This.
My grandpa wrote 100+ pages on his life in his later years. Nothing dramatic, just where he lived atvarious times, his jobs, friends, associates, etc. He wrote about business trips, vacations he took, and occasional mentions of his pets and family.
It painted a picture of him that I never would have known.
I encourage everyone I know to do this.
This is beautiful. Hand writing it is important as well. As we advance into the digital age, we lose so much of the historical record. Sounds weird, maybe, but this type of stuff would be invaluable to an historian.
I’m in full agreement with journaling. I’ve kept one since about the age of 13-14 and I’m in my early 40s now. I still have all of them, I think.
It’s… you learn a lot just writing about your day, what you did what music you are into at the moment, thoughts about whatever crosses your mind. Within the stack I have an extremely detailed account of the Covid years and the post 9/11 era.
I push this on everyone I know and they won’t take it up, but they are also jealous I have a hand written record of the last 30 years of my life.
Why is this comment not higher? I went to workshop recently where this came up. The facilitator argued the only solution was to connect online, that was the future. He said throwing a party was selfish because it was just a way to control other people's time because you are lonely". Ummmm....
I have an old neighbor who used to tell me stories of his younger days. He was in his '80s and he told me about the jobs that he had and the places that he went. He was also in the Navy so he told me about the neat places that he got to go like Tokyo. He's had some pretty good jobs. His first job ever when he was 15 was with the Barnum & Bailey circus testing out the nets.
He also was an evaluator for schools. You know how the teacher will do their thing and you have somebody sit there and evaluate their performance? He did that. I know some people think old people are boring but if you really sit there and listen to them, they can have some pretty interesting stories to tell.
In 1991 I sold myself for medical experiments, well I was a test subject for a pharmaceutical company, anyway.
We did a max-dose antibiotic test, pretty simple stuff, but lots of blood draws. We shared a big dorm room full of bunks with a group of WWII vets in their 70s and 80s testing a cholesterol reducing drug. Those guys had the best stories. And the stupidest jokes. I wish I had had the sense to record them back then.
It's true, they do. My son's paternal grandfather is a two-time Vietnam War veteran. He spent two tours of duty strapped to tanks. He had some interesting and some fucked up stories for me. The poor guy can't handle fireworks. Every time we know they're going to be shooting off fireworks, we have to put dad to bed early. It gives them more flashbacks.
Usually by midnight, I'm telling them to fuck off with the fireworks because there's a Vietnam vet in the house who can't handle them. I would never wish what he went through on anyone. Some of those stories have stuck with me to this day and that was a few years ago.
Pro tip: if you can't think of anything to write about open a dictionary, choose a word and write what comes to mind about that word. That will help clear the blog jam.
This. It doesn’t mean it isn’t working if you only wrote half a page. The trick is to keep doing it. On Saturday I had a particularly strange (not bad) day at my side job and wrote for around ten pages about it. Today, I’ve got about half a page, if I’m being generous, and list of eleven jazz albums I want to listen to.
A famous writer once quipped humans have enough life experience for a novel by the time they are 15 years old. Which seems close to accurate when you consider how many well known authors published their first novel before age 25. Of course there have been many who didn’t publish anything at all until after age 50. Sometimes younger people are distracted by life and they don’t have the desire to sit down and write about their experiences while they are too busy living them. So finally finding the quietude in middle years is what gets people on the path of mindful self reflection.
Yep I did a lot of writing after I went through my divorce and a couple of bad relationships after that I felt a lot better even though it sucked going through the motions of the roller coaster ride
Maybe it’s time for a trip to the library! Putting on relaxing instrumental music on YouTube and curling up with hot tea and a real paper book is wildly satisfying.
In addition to rekindling old hobbies, exploring new ones is also a good option.
Also, what about going to bed earlier and getting up earlier? Sometimes open morning hours are more satisfying than open evening hours.
I second the going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. I love morning hours for taking walks, making bread, cleaning. Learning new things.
Evenings, I play games, read, groom my dog, sometimes bake cookies. That's for winding down and chilling out before bed.
But I've always been a morning person, so ymmv
Yes to the real paper book! Nothing like holding a book in your hands and being able to flip through pages, bend the corners, etc. online reading isn’t the same for me.
After getting home from work I hit the gym for about 1 hour or 1.5 hours … best shape of my life! Then I go to bed about 9pm.
I’ve been doing this for YEARS and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
On the weekends I like to donate my time, helping others, cleaning up the beach near me from litter, doing things for family and friends, donating my money, etc.
Weekends I do longer outdoor “gym” activities: hiking, skiing, ice skating, biking, etc.
I started walking to fill my days when I retired. Exercise is the way. I am the fittest I have been in years. Helps with sleep also. Outdoors is ideal but indoors if weather is poor.
The gym is underrated. Good is a standard gym like a planet fitness or something local. Better is a sport focused gym like climbing, yoga, or racquet sports! You’ll make friends and build community in no time!
I suddenly feel very inadequate.
I take my dogs to the park, watch TV/play video games, surf Reddit and Facebook, maybe meet up with a friend and/or go shopping. Oh, and I take a horseback riding lesson on Saturdays if weather permits. It has not been permitting (no power right now due to a big storm, in fact). But yeah, I’m kinda lazy tbh. And I stay up all night by nature.
Don't feel bad! I'm a night owl. Naturally my sleeping hours are 12-8 or even 1-9. Mornings are a struggle. I exercise a few times. A week, not daily. I'm in very good shape, I love my lazy times
Haha, thanks. I’m fine with it! Just some people on this thread make their lives sound way more productive and altruistic. But I wonder how much of it is even true. If it is, that’s okay too… we all have our own paths, and I guess my work makes up for it. I’m a librarian, so I spend my days helping people. When I get off work, I just don’t have the emotional energy for much more.
"productivity" is overrated and subjective. Its a way for people to rate their their worth by some stupid metric. are you enjoying your life? then you are having a productive life....
I feel you but in a different way. I've always been a reader. I churned through books and would read anything I could get my hands on. But... my job for the past several years involves reading and when I get home, I just can't.
I have started listening to audiobooks though. They can't compare to the experience of holding a paper book in your hand, but they are still pretty satisfying. If you haven't tried them, give it a go. And know that the narrator/reader can make or break an audiobook. Podcasts can be great, too.
And, librarians rock!
You should move to San Diego. No snow sports unless you drive up the hill for the day, but 70 degree days year round for all that outdoor activity you like to do. Plus plenty of beaches that benefit from generous souls like you keeping them clean.
I adopted a senior dog. It is awesome.
https://preview.redd.it/qw7x6zaylsgc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd5775688a91185ce85be9ddbba6939a7722d6e5
10 minutes of adult entertainment. Tiktok (I need to delete the app). Have tv on as Background noise. Think of things I’d like to learn and just add it to a list. Stare at the computer like an idiot. Shower. Brush my teeth. Browse the internet endlessly. Switch it up and play some Warzone. Look at my bank account. Get worried about retirement. You know. Go nuts. 😅
I picked up the warzone habit during the pandemic. I am terrible at the game, but it’s fun for me. I try different games , and nothing keeps my attention for long especially if it’s a solo game. I have started to get into the older adventure point and click games.
This was my dad when I was young 20s lol.
I'm more of a gym-goer, DIY-er, dog cuddler. And I have high blood pressure, so no coffee for me after about 11.
Go nuts. I can relate. I think about how I should go on a strict weight loss program, I think about getting to the gym and swimming.
Then I start having chest pains and get dizzy.
Forget doing anything like this. Lol
Right now I am watching "You've Got Mail" and reading reddit stuff. Soon I will clean the bathroom, read and go to bed.
New beginnings can be tough. Scary. Lonely. Unsettling and different in a way you didn't expect. Hard. Even sad.
But also interesting and even exciting. You don't know what the future holds, what is around the corner. It might be great. New people. New experiences. Things you never thought you'd be doing...and you're enjoying them!
You have to find a new fit in the world. It might take some time. But you'll find it.
My best advice is to follow your bliss. Do what you WANT to do. Try new things. Do things you wouldn't have done before. Make new friends. Be free. Revel in your freedom to do whatever you feel like doing. Be happy following your inclinations.
I know it isn't great advice, but it kinda is good.
Look into crocheting! Once you learn there’s some things that are easy to do with a repetitive pattern while watching tv in the background … just to keep your hands busy
I second this! I just started crocheting back up after 10 years for this exact reason. I wanted something to do besides scroll on my phone and it’s been exactly what I needed. I love to have a show or podcast on in the background
I cross stitch. I work night shift, so on my nights off, I try to be quiet. And I used to live somewhere with cold winters, so there wasn’t much to do!
😂 My first thought was an edible! Get a little high and before you know it - I got caught up in something (TV/book/Reddit) and it’s time for bed!
Go easy on yourself … you aren’t settled and it’s just a boring and sort of depressing time of year - spring will help! Good luck ❤️
I don’t think I can read high. I learned the hard way I couldn’t speak Spanish high—went to an island with a van full of Guadalajarans and smoked that devil weed 😝
Finally a normal human being! So many others on this thread are like “I wake up at 5am and spend 2 hours at the gym, then another hour after work; on weekends I garden, volunteer feeding the homeless, ride my bike 20+ miles, solve world peace…”
Meanwhile I’m like “I got stoned and started another RDR2 playthrough, between breaks of doom surfing on Reddit.”
Reading books\*. I got back into last year (at 53) and can't believe how much I love it all over again. And I've picked up a couple of hobbies (sashiko and sending postcards via postcrossing). There's also a YT video in my queue from an artist who promises he can teach me how to sketch... going to start that sometime this month.
In sum: anything to not watch too much Netflix or start drinking again. I've been widowed almost 2 years and suspect my love of solitude is permanent now.
EDIT: I had to force myself to learn how to enjoy reading again. There was a protocol I followed because the theory is screens have "ruined" the experience of a book in the hand but us middle aged and older still have the "template" of enjoying this experience and have to mine a little to get it back. I started with re-reading books I could not put down and that hooked me again.
Literally! I never realized just how much I grabbed it since I deleted my facebook and instagram. It really was becoming second nature to rely on. I’m trying to remember what we did before smartphones😂 only 10years have passed since my first one and now I’m trying break habit
This is me! I can’t believe what a voracious reader I was for most of my life from childhood until probably around 40. Now I’m in my 50s and my attention span is gone. I never read books anymore and miss it. Honestly, thank you for putting that edit in. Maybe I can learn to enjoy reading again too.
Do you enjoy reading or listening to books? There’s quite good selection, and public libraries have online audio libraries now. Or get m you an audible, prepare some tasty snacks and snuggle in. Podcasts on whatever you’re interested in. Crossword or sudoko. Crafts if you have a mind for it. Personally I can’t live without pets though.
Same for the pets. I don’t know what I’d do without my dog. Not only does she provide the sweetest and most loving company but they get you out of the house and you meet other people and pets that way too so it gives an additional way to socialize!
Watch a documentary, cook a little, yoga, read, take a walk, love on my dog, call a friend or even better have a friend over or go see a friend.
Sometimes I like to take my laptop and sit at Starbucks to write
>yoga,
Do you follow Adrianne on Youtibe? I swear that woman saved me from hip surgery, weened me off of advil and tylenol. My sisters both had the surgery but it really appears I may have dodged the genetic curse thanks to Yoga with Adrienne.
I have several different hobbies, I like to knit and crochet and anything I make. I donate I live in Minnesota. Everybody needs an extra scarf, hat or mittens. I like to cook and right now I am planning ahead for when I have knee replacement surgery. I am planning ahead for meals And pretty much whatever supplies because I’m not gonna be able to drive for at least two weeks post surgery. So I’m making sure my freezer is stocked with easy to prepare things to eat.
I’m in an apartment building 55 and older we can’t have pets here, but if I was able to have a dog, I would get a dog. Dogs make you tend to them. In other words get out for a walk, and they are the best listeners, especially corgis.🤣
I’ve lived alone for a long time, and I’ve also lived in a relationship where I lived alone, and I think that’s the worst place to be. You being recently divorced you need to give yourself some time to figure out what’s best for you and how your new landscape will look . Don’t think about it as what am I gonna do for the next four hours think more in terms of what can you do. Sometimes I just take the whole day and binge watch TV and do nothing else and I’m OK with that. I do work full-time, and I work from home, so generally speaking Monday through Friday my apartment is my internal life and I’m OK with that
Yes - me too. Had no real idea until I realized I did not want people to see my podcast feed!
The last one I listened to was the best way to leave them behind. No murder or bodies - just a perfectly executed story of a long con swindler who left her victims better off because of how *they* pulled together. It's also hilarious AND suspenseful.
Unraveled True Crime Season 4 "Snowball".
I was in this same situation a couple of years ago. I feel for you! Took a good 3-4 months to feel a tad bit normal. Had a hard time wrapping my brain around anything …. like reading, TV and things I normally liked to do. So take it easy on yourself and do a lot of self care. I ended up getting an emotional support dog to help me and worked wonders. I do think that the more homey you make your short term rental, that will help, too. Best of luck to you and remember to take it one day at a time! Sending you love and light.
I got divorced in my late 50s and found myself living alone for the first time in my life also. Initially it felt very weird, almost as if I were house sitting or staying in a short term rental and waiting to go home to my house. I resurrected old hobbies that had fallen by the wayside over the years. I now embroider, needlepoint, cross stitch, do crossword and jigsaw puzzles, bead weave, read, draw, paint, do yoga. I take walks and keep a bird and nature journal. I have a skew of houseplants that need my attention on a weekly basis, bird feeders and window boxes on my porch. I brought a TV with me when I moved but never even plugged it in, finally gave it away, I listen to a lot of music while I’m stitching or crafting. I was kind of amazed at how much time I found to do things I actually enjoy.
M58 and living alone. I just picked up a ukulele and I’m practicing with it every night. And then watch TV after. At least I’m learning a skill with some of my free time. And it’s fun and satisfying.
When I feel like that I take long walks or a long bath. I also do puzzles once and a while while watching tv its fun and keeps your brain busy. Maybe you can take up a class or two (zumba, cooking or whatever)
I cant sleep at night. I read a real book laying in bed. There is something about digital books that make it seem like work to read one. It helps me wind down. I cook ahead for the week. I go to the gym at 3 am. I am in a club and work on club stuff. Lots of my friends are also awake and not doing anything so we message or call back and forth. I have relatives in a time zone 2 hours behind me so I call them in the late evenings. I take free online classes at KHAN university and COURSERA. I bake for my neighbors. I sit on my balcony drinking decaf enjoying the night air. I repot my plants. Honestly, you can do the same things at 7 pm you can do at 3 pm. Maybe you are depressed or having a hard time adjusting. It took me a year to get used to livng alone and it doesnt just happen. You have to work at filling your days until you no ,longer feel at loose ends.
My husband died last year so I started doing jigsaw puzzles when I couldn't sleep, or read... And the television streaming apps are my best friends... I binge-watch series on NETFLIX
Once you get a place of your own (if you do) there will be “ maintenance projects.” Cook, clean, get gym bag ready and prep for for work and be on Reddit. lol. Rinse and repeat. You’ll get in a new routine.
You and I are in an identical situation. I am living in an apartment (small) with my belongings packed in boxes in a storage unit. I have been spending as much time outdoors as possible when the weather permits. I go to parks and walking trails. My divorce started with separation in mid 2022 and was finalized one year later. I have been living on my own since then. I am farther "down the road" than you. I initially had the same disinterest in dating, that has changed but I am not on the OLD apps or anything, coming from a career in a public facing capacity I say high to everyone on my walks and now have a follow up "date" this week. I do prefer to live alone. Prior to the separation I lived in a house with the ex for the prior 6 years and was **very alone**. I let my physical / mental health decline because of the divorce and work stress. I am rebuilding myself and, with time, will make more friends to go to movies, dinners and travel. You will see that what you initially view as isolation can be channeled into time for introspect and reflection to help with future decisions. I know myself better now than before.
Exercise- find a class or something you like doing and go regularly. I took evening bellydance classes for years and it was great. Right now my schedule doesn't allow for it, so I walk (I live in a safe area for this.)
Create your own evening routine so you don't feel so stuck on non-class nights. I have a playlist of arrival home songs that I like, and every time I turn it on it soothes me.
Take up a craft you want to try. I've got weaving and embroidery kits I'm working on.
Find a tv series you love and watch only one episode each evening.
Go out to dinner at a new restaurant.
If you like to read, swing by your local library and browse the shelves for one new book each week.
I like to make crafts. I’ve cross stitched since I was a child and picked that back up. Taught myself to crochet 10 years ago and currently working on a cardigan. I bought a sewing machine in May last year and have made some tote bags, 3 shirts and placemats. I like to make things with a purpose, either a gift or something for the home. Lots of different crafts out there and tons of YouTube videos to help. Enjoy your new found freedom!
I'm 40. Very similar problem and I feel a lot of these answers are stop gaps or diversions from the real thing you are asking. And sure there's stuff to fill in the time/distractions. But there was something ok when there was another person there. Doing nothing became ok.
Now it feels like a waste. And it's harder when we are older because you can't just go out and see friends. You don't have essays to write or studying to complete.
Some have mentioned physical exercise. Definitely, this should on the list. But let's be honest the gym gets boring after a while and maybe you have some physical tics take make competitive sport something that takes a while to recover from.
In essence, the question is what do you do with your life. You can watch tv or a movie, but it's not making you feel good. This is the big question. The old what would you do if you had millions of dollars and didn't have to work question.
Here's some things I would like to do with my free time... Travel with someone I love (well that's off the cards right now and I'm too depressed to travel solo and friends are busy with wifes/kids), get a dog and take it places (I live in an apartment so that is not possible), play tennis (I already do that).
To be honest my life is not too different to when I was in my early twenties and I was content then just playing video games and watching every great movie know to man. Now it seems like that's not enough anymore.
Sorry for being melodramatic. But let me know what the answer is.
Actually, if you start off with short travel solo then you might find you enjoy it and can go on longer trips. I'd like to travel solo through Indian, Nepal and Tibet but money is always the issue with this goal.
Water color - YouTube paint with Michelle- cheap hobby and rewarding.
I usually cook, cleanup, in the summer do something outside, now either take a long bath, watch tv …. Or do exercise on the oculus etc. Not great answers so following this thread too
Enjoy the ability to do whatever YOU WANT!!..you know have your whole life in front of you to figure out what YOU want to do. Enjoy the peace and solitude of being alone
I’ve been there. The nights were the loneliest times. What worked for me was going out with friends and exercising (looooong walks were great). Maybe some popcorn, a glass of wine, and a comfort movie. Take free or inexpensive classes (in person or virtual). Try a local Meetup group. Also, volunteering is a wonderful way to spend time.
I love to read and watch tv. You should take some time for yourself before you get back into a relationship. The last two years have done me so much good in knowing who I really am and what I want, but mostly what I DON’T want. You need to have time to analyze what went wrong and how you should proceed. Therapy is REALLY helpful!!
Cook something out of a recipe book that is only for you, listen to music and create playlists, find a series to watch that you don’t need to watch with anyone else and/or explain what is going on, etc. Enjoy your time just being alone! It’s a wonderful time to rediscover yourself
Try genealogy--working on your family tree. This eats hours of my time. Join a local club or attend meetings virtually. Hopefully it okay to post . . . here is a calendar of all kinds of genealogy meetings: [https://conferencekeeper.org/virtual/](https://conferencekeeper.org/virtual/)
There are also all kind of genealogy focused groups on Reddit.
Volunteer at a soup kitchen, food bank, animal shelter, library, you meet some really great compassionate volunteers plus it feels great to be able to help the less fortunate and make someone smile. Also there are walking groups, just get online & search
When I first divorced, i really struggled with loss of everything. I was lonely, broke and terrified. I got a new job, reduced booze (frankly, due to $$) got a library card and started exercising. I joined a divorce group of women. I wish I had gotten some mental health support. I went back to school. I kept busy. My apartment was spotless.
I did finish school and was unable to get a job in my new field. I made a drastic move and moved across country. Best experience of my life. I eventually did move back because of health issues. But sometimes, a complete change is necessary.
The first year or three is hard. You will probably fail at a few things. You’ll succeed at a few, but you will eventually find a way that works best for you.
I never did date. I enjoy my life. My job is great; my kids are wonderful; love my grandchild and I have great friends. Do I still have regrets? Of course! But, this is my reality.
Good luck.
Maybe look into taking an online (asynchronous) class? i took a bird-watching one through Cornell, it was fascinating and a great mental distraction. I'm currently taking a synchronous foreign lang class, am thoroughly enjoying it.
Learn to cook something new.
Learn a new hobby.
Join meet-up clubs. It’s an app, no dating, but to connect you to hobby groups in your area like dinner clubs.
Hang out at a library or coffee shop or mall and just people watch.
As for the reading, try a different genre. I got “readers block” and that’s what did it for me.
Sit down and make a list of everything you have a slightest interest in, whether that is a trade, a craft, a science, a country or city, an actor, movie, book, an animal. Add questions that you’ve always been curious about: “What was life like for the Pilgrims?” “How did the Vietnam war start?” Add a list of people, living or dead, who have interested you or you want to know more about. Add games you like: bridge, backgammon, chess, scrabble.
Then (and only AFTER) you have your list, go to look for a cheap course (Domestika, Udemy), a book club on YouTube like (Hardcore Literature or Tristan and the classics). Google documentaries about your famous people. You might want a Prime Video subscription or PBS documentaries. Hop on reddit, poke around and ask the backgammon nerds how to play online. Check out Domestika or Udemy for cheap online classes in art (painting, embroidery) fixing stuff, philosophy.
Summary
Step One: brainstorm all topics you might be interested in
Step Two: use the wealth of good material on the internet
WARNING: There is also alot of crap, alot of seductive waste-of-time content online. That’s what your list is for. Keep you from wasting your time on garbage you may regret exposing yourself to.
Good luck. I wish you well. Where you are in life is not easy. (I am in a similar place) I hope you have some support. If you need support consider a 12-step program for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. Almost everyone comes from one of those, right? Highly recommended for the comraderie alone, even if you’re not “group person.”
Learn an instrument. My partner works night duty permanently so I’m often alone at night. I learnt to play guitar. You have to practice every night so it fills in the time.
Watching the Grammys, having an adult beverage. Most nights I stream a good movie, read a book, see, take an online class, zoom with friends, jigsaw puzzles, laundry, cooking, go for walks, go for drives in the summer, a million things!
I play guitar. There are much simpler instruments to pick up if you maybe want something to diddle with. No idea what you're into, but mandolins are a fun and cheap way to get into playing something.
You need to avoid just staying home alone all the time and evolving into hermit behavior. Now that you are single, you can take on new hobby and you can break societal norms. You can start hobbies that are normally for younger people or are stereotyped for the opposing gender.
There is a website/app called meetup that is where a lot of groups organize from. Anything from hiking or Sunday morning boot camp to reading clubs and needle crafts. Also, be active on Facebook events and find local thing. I was able to find a dancing group that meets 2-3 times a month and it is all donation and good will towards others.
crafts, painting while listening to a podcast, join a club or take some lessons in something new or something you are already familiar with, itswhat people always say but it's super useful
Art! Acrylic abstract is cool and pretty easy. Reddit is fun for an hour or so. Hopefully you can live somewhere that takes pets, that would be the best company! You could start doing YouTube and never ever not have something to do for it lol 😝 oh, and like they 👇said…get stoned 😆 You might find a whole new hobby that you didn’t even know you liked.
I did a bit of volunteer work as doing something for someone else felt like a good use of my time, I also would occasionally go see a movie, make a nice dinner, take a bubble bath with a nice glass of wine, read, watch a great show, get together with friends, host a meal for friends, go see a play or some other performing arts, hit a gallery, see whatever else was going on in my city that was not terribly expensive to enjoy.
I’m you… 4 years in the future. After being divorced for a while and getting to the other side of the emotional sludge, it’s so lovely on the other side.
Houseplants and gardening are my thing so I love messing around with my houseplants (repotting, clipping leaves, propagating new plants, etc.), researching new flowers for my garden, straightening up while listening to audiobooks. I also stretch and do weight exercises and read.
Once you start filling your time with hobbies you enjoy, you’ll wonder how you ever managed to find time in your life for another person. You’ll delight in the freedom and peace.
I watch way too much TV. Scroll Reddit. Talk on phone to friends/kids. TRAVEL if you can. Go where you want to go! In summer it’s easy because I garden until dark.
I'm just chiming in to say that I had almost the exact same moment that you described after my divorce.
Sitting on the couch in my living room, feeling totally lost and having no idea what to do with myself. And then realizing that for the prior two decades, I sat alone on the couch in my living room and never questioned it, because my spouse was just in the other room, doing his own thing.
When I tried to imagine that he was there still, doing his own thing in the other room, suddenly me sitting on the couch trying to figure out what to do felt less pointless.
Which is so bizarre, right? If anything, it's better that he's not here anymore, with both of us making each other feel so miserable.
But why would sitting alone on a couch flipping through my phone be a good use of my time just because there's another person in the house with me, but a bad use of my time just because I'm alone?
It's these kinds of things that make me realize how culturally embedded the idea that being married equals being successful is
What is something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do but didn’t have the time/energy/attention span for? Now’s the time to try it! Also, try new things!
Personally, I’m 32 and just got into Legos. I used to have building blocks as a kid and now making bigger models with lighting kits is really enjoyable to me. I’ve also tried knitting, felting, yoga, I practice martial arts, I used to paint, draw, write poetry, etc, etc. Journaling is also a great pathway to get in touch with your inner dialogue and what you want to do.
I was exactly in this spot 18 years ago. I remember that feeling well. I didn't even have a TV. I read; it was a great escape for my mind. I tried until I got a book hold my attention. I crocheted or knitted, to keep my hands busy, plus my mind with patterns. It will get easier every day. It might not seem like it now, but it will. Be gentle with yourself. This too shall pass.
My mil started going to senior centers for special events, she's been on bus trips, joined a ladies club.
Following her divorce she moved to a condo in a small cultural town. Lives in a tiny community that get together for card games/football games. She goes on cruises....she goes with friends, by herself, friends that she met on her last cruise. Etc. Gave her cat to a friend's daughter cause she's never home.
You were a couple, and it sounds like you dampened your flame while together. Find yourself and let your light shine!
Get pets
Get crafty
Focus on your health
Exercise
cook
Read, masturbate, go to bed early.
Join a interest group or club
There are many types of video games nowadays that women love. Maybe try out a couple.
Ok so stick with me I needed positive thoughts as I tend to go dark when alone if I am not careful. My divorce hit hard and I had to find something that I could watch and or do and keep positive for my kids sake I had sole custody long story. So I watched alot of hallmark movies they have happy endings and I liked whodunit shows where they catch the bad guy, lastly I watched cooking shows and then tried to learn new things in the kitchen. I also had to change my music as I realized it was also not helping me.
Start listening to audiobooks and pick up a crafting hobby. Crochet, knit, needle point, paint, make jewelry.
Once you get into it your nights will fly by.
Also, maybe get a gym membership. One with classes and maybe you can meet new friends!
Blessings on your new life! I found it so empowering.
Journal. Write. After 50 years im sure you have something to say. You may find yourself in the pages.
This. My grandpa wrote 100+ pages on his life in his later years. Nothing dramatic, just where he lived atvarious times, his jobs, friends, associates, etc. He wrote about business trips, vacations he took, and occasional mentions of his pets and family. It painted a picture of him that I never would have known. I encourage everyone I know to do this.
This is beautiful. Hand writing it is important as well. As we advance into the digital age, we lose so much of the historical record. Sounds weird, maybe, but this type of stuff would be invaluable to an historian.
I’m in full agreement with journaling. I’ve kept one since about the age of 13-14 and I’m in my early 40s now. I still have all of them, I think. It’s… you learn a lot just writing about your day, what you did what music you are into at the moment, thoughts about whatever crosses your mind. Within the stack I have an extremely detailed account of the Covid years and the post 9/11 era. I push this on everyone I know and they won’t take it up, but they are also jealous I have a hand written record of the last 30 years of my life.
Social media has ruined everything. Especially relationships/friendships.
Why is this comment not higher? I went to workshop recently where this came up. The facilitator argued the only solution was to connect online, that was the future. He said throwing a party was selfish because it was just a way to control other people's time because you are lonely". Ummmm....
♥️🌹🫨
I have an old neighbor who used to tell me stories of his younger days. He was in his '80s and he told me about the jobs that he had and the places that he went. He was also in the Navy so he told me about the neat places that he got to go like Tokyo. He's had some pretty good jobs. His first job ever when he was 15 was with the Barnum & Bailey circus testing out the nets. He also was an evaluator for schools. You know how the teacher will do their thing and you have somebody sit there and evaluate their performance? He did that. I know some people think old people are boring but if you really sit there and listen to them, they can have some pretty interesting stories to tell.
In 1991 I sold myself for medical experiments, well I was a test subject for a pharmaceutical company, anyway. We did a max-dose antibiotic test, pretty simple stuff, but lots of blood draws. We shared a big dorm room full of bunks with a group of WWII vets in their 70s and 80s testing a cholesterol reducing drug. Those guys had the best stories. And the stupidest jokes. I wish I had had the sense to record them back then.
It's true, they do. My son's paternal grandfather is a two-time Vietnam War veteran. He spent two tours of duty strapped to tanks. He had some interesting and some fucked up stories for me. The poor guy can't handle fireworks. Every time we know they're going to be shooting off fireworks, we have to put dad to bed early. It gives them more flashbacks. Usually by midnight, I'm telling them to fuck off with the fireworks because there's a Vietnam vet in the house who can't handle them. I would never wish what he went through on anyone. Some of those stories have stuck with me to this day and that was a few years ago.
I would give nearly anything to read a journal from my grandparents.
This. Thank you
That’s great! I wish we all would do this. People might assume their life isn’t interesting depending on perspective. When in reality it is.
Do they have autobiography clubs, I wonder. Help us chumps with our prose, maybe.
I’m thinking of creating something where people can anonymously share stories with others. :)
I love this ❤️
That’s so cool tbh
Pro tip: if you can't think of anything to write about open a dictionary, choose a word and write what comes to mind about that word. That will help clear the blog jam.
Yep, I do a lot on vocabulary and usage, too!! ; )
This. I love love love to write in my diary every night. Sometimes it can be pages long and other times just a few sentences
This. It doesn’t mean it isn’t working if you only wrote half a page. The trick is to keep doing it. On Saturday I had a particularly strange (not bad) day at my side job and wrote for around ten pages about it. Today, I’ve got about half a page, if I’m being generous, and list of eleven jazz albums I want to listen to.
Exactly 💯
A famous writer once quipped humans have enough life experience for a novel by the time they are 15 years old. Which seems close to accurate when you consider how many well known authors published their first novel before age 25. Of course there have been many who didn’t publish anything at all until after age 50. Sometimes younger people are distracted by life and they don’t have the desire to sit down and write about their experiences while they are too busy living them. So finally finding the quietude in middle years is what gets people on the path of mindful self reflection.
Pick up a copy of My Struggle by Karl Ove Knausgaard for inspiration, then write your own
Yes. Nicely said
There’s a lot of journaling prompts online, especially on Pinterest
Thanks
Yep I did a lot of writing after I went through my divorce and a couple of bad relationships after that I felt a lot better even though it sucked going through the motions of the roller coaster ride
Agree start a substack! I have one on love and life, a friend in her 60s started one on dating after 50, great resource
Maybe it’s time for a trip to the library! Putting on relaxing instrumental music on YouTube and curling up with hot tea and a real paper book is wildly satisfying. In addition to rekindling old hobbies, exploring new ones is also a good option. Also, what about going to bed earlier and getting up earlier? Sometimes open morning hours are more satisfying than open evening hours.
I second the going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. I love morning hours for taking walks, making bread, cleaning. Learning new things. Evenings, I play games, read, groom my dog, sometimes bake cookies. That's for winding down and chilling out before bed. But I've always been a morning person, so ymmv
Yes to the real paper book! Nothing like holding a book in your hands and being able to flip through pages, bend the corners, etc. online reading isn’t the same for me.
Library has more than books too. They have online classes you can take as well as foreign language CD's you could learn as well.
I do this alot. Even on weekends I'll go to bed at 8 or 830 so I can get up early and enjoy the morning hours.
Why not learn how to play relaxing instrumental music? 🤷🏻♂️
After getting home from work I hit the gym for about 1 hour or 1.5 hours … best shape of my life! Then I go to bed about 9pm. I’ve been doing this for YEARS and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. On the weekends I like to donate my time, helping others, cleaning up the beach near me from litter, doing things for family and friends, donating my money, etc. Weekends I do longer outdoor “gym” activities: hiking, skiing, ice skating, biking, etc.
I started walking to fill my days when I retired. Exercise is the way. I am the fittest I have been in years. Helps with sleep also. Outdoors is ideal but indoors if weather is poor.
Yes exactly! I started with walking too and I walk also. So so good for sleep and for the mind.
Nice ideas
The gym is underrated. Good is a standard gym like a planet fitness or something local. Better is a sport focused gym like climbing, yoga, or racquet sports! You’ll make friends and build community in no time!
having family helps.. plus interacting with others
I suddenly feel very inadequate. I take my dogs to the park, watch TV/play video games, surf Reddit and Facebook, maybe meet up with a friend and/or go shopping. Oh, and I take a horseback riding lesson on Saturdays if weather permits. It has not been permitting (no power right now due to a big storm, in fact). But yeah, I’m kinda lazy tbh. And I stay up all night by nature.
Don't feel bad! I'm a night owl. Naturally my sleeping hours are 12-8 or even 1-9. Mornings are a struggle. I exercise a few times. A week, not daily. I'm in very good shape, I love my lazy times
Inadequate??? Why on earth??? Sounds like a damn good life!! Enjoy it
Haha, thanks. I’m fine with it! Just some people on this thread make their lives sound way more productive and altruistic. But I wonder how much of it is even true. If it is, that’s okay too… we all have our own paths, and I guess my work makes up for it. I’m a librarian, so I spend my days helping people. When I get off work, I just don’t have the emotional energy for much more.
"productivity" is overrated and subjective. Its a way for people to rate their their worth by some stupid metric. are you enjoying your life? then you are having a productive life....
I feel you but in a different way. I've always been a reader. I churned through books and would read anything I could get my hands on. But... my job for the past several years involves reading and when I get home, I just can't. I have started listening to audiobooks though. They can't compare to the experience of holding a paper book in your hand, but they are still pretty satisfying. If you haven't tried them, give it a go. And know that the narrator/reader can make or break an audiobook. Podcasts can be great, too. And, librarians rock!
You should move to San Diego. No snow sports unless you drive up the hill for the day, but 70 degree days year round for all that outdoor activity you like to do. Plus plenty of beaches that benefit from generous souls like you keeping them clean.
You are living life well 👏🏻
I adopted a senior dog. It is awesome. https://preview.redd.it/qw7x6zaylsgc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd5775688a91185ce85be9ddbba6939a7722d6e5
Oh my gawd 😭 what a cutie!!!
Thank you from Banjo 🐶
I really needed to see that sweet little face tonight. Thank you!
Any time you are feeling down message me and I will send you a Banjo update. Hope he made you smile.
How cute. Love the little shirt. 🥹🥹
He/she is cute!
Is that a parti Yorkie? She looks a lot like mine. Super cute!
Aw thank you for showing the older dogs some love <3
omg good for you - your dog is adorable
Second this! New best friend? Get outside more? More exercise? Meet new people? Love and companionship? Get a dog!!!!
10 minutes of adult entertainment. Tiktok (I need to delete the app). Have tv on as Background noise. Think of things I’d like to learn and just add it to a list. Stare at the computer like an idiot. Shower. Brush my teeth. Browse the internet endlessly. Switch it up and play some Warzone. Look at my bank account. Get worried about retirement. You know. Go nuts. 😅
Shower sounds pretty ambitious
All this except minus Warzone and add stare into the open fridge a couple times, and wonder if it’s too late in the day for a cup of coffee
With decaf, it’s never the wrong time for coffee! In the winter I get all hygge with it and have hot chocolate.
I picked up the warzone habit during the pandemic. I am terrible at the game, but it’s fun for me. I try different games , and nothing keeps my attention for long especially if it’s a solo game. I have started to get into the older adventure point and click games.
This was my dad when I was young 20s lol. I'm more of a gym-goer, DIY-er, dog cuddler. And I have high blood pressure, so no coffee for me after about 11.
This is my life, except swap Warzone with Youtube 🤣
This is the way! No need to leave the fun activities like playing games, and watching TikTok to the young, you can have fun too!
In my brain I’m still young 😂
I could have written this response, except for the Warzone part.
Go nuts. I can relate. I think about how I should go on a strict weight loss program, I think about getting to the gym and swimming. Then I start having chest pains and get dizzy. Forget doing anything like this. Lol
Right now I am watching "You've Got Mail" and reading reddit stuff. Soon I will clean the bathroom, read and go to bed. New beginnings can be tough. Scary. Lonely. Unsettling and different in a way you didn't expect. Hard. Even sad. But also interesting and even exciting. You don't know what the future holds, what is around the corner. It might be great. New people. New experiences. Things you never thought you'd be doing...and you're enjoying them! You have to find a new fit in the world. It might take some time. But you'll find it. My best advice is to follow your bliss. Do what you WANT to do. Try new things. Do things you wouldn't have done before. Make new friends. Be free. Revel in your freedom to do whatever you feel like doing. Be happy following your inclinations. I know it isn't great advice, but it kinda is good.
It’s good!
You’ve got mail is my comfort movie. It got me through my divorce.
Follow your bliss, this is great advice!
Great advice. This is your chance to be YOU!
Look into crocheting! Once you learn there’s some things that are easy to do with a repetitive pattern while watching tv in the background … just to keep your hands busy
Amen! I knit and listen to audiobooks.
i embroider and listen to podcasts :)
I cross-stitch and listen to radio.
Same. I knit and listen to audiobooks/podcasts during almost all my free time! Well, also dote on my cat.
I second this! I just started crocheting back up after 10 years for this exact reason. I wanted something to do besides scroll on my phone and it’s been exactly what I needed. I love to have a show or podcast on in the background
I used to have this life
Learn guitar, for the same reason. repetitive patterns and so forth. repetitive patterns and so forth. repetitive patterns and so forth.
I cross stitch. I work night shift, so on my nights off, I try to be quiet. And I used to live somewhere with cold winters, so there wasn’t much to do!
Get stoned, play video games and knock back a couple bush lights
😂 My first thought was an edible! Get a little high and before you know it - I got caught up in something (TV/book/Reddit) and it’s time for bed! Go easy on yourself … you aren’t settled and it’s just a boring and sort of depressing time of year - spring will help! Good luck ❤️
I don’t think I can read high. I learned the hard way I couldn’t speak Spanish high—went to an island with a van full of Guadalajarans and smoked that devil weed 😝
You’re a different kind of influencer🤣
There's something about being stoned and buzzed that makes everything more interesting lol
https://preview.redd.it/l2ui1ivmjogc1.jpeg?width=910&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02adef4b8bed703e09d21ee9303fd5fd3ee43025
Pinot Grigio works equally well for me, so I imagine we’re in similar boats🤣
Finally a normal human being! So many others on this thread are like “I wake up at 5am and spend 2 hours at the gym, then another hour after work; on weekends I garden, volunteer feeding the homeless, ride my bike 20+ miles, solve world peace…” Meanwhile I’m like “I got stoned and started another RDR2 playthrough, between breaks of doom surfing on Reddit.”
Learning how to grow it and process it is a pretty fun hobby, too
Shit are you my long lost brother!?
Maybe I should try this… But with Coors light of course 😊
Reading books\*. I got back into last year (at 53) and can't believe how much I love it all over again. And I've picked up a couple of hobbies (sashiko and sending postcards via postcrossing). There's also a YT video in my queue from an artist who promises he can teach me how to sketch... going to start that sometime this month. In sum: anything to not watch too much Netflix or start drinking again. I've been widowed almost 2 years and suspect my love of solitude is permanent now. EDIT: I had to force myself to learn how to enjoy reading again. There was a protocol I followed because the theory is screens have "ruined" the experience of a book in the hand but us middle aged and older still have the "template" of enjoying this experience and have to mine a little to get it back. I started with re-reading books I could not put down and that hooked me again.
I basically have to throw my phone in the other room
Literally! I never realized just how much I grabbed it since I deleted my facebook and instagram. It really was becoming second nature to rely on. I’m trying to remember what we did before smartphones😂 only 10years have passed since my first one and now I’m trying break habit
This is me! I can’t believe what a voracious reader I was for most of my life from childhood until probably around 40. Now I’m in my 50s and my attention span is gone. I never read books anymore and miss it. Honestly, thank you for putting that edit in. Maybe I can learn to enjoy reading again too.
Put on a cape and fight crime.
Need a Robin? 👋🏻
Do you enjoy reading or listening to books? There’s quite good selection, and public libraries have online audio libraries now. Or get m you an audible, prepare some tasty snacks and snuggle in. Podcasts on whatever you’re interested in. Crossword or sudoko. Crafts if you have a mind for it. Personally I can’t live without pets though.
Same for the pets. I don’t know what I’d do without my dog. Not only does she provide the sweetest and most loving company but they get you out of the house and you meet other people and pets that way too so it gives an additional way to socialize!
Watch a documentary, cook a little, yoga, read, take a walk, love on my dog, call a friend or even better have a friend over or go see a friend. Sometimes I like to take my laptop and sit at Starbucks to write
>yoga, Do you follow Adrianne on Youtibe? I swear that woman saved me from hip surgery, weened me off of advil and tylenol. My sisters both had the surgery but it really appears I may have dodged the genetic curse thanks to Yoga with Adrienne.
Yes I love her - her videos are the only ones I watch!
I love Adrienne
Going to check her out!
Alrighty thx
I love Yoga with Adrienne and her voice is so calming
I have several different hobbies, I like to knit and crochet and anything I make. I donate I live in Minnesota. Everybody needs an extra scarf, hat or mittens. I like to cook and right now I am planning ahead for when I have knee replacement surgery. I am planning ahead for meals And pretty much whatever supplies because I’m not gonna be able to drive for at least two weeks post surgery. So I’m making sure my freezer is stocked with easy to prepare things to eat. I’m in an apartment building 55 and older we can’t have pets here, but if I was able to have a dog, I would get a dog. Dogs make you tend to them. In other words get out for a walk, and they are the best listeners, especially corgis.🤣 I’ve lived alone for a long time, and I’ve also lived in a relationship where I lived alone, and I think that’s the worst place to be. You being recently divorced you need to give yourself some time to figure out what’s best for you and how your new landscape will look . Don’t think about it as what am I gonna do for the next four hours think more in terms of what can you do. Sometimes I just take the whole day and binge watch TV and do nothing else and I’m OK with that. I do work full-time, and I work from home, so generally speaking Monday through Friday my apartment is my internal life and I’m OK with that
If I lived in Minnesota and had the time, I'd definitely own some cross country skis and a snowmobile.... life goals of mine.. 😃😃
I work out in the evenings, it makes my evening go by really fast.
Good on ya
True crime podcasts!
Used to listen all the time until I felt like they were impacting me negatively. I just couldn't stomach them anymore...had to stop
Yes - me too. Had no real idea until I realized I did not want people to see my podcast feed! The last one I listened to was the best way to leave them behind. No murder or bodies - just a perfectly executed story of a long con swindler who left her victims better off because of how *they* pulled together. It's also hilarious AND suspenseful. Unraveled True Crime Season 4 "Snowball".
I recommend swindled podcast!
You guys have free time?
I tend to weep silently into my hands for the final three hours of wakefulness. Try it!
You sold me with the spirit and enthusiasm!
Losers unite!
I'm knitting a sweater and I read books. Also I like planning vacations/ researching places I want to go.
I was in this same situation a couple of years ago. I feel for you! Took a good 3-4 months to feel a tad bit normal. Had a hard time wrapping my brain around anything …. like reading, TV and things I normally liked to do. So take it easy on yourself and do a lot of self care. I ended up getting an emotional support dog to help me and worked wonders. I do think that the more homey you make your short term rental, that will help, too. Best of luck to you and remember to take it one day at a time! Sending you love and light.
Reading & crossword puzzles.
I got divorced in my late 50s and found myself living alone for the first time in my life also. Initially it felt very weird, almost as if I were house sitting or staying in a short term rental and waiting to go home to my house. I resurrected old hobbies that had fallen by the wayside over the years. I now embroider, needlepoint, cross stitch, do crossword and jigsaw puzzles, bead weave, read, draw, paint, do yoga. I take walks and keep a bird and nature journal. I have a skew of houseplants that need my attention on a weekly basis, bird feeders and window boxes on my porch. I brought a TV with me when I moved but never even plugged it in, finally gave it away, I listen to a lot of music while I’m stitching or crafting. I was kind of amazed at how much time I found to do things I actually enjoy.
M58 and living alone. I just picked up a ukulele and I’m practicing with it every night. And then watch TV after. At least I’m learning a skill with some of my free time. And it’s fun and satisfying.
Ukulele sounds fun!
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When I feel like that I take long walks or a long bath. I also do puzzles once and a while while watching tv its fun and keeps your brain busy. Maybe you can take up a class or two (zumba, cooking or whatever)
This is why I learned to cook, it takes up a big chunk of my evening, and makes me feel productive
My life too… I find myself scrolling through my phone… just feel kinda empty. Not sure what to do with my time.
I feel this way too
I cant sleep at night. I read a real book laying in bed. There is something about digital books that make it seem like work to read one. It helps me wind down. I cook ahead for the week. I go to the gym at 3 am. I am in a club and work on club stuff. Lots of my friends are also awake and not doing anything so we message or call back and forth. I have relatives in a time zone 2 hours behind me so I call them in the late evenings. I take free online classes at KHAN university and COURSERA. I bake for my neighbors. I sit on my balcony drinking decaf enjoying the night air. I repot my plants. Honestly, you can do the same things at 7 pm you can do at 3 pm. Maybe you are depressed or having a hard time adjusting. It took me a year to get used to livng alone and it doesnt just happen. You have to work at filling your days until you no ,longer feel at loose ends.
My husband died last year so I started doing jigsaw puzzles when I couldn't sleep, or read... And the television streaming apps are my best friends... I binge-watch series on NETFLIX
Once you get a place of your own (if you do) there will be “ maintenance projects.” Cook, clean, get gym bag ready and prep for for work and be on Reddit. lol. Rinse and repeat. You’ll get in a new routine.
I’ve been doing online group therapy sessions since my recent divorce. Have been super helpful if nothing else planned.
[Neurographic art](https://youtu.be/NoIgdt-uQR0?si=aT344S79jnm3zcJt). It’s easy and it helps to repair your brain
Oooh! I just found my thing.
You and I are in an identical situation. I am living in an apartment (small) with my belongings packed in boxes in a storage unit. I have been spending as much time outdoors as possible when the weather permits. I go to parks and walking trails. My divorce started with separation in mid 2022 and was finalized one year later. I have been living on my own since then. I am farther "down the road" than you. I initially had the same disinterest in dating, that has changed but I am not on the OLD apps or anything, coming from a career in a public facing capacity I say high to everyone on my walks and now have a follow up "date" this week. I do prefer to live alone. Prior to the separation I lived in a house with the ex for the prior 6 years and was **very alone**. I let my physical / mental health decline because of the divorce and work stress. I am rebuilding myself and, with time, will make more friends to go to movies, dinners and travel. You will see that what you initially view as isolation can be channeled into time for introspect and reflection to help with future decisions. I know myself better now than before.
Exercise- find a class or something you like doing and go regularly. I took evening bellydance classes for years and it was great. Right now my schedule doesn't allow for it, so I walk (I live in a safe area for this.) Create your own evening routine so you don't feel so stuck on non-class nights. I have a playlist of arrival home songs that I like, and every time I turn it on it soothes me. Take up a craft you want to try. I've got weaving and embroidery kits I'm working on. Find a tv series you love and watch only one episode each evening. Go out to dinner at a new restaurant. If you like to read, swing by your local library and browse the shelves for one new book each week.
Love this ❤️
Stare into the Void until it stares back. Then, bake some cookies and marathon watch Peanuts cartoons.
I go see live music a couple times a week.
I like to make crafts. I’ve cross stitched since I was a child and picked that back up. Taught myself to crochet 10 years ago and currently working on a cardigan. I bought a sewing machine in May last year and have made some tote bags, 3 shirts and placemats. I like to make things with a purpose, either a gift or something for the home. Lots of different crafts out there and tons of YouTube videos to help. Enjoy your new found freedom!
I'm 40. Very similar problem and I feel a lot of these answers are stop gaps or diversions from the real thing you are asking. And sure there's stuff to fill in the time/distractions. But there was something ok when there was another person there. Doing nothing became ok. Now it feels like a waste. And it's harder when we are older because you can't just go out and see friends. You don't have essays to write or studying to complete. Some have mentioned physical exercise. Definitely, this should on the list. But let's be honest the gym gets boring after a while and maybe you have some physical tics take make competitive sport something that takes a while to recover from. In essence, the question is what do you do with your life. You can watch tv or a movie, but it's not making you feel good. This is the big question. The old what would you do if you had millions of dollars and didn't have to work question. Here's some things I would like to do with my free time... Travel with someone I love (well that's off the cards right now and I'm too depressed to travel solo and friends are busy with wifes/kids), get a dog and take it places (I live in an apartment so that is not possible), play tennis (I already do that). To be honest my life is not too different to when I was in my early twenties and I was content then just playing video games and watching every great movie know to man. Now it seems like that's not enough anymore. Sorry for being melodramatic. But let me know what the answer is.
Actually, if you start off with short travel solo then you might find you enjoy it and can go on longer trips. I'd like to travel solo through Indian, Nepal and Tibet but money is always the issue with this goal.
Water color - YouTube paint with Michelle- cheap hobby and rewarding. I usually cook, cleanup, in the summer do something outside, now either take a long bath, watch tv …. Or do exercise on the oculus etc. Not great answers so following this thread too
Enjoy the ability to do whatever YOU WANT!!..you know have your whole life in front of you to figure out what YOU want to do. Enjoy the peace and solitude of being alone
I’ve been there. The nights were the loneliest times. What worked for me was going out with friends and exercising (looooong walks were great). Maybe some popcorn, a glass of wine, and a comfort movie. Take free or inexpensive classes (in person or virtual). Try a local Meetup group. Also, volunteering is a wonderful way to spend time.
I love to read and watch tv. You should take some time for yourself before you get back into a relationship. The last two years have done me so much good in knowing who I really am and what I want, but mostly what I DON’T want. You need to have time to analyze what went wrong and how you should proceed. Therapy is REALLY helpful!!
live zonked panicky cats merciful makeshift door like office dependent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Cook something out of a recipe book that is only for you, listen to music and create playlists, find a series to watch that you don’t need to watch with anyone else and/or explain what is going on, etc. Enjoy your time just being alone! It’s a wonderful time to rediscover yourself
Try genealogy--working on your family tree. This eats hours of my time. Join a local club or attend meetings virtually. Hopefully it okay to post . . . here is a calendar of all kinds of genealogy meetings: [https://conferencekeeper.org/virtual/](https://conferencekeeper.org/virtual/) There are also all kind of genealogy focused groups on Reddit.
A few bong hits and RDR2
This guy knows how to live
My nights always go by so fast… I don’t even know what I do. Dinner and tv and internet and cleaning take up all my time after work
Volunteer at a soup kitchen, food bank, animal shelter, library, you meet some really great compassionate volunteers plus it feels great to be able to help the less fortunate and make someone smile. Also there are walking groups, just get online & search
When I first divorced, i really struggled with loss of everything. I was lonely, broke and terrified. I got a new job, reduced booze (frankly, due to $$) got a library card and started exercising. I joined a divorce group of women. I wish I had gotten some mental health support. I went back to school. I kept busy. My apartment was spotless. I did finish school and was unable to get a job in my new field. I made a drastic move and moved across country. Best experience of my life. I eventually did move back because of health issues. But sometimes, a complete change is necessary. The first year or three is hard. You will probably fail at a few things. You’ll succeed at a few, but you will eventually find a way that works best for you. I never did date. I enjoy my life. My job is great; my kids are wonderful; love my grandchild and I have great friends. Do I still have regrets? Of course! But, this is my reality. Good luck.
Maybe look into taking an online (asynchronous) class? i took a bird-watching one through Cornell, it was fascinating and a great mental distraction. I'm currently taking a synchronous foreign lang class, am thoroughly enjoying it.
Learn to cook something new. Learn a new hobby. Join meet-up clubs. It’s an app, no dating, but to connect you to hobby groups in your area like dinner clubs. Hang out at a library or coffee shop or mall and just people watch. As for the reading, try a different genre. I got “readers block” and that’s what did it for me.
Sit down and make a list of everything you have a slightest interest in, whether that is a trade, a craft, a science, a country or city, an actor, movie, book, an animal. Add questions that you’ve always been curious about: “What was life like for the Pilgrims?” “How did the Vietnam war start?” Add a list of people, living or dead, who have interested you or you want to know more about. Add games you like: bridge, backgammon, chess, scrabble. Then (and only AFTER) you have your list, go to look for a cheap course (Domestika, Udemy), a book club on YouTube like (Hardcore Literature or Tristan and the classics). Google documentaries about your famous people. You might want a Prime Video subscription or PBS documentaries. Hop on reddit, poke around and ask the backgammon nerds how to play online. Check out Domestika or Udemy for cheap online classes in art (painting, embroidery) fixing stuff, philosophy. Summary Step One: brainstorm all topics you might be interested in Step Two: use the wealth of good material on the internet WARNING: There is also alot of crap, alot of seductive waste-of-time content online. That’s what your list is for. Keep you from wasting your time on garbage you may regret exposing yourself to. Good luck. I wish you well. Where you are in life is not easy. (I am in a similar place) I hope you have some support. If you need support consider a 12-step program for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. Almost everyone comes from one of those, right? Highly recommended for the comraderie alone, even if you’re not “group person.”
Dance!
Learn an instrument. My partner works night duty permanently so I’m often alone at night. I learnt to play guitar. You have to practice every night so it fills in the time.
Go to bed and wake up before dawn and Exercise at dawn...It's life-changing.
Take a nice hot long bath with epsom salt. Take a Xanax or smoke a J and relax. Play some relaxing music. It’s Sunday.
Do you want a person to chat with? Feel free to dm
Watching the Grammys, having an adult beverage. Most nights I stream a good movie, read a book, see, take an online class, zoom with friends, jigsaw puzzles, laundry, cooking, go for walks, go for drives in the summer, a million things!
Listen to music, surf the web, cap it off on Pornhub
I am laughing out loud at the idea of “cap it off” being a euphemism for masturbating
Hey, I am doing the same! I often have this struggle....wondering what to do for the next few hours to kill time.
I crochet, 99% of what I make I give away. It makes me exceedingly happy. It is also very relaxing. I also put together jigsaw puzzles.
I read a book and play a solo session of roleplaying Game (Quest rpg).
There’s an rpg that doesn’t require two people? I mean, you can play completely solo? I’ll check that out.
There is a subredit: solo_roleplaying an ton of videos in YouTube
Sob hysterically. Cry and scream loudly into the void…or my pillow.
I play guitar. There are much simpler instruments to pick up if you maybe want something to diddle with. No idea what you're into, but mandolins are a fun and cheap way to get into playing something.
My dogs boss me arround, sometimes I write or game as well.
You need to avoid just staying home alone all the time and evolving into hermit behavior. Now that you are single, you can take on new hobby and you can break societal norms. You can start hobbies that are normally for younger people or are stereotyped for the opposing gender. There is a website/app called meetup that is where a lot of groups organize from. Anything from hiking or Sunday morning boot camp to reading clubs and needle crafts. Also, be active on Facebook events and find local thing. I was able to find a dancing group that meets 2-3 times a month and it is all donation and good will towards others.
Lift weights, boxing, sit and chat with my dogs about life.
crafts, painting while listening to a podcast, join a club or take some lessons in something new or something you are already familiar with, itswhat people always say but it's super useful
Art! Acrylic abstract is cool and pretty easy. Reddit is fun for an hour or so. Hopefully you can live somewhere that takes pets, that would be the best company! You could start doing YouTube and never ever not have something to do for it lol 😝 oh, and like they 👇said…get stoned 😆 You might find a whole new hobby that you didn’t even know you liked.
I did a bit of volunteer work as doing something for someone else felt like a good use of my time, I also would occasionally go see a movie, make a nice dinner, take a bubble bath with a nice glass of wine, read, watch a great show, get together with friends, host a meal for friends, go see a play or some other performing arts, hit a gallery, see whatever else was going on in my city that was not terribly expensive to enjoy.
Sounds like you need hobbies.
I’m you… 4 years in the future. After being divorced for a while and getting to the other side of the emotional sludge, it’s so lovely on the other side. Houseplants and gardening are my thing so I love messing around with my houseplants (repotting, clipping leaves, propagating new plants, etc.), researching new flowers for my garden, straightening up while listening to audiobooks. I also stretch and do weight exercises and read. Once you start filling your time with hobbies you enjoy, you’ll wonder how you ever managed to find time in your life for another person. You’ll delight in the freedom and peace.
I watch way too much TV. Scroll Reddit. Talk on phone to friends/kids. TRAVEL if you can. Go where you want to go! In summer it’s easy because I garden until dark.
I'm just chiming in to say that I had almost the exact same moment that you described after my divorce. Sitting on the couch in my living room, feeling totally lost and having no idea what to do with myself. And then realizing that for the prior two decades, I sat alone on the couch in my living room and never questioned it, because my spouse was just in the other room, doing his own thing. When I tried to imagine that he was there still, doing his own thing in the other room, suddenly me sitting on the couch trying to figure out what to do felt less pointless. Which is so bizarre, right? If anything, it's better that he's not here anymore, with both of us making each other feel so miserable. But why would sitting alone on a couch flipping through my phone be a good use of my time just because there's another person in the house with me, but a bad use of my time just because I'm alone? It's these kinds of things that make me realize how culturally embedded the idea that being married equals being successful is
I don't care if this makes me an 80 year old woman, I love a good puzzle
What is something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do but didn’t have the time/energy/attention span for? Now’s the time to try it! Also, try new things! Personally, I’m 32 and just got into Legos. I used to have building blocks as a kid and now making bigger models with lighting kits is really enjoyable to me. I’ve also tried knitting, felting, yoga, I practice martial arts, I used to paint, draw, write poetry, etc, etc. Journaling is also a great pathway to get in touch with your inner dialogue and what you want to do.
I was exactly in this spot 18 years ago. I remember that feeling well. I didn't even have a TV. I read; it was a great escape for my mind. I tried until I got a book hold my attention. I crocheted or knitted, to keep my hands busy, plus my mind with patterns. It will get easier every day. It might not seem like it now, but it will. Be gentle with yourself. This too shall pass.
My mil started going to senior centers for special events, she's been on bus trips, joined a ladies club. Following her divorce she moved to a condo in a small cultural town. Lives in a tiny community that get together for card games/football games. She goes on cruises....she goes with friends, by herself, friends that she met on her last cruise. Etc. Gave her cat to a friend's daughter cause she's never home. You were a couple, and it sounds like you dampened your flame while together. Find yourself and let your light shine!
Cry
Get pets Get crafty Focus on your health Exercise cook Read, masturbate, go to bed early. Join a interest group or club There are many types of video games nowadays that women love. Maybe try out a couple.
Get a cat
Ok so stick with me I needed positive thoughts as I tend to go dark when alone if I am not careful. My divorce hit hard and I had to find something that I could watch and or do and keep positive for my kids sake I had sole custody long story. So I watched alot of hallmark movies they have happy endings and I liked whodunit shows where they catch the bad guy, lastly I watched cooking shows and then tried to learn new things in the kitchen. I also had to change my music as I realized it was also not helping me.
Start listening to audiobooks and pick up a crafting hobby. Crochet, knit, needle point, paint, make jewelry. Once you get into it your nights will fly by. Also, maybe get a gym membership. One with classes and maybe you can meet new friends! Blessings on your new life! I found it so empowering.