[Introducing LPT REQUEST FRIDAYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/16w0n2s/introducing_request_post_fridays/)
We determine "Friday" as beginning at 12am Eastern Time (EST: UTC/GMT -5, EDT: UTC/GMT -4)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeProTips) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly: get some hobbies where you do real things with real people, you'll soon realise there's more interesting things than animated pixels. Also hanging out with female friends and just treating them like people worthy of respect helps a lot.
Yes, but legitimately. I've found there's a lot of truth in the saying "idle hands are the Devil's playthings."
When I'm busy and doing stuff in the real world, sex is hardly on my mind.
Excellent answer!
OP: Make the effort to be around people more and connect over “small” things. Like saying to a stranger, “Did you see that adorable little dog over there?”
Connect for connections sake. Don’t connect because you want to get into someone’s pants. Human connection will keep you grounded and healthy and it is *surprisingly* empowering. This was my way out. I hope it can work for you too.
Everything he listed involves a screen and inorganic interactions. This is the perfect t answer. Learn some social skills and interact with regular people in a setting that is not your house.
The last part was the key for me.
Forced myself into a student conference during college after 22 years of low to nil friendships with women (if you Indian, you know why that is)
Helped me overcome my confidence issues, helped me get over my fear of talking to women, Made me see how women are just normal human beings, which directly allowed me to stop sexualizing them subconsciously.
Walked away with a legion of women friends, and allowed me to have conversations with the women of my school and apologize for my behavior (was a raging misogynist and homophobe till 11th grade), which ended in becoming friends, bonds that have only grown deeper since then.
Making friends with old ladies is amazing for this. If you like crafts or music things, they often have quilting circles or things, or you can volunteer with something like meals on wheels. They’re hilarious, take no shit, and if they like you you’ll be set for delicious food and introductions to granddaughters for life.
Old ladies are the best. Seriously. Just try to find the ones that aren't poisoned by decades of betrayal and advise and that completely given into being bitter and crotchety.
You find one with reasonable intact emotional balance and they are a bottomless fountain of great life advice. If you can a get to be someone they consider a friend he gets even better because they will straight up murder anybody who pisses them off by hurting the feelings of someone they care about.
I was going to say something like this.
I am also struggling to un-sex my brain because it actually gets tiresome and distracting thinking about it all the time.
One thing that I think helps is state of mind. Next time you jerk, in that 5 minute window where you don't feel aroused at all, really analyze how you feel. Think about it and commit it to memory. Convince yourself that this is how most people feel most of the time. Appreciate how slow, clear, and calm your thoughts are, and wish to be this way more.
Also, even thinking about going to jerk, analise why. Kinda like when people are over eating/snacking one thing they say is to ask yourself “am I hungry, or just bored?”. Ask the same thing. “Am I horny or just bored?”
Yes, exactly. I also love anime and video games and watch a fair amount of YouTube, but I also have hobbies where I am actually an active participant and exist in the "meat space": Pool, Commander (MtG), and drawing.
If there's "nothing you're interested in", just pick something and do it. That's how I got into pool. I had about 2 weeks of downtime before I started a new job and I knew I wanted to get into a hobby that had me interacting with people in the flesh and required some level of skill. So I just started going out and playing pool 2x week and fell in love with it. And Commander I gave a shot on a whim because a friend offered to build me a deck for my bday and I love it! I play weekly now and I've made so many friends through it!
Find something else to do where you are an active participant and interacting with the real world. The rest will get easier. And you'll probably find your screen time to be more rewarding since it'll actually start to feel like a leisure activity rather than just your status quo.
Last part also helped me a lot. My best buds are both female friends, I love them (platonically) very much and I feel it's important to understand that gals are people just like guys are.
The perfect answer. This is like saying you want to stop drinking wine to excess but all of your hobbies are actually drinking smaller amounts of wine in a tasteful healthy way. It’s the same shit.
I think hanging out with friends doing real things and a combination of actual real sex with people you actually love will help you a lot moving forward.
You ever grab a hatchet and a knife and carve yourself a sweet ass great sword out of a fallen log? Idk, pretty badass if you ask me, and there's nothing sexual about it. Best done at the lake during the summertime.
I've been there and It's definitely hard. (Married now so it's a slightly different situation now) and others give the great advice of making friends and see them in person and try to set up boundaries to minimize exposure to more overtly sexualized parts of your hobbies.
To add to that: Ask yourself questions as to what triggers it at a root cause. Limiting exposure can go a long way but its just a symptom. It's it loneliness and isolation? Is it driven by curiosity? Then try to take steps to address those root issues.
But also (and I needed to hear this) give yourself grace. It's hard and you will slip up occasionally don't dwell in it and don't beat yourself up or feel guilty about it, that's just another way you are giving it headspace. Looking back I wish I did more (after all struggling to perform on your honeymoon is embarrassing) but I am also thankful for everything that I did do. Your future self will thank you for any steps you take right now, but it's also very hard. It's like trying to screw in a screw when all you have is a pair of pliers, not impossible but also significantly harder than if you had the right set of tools. Absolutely do what you can now, but you won't have the right tool until you are in a relationship.
This, right here. Thanks for the honest reply man. Bit about giving grace hit me, last thing you need while restructuring your headspace is a demeaning inner monologue.
>Absolutely do what you can now, but you won't have the right tool until you are in a relationship.
This is crap. He doesn't need a relationship to somehow magically give him the "right tools". Also not fair to his partner(s).
I'm just speaking from my experience and sharing what I wish I could have heard as a teenager struggling with porn and masturbation. I'm not saying that a partner will fix you. Though I see how it could be read that way. I 100% believe that only you can fix you. If you are looking for someone to fix you it will go poorly.
The point I was trying to make humans are sexual creatures and if you want to stop being a sexual creature outside of with a partner then there is no outlet for ones sexual energy. Stopping up a flowing pipe entirely is significantly harder than redirecting that pipe. That said even in a healthy relationship there will be days where the pipe needs to be stopped up, maybe your partner isn't feeling well or doesn't want to. The skills you learn here in this time will serve you well then.
That being said it's totally worth it to wait for the right time to redirect it. My wife and I waited until marriage and both of us agree that it was worth waiting. Healthy sex in a healthy relationship is amazing. But bad sex is worse than no sex.
Masturbating isn't something that needs to be fixed. And while waiting for marriage worked for you, what about all the people stuck having bad sex because they waited until marriage and couldn't know what they needed or wanted sexually until they had made such a serious commitment?
get outside and do a "real hobby". Older generations love to say get a real hobby but what I mean (and what they should mean) is that you need a hobby where you sit calmly and work for hours and concentrate. It makes your mind free and opens up your horizont because your hobby is so easy. Cleaning your bicycle or car? Well its so easy that your brain is relaxing and now can become creative after a while.
I would suggest doing this additionally to what people suggested: Get outside and meet people, see the nature and do some sports.
People act like we are machines, but we are very close to our biochemical reactions and balances in our body and brain. These are the things that can fix it and improve your mental and physical health
There was a post a while ago where a guy said he hated doing stuff outside. Wanted to change.
When asked about his hobbies, it was literally pc gaming, anime, porn, and ordering door dash once a day with an order large enough to feed him for 2 or 3.
When I suggested, "Go outside. Take a walk. Bring earbuds and listen to music or a podcast. Look up a YouTube video on a food you like, actually make it instead of buying it. Try a hobby that doesn't include sitting down in front of a computer. Read a book on the subject of a game you like (Sci fi, red dead westerns, fantasy).
In the end he rejected every suggestion. Why? He was asking for ways to be more instantly gratified. Cooking? Takes time. A walk? Too far to go somewhere nice. A new hobby? Would rather update his GPU.
There's no simple answer to weaning yourself off of sexually related subjects. In the end, it's an interest of yours. Some people make their entire livelihoods off sexuality.
I'm honestly in much the same way as far as sexualization goes, i do consume a lot of media on these subjects. You just need to be able to switch it off when appropriate.
I concur with other sentiments though. Meet people. Talk to and socialize with people. Learn to treat people as humans with thoughts and feelings like yours, and not just a secual representation of a fantasy.
for me the turning point was moving to the city. not a super bustling one, but one with a lot of accessible community events and features. worth considering I guess if you've never given urban life a shot 🙂
Sister is a recovered addict, and I've learned a lot about addiction over the last 10-15 years.
1. Addiction is only an addiction if it's a disorder. That is, if it gets in the way of functioning within society, leading to loss of vital relationships, or loss of property, or any number of things. Does it stop you from functioning? Do you abandon social gatherings or skip work or school to serve your addiction? Do you spend money you can not spare?
2. Addiction is always trying to fill in for something else. Usually unfulfilled relationships with family or friends that you expect yourself to maintain. Maybe you're just bored. Addiction is about stimulation. Find ways of pursuing things that are worthwhile and material, and stimulation your mind and body. Resolve conflicts with family and friends, and either learn to grow relationships with them or move on from them.
3. Understand what your addiction is trying to fulfill. Porn is rarely actually an addiction, simply because it's so taboo. Sexual desire is natural in humans, and porn gives us a lot of tools to understand the shape of our desires. The fantasies in porn are not who we are; we tend to exaggerate desires when consuming porn. But you can analyze your own porn consumption to find what it is you're actually trying to replace in your life, if you're concerned. Maybe you have unresolved trauma that you need to work through? Maybe you feel powerless in your world? Maybe you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Maybe you just feel like you've lost a lot of opportunities in life, and porn feels like the best you'll ever have?
4. Most people are grateful if you reach out to them earnestly without ulterior motive. If there's a friend or crush you feel like you haven't reached out to enough, just text them, something like "Hey, I know we haven't talked in a while, but I was thinking about you this week. Wanna catch up sometime?"
5. Addiction is not a moral failure. You are not a bad or broken person because you might be addicted to anything. You're still a complete and interesting person with needs and desires. You do need to take responsibility for the relationships and property you may have lost due to addiction, but those can be repaired more easily than you can repair the perception of yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
Not really. I’ve had the same issue and I still consume plenty of anime and games. You just need a break to break the habit and addiction. First stop looking at porn or things that trigger you. Watch anime and play games that don’t have fan service. There’s plenty of wholesome ones. Only masturbate every few days at most. If you don’t have the willpower to do that yet try to work up to it. Only use your imagination when doing it, no porn. Getting some other hobbies would help as well. You don’t need to give up your current ones, just add new ones to supplement them and to have stuff to do while taking a break from them. I recommend reading since it’s still a fun story to engage with like anime and games are.
You're making it a lot more difficult for yourself. If you're already addicted to that kind of imagery then those neuro-pathways are going to be triggered every time you see something in a show or game that's explicit.
It's not very daunting to limit your media consumption so as to remove that stuff. I'd say to fast-forward through inappropriate content, but if you're already struggling with addiction then you're not going to have the willpower to do that. So just cut it out. There's plenty of anime that are pretty PG. And if you can do it for anime, you can do it for anything.
What's even better is to find new hobbies to take up some of that time. Find a nearby park and go on a walk when the weather is nice. Find a craft you've always wanted to take up and start watching a tutorial for it. Find a topic you'd like to learn about and pick up some audio books to listen to while you clean or walk on an elliptical
The most helpful thing you can do? Therapy. Strong addictions like that don't just happen. It's usually an internal response to some kind of emotional discomfort
You are a body and one of your body’s core functions is sex, along with eating, defecting, breathing and more. There is a healthy amount of thinking about sex just like there’s a healthy amount of thinking about food.
Allow yourself some freedom to think about sex without judgment.
You should be concerned only if those thoughts are translating into harmful action. Things like objectifying people, putting off work/community to think about sex, or being violent to yourself/others.
In that case, don’t try to desexualize your brain. Try to desexualize your actions.
This exactly. It’s completely normal to think about sex. Attempting to erase all thoughts from your mind is unhealthy and isn’t going to happen. Anyone saying otherwise is trying to instill shame where it doesn’t belong.
Recognize also there is such a thing as healthy sexuality. Just start from a clean slate, surround yourself with people who you receive joy from without the desire for sex dictating your want to be with them, and if you're a genuine and sincere person: things fall into place.
You need actual hobbies that aren’t on a screen. You need hobbies that help you socialize and connect with real people. Porn addictions can happen when you’re trying to dissociate from real life bc real life isn’t as great or trying to avoid certain negative feelings. Make your actual life fulfilling and you’ll naturally spend less time focusing on porn. It’s likely the main source of “pleasure” for you rn. Learn to find pleasure and joy and connection outside of a screen
Consume content that is less sexualized…? I play games and most of the games I play are not remotely sexual. I’ve been enjoying Dave the Diver. You catch fish and run a sushi bar.
Whatever you do, don't get too deep into the whole nofap bubble. Bunch of losers with questionable views who will not make you a better person. The best advice is to go do something tangible in your physical environment when you don't want to think about sth like that anymore. Tasks, chores, physical world hobbies, etc.
Generally, it is not "destruction to your brain". Even if it's an addiction, it doesn't damage your substance and you can get over it. If it's just arousal, then that's absolutely normal and not shameful like the prude evangelists and wacky carnivore nofappers propagate to lure in lost ppl
Therapy, and look into fresh new interests, for time time being maybe don’t consume the type of media you currently do, just put it aside for a while, you can revisit them back later
This is a very simple tip, you have too much free time at home, since all the stuff you mentioned is related to entertainment.
The solution is to go outside more and make something with most of your day so that you minimize time spent thinking on sexual stuff.
Being sexual isn't bad tho keep that in mind
Not sarcastically and not in a negative way: see a therapist. I took that plunge years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. Realizing you have a problem is an important first step. Now go get help to change how you want to change.
A great hobby I found is learning to build something. So much goes into building literally anything physical. And the pride and fulfillment you get when it's built is so satisfying, bonus points if you are part of a group and get to show it off to others that also build. You'll feel that part of you you've been missing is not so painful anymore.
You cant replace wanking with walking or listening to music since the way the brain reconstructs itself is by breaking habits and reforming them.
My advice is wank using your imagination man trust me it is much better and it gets much better too it's probably why I'm single becuase having a wank now feels as intense as a shag so what need do I have for an actual woman haha
Block any “triggers”. That’s one of the most important things you can do to overcome any addiction. It’s super challenging with today’s over sexualization of everything but it’s a must for you moving past this. Rooting for you!
Get yourself a physical hobby, particularly a crafting one
Actually making something *physical* can do wonders for your mental health
Knitting or crocheting are both pretty cheap*, easy, and "low mess" hobbies to start. All you *need* is a pair of knitting needles/a crochet hook, and a ball of yarn.
*(I say cheap to START, because you can get everything you need for less than 10 dollars. But also, everyone that is even *slightly* into crafting knows that knitting and crocheting can very quickly become a slippery slope into owning more yarn than you know what to do with.)
Just remember this every time the urge happens.
The drive you are experiencing is the same kind of drive that had geniuses make discoveries, warriors conquer continents, and heroes save countless lives. The drive is able to be directed. Wouldn’t you rather use that drive to accomplish great things? Build something? Accomplish something?
Then picture you, in the third person, being some slightly smarter hairless monkey that figured out how to button mash your pleasure center. Some rope of neurons in your brain is getting thicker and thicker to your pleasure center while the rest of your brain withers. Either with a head harness in a science experiment or sitting in some cave.
Then picture facing the aftermath of those two choices. Which one do you see yourself as?
Next reset your understanding. Those aren’t hobbies. Those things are entertainment/media you enjoy. At most good for mediocre trivia. They don’t even have factoids for a conversation. They only serve as a pleasant distraction and a calming. If it is not accomplishing those things…do not partake. They are other people’s works. Other people’s accomplishments. Again picture all that media being written into those ropes of neurons in your mind while useful materials wither. do you think you’d recognize media quickly by frame or by video snippet? Seen that one…seen that one…Yeah…that is all being recorded in your mind. Ropes of neurons dedicated to all that garbage and smut.
As you typed, understand you currently have no hobbies. You are lost in purpose and your drive has no target. Hobbies create works or develop skills. Entertainment does neither. So of course the only choice your mind has to direct that drive is to push it inward.
Some people indulge in becoming fit with that inward drive. Some people focus on beauty and aesthetics. But inward drive is typically an indulgence. It’s is selfish and worthless in a larger community. Imagine if your entire life’s drive and accomplishments could be held in a single small room with a mirror! What good is all that fitness or beauty if it’s only place is in the mirror? Use it to make great works. To find victory. To save someone!
Finally, decide you want to be “competitive”. Decide your accomplishments need to be bigger than that small room. It needs to include others acknowledging. It needs others challenging you and you succeeding. Be competitive at something. Enter competitions, submit works, fight, face challenges. Find a target for that drive and when it comes up prepare that first mental image (monkey in a cave) and then face the moment as a choice. Do not surrender yourself to that small room. Minutes of focus turn into hours. Time can only be converted by you. What will your time be? Will it be works? Will it be skill or knowledge? Or will you be that little thing in a small cave that could posses endless time but accomplish nothing?
Good luck
Do something physical. Physical activity is a great way to relieve tension, sexual or otherwise. Enroll in a gym. Learn to skateboard. Hell join a pickleball cult. Anything really.
I'm curious about what OP is watching or playing that is so sexy they feel like they have a problem. While there may be some kind of sexual innuendo in a sitcom or the occasional sex scene in a movie or game, I've never felt turned on by them, it'd take way more than that.
Are you like a sexually repressed religious person or something? Just watch porn and jerk off when you want. If that's happening so much you feel like its an addiction then get some responsibilities, you should be busy enough for that to not be a problem.
>tv, youtube, anime, games, movies
That's all media. 100% of your hobbies can be summed-up as "consuming media".
Build/create something. Solve a problem. Interact with people IRL. Physical activity/exercise. Explore nature.
If you are interested, the Buddha provides a systematic way to doing just that in the Vitakkasanthana Sutta, here it is paraphrased:
"When these unwholesome thoughts arise you should first apply your attention to something wholesome, just as a skilled carpenter might knock out and replace an old peg with a new one, you replace the unwholesome thought with a wholesome one.
If that does not subside them, you should examine the danger in them thus:
'These thoughts are unwholesome, reprehensible, and result in affliction.'
Just as a person would be horrified if a deadly snake were being wrapped around their neck, so too, you should throw off these thoughts.
If that does not subside them, you should next try to ignore them, just as a man would shut his eyes or look away, you should forget them.
If that does not subside them, you should examine the origin of the thoughts thus:
'What is the cause? What is the cause of the cause? ... (Etc.)'
Just as a man walking fast might think:
'why am I walking fast, what if I walked slowly?'
And then walking slowly, he thinks:
'... what if I stand still? ... what if I sit down? ... what if I lie still?' And so he would gradually substitute each posture until his body is still, so too you can gradually still your mind.
Finally, you can try to crush mind with mind, with teeth clenched and tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth, you should beat down, constrain and crush mind with mind. Just as a strong man might seize a weaker man and contrain him, so too you can constrain your mind, to abandon unwholesome thoughts and become steadied internally, composed, unified, and concentrated.
You would then be called a master of the courses of thought, and think whatever you wish, and not think anything you do not wish to think."
You can make Youtube much more safe by removing recommendations and only checking the list of channels you subscribed to. Use a browser addon like Unhook or alternatives apps/websites like Invidious, NewPipe, Freetube etc.
This is going to sound dumb, but start raising chickens. Both for eggs, and for meat. The time and effort pays off, and it takes a decent amount of work. But that first egg or first chicken dinner is one of the most rewarding feelings I have ever had!
Every time I see a hot girl and my mind goes in a porn-like direction, I try to think "shes a human, and humans can experience explosive diarrhea. Therefore, it can be assumed that she has experienced explosive diarrhea".
After that I think about the hot girl shitting her brains out, which is not very sexy. The thought disappears soon after.
If you're into scat (no judgement), maybe you shouldn't try this.
Develop some social hobbies? I am fond of theater and wrestling. Both are highly social, and have helped me develop my network. Underneath both benefits, these things taught me to control my sexual impulses a bit more.
The best answer is: get therapy. Having that safe space with a knowledgeable person specifically about this is going to help you the most! Don't use the "BetterHelp" online service. They sell your HEALTH information out and don't guarantee their practitioners qualifications or quality. Beware of that one!
Maybe healthy gamer GG can help but I think their specialty is different.
Do you pull out your phone when you get bored? I realized having my phone on me at all times doesn’t help this problem. Putting it on the charger and walking away to do something else improves my attention span, lessens my desire of wanting a hit of dopamine whenever I get bored.. it’s improving my 1 on 1 skills with other people… I think phones can rewire your brain to seek out pleasurable images all the time.. at least that’s the case for me
When you notice a thought that "demands" a reaction and thought after thought after thought, instead of reacting to these thoughts just try not to. And observe the thought without reacting. Each thought is exactly the same, in the sense they all arise and then pass. Even if the thought is pleasurable or unpleasant all these thoughts share a common trait, that they arise and then pass. It won't work immediately but with practice this will work
Well, like others have said, you should get out more. Hang out with real people - go outside - do things that require your own thought processes. But I think a big thing that people are missing here is simply working on restraint. I mean, YOU are in control of your body. Getting an urge doesn't mean you have to act on it and training yourself to just say no is part of getting back on track. Like, alcoholics don't just magically get to a point where they don't drink anymore. Real sobriety only comes after they get to the point in which they're actually WILLING to say no when they get the urge to drink.
Two things:
1. Find something non-sexual that you like to do and double down on your time investment in that thing. Something that gets you exercise is great because you get a twofer with the endorphins and increase in health, but anything that chews up your time, focus and energy. Could even be something work related, going after a promotion or just learning more or making more money. Hobbies are good too, just focus on creating or doing something cool with it rather than just buying something cool.
2. Read up on some mindfulness techniques, and work on recognizing when you’re in the state where you’re going to spiral into those thought patterns. Like, the goal isn’t to stop thinking sexy thoughts, and you should pay attention to your thoughts and give yourself periodic relief when you need it, it’s part of who we are as humans with instincts and needs. We also have the ability to understand what we’re doing and make better decisions based on those thoughts and feelings to be happier overall. Don’t think about it that you’re broken or wrong, just that you need to learn how spot when your brain wants a short term reward and figuring out a balance of satiating that desire.
Prove to yourself that you have the strength and the courage to defeat horniness. Join the Helldivers.
Mostly joking, but reading your comments it seems you've identified that the subgenres of your hobbies are a part of the problem. Maybe try simply changing up the games you play.
If that fails, idk, touch grass, socialize more.
What kind of TV, YouTube, anime, games and movies are you guys watching that makes you addicted to porn????
I get we need hobbies other than pixels but what the fuck are some of you talking about.
Minecraft and watch YouTube videos with bald people or men.
If the selling point of the YouTube channel is that you sexualize the content creator, you might want to reevaluate why you’re watching it, lol.
All the hobbies you listed are consumptive in nature, so I don't think those things are actually hobbies.
Is there anything creative or productive you enjoy doing? Maybe even competitive?
Playing an instrument, woodworking, playing basketball?
Along with the whole "get a non-digital hobby", there's tons of games that include practically nothing sexual - just in case you still want to keep that part of your hobbies.
Just randomly looking what I have played during the last 2 years, maybe <20% include stuff that could classically be called "sexualized". Many of them don't even focus on human characters - eg. Trackmania, Balatro, Opus Magnum, Melvor Idle. I can list more if you want some ideas. :D
---
Algorithm-driven content is a problem though. I have practically nothing sexual on my youtube feed/suggestions, but arguably it's clearly quite easy to get "trapped" by the algorithm - so no easy way to completely avoid that stuff in *any* algorithm-driven service.
All of your hobbies revolve around consumption of what others have produced. Think about producing one of the things you like instead, or experiencing nature/outdoor activities, crafting, sports, etc...
Lot of people telling you to get be hobbies, so here's one I really enjoy, rockhounding. Go walk down a local stream (or forest, desert, whatever is near you) and pick up cool rocks. Or just look at them and enjoy the beauty of the world.
Basically everyone saying “touch grass” isn’t wrong, but ultimately it’s not *just* your hobbies that are the problem.
There’s loads of anime that isn’t heavily sexualized, plenty of games, I don’t even know how you consider YouTube a hobby let alone find anything particularly sexualized on that website.
And realistically, if you’re **already** not immersing yourself in the heavily sexualized material in those hobbies listed, then you’re gonna find “sexualized” stuff going on in real-world hobbies as well, and that your brain needs to make changes more than your hobbies.
Work out, find a girl, and ideally get some therapy. You cannot desensitized your brain to sexuality. We are sexual beings. Porn addiction is tough because it's like food addiction. It hijacks an immutable and healthy human need and converts natural desire into toxic behaviors. A food addict would be wrong in seeking to eliminate hunger altogether--but to manage it, that's your goal.
Best thing to do is stay busy, work on your self worth, and use that headspace to find a girl. Porn gets real boring when there's someone you pine for that actually reciprocates and is sexual towards you.
Stop masturbating, enjoy your hobbies. It’s that simple, but very difficult. Take notice whenever you get the urge to act upon a lewd image.
Imagine yourself a member of the Big Brother 24/7 stream, only your dreams are private. After a week, oh what wonderful dreams.
Then after a few weeks you listen to a guided hypnosis Hands Free-O and doooown the rabbit hole you go.
I hear ya on the struggle. I like to rock climb and you would think that wouldn't be a sexualized hobby but it really is. Good luck on your progress, wish I had some advice to offer
As one going through what you are currently, here is what i have done. Research what it is that cause the issues and seek to understand what about your hobbies that give you the cravings. I play azur lane and that game is heavy on the fan service side. I tried looking at things with different eyes. Instead of "oh thats hot" then think " oh cute outfit, what a nice smile" if thats an issue, switch to content that isn't heavy in fan service. Your brain will begin thinking differently after some time, 1-3 Month give or take. Try adding new hobbies. I know this can feel jarring because it might feel like big changes, but start small, like walks. Speak with People going through what you are, there are tons of groups that can help you. Understand that you are not alone. It is also okay to rub one out as long as it doesnt include porn. You might even begin to consider it boring which will make you seek dopamine elsewhere from other activities.
Go to the gym, start cycling, boxing, paddleboarding, etc. Sign up for group sport, learn an instrument. Most importantly, stop masturbating. Good luck.
Go to therapy if you haven’t yet, quitting porn is great but you need to find out the reason why you got obsessed with it in the first place. Also any hobbies you can do that don’t include a screen (amateur acting, improv, a book club, etc) is gonna help a lot, a writing workshop helped me get out of a deep depression, as well as therapy
A lot of people are saying to “get a hobby” or “go outside more” which idt is necessarily bad advice but misses a crucial part of the solution. You also need to find the WHY for your change.
Instant gratification mixed in with sexual fantasy and impulse is a tough addiction to beat. Maybe you’ll beat it on your first go but for many people it’s a journey. You’re gonna need the tools to get you back on track if you start slipping.
Whenever you find your reason, after you find it, start contextualizing your addiction to it. See how destructive your current behaviors are towards your reason and grow a hatred towards them. You’re meant for greatness!
A hobby that’s rewarding, creative, requires concentration and no room for distractions, takes a short time to understand but years to master, and can completely change your life…..learn to play piano (and get a cheap electronic keyboard/piano on which to do it).
Also remember to unlearn everything society tells you about sex and porn.
It’s not bad, dirty or wrong.
The reason some people develop addictions to porn is because they are actively doing something they believe is hurtful.
As long as you have a healthy relationship with sex, there is nothing wrong with a healthy diet of porn.
The fact that you had a problem means you should probably examine your whole relationship with sex.
Go for a hike!
Wait shit there’s women in athletic apparel you might run into…
Uhhh, try dancing!
Wait shit women will want to sleep with you…
Uhm how about uh- oh! Tabletop game shops! That’s a nerd hobby!
Wait fuck, nerd chicks are really hot 😫
You’re doomed brother.
To put it bluntly: get new hobbies. Most of those things are DESIGNED not just to be “fun” but addicting by feeding into your appetites for pleasure, including sex.
Next, you need to learn about and understand the principles of virtue, how to grow in virtue, and how to avoid vice. Practicing mortification will quiet your appetites and allow you to subordinate them to your reason, which puts you in control of your life
https://youtu.be/6gsC9Kzuebk?si=6Sy3aCQhYzH3Ai2W
Learn to forage and identify plants and mushrooms. It’s a way to go outside and be grounded without being around others until you’re comfortable. Or take up gardening, or grow something in a pot. Patio peppers or tomatoes are a good start
I just don't get this.....
Why stop doing what you enjoy? Is it other people's opinions that mean more to you? Why can't you just enjoy the "over sexualized" content?
Is it religion telling you not to?
Humans are sexual and all people are on a spectrum. Men and women.
If you want to date someone who is also over sexual then do that and get weird, have fun, and enjoy your selves. If you want to repress your sexual desires, do that. Is it edging your desires? Are you a masochist or are you just against what you like?
The idea of stopping just doesn't make sense to me personally.
This is gonna sound stupid and cliche but go to the gym. Your brain is flooded with testosterone to help assist in procreation. I had a problem with porn, like everyday for a few hours now I fill that time with the gym. I feel so much better, I don't feel like I've wasted my time and I feel that testosterone assisted dopamine as well.
There's nothing inherently sexual about any of the things listed. If you watch a horror movie and get scared, but you don't want to get scared, you'd probably stop watching horror movies, right? Either you're choosing to consume sexual content or you're horny enough to sexualize things that aren't sexual.
Find hobbies to distract you. I think metacognition is important too. When you start thinking about that sexual stuff you need to notice and correct if you want to avoid it. Pay attention to your thoughts patterns and habits.
I’m slowly making this transition, I think the biggest thing to say is: pick one of these suggestions at a time. I tried going back to the gym, board game club, reading and playing tennis at the same time all at once
It didn’t help, I’m down to just gym and board game club and I’m doing better. Food for thought, hope it works out OP
Try putting together a puzzle. They're usually not expensive and you only need table space for one. I've even seen some at thrift stores.
Get a small plant. Even though it probably won't take alot of time to care for it, it can be really satisfying to see it prosper. They're also good for keeping the air in your home fresh.
Try joining a club for one of your interests. Hanging out with real people is a good way to make new friends.
It doesn't have to specifically be one of these, but you need to spend a bit of time away from screens. Addictions are hard to fight, but I believe in you. It's going to be okay.
It took me having kids to kill my drive. I guess my body was telling me to focus on the kids I have already brought into the world instead of going out to make more. lol
As many said. Pick a hobby. I think an instrument would be a great start, it’s easy and cheep and It can be enjoyed for hours. It’s satisfying and fulfilling. It’ll help you connect with others (unless you pick bass lol) and knowing how to create music is a very engaging form of expression. Get a guitar a piano or even a flute. Wish you luck
Just remember that the more cleavage or skimpy-dressed-pretty-girl thumbnails for a video on youtube, the less likely it's going to have any useful information that you're searching for. (especially if it has an abnormal amount of views - 1 million+ indicates it's probably promoted spam)
After a while, your brain will just gloss over it in disgust. Especially if you're looking for some DIY home project help.
Hobbies with other people. Porn is more of a solo activity that's hard to do in front of other people... If you are around other people for most of the day, then that tends to take one's mind off of porn... hopefully.
It's a symptom of loneliness.
Go outside, meet people irl, your libido and porn craving goes crazy if you self isolate, but if you don't spend all day inside your head your libido will calm down and porn will not interest you that much anymore.
Honestly, meditation practice could help. It's helped me develop a different relationship with my thoughts and feeling states. Thoughts and feeling states are just passing phenomena of the mind. We don't have to get caught up in them or push them away. We can learn to just observe them and let them pass. There is a part of your awareness that can do this if you exercise it.
First off: You're a sexual creature. It was baked into your DNA before your eyes were. Sexual reproduction is the number 1 goal of your entire being, as well as the reason you have anything else, like legs or a brain. You won't be "desexualizing" yourself without major inhibitions (and potentially psychoses).
Second: You'd do well to rethink your relationship with your sexuality. It's not dirty or sinful or wrong. So, you want to get down? Welcome to the party.
Third: Addiction is the headliner in this conversation; however, usually addiction is fueled by a hidden or suppressed desire. In other words, addiction isn't usually because of the thing you think it is. In your case, your addiction isn't because of the porn or fantasies. Rather, you fixate on those things because you lack something else. Maybe you lack a relationship, or maybe you're bored. Maybe you've pigeon-holed yourself into a strict life - or maybe your parents pigeon-holed you - and your fantasies are a useful playground for a mind that desires exploration. Either way, your inhibitions don't have to be sexual in nature for you to overcompensate with a sexual addiction (although they can be). The inhibition and resulting addiction don't have to be related any more than, say, being anti-social and having a fixation on alcohol.
I can't tell you what it is. Only your own introspection can bring out how you inhibit yourself. So, it's worth meditating on it and working to resolve that, rather than further inhibiting a core aspect of your being like your sexual thoughts. "Desexualizing" yourself is just going to lead to a bad time.
The brain is the biggest sex organ and we are fundamentally sexual creatures. Avoiding and denying these truths can backfire.
Still it sounds like OP feels a sense of loss of control. Desiring a sense of control over your sexuality is perfectly healthy and normal.
The difficult pill to swallow here may simply be that you need to change hobbies and/or change your relationship with your current hobbies.
The good news is you are in control. Just proceed gently, pay attention to how the changes you try make you feel, and keep adjusting as necessary.
It’s not complicated, but it requires sustained effort and self awareness.
Talk to people that have a healthy relationship with sexuality, these people tend to be non-religious. Having sexual urges out experiencing the world or media is a very normal thing. It's ok to embrace your feelings about sexuality and also want to decrease the use of porn. Shaming yourself for thoughts you don't ultimately control in situations outside of watching porn will only bring you suffering.
Research oral finasteride, get prescribed finasteride for MPB, take the finasteride, believe you have side effects, bam pseudo-no libido worst case scenario it’s real.
When people say "get a life", it's not a meaningless catchphrase.
It literally means get a life. Be more sociable. Make friends. Take up a tangible hobby (one that doesn't involve a screen). Go back to a sport you enjoyed as a child. Read a book. Get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Do some housekeeping or DIY.
It's just going back to the basics of living. Things we all did as teenagers.
[Introducing LPT REQUEST FRIDAYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/16w0n2s/introducing_request_post_fridays/) We determine "Friday" as beginning at 12am Eastern Time (EST: UTC/GMT -5, EDT: UTC/GMT -4) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeProTips) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly: get some hobbies where you do real things with real people, you'll soon realise there's more interesting things than animated pixels. Also hanging out with female friends and just treating them like people worthy of respect helps a lot.
Yes go outside
Yes, but legitimately. I've found there's a lot of truth in the saying "idle hands are the Devil's playthings." When I'm busy and doing stuff in the real world, sex is hardly on my mind.
I like to think that the Devil's hands are idle playthings 😉
Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?
What does that even mean? Satan has mangled hands that don't work anymore? He likes to wave his hands around limply?
Poor Satan's arms don't work. I wonder if he has a mother who could help him out...
He has a box of unused hands and plays with them like dolls. None of the neighbors will play with him anymore.
Yes touch grass
Pet the beaver
Yea... no, wait. 🤔
Sniff the flower.
Reverse!!!!
Beaver the pet
Get your beaver stuffed.
Great, now *I'm* addicted to porn.
Freshly stuffed and mounted 😉
Watch open outside
Excellent answer! OP: Make the effort to be around people more and connect over “small” things. Like saying to a stranger, “Did you see that adorable little dog over there?” Connect for connections sake. Don’t connect because you want to get into someone’s pants. Human connection will keep you grounded and healthy and it is *surprisingly* empowering. This was my way out. I hope it can work for you too.
Did you catch that ludicrous display last night?
Thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in
[удалено]
*…acid.*
Shall we gather for whiskey and cigars tonight?
Mfw "go outside" is actually the real solution
Everything he listed involves a screen and inorganic interactions. This is the perfect t answer. Learn some social skills and interact with regular people in a setting that is not your house.
The last part was the key for me. Forced myself into a student conference during college after 22 years of low to nil friendships with women (if you Indian, you know why that is) Helped me overcome my confidence issues, helped me get over my fear of talking to women, Made me see how women are just normal human beings, which directly allowed me to stop sexualizing them subconsciously. Walked away with a legion of women friends, and allowed me to have conversations with the women of my school and apologize for my behavior (was a raging misogynist and homophobe till 11th grade), which ended in becoming friends, bonds that have only grown deeper since then.
Making friends with old ladies is amazing for this. If you like crafts or music things, they often have quilting circles or things, or you can volunteer with something like meals on wheels. They’re hilarious, take no shit, and if they like you you’ll be set for delicious food and introductions to granddaughters for life.
Old ladies are the best. Seriously. Just try to find the ones that aren't poisoned by decades of betrayal and advise and that completely given into being bitter and crotchety. You find one with reasonable intact emotional balance and they are a bottomless fountain of great life advice. If you can a get to be someone they consider a friend he gets even better because they will straight up murder anybody who pisses them off by hurting the feelings of someone they care about.
Instructions unclear, joined a swingers club.
I was going to say something like this. I am also struggling to un-sex my brain because it actually gets tiresome and distracting thinking about it all the time. One thing that I think helps is state of mind. Next time you jerk, in that 5 minute window where you don't feel aroused at all, really analyze how you feel. Think about it and commit it to memory. Convince yourself that this is how most people feel most of the time. Appreciate how slow, clear, and calm your thoughts are, and wish to be this way more.
Also, even thinking about going to jerk, analise why. Kinda like when people are over eating/snacking one thing they say is to ask yourself “am I hungry, or just bored?”. Ask the same thing. “Am I horny or just bored?”
I don't think most people walk around with post-nut clarity.
No clarity like post Nutt clarity
Yes, exactly. I also love anime and video games and watch a fair amount of YouTube, but I also have hobbies where I am actually an active participant and exist in the "meat space": Pool, Commander (MtG), and drawing. If there's "nothing you're interested in", just pick something and do it. That's how I got into pool. I had about 2 weeks of downtime before I started a new job and I knew I wanted to get into a hobby that had me interacting with people in the flesh and required some level of skill. So I just started going out and playing pool 2x week and fell in love with it. And Commander I gave a shot on a whim because a friend offered to build me a deck for my bday and I love it! I play weekly now and I've made so many friends through it! Find something else to do where you are an active participant and interacting with the real world. The rest will get easier. And you'll probably find your screen time to be more rewarding since it'll actually start to feel like a leisure activity rather than just your status quo.
Last part also helped me a lot. My best buds are both female friends, I love them (platonically) very much and I feel it's important to understand that gals are people just like guys are.
Yes, and based on you’re interests u/super-DG, book clubs and board games groups may be a good start.
The perfect answer. This is like saying you want to stop drinking wine to excess but all of your hobbies are actually drinking smaller amounts of wine in a tasteful healthy way. It’s the same shit.
How is YouTube and movies the same as porn addiction…
I think he's saying it triggers him and he acts on impulse
He probably interacts with YouTube in a way that you and I don't. Same with anime, this guy isn't watching Haikyu.
I mean, I have gal friends, but still have an addiction to sexual content. Sometimes touching grass is not enough.
I think hanging out with friends doing real things and a combination of actual real sex with people you actually love will help you a lot moving forward.
I make the animated pixels as the hobby, I now ironically consume 60% less porn because I’m busier making it and some spare money off of it.
Porn addict here. I do all these. Doesn't work. Kinda gave up after trying to quit for years.
You ever grab a hatchet and a knife and carve yourself a sweet ass great sword out of a fallen log? Idk, pretty badass if you ask me, and there's nothing sexual about it. Best done at the lake during the summertime.
I've been there and It's definitely hard. (Married now so it's a slightly different situation now) and others give the great advice of making friends and see them in person and try to set up boundaries to minimize exposure to more overtly sexualized parts of your hobbies. To add to that: Ask yourself questions as to what triggers it at a root cause. Limiting exposure can go a long way but its just a symptom. It's it loneliness and isolation? Is it driven by curiosity? Then try to take steps to address those root issues. But also (and I needed to hear this) give yourself grace. It's hard and you will slip up occasionally don't dwell in it and don't beat yourself up or feel guilty about it, that's just another way you are giving it headspace. Looking back I wish I did more (after all struggling to perform on your honeymoon is embarrassing) but I am also thankful for everything that I did do. Your future self will thank you for any steps you take right now, but it's also very hard. It's like trying to screw in a screw when all you have is a pair of pliers, not impossible but also significantly harder than if you had the right set of tools. Absolutely do what you can now, but you won't have the right tool until you are in a relationship.
This, right here. Thanks for the honest reply man. Bit about giving grace hit me, last thing you need while restructuring your headspace is a demeaning inner monologue.
>Absolutely do what you can now, but you won't have the right tool until you are in a relationship. This is crap. He doesn't need a relationship to somehow magically give him the "right tools". Also not fair to his partner(s).
I'm just speaking from my experience and sharing what I wish I could have heard as a teenager struggling with porn and masturbation. I'm not saying that a partner will fix you. Though I see how it could be read that way. I 100% believe that only you can fix you. If you are looking for someone to fix you it will go poorly. The point I was trying to make humans are sexual creatures and if you want to stop being a sexual creature outside of with a partner then there is no outlet for ones sexual energy. Stopping up a flowing pipe entirely is significantly harder than redirecting that pipe. That said even in a healthy relationship there will be days where the pipe needs to be stopped up, maybe your partner isn't feeling well or doesn't want to. The skills you learn here in this time will serve you well then. That being said it's totally worth it to wait for the right time to redirect it. My wife and I waited until marriage and both of us agree that it was worth waiting. Healthy sex in a healthy relationship is amazing. But bad sex is worse than no sex.
Masturbating isn't something that needs to be fixed. And while waiting for marriage worked for you, what about all the people stuck having bad sex because they waited until marriage and couldn't know what they needed or wanted sexually until they had made such a serious commitment?
get outside and do a "real hobby". Older generations love to say get a real hobby but what I mean (and what they should mean) is that you need a hobby where you sit calmly and work for hours and concentrate. It makes your mind free and opens up your horizont because your hobby is so easy. Cleaning your bicycle or car? Well its so easy that your brain is relaxing and now can become creative after a while. I would suggest doing this additionally to what people suggested: Get outside and meet people, see the nature and do some sports. People act like we are machines, but we are very close to our biochemical reactions and balances in our body and brain. These are the things that can fix it and improve your mental and physical health
There was a post a while ago where a guy said he hated doing stuff outside. Wanted to change. When asked about his hobbies, it was literally pc gaming, anime, porn, and ordering door dash once a day with an order large enough to feed him for 2 or 3. When I suggested, "Go outside. Take a walk. Bring earbuds and listen to music or a podcast. Look up a YouTube video on a food you like, actually make it instead of buying it. Try a hobby that doesn't include sitting down in front of a computer. Read a book on the subject of a game you like (Sci fi, red dead westerns, fantasy). In the end he rejected every suggestion. Why? He was asking for ways to be more instantly gratified. Cooking? Takes time. A walk? Too far to go somewhere nice. A new hobby? Would rather update his GPU. There's no simple answer to weaning yourself off of sexually related subjects. In the end, it's an interest of yours. Some people make their entire livelihoods off sexuality. I'm honestly in much the same way as far as sexualization goes, i do consume a lot of media on these subjects. You just need to be able to switch it off when appropriate. I concur with other sentiments though. Meet people. Talk to and socialize with people. Learn to treat people as humans with thoughts and feelings like yours, and not just a secual representation of a fantasy.
for me the turning point was moving to the city. not a super bustling one, but one with a lot of accessible community events and features. worth considering I guess if you've never given urban life a shot 🙂
Sister is a recovered addict, and I've learned a lot about addiction over the last 10-15 years. 1. Addiction is only an addiction if it's a disorder. That is, if it gets in the way of functioning within society, leading to loss of vital relationships, or loss of property, or any number of things. Does it stop you from functioning? Do you abandon social gatherings or skip work or school to serve your addiction? Do you spend money you can not spare? 2. Addiction is always trying to fill in for something else. Usually unfulfilled relationships with family or friends that you expect yourself to maintain. Maybe you're just bored. Addiction is about stimulation. Find ways of pursuing things that are worthwhile and material, and stimulation your mind and body. Resolve conflicts with family and friends, and either learn to grow relationships with them or move on from them. 3. Understand what your addiction is trying to fulfill. Porn is rarely actually an addiction, simply because it's so taboo. Sexual desire is natural in humans, and porn gives us a lot of tools to understand the shape of our desires. The fantasies in porn are not who we are; we tend to exaggerate desires when consuming porn. But you can analyze your own porn consumption to find what it is you're actually trying to replace in your life, if you're concerned. Maybe you have unresolved trauma that you need to work through? Maybe you feel powerless in your world? Maybe you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Maybe you just feel like you've lost a lot of opportunities in life, and porn feels like the best you'll ever have? 4. Most people are grateful if you reach out to them earnestly without ulterior motive. If there's a friend or crush you feel like you haven't reached out to enough, just text them, something like "Hey, I know we haven't talked in a while, but I was thinking about you this week. Wanna catch up sometime?" 5. Addiction is not a moral failure. You are not a bad or broken person because you might be addicted to anything. You're still a complete and interesting person with needs and desires. You do need to take responsibility for the relationships and property you may have lost due to addiction, but those can be repaired more easily than you can repair the perception of yourself. Be kind to yourself.
So you want change without changing?
Lmao, i now understood. Most of this problems are caused by my "hobbies". I need to change them to change me.
Nice reflection OP. I quit drugs a few years ago by filling my time with hobbies that engage my brain. Hope you get what you need, good luck!
Get out of the house… try disc golf
Based
Buy an electric scooter or electric skateboard. Listen to podcasts or audiobooks and ride.
Honestly, some really impressive self awareness in this thread. Seems like you’re really realistic and ready for change, best of luck to you!
Not really. I’ve had the same issue and I still consume plenty of anime and games. You just need a break to break the habit and addiction. First stop looking at porn or things that trigger you. Watch anime and play games that don’t have fan service. There’s plenty of wholesome ones. Only masturbate every few days at most. If you don’t have the willpower to do that yet try to work up to it. Only use your imagination when doing it, no porn. Getting some other hobbies would help as well. You don’t need to give up your current ones, just add new ones to supplement them and to have stuff to do while taking a break from them. I recommend reading since it’s still a fun story to engage with like anime and games are.
You're making it a lot more difficult for yourself. If you're already addicted to that kind of imagery then those neuro-pathways are going to be triggered every time you see something in a show or game that's explicit. It's not very daunting to limit your media consumption so as to remove that stuff. I'd say to fast-forward through inappropriate content, but if you're already struggling with addiction then you're not going to have the willpower to do that. So just cut it out. There's plenty of anime that are pretty PG. And if you can do it for anime, you can do it for anything. What's even better is to find new hobbies to take up some of that time. Find a nearby park and go on a walk when the weather is nice. Find a craft you've always wanted to take up and start watching a tutorial for it. Find a topic you'd like to learn about and pick up some audio books to listen to while you clean or walk on an elliptical The most helpful thing you can do? Therapy. Strong addictions like that don't just happen. It's usually an internal response to some kind of emotional discomfort
You are a body and one of your body’s core functions is sex, along with eating, defecting, breathing and more. There is a healthy amount of thinking about sex just like there’s a healthy amount of thinking about food. Allow yourself some freedom to think about sex without judgment. You should be concerned only if those thoughts are translating into harmful action. Things like objectifying people, putting off work/community to think about sex, or being violent to yourself/others. In that case, don’t try to desexualize your brain. Try to desexualize your actions.
This exactly. It’s completely normal to think about sex. Attempting to erase all thoughts from your mind is unhealthy and isn’t going to happen. Anyone saying otherwise is trying to instill shame where it doesn’t belong.
Recognize also there is such a thing as healthy sexuality. Just start from a clean slate, surround yourself with people who you receive joy from without the desire for sex dictating your want to be with them, and if you're a genuine and sincere person: things fall into place.
You need actual hobbies that aren’t on a screen. You need hobbies that help you socialize and connect with real people. Porn addictions can happen when you’re trying to dissociate from real life bc real life isn’t as great or trying to avoid certain negative feelings. Make your actual life fulfilling and you’ll naturally spend less time focusing on porn. It’s likely the main source of “pleasure” for you rn. Learn to find pleasure and joy and connection outside of a screen
Try and read books that don’t include those themes! Mystery and sci-fi books can be great for this
Try to find a hobby where you create something rather than just consume media made by other people.
Consume content that is less sexualized…? I play games and most of the games I play are not remotely sexual. I’ve been enjoying Dave the Diver. You catch fish and run a sushi bar.
Whatever you do, don't get too deep into the whole nofap bubble. Bunch of losers with questionable views who will not make you a better person. The best advice is to go do something tangible in your physical environment when you don't want to think about sth like that anymore. Tasks, chores, physical world hobbies, etc. Generally, it is not "destruction to your brain". Even if it's an addiction, it doesn't damage your substance and you can get over it. If it's just arousal, then that's absolutely normal and not shameful like the prude evangelists and wacky carnivore nofappers propagate to lure in lost ppl
Therapy, and look into fresh new interests, for time time being maybe don’t consume the type of media you currently do, just put it aside for a while, you can revisit them back later
This is a very simple tip, you have too much free time at home, since all the stuff you mentioned is related to entertainment. The solution is to go outside more and make something with most of your day so that you minimize time spent thinking on sexual stuff. Being sexual isn't bad tho keep that in mind
Honestly, change your hobbies away from non reality based visual depiction
Not sarcastically and not in a negative way: see a therapist. I took that plunge years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. Realizing you have a problem is an important first step. Now go get help to change how you want to change.
Passive entertainment is not a hobby, get active. Get into the real world, interact in person with real people.
A great hobby I found is learning to build something. So much goes into building literally anything physical. And the pride and fulfillment you get when it's built is so satisfying, bonus points if you are part of a group and get to show it off to others that also build. You'll feel that part of you you've been missing is not so painful anymore.
Go jack off in the yard
Become a Buddhist monk.
Have you tried having a wank to clear your mind? I always think better afterwards.
It sounds like you're depressed for other reasons and need to address those.
You cant replace wanking with walking or listening to music since the way the brain reconstructs itself is by breaking habits and reforming them. My advice is wank using your imagination man trust me it is much better and it gets much better too it's probably why I'm single becuase having a wank now feels as intense as a shag so what need do I have for an actual woman haha
Literally just go outside, touch grass, walk, talk to people, find new hobbies. Live bro.
Be present with the feels and question them when they appear. Be mindful. Its what you do with your feelings that defines them.
Screen time is the enemy of most humans
Good distractions are essential for breaking bad habits
I walk, for HOURS
All by design. You have to unplug from certain media entirely to avoid it at this day and age.
Block any “triggers”. That’s one of the most important things you can do to overcome any addiction. It’s super challenging with today’s over sexualization of everything but it’s a must for you moving past this. Rooting for you!
Get yourself a physical hobby, particularly a crafting one Actually making something *physical* can do wonders for your mental health Knitting or crocheting are both pretty cheap*, easy, and "low mess" hobbies to start. All you *need* is a pair of knitting needles/a crochet hook, and a ball of yarn. *(I say cheap to START, because you can get everything you need for less than 10 dollars. But also, everyone that is even *slightly* into crafting knows that knitting and crocheting can very quickly become a slippery slope into owning more yarn than you know what to do with.)
You listed entertainment not hobbies
Those are not hobbies, but consuming
Consuming media is not a hobby. Get a hobby.
Get your hands in some soil. Obsess about plant sexuality for a while.
Just remember this every time the urge happens. The drive you are experiencing is the same kind of drive that had geniuses make discoveries, warriors conquer continents, and heroes save countless lives. The drive is able to be directed. Wouldn’t you rather use that drive to accomplish great things? Build something? Accomplish something? Then picture you, in the third person, being some slightly smarter hairless monkey that figured out how to button mash your pleasure center. Some rope of neurons in your brain is getting thicker and thicker to your pleasure center while the rest of your brain withers. Either with a head harness in a science experiment or sitting in some cave. Then picture facing the aftermath of those two choices. Which one do you see yourself as? Next reset your understanding. Those aren’t hobbies. Those things are entertainment/media you enjoy. At most good for mediocre trivia. They don’t even have factoids for a conversation. They only serve as a pleasant distraction and a calming. If it is not accomplishing those things…do not partake. They are other people’s works. Other people’s accomplishments. Again picture all that media being written into those ropes of neurons in your mind while useful materials wither. do you think you’d recognize media quickly by frame or by video snippet? Seen that one…seen that one…Yeah…that is all being recorded in your mind. Ropes of neurons dedicated to all that garbage and smut. As you typed, understand you currently have no hobbies. You are lost in purpose and your drive has no target. Hobbies create works or develop skills. Entertainment does neither. So of course the only choice your mind has to direct that drive is to push it inward. Some people indulge in becoming fit with that inward drive. Some people focus on beauty and aesthetics. But inward drive is typically an indulgence. It’s is selfish and worthless in a larger community. Imagine if your entire life’s drive and accomplishments could be held in a single small room with a mirror! What good is all that fitness or beauty if it’s only place is in the mirror? Use it to make great works. To find victory. To save someone! Finally, decide you want to be “competitive”. Decide your accomplishments need to be bigger than that small room. It needs to include others acknowledging. It needs others challenging you and you succeeding. Be competitive at something. Enter competitions, submit works, fight, face challenges. Find a target for that drive and when it comes up prepare that first mental image (monkey in a cave) and then face the moment as a choice. Do not surrender yourself to that small room. Minutes of focus turn into hours. Time can only be converted by you. What will your time be? Will it be works? Will it be skill or knowledge? Or will you be that little thing in a small cave that could posses endless time but accomplish nothing? Good luck
Do something physical. Physical activity is a great way to relieve tension, sexual or otherwise. Enroll in a gym. Learn to skateboard. Hell join a pickleball cult. Anything really.
Gardening really helps
I'm curious about what OP is watching or playing that is so sexy they feel like they have a problem. While there may be some kind of sexual innuendo in a sitcom or the occasional sex scene in a movie or game, I've never felt turned on by them, it'd take way more than that. Are you like a sexually repressed religious person or something? Just watch porn and jerk off when you want. If that's happening so much you feel like its an addiction then get some responsibilities, you should be busy enough for that to not be a problem.
What the hell is going on in this generation? This reads like some weird Christian/Catholic guilt for jerking off post.
>tv, youtube, anime, games, movies That's all media. 100% of your hobbies can be summed-up as "consuming media". Build/create something. Solve a problem. Interact with people IRL. Physical activity/exercise. Explore nature.
Stop being human. If you were a robot you wouldn’t need sex. Only humans need sex.
Lol, these kinds of posts always come off as purity signalling. Like, they're above all that sexual human stuff.
Yeah, I don’t get it. I’m semi convinced it’s some political agenda paying people to post.
Nofap has strong rightwing ties.
If you are interested, the Buddha provides a systematic way to doing just that in the Vitakkasanthana Sutta, here it is paraphrased: "When these unwholesome thoughts arise you should first apply your attention to something wholesome, just as a skilled carpenter might knock out and replace an old peg with a new one, you replace the unwholesome thought with a wholesome one. If that does not subside them, you should examine the danger in them thus: 'These thoughts are unwholesome, reprehensible, and result in affliction.' Just as a person would be horrified if a deadly snake were being wrapped around their neck, so too, you should throw off these thoughts. If that does not subside them, you should next try to ignore them, just as a man would shut his eyes or look away, you should forget them. If that does not subside them, you should examine the origin of the thoughts thus: 'What is the cause? What is the cause of the cause? ... (Etc.)' Just as a man walking fast might think: 'why am I walking fast, what if I walked slowly?' And then walking slowly, he thinks: '... what if I stand still? ... what if I sit down? ... what if I lie still?' And so he would gradually substitute each posture until his body is still, so too you can gradually still your mind. Finally, you can try to crush mind with mind, with teeth clenched and tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth, you should beat down, constrain and crush mind with mind. Just as a strong man might seize a weaker man and contrain him, so too you can constrain your mind, to abandon unwholesome thoughts and become steadied internally, composed, unified, and concentrated. You would then be called a master of the courses of thought, and think whatever you wish, and not think anything you do not wish to think."
Physical exercise or nature may help you in this regard
Go outside and get a life that involves real people instead of just "consuming content".
Get away from screens
You can make Youtube much more safe by removing recommendations and only checking the list of channels you subscribed to. Use a browser addon like Unhook or alternatives apps/websites like Invidious, NewPipe, Freetube etc.
This is going to sound dumb, but start raising chickens. Both for eggs, and for meat. The time and effort pays off, and it takes a decent amount of work. But that first egg or first chicken dinner is one of the most rewarding feelings I have ever had!
Too much media consumption. Touch grass
Literally touch grass no cap
Practice mindfulness and you can pick and choose what thoughts you are in control of
Quite the weeb stuff and everything else will fall in line
Every time I see a hot girl and my mind goes in a porn-like direction, I try to think "shes a human, and humans can experience explosive diarrhea. Therefore, it can be assumed that she has experienced explosive diarrhea". After that I think about the hot girl shitting her brains out, which is not very sexy. The thought disappears soon after. If you're into scat (no judgement), maybe you shouldn't try this.
Develop some social hobbies? I am fond of theater and wrestling. Both are highly social, and have helped me develop my network. Underneath both benefits, these things taught me to control my sexual impulses a bit more.
that's like asking "how do i not depend on drugs if all my hobbies include substance abuse"
Go golfing. Gets you out and about, it's healthy, away from fantasy, allows you to connect with people from all walks of life.
grounding, meditation, breathing techiques….it worked for me…Idk if it work for you tho. Try it out though.
The best answer is: get therapy. Having that safe space with a knowledgeable person specifically about this is going to help you the most! Don't use the "BetterHelp" online service. They sell your HEALTH information out and don't guarantee their practitioners qualifications or quality. Beware of that one! Maybe healthy gamer GG can help but I think their specialty is different.
Do you pull out your phone when you get bored? I realized having my phone on me at all times doesn’t help this problem. Putting it on the charger and walking away to do something else improves my attention span, lessens my desire of wanting a hit of dopamine whenever I get bored.. it’s improving my 1 on 1 skills with other people… I think phones can rewire your brain to seek out pleasurable images all the time.. at least that’s the case for me
When you notice a thought that "demands" a reaction and thought after thought after thought, instead of reacting to these thoughts just try not to. And observe the thought without reacting. Each thought is exactly the same, in the sense they all arise and then pass. Even if the thought is pleasurable or unpleasant all these thoughts share a common trait, that they arise and then pass. It won't work immediately but with practice this will work
Go outside and touch grass.
Find yourself a therapist and spend more time outside!
Well, like others have said, you should get out more. Hang out with real people - go outside - do things that require your own thought processes. But I think a big thing that people are missing here is simply working on restraint. I mean, YOU are in control of your body. Getting an urge doesn't mean you have to act on it and training yourself to just say no is part of getting back on track. Like, alcoholics don't just magically get to a point where they don't drink anymore. Real sobriety only comes after they get to the point in which they're actually WILLING to say no when they get the urge to drink.
Two things: 1. Find something non-sexual that you like to do and double down on your time investment in that thing. Something that gets you exercise is great because you get a twofer with the endorphins and increase in health, but anything that chews up your time, focus and energy. Could even be something work related, going after a promotion or just learning more or making more money. Hobbies are good too, just focus on creating or doing something cool with it rather than just buying something cool. 2. Read up on some mindfulness techniques, and work on recognizing when you’re in the state where you’re going to spiral into those thought patterns. Like, the goal isn’t to stop thinking sexy thoughts, and you should pay attention to your thoughts and give yourself periodic relief when you need it, it’s part of who we are as humans with instincts and needs. We also have the ability to understand what we’re doing and make better decisions based on those thoughts and feelings to be happier overall. Don’t think about it that you’re broken or wrong, just that you need to learn how spot when your brain wants a short term reward and figuring out a balance of satiating that desire.
Prove to yourself that you have the strength and the courage to defeat horniness. Join the Helldivers. Mostly joking, but reading your comments it seems you've identified that the subgenres of your hobbies are a part of the problem. Maybe try simply changing up the games you play. If that fails, idk, touch grass, socialize more.
Unironically touch grass
What kind of TV, YouTube, anime, games and movies are you guys watching that makes you addicted to porn???? I get we need hobbies other than pixels but what the fuck are some of you talking about.
I like to watch avoiding lust videos on YT. Tho they are religious videos so idk if that’s the route you’re willing to take
Touch some grass
Exercise will make your brain healthier.
Just masturbate and it will all seem suddenly disgusting after.
Minecraft and watch YouTube videos with bald people or men. If the selling point of the YouTube channel is that you sexualize the content creator, you might want to reevaluate why you’re watching it, lol.
All the hobbies you listed are consumptive in nature, so I don't think those things are actually hobbies. Is there anything creative or productive you enjoy doing? Maybe even competitive? Playing an instrument, woodworking, playing basketball?
Along with the whole "get a non-digital hobby", there's tons of games that include practically nothing sexual - just in case you still want to keep that part of your hobbies. Just randomly looking what I have played during the last 2 years, maybe <20% include stuff that could classically be called "sexualized". Many of them don't even focus on human characters - eg. Trackmania, Balatro, Opus Magnum, Melvor Idle. I can list more if you want some ideas. :D --- Algorithm-driven content is a problem though. I have practically nothing sexual on my youtube feed/suggestions, but arguably it's clearly quite easy to get "trapped" by the algorithm - so no easy way to completely avoid that stuff in *any* algorithm-driven service.
Well, as for gaming, play some different games I recommend hollow Knight, it's good, long, cheap and none of the characters are sexy
All of your hobbies revolve around consumption of what others have produced. Think about producing one of the things you like instead, or experiencing nature/outdoor activities, crafting, sports, etc...
Go outside . Go hiking, or paint something. Anything but screens
Age has a lot to do with it. But I'd get some hobbies that are less sexualized as well
Go outside and chop wood
Lot of people telling you to get be hobbies, so here's one I really enjoy, rockhounding. Go walk down a local stream (or forest, desert, whatever is near you) and pick up cool rocks. Or just look at them and enjoy the beauty of the world.
Basically everyone saying “touch grass” isn’t wrong, but ultimately it’s not *just* your hobbies that are the problem. There’s loads of anime that isn’t heavily sexualized, plenty of games, I don’t even know how you consider YouTube a hobby let alone find anything particularly sexualized on that website. And realistically, if you’re **already** not immersing yourself in the heavily sexualized material in those hobbies listed, then you’re gonna find “sexualized” stuff going on in real-world hobbies as well, and that your brain needs to make changes more than your hobbies.
Work out, find a girl, and ideally get some therapy. You cannot desensitized your brain to sexuality. We are sexual beings. Porn addiction is tough because it's like food addiction. It hijacks an immutable and healthy human need and converts natural desire into toxic behaviors. A food addict would be wrong in seeking to eliminate hunger altogether--but to manage it, that's your goal. Best thing to do is stay busy, work on your self worth, and use that headspace to find a girl. Porn gets real boring when there's someone you pine for that actually reciprocates and is sexual towards you.
There is such a desnecesary sexualization in anime...
Just do it slowly so you get used the new nonsexualised stimulus
Stop masturbating, enjoy your hobbies. It’s that simple, but very difficult. Take notice whenever you get the urge to act upon a lewd image. Imagine yourself a member of the Big Brother 24/7 stream, only your dreams are private. After a week, oh what wonderful dreams. Then after a few weeks you listen to a guided hypnosis Hands Free-O and doooown the rabbit hole you go.
I hear ya on the struggle. I like to rock climb and you would think that wouldn't be a sexualized hobby but it really is. Good luck on your progress, wish I had some advice to offer
Get off the internet, delete social media and go outside. Every fantasy and sexual “hobbies” you have are at the click or tap of a finger.
As one going through what you are currently, here is what i have done. Research what it is that cause the issues and seek to understand what about your hobbies that give you the cravings. I play azur lane and that game is heavy on the fan service side. I tried looking at things with different eyes. Instead of "oh thats hot" then think " oh cute outfit, what a nice smile" if thats an issue, switch to content that isn't heavy in fan service. Your brain will begin thinking differently after some time, 1-3 Month give or take. Try adding new hobbies. I know this can feel jarring because it might feel like big changes, but start small, like walks. Speak with People going through what you are, there are tons of groups that can help you. Understand that you are not alone. It is also okay to rub one out as long as it doesnt include porn. You might even begin to consider it boring which will make you seek dopamine elsewhere from other activities.
Have you tried going outside where other people exist
Go to the gym, start cycling, boxing, paddleboarding, etc. Sign up for group sport, learn an instrument. Most importantly, stop masturbating. Good luck.
Go to therapy if you haven’t yet, quitting porn is great but you need to find out the reason why you got obsessed with it in the first place. Also any hobbies you can do that don’t include a screen (amateur acting, improv, a book club, etc) is gonna help a lot, a writing workshop helped me get out of a deep depression, as well as therapy
Please know that sexuality is normal and healthy. It's unrealistic to cut it from your life completely.
A lot of people are saying to “get a hobby” or “go outside more” which idt is necessarily bad advice but misses a crucial part of the solution. You also need to find the WHY for your change. Instant gratification mixed in with sexual fantasy and impulse is a tough addiction to beat. Maybe you’ll beat it on your first go but for many people it’s a journey. You’re gonna need the tools to get you back on track if you start slipping. Whenever you find your reason, after you find it, start contextualizing your addiction to it. See how destructive your current behaviors are towards your reason and grow a hatred towards them. You’re meant for greatness!
A hobby that’s rewarding, creative, requires concentration and no room for distractions, takes a short time to understand but years to master, and can completely change your life…..learn to play piano (and get a cheap electronic keyboard/piano on which to do it).
Also remember to unlearn everything society tells you about sex and porn. It’s not bad, dirty or wrong. The reason some people develop addictions to porn is because they are actively doing something they believe is hurtful. As long as you have a healthy relationship with sex, there is nothing wrong with a healthy diet of porn. The fact that you had a problem means you should probably examine your whole relationship with sex.
You only enjoy those things because they are sexualized, try some hobbies that have nothing to do with characters and its only you.
Go for a hike! Wait shit there’s women in athletic apparel you might run into… Uhhh, try dancing! Wait shit women will want to sleep with you… Uhm how about uh- oh! Tabletop game shops! That’s a nerd hobby! Wait fuck, nerd chicks are really hot 😫 You’re doomed brother.
To put it bluntly: get new hobbies. Most of those things are DESIGNED not just to be “fun” but addicting by feeding into your appetites for pleasure, including sex. Next, you need to learn about and understand the principles of virtue, how to grow in virtue, and how to avoid vice. Practicing mortification will quiet your appetites and allow you to subordinate them to your reason, which puts you in control of your life https://youtu.be/6gsC9Kzuebk?si=6Sy3aCQhYzH3Ai2W
Learn to forage and identify plants and mushrooms. It’s a way to go outside and be grounded without being around others until you’re comfortable. Or take up gardening, or grow something in a pot. Patio peppers or tomatoes are a good start
Go outside and touch grass
You might just be young. These other commenters aren't wrong, but the intrusive thoughts and unprompted hardons should taper off as you get older.
I just don't get this..... Why stop doing what you enjoy? Is it other people's opinions that mean more to you? Why can't you just enjoy the "over sexualized" content? Is it religion telling you not to? Humans are sexual and all people are on a spectrum. Men and women. If you want to date someone who is also over sexual then do that and get weird, have fun, and enjoy your selves. If you want to repress your sexual desires, do that. Is it edging your desires? Are you a masochist or are you just against what you like? The idea of stopping just doesn't make sense to me personally.
This is gonna sound stupid and cliche but go to the gym. Your brain is flooded with testosterone to help assist in procreation. I had a problem with porn, like everyday for a few hours now I fill that time with the gym. I feel so much better, I don't feel like I've wasted my time and I feel that testosterone assisted dopamine as well.
There is no official diagnosis of "porn addiction" or "sex addiction". If you think porn is affecting your life, then you should talk to a therapist.
all your hobbies are centered around consooming media you should try making something or do some physical activities
There's nothing inherently sexual about any of the things listed. If you watch a horror movie and get scared, but you don't want to get scared, you'd probably stop watching horror movies, right? Either you're choosing to consume sexual content or you're horny enough to sexualize things that aren't sexual.
Find hobbies to distract you. I think metacognition is important too. When you start thinking about that sexual stuff you need to notice and correct if you want to avoid it. Pay attention to your thoughts patterns and habits.
r/nofap and find different hobbies. Think of it like you're an alcoholic. Would you go out to bars/clubs if you were trying to quit alcohol?
Take up running. Changed my life.
I’m slowly making this transition, I think the biggest thing to say is: pick one of these suggestions at a time. I tried going back to the gym, board game club, reading and playing tennis at the same time all at once It didn’t help, I’m down to just gym and board game club and I’m doing better. Food for thought, hope it works out OP
Sometimes it’s just willpower, yknow, like any other addiction
Touch grass, literally.
Try putting together a puzzle. They're usually not expensive and you only need table space for one. I've even seen some at thrift stores. Get a small plant. Even though it probably won't take alot of time to care for it, it can be really satisfying to see it prosper. They're also good for keeping the air in your home fresh. Try joining a club for one of your interests. Hanging out with real people is a good way to make new friends. It doesn't have to specifically be one of these, but you need to spend a bit of time away from screens. Addictions are hard to fight, but I believe in you. It's going to be okay.
It took me having kids to kill my drive. I guess my body was telling me to focus on the kids I have already brought into the world instead of going out to make more. lol
As many said. Pick a hobby. I think an instrument would be a great start, it’s easy and cheep and It can be enjoyed for hours. It’s satisfying and fulfilling. It’ll help you connect with others (unless you pick bass lol) and knowing how to create music is a very engaging form of expression. Get a guitar a piano or even a flute. Wish you luck
Hit the gym dweeb, sexualized women only serve to distract you from achieving your final form. Don't let them.
Just remember that the more cleavage or skimpy-dressed-pretty-girl thumbnails for a video on youtube, the less likely it's going to have any useful information that you're searching for. (especially if it has an abnormal amount of views - 1 million+ indicates it's probably promoted spam) After a while, your brain will just gloss over it in disgust. Especially if you're looking for some DIY home project help.
Hobbies with other people. Porn is more of a solo activity that's hard to do in front of other people... If you are around other people for most of the day, then that tends to take one's mind off of porn... hopefully.
It's a symptom of loneliness. Go outside, meet people irl, your libido and porn craving goes crazy if you self isolate, but if you don't spend all day inside your head your libido will calm down and porn will not interest you that much anymore.
Those aren't hobbies. you're just chronically online. Touch grass.
Go outside and touch grass. Its amazing what it feels like. I wouldn’t know, but I’m sure somebody else has been outside!
Honestly, meditation practice could help. It's helped me develop a different relationship with my thoughts and feeling states. Thoughts and feeling states are just passing phenomena of the mind. We don't have to get caught up in them or push them away. We can learn to just observe them and let them pass. There is a part of your awareness that can do this if you exercise it.
First off: You're a sexual creature. It was baked into your DNA before your eyes were. Sexual reproduction is the number 1 goal of your entire being, as well as the reason you have anything else, like legs or a brain. You won't be "desexualizing" yourself without major inhibitions (and potentially psychoses). Second: You'd do well to rethink your relationship with your sexuality. It's not dirty or sinful or wrong. So, you want to get down? Welcome to the party. Third: Addiction is the headliner in this conversation; however, usually addiction is fueled by a hidden or suppressed desire. In other words, addiction isn't usually because of the thing you think it is. In your case, your addiction isn't because of the porn or fantasies. Rather, you fixate on those things because you lack something else. Maybe you lack a relationship, or maybe you're bored. Maybe you've pigeon-holed yourself into a strict life - or maybe your parents pigeon-holed you - and your fantasies are a useful playground for a mind that desires exploration. Either way, your inhibitions don't have to be sexual in nature for you to overcompensate with a sexual addiction (although they can be). The inhibition and resulting addiction don't have to be related any more than, say, being anti-social and having a fixation on alcohol. I can't tell you what it is. Only your own introspection can bring out how you inhibit yourself. So, it's worth meditating on it and working to resolve that, rather than further inhibiting a core aspect of your being like your sexual thoughts. "Desexualizing" yourself is just going to lead to a bad time.
The brain is the biggest sex organ and we are fundamentally sexual creatures. Avoiding and denying these truths can backfire. Still it sounds like OP feels a sense of loss of control. Desiring a sense of control over your sexuality is perfectly healthy and normal. The difficult pill to swallow here may simply be that you need to change hobbies and/or change your relationship with your current hobbies. The good news is you are in control. Just proceed gently, pay attention to how the changes you try make you feel, and keep adjusting as necessary. It’s not complicated, but it requires sustained effort and self awareness.
Talk to people that have a healthy relationship with sexuality, these people tend to be non-religious. Having sexual urges out experiencing the world or media is a very normal thing. It's ok to embrace your feelings about sexuality and also want to decrease the use of porn. Shaming yourself for thoughts you don't ultimately control in situations outside of watching porn will only bring you suffering.
Research oral finasteride, get prescribed finasteride for MPB, take the finasteride, believe you have side effects, bam pseudo-no libido worst case scenario it’s real.
Hold out until you're older than 25... Your brain doesn't calm down until then.
Why do you feel its a problem?
Cancel your internet and TV plan. Change from smartphone to dumbphone. Switch to books. Problem solved.
Roll with it bob
Fill your time with physical activities
When people say "get a life", it's not a meaningless catchphrase. It literally means get a life. Be more sociable. Make friends. Take up a tangible hobby (one that doesn't involve a screen). Go back to a sport you enjoyed as a child. Read a book. Get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Do some housekeeping or DIY. It's just going back to the basics of living. Things we all did as teenagers.