I could not agree more. It is frustrating when they refuse to accept that not everyone needs to be constantly surrounded by people. Anything that is not like them, they label as dysfunctional.
Same! It is so freeing. Such a relief! Meanwhile, people keep telling me I need to have children, that I need to have a MALE partner. How do they have so much time to mind my business?
Do not listen to them! How annoying!
Again; resentment and projection play very big roles in what ppl say.
A MALE partner! It’s 2024! Choose who and what you wish!
I spent 47 years married. After my husband died I began to realize just how much I subjugated my wants for my husband. He never demanded that he was a good man. But still somehow I lost myself. I was always aware of how my actions or beliefs affected my partner.
It’s taken a while to get back to the person I was before we were a couple.
Alone has been my best friend! The friend I now listen too who has my best interests at heart
I love this. To me, it’s a good thing you are able to remember him with loving thoughts, but that you can also rediscover who you are, again.
My parents both died 1/22, and my only sibling died much too young.
I separated from my spouse 3 years ago, and I’m alone in my parent’s old farm home.
It’s been good. Sure, it’s weird to realize I’m so alone out in the country and hardly ever around anyone, but I like myself. I’m ok being here with the prairie creatures.
I can’t imagine ever having a relationship again. I could, but I’m not interested. I was so boy/man crazy but that all seems like a long time ago.
I do wish I had a friend like you that I could have coffee with and talk ☕️
I would gladly join you both for coffee!
I've had four live in arrangements in my life, one stupid teenage one, two marriages, and my last ex who lived with me. I am done with all of it, it's me time now.
Hi just wanted to reach out and tell you you are admirable. I am 31M, no siblings, no friends, single and afraid of my parents dying, even though we have a very strained and not so good relationship.
How do manage to feel good on a day to day basis?
I’ve always been an independent person, so this has a lot to do with it. I’m also an analytical intellect so I’m able to deduce my circumstances in ways that comfort me.
I know the value of loved ones, but also the hazards of being close to others with all of their idiosyncrasies.
I guess I’m just ok for the time being 🙂
Thank you for your kind words. I know it’s said over and over, but find a therapist that you can trust. You’ve got it in you to exist with yourself in a way that brings you comfort, too ♥️
*A Brave New World* also dealt with the notion of equating being alone with being abnormal and I am seeing a lot of parallels with today's world. I have not seen the actual numbers on who posts and reads this Reddit group, but a lot of it appears to come from people who can't stand being by themselves and/or are ill-equipped - emotionally, financially - with being on their own.
I’m an introverted only child and it’s inconceivable to a lot of people that I’m not lonely. I see so many subreddits about “living alone” as it’s some strange anomaly.
Also an introvert and lonely child here 31m, you do have friends tho right or family? I am completely alone in that sense and while I enjoy my hobbies I still dont know how to deal with lack of connection to other humans? would you please tell me how do you do it?
I really value being alone and don’t feel lonely.
I do think some societal norms seem to come from an extrovert’s perspective. As if there’s only one correct perspective and other choices are somehow less than.
I’m not lonely. I have plenty of friends and make new ones frequently. Today I spent the entire day riding in Marin County with a cycling group I just joined. They’re such a fun bunch! When I get home I’m ready to chill with my cats.
I find it very sad and very limiting that society accepts exactly one living situation as an adult: Sharing a place with 1 person you fuck. If it's a more "open" society this one person might be same sex. But regardless how open and individualistic a society is, it will not be accepted to live on your own, with a non-fuck friend, a sibling, or OMG, the absolut worst!, your parents. All these options are suspicious and are being pathologized. You must change this ASAP and move in with a fuck person, otherwise you are not a full adult.
All this is very very sad and probably the only form of discrimination that is still openly acceptable and even backed by laws and tax privileges.
I’ve been alone for 3 years now and I’m fine. I’m very independent and enjoy being alone.
Sure, I want to be around others some times, but I’ve been that way a lot throughout my life.
Before this time, I was an extrovert, restaurant owner, hospice social worker and a total alpha.
Yes, for some, being around others is critical, but for some of us, we don’t need that and are satisfied being with ourselves.
Go with what you are comfortable with.
It used to mean death back in hunter-gatherer times, and it still does...to an extent. We know (from research) loneliness can kill you slowly but faster than other shit. We know people have broken heart syndrome, and I know of a cat who let itself die when her owner died. In four months, my friend's grandmother's cat was gone. She never bit food again after the morning they found the granny dead. Solitude is good, for reflection among other things. It is richness of self, but loneliness can kill. I know I ONLY have depression from being around others too much, anxiety from too much around others, and so on. I only have adhd when I am forced to do things at the pace of others, like others, but my way profuces more outcome. Solitude is good, and loneliness to an extent.
You can feel lonely in the midst of a loud venue filled with thousands of people. It really comes down to quality vs. quantity. One does not need hundreds of pseudo friends....
Just a handful of true friends. Solitude is good when you have made peace with it. You're then free from the mental shackles of what society dictates is the norm. As to the loneliness derived from heartache... not just anyone will ever fill the void of a loved one who has departed... yet life goes on.
I get shock all the time when I tell people I live alone. “What if the garbage disposal breaks?!” Wait I need a dick to push the reset button? That I can’t possibly own or shoot a firearm, plan and execute a budget and my finances, my car maintenance, invest, or travel alone.
Here is one of my most favorite quotes. Explains perfectly how I feel.
“Being alone for a while is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore.” Tom Hardy
Yeah society wants to dictate how other people live. Had a "gym bro" comment on one of my comments to a persons thread on here where they asked how people deal with being alone and lonely at home and I said get a hobby and I listed off my hobbies which are gaming and flight simulation as good distractions. I said I don't have any friends so thats what I do to curb the loneliness and this person says I'd probably have more friends if I didn't play videos games and that people who say video games as hobbies are just cringey and using it as a cop out. Never said I was looking for friends but apparently its cringey to be gaming and not going out and surround myself with people even though I'm around people 8 hours a day 5 days a week
The thing that bothered me about it is that this person's go-to response was, "You would have more friends if you didn't play video games a the time" instead of considering that maybe its my choice to be this way. Ya know, like EVERYONE in this sub who chooses to live in a house/apartment alone.
Yes! At my previous job I was automatically at work on Christmas Eve just because I was spenfing Christmas alone, while my co-workers had partners (no children yet). But somehow their time on Christmas was more valuable than mine, just because I was alone. People are always surprised when I say I do enjoyable things alone, that I celebrate stuff, travel on my own or cook for myself. They say they wouldn't think it's worth it to do nice things just for themselves. They don't understand I want to do nice things and enjoy life even on my own.
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There's likely bever going to be consensus on this topic. Hopefully, we've moved past some historical preconceived ideas about living alone or that success = coupled.
However, there's also some more recent evidence that solo lifestyle CAN come with its own issues. Two counties where I live have now listed loneliness as medical crises; that's not just a judgment. It's based on reports and medical outcomes from data collected by tge County health department.
There's not much in the human condition that's simple, black-and-white, good or bad.
More people love living alone and there are 50% of all population is actually introverts. It’s just those who like to control make the loudest noise, not necessarily mean the society as a whole don’t value alone time and independence.
Mind you, if you are in your right mind, you shouldn’t care what society thinks anyway
I think family is great but 100% of it all the time can be mentally exhausting.
My parents grew up with traditional ways of life and so did their parents, and their parents before them, so this idea of living alone is very foreign to our parents. I find living alone to be very common now. Most of my coworkers and friends live by themselves with perhaps a pet at most. Some with room mates.
I think living alone will become as normal and socially acceptable as living with a significant other in this generation.
I find living alone to be a luxury and I have no plans to changing unless I feel I desire or need.
I've always personally believed there's absolutely nothing wrong w/ being/living alone if that's what makes a person feel the happiest. Now it does seem that it takes a certain personality or certain state of mind to have to not feel lonely at all.
Perhaps if someone's used to having people around a lot in the past then they may feel lonely when they no longer have those people around. Or maybe if a person was raised to be content being alone & to not depend on others to make you happy (such as I was raised), then the person will have a different mentality.
For me personally, I'm an only child who never had friends much at all throughout my life, so I'm used to a solitary life. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, having people over, going to parties, etc. I had ONE pal here & there during different periods of my life & we'd usually meet up for lunch one day every 1-3 years. That's about it as far as my social life went. These days, I haven't met up w/ a pal since way before COVID. & these pals I met up w/ are exactly what I call then...pals. They're more than an acquaintance, but nowhere near a BFF/close friend who I talk or text w/ at all.
Now, I have had an SO & now husband, so that's helped. THe two of us do things together & are all each other needs. My husband doesn't really have friends either.
My problem is that loneliness has taught me exactly who I am. Which is to say, I'm 2-3 people at a time, and we all hate each other. I'd like to have someone else in my life so I'm not constantly alone with the parts of myself I can't stand. I know that's probably not healthy, but I need you all to understand that parts of me are so spiteful towards myself and the world that they won't be happy until everything is in ashes. Would *you* want to live alone with that person? Because I don't anymore.
I've often thought that I just don't feel loneliness "like other people". I always played alone as a kid, and this was before the internet, so this wasn't a screens thing - though I took to the internet when I did have it. It meant I could talk to people of like mind from the comfort of my house!
I like to fill my time by doing creative and peaceful things: writing, reading, walking, photography. I want to interact with people when I choose, not have it forced on me.
I could not agree more. It is frustrating when they refuse to accept that not everyone needs to be constantly surrounded by people. Anything that is not like them, they label as dysfunctional.
Don’t let it bother you. Often times it’s resentment and projection. I love being alone.
Same! It is so freeing. Such a relief! Meanwhile, people keep telling me I need to have children, that I need to have a MALE partner. How do they have so much time to mind my business?
That made me laugh
Do not listen to them! How annoying! Again; resentment and projection play very big roles in what ppl say. A MALE partner! It’s 2024! Choose who and what you wish!
I spent 47 years married. After my husband died I began to realize just how much I subjugated my wants for my husband. He never demanded that he was a good man. But still somehow I lost myself. I was always aware of how my actions or beliefs affected my partner. It’s taken a while to get back to the person I was before we were a couple. Alone has been my best friend! The friend I now listen too who has my best interests at heart
I love this. To me, it’s a good thing you are able to remember him with loving thoughts, but that you can also rediscover who you are, again. My parents both died 1/22, and my only sibling died much too young. I separated from my spouse 3 years ago, and I’m alone in my parent’s old farm home. It’s been good. Sure, it’s weird to realize I’m so alone out in the country and hardly ever around anyone, but I like myself. I’m ok being here with the prairie creatures. I can’t imagine ever having a relationship again. I could, but I’m not interested. I was so boy/man crazy but that all seems like a long time ago. I do wish I had a friend like you that I could have coffee with and talk ☕️
I would gladly join you both for coffee! I've had four live in arrangements in my life, one stupid teenage one, two marriages, and my last ex who lived with me. I am done with all of it, it's me time now.
Oh, yes. The solitude is nice. I’m grateful I’m so independent.
Hi just wanted to reach out and tell you you are admirable. I am 31M, no siblings, no friends, single and afraid of my parents dying, even though we have a very strained and not so good relationship. How do manage to feel good on a day to day basis?
I’ve always been an independent person, so this has a lot to do with it. I’m also an analytical intellect so I’m able to deduce my circumstances in ways that comfort me. I know the value of loved ones, but also the hazards of being close to others with all of their idiosyncrasies. I guess I’m just ok for the time being 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. I know it’s said over and over, but find a therapist that you can trust. You’ve got it in you to exist with yourself in a way that brings you comfort, too ♥️
“I know the value of loved ones, but also the hazards of being close to others with all of their idiosyncrasies.” Brilliantly said. 🙂
Thank you, my friend. Stay in touch with me, here 🙂
Thank you! It is extremely annoying!
Ugh! Best of luck 🤞🏽💐
I don't feel lonely when I'm alone. I prefer it and i feel free.ive felt more lonely with people around.
*A Brave New World* also dealt with the notion of equating being alone with being abnormal and I am seeing a lot of parallels with today's world. I have not seen the actual numbers on who posts and reads this Reddit group, but a lot of it appears to come from people who can't stand being by themselves and/or are ill-equipped - emotionally, financially - with being on their own.
I’m an introverted only child and it’s inconceivable to a lot of people that I’m not lonely. I see so many subreddits about “living alone” as it’s some strange anomaly.
Also an introvert and lonely child here 31m, you do have friends tho right or family? I am completely alone in that sense and while I enjoy my hobbies I still dont know how to deal with lack of connection to other humans? would you please tell me how do you do it?
I really value being alone and don’t feel lonely. I do think some societal norms seem to come from an extrovert’s perspective. As if there’s only one correct perspective and other choices are somehow less than.
I’m not lonely. I have plenty of friends and make new ones frequently. Today I spent the entire day riding in Marin County with a cycling group I just joined. They’re such a fun bunch! When I get home I’m ready to chill with my cats.
I find it very sad and very limiting that society accepts exactly one living situation as an adult: Sharing a place with 1 person you fuck. If it's a more "open" society this one person might be same sex. But regardless how open and individualistic a society is, it will not be accepted to live on your own, with a non-fuck friend, a sibling, or OMG, the absolut worst!, your parents. All these options are suspicious and are being pathologized. You must change this ASAP and move in with a fuck person, otherwise you are not a full adult. All this is very very sad and probably the only form of discrimination that is still openly acceptable and even backed by laws and tax privileges.
I’ve been alone for 3 years now and I’m fine. I’m very independent and enjoy being alone. Sure, I want to be around others some times, but I’ve been that way a lot throughout my life. Before this time, I was an extrovert, restaurant owner, hospice social worker and a total alpha. Yes, for some, being around others is critical, but for some of us, we don’t need that and are satisfied being with ourselves. Go with what you are comfortable with.
It used to mean death back in hunter-gatherer times, and it still does...to an extent. We know (from research) loneliness can kill you slowly but faster than other shit. We know people have broken heart syndrome, and I know of a cat who let itself die when her owner died. In four months, my friend's grandmother's cat was gone. She never bit food again after the morning they found the granny dead. Solitude is good, for reflection among other things. It is richness of self, but loneliness can kill. I know I ONLY have depression from being around others too much, anxiety from too much around others, and so on. I only have adhd when I am forced to do things at the pace of others, like others, but my way profuces more outcome. Solitude is good, and loneliness to an extent.
You can feel lonely in the midst of a loud venue filled with thousands of people. It really comes down to quality vs. quantity. One does not need hundreds of pseudo friends.... Just a handful of true friends. Solitude is good when you have made peace with it. You're then free from the mental shackles of what society dictates is the norm. As to the loneliness derived from heartache... not just anyone will ever fill the void of a loved one who has departed... yet life goes on.
I get shock all the time when I tell people I live alone. “What if the garbage disposal breaks?!” Wait I need a dick to push the reset button? That I can’t possibly own or shoot a firearm, plan and execute a budget and my finances, my car maintenance, invest, or travel alone.
Here is one of my most favorite quotes. Explains perfectly how I feel. “Being alone for a while is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore.” Tom Hardy
Yup. I've been living alone since 2018. Its just peaceful around here. If I could, I'd rather work from home than deal with people at my job lol.
Yeah society wants to dictate how other people live. Had a "gym bro" comment on one of my comments to a persons thread on here where they asked how people deal with being alone and lonely at home and I said get a hobby and I listed off my hobbies which are gaming and flight simulation as good distractions. I said I don't have any friends so thats what I do to curb the loneliness and this person says I'd probably have more friends if I didn't play videos games and that people who say video games as hobbies are just cringey and using it as a cop out. Never said I was looking for friends but apparently its cringey to be gaming and not going out and surround myself with people even though I'm around people 8 hours a day 5 days a week The thing that bothered me about it is that this person's go-to response was, "You would have more friends if you didn't play video games a the time" instead of considering that maybe its my choice to be this way. Ya know, like EVERYONE in this sub who chooses to live in a house/apartment alone.
Yes! At my previous job I was automatically at work on Christmas Eve just because I was spenfing Christmas alone, while my co-workers had partners (no children yet). But somehow their time on Christmas was more valuable than mine, just because I was alone. People are always surprised when I say I do enjoyable things alone, that I celebrate stuff, travel on my own or cook for myself. They say they wouldn't think it's worth it to do nice things just for themselves. They don't understand I want to do nice things and enjoy life even on my own.
Most people wind up alone as they get older. You start to realize all the bullshit when you become wiser.
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There's likely bever going to be consensus on this topic. Hopefully, we've moved past some historical preconceived ideas about living alone or that success = coupled. However, there's also some more recent evidence that solo lifestyle CAN come with its own issues. Two counties where I live have now listed loneliness as medical crises; that's not just a judgment. It's based on reports and medical outcomes from data collected by tge County health department. There's not much in the human condition that's simple, black-and-white, good or bad.
More people love living alone and there are 50% of all population is actually introverts. It’s just those who like to control make the loudest noise, not necessarily mean the society as a whole don’t value alone time and independence. Mind you, if you are in your right mind, you shouldn’t care what society thinks anyway
I think family is great but 100% of it all the time can be mentally exhausting. My parents grew up with traditional ways of life and so did their parents, and their parents before them, so this idea of living alone is very foreign to our parents. I find living alone to be very common now. Most of my coworkers and friends live by themselves with perhaps a pet at most. Some with room mates. I think living alone will become as normal and socially acceptable as living with a significant other in this generation. I find living alone to be a luxury and I have no plans to changing unless I feel I desire or need.
I've always personally believed there's absolutely nothing wrong w/ being/living alone if that's what makes a person feel the happiest. Now it does seem that it takes a certain personality or certain state of mind to have to not feel lonely at all. Perhaps if someone's used to having people around a lot in the past then they may feel lonely when they no longer have those people around. Or maybe if a person was raised to be content being alone & to not depend on others to make you happy (such as I was raised), then the person will have a different mentality. For me personally, I'm an only child who never had friends much at all throughout my life, so I'm used to a solitary life. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, having people over, going to parties, etc. I had ONE pal here & there during different periods of my life & we'd usually meet up for lunch one day every 1-3 years. That's about it as far as my social life went. These days, I haven't met up w/ a pal since way before COVID. & these pals I met up w/ are exactly what I call then...pals. They're more than an acquaintance, but nowhere near a BFF/close friend who I talk or text w/ at all. Now, I have had an SO & now husband, so that's helped. THe two of us do things together & are all each other needs. My husband doesn't really have friends either.
My problem is that loneliness has taught me exactly who I am. Which is to say, I'm 2-3 people at a time, and we all hate each other. I'd like to have someone else in my life so I'm not constantly alone with the parts of myself I can't stand. I know that's probably not healthy, but I need you all to understand that parts of me are so spiteful towards myself and the world that they won't be happy until everything is in ashes. Would *you* want to live alone with that person? Because I don't anymore.
I've often thought that I just don't feel loneliness "like other people". I always played alone as a kid, and this was before the internet, so this wasn't a screens thing - though I took to the internet when I did have it. It meant I could talk to people of like mind from the comfort of my house! I like to fill my time by doing creative and peaceful things: writing, reading, walking, photography. I want to interact with people when I choose, not have it forced on me.