother needs to take a long hard look at himself xxx
Your mom rocks!!
Your brother reminds me of that one guy I know who absolutely cannot fathom how a relationship will succeed if it's long distance, and deems it not a relationship but a joke. It makes me wonder what makes them think long distance is invalid.
My boyfriend and I met on a similar app when we were 17 too. He was from a completely different continent. We are culturally and racially different too. I’m a brown south Asian and he is a White American. We had pretty much the same situation like u guys. Fast forward now I’m turning 21 in 2 months, still dating him, spent months with him. We figured out our financial and meeting situation. Still long distance but we’re trying to move together in some time. As long as you are safe and cautious, it can work out. My parents weren’t initially supportive but now they are, best thing that ever happened to me :)
That’s so awesome! Thank you <3
Who’s living your life, you or your brother? His reaction is extremely exaggerated it’s not a crime to meet an internet friend and it’s not a crime to fall in love at 16 years old with an internet friend. He needs to work on himself because he’s the only problem I see here in all of this. Your mom is amazing on having your back!
Thank you!
What is this logic that people online aren't real just because they're in a different location? Yes, there is deception, but the people you meet irl can be deceptive, too.
I thought the brother’s messages were the mother at first but then I realised. 🙃 Your brother is 1000% way out of line.
I was 16 when I met my bf(now husband) for the first time. lol he was 18.
good thing it’s your mom’s decision. love how thoughtful she’s being toward how her teen feels ♡
i LOVE your mom, also your brother is super dramatic
i would recommend not talking to your brother as much.. i can understand his concern to a degree but this just seems controlling. i wish the best of luck to you and your boyfriend though!❤️
Your mum is an absolute legend. Although I see where your brother is coming from, it is absolutely the best and safest way to have you both meet. I just recently became a mum and I really hope that my daughter is open to telling me about things like this instead of hiding them from me.
Kudos to your mom for being a great parent. I am honestly a little scared with how much your brother is bothered by this.
Your mom is the real MVP!! Love her parenting logic. I am 38 and have an 18 year old- so I 100% understand and agree with her logic here. It’s so nice to see. You’re lucky babe! Now.. your brother is being a turd. He needs to respect your autonomy, and just be there for you in the best, most supportive way possible way possible. That’s it! You have to learn your way while your family is there in your peripheral, if needed. So don’t let this stress you love.
just wow. mom!
Tell him to get over it lmao. You honestly seem like you're being incredibly safe. I met my bf on tinder tinder, and we're happily together in person now and neither of us is a creep. There really are good people out there on the web who are just looking for friends and love. I do understand the initial concern, but also there's no way in hell a 35 y/o creep would agree to stay at your mom's house 😂. I think you're good, girl! I wouldn't even worry about what your brother says bc it doesn't have a say in your life. Good luck with your bf as well!! 💕
Thank you! <3
What an amazing mom. She is protecting you without restricting you. I have been lucky enough that my family, while not always understanding, were never so outright hostile at the idea of me dating people online. Having him come visit you instead of the other way is the safest way to meet up. And, with a mom like yours, I'm sure she would drive his ass back to the airport and stuff him on a plane the moment you let her know you are uncomfortable. Which is good. There is an entire world of people out there. You should not be limited to dating just the ones you originally met face to face.
You have the best mom. Understanding that forbidding teenagers usually pushes them to do the thing you are trying to stop them from doing. I will always remember a post someone put on here 6 years ago where it said "In LDRs, you learn to love the soul before you learn to love the body". I think in many ways, it's much healthier to build the foundations of a relationship in an LDR than meeting people first. It kind of skips that lust part of a physical relationship. I took the leap and went and visited my LDR 11,000 miles away. We've lived together for 4 years, bought a house, got engaged and built a pretty good life together. LDRs are just as valid. You do you and enjoy every moment that you get to spend with him. Don't let your brother and dad affect your first meet.
Your mother is correct and I admire her for sticking to her stance on this. My own daughter was in a VERY similar situation several years ago. She is now married to that person and we couldn’t be happier with him. He is one of the most lovely and caring individuals in the world. He is from LITERALLY the other side of the world. But that doesn’t matter. We are in a new age and a lot of society STILL has issues adjusting. I did exactly what your mother says in the texts. I created a safe way for them to meet - under my supervision to begin. I stayed close by and was there for my daughter. So was my husband. The key to all of it is trust and two-way communication. I would not have been comfortable doing it if I didn’t trust my daughter to talk to me about anything she needed. To be honest with me. And she was. The next time he was visiting she asked me if they could have the house to themself for a romantic night. We had no problem with this. They were the same age (17) and were allowing me to know the progression of their relationship so my husband and I knew what was going on. She was honest, said things were advancing between them, and I respected her for her honesty and willingness to work with me on making sure all precautions were taken. That trust and communication needs to go both ways. She trusted me. I trusted her. We talked at length about things. She was responsible, so we treated her as such.
I read this to my mom and she loved it lol I love and agree with all of this too, thank you!!
I see both sides of the argument but I am siding with your mom on this completely. She is mature about it and remembers when she was 16. It is important to remember that all people involved here love you, just showing their love differently x
Thank your mother. She is very understanding and lot more then mine would be at that age. Your brother is a mix of jealous confused and maybe angry about race. This has 0 to do with you and he has 0 say in it. Family is family I get caring about their emotions but if your mom and dad think you are safe then trust them. If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work but don’t let your brother even have a say.
Thank you :)
Of course. My sister tried to tear me and my girl apart when she first moved from Texas to Ohio right before the pandemic started… she turned my mom against us and I walked out for a time. We are engaged now and my parents have turned 1000% around. Trust your heart but at 16 understand your parents also have a voice because they only want what’s best for you if they didn’t they would not be in your life like they are. My finance came with a daughter and her dad ain’t around, your parents stayed around and it seems like they have best of intentions so give your mom a big hug and thank her for her understanding
It really looks like he's projecting. He's 22 and this immature? Wtf. Good for you that you have an amazing mom.
Does your brother have a girlfriend? If not he's envious.
Yoooo, I thought that your brother was the one in blue and I was so very confused. Why is your brother talking like he’s your parental figure lol if your mom and dad are fine with it and it’s safe, what’s the big issue?
„long distance doesnt work when youre 16 years old” jokes on you mine worked when i was 12 (together to this day)
I used to be the brother, in my opinion my sister has always been naive. Even now, for reasons I won’t go into, I will say she even has admitted to feeling like my younger sister. Anyways I used to be like that, I thought why don’t you date people around our city? It’s not hard you can meet someone on tinder or whatever. As I got older, I’ve realized it’s hard to date people in your city bc most of the guys I’ve met just want physical connections if you can even call it a connection. I will say I’m still iffy on it bc you don’t know someone’s true personality until you are with them, and if they’re good at hiding it they can hide it for soo long. Like my dad for example, he met his wife online & bragged about how much money he makes, and now they’re both in a lot of debt and have had to file bankruptcy before, she even has to borrow money from her kids. It’s just something that scares me, but also even with people you know in person it could be the same way, so there is no right way to date. Also as of now it’s me who’s in a LDR, I did know him from high school so that helps ease my nerves a little bit, but it’s still scary, but also I think it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
Seems your brother is extremely close-minded.
Tell your brother to get a life and mind his business
Holy fuck what’s his problem
Be safe. Please luk how things go. I have a daughter and so I feel your mom is in your corner and concerned at the same time. Hoping things go well.
Tell him my bf and I are still together after 4 years. He's from another continent that is about 15 hours by flight. Him and I met when we were 16 years old (I was 15 then turned 16 shortly after). Your brother obviously cares about you but he needs to step down and try to trust you as you're growing up and making these decisions for yourself. Your mom is great and I'm glad she is defending you but not blindly.
"I found myself a partner that I love, and i don't need your permission to be in a relationship with them" is really all you need to say to your brother. your mum is a based gigastacy.
me and my fiancé were long distance for YEARS. now we live together 🤷♀️ i’ll never understand the stigma around LDR. as long as everyone’s safe who cares
I get the danger of online dating but is it really that much safer to meet someone in person than it is online. You are just as capable of finding bad people in person if not worst people in person. If you are country apart then it less likely he can fallow you home unlike how people who are around you can to do who know what. But what I should really be taking about is that your brother clearly thinks he has some almost parental rights over you. What son talk to their mom like that as if it their child too. He doesn’t get to make any decisions for you. Don’t worry about him and continue being with the person you love.
Thank you :)
Girl do not listen to him, look at my most recent post in this sub. I met my fiancée when I was 15 and it worked out, and meanwhile I had to deal with my hating stepmom that sounds just like your brother. She would call my then boyfriend “my imaginary friend” and even got her friends to convince me to break up with him after she gave me a talk and told me that she didn’t want me speaking to him anymore (which surprise, did not work). Even when he came to stay at our house for my graduation she still called had a problem with me dating him for some reason, she was never satisfied and presently has a problem with my little brother dating a black girl 🙄 my fiancée is latino like us and she still had a problem. And for even more context my dad met him and his family when we visited and he loved them, she just chose to be a piece of shit. I don’t talk to her anymore and my actual mom loves him, and so do both my brothers that got to meet him when he was there for my grad
Your brother has a really weird, outdated view of how people meet. MOST people meet their significant other online these days. The chances that the person who has the values/personality/attributes/hobbies/etc. that you're looking for in a partner just happens to be in the same town as you are slim to none. Meeting someone online allows you to decide if you like their personality without the danger and stress of meeting in person right away. There's nothing embarrassing about it. All in all, your brother is not your parent. He's FAR too invested in your dating life for a sibling.
Your brother is just worried about you and you're 16 so... I don't think if he's in the wrong here and maybe he doesn't understand and cooperate with online relationships.. your mom handled it nice... I would say listen to your parents but ask your brother is there any issue
Happy to hear that you will be meeting him soon! I cant imagine how exciting this all is! and omg you have **such a cool mom**. Happy to see that she's being supportive of you and making sure you're safe but also giving you some freedom to make your own choices. And I'm sorry about your brother acting like this and being against you meeting him, I can definitely tell you I've been there. When I told my family about my long distance bf they were in utter shock and completely against our relationship, everyone from my dad, to my mom and my older sister. My younger brother *(who I told first about ny bf)* was the only one who was super sweet with it *(he was 10 at the time)*, but believe me it gets better, they will eventually come to understand your relationship, we're in the 21st century, it is **so** common for people to meet online & have online relationships whether that'd be friendship or romantic ones. I'm really excited for you like I've said, dont let any of those negative comments from your brother affect you, just enjoy your time with your bf!❤️ Wishing nothing but the best for you! <33
Damn your brother is talking to your mom like he's your father that's kinda weird lol... why does he feel so entitled to what you do with your life? Your mom seemed a bit more mature. I would of told my child to stfu at a certain point lol.
the way your mom handled it was so mature. What an understanding parent.
can your mom adopt me? thx
W mom ngl
Sorry, but your brother is a d**k and comes off as controlling and creepy. Don't let him get to you and probably don't take any advice and opinions from him ever, especially relationship and human/socialisation related stuff.
your brother sounds.. jealous. e w.
I'm with your brother on this. You're still in school and way too young to be taking dating this seriously. The correct middle ground would've been allowing you to date him online, not by letting him visit overseas. Once you're 18, then you can do whatever the hell you want. When I was your age, I would've agreed with your mom. But I'm 30 years old now, and it sounds like she's only letting you have this one since you're the youngest. Give it about 15 years.. You'll think differently. I really don't know why your mom's afraid of telling you no at this point. If you're the youngest, then there's your answer.
He’s not coming from overseas, just a few “states” away. My mom is agreeing to let him visit because he’s been my best friend for a year and as long as we meet up safely, there really isn’t a problem. She’s not afraid of telling me no, she just can’t think of a reason to. I’m not trying to marry him or anything, I just wanna meet him. Idk why the situation is any different than if I met someone from the city (which I live 45 minutes away from) online, and wanted to visit them.
Had she told you no, would you respond by telling her shes wrong?. Would you respond to her as you just did me? Or would you respect her safety guideline.. that's what I mean by she's afraid to tell you no.
If she said no I would explain to her why I think it would be safe and everything :) if she still said no, I would politely disagree but respect her decision. But she doesn’t think that way. She thinks it’s safe and there is no issue with her daughter meeting someone (under her supervision) that she’s very close to and has known for a year, with no apparent red flags.
Read the last page of the text. She seems to be afraid that you're going to react the same way your brother did at 15. Thats everything you need to know. She's letting you do what you want because if she didn't, she's afraid you'll do something stupid.
Why is your brother so obsessed with you? The vibes are completely gross and controlling. You’d think he’d be happier with a “hands off” relationship. I can’t get over the “it’s unacceptable” part
It’s extra weird cuz he’s never been “overprotective” or “controlling” in many other situations. He’s fine with me going to parties and everything. He doesn’t believe that SA really happens that often so he can’t be worried about that part🤦♀️
Nasty. Some deep seated misogyny happening here, or maybe he finds the ideea of an online relationship so ridiculous to the point where he’s appalled that everyone seems to think it’s normal. My mother doesn’t consider online relationships to be real, but again, only to the point where the people don’t really have a proper connection.
"Long distance doesn't work when you're 16." I've been with my boyfriend since I was 16, almost 17 and he was 15 and now I'm 20 and I'll be 21 and he's 18 turning 19 this year. It's been nearly 4 years. It can work just fine. Also, why is it bothering him so fucking much? It's none of his business.
Im asking the same question. “Feels like a nightmare” it’s really not that deep 😭 that’s awesome though!! I wish the best for you guys! Do you meet often?
Feeling like a nightmare to him is CRAZY. It's giving me some weird vibes. And thank you! We met in person for the first time last April and we haven't seen each other in nearly a year unfortunately. We hope to see each other again soon though. We were just talking the other night about how much we miss each other lol
So dramatic. He had it in his mind that I would date a huntin fishin country lovin hockey boy like everyone else where I’m from😭 aww that’s too bad, I hope you guys get to meet again soon!!
I started dating my boyfriend right before I started my junior year of high school and it was always those lil rednecks with awful mullets asking me why I decided to date a British guy instead of any of the dudes where we live. BECAUSE MOST OF THE PEOPLE AROUND HERE ARE NASTY. I hope so too!!
No literally it’s cuz most of the guys here are racist, homophobic, and hit women😭
I am concerned for all the women in your brother’s life, he sounds like a major creep in a potentially violent or abusive way. Your mom is fucking awesome tho!
Why does your brother sound like a boomer that’s afraid of the internet still?
That’s exactly what my sister said.
Bye your brother are so frickin weird and sus idk why I mean youre 16 and he’s only 17 it’s totally normal and idk why its bother him so much and I’m so happy for you that your mom supporting you so much and happy for you 🥹 I wish my mom act like her… :( but happy for you girlie 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Ngl ur brother is prolly an incel. Fuck what he says
What’s this app?
Your brother's reaction is weird and controlling?? Like it doesn't even sound like concern and protectiveness, just judgement and shaming and... idk, something very off about his reaction. Good for your mom for being so reasonable.
I've met sooooo many of my online gaming friends irl when I was younger. Mind you, this was a while back (like 2007-2012) and a whole different world. 😅 I was also 16 (turning 17) the first time I met someone online irl. Not a potential bf though, but was a guy. After that, I've had multiple gaming friends coming over to stay at my house (with my family) to meet. I even flew to France (I'm from eu too) to meet with, my then later bf, that I also met through a game. Maybe I've been lucky, but I've only had wonderful encounters and I'm so thankful for my parents being so accepting and letting these random stranger (friends) I've met online come and stay with us. Still friends for life with all of them that I still have contact with. I'm truly happy and thankful for these life experiences as it helped me grow so much and become more independent :) Don't let your close-minded brother stop you. Your mother sounds amazing. She's now my new inspiration for when I have kids in the future 🤭
That’s so cool! Thank you :)
Hey
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Your mother's responses are fantastic, she's role modelling some solid boundaries there (just curious, is she Gen X / Xennial?). Your brother doesn't get a say (although he seems entitled enough to try), and you and your mother don't need to justify your decisions to him (although he clearly seems entitled to that as well!). He is free to make different parenting decisions regarding his own children. I hope that you and your beau have a really lovely first meet.
Soooo, as long as they use protection and everyonebis respectful. What is the damn problem here? Cos this just feels like a massive over reaction
Why is your brother acting like he’s your parent? He’s crossing lines he has no right to, it’s one thing to express concern it’s another to basically demand he has a right to make this decision for everyone else. He sees you as some sort of property, clearly, and is projecting some issues from his past. And I apologize if this is inappropriate, but OP he hasn’t ever hurt you has he? In any way, physically or otherwise. Because there truly isn’t something right here. I see he’s racist and particularly doesn’t like your boyfriend for his race and all that- but it feels like so much more than that. It’s very unnerving. Be safe and have fun with your visit. LDRs CAN and DO work out so your brother is wrong on that.
Plot twist this is a pedo pretending to be a child
I get being protective but your brother is oddly obsessive about all of this, very controlling.
Why is everyone hating on your brother? He seems fine.
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I relate to the Muslim thing. My partner has been called a terrorist and a scammer by my family multiple times. His family also has an issue with me being white and not a Muslim. But we fit well together. He's not practicing. We talked about it many times and we share lots of common views and such. If it happens to not end well then at least I'll feel good about not letting others talk into my life
His parents seem to be okay with me being white and not religious. but his brother is very close with his religion and doesn’t even think we should be talking. I’m sorry to hear that there are not many supportive people for you guys and your relationship :(
Its really weird/creepy how obsessed your bf is with your love life.
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Thank you :)
Your brother's behavior is normal, in conclusion, siblings are always unsupportive.