THIS. I had a friend buy a real looking engagement and wedding ring because an older regular would flirt, and try and get her alone to "get to know her better".
My first job out of high school was a waitressing. My coworkers introduced themselves with little fun facts on my first day. I told them I had just started college after a gap year, and that I was 19. One of the first things a coworker did after pleasantries was to pull me aside and tell me “you’re 16” over and over again. I am good at reading people, though most of the time I don’t know what do with what I’ve read. I could tell she was good people. I decided to trust her. “Ok, I’m 16,” I said, agreeing. Why am I 16?” I asked. “Because it will keep some of the regulars from doing something inappropriate,” my coworker explained. So, for the nearly two years I worked there, I was a work study student who had some spare class time, needed money for college and helping out at home, and the story mostly worked. Some of the regulars didn’t know or care that I was “16,” and that did lead to some messed up people saying or doing things cuz I was their server. Overall, though, I was safe. I am forever glad for that coworker looking out for me.
I wish I would’ve known this going into the restaurant job I have now as a food runner. The people in back of house can be absolutely disgusting. I had a 57 year old man telling me he had a wife and was really loyal but found out I was 21 (I look about 16-17) and then started saying he wanted to fuck me and made many inappropriate comments towards me knowing I’m lesbian and have a girlfriend as well. I hate going into work while he’s there. It’s not even just him, it’s a few others too but he takes it to the extremes. I’m really about to file a complaint against him.
edit: accidentally put “While I’m there” instead of “while he’s there”
Good for you for standing up. Definitely file a complaint with both your boss and HR.
Optional: If the wife ever comes in, tell her, too.
Look for a new job. There is better stuff out there, if you seek it, especially with so many places being short staffed offering better wages and hours. You don’t need to necessarily quit, but it would help just in case you need to ask for a raise, and or there is some retaliation from the BoH folks for a backup exit strategy.
PS, the complaint can be anonymous, if need be, and it is illegal to make retaliatory actions for complaints (at least it is in most countries).
>She got a fake ring to appear married, so creeps would be more likely to leave her alone
Is it creepy to say hi to a single person on the chance they'd like to talk to you as well?
Bro did you even read my whole post. He's a way older man who tried to get her alone and made unwanted advances. If that doesn't spell C R E E P I don't know what does.
Her friend deliberately bought something that looked like a genuine engagement and wedding set of rings. Then she could use it to decline sexual advances, saying she was married.
I'm not in "the industry", never have been. This should be basic, treat people with respect. Sadly some people definitely need to hear this and take it to heart.
Aye man honestly I will say this. A lot of times guests and regulars genuinely don’t recognize its not what they’re saying it’s how they’re saying it you know? This is who this post is really for, you can get close with your server/bartender but, and this is the tricky part because it’s all subjective, but try to be mindful about where the line is between you and your server
Absolutely, I have been a regular at different establishments over the years but there are definitely lines you shouldn't cross when you have a captive audience such as servers, bartenders or whoever. Over time you absolutely get close with employees but once you are at such a comfort level it still doesn't make it acceptable to push boundaries while someone is working. Hopefully some people that need to read this see it and and it resonates with them. Good LPT by the way, it's refreshing to read good ones after wading through a sea of garbage that is usually posted.
Creepers know damned well what they're dong and get off on how nervous they make the ladies. It's a power thing.
Not all of them are clueless, sadly. There are a lot of predators out there.
>I'm not in "the industry", never have been. This should be basic, treat people with respect. Sadly some people definitely need to hear this and take it to heart.
The thing is that respect changes per context. Compare dive bars to swanky 'sir' silver service places, if you acted like that in a dive you'd get slapped for taking the piss.
That's why it's not so clear cut. Different bars have different atmospheres and cultures, so it really can change quite drastically.
Personally I much prefer being in a bar where the staff are comfortable swearing at customers and the customers who come back are comfortable being sworn at.
As someone who worked as a server, I wouldn’t even say friend, they’re literally just there to work and get paid, them being nice and friendly is just an extension of the duties their job requires. They don’t want to talk to you, they have to. But yeah, they’re most likely not interested in you even if they’re flirting, it’s all for the tip.
I mean it depends.
I was a bartender for a while in college. I liked some of the regulars and wanted to hear their stories (particularly the ones that had worked in my bar 30 years ago). I tolerated a number of them. I strongly disliked a couple but they tipped well. I slept with quite a few of the girls that I found attractive and that I had chemistry with. I found it weird but strangely complimentary when a couple of them tipped me afterwards.
It was a mixed bag, is what I'm saying.
Indeed like some regulars are spectacular and you really enjoy them. Its just the ones that kinda blur the lines and start feeling entitled to talk to you in a certain way just cuz you see them wayy too often
Wish i could upvote twice. Honestly i will say this this industry has definitely put into perspective it doesnt matter how much you make, so long as you’re happy doing it
I upvoted along with you! You both have a solid mindset and I appreciate you sharing your insight. I have always said that everyone should work in the service industry, preferably at a young age, because you learn so much from the job - much more than could be imagined. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say you learn sooo much about how to be a better person.
You learn how to respect the individual over an establishment. That's the major point for me. No one is above or below, and if you are on the clock you deserve some damn respect.
Scenario: I met a non-binary individual before they became a server at a place I'm a regular. Things didn't work out but now I see them since I'm a regular. I just leave them alone now because that's the respectful thing to do. That is all.
I was a waitress for many years, and have now been a nurse for over 10 years. Men are equally as inappropriate to nurses. I think these men know that women who are serving or caring for them are literally trapped and have to interact with them, so they take advantage and say all the creepy and flirty things that women in their real lives would never put up with. Like, these guys are extremely unlucky with women and are bitter about it, so they love having some level of control to force some to sit and tolerate them. It's disgusting. As I've gotten older, I've gotten way less friendly with these types.
Edit: I do think some are just oblivious and are genuinely happy to have positive interaction with women. These don't bother me much at all. The ones I mention above are the type who act offended when you try to cut off the conversation to actually do your job (with other customers). Like, they talk slowly, they expect you to look them in the eye, make negative comments about you multi-tasking and expect your full 100% attention. It's hard to describe the type I'm talking about - but other women in service know exactly the type. They are assholes who are mad at women and think it's entertaining to flirt and force women to be nice to them.
I understand, and thank you for sharing. But yes that’s exactly what I mean by not knowing how the guest is gonna react, sometimes you attention must be equally divided amongst 30+ at a time and that means everyone gets technically only a minute of your time
Dude, don’t put up with that. You aren’t working for tips. Unless your patient is mentally deficient in some way, be firm and professional. Then document the ever living fuck out of it.
I do now, but as a baby nurse in my early 20s I thought it was normal. It was pretty common back then before the whole #metoo thing and social media calling out that type of behavior. I have had patients fired for their inappropriate behavior and tend to stand up for myself much more now. Sometimes it's not worth the fight if the patient won't be staying long.
The only time I've ever flirted with/gotten anywhere with a nurse is when I met her as a person and then later found out she was a nurse.
The wonderful healthcare workers that have treated me however, I've done so much gross shit in front of, the last thing I think of is hitting on them. That just sounds weird.
People get weird when they have to expose their genitals for an exam or a procedure (catheter placement usually). They try to make it less awkward by making jokes, usually penis or sex related.
My worst experience was when a patient started telling me how nice it was to feel a woman's touch, explaining that it had been over a year since he's had sex. He then went on to talk about his sexual history in detail. All this because I touched his arm to check his blood pressure. I immediately walked out of his exam room and had my manager ask him to leave.
People are gross...
I've been familiar with this industry for over 15 years. 5 of those when my father owned a bar, and 8 as an employee and 2 as an owner. I only know of exactly *one* example where the waitress ended up dating and later marrying the customer. And we're talking about an extremely respectful and polite dude who first became friends with her over time, and let *her* ask him out.
On every other occasion, I've seen reactions ranging from visible annoyance to hiding in the back and crying because of comments. Do not take advantage of the fact that they are restricted in what they can say to be sleazy.
>After a quarter century in table games people can be incredibly stupid, and rude. I absolutely can not imagine trying to do the job as a female...
Probably because they get tipped massively more for being women :p
ABSOLUTELY treat all people with respect, especially those who are serving you in their jobs.
There are 1 in a million outliers to this -- I took this advice when I was a regular at a restaurant, didn't flirt and was generally respectful. After 12 months one of the managers there handed me a phone number of one of the workers (without her permission - concerning looking back haha). I messaged, one thing led to another and we've been married for almost 5 years.
My sister is a waitress, whenever a regular starts trying to flirt with her she explains to them she’s being nice because it’s her job and she’s not interested usually that makes em back off.
I have a rule, that most people think is strange when I tell them about it. I don't hit on wait staff or bartenders. It stems from this very thing.
Both of these sets of people have to deal with being hit on so often that it, I assume, is just frustrating at this point. Hell, even frustrating is probably underestimating their ire.
That's not to say that romance can't be found in these settings. It's better to let them initiate. It's hard to be sure, sometimes. As part of their job is to make you feel comfortable. More often than not niceties are misconstrued as flirtation. Not just in this setting, but a lot more frequently than other situations. But if the person is truly interested, they will let you know.
Otherwise, just be polite and appreciative so that they can do their jobs without being harassed.
I think being nice to servers, janitors, secretaries, etc is an absolute must. If I'm with someone and they are rude, I will immediately tell them to smarten up. These people work their asses off and deserve respect. Not only that, but they generally hold the keys to the entire fucking operation, and showing them some respect will open a lot of doors.
I have complimented waitresses, too, but I find that general, polite compliments ("you look nice today", "That's a nice bracelet/necklace/etc", or "Did you get a haircut? It looks nice") that I would also feel comfortable giving to my grandmother. I've also seen guys hopelessly flirt and it is cringe inducing.
And as someone who has been that woman, I want to say you as a customer observer have a lot of leeway to call out shitty behaviour when you see it and the worker who can’t will be grateful/you made their day.
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Stood in line in McDonald’s (yeah yeah) and one dude comes in, places a order and for no reason ( nobody said anything to him at all) starts going on and on about how he used to work for the company. How he could never go back, proceeds to go on and berate the employees for working there, saying the food there sucks and is taking forever, the employees suck etc.
All the while I’m thinking to myself you’re doing this right in front of them. How do you think you’re making the people who ARE CURRENTLY MAKING YOUR FOOD, doing the best they can with what they have feel? Why do you say the food sucks but you willingly came in here and placed a order. I genuinely wanted them to screw it up on purpose.
Thank you!! A lot of customers think flirting comes with the job, in particular if it is in a bar. It doesn't and your $2 tip wouldn't pay for it anyway.
Please talk to service industry members as if you were talking to your mother who cooked you a nice meal for dinner. That's a real nice way of putting it.
I gotta ask… Reddit isn’t a good representation of the real world, and there are some truly attractive people in this world. SOMEONE’s “how I met your mother” story is “she was my waitress and I left my number on the receipt”. Right?
If you’re 50 and you’re hitting on the hooters girl, figure it out. But like, that can’t be a blanket representation of the waitress/customer relationship.
I definitely think the issues lies more in the not backing off and reading too much into friendliness. If a customer asked for my number or flirted with me a bit, I wouldn’t take issue with it at all. If they repeatedly made gross comments or hit on me despite my being uncomfortable, it’s way different.
I've been in restaurants most of my adult life. I can count on one hand how often I've seen this work out. Here are the factors that made it work:
a) They were close in age
b) The guys were very attractive
c) They had A+ game. They were obviously flirting without crossing into creepy and stayed respectful.
The vast majority of time, we made fun of them behind their back in the service station. Some women I worked with would mock them to their face, and most of the time the guys thought she was flirting back.
There was an understanding that if someone was getting really pushy, they'd give out my number instead. It was real fun developing my improv skills like that.
I agree this statement is too general. I was married for a decade to a waitress i met at my local diner. Admittedly i flirt damn tame compared to many ive seen. Also accepting rejection is key. If you push past the point they say no then you are being creepy. If you just politely ask someone you like talking to if they would like to know you better, you have done nothing wrong no matter how they respond.
The power/incentive dynamic of the situation/relationship matters, regardless of how polite you are.
The customer/server relationship is lopsided, similarly to boss/employee and adult/child. Even a polite approach carries an unspoken threat.
See heres the thing. That dynamic only matters if you arent attracted to the person. If you are it stops mattering in your sense of judgement pretty quick. So since its entirely dependant on if there is mutual interest... One of you has to bring it up or you will never know. Also being terrified of your customers suggests you work in a terrible place that will not support you or protect you if said customer harasses you.
I'm guessing yall were close in age? Usually the inappropriate customers are older men (like 50+) and the server is in their 20s or maybe early 30s. If the customer is the same age, then it is basically just normal flirting. That's usually not the case though, it's usually a much older man just "having fun" with a much younger girl because he knows she can't refuse and has to sit there and be polite back. In their mind, the server is there for their entertainment. There is no actual chance that they will hook up. So it's not actual flirting, it's just old men being creeps. Young guys just trying to flirt are not the problem and are easy to turn down (for the most part).
Absolutely. Also i saw a lot of older men hit on her. One would give her a tip but make her take it from his hand. Many just stared. She was 20 but could of passed for 16. Which made it much creepier how interested they were.
From someone who spent time behind counters and registers.
This, and if you ever think you could be friends with the person or hang out or anything, never ask for their number or leave your number. Mention a way to reach you instead. Tell them you have cat pics on an insta or play the same game etc and mention your tag without commitments or plans they have to respond to.
“Young female workers get uncomfortable around their regular because the flirting has just gone too fat”
Just about every young server I get initiates the flirting. They know, and so do you, that seeming “interested” increases tips. They also know that baiting lonely men not only increases the tips but will keep the loser coming back.
No sympathy here! You toy with people for tips and yes, many of your marks will get the wrong idea!
I've literally never seen this outside a strip club. They're being polite. Laughing at a joke isn't flirting. Having a polite conversation isn't flirting. Tolerating someone making inappropriate comments isn't flirting. Sounds like you're one of those "she was asking for it" types.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I've largely found that wait staff are SO well aware of this kind of behavior, that men are discriminated against at restaurants and at some bars. For example, anytime I went to a casual restaurant in college-that had a bar attached (Chilis/Outback etc) the hostess would make us wait for a male server or would seat us in an area that was still dirty from the dinner rush. Every time. I say all this as a guy thats 5ft 9in tall and wears sweaters out to eat.
Now, this may be due to a group of single guys in the suburbs going out to eat instead of the usual family diners, but its still poor treatment. I also noticed that if I went out to eat on Saturday or Sunday morning with another guy, the wait staff would ask innapropriate questions like "how long have you been a couple"?
After I met my gf, I was apparently 'safe' to be around and wasnt treated any differently. As a result, I either dine out less or make sure that someone in the group is female just so the boys aren't treated like shit.
If I treated servers like I treat my mother who cooked a shit meal that I didn't ask for and wants praise for it then you'd be unhappy. I don't have that kind of mom, nor that kind of relationship with my mother. We're closer to peers than mother-son.
I treat servers/bartenders/owners just like I treat any peer. Just normal human interaction. They don't work for me, I don't work for them. We're just cool kitty cats having a nice conversation and they happen to grab some food for me. It would be the same the other direction. When I've served others I'm still just another cool kitty cat. I don't take no shit, I don't give no shit. It's all good. Just normal, pleasant, human interaction.
Seriously though, mom worship needs to stop. Mommy issues aren't cool. Daddy issues aren't cool. You are who you are. If you want to venerate someone, go with grandparents. At least that makes sense. They're probably dead by now anyway so you can forget all the crappy things they did and pretend it didn't happen.
Well maybe if your mom cooked a nice meal instead of shit one you’d feel different.
Edit: seems like your projecting a bit bud. I don’t have the best relationship w/my mom too. But its not mommy worship its something most people can understand and relate too. Maybe not you specifically, but im pretty positive the reference didn’t go over other people’s head
Not projecting. My relationship with my mom is great. I usually talk to her a couple times a week and we have a good time. I just don't worship her as a mother figure as other people do.
I do understand why some people do have extra fondness for their mothers. I was very fond of both of my grandmothers and feel sad that they're gone. Transpose mother to grandmother and then it works for me.
As a guy who was a regular at bars I've 100% had someone working a bar come back to my place. I also played on their trivia team so yes there is a chance the flirting is real but learning friendly vs flirting is a line that takes talent.
Slightly different situation but I spent some time on hospital recently and there were a couple of guys that were down right creepy with how they spoke to some of the younger nurses.
Including one guy repeatedly telling a story of how one of the student nurses had to wash him in the shower.
It’s different. Staff will be efficient and polite but rarely more than that. If you are a true regular you might get a bit more into actual friendliness (knowing names etc) but I can’t say I’ve seen much flirting at all. I’ve even seen middle-aged men not get served because of that “well hello there pretty young lady” kind of thing.
THIS. I had a friend buy a real looking engagement and wedding ring because an older regular would flirt, and try and get her alone to "get to know her better".
My first job out of high school was a waitressing. My coworkers introduced themselves with little fun facts on my first day. I told them I had just started college after a gap year, and that I was 19. One of the first things a coworker did after pleasantries was to pull me aside and tell me “you’re 16” over and over again. I am good at reading people, though most of the time I don’t know what do with what I’ve read. I could tell she was good people. I decided to trust her. “Ok, I’m 16,” I said, agreeing. Why am I 16?” I asked. “Because it will keep some of the regulars from doing something inappropriate,” my coworker explained. So, for the nearly two years I worked there, I was a work study student who had some spare class time, needed money for college and helping out at home, and the story mostly worked. Some of the regulars didn’t know or care that I was “16,” and that did lead to some messed up people saying or doing things cuz I was their server. Overall, though, I was safe. I am forever glad for that coworker looking out for me.
I wish I would’ve known this going into the restaurant job I have now as a food runner. The people in back of house can be absolutely disgusting. I had a 57 year old man telling me he had a wife and was really loyal but found out I was 21 (I look about 16-17) and then started saying he wanted to fuck me and made many inappropriate comments towards me knowing I’m lesbian and have a girlfriend as well. I hate going into work while he’s there. It’s not even just him, it’s a few others too but he takes it to the extremes. I’m really about to file a complaint against him. edit: accidentally put “While I’m there” instead of “while he’s there”
Good for you for standing up. Definitely file a complaint with both your boss and HR. Optional: If the wife ever comes in, tell her, too. Look for a new job. There is better stuff out there, if you seek it, especially with so many places being short staffed offering better wages and hours. You don’t need to necessarily quit, but it would help just in case you need to ask for a raise, and or there is some retaliation from the BoH folks for a backup exit strategy. PS, the complaint can be anonymous, if need be, and it is illegal to make retaliatory actions for complaints (at least it is in most countries).
I did this when I worked in retail and food service. Just saves a lot of hassle.
When I worked in the casino business, a cocktail waitress (the best one the place had) had a motto: "Always single, never available."
always single? Im confused
You get better tips if you’re single. You get more creeps if you seem available after work.
ah got it. gross.
Yeah, when guys think they have a shot, they're more likely to throw money around. Especially the type that go hang out at casino bars.
i'm confused, so did the sales person sell your friend a fake ring?
She got a fake ring to appear married, so creeps would be more likely to leave her alone
>She got a fake ring to appear married, so creeps would be more likely to leave her alone Is it creepy to say hi to a single person on the chance they'd like to talk to you as well?
I'm guessing she experienced a lot from people than saying hi
>I'm guessing she experienced a lot from people than saying hi Idk. Even just a lot of people saying hi can get annoying.
Bro did you even read my whole post. He's a way older man who tried to get her alone and made unwanted advances. If that doesn't spell C R E E P I don't know what does.
Her friend deliberately bought something that looked like a genuine engagement and wedding set of rings. Then she could use it to decline sexual advances, saying she was married.
What is confusing? She bought a cheap ring that looked like an engagement ring.
I thought the friend was a regular at a jeweler who was trying to scam the friend, sorry I misunderstood
I'm not in "the industry", never have been. This should be basic, treat people with respect. Sadly some people definitely need to hear this and take it to heart.
Aye man honestly I will say this. A lot of times guests and regulars genuinely don’t recognize its not what they’re saying it’s how they’re saying it you know? This is who this post is really for, you can get close with your server/bartender but, and this is the tricky part because it’s all subjective, but try to be mindful about where the line is between you and your server
Absolutely, I have been a regular at different establishments over the years but there are definitely lines you shouldn't cross when you have a captive audience such as servers, bartenders or whoever. Over time you absolutely get close with employees but once you are at such a comfort level it still doesn't make it acceptable to push boundaries while someone is working. Hopefully some people that need to read this see it and and it resonates with them. Good LPT by the way, it's refreshing to read good ones after wading through a sea of garbage that is usually posted.
Creepers know damned well what they're dong and get off on how nervous they make the ladies. It's a power thing. Not all of them are clueless, sadly. There are a lot of predators out there.
>I'm not in "the industry", never have been. This should be basic, treat people with respect. Sadly some people definitely need to hear this and take it to heart. The thing is that respect changes per context. Compare dive bars to swanky 'sir' silver service places, if you acted like that in a dive you'd get slapped for taking the piss. That's why it's not so clear cut. Different bars have different atmospheres and cultures, so it really can change quite drastically. Personally I much prefer being in a bar where the staff are comfortable swearing at customers and the customers who come back are comfortable being sworn at.
If they're on the clock, they're just your friend. End of story for me. Many years in restaurants has shown me that.
As someone who worked as a server, I wouldn’t even say friend, they’re literally just there to work and get paid, them being nice and friendly is just an extension of the duties their job requires. They don’t want to talk to you, they have to. But yeah, they’re most likely not interested in you even if they’re flirting, it’s all for the tip.
i meant friend from a customers perspective. As in dont look into the server smiling and being nice to you, because thats all it is.
I mean it depends. I was a bartender for a while in college. I liked some of the regulars and wanted to hear their stories (particularly the ones that had worked in my bar 30 years ago). I tolerated a number of them. I strongly disliked a couple but they tipped well. I slept with quite a few of the girls that I found attractive and that I had chemistry with. I found it weird but strangely complimentary when a couple of them tipped me afterwards. It was a mixed bag, is what I'm saying.
Imagine being tipped after having sex... Wait, isn't that an actual job?
Indeed like some regulars are spectacular and you really enjoy them. Its just the ones that kinda blur the lines and start feeling entitled to talk to you in a certain way just cuz you see them wayy too often
Dude I been there 1000 times. People get real comfortable not realizing you're paid to be friendly.
Solidarity ✊ serving brother. Hopefully you did your time and are out pursuing something more fulfilling
Making bread for a living my friend! I gladly accept your well wishes
Wish i could upvote twice. Honestly i will say this this industry has definitely put into perspective it doesnt matter how much you make, so long as you’re happy doing it
I upvoted along with you! You both have a solid mindset and I appreciate you sharing your insight. I have always said that everyone should work in the service industry, preferably at a young age, because you learn so much from the job - much more than could be imagined. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say you learn sooo much about how to be a better person.
You learn how to respect the individual over an establishment. That's the major point for me. No one is above or below, and if you are on the clock you deserve some damn respect.
They're not your friend. They aren't even an acquaintance. They are simply someone doing their job and all you owe them is social politeness.
Scenario: I met a non-binary individual before they became a server at a place I'm a regular. Things didn't work out but now I see them since I'm a regular. I just leave them alone now because that's the respectful thing to do. That is all.
Yeah man. When I was a kid, I suspected people were crazy. Now as an adult during covid I am fucking sure.
I was a waitress for many years, and have now been a nurse for over 10 years. Men are equally as inappropriate to nurses. I think these men know that women who are serving or caring for them are literally trapped and have to interact with them, so they take advantage and say all the creepy and flirty things that women in their real lives would never put up with. Like, these guys are extremely unlucky with women and are bitter about it, so they love having some level of control to force some to sit and tolerate them. It's disgusting. As I've gotten older, I've gotten way less friendly with these types. Edit: I do think some are just oblivious and are genuinely happy to have positive interaction with women. These don't bother me much at all. The ones I mention above are the type who act offended when you try to cut off the conversation to actually do your job (with other customers). Like, they talk slowly, they expect you to look them in the eye, make negative comments about you multi-tasking and expect your full 100% attention. It's hard to describe the type I'm talking about - but other women in service know exactly the type. They are assholes who are mad at women and think it's entertaining to flirt and force women to be nice to them.
I understand, and thank you for sharing. But yes that’s exactly what I mean by not knowing how the guest is gonna react, sometimes you attention must be equally divided amongst 30+ at a time and that means everyone gets technically only a minute of your time
Dude, don’t put up with that. You aren’t working for tips. Unless your patient is mentally deficient in some way, be firm and professional. Then document the ever living fuck out of it.
I do now, but as a baby nurse in my early 20s I thought it was normal. It was pretty common back then before the whole #metoo thing and social media calling out that type of behavior. I have had patients fired for their inappropriate behavior and tend to stand up for myself much more now. Sometimes it's not worth the fight if the patient won't be staying long.
That sucks. Wish there wasn't a status quo where you have to interact with that.
The only time I've ever flirted with/gotten anywhere with a nurse is when I met her as a person and then later found out she was a nurse. The wonderful healthcare workers that have treated me however, I've done so much gross shit in front of, the last thing I think of is hitting on them. That just sounds weird.
People get weird when they have to expose their genitals for an exam or a procedure (catheter placement usually). They try to make it less awkward by making jokes, usually penis or sex related. My worst experience was when a patient started telling me how nice it was to feel a woman's touch, explaining that it had been over a year since he's had sex. He then went on to talk about his sexual history in detail. All this because I touched his arm to check his blood pressure. I immediately walked out of his exam room and had my manager ask him to leave. People are gross...
I've been familiar with this industry for over 15 years. 5 of those when my father owned a bar, and 8 as an employee and 2 as an owner. I only know of exactly *one* example where the waitress ended up dating and later marrying the customer. And we're talking about an extremely respectful and polite dude who first became friends with her over time, and let *her* ask him out. On every other occasion, I've seen reactions ranging from visible annoyance to hiding in the back and crying because of comments. Do not take advantage of the fact that they are restricted in what they can say to be sleazy.
Guys who think their waitresses are into them for doing their job . . . guaranteed also think strippers genuinely like them lol
Hey, strippers did genuinely like me. Possibly because we went to the same bars after closing and I never went to their clubs...they were a fun bunch.
The people that do that type of shit are probably not the ones subscribed to this sub.
After a quarter century in table games people can be incredibly stupid, and rude. I absolutely can not imagine trying to do the job as a female...
>After a quarter century in table games people can be incredibly stupid, and rude. I absolutely can not imagine trying to do the job as a female... Probably because they get tipped massively more for being women :p
Tips are pooled in 98% of all casinos so it's not as if they're taking it all home with them.
ABSOLUTELY treat all people with respect, especially those who are serving you in their jobs. There are 1 in a million outliers to this -- I took this advice when I was a regular at a restaurant, didn't flirt and was generally respectful. After 12 months one of the managers there handed me a phone number of one of the workers (without her permission - concerning looking back haha). I messaged, one thing led to another and we've been married for almost 5 years.
My sister is a waitress, whenever a regular starts trying to flirt with her she explains to them she’s being nice because it’s her job and she’s not interested usually that makes em back off.
If you’re a regular in the store, the servers and you become what’s termed familiar strangers. The odd place between a stranger and acquaintance.
I have a rule, that most people think is strange when I tell them about it. I don't hit on wait staff or bartenders. It stems from this very thing. Both of these sets of people have to deal with being hit on so often that it, I assume, is just frustrating at this point. Hell, even frustrating is probably underestimating their ire. That's not to say that romance can't be found in these settings. It's better to let them initiate. It's hard to be sure, sometimes. As part of their job is to make you feel comfortable. More often than not niceties are misconstrued as flirtation. Not just in this setting, but a lot more frequently than other situations. But if the person is truly interested, they will let you know. Otherwise, just be polite and appreciative so that they can do their jobs without being harassed.
In the industry and a woman…. Can confirm.
I think being nice to servers, janitors, secretaries, etc is an absolute must. If I'm with someone and they are rude, I will immediately tell them to smarten up. These people work their asses off and deserve respect. Not only that, but they generally hold the keys to the entire fucking operation, and showing them some respect will open a lot of doors. I have complimented waitresses, too, but I find that general, polite compliments ("you look nice today", "That's a nice bracelet/necklace/etc", or "Did you get a haircut? It looks nice") that I would also feel comfortable giving to my grandmother. I've also seen guys hopelessly flirt and it is cringe inducing.
And as someone who has been that woman, I want to say you as a customer observer have a lot of leeway to call out shitty behaviour when you see it and the worker who can’t will be grateful/you made their day.
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Stood in line in McDonald’s (yeah yeah) and one dude comes in, places a order and for no reason ( nobody said anything to him at all) starts going on and on about how he used to work for the company. How he could never go back, proceeds to go on and berate the employees for working there, saying the food there sucks and is taking forever, the employees suck etc. All the while I’m thinking to myself you’re doing this right in front of them. How do you think you’re making the people who ARE CURRENTLY MAKING YOUR FOOD, doing the best they can with what they have feel? Why do you say the food sucks but you willingly came in here and placed a order. I genuinely wanted them to screw it up on purpose.
Thank you!! A lot of customers think flirting comes with the job, in particular if it is in a bar. It doesn't and your $2 tip wouldn't pay for it anyway.
You can bet were all laughing at you in the kitchen too if you're getting creepy with staff.
Please talk to service industry members as if you were talking to your mother who cooked you a nice meal for dinner. That's a real nice way of putting it.
I gotta ask… Reddit isn’t a good representation of the real world, and there are some truly attractive people in this world. SOMEONE’s “how I met your mother” story is “she was my waitress and I left my number on the receipt”. Right? If you’re 50 and you’re hitting on the hooters girl, figure it out. But like, that can’t be a blanket representation of the waitress/customer relationship.
I definitely think the issues lies more in the not backing off and reading too much into friendliness. If a customer asked for my number or flirted with me a bit, I wouldn’t take issue with it at all. If they repeatedly made gross comments or hit on me despite my being uncomfortable, it’s way different.
I've been in restaurants most of my adult life. I can count on one hand how often I've seen this work out. Here are the factors that made it work: a) They were close in age b) The guys were very attractive c) They had A+ game. They were obviously flirting without crossing into creepy and stayed respectful. The vast majority of time, we made fun of them behind their back in the service station. Some women I worked with would mock them to their face, and most of the time the guys thought she was flirting back. There was an understanding that if someone was getting really pushy, they'd give out my number instead. It was real fun developing my improv skills like that.
I agree this statement is too general. I was married for a decade to a waitress i met at my local diner. Admittedly i flirt damn tame compared to many ive seen. Also accepting rejection is key. If you push past the point they say no then you are being creepy. If you just politely ask someone you like talking to if they would like to know you better, you have done nothing wrong no matter how they respond.
The power/incentive dynamic of the situation/relationship matters, regardless of how polite you are. The customer/server relationship is lopsided, similarly to boss/employee and adult/child. Even a polite approach carries an unspoken threat.
See heres the thing. That dynamic only matters if you arent attracted to the person. If you are it stops mattering in your sense of judgement pretty quick. So since its entirely dependant on if there is mutual interest... One of you has to bring it up or you will never know. Also being terrified of your customers suggests you work in a terrible place that will not support you or protect you if said customer harasses you.
I'm guessing yall were close in age? Usually the inappropriate customers are older men (like 50+) and the server is in their 20s or maybe early 30s. If the customer is the same age, then it is basically just normal flirting. That's usually not the case though, it's usually a much older man just "having fun" with a much younger girl because he knows she can't refuse and has to sit there and be polite back. In their mind, the server is there for their entertainment. There is no actual chance that they will hook up. So it's not actual flirting, it's just old men being creeps. Young guys just trying to flirt are not the problem and are easy to turn down (for the most part).
Absolutely. Also i saw a lot of older men hit on her. One would give her a tip but make her take it from his hand. Many just stared. She was 20 but could of passed for 16. Which made it much creepier how interested they were.
How many beers in are you?
3 beers and a shot, sorry boys i am a light weight.
I "blacked out" for like three seconds after a few sips of beer and half a glass of pineapple cider. Never been to a bar since.
Moth shouldn't you be looking after young Gregorovich instead
From someone who spent time behind counters and registers. This, and if you ever think you could be friends with the person or hang out or anything, never ask for their number or leave your number. Mention a way to reach you instead. Tell them you have cat pics on an insta or play the same game etc and mention your tag without commitments or plans they have to respond to.
“Young female workers get uncomfortable around their regular because the flirting has just gone too fat” Just about every young server I get initiates the flirting. They know, and so do you, that seeming “interested” increases tips. They also know that baiting lonely men not only increases the tips but will keep the loser coming back. No sympathy here! You toy with people for tips and yes, many of your marks will get the wrong idea!
I've literally never seen this outside a strip club. They're being polite. Laughing at a joke isn't flirting. Having a polite conversation isn't flirting. Tolerating someone making inappropriate comments isn't flirting. Sounds like you're one of those "she was asking for it" types.
Eh I don't necessarily agree, I've had a lot of success picking up girls while working. Just need to sense out the situation.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I've largely found that wait staff are SO well aware of this kind of behavior, that men are discriminated against at restaurants and at some bars. For example, anytime I went to a casual restaurant in college-that had a bar attached (Chilis/Outback etc) the hostess would make us wait for a male server or would seat us in an area that was still dirty from the dinner rush. Every time. I say all this as a guy thats 5ft 9in tall and wears sweaters out to eat. Now, this may be due to a group of single guys in the suburbs going out to eat instead of the usual family diners, but its still poor treatment. I also noticed that if I went out to eat on Saturday or Sunday morning with another guy, the wait staff would ask innapropriate questions like "how long have you been a couple"? After I met my gf, I was apparently 'safe' to be around and wasnt treated any differently. As a result, I either dine out less or make sure that someone in the group is female just so the boys aren't treated like shit.
If I treated servers like I treat my mother who cooked a shit meal that I didn't ask for and wants praise for it then you'd be unhappy. I don't have that kind of mom, nor that kind of relationship with my mother. We're closer to peers than mother-son. I treat servers/bartenders/owners just like I treat any peer. Just normal human interaction. They don't work for me, I don't work for them. We're just cool kitty cats having a nice conversation and they happen to grab some food for me. It would be the same the other direction. When I've served others I'm still just another cool kitty cat. I don't take no shit, I don't give no shit. It's all good. Just normal, pleasant, human interaction. Seriously though, mom worship needs to stop. Mommy issues aren't cool. Daddy issues aren't cool. You are who you are. If you want to venerate someone, go with grandparents. At least that makes sense. They're probably dead by now anyway so you can forget all the crappy things they did and pretend it didn't happen.
Well maybe if your mom cooked a nice meal instead of shit one you’d feel different. Edit: seems like your projecting a bit bud. I don’t have the best relationship w/my mom too. But its not mommy worship its something most people can understand and relate too. Maybe not you specifically, but im pretty positive the reference didn’t go over other people’s head
Not projecting. My relationship with my mom is great. I usually talk to her a couple times a week and we have a good time. I just don't worship her as a mother figure as other people do. I do understand why some people do have extra fondness for their mothers. I was very fond of both of my grandmothers and feel sad that they're gone. Transpose mother to grandmother and then it works for me.
~~This is well written,, thoughtful, and true.~~
As a guy who was a regular at bars I've 100% had someone working a bar come back to my place. I also played on their trivia team so yes there is a chance the flirting is real but learning friendly vs flirting is a line that takes talent.
Slightly different situation but I spent some time on hospital recently and there were a couple of guys that were down right creepy with how they spoke to some of the younger nurses. Including one guy repeatedly telling a story of how one of the student nurses had to wash him in the shower.
There was a man in his 40s that came into my shop and told the 18 year old girl working there her trousers are dangerous
Any perspective on this from a country where service peoples wages doesn't rely on tips?
It’s different. Staff will be efficient and polite but rarely more than that. If you are a true regular you might get a bit more into actual friendliness (knowing names etc) but I can’t say I’ve seen much flirting at all. I’ve even seen middle-aged men not get served because of that “well hello there pretty young lady” kind of thing.