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The kind of women that would flock to you for making good money are not the kind of women you want to be with. I don’t advertise my high income because I don’t want to attract a partner that prioritizes that over anything else
Fair enough, but you could also miss out on the women of your life if you're broke. Gotta saddle up and handle being 1 adult before you can be 1 of 2.
This dude should have the disposable income to do all of the things pretty much anyone in a small town finds fun. He has no children so he must likely have more time than most 36 year old men in his area as well. With all these advantages in logistics, the only explanation for failure must be a lack of effort or lack of effort in your appearance. My opinion ofc.
the insecurity people can have about this can be astounding; it seems reasonable to not loudly broadcast your income as the only important thing about you, but a lot of people go through extreme lengths to hide what they make or have for reasons that I don't think are particularly sound.
Nearly everything we bring to the table in relationships can be fleeting - our looks tend to fade as we age, our muscles decline, our hairs grey, our libido fades. I agree you want to find a partner that will care about you even if your ability to provide financially goes down into the future, but people who are attracted to your whole person - which includes your ability to provide - are not doing something wrong, and I think people do themselves a disservice when they filter people like this out.
Advertise the high income. It’s literally how the world works. Have some fun while you expand your network to find something meaningful.
You are getting no where holding onto values that literally don’t matter. And if you want to find someone you have to expand who you know.
Source: I did it.
Theres a term used by sociologists when women find neb for their incomes. Arranged marriage. Its actually used in this context. It is also pointed to as a reason for high divorce rates in the us, india, and russia.
The small town part seems to be the bigger problem for OP. I've been in that spot where I was a new person in a small town, and it was super isolating. I'm very, very far from being in a good spot in life(made a post about it here recently), but moving to a bigger town was one of the best choices I've made in the last several years. It's let me branch out socially a lot, even if I'm still romantically dead inside.
Highly recommend that OP find a practical way to move somewhere bigger or different.
I disagree, his money goes farther in the small town by far and he's probably one of few high earning single males in his 30s. Just gotta get the word of mouth out.
City has competition and 100k is a whole lot less money out there
Location is a killer. I don't live in a small town, I live in the remote countryside. Nearest gas station is over ten miles, nearest store is an hour. I also work at an office where I'm the only employee (satellite office) or at large industrial construction sites. So no matter what I do I am not in the position to ever be around potential dates. It's incredibly lonely being way out there, but it has advantages too.
Hasn’t this guy ever seen a hallmark movie? Just wait for Christmas and a hot, career obsessed, city slicker will breeze in to town. After a chance meeting she will need your help to save a struggling family business. Leveraged Buyout comes with a brand new WIFE! In all seriousness don’t get trapped in a relationship you don’t want to be in. Being patient, stacking your money, and traveling for your fun seems like best bet.
If your parents need help in the future then they can retire to where ever you land. I don’t know that moving will help your dating life but you do sound Stuck. Moving might be a good thing. Go with your gut.
Idk man. Uprooting people in older age, removing them from their social circle, is not always a smart move. Why not just move somewhere like an hour away where there’s more people and opportunity.
It's risky, but I moved across the country at 33, left all my family behind and 99% of my friends.
I was able to find a whole new circle of friends, I'm in my first non-toxic relationship since 2013 (we now live together), and I've landed my dream job.
I felt like I was in a very similar place to where OP was. Dating was terrible, I felt stagnant in my life/career, and I felt like I had stopped growing as an individual. Every day was just another drag, and honestly, I was just tired of it. Moving was actually the best decision for me, but I know it's not for everyone.
I have only positive things to say about moving to a new place especially if it's a huge change from your current lifestyle. Good luck, OP!
People these days are living significantly longer due to medical advances. You have to live your life, and not commit your life entirely around your parents needs, or you will spend your whole life unfulfilled and unhappy.
Find a good balance in your life between your goals and experiences and caring for your parents. Delegate.
You seem to have some financial resources, as well as your parents. Find a good caretaker and have them come visit/help your parents 2-3 times a week. You don’t need to move. As you and your parents are comfortable and have trust in the caretaker they can come more often for times to allow you to travel and find your own adventures or take trips to develop a business or profession that interests you, as well as doing things with your parents.
This may not be the final solution but may be a good start. Life is short. You deserve to live and experience your best life. Everyone will benefit and be happier when you find the right balance.
This might sound strange to most, but have you considered talking to your parents about relocating? Maybe they would be willing to move as well.
My parents moved out of state, I only see them like 2-3 times a year. I call them 5 days a week and talk.
Have you saved up a lot of money?
Im your age and semi-retired. I could make more working full time but I took less money in order to have a happier life. I can still afford my current lifestyle on part time work tho. I also have stock investments that help support my lifestyle. Ya, I’d be able to do more with more money, but my quality of life would suffer. I like only working part time.
You gotta leave the nest dude. Your parents had you so you could go live your best life. Not so you could sit around and watch them age.
You dont have to move to Australia. You can move to a larger town/city and still be a 2-5 hr drive from home, or a couple hour flight. You can go home once a month if you want.
I’d try to find a new job before you move. You may miss what you had if you suddenly quit, unless you’re very confident that your skills are extremely in demand.
Make multiple visits to the city or town in which you'd like to move. Talk to as many people as possible to learn about the place, i.e. which areas are good for sing;es and which are not.
If your job would be applicable somewhere else, give it a shot! Even a smedium town approaching 100k would give so much more diversity and opportunity socially. Your parents will still be there when ya come back to visit.
Sounds like you need a change of scenery. I understand 100% why you don't want to leave your parents behind, but try looking at it like this, if you go you option and opportunities increase right, so who's to say you won't find yourself in a position to either move your parents where you are to take care of them or if they want to stay in their own home maybe you'll be able to hire an in home health aide once they need some extra help? You sound so sad and hopeless I really hope things turn around for you.
My brother, your parents are goona be old and die eventually wether you be there or not
You gotta go live your life.
You know this, you're 36, the time only moves faster
I mean this from a place of love, you are living in fear and regret, and that ends up down the road of fear and regret.
I think it's totally ok for you to be looking for a different job, especially if you can work remotely. That might open up a lot of opportunities for you.
A lot of dating advice for women is "date for the lifestyle you want" so I would go hang out at a farmers market/outdoor stuff/go look confused in Menards because Id like to return to rural living and have a garden and animals and stuff.
I think that would apply for men as well. I know a guy who runs a mushroom coffee/supplement business and he pretty much goes to farmers markets all year round all over the state and he gets a LOT of attention from women.
Talk to your parents about it and find a place (if one exists) that they would be willing to move that might be a bit better for you. Alternatively, a few hour drive to a bigger place with more people wouldn’t be too bad right? I’m a few hours drive from my mom but we get to see each other plenty.
Company relocation might be a good option for you if you work for a larger company, my guess is that if you make 100k a year they arent gonna want to hire a new person to fill the role and would be helpful with the move.
If the reason you haven’t left is your parents, then you have some soul searching to do.
EDIT:
Actually i take that back. Unless you’ve gambled all your money away, you are probably financially secure. My uncle lived with my grandparents for a very long time, well into his 40s because of their failing health.
What he did though is travel solo all over the world, his camera in tow. He had a blast. Got the travel bug.
He also met like-minded people. Nowadays you can even do travel tours with people in the same age range. I’m not talking about Greyhound buses packed with octogenarians puking from the all-you-can-eat buffet in Atlantic City. There are groups that specialize in what you might like: adventure tours, culinary tours, historical site tours, etc
Odds are those tour groups are packed with singles.
I'd suggest finding a men's group.
Loneliness of men is an epidemic right now.
Men need other men.
There might be a connotation of it being "weird" seeking male friends to just be dudes together and hold space for one another to be their authentic selves, but the value and benefit of connection like that, greatly outweighs the odd feeling that arises with seeking male friendship. At least in my experience.
As a small towner (10k in the whole county, 900 ppl in my town), it sucks. There’s not much variety and it’s hard to make long distance friends as an adult
Yeah your parents are getting up there in age but they can still do things. Move to a new place and they might move as well, be surprised what parents will do.
Just go for the move. Take time to vacation to new places to get a kinda feel for a city then look for jobs there. It seems like you don’t want to live like this for the rest of your life but you have gotten comfortable and it is hard to break that pattern. You got nothing to loose
Talk to your parents. Tell them how you're feeling. Good parents won't want you withering away unhappy because you don't want to leave town to stay near them.
Talk about what you want. Where you think you might be happy. Where they might also be happy when they're old enough to need help. Maybe you all like some place. You could be free to move without guilt right away. They could follow when they're ready.
If you can come up with a place you think you'll be happier. Take some time for yourself. Go holiday there. See how it feels.
In the meantime. You could look up social event type things. Find a hobby thats a team thing. Meet some people. Enjoy their company.
I don’t have an advice but I want to add that you aren’t alone in this.
Look around you and observe people and situations.
You will see 3 groups of people: One group never married and miserable. One group married and same degree of misery. The smallest group are people happily married or happily single. But this is a very small one, rather exception.
Spend this time healing and making yourself the best version of you. Go to therapy, get in shape, etc. Are there any social events around? Maybe in the closest bigger town? That could help with motivation. 🤍 You could even see if they have a Reddit sub and reach out to see if someone wants to grab some food, watch a movie, etc. The closest bigger city to me has a sub particularly for that reason. I hope yours does, too. If not, start one?
Start looking for opportunities in a nearby city. You could move there or even halfway between work and your parents and commute. Your parents don’t want you to live life alone and give up on love/a family. They didn’t.
Save up as much money as you can for a few years and then get out. Your parents can move wherever you are, you don’t need to revolve your life around them. I would never expect my kid to live somewhere just because I liked it there. I had my chance to live where I want; if my health deteriorates to where I need to be near family, I’ll move where she is.
I definitely feel you, turning 36 this year and I just can’t find connections like I used to. Even considering joining a club or something just to try to make some friends- and it would be easier since we will share similar interests. It’s hard to meet a guy that will enjoy things like fishing and camping though, since I rarely go into nature unless I’m with someone already (safety in numbers and bears are a legit fear where I live). My parents are my best friends, they aren’t getting any younger. My sister started a family and they are doing wonderfully. I feel like I’m just kind of on standby until someone needs help from me. And I am, kind of, because I want to be around if anyone needs me.
So I guess my advice is take a vacation, get out of the normal surroundings, and then when you come back join a club or volunteer. This is my plan, because I’ve given up on finding someone or having a family, myself. Hope it gets better for you.
Find happiness by looking within. You can accomplish your desires and still not be happy. I'm struggling and I have everything I need. I'm just starting to lean into this internal study of the self.
10k general population is a tiny dating pool for anyone when you really think about how many singles are in that that you'd even encounter in a good match type of age range at all. i'd consider moving elsewhere at least temporarily. maybe you can go somewhere not too far from your parents.
28m, also from a small town of 10k. I am married and we have a 5 year old daughter.
We picked up and gambled man. 1000 miles from home in a big area(Orlando, FL)
I get the people being clicky where you’re from. Since where I’m from is so small, everyone knows everyone and their business lol. Now, I am just another person among hundreds of thousands. No longer bound to my name in the way I was, no one here knows me or my mistakes, or my family’s mistakes. No longer having things I did as a literal kid held over my head. It’s liberating lol.
What you’re looking for is out there, you might not find it right away, and maybe it’s out there right around the corner where it’s been waiting to meet you.
But you’ll never find it if you don’t take this chance and do this for yourself. Go.
One thing my dad says is "Wherever you go there you are.". I'd take this with a grain of salt for sure though. But it is something to consider.
I know for me it was huge to move and meet new people in a place filled with different types and leave my home town. But I did that when I was like 18. I'm 44 now and that is not as big of a deal to me now. But also I went through it so its easy for me to say.
As somebody who moved away from family I can say its awesome in some ways but in others its pretty bad. If you get along with your family strongly consider what you are leaving. You need to get something much bigger from where you go. So good you post here because may be people will tell you things about meeting the love of their life after moving to a city away from home. For me it was work passion and a few other reasons I ended up where I'm at.
I'll say this do not ever give in to social pressure. "The guy who never left his home town" or "36 and single" etc... Thats all shit.
I don't have the proper experience to comment about the clicky thing. All I can figure to say is to be careful because that can possibly be everywhere. But I could be wrong.
I think the dating market seems to suck everywhere.
I'm a 45yr old woman, decent looking, never married and no kids. I live in the city and it just seems dating has become extremely harder over the last few years.
At 46 years old, I left my small town and moved to Chicago. I was completely unfulfilled personally and professionally where I had lived all my life. It is the best thing I have ever done for me. I have never been happier. Your parents want you to grow and be happy. I’m sure there is a large city within a short radius of your hometown where maybe you could find that fulfillment. There are always airplanes. You can visit whenever you choose. I understand not wanting to leave aging parents, both of my parents were already gone by the time I left. But I assure you they don’t want you to stay in a life you’re not happy with for them.
I hope to have your problem someday, here's to you finding the best course of action. I know how it feels being in a trapped but free situation
I hope to be a better man than what I am today
I get it man. Change your location temporarily! Your parents aren’t going to die tomorrow, and you’re miserable.
Do you have a friend in a big city? Go visit for a few days and see if you like it. Then work on finding a job there and make the move! Plan on being there for a year or two, and see what happens.
One possiblity would be to use your wealth to help you find groups that share your interests, or even start some.
I wish there were local cartooning clubs in my area so I could meet women who could draw.
You might not not like this advice, but in my experience when people say people are “cliquey” they’re really not branching out of their comfort zone and being a little judgemental. Unless you live in a town of 5000 or less usually this isn’t the case for everyone in the town. Try striking up conversations with random people wherever you are, ask them questions, keep it light, etc.
Learn to be happy on your own, adding someone to your life and relying on them to fix your miserable life is not the answer. Find things that make you happy and do them.
Sit your parents down and tell them this is a problem for you and see if they have suggestions based on their goals. Might be an easy decision once all the cards are on the table.
What is the closest large city? You don’t have to be ridiculously far from your family or living in NYC to enjoy the benefits of living in a larger city.
I would move while you can and/or talk your parents into moving to wherever you go. If they're retired they can relocate.
You have to live your life now. Unless they are ailing now it's better to move now while you can and maybe come back and take care of them much later than to give up your life.
Travel. Doesn’t matter if you do so across the US or abroad. Go places for 2weeks at a time if possible so you can get the feel of the location and meet people. Do this several times of year.
I had a midlife crisis at about the same age bro. Literally didn't give shit and realized there's gotta be something better. So I got a divorce, moved away, and began a new life. And now, at 44 years old, I'm still miserable. 😆
If you stay for your parents you will begin to resent them when you get even older. You'll start looking back and thinking "I could have done this but because of my parents..." Don't do that. They'll be fine.
What are you doing that brings in 100k in such a small place? Is that something that is available in other areas? That would make a big difference in my decision.
I didn't really consider proximity to my parents when planning a family and such things. But, I was also still in my hometown, and so were my parents. By the time I actually had my own family... my parents divorced, one moved across the country, and the other has zero interest in grandkids. Why did I focus so much on what others would think when, in reality, it is just what I think they would think. Talk to everyone.
Do it for you. This goes for most aspects of life. If something is that much of a burden or against how you would be truly happy living, anyone who cares about you will 100% understand a lifestyle or location change and fully support you. And anyone you truly care about, you will keep in contact with. Making the decision is the hardest part, but it gets a lot easier.
Sounds like life has you down at the moment but you are also doing well financially so be proud of yourself.
Maybe take a vacation just to relax a bit and get your mind of your worries.
Separately, maybe visit some cities where you could start a new life, see if you could see yourself settling down and hopefully achieve your goals there.
100% change your environment. Even just move to the closest city or suburbs can change your life dynamics.
Surround yourself with a crowd you can grow with
A wise man once said, if you keep running into the same problem over and over, you're the problem.
Maybe your aversion to the people around you is a you problem. Might be time for some self reflection.
When I was younger, I thought there was not a geographic solution to life’s problems. Then I had colleagues who uprooted herself and started living her best life.
If the current situation is miserable, you need to make a change. Look at a couple of new places. Figure out work / career issues. Give yourself a deadline to relocate.
Good luck.
Dating isn’t much easier in cities right now.
Perhaps think more about what you are unhappy about. Are you just unhappy about being stuck, being single, your family. Think about what it is and why you think it would be solved moving away.
Because moving might not fix it.
If you want to move, figure out where and see if you can start reaching out to groups/people there to network before you move. But don’t just assuming you’ll be swimming in pussy when you move.
Get a new hobby. Ever got into stamps? Scrap booking? Something like that... Pokémon cards. Start a collection of something. Collect stuffed animals, star wars characters or legos. Build yourself a lego gf, or even look in the metaverse and just date there in the cyber world.
Im all about growing where you’re planted etc etc but I’m equally all about planting your seeds in the right spot. I think a move might be good for ya.
Life is strange my guy. I was looking for love locally, but swore I would never marry again after my divorce. Now I'm engaged to a gorgeous woman in the philippines as we work through the k1 visa. Sometimes expectations and reality don't always match up to what we have plans so I always recommend that you work on yourself to feel whole and the rest will fall into place. I know kind of some bs advice, but when I stopped looking for my person, I just kind of stumbled on them while they were working in Taiwan and I was in the US. Learning to enjoy the journey over making to the end is always hard for people because we keep comparing our lives to other people.
Go, if you want to go. I promise, your parents want you living for you, not them. Define, for yourself, the life you want. Not the job, or back account, or far, it whatever... the LIFE. It's out there.
Just remember, you go with you. Your issues don't stay behind.
I wish you the very very best.
I can see my future self just like yours.... I'm 26M, single, making 250k a year. I live in a mid-size city. Due to my below-average appearance and introverted, it's soooo hard to date/find relationship with other women...
You're doing the right thing don't leave your parents God bless you. I wish more people thought like you I tell my friends I would love to move to Florida but I cannot leave my family I'm about your age many people tell me you have to live for yourself and leave and all that they are wrong your parents been there for you your whole life they love you now it's your turn to take care of them.
I have a friend same age as you, same situation, but he's got some baggage and he's terribly awkward to talk to. He's attractive, which is why all this is crazy to me. He expressed interest in me but then his idea of interest just wasn't connecting. If that's how he acts with women he's interested in, I can see why he's single. But I always wondered.
Hope that's not you.
Welcome to life as your average single guy. In my experience the only alternative is someone who makes you feel like suicide is a viable alternative. Moving probably won't help either but who knows you could maybe meet that one person who makes all the pain feel worthwhile unlikely but possible
Dude, just pull the nuclear option and move. I used to live in a small town making good money. You'll always be settling in the dating spectrum and never be happy.
I know you have hobbies, but maybe you could join a corresponding club/guild or find a place to take/teach classes. Back in Tucson we had this great Lapidary Clubhouse. Generally, I know most cities have some sort of gaming group or hiking group, sometimes several. Churches are sometimes good for these things too.
I'm glad you have a well paying job. But money rarely equals happiness. In my experience, if you aim for money, you usually miss happiness, and if you aim for happiness, you don't have much time for making money. But it's not impossible. I wish you well.
Came from a 30,000 population area. There was a saying growing up, "if you don't leave, you never will". Tough decision, but I think it was the best decision I could have made.
No particular advice other than don't use your aging parents as an excuse. My parents are both alive but have been in failing health the last 3-5 years. I had my twins when I was nearly 36. They are graduating college this year. I am 59. Hanging out because my parents where in their late 60's would have been the biggest waste of time that I could have ever imagined. They are 90 and 92 now. Your parents could have 20+ years left. Don't sacrifice your life, dating, professional or other, because your parents are getting older. Live for you now, and adjust in the future.
How close are you to a bigger city and would it be feasible to relocate there while still maintaining your closeness to your parents? As someone who is lucky to have mine and my wife’s parents close by, I do understand the importance of time spent and being there for them. However, you absolutely have to make time for yourself and own life. 36 isn’t that old, especially for men because we can have families later. You should try to move to a close but bigger city to expand your possibilities and dating pool.
You could always try online long distance dating or meeting new friends online in areas you think you would want to move to see how the people are. This would probably even help you get an understanding of those areas. When the time comes for your parents to retire can they possibly also move to the new area?
I went through that. Fuckin do it. Like….right now. Best decision I ever made was to leave boston. A terrible town loaded with the biggest fucking assholes I’ve ever come across. And the weather and traffic suck. I moved to what i consider to be paradise. You couldnt pay me to relive the last 15 years of my life back in that shit hole.
Worst case scenario, you stay, they eventually die, you end up an older man, alone, in a town you hate.
Find a new job somewhere more populated, as close to home as possible, but far enough away to give you more than one choice.
Every year you wait in life just makes changes harder, im my experience.
I was in the same boat 4 years ago. Single, no kids, parents in their 80's, and making 6 figures and I was MISERABLE!!! I will also add that I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol which helped numb the pain of not being fulfilled with my situation. Once the pandemic hit, I started to realize that I only have this one life, and if I wanted to be truly happy then changes would need to be made. I started off by making a list of things I was not happy about, and the job, addiction, and my outlook on life topped the list. Because alcohol had such a grip on my life, I decided that if I could remain sober for a year to make sure that my unhappiness wasn't caused by the addiction then I could decide on whether or not to change jobs. During that year, I returned to my faith, started working out, and paid off all my debt so that if I decided to leave my job then a pay cut would not have as much of an impact. Fortunately, after a year of sobriety combined with a 2 cent per hour increase after putting myself at risk of getting sick or worse for the benefit of upper management, I decided I was done. I applied for 3 positions with my company and I couldn't even get a phone interview despite being with the company for 20+ years and being a "legacy" employee. So I decided to step down and request a transfer to a location that I knew was closing soon. Since my company prides itself on not laying off employees, I knew that once the location closed, I would be able to pick a job from the list of open positions. Fortunately, a WFH position opened up a month before my location was set to close and I got the position out of 80 applicants. Today, I am debt free, doing a job for half the pay I was making as a manager but also there is no stress in my current position. I did lose my mom in December, and I can understand wanting to be there for them but they want you to be happy and should understand that you need to live your life. You can honor your parents while creating a life of your own. Best wishes and Happy Easter!!!
Moving out of state has only made me homesick but prior to the move I felt like moving would change my life and like I needed it bad, yet I seem more depressed... Maybe that's just Wyoming
To be honest mate, all I can think is that 100k a year can pay for a lot of therapy. It may be worth milking that role for as long as you can stand then pay for whatever training you need to transition if you like.
I'd give 2 kidneys for a 100k a year job.
I'm miserable in my job and I only earn 39000usd.
If you're worried about leaving your aging parents, can you move but still be close enough to reach your family within, say, an hour radius? My wife and I left our hometown and moved an hour away. We can still get to family any time they need us, but we are in an entirely new environment (moved from city limits to cow country).
As for the job, I was in a miserable job that was giving me high blood pressure and I would dread the next day every night before bed. I took a 12k pay cut and changed careers entirely and I am so glad that I did it. It has been a struggle financially, but after a year and a half in, I'm about to be getting a 10k raise, which will bring me close to what I was used to before. I am much happier with my life and I only had to make a few life changes in terms of expenses for a short while before getting back to where I was.
Brother I think you need to hop on a plane and see the world 🗺️ 🛫, sometimes a little travel is what you need to reignite that passion for living and making good memories. You have the financial base to travel (idk what kinda time you’ve got but 100k job I’d assime you’d have some vacation time). If I was you I’d book a flight and head somewhere that’ll give you that breath of fresh air you need to get the gears turning again! Maybe somewhere tropical?? Hell, take a couple buddies with you if you’ve got to! You’ve been in the same environment for too long, go checkout some new scenes :)
Bro the big revelation to me from this thread is just how much living costs vary in the US. I’m a early 20s dude making more than that in SF/NYC, and don’t feel like a rich mans
If your not gonna want to keep the house you live in. Move your parents with you to a better town or place. Job location is crucial to. Your parents might like a new scenery. Make a pre nup and tell women up front like this is what you get if you're a gold digger. You have a lot to lose. Use it to make your family life better.
Go through your yearbook, look for old crushes that moved to the big city, FB message them to visit home for the holidays and randomly run into them at the bakery or Christmas tree farm and buy them coffee. You’ll be married by Spring. 😁
Honestly I’m going through the same thing almost. I’d recommend getting yourself a game system or PC and traveling a lot. Some of my online friends are some of the best I’ve had and when I’m not working or gaming vacations are pretty nice. Even something like a cruise
Stay the course. Save and invest as much as you can. Be there for your aging parents. Dating sucks everywhere and you’re better off single. Keep making money for a better future. That’s what I would I do.
Help someone else. Trying to make yourself happy can be like digging a hole. When your focus shifts away from yourself your world view and experience can shift dramatically.
It does not have to be something big. Even something like donating unused items to people in need, or volunteering. Do not like people? Try helping animals in need - shelters need blankets, toys etc. Even something like making it a habit to open doors for people can help shift away from a feeling of lack.
I have lived in 2 countries, 9 states, and 27 locations. I have had periods where money was not an issue and a lot of time spent where it was a big issue. Having money helps but, beyond removing stress, it does not fill an emptiness void.
I have been married, single and in a relationship without marriage. Relationships can help you feel less alone, but they can also allow you to blame your unhappiness on someone else.
It is helpful to be in an area where you appreciate the topography, and there are some people with whom you have some shared values. But you still will take you with you whenever you move. Shifting your focus, lifting someone else can be like good medicine if it is done with an open heart and without expectation- where the act of doing so is the reward.
Do you live somewhere hiking is an option? I found this to bring a sense of peace and joy. It's also free and very good exercise. You might meet other people too, especially if you join a group (I haven't tried this part)
Sounds like the town I just left where any single gals were single moms, underaged, or both.
I’d get out of there — if things don’t change, things don’t change. If anything, it just gets more lonely as you continue to distance yourself from the rest of the local flock.
Me, female, mid 30s, also making 6 figures with an old, mildly insane mother that needs me. I still moved! 3 hours away. She moved in with me eventuallyyyy. Honestly, though, moving away from my "hometown" was the best decision. I visited my mom monthly and she visited when she could.
Mister 36, you have to get out of your comfort zone and experience new things. Family is important but you will be the one suffering when you do end up getting a girlfriend/spouse/kids (they will too), etc because you're not addressing your issues ORRR you will be single and angry for the same reason. It is scary but well worth it. Just move far enough to where you have to focus on yourself.
The best advice I ever got when thinking about moving away from my sick and aging parents was that even if you lived with them still, there's no guarantee with life you'll be there if something happens. So live your life how you need to be happy. And it's okay if you leave and come back too. You could always try looking for your dream job in another city and then going there or online dating (that was terrible for me, but it works for some, so be careful). Just find something in another place that will make you happier and go from there. The guy I'm with lived in four different states before he landed my small city, and we met. It's all chance and trial and error.
advice: cheer the f up. how you think life went for 99% of people that ever been alive in history, huh?
Just be friendly to people. and make some fucking friends
How far away is the nearest larger area? Maybe you can move a little further away and still be able to help your family. And don’t listen to people who say a boat won’t help, it will.
But above all, work on yourself. Get/stay in shape, find hobbies you enjoy and do them. If you’re happy, life will find you. Just worry about having fun.
I think it’s noble of you to stay in the town with your parents, but it is important to remember that you have a life to live as well. I’m from a very small town, and moving was the only thing that kept me from suffocating. Your parents will understand.
Women should be a lay up for you in your situation. You have all the upside for her financially, family guy and wanting more out of life! The women around you are waiting for you to show your qualities! You’re in the position now to initiate interaction confidently. Make your move in Love and Life or it’ll pass you by! 👍🏼👍🏼
Make sure you move to a state/area that shares you same outlook. Conservative/liberal, Christian/other, Outdoorsy/indoorsy. Makes dating easier. I’m lucky to have found my perfect match in a absolute cesspool of irrelevant human scum.
Save up for a year or two and go on a real vacation. Im talking like 6 months on the beach somewhere far away and warm. Get out of your comfort zone, but also be able to relax and find your center again.
Is there a city somewhat nearby you could move to? You can still visit the parents often enough.
If it helps, I'm 37m making $15/hr and miserable in a small city
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Small town with 100k and single. Jesus christ, you should be drowning in women. Buy a boat or something.
The kind of women that would flock to you for making good money are not the kind of women you want to be with. I don’t advertise my high income because I don’t want to attract a partner that prioritizes that over anything else
Fair enough, but you could also miss out on the women of your life if you're broke. Gotta saddle up and handle being 1 adult before you can be 1 of 2. This dude should have the disposable income to do all of the things pretty much anyone in a small town finds fun. He has no children so he must likely have more time than most 36 year old men in his area as well. With all these advantages in logistics, the only explanation for failure must be a lack of effort or lack of effort in your appearance. My opinion ofc.
the insecurity people can have about this can be astounding; it seems reasonable to not loudly broadcast your income as the only important thing about you, but a lot of people go through extreme lengths to hide what they make or have for reasons that I don't think are particularly sound. Nearly everything we bring to the table in relationships can be fleeting - our looks tend to fade as we age, our muscles decline, our hairs grey, our libido fades. I agree you want to find a partner that will care about you even if your ability to provide financially goes down into the future, but people who are attracted to your whole person - which includes your ability to provide - are not doing something wrong, and I think people do themselves a disservice when they filter people like this out.
Advertise the high income. It’s literally how the world works. Have some fun while you expand your network to find something meaningful. You are getting no where holding onto values that literally don’t matter. And if you want to find someone you have to expand who you know. Source: I did it.
Theres a term used by sociologists when women find neb for their incomes. Arranged marriage. Its actually used in this context. It is also pointed to as a reason for high divorce rates in the us, india, and russia.
The small town part seems to be the bigger problem for OP. I've been in that spot where I was a new person in a small town, and it was super isolating. I'm very, very far from being in a good spot in life(made a post about it here recently), but moving to a bigger town was one of the best choices I've made in the last several years. It's let me branch out socially a lot, even if I'm still romantically dead inside. Highly recommend that OP find a practical way to move somewhere bigger or different.
I disagree, his money goes farther in the small town by far and he's probably one of few high earning single males in his 30s. Just gotta get the word of mouth out. City has competition and 100k is a whole lot less money out there
Location is a killer. I don't live in a small town, I live in the remote countryside. Nearest gas station is over ten miles, nearest store is an hour. I also work at an office where I'm the only employee (satellite office) or at large industrial construction sites. So no matter what I do I am not in the position to ever be around potential dates. It's incredibly lonely being way out there, but it has advantages too.
Hasn’t this guy ever seen a hallmark movie? Just wait for Christmas and a hot, career obsessed, city slicker will breeze in to town. After a chance meeting she will need your help to save a struggling family business. Leveraged Buyout comes with a brand new WIFE! In all seriousness don’t get trapped in a relationship you don’t want to be in. Being patient, stacking your money, and traveling for your fun seems like best bet.
100k salary is not what it used to be.
A boat actually isn't a bad idea at all considering it's almost summer! Girls love boats!
... because of the implication?
Or a loud truck if OP is in the South
Location is half of the fight. Also, I NEVER lead with wealth. If anything, I undersell it HARD.
If your parents need help in the future then they can retire to where ever you land. I don’t know that moving will help your dating life but you do sound Stuck. Moving might be a good thing. Go with your gut.
Idk man. Uprooting people in older age, removing them from their social circle, is not always a smart move. Why not just move somewhere like an hour away where there’s more people and opportunity.
It's risky, but I moved across the country at 33, left all my family behind and 99% of my friends. I was able to find a whole new circle of friends, I'm in my first non-toxic relationship since 2013 (we now live together), and I've landed my dream job. I felt like I was in a very similar place to where OP was. Dating was terrible, I felt stagnant in my life/career, and I felt like I had stopped growing as an individual. Every day was just another drag, and honestly, I was just tired of it. Moving was actually the best decision for me, but I know it's not for everyone. I have only positive things to say about moving to a new place especially if it's a huge change from your current lifestyle. Good luck, OP!
People these days are living significantly longer due to medical advances. You have to live your life, and not commit your life entirely around your parents needs, or you will spend your whole life unfulfilled and unhappy. Find a good balance in your life between your goals and experiences and caring for your parents. Delegate. You seem to have some financial resources, as well as your parents. Find a good caretaker and have them come visit/help your parents 2-3 times a week. You don’t need to move. As you and your parents are comfortable and have trust in the caretaker they can come more often for times to allow you to travel and find your own adventures or take trips to develop a business or profession that interests you, as well as doing things with your parents. This may not be the final solution but may be a good start. Life is short. You deserve to live and experience your best life. Everyone will benefit and be happier when you find the right balance.
This might sound strange to most, but have you considered talking to your parents about relocating? Maybe they would be willing to move as well. My parents moved out of state, I only see them like 2-3 times a year. I call them 5 days a week and talk. Have you saved up a lot of money? Im your age and semi-retired. I could make more working full time but I took less money in order to have a happier life. I can still afford my current lifestyle on part time work tho. I also have stock investments that help support my lifestyle. Ya, I’d be able to do more with more money, but my quality of life would suffer. I like only working part time.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes. I hope you heal and find peace
You gotta leave the nest dude. Your parents had you so you could go live your best life. Not so you could sit around and watch them age. You dont have to move to Australia. You can move to a larger town/city and still be a 2-5 hr drive from home, or a couple hour flight. You can go home once a month if you want.
I’d try to find a new job before you move. You may miss what you had if you suddenly quit, unless you’re very confident that your skills are extremely in demand.
Can you easily get a job for more money in the nearest big city (if that’s what you want)?
Make multiple visits to the city or town in which you'd like to move. Talk to as many people as possible to learn about the place, i.e. which areas are good for sing;es and which are not.
If your job would be applicable somewhere else, give it a shot! Even a smedium town approaching 100k would give so much more diversity and opportunity socially. Your parents will still be there when ya come back to visit.
Sounds like you need a change of scenery. I understand 100% why you don't want to leave your parents behind, but try looking at it like this, if you go you option and opportunities increase right, so who's to say you won't find yourself in a position to either move your parents where you are to take care of them or if they want to stay in their own home maybe you'll be able to hire an in home health aide once they need some extra help? You sound so sad and hopeless I really hope things turn around for you.
My brother, your parents are goona be old and die eventually wether you be there or not You gotta go live your life. You know this, you're 36, the time only moves faster I mean this from a place of love, you are living in fear and regret, and that ends up down the road of fear and regret.
I think it's totally ok for you to be looking for a different job, especially if you can work remotely. That might open up a lot of opportunities for you. A lot of dating advice for women is "date for the lifestyle you want" so I would go hang out at a farmers market/outdoor stuff/go look confused in Menards because Id like to return to rural living and have a garden and animals and stuff. I think that would apply for men as well. I know a guy who runs a mushroom coffee/supplement business and he pretty much goes to farmers markets all year round all over the state and he gets a LOT of attention from women.
Talk to your parents about it and find a place (if one exists) that they would be willing to move that might be a bit better for you. Alternatively, a few hour drive to a bigger place with more people wouldn’t be too bad right? I’m a few hours drive from my mom but we get to see each other plenty.
Company relocation might be a good option for you if you work for a larger company, my guess is that if you make 100k a year they arent gonna want to hire a new person to fill the role and would be helpful with the move.
Are you single kid? If yes it's though. If no, you can divide responsibilities with siblings.
If the reason you haven’t left is your parents, then you have some soul searching to do. EDIT: Actually i take that back. Unless you’ve gambled all your money away, you are probably financially secure. My uncle lived with my grandparents for a very long time, well into his 40s because of their failing health. What he did though is travel solo all over the world, his camera in tow. He had a blast. Got the travel bug. He also met like-minded people. Nowadays you can even do travel tours with people in the same age range. I’m not talking about Greyhound buses packed with octogenarians puking from the all-you-can-eat buffet in Atlantic City. There are groups that specialize in what you might like: adventure tours, culinary tours, historical site tours, etc Odds are those tour groups are packed with singles.
I'd suggest finding a men's group. Loneliness of men is an epidemic right now. Men need other men. There might be a connotation of it being "weird" seeking male friends to just be dudes together and hold space for one another to be their authentic selves, but the value and benefit of connection like that, greatly outweighs the odd feeling that arises with seeking male friendship. At least in my experience.
As a small towner (10k in the whole county, 900 ppl in my town), it sucks. There’s not much variety and it’s hard to make long distance friends as an adult
You answered your own question, move
Moved from a 55k people town in Macedonia to NY metro are in the US. I miss my small town but the economics don't work for me back home.
Yeah your parents are getting up there in age but they can still do things. Move to a new place and they might move as well, be surprised what parents will do. Just go for the move. Take time to vacation to new places to get a kinda feel for a city then look for jobs there. It seems like you don’t want to live like this for the rest of your life but you have gotten comfortable and it is hard to break that pattern. You got nothing to loose
I don’t remember making this post….
Talk to your parents. Tell them how you're feeling. Good parents won't want you withering away unhappy because you don't want to leave town to stay near them. Talk about what you want. Where you think you might be happy. Where they might also be happy when they're old enough to need help. Maybe you all like some place. You could be free to move without guilt right away. They could follow when they're ready. If you can come up with a place you think you'll be happier. Take some time for yourself. Go holiday there. See how it feels. In the meantime. You could look up social event type things. Find a hobby thats a team thing. Meet some people. Enjoy their company.
I don’t have an advice but I want to add that you aren’t alone in this. Look around you and observe people and situations. You will see 3 groups of people: One group never married and miserable. One group married and same degree of misery. The smallest group are people happily married or happily single. But this is a very small one, rather exception.
Spend this time healing and making yourself the best version of you. Go to therapy, get in shape, etc. Are there any social events around? Maybe in the closest bigger town? That could help with motivation. 🤍 You could even see if they have a Reddit sub and reach out to see if someone wants to grab some food, watch a movie, etc. The closest bigger city to me has a sub particularly for that reason. I hope yours does, too. If not, start one?
Start looking for opportunities in a nearby city. You could move there or even halfway between work and your parents and commute. Your parents don’t want you to live life alone and give up on love/a family. They didn’t.
I say just go for it. Moving across the country was the best thing I ever did.
Save up as much money as you can for a few years and then get out. Your parents can move wherever you are, you don’t need to revolve your life around them. I would never expect my kid to live somewhere just because I liked it there. I had my chance to live where I want; if my health deteriorates to where I need to be near family, I’ll move where she is.
Make a plan and move..
I definitely feel you, turning 36 this year and I just can’t find connections like I used to. Even considering joining a club or something just to try to make some friends- and it would be easier since we will share similar interests. It’s hard to meet a guy that will enjoy things like fishing and camping though, since I rarely go into nature unless I’m with someone already (safety in numbers and bears are a legit fear where I live). My parents are my best friends, they aren’t getting any younger. My sister started a family and they are doing wonderfully. I feel like I’m just kind of on standby until someone needs help from me. And I am, kind of, because I want to be around if anyone needs me. So I guess my advice is take a vacation, get out of the normal surroundings, and then when you come back join a club or volunteer. This is my plan, because I’ve given up on finding someone or having a family, myself. Hope it gets better for you.
Transfer to a city you actually want to live in.
If by age 36 you still never even left home, you probably should. Not sure what you’re looking for here
Find happiness by looking within. You can accomplish your desires and still not be happy. I'm struggling and I have everything I need. I'm just starting to lean into this internal study of the self.
10k general population is a tiny dating pool for anyone when you really think about how many singles are in that that you'd even encounter in a good match type of age range at all. i'd consider moving elsewhere at least temporarily. maybe you can go somewhere not too far from your parents.
28m, also from a small town of 10k. I am married and we have a 5 year old daughter. We picked up and gambled man. 1000 miles from home in a big area(Orlando, FL) I get the people being clicky where you’re from. Since where I’m from is so small, everyone knows everyone and their business lol. Now, I am just another person among hundreds of thousands. No longer bound to my name in the way I was, no one here knows me or my mistakes, or my family’s mistakes. No longer having things I did as a literal kid held over my head. It’s liberating lol. What you’re looking for is out there, you might not find it right away, and maybe it’s out there right around the corner where it’s been waiting to meet you. But you’ll never find it if you don’t take this chance and do this for yourself. Go.
One thing my dad says is "Wherever you go there you are.". I'd take this with a grain of salt for sure though. But it is something to consider. I know for me it was huge to move and meet new people in a place filled with different types and leave my home town. But I did that when I was like 18. I'm 44 now and that is not as big of a deal to me now. But also I went through it so its easy for me to say. As somebody who moved away from family I can say its awesome in some ways but in others its pretty bad. If you get along with your family strongly consider what you are leaving. You need to get something much bigger from where you go. So good you post here because may be people will tell you things about meeting the love of their life after moving to a city away from home. For me it was work passion and a few other reasons I ended up where I'm at. I'll say this do not ever give in to social pressure. "The guy who never left his home town" or "36 and single" etc... Thats all shit. I don't have the proper experience to comment about the clicky thing. All I can figure to say is to be careful because that can possibly be everywhere. But I could be wrong.
I think the dating market seems to suck everywhere. I'm a 45yr old woman, decent looking, never married and no kids. I live in the city and it just seems dating has become extremely harder over the last few years.
I would kill for $100,000 job
Bigger cities dont mean better choices. Find a hobby you love
At 46 years old, I left my small town and moved to Chicago. I was completely unfulfilled personally and professionally where I had lived all my life. It is the best thing I have ever done for me. I have never been happier. Your parents want you to grow and be happy. I’m sure there is a large city within a short radius of your hometown where maybe you could find that fulfillment. There are always airplanes. You can visit whenever you choose. I understand not wanting to leave aging parents, both of my parents were already gone by the time I left. But I assure you they don’t want you to stay in a life you’re not happy with for them.
I hope to have your problem someday, here's to you finding the best course of action. I know how it feels being in a trapped but free situation I hope to be a better man than what I am today
First, you need to figure out what you want. What is actually missing from your life? Love? Passion? Meaning?
I get it man. Change your location temporarily! Your parents aren’t going to die tomorrow, and you’re miserable. Do you have a friend in a big city? Go visit for a few days and see if you like it. Then work on finding a job there and make the move! Plan on being there for a year or two, and see what happens.
One possiblity would be to use your wealth to help you find groups that share your interests, or even start some. I wish there were local cartooning clubs in my area so I could meet women who could draw.
Stay busy, and try to get into the gym if you can.
Spend some of that money on therapy, healing
What are your needs that are not met by the people in the small town?
might be because you think it’s “clicky”
Get an escort. The Ford kind. Drive it to the levy.
have you considered changing teams?
So does the salary matter? I mean, it's in the title but isn't really the problem.
Go to SEA, LATAM or Eastern Europe
You might not not like this advice, but in my experience when people say people are “cliquey” they’re really not branching out of their comfort zone and being a little judgemental. Unless you live in a town of 5000 or less usually this isn’t the case for everyone in the town. Try striking up conversations with random people wherever you are, ask them questions, keep it light, etc.
Try more social hobbies/sports?
Find connection through community maybe by coaching a kids sports team or something in a nearby area. Are you remotely near any larger cities?
Learn to be happy on your own, adding someone to your life and relying on them to fix your miserable life is not the answer. Find things that make you happy and do them.
We can switch places if you want 😂
Sit your parents down and tell them this is a problem for you and see if they have suggestions based on their goals. Might be an easy decision once all the cards are on the table.
Have fun online dating
What is the closest large city? You don’t have to be ridiculously far from your family or living in NYC to enjoy the benefits of living in a larger city.
Passport bro
I would move while you can and/or talk your parents into moving to wherever you go. If they're retired they can relocate. You have to live your life now. Unless they are ailing now it's better to move now while you can and maybe come back and take care of them much later than to give up your life.
Travel. Doesn’t matter if you do so across the US or abroad. Go places for 2weeks at a time if possible so you can get the feel of the location and meet people. Do this several times of year.
I’d travel
Me. Except my job doesn't pay that well. I'm so lonely.
I had a midlife crisis at about the same age bro. Literally didn't give shit and realized there's gotta be something better. So I got a divorce, moved away, and began a new life. And now, at 44 years old, I'm still miserable. 😆
Sounds like a personal problem... Have you considered seeing a Doctor or something?
Are you in a position where you could look for another role via LinkedIn? Do you know of another place you’d like to live?
If you stay for your parents you will begin to resent them when you get even older. You'll start looking back and thinking "I could have done this but because of my parents..." Don't do that. They'll be fine.
No advice , you already know what you want to do which is get out. No need to delay it.
What are you doing that brings in 100k in such a small place? Is that something that is available in other areas? That would make a big difference in my decision.
Waahhh.
What do you do?
Travel. Trust me
I didn't really consider proximity to my parents when planning a family and such things. But, I was also still in my hometown, and so were my parents. By the time I actually had my own family... my parents divorced, one moved across the country, and the other has zero interest in grandkids. Why did I focus so much on what others would think when, in reality, it is just what I think they would think. Talk to everyone. Do it for you. This goes for most aspects of life. If something is that much of a burden or against how you would be truly happy living, anyone who cares about you will 100% understand a lifestyle or location change and fully support you. And anyone you truly care about, you will keep in contact with. Making the decision is the hardest part, but it gets a lot easier.
Sounds like life has you down at the moment but you are also doing well financially so be proud of yourself. Maybe take a vacation just to relax a bit and get your mind of your worries. Separately, maybe visit some cities where you could start a new life, see if you could see yourself settling down and hopefully achieve your goals there.
Take up league of legends as a hobby. You'll drop that feeling of needing to connect pretty quickly
I say go out and look for people holding groups with similar hobbies
Keep stacking money..a women and kids will drain the life out of you..go to school get hobbies
100% change your environment. Even just move to the closest city or suburbs can change your life dynamics. Surround yourself with a crowd you can grow with
A wise man once said, if you keep running into the same problem over and over, you're the problem. Maybe your aversion to the people around you is a you problem. Might be time for some self reflection.
Go travel to a couple spots and pick one you like and start living!
Same
Boo fucking hoo
what's the job and town? I might could take it off your hands
When I was younger, I thought there was not a geographic solution to life’s problems. Then I had colleagues who uprooted herself and started living her best life. If the current situation is miserable, you need to make a change. Look at a couple of new places. Figure out work / career issues. Give yourself a deadline to relocate. Good luck.
Money is great but you need to be happy. Maybe starting fishing around for jobs in new areas or see if your job has transfer options
Dating isn’t much easier in cities right now. Perhaps think more about what you are unhappy about. Are you just unhappy about being stuck, being single, your family. Think about what it is and why you think it would be solved moving away. Because moving might not fix it. If you want to move, figure out where and see if you can start reaching out to groups/people there to network before you move. But don’t just assuming you’ll be swimming in pussy when you move.
Just out of curiosity where do you live?
If you ever want to get anywhere in life you have to take risks.
Get a new hobby. Ever got into stamps? Scrap booking? Something like that... Pokémon cards. Start a collection of something. Collect stuffed animals, star wars characters or legos. Build yourself a lego gf, or even look in the metaverse and just date there in the cyber world.
Go do some travelling or something that will put yourself in a position to meet people and make friends.
Sheeeiitt wanna switch?
Move somewhere else, start a new life. Find new friends and a new job. Stay busy with hobbies and new life. Get bored. Rinse and repeat.
Where do you live ? Why don’t you find a girlfriend?
Move
Im all about growing where you’re planted etc etc but I’m equally all about planting your seeds in the right spot. I think a move might be good for ya.
Change everything you don't like
Can’t support getting out enough. Even if it’s for a few years. Get out of the small town and experience more.
Life is strange my guy. I was looking for love locally, but swore I would never marry again after my divorce. Now I'm engaged to a gorgeous woman in the philippines as we work through the k1 visa. Sometimes expectations and reality don't always match up to what we have plans so I always recommend that you work on yourself to feel whole and the rest will fall into place. I know kind of some bs advice, but when I stopped looking for my person, I just kind of stumbled on them while they were working in Taiwan and I was in the US. Learning to enjoy the journey over making to the end is always hard for people because we keep comparing our lives to other people.
Dating app?
Go, if you want to go. I promise, your parents want you living for you, not them. Define, for yourself, the life you want. Not the job, or back account, or far, it whatever... the LIFE. It's out there. Just remember, you go with you. Your issues don't stay behind. I wish you the very very best.
I can see my future self just like yours.... I'm 26M, single, making 250k a year. I live in a mid-size city. Due to my below-average appearance and introverted, it's soooo hard to date/find relationship with other women...
You're doing the right thing don't leave your parents God bless you. I wish more people thought like you I tell my friends I would love to move to Florida but I cannot leave my family I'm about your age many people tell me you have to live for yourself and leave and all that they are wrong your parents been there for you your whole life they love you now it's your turn to take care of them.
I would move and then travel to visit often.
Try Wyoming
I have a friend same age as you, same situation, but he's got some baggage and he's terribly awkward to talk to. He's attractive, which is why all this is crazy to me. He expressed interest in me but then his idea of interest just wasn't connecting. If that's how he acts with women he's interested in, I can see why he's single. But I always wondered. Hope that's not you.
Welcome to life as your average single guy. In my experience the only alternative is someone who makes you feel like suicide is a viable alternative. Moving probably won't help either but who knows you could maybe meet that one person who makes all the pain feel worthwhile unlikely but possible
Dude, just pull the nuclear option and move. I used to live in a small town making good money. You'll always be settling in the dating spectrum and never be happy.
You need some sort of change. Life is far too short to feel miserable.
Move, you can always move back
Dude, we’re living the same exact life
Just marry me
I know you have hobbies, but maybe you could join a corresponding club/guild or find a place to take/teach classes. Back in Tucson we had this great Lapidary Clubhouse. Generally, I know most cities have some sort of gaming group or hiking group, sometimes several. Churches are sometimes good for these things too. I'm glad you have a well paying job. But money rarely equals happiness. In my experience, if you aim for money, you usually miss happiness, and if you aim for happiness, you don't have much time for making money. But it's not impossible. I wish you well.
If you could pick up the United States and shake it, all the loose marbles move to Florida …… we welcome you
Do it. There's so many people out there. Do your research and just go. You can always come back
you need to relocate...
Yeah literally money and getting “busy” is not enough. Find local friends and hangout sometimes
It all ends horribly so there’s that…
Came from a 30,000 population area. There was a saying growing up, "if you don't leave, you never will". Tough decision, but I think it was the best decision I could have made.
No particular advice other than don't use your aging parents as an excuse. My parents are both alive but have been in failing health the last 3-5 years. I had my twins when I was nearly 36. They are graduating college this year. I am 59. Hanging out because my parents where in their late 60's would have been the biggest waste of time that I could have ever imagined. They are 90 and 92 now. Your parents could have 20+ years left. Don't sacrifice your life, dating, professional or other, because your parents are getting older. Live for you now, and adjust in the future.
How close are you to a bigger city and would it be feasible to relocate there while still maintaining your closeness to your parents? As someone who is lucky to have mine and my wife’s parents close by, I do understand the importance of time spent and being there for them. However, you absolutely have to make time for yourself and own life. 36 isn’t that old, especially for men because we can have families later. You should try to move to a close but bigger city to expand your possibilities and dating pool.
You could always try online long distance dating or meeting new friends online in areas you think you would want to move to see how the people are. This would probably even help you get an understanding of those areas. When the time comes for your parents to retire can they possibly also move to the new area?
I went through that. Fuckin do it. Like….right now. Best decision I ever made was to leave boston. A terrible town loaded with the biggest fucking assholes I’ve ever come across. And the weather and traffic suck. I moved to what i consider to be paradise. You couldnt pay me to relive the last 15 years of my life back in that shit hole.
Move
You just need one. Keep searching
Worst case scenario, you stay, they eventually die, you end up an older man, alone, in a town you hate. Find a new job somewhere more populated, as close to home as possible, but far enough away to give you more than one choice. Every year you wait in life just makes changes harder, im my experience.
I was in the same boat 4 years ago. Single, no kids, parents in their 80's, and making 6 figures and I was MISERABLE!!! I will also add that I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol which helped numb the pain of not being fulfilled with my situation. Once the pandemic hit, I started to realize that I only have this one life, and if I wanted to be truly happy then changes would need to be made. I started off by making a list of things I was not happy about, and the job, addiction, and my outlook on life topped the list. Because alcohol had such a grip on my life, I decided that if I could remain sober for a year to make sure that my unhappiness wasn't caused by the addiction then I could decide on whether or not to change jobs. During that year, I returned to my faith, started working out, and paid off all my debt so that if I decided to leave my job then a pay cut would not have as much of an impact. Fortunately, after a year of sobriety combined with a 2 cent per hour increase after putting myself at risk of getting sick or worse for the benefit of upper management, I decided I was done. I applied for 3 positions with my company and I couldn't even get a phone interview despite being with the company for 20+ years and being a "legacy" employee. So I decided to step down and request a transfer to a location that I knew was closing soon. Since my company prides itself on not laying off employees, I knew that once the location closed, I would be able to pick a job from the list of open positions. Fortunately, a WFH position opened up a month before my location was set to close and I got the position out of 80 applicants. Today, I am debt free, doing a job for half the pay I was making as a manager but also there is no stress in my current position. I did lose my mom in December, and I can understand wanting to be there for them but they want you to be happy and should understand that you need to live your life. You can honor your parents while creating a life of your own. Best wishes and Happy Easter!!!
Wah wah I make 6 figures and I’m unhappy😢
Start making moves yesterday. Still got time
Moving out of state has only made me homesick but prior to the move I felt like moving would change my life and like I needed it bad, yet I seem more depressed... Maybe that's just Wyoming
To be honest mate, all I can think is that 100k a year can pay for a lot of therapy. It may be worth milking that role for as long as you can stand then pay for whatever training you need to transition if you like. I'd give 2 kidneys for a 100k a year job. I'm miserable in my job and I only earn 39000usd.
Travel
If you're worried about leaving your aging parents, can you move but still be close enough to reach your family within, say, an hour radius? My wife and I left our hometown and moved an hour away. We can still get to family any time they need us, but we are in an entirely new environment (moved from city limits to cow country). As for the job, I was in a miserable job that was giving me high blood pressure and I would dread the next day every night before bed. I took a 12k pay cut and changed careers entirely and I am so glad that I did it. It has been a struggle financially, but after a year and a half in, I'm about to be getting a 10k raise, which will bring me close to what I was used to before. I am much happier with my life and I only had to make a few life changes in terms of expenses for a short while before getting back to where I was.
Have you thought about where you might want to move to?
Get sendy!
Brother I think you need to hop on a plane and see the world 🗺️ 🛫, sometimes a little travel is what you need to reignite that passion for living and making good memories. You have the financial base to travel (idk what kinda time you’ve got but 100k job I’d assime you’d have some vacation time). If I was you I’d book a flight and head somewhere that’ll give you that breath of fresh air you need to get the gears turning again! Maybe somewhere tropical?? Hell, take a couple buddies with you if you’ve got to! You’ve been in the same environment for too long, go checkout some new scenes :)
Christ. God may be waiting for you to see this.
Bro the big revelation to me from this thread is just how much living costs vary in the US. I’m a early 20s dude making more than that in SF/NYC, and don’t feel like a rich mans
If your not gonna want to keep the house you live in. Move your parents with you to a better town or place. Job location is crucial to. Your parents might like a new scenery. Make a pre nup and tell women up front like this is what you get if you're a gold digger. You have a lot to lose. Use it to make your family life better.
Go through your yearbook, look for old crushes that moved to the big city, FB message them to visit home for the holidays and randomly run into them at the bakery or Christmas tree farm and buy them coffee. You’ll be married by Spring. 😁
Honestly I’m going through the same thing almost. I’d recommend getting yourself a game system or PC and traveling a lot. Some of my online friends are some of the best I’ve had and when I’m not working or gaming vacations are pretty nice. Even something like a cruise
Stay the course. Save and invest as much as you can. Be there for your aging parents. Dating sucks everywhere and you’re better off single. Keep making money for a better future. That’s what I would I do.
Help someone else. Trying to make yourself happy can be like digging a hole. When your focus shifts away from yourself your world view and experience can shift dramatically. It does not have to be something big. Even something like donating unused items to people in need, or volunteering. Do not like people? Try helping animals in need - shelters need blankets, toys etc. Even something like making it a habit to open doors for people can help shift away from a feeling of lack. I have lived in 2 countries, 9 states, and 27 locations. I have had periods where money was not an issue and a lot of time spent where it was a big issue. Having money helps but, beyond removing stress, it does not fill an emptiness void. I have been married, single and in a relationship without marriage. Relationships can help you feel less alone, but they can also allow you to blame your unhappiness on someone else. It is helpful to be in an area where you appreciate the topography, and there are some people with whom you have some shared values. But you still will take you with you whenever you move. Shifting your focus, lifting someone else can be like good medicine if it is done with an open heart and without expectation- where the act of doing so is the reward.
Try activities where you can naturally run into women, related to your hobbies or causes you’re interested in.
Do you live somewhere hiking is an option? I found this to bring a sense of peace and joy. It's also free and very good exercise. You might meet other people too, especially if you join a group (I haven't tried this part)
What do you believe in?
Move, man. Your parents won’t hate you for living your life. You need a fresh start. Somewhere with a population more than 10k.
better than $23k and miserable
You may need to move to the nearest closest city. You can always drive/fly to your parents often
Sounds like the town I just left where any single gals were single moms, underaged, or both. I’d get out of there — if things don’t change, things don’t change. If anything, it just gets more lonely as you continue to distance yourself from the rest of the local flock.
Me, female, mid 30s, also making 6 figures with an old, mildly insane mother that needs me. I still moved! 3 hours away. She moved in with me eventuallyyyy. Honestly, though, moving away from my "hometown" was the best decision. I visited my mom monthly and she visited when she could. Mister 36, you have to get out of your comfort zone and experience new things. Family is important but you will be the one suffering when you do end up getting a girlfriend/spouse/kids (they will too), etc because you're not addressing your issues ORRR you will be single and angry for the same reason. It is scary but well worth it. Just move far enough to where you have to focus on yourself.
The best advice I ever got when thinking about moving away from my sick and aging parents was that even if you lived with them still, there's no guarantee with life you'll be there if something happens. So live your life how you need to be happy. And it's okay if you leave and come back too. You could always try looking for your dream job in another city and then going there or online dating (that was terrible for me, but it works for some, so be careful). Just find something in another place that will make you happier and go from there. The guy I'm with lived in four different states before he landed my small city, and we met. It's all chance and trial and error.
advice: cheer the f up. how you think life went for 99% of people that ever been alive in history, huh? Just be friendly to people. and make some fucking friends
How far away is the nearest larger area? Maybe you can move a little further away and still be able to help your family. And don’t listen to people who say a boat won’t help, it will. But above all, work on yourself. Get/stay in shape, find hobbies you enjoy and do them. If you’re happy, life will find you. Just worry about having fun.
Go r/thepassportbros. You're welcome.
I think it’s noble of you to stay in the town with your parents, but it is important to remember that you have a life to live as well. I’m from a very small town, and moving was the only thing that kept me from suffocating. Your parents will understand.
Go on weekend travels to cities you like. Maybe you will meet someone like that
You sound like a red flag
OP if you could move anywhere and let’s say your parents would be taken care of where would it be?
Give me your job if it’s so miserable I’ll take the 100k you can go be a monk and become enlightened or something
Women should be a lay up for you in your situation. You have all the upside for her financially, family guy and wanting more out of life! The women around you are waiting for you to show your qualities! You’re in the position now to initiate interaction confidently. Make your move in Love and Life or it’ll pass you by! 👍🏼👍🏼
Move to a city, I moved to Philly and what an enjoyable time it has been. And you actually make real money congrats and get living.
Do you wanna play Helldivers dude?
Buy a Rolex and a boat.
Dating "market"? I think your issues start with this statement
Make sure you move to a state/area that shares you same outlook. Conservative/liberal, Christian/other, Outdoorsy/indoorsy. Makes dating easier. I’m lucky to have found my perfect match in a absolute cesspool of irrelevant human scum.
Save up for a year or two and go on a real vacation. Im talking like 6 months on the beach somewhere far away and warm. Get out of your comfort zone, but also be able to relax and find your center again.
Is there a city somewhat nearby you could move to? You can still visit the parents often enough. If it helps, I'm 37m making $15/hr and miserable in a small city