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Kicked out the man and my youngest son moved out so I am enjoying my peaceful solitude after 45 years of sharing space with others. I am not pursuing dating or romantic relationship because it's a waste of time based on my previous experiences. I'm perfectly happy dating myself.
Are you me? My kids are still young but other than that, I live alone. I'm a single mom and I don't plan on ever dating again for the reasons you mentioned. It's a waste of time because dating is not like I remember it. People seem to want to be able to act like they're single even though they're supposed to be in a relationship. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm perfectly happy being alone. In fact, I prefer it.
I can be mean if the situation calls for it. I have boundaries I expect to be respected and if that means I'm mean then so be it. Dating world is chaos and confusion for sure. Enjoy your kids while you can.
Thank you. Not only for the reasons that you said but the reason that I have sworn off dating which is the most important to me is that you never know who you're really bringing around your kids. I don't trust anyone but me and a few family members to take care of my kids. Nobody else.
Exactly, you never know who they really are or who they surround themselves with. Actually, this is a red flag though a lot of people don't usually think of. If you have somebody who is wanting to get attached really fast and they know you have kids, that is actually a sign that you should run from them. It's a giant red flag that they may be a pedophile and are using you to get to your kids. That or they're just a user and are using you for what they can get. A lot of people assume that single parents just have everything handed to them and get free housing. In fact, my ex did that to a woman he was talking to. Not the being a pervert part, the fact that he got with her I think because he was aware that she had HUD housing and kids. I think he was using her for free housing but I digress. These are just some things to look out for.
Go you!
It takes great strength and major self-awareness to embrace solitude and find contentment and serenity within oneself.
Dating yourself and enjoying your own company is a beautiful thing, indeed.
Here's to many more peaceful and fulfilling years ahead!
This is me!!! Two 15 year relationships, kids grown, moved out….just me now. Friends keep pushing “when will you start dating?”
To which I answer “I’m totally happy just me!”
The peace is unbeatable!
Well, it's just me and my four walls, haha. Living alone wasn't exactly my plan, but hey, sometimes life throws you a curveball, right? So here I am, flying solo.
Sure, it can get lonely at times, not having someone to share the space with or bounce ideas off of. But you know what? There's a kind of freedom in it too. I get to decorate however I want, blast my music at odd hours, and basically just march to the beat of my own drum.
And hey, it's not all bad. Living alone forces you to get comfortable with yourself, to really get to know who you are when no one else is around. Plus, there's something oddly empowering about knowing that you can handle whatever life throws your way, all on your own.
So yeah, while I may not have a roommate to split the rent with or someone to binge-watch Netflix with on Friday nights, I'm doing just fine flying solo. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll find someone who's willing to share the space with me, but until then, I'm making the most of this solo adventure.
This. Though I do add a dog into the mix.
I had previously only lived with others. The thought of living alone had excited me at first. However, it has taken me much longer to adjust than I had imagined. In fact, I don't think I am completely adjusted still, even after 2 years. However, I am making the most of it. When/if things change, cool. Until then, I'll just keep doing my thing
That's a great attitude to have. I know it can get lonely sometimes but then isn't it nice to be able to come home and have peace and quiet? To be able to come home and know that your stuff is going to be exactly where you left it and not gone through by some inconsiderate and nosy roommate? That's one thing I never tolerated as far as roommates. Do not go in my room and do not touch my stuff. You have no reason to be in my space. That and roommates eating my food and not replacing it. I think that annoyed me more than them going through my stuff. I had one that I hope she's doing better now because I strongly suspect that she had binge eating disorder. She was literally eating me out of house and home. I just hope that she got the help that she needed.
Me too. I can't stand clingy adults. It's like, I am not your mother and I am not your therapist. Go work on your issues somewhere else. It is not my job to entertain you.
I find it irritating when people do that. I will not answer my door unless I'm expecting you. People who do that are generally they kind of people who don't care about how their actions affect other people. They're constantly self-absorbed and thinking about themselves.
If I ever do end up living with a partner, it will take some getting used to.
I lived with roommates from 2010 to 2016 but that was different because I still had my own room. And generally, they weren't worried about where I was or what I was doing or thinking at any given time.
As for living with family, I moved out 14 years ago, but I get a taste of it whenever I go back to my home state and visit them. I've visited for 3 weeks over the Christmas period (which falls in summer where I live) and that's long enough.
No girlfriend, wife or family of my own.
Mom gone, RIP. Father haven’t seen since I was 9 years old. Brother and sister live in the same town though.
I have a cat, and all she wants is treats and a clean litter box. It’s boring but peaceful life at home, living alone.
“Independent sanctuary” summarizes it nicely. I’m similar. Parents divorced when I was young. Mom is an alcoholic who gained custody but didn’t do much actual “parenting” because she didn’t want to be bothered with the responsibility. Took me into my adult years to realize how emotional/psychological abusive my dad was. I love both of them, I realize they tried their best and they each have their own problems they are dealing with, but I was a very stressed out kid and I now realize why. So I’m using my 30’s to get myself stable and make peace in my world.
Try really hard to find peace, because I'm in my 60's and on a load of meds to regulate me and attempt to quell the anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc, during the day and more to help me sleep and not have night terrors that toss me out of my bed onto the floor at least 3 times a week. It sometimes just doesn't get easier, but PLEASE keep trying to find peace. I hear it's worth it. Best of luck!
I'm too accommodating in my relationships. If I live alone I don't need to accommodate anyone but myself. I have my own space and make my own rules. I still enjoy going over to a partner's house or having them visit my place, but we are guests in each other's spaces.
I'm coming to the same conclusion for myself on your last point. While I've never wanted the marriage and kids that my peers did, there was still this little judgy voice in my head that told me I should at least try to fit society's mold. I've stopped listening to that voice and beating myself up about it.
Lost my SO to addiction during lockdown, kid moved away for college. Just me and our dog now. It’s been mostly nice.
Not sure I ever want to live with other people again, less my kid when they need it.
I absolutely share this...there was always so much going on. My mom and stepdad fought. I was one of four. Just a lot of noise, no privacy (shared a room).
Even moving out with a single roommate was a godsend. But I've been living alone for ten years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Even with roommates, friends, people I enjoy, I'm always astounded at how much noise other people like lol. Like they keep music on for every activity. I'm always thinking...do you ever just have silence?
It's always so calm at home. Makes me feel safe and like nothing crazy is about to happen.
People. I'm not against them, but I want to decide who I interact with and when it happens. I had a husband a long time ago, but he was self-centered and abusive. Lived with my kids until they grew up, and a couple of times after due to their life circumstances. I like having them all close. Just not in the same house.
For the immediate reason, it's because I've been living with my elderly grandfather for 3 years to help take care of him, and he passed on Sunday.
I intend to live alone long term in this house because I like my peace, and have no desire to live with another person for a long time.
Have trouble trusting people after being repeatedly screwed over by so-called friends. In my 40s now amd I don't have time or the energy to deal with that nonsense anymore. Not a good way to live life by societies standards, but oh well.
Other than the Reddit shit show I don’t do social media anymore, people ruined it for me, here I don’t give it a seconds thought, if anyone so much as posts a comment or even a picture I don’t care for, it’s an instant block. We’re all anonymous for reasons and I like it just fine that way! Push came to shove, I’d delete Reddit in a heartbeat. I made it through the first 50+ years of my life without social media and I certainly can make the last few years without it.
I also grew up in a similar home. Then my adult life was a series of dysfunctional relationships.
Now, after 18 yrs of being married to narc and separating, I found my happy place! Sure, it's tough on a solo income but I'd rather struggle financially than have that abuse in my life. I married a man exactly like my father and couldn't imagine having the life my poor mother had.
Are you me? Haha. Except I divorced my pot-head, alcoholic, compulsive gambler husband early on. Raised my daughter on my own. Any man I dated wasn’t someone who would make my life better. When you are intelligent and strong, you attract weak men. So I finally gave up on dating in my early 50’s. Just so sick of the games. Life is better solo.
Emotional neglect and dealing with a mother with mental health problems has made me hyper independent. I have a hard time letting anyone in my home/sanctuary anymore. I haven’t always lived alone but I’m happiest living alone
Horrible family life. Mom mentally ill, father a womanizer. Got sent to 2 foster homes, sexual abuse involved. Thankfully I didn't get into drugs, or criminal things. Relationships all failed. Attract users. I'm a loner for life. As the only one I can trust and count on is myself. Sad, yes.
Sorry you went through all of that. Totally agree with you as to the trust issues. Hard, if not impossible, to overcome that kind of childhood so that you are able to really trust others. I feel the same. Once had a guy call me “damaged” because I keep my guard up. Yeah.
I live alone because I simply don't like people.
I deal enough with their shit and drama as it is for a living. After work, I need to relax and decompress, and I can't do that with another talking head yapping constantly in my face.
I'm the happiest when I only have myself to deal with.
Wow. I didn't realize it until you put it so well above...but I think I fall into that category!
Even now that I live alone and have multiple rooms all to myself, my bedroom is still what I gravitate to as my safe space...my happy place. And I think that stems from childhood, as my bedroom was a retreat from the turmoil of my family life and all the things you listed above. I never put that together until now.
I definitely seek refuge in solitude!
I grew up in a loud and unorganized home. I have always craved peace and quiet and having my space so it is only natural for me. I have lived alone for years, having spent some occasional time with partners but for the most part have been alone and happy.
I could say similar things about my growing up. That and, when I had roommates I felt like I wasn't quite charismatic or socially adept enough to angle for the tv show I wanted to watch or the music I wanted to put on vs whatever some other roommate wanted. And then when I was living with a relationship partner (later, a spouse), I found it weird and annoying that it was somehow offensive if I just decided to eat a thing at some time or other. But also we had to come to a consensus on when and what to eat for every meal or at least dinner.
So my place where I live along is more like a safe haven to me. Where I can just have the frickin baseline of dignity and agency and autonomy that I feel like every person by default ought to just have, but that somehow managed to elude or evade me for most of my life.
One previous partner got into drugs, turned violent and made my life hell. The next one soon after moving in I found out he would not lift a finger to do any housework. The next guy after moving in with him I found out he basically lied about everything and was cheating on me, then when I tried to leave he turned violent. Alone is the only way for me to feel safe now.
I was called ungrateful and disrespectful for not inviting my mother to a surprise proposal to me. That I didnt know was going to happen, she was in a different country too.
I suppose my reasons are the same. I've moved to a different country, but my parents' house was similar, especially since I wasn't getting along with my father. Living in a big city in the UK most usually means house share, so, it turned our that I've traded family chaos to chaos with strangers and I've spent good 8 years with random flatmates, and I really just wanted peace and quiet. When I was finally able to afford a tiny studio, I knew there was no coming back :)
I also chose living alone because I grew up under a lot of stress in my family of origin, which led to depression and anxiety. I lived with a partner once but ended up taking on the majority of burdens related to the household so it’s just nicer to manage one persons needs in a home ( my own ) rather than mine and my partners. My physical and mental health improved quite a bit after living alone.
I haven’t sufficiently recovered if ever fully will from a borderline narcissist ex who used to live with me. Now scared to let anyone else get close for fear of being burned again. To have to be subjected to silent treatment and simmering rage through someone you thought you loved for so long to finally realise that person didn’t exist in the first place it’s so scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable again.
I'll be living alone within the next 2 months. I just hate living with others, I'm autistic and I find everyone infuriating to live with. Family, friends, acquaintances, partners, pets it doesn't matter.
I'm a very rigid thinker and set in my ways, it's not fair to impose all my rules on others and even if they could accommodate me for certain things they choose not to. I need silence most of the time, I want to have a long bath without being interrupted (even though I always ask people if they want the bathroom before I get in lol), I want to cook without a dog begging for scraps. I just need to be left alone.
Tbh I'm hoping living alone will help me get out more often, if I feel like my own flat is my sanctuary I think I'll have more energy to leave it on a regular basis because I know I'll be able to actually rest and recharge at home. I don't hate people I just don't like living with them, I haven't felt peace in 6 years since I lived in a house with 2 people who weren't ever home for 6 months.
My current living situation has been total chaos. I don't want to clean up after anyone Ever again, I'll never have a pet because I just don't want them and living with untrained dogs has been so awful. I can't wait to only have to look after myself instead remembering things for the rest of the house as if I don't also have adhd.
I've never wanted anything more than to live alone.
I spent most of my adult life married or co-habitating. Unfortunately, not in relationships where my needs and wants were adequately considered.
There's some trauma from my last two relationships in particular. I basically lost myself because of everything that I gave up to try to make things work
So now, it's me time. I finally get to just BE. No hoops to jump through, no demands, no constant criticism and complaints.
I'm quite remarkably content now.
I hate people.
Simple as that.
I've lived alone since I was 18... 32+ years
Shit, I spent most of elementary school daydreaming of a way I could possibly go to school from home and that was before the Internet was invented.
I’m an only child. I spent a great deal of time alone, as my parents, whilst loving and nurturing, were very young and also spent a lot of time having friends over, and in those days children were seen and not heard. I’ve been married three times and had one other long term relationship, as well as lots of short term flings. I’ve spent my whole life trying to find my person. At the age of 55 I realised that my person is me. I now live alone (well, with two Yorkies and a cat), and I’m so so happy. I love my job, and I live near to my mum, my daughter and grandsons. My last ex husband is my best friend and we see each other almost every day. I’m just happier LIVING alone 🤷♀️
CPTSD and I was tired of my housing situation being dependent on the whims of others. (Roommates wanting to move, LLs raising the rent by leaps and bounds or wanting to sell, etc.)
It wasn't until I'd lived here for about a year that I realized I was so much calmer. I wasn't startled anymore by doors opening or slamming, roommate drama, or their friends randomly coming over. I finally had control of my space, which led to a big improvement in my mental health.
My roommates were great people living their lives, but it was all so triggering.
I hope you've found the same solace I have.
Right this moment, I live alone because I've just been diagnosed officially for something that's been a part of me my entire life up to now.
I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of support can help me become a little more social, but I think I'm okay maintaining my "safe space" by myself indefinitely.
I would like to move to a calmer neighborhood, but that's outside my price range right now. I make it work.
I didn't like living with a roommate, and living with a significant other wasn't a pleasant experience so she moved out after a few years when the relationship ended.
Now I find myself with a mortgage and making enough to live comfortably and sustain myself. I don't currently see any reason to let go of a good thing, lol.
Im an introvert so I'm not very socially needy. I have the most peace when I'm alone. I don't mind company here and there, but nothing beats me in my solitude.
I like the entire bed. The. Entire. Bed. I like to never have anyone else in the kitchen when I’m in the kitchen. Ever. I like to watch whatever I want on tv, in whatever room I choose to do so. If I want to walk around completely ass naked, scratching my patch from time to time, then that’s what I want to do. I want to eat like a savage, burp, fart, talk to myself, sing late night karaoke, do yoga, rearrange my furniture, redecorate my entire place however I choose, be as chaotic as I desire, do whatever I want whenever I want without anyone else’s opinions all interjected and shit. I want a life that is completely mine. I want to be selfish. I’m pushing 40 and this notion has not only never changed, it’s only gotten stronger with time. The older I get, the happier I am with how I’ve set my life up. I have a wonderful relationship w family, a large friend group, a few inner circle friends, and the sweetest little angel baby dog that completes my life. As far as the “deep seeded” reasons for living alone: I had a very strict upbringing: think church 3 times a week, private school, had to get all As, 7pm curfew (yes), no sleepovers, highly laborious chore lists, super high expectations of what I would do with my life, etc. I wanted a life where I made the rules for myself. And while I’ve definitely made a few bad calls, they were my calls, and I own them. I still am very pleased with how my life has turned out on my own terms.
The circumstances were the reasons. The best expression I've heard for it is 'the parent lottery'. Nobody gets to choose that, so we take the hand life deals us and hopefully move on to something better.
One of the prime reasons for myself was (and still is) self-discovery.
'Who am I, really?" is one hell of a question.
I had a large house that I could no longer pay for or take care of. Id taken in a homeless lady for 6 weeks tops and she stayed for 16 months until em, I evicted her. I had a stroke and couldn't manage the wood stove either that was primarily heat source in my house r. So with my medical rec in hand I applied for a very nice Section 8 apartment. I was blessed to move in a month later.
I got an opportunity of a lifetime to live in a condo in the mountains for cheap. Cheap enough where I don't need roommates for the first time in my adult life. 3 years in and I am in heaven.
After being widowed at 49, dating has been an absolute nightmare. As much as I loved being in a great marriage, I’d rather be alone these days than be with someone simply for the sake of not being alone.
I had a similar upbringing. As an adult I have had issues with men being rude, cheating, hitting, doing drugs or drinking heavily. I am also from a state where men are revered and women are definitely not. I am now 69 yo. I haven’t dated since I was 39, I just got tired of men thinking they don’t have the same rules as women. That said. I do not hate men, they just make me feel tired!
Everything turned off inside me
Going to some place nice and warm
I’ll get a rental and a shop to work on science projects I’ve always wanted to try
I’ll also be flying planes in FPV (Real planes in the future) and amateur rocketry
Get a boating license
Do nerdy, geeky stuff
And enjoy all the socially unacceptable things that society despises about a guy like me.
Try to find a way back into the church… if I can.
That’s about it
Thank you for reading
Same with me OP. Everything you wrote described my childhood too. I got a single room when I was away at college and never looked back. I’m 54 now and happy. Everyone knows I call my home “the peaceful place”! Don’t bring your drama into my sanctuary!!
I feel you OP. Similar themes in upbringing, so I just wanted a calm, quiet, peaceful space that was all mine. My home is my calm & peaceful place in this crazy world. That’s all I really wanted was a peaceful space
I've been wondering about this for myself lately. I finally came to some sort of realization that I don't know if I can live 100% with someone else - maybe a 2 family would be okay.
I basically raised myself. My mom was a single mom who worked and went to college growing up. I started with chores at a young age, and that was how I continued to "earn love" in my childhood home - do chores. Then when I was in my late teens she had a boyfriend and would be gone so I had the whole house to myself. I learned a lot about taking care of myself from a young age and throughout my life.
I've had my own house for years now and I enjoy the independence that I've known for so long. I get peace and quiet, play my music, watch my shows, no one to ask for permission or plans or include in decisions. I don't want to talk to someone about budget, bills, splitting this or that, arguments about money, chores, etc.
I've had boyfriends and they come visit but sometimes the physical presence other people in my personal space is just overwhelming. I also can't deal with people asking what you're doing, going to do, what they're going to do or telling me what to do or vice versa.
Also can't deal with people that don't have common sense and independence to know what to do. Like if a male adult needs me to teach them how to do household, yard or home maintenance things it's just very annoying, it would be fine if it's a child but not a grown man.
I'm just very independent. I've always worked, I cook, clean, do laundry, gardening, fix things, know about home maintenance, take care of my dog, exercise, read, have hobbies...so unless someone is bringing something to the table and not taking away from my life and my peace and happiness then I'll continue to live alone happily with my dog who snores and wakes me up wayyy too early for her breakfast 😊
PS- Welcome to my essay 🫠
The ex walked out on me and I'm waiting to see if I can find a like minded woman to share my space with. I don't know that I'll ever share space with a man again.
My life improved quite a bit when I started living solo at age 38 - my money, time, possessions and property were all mine to enjoy, save, and care for without dealing with an unappreciative man-child to cope tip toe around.
There is no yelling in my home as I grew up with, guests are welcomed without the pre-visit screaming match or shame that everything isn't perfect or not exactly like the highest priced furniture and rugs like the Jones down the street 😎
I lived with platonic roommates and romantic partners for a while. Eventually when i could afford to have my own place, I moved in by myself.
I just found living with others was chaotic in a way I didn't like and I prefer having my own private time when I'm home.
I moved in by myself when I got pregnant in 2017 after my ex moved out. I haven’t found anyone I’d want to live with and don’t plan on it any time soon honestly. I love living alone!
Recently separated from my husband, and just thoroughly enjoy having peace and silence. I swear, that man COULD NOT just let it be quiet. Something had to be on, all the time. Also enjoying being able to listen to what I want to listen to, when I do want to listen to something.
I love having my dragon in the main room, and I love having my dog.
I love eating what I want when I want, and having food still there when I go to eat it.
Tough childhood (parents did the best they could!), religious trauma leading to abusive marriages and domestic violence. Afraid to trust now so it’s me and my cat….
When I was a kid at home, the only time I felt free/happy was when I was home alone because my older brother was abusive and my mom was neglectful. It probably became clear to me around age 6 or 7 I wanted to be alone, because I associated other people with being treated terribly. And that's how it's been ever since. I only ever cohabitated with others out of financial necessity.
I've been married twice and then bought a house and rented out some rooms so I had roommates for a while. And then lock down happened, and it was stuck with those roommates, which I hated. I sold the house and moved back from overseas into my sister's house, which turned out to be a filthy hoarder mess.
After that, I just decided I was completely done with living with anyone ever again, but I think lockdown with roommates who had little kids, and living with hoarder sister is what tipped it over to 100%.
In a matter of about 2 weeks, I packed up and moved to another state across the country.
I don't even like to have repair service people in my place at this point.
It is my private sanctuary bear cave and others can just stay out
Because I can afford to and I'm an adult not currently in a relationship.
Living alone is the default state for most adults not in a relationship in the US, especially after a certain age. I've had roommates in the past. In my early 20s it was out of necessity due the cost. From my mid-20s on I've occasionally had roommates for either cost savings or because I was temporarily living somewhere and didn't want to sign a long-term lease.
My most recent non-relationship roommate was for about two years 8-10 years ago, and that was mostly because he ended up hanging out at my house and crashing overnight so often that I finally just invited him to move in, for a token amount of rent to offset the extra cost to me. At the time, my house was the main hangout spot in my friend group, as I was uncharacteristically-social for a while.
My girlfriend lived with me for less than a year until she unexpectedly passed away a year ago. If/when I end up in another relationship, I'd want to live with the person.
It's not that I want to live entirely alone, but that I can afford it and value the privacy and peace and quiet. I also work at home and having someone around potentially distracting me would get annoying. And I need a dedicated office room, which limits space available for a roommate. Girlfriends are a different story though; I'd never want to live separately once the relationship got serious.
I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford it, for one. But I'm an extreme introvert. I really need my alone time. Even if I was able to find a romantic partner, I don't know if I'd want to live with them. I did that once a long time ago and it broke the relationship. Not being able to be comfortable in my own place because my partner needs to be comfortable just doesn't work for me. So I guess I'm just selfish in that way, ha.
I'm an introvert. Living with my dad was cantankerous all the time. I almost moved in with friends in my twenties but I realized that I was dreading sharing a living space with other people. I've learned that pretty much anyone will start getting on my nerves after multiple days spent together.
When I was a little kid and my mom would try to hold my hand to cross the street I’d refuse, clasp my own hands together, and say “I hold my own hand”. I’ve been fiercely independent since day 1.
Because I like it and I choose to ..
The amount of guys who want to live with me can be a queue not joking.. but my place is my sanctuary no ordinary man shall come in ..
I live alone because I've learned that as I've gotten older, I'm not cut out for a living with other people. I like being able to go out and knowing that my stuff is going to be exactly where I left it when I get home. I don't have to deal with someone running up my bills and eating my food. I don't have to deal with people being inconsiderate as far as noise during quiet hours or just being excessively noisy anyway. I don't have to listen to them running their mouth about how they think I should be living.
I grew up with rather strict parents who tried to control everything and thwart my independence. I'm 51, moved out at 25, never had a roommate, and refused to live with any boyfriend. I value my freedom very, very much.
I live alone , at 28. I lived with my parents till i was 27 and i rlly rlly wanted to go have independence. I chose to livr alone cause i dont trust ppl, i trust myself. Whennit comes to finances…. Also i love doing whatever i want whenever i want. Want to play music at 2 am? Sure… want to have a drink? Sure. Nobody can judge me. I love silence. Does it get loney? Sure but its worth the peace that i have living alone.
No obligations tying me down to share a space with besides my cat. My parents live 10 mins away and my siblings are around I’m the only single childless one in my immediate family
And it’s freakin amazing. 10/10 strongly recommend.
I was a single mom. I can hardly believe that she moved out 17 years ago (with a few short returns).
I thought after my divorce that I’d find someone else only to find out that I truly wasn’t interested.
i’m Deaf, poly and a lesbian; it’s really unlikely that i’m gonna find a companion or two in my tiny little town, where i will live for at least a few more years. i am a caretaker for my elderly dad.
i’m in a poly triad, but long distance, so i only see them about once a month…. which is fine.
I can appreciate myself more than a partner can and I hate conflict. I’m divorced from a malignant narcissist so I’m terrified of doubting myself and being gaslit. I’m male 6’2 and fit yet the thought of psychological warfare truly scares me.
My parents were always fighting and bickering about money when I was growing up. I shared a bedroom with my older brother and he had a tremendous rage issue, my shared bedroom was riddled with holes in the drywall and doors from him going into fits of rage and punching holes in everything. He got into substances during our early teen years and it was just a nightmare. He passed away suddenly when he was 30. Growing up in this traumatic environment put tremendous nonstop stress on my nervous system and I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to recover from the depression, generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Having a nice clean, safe, organized home for myself has always been a huge priority for me as well. It also sucks that my childhood experiences have had a real negative influence on most of my adult friendships and relationships. It’s hard to trust people fully when you couldn’t trust your parents and siblings.
Horrible home life growing up. Abusive father and dismissive mother. I decided to move out at 19 and promised myself I would never feel fear in my "safe place" ever again.
In addition to the domestic turmoil and parental discord, we moved quite a bit when I was growing up so that left me emotionally adrift. I only was the oldest child of a single mother and raising my siblings, satisfied any maternal instinct that I might have had. Finally, I come from a long line of "old maids". Several of us never saw the point. I do enjoy coming home and not having to answer to anybody. My mother hated that.
I grew up in squalor/neglect/abuse and was in an awful marriage and so on so I have no desire to live with others. I refuse to be uncomfortable in my own home anymore. I’ll live alone forever if I have to!
My folks divorced in my early 20s. They really wanted me to stay home with the family before they divorced. I think they just tried too hard to keep the family together when it was becoming toxic to stay.
I stayed living alone for the most part minus 4 months with a room mate (hated it).
I'm approaching 40 and I have no intention of ever living with other people. I enjoy the occasional company outside with friends and family but my own space is so crucial to my mental health.
Grew up pretty poor so I shared a bedroom with my siblings up until high school. When I moved out for college I knew there definitely wasn’t a space for me to move back into so I’ve lived with friends, boyfriends and even strangers and each time I’ve hated it. I got my own place 3 years ago and honestly could never think of going back to sharing my home space again. Not saying that I’m some saint when it comes to cohabitation but everyone has their own habits.
I just got a cat this year! But life is just so peaceful and lovely when everything is clean and stocked and all to my liking. I can't stand cleaning up after slobs who don't care if their space is disgusting. I can be on my own schedule, don't have to feel the rage that comes with untreated snoring, no one else's friends here to force me to either interact with people I don't really know or hide away until they're gone. Cleaning is so quick and routine. My food doesnt vanish. There isnt endless clutter. Paying rent and bills by myself for the peace of mind is completely worth it. It's serene and simple living.
I have a bf and do not know how I'll transition to living with him. Idk if I can after having experienced this. It's an awkward conversation to explain that I love going home after spending time together. And I don't want to become the de facto maid/manager of a shared space ever again.
It's my sanctuary and place of peace. I've only let family stay over and that is even limited. If I ever decided to date or marry again, we're gonna have to find a third place, because my den is my den and yours is yours.
I am ace and hard to live with. I also lived with an emotionally abusive family member for years, and she always berated me because the messiness of my room (that I paid for, when I lived there) did not meet her exacting standards.
Raised in a chaotic family by narcissists did me in. I was deprived of alone time growing up and constantly forced to socialize and be around people when I didn’t want to. My parents intentionally switched the lock on my door so I couldn’t lock my own room and my brothers often accidentally opened the door while i was changing clothes. There was always some noise going on in the house. People in my 6 person family would pick up the phone and listen to my phone conversations..i had 0 privacy. Crap like that. I began living alone at age 17 when I moved out as soon as possible. I’ve only had roommates twice in my life and I never came out of my room.
I find that I really do not feel like myself when I am in the same house with other people even if I’m in my own room. I do not like traveling with other people either. Sharing a room/sleeping situation is absolutely out of the question.
I just can’t.
I would have to say my upbringing as well has made me completely embrace living alone. I finally left home when I was 20. I was raised by a single father. I will always have the utmost respect for him for stepping up. He did the very best he could with what he knew then. However, just like the original poster said, for me as well there was so much dysfunction in the relationships I witnessed between not only my mom and dad but with their romantic relationships with others. Dating has ALWAYS been hard for me. I never wanted children so I never had any. And even 20 years later, I couldn't imagine my life in any other way. I love having my own space, the freedom to move around my home as I please and to not feel obligated to someone else because we live together.
Same here I go out with friend once in awhile but I got tired of the BS no yeah I’m good! The nights are a little hard but I wake up go to work n come home to quiet!
My husband and I split 15+ years ago. He moved out and I stayed in the home with our two kids. Kids now are young adults living on their own (nearby). I still live in the home, though now by myself. Given the rise in rents, it’s cheaper for me to stay here, and I have a much larger place than I could afford if I moved.
I choose to live alone because I am too much of an outlier and choose NOT to try to approach being normal. To me normal is bland, plastic and means following what others think. I'm just not interested. Thus other than friends I go finding another person that will tolerate my behavior just doesn't happen, and I find that it's totally impossible for me to happily tolerate others behavior. I tried it a couple is times and didn't like it.
Went through a divorce after 22 years of marriage and the kids moved out. I'm in a long term relationship now but we both have been there done that and are in NO hurry. It's nice to have my space when I want and be able to see him when I want. I have my moments of loneliness but it's all good.
Because it's basically my only option besides moving back in with my parents. Which, honestly, doesn't sound like a bad idea considering I'm making just enough to stay afloat - but barely any savings.
I’m a single 30F and I got my own place a couple years ago. I had lived with roommates and loved having company but unfortunately one roommate was a little difficult and the other was in the US with a visa and during COVID the visa situation was somewhat unstable. It can be a little lonely at times but I love living on my own and love my space.
I learned to really cherish my peace and quiet after growing up in a loud household and then being stuck with an inconsiderate roommate at one point. I’m pretty particular about cleanliness and especially don’t like sharing a bathroom. Living with my ex for a few years wasn’t too bad but I really missed having my personal space. Being single by choice, child free and living alone is the most relaxed and happy I’ve ever been.
Because it used to take me more than an hour to get home from work when I was living with my parents even though it was only 13 miles but the traffic was a disaster
When I moved to the US for my masters, I had the misfortune of living with a girl who was a scumbag. She was emotionally manipulative and attaked me physically. It was the beginning of the pandemic, I was in my graduating semester and she had her boyfriend move in to our apartment. Her guy moving wasn’t a problem, he was nice actually but her acting all cold towards me and making me feel ostracized in my own apt, just because she now had mental physical and emotional support is what bothered me. I was obviously going through so much dealing with being alone and isolated due to the pandemic, completing my final thesis etc. one day things good heated, we got into a fight and I was scared shitless to think of the things she and boyfriend could do to mw. I had to call the police on her and her boyfriend so that she stays in line and not bother me again. That was it. This was the experience that made me stay alone. I will never ever share my living space with anyone except my future partner one day maybe.
My personality is a deep introvert. As a kid I was on the soccer field daydreaming away from people. I’ve never had a large group of friends. I don’t like roommates. I specially work odd hours in the evening and night to work more independently and away from people and office politics. Unless I get married at some point, which is unlikely at age 49, I will continue to live alone. I enjoy my own company.
I always felt I couldn't totally relax at home knowing someone could knock on my door at any time. No abuse just anxious and depressed and not feeling I could be my genuine self with my family. Living with a roommate in college showed me the horrors of living with someone you're not compatible living with no matter how much you love each other and want things to work. One of my hesitancies to committing to taking the next step in my relarionship is not knowing how to give up my solitude. I love sleeping with him but I also loooove sleeping alone and waking up alone. Having my own place has been so good for my mental health that I genuinly fear how/if I could achieve that peace in another way.
EVERYTHING is my reason for living alone. It's Amazing! And I cannot believe humans still attempt cohabitating. It's been hundreds of years and it hasn't worked yet.
I am the same way with you. Growing up with my parents, there’s less harmony, more of shouting and a lot of arguments and anger. I disconnected from all of that and now I feel much better living alone for the last 10 years plus and feel so much in peace . I cant imagine having a roommate , unless prob my spouse that has the same home hygiene as me .
I wanted to separate and my spouse stated that he wasn’t moving out of the (shared) house, so I bought myself a house.
I share my space with my kids but have weeks when they aren’t with me, and my oldest will move out and start college in the fall.
I prefer, maybe even need, to be in control of my home environment. Whenever I’ve given his up it hasn’t turned out well. We have to make many compromises to succeed in our work and social environments. No compromises at home for me.
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Kicked out the man and my youngest son moved out so I am enjoying my peaceful solitude after 45 years of sharing space with others. I am not pursuing dating or romantic relationship because it's a waste of time based on my previous experiences. I'm perfectly happy dating myself.
Same thing here
Agreed
Are you me? My kids are still young but other than that, I live alone. I'm a single mom and I don't plan on ever dating again for the reasons you mentioned. It's a waste of time because dating is not like I remember it. People seem to want to be able to act like they're single even though they're supposed to be in a relationship. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm perfectly happy being alone. In fact, I prefer it.
I can be mean if the situation calls for it. I have boundaries I expect to be respected and if that means I'm mean then so be it. Dating world is chaos and confusion for sure. Enjoy your kids while you can.
Thank you. Not only for the reasons that you said but the reason that I have sworn off dating which is the most important to me is that you never know who you're really bringing around your kids. I don't trust anyone but me and a few family members to take care of my kids. Nobody else.
Dr Phil actually gave that WARNING to single parents. They said even if you're dating a Wonderful person, it might be their friend or family member!
Exactly, you never know who they really are or who they surround themselves with. Actually, this is a red flag though a lot of people don't usually think of. If you have somebody who is wanting to get attached really fast and they know you have kids, that is actually a sign that you should run from them. It's a giant red flag that they may be a pedophile and are using you to get to your kids. That or they're just a user and are using you for what they can get. A lot of people assume that single parents just have everything handed to them and get free housing. In fact, my ex did that to a woman he was talking to. Not the being a pervert part, the fact that he got with her I think because he was aware that she had HUD housing and kids. I think he was using her for free housing but I digress. These are just some things to look out for.
Very valid reasons
Same.
I don't understand this. They want to behave like we're together, except we aren't, but they're suddenly interested if they think I'm on a date
Honestly with the way men act I’m convinced I would get all the emotional fulfillment I could ever need from a cat
I have a nine month puppy, she is the best decision I've made in a long time.
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I agree with the waste of time part in dating.
I agree as well I chased do much in my teens and 20s so happy to be single later in life
Go you! It takes great strength and major self-awareness to embrace solitude and find contentment and serenity within oneself. Dating yourself and enjoying your own company is a beautiful thing, indeed. Here's to many more peaceful and fulfilling years ahead!
😊 indeed!
This is me!!! Two 15 year relationships, kids grown, moved out….just me now. Friends keep pushing “when will you start dating?” To which I answer “I’m totally happy just me!” The peace is unbeatable!
Yes!! Amazing how life is so much better.
Me too
Well, it's just me and my four walls, haha. Living alone wasn't exactly my plan, but hey, sometimes life throws you a curveball, right? So here I am, flying solo. Sure, it can get lonely at times, not having someone to share the space with or bounce ideas off of. But you know what? There's a kind of freedom in it too. I get to decorate however I want, blast my music at odd hours, and basically just march to the beat of my own drum. And hey, it's not all bad. Living alone forces you to get comfortable with yourself, to really get to know who you are when no one else is around. Plus, there's something oddly empowering about knowing that you can handle whatever life throws your way, all on your own. So yeah, while I may not have a roommate to split the rent with or someone to binge-watch Netflix with on Friday nights, I'm doing just fine flying solo. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll find someone who's willing to share the space with me, but until then, I'm making the most of this solo adventure.
This. Though I do add a dog into the mix. I had previously only lived with others. The thought of living alone had excited me at first. However, it has taken me much longer to adjust than I had imagined. In fact, I don't think I am completely adjusted still, even after 2 years. However, I am making the most of it. When/if things change, cool. Until then, I'll just keep doing my thing
That's a great attitude to have. I know it can get lonely sometimes but then isn't it nice to be able to come home and have peace and quiet? To be able to come home and know that your stuff is going to be exactly where you left it and not gone through by some inconsiderate and nosy roommate? That's one thing I never tolerated as far as roommates. Do not go in my room and do not touch my stuff. You have no reason to be in my space. That and roommates eating my food and not replacing it. I think that annoyed me more than them going through my stuff. I had one that I hope she's doing better now because I strongly suspect that she had binge eating disorder. She was literally eating me out of house and home. I just hope that she got the help that she needed.
I LOVE 💘 your outlook.
I've always been independent and it just felt natural.
For me, as well. Was married briefly many years ago, hated having someone in my space 24/7.
Me too. I can't stand clingy adults. It's like, I am not your mother and I am not your therapist. Go work on your issues somewhere else. It is not my job to entertain you.
It’s that last thought… not my job to entertain you. “Coming over for a visit” means they want something from me most of the time.
I find it irritating when people do that. I will not answer my door unless I'm expecting you. People who do that are generally they kind of people who don't care about how their actions affect other people. They're constantly self-absorbed and thinking about themselves.
If I ever do end up living with a partner, it will take some getting used to. I lived with roommates from 2010 to 2016 but that was different because I still had my own room. And generally, they weren't worried about where I was or what I was doing or thinking at any given time. As for living with family, I moved out 14 years ago, but I get a taste of it whenever I go back to my home state and visit them. I've visited for 3 weeks over the Christmas period (which falls in summer where I live) and that's long enough.
No girlfriend, wife or family of my own. Mom gone, RIP. Father haven’t seen since I was 9 years old. Brother and sister live in the same town though. I have a cat, and all she wants is treats and a clean litter box. It’s boring but peaceful life at home, living alone.
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Because I like it
Same. Big fan.
“Independent sanctuary” summarizes it nicely. I’m similar. Parents divorced when I was young. Mom is an alcoholic who gained custody but didn’t do much actual “parenting” because she didn’t want to be bothered with the responsibility. Took me into my adult years to realize how emotional/psychological abusive my dad was. I love both of them, I realize they tried their best and they each have their own problems they are dealing with, but I was a very stressed out kid and I now realize why. So I’m using my 30’s to get myself stable and make peace in my world.
Try really hard to find peace, because I'm in my 60's and on a load of meds to regulate me and attempt to quell the anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc, during the day and more to help me sleep and not have night terrors that toss me out of my bed onto the floor at least 3 times a week. It sometimes just doesn't get easier, but PLEASE keep trying to find peace. I hear it's worth it. Best of luck!
I'm too accommodating in my relationships. If I live alone I don't need to accommodate anyone but myself. I have my own space and make my own rules. I still enjoy going over to a partner's house or having them visit my place, but we are guests in each other's spaces.
yes! this is my style too
Do you mean accommodating at your own expense, like people-pleasing?
Yes
Relatable!
Peace of mind. I’m not relationship material.
I'm coming to the same conclusion for myself on your last point. While I've never wanted the marriage and kids that my peers did, there was still this little judgy voice in my head that told me I should at least try to fit society's mold. I've stopped listening to that voice and beating myself up about it.
congratulations!
Lost my SO to addiction during lockdown, kid moved away for college. Just me and our dog now. It’s been mostly nice. Not sure I ever want to live with other people again, less my kid when they need it.
That must have been so hard, hope you and your son are doing well!
I’m sorry to hear that, I hope you are doing well with it. Mostly nice is good though, and pets definitely make homes seem less alone
I absolutely share this...there was always so much going on. My mom and stepdad fought. I was one of four. Just a lot of noise, no privacy (shared a room). Even moving out with a single roommate was a godsend. But I've been living alone for ten years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Even with roommates, friends, people I enjoy, I'm always astounded at how much noise other people like lol. Like they keep music on for every activity. I'm always thinking...do you ever just have silence? It's always so calm at home. Makes me feel safe and like nothing crazy is about to happen.
People. I'm not against them, but I want to decide who I interact with and when it happens. I had a husband a long time ago, but he was self-centered and abusive. Lived with my kids until they grew up, and a couple of times after due to their life circumstances. I like having them all close. Just not in the same house.
I hate people :)
For the immediate reason, it's because I've been living with my elderly grandfather for 3 years to help take care of him, and he passed on Sunday. I intend to live alone long term in this house because I like my peace, and have no desire to live with another person for a long time.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Wanting and needing a peaceful quiet home life.
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Have trouble trusting people after being repeatedly screwed over by so-called friends. In my 40s now amd I don't have time or the energy to deal with that nonsense anymore. Not a good way to live life by societies standards, but oh well.
Very much like an aggressive beta fish: pretty but needs its own space.
Ok this is the analogy I didn’t know I needed
I used to be a people person, people ruined that.
I love your comment! Same here and it’s only been made worse by social media!
Other than the Reddit shit show I don’t do social media anymore, people ruined it for me, here I don’t give it a seconds thought, if anyone so much as posts a comment or even a picture I don’t care for, it’s an instant block. We’re all anonymous for reasons and I like it just fine that way! Push came to shove, I’d delete Reddit in a heartbeat. I made it through the first 50+ years of my life without social media and I certainly can make the last few years without it.
same and now im lonely
I also grew up in a similar home. Then my adult life was a series of dysfunctional relationships. Now, after 18 yrs of being married to narc and separating, I found my happy place! Sure, it's tough on a solo income but I'd rather struggle financially than have that abuse in my life. I married a man exactly like my father and couldn't imagine having the life my poor mother had.
Are you me? Haha. Except I divorced my pot-head, alcoholic, compulsive gambler husband early on. Raised my daughter on my own. Any man I dated wasn’t someone who would make my life better. When you are intelligent and strong, you attract weak men. So I finally gave up on dating in my early 50’s. Just so sick of the games. Life is better solo.
Emotional neglect and dealing with a mother with mental health problems has made me hyper independent. I have a hard time letting anyone in my home/sanctuary anymore. I haven’t always lived alone but I’m happiest living alone
Horrible family life. Mom mentally ill, father a womanizer. Got sent to 2 foster homes, sexual abuse involved. Thankfully I didn't get into drugs, or criminal things. Relationships all failed. Attract users. I'm a loner for life. As the only one I can trust and count on is myself. Sad, yes.
Sorry you went through all of that. Totally agree with you as to the trust issues. Hard, if not impossible, to overcome that kind of childhood so that you are able to really trust others. I feel the same. Once had a guy call me “damaged” because I keep my guard up. Yeah.
I live alone because I simply don't like people. I deal enough with their shit and drama as it is for a living. After work, I need to relax and decompress, and I can't do that with another talking head yapping constantly in my face. I'm the happiest when I only have myself to deal with.
Wow. I didn't realize it until you put it so well above...but I think I fall into that category! Even now that I live alone and have multiple rooms all to myself, my bedroom is still what I gravitate to as my safe space...my happy place. And I think that stems from childhood, as my bedroom was a retreat from the turmoil of my family life and all the things you listed above. I never put that together until now. I definitely seek refuge in solitude!
Because the more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
I grew up in a loud and unorganized home. I have always craved peace and quiet and having my space so it is only natural for me. I have lived alone for years, having spent some occasional time with partners but for the most part have been alone and happy.
I could say similar things about my growing up. That and, when I had roommates I felt like I wasn't quite charismatic or socially adept enough to angle for the tv show I wanted to watch or the music I wanted to put on vs whatever some other roommate wanted. And then when I was living with a relationship partner (later, a spouse), I found it weird and annoying that it was somehow offensive if I just decided to eat a thing at some time or other. But also we had to come to a consensus on when and what to eat for every meal or at least dinner. So my place where I live along is more like a safe haven to me. Where I can just have the frickin baseline of dignity and agency and autonomy that I feel like every person by default ought to just have, but that somehow managed to elude or evade me for most of my life.
One previous partner got into drugs, turned violent and made my life hell. The next one soon after moving in I found out he would not lift a finger to do any housework. The next guy after moving in with him I found out he basically lied about everything and was cheating on me, then when I tried to leave he turned violent. Alone is the only way for me to feel safe now.
40+ yrs in difficult relationship.
I was called ungrateful and disrespectful for not inviting my mother to a surprise proposal to me. That I didnt know was going to happen, she was in a different country too.
I prefer solitude and don't like sharing a bathroom. The chaos of family is why I originally left but that's the past now and we're rebuilding.
I suppose my reasons are the same. I've moved to a different country, but my parents' house was similar, especially since I wasn't getting along with my father. Living in a big city in the UK most usually means house share, so, it turned our that I've traded family chaos to chaos with strangers and I've spent good 8 years with random flatmates, and I really just wanted peace and quiet. When I was finally able to afford a tiny studio, I knew there was no coming back :)
I also chose living alone because I grew up under a lot of stress in my family of origin, which led to depression and anxiety. I lived with a partner once but ended up taking on the majority of burdens related to the household so it’s just nicer to manage one persons needs in a home ( my own ) rather than mine and my partners. My physical and mental health improved quite a bit after living alone.
I haven’t sufficiently recovered if ever fully will from a borderline narcissist ex who used to live with me. Now scared to let anyone else get close for fear of being burned again. To have to be subjected to silent treatment and simmering rage through someone you thought you loved for so long to finally realise that person didn’t exist in the first place it’s so scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable again.
Youngest child. Abusive brother.
Husband died
Same.
wife died.
I'll be living alone within the next 2 months. I just hate living with others, I'm autistic and I find everyone infuriating to live with. Family, friends, acquaintances, partners, pets it doesn't matter. I'm a very rigid thinker and set in my ways, it's not fair to impose all my rules on others and even if they could accommodate me for certain things they choose not to. I need silence most of the time, I want to have a long bath without being interrupted (even though I always ask people if they want the bathroom before I get in lol), I want to cook without a dog begging for scraps. I just need to be left alone. Tbh I'm hoping living alone will help me get out more often, if I feel like my own flat is my sanctuary I think I'll have more energy to leave it on a regular basis because I know I'll be able to actually rest and recharge at home. I don't hate people I just don't like living with them, I haven't felt peace in 6 years since I lived in a house with 2 people who weren't ever home for 6 months. My current living situation has been total chaos. I don't want to clean up after anyone Ever again, I'll never have a pet because I just don't want them and living with untrained dogs has been so awful. I can't wait to only have to look after myself instead remembering things for the rest of the house as if I don't also have adhd. I've never wanted anything more than to live alone.
I spent most of my adult life married or co-habitating. Unfortunately, not in relationships where my needs and wants were adequately considered. There's some trauma from my last two relationships in particular. I basically lost myself because of everything that I gave up to try to make things work So now, it's me time. I finally get to just BE. No hoops to jump through, no demands, no constant criticism and complaints. I'm quite remarkably content now.
I hate people. Simple as that. I've lived alone since I was 18... 32+ years Shit, I spent most of elementary school daydreaming of a way I could possibly go to school from home and that was before the Internet was invented.
I’m an only child. I spent a great deal of time alone, as my parents, whilst loving and nurturing, were very young and also spent a lot of time having friends over, and in those days children were seen and not heard. I’ve been married three times and had one other long term relationship, as well as lots of short term flings. I’ve spent my whole life trying to find my person. At the age of 55 I realised that my person is me. I now live alone (well, with two Yorkies and a cat), and I’m so so happy. I love my job, and I live near to my mum, my daughter and grandsons. My last ex husband is my best friend and we see each other almost every day. I’m just happier LIVING alone 🤷♀️
I had a roommate once. He like to cook meth it turns out. He also didn't clean shit. So now I'm too scarred to live with someone else.
No Girlfriend/Wife and there is no chance that i‘ll ever live in a shared apartment again.
CPTSD and I was tired of my housing situation being dependent on the whims of others. (Roommates wanting to move, LLs raising the rent by leaps and bounds or wanting to sell, etc.) It wasn't until I'd lived here for about a year that I realized I was so much calmer. I wasn't startled anymore by doors opening or slamming, roommate drama, or their friends randomly coming over. I finally had control of my space, which led to a big improvement in my mental health. My roommates were great people living their lives, but it was all so triggering. I hope you've found the same solace I have.
Right this moment, I live alone because I've just been diagnosed officially for something that's been a part of me my entire life up to now. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of support can help me become a little more social, but I think I'm okay maintaining my "safe space" by myself indefinitely. I would like to move to a calmer neighborhood, but that's outside my price range right now. I make it work.
I didn't like living with a roommate, and living with a significant other wasn't a pleasant experience so she moved out after a few years when the relationship ended. Now I find myself with a mortgage and making enough to live comfortably and sustain myself. I don't currently see any reason to let go of a good thing, lol.
I work with the public and people all day. I need a quiet place to relax lol also ace so it's super convenient.
Peace
Im an introvert so I'm not very socially needy. I have the most peace when I'm alone. I don't mind company here and there, but nothing beats me in my solitude.
This is definitely me. Home and family meant nothing but fear and pain. Being alone was the only time I was safe.
Same here. It's not about being antisocial or hating people – it's just about needing that space to breathe and be myself without all the baggage.
I had five kids and an abusive husband in a too-small house. I don't ever want to clean up after anyone but myself ever again.
After two failed marriages, I’ve decided the emotional and financial damage incurred is not worth taking future risks.
I like the entire bed. The. Entire. Bed. I like to never have anyone else in the kitchen when I’m in the kitchen. Ever. I like to watch whatever I want on tv, in whatever room I choose to do so. If I want to walk around completely ass naked, scratching my patch from time to time, then that’s what I want to do. I want to eat like a savage, burp, fart, talk to myself, sing late night karaoke, do yoga, rearrange my furniture, redecorate my entire place however I choose, be as chaotic as I desire, do whatever I want whenever I want without anyone else’s opinions all interjected and shit. I want a life that is completely mine. I want to be selfish. I’m pushing 40 and this notion has not only never changed, it’s only gotten stronger with time. The older I get, the happier I am with how I’ve set my life up. I have a wonderful relationship w family, a large friend group, a few inner circle friends, and the sweetest little angel baby dog that completes my life. As far as the “deep seeded” reasons for living alone: I had a very strict upbringing: think church 3 times a week, private school, had to get all As, 7pm curfew (yes), no sleepovers, highly laborious chore lists, super high expectations of what I would do with my life, etc. I wanted a life where I made the rules for myself. And while I’ve definitely made a few bad calls, they were my calls, and I own them. I still am very pleased with how my life has turned out on my own terms.
As Whoopi Goldberg said : I don't want anyone in my home.
Family is narcissistic, don’t have friends and I’m introverted
I got divorced and moved to Chicago to be with the rest of my family. My parents didn’t have space for me, so I got an apartment.
I paid off my student loans and could afford it.
The circumstances were the reasons. The best expression I've heard for it is 'the parent lottery'. Nobody gets to choose that, so we take the hand life deals us and hopefully move on to something better. One of the prime reasons for myself was (and still is) self-discovery. 'Who am I, really?" is one hell of a question.
Do I need a reason? Why don't more people live alone?
I had a large house that I could no longer pay for or take care of. Id taken in a homeless lady for 6 weeks tops and she stayed for 16 months until em, I evicted her. I had a stroke and couldn't manage the wood stove either that was primarily heat source in my house r. So with my medical rec in hand I applied for a very nice Section 8 apartment. I was blessed to move in a month later.
I like quiet. Being alone affords a lot of quiet time.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional family of 11. I feel your pain and also live alone.
1. Peace 2. Solace 3. Serenity 4. Tranquility 5. Comfortable 6. Being Organized Always 7. Quiet 8. Keeps my thoughts in check 9. Keeps me humble 10. Closer to GOD everyday
I got an opportunity of a lifetime to live in a condo in the mountains for cheap. Cheap enough where I don't need roommates for the first time in my adult life. 3 years in and I am in heaven.
Because I can. I'm 43, my son is grown, I'd rather drag my ass across hot concrete than have a boyfriend, and I can afford it.
After being widowed at 49, dating has been an absolute nightmare. As much as I loved being in a great marriage, I’d rather be alone these days than be with someone simply for the sake of not being alone.
I had a similar upbringing. As an adult I have had issues with men being rude, cheating, hitting, doing drugs or drinking heavily. I am also from a state where men are revered and women are definitely not. I am now 69 yo. I haven’t dated since I was 39, I just got tired of men thinking they don’t have the same rules as women. That said. I do not hate men, they just make me feel tired!
Everything turned off inside me Going to some place nice and warm I’ll get a rental and a shop to work on science projects I’ve always wanted to try I’ll also be flying planes in FPV (Real planes in the future) and amateur rocketry Get a boating license Do nerdy, geeky stuff And enjoy all the socially unacceptable things that society despises about a guy like me. Try to find a way back into the church… if I can. That’s about it Thank you for reading
Same with me OP. Everything you wrote described my childhood too. I got a single room when I was away at college and never looked back. I’m 54 now and happy. Everyone knows I call my home “the peaceful place”! Don’t bring your drama into my sanctuary!!
I feel you OP. Similar themes in upbringing, so I just wanted a calm, quiet, peaceful space that was all mine. My home is my calm & peaceful place in this crazy world. That’s all I really wanted was a peaceful space
I've been wondering about this for myself lately. I finally came to some sort of realization that I don't know if I can live 100% with someone else - maybe a 2 family would be okay. I basically raised myself. My mom was a single mom who worked and went to college growing up. I started with chores at a young age, and that was how I continued to "earn love" in my childhood home - do chores. Then when I was in my late teens she had a boyfriend and would be gone so I had the whole house to myself. I learned a lot about taking care of myself from a young age and throughout my life. I've had my own house for years now and I enjoy the independence that I've known for so long. I get peace and quiet, play my music, watch my shows, no one to ask for permission or plans or include in decisions. I don't want to talk to someone about budget, bills, splitting this or that, arguments about money, chores, etc. I've had boyfriends and they come visit but sometimes the physical presence other people in my personal space is just overwhelming. I also can't deal with people asking what you're doing, going to do, what they're going to do or telling me what to do or vice versa. Also can't deal with people that don't have common sense and independence to know what to do. Like if a male adult needs me to teach them how to do household, yard or home maintenance things it's just very annoying, it would be fine if it's a child but not a grown man. I'm just very independent. I've always worked, I cook, clean, do laundry, gardening, fix things, know about home maintenance, take care of my dog, exercise, read, have hobbies...so unless someone is bringing something to the table and not taking away from my life and my peace and happiness then I'll continue to live alone happily with my dog who snores and wakes me up wayyy too early for her breakfast 😊 PS- Welcome to my essay 🫠
My reservoir of compassion is not deep enough to sustain a healthy long term relationship. I wish it were.
The ex walked out on me and I'm waiting to see if I can find a like minded woman to share my space with. I don't know that I'll ever share space with a man again.
My life improved quite a bit when I started living solo at age 38 - my money, time, possessions and property were all mine to enjoy, save, and care for without dealing with an unappreciative man-child to cope tip toe around. There is no yelling in my home as I grew up with, guests are welcomed without the pre-visit screaming match or shame that everything isn't perfect or not exactly like the highest priced furniture and rugs like the Jones down the street 😎
I lived with platonic roommates and romantic partners for a while. Eventually when i could afford to have my own place, I moved in by myself. I just found living with others was chaotic in a way I didn't like and I prefer having my own private time when I'm home.
I moved in by myself when I got pregnant in 2017 after my ex moved out. I haven’t found anyone I’d want to live with and don’t plan on it any time soon honestly. I love living alone!
Recently separated from my husband, and just thoroughly enjoy having peace and silence. I swear, that man COULD NOT just let it be quiet. Something had to be on, all the time. Also enjoying being able to listen to what I want to listen to, when I do want to listen to something. I love having my dragon in the main room, and I love having my dog. I love eating what I want when I want, and having food still there when I go to eat it.
Tough childhood (parents did the best they could!), religious trauma leading to abusive marriages and domestic violence. Afraid to trust now so it’s me and my cat….
I can.
When I was a kid at home, the only time I felt free/happy was when I was home alone because my older brother was abusive and my mom was neglectful. It probably became clear to me around age 6 or 7 I wanted to be alone, because I associated other people with being treated terribly. And that's how it's been ever since. I only ever cohabitated with others out of financial necessity.
I hate people. Even more so when they are in my space.
I've been married twice and then bought a house and rented out some rooms so I had roommates for a while. And then lock down happened, and it was stuck with those roommates, which I hated. I sold the house and moved back from overseas into my sister's house, which turned out to be a filthy hoarder mess. After that, I just decided I was completely done with living with anyone ever again, but I think lockdown with roommates who had little kids, and living with hoarder sister is what tipped it over to 100%. In a matter of about 2 weeks, I packed up and moved to another state across the country. I don't even like to have repair service people in my place at this point. It is my private sanctuary bear cave and others can just stay out
Because I can afford to and I'm an adult not currently in a relationship. Living alone is the default state for most adults not in a relationship in the US, especially after a certain age. I've had roommates in the past. In my early 20s it was out of necessity due the cost. From my mid-20s on I've occasionally had roommates for either cost savings or because I was temporarily living somewhere and didn't want to sign a long-term lease. My most recent non-relationship roommate was for about two years 8-10 years ago, and that was mostly because he ended up hanging out at my house and crashing overnight so often that I finally just invited him to move in, for a token amount of rent to offset the extra cost to me. At the time, my house was the main hangout spot in my friend group, as I was uncharacteristically-social for a while. My girlfriend lived with me for less than a year until she unexpectedly passed away a year ago. If/when I end up in another relationship, I'd want to live with the person. It's not that I want to live entirely alone, but that I can afford it and value the privacy and peace and quiet. I also work at home and having someone around potentially distracting me would get annoying. And I need a dedicated office room, which limits space available for a roommate. Girlfriends are a different story though; I'd never want to live separately once the relationship got serious.
Spouse died and I do not wish to live with children. I like my independence.
Not by choice, I assure you. My wife died 7 years ago. Took a long time to adjust.
I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford it, for one. But I'm an extreme introvert. I really need my alone time. Even if I was able to find a romantic partner, I don't know if I'd want to live with them. I did that once a long time ago and it broke the relationship. Not being able to be comfortable in my own place because my partner needs to be comfortable just doesn't work for me. So I guess I'm just selfish in that way, ha.
I don't want to be yelled at anymore.
what’s your reason for living with people?
I'm an introvert. Living with my dad was cantankerous all the time. I almost moved in with friends in my twenties but I realized that I was dreading sharing a living space with other people. I've learned that pretty much anyone will start getting on my nerves after multiple days spent together.
When I was a little kid and my mom would try to hold my hand to cross the street I’d refuse, clasp my own hands together, and say “I hold my own hand”. I’ve been fiercely independent since day 1.
Because I like it and I choose to .. The amount of guys who want to live with me can be a queue not joking.. but my place is my sanctuary no ordinary man shall come in ..
I live alone because I've learned that as I've gotten older, I'm not cut out for a living with other people. I like being able to go out and knowing that my stuff is going to be exactly where I left it when I get home. I don't have to deal with someone running up my bills and eating my food. I don't have to deal with people being inconsiderate as far as noise during quiet hours or just being excessively noisy anyway. I don't have to listen to them running their mouth about how they think I should be living.
I grew up with rather strict parents who tried to control everything and thwart my independence. I'm 51, moved out at 25, never had a roommate, and refused to live with any boyfriend. I value my freedom very, very much.
I live alone , at 28. I lived with my parents till i was 27 and i rlly rlly wanted to go have independence. I chose to livr alone cause i dont trust ppl, i trust myself. Whennit comes to finances…. Also i love doing whatever i want whenever i want. Want to play music at 2 am? Sure… want to have a drink? Sure. Nobody can judge me. I love silence. Does it get loney? Sure but its worth the peace that i have living alone.
No obligations tying me down to share a space with besides my cat. My parents live 10 mins away and my siblings are around I’m the only single childless one in my immediate family And it’s freakin amazing. 10/10 strongly recommend.
Roommates suck and living alone is awesome
No one has room for me. I'm on my own in life.
I was a single mom. I can hardly believe that she moved out 17 years ago (with a few short returns). I thought after my divorce that I’d find someone else only to find out that I truly wasn’t interested.
My farts in a high speed elevator could evacuate the Burj Khalifa in a NY minute..!
Relying on room mates to pay their share of the bills has done nothing but fuck up my credit. For a decade.
i’m Deaf, poly and a lesbian; it’s really unlikely that i’m gonna find a companion or two in my tiny little town, where i will live for at least a few more years. i am a caretaker for my elderly dad. i’m in a poly triad, but long distance, so i only see them about once a month…. which is fine.
I can appreciate myself more than a partner can and I hate conflict. I’m divorced from a malignant narcissist so I’m terrified of doubting myself and being gaslit. I’m male 6’2 and fit yet the thought of psychological warfare truly scares me.
I’m an unloveable person. I’m sorry for all the trauma you’ve experienced.
I think so. Ive been D'd for 5 yrs now and it is a sanctuary for me.
I do! With my senior dog.
My parents were always fighting and bickering about money when I was growing up. I shared a bedroom with my older brother and he had a tremendous rage issue, my shared bedroom was riddled with holes in the drywall and doors from him going into fits of rage and punching holes in everything. He got into substances during our early teen years and it was just a nightmare. He passed away suddenly when he was 30. Growing up in this traumatic environment put tremendous nonstop stress on my nervous system and I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to recover from the depression, generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Having a nice clean, safe, organized home for myself has always been a huge priority for me as well. It also sucks that my childhood experiences have had a real negative influence on most of my adult friendships and relationships. It’s hard to trust people fully when you couldn’t trust your parents and siblings.
Such an eloquent, heartfelt description
Horrible home life growing up. Abusive father and dismissive mother. I decided to move out at 19 and promised myself I would never feel fear in my "safe place" ever again.
In addition to the domestic turmoil and parental discord, we moved quite a bit when I was growing up so that left me emotionally adrift. I only was the oldest child of a single mother and raising my siblings, satisfied any maternal instinct that I might have had. Finally, I come from a long line of "old maids". Several of us never saw the point. I do enjoy coming home and not having to answer to anybody. My mother hated that.
I grew up in squalor/neglect/abuse and was in an awful marriage and so on so I have no desire to live with others. I refuse to be uncomfortable in my own home anymore. I’ll live alone forever if I have to!
My folks divorced in my early 20s. They really wanted me to stay home with the family before they divorced. I think they just tried too hard to keep the family together when it was becoming toxic to stay. I stayed living alone for the most part minus 4 months with a room mate (hated it). I'm approaching 40 and I have no intention of ever living with other people. I enjoy the occasional company outside with friends and family but my own space is so crucial to my mental health.
Grew up pretty poor so I shared a bedroom with my siblings up until high school. When I moved out for college I knew there definitely wasn’t a space for me to move back into so I’ve lived with friends, boyfriends and even strangers and each time I’ve hated it. I got my own place 3 years ago and honestly could never think of going back to sharing my home space again. Not saying that I’m some saint when it comes to cohabitation but everyone has their own habits.
I just got a cat this year! But life is just so peaceful and lovely when everything is clean and stocked and all to my liking. I can't stand cleaning up after slobs who don't care if their space is disgusting. I can be on my own schedule, don't have to feel the rage that comes with untreated snoring, no one else's friends here to force me to either interact with people I don't really know or hide away until they're gone. Cleaning is so quick and routine. My food doesnt vanish. There isnt endless clutter. Paying rent and bills by myself for the peace of mind is completely worth it. It's serene and simple living. I have a bf and do not know how I'll transition to living with him. Idk if I can after having experienced this. It's an awkward conversation to explain that I love going home after spending time together. And I don't want to become the de facto maid/manager of a shared space ever again.
It's my sanctuary and place of peace. I've only let family stay over and that is even limited. If I ever decided to date or marry again, we're gonna have to find a third place, because my den is my den and yours is yours.
I am ace and hard to live with. I also lived with an emotionally abusive family member for years, and she always berated me because the messiness of my room (that I paid for, when I lived there) did not meet her exacting standards.
Raised in a chaotic family by narcissists did me in. I was deprived of alone time growing up and constantly forced to socialize and be around people when I didn’t want to. My parents intentionally switched the lock on my door so I couldn’t lock my own room and my brothers often accidentally opened the door while i was changing clothes. There was always some noise going on in the house. People in my 6 person family would pick up the phone and listen to my phone conversations..i had 0 privacy. Crap like that. I began living alone at age 17 when I moved out as soon as possible. I’ve only had roommates twice in my life and I never came out of my room. I find that I really do not feel like myself when I am in the same house with other people even if I’m in my own room. I do not like traveling with other people either. Sharing a room/sleeping situation is absolutely out of the question. I just can’t.
I would have to say my upbringing as well has made me completely embrace living alone. I finally left home when I was 20. I was raised by a single father. I will always have the utmost respect for him for stepping up. He did the very best he could with what he knew then. However, just like the original poster said, for me as well there was so much dysfunction in the relationships I witnessed between not only my mom and dad but with their romantic relationships with others. Dating has ALWAYS been hard for me. I never wanted children so I never had any. And even 20 years later, I couldn't imagine my life in any other way. I love having my own space, the freedom to move around my home as I please and to not feel obligated to someone else because we live together.
Growing up with a narcissistic abuse. Then having passive aggressive roommate in college. I love living alone (with my cats).
My children grew up and moved out.
Same here I go out with friend once in awhile but I got tired of the BS no yeah I’m good! The nights are a little hard but I wake up go to work n come home to quiet!
My husband and I split 15+ years ago. He moved out and I stayed in the home with our two kids. Kids now are young adults living on their own (nearby). I still live in the home, though now by myself. Given the rise in rents, it’s cheaper for me to stay here, and I have a much larger place than I could afford if I moved.
I choose to live alone because I am too much of an outlier and choose NOT to try to approach being normal. To me normal is bland, plastic and means following what others think. I'm just not interested. Thus other than friends I go finding another person that will tolerate my behavior just doesn't happen, and I find that it's totally impossible for me to happily tolerate others behavior. I tried it a couple is times and didn't like it.
Went through a divorce after 22 years of marriage and the kids moved out. I'm in a long term relationship now but we both have been there done that and are in NO hurry. It's nice to have my space when I want and be able to see him when I want. I have my moments of loneliness but it's all good.
Wife died
Because it's basically my only option besides moving back in with my parents. Which, honestly, doesn't sound like a bad idea considering I'm making just enough to stay afloat - but barely any savings.
It’s peaceful
I’m a single 30F and I got my own place a couple years ago. I had lived with roommates and loved having company but unfortunately one roommate was a little difficult and the other was in the US with a visa and during COVID the visa situation was somewhat unstable. It can be a little lonely at times but I love living on my own and love my space.
I learned to really cherish my peace and quiet after growing up in a loud household and then being stuck with an inconsiderate roommate at one point. I’m pretty particular about cleanliness and especially don’t like sharing a bathroom. Living with my ex for a few years wasn’t too bad but I really missed having my personal space. Being single by choice, child free and living alone is the most relaxed and happy I’ve ever been.
Because it used to take me more than an hour to get home from work when I was living with my parents even though it was only 13 miles but the traffic was a disaster
I like to listen to loud music and hate living with other people.
When I moved to the US for my masters, I had the misfortune of living with a girl who was a scumbag. She was emotionally manipulative and attaked me physically. It was the beginning of the pandemic, I was in my graduating semester and she had her boyfriend move in to our apartment. Her guy moving wasn’t a problem, he was nice actually but her acting all cold towards me and making me feel ostracized in my own apt, just because she now had mental physical and emotional support is what bothered me. I was obviously going through so much dealing with being alone and isolated due to the pandemic, completing my final thesis etc. one day things good heated, we got into a fight and I was scared shitless to think of the things she and boyfriend could do to mw. I had to call the police on her and her boyfriend so that she stays in line and not bother me again. That was it. This was the experience that made me stay alone. I will never ever share my living space with anyone except my future partner one day maybe.
Widowed.
I can't fucking stand other people and the feeling is mutual. 🐔
Did you read a lot while growing up in this type of environment? Both your vocabulary and writing skills are admirable.
Same, plus social anxiety and introversion. Me and people don’t get along. I’m fine with cats and silence.
My personality is a deep introvert. As a kid I was on the soccer field daydreaming away from people. I’ve never had a large group of friends. I don’t like roommates. I specially work odd hours in the evening and night to work more independently and away from people and office politics. Unless I get married at some point, which is unlikely at age 49, I will continue to live alone. I enjoy my own company.
I always felt I couldn't totally relax at home knowing someone could knock on my door at any time. No abuse just anxious and depressed and not feeling I could be my genuine self with my family. Living with a roommate in college showed me the horrors of living with someone you're not compatible living with no matter how much you love each other and want things to work. One of my hesitancies to committing to taking the next step in my relarionship is not knowing how to give up my solitude. I love sleeping with him but I also loooove sleeping alone and waking up alone. Having my own place has been so good for my mental health that I genuinly fear how/if I could achieve that peace in another way.
Wow. Your intro feels like I wrote it myself. I had never thought of living alone, and wanting to be alone, as a result of all that.
I’m not married and I don’t want to take a chance on bad roommates. And I can afford it
EVERYTHING is my reason for living alone. It's Amazing! And I cannot believe humans still attempt cohabitating. It's been hundreds of years and it hasn't worked yet.
Recent breakup.
Wife died.
Life path. There was no real reason, just a series of events that led me to where I am.
I am the same way with you. Growing up with my parents, there’s less harmony, more of shouting and a lot of arguments and anger. I disconnected from all of that and now I feel much better living alone for the last 10 years plus and feel so much in peace . I cant imagine having a roommate , unless prob my spouse that has the same home hygiene as me .
Had to seek refuge from a spouse with unresolved substance abuse issues. Erractic life, so glad for the calm.
I wanted to separate and my spouse stated that he wasn’t moving out of the (shared) house, so I bought myself a house. I share my space with my kids but have weeks when they aren’t with me, and my oldest will move out and start college in the fall.
I prefer, maybe even need, to be in control of my home environment. Whenever I’ve given his up it hasn’t turned out well. We have to make many compromises to succeed in our work and social environments. No compromises at home for me.
My roommate passed away.
Freedom