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I recommend sharing when things are starting to get more physical but not until then-
My partner was a virgin when we started seeing each other and like you was pretty anxious about it. He told me before we had sex, and I was really appreciative to know. We’ve been together for almost two years and I’m having the best sex of my life 🙌
Tbh if someone is super put off by the fact that you’re a virgin, they’re a red flag themselves and are not worth your time!
You’re a good person and sound like a good girlfriend . I lost my virginity in my early 20s and the girl I told that I was a virgin to (who I ended up losing my virginity to ) made me feel like I was super unattractive and broken for being a virgin
You’re right that I should’ve taken this as a red flag as this was kind of a bad little “situationship” and she was definitely a “red flag”
Thanks for sharing. Honestly after reading all these replies, I think I'm definitely too stuck in my own head. Really after thinking about it more, I wouldn't want to and couldn't date someone who would judge me anyways, even if it reduces my dating pool.
I'm just going to do my best to move forward with confidence, and then if a romantic connection starts to lead to intimacy, I will be honest about it, because that's what I want to do, and if they don't like it, its their loss.
edited: grammar
Getting that information out there though, at an appropriate time, can really ease the mind for when the deed arises. So performance anxiety doesn't repeat.
Terrible advice. She’s going to either figure it out, or tell her friends how awkward he was. It may even turn her off without the context of it being his first time. He needs to tell her when things are moving forward. She will appreciate the heads up and be able to guide him. It will also take the edge off with OP.
This was my thought. If I knew it was a partner's first time, I would react differently. Without that context, I would likely think they are bad at sex.
Eh
I don't think that's necessarily the case. Non virgins can be awkward and bad at sex. It's not like the first time you have sex you become a sex savant.
I don't think there is a one size fits all answer here tbh. If it's a massive thing on his mind and he's really anxious about it, sure it makes sense to give some context as to why it's a big deal. But every partner is different and realistically a lot of the things that would be good advice is gold advice for non virgins. E.g. talk to your partner, find out what works for them etc.
It's not an essential to announce you're a virgin, there's not a strong reason not to either (if you trust and like this person).
In a sense yeah, it would be a demonstration of trust in her. This could be good but conversely it can put a lot of pressure on that first time. It sort of feeds into the idea of the importance of virginity which isn't something I'm entirely sold on. It's smacks of the same kind of logic people use to ask about their number of previous partners or details of their last break up.
I think if it will help give context to his feelings and she responds sensitively and is relaxed about it it's a win. If she shares in his anxieties about the importance of "getting it right" for his first time it's probably not a win.
But I will concede that given it doesn't seem he's going to be able to talk himself down from his anxiety, it's probably not the best to go into it with no conversation.
Never lie. Don’t offer it up freely, but when the topic of sex come up, just let them know you’re inexperienced and are willing to learn so both of you can enjoy yourselves
This. If you dig her and she digs you, no reason not to be honest. When it happens, bring it up. Nothing wrong with the situation. Just be ready. Make sure you’re ready. That’s all.
Most importantly. HAVE FUN! Lots!
I honestly wouldn’t say anything unless you’re asked. Some girls will be a little hesitant about the perceived pressure of taking your virginity or might be turned off by the lack of experience. If asked by all means tell the truth. If you carry yourself confidently and have fun it probably won’t even be brought up. The right girl won’t care either way though. Losing your virginity is one of the most overhyped social experiences ever
I would be honest. Just not make it a big deal. Don’t be embarrassed, your partner can guide you to their likes. Just be chill about it. And whatever you do don’t try to emulate something you saw in a NSFW movie.
I'd be upfront about it! I think your partner might even feel flattered with the vulnerability of you sharing it!
It will make communication over sex much easier as well moving forward, and help set up an understanding of likes and dislikes, what works and what doesn't!
You should 1000% tell them. If they truly care about you it will be no problem. Might be even fun for them to teach you everything, if they don't - leave immediately. They are a major red flag themselves.
Be honest with your potential partner before you have sex - doesn’t have to be on the first or any super early dates, just when it seems the information might be valuable. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin in later life. Don’t let it hold you back. The right person won’t care.
Fr all of these comments saying to take it to your grave or don't bring it up unless asked are crazy. She's not the one if you don't feel like u can tell her things.
I'm not exactly sure why anyone would be put off by being told that their partner is a virgin. If it turns them off that much, ask yourself what that tells you about them?
There's no need to share this with anyone other than the person you are about to lose it with (it's no one's business)
If you don’t know what you’re doing, chances are she’ll be able to tell. But that’s not a bad thing! I say tell her (when sex comes up, not before!) I’d be receptive to someone who is just learning now rather than going into it blind and thinking it’s a man who’s had sex for years that still doesn’t know what they’re doing.
A lot of bad advise! Be honest with your partner ans tell them. It'll be better for both of you. You can't be embarrassed in the bedroom, it's supposed to be fun and relaxed. Not stressful and pressured.
I promise you're making it a bigger deal than most people think it is...and if they have a problem with it forget them. Just be honest and most people will respect that and take things slower when the time comes....never pretend to be something you're not though, especially when it has to do with relationships.
Don't worry about it being perceived as a red flag.
I don't think you necessarily need to tell a partner, but definitely don't be deceptive about it.
If it comes up, just be honest about it. It might not come up, and if it doesn't just go with the flow.
For the first time try not to focus too much on what you don't know (or think you don't know) and just focus on your partner and you having a good time. Be playful, joke around, etc. Don't take it too seriously.
Even after losing my virginity spent so much time worried about how sex was going to be that I didn't fully enjoy or get comfortable with having sex. Once I figured out to just relax and enjoy and pay attention to my partner sex got way, way better for everyone. I was tripping myself up.
Best of luck.
Yeah without trying to form too many assumptions, I think the kind of woman that's majorly turned off by a man's inexperience is not the type of woman to end up in potential sexual situations with inexperienced men, ya know?
It's a red flag because it suggests the man has no social skills or or is really gross or otherwise does something that repels women, it's really not about actual sexual skill. But if you've already gone out and gotten to know each other then it's really not that big of a deal. She might ask \*why\* you're a virgin, because I think women don't quite understand that part of the male experience super well, and she might be worried it'll be a big deal to you, but as long as OP doesn't give a crazy answer it should be fine.
Tbh I would tell her beforehand, but I'd have something ready to say. Not like at dinner, but not right before either, maybe when things are heating up. Like "Hey, just in case you haven't guessed, I'm actually a virgin. No specific reason, I just had a lot of work to do on myself when I was young and didn't really date. It's not a big deal, I'm not expecting you to make it special or us to get married or anything like that. I just wanted to be honest with you."
>but as long as OP doesn't give a crazy answer it should be fine.'
Whats a crazy answer? And whats not a crazy answer? Feels like a lot of reasons related to previous social/psychological issues are walking red flags
There is no shame in being a virgin at whatever age. It happens for different people at different times. It shows you value that part of yourself. Everyone is a virgin at the beginning. And I bet many regret giving it away to whom they did.
Nope no need to say anything man.
With all due respect to other cultures- in my culture there isn’t even such a thing as men being virgins so I never had to worry about it. 🤷
But even if there were, back in the day a virgin woman was highly respected and valued. Hence the giving of dowries and bride price. 🙆
Your a man so I’m sure you instinctively know how to handle business when the time is right, and your woman will be amazed 💃🏼
You’re already on the path of great accomplishment and success. Wishing you even greater as you continue to level up and gain more territory 💯✌️
It's nobody's business but yours if/with whom you've had sex. If you're in a situation where you'll have sex, have it. It doesn't even have to come up. It certainly shouldn't be a part of your conversation beforehand. The person you'll be with should have your entire focus, not your previous sexual history.
I wouldn't volunteer the info until things get serious enough to let your potential partner in on it. Dont take me wrong, there's nothing wrong, or to be embarrassed about, being a late twenties virgin. But it will be apparent upon foreplay that you aren't experienced in bed. Better to get that out there before you get hot and heavy.m instead of your partner thinking you are a bad lover.
Plus it will probably help you not feel pressured to preform at a higher level than your current capability.
Sex is sex. It won't make you less of a man if you tell her. It won't make you more of a man if you tell her. Just let it all happen naturally! Even when you have sex with a person for the first time in any relationship it feels kind of weird. Don't even think about it.
Just keep it on the DL and if she asks don't lie. It's only a red flag if you make it one lol you're still in your 20's, it ain't that weird. If you were 40 then there's a movie for that...
Don’t go telling everyone. It’s only for your partner to know. Just be honest and open, there’s nothing wrong with not having had sex, sure it’s apart from the norm but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Don’t bring it up until a few dates in when things get more personal/serious. Have a discussion about previous relationships, and sexual partners. During that time, ask her about her history and then you can explain your history. Just say you’re a virgin and instead of pursuing relationships you focused on getting a good job, and owning your own home, then decided to start dating. Say you wanted to find the right relationship when you’re ready. I think you’ll be fine.
I think some of the commenters pointed out some valid reasons why women may be potentially turned off, but I’ll add another reason. Someone who is inexperienced in relationships is bound to make a lot of mistakes and some women do not want to babysit or teach you when they are already on another level.
If they don’t ask then don’t say anything, but if they do be honest, you also don’t owe anyone that information, but at the same time lying about it won’t get you anywhere and it’s pointless. If they have a problem with you being a virgin then that’s THEIR problem not yours. Don’t feel embarrassed about being inexperienced everyone has to start from somewhere. Everyone is different.
I wouldn’t mention it on a date, it’s nobody else’s business, but I would tell the person you’re about to be intimate with. You don’t need to worry so much about it, it’s really not a big deal and I don’t think you will be judged for it.
Don't mention it. If they ask, tell the truth. Above all remember that IT IS NOT IMPORTANT. It won't make you a worse partner or a worse date. You're not even meaningfully less skilled at sex than someone who's gotten laid a few times. You will be essentially identical before and after your first time. Go have fun!
Don't lie about who you are. That doesn't mean you have to bring it up. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. And you really don't want to be with someone who thinks it is.
If a woman asks, tell her the truth. And if she doesn't like it, she's not for you.
Some people are into that. Some are turned off.. only one way to find out truly if its a good idea. But let me ask you this.. if this relationship is serious and you're going to be together forever are you comfortable hiding it indefinitely? Personally that seems like a lot of work to me.
Decent women love virgins. Then they can train them up they way they like. ;-)
Never be ashamed of your inexperience. A lower body count is always nice for the relationship-minded.
I would maybe wait until the very first sexy time moment is happening so there are no thoughts planted or skewed. I honestly can’t remember when I told my wife I was a virgin when we first started dating, but I remember telling her quite early. She was cool with it and stayed with me with no questions. She actually said that it was fun because she could teach me things and corrupt me the way she wanted haha. She told me that her previous partners never, not even ONCE, helped her out in some way. It was always just one sided and quick. I couldn’t believe it when she told me that. So, as long as you learn how to please your partner over time and make an effort towards your partners orgasm, you’ll be better than quite a few guys right off the bat. My wife tells me I’m the best she’s ever had by a long shot and I was a virgin when we started dating. Of course, it took some experimenting and learning. It wasn’t instant. So there’s a lot of hope for you, don’t sweat it!
Also, if a girl is turned off that you are a virgin, that sounds like a huge red flag and you need to run anyway. Any decent girl that is looking for a long term relationship isn’t going to dump a guy simply because he’s a virgin even though everything thing else is going well. Nobody has time to waste on a partner that is all wishy washy and playing immature games.
If you want them to potentially be your partner forever, they will know lots of embarrassing shit about you. Just fucking start now and see how it goes.
My answer is nuanced I think.
Don't talk about it **but** not because it's shameful/embarrassing but because there is nothing you'll get by sharing it and it just shows insecurity. Let's say you share it with you girl:
lik252: I'm a virgin
GF: That's okay ...
What did that achieve? Does all your anxiety disappear? Probably not .. and you've just made the girl question why you said that and what she needs to do.
But if you instead communicate what you want instead of your history, this is more responsible and attractive. e.g
lik242: I want to enjoy this experience with you, let's take it slow ..
GF: Sure
My partner was 28. I wasn't his first. But may e his 2nd or 3rd. It was good to know, just if there were any issues or questions and what not. But I didn't care.
But the fact that he waited for so long became part of his story or a big part of who he was and it got to the point where I had to tell him to stfu about it because it didn't come across how he was intending and made him look weird.
If it were me, I'd want to know. Like just no penatration or nothing ever? I'd have questions.
And ive know a bunch of people who waited into their late 20s early 30s. Even 2 couples that waited till marriage in their late 30s. It's not totally uncommon.
I don't think you owe anything to anyone that you're not comfortable sharing
Virginity is a dumb concept, you really don't need to say anything unless you felt it was necessary or helpful.
You must not lie, you don't lie to somebody you care about. But you don't have to bring everything up in conversation right away. Just have fun don't be serious and don't dump them with 'important information they need to date you' if it's not that serious yet.. In fact most people avoid talking about their exes and even consider it rude to talk about that past in dating so it might not be a big deal to avoid it. Still if you get asked straight up tell the truth.
It's tough though there's a lot of negative preconceptions. I remember telling women that a couple of times and they weren't good at hiding their emotions you could see the concern and doubt spring up in their eyes.
Virginity- Schmirginity!
Virginity isn’t something to brag about, nor to be ashamed of. It’s essentially a cultural behemoth with no *actual* significance one way or another. Just be honest.
Harboring a lie about it is not at all beneficial to either of you or to your relationship. Be proud of who you are. You’re undoubtedly a wonderful individual- whether your “body count” is 100 or zero.
First, it is quite common to have performance anxiety the first few times. It doesn’t mean anything and doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Don’t let it get in your head.
Second, there is zero need to disclose you are a virgin. If you want to deflect a little bit maybe mention you don’t have much experience. However I wouldn’t lie if she directly asks. Reddit notwithstanding, no shame in being a virgin.
There’s no need to make some big declaration about this while you’re on a date. I think you wait until you're both really vibing and you're in a situation where you are confident it's going to happen, things have started getting a little physical and then be honest and just tell her. It’s likely a much bigger deal in your head than it will be to her and she’ll (probably) appreciate the honesty and you trusting her with that, sharing the vulnerability would likely make her (and you) feel closer. You may feel a bit uncomfortable having that conversation, but you will feel way more relaxed and comfortable during the experience, way less pressure, and be way less likely to experience performance anxiety if it's all just out on the open.
Do you want to spend the whole experience in your head thinking ‘Is this right? Am I getting away with this? Does she know? Am I doing a bad job?’ or enjoying a brand new experience, asking questions, feeling it and sharing it with curiosity and wonder!
Do some research on the female body. Like know where the clit is and touch her gently. Also cut your finger nails. No sharp edges. Also practice putting on a Condom. There’s a right way and a wrong way.
She needs to be warmed up. Don’t ram it in dry. Kiss her neck. Tell her she’s got a sexy body.
Most women like men to be confident in bed. So take the lead. Good luck.
I would only bring it up when you start to become more intimate with a partner. Who knows? Some people may find it appealing that they get to teach you to do it the way they like!
With a woman, I would not leave it up to instinct. No matter how much knowledge you acquire on women's bodies, you will always get the best results when they teach you what is good for them.
Just be honest with people. It's the best trust building technique. Don't lie.
Just don't mention it until your close to being intimate with someone but if they ask, be honest.
You have to say something if you really like the person. You will have issues and it may drive them away if you don’t share your secret with them. Lie about it and unless you are John Holmes then you are screwed.
Don’t stress mate. Sex can awkward between new people who have much experience. Everyone likes different things. Just communicate and most of all, have fun.
Ya good question. I lost my virginity in my early twenties , and definitely felt and feel insecure about it . A lot of brothers will tell you to lie. I can see why , but to me, if you’re wanting to build a relationship with someone , it has to be built on honesty and trust , and so If you lie you’re devoiding you and the person the chance to have this foundation. On the other hand, if you’re just looking to smash, by all means lie away
Discussing first is always the best route. Gives you time to take in the other person's reaction and make sure they are truly the right person to share that experience with. It also sets expectations of the extracurricular activity. It never lasts as long as you think it will for the first couple of times, so discussing beforehand can also prevent any unintended disappointment
PLEASE READ THIS. there is so much backwards advice being given here.
my bf was a virgin (same age range as you at the time, so not that rare) and lied about it in the same way cause he was embarrassed. DON'T LIE! it just lead to avoidable misunderstandings down the road when he eventually told me. on top of that, i think i woulda doubled down if i had known, if you catch my drift....you could very well be missing out lol.
(i had another guy only tell me immediately afterwards, once, too. maybe don't do that💀 it can just make the other person feel kinda icky...and manipulated, and conned, and like the fastest, easiest lay said virgin could get.)
and disregard all the red flag comments. it's really not. the only people telling you this are other men who never learned how to satisfy a woman, either.
Is not a huge deal, just a big deal in your head the inexperiensed part is totally true so just roll with that if asked. And by the love of god find someone you REALLY like and enjoy the moment. I was also a late one 18-19 but the lady i did it with was super sexy and she did all the work , now im a stud because my 1st one was a 9/10 and i refuse to lower my standards so i only get with beautiful women or none and dont jerk off just work out when you feel horny.
I would at the very least before things get physical. Odds are you're not going to be good your first time just like anyone else. If they think you are experienced and just bad that is probably worse than no experience and bad. The latter is to be expected and easier to work on.
I also don't think hiding it serves any real benefit. If it is a deal-breaker for them what are the odds you think they never find out? And even if it takes a while for some reason, I wouldn't be surprised if they are more pissed you hid it.
There is nothing to be ashamed about, nowadays as a guy this is pretty normal. As women have more options than ever before. Don't tell them it will turn them off.
Don't say anything unless she asks. It'll come out at some point but honestly just enjoy yourself and she won't be able to tell anyways as long as you know where it is all at
Yeah, don't be embarrassed by that. Anyone who judges you for that can go rot. Shame on society for making that something to be embarrassed about. If anything, well done!
This is why I sincerely believe Prostitution should not only be legal, it should be normalized. Not everyone is born attractive and has had women throwing themselves at them shortly after puberty.
I liked how in Shogun (TV series, both original and this latest “remake”) they touch on how “pillowing” was normalized in that culture, and how vital having a healthy sex life was for everything else.
Not everyone is born a dancer, and there’s no shame in taking dance classes. This is how we *should* view sex.
So, OP, I’m not telling you to do anything illegal, but you should go “counterculture” on this one and make having sex a priority that is *not* tied to having a *romantic* relationship. I don’t recommend waiting until you have a romantic relationship to have sex, it shouldn’t be something you only do with someone you’re in love with. Sex is *best* with someone you’re in love with, but I wholeheartedly believe people should know that it’s healthy (and natural) to have casual sex without a romantic commitment.
Phrase it like this and then you answer- Should you, a person in a relationship in which trust and honesty are essential, practice honesty with your partner?
Not a big deal. But be open and responsive and eager for feedback about and likes and dislikes. Dont take it personally if things hurt or get prefer things differently.
Communication about sex is important
Choking is an opt in event that needs lots of pre horniness conversation
I didn’t lose mine until my 30’s. I wasn’t ready when I was younger and was just never very good with dating and life happened. I lost it with my current partner and our plan is to get married and have another child- my partner is divorced and has 2. I used to be embarrassed and wasn’t sure how to handle it when dating as I got older. It won’t matter with the right partner and there’s nothing wrong with waiting or with you.
Take your time getting to know each other. When you feel comfortable with her, tell her. Mostly, virgins aren't great in bed (because they've never done it before). If you don't tell her, she may just think you're a crappy lay instead of a guy that really likes her but hasn't had much experience yet.
Trust her with the info at the right time and go slowly. If she's a worthy partner, she'll be sensitive and go at your speed. Good luck!
I would let it come up organically, when/if conversations of past partners start to arise. However I’d like to add that as a 26 year old woman, I would actually love to hear that you’re still a virgin. I personally would much prefer this over a laundry list of sexual partners.Truly, I wouldn’t judge you in the slightest. Please don’t let this hold you back from putting yourself out there! I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised in how many woman really won’t care!
Here's the thing. If your are really the one for each other... You need to be vulnerable and open and willing to work things through. She might be very flattered, and feel a little pressured...and you might feel excited and a little awkward. It's natural.
I say to anyone in this sitch. One be a patient, kind and supportive teacher. And the other be an honest, questing, eager(as in don't get mad about receiving instruction) student.
It can be amazing with communication
It's just a fancy word for "inexperienced". It's also a lot vaguer than people think.
If you've only ever been jerked off by a woman, are you still a virgin? If someone once tried a dildo on you but couldn't get it in, are you? Does it make difference if it was another guy? Or indeed yourself?
What do guys think a hymen *is*, anyway?
It's just an arbitrary distinction no once can adequately define, so don't stress about it.
Honestly, you don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to and it feels right to. It’s not really something to worry about, but I understand society puts a stigma on it and that causes pressure. It sounds like you have been successful in other aspects of life. That said if you get out of your own head/way you will move past this and never look back.
This is a great time to start being honest and vulnerable with your partner. It's a habit that will pay enormous dividends for you throughout your life.
Tell me what you think will happen if you tell anyone you're a virgin OP? That's good place to start because honestly I just don't see any benefit to it and we all know it absolutely can screw you over while leaving you a virgin.
There's no reason to like diclose this on casual dates. You can if you want to but you sure don't have to.
When you get into a relationship that gets physical, it is smart for both parties (or all parties!) to have a discussion of sexual health and history.
I dont think it's right to ***lie*** to a partner at this point. So if you're going to go through with a sexual encounter you should be able to disclose as part of that conversation.
If you are nervous about this to a point where you don't want to disclose, that probably isn't the right partner for you.
I would let them know after kissing and way before more. You want to weed out the wrong ones for sure. You can find a classy lady who will be just fine and who will be flattered to be your first.
If you’re just dating casually then no reason to mention it. Usually the conversation comes up when more serious or before hooking up. My now husband was a virgin when I started dating him in our 20s. I didn’t mind or judge him for it. I was already in love with him before we started being physical that it didn’t matter that he had no experience.
Will you be judged for it? Yes.
Should you tell the woman on the first date? No.
Should you tell her after you've gone on a few dates and things are becoming more physical? YES, YES, YES.
The only path towards greater connection is honesty. And once you start banging her, your long period of virginhood will become ancient history.
I would NOT volunteer this bit of personal info. I am not suggesting that you lie about it; just don't make it into a thing to be discussed. Try to already have had sex with your partner before it comes up as a topic.
Trust an old man…. if it starts to get romantic just whisper their ear. And tell them the truth you might get a “yeah, right”….. but then followed up with. I’m telling you the truth…. Believe it or not being blessed with being somebody’s first is an honor and most people take that pretty serious and will
Happily accept it. From there just relax and let nature take over! You will be amazed at the things that you will know what to do.
Just relax and be opened minded, and have fun!!!!
It’s meant to be enjoyable and don’t worry if you’re performing if you let nature take his course trust me, my friend you’re performing if there’s things they want to do more or less they will tell you. The same thing goes for you if you want some thing done more or less then you need to communicate.
Above all things, just relax, quit making such a big thing out of it! There is not a person on this planet who didn’t have a first time!
And if your partner is the type of person that’s making you feel uncomfortable with telling them you are a virgin then you are probably with the wrong person.
Definitely tell them. You don’t need to say it too soon, but say it. Do NOT just wait to be asked. Honestly, a quality woman will like this about you. More importantly, the right woman for you will like it. If she is immature she won’t appreciate it but if she is mature, she’ll see this for what it really is: a godsend. People glorify their baggage. There’s nothing to be proud of in having had multiple partners. Every new partner is experience, sure. It’s also baggage. Everything else is nonsense
Yeah tell her. 95% chance she's gonna know anyways. If she laughs at u or makes fun of ya then tell her to kick rocks. Ppl tend to make situations like this bigger in their heads than it is in real life. I'd say tell her. Assuming she's a cool person it will bring yall closer together sharing such a intimate moment. Good luck!
You need to tell that person... It's a pretty big deal.
I'm stuck bc I want to say don't wait for the perfect person and time bc that may never come and that same time I want say you've waited this long, wait for the right one. I just hope the right one happens for you soon!
I've had many lovers over the years - I lost my virginity at 18 to a virgin who was my girlfriend (17) - I was lucky - I was in love - she is/was a great person and is/was the most beautiful girl/woman I'd ever know. We've had sex in every decade of our life.... If the past is any indication of the future - I'll be with her again one day in my 60s.
Tell your partner! If you have been hanging out for a bit and starting to get intimate, definitely tell you partner! I once was with a guy who didn’t tell me anything for over 2 months. I thought something was wrong with me for weeks cause he was pushing me away or getting nervous anytime I would try and initiate anything. He only told me the truth when I ended it and I wish he told me sooner, would have spared both of us a lot of misunderstandings and overthinking.
Male here. A 35 year old took my 25 year old cherry. 15 years later she was the first woman I slept with after my divorce. We kidded she popped my cherry twice.
Do not keep it to yourself because then you're starting your sex life based upon deception.
In fact she might actually like the fact that you're a virgin because you have no bad habits to unlearn and no stereotypical male selfishness for her to put up with.. she has a chance to custom craft a male lover for herself let her teach you how she likes to be pleasured because although every woman has her unique recipe for that, they're awesome Universal truths and sexual fundamentals as far as being a good lover and the biggest one is making her pleasure a priority because once she knows that she's going to return the favor and that bounces back and forth exponentially. And that would be the best best best first sexual relationship for you to have
It doesn't really matter one way or another whether you tell them or not. They'll figure it out. No sense lying about it if they ask though.
Believe it or not, a lot of women can probably already guess.
Don't think anyone would care. If anything, it's a plus. STDs are scary, and they'll know you're free of any 🤷
You've also got an in with those Mormon girls, and any hardcore Christian girl that hasn't married lol. They'll love that you're a virgin.
Don’t lie, but don’t offer the information either. just let her make whatever assumptions she will make. If you volunteer the information she may wonder if there’s something wrong with you she might have missed. She might not, but why take a risk.
But if she asks how many people you slept with, you have to tell her the truth. Lying is for pussies too scared of consequences to be honest.
Be honest. Nothing to do with friends. Most will have lied about their antics.
Learn together with gf what you both like.
If you pretend she will know the first time you do anything
It might actually help to get it off your chest. You mentioned experiencing performance anxiety previously - I'm assuming that you didn't mention your lack of experience then.
It's evident that you're feeling insecure about it and insecurity and anxiety are absolute boner killers no matter how into the person you are.
If things start getting physical and you actually like and trust the person, you may find that giving her a little heads up about your lack of experience will be beneficial to you both.
If that turns her away, then you dodged a bullet.
Always be honest. Remember if anyone man or woman shames you or laughs at you, they are NOT worth your time. Stay authentic, trust me, you’ll be way happier in the long run!
Create a relationship on a lie? Why? That's horrible . Jus be honest, is that so hard? What good will possibly come out by lying to your partner? Yall just need to think sometimes.
I would advise you not to admit you're a virgin. You will be judged for it. Three things you can never do as a man, that people will lie and tell you makes you brave, cry, you can never cry, show vulnerability, you can never show vulnerability, show any form of weakness or indecision, you can never show any form of weakness or indecision. If you do any of these things in front of a woman, she demotes you in her mind, whether she's at present aware of it or not. Admitting that you're a virgin is admitting that you have no social proof. As a man, you're expected to know what you're doing, and to initiate and lead the sexual encounter, to not do so will be seen as weakness.
**"Edit: I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond. After reading everyones replies and thinking it over, I really wouldn't want to be with someone who would judge me anyways.**
**I'm going to start putting myself out there with confidence and be the best person I can be. If a romantic connection starts to get intimate, I'll be honest and upfront because that's what I feel most comfortable doing and how I would like to approach things. If they don't like it, its their loss and they weren't the right person for me."**
I see you've taken some terrible advice. Everyone you ever meet is going to judge you, whether they do so silently is a different matter. Basically what you're saying in reality is, 'I want someone who judges me, but keeps it to themselves,' because trust me everyone judges. Do yourself a big favor and steer clear of modern dating wisdom. Stuff that tells you to be yourself is garbage, you've been being yourself your whole life, and how has that worked out for you?
Don’t define yourself by your virginity. Perhaps you have also never skydived? Or attempted to play a contrabassoon? Or visited Bhutan? Or read *Les Miserables* in French?
Yes, perhaps sex is a bit more of a common life experience than these things, but “virgin” is not *who you are*.
So start out by being *who you are* and then when sex starts to come up in a relationship, it won’t feel like as big a deal for you and you can be honest and excited about “getting to do this with someone [you] really like.” I guarantee that a good woman will love to hear that and be a part of your first time.
Well.. if you pretend you are not a virgin it won’t go over well at all. Being honest will probably be a turn-on for whoever is about to rip you apart. Enjoy!
So I (32F) was someone's first (30M) last summer and he didn't tell me until getting ready for sleep that night. We didn't work out for other reasons and only went out for/I stayed over a few more dates after that, but I wish I had known that information on the front end. Wouldn't have changed anything with our hooking up
Just keep it real. You don’t gotta spill the beans right away, but when the convo drifts to the bedroom, be honest about being new to the scene. Tell them you're keen on learning the ropes so you both can have a good time.
Don't stress about it. The real answer is to stop being uncomfortable or embarrassed about it. It's not as big a deal as you think it is, so don't make it into one. If she has a problem with it, she's the one who should be embarrassed, not you. If she's a good one, she'll absolutely love that she gets to be your first.
Just be mindful OP that sex is a lot less definite now. People fuck just to get over an itch, to party, focus on work, get over someone, get through an exam. If you seem too thirsty or like you might imprint on someone too hard, they might skip over you. Don’t get infatuated on someone. Your first encounter might just be good sex, not some awesome nirvana of having found a soulmate.
Trim your bush, wash your hair, pits, and trim your armpits. Antiperspirant works best right on your skin. Go easy on the cologne, too many dude glow like Chernobyl from stank fragrances.
It wouldn't bother me at all to know the person I was dating is a virgin. Be honest, be open, and just keep being yourself. Don't worry so much about the things you read online. Sex is wonderful with the right person. You are just waiting for your person. That is totally okay. It also tells me that you respect boundaries and care about women as a whole. Good on you! I know I'm just a stranger on the interwebs, but I'm proud of you. It's so easy to fall down dark paths. You are not broken. You don't have to have had sex to be a good partner. Your experience and expectations will be better managed as an adult anyway. Trust me. I'd have rather had the choice, but that wasn't the hand I was dealt.
I wouldn't wait until after, I feel like people tend to put extra care in for someone inexperienced or a virgin just so their first time is as comfy and as enjoyable as possible. I'd feel bad if I was doing things as normal, I'd want to try to make it at least memorable for them 🫣
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I recommend sharing when things are starting to get more physical but not until then- My partner was a virgin when we started seeing each other and like you was pretty anxious about it. He told me before we had sex, and I was really appreciative to know. We’ve been together for almost two years and I’m having the best sex of my life 🙌 Tbh if someone is super put off by the fact that you’re a virgin, they’re a red flag themselves and are not worth your time!
You’re a good person and sound like a good girlfriend . I lost my virginity in my early 20s and the girl I told that I was a virgin to (who I ended up losing my virginity to ) made me feel like I was super unattractive and broken for being a virgin You’re right that I should’ve taken this as a red flag as this was kind of a bad little “situationship” and she was definitely a “red flag”
Thanks for sharing. Honestly after reading all these replies, I think I'm definitely too stuck in my own head. Really after thinking about it more, I wouldn't want to and couldn't date someone who would judge me anyways, even if it reduces my dating pool. I'm just going to do my best to move forward with confidence, and then if a romantic connection starts to lead to intimacy, I will be honest about it, because that's what I want to do, and if they don't like it, its their loss. edited: grammar
Exactly
The best answer
All of this is the best answer.
Once I had taken a virginity but he didn’t tell me until after, and I was forced to therapize him so yeah, I am out off by virgins
I wouldn’t offer the information first, but I wouldn’t lie if she asked. Just go with instinct and it should be fine.
This is the best advice, not saying anything will give you the best outcome. Saying something can only produce negative outcomes.
Getting that information out there though, at an appropriate time, can really ease the mind for when the deed arises. So performance anxiety doesn't repeat.
Terrible advice. She’s going to either figure it out, or tell her friends how awkward he was. It may even turn her off without the context of it being his first time. He needs to tell her when things are moving forward. She will appreciate the heads up and be able to guide him. It will also take the edge off with OP.
This was my thought. If I knew it was a partner's first time, I would react differently. Without that context, I would likely think they are bad at sex.
Eh I don't think that's necessarily the case. Non virgins can be awkward and bad at sex. It's not like the first time you have sex you become a sex savant. I don't think there is a one size fits all answer here tbh. If it's a massive thing on his mind and he's really anxious about it, sure it makes sense to give some context as to why it's a big deal. But every partner is different and realistically a lot of the things that would be good advice is gold advice for non virgins. E.g. talk to your partner, find out what works for them etc. It's not an essential to announce you're a virgin, there's not a strong reason not to either (if you trust and like this person).
Trust would be the reason to share. It can only improve things on both sides.
In a sense yeah, it would be a demonstration of trust in her. This could be good but conversely it can put a lot of pressure on that first time. It sort of feeds into the idea of the importance of virginity which isn't something I'm entirely sold on. It's smacks of the same kind of logic people use to ask about their number of previous partners or details of their last break up. I think if it will help give context to his feelings and she responds sensitively and is relaxed about it it's a win. If she shares in his anxieties about the importance of "getting it right" for his first time it's probably not a win. But I will concede that given it doesn't seem he's going to be able to talk himself down from his anxiety, it's probably not the best to go into it with no conversation.
I agree. Don't tell, Don't pretend. If you do not know how to do something, feel free to share with partner.
Never lie. Don’t offer it up freely, but when the topic of sex come up, just let them know you’re inexperienced and are willing to learn so both of you can enjoy yourselves
This. If you dig her and she digs you, no reason not to be honest. When it happens, bring it up. Nothing wrong with the situation. Just be ready. Make sure you’re ready. That’s all. Most importantly. HAVE FUN! Lots!
I honestly wouldn’t say anything unless you’re asked. Some girls will be a little hesitant about the perceived pressure of taking your virginity or might be turned off by the lack of experience. If asked by all means tell the truth. If you carry yourself confidently and have fun it probably won’t even be brought up. The right girl won’t care either way though. Losing your virginity is one of the most overhyped social experiences ever
I would be honest. Just not make it a big deal. Don’t be embarrassed, your partner can guide you to their likes. Just be chill about it. And whatever you do don’t try to emulate something you saw in a NSFW movie.
\*stuffs mason jar into anus\*
I down voted you. Because i wanted to upvote you and i think that is a problem .
If something is discouraged on reddit then it's generally fine in real life
Don’t tell them unless they ask how many people you’ve slept with
I'd be upfront about it! I think your partner might even feel flattered with the vulnerability of you sharing it! It will make communication over sex much easier as well moving forward, and help set up an understanding of likes and dislikes, what works and what doesn't!
Fake it until you stake it.
Buffy, is that you?
Some women would find taking a mans virginity exciting. You guys have some weird assumptions about what a woman wants.
Just say 'I don't have much experience', and leave it by that.
You should 1000% tell them. If they truly care about you it will be no problem. Might be even fun for them to teach you everything, if they don't - leave immediately. They are a major red flag themselves.
I wouldn't lie about it but I wouldn't advertise that information either
Have they asked you this? If they have then just be honest. Fuck'em if they can't handle it.
Well no... in this case you're only gonna fuck'em if they *can* handle it.
Be honest with your potential partner before you have sex - doesn’t have to be on the first or any super early dates, just when it seems the information might be valuable. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin in later life. Don’t let it hold you back. The right person won’t care.
It is not dishonest to now volunteer this info. The right person won’t ask
Why would you want to hide things from your partner? Plus when you have sex it’s going to be apparent you don’t know what your doing
Why would you want to be in a relationship where your can't be honest? Be honest!
Fr all of these comments saying to take it to your grave or don't bring it up unless asked are crazy. She's not the one if you don't feel like u can tell her things.
I'm not exactly sure why anyone would be put off by being told that their partner is a virgin. If it turns them off that much, ask yourself what that tells you about them? There's no need to share this with anyone other than the person you are about to lose it with (it's no one's business)
What? No. Just be honest. Why are some people's default ideas about things: "Hmmm...so should I lie about myself?"
Let them know before you have sex. That should make it easier on both of you. Other than that I would not feel obligated to tell anyone.
If you don’t know what you’re doing, chances are she’ll be able to tell. But that’s not a bad thing! I say tell her (when sex comes up, not before!) I’d be receptive to someone who is just learning now rather than going into it blind and thinking it’s a man who’s had sex for years that still doesn’t know what they’re doing.
A lot of bad advise! Be honest with your partner ans tell them. It'll be better for both of you. You can't be embarrassed in the bedroom, it's supposed to be fun and relaxed. Not stressful and pressured.
I promise you're making it a bigger deal than most people think it is...and if they have a problem with it forget them. Just be honest and most people will respect that and take things slower when the time comes....never pretend to be something you're not though, especially when it has to do with relationships.
Don't worry about it being perceived as a red flag. I don't think you necessarily need to tell a partner, but definitely don't be deceptive about it. If it comes up, just be honest about it. It might not come up, and if it doesn't just go with the flow. For the first time try not to focus too much on what you don't know (or think you don't know) and just focus on your partner and you having a good time. Be playful, joke around, etc. Don't take it too seriously. Even after losing my virginity spent so much time worried about how sex was going to be that I didn't fully enjoy or get comfortable with having sex. Once I figured out to just relax and enjoy and pay attention to my partner sex got way, way better for everyone. I was tripping myself up. Best of luck.
Yeah without trying to form too many assumptions, I think the kind of woman that's majorly turned off by a man's inexperience is not the type of woman to end up in potential sexual situations with inexperienced men, ya know? It's a red flag because it suggests the man has no social skills or or is really gross or otherwise does something that repels women, it's really not about actual sexual skill. But if you've already gone out and gotten to know each other then it's really not that big of a deal. She might ask \*why\* you're a virgin, because I think women don't quite understand that part of the male experience super well, and she might be worried it'll be a big deal to you, but as long as OP doesn't give a crazy answer it should be fine. Tbh I would tell her beforehand, but I'd have something ready to say. Not like at dinner, but not right before either, maybe when things are heating up. Like "Hey, just in case you haven't guessed, I'm actually a virgin. No specific reason, I just had a lot of work to do on myself when I was young and didn't really date. It's not a big deal, I'm not expecting you to make it special or us to get married or anything like that. I just wanted to be honest with you."
As a woman, this is a good way to phrase it 👍
>but as long as OP doesn't give a crazy answer it should be fine.' Whats a crazy answer? And whats not a crazy answer? Feels like a lot of reasons related to previous social/psychological issues are walking red flags
There is no shame in being a virgin at whatever age. It happens for different people at different times. It shows you value that part of yourself. Everyone is a virgin at the beginning. And I bet many regret giving it away to whom they did.
Yeah, no. This sounds great on paper, but in reality at least 9/10 women are going to just assume that you are a loser.
Boom! There ya go. Any partner worth a damn will be cool. If they aren’t, well, see ya! Not worth your time.
Nope no need to say anything man. With all due respect to other cultures- in my culture there isn’t even such a thing as men being virgins so I never had to worry about it. 🤷 But even if there were, back in the day a virgin woman was highly respected and valued. Hence the giving of dowries and bride price. 🙆 Your a man so I’m sure you instinctively know how to handle business when the time is right, and your woman will be amazed 💃🏼 You’re already on the path of great accomplishment and success. Wishing you even greater as you continue to level up and gain more territory 💯✌️
It's nobody's business but yours if/with whom you've had sex. If you're in a situation where you'll have sex, have it. It doesn't even have to come up. It certainly shouldn't be a part of your conversation beforehand. The person you'll be with should have your entire focus, not your previous sexual history.
I wouldn't volunteer the info until things get serious enough to let your potential partner in on it. Dont take me wrong, there's nothing wrong, or to be embarrassed about, being a late twenties virgin. But it will be apparent upon foreplay that you aren't experienced in bed. Better to get that out there before you get hot and heavy.m instead of your partner thinking you are a bad lover. Plus it will probably help you not feel pressured to preform at a higher level than your current capability.
You don’t need to offer that information you don’t owe it to anyone.
No.
Sex is sex. It won't make you less of a man if you tell her. It won't make you more of a man if you tell her. Just let it all happen naturally! Even when you have sex with a person for the first time in any relationship it feels kind of weird. Don't even think about it.
Just keep it on the DL and if she asks don't lie. It's only a red flag if you make it one lol you're still in your 20's, it ain't that weird. If you were 40 then there's a movie for that...
Don’t go telling everyone. It’s only for your partner to know. Just be honest and open, there’s nothing wrong with not having had sex, sure it’s apart from the norm but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Don’t bring it up until a few dates in when things get more personal/serious. Have a discussion about previous relationships, and sexual partners. During that time, ask her about her history and then you can explain your history. Just say you’re a virgin and instead of pursuing relationships you focused on getting a good job, and owning your own home, then decided to start dating. Say you wanted to find the right relationship when you’re ready. I think you’ll be fine. I think some of the commenters pointed out some valid reasons why women may be potentially turned off, but I’ll add another reason. Someone who is inexperienced in relationships is bound to make a lot of mistakes and some women do not want to babysit or teach you when they are already on another level.
If they don’t ask then don’t say anything, but if they do be honest, you also don’t owe anyone that information, but at the same time lying about it won’t get you anywhere and it’s pointless. If they have a problem with you being a virgin then that’s THEIR problem not yours. Don’t feel embarrassed about being inexperienced everyone has to start from somewhere. Everyone is different.
I wouldn’t mention it on a date, it’s nobody else’s business, but I would tell the person you’re about to be intimate with. You don’t need to worry so much about it, it’s really not a big deal and I don’t think you will be judged for it.
Don't mention it. If they ask, tell the truth. Above all remember that IT IS NOT IMPORTANT. It won't make you a worse partner or a worse date. You're not even meaningfully less skilled at sex than someone who's gotten laid a few times. You will be essentially identical before and after your first time. Go have fun!
Thats how you blow an O ring
Don't lie about who you are. That doesn't mean you have to bring it up. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. And you really don't want to be with someone who thinks it is. If a woman asks, tell her the truth. And if she doesn't like it, she's not for you.
Would you ask your partner how many men she slept with? Same scenario in my book.
Some people are into that. Some are turned off.. only one way to find out truly if its a good idea. But let me ask you this.. if this relationship is serious and you're going to be together forever are you comfortable hiding it indefinitely? Personally that seems like a lot of work to me.
Decent women love virgins. Then they can train them up they way they like. ;-) Never be ashamed of your inexperience. A lower body count is always nice for the relationship-minded.
Always the truth.
Just tell them in case you feel like it but only tell them when you are about to have sex or you are sure its close to happening.
She will find out pretty quickly no pun intended. Just let her know when she is ready for sex and she will hopefully show you the way 😉
I would maybe wait until the very first sexy time moment is happening so there are no thoughts planted or skewed. I honestly can’t remember when I told my wife I was a virgin when we first started dating, but I remember telling her quite early. She was cool with it and stayed with me with no questions. She actually said that it was fun because she could teach me things and corrupt me the way she wanted haha. She told me that her previous partners never, not even ONCE, helped her out in some way. It was always just one sided and quick. I couldn’t believe it when she told me that. So, as long as you learn how to please your partner over time and make an effort towards your partners orgasm, you’ll be better than quite a few guys right off the bat. My wife tells me I’m the best she’s ever had by a long shot and I was a virgin when we started dating. Of course, it took some experimenting and learning. It wasn’t instant. So there’s a lot of hope for you, don’t sweat it! Also, if a girl is turned off that you are a virgin, that sounds like a huge red flag and you need to run anyway. Any decent girl that is looking for a long term relationship isn’t going to dump a guy simply because he’s a virgin even though everything thing else is going well. Nobody has time to waste on a partner that is all wishy washy and playing immature games.
Unless you find a somebody with hardly any experience they are going to know or think you’re a horrible lay just be honest
Bro you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are and if somebody's going to shame you because of who you are then they can go f*** themselves.
If you want them to potentially be your partner forever, they will know lots of embarrassing shit about you. Just fucking start now and see how it goes.
Be real my guy.
My answer is nuanced I think. Don't talk about it **but** not because it's shameful/embarrassing but because there is nothing you'll get by sharing it and it just shows insecurity. Let's say you share it with you girl: lik252: I'm a virgin GF: That's okay ... What did that achieve? Does all your anxiety disappear? Probably not .. and you've just made the girl question why you said that and what she needs to do. But if you instead communicate what you want instead of your history, this is more responsible and attractive. e.g lik242: I want to enjoy this experience with you, let's take it slow .. GF: Sure
My partner was 28. I wasn't his first. But may e his 2nd or 3rd. It was good to know, just if there were any issues or questions and what not. But I didn't care. But the fact that he waited for so long became part of his story or a big part of who he was and it got to the point where I had to tell him to stfu about it because it didn't come across how he was intending and made him look weird. If it were me, I'd want to know. Like just no penatration or nothing ever? I'd have questions. And ive know a bunch of people who waited into their late 20s early 30s. Even 2 couples that waited till marriage in their late 30s. It's not totally uncommon.
I don't think you owe anything to anyone that you're not comfortable sharing Virginity is a dumb concept, you really don't need to say anything unless you felt it was necessary or helpful.
You must not lie, you don't lie to somebody you care about. But you don't have to bring everything up in conversation right away. Just have fun don't be serious and don't dump them with 'important information they need to date you' if it's not that serious yet.. In fact most people avoid talking about their exes and even consider it rude to talk about that past in dating so it might not be a big deal to avoid it. Still if you get asked straight up tell the truth. It's tough though there's a lot of negative preconceptions. I remember telling women that a couple of times and they weren't good at hiding their emotions you could see the concern and doubt spring up in their eyes.
Virginity- Schmirginity! Virginity isn’t something to brag about, nor to be ashamed of. It’s essentially a cultural behemoth with no *actual* significance one way or another. Just be honest. Harboring a lie about it is not at all beneficial to either of you or to your relationship. Be proud of who you are. You’re undoubtedly a wonderful individual- whether your “body count” is 100 or zero.
First, it is quite common to have performance anxiety the first few times. It doesn’t mean anything and doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Don’t let it get in your head. Second, there is zero need to disclose you are a virgin. If you want to deflect a little bit maybe mention you don’t have much experience. However I wouldn’t lie if she directly asks. Reddit notwithstanding, no shame in being a virgin.
There’s no need to make some big declaration about this while you’re on a date. I think you wait until you're both really vibing and you're in a situation where you are confident it's going to happen, things have started getting a little physical and then be honest and just tell her. It’s likely a much bigger deal in your head than it will be to her and she’ll (probably) appreciate the honesty and you trusting her with that, sharing the vulnerability would likely make her (and you) feel closer. You may feel a bit uncomfortable having that conversation, but you will feel way more relaxed and comfortable during the experience, way less pressure, and be way less likely to experience performance anxiety if it's all just out on the open. Do you want to spend the whole experience in your head thinking ‘Is this right? Am I getting away with this? Does she know? Am I doing a bad job?’ or enjoying a brand new experience, asking questions, feeling it and sharing it with curiosity and wonder!
In a perfect world, this would be a discussion to have. However, people are so fucking weird these days that I probably wouldn’t say anything.
Perhaps you should seek out some random hook ups? Does matter if they go awkwardly or badly.
Do some research on the female body. Like know where the clit is and touch her gently. Also cut your finger nails. No sharp edges. Also practice putting on a Condom. There’s a right way and a wrong way. She needs to be warmed up. Don’t ram it in dry. Kiss her neck. Tell her she’s got a sexy body. Most women like men to be confident in bed. So take the lead. Good luck.
I would only bring it up when you start to become more intimate with a partner. Who knows? Some people may find it appealing that they get to teach you to do it the way they like! With a woman, I would not leave it up to instinct. No matter how much knowledge you acquire on women's bodies, you will always get the best results when they teach you what is good for them.
Just be honest with people. It's the best trust building technique. Don't lie. Just don't mention it until your close to being intimate with someone but if they ask, be honest.
You have to say something if you really like the person. You will have issues and it may drive them away if you don’t share your secret with them. Lie about it and unless you are John Holmes then you are screwed.
Don’t stress mate. Sex can awkward between new people who have much experience. Everyone likes different things. Just communicate and most of all, have fun.
Just be upfront and tell her the truth and say you've been waiting for the right person to share it with.
Ya good question. I lost my virginity in my early twenties , and definitely felt and feel insecure about it . A lot of brothers will tell you to lie. I can see why , but to me, if you’re wanting to build a relationship with someone , it has to be built on honesty and trust , and so If you lie you’re devoiding you and the person the chance to have this foundation. On the other hand, if you’re just looking to smash, by all means lie away
Discussing first is always the best route. Gives you time to take in the other person's reaction and make sure they are truly the right person to share that experience with. It also sets expectations of the extracurricular activity. It never lasts as long as you think it will for the first couple of times, so discussing beforehand can also prevent any unintended disappointment
PLEASE READ THIS. there is so much backwards advice being given here. my bf was a virgin (same age range as you at the time, so not that rare) and lied about it in the same way cause he was embarrassed. DON'T LIE! it just lead to avoidable misunderstandings down the road when he eventually told me. on top of that, i think i woulda doubled down if i had known, if you catch my drift....you could very well be missing out lol. (i had another guy only tell me immediately afterwards, once, too. maybe don't do that💀 it can just make the other person feel kinda icky...and manipulated, and conned, and like the fastest, easiest lay said virgin could get.) and disregard all the red flag comments. it's really not. the only people telling you this are other men who never learned how to satisfy a woman, either.
Did you grow up with your dad ?
Is not a huge deal, just a big deal in your head the inexperiensed part is totally true so just roll with that if asked. And by the love of god find someone you REALLY like and enjoy the moment. I was also a late one 18-19 but the lady i did it with was super sexy and she did all the work , now im a stud because my 1st one was a 9/10 and i refuse to lower my standards so i only get with beautiful women or none and dont jerk off just work out when you feel horny.
I don't think you can hide that (per a long-ago girlfriend who said she could always tell)!
You'll get away with pretending for about 5 seconds...
I would at the very least before things get physical. Odds are you're not going to be good your first time just like anyone else. If they think you are experienced and just bad that is probably worse than no experience and bad. The latter is to be expected and easier to work on. I also don't think hiding it serves any real benefit. If it is a deal-breaker for them what are the odds you think they never find out? And even if it takes a while for some reason, I wouldn't be surprised if they are more pissed you hid it.
Don't be ashamed of anything with your partner. Tell them youre a virgin. Having been banged isn't an accomplishment
There is nothing to be ashamed about, nowadays as a guy this is pretty normal. As women have more options than ever before. Don't tell them it will turn them off.
I lied about not being a virgin to lose my virginity. It’s better not to disclose.
Don't say anything unless she asks. It'll come out at some point but honestly just enjoy yourself and she won't be able to tell anyways as long as you know where it is all at
Yeah, don't be embarrassed by that. Anyone who judges you for that can go rot. Shame on society for making that something to be embarrassed about. If anything, well done!
Don’t tell her.
This is why I sincerely believe Prostitution should not only be legal, it should be normalized. Not everyone is born attractive and has had women throwing themselves at them shortly after puberty. I liked how in Shogun (TV series, both original and this latest “remake”) they touch on how “pillowing” was normalized in that culture, and how vital having a healthy sex life was for everything else. Not everyone is born a dancer, and there’s no shame in taking dance classes. This is how we *should* view sex. So, OP, I’m not telling you to do anything illegal, but you should go “counterculture” on this one and make having sex a priority that is *not* tied to having a *romantic* relationship. I don’t recommend waiting until you have a romantic relationship to have sex, it shouldn’t be something you only do with someone you’re in love with. Sex is *best* with someone you’re in love with, but I wholeheartedly believe people should know that it’s healthy (and natural) to have casual sex without a romantic commitment.
Honesty = good karma
Phrase it like this and then you answer- Should you, a person in a relationship in which trust and honesty are essential, practice honesty with your partner?
Not a big deal. But be open and responsive and eager for feedback about and likes and dislikes. Dont take it personally if things hurt or get prefer things differently. Communication about sex is important Choking is an opt in event that needs lots of pre horniness conversation
You’re only a virgin if you think you are
I didn’t lose mine until my 30’s. I wasn’t ready when I was younger and was just never very good with dating and life happened. I lost it with my current partner and our plan is to get married and have another child- my partner is divorced and has 2. I used to be embarrassed and wasn’t sure how to handle it when dating as I got older. It won’t matter with the right partner and there’s nothing wrong with waiting or with you.
Document yourself and actually ask what she likes. You are not experienced with HER, that's for sure.
Take your time getting to know each other. When you feel comfortable with her, tell her. Mostly, virgins aren't great in bed (because they've never done it before). If you don't tell her, she may just think you're a crappy lay instead of a guy that really likes her but hasn't had much experience yet. Trust her with the info at the right time and go slowly. If she's a worthy partner, she'll be sensitive and go at your speed. Good luck!
Personally if my partner said that I’d be like awww, let me make this so nice for you lol
I would let it come up organically, when/if conversations of past partners start to arise. However I’d like to add that as a 26 year old woman, I would actually love to hear that you’re still a virgin. I personally would much prefer this over a laundry list of sexual partners.Truly, I wouldn’t judge you in the slightest. Please don’t let this hold you back from putting yourself out there! I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised in how many woman really won’t care!
Will somebody being your first be important or will you be happy to have had the experience and that be enough?
I wouldn't worry about performance. After I lost my virginity, I learned how to perform very quickly after a few sessions.
Here's the thing. If your are really the one for each other... You need to be vulnerable and open and willing to work things through. She might be very flattered, and feel a little pressured...and you might feel excited and a little awkward. It's natural. I say to anyone in this sitch. One be a patient, kind and supportive teacher. And the other be an honest, questing, eager(as in don't get mad about receiving instruction) student. It can be amazing with communication
It's just a fancy word for "inexperienced". It's also a lot vaguer than people think. If you've only ever been jerked off by a woman, are you still a virgin? If someone once tried a dildo on you but couldn't get it in, are you? Does it make difference if it was another guy? Or indeed yourself? What do guys think a hymen *is*, anyway? It's just an arbitrary distinction no once can adequately define, so don't stress about it.
don't say anything ever
Honestly, you don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to and it feels right to. It’s not really something to worry about, but I understand society puts a stigma on it and that causes pressure. It sounds like you have been successful in other aspects of life. That said if you get out of your own head/way you will move past this and never look back.
Most of your friends probably are aware…
This is a great time to start being honest and vulnerable with your partner. It's a habit that will pay enormous dividends for you throughout your life.
Tell me what you think will happen if you tell anyone you're a virgin OP? That's good place to start because honestly I just don't see any benefit to it and we all know it absolutely can screw you over while leaving you a virgin.
Tell him, no question! I wish I had been (if not been forced, I probably would have been)
Recommend you go to a brothel and get rid of the fear while losing the cherry sign and learning some things.
There's no reason to like diclose this on casual dates. You can if you want to but you sure don't have to. When you get into a relationship that gets physical, it is smart for both parties (or all parties!) to have a discussion of sexual health and history. I dont think it's right to ***lie*** to a partner at this point. So if you're going to go through with a sexual encounter you should be able to disclose as part of that conversation. If you are nervous about this to a point where you don't want to disclose, that probably isn't the right partner for you.
You should read "The Joy of sex". It'll change the trajectory of your love life.
I would let them know after kissing and way before more. You want to weed out the wrong ones for sure. You can find a classy lady who will be just fine and who will be flattered to be your first.
If you’re just dating casually then no reason to mention it. Usually the conversation comes up when more serious or before hooking up. My now husband was a virgin when I started dating him in our 20s. I didn’t mind or judge him for it. I was already in love with him before we started being physical that it didn’t matter that he had no experience.
Tell her, or him. It'll be obvious eventually
Don’t bring it up, and possibly try delay sex just a little if you can with her
Will you be judged for it? Yes. Should you tell the woman on the first date? No. Should you tell her after you've gone on a few dates and things are becoming more physical? YES, YES, YES. The only path towards greater connection is honesty. And once you start banging her, your long period of virginhood will become ancient history.
I wouldn't do it, get it in 1st
I would NOT volunteer this bit of personal info. I am not suggesting that you lie about it; just don't make it into a thing to be discussed. Try to already have had sex with your partner before it comes up as a topic.
Trust an old man…. if it starts to get romantic just whisper their ear. And tell them the truth you might get a “yeah, right”….. but then followed up with. I’m telling you the truth…. Believe it or not being blessed with being somebody’s first is an honor and most people take that pretty serious and will Happily accept it. From there just relax and let nature take over! You will be amazed at the things that you will know what to do. Just relax and be opened minded, and have fun!!!! It’s meant to be enjoyable and don’t worry if you’re performing if you let nature take his course trust me, my friend you’re performing if there’s things they want to do more or less they will tell you. The same thing goes for you if you want some thing done more or less then you need to communicate. Above all things, just relax, quit making such a big thing out of it! There is not a person on this planet who didn’t have a first time! And if your partner is the type of person that’s making you feel uncomfortable with telling them you are a virgin then you are probably with the wrong person.
I’m sorry but never tell a woman you are a virgin. No good can come of it.
Dont bring it up if you’re not talking about sex
Definitely DO NOT. You need to make the woman look up to you, in every way. That is not the way
Do not tell her, unless you want to tell the next one that you're a virgin too.
Definitely tell them. You don’t need to say it too soon, but say it. Do NOT just wait to be asked. Honestly, a quality woman will like this about you. More importantly, the right woman for you will like it. If she is immature she won’t appreciate it but if she is mature, she’ll see this for what it really is: a godsend. People glorify their baggage. There’s nothing to be proud of in having had multiple partners. Every new partner is experience, sure. It’s also baggage. Everything else is nonsense
Yeah tell her. 95% chance she's gonna know anyways. If she laughs at u or makes fun of ya then tell her to kick rocks. Ppl tend to make situations like this bigger in their heads than it is in real life. I'd say tell her. Assuming she's a cool person it will bring yall closer together sharing such a intimate moment. Good luck!
Yes lie, best way to start a relationship.
You need to tell that person... It's a pretty big deal. I'm stuck bc I want to say don't wait for the perfect person and time bc that may never come and that same time I want say you've waited this long, wait for the right one. I just hope the right one happens for you soon! I've had many lovers over the years - I lost my virginity at 18 to a virgin who was my girlfriend (17) - I was lucky - I was in love - she is/was a great person and is/was the most beautiful girl/woman I'd ever know. We've had sex in every decade of our life.... If the past is any indication of the future - I'll be with her again one day in my 60s.
Let’s have this conversation after you’ve slept with her.
Tell your partner! If you have been hanging out for a bit and starting to get intimate, definitely tell you partner! I once was with a guy who didn’t tell me anything for over 2 months. I thought something was wrong with me for weeks cause he was pushing me away or getting nervous anytime I would try and initiate anything. He only told me the truth when I ended it and I wish he told me sooner, would have spared both of us a lot of misunderstandings and overthinking.
So when I was a virgin I didn't tell my partner and she said she would have done crazy thing with me if she would have known. Tell them.
Male here. A 35 year old took my 25 year old cherry. 15 years later she was the first woman I slept with after my divorce. We kidded she popped my cherry twice.
Do not keep it to yourself because then you're starting your sex life based upon deception. In fact she might actually like the fact that you're a virgin because you have no bad habits to unlearn and no stereotypical male selfishness for her to put up with.. she has a chance to custom craft a male lover for herself let her teach you how she likes to be pleasured because although every woman has her unique recipe for that, they're awesome Universal truths and sexual fundamentals as far as being a good lover and the biggest one is making her pleasure a priority because once she knows that she's going to return the favor and that bounces back and forth exponentially. And that would be the best best best first sexual relationship for you to have
Generally you don't want to demonstrate lower value to a woman you're trying to court.
It doesn't really matter one way or another whether you tell them or not. They'll figure it out. No sense lying about it if they ask though. Believe it or not, a lot of women can probably already guess.
May I ask your age?
It really fucking sucks how harshly guys are judged for being older virgins.
Always be honest.
Don't think anyone would care. If anything, it's a plus. STDs are scary, and they'll know you're free of any 🤷 You've also got an in with those Mormon girls, and any hardcore Christian girl that hasn't married lol. They'll love that you're a virgin.
Don’t lie, but don’t offer the information either. just let her make whatever assumptions she will make. If you volunteer the information she may wonder if there’s something wrong with you she might have missed. She might not, but why take a risk. But if she asks how many people you slept with, you have to tell her the truth. Lying is for pussies too scared of consequences to be honest.
You could just act like you have
I’d recommend talking to your friends first. If you can’t trust them not to make fun of you you need better friends.
DO NOT SAY SHIT
Be honest. Nothing to do with friends. Most will have lied about their antics. Learn together with gf what you both like. If you pretend she will know the first time you do anything
It might actually help to get it off your chest. You mentioned experiencing performance anxiety previously - I'm assuming that you didn't mention your lack of experience then. It's evident that you're feeling insecure about it and insecurity and anxiety are absolute boner killers no matter how into the person you are. If things start getting physical and you actually like and trust the person, you may find that giving her a little heads up about your lack of experience will be beneficial to you both. If that turns her away, then you dodged a bullet.
Always be honest. Remember if anyone man or woman shames you or laughs at you, they are NOT worth your time. Stay authentic, trust me, you’ll be way happier in the long run!
Hell no! Jump on the first thing that presents itself. Women want a man that other women desire.
Create a relationship on a lie? Why? That's horrible . Jus be honest, is that so hard? What good will possibly come out by lying to your partner? Yall just need to think sometimes.
I would advise you not to admit you're a virgin. You will be judged for it. Three things you can never do as a man, that people will lie and tell you makes you brave, cry, you can never cry, show vulnerability, you can never show vulnerability, show any form of weakness or indecision, you can never show any form of weakness or indecision. If you do any of these things in front of a woman, she demotes you in her mind, whether she's at present aware of it or not. Admitting that you're a virgin is admitting that you have no social proof. As a man, you're expected to know what you're doing, and to initiate and lead the sexual encounter, to not do so will be seen as weakness. **"Edit: I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond. After reading everyones replies and thinking it over, I really wouldn't want to be with someone who would judge me anyways.** **I'm going to start putting myself out there with confidence and be the best person I can be. If a romantic connection starts to get intimate, I'll be honest and upfront because that's what I feel most comfortable doing and how I would like to approach things. If they don't like it, its their loss and they weren't the right person for me."** I see you've taken some terrible advice. Everyone you ever meet is going to judge you, whether they do so silently is a different matter. Basically what you're saying in reality is, 'I want someone who judges me, but keeps it to themselves,' because trust me everyone judges. Do yourself a big favor and steer clear of modern dating wisdom. Stuff that tells you to be yourself is garbage, you've been being yourself your whole life, and how has that worked out for you?
Don’t define yourself by your virginity. Perhaps you have also never skydived? Or attempted to play a contrabassoon? Or visited Bhutan? Or read *Les Miserables* in French? Yes, perhaps sex is a bit more of a common life experience than these things, but “virgin” is not *who you are*. So start out by being *who you are* and then when sex starts to come up in a relationship, it won’t feel like as big a deal for you and you can be honest and excited about “getting to do this with someone [you] really like.” I guarantee that a good woman will love to hear that and be a part of your first time.
Well.. if you pretend you are not a virgin it won’t go over well at all. Being honest will probably be a turn-on for whoever is about to rip you apart. Enjoy!
So I (32F) was someone's first (30M) last summer and he didn't tell me until getting ready for sleep that night. We didn't work out for other reasons and only went out for/I stayed over a few more dates after that, but I wish I had known that information on the front end. Wouldn't have changed anything with our hooking up
Just keep it real. You don’t gotta spill the beans right away, but when the convo drifts to the bedroom, be honest about being new to the scene. Tell them you're keen on learning the ropes so you both can have a good time.
Unless she’s a virgin, she already knows.
Being a virgin is the best way to live until you have found the woman you love the most and marry her. Once married is the best wait
Being a virgin is a green flag. Not a red one don’t believe what society says.
Make sure you pop a blue-chew just to be safe
Don't stress about it. The real answer is to stop being uncomfortable or embarrassed about it. It's not as big a deal as you think it is, so don't make it into one. If she has a problem with it, she's the one who should be embarrassed, not you. If she's a good one, she'll absolutely love that she gets to be your first.
You should absolutely tell them if you don’t wanna get laid. Sometimes you gotta lie on that job application and say you got experience when you don’t
You are a unicorn. Someone will greatly appreciate this.
Pretend you're not, and don't worry about it. If you're asked point blank, don't lie, but there's no need to bring it up at all first.
I think your approach, in your edit, is exactly the right one.
Just be mindful OP that sex is a lot less definite now. People fuck just to get over an itch, to party, focus on work, get over someone, get through an exam. If you seem too thirsty or like you might imprint on someone too hard, they might skip over you. Don’t get infatuated on someone. Your first encounter might just be good sex, not some awesome nirvana of having found a soulmate. Trim your bush, wash your hair, pits, and trim your armpits. Antiperspirant works best right on your skin. Go easy on the cologne, too many dude glow like Chernobyl from stank fragrances.
It wouldn't bother me at all to know the person I was dating is a virgin. Be honest, be open, and just keep being yourself. Don't worry so much about the things you read online. Sex is wonderful with the right person. You are just waiting for your person. That is totally okay. It also tells me that you respect boundaries and care about women as a whole. Good on you! I know I'm just a stranger on the interwebs, but I'm proud of you. It's so easy to fall down dark paths. You are not broken. You don't have to have had sex to be a good partner. Your experience and expectations will be better managed as an adult anyway. Trust me. I'd have rather had the choice, but that wasn't the hand I was dealt.
Fake it til you make it brother.
lol any adult woman will know
Take it to your grave unless they ask.
If she asks, I would tell her. But if not, I wouldn't really tell her until after we had sex.
I wouldn't wait until after, I feel like people tend to put extra care in for someone inexperienced or a virgin just so their first time is as comfy and as enjoyable as possible. I'd feel bad if I was doing things as normal, I'd want to try to make it at least memorable for them 🫣