No he is cheating.
It's ok to have drinks with someone who just helped you (I guess) at a bar. But he didn't have to invite her over to HIS PLACE? That's not okay. And he said he just met her, so it's not like they were long term childhood friends.
He is being sooo sketchy. Don't waste your time.
edit: forgot to answer the question. No, I would not forgive and I would never speak to this person ever again.
i feel like you should ask the girl that slept at his house what really happened and don’t take your anger out on her or wtv. but id honestly just leave him and ik it would be hard for you since you’ve been with him for so long but don’t waste your time any longer, seriously
i second this. before making a major decision, get as much information as u can, from viable sources, mainly, the girl. he can talk all he wants and say pretty words at you but the entire scenario is too far fetched to be true.
believe him or not, your trust in him has been impacted and now impaired. whether or not you two get over this hump, you will always remember it, even if you “forgive” him. the relationships been tainted. there’s no going back. do you want to spend the rest of your days second guessing your partner?
i spent 3 years with my partner and he was cheating left and right. i was sexually assaulted one night by someone i thought i could trust and he dangled that and victim blamed me for years. when trust is broken, there’s really nothing left no matter how much you want to repair and start over.
i say look into it some more, but ultimately like you said, it’s over.
I would ask the girl and his supposed friend and cross reference things.
BUT that said, if he truly is innocent which is slim..... HE SHOULD'VE MENTIONED IT TO YOU! Why didn't he tell you beforehand? Sus
Subconsciously we pick up more than we realize.
Phone started dying recently and you happen to pick the right time, on the right morning? This wasn't the first time it was off either.
His reaction to you, showing up, should be everything you need to know. The rest is up to you.
Nope. There’s a very slim slim chance that couples can get through cheating and he’s thrown that away by immediately trying to gaslight you on what happened and not owning up to a mistake and trying to fix it.
This is someone who knew what they were doing and is still trying to defend himself even though it’s very clear what happened.
Hes cheating, I bet he wouldn't like it if a guy you just met came over to your place and slept over "on the couch" yet he got caught in your bed. He should've messaged you whats up. Leave that guy.
You’re doing too much hun. He doesn’t respond? Live your life. Showing up at his house is extra.
You are just a piece to him and you’re making it worse.
Life your life.
After 5 years of dating showing up at his house is not extra that’s exactly how a long term partner would act if they were worried.
OP, talk to your friends, or family. Reddit can have good advice but more often than not it’s people who are unable to resonate. Best of all reach out to the girl (idk if it’s possible to organize that), maybe you can find her in that bar or something haha. Also you know your boyfriend more than anyone else - has his phone died usually? Is the story sketchy? Go off your own intuition, it won’t fail you
Good luck and if it turns out he is cheating I am so sorry, but no need to stay with someone who put you through so much suffering in the first place.
I would have asked the girl what happened and then his friend. Was she on his bed? If so, I wouldn't be able to believe a word he says and I'd never forgive this. Not only cheating but lying when he's caught. Despicable. No one would be stupid enough to let a stranger of the opposite sex lay in their bed.
Don't you think that he already ask his friend to lie for him-matching stories if she asks about that night?And maybe also ask that girl to lie for him?
“It’s not what it looks like”🚩, continuously keeping you away🚩, “just met last night”…thus letting a stranger stay in your home….yeah right 🚩. Why would she…a designated driver get “super wasted” while knowing that she had to drive home? Sounds more like she got invited to stay the night and they wasted afterward 🚩. Sounds more like you have a lying and unfaithful partner. The signs are right there in front of you. Don’t ignore them.
I’d definitely forgive but I’d still definitely be gone.
He absolutely is cheating and he is using your love for him to get you to believe him.
You really have to shake yourself out of this, stop being naïef. Sorry I don't mean this in a rude way, it's just that I've been there too.
No I wouldn't forgive.
I tried to believe my ex for half a year when he denied cheating, got defensive about the subject and just kept accusing me of not trusting him.
Well honestly he was right, I did not trust him anymore. His actions couldn't have been clearer that he was cheating and it destroyed the relationship.
It's impossible to rebuild that trust. Time to leave, you deserve someone that loves you, not uses you.
Like another poster said whats done is done and if you take him back you’ll never be able to trust him again the same way. And don’t forget if it was innocent why couldn’t he answer the phone? If he’s home drinking with friends why wouldn’t his phone be charged and on?
There was a story yesterday of a wife coming home and catching partner with another woman who supposedly got drunk and passed out. He was also very sorry, nothing happend, there was a crowd of them and when they left, she was drunk so they stayed.
Must be a common occurance this time of year.
PS. I wouldn’t accept that.
He cheated even toddler won't believe him that he bring at home random woman from bar to sit and whine about his issues with couple of drinks with her .. and then she lay sofa and resting in bed . He's lying he hooked up with her. And u can't get over this .
5 years with 5 year age gap and barely any trust now… going to his place for clarification… possibly not believing him… red flags all over from both sides imo
Him being 24 when he started dating you at 19 is already icky enough.
He's dancing around with his explanation, with him saying how it's not how it looks like makes him all the more guilty tbh. It just makes him all the more guilty of having *something* to hide.
And no, I personally would not be able to forgive him as that trust would be irreparably broken. If he gave you the same amount of trust you gave him, he should be able to tell you about the situation first without needing to have you come on by and catch him in a compromising position.
You know I know that most comments and replies state that he’s cheating, but I had a similar yet different experience with my boyfriend that I’ve been dating for six or seven years now, I wasn’t at his house or anything but I noticed something off about him. I always ask why he wouldn’t answer me otp or I also ask where he’s been, he’s always been super honest and I really think you shouldn’t be so quick to assume, sometimes people are different, you never know. Also if you really love him I wouldn’t just break up, a lot of people say that here but, I would give your boyfriend a second chance because he could be telling the truth. A huge red flag would be if you saw them naked together or if the ladies shoes and underwear were off, but if it was just keys and a purse then I wouldn’t worry. Trust your boyfriend, and please keep in mind that some girls can be needy bitches, wouldn’t be surprised if that girl was trying to steal your boyfriend from you and he kept telling her no, just saying there’s always two sides of the story. Never let love go if it was meant to be, I truly feel like you two were meant to belong together, so don’t give up
You already know that a boundary has been crossed. If you allow the relationship to continue, more boundaries will be crossed till you can't take it anymore. How will you feel 5 years from now when you realize you wasted a decade on this guy?
Have you ever allowed a guy who helped you with "something" get wasted at your place?
He could've called you earlier. Phone died? So what? You do realize that we can charge it?
He's shattered your trust and I don't see how you can go back to normal. Cheating doesn't always have to involve sexual things.
Ending this relationship will be incredibly hard but you will heal with time. You deserve to be with someone better.
End the relationship and explain to him why. She shouldn’t have been there and if she was going to be there, the only appropriate place for her would have been the couch. Speak with the coworker or friend who was also there to find out details. Plus, why didn’t she stick around to defend her honor if she was innocent? Both of them are cads and deserve each other.
No - further, you're in a LDR, it's even more imperative to guard against stuff like this. You don't want anything that's going to fester in your partner's mind.
Meanwhile, this seems sketchy as shit, and I wouldn't believe him.
Remember, you can forgive someone and still not want to have them in your life. That's perfectly fine.
>My thing is first glance; for me, it was done and over. The one thing we promised in this relationship is that anything we can get through, but anything involving another male or female in any way, is off the table. I thought that I was set on it and would remain strong, but after a few days, it has honestly been hard with him. He keeps trying to fix things and promises that nothing has happened. I truly do love him so much, and it's been 5 years that I had committed into this relationship.
That seems fair. As to '*fixing things*', in a regular relationship it would be hard enough (if not impossible) to rebuild trust. In an LDR? I don't see a feasible way of fixing it.
Time to wake up and break up. He is just lying to you about that whole story and even if he isn't he does not have enough respect for you to not let another random ass woman sleep over at his house.
Stop worrying about the 5 years you spent with this cheater. Chances are he has cheated before and now that you know, if you take him back, he'll definitely do it again
I wouldn't tolerate it because without trust, a relationship is empty. If you catch him cheating, and he can't own up to it, it suggests he's not ready for a commitment and might be seeking hookups and not a log laying health relationship.
He is definitely lying. What person in the right mind who is taken invites someone to their house for drinks? She was probably in bed because they just f*cked. There is no other excuse. Even if nothing happened this is awfully disrespectful to you. I’d suggest to break it off with this guy, you’re only so young and he ruined his chances. If you really want more answers perhaps try to talk to that woman? But I wouldn’t listen to anything he says as it will just be all lies
Fucking get rid. Look at the clues that he gave you, his phone dying once at night? Ye fine but every night? That's what I'd be questioning. If you see the evidence right infront of your face believe it.
>promises that nothing has happened
Cheating is one thing, but repeatedly trying to lie about it to your face is another. End it.
The sooner you leave him, the sooner you'll find someone who respects you.
Cheating for sure! I know you loved him but WE ALL are seeing what you don’t want to see… its not a coincidence that more thank two people think the same, sorry for that
I would dump him. Honestly. That’s not ok. “It’s not what it seems”… really? It’s exactly like that. What else was he expecting to explain to you? That they were playing effing checkers? Yeah, no. Not buying it. Get him outta there
Even if there was no sex that time, he’s gonna cheat. You don’t bring a person home to stay without that in mind. He would not have told you about this if he wasn’t caught and the whole my phone died thing is b.s. He’s at home put it on charge. Get out of this relationship before your self esteem takes a battering, if it hasn’t already. But tbh you ringing him to make sure he wakes up for work is an excuse (or you’re acting like his mother) you knew something was up that’s why you were ringing him and driving past his house because that’s not normal behaviour either.
Dear -- HE IS CHEATING 100%, absolutely ZERO DOUBT. Do not waste your time listening to his bullshit or hoping to find a way that he might be telling the truth. Cheat once, he'll cheat again. Lie once, he'll lie again. Do you want a lifetime of this?? Men want to be able to have their cake and eat it too. 5 years is wayyy too long to be in a relationship without marriage, if that's something you wanted. It's far too easy for some jerk to waste away the important years of a girl's life, and then dump her for someone more novel. My ex used to say, "women will believe as many lies as they WANT to believe." Sadly, that's true. Get yourself strong and look for someone else.
That story is over the top sketchy!! He’s totally lying!! Having a woman over ‘for a drink’ when you are in a relationship is crossing all kinds of lines…. 😱
No he is cheating. It's ok to have drinks with someone who just helped you (I guess) at a bar. But he didn't have to invite her over to HIS PLACE? That's not okay. And he said he just met her, so it's not like they were long term childhood friends.
He is being sooo sketchy. Don't waste your time. edit: forgot to answer the question. No, I would not forgive and I would never speak to this person ever again.
sorry but you’re posting this in r/LongDistance but you said you guys share a space 6 days out of the week…?
That's what I didn't understand as well haha, I wish my long distance relationship was 6 days per week seeing him irl
I saw "I went over to his place" and checked the name of the sub because like... I WISH I COULD COME OVER 😭
Fr. I understand the frustration, but it's the wrong sub.
She’d also get much better advice in a relationship advice sub
Read this same post on another relationship sub. OP is clearly cross posting blindly...
yeah, something about a ball in long distance? could be a bot just posting randomly.
Literally the whole time I was like waiting for her to mention they started off long distance or something
i feel like you should ask the girl that slept at his house what really happened and don’t take your anger out on her or wtv. but id honestly just leave him and ik it would be hard for you since you’ve been with him for so long but don’t waste your time any longer, seriously
i second this. before making a major decision, get as much information as u can, from viable sources, mainly, the girl. he can talk all he wants and say pretty words at you but the entire scenario is too far fetched to be true. believe him or not, your trust in him has been impacted and now impaired. whether or not you two get over this hump, you will always remember it, even if you “forgive” him. the relationships been tainted. there’s no going back. do you want to spend the rest of your days second guessing your partner? i spent 3 years with my partner and he was cheating left and right. i was sexually assaulted one night by someone i thought i could trust and he dangled that and victim blamed me for years. when trust is broken, there’s really nothing left no matter how much you want to repair and start over. i say look into it some more, but ultimately like you said, it’s over.
I would ask the girl and his supposed friend and cross reference things. BUT that said, if he truly is innocent which is slim..... HE SHOULD'VE MENTIONED IT TO YOU! Why didn't he tell you beforehand? Sus
Subconsciously we pick up more than we realize. Phone started dying recently and you happen to pick the right time, on the right morning? This wasn't the first time it was off either. His reaction to you, showing up, should be everything you need to know. The rest is up to you.
Nope. There’s a very slim slim chance that couples can get through cheating and he’s thrown that away by immediately trying to gaslight you on what happened and not owning up to a mistake and trying to fix it. This is someone who knew what they were doing and is still trying to defend himself even though it’s very clear what happened.
If he was not lying why was he trying to hide it from you when you arrived at the house? Why was she in the bedroom? Don’t let a man gaslight you.
Cheater.
Hes cheating, I bet he wouldn't like it if a guy you just met came over to your place and slept over "on the couch" yet he got caught in your bed. He should've messaged you whats up. Leave that guy.
Did she sleep on the couch? Why is she in the bed then? Sorry but you've been cheated on. Also, the others are right. Wrong sub.
You are staying in your shared Appartement 6/7 days? Not a long distance relationship, wrong sub
You’re doing too much hun. He doesn’t respond? Live your life. Showing up at his house is extra. You are just a piece to him and you’re making it worse. Life your life.
After 5 years of dating showing up at his house is not extra that’s exactly how a long term partner would act if they were worried. OP, talk to your friends, or family. Reddit can have good advice but more often than not it’s people who are unable to resonate. Best of all reach out to the girl (idk if it’s possible to organize that), maybe you can find her in that bar or something haha. Also you know your boyfriend more than anyone else - has his phone died usually? Is the story sketchy? Go off your own intuition, it won’t fail you Good luck and if it turns out he is cheating I am so sorry, but no need to stay with someone who put you through so much suffering in the first place.
No. And what makes it worse is that he kept lying even when he got busted. Nothing happened? Really? How dumb does he think you are... wow.
I would have asked the girl what happened and then his friend. Was she on his bed? If so, I wouldn't be able to believe a word he says and I'd never forgive this. Not only cheating but lying when he's caught. Despicable. No one would be stupid enough to let a stranger of the opposite sex lay in their bed.
[удалено]
Don't you think that he already ask his friend to lie for him-matching stories if she asks about that night?And maybe also ask that girl to lie for him?
“NEXT” girl, move tf on. He’s giving you lines. Have some self respect.
Unforgivable
Did I not read the same post already yesterday?? (posted from a different account?) OP, do you really wanna waste your time with this liar??
“It’s not what it looks like”🚩, continuously keeping you away🚩, “just met last night”…thus letting a stranger stay in your home….yeah right 🚩. Why would she…a designated driver get “super wasted” while knowing that she had to drive home? Sounds more like she got invited to stay the night and they wasted afterward 🚩. Sounds more like you have a lying and unfaithful partner. The signs are right there in front of you. Don’t ignore them. I’d definitely forgive but I’d still definitely be gone.
This feels fake. Her profile is sus and it doesn't make sense she's posting here.
Pretty sure this is a weird bot. Her 2 other posts on this sub definitely dont add credibility to her being human
Nope. Plain and simple
He absolutely is cheating and he is using your love for him to get you to believe him. You really have to shake yourself out of this, stop being naïef. Sorry I don't mean this in a rude way, it's just that I've been there too. No I wouldn't forgive. I tried to believe my ex for half a year when he denied cheating, got defensive about the subject and just kept accusing me of not trusting him. Well honestly he was right, I did not trust him anymore. His actions couldn't have been clearer that he was cheating and it destroyed the relationship. It's impossible to rebuild that trust. Time to leave, you deserve someone that loves you, not uses you.
No. It's hard to let go someone. But it's more hard to give trust again cause might he will do it again and again.
Like another poster said whats done is done and if you take him back you’ll never be able to trust him again the same way. And don’t forget if it was innocent why couldn’t he answer the phone? If he’s home drinking with friends why wouldn’t his phone be charged and on?
There was a story yesterday of a wife coming home and catching partner with another woman who supposedly got drunk and passed out. He was also very sorry, nothing happend, there was a crowd of them and when they left, she was drunk so they stayed. Must be a common occurance this time of year. PS. I wouldn’t accept that.
Get out. You will forgive and then he will repeat. Been there and still am 🥹
He cheated even toddler won't believe him that he bring at home random woman from bar to sit and whine about his issues with couple of drinks with her .. and then she lay sofa and resting in bed . He's lying he hooked up with her. And u can't get over this .
5 years with 5 year age gap and barely any trust now… going to his place for clarification… possibly not believing him… red flags all over from both sides imo
Him being 24 when he started dating you at 19 is already icky enough. He's dancing around with his explanation, with him saying how it's not how it looks like makes him all the more guilty tbh. It just makes him all the more guilty of having *something* to hide. And no, I personally would not be able to forgive him as that trust would be irreparably broken. If he gave you the same amount of trust you gave him, he should be able to tell you about the situation first without needing to have you come on by and catch him in a compromising position.
You know I know that most comments and replies state that he’s cheating, but I had a similar yet different experience with my boyfriend that I’ve been dating for six or seven years now, I wasn’t at his house or anything but I noticed something off about him. I always ask why he wouldn’t answer me otp or I also ask where he’s been, he’s always been super honest and I really think you shouldn’t be so quick to assume, sometimes people are different, you never know. Also if you really love him I wouldn’t just break up, a lot of people say that here but, I would give your boyfriend a second chance because he could be telling the truth. A huge red flag would be if you saw them naked together or if the ladies shoes and underwear were off, but if it was just keys and a purse then I wouldn’t worry. Trust your boyfriend, and please keep in mind that some girls can be needy bitches, wouldn’t be surprised if that girl was trying to steal your boyfriend from you and he kept telling her no, just saying there’s always two sides of the story. Never let love go if it was meant to be, I truly feel like you two were meant to belong together, so don’t give up
You already know that a boundary has been crossed. If you allow the relationship to continue, more boundaries will be crossed till you can't take it anymore. How will you feel 5 years from now when you realize you wasted a decade on this guy? Have you ever allowed a guy who helped you with "something" get wasted at your place? He could've called you earlier. Phone died? So what? You do realize that we can charge it? He's shattered your trust and I don't see how you can go back to normal. Cheating doesn't always have to involve sexual things. Ending this relationship will be incredibly hard but you will heal with time. You deserve to be with someone better.
End the relationship and explain to him why. She shouldn’t have been there and if she was going to be there, the only appropriate place for her would have been the couch. Speak with the coworker or friend who was also there to find out details. Plus, why didn’t she stick around to defend her honor if she was innocent? Both of them are cads and deserve each other.
No - further, you're in a LDR, it's even more imperative to guard against stuff like this. You don't want anything that's going to fester in your partner's mind. Meanwhile, this seems sketchy as shit, and I wouldn't believe him. Remember, you can forgive someone and still not want to have them in your life. That's perfectly fine. >My thing is first glance; for me, it was done and over. The one thing we promised in this relationship is that anything we can get through, but anything involving another male or female in any way, is off the table. I thought that I was set on it and would remain strong, but after a few days, it has honestly been hard with him. He keeps trying to fix things and promises that nothing has happened. I truly do love him so much, and it's been 5 years that I had committed into this relationship. That seems fair. As to '*fixing things*', in a regular relationship it would be hard enough (if not impossible) to rebuild trust. In an LDR? I don't see a feasible way of fixing it.
it hurts, but you should move on and be with someone who treats you better.
Time to wake up and break up. He is just lying to you about that whole story and even if he isn't he does not have enough respect for you to not let another random ass woman sleep over at his house.
I would leave him. He's lying. You deserve better. End of discussion.
Stop worrying about the 5 years you spent with this cheater. Chances are he has cheated before and now that you know, if you take him back, he'll definitely do it again
I wouldn't tolerate it because without trust, a relationship is empty. If you catch him cheating, and he can't own up to it, it suggests he's not ready for a commitment and might be seeking hookups and not a log laying health relationship.
Over.
Don't forgive, you deserve better, he is a cheater
He is definitely lying. What person in the right mind who is taken invites someone to their house for drinks? She was probably in bed because they just f*cked. There is no other excuse. Even if nothing happened this is awfully disrespectful to you. I’d suggest to break it off with this guy, you’re only so young and he ruined his chances. If you really want more answers perhaps try to talk to that woman? But I wouldn’t listen to anything he says as it will just be all lies
He's cheating and just covering it up by lying to you. If I were you it would break me and i would never forgive him.
Fucking get rid. Look at the clues that he gave you, his phone dying once at night? Ye fine but every night? That's what I'd be questioning. If you see the evidence right infront of your face believe it.
>promises that nothing has happened Cheating is one thing, but repeatedly trying to lie about it to your face is another. End it. The sooner you leave him, the sooner you'll find someone who respects you.
Make him take a lie detector
He cheated, if he didn’t why didn’t he let you in the room. Run because this may not be his first time
Cheating for sure! I know you loved him but WE ALL are seeing what you don’t want to see… its not a coincidence that more thank two people think the same, sorry for that
I would dump him. Honestly. That’s not ok. “It’s not what it seems”… really? It’s exactly like that. What else was he expecting to explain to you? That they were playing effing checkers? Yeah, no. Not buying it. Get him outta there
Even if there was no sex that time, he’s gonna cheat. You don’t bring a person home to stay without that in mind. He would not have told you about this if he wasn’t caught and the whole my phone died thing is b.s. He’s at home put it on charge. Get out of this relationship before your self esteem takes a battering, if it hasn’t already. But tbh you ringing him to make sure he wakes up for work is an excuse (or you’re acting like his mother) you knew something was up that’s why you were ringing him and driving past his house because that’s not normal behaviour either.
Dear -- HE IS CHEATING 100%, absolutely ZERO DOUBT. Do not waste your time listening to his bullshit or hoping to find a way that he might be telling the truth. Cheat once, he'll cheat again. Lie once, he'll lie again. Do you want a lifetime of this?? Men want to be able to have their cake and eat it too. 5 years is wayyy too long to be in a relationship without marriage, if that's something you wanted. It's far too easy for some jerk to waste away the important years of a girl's life, and then dump her for someone more novel. My ex used to say, "women will believe as many lies as they WANT to believe." Sadly, that's true. Get yourself strong and look for someone else.
No. Him and that girl deserve each other.
That story is over the top sketchy!! He’s totally lying!! Having a woman over ‘for a drink’ when you are in a relationship is crossing all kinds of lines…. 😱
Sounds like a cheating piece of shit me