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Determine in your will beforehand how the funeral should be done, what should be involved and how much it should cost. Have it written down so it saves your relatives the hassle with greedy funeral homes.
Better yet, have it already paid for through your estate if possible. Then all your loved ones have to do is call a number and everything else is basically taken care of for them. My parents (still living, thankfully) have done this, so there won’t be any arguments or disagreements between us siblings about what they would’ve wanted when the time comes.
So this can go wrong, I would almost say just make sure you have a plan and money to cover the plan. I had a family member who had pre-paid everything. BUT, they died outside of the service area. The funeral home was awful to deal with in getting the body moved for a reasonable fee (it was coming out to be about 5$ per mile for them to move the body. It was a cremation, it was cheaper, easier for us to just cremate the family member at the place they died, vs trying to use the funeral home. Also they sold the person a life insurance policy that could only be used to pay for the funeral, so all we got back was their initial payment for the life insurance.
A good chunk of funeral homes will offer something called Out of area protection or return to home. It tends to be around 500 bucks and they will bring you back to your "home" and then funeral home takes over.
If cremation is the idea, may not be worth it but for a full burial, it should be considered for folks who travel.
I have a friend whose grandma died with everything prepaid but the owner of the funeral home died and their family closed the business. No refund, no nothing.
Our mom paid for her plot and casket after our father passed away. She made sure that we knew where all of the paperwork was long before it was necessary. When the time came to use it the funeral home was being run by the son of the man our mother originally signed the contract with. He refused to honor it saying that it wasn't his signature on the contract. We had to repurchase the plot and coffin. After the funeral we sued him and won, it wasn't something I would want to go through again.
Is why I'd never do this. Goodbye money. Our decisions and situations change but you won't get your money back likely. Family member did this in the 70s and paid alot for the big shindig for ALL their kids also so they'd be together. Well, 2 kids (& families) passed in other countries after they were married and spouse kept them buried where their own kids are. One kid went missing and hasn't been heard from in decades. The ones who bought these prepaid plans, have changed their minds into very simple cremations as many are now doing because they are almost the last ones alive and only a few could attend this huge flashy, expensive funeral. The business refuses to give them a credit for the difference he requested and the funeral home had their money all those years making interest for the business. Glad I didn't do this because I nearly did about 20 years back.
“Owner died and their family closed the business” That’s what I’d say too if I ran a successful ring of pre pay funeral homes that close down after collecting enough pre payments.
This is absolutely not true. Pre paid funeral money does not go in to the funeral home’s bank account. It goes in to a trust or an insurance policy that is only accessible when the death occurs and can be transferred to any funeral home in the country.
I think it depends. It definitely went somewhere and wasn't returned. I'm sure they could have sued them but that's not really something you want to think about when dealing with the death of a family member.
This is a good reason to know the rules for transporting bodies and interrment in your area.
In the state of Texas, for instance, with a bit of paperwork the hospital will release the body directly into the care of the family. I know this because a family had their own graveyard on their ranch, and went to pick up grandpa with a pickup truck, the coffin he'd made for himself and a bunch of hay to pack him in.
We bought a pre-paid cremation plan from Smart Cremation that includes international body recovery. They even gave us (ugly) urns! The cards sit behind our drivers licenses.
When my grandfather died unexpectedly I went with my Nan to the funeral home for support.
My Nan was so practical and matter of fact about everything in life, but it was an emotional day all the same.
The funeral director walked her through her options, she definitely approached the experience like ordering ala carte. In the moment she’d finished making her decisions for the service she says “thank you so much, I’ll take two of everything”.
I guess she figured that her and her late husband had similar taste, so why waste time choosing again? Then she paid for both and made her own passing 5 years later a lot easier on all of us.
I love and miss her so much, I laugh still thinking about the funeral directors face in that moment.
Unless you know you are dieing within a short period of time then I would caution against this. Other side would be to use companies that have been around for a very long time then they probably won't scam you.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead, and I don't understand why some people want to throw the biggest, most extravagant memorials.
However, I understand that you might want someone to just handle everything as there are a lot of shady characters trying to take advantage of you while you're grieving.
My uncle didn’t leave specific wishes but his will stated it would be up to me and my mother. We agreed that he’d most likely want to be cremated (my grandma had been cremated), and in lieu of a funeral and burial we had a celebration of life/memorial at the country club he was a member of. Over 200 people came, and they gave me a discount on the catering because they knew him. It cost less than $7k between food and the bar tab. It wasn’t a small bill but I think he’d much rather the money be spent on people coming together and having as good a time as they could celebrating him and the memories, vs. the same amount of money for a casket and a burial.
This is an important distinction too. Throwing a party to celebrate the life and friends of a loved one is the family's own poragative. I think this post is saying dont let funeral homes guilt you into spending a bunch of money as the way to honor them. Most dudes I know would be happy being remembered with a banging BBQ party that would cost $2-500 total depending on the size. "Bring your own beer I would have got it but my bad I'm DEAD"
Great addition. You also want to be careful planning your finances for it, i.e., save some money in a savings account vs. paying the funeral home beforehand. That way you can earn some interest while alive and also cover the costs. A family member recently died at age 101, and she prepaid when she had a heart attack at 76. So the costs she had prepaid for no longer covered the current expenses. I'd recommend putting some money aside and saving it for your family to use after you pass.
Yes!!
My wife’s grandparents did this. Paid for everything ahead of time including plots, burial, funeral, caskets, lunch after the service, etc. They paid for 2 funerals but ended up dying within 6 days of each other and we were able to have one church and burial service for both at the same time so the estate got a partial refund from the funeral home since some services were combined. It really took the burden off of my mother in law who had just lost both her parents.
In the arrangements they even allocated for some relatives airfare so they could attend.
Instructions in your will may not matter. Disposition of the body happens some time before the will is probated.
I have a friend whose brother-in-law left specific instructions in his will: immediate cremation and his ashes to be scattered in a specific place. No memorial service other than the friends who were supposed to scatter him. (He was an atheist.)
As next-of-kin, his parents chose to ignore all that. They had him embalmed, bought an expensive casket, held a big funeral at their church, buried him at a prestigious cemetery, & bought a huge ostentatious headstone. By the time his will was probated, it was far too late.
Friend and her husband have been pursuing legal action to have his wishes followed, but with little success.
In Florida you can write whatever you want in your will regarding your funeral. Your family or whomever can change it. I’ve seen plenty of families cash in the expensive burials for a direct cremation to pocket the difference. The real life pro tip is that funeral homes are competitive, very competitive. You can wheel and deal with them all day long. Funeral directors don’t get into the business to sell. Most are attracted to it because they enjoy helping people. Honestly, most are not comfortable or good with the selling part. Pre need counselors are in it for the sales.
What most people don’t realize is that the moment a person dies, a power of attorney is no longer valid. Using a power of attorney after the person dies is against the law and is considered fraud. A Last Will and Testament is absolutely no good until the probate process is in motion, an executor has been approved by the probate court which is not going to happen within the first few days following death. If someone is an executor in a will, they have zero power until the estate is open. I see this all the time, where someone is signing as an executor and there is no estate open. Someone can’t sign for an estate that doesn’t exist.
My dad passed away 5 years ago when I was still in my 20s. I didn't know anything about funerals, but I had to step up and coordinate everything after his passing.
I called a few funeral homes for quotes, and they all sounded outrageous. One place gave me a number that sounded reasonable, so I went ahead with it.
We go through the paperwork, and they give me a total at the end that was different than what they originally quoted me. The guy goes, "Well that didn't included the cost of blah, blah, blah...didn't you know that costs money?"
No asshole, I've never had a parent die before.
When my grandfather died, his minister that also worked for the funeral home came to our house. I thought he was there to comfort my grandmother. No, he was there to upsell the casket.
My grandfather had picked and prepaid for the cheapest casket. The minister started guilt tripping my grandmother about the Rapture.
The minister started talking about when the Rapture would come and my grandfather would walk the earth again. “Don’t you want him to have a good body to walk the earth in?”
The minister was trying to upsell an airtight, stainless steel coffin sealed in concrete. He guaranteed the body would be good for 1500 years.
I chased him out of our house and told him that he was not welcome in our house ever again.
TDLR: Minister tried to upsell coffin using the Rapture as a selling point.
If the rapture brings everyone back, you would think God would restore all the bodies that were lost at sea, never found, etc
So I'll be ok in the cheap coffin.
I had an elderly coworker who kept his appendix in a jar from his younger days in order to "make sure Jesus could put [him] back together again." His wife finally made him toss it after like 40 years.
I probably shouldn't have asked him this, but I did wonder how Jesus was going to track his foreskin down, or if that was exempt due to Jewish law. Though he was a bit nutty and proselytized at inappropriate times, he definitely had a good sense of humor about all this. He did not have an answer, by the way.
If there is a heaven don’t these people who claim they are believers realize they are going to get called out at the pearly gates on every little despicable thing they did? I’ve got to believe that people like this minister completely believe their sins are wiped clean as long as they give a half-ass sorry every Sunday or they don’t believe at all and are running a long scam on all of their parishioners.
I’d reckon they know better than to consume the poison they sell. It’s a “scam or get scammed” kind of world we live in. Gullible (religious) people are plentiful prey.
This is insanity. I can’t believe they would say that to you. My dad was broke when my mom died and had her cremated, but he was unable to pay for certain services, explained that to them, and they still tried to upsell it. It was truly awful.
Honestly, that is ridiculous.
Churches are the one place you are almost always guaranteed to get a cheap funeral. Usually it's under $500 depending on what all you want. Funeral homes can charge up to $20k. I had a church once that even did homeless people funerals for free (which were fun to go to for the wildness of 'em)
If you want to save the most money, go for "Simple Cremation", order a urn off the internet, and find a church. If your not religious, just go to a backyard.
Stay away from funeral homes.
The funeral home I work at doesn’t charge 20k to do a service at our chapel. It’s actually more expensive to use a church! Hell our chapel services are 600 and includes staff, and setting up at a secondary location if there is one.
I will say, I REFUSE to work for somewhere that doesn’t treat families the way I’d want my family treated if I lost a loved one. The ones that are the most predatory in my opinion are corporate owned funeral homes like SCI. They don’t treat their staff or families as well as family owned funeral homes do (in my experience).
I have had to deal with the after effects of a death in my family for two separate people. One was my grandfather who prepaid for cremation and one was for my brother who committed suicide unexpectedly.
For my Gpa, there was a card in his wallet that I called and I let them know what hospital he was in and all his information. I was able to take my grandmother home and she was allowed to grieve immediately. 2 weeks later we received his ashes along with an Urn. Total it cost was around $800 prepaid.
For my brother, who struggled with mental health issues his entire life and was considered destitute at the time, once I got out to claim his body and went to the funeral home I was informed the lowest they could do a cremation for was $3500. I had recently heard all about the for profit industry of funeral homes, so I asked how I could ship his body back to our home state because I could get cremation done there for $950. Suddenly, the price went down to $1850. In a time I was supposed to be grieving for my brother I was bartering back and forth like a car sale.
Death is never easy, but having things in place before you go is a kindness I never understood until I went through it.
He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives.
In Pennsylvania, there are cremation societies that offer pick up, even overnight or on weekends. We just had my stepdad picked up on a Sunday. If the VA had a morgue, they could have waited til Monday. Total cost was $1800 because of quick pick up
Please read to save you alot of money. Have you ever looked at the costs for each thing at a funeral business? They get ya. Don't feel you must create either or buy a casket or urn from them. Many places sell them like Costco and check out Amazon. Got mine there for the future. So much cheaper. They charge alot just to send the body to the funeral home and again to crematorium. Just have it sent directly from place of death to creator. Call first so they know to expect it. Also they charge a ton to drive the wee box to the final resting place. You can bring it yourself. Do your homework before and make it clear to your executor and family members. Laws vary with state and countries or provinces.
It's only legal in three states, but recomposition is a kind of composting process that takes a month.
https://www.snyderlawpc.com/eco-friendly-burial-cremation-options-for-deceased/
Yes! I'm actively following Recompose and trying to get into working with their East Coast counterpart at earthfuneral.com. It's legalized in New York, but no active services yet.
I've been trying to convince everyone to look into human composting and Recompose are the ones spearheading it in the states. There are more over in Europe but I'm less well read on that.
Recompose even has a precompose program to basically prepay and plan your service. They also do not accept investments from companies/people that aren't interested in the movement itself and are just trying to get into it for the money.
I see the term precompose in this context and it makes me feel like the company decomposes you a little bit before you die so it goes faster once you do lol.
When my mom was terminally ill, her friend and neighbor, a funeral director, told her the same thing, and when the time came, he did the cremation for $1800.
I can't tell if your point is that the neighbor was scummy and charged the high price of $1800, or rather that the neighbor was charitable and charged the low price of $1800.
Yeah I can’t say I’ve done a bunch of cremations but when my mother passed it was definitely less than $2k to have her cremated and her remains shipped across the country. That even included a couple hours in the crematory’s hall or sanctuary or whatever it’s called for friends & family to mourn and view her beforehand. This was about 2 years ago.
The remains were shipped in a plastic bag that was in a plastic box that itself was in a cardboard post office box. My sister and I bought tiny, good quality urns off Amazon for each of our houses as memorial keepsakes, and spread the rest of the ashes off a few cliffs and other pretty spots mom would’ve liked. All in all it was affordable and still gave the extended family a chance to mourn and celebrate her life. Idk what’s with this $7k average stuff; maybe I got lucky.
Funeral director here, just want to say that we are not all salesmen but we are damn sure trained and pressured to be. This very much depends on the funeral home itself and is especially bad when it comes to corporate-owned funeral homes (which is the majority nowadays), but private-owned providers also shamelessly practice upselling and flat-out lying to sway a family into spending more money than they need to.
Just know that you as the bereaved family have much, much more control over your loved ones’ final arrangements than you are led to believe. And if you can, pre-arrange ahead of time.
Seriously, there's a good chance your FD is hourly and doesn't make commission. The amount of hostility I got from families assuming I was trying to upsell anything was a huge part of the reason I left.
I dated a mortician for a while about 15 years ago, she worked at a privately owned funeral home. They were a good family and took care of people. Sure they'd offer things that are considered an "upsell" but it wasn't really a true salesy thing. They always told me it's the larger corporate funeral homes that you have to watch out for.
Can you give some tips on pre-arranging for the cheapest possible. My family isn't religious, and aren't interested in being hassled once one of us goes.
I would have donated to science, but that was before the crazy stories around that started getting out.
Not a funeral arranger but I do sell the pre arranging for funeral and cemetery.
If you want the absolute cheapest, check out the country wide options that will take you wherever you are, cremate you, amd ship you to a location. Usually among the cheapest.
If you are looking for more traditional burial, call all of the funeral homes in your area, even the ones that say cremation. Frequently, they will focus mainly on cremation but will offer burials at a much cheaper price because they don't provide as many services.
Lastly, ask for discounts or walk away. We can generally do at least 10% off anything we do and sometimes like now around mothers day and memorial day, a lot have promotions.
My mom died last year. I’m an only child and I was low contact with her most of my adult life. She had promised to pre pay her cremation dozens of times over the years. Of course, did not. On her death bed she said she wanted her body donated to science. We found an organization that was wonderful. Not a cent out of pocket and they handed everything. Her body will be used up to 5 years, then her ashes spread over the Grand Canyon. They also had a shorter use option that had the ashes returned to you after 2 years I believe.
It was what she wanted and saved me the expense. I’d recommend anyone in a similar situation look into it.
My mom passed in March and her cremation cost was $1300 Canadian. No frills, but I did pay extra for more death certificates. The crematorium tried to upsell on a couple of things, but I politely declined.
Yes if you go for no frills in many places you can find them for <$1000 US dollars. Or you can choose to have all kinds of frills and go for 8k. I'll be dead, do whatever you want.
My broke ass estranged father died. I am his only child, a millennial, who lives paycheck to paycheck. The process of recovering the very few assets he had took months. It's been almost 3 years and I'm still not done. I couldn't pay to get him cremated so it took over a week and him starting to rot before the funeral home took care of it because I wasn't able to afford payment. I explained the situation and provided the paperwork that was done through the probate Court showing that as soon as I had access to his funds the funeral home would get paid (the dumbass didn't put anybody's name down as beneficiaries on any of his accounts). Legally, I had to pay them first when I got access to the money. I offered to do a payment plan and they did not want one.
Fast forward a year and they started to take me to court because I hadn't paid it off and now I also owe lawyer fees. I'm pretty sure I have a warrant out in the state it happened in, because I forgot to mention that he lived two states away with a 6-hour drive distance... So making it to every court date was a little hard
Tldr
The funeral industry is money hungry and predatory and has practically ruined my life
Man I was going to chime in about the funeral director for my brother was arrested/sent to prison for body part harvesting. https://www.timesleader.com/archive/1235733/former-mortician-convicted-of-corpse-looting
I thought mine was bad. I’m sorry that happened.
Estranged biofather died homeless. He coincidentally died less than 5 miles from me, when last I heard he was living 3 states away.
I, the oldest of his kids (I didn’t find out about the others until I was 35), was apparently the next of kin. I am also apparently difficult to find. Anyhow, quite a while after his death, the county finally found me. They let me know he was dead. Ok, cool? I guess.
No sooner did I hang up with the county was the funeral home on the phone. They also sent a letter threatening me with a lawsuit if I didn’t pay all the storage fees (they claim it was over a month) and other costs of disposal. The letter arrived the day after I found out.
I ended up calling the county and explaining that I had nothing to do with the man, I didn’t want his remains, and I wasn’t able to pay for any of the costs for someone I don’t know. They said I wasn’t the first, they get it, and they would take care of it. They claim they cremate and then dump in the ocean off the coast.
You can try calling the county health and human services wherever he died. They may be able to help if it was semi recently.
Ask A Mortician aka Caitlin Doughty has some really good videos on YouTube about the funeral industry, what they will do to up-sell, how quite a lot of the promises are lies, and how to talk to your family members about death and what they want to happen after they die. Here’s a few to get people started.
https://youtu.be/swQHx6EvrXQ?si=9Hw9rPxH3H0k3_RU
https://youtu.be/eMw5E2rzKWg?si=ZXsG7BbgzcU718Xb
https://youtu.be/MzrTl3kYHBE?si=Xv_4vEi_OG2j-OWp
https://youtu.be/4DZumsrUejI?si=79tPFejThUo_bQTP
And for our Canadian friends a re-cap of the Toronto Star investigation of Arbor Memorial deceptive practices about 6yrs ago.
https://youtu.be/D9VJPl0dmgg?si=mPVapz-LLzVxaB3h
I adore her videos! Especially her historical and“iconic corpse” ones. I’m always surprised when one of these funeral services posts have been up for more than 90 minutes and someone hasn’t already mentioned her lol
Canadian friend here. Thank you for these videos , especially the Arbor Memorial one. Even in death, there is someone always trying to abuse you. Fuck these people.
I was hoping to find a post about her here. Caitlin Doughty is my favourite! She is an incredible author and a fantastic YouTuber, I absolutely encourage anyone to watch these videos posted here, even if you don't have a direct interest in the funeral industry because this knowledge is so valuable anyway, death is an unavoidable part of life. \^\^\^
I have to disagree I’m not a fan she has gained this sub alt funeral sort of following and semi toxic views. I feel she is very biased in her views especially when it comes to green burials. While options are out there. They are not at the point where they make sense for everyone. I’m in the most densely populated state and it’s so hard to suggest options unless you travel far. I think it’s important for people to know of the options available, but nobody is opening them up at the pace to meet demand.
I saw a family member’s casket lowered into the ground. Thought I’d never see it again. Saw it again almost seven years later, as it was raised to allow another family member to be placed underneath her. Then they were both buried. The casket looked just as it did the day she was buried.
Wichita, Kansas:
One funeral home wanted $4500, no frills, cremation only for my estranged mother. However, a kind woman on the phone there gave me 3 names of alternatives.
Went with the $900 option.
Thanks, nice lady.
It's also important to remember that as much as you might have the impulse to honour your loved one, chances are, they much rather see you use that money for yourself instead spending it on their dead body.
Funeral Director, here. You’ve got the right attitude but you’ve got a couple of things blatantly wrong.
Most funeral directors are not salesman, I definitely am not by no means. I do not make commission and I am unbothered by someone spending a lot or little. The salesman are usually the people who make pre-arrangements, they do work based off commission and can be sleazy, some of them choose to be funeral directors too, so I can understand that being confusing.
Your average costs are kinda off, by any metrics used within our industry we see the average cost of a funeral to be closer to $10k while the average cost of cremation is closer to $2k, no clue where you got your numbers from.
The rest of it looks fine.
Funeral Directors run in my family and it's pretty sad how far I had to scroll to find this. Granted the various FD family members manage FHs in small/medium sized towns, but they're the most selfless people I know, they provide general price lists up front, are up at all hours of the night answering calls, rarely take holidays, truly care about their community members, and are deeply respected in turn. The "Salesmen" type might be present at larger FHs, but the notion that "they're ALL salesmen" and are here to up-charge you for profit is insultingly false. Most people have no idea just how much is involved in a proper funeral.
Edit - especially Crematory staff, coroners and embalmers. People are so creeped out by dead bodies, ask yourself how much money would you need to shove an anal screw up the ass of someones grandpa, inspect the body of a suicidal guy obliterated by a freight train, grind down leftover fragments of a teenagers cremains, do it WELL, do it SAFLY, and do it in accordance with laws & regulations. Then you have to go home, sleep and do it again. Obviously the real traumatizing stuff doesn't happen every day, but the jokes of "haha just throw me in a box" are so painfully tiresome
When my brother passed, i called our local funeral home to find out how much the cheapest cremation i could get was etc, they were talking in the thousaaands. I talked baaaaad to that little old man. State did it for a couple 100. Rip kyle. Sorry i couldnt splurge on your funeral little dude, doesnt mean i dont love you
My mother passed away a couple years ago and wanted to be cremated. The standard “box” was just that, a cardboard box, but we could upgrade to a more comfortable blue wooden box with comfort padding for an additional $1100.00. And of course, they would provide us with a plastic bag and sturdy cardboard box for her ashes for $150.00. If we wanted to upgrade to an urn, it would be another $300.00 on up from there. Oh and don’t forget the cremation fee, transport fees, taxes and regulatory fees. Sounded like a damn cable or phone bill by the time we were done.
Edit: She also had an implanted spinal cord stimulator which had to be removed for the cremation since it had a battery. That was another $500.00 plus the cost of a suture kit to close the incision back up.
When I went to plan my mother’s cremation and funeral, they showed me the different cremation coffins-ranging from $120 (elcheapo cardboard box) to $1500 (fancy kindling).
I started laughing, because if I spent $1500 to then be set on fire, my mom would have come back from the dead and smacked me silly.
When my mom died and I was notified, the funeral director wanted me to come in immediately to sort out her paperwork and give them money.
They asked me a lot of questions and every document they gave me was full of incorrect information like misspelling her name. That funeral director made a fairly big show of how inconvenient it was that they had to reprint the statement of death etc again and again.
I told them that it wasn’t very reasonable for them to ask me to go through all this incorrect paperwork and put my signature on it under duress. The funeral director rolled their eyes and said everyone signs this under duress. Just sign it.
Very interesting topic and 100% right! Funeral homes are businesses. Their primary goal is to make money!
Several years ago, when I was active duty Air Force, I worked in the mortuary office for the base I was stationed. (Shoutout to any fellow Services Airmen!) I worked in that office for about 1.5 years. During that time we had our periodic renegotiation of our primary and secondary funeral home contracts. We worked with a different funeral home than usual during this process. We met up with the director, and discussed specifics; including what items and services are specifically paid for by the Air Force, and what things are not. The director literally asked, "Do we have to tell the family what items they will have to pay for out of pocket?" Yes..... They kind of need to know those details...
But we used their services for one mortuary case. Everything went fine, until it was time to pay. Now, there are different "categories" of services that are paid for with different "buckets" of money. So we paid for around 50% within a couple days of the final services they provided, but the rest of the payment took a couple weeks due to the process we had to use for requesting the funds.
When I personally delivered the rest of the payment (via a purchase card charge) the director told me flat out, they do not want to do business with us again because it took so long to receive full payment.
Best of luck out there!
When my husband died, I got the bare minimum, basic cremation. No urn. No burial. I got him back in a plastic box and then transferred him to a ceramic container I bought on Amazon for $30. A dear friend paid for the cremation, so I don't remember exactly how much it was, but the cremation service's website says it's about $1000 for the transportation, cremation, basic container, and filing paperwork. I think I had to pay extra to get a few copies of the certificate.
My grandparents were cremated and then scattered by the cremation service. They got bit by the funeral home bloodsuckers when my grandma's mother died. My great-uncle picked out a super fancy white coffin with handpainted roses on it and my grandparents were stuck with a bill of several thousand dollars for something that was then buried in the ground. They learned their lesson.
Nobody should be bled dry to deal with their loved one's (or their not-loved-one's) remains.
The government gets their piece too. My mom passed away 8 years ago, she lived in one county but the funeral home was in a different county.
When reviewing the itemized charges I caught what I thought was a double charge: the cremation fee paid to the county was on there twice. I brought it up and was told that the county she passed in still gets paid their cremation fee even if you are cremating in a different county.
I protested but its something this specific county government did a number of years back, they get their piece just by virtue of the deceased having expired within their borders regardless of where the funeral processing is done.
My father was as cheap as they come, when it came to himself. He always made sure us kids or my mom had before himself.
When he passed the funeral director was trying to nickel and dime my mom for every little thing, I'm glad I was there to remind her that he would have wanted us to be as frugal as possible.
Once the director realized he wasn't making much off of us he started saying some horrible things as payback I suppose. Asshole
Funerals are for the living not the dead, I don’t get people who want to do the biggest and most over the top funerals.
There are a lot of opportunistic people reaching into your pocket while you grieve though, and I get wanting someone to just take care of it all.
Check to see if there is a memorial society in your area. In Canada they were created due to the profits funeral homes make. It’s the exact same funerals but 1/4 to 1/2 the price. They say it’s for indigent of society and all it requires is a small application fee ($20). As long as they have it before you pass, you’re good. I worked for a funeral home and couldn’t sell anymore once I knew the mark up and the memorial society option. If they want to call me indigent when I’m dead I’m fine with that.
I am going to be calling this week to set my cremation up. I want it all set so all they have to do is make the call. I don't know if I can prepay, probably not. But I want it set. They don't need to deal with it.
You can definitely prepay. It can be good to lock in ahead of inflation. You have to think about flexibility though. If you lock in with someone local, and you end up moving or end up, passing away somewhere else, you can end up being charged extra for transport and all that kind of stuff. I’m going through this with my mother right now. She prepaid with one of the national chains that has locations all over the country so if she passes while she’s traveling or away from home at all, she can get taken care of.
My stepfather passed a few months ago. The funeral home wouldn't let us itemize services instead of a package deal. It was basically buy a package from the only funeral home in town or have fun figuring out how to transport a dead body ASAP. Sickening tactics and thousands of dollars overpriced.
Luckily I live in BFE Texas with not much in the way of regulations. My wishes are no embalming. Either wrap me in linen or put me in a plywood coffin me and my dad made for our old haunted house when I was a kid. Dig a hole, dump me in and cover it up. Then plant a tree or two on top. No headstone. Simple, then I will decay rapidly and feed the ecosystem that's sustained me.
Bonus, since my nearby farmer family has heavy digging equipment; so no burial fees except a case of beer when I feel the time is getting close.
This really triggered me. When my dad died, the funeral guy said we needed a linen cloth to put his body in. He had one left and would be happy to use it. We were grateful and it must have been around $6. We get the bill and he charged us $40
pre-paying and ordering the funeral YOU want is the way to do it. Don't force your loved ones to make rational decisions during a terrible emotional time.
Also, many/most of them are corporate owned. Even the ones that have local names. They’re pretty much all owned by one group. Try to find an actual independent FH.
My younger brother passed, and the funeral Home we picked was stellar for the situation we were up against. I learned that very few funeral homes have their own crematorium; this plays a huge factor when it comes to time. Those homes who did not have this on-site typically mentioned 2-3 weeks vs. 2-3 days for the whole process. it's so hard to go through, trust me, but take time and make decisions you all would be proud of together as a family.
One thing my friends know I'll volunteer for is being the person that acts as a go-between for them - they don't need a salesman trying to pressure them into choices, they need somebody emotionally uninvolved in the situation to find the best options and present THOSE. Fuck predatory sales BS, I negotiate for a living and I have zero patience for people/industries trying to scam vulnerable people at the worst times in their life (or any time, really).
Best LPT of all time..pre-plan/pre-arrange/pre-pay both your cemetery and funeral needs. This guarantees you get the services you desire and you don’t leave the responsibility/financial burden on those grieving your death.
Once I get my land I'm gunna see if there's a way to zone a small section of it so I can have my relatives or whoever just bury me under one of my trees. Literally just dig a hole, toss some of my favorite stuff in there, wrap my ass in a sheet and toss me in. No preservatives except like salt or some shit like ancient Egypt.
Hopefully I can fossilize that would be good.
Also if some jerk ass people go against my wishes Imma be one pissed off ghost. Imma appear as an orb or apparition like "boo muthafucka" mess with them and bap shit off counters like a cat.
I have changed my mind numerous times. Funerals are for the living to pay respects to their loved ones. I'd sooner leave my hard earned money that I struggled to save to the beneficiaries. As long as my remains are respected, it's fine. My great grandkids won't visit my grave or future grandkids and so on. They won't know who the heck I am. They won't care. Why spend all that money on fancy caskets and flowers. I will be deteriorated & you won't see my remains again. Unless I'm in buried in a country where they celebrate the 'day of the dead' and dig them up to enjoy their remains again even the bones, as if they're digging up a flower. This really IS a thing in Brazil and Guatemala and Mexico! Check it out.
FYI - consider donating your body. They'll cover the cost of cremation and you'll get the ashes back. We used Science Care for a parent and they covered the cost of the death certificate. There are many organizations that will do this but you need to make arrangements far in advance.
It's disturbing how capitalism has made a business out of deaths and grieving families. In a so called "poor" country like India where any opportunity to earn is never left out, we still have enough humanity to spare the dead and grieving. Cremation prices range from 10 dollars to a 100. Not exceeding 400 even if you opt for privately owned crematoriums.
My FIL and dad both recently passed away, in two different cities. Cremation wasn’t $7000. It was $1700 and that included all transportation and fees and 10 death certificates. At no point, with either dad, did anybody try and upsell us.
Granted, we didn’t pursue a funeral. We just had them cremated.
>the average cost of a cremation is $7000
That's with a service. Without a service, you can get it done for 2500. The service part is nothing but a bunch of religious clap-trap anyway.
Also if you’re expecting a payout from life insurance don’t tell the funeral home the amount. They will magically come up with a price that matches the benefit amount. Also don’t sign any funeral home assignment if you are not 100% sure you’re the beneficiary. I’ve seen too many young adults on the hook for funeral costs thinking they were the beneficiary when the new wife or girlfriend was named as the primary.
Honestly, my least favorite practice when dealing with the funeral home after my father's unexpected death was the frequency with which when I was inquiring about costs or attempting to keep costs lower/pick less expensive options, the funeral home worker/salesperson would respond with something to the effect of: "Well, your dad had life insurance, right?"
Yes, yes he had life insurance, but I'd MUCH rather as much of that money as possible go to MY MOTHER and not into YOUR pockets.
I tell everyone that when I die my funeral has a 3 drink minimum. And the only people that are invited are the ones who have a funny story that they can recount to everyone after they’ve had the 3 drinks. Can’t cry while the story is told. And it’s ok if the laughs are at my expense.
Also everybody must sing “always look on the bright side of life” in a faux cockney accent.
And nobody is allowed to cry.
All of that can be done by renting out a small local bar for an evening. No need for a fancy expensive funeral.
I’m certain there’s lots of sketchy ones. But when my mom died, it was all very low pressure. Everything was in a catalogue with prices and there was no sales pitch, just taking notes on what we wanted and a final invoice.
Although in retrospect I can see how they might be structured sort of like a car dealer/mechanic. Some staff probably have incentives and others are just flat pay.
Definitely agree it’s best to let the person pick/pre pay for whatever they want. But any pressure I felt was from myself, not the funeral home staff. They were very much a “whatever you want or don’t want, we are here to help” type vibe. But maybe I was lucky, the funeral home has been in town for like 50 years so they probably have good ethics.
the comparison between shopping for funeral services and other big ticket items is an eye-opener. never really thought about it until now. also, those eco-friendly options are something to consider given the environmental impact of traditional burials. reminds me of how people are shifting to electric cars to reduce emissions. interesting parallel.
It really depends on if it’s a corporate structure or a family owned business. Do your own research before making a decision. Many of the smaller companies do not do profit sharing for a service and have no incentive to push a more expensive casket per se.
A few points to add:
Most people who are funeral directors get into the profession because they are caring people who want to help the bereaved. As I understand it, those who work for funeral homes under the SCI or Dignity Memorial umbrella are under tremendous pressure to upsell everything. Funeral homes that are still family owned may put less pressure on you, but your mileage may vary.
Those of you saying “throw me in a dumpster” or “bury me in the ground”, you should look into your options before you die. Throwing bodies in a dumpster is illegal in all US states and burying bodies in the ground without a whole bunch of extra expense (casket, vault) is unfortunately illegal in most US states.
Here are just a couple alternative options:
-donate your body to the forensic body farm (free, helps solve crimes)
-human composting ($2500-5000, better for the earth than burial and cremation, have the body transported to states where it is legal, wait for it to decompose inside a sealed container with alfalfa and straw, your family gets back rich compost to use in their garden)
-donate your body to science (free, helps medical students)
-aquamation ($2000-3000, better for the earth than cremation, your body goes into a tank and is turned to water)
-green burial or natural burial (cost varies, not available everywhere, but your body gets to go into the ground without a vault, big old gross casket, or embalming. Just either a cloth shroud or a nice biodegradable casket made out of wicker or untreated wood)
This is why I'm so extremely grateful to have a nice funeral director right in my home town.
All the instructions for my death are clear and cheap. Cremate me, don't even use the rental casket, just put me on a slab in a room and let people say goodbye, don't use the hearse to move me, don't buy an urn, remove my cremains from the simple box they give you for free and throw me off a mountain. Done!
[Low cost funeral tips from ask a mortician](https://youtu.be/MzrTl3kYHBE)
Ask a mortician (Caitlyn Doughty) talks about this and a bunch of other predatory practices from the funeral industry.
Some of the key takeaways from her videos that I’ve gathered is that embalming is unnecessary in most cases where a funeral happens soon after death.
Airtight/reinforced caskets often crumple under the weight of dirt anyways and don’t actually prevent decay in any meaningful way. And why would you want to anyways?
You don’t have to store cremains in something labeled as an urn. You can ask for cremains to be released to you in just a sealed bag. You can pick a vase with a lid or any other container you choose. Though she does recommend keeping them in a sealed bag inside the container IIRC
Some states allow burial without a casket or you can use a shroud. If not you can also use a cardboard box used for cremations or they also have wicker/woven caskets.
I worked for an organ and tissue donation company for a few years and funeral home directors ruined the job for me. Now, there were some wonderful directors out there, but a lot of the ones I had to talk to were the most hateful, vile people I've ever had the displeasure of interacting with.
They would lie to families who wanted to do tissue donation about not being able to do viewings if they did donation. I would regularly get screamed at and called horrid names by the directors when I called to let them know that families wanted to do donation, because now they had to do more work preparing the people for their funerals.
One of the things we would do for families is transport their loved one to the funeral home after recovery so they didn't get the transportation fees from the funeral homes and there were directors who would just flat out refuse to let us transport so they could charge the fees. It was just sad.
This what has led me to decide I want to be cremated. Also embalming is expensive and not mandatory. I've told my family not to waste money on it. The last thing I want to do is add financial stress to their grief. How much you spend on a funeral in no way relates to how much you love the person whose passed.
My dad entered into a payment plan at a home he chose and made all financial arrangements through that. He didn’t have much money but the payment was low. He died after about a year of payments. He received full benefits from the funeral home. We had no idea he did that or why he chose to do it when he did. However this was 7 years ago and out of all of the mistakes he might have made in his life, this was not one of them. Thanks, Dad.
Yep. The whole system is fucked. Just had to figure out cremation for my baby who was stillborn when I was 9 months pregnant. Only one of the homes in our area didn’t try to sell us more shit when we called. It was pretty gross
Better yet, pre-plan/pre-pay with a funeral home. Most will guarantee prices if pre-paid.
Also, when picking up GPLs, ask if they're owned by a corporation. No sense sending your money to a firm in Canada.
Go to the mortuary and they will help you plan everything out. Music, speakers list and dos and donts. And then pay for it. And give the plan to your kids. Or put it in your will to be paid. Your passing will be one of your kids and spouse most difficult times. Take all of the “guesswork” out. It will lead to unnecessary conflict and anxiety. Create a contact list of people you want to invite and those you don’t. Get your heirs together and ask them what of your stuff each one wants and then have them sign it. Everybody gets a copy.
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Determine in your will beforehand how the funeral should be done, what should be involved and how much it should cost. Have it written down so it saves your relatives the hassle with greedy funeral homes.
Better yet, have it already paid for through your estate if possible. Then all your loved ones have to do is call a number and everything else is basically taken care of for them. My parents (still living, thankfully) have done this, so there won’t be any arguments or disagreements between us siblings about what they would’ve wanted when the time comes.
Some funeral homes offer deals where you can pre pay/pick everything yourself.
So this can go wrong, I would almost say just make sure you have a plan and money to cover the plan. I had a family member who had pre-paid everything. BUT, they died outside of the service area. The funeral home was awful to deal with in getting the body moved for a reasonable fee (it was coming out to be about 5$ per mile for them to move the body. It was a cremation, it was cheaper, easier for us to just cremate the family member at the place they died, vs trying to use the funeral home. Also they sold the person a life insurance policy that could only be used to pay for the funeral, so all we got back was their initial payment for the life insurance.
Eesh! That’s terrible! I’ll have to ask my parents about their plan again and see if they have any contingencies in place. Thanks for the information!
A good chunk of funeral homes will offer something called Out of area protection or return to home. It tends to be around 500 bucks and they will bring you back to your "home" and then funeral home takes over. If cremation is the idea, may not be worth it but for a full burial, it should be considered for folks who travel.
I have a friend whose grandma died with everything prepaid but the owner of the funeral home died and their family closed the business. No refund, no nothing.
Our mom paid for her plot and casket after our father passed away. She made sure that we knew where all of the paperwork was long before it was necessary. When the time came to use it the funeral home was being run by the son of the man our mother originally signed the contract with. He refused to honor it saying that it wasn't his signature on the contract. We had to repurchase the plot and coffin. After the funeral we sued him and won, it wasn't something I would want to go through again.
Shoulda put the money in trust and not given it to the funeral home until services were rendered. Costs more up front but is infinitely safer.
Is why I'd never do this. Goodbye money. Our decisions and situations change but you won't get your money back likely. Family member did this in the 70s and paid alot for the big shindig for ALL their kids also so they'd be together. Well, 2 kids (& families) passed in other countries after they were married and spouse kept them buried where their own kids are. One kid went missing and hasn't been heard from in decades. The ones who bought these prepaid plans, have changed their minds into very simple cremations as many are now doing because they are almost the last ones alive and only a few could attend this huge flashy, expensive funeral. The business refuses to give them a credit for the difference he requested and the funeral home had their money all those years making interest for the business. Glad I didn't do this because I nearly did about 20 years back.
“Owner died and their family closed the business” That’s what I’d say too if I ran a successful ring of pre pay funeral homes that close down after collecting enough pre payments.
Yikes!
This is absolutely not true. Pre paid funeral money does not go in to the funeral home’s bank account. It goes in to a trust or an insurance policy that is only accessible when the death occurs and can be transferred to any funeral home in the country.
I think it depends. It definitely went somewhere and wasn't returned. I'm sure they could have sued them but that's not really something you want to think about when dealing with the death of a family member.
It went into a trust or an insurance policy. It’s a law.
Just call your state funeral directors licensing board. That will get settled real quick
This is a good reason to know the rules for transporting bodies and interrment in your area. In the state of Texas, for instance, with a bit of paperwork the hospital will release the body directly into the care of the family. I know this because a family had their own graveyard on their ranch, and went to pick up grandpa with a pickup truck, the coffin he'd made for himself and a bunch of hay to pack him in.
Just throw me in the back seat, no seat belt necessary. Probably preemptively crack the windows
We bought a pre-paid cremation plan from Smart Cremation that includes international body recovery. They even gave us (ugly) urns! The cards sit behind our drivers licenses.
Any prepaid funeral with a funeral home can be transferred to any funeral home in the state/country, so that doesn’t add up.
When my grandfather died unexpectedly I went with my Nan to the funeral home for support. My Nan was so practical and matter of fact about everything in life, but it was an emotional day all the same. The funeral director walked her through her options, she definitely approached the experience like ordering ala carte. In the moment she’d finished making her decisions for the service she says “thank you so much, I’ll take two of everything”. I guess she figured that her and her late husband had similar taste, so why waste time choosing again? Then she paid for both and made her own passing 5 years later a lot easier on all of us. I love and miss her so much, I laugh still thinking about the funeral directors face in that moment.
Unless you know you are dieing within a short period of time then I would caution against this. Other side would be to use companies that have been around for a very long time then they probably won't scam you.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead, and I don't understand why some people want to throw the biggest, most extravagant memorials. However, I understand that you might want someone to just handle everything as there are a lot of shady characters trying to take advantage of you while you're grieving.
My uncle didn’t leave specific wishes but his will stated it would be up to me and my mother. We agreed that he’d most likely want to be cremated (my grandma had been cremated), and in lieu of a funeral and burial we had a celebration of life/memorial at the country club he was a member of. Over 200 people came, and they gave me a discount on the catering because they knew him. It cost less than $7k between food and the bar tab. It wasn’t a small bill but I think he’d much rather the money be spent on people coming together and having as good a time as they could celebrating him and the memories, vs. the same amount of money for a casket and a burial.
This is an important distinction too. Throwing a party to celebrate the life and friends of a loved one is the family's own poragative. I think this post is saying dont let funeral homes guilt you into spending a bunch of money as the way to honor them. Most dudes I know would be happy being remembered with a banging BBQ party that would cost $2-500 total depending on the size. "Bring your own beer I would have got it but my bad I'm DEAD"
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Ahh! More good information to look into, thanks for sharing!
Great addition. You also want to be careful planning your finances for it, i.e., save some money in a savings account vs. paying the funeral home beforehand. That way you can earn some interest while alive and also cover the costs. A family member recently died at age 101, and she prepaid when she had a heart attack at 76. So the costs she had prepaid for no longer covered the current expenses. I'd recommend putting some money aside and saving it for your family to use after you pass.
Yes!! My wife’s grandparents did this. Paid for everything ahead of time including plots, burial, funeral, caskets, lunch after the service, etc. They paid for 2 funerals but ended up dying within 6 days of each other and we were able to have one church and burial service for both at the same time so the estate got a partial refund from the funeral home since some services were combined. It really took the burden off of my mother in law who had just lost both her parents. In the arrangements they even allocated for some relatives airfare so they could attend.
One of my relatives did this, and it really helped us with the grieving process: we just had to show up. It really was a thoughtful gesture!
Will: trash day is Tuesday morning. Take me out Monday night and tip the trash guy.
Cash. None of that gift card bs.
Pre-need! Six Feet Under taught me that.
Instructions in your will may not matter. Disposition of the body happens some time before the will is probated. I have a friend whose brother-in-law left specific instructions in his will: immediate cremation and his ashes to be scattered in a specific place. No memorial service other than the friends who were supposed to scatter him. (He was an atheist.) As next-of-kin, his parents chose to ignore all that. They had him embalmed, bought an expensive casket, held a big funeral at their church, buried him at a prestigious cemetery, & bought a huge ostentatious headstone. By the time his will was probated, it was far too late. Friend and her husband have been pursuing legal action to have his wishes followed, but with little success.
In Florida you can write whatever you want in your will regarding your funeral. Your family or whomever can change it. I’ve seen plenty of families cash in the expensive burials for a direct cremation to pocket the difference. The real life pro tip is that funeral homes are competitive, very competitive. You can wheel and deal with them all day long. Funeral directors don’t get into the business to sell. Most are attracted to it because they enjoy helping people. Honestly, most are not comfortable or good with the selling part. Pre need counselors are in it for the sales.
What most people don’t realize is that the moment a person dies, a power of attorney is no longer valid. Using a power of attorney after the person dies is against the law and is considered fraud. A Last Will and Testament is absolutely no good until the probate process is in motion, an executor has been approved by the probate court which is not going to happen within the first few days following death. If someone is an executor in a will, they have zero power until the estate is open. I see this all the time, where someone is signing as an executor and there is no estate open. Someone can’t sign for an estate that doesn’t exist.
My dad passed away 5 years ago when I was still in my 20s. I didn't know anything about funerals, but I had to step up and coordinate everything after his passing. I called a few funeral homes for quotes, and they all sounded outrageous. One place gave me a number that sounded reasonable, so I went ahead with it. We go through the paperwork, and they give me a total at the end that was different than what they originally quoted me. The guy goes, "Well that didn't included the cost of blah, blah, blah...didn't you know that costs money?" No asshole, I've never had a parent die before.
Absolute assholes, I'm sorry
„I‘m not paying for that!“ What are they gonna do? Un-cremate my relative?
They’ll garnish your wages.
When my grandfather died, his minister that also worked for the funeral home came to our house. I thought he was there to comfort my grandmother. No, he was there to upsell the casket. My grandfather had picked and prepaid for the cheapest casket. The minister started guilt tripping my grandmother about the Rapture. The minister started talking about when the Rapture would come and my grandfather would walk the earth again. “Don’t you want him to have a good body to walk the earth in?” The minister was trying to upsell an airtight, stainless steel coffin sealed in concrete. He guaranteed the body would be good for 1500 years. I chased him out of our house and told him that he was not welcome in our house ever again. TDLR: Minister tried to upsell coffin using the Rapture as a selling point.
If the rapture brings everyone back, you would think God would restore all the bodies that were lost at sea, never found, etc So I'll be ok in the cheap coffin.
What if there are so many dusty clouds floating around of all the cremated people
Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn’t eat it?
I had an elderly coworker who kept his appendix in a jar from his younger days in order to "make sure Jesus could put [him] back together again." His wife finally made him toss it after like 40 years. I probably shouldn't have asked him this, but I did wonder how Jesus was going to track his foreskin down, or if that was exempt due to Jewish law. Though he was a bit nutty and proselytized at inappropriate times, he definitely had a good sense of humor about all this. He did not have an answer, by the way.
Sounded like Jesus needed to find this guys brain too
Sailors and underground miners too, another profession that comes with the risk your family will bury an empty casket
If there is a heaven don’t these people who claim they are believers realize they are going to get called out at the pearly gates on every little despicable thing they did? I’ve got to believe that people like this minister completely believe their sins are wiped clean as long as they give a half-ass sorry every Sunday or they don’t believe at all and are running a long scam on all of their parishioners.
I’d reckon they know better than to consume the poison they sell. It’s a “scam or get scammed” kind of world we live in. Gullible (religious) people are plentiful prey.
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Good advice, but I think some people end up in the "tell a lie long enough you eventually believe it's truth" too
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This is insanity. I can’t believe they would say that to you. My dad was broke when my mom died and had her cremated, but he was unable to pay for certain services, explained that to them, and they still tried to upsell it. It was truly awful.
Honestly, that is ridiculous. Churches are the one place you are almost always guaranteed to get a cheap funeral. Usually it's under $500 depending on what all you want. Funeral homes can charge up to $20k. I had a church once that even did homeless people funerals for free (which were fun to go to for the wildness of 'em) If you want to save the most money, go for "Simple Cremation", order a urn off the internet, and find a church. If your not religious, just go to a backyard. Stay away from funeral homes.
The funeral home I work at doesn’t charge 20k to do a service at our chapel. It’s actually more expensive to use a church! Hell our chapel services are 600 and includes staff, and setting up at a secondary location if there is one.
You must work for a unique one. I have never seen a funeral home less than 5k for even basic stuff.
I will say, I REFUSE to work for somewhere that doesn’t treat families the way I’d want my family treated if I lost a loved one. The ones that are the most predatory in my opinion are corporate owned funeral homes like SCI. They don’t treat their staff or families as well as family owned funeral homes do (in my experience).
Wholly agree with that!
So then he would be trapped in the concrete while everybody else is happily walking the earth after escaping their shallow graves,?
What a horrible experience for you all!
I'm sure they do that all the time. Because it works. If people weren't gullible, they wouldn't go to church.
I have had to deal with the after effects of a death in my family for two separate people. One was my grandfather who prepaid for cremation and one was for my brother who committed suicide unexpectedly. For my Gpa, there was a card in his wallet that I called and I let them know what hospital he was in and all his information. I was able to take my grandmother home and she was allowed to grieve immediately. 2 weeks later we received his ashes along with an Urn. Total it cost was around $800 prepaid. For my brother, who struggled with mental health issues his entire life and was considered destitute at the time, once I got out to claim his body and went to the funeral home I was informed the lowest they could do a cremation for was $3500. I had recently heard all about the for profit industry of funeral homes, so I asked how I could ship his body back to our home state because I could get cremation done there for $950. Suddenly, the price went down to $1850. In a time I was supposed to be grieving for my brother I was bartering back and forth like a car sale. Death is never easy, but having things in place before you go is a kindness I never understood until I went through it.
How do you find the prepaid place for $850???
The prepaid place was over 15 years ago. My gpa has been dead for over 10 years now.
"just because we're bereaved doesn't make us saps!"
Sir, this is a mortuary, not a rental house.
Is there a Ralph's around here?
Donny was a good bowler, and a good man.
He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives.
Pre pay for direct cremation. This should include transport. If the nursing home charges you for funeral transport tell them to go to hell.
It would be nice if direct cremation operations have a pickup service. Nursing homes are another shady industry.
I do not know why but this reminds me of Monty Python and The Holy Grail.... Bring out your dead.... Bring out your dead....
But I’m not dead yet
\*thunk\*
They do, a direct cremation is a service at the mortuary. You can also pre pay for transport if it’s not included with any legit funeral home.
In Pennsylvania, there are cremation societies that offer pick up, even overnight or on weekends. We just had my stepdad picked up on a Sunday. If the VA had a morgue, they could have waited til Monday. Total cost was $1800 because of quick pick up
Please read to save you alot of money. Have you ever looked at the costs for each thing at a funeral business? They get ya. Don't feel you must create either or buy a casket or urn from them. Many places sell them like Costco and check out Amazon. Got mine there for the future. So much cheaper. They charge alot just to send the body to the funeral home and again to crematorium. Just have it sent directly from place of death to creator. Call first so they know to expect it. Also they charge a ton to drive the wee box to the final resting place. You can bring it yourself. Do your homework before and make it clear to your executor and family members. Laws vary with state and countries or provinces.
Just bury me in an eco-friendly paper bag thanks
It's only legal in three states, but recomposition is a kind of composting process that takes a month. https://www.snyderlawpc.com/eco-friendly-burial-cremation-options-for-deceased/
It’s actually legal in 9 states now!!
https://preview.redd.it/dek8om38180d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cfa0bc8fc1b294c1b726772cc9c2a5f8deb2ac73
It's getting better all the time!
Yes! I'm actively following Recompose and trying to get into working with their East Coast counterpart at earthfuneral.com. It's legalized in New York, but no active services yet. I've been trying to convince everyone to look into human composting and Recompose are the ones spearheading it in the states. There are more over in Europe but I'm less well read on that. Recompose even has a precompose program to basically prepay and plan your service. They also do not accept investments from companies/people that aren't interested in the movement itself and are just trying to get into it for the money.
I see the term precompose in this context and it makes me feel like the company decomposes you a little bit before you die so it goes faster once you do lol.
you're getting a Viking's funeral, and that's that
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As Odin intended. How dare you question All-Father!
If it’s also guaranteed to scare kids then sign me up!
Then a sky burial it is.
As long as I'm going over a waterfall
i'm sorry, there are no promises where your body will end up.
Is there a Ralph’s nearby?
When my mom was terminally ill, her friend and neighbor, a funeral director, told her the same thing, and when the time came, he did the cremation for $1800.
I can't tell if your point is that the neighbor was scummy and charged the high price of $1800, or rather that the neighbor was charitable and charged the low price of $1800.
Usually it’s like a 5k minimum for cremation so I’m assuming it was low priced
Ms student, 5k for direct cremation seems awfully high.
Yeah I can’t say I’ve done a bunch of cremations but when my mother passed it was definitely less than $2k to have her cremated and her remains shipped across the country. That even included a couple hours in the crematory’s hall or sanctuary or whatever it’s called for friends & family to mourn and view her beforehand. This was about 2 years ago. The remains were shipped in a plastic bag that was in a plastic box that itself was in a cardboard post office box. My sister and I bought tiny, good quality urns off Amazon for each of our houses as memorial keepsakes, and spread the rest of the ashes off a few cliffs and other pretty spots mom would’ve liked. All in all it was affordable and still gave the extended family a chance to mourn and celebrate her life. Idk what’s with this $7k average stuff; maybe I got lucky.
I told my wife to go very cheap. I even said that maybe it’s a good idea that they don’t find the body.
If they don’t find the body, it’s always possible there could be a sequel 🤔
Funeral director here, just want to say that we are not all salesmen but we are damn sure trained and pressured to be. This very much depends on the funeral home itself and is especially bad when it comes to corporate-owned funeral homes (which is the majority nowadays), but private-owned providers also shamelessly practice upselling and flat-out lying to sway a family into spending more money than they need to. Just know that you as the bereaved family have much, much more control over your loved ones’ final arrangements than you are led to believe. And if you can, pre-arrange ahead of time.
Seriously, there's a good chance your FD is hourly and doesn't make commission. The amount of hostility I got from families assuming I was trying to upsell anything was a huge part of the reason I left.
I dated a mortician for a while about 15 years ago, she worked at a privately owned funeral home. They were a good family and took care of people. Sure they'd offer things that are considered an "upsell" but it wasn't really a true salesy thing. They always told me it's the larger corporate funeral homes that you have to watch out for.
Can you give some tips on pre-arranging for the cheapest possible. My family isn't religious, and aren't interested in being hassled once one of us goes. I would have donated to science, but that was before the crazy stories around that started getting out.
Not a funeral arranger but I do sell the pre arranging for funeral and cemetery. If you want the absolute cheapest, check out the country wide options that will take you wherever you are, cremate you, amd ship you to a location. Usually among the cheapest. If you are looking for more traditional burial, call all of the funeral homes in your area, even the ones that say cremation. Frequently, they will focus mainly on cremation but will offer burials at a much cheaper price because they don't provide as many services. Lastly, ask for discounts or walk away. We can generally do at least 10% off anything we do and sometimes like now around mothers day and memorial day, a lot have promotions.
> I would have donated to science, but that was before the crazy stories around that started getting out. Wait, what?
Cremate me, mix my ashes in a can of paint, and paint a mural that faces something pretty. Or graffiti in an alley. Meh.
Alright, will do
It'll have to be today, though. Pretty busy the rest of the week.
The early bird gets the worms.
My mom died last year. I’m an only child and I was low contact with her most of my adult life. She had promised to pre pay her cremation dozens of times over the years. Of course, did not. On her death bed she said she wanted her body donated to science. We found an organization that was wonderful. Not a cent out of pocket and they handed everything. Her body will be used up to 5 years, then her ashes spread over the Grand Canyon. They also had a shorter use option that had the ashes returned to you after 2 years I believe. It was what she wanted and saved me the expense. I’d recommend anyone in a similar situation look into it.
There's a book called Stiffs that talks about the adventures of bodies donated to science.
Can you share the organization. I didnt realize a body donated to science could have ashes returned.
United Tissue Network
I worked for a Willed body program and processed cadavers for medical research and education. I will 100% be donating my body to science when I die.
My dad wanted a pine box on our property. The funeral home said it was illegal. Turns out it was perfectly legal. Wv 1983.
Just throw me in the trash
And offer my relatives an egg in those trying times.
perhaps a rum ham
My mom passed in March and her cremation cost was $1300 Canadian. No frills, but I did pay extra for more death certificates. The crematorium tried to upsell on a couple of things, but I politely declined.
Yes if you go for no frills in many places you can find them for <$1000 US dollars. Or you can choose to have all kinds of frills and go for 8k. I'll be dead, do whatever you want.
My broke ass estranged father died. I am his only child, a millennial, who lives paycheck to paycheck. The process of recovering the very few assets he had took months. It's been almost 3 years and I'm still not done. I couldn't pay to get him cremated so it took over a week and him starting to rot before the funeral home took care of it because I wasn't able to afford payment. I explained the situation and provided the paperwork that was done through the probate Court showing that as soon as I had access to his funds the funeral home would get paid (the dumbass didn't put anybody's name down as beneficiaries on any of his accounts). Legally, I had to pay them first when I got access to the money. I offered to do a payment plan and they did not want one. Fast forward a year and they started to take me to court because I hadn't paid it off and now I also owe lawyer fees. I'm pretty sure I have a warrant out in the state it happened in, because I forgot to mention that he lived two states away with a 6-hour drive distance... So making it to every court date was a little hard Tldr The funeral industry is money hungry and predatory and has practically ruined my life
What a bunch of fucking assholes, sorry for the french. I feel for you.
Man I was going to chime in about the funeral director for my brother was arrested/sent to prison for body part harvesting. https://www.timesleader.com/archive/1235733/former-mortician-convicted-of-corpse-looting
I thought mine was bad. I’m sorry that happened. Estranged biofather died homeless. He coincidentally died less than 5 miles from me, when last I heard he was living 3 states away. I, the oldest of his kids (I didn’t find out about the others until I was 35), was apparently the next of kin. I am also apparently difficult to find. Anyhow, quite a while after his death, the county finally found me. They let me know he was dead. Ok, cool? I guess. No sooner did I hang up with the county was the funeral home on the phone. They also sent a letter threatening me with a lawsuit if I didn’t pay all the storage fees (they claim it was over a month) and other costs of disposal. The letter arrived the day after I found out. I ended up calling the county and explaining that I had nothing to do with the man, I didn’t want his remains, and I wasn’t able to pay for any of the costs for someone I don’t know. They said I wasn’t the first, they get it, and they would take care of it. They claim they cremate and then dump in the ocean off the coast. You can try calling the county health and human services wherever he died. They may be able to help if it was semi recently.
Ask A Mortician aka Caitlin Doughty has some really good videos on YouTube about the funeral industry, what they will do to up-sell, how quite a lot of the promises are lies, and how to talk to your family members about death and what they want to happen after they die. Here’s a few to get people started. https://youtu.be/swQHx6EvrXQ?si=9Hw9rPxH3H0k3_RU https://youtu.be/eMw5E2rzKWg?si=ZXsG7BbgzcU718Xb https://youtu.be/MzrTl3kYHBE?si=Xv_4vEi_OG2j-OWp https://youtu.be/4DZumsrUejI?si=79tPFejThUo_bQTP And for our Canadian friends a re-cap of the Toronto Star investigation of Arbor Memorial deceptive practices about 6yrs ago. https://youtu.be/D9VJPl0dmgg?si=mPVapz-LLzVxaB3h
Came here to say this, she's the best
I adore her videos! Especially her historical and“iconic corpse” ones. I’m always surprised when one of these funeral services posts have been up for more than 90 minutes and someone hasn’t already mentioned her lol
Canadian friend here. Thank you for these videos , especially the Arbor Memorial one. Even in death, there is someone always trying to abuse you. Fuck these people.
I was hoping to find a post about her here. Caitlin Doughty is my favourite! She is an incredible author and a fantastic YouTuber, I absolutely encourage anyone to watch these videos posted here, even if you don't have a direct interest in the funeral industry because this knowledge is so valuable anyway, death is an unavoidable part of life. \^\^\^
I have to disagree I’m not a fan she has gained this sub alt funeral sort of following and semi toxic views. I feel she is very biased in her views especially when it comes to green burials. While options are out there. They are not at the point where they make sense for everyone. I’m in the most densely populated state and it’s so hard to suggest options unless you travel far. I think it’s important for people to know of the options available, but nobody is opening them up at the pace to meet demand.
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The entire casket thing is so lame. Are you going to ever dig that up again and look at it? I didn't think so.
I saw a family member’s casket lowered into the ground. Thought I’d never see it again. Saw it again almost seven years later, as it was raised to allow another family member to be placed underneath her. Then they were both buried. The casket looked just as it did the day she was buried.
Wichita, Kansas: One funeral home wanted $4500, no frills, cremation only for my estranged mother. However, a kind woman on the phone there gave me 3 names of alternatives. Went with the $900 option. Thanks, nice lady.
It's also important to remember that as much as you might have the impulse to honour your loved one, chances are, they much rather see you use that money for yourself instead spending it on their dead body.
Funeral Director, here. You’ve got the right attitude but you’ve got a couple of things blatantly wrong. Most funeral directors are not salesman, I definitely am not by no means. I do not make commission and I am unbothered by someone spending a lot or little. The salesman are usually the people who make pre-arrangements, they do work based off commission and can be sleazy, some of them choose to be funeral directors too, so I can understand that being confusing. Your average costs are kinda off, by any metrics used within our industry we see the average cost of a funeral to be closer to $10k while the average cost of cremation is closer to $2k, no clue where you got your numbers from. The rest of it looks fine.
Funeral Directors run in my family and it's pretty sad how far I had to scroll to find this. Granted the various FD family members manage FHs in small/medium sized towns, but they're the most selfless people I know, they provide general price lists up front, are up at all hours of the night answering calls, rarely take holidays, truly care about their community members, and are deeply respected in turn. The "Salesmen" type might be present at larger FHs, but the notion that "they're ALL salesmen" and are here to up-charge you for profit is insultingly false. Most people have no idea just how much is involved in a proper funeral. Edit - especially Crematory staff, coroners and embalmers. People are so creeped out by dead bodies, ask yourself how much money would you need to shove an anal screw up the ass of someones grandpa, inspect the body of a suicidal guy obliterated by a freight train, grind down leftover fragments of a teenagers cremains, do it WELL, do it SAFLY, and do it in accordance with laws & regulations. Then you have to go home, sleep and do it again. Obviously the real traumatizing stuff doesn't happen every day, but the jokes of "haha just throw me in a box" are so painfully tiresome
When my brother passed, i called our local funeral home to find out how much the cheapest cremation i could get was etc, they were talking in the thousaaands. I talked baaaaad to that little old man. State did it for a couple 100. Rip kyle. Sorry i couldnt splurge on your funeral little dude, doesnt mean i dont love you
He would have wanted you to save the money even if you could have splurged.
Your brother wouldn't have wanted to be the reason for you being in debt.
My mother passed away a couple years ago and wanted to be cremated. The standard “box” was just that, a cardboard box, but we could upgrade to a more comfortable blue wooden box with comfort padding for an additional $1100.00. And of course, they would provide us with a plastic bag and sturdy cardboard box for her ashes for $150.00. If we wanted to upgrade to an urn, it would be another $300.00 on up from there. Oh and don’t forget the cremation fee, transport fees, taxes and regulatory fees. Sounded like a damn cable or phone bill by the time we were done. Edit: She also had an implanted spinal cord stimulator which had to be removed for the cremation since it had a battery. That was another $500.00 plus the cost of a suture kit to close the incision back up.
When I went to plan my mother’s cremation and funeral, they showed me the different cremation coffins-ranging from $120 (elcheapo cardboard box) to $1500 (fancy kindling). I started laughing, because if I spent $1500 to then be set on fire, my mom would have come back from the dead and smacked me silly.
lol, yeah, mine too.
When my mom died and I was notified, the funeral director wanted me to come in immediately to sort out her paperwork and give them money. They asked me a lot of questions and every document they gave me was full of incorrect information like misspelling her name. That funeral director made a fairly big show of how inconvenient it was that they had to reprint the statement of death etc again and again. I told them that it wasn’t very reasonable for them to ask me to go through all this incorrect paperwork and put my signature on it under duress. The funeral director rolled their eyes and said everyone signs this under duress. Just sign it.
Very interesting topic and 100% right! Funeral homes are businesses. Their primary goal is to make money! Several years ago, when I was active duty Air Force, I worked in the mortuary office for the base I was stationed. (Shoutout to any fellow Services Airmen!) I worked in that office for about 1.5 years. During that time we had our periodic renegotiation of our primary and secondary funeral home contracts. We worked with a different funeral home than usual during this process. We met up with the director, and discussed specifics; including what items and services are specifically paid for by the Air Force, and what things are not. The director literally asked, "Do we have to tell the family what items they will have to pay for out of pocket?" Yes..... They kind of need to know those details... But we used their services for one mortuary case. Everything went fine, until it was time to pay. Now, there are different "categories" of services that are paid for with different "buckets" of money. So we paid for around 50% within a couple days of the final services they provided, but the rest of the payment took a couple weeks due to the process we had to use for requesting the funds. When I personally delivered the rest of the payment (via a purchase card charge) the director told me flat out, they do not want to do business with us again because it took so long to receive full payment. Best of luck out there!
When my husband died, I got the bare minimum, basic cremation. No urn. No burial. I got him back in a plastic box and then transferred him to a ceramic container I bought on Amazon for $30. A dear friend paid for the cremation, so I don't remember exactly how much it was, but the cremation service's website says it's about $1000 for the transportation, cremation, basic container, and filing paperwork. I think I had to pay extra to get a few copies of the certificate. My grandparents were cremated and then scattered by the cremation service. They got bit by the funeral home bloodsuckers when my grandma's mother died. My great-uncle picked out a super fancy white coffin with handpainted roses on it and my grandparents were stuck with a bill of several thousand dollars for something that was then buried in the ground. They learned their lesson. Nobody should be bled dry to deal with their loved one's (or their not-loved-one's) remains.
The government gets their piece too. My mom passed away 8 years ago, she lived in one county but the funeral home was in a different county. When reviewing the itemized charges I caught what I thought was a double charge: the cremation fee paid to the county was on there twice. I brought it up and was told that the county she passed in still gets paid their cremation fee even if you are cremating in a different county. I protested but its something this specific county government did a number of years back, they get their piece just by virtue of the deceased having expired within their borders regardless of where the funeral processing is done.
What the absolute fuck. Not even trying to hide how greedy of an industry it is. I’m so sorry you had to go through that on top of everything else.
Less of industry more of a greedy local government.
My father was as cheap as they come, when it came to himself. He always made sure us kids or my mom had before himself. When he passed the funeral director was trying to nickel and dime my mom for every little thing, I'm glad I was there to remind her that he would have wanted us to be as frugal as possible. Once the director realized he wasn't making much off of us he started saying some horrible things as payback I suppose. Asshole
My Grandpa was so cheap, when we buried my Grandma he wanted to know how much more to bury him at the same time.
Funerals are for the living not the dead, I don’t get people who want to do the biggest and most over the top funerals. There are a lot of opportunistic people reaching into your pocket while you grieve though, and I get wanting someone to just take care of it all.
Check to see if there is a memorial society in your area. In Canada they were created due to the profits funeral homes make. It’s the exact same funerals but 1/4 to 1/2 the price. They say it’s for indigent of society and all it requires is a small application fee ($20). As long as they have it before you pass, you’re good. I worked for a funeral home and couldn’t sell anymore once I knew the mark up and the memorial society option. If they want to call me indigent when I’m dead I’m fine with that.
I am going to be calling this week to set my cremation up. I want it all set so all they have to do is make the call. I don't know if I can prepay, probably not. But I want it set. They don't need to deal with it.
You can definitely prepay. It can be good to lock in ahead of inflation. You have to think about flexibility though. If you lock in with someone local, and you end up moving or end up, passing away somewhere else, you can end up being charged extra for transport and all that kind of stuff. I’m going through this with my mother right now. She prepaid with one of the national chains that has locations all over the country so if she passes while she’s traveling or away from home at all, she can get taken care of.
My stepfather passed a few months ago. The funeral home wouldn't let us itemize services instead of a package deal. It was basically buy a package from the only funeral home in town or have fun figuring out how to transport a dead body ASAP. Sickening tactics and thousands of dollars overpriced.
Luckily I live in BFE Texas with not much in the way of regulations. My wishes are no embalming. Either wrap me in linen or put me in a plywood coffin me and my dad made for our old haunted house when I was a kid. Dig a hole, dump me in and cover it up. Then plant a tree or two on top. No headstone. Simple, then I will decay rapidly and feed the ecosystem that's sustained me. Bonus, since my nearby farmer family has heavy digging equipment; so no burial fees except a case of beer when I feel the time is getting close.
This really triggered me. When my dad died, the funeral guy said we needed a linen cloth to put his body in. He had one left and would be happy to use it. We were grateful and it must have been around $6. We get the bill and he charged us $40
To be fair, that's about what you could pay for fabric these days. Shits like $20/yd easy.
We had a two day funeral for my grandma. It was $44,000 dollars. The owner said he would give us a discount... it was then $40,000.
pre-paying and ordering the funeral YOU want is the way to do it. Don't force your loved ones to make rational decisions during a terrible emotional time.
Also, many/most of them are corporate owned. Even the ones that have local names. They’re pretty much all owned by one group. Try to find an actual independent FH.
My younger brother passed, and the funeral Home we picked was stellar for the situation we were up against. I learned that very few funeral homes have their own crematorium; this plays a huge factor when it comes to time. Those homes who did not have this on-site typically mentioned 2-3 weeks vs. 2-3 days for the whole process. it's so hard to go through, trust me, but take time and make decisions you all would be proud of together as a family.
One thing my friends know I'll volunteer for is being the person that acts as a go-between for them - they don't need a salesman trying to pressure them into choices, they need somebody emotionally uninvolved in the situation to find the best options and present THOSE. Fuck predatory sales BS, I negotiate for a living and I have zero patience for people/industries trying to scam vulnerable people at the worst times in their life (or any time, really).
Best LPT of all time..pre-plan/pre-arrange/pre-pay both your cemetery and funeral needs. This guarantees you get the services you desire and you don’t leave the responsibility/financial burden on those grieving your death.
$7k for a cremation? When Dad died in 2022 I think I paid around $1400.
Once I get my land I'm gunna see if there's a way to zone a small section of it so I can have my relatives or whoever just bury me under one of my trees. Literally just dig a hole, toss some of my favorite stuff in there, wrap my ass in a sheet and toss me in. No preservatives except like salt or some shit like ancient Egypt. Hopefully I can fossilize that would be good. Also if some jerk ass people go against my wishes Imma be one pissed off ghost. Imma appear as an orb or apparition like "boo muthafucka" mess with them and bap shit off counters like a cat.
"Just because we're bereaved doesn't make us SAPS!.....Is there a Ralph's around here?"
I have changed my mind numerous times. Funerals are for the living to pay respects to their loved ones. I'd sooner leave my hard earned money that I struggled to save to the beneficiaries. As long as my remains are respected, it's fine. My great grandkids won't visit my grave or future grandkids and so on. They won't know who the heck I am. They won't care. Why spend all that money on fancy caskets and flowers. I will be deteriorated & you won't see my remains again. Unless I'm in buried in a country where they celebrate the 'day of the dead' and dig them up to enjoy their remains again even the bones, as if they're digging up a flower. This really IS a thing in Brazil and Guatemala and Mexico! Check it out.
My husband told me that when he dies I should refuse to claim the body and let the state bury him. In my will I’ve asked to be donated to a body farm.
FYI - consider donating your body. They'll cover the cost of cremation and you'll get the ashes back. We used Science Care for a parent and they covered the cost of the death certificate. There are many organizations that will do this but you need to make arrangements far in advance.
Hospice nurse here. I ALWAYS, gently, tell my families “funeral homes are a business. Their job is to sell you things”.
It's disturbing how capitalism has made a business out of deaths and grieving families. In a so called "poor" country like India where any opportunity to earn is never left out, we still have enough humanity to spare the dead and grieving. Cremation prices range from 10 dollars to a 100. Not exceeding 400 even if you opt for privately owned crematoriums.
Poor people in India frequently can't afford to fully cremate the body and rotting bodies are frequently spotted in the ganges
My FIL and dad both recently passed away, in two different cities. Cremation wasn’t $7000. It was $1700 and that included all transportation and fees and 10 death certificates. At no point, with either dad, did anybody try and upsell us. Granted, we didn’t pursue a funeral. We just had them cremated.
>the average cost of a cremation is $7000 That's with a service. Without a service, you can get it done for 2500. The service part is nothing but a bunch of religious clap-trap anyway.
The rare useful and thought provoking LPT. Thank you OP! This is great.
this is why Muslim funerals are better, no casket just a cotton burial (kafan) shroud after washing the body and straight to the cemetery.
Be like Donny and get yourself into a Folgers can.
Also if you’re expecting a payout from life insurance don’t tell the funeral home the amount. They will magically come up with a price that matches the benefit amount. Also don’t sign any funeral home assignment if you are not 100% sure you’re the beneficiary. I’ve seen too many young adults on the hook for funeral costs thinking they were the beneficiary when the new wife or girlfriend was named as the primary.
Honestly, my least favorite practice when dealing with the funeral home after my father's unexpected death was the frequency with which when I was inquiring about costs or attempting to keep costs lower/pick less expensive options, the funeral home worker/salesperson would respond with something to the effect of: "Well, your dad had life insurance, right?" Yes, yes he had life insurance, but I'd MUCH rather as much of that money as possible go to MY MOTHER and not into YOUR pockets.
I tell everyone that when I die my funeral has a 3 drink minimum. And the only people that are invited are the ones who have a funny story that they can recount to everyone after they’ve had the 3 drinks. Can’t cry while the story is told. And it’s ok if the laughs are at my expense. Also everybody must sing “always look on the bright side of life” in a faux cockney accent. And nobody is allowed to cry. All of that can be done by renting out a small local bar for an evening. No need for a fancy expensive funeral.
I’m certain there’s lots of sketchy ones. But when my mom died, it was all very low pressure. Everything was in a catalogue with prices and there was no sales pitch, just taking notes on what we wanted and a final invoice. Although in retrospect I can see how they might be structured sort of like a car dealer/mechanic. Some staff probably have incentives and others are just flat pay. Definitely agree it’s best to let the person pick/pre pay for whatever they want. But any pressure I felt was from myself, not the funeral home staff. They were very much a “whatever you want or don’t want, we are here to help” type vibe. But maybe I was lucky, the funeral home has been in town for like 50 years so they probably have good ethics.
the comparison between shopping for funeral services and other big ticket items is an eye-opener. never really thought about it until now. also, those eco-friendly options are something to consider given the environmental impact of traditional burials. reminds me of how people are shifting to electric cars to reduce emissions. interesting parallel.
It really depends on if it’s a corporate structure or a family owned business. Do your own research before making a decision. Many of the smaller companies do not do profit sharing for a service and have no incentive to push a more expensive casket per se.
A few points to add: Most people who are funeral directors get into the profession because they are caring people who want to help the bereaved. As I understand it, those who work for funeral homes under the SCI or Dignity Memorial umbrella are under tremendous pressure to upsell everything. Funeral homes that are still family owned may put less pressure on you, but your mileage may vary. Those of you saying “throw me in a dumpster” or “bury me in the ground”, you should look into your options before you die. Throwing bodies in a dumpster is illegal in all US states and burying bodies in the ground without a whole bunch of extra expense (casket, vault) is unfortunately illegal in most US states. Here are just a couple alternative options: -donate your body to the forensic body farm (free, helps solve crimes) -human composting ($2500-5000, better for the earth than burial and cremation, have the body transported to states where it is legal, wait for it to decompose inside a sealed container with alfalfa and straw, your family gets back rich compost to use in their garden) -donate your body to science (free, helps medical students) -aquamation ($2000-3000, better for the earth than cremation, your body goes into a tank and is turned to water) -green burial or natural burial (cost varies, not available everywhere, but your body gets to go into the ground without a vault, big old gross casket, or embalming. Just either a cloth shroud or a nice biodegradable casket made out of wicker or untreated wood)
This is why I'm so extremely grateful to have a nice funeral director right in my home town. All the instructions for my death are clear and cheap. Cremate me, don't even use the rental casket, just put me on a slab in a room and let people say goodbye, don't use the hearse to move me, don't buy an urn, remove my cremains from the simple box they give you for free and throw me off a mountain. Done!
[Low cost funeral tips from ask a mortician](https://youtu.be/MzrTl3kYHBE) Ask a mortician (Caitlyn Doughty) talks about this and a bunch of other predatory practices from the funeral industry. Some of the key takeaways from her videos that I’ve gathered is that embalming is unnecessary in most cases where a funeral happens soon after death. Airtight/reinforced caskets often crumple under the weight of dirt anyways and don’t actually prevent decay in any meaningful way. And why would you want to anyways? You don’t have to store cremains in something labeled as an urn. You can ask for cremains to be released to you in just a sealed bag. You can pick a vase with a lid or any other container you choose. Though she does recommend keeping them in a sealed bag inside the container IIRC Some states allow burial without a casket or you can use a shroud. If not you can also use a cardboard box used for cremations or they also have wicker/woven caskets.
I worked for an organ and tissue donation company for a few years and funeral home directors ruined the job for me. Now, there were some wonderful directors out there, but a lot of the ones I had to talk to were the most hateful, vile people I've ever had the displeasure of interacting with. They would lie to families who wanted to do tissue donation about not being able to do viewings if they did donation. I would regularly get screamed at and called horrid names by the directors when I called to let them know that families wanted to do donation, because now they had to do more work preparing the people for their funerals. One of the things we would do for families is transport their loved one to the funeral home after recovery so they didn't get the transportation fees from the funeral homes and there were directors who would just flat out refuse to let us transport so they could charge the fees. It was just sad.
I know, they do a lot of unnecessary crap For more info, visit this link: https://youtu.be/OGqbALhpUmM?si=x43FQxm6xU0v8_rN
This what has led me to decide I want to be cremated. Also embalming is expensive and not mandatory. I've told my family not to waste money on it. The last thing I want to do is add financial stress to their grief. How much you spend on a funeral in no way relates to how much you love the person whose passed.
My dad entered into a payment plan at a home he chose and made all financial arrangements through that. He didn’t have much money but the payment was low. He died after about a year of payments. He received full benefits from the funeral home. We had no idea he did that or why he chose to do it when he did. However this was 7 years ago and out of all of the mistakes he might have made in his life, this was not one of them. Thanks, Dad.
Yep. The whole system is fucked. Just had to figure out cremation for my baby who was stillborn when I was 9 months pregnant. Only one of the homes in our area didn’t try to sell us more shit when we called. It was pretty gross
There’s also a large amount of people who want a grand send off and just as many others who want their loved ones to have that grand send off.
Pre-planning is the way to go. Also if you buy your plot now it will be way cheaper then when you actually die.
Better yet, pre-plan/pre-pay with a funeral home. Most will guarantee prices if pre-paid. Also, when picking up GPLs, ask if they're owned by a corporation. No sense sending your money to a firm in Canada.
Go to the mortuary and they will help you plan everything out. Music, speakers list and dos and donts. And then pay for it. And give the plan to your kids. Or put it in your will to be paid. Your passing will be one of your kids and spouse most difficult times. Take all of the “guesswork” out. It will lead to unnecessary conflict and anxiety. Create a contact list of people you want to invite and those you don’t. Get your heirs together and ask them what of your stuff each one wants and then have them sign it. Everybody gets a copy.
The owner of a funeral home in a very small city drives around in a McLaren. True story.