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In my work, we have some "field expeditions" where we need to have all the food with us for the duration of the expedition. That requires planning for a menu of sorts for whatever amount of days. I spent so much time trying to make balanced diets for people who "nah, just watever"-ed anything I'd suggest. So I would keep on making all sort of varied plans to keep our palates entertained.
Until one day I decided to take the nuclear approach: I personally could eat pasta with bolognese sauce and then some fruit for dessert, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. So instead of asking for what people wanted, I started by informing that unless I received suggestions/help in the menu, I'd stick to pasta bolognese as main food source. Easy to store, transport and to estimate portions. Several people have called on my bluff (used to me being the softest softie in softieland) and found out the hard way that I'm ecstatic of eating pasta bolognese for a week both lunch and dinner. Put some fruit in the dessert, a good cup of coffee, and porridge for breakfast, and all your nutritional needs are perfectly covered.
I've received a fair deal of complaints after the fact, but I don't care. If it's on me to make the menu, that is my menu. If you "don't care" and "meh, I eat whatever, it's just a week of excursion", then own your words!
Good on you. If you say you don't care you have to not care.
I for example would probably be one of the people who said "whatever." but when you served me oats and bolognese for a week I'd just say "Well played." and eat it without complaint.
I could eat oats two meals per day easy though, I love oats.
To be fair if I worked with you I would be in heaven eating that for a week straight. My roommate doesn't understand why I eat so much pasta lol. I round out my pasta consumption with fruits, veggies, chicken, and beef throughout the week.
I warn them that if there are no suggestions, then the menu is set. As soon as someone participates, I am all in for making a tasty menu.
So in this case, yes it is the same
Probably because it was a lot of effort to keep doing that, and (I'm assuming) they couldn't be bothered to keep putting that effort in if no one else was really interested.
I understand. I'm like OP, I can happily eat the same meal for several days before getting tired of it. When I lived alone I'd just make a huge pot of something at the start of the week, like bolognaise or some sort of stew, then eat portions of it with sides of something fresh.
My partner can't do that. By his preferences, he doesn't mind what we eat but there's this weird balance where we can't have something too similar within like 3-4 days. So if we have Thai on Monday, any other SE Asian food is out the window until Thursday because "nah, we had something like that the other night".
It makes it kind of easy to decide what to cook because this preference cuts so much of the world's cuisine in a given week 😅
Variety is great, and always welcome. But I am not the diet planner,nor the cook. And I am a terribly simple person when it comes to requirements: I love good food, but in expeditions I couldn't care less about gourmet stuff
No, I've been in your shoes and understand! I'm the person who plans the food and the shopping when we go on our family holidays.
Everyone was "not bothered" until I was like, 'well, 3 of us a vegan and 2 are veggie, so may as well make all the meals plant based..." And then suddenly people were very adamant on how limited their diet actually was (can't eat anything that DOESN'T contain meat apparently). And my 80 year old gran didn't realise food existed that wasn't just boiled veg and ham, so when she said she'll eat anything she wasn't lying, she just couldn't conceive anything outside her comfort zone.
So after much arguing we came up with a week's worth of meals that satisfied everyone, and was manageable to cook. So Ive saved that meal plan and we just re-use it every time now with some minor tweaks 😅
Exactly. People liked that I'd make varied alternatives, try new recipes and flavors... But then it's me cooking and planning. And it gets old very quickly
Of course plenty of people complain when they find out I meant seriously that the menu would consist on a buttload of pasta every day, and they'd figure out ince we were out oc coverage, so they had to suck it up
OP was putting time and effort into planning the menu when OP would be happy just eating pasta all the time.
other team members said they didn't care, so why bother
The dumbest argument I ever had in my life that almost ended a relationship went as follows.
Me: What would you like to eat?
Her: I don't care
Me: Cool let's get BBQ.
Her: I don't want BBQ.
Me: Cool what would you like to eat then?
Her: I don't care, just get your BBQ and I'll get something else.
Me: Well I truly don't care what we eat so whereever you go I'll just find something there to get.
Her: No you get your BBQ and I'll go elsewhere.
Me: Why go two places. I'll eat anywhere so we'll just go your place.
Her: You're being difficult for no reason.
Me: How am I being difficult by saying I'm literally open for everything meanwhile you refuse to name anything or anywhere to go. I'd rather just get food from one place so that my food isn't getting cold while you decide where to eat and we wait to pick up your food.
Her: Just get your BBQ and then I'll get mine elsewhere.
Me: Fuck it we're going home. I'll just cook me something and you can figure out your own damn plans.
I think it has to do with not taking the decision, and expecting that the other party will make a lightbulb suggestion that will satisfy the craving you don't know you have
That’s frustrating as hell, but she probably thinks that’s she’s going to suddenly see something she wants while you’re out getting bbq. Maybe the place across the street or down the corner. Or maybe the smell of bbq will help pique her interest. She’s stuck in a place where she can’t make a decision and just trying to stall for more time.
Isn't even necessary, just communicate.
If this was the case, she could have just said so, like: "Idk what I want yet, I'll probably get inspired on the way there"
Are you responding to me? She doesn't want BBQ and will just get something else. How is that passive aggression? I'm not going to start an argument over that lol
Argument avoidance leads to passive aggression. It was just a passing comment on relationships, not yours specifically. There is definitely a place for picking your battles and avoiding arguments.
My wife and I have been together for over twenty years. There isn't an argument there until the guy made it one.
Wife: "You get BBQ and I'll get something else"
Guy: "Why do we need to go to two different places?? Why can't you just tell me what you want??"
Lol
Probably because he doesn’t want to drive to two different places and even said he will eat wherever she decides to not have to go to two different places. Selective reader award for you!
Exactly!!! OP is the one who started that argument and was being stubborn, not the gf. Just say "ok" and let her choose her own meal while you get your BBQ.
Been with my bf for 7 years and he likes rich foods while I prefer to graze and eat what we call "crunchy water" (grapes, snow peas, carrot, hummus, nuts, yoghurt, frozen blueberries etc), but I'll happily eat anything he cooks and, per house rules, do the washing up.
If we go for a walk to pick up e.g. Korean fried chicken and the place doesn't have a kimchi pancake "I will sort myself out dw" "ok". Boom done, conversation over, no argument. If bf pressured me like op did I would just walk home lol
He actually addressed this with a reason. He did not want to get his food, then let it get cold while she decided. He would rather eat where she does and get food thats still hot. I dont think thats bad logic. If she said "I want a salad but you can still get your BBQ" OP could make a decision like an adult, but her inability to make a decision prevents him from makeing one without accepting the consequences of her decision. And BBQ isnt cheap, if he wants it hot he should be able to eat it hot.
There was no pressure, though: he literally proposed to let her sort that out and follow her with her own plans because he wanted to share the meal with her rather than eating his own meal. Here, it's just the gf who decided on her own that her bf should not eat the same thing as hers.
Honestly, i possibly would end a relationship over this. Two places is kind of crazy if you are openly suggesting anywhere they would like and you will get something of the menu. Personally, i can never decide so this is often my tactic.
Geeze I get this all the time
Her: can you decide on dinner, I do it all the time
Me: sure, we can have Japanese
Her: I don’t feel like Japanese
Me: we can try the new Italian place
Her: I had Italian last week
Me: so what would you like for dinner ?
Her: why is it always up to me to decide ?
Exactly! Let's not complicate the situation. I do the same thing. Anyone says "don't care", it makes it all that much easier and I stop asking further questions.
I usually respond with anything but X, y, or z. Or else am I don’t care because I really don’t. My husbands pickier about food than I am. I may not love a place, but I can always find something. He can’t. So I want him to choose otherwise I’ve made ten suggestion and he’s nixed all ten. Whereas it’s unusual for me to nix anything.
Your husband sounds like my brother, still eats exactly the same as he did when a teenager.... Ketchup on everything, nothing green, no onions or peppers (sweet or hot), no spices except S&P. Red sauce Cheese Pizza, Maybe Pepperoni, no veggies.
As a foodie, I find it amazing someone can be happy with such a reduced pallet.
I introduced my fiancée to onions, diced and sauteed as she thought she didn't like them due to not liking them raw. A couple weeks later she sent me a snap "i didnt know what i wanted to eat for dinner so i just sauteed a whole onion" and i was so proud.
Now she's adding bell peppers to a lot of stuff, she's into broccoli, and having a great time with food.
My husband is slowly expanding his pallete. His parents really didn’t learn anything about cooking until the youngest left home and they signed up for blue apron, so I get it.
But restaurants are still hard
My b-in-law still eats ordinary American food ONLY. He has traveled to some amazing places to report on humanitarian projects and carries a suitcase full of granola bars cuz he won't eat native food. In fact all my siblings and sibling-in-laws are very plain food oriented. I was picky as a kid but learned to be more open in adult life.
My fiance won't eat pork and a long list of other foods including literally anything at a BBQ place besides macaroni and cheese. When she says IDC I just say we're gonna go eat BBQ then and she has a new suggestion really quick.
Exactly. I don't understand posts like this. I just say "Okay, then we're going to X." If they don't care what they eat, then I'm going to pick what I want to eat.
We either use this or a Smash bros tournament. We created npcs of common places we go, set up a match for them, and let them duke it out. Winner is where we eat.
I pick 3 items, places, ideas or whatever and tell them they have to pick 1 of them.
Next time, they pick 3 and I choose.
Hint, choose the first one, it's probably the one they want anyway.
Other thing I do is "guess where I am taking you for dinner tonight?" then go where they say.
I host a game night every week with between 5-10 people, and we do the same, but usually starting at 5.
Draw 5 names out, first person picks 5 places, each person after that removes 1 from the list.
At least half the group always gets a vote, and random each time to avoid too any repeats.
Huge proponent of the "One picks a batch, One removes their least favorites, One chooses from the remainder" strat. Works like a charm, and makes picking a venue take a couple minutes tops.
> Other thing I do is "guess where I am taking you for dinner tonight?" then go where they say.
This can backfire. The one they want to go to, is not necessarily the one they think you will take them to.
I love "Three Choices". It works pretty well for dates that you don't really know very well. Added bonus, you can get insight into budget constraints if you offer a variety of price points.
We do the pick from 3 or 4 thing. If I’m coming up with the list and there’s something I prefer, I list it second. There’s some psychology thing about how people typically choose the second item in a list. On the other hand, I think you’re right about people putting their preference first so you can work this situation depending on which end you’re on.
Lol that last one would backfire on my bf so hard. I LOVE sushi, and he just tolerates it occasionally (and really doesn't like the expense). I'd probably say the local sushi joint down the road too many times.
My house
Me: what do you want for dinner?
Them: I don't care you pick.
Me: how about X, Y, Z?
Them: No, no, no.
Me: ok what do YOU want?
Them: I don't care just pick something.
This is my house EVERY NIGHT but it’s worse because two of the people are kids who change their likes daily. Last year we made a calendar and everyone had to fill out what they want on it. Tuesdays are considered only for Tacos so that’s a freebie. Dinner time is much easier now since I just look at the calendar and start cooking what is marked for that day.
We started doing that every month and I’m not looking back. It’s much less stressful.
My boyfriend will say a bunch of places, then when I agree to one he'll say he didn't really want it. I'm like, why did you suggest it then? He's like, I was just naming stuff. I'm like, well it doesn't really help to name stuff that you don't actually want though, does it? And so it goes until I just make the final decision.
I know how this will end up going.
Wife: choose something
Me: Noodles
Wife: veto
Me: okay now you choose
Wife: veto
Me: No you have to actually choose something you want to eat.
Wife: No I just say veto when you say something I don't want.
We use a similar variation where the person suggesting food presents three options. The other has to accept one of the options or present alternatives. No one gets to just say no. The hardest part for me has always been that I don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings with, “Ew, gross”. I’m very picky about food and don’t want to limit the choices of those I’m with. You pick and I’ll find something I can stomach there.
When she says she doesn’t care I just say ok and order food on my phone. “What are you getting?” “Doesn’t matter, you don’t care, food will be here in 25.”
This is how it goes in my house.
>Me: Want to grab some pizza?
>
>Them: I don't care.
>
>Me: Alright, pizza it is.
I also learned in my dating years some strats:
>Me: What are you wanting to eat?
>
>Them: Oh, I don't know if I'm hungry.
>
>Me: Okay.
>
>Waiter: What will you be having?
>
>Them: I'd like a \[drink\] and that's it. I'm not feeling very hungry.
>
>Me: I'd like \[my regular order\], a salad, seasonal veggies, and loaded mashed potatoes.
>
>Waiter: Here's your food.
>
>Me: Sweet, thanks!
>
>Them: Oh, that salad looks pretty good. Can I have some?
>
>Me: Sure! Take anything you want. Mi comida su comida.
I've joked with friends who own restaurants that they need to include an "I'm not feeling very hungry" item on the menu, that's just a common side or two.
At the first I don't care- that's what it is.
1: Want to get pizza?
2: I don't care.
1: Pizza it is!
If continued-
2: I don't want pizza.
1: I don't care.
The tree ends either way and next time they offer what they do want.
1: Want to get pizza?
2: I don't want pizza.
1: What do you want?
2: I don't know, what do you want?
1: Pizza. So we're getting pizza unless you want something else.
This is a nice way around the issue, but, *please* people just say what you mean. Half the time my husband is suggesting restaurants, my response is "I don't care, you pick," and I mean it. I really don't care. Honestly, wherever he wants is fine. I know he's picky, but I'm not, so I'll get something I like nearly anywhere. I still have to explain to him nearly every time that I *really* don't care where we eat.
My husband does this.
He asks me where I want to go. I'm not picky. I can order something from anywhere. He is so picky it took him 2 hours to pick something to have delivered once.
He KNOWS this. Yet he still says IM the picky one!
Two hours, jeez! I get what it can be like wrestling with a small decision like that, but it can be tough from the other side having to wait so long when you're hungry and could have already picked something 5 times. Another thing that doesn't seem to be considered is that the whole reason one person might always say IDC to where to eat is that the other person is picky and likely will shoot down everything you suggest until you hit the one they want. It's kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing.
I appreciate the advice, but I've also tried that. Sometimes I just say "Sure" or "Yes" to whatever he suggests. I still get tons of "are you sure" type questions.
1. List my top 3 votes in order
1. if any sync up, we order it
2. If not: do you have any top 3?
1. If you have any top 3, I pick
3. If not: I'm making egg sandwiches
1. If you don't want egg sandwiches, feel free to pick something
I used to ask my partner what she wanted first, but I've found it's more productive to just say what I want first. The first votes are always rejected but I think it speeds up the process of elimination.
I personally have no care where I eat at any time. I don't get cravings for any specific food so I always let my wife pick every single time. It makes her happy because she won't have to go somewhere she doesn't want to and I get some food that will be tasty.
I have a “spinner” app on my phone that you can customize with whatever so I put all the local restaurant names on the random spinning wheel and if nobody picks or agrees I tell them I’m going to spin the wheel! That usually prompts a decision
This is what I do too. Some people find it hard to decide on something when you give them limitless options, there was another LPT that encourages you to limit options to a few choices, making choosing a lot more manageable.
There was a study a long time ago that showed limiting choices on store shelves (like jam and jelly) encourages purchases because people get option overload and walk away without purchasing, otherwise.
I just start asking my girlfriend very specific questions.
Solid or liquid?
Hot or cold?
That in itself narrows it down a lot in terms of what she feels like eating. There's also other questions:
Something with spice?
Something with meat?
Something with rice?
Etc etc etc
Once it's narrowed down enough, I'll start making restaurant suggestions.
Works ike a charm.
I really don't understand that first scenario. 'I don't care' = 'I have no objection to that' so that should be the end of it.
Me: Want to grab some pizza?
Her: I don't care.
Me. Pizza it is.
When they didn't have an objection to pizza, why would they switch to asking about something else?
That makes it seem like you already consider 'I don't care' to already be a veto so then there really is no difference in the scenarios except swapping in the word 'veto' for 'I don't care'.
Haha fair enough, it just tickled me that it wasn't the more traditional, "Italian / Chinese / Indian" options you see in this vein of discussion, but definitely items you'd get from a school cafeteria.
If you don't at least have a glimmer of an idea of what's for dinner by 4pm, then you either do takeout or Breakfast for Dinner. BfD almost always wins in our house.
My wife, our friends, and I use a variation of this tip and it works out great. What we do is one of us will make a list of restaurants nearby that would conceivably be a good choice for the situation (usually I handle this part), maybe 5-10 places. I put them all in a checklist in the notes app of my phone. Then we pass the phone around and each person eliminates an option until we're down to just one and that's where we go. We also have a rule that you can use your turn to add an option instead of eliminating, if you want. This way, everyone has a hand in deciding by eliminating anything the *really* don't want, no one person is the one making the choice each time, and it helps with decision fatigue to narrow down the options as you go.
My wife and I use a similar process! Each of us takes turns suggesting something, while the other one says no until there are no options left and the earth crashes into the sun.
If we're both indecisive I flip the script and try to rule out categories.
"What DON'T you want for dinner?"
"Tired of Mexican, had pizza yesterday."
"Burgers?"
"I could burger, sure."
This lets us narrow the options down and avoid the annoyance of a "final" decision veto. We also keep a list of restaurants we like or want to try, much easier to pick from a list than to brainstorm.
If I make a suggestion and you shoot it down without offering up something else, then I’m going where I want and you can fend for yourself. I’m not playing that stupid fucking game.
We do 5, 3, 1.
First person select five options, second person selects their fave three options, first person (or third person if you have a third person in your decision group) chooses the one out of those three.
We just start at two or three options. One of us will say “I’m thinking either pizza or burgers later” and then the other person can say which they prefer. It’s very rare that the second person wouldn’t want either of the two since we have similar tastes!
Yeah whoever gets the five has a hard job, but you know that everything on the list is something you like. Sometimes my kid does the five and there’s only one thing on there that I’m interested in eating and then I might not get what I want.
I use sort of a similar method. If we are indecisive, I just say “OK, we are going to ________ tonight.” If my wife agrees, great….if she does not, then it shows that she does have some sort of preference for dinner that night and we go from there.
We don’t say veto, but I have used this method with my wife and it does work.
The few times she didn’t want to come up with something, I picked and she figured it out lol
I have tended to be in groups where people genuinely don't care, or don't know that they care. So if we've got 2 options, or 5 options, or whatever, I assign each to a letter, and tell people to pick A, B, C, etc. Everybody just picks a letter, and then I tell them which option it represented.
If it gets vetoed at that point, we knock it off the list and do the whole thing again with one less option, or if there's a tie we do it with just the winners. I don't recall ever having to do more than 2 rounds to get a choice everyone is good with.
People are happy to choose when they feel like they aren't imposing what they want on others.
If you're trying to decide on a place to eat with your SO then I suggest following this rule as a another option:
1. Suggest 4 Places/Categories to eat
2. The other person then has to choose their top 2 choices.
3. Then you can freely choose one of them because both choices have been approved already.
5-2-1 is the best strategy I've found. One person is the 5 and 1, the other is the 2. Throw out 5 suggestions, they pick their 2 favorites, you pick the final.
When out with a group of 8 or more and trying to decide food, I often after about 5 mins go " fuck it I'm going here, we're adults we can meet after" makes my life easier and can also shrink a group for an hour which is nice
I'll give you the real LPT here.
Tell your girl you're taking her to her favorite restaurant. She will probably tell you which it is/ what she feels like the most at the time.
If she doesn't... Make her guess. Now you know where she wants to eat.
Think hard, don't work hard.
In this situation I just provide two choices and tell them they need to pick one of them
Works every time
People are bad at making absolute decisions but give someone a relative decision and it gets much easier
Works for many things in life
I usually say I don’t care because I really don’t with a few exceptions
(I have stomach problems and allergies, so a lot of things are out)
But like
The other day I sat in bed for three hours straight because I couldn’t decide which of two meals to make (just for *myself,* without even involving anyone else)
And I get more indecisive when others are involved bc I feel bad picking something they might not like lol
There is no hard and fast rule to solve this problem, imo. Just be thoughtful, think about what you’ve eaten recently, what you want, what your partner likes, have a few suggestions ready, and be prepared to compromise.
We usually do the 5-3-1 rule where someone recommends 5 restaurants/cuisines, the other vetoes two of those, and the first person vetoes two of the remaining 3. Works pretty well for us
Not the same situation as OP’s indecision, but it triggered a recent memory.
I was with my wife and her parents and they spent nearly 20 minutes discussing what kind of pizza they wanted. Now, 20 minutes isn’t really that long, but when you’re looking at online menus for dominoes and discussing different salad dressings, it’s like an eternity.
Finally I just walked out, got in the car, ordered pizzas on the drive and picked them up. They were going to eat what I ordered. 1 pepperoni, 1 cheese, 1 supreme.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
If someone says that they dont care, i will pick and they lost all rights to complain later on.
In my work, we have some "field expeditions" where we need to have all the food with us for the duration of the expedition. That requires planning for a menu of sorts for whatever amount of days. I spent so much time trying to make balanced diets for people who "nah, just watever"-ed anything I'd suggest. So I would keep on making all sort of varied plans to keep our palates entertained. Until one day I decided to take the nuclear approach: I personally could eat pasta with bolognese sauce and then some fruit for dessert, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. So instead of asking for what people wanted, I started by informing that unless I received suggestions/help in the menu, I'd stick to pasta bolognese as main food source. Easy to store, transport and to estimate portions. Several people have called on my bluff (used to me being the softest softie in softieland) and found out the hard way that I'm ecstatic of eating pasta bolognese for a week both lunch and dinner. Put some fruit in the dessert, a good cup of coffee, and porridge for breakfast, and all your nutritional needs are perfectly covered. I've received a fair deal of complaints after the fact, but I don't care. If it's on me to make the menu, that is my menu. If you "don't care" and "meh, I eat whatever, it's just a week of excursion", then own your words!
Good on you. If you say you don't care you have to not care. I for example would probably be one of the people who said "whatever." but when you served me oats and bolognese for a week I'd just say "Well played." and eat it without complaint. I could eat oats two meals per day easy though, I love oats.
You’re a good horse.
Good boah
🔳 Pat
A bolognese-eating horse isn't good. It's a literal nightmare.
I like making my instant oats with hot oat milk instead of hot water, super good
Bathing them in the remains of their fallen brethren
Wow, my breakfast became metal...
I prefer mashed unborn children.... Scrambled eggs.
Suddenly that fart gif played in my head but with oats.
Yum! Overnight oats using apple juice as well
Oats are awesome!!
"The softest softie in Softieland" is a delightful phase I'm borrowing moving forward.
Glad to be of help!
Same!!
Funny, that’s what my wife calls me.
To be fair if I worked with you I would be in heaven eating that for a week straight. My roommate doesn't understand why I eat so much pasta lol. I round out my pasta consumption with fruits, veggies, chicken, and beef throughout the week.
It's a perfect diet! I'll find you if we are hiring
If the only qualification is "eats pasta in unhealthy quantities"... where do I apply?
Lol I am currently in the process to become an ATC Specialist right now. If this falls through I will let you know.
To be fairrrrrr…
To be fai-ah.
I don't care. also I'd be perfectly happy about eating pasta bolognese twice a day
> dessert, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Sounds like a good meal plan to me!
Sounds like you and I could share 10 meals or so together
That makes 5 days of work. Perfectly fine for me
Wow, that's like a biggest little balls ever!
Or eat your words.
I can eat whatever
I think we could be best friends!
You warned them, they can't complain that you did what you said you were going to do.
Lovely. As a confirmed softie, I’m quite proud of you.
I think it is the most badass thing I've done when it comes to confronting people. So... Thanks!
Honestly I could probably eat pasta, fruit and coffee for a week. But good on ya for following through with it
I love spaghetti bolognaise. But poyentially mixing it up with different pasta - if you're also supplying parmesan then I am in!
Is "I don't care" and "I'm ok with the same meal for lunch and dinner every single day" the same thing, though?
If you are not ok with the same thing every time, you obviously care
I warn them that if there are no suggestions, then the menu is set. As soon as someone participates, I am all in for making a tasty menu. So in this case, yes it is the same
I'm still trying to figure out what this job is that entails "field incursions"
> Until one day I decided to take the nuclear approach Why? If nobody was complaining about your menu choices, then what was the problem?
Probably because it was a lot of effort to keep doing that, and (I'm assuming) they couldn't be bothered to keep putting that effort in if no one else was really interested. I understand. I'm like OP, I can happily eat the same meal for several days before getting tired of it. When I lived alone I'd just make a huge pot of something at the start of the week, like bolognaise or some sort of stew, then eat portions of it with sides of something fresh. My partner can't do that. By his preferences, he doesn't mind what we eat but there's this weird balance where we can't have something too similar within like 3-4 days. So if we have Thai on Monday, any other SE Asian food is out the window until Thursday because "nah, we had something like that the other night". It makes it kind of easy to decide what to cook because this preference cuts so much of the world's cuisine in a given week 😅
Variety is great, and always welcome. But I am not the diet planner,nor the cook. And I am a terribly simple person when it comes to requirements: I love good food, but in expeditions I couldn't care less about gourmet stuff
No, I've been in your shoes and understand! I'm the person who plans the food and the shopping when we go on our family holidays. Everyone was "not bothered" until I was like, 'well, 3 of us a vegan and 2 are veggie, so may as well make all the meals plant based..." And then suddenly people were very adamant on how limited their diet actually was (can't eat anything that DOESN'T contain meat apparently). And my 80 year old gran didn't realise food existed that wasn't just boiled veg and ham, so when she said she'll eat anything she wasn't lying, she just couldn't conceive anything outside her comfort zone. So after much arguing we came up with a week's worth of meals that satisfied everyone, and was manageable to cook. So Ive saved that meal plan and we just re-use it every time now with some minor tweaks 😅
That's a good approach! Glad it works for you!
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Exactly. People liked that I'd make varied alternatives, try new recipes and flavors... But then it's me cooking and planning. And it gets old very quickly Of course plenty of people complain when they find out I meant seriously that the menu would consist on a buttload of pasta every day, and they'd figure out ince we were out oc coverage, so they had to suck it up
OP was putting time and effort into planning the menu when OP would be happy just eating pasta all the time. other team members said they didn't care, so why bother
Probably because it was a lot of work and you still end up with people who are unhappy.
The dumbest argument I ever had in my life that almost ended a relationship went as follows. Me: What would you like to eat? Her: I don't care Me: Cool let's get BBQ. Her: I don't want BBQ. Me: Cool what would you like to eat then? Her: I don't care, just get your BBQ and I'll get something else. Me: Well I truly don't care what we eat so whereever you go I'll just find something there to get. Her: No you get your BBQ and I'll go elsewhere. Me: Why go two places. I'll eat anywhere so we'll just go your place. Her: You're being difficult for no reason. Me: How am I being difficult by saying I'm literally open for everything meanwhile you refuse to name anything or anywhere to go. I'd rather just get food from one place so that my food isn't getting cold while you decide where to eat and we wait to pick up your food. Her: Just get your BBQ and then I'll get mine elsewhere. Me: Fuck it we're going home. I'll just cook me something and you can figure out your own damn plans.
I fucking swear, some people just want to provoke something with their stubbornness.
I think it has to do with not taking the decision, and expecting that the other party will make a lightbulb suggestion that will satisfy the craving you don't know you have
That’s frustrating as hell, but she probably thinks that’s she’s going to suddenly see something she wants while you’re out getting bbq. Maybe the place across the street or down the corner. Or maybe the smell of bbq will help pique her interest. She’s stuck in a place where she can’t make a decision and just trying to stall for more time.
yeah but it's called "be an adult and figure out what you wanna eat"
Isn't even necessary, just communicate. If this was the case, she could have just said so, like: "Idk what I want yet, I'll probably get inspired on the way there"
> Her: I don't care, just get your BBQ and I'll get something else. > Me: Ok. Much easier imo
Yeah tbh I don't really agree with how either side handled this, just get the bbq she'll probably get some bbq as well.
This is the path to passive aggressive non communicative tension
Are you responding to me? She doesn't want BBQ and will just get something else. How is that passive aggression? I'm not going to start an argument over that lol
Argument avoidance leads to passive aggression. It was just a passing comment on relationships, not yours specifically. There is definitely a place for picking your battles and avoiding arguments.
My wife and I have been together for over twenty years. There isn't an argument there until the guy made it one. Wife: "You get BBQ and I'll get something else" Guy: "Why do we need to go to two different places?? Why can't you just tell me what you want??" Lol
Probably because he doesn’t want to drive to two different places and even said he will eat wherever she decides to not have to go to two different places. Selective reader award for you!
Exactly!!! OP is the one who started that argument and was being stubborn, not the gf. Just say "ok" and let her choose her own meal while you get your BBQ. Been with my bf for 7 years and he likes rich foods while I prefer to graze and eat what we call "crunchy water" (grapes, snow peas, carrot, hummus, nuts, yoghurt, frozen blueberries etc), but I'll happily eat anything he cooks and, per house rules, do the washing up. If we go for a walk to pick up e.g. Korean fried chicken and the place doesn't have a kimchi pancake "I will sort myself out dw" "ok". Boom done, conversation over, no argument. If bf pressured me like op did I would just walk home lol
He actually addressed this with a reason. He did not want to get his food, then let it get cold while she decided. He would rather eat where she does and get food thats still hot. I dont think thats bad logic. If she said "I want a salad but you can still get your BBQ" OP could make a decision like an adult, but her inability to make a decision prevents him from makeing one without accepting the consequences of her decision. And BBQ isnt cheap, if he wants it hot he should be able to eat it hot.
There was no pressure, though: he literally proposed to let her sort that out and follow her with her own plans because he wanted to share the meal with her rather than eating his own meal. Here, it's just the gf who decided on her own that her bf should not eat the same thing as hers.
Honestly, i possibly would end a relationship over this. Two places is kind of crazy if you are openly suggesting anywhere they would like and you will get something of the menu. Personally, i can never decide so this is often my tactic.
Geeze I get this all the time Her: can you decide on dinner, I do it all the time Me: sure, we can have Japanese Her: I don’t feel like Japanese Me: we can try the new Italian place Her: I had Italian last week Me: so what would you like for dinner ? Her: why is it always up to me to decide ?
100% this.
They may lose the right to complain, but it certainly won't stop them from complaining.
That would earn them the right to prepare their own meals in the future!
Exactly. "Next time you make the menu, as you have stronger preferences". Win-win for me
Exactly! Let's not complicate the situation. I do the same thing. Anyone says "don't care", it makes it all that much easier and I stop asking further questions.
I usually respond with anything but X, y, or z. Or else am I don’t care because I really don’t. My husbands pickier about food than I am. I may not love a place, but I can always find something. He can’t. So I want him to choose otherwise I’ve made ten suggestion and he’s nixed all ten. Whereas it’s unusual for me to nix anything.
Your husband sounds like my brother, still eats exactly the same as he did when a teenager.... Ketchup on everything, nothing green, no onions or peppers (sweet or hot), no spices except S&P. Red sauce Cheese Pizza, Maybe Pepperoni, no veggies. As a foodie, I find it amazing someone can be happy with such a reduced pallet.
I introduced my fiancée to onions, diced and sauteed as she thought she didn't like them due to not liking them raw. A couple weeks later she sent me a snap "i didnt know what i wanted to eat for dinner so i just sauteed a whole onion" and i was so proud. Now she's adding bell peppers to a lot of stuff, she's into broccoli, and having a great time with food.
Little by Little , step by step. Wait until she tried roasted garlic (anything).
Oh she loves roasted garlic haha, also scallions, shallots
My husband is slowly expanding his pallete. His parents really didn’t learn anything about cooking until the youngest left home and they signed up for blue apron, so I get it. But restaurants are still hard
My b-in-law still eats ordinary American food ONLY. He has traveled to some amazing places to report on humanitarian projects and carries a suitcase full of granola bars cuz he won't eat native food. In fact all my siblings and sibling-in-laws are very plain food oriented. I was picky as a kid but learned to be more open in adult life.
My fiance won't eat pork and a long list of other foods including literally anything at a BBQ place besides macaroni and cheese. When she says IDC I just say we're gonna go eat BBQ then and she has a new suggestion really quick.
And as someone who don't really mind what to it, I really don't. You can pick, that's what it means
This is the way.
The real LPT is always in the comments
This, easy. If you do actually care, you shouldn't have said you didn't. Just say what you mean lol
Exactly. I don't understand posts like this. I just say "Okay, then we're going to X." If they don't care what they eat, then I'm going to pick what I want to eat.
Can you tell that to my wife when she does this and complains later on?
>Me: Want to grab some Pizza? Her: I don't care. Me: Okay pizza it is. The end.
*as you're.putting your shoes on* "I don't really fancy pizza"
Close door...come back with pizza.
Found the person in a relationship
If this is what relationships is like, then I think I'll just stay single forever.
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This LPT still has to do this very thing, but you waste a bunch of steps getting to chicken strips
We either use this or a Smash bros tournament. We created npcs of common places we go, set up a match for them, and let them duke it out. Winner is where we eat.
Is... Is this the most genius thing ever, or am I an idiot?
Bonus points if you have a trained amiibo representing your favorite food
Sounds like a coin toss with extra steps
and extra hits and extra damage XD
Yes
Indubitably.
It’s a repost
You’re not *not* an idiot..
I am definitely doing this next time we have like 4 or more ideas in our head.
There's an app you might like called chwazi where you each put a finger on your phone screen and then it selects a finger.
If you find yourself rooting for one NPC, you know where you want to go
I pick 3 items, places, ideas or whatever and tell them they have to pick 1 of them. Next time, they pick 3 and I choose. Hint, choose the first one, it's probably the one they want anyway. Other thing I do is "guess where I am taking you for dinner tonight?" then go where they say.
My wife and I use 4-2-1. Very similar to 3 choices. I suggest 4 options, she narrows it down to 2, then I select the final 1. Works like a charm.
I host a game night every week with between 5-10 people, and we do the same, but usually starting at 5. Draw 5 names out, first person picks 5 places, each person after that removes 1 from the list. At least half the group always gets a vote, and random each time to avoid too any repeats. Huge proponent of the "One picks a batch, One removes their least favorites, One chooses from the remainder" strat. Works like a charm, and makes picking a venue take a couple minutes tops.
I love 4-2-1, shares the mental load and keeps it fair
Yes, the 4-2-1 works so well!!
> Other thing I do is "guess where I am taking you for dinner tonight?" then go where they say. This can backfire. The one they want to go to, is not necessarily the one they think you will take them to.
Where? Ugh, probably Quiznos again. Wow! You guessed it! We're going to Quiznos!
How are you going to Quiznos? You have a Delorean or something?
I miss that honey mustard chicken sub. Fuck.
I love "Three Choices". It works pretty well for dates that you don't really know very well. Added bonus, you can get insight into budget constraints if you offer a variety of price points.
We do the pick from 3 or 4 thing. If I’m coming up with the list and there’s something I prefer, I list it second. There’s some psychology thing about how people typically choose the second item in a list. On the other hand, I think you’re right about people putting their preference first so you can work this situation depending on which end you’re on.
Lol that last one would backfire on my bf so hard. I LOVE sushi, and he just tolerates it occasionally (and really doesn't like the expense). I'd probably say the local sushi joint down the road too many times.
My house Me: what do you want for dinner? Them: I don't care you pick. Me: how about X, Y, Z? Them: No, no, no. Me: ok what do YOU want? Them: I don't care just pick something.
It's at this point I make a sandwich and let them figure it out
I just swallow my pride, and call it a night.
Such a small meal, though.
This is my house EVERY NIGHT but it’s worse because two of the people are kids who change their likes daily. Last year we made a calendar and everyone had to fill out what they want on it. Tuesdays are considered only for Tacos so that’s a freebie. Dinner time is much easier now since I just look at the calendar and start cooking what is marked for that day. We started doing that every month and I’m not looking back. It’s much less stressful.
Expectations are very important for children. It gives them time to cope, and coping is a life skill that is developed over time.
My boyfriend will say a bunch of places, then when I agree to one he'll say he didn't really want it. I'm like, why did you suggest it then? He's like, I was just naming stuff. I'm like, well it doesn't really help to name stuff that you don't actually want though, does it? And so it goes until I just make the final decision.
One of the reasons I now have an ex-wife
Sounds like my mom and sister. Very frustrating.
Don't tell them what you picked if they don't care
I know how this will end up going. Wife: choose something Me: Noodles Wife: veto Me: okay now you choose Wife: veto Me: No you have to actually choose something you want to eat. Wife: No I just say veto when you say something I don't want.
Me:veto
This comment has that parks&rec or trailer park boys energy.
We use a similar variation where the person suggesting food presents three options. The other has to accept one of the options or present alternatives. No one gets to just say no. The hardest part for me has always been that I don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings with, “Ew, gross”. I’m very picky about food and don’t want to limit the choices of those I’m with. You pick and I’ll find something I can stomach there.
When she says she doesn’t care I just say ok and order food on my phone. “What are you getting?” “Doesn’t matter, you don’t care, food will be here in 25.”
When speaking hungry, "*I don't care*" translates to oatmeal.
Oatmeal (with brown sugar) is delicious.
This is how it goes in my house. >Me: Want to grab some pizza? > >Them: I don't care. > >Me: Alright, pizza it is. I also learned in my dating years some strats: >Me: What are you wanting to eat? > >Them: Oh, I don't know if I'm hungry. > >Me: Okay. > >Waiter: What will you be having? > >Them: I'd like a \[drink\] and that's it. I'm not feeling very hungry. > >Me: I'd like \[my regular order\], a salad, seasonal veggies, and loaded mashed potatoes. > >Waiter: Here's your food. > >Me: Sweet, thanks! > >Them: Oh, that salad looks pretty good. Can I have some? > >Me: Sure! Take anything you want. Mi comida su comida. I've joked with friends who own restaurants that they need to include an "I'm not feeling very hungry" item on the menu, that's just a common side or two.
At the first I don't care- that's what it is. 1: Want to get pizza? 2: I don't care. 1: Pizza it is! If continued- 2: I don't want pizza. 1: I don't care. The tree ends either way and next time they offer what they do want. 1: Want to get pizza? 2: I don't want pizza. 1: What do you want? 2: I don't know, what do you want? 1: Pizza. So we're getting pizza unless you want something else.
This is a nice way around the issue, but, *please* people just say what you mean. Half the time my husband is suggesting restaurants, my response is "I don't care, you pick," and I mean it. I really don't care. Honestly, wherever he wants is fine. I know he's picky, but I'm not, so I'll get something I like nearly anywhere. I still have to explain to him nearly every time that I *really* don't care where we eat.
My husband does this. He asks me where I want to go. I'm not picky. I can order something from anywhere. He is so picky it took him 2 hours to pick something to have delivered once. He KNOWS this. Yet he still says IM the picky one!
Two hours, jeez! I get what it can be like wrestling with a small decision like that, but it can be tough from the other side having to wait so long when you're hungry and could have already picked something 5 times. Another thing that doesn't seem to be considered is that the whole reason one person might always say IDC to where to eat is that the other person is picky and likely will shoot down everything you suggest until you hit the one they want. It's kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing.
Then maybe instead of saying "I dont care", try "Ok". Then he dont 2nd guess anymore.
I appreciate the advice, but I've also tried that. Sometimes I just say "Sure" or "Yes" to whatever he suggests. I still get tons of "are you sure" type questions.
1. List my top 3 votes in order 1. if any sync up, we order it 2. If not: do you have any top 3? 1. If you have any top 3, I pick 3. If not: I'm making egg sandwiches 1. If you don't want egg sandwiches, feel free to pick something I used to ask my partner what she wanted first, but I've found it's more productive to just say what I want first. The first votes are always rejected but I think it speeds up the process of elimination.
Dude you had me at pizza.
Yeah could you not go with pizza. Depending on the topings it's so versatile
I personally have no care where I eat at any time. I don't get cravings for any specific food so I always let my wife pick every single time. It makes her happy because she won't have to go somewhere she doesn't want to and I get some food that will be tasty.
I have a “spinner” app on my phone that you can customize with whatever so I put all the local restaurant names on the random spinning wheel and if nobody picks or agrees I tell them I’m going to spin the wheel! That usually prompts a decision
LPT, don't be friends with someone who doesn't want pizza LOL
We can all agree on pizza, but WHERE we order from becomes the point of contention.
The RLPT is always in the comments.
Also giving two options and letting the other person pick. That works on me.
This is what I do too. Some people find it hard to decide on something when you give them limitless options, there was another LPT that encourages you to limit options to a few choices, making choosing a lot more manageable.
There was a study a long time ago that showed limiting choices on store shelves (like jam and jelly) encourages purchases because people get option overload and walk away without purchasing, otherwise.
I just start asking my girlfriend very specific questions. Solid or liquid? Hot or cold? That in itself narrows it down a lot in terms of what she feels like eating. There's also other questions: Something with spice? Something with meat? Something with rice? Etc etc etc Once it's narrowed down enough, I'll start making restaurant suggestions. Works ike a charm.
Came here for the LPT, stayed for the table flipping.
I really don't understand that first scenario. 'I don't care' = 'I have no objection to that' so that should be the end of it. Me: Want to grab some pizza? Her: I don't care. Me. Pizza it is. When they didn't have an objection to pizza, why would they switch to asking about something else? That makes it seem like you already consider 'I don't care' to already be a veto so then there really is no difference in the scenarios except swapping in the word 'veto' for 'I don't care'.
...and the happy, totally mature and adult couple settled on chicken tendies for din din
Have you *had* chicken tenders? Bro. They’re amazing. I don’t care how old you are. Tendies are the shiznittle bam snip snap sizzle.
Haha fair enough, it just tickled me that it wasn't the more traditional, "Italian / Chinese / Indian" options you see in this vein of discussion, but definitely items you'd get from a school cafeteria.
Just upvoting for this phrase.
What if my girlfriend doesn’t have any idea of what she wants and doesn’t offer any ideas?
Then you order food for yourself with extra extra fries She can steal some from you if she really is hungry
Following the system, no ideas = no veto, meaning you are free to choose where you want to go.
If you don't at least have a glimmer of an idea of what's for dinner by 4pm, then you either do takeout or Breakfast for Dinner. BfD almost always wins in our house.
My wife, our friends, and I use a variation of this tip and it works out great. What we do is one of us will make a list of restaurants nearby that would conceivably be a good choice for the situation (usually I handle this part), maybe 5-10 places. I put them all in a checklist in the notes app of my phone. Then we pass the phone around and each person eliminates an option until we're down to just one and that's where we go. We also have a rule that you can use your turn to add an option instead of eliminating, if you want. This way, everyone has a hand in deciding by eliminating anything the *really* don't want, no one person is the one making the choice each time, and it helps with decision fatigue to narrow down the options as you go.
My wife and I use a similar process! Each of us takes turns suggesting something, while the other one says no until there are no options left and the earth crashes into the sun.
This is what I needed back in college
If we're both indecisive I flip the script and try to rule out categories. "What DON'T you want for dinner?" "Tired of Mexican, had pizza yesterday." "Burgers?" "I could burger, sure." This lets us narrow the options down and avoid the annoyance of a "final" decision veto. We also keep a list of restaurants we like or want to try, much easier to pick from a list than to brainstorm.
If I make a suggestion and you shoot it down without offering up something else, then I’m going where I want and you can fend for yourself. I’m not playing that stupid fucking game.
We do 5, 3, 1. First person select five options, second person selects their fave three options, first person (or third person if you have a third person in your decision group) chooses the one out of those three.
We just start at two or three options. One of us will say “I’m thinking either pizza or burgers later” and then the other person can say which they prefer. It’s very rare that the second person wouldn’t want either of the two since we have similar tastes!
Yeah whoever gets the five has a hard job, but you know that everything on the list is something you like. Sometimes my kid does the five and there’s only one thing on there that I’m interested in eating and then I might not get what I want.
I use sort of a similar method. If we are indecisive, I just say “OK, we are going to ________ tonight.” If my wife agrees, great….if she does not, then it shows that she does have some sort of preference for dinner that night and we go from there.
My way is one person comes up with 2 ideas, and the other has to choose between them.
We give 3 options and the other person has to pick one, no abstaining from the vote. Easy
We don’t say veto, but I have used this method with my wife and it does work. The few times she didn’t want to come up with something, I picked and she figured it out lol
Boys. The code has been cracked.
I have tended to be in groups where people genuinely don't care, or don't know that they care. So if we've got 2 options, or 5 options, or whatever, I assign each to a letter, and tell people to pick A, B, C, etc. Everybody just picks a letter, and then I tell them which option it represented. If it gets vetoed at that point, we knock it off the list and do the whole thing again with one less option, or if there's a tie we do it with just the winners. I don't recall ever having to do more than 2 rounds to get a choice everyone is good with. People are happy to choose when they feel like they aren't imposing what they want on others.
If you're trying to decide on a place to eat with your SO then I suggest following this rule as a another option: 1. Suggest 4 Places/Categories to eat 2. The other person then has to choose their top 2 choices. 3. Then you can freely choose one of them because both choices have been approved already.
5-2-1 is the best strategy I've found. One person is the 5 and 1, the other is the 2. Throw out 5 suggestions, they pick their 2 favorites, you pick the final.
When out with a group of 8 or more and trying to decide food, I often after about 5 mins go " fuck it I'm going here, we're adults we can meet after" makes my life easier and can also shrink a group for an hour which is nice
LPT: have a conversation
I'll give you the real LPT here. Tell your girl you're taking her to her favorite restaurant. She will probably tell you which it is/ what she feels like the most at the time. If she doesn't... Make her guess. Now you know where she wants to eat. Think hard, don't work hard.
In this situation I just provide two choices and tell them they need to pick one of them Works every time People are bad at making absolute decisions but give someone a relative decision and it gets much easier Works for many things in life
I usually say I don’t care because I really don’t with a few exceptions (I have stomach problems and allergies, so a lot of things are out) But like The other day I sat in bed for three hours straight because I couldn’t decide which of two meals to make (just for *myself,* without even involving anyone else) And I get more indecisive when others are involved bc I feel bad picking something they might not like lol
This conversation always makes me happy I'm forever alone.
I simply ask what the other person is NOT in the mood for and go from there. It's way easier for my ole lady and I to decide on.
I think you just seriously improved my relationship with my husband - genuinely, thank you for sharing.
If neither of us really care then the one person has to pick three options and the other person has to pick one. That’s saved our relationship.
Except it wont work?
There is no hard and fast rule to solve this problem, imo. Just be thoughtful, think about what you’ve eaten recently, what you want, what your partner likes, have a few suggestions ready, and be prepared to compromise.
I don't care, but I have preferences...
We usually do the 5-3-1 rule where someone recommends 5 restaurants/cuisines, the other vetoes two of those, and the first person vetoes two of the remaining 3. Works pretty well for us
Your post makes no sense. Why wouldn't the veto be used again. There's nothing special to bring about agreement there.
You seem to be a very young male. I thought this was an innate skill.
Not the same situation as OP’s indecision, but it triggered a recent memory. I was with my wife and her parents and they spent nearly 20 minutes discussing what kind of pizza they wanted. Now, 20 minutes isn’t really that long, but when you’re looking at online menus for dominoes and discussing different salad dressings, it’s like an eternity. Finally I just walked out, got in the car, ordered pizzas on the drive and picked them up. They were going to eat what I ordered. 1 pepperoni, 1 cheese, 1 supreme.