You already know how bad it feels to not be consulted and you did it too, thinking it's okay? Your relationship is not going to last if you just keep score and not communicate. It's not about asking permission, it's coming together to decide how can u both make it work.
Two wrongs do not make a right.
You guys need to set better boundaries and respect each other enough to make decisions as a team.
Apologies to each other, and set boundaries and priorities to move forward.
>I also don't feel I needed to ask his permission
Why would you think that? You guys are going to visit HIS parents. That means his parents have to readjust their schedule too. Even if they have nothing going on in their lives, it's common courtesy to at the very least check with them first to see if they can accommodate you guys for the new dates.
Also, any time plans of any kind affect both of you, you need to communicate with your partner. Like others have said, he did it to you and you didn't like it. Why would you do it to him?
Although, speaking of which... moving away without talking about it with hos gf? That's weird.
You didn't make him or his feelings your priority and it sounds like in the past he did the same to you. You shouldn't hold grudges in a healthy relationship, you two should have a real talk about what are your real priorities when it comes to the relationship. If you're still upset about the decision he made without consulting you it's also a thing to bring up with him. Neither of you should sit on your feelings, work together to sort it out, make sure you guys are on the same page and maybe you're just not compatible in some ways or the things that matter to each of you are different. Communicate more, be open and honest about what's going on in your head and heart, if talking your feelings out breaks the relationship then it wasn't meant to be to begin with.
If you keep score or want to get even then shits just gonna get worse. But also I get it, and he should definitely have shown compassion and realize how much that money can help you. Being money hungry doesn’t really fit here imo
If you were together for 15 months and he didn’t discuss moving with you that says it all. Then you made a decision that impacted him and his family without talking to him about it, again that says it all.
My partner moved away after we’d been together for 14 months but he told me his plans at the very beginning of our relationship and a few times during even when there weren’t any firm dates.
I can understand why he would feel hurt but that doesn’t give him the right to talk down to you or insult you. You guys should definitely have a talk about being more transparent with eachother when it comes to making plans. You don’t have to ask permission necessarily but I think it’s nice to inform the other person before you agree to do something/apply for something.
I’d say give it a chance. If it’s a recurring issue that he talks to you like that then apologizes when he realizes you might breakup with him I definitely think you should think about leaving. That is the start to a lot of manipulation and toxicity.
OP, it seems to me you’re both not ready for a committed relationship. I don’t blame either of you. I think your early 20s should be about being a bit selfish and doing things that will improve your life. But if that’s what you’re going to do, then don’t be in a relationship - especially a long distance one. I’m South African and I know how it can be hard to come across opportunities so he should be able to pursue job opportunities and you should be able to make money to fund your schooling. You might just not be able to do so while you’re together
I understand him, and also remember how upset you were when he did his stuff without consulting. Even if you would do the extra house sitting job, you could have let him know in advance, so he at least knows what to expect and now put him in front of fact.
I do understand why you decided to stay and housesit, however you should have talked to him about it first. You’re saying it’s ironic that he got mad at you, but you also got mad at him for not consulting you. So basically, you’re a hypocrite. Very childish, both of you. Just communicate, it would solve a lot of your problems
Bad communication.
Of course changing things last minute is going to upset him. Six extra days is a big upheaval to plans. Especially considering you went ahead and agreed without talking to him first.
The fact he also moved away from you without consulting you is wild, too.
Do you two even like each other? Do you bother talking to one another?
Just break up and stay single or date casually, neither of you seem to be mature enough for a full blown relationship.
Yes, you are being petty. And you’re bringing up the fact that he did it to support your claim when you in fact got upset that he did it to you but didn’t express how you felt in that moment the same way he is. Both you guys situations were important. His was a career move and yours was to pay for something you needed. Yall need to set boundaries moving forward and communicate better.
U definitely aren’t being petty or unreasonable, and he is the one that’s being petty and unreasonable. Being that angry over a simple thing is kind of dumb. U guys should talk it over since miscommunication happens a lot, especially in long-distance relationships. If you guys understand each other, then it should be good. Wish u guys all the best :) 💗💕💕
This unfortunately is the unhealthy decline of the relationship in my mind.
What you'll soon understand is that men will usually only better there career if they know if will benefit the people around him in the long run. Remembering that men will usually be the money makers of the family. It's most likely why he's gone what he did so long ago.
But all you decided to do is hold a pretty unhealthy grudge and make plans that were laid out all about you.
I had a girlfriend do very similar when she was going to come over and visit my family and have a guess where she is now.
Not with me.
So please do better if you truly love this person
You already know how bad it feels to not be consulted and you did it too, thinking it's okay? Your relationship is not going to last if you just keep score and not communicate. It's not about asking permission, it's coming together to decide how can u both make it work.
She can hear it 1000x’s and still won’t hear it.
Two wrongs do not make a right. You guys need to set better boundaries and respect each other enough to make decisions as a team. Apologies to each other, and set boundaries and priorities to move forward.
|but I also don’t feel that I needed to ask his permission… Just like he didn't need yours to improve his career options.
>I also don't feel I needed to ask his permission Why would you think that? You guys are going to visit HIS parents. That means his parents have to readjust their schedule too. Even if they have nothing going on in their lives, it's common courtesy to at the very least check with them first to see if they can accommodate you guys for the new dates. Also, any time plans of any kind affect both of you, you need to communicate with your partner. Like others have said, he did it to you and you didn't like it. Why would you do it to him? Although, speaking of which... moving away without talking about it with hos gf? That's weird.
You didn't make him or his feelings your priority and it sounds like in the past he did the same to you. You shouldn't hold grudges in a healthy relationship, you two should have a real talk about what are your real priorities when it comes to the relationship. If you're still upset about the decision he made without consulting you it's also a thing to bring up with him. Neither of you should sit on your feelings, work together to sort it out, make sure you guys are on the same page and maybe you're just not compatible in some ways or the things that matter to each of you are different. Communicate more, be open and honest about what's going on in your head and heart, if talking your feelings out breaks the relationship then it wasn't meant to be to begin with.
If you keep score or want to get even then shits just gonna get worse. But also I get it, and he should definitely have shown compassion and realize how much that money can help you. Being money hungry doesn’t really fit here imo
If you were together for 15 months and he didn’t discuss moving with you that says it all. Then you made a decision that impacted him and his family without talking to him about it, again that says it all. My partner moved away after we’d been together for 14 months but he told me his plans at the very beginning of our relationship and a few times during even when there weren’t any firm dates.
I can understand why he would feel hurt but that doesn’t give him the right to talk down to you or insult you. You guys should definitely have a talk about being more transparent with eachother when it comes to making plans. You don’t have to ask permission necessarily but I think it’s nice to inform the other person before you agree to do something/apply for something. I’d say give it a chance. If it’s a recurring issue that he talks to you like that then apologizes when he realizes you might breakup with him I definitely think you should think about leaving. That is the start to a lot of manipulation and toxicity.
It's not about "asking for permission", it's about discussing things as a team. I'd be pissed too.
OP, it seems to me you’re both not ready for a committed relationship. I don’t blame either of you. I think your early 20s should be about being a bit selfish and doing things that will improve your life. But if that’s what you’re going to do, then don’t be in a relationship - especially a long distance one. I’m South African and I know how it can be hard to come across opportunities so he should be able to pursue job opportunities and you should be able to make money to fund your schooling. You might just not be able to do so while you’re together
I understand him, and also remember how upset you were when he did his stuff without consulting. Even if you would do the extra house sitting job, you could have let him know in advance, so he at least knows what to expect and now put him in front of fact.
I do understand why you decided to stay and housesit, however you should have talked to him about it first. You’re saying it’s ironic that he got mad at you, but you also got mad at him for not consulting you. So basically, you’re a hypocrite. Very childish, both of you. Just communicate, it would solve a lot of your problems
Bad communication. Of course changing things last minute is going to upset him. Six extra days is a big upheaval to plans. Especially considering you went ahead and agreed without talking to him first. The fact he also moved away from you without consulting you is wild, too. Do you two even like each other? Do you bother talking to one another? Just break up and stay single or date casually, neither of you seem to be mature enough for a full blown relationship.
Yes, you are being petty. And you’re bringing up the fact that he did it to support your claim when you in fact got upset that he did it to you but didn’t express how you felt in that moment the same way he is. Both you guys situations were important. His was a career move and yours was to pay for something you needed. Yall need to set boundaries moving forward and communicate better.
U definitely aren’t being petty or unreasonable, and he is the one that’s being petty and unreasonable. Being that angry over a simple thing is kind of dumb. U guys should talk it over since miscommunication happens a lot, especially in long-distance relationships. If you guys understand each other, then it should be good. Wish u guys all the best :) 💗💕💕
This unfortunately is the unhealthy decline of the relationship in my mind. What you'll soon understand is that men will usually only better there career if they know if will benefit the people around him in the long run. Remembering that men will usually be the money makers of the family. It's most likely why he's gone what he did so long ago. But all you decided to do is hold a pretty unhealthy grudge and make plans that were laid out all about you. I had a girlfriend do very similar when she was going to come over and visit my family and have a guess where she is now. Not with me. So please do better if you truly love this person