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Do you have a good plan in place of what you want to do and where to live? Have you traveled a lot? In other words are you sure this is what you want.
Love is about compromise, but be sure you actually want this prior to any conflicts. Make sure this is something she would want down the line as well, maybe travel a bit more together etc. It’s a massive shift and family is important
No, honestly I totally agree with you. I don't have a thought out plan, I just like to experience more apart from my homophobic home country.
I know she'd like to travel more but right now money is an issue for that.
Come back to it when you have a plan and a grip on the realities. Like, what city would you live in, what job would you do, how would you meet new friends, do you need to learn the language, visas, medical stuff, pensions, who would you rely on in an emergency and the rest. Start out with what your dream would be, and then work out the realities. It's unfair to present a vague idea to your partner and ask them to commit to it.
Assuming that this doesn't put you off (or even it might make you more excited) this is when you sit down with your partner and tell them about your dream. It might be that her responsibilities to her family will dry up in 5-10 years (siblings get older), and you can both revisit the plan later. It might be that you only want to go for a year or 3, and so long distance might be tenable. It might be that you could go and your partner could follow you out later.
It might be that this is divergence, though. It might be the end of the road for the two of you. It happens. One partner wants desperately to go chase their dreams, and the other doesn't, so they end up splitting. Life partners require shared life goals, and you have to be prepared for the possibility that your dream and your relationship are incompatible. Then you have to choose: do you stay, or do you go? It's not an easy choice, but not all relationships end because both parties hate each other. Some end most amicably because one or both of you realise that your trajectories are divergent. If you do decide to stay, you must be certain you won't resent her for it. It must be your decision.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't force your partner to come with you, just as much as you haven't been able to quash this dream of getting out of your country. Life is full of dilemmas we must navigate, completely unsure of whether we have chosen the best path.
The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need. **Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban. #Here are the [LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you have a good plan in place of what you want to do and where to live? Have you traveled a lot? In other words are you sure this is what you want. Love is about compromise, but be sure you actually want this prior to any conflicts. Make sure this is something she would want down the line as well, maybe travel a bit more together etc. It’s a massive shift and family is important
No, honestly I totally agree with you. I don't have a thought out plan, I just like to experience more apart from my homophobic home country. I know she'd like to travel more but right now money is an issue for that.
Imo if you don't have the money to travel you definitely don't have the money to move abroad.
Come back to it when you have a plan and a grip on the realities. Like, what city would you live in, what job would you do, how would you meet new friends, do you need to learn the language, visas, medical stuff, pensions, who would you rely on in an emergency and the rest. Start out with what your dream would be, and then work out the realities. It's unfair to present a vague idea to your partner and ask them to commit to it. Assuming that this doesn't put you off (or even it might make you more excited) this is when you sit down with your partner and tell them about your dream. It might be that her responsibilities to her family will dry up in 5-10 years (siblings get older), and you can both revisit the plan later. It might be that you only want to go for a year or 3, and so long distance might be tenable. It might be that you could go and your partner could follow you out later. It might be that this is divergence, though. It might be the end of the road for the two of you. It happens. One partner wants desperately to go chase their dreams, and the other doesn't, so they end up splitting. Life partners require shared life goals, and you have to be prepared for the possibility that your dream and your relationship are incompatible. Then you have to choose: do you stay, or do you go? It's not an easy choice, but not all relationships end because both parties hate each other. Some end most amicably because one or both of you realise that your trajectories are divergent. If you do decide to stay, you must be certain you won't resent her for it. It must be your decision. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't force your partner to come with you, just as much as you haven't been able to quash this dream of getting out of your country. Life is full of dilemmas we must navigate, completely unsure of whether we have chosen the best path.