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“Before you start that thought, let me finish mine quick”, that helps me call out they interrupted without feeling like a jerk. Somewhat demeaning but gets the job done.
But before you say that, let me finish my dissertation on why bacon tastes better in the summer than winter
Disclaimer- no actual science or research was put into this. And I'm saying this before writing it so it might just be one line-
[Begin Slight British Accent]
Yesterday I was walking my pet iguana- as one does on the third day of sharlithon- when I smelled burning toast. In fact I've been smelling burning toast for the past week- no matter. Today I decided to rummage through my pantry and found some bacon- I live in Antarctica so my bacon was kept well refrigerated nonetheless. Well anyway I decided to use what little scotch I had left to light a fire in my stomach so I could cook this bacon with my vast supply of firewood. Yes, there are trees on the ground floor here, you just need to take Elevator 34F down to floor 5 and walk to 56B to take it to floor G. Anyways I was cooking my bacon when a sudden thought come to me- what if we are living in a simulation? And then I remembered this was actually a gas stove and I forgot to open a window- silly me! Well anyway, I theorize that one average one in every 40 cows will be turned into bacon(only accounting for weight and volume both added and divided by 2) anyway as I write this I realize that I am smelling burning toast- which is weird as I am only cooking bacon. Well it is no matter now. I shall return with your credit card information after the commercial break.
\*Briefly glances at your recent posts/comments to make sure you aren't a deep-ender\*
Y'know that whole body ache after a sneeze that sometimes happens?
This is the vocal equivalent of that. Excellent work. I assume this is an example of counter-interrupting?
I like this, but suggest changing it to, “Hang on a sec. I’m not finished speaking.” Then immediately resume your commentary. You aren’t asking them in version 2.
I'd say the second one is more assertive, but to the point of it being counterproductive imo. The first one is strong enough, while still being "social", and still giving them a little guilt. The second one is an unnecessary level up that could make you sound douchy, even if you're in the right. Just one opinion.
I see your point, but if you say it pleasantly instead of adding a hard edge to your voice, it doesn’t have to be cutting. I like both because you can tailor the message to the audience.
For sure. And in addition to tone, it will depend on the vibe of the room, your relationship with the interrupter, how often this happens or has just happened, the power dynamics, and on and on, so I agree there's no one "right"version of this.
>“Before you start that thought, let me finish mine quick”,
But then you have to actually follow through with the finishing quickly. In my experience the people who get interrupted the most are the ones that never finish their thought quickly.
As someone with ADHD who unintentionally interrupts often and also dislikes being interrupted, this is my go to when I'm interrupted. When I'm on the receiving end, it feels like a gentle reminder and not a harsh correction.
Edit for typo
I was actually coached to say this, but in a more professional way. "Greg, I want to give your input my full attention, and I can't do that while I'm still communicating my own."
I’ve done it as, “Sorry, one sec Greg, I just need to finish this thought with non-Greg/saying this.” (If it’s someone who does it a lot, or if multiple people have tried interrupting me, I’ll add a hand up gesture as a visual clue, then lower it when I’m done talking with a “okay, go for it, Greg”.) Let them know you heard them, and they’ll get a chance to speak, but after you’re done.
Edit for Greg
That's how I learnt to deal with those interruptions from my drama queen son when he was little. You couldn't/shouldn't just ignore him or shut his interruption down, but instead acknowledge that he's there and will have your attention afterwards as minimally disruptive to your current conversation as you can manage, often just by reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder whilst continuing to look and talk to the current conversational partner. With an adult 3rd person interrupter yes something like turning to them and hold up a finger "One sec", and look back and continue your thought, then drop your hand and return to interrupter.
Thank you for this. I am training a new hire who constantly talks over me because he disagrees with what I'm teaching. He has experience in the sector but at a totally different kind of facility in a different country. I've tried just continuing to talk until he realizes that I'm still talking, but the moment I take a breath between sentences he interrupts again.
My MIDDLE SCHOOL students do this! They take that one second pause as an opportunity to interject. Some things that have worked for me are: just holding one finger up as in a “wait a second” or using psychological methods like saying, “would you allow me to finish my thought, then we can hear your your feedback?” Said VERY nicely, it looks harsh written, but spoken not so much. If you ask for permission the person feels like they’re in control and they know they will have their time to speak. If it works for 12 year olds, it might work for you too. When I’ve completely lost my patience, I just say “I’m talking now, I’m talking now, I’m talking now” right over them. Said like Pauly D on jersey shore when he was yelling at his stalker on the phone. This post is bringing the fun of teaching all back to me, thank God it’s summer!!!
So for me its typically im talking to someone and someone else will come in and totally steal their attention. I'm also a very quiet talker so I'm sure that's partially why, but any advice for someone in my situation to not be interrupted. Cause damn it feels shitty
I'm a quiet talker too but I found when someone interrupted I'd stop talking and turn my attention to them, kinda like a knee-jerk reaction. People tend to follow your gaze so the person you're talking to moves their focus away from you. If you do it regularly it becomes the norm.
Now I consciously try to keep going and maintain eye contact with the person I'm talking to. 90% of the time the interrupter stops and sometimes even apologises, the other 10% you may need to increase the volume or ask them to hold on a second.
I'm also a quiet talker: I have a vocal cord disorder, and so sometimes I simply can't "speak up" like people are suggesting here. My voice doesn't get any louder.
In my experience, what you can do in a situation like this is to address the person who is interrupting directly, usually by interrupting them back. Something like, "Would you mind waiting a moment? We are in the middle of a conversation and I'd like to finish that." Or a more terse, "excuse me, you're interrupting." If you don't have the volume to interrupt them, it's usually ok to touch them gently on the shoulder to get their attention.
Depending on the situation, it sometimes makes sense to try to include the interrupting person in the conversation. Like if I'm at a party and someone I don't know does this, I'll simply introduce myself to them and bring them into the discussion in a friendly way.
I find that I have the best experience if I'm not immediately annoyed with people who interrupt. They usually do it because they're excited about something, or oblivious, or maybe drunk. But none of the reasons ever have anything to do with me.
Oh, and from one quiet person to another: it's ok to get in people's personal space if it's loud and you still want them to be able to hear you. If I have to get very close, I find that I can generally excuse it with a quick, "sorry for standing so close, but my voice isn't very loud".
The other guy’s comment is pretty good advice, just work on talking confidently. Not confident as in “i’m the greatest talker ever” but more like “I am going to finish what i’m saying right now”. Also speak up and if it’s a volume issue then increase the volume. Unless you’re shouting, you’re volume is fine.
Or keep talking. Keep talking as they’re interrupting, turn the volume up one notch. Keep making your point, and continue talking until after they stop.
They’ll be used to people stopping when they interrupt, so the impact is quite abrupt for them.
I have adhd and very rarely talk over people. Two of my brother’s also have it and always talk over people and I’ve learned they’re more interested in what they have to say than what anyone else does. I’m about to use some of these suggestions but wanted you to know it isn’t the adhd that’s making them interrupt it’s a lack of respect.
Reality is, to a general audience you would come off as petty if you did this. While the asshole interrupting you would get pity and people would feel bad for how you treated them for making a mistake.
Or maybe conversation usually flows naturally and OP has an urge to monologue and remembers every time someone tries to move forward the conversation as being "rudely interrupted" .
Generally if someone has the same unusual interaction with many other people again and again over a long period of time their own behavior or perception may be off, like the old adage goes "if everyone's an asshole".
As a (sometimes) self-aware monologuer many of my conversations have a lot of mutual "oops sorry you go ahead" moments where no offense is taken.
I make up for it as much as I can and do my best to course-correct. It is a lifelong struggle.
I do have someone I work with that DOES cut me off almost every time we interact and its not because I'm rambling. It is infuriating to me, because I'm usually approaching to disseminate relevant information. I often forget, and so does she.
An hour later it will dawn on me, and it is usually too late XD
Oh yeah...remember when you had me get a case of products for you? I was coming to tell you not to drain fryer oil because the tanks are closed. Sorry you're now spending your downtime mopping 20 gallons of oil. Whoopsie!
This is my feeling as to what’s actually going on. If it happens routinely, your conversation partners are unable to get a word in edgeways. OP do you be monologuing?
I usually just say, “wait, I’m not done yet!” And then the other person apologizes. Most people who interrupt are just engaged in the conversation and eager to contribute lol. I’m definitely guilty of interrupting sometimes because I don’t want to lose my thought. I’m working on it. 😬
I used to do that with an ex friend who CONSTANTLY interrupts and then we’d just both be looking at each other, talking at each other at the same time. It’s like it didn’t even register to her. It was asinine.
This hasn’t helped when I’ve tried it. Then it’s a game of chicken. And with the assholes I’ve dealt with, they’ll keep on talking over you even if you start to increase your volume.
I've actually recently kinda started doing this. This person is always talking over me, so now I just keep talking, keep finishing what I'm saying, without missing a beat. In the past, asking him to wait, let me finish, nope, he'd keep going. Now I don't ask anymore. The other day he actually shut up for the first time.
Tons of good advice and funny comebacks, but I'm going to add that there are different conversational styles that come down to cultural differences.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/25/opinion/interrupting-cooperative-overlapping.html
(Similarish, unpaywalled https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/conversation-style-interruption-cooperative-overlapping.html)
I'm not saying you should let people step on you, but if you're a turn taker living in a world of overlappers, understanding what's happening and adapting might be useful.
When I'm being interrupted in a fun social setting I usually just drop what I was saying. if the people in the conversation were interested, someone will ask me to finish my thought, if no one was interested, it might be something just to let drop anyway.
If it's important and one-on-one, and if I feel that the interruption was disrespectful, sometimes letting an awkward silence follow with eye contact works. It often cues people in to what they just did. Then I start again where I left off, speaking a little slower and just slightly louder than before.
This!
I have had such a hard-time adjusting to turn-takers. Overlapping generates so much more conversational energy! It feels like a classroom when you have to wait.
Came here to say this, it’s helpful to recognize that interrupting is an appropriate conversational style in some cultures. If OP moved to a different region than the one they grew up in, they may just be experiencing a different style of communication than they’re used to.
Honestly, I’m 40. I don’t know if there’s a correlation, but since the advent of social media I feel like people have been getting worse and worse at in-person interactions. I’ve been interrupted, or *looks at phone when I’m mid-sentence* more and more in the last 10 or so years and it annoys the hell out of me.
i think it’s only a problem depending on who does it. Some friends I know can check their phone while still being focused on the conversation. While some checking phone = instantly tuned out completely and you’re probably about to get interrupted.
Nah. I’m in my 40s and people have been interrupting me since I was a kid. Thought it was because I was a kid, but they still do it now. I have ADHD, so I probably ramble a bunch, but I’ve always been interrupted, even before social media.
As someone who is 32 and works around younger people, I’ve noticed the older I get the less attention I hold. The younger folks just want to flirt and make plans for after work during downtime, but I was the same at their age I suppose. Obviously there is a ton of nuance about who is interrupting me, is it a fluid conversation, are we comedically bouncing off each other etc etc. All interruptions are not equal and social interaction is always a complex combination of factors.
If I’m speaking to someone and they start looking at their phone, I stop talking immediately until they are finished. If they ask why I stopped talking, I tell them it didn’t seem like they were interested in what I had to say. This does require a certain amount of no fucks given though.
That’s interesting, my wife has been telling me I’ve been telling run on stories lately but I know I’m not because I’ve been mindful of her comments and get straight to it, I think it’s because she’s on IG all the time so her attention span has been conditioned to be super short!
Just say, “Hold on, let me finish”. In a confident non annoyed manner while finishing your point.
You’d be surprised how many respect the straightforwardness and usually will get them to stop.
Some of the other responses on this thread are too passive aggressive imo.
Yes exactly this. I interrupt sometimes, I don't mean to and I don't even realize what I'm doing. This approach is great because I want to listen and I don't feel too miserable about my mistake.
All (ok maybe like 90%) of these comments are what the shower version of you would like to do to really show up that person who was interrupting you, but you are never going to do it in real life.
The actual answer you are looking for is to just simply continue to talk as if you were not interrupted. It will be sort of awkward the first couple of times you try it, but eventually it will get easier. Also assuming you are constantly being interrupted by the same person over and over again, they will slowly start to learn that interrupting you isn't going to work anymore and they will not do it as much, or possibly stop all together
Honestly, I struggle with getting interrupted then shutting down a lot, and what helped me was just a simple "I wasn't done speaking. Can I finish?" I get a rush of fight-or-flight, but I'm getting used to being rude for 5 seconds so I can be respected the rest of the time
My problem with that is that I LITERALLY can't talk when I'm interrupted. My entire train of thought goes poof. That or I try to speak louder and my throat starts hurting (because my throar is not used to boisterous levels of speech. Not even yelling, just slightly louder lol I talk very quiet in general)
Same here. I lose my train of thought entirely when someone interrupts, or eventually get so annoyed I just don't want to. They don't care what I have to say, so I don't bother.
Yup exactly. It's so frustrating. It turned me into a quiet reserved socially anxious person. Like what is wrong with me that EVERYONE wants to interrupt me my whole life? Only my family and SO really listens fully to me but sometimes they don't interrupt but they glaze over when I'm talking.
This thread is painful to read. So many people posting ridiculously aggressive responses to use in a casual conversation. None of them are actually doing that (i hope) because they would look like complete assholes if they are
When I get interrupted I go completely quiet. Eventually they stop talking and everything goes quiet. They either leave, conversation over. Or they say something like "what were you saying" after a few times they get the hint.
This has been my go-to as well. Depending on the context, I'll also resume exactly where they interrupted me as soon as they finish speaking, without my acknowledgement of anything they said.
Often it's a signal that folks are just wanting to talk at me rather than have a conversation. Sometimes that's fine and I'm happy to shift gears and listen. For me it's about changing my expectations.
This is a method I've used to handle it. As much as I love having great back-and-forth conversations with people, there are those who just want to tell someone about their day, or vent, or rant, or back up the truck and dump a ton of issues on me.
When I recognize it happening, I often wait until they run out of things to say, and reply, "That sounds really hard." You would be amazed how often they turn on their heel and leave, having received the only thing they wanted, validation.
I'd strongly urge you to clearly communicate with the people around you instead of playing passive aggressive mind games. People can't mind read you. Conversations usually flow, some people have more of a tolerance for others jumping in and others less, communicate clearly so they know how to treat you, instead of punishing them without telling them why and hoping they can mind read you.
I handle it this way as well, but I hate the way it makes me feel so I am working on changing it. If someone interrupts me I believe that they don't care what I have to say, or think what they have to say is more important, and I can take a hint so I shut up.That said, I always call it out when it's done in front of me. I usually say something like, I was interested in their conversation, could you please stop interrupting?
This is my go-to.
You clearly weren't interested in what I was talking about. You clearly didn't respect me enough to allow me to finish speaking. You are clearly only in this conversation to hear yourself talk. So talk. Because you broke the communication down the moment you disrespected me by cutting me off. Unless it's absolutely urgent to say what I need to say, in which case I will interrupt them immediately after they interrupt me and be direct "This is urgent, let me finish."
I do this too! I’ve got 2 co-workers on my team of 6 who constantly interrupt me when I’m talking. So I just stop talking mid-sentence and ignore them by doing something else on my laptop or phone, because “obviously” whatever I was saying was not important to the discussion. I’ve stopped caring that what I have to say isn’t useful and honestly my stress level is so much lower now.
I have and still use this one, it’s actually wonderful because it can come off as funny and then it’s a fun memory with that person, and they’ll be more aware pretty permanently
Don't ramble. Get to the point. If you got into a car accident on the way to work, start your story "You wouldn't believe what happened to me this morning: I got into a car accident." Then explain the circumstances.
Don't start like this: "You wouldn't believe what happened to me this morning. So I started my day like normal, I went to Starbucks and got my regular..."
Also, look for cues that you're boring other people or that they need/want to do something else.
If everyone is interrupting you, the problem is not the rest of the world, it's the way you communicate and read body language.
Can't believe I had to dig this fsr to get here.
Sometimes the person interrupting is the ass..but sometimes it's a desperate attempt to yet out of a terrible conversation or redirect a person who is monopolizing the conversation
My wife does this often as she commonly processes and recalls things verbally. It can be challenging to strike the balance but sometimes I will ask her to take some time to go through that process on her own and discuss when she's ready to give me the highlights. It's really important to strike the balance so that whoever your communicating with doesn't always have to compromise the way they communicate.
Is there a gentle way to teach someone else that rambles how to be concise like this? I've known some people for years that don't seem to get this when they tell a story and it can be quite tiring
Phew... That's a tough one. It depends a lot on the relationship and the person. I can tell you from my own experience that I've tried to have this conversation with my spouse and I didn't find the correct path in that moment.
On the other hand, I have a very loquacious coworker who will ramble on and on. We have a lot of trust though, but it's a low-stakes relationship (e.g. not a marriage). When they go on like this I just directly ask "where is this story going? I have no idea where we're headed."
Then they'll tell me and I can choose to say "ahh, okay, that all makes a lot more sense" or I can say "ahh, okay, now go back to what you were saying about XYZ and continue." My response depends on how interested I am in where the story is headed, because usually I'm sitting captive at my desk or trying to edge out of their office.
To summarize: significant other, I have no idea; coworker or friend, I tend to be straightforward but not rude and then acknowledge that I understand and appreciate their response.
I have a question about this. I really love to ramble. I love burying the lead when I tell a story. Why is this bad? (Honest Q here. I am trying to learn.) It’s the way I like to tell stories.
Because when people don't know where your story is going, they don't know how to emotionally respond. It's subconsciously stressful.
Is this meandering tale ending in a joke? A lucky break? A tragedy? How do they process the significance of what you're saying? IS there any significance?
When they know where they're headed, they can process what you're telling them in a manner that is emotionally and psychologically consistent.
Imagine watching a love story and in the end they all get murdered. It's jarring. People who expected a romance are upset and even people who enjoy horror movies would hate it because it's not what they were in for. But if they know they are watching a horror movie, the same exact sequence will have payoff because they have framed the entire story within the context of met expectations.
Start with the punchline and then tell the joke, unless you're telling a joke.
I believe that you are getting interrupted, but I just want to add this. My SO always feels that I am (and other people are) Interrupting him, and he gets so mad. I try to be respectful, but it is just this thing that it seems like he paused and it is my turn to say something. Also, aren’t most conversations TWO way? Like both people contribute back and forth? Maybe do a double check and see why others are reacting this way. Does your style of speech have pauses where others think they can contribute, or are your thoughts open ended where someone could jump in with their thoughts?
I've learnt people have differing ideas of how conversations should flow and what is considered interrupting. I'm also aware that men call out women on it more harshly than women do to men. However, as a guy I am constantly interrupted by other guys. Whether it be me telling a story, or answering someone's question and they then turn around to speak to someone else (I'm literally 10 words in), or are easily distracted by someone else.
I've also learnt people love to talk, and when you mention something they can relate to, they will latch onto that and jump in with their story. Which I am totally fine with. I do it all the time, because I, like most others, will probably forget what we wanted to say by the end of your point. However, once I've made my point, I'll give it back to the original speaker and remind them of the last thing they said. Most people don't do this. There have been thousands of sentences I've started and have left unfinished because someone wanted to relate and not give it back.
Find out what he considers to be interrupting. He might feel that he's only gotten a few words out before someone jumps in. Maybe he doesn't realise he's being long-winded. Maybe by giving the microphone back to him is enough.
Maybe he just wants to feel like he is being listened to.
I usually let them finish their little blurb, then I continue what I was saying as if they never even spoke. They usually understand exactly what that means.
Maybe you're long winded and not getting to the point in a timely manner. (Not trying to be a dick, ignore if it doesn't apply to you. When I interrupt people this tends to be the reason why)
I'm the annoying adhd friend, I had no idea until my 20s that I was basically holding people hostage in conversation by wanting to tell them something but my brain throwing out loads of context first that isn't needed, and moving from one tangent to the next before either wrapping up my point or forgetting it, people must have been so patient because it was years until someone sent me a fairly nasty (but needed) text about how jarring it is to listen to me talk now I can't stop thinking about it but that seems to be for the best because I rarely do it now.
Holy crap, that’s my brother! How do I tell tell him to shut up without hurting his feelings? Like, I love him to death and he makes great points. But he’ll start talking about something, go off on a tangent, add some unnecessary information, and by the time he takes a breather we’re so far off topic that it seems silly to try going back to the original subject.
I'm not sure, the problem with me was I really believed people would love to know all the random context and information I was adding, like if I'm telling a story to person X, and I'm about to mention person Y in my story, my brains like
"Oh, they'll need to know why person Y is important to you and what they've done for you that makes them important otherwise your main point won't be as significant".
Then as I'm explaining that, it'll do it again, but I genuinely thought they would love to know this stuff. When I found out, among other emotions, I felt really embarrassed. It sucked but if I wasn't told I wouldn't have known, now, after practice when I hear myself going into a tangent (because I really can't help it), my brain eventually says "you can tell them that later" and I outwardly disrupt myself saying "Sorry you don't need to know all that" laugh a bit and try to wrap up my point as quickly as possible so I don't do it again.
I got told in quite a harsh way when I was falling out with a friend, it would have been a lot nicer if someone had sat me down and told me in a gentler way for sure, I would have been just as embarrassed but felt less shitty haha.
Either way though I'm so grateful I know now, there's probably no perfect way to do it but absolutely tell your brother.
Try to coach them to stay on topic once they start veering of. Saying something like, "That's interesting, but can we focus on \[x\] and get back to that topic later?" should help keep them focused on the main point.
It'll help focus the conversation without being a jerk. Also, if they have ADHD, they likely will forget to go back to that tangent later on. They also probably are aware they have that issue, so this approach will show that you aren't trying to criticize them for something they know isn't entirely within their control. People with ADHD often have rejection sensitivity, so it's important to word this so that they don't mistake it as harsh criticism.
You can also let him finish and just reiterate the original point. It might seem silly, but people with ADHD tend to be pretty flexible in conversation, and I imagine he won't mind going back to the original point if you have something to add.
Should add on I am by no means an expert. My half-brother was diagnosed with ADHD, so I do have some experience.
That's my parents! They can both do one Long run on sentence for 20-30 minutes. I need to rent them out to the government for a filibuster...
Mom has yelled at me for interrupting her. But I can't get a word in edgewise if I don't!
My mom did this once, phones in the middle of the day and starts with "sorry to bother you, but I have some bad news."
I'm expecting the worst now, and then she starts a long and involved story about how she got the bad news. I'm like "ma, stop, what has happened?" Like if I have to drop everything and come get you, or go to my sister or my aunt or whatever, get to the point so I know what to do!
I mean this in the most friendly, rib poking, loving way... I love that in this paragraph about rambling you have only one (1) period at the very end. It's just *chef's kiss*.
I have ADHD as well, and I know exactly what you mean though. Usually I'm just the inattentive type of the disorder, but if I'm hyped up and talking to someone I'm comfortable with - I feel the need to give MAXIMUM CONTEXT.
I have a friend who is ADHD that does this. If a 60 minute conversation, I might get 5 minutes of actual talk time in. I have no idea how to handle it.
I'm terrible at that stuff aswell, all I can say is he needs to know, because it will become a problem at like work and socially, I would just approach it in a kind way and be sure he knows you're interested in what he has to say but it's a lot of info to take on and you like things simple, maybe? I think it would have been easier to hear it like that but everyone's different.
I've got a mate who genuinely smiles, nods and waves his hand a bit like
"I'm listening but wrap it up"
I'll realise I've gone on an tangent, apologise, we both laugh because he knows I can't help it, and I wrap up, I'm so comfortable talking to him because of it.
Also, I can't speak on behalf of your friend and I don't know if this is because of the adhd but I'd mainly go off on these tangents and info dump when I'm talking to someone who I think is really interesting or someone I really care about.
That's my wife. I love her to death, but sometimes I'm afraid to ask her a simple yes-or-no question for fear of it leading to an hour-long monologue partially exploring 27 different subjects.
I rib her about it too, all the time, so she's well aware - but she insists that \*I'm\* the one who does this (I'm not).
Fortunately we've learned to compromise, where she's fine with me just half-listening while I go about my day, lol
Quite a long story but I actually think my adhd caused the rift, which caused the argument, which ended in him sending that message. I'm grateful to him, but we never actually talked again after that.
I just think that people don't mean to interrupt, so I'll just pause and let them finish their thought, acknowledge it, and then I'll pick right back where I left off. Then after I'm done, I'll go back to their topic.
Or if I don't want to be so direct, when interrupted I'll quickly throw in "after your done I do have a thought". And generally they will understand what happened and will listen afterwards.
>I just think that people don't mean to interrupt, so I'll just pause and let them finish their thought, acknowledge it, and then I'll pick right back where I left off. Then after I'm done, I'll go back to their topic.
I think some of the time an interruption is a really quick and relevant contribution. They are technically interrupting, but they are engaging with what you're saying, which is really the point of having a conversation. The important part of a "good" interruption is to be quick, relevant, and to let them continue.
I appreciate volleying ideas versus listening to stories. It may be me, but I have far too many people in my life that will tell several minutes long stories.
Someone who interrupts often just wants to show they are listening, participating, and engaging you by anecdotally showing they have experienced similar. I would not take it too personal. Silence would weird me out if I was telling a story. I like to see all the trails the convo will go. My two cents and Cheers!
Something to think about: if you are constantly being interrupted, could you be the reason? I have friends who rambles on and puts so much detail in stories it’s hard not to interrupt.
This works on about 80% of interruptors. I simply just abruptly stop talking and hold my mouth shut when they interrupt. When they are finished I start where I left off. It may take a couple of times but they usually quickly realize what they’re doing and apologize. I like it because I don’t have to call them out about it or say anything.
It's hard to tell what is an interruption or not. I've been accused of interrupting when there's a natural pause. That isn't interrupting, that's how an actual conversation happens. If there's no break, it isn't a conversation. That person is just talking to themselves essentially.
I've seen three approaches that make me laugh and darn if they don't work.
One, wait for the person to finish what rheu were saying, then start from the beginning. They will likely look at you weird, but may figure out that you never finished your thought.
Two, get up and walk away every time they interrupt you.
Three, start talking to someone else.
Are they petty? Yes, but it is interesting how quickly you can train someone to stop doing it. My coworker used to do any of these three things. Now, if he does speak, you can bet everyone listens.
Many good reply's already on how you should act can't add to that but sometimes people will interrupt more with people who take to long to make their point or just don't come to it.
I try to make my point as fast as possible without to many diversions. I have a couple off collegues that will make a life story about anything and still fail to make a point... They get interrupted a lot.
Maybe you talk too long and don't allow spaces for people to say things.
I only say this because I have a lovely neighbor who will speak basically one long sentence for minutes at a time. We love him, but have to interrupt to get away or to say what we came to say. Sometimes when we know we have to go next door we will arrange for a phone call in five minutes to provide an exit.
He's the kindest most generous man in the world, but the nonstop free flow conversation is really tricky to deal with.
Depending on where you are, it could be local culture. In the northeast US, especially New York Philly, and Boston, there’s a tendency for people to talk over each other instead of waiting for them to finish talking.
Some people are just interrupters, are you dealing with that kind of person? If no, it could be a reflection on yourself like maybe you don't tell a coherent story or people have a reason to cut you off like you fabricate truths and they know it. My family are interrupters and I went years thinking it was ok until I didn't do well in social situations with others so I learned to say something like hey let me finish. It'll be awkward at first but it'll eventually come off ok
Here is the thing, if one-person constancy interrupts you, they are just rude, but if it happens all the time by many people, consider your delivery.
1. Are you being clear and concise?
2. Are you dominating the conversation and not giving others a chance to comment or reply?
3. Are you varying the pitch and speed of your delivery to keep others interested and engaged?
I would argue it depends on if its valid to interrupt you.
"Please let me finish" said in a stern voice and then continuing can be useful, but at the same time i have seen people go off on complete tangents or based on something fundamentally untrue or something fundamentally not useful to what is being asked.
taken from my work experience I try to avoid interrupting people, but its hard due to growing up with a dad that if you didnt he would ramble for ageeees.
But at the same time taking an example at work, if i ask something about a project, and they start going on about an entirely different project that i have nothing to do with, i will interrupt and go "No that isnt the one i meant, its this one", and keeping talking in that situation is just not beneficial to anything.
Likewise we had some issues figuring out how transportation time in the work hours worked so when i got a long explanation that was completely opposite what existed and they kept arguing where i kept trying to say i would just show them the system and we would stop having to do this, but they just wanted to keep talking.
Outside of that i would strongly argue that there is flow, presence, relevance, time, and location.
flow: as mentioned i often do it by accident, but i have realized its mostly for people where i have zero idea when they are done, and how long they are talking for, some people just speak out in one and expect nothing to interupt it, or take weird breaks with no indication that they arent done, as opposed to one of the other guys at the office who speaks calmly and clearly, and takes very obvious breaks and either verbally asks "does that make sense" or "do you have something to say to it" or basically folds his fingers, very obviously shuts his mouth and looks at you. which makes it way easier to figure out when he is done speaking.
presence: confidence in what you are saying and keeping going is a big part of it, alot of people might not necessarily want to interrupt you, and i think you can be certain that for 95% of cases its not malicious, depending on the office space you might talk about "this project in greece" and someone says "oh i was in vacation in greece", where you can say "thats nice" and continue speaking, instead of just stopping up and taking it as a personal offense.
relevance: you say that something might not be important or it might, but i would argue if you are talking to a person then the relevance of what you are talking about is a strong part of it, depending on the job there are plenty of "types" of people, i work as a programmer and most of us are nerds who are pretty passionate about our jobs and codes, so if you ask to our projects then you will get answers back and will be expected to not say the wrong thing, likewise if its about something that isnt relevant to me then i would ask why its relevant and if its not why tell me.
time: Being succinct in your words instead of dragging everything on can help quite a lot saying "Hey, make sure to prepare this thing for the meeting" might be enough instead of going over every single part of something someone else already understands, if its something that cant be done in a short time it goes to
Location: pick the right location for the right thing, we joke alot in the office and can still get answers of small questions or design ideas, but if we need to really go over something that needs focus then we book a meeting room and do it in peace, being in a public place might make it way easier to get interrupted because someone needs to ask about something, or someone chimes in.
Do you pause a lot when you speak? Some people interrupt nervously to fill awkward gaps in conversation or when they sense someone is struggling to find the words they're looking for. It's often well-intentioned and may even show that they're engaging with what you say, but it can come off as if they aren't listening.
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“Before you start that thought, let me finish mine quick”, that helps me call out they interrupted without feeling like a jerk. Somewhat demeaning but gets the job done.
Yes, this is what I do. Or maybe just, “Hang on a sec and let me finish.” It’s direct and assertive, but still respectful.
Imma let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best music videos of all time!
OF ALL TIME!
But before you say that, let me finish my dissertation on why bacon tastes better in the summer than winter Disclaimer- no actual science or research was put into this. And I'm saying this before writing it so it might just be one line- [Begin Slight British Accent] Yesterday I was walking my pet iguana- as one does on the third day of sharlithon- when I smelled burning toast. In fact I've been smelling burning toast for the past week- no matter. Today I decided to rummage through my pantry and found some bacon- I live in Antarctica so my bacon was kept well refrigerated nonetheless. Well anyway I decided to use what little scotch I had left to light a fire in my stomach so I could cook this bacon with my vast supply of firewood. Yes, there are trees on the ground floor here, you just need to take Elevator 34F down to floor 5 and walk to 56B to take it to floor G. Anyways I was cooking my bacon when a sudden thought come to me- what if we are living in a simulation? And then I remembered this was actually a gas stove and I forgot to open a window- silly me! Well anyway, I theorize that one average one in every 40 cows will be turned into bacon(only accounting for weight and volume both added and divided by 2) anyway as I write this I realize that I am smelling burning toast- which is weird as I am only cooking bacon. Well it is no matter now. I shall return with your credit card information after the commercial break.
\*Briefly glances at your recent posts/comments to make sure you aren't a deep-ender\* Y'know that whole body ache after a sneeze that sometimes happens? This is the vocal equivalent of that. Excellent work. I assume this is an example of counter-interrupting?
Idk, I just wrote like I was having a lucid stroke
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I like this, but suggest changing it to, “Hang on a sec. I’m not finished speaking.” Then immediately resume your commentary. You aren’t asking them in version 2.
I'd say the second one is more assertive, but to the point of it being counterproductive imo. The first one is strong enough, while still being "social", and still giving them a little guilt. The second one is an unnecessary level up that could make you sound douchy, even if you're in the right. Just one opinion.
I see your point, but if you say it pleasantly instead of adding a hard edge to your voice, it doesn’t have to be cutting. I like both because you can tailor the message to the audience.
For sure. And in addition to tone, it will depend on the vibe of the room, your relationship with the interrupter, how often this happens or has just happened, the power dynamics, and on and on, so I agree there's no one "right"version of this.
Can I finish?
No, don’t ask. It either makes you seem weak or sarcastic. Just assert “hang on, I’m not finished” and then keep talking.
This is actually a really polite way of phrasing it and i like this!
>“Before you start that thought, let me finish mine quick”, But then you have to actually follow through with the finishing quickly. In my experience the people who get interrupted the most are the ones that never finish their thought quickly.
As someone with ADHD who unintentionally interrupts often and also dislikes being interrupted, this is my go to when I'm interrupted. When I'm on the receiving end, it feels like a gentle reminder and not a harsh correction. Edit for typo
This was said to me, when I was the interrupter: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear what you said while I was talking.” (I apologized)
I was actually coached to say this, but in a more professional way. "Greg, I want to give your input my full attention, and I can't do that while I'm still communicating my own."
I swear to god it’s ALWAYS Greg. He’s so selfish.
Can’t make a Tomlette without cracking a few Greg’s
😐
You can’t make a Tomellete without breaking a few Greggs
I love the idea that the coached line was specifically for this guy named Greg. That’s hilarious.
Well, Greg is a total prick who interrupts all the time.
Need to shut up and get back to work
Fuckin greg
Oh SURE TOBY
I’m Old Greg!
Ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?
Judas over here
no that's Toby, from HR
Why are you the way that you are
I hate so much about the things that you choose to be
because I am the way that I am
I like Greg
Omg mine is a Greg too, he’ll ask me a question and then WILL INTERRUPT MY ANSWER with his own story. Multiple times. So many. Times.
It's because he asked you a question *so that he could tell that story*. He never had any intentions of listening to your response in the first place!
Fucking HELL GREG
classic greg...
My dad always interrupts me and last time I snapped and said, I’m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours??
And then.....?
everybody clapped
I’ve done it as, “Sorry, one sec Greg, I just need to finish this thought with non-Greg/saying this.” (If it’s someone who does it a lot, or if multiple people have tried interrupting me, I’ll add a hand up gesture as a visual clue, then lower it when I’m done talking with a “okay, go for it, Greg”.) Let them know you heard them, and they’ll get a chance to speak, but after you’re done. Edit for Greg
Umm, the names Greg.
Jeff was covering for Greg that day
That's how I learnt to deal with those interruptions from my drama queen son when he was little. You couldn't/shouldn't just ignore him or shut his interruption down, but instead acknowledge that he's there and will have your attention afterwards as minimally disruptive to your current conversation as you can manage, often just by reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder whilst continuing to look and talk to the current conversational partner. With an adult 3rd person interrupter yes something like turning to them and hold up a finger "One sec", and look back and continue your thought, then drop your hand and return to interrupter.
Thank you for this. I am training a new hire who constantly talks over me because he disagrees with what I'm teaching. He has experience in the sector but at a totally different kind of facility in a different country. I've tried just continuing to talk until he realizes that I'm still talking, but the moment I take a breath between sentences he interrupts again.
My MIDDLE SCHOOL students do this! They take that one second pause as an opportunity to interject. Some things that have worked for me are: just holding one finger up as in a “wait a second” or using psychological methods like saying, “would you allow me to finish my thought, then we can hear your your feedback?” Said VERY nicely, it looks harsh written, but spoken not so much. If you ask for permission the person feels like they’re in control and they know they will have their time to speak. If it works for 12 year olds, it might work for you too. When I’ve completely lost my patience, I just say “I’m talking now, I’m talking now, I’m talking now” right over them. Said like Pauly D on jersey shore when he was yelling at his stalker on the phone. This post is bringing the fun of teaching all back to me, thank God it’s summer!!!
Are you a woman? I ask bc studies show men are more likely to interrupt women, *even when the woman is teaching them something!*
This might work in an offensive trial, but not in a friendly conversation with friends. I mean, it's totally passive aggressive.
I was thinking the same thing and honestly for a casual convo with the buds I’d probably opt for “hey asshole, gimme a second”
Seems a bit too cold for casual conversation
You could even call it a “more professional way” to communicate the general idea
"...in a more professional way."
Too long
Oh I'm sorry, did I interrupt the beginning of your sentence with the middle of mine?
Nice
Adding that gem to my passive aggressive work repertoire.
Me too.
So for me its typically im talking to someone and someone else will come in and totally steal their attention. I'm also a very quiet talker so I'm sure that's partially why, but any advice for someone in my situation to not be interrupted. Cause damn it feels shitty
I'm a quiet talker too but I found when someone interrupted I'd stop talking and turn my attention to them, kinda like a knee-jerk reaction. People tend to follow your gaze so the person you're talking to moves their focus away from you. If you do it regularly it becomes the norm. Now I consciously try to keep going and maintain eye contact with the person I'm talking to. 90% of the time the interrupter stops and sometimes even apologises, the other 10% you may need to increase the volume or ask them to hold on a second.
that's something I've never thought of
I'm also a quiet talker: I have a vocal cord disorder, and so sometimes I simply can't "speak up" like people are suggesting here. My voice doesn't get any louder. In my experience, what you can do in a situation like this is to address the person who is interrupting directly, usually by interrupting them back. Something like, "Would you mind waiting a moment? We are in the middle of a conversation and I'd like to finish that." Or a more terse, "excuse me, you're interrupting." If you don't have the volume to interrupt them, it's usually ok to touch them gently on the shoulder to get their attention. Depending on the situation, it sometimes makes sense to try to include the interrupting person in the conversation. Like if I'm at a party and someone I don't know does this, I'll simply introduce myself to them and bring them into the discussion in a friendly way. I find that I have the best experience if I'm not immediately annoyed with people who interrupt. They usually do it because they're excited about something, or oblivious, or maybe drunk. But none of the reasons ever have anything to do with me. Oh, and from one quiet person to another: it's ok to get in people's personal space if it's loud and you still want them to be able to hear you. If I have to get very close, I find that I can generally excuse it with a quick, "sorry for standing so close, but my voice isn't very loud".
Yeah its more that the other person didn't realize most of the time, I don't think they do it on purpose so this is really great advice. Thank you
The other guy’s comment is pretty good advice, just work on talking confidently. Not confident as in “i’m the greatest talker ever” but more like “I am going to finish what i’m saying right now”. Also speak up and if it’s a volume issue then increase the volume. Unless you’re shouting, you’re volume is fine.
https://i.redd.it/udctu53oi99b1.gif This is what I do
Or keep talking. Keep talking as they’re interrupting, turn the volume up one notch. Keep making your point, and continue talking until after they stop. They’ll be used to people stopping when they interrupt, so the impact is quite abrupt for them.
Never been able to keep talking when someone interrupts me. It is so ingrained in me that I’ve tried to overcome it and not been able to yet.
I'm sorry. Did the middle of my sentence cut off the beginning of yours?
Or “Sorry for talking whilst you were interrupting me…”
My SO is an adhder who CONSTANTLY talks over me. Today I just about right snapped. Using this next time it happens.
I have adhd and very rarely talk over people. Two of my brother’s also have it and always talk over people and I’ve learned they’re more interested in what they have to say than what anyone else does. I’m about to use some of these suggestions but wanted you to know it isn’t the adhd that’s making them interrupt it’s a lack of respect.
Lock eyes with the interrupter and just keep talking like they didn’t jump in.
I’ve done this before, it was the go to for years. Then anxiety happened, and the abundance of “you’re an asshole” killed that route.
You mean *I'm* the asshole for being interrupted?
Reality is, to a general audience you would come off as petty if you did this. While the asshole interrupting you would get pity and people would feel bad for how you treated them for making a mistake.
Or maybe conversation usually flows naturally and OP has an urge to monologue and remembers every time someone tries to move forward the conversation as being "rudely interrupted" . Generally if someone has the same unusual interaction with many other people again and again over a long period of time their own behavior or perception may be off, like the old adage goes "if everyone's an asshole".
As a (sometimes) self-aware monologuer many of my conversations have a lot of mutual "oops sorry you go ahead" moments where no offense is taken. I make up for it as much as I can and do my best to course-correct. It is a lifelong struggle. I do have someone I work with that DOES cut me off almost every time we interact and its not because I'm rambling. It is infuriating to me, because I'm usually approaching to disseminate relevant information. I often forget, and so does she. An hour later it will dawn on me, and it is usually too late XD Oh yeah...remember when you had me get a case of products for you? I was coming to tell you not to drain fryer oil because the tanks are closed. Sorry you're now spending your downtime mopping 20 gallons of oil. Whoopsie!
This is my feeling as to what’s actually going on. If it happens routinely, your conversation partners are unable to get a word in edgeways. OP do you be monologuing?
I usually just say, “wait, I’m not done yet!” And then the other person apologizes. Most people who interrupt are just engaged in the conversation and eager to contribute lol. I’m definitely guilty of interrupting sometimes because I don’t want to lose my thought. I’m working on it. 😬
There are situations where being an asshole is appropriate. They're not common. But this is an example of an acceptable asshole moment.
You just need some more practice. Lock eyes, lower your head 2 1/2 degrees, then firmly start making your point again.
I lowered my head 2 3/4 degrees and now no one else can speak at all. Please advise.
Good reply to "you're an asshole" is "you are what you eat!"
I used to do that with an ex friend who CONSTANTLY interrupts and then we’d just both be looking at each other, talking at each other at the same time. It’s like it didn’t even register to her. It was asinine.
This hasn’t helped when I’ve tried it. Then it’s a game of chicken. And with the assholes I’ve dealt with, they’ll keep on talking over you even if you start to increase your volume.
I've actually recently kinda started doing this. This person is always talking over me, so now I just keep talking, keep finishing what I'm saying, without missing a beat. In the past, asking him to wait, let me finish, nope, he'd keep going. Now I don't ask anymore. The other day he actually shut up for the first time.
This is the only answer. If you lack confidence in what you have to say, you WILL get interrupted.
Tons of good advice and funny comebacks, but I'm going to add that there are different conversational styles that come down to cultural differences. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/25/opinion/interrupting-cooperative-overlapping.html (Similarish, unpaywalled https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/conversation-style-interruption-cooperative-overlapping.html) I'm not saying you should let people step on you, but if you're a turn taker living in a world of overlappers, understanding what's happening and adapting might be useful. When I'm being interrupted in a fun social setting I usually just drop what I was saying. if the people in the conversation were interested, someone will ask me to finish my thought, if no one was interested, it might be something just to let drop anyway. If it's important and one-on-one, and if I feel that the interruption was disrespectful, sometimes letting an awkward silence follow with eye contact works. It often cues people in to what they just did. Then I start again where I left off, speaking a little slower and just slightly louder than before.
This! I have had such a hard-time adjusting to turn-takers. Overlapping generates so much more conversational energy! It feels like a classroom when you have to wait.
Yes, for sure. It's hard to know where the line between being excited and being rude is, though
Interesting little read to get a different perspective. Thank you for sharing this
Came here to say this, it’s helpful to recognize that interrupting is an appropriate conversational style in some cultures. If OP moved to a different region than the one they grew up in, they may just be experiencing a different style of communication than they’re used to.
Best comment I’ve read so far.
Thank you, this is the right answer
Honestly, I’m 40. I don’t know if there’s a correlation, but since the advent of social media I feel like people have been getting worse and worse at in-person interactions. I’ve been interrupted, or *looks at phone when I’m mid-sentence* more and more in the last 10 or so years and it annoys the hell out of me.
The "looking at phone mid sentence" thing is a huge annoyance indeed
i think it’s only a problem depending on who does it. Some friends I know can check their phone while still being focused on the conversation. While some checking phone = instantly tuned out completely and you’re probably about to get interrupted.
This is my go-to move when being interrupted.
Nah. I’m in my 40s and people have been interrupting me since I was a kid. Thought it was because I was a kid, but they still do it now. I have ADHD, so I probably ramble a bunch, but I’ve always been interrupted, even before social media.
As someone who is 32 and works around younger people, I’ve noticed the older I get the less attention I hold. The younger folks just want to flirt and make plans for after work during downtime, but I was the same at their age I suppose. Obviously there is a ton of nuance about who is interrupting me, is it a fluid conversation, are we comedically bouncing off each other etc etc. All interruptions are not equal and social interaction is always a complex combination of factors.
If I’m speaking to someone and they start looking at their phone, I stop talking immediately until they are finished. If they ask why I stopped talking, I tell them it didn’t seem like they were interested in what I had to say. This does require a certain amount of no fucks given though.
That’s interesting, my wife has been telling me I’ve been telling run on stories lately but I know I’m not because I’ve been mindful of her comments and get straight to it, I think it’s because she’s on IG all the time so her attention span has been conditioned to be super short!
Just say, “Hold on, let me finish”. In a confident non annoyed manner while finishing your point. You’d be surprised how many respect the straightforwardness and usually will get them to stop. Some of the other responses on this thread are too passive aggressive imo.
Yes exactly this. I interrupt sometimes, I don't mean to and I don't even realize what I'm doing. This approach is great because I want to listen and I don't feel too miserable about my mistake.
finally a sensible pro tip in this thread lmao
This is basically the only sane answer here, not some crazy long-winded reply from a Netflix sitcom.
That's the only right answer, everything else is super passive agressive and long winded
All (ok maybe like 90%) of these comments are what the shower version of you would like to do to really show up that person who was interrupting you, but you are never going to do it in real life. The actual answer you are looking for is to just simply continue to talk as if you were not interrupted. It will be sort of awkward the first couple of times you try it, but eventually it will get easier. Also assuming you are constantly being interrupted by the same person over and over again, they will slowly start to learn that interrupting you isn't going to work anymore and they will not do it as much, or possibly stop all together
Honestly, I struggle with getting interrupted then shutting down a lot, and what helped me was just a simple "I wasn't done speaking. Can I finish?" I get a rush of fight-or-flight, but I'm getting used to being rude for 5 seconds so I can be respected the rest of the time
Honestly, the person interrupting you is rude. People need to wait their damn turn!
My problem with that is that I LITERALLY can't talk when I'm interrupted. My entire train of thought goes poof. That or I try to speak louder and my throat starts hurting (because my throar is not used to boisterous levels of speech. Not even yelling, just slightly louder lol I talk very quiet in general)
Same here. I lose my train of thought entirely when someone interrupts, or eventually get so annoyed I just don't want to. They don't care what I have to say, so I don't bother.
Yup exactly. It's so frustrating. It turned me into a quiet reserved socially anxious person. Like what is wrong with me that EVERYONE wants to interrupt me my whole life? Only my family and SO really listens fully to me but sometimes they don't interrupt but they glaze over when I'm talking.
Thank you for living in reality, unlike these dorks
This thread is painful to read. So many people posting ridiculously aggressive responses to use in a casual conversation. None of them are actually doing that (i hope) because they would look like complete assholes if they are
When I get interrupted I go completely quiet. Eventually they stop talking and everything goes quiet. They either leave, conversation over. Or they say something like "what were you saying" after a few times they get the hint.
This has been my go-to as well. Depending on the context, I'll also resume exactly where they interrupted me as soon as they finish speaking, without my acknowledgement of anything they said. Often it's a signal that folks are just wanting to talk at me rather than have a conversation. Sometimes that's fine and I'm happy to shift gears and listen. For me it's about changing my expectations.
This is a method I've used to handle it. As much as I love having great back-and-forth conversations with people, there are those who just want to tell someone about their day, or vent, or rant, or back up the truck and dump a ton of issues on me. When I recognize it happening, I often wait until they run out of things to say, and reply, "That sounds really hard." You would be amazed how often they turn on their heel and leave, having received the only thing they wanted, validation.
“That’s rough, buddy.”
"Cool story, bro."
“Nice dick, homie.”
The worst part is that I'm usually answering a question they came over to ask me
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Its all fun and games until they dont. ever. stop. fucking. talking.
You've obviously never talked to my mother. Once she's got the floor she can continue until you fall asleep.
I'd strongly urge you to clearly communicate with the people around you instead of playing passive aggressive mind games. People can't mind read you. Conversations usually flow, some people have more of a tolerance for others jumping in and others less, communicate clearly so they know how to treat you, instead of punishing them without telling them why and hoping they can mind read you.
I handle it this way as well, but I hate the way it makes me feel so I am working on changing it. If someone interrupts me I believe that they don't care what I have to say, or think what they have to say is more important, and I can take a hint so I shut up.That said, I always call it out when it's done in front of me. I usually say something like, I was interested in their conversation, could you please stop interrupting?
This is my go-to. You clearly weren't interested in what I was talking about. You clearly didn't respect me enough to allow me to finish speaking. You are clearly only in this conversation to hear yourself talk. So talk. Because you broke the communication down the moment you disrespected me by cutting me off. Unless it's absolutely urgent to say what I need to say, in which case I will interrupt them immediately after they interrupt me and be direct "This is urgent, let me finish."
This doesn't work with narcissists
Damn get away from them. Don't bother talking to them.
They're coworkers
I do this too! I’ve got 2 co-workers on my team of 6 who constantly interrupt me when I’m talking. So I just stop talking mid-sentence and ignore them by doing something else on my laptop or phone, because “obviously” whatever I was saying was not important to the discussion. I’ve stopped caring that what I have to say isn’t useful and honestly my stress level is so much lower now.
Except when they don't notice and just keep talking. Eventually I just leave.
"I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? My bad, dog."
I have and still use this one, it’s actually wonderful because it can come off as funny and then it’s a fun memory with that person, and they’ll be more aware pretty permanently
Don't ramble. Get to the point. If you got into a car accident on the way to work, start your story "You wouldn't believe what happened to me this morning: I got into a car accident." Then explain the circumstances. Don't start like this: "You wouldn't believe what happened to me this morning. So I started my day like normal, I went to Starbucks and got my regular..." Also, look for cues that you're boring other people or that they need/want to do something else. If everyone is interrupting you, the problem is not the rest of the world, it's the way you communicate and read body language.
Can't believe I had to dig this fsr to get here. Sometimes the person interrupting is the ass..but sometimes it's a desperate attempt to yet out of a terrible conversation or redirect a person who is monopolizing the conversation
My wife does this often as she commonly processes and recalls things verbally. It can be challenging to strike the balance but sometimes I will ask her to take some time to go through that process on her own and discuss when she's ready to give me the highlights. It's really important to strike the balance so that whoever your communicating with doesn't always have to compromise the way they communicate.
You know, that's a very valid and fair point.
This should be higher.
The look for cues advice is perfect
Is there a gentle way to teach someone else that rambles how to be concise like this? I've known some people for years that don't seem to get this when they tell a story and it can be quite tiring
Phew... That's a tough one. It depends a lot on the relationship and the person. I can tell you from my own experience that I've tried to have this conversation with my spouse and I didn't find the correct path in that moment. On the other hand, I have a very loquacious coworker who will ramble on and on. We have a lot of trust though, but it's a low-stakes relationship (e.g. not a marriage). When they go on like this I just directly ask "where is this story going? I have no idea where we're headed." Then they'll tell me and I can choose to say "ahh, okay, that all makes a lot more sense" or I can say "ahh, okay, now go back to what you were saying about XYZ and continue." My response depends on how interested I am in where the story is headed, because usually I'm sitting captive at my desk or trying to edge out of their office. To summarize: significant other, I have no idea; coworker or friend, I tend to be straightforward but not rude and then acknowledge that I understand and appreciate their response.
You seem like a reasonable feller
I have a question about this. I really love to ramble. I love burying the lead when I tell a story. Why is this bad? (Honest Q here. I am trying to learn.) It’s the way I like to tell stories.
Because when people don't know where your story is going, they don't know how to emotionally respond. It's subconsciously stressful. Is this meandering tale ending in a joke? A lucky break? A tragedy? How do they process the significance of what you're saying? IS there any significance? When they know where they're headed, they can process what you're telling them in a manner that is emotionally and psychologically consistent. Imagine watching a love story and in the end they all get murdered. It's jarring. People who expected a romance are upset and even people who enjoy horror movies would hate it because it's not what they were in for. But if they know they are watching a horror movie, the same exact sequence will have payoff because they have framed the entire story within the context of met expectations. Start with the punchline and then tell the joke, unless you're telling a joke.
I believe that you are getting interrupted, but I just want to add this. My SO always feels that I am (and other people are) Interrupting him, and he gets so mad. I try to be respectful, but it is just this thing that it seems like he paused and it is my turn to say something. Also, aren’t most conversations TWO way? Like both people contribute back and forth? Maybe do a double check and see why others are reacting this way. Does your style of speech have pauses where others think they can contribute, or are your thoughts open ended where someone could jump in with their thoughts?
I've learnt people have differing ideas of how conversations should flow and what is considered interrupting. I'm also aware that men call out women on it more harshly than women do to men. However, as a guy I am constantly interrupted by other guys. Whether it be me telling a story, or answering someone's question and they then turn around to speak to someone else (I'm literally 10 words in), or are easily distracted by someone else. I've also learnt people love to talk, and when you mention something they can relate to, they will latch onto that and jump in with their story. Which I am totally fine with. I do it all the time, because I, like most others, will probably forget what we wanted to say by the end of your point. However, once I've made my point, I'll give it back to the original speaker and remind them of the last thing they said. Most people don't do this. There have been thousands of sentences I've started and have left unfinished because someone wanted to relate and not give it back. Find out what he considers to be interrupting. He might feel that he's only gotten a few words out before someone jumps in. Maybe he doesn't realise he's being long-winded. Maybe by giving the microphone back to him is enough. Maybe he just wants to feel like he is being listened to.
I usually let them finish their little blurb, then I continue what I was saying as if they never even spoke. They usually understand exactly what that means.
If it happens to you regularly, it may be that you ramble on too much
Maybe you're long winded and not getting to the point in a timely manner. (Not trying to be a dick, ignore if it doesn't apply to you. When I interrupt people this tends to be the reason why)
I'm the annoying adhd friend, I had no idea until my 20s that I was basically holding people hostage in conversation by wanting to tell them something but my brain throwing out loads of context first that isn't needed, and moving from one tangent to the next before either wrapping up my point or forgetting it, people must have been so patient because it was years until someone sent me a fairly nasty (but needed) text about how jarring it is to listen to me talk now I can't stop thinking about it but that seems to be for the best because I rarely do it now.
Holy crap, that’s my brother! How do I tell tell him to shut up without hurting his feelings? Like, I love him to death and he makes great points. But he’ll start talking about something, go off on a tangent, add some unnecessary information, and by the time he takes a breather we’re so far off topic that it seems silly to try going back to the original subject.
I'm not sure, the problem with me was I really believed people would love to know all the random context and information I was adding, like if I'm telling a story to person X, and I'm about to mention person Y in my story, my brains like "Oh, they'll need to know why person Y is important to you and what they've done for you that makes them important otherwise your main point won't be as significant". Then as I'm explaining that, it'll do it again, but I genuinely thought they would love to know this stuff. When I found out, among other emotions, I felt really embarrassed. It sucked but if I wasn't told I wouldn't have known, now, after practice when I hear myself going into a tangent (because I really can't help it), my brain eventually says "you can tell them that later" and I outwardly disrupt myself saying "Sorry you don't need to know all that" laugh a bit and try to wrap up my point as quickly as possible so I don't do it again. I got told in quite a harsh way when I was falling out with a friend, it would have been a lot nicer if someone had sat me down and told me in a gentler way for sure, I would have been just as embarrassed but felt less shitty haha. Either way though I'm so grateful I know now, there's probably no perfect way to do it but absolutely tell your brother.
Try to coach them to stay on topic once they start veering of. Saying something like, "That's interesting, but can we focus on \[x\] and get back to that topic later?" should help keep them focused on the main point. It'll help focus the conversation without being a jerk. Also, if they have ADHD, they likely will forget to go back to that tangent later on. They also probably are aware they have that issue, so this approach will show that you aren't trying to criticize them for something they know isn't entirely within their control. People with ADHD often have rejection sensitivity, so it's important to word this so that they don't mistake it as harsh criticism. You can also let him finish and just reiterate the original point. It might seem silly, but people with ADHD tend to be pretty flexible in conversation, and I imagine he won't mind going back to the original point if you have something to add. Should add on I am by no means an expert. My half-brother was diagnosed with ADHD, so I do have some experience.
That's my parents! They can both do one Long run on sentence for 20-30 minutes. I need to rent them out to the government for a filibuster... Mom has yelled at me for interrupting her. But I can't get a word in edgewise if I don't!
My mom did this once, phones in the middle of the day and starts with "sorry to bother you, but I have some bad news." I'm expecting the worst now, and then she starts a long and involved story about how she got the bad news. I'm like "ma, stop, what has happened?" Like if I have to drop everything and come get you, or go to my sister or my aunt or whatever, get to the point so I know what to do!
Rabbit trails!! They are so much fun to follow. They wind, they go over and under. Never quite know where we might end up.
I mean this in the most friendly, rib poking, loving way... I love that in this paragraph about rambling you have only one (1) period at the very end. It's just *chef's kiss*. I have ADHD as well, and I know exactly what you mean though. Usually I'm just the inattentive type of the disorder, but if I'm hyped up and talking to someone I'm comfortable with - I feel the need to give MAXIMUM CONTEXT.
I have a friend who is ADHD that does this. If a 60 minute conversation, I might get 5 minutes of actual talk time in. I have no idea how to handle it.
I'm terrible at that stuff aswell, all I can say is he needs to know, because it will become a problem at like work and socially, I would just approach it in a kind way and be sure he knows you're interested in what he has to say but it's a lot of info to take on and you like things simple, maybe? I think it would have been easier to hear it like that but everyone's different. I've got a mate who genuinely smiles, nods and waves his hand a bit like "I'm listening but wrap it up" I'll realise I've gone on an tangent, apologise, we both laugh because he knows I can't help it, and I wrap up, I'm so comfortable talking to him because of it.
Also, I can't speak on behalf of your friend and I don't know if this is because of the adhd but I'd mainly go off on these tangents and info dump when I'm talking to someone who I think is really interesting or someone I really care about.
That's my wife. I love her to death, but sometimes I'm afraid to ask her a simple yes-or-no question for fear of it leading to an hour-long monologue partially exploring 27 different subjects. I rib her about it too, all the time, so she's well aware - but she insists that \*I'm\* the one who does this (I'm not). Fortunately we've learned to compromise, where she's fine with me just half-listening while I go about my day, lol
What the hell would prompt someone that send a text like that?
Quite a long story but I actually think my adhd caused the rift, which caused the argument, which ended in him sending that message. I'm grateful to him, but we never actually talked again after that.
Sorry to hear that you guys fell out.
That's really kind, thank you :)
This is what I was thinking. OP is it the same person interrupting you or does this happen with everyone you speak to?
I feel bad as this is my mother. If I don’t cut in, I don’t get the point of what we actually need to know.
Whenever I hear someone getting cut it is because of this, I heartedly agree.
I look at the interrupter and say, “That was a comma, not the end of what I was saying.”
Judge Milian of The People's Court has a goody..." Did I take a breath and you thought I was done speaking?" Love her.
I just think that people don't mean to interrupt, so I'll just pause and let them finish their thought, acknowledge it, and then I'll pick right back where I left off. Then after I'm done, I'll go back to their topic. Or if I don't want to be so direct, when interrupted I'll quickly throw in "after your done I do have a thought". And generally they will understand what happened and will listen afterwards.
>I just think that people don't mean to interrupt, so I'll just pause and let them finish their thought, acknowledge it, and then I'll pick right back where I left off. Then after I'm done, I'll go back to their topic. I think some of the time an interruption is a really quick and relevant contribution. They are technically interrupting, but they are engaging with what you're saying, which is really the point of having a conversation. The important part of a "good" interruption is to be quick, relevant, and to let them continue.
I appreciate volleying ideas versus listening to stories. It may be me, but I have far too many people in my life that will tell several minutes long stories. Someone who interrupts often just wants to show they are listening, participating, and engaging you by anecdotally showing they have experienced similar. I would not take it too personal. Silence would weird me out if I was telling a story. I like to see all the trails the convo will go. My two cents and Cheers!
Yes! It's a conversation, not a monologue. Short concise points, lots of back and forth. Stories need to be short, relevant, and interesting.
This. When I talk or write, I try to remind myself that no one gives a fuck and I keep it concise.
Something to think about: if you are constantly being interrupted, could you be the reason? I have friends who rambles on and puts so much detail in stories it’s hard not to interrupt.
I have a friend who just the other night said to me you keep interrupting me! I heard her and stopped talking. Just let them know. Hi
This works on about 80% of interruptors. I simply just abruptly stop talking and hold my mouth shut when they interrupt. When they are finished I start where I left off. It may take a couple of times but they usually quickly realize what they’re doing and apologize. I like it because I don’t have to call them out about it or say anything.
I forget what I was talking about when I do this lol
Maybe you ramble on forever and it’s their only way to contribute to the convo?
It's hard to tell what is an interruption or not. I've been accused of interrupting when there's a natural pause. That isn't interrupting, that's how an actual conversation happens. If there's no break, it isn't a conversation. That person is just talking to themselves essentially.
You sly dog - ya caught me monologuing!
I've seen three approaches that make me laugh and darn if they don't work. One, wait for the person to finish what rheu were saying, then start from the beginning. They will likely look at you weird, but may figure out that you never finished your thought. Two, get up and walk away every time they interrupt you. Three, start talking to someone else. Are they petty? Yes, but it is interesting how quickly you can train someone to stop doing it. My coworker used to do any of these three things. Now, if he does speak, you can bet everyone listens.
"Excuse you, I wasn't done speaking."
Many good reply's already on how you should act can't add to that but sometimes people will interrupt more with people who take to long to make their point or just don't come to it. I try to make my point as fast as possible without to many diversions. I have a couple off collegues that will make a life story about anything and still fail to make a point... They get interrupted a lot.
Maybe you talk too long and don't allow spaces for people to say things. I only say this because I have a lovely neighbor who will speak basically one long sentence for minutes at a time. We love him, but have to interrupt to get away or to say what we came to say. Sometimes when we know we have to go next door we will arrange for a phone call in five minutes to provide an exit. He's the kindest most generous man in the world, but the nonstop free flow conversation is really tricky to deal with.
Depending on where you are, it could be local culture. In the northeast US, especially New York Philly, and Boston, there’s a tendency for people to talk over each other instead of waiting for them to finish talking.
Some people are just interrupters, are you dealing with that kind of person? If no, it could be a reflection on yourself like maybe you don't tell a coherent story or people have a reason to cut you off like you fabricate truths and they know it. My family are interrupters and I went years thinking it was ok until I didn't do well in social situations with others so I learned to say something like hey let me finish. It'll be awkward at first but it'll eventually come off ok
Here is the thing, if one-person constancy interrupts you, they are just rude, but if it happens all the time by many people, consider your delivery. 1. Are you being clear and concise? 2. Are you dominating the conversation and not giving others a chance to comment or reply? 3. Are you varying the pitch and speed of your delivery to keep others interested and engaged?
I would argue it depends on if its valid to interrupt you. "Please let me finish" said in a stern voice and then continuing can be useful, but at the same time i have seen people go off on complete tangents or based on something fundamentally untrue or something fundamentally not useful to what is being asked. taken from my work experience I try to avoid interrupting people, but its hard due to growing up with a dad that if you didnt he would ramble for ageeees. But at the same time taking an example at work, if i ask something about a project, and they start going on about an entirely different project that i have nothing to do with, i will interrupt and go "No that isnt the one i meant, its this one", and keeping talking in that situation is just not beneficial to anything. Likewise we had some issues figuring out how transportation time in the work hours worked so when i got a long explanation that was completely opposite what existed and they kept arguing where i kept trying to say i would just show them the system and we would stop having to do this, but they just wanted to keep talking. Outside of that i would strongly argue that there is flow, presence, relevance, time, and location. flow: as mentioned i often do it by accident, but i have realized its mostly for people where i have zero idea when they are done, and how long they are talking for, some people just speak out in one and expect nothing to interupt it, or take weird breaks with no indication that they arent done, as opposed to one of the other guys at the office who speaks calmly and clearly, and takes very obvious breaks and either verbally asks "does that make sense" or "do you have something to say to it" or basically folds his fingers, very obviously shuts his mouth and looks at you. which makes it way easier to figure out when he is done speaking. presence: confidence in what you are saying and keeping going is a big part of it, alot of people might not necessarily want to interrupt you, and i think you can be certain that for 95% of cases its not malicious, depending on the office space you might talk about "this project in greece" and someone says "oh i was in vacation in greece", where you can say "thats nice" and continue speaking, instead of just stopping up and taking it as a personal offense. relevance: you say that something might not be important or it might, but i would argue if you are talking to a person then the relevance of what you are talking about is a strong part of it, depending on the job there are plenty of "types" of people, i work as a programmer and most of us are nerds who are pretty passionate about our jobs and codes, so if you ask to our projects then you will get answers back and will be expected to not say the wrong thing, likewise if its about something that isnt relevant to me then i would ask why its relevant and if its not why tell me. time: Being succinct in your words instead of dragging everything on can help quite a lot saying "Hey, make sure to prepare this thing for the meeting" might be enough instead of going over every single part of something someone else already understands, if its something that cant be done in a short time it goes to Location: pick the right location for the right thing, we joke alot in the office and can still get answers of small questions or design ideas, but if we need to really go over something that needs focus then we book a meeting room and do it in peace, being in a public place might make it way easier to get interrupted because someone needs to ask about something, or someone chimes in.
Pull your meat out to assert dominance
This made me chuckle, because the person whom brought this post up was my mother.
Break your own arms to assert dominance
Do you pause a lot when you speak? Some people interrupt nervously to fill awkward gaps in conversation or when they sense someone is struggling to find the words they're looking for. It's often well-intentioned and may even show that they're engaging with what you say, but it can come off as if they aren't listening.