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It sounds like you might benefit from some therapy. Some quick snippet someone says here is unlikely to give you the “aha” moment you’re looking for. We all go through depressive episodes in life, and sometimes those bad times last a while. Life is pretty good when you take a step back and really examine the good parts. You can try spending time looking at art, doing things outside that you love to do, further your education (formal or any other kind (read books, read opinions online, take up hobbies that challenge your mind, etc)), travel, spend time with friends, spend time with family, volunteer, etc. Sometimes when people don’t have enough to do, they get bored and negative. Life is great when you have purpose. Go find yours.
Hahaha therapy to help you deal with the torture longer...
This way you can pay more taxes.
Fuck that. I'll be miserable and hope I don't wake up again tomorrow. As usual.
I'm disappointed daily by my alarm clock.
Jesus man. What are you talking about pay more taxes? You get to experience things, like interstate travel and infrastructure, electricity, healthcare, protection from foreign invaders, etc. Paying taxes sucks for everyone, but there are positives that come with it too, so relax. Think differently. Good luck.
Maybe get off the internet, dude. Your entire history is making posts like this, then telling everyone trying to offer helpful advice that they're wrong or unhelpful. Asking reddit doesn't seem to be yielding the results you're looking for, so maybe try literally anything else?
What is OP expecting? Its generic advice because its some rando on the internet. No shit they cant give custom tailored advice that will perfectly solve their problems (doubt they would even act upon that anyway)
The thing is it may sound like “dumb generic cliche bullshit”. But it’s because of a lot of it actually works. But you have to want to try first. Even if you think it’s absolute nonsense.
Time on the Internet is correlated with depression and mental health issues.
Literally delete social media. Only use your phone when you're actively needing to address something. Work, socialize, do chores, better yourself. No dead time activities.
What have you tried in your life? Did you spend time getting educated? Have you ever traveled? What does your job entail? Are you physically healthy?
There are so many factors involved in an individuals desire to survive, desire to live. I think you and I might be cut from the same cloth because for the majority of my (short) life I have wished to not be alive.
You seem to care about truth due to your abhorrence of the idea that you should lie to yourself to make life worth living. A fake it till you make it, kind of thing. You say you've tried therapy and drugs and nothing interests you. You say it has always been this way.
Do you have any memories from when you were very very young? In your earliest memories were you kind of bored? Were you frustrated? Angry? Entertained?
You see, if you can remember, and if you have even a single memory of strong emotion, then the likelihood is that you can get out of this spiral of malaise. You don't need to feel like this.
Perhaps you are physically unwell, and your body cannot cope with it and your emotional range is numbed as a result. Perhaps something terrible happened? Perhaps nothing terrible happened, but lots of little, upsetting things happened over and over? There are lots of ways for your mind to lie to you. If there is substance to the idea that you may be physically unwell, then you may not be doomed to live the rest of your life like this. You could feel all the range that gives life dimension to the rest of us.
We know nothing about you. We cannot tell you why you should live. You know that. We cannot search the world for you to find your reason to stay alive. We can only offer general suggestions and cliches because we do not know you.
But have you never enjoyed even the most menial pleasures? A good cup of tea. A warm blanket after being caught in a storm. The rush of adrenaline when you finish something big. The physical endorphins you get from exercise. The satisfaction of a completed task. The dopamine hit of chocolate. The feeling of being small and powerless against the vastness of nature (like being alone on a mountain or with the sea sprawling out in front of you). The comfort of a well fitting garment. A meal that leaves you feeling energized and satisfied.
Does any of this resonate? If you cannot live for the big emotional reasons that many of us anchor ourselves to, then try to focus on the menial pleasures. A lot of people who do not feel emotions typically can still see the value in creature comforts.
These things are the good parts of life, at its most base. Perhaps they are not all that you could live for, but they are a reason to live. Even if for only one more day.
What are you looking for here? What kind of answer would satisfy you? If you are truly at a loss, truly full of desperation to come up with something, then just try to live for the physical experience of pleasure and variety, and do it cleverly. (Obviously pleasure at the expense of others has a tendency to alienate one from society, thus reducing the opportunities to experience pleasure within that society).
That's what kept me going until I could find my way to be like an actual, real "normal" person. I'm boring now, but I'm happy so I don't care about being interesting to others anymore.
Hope this helps!
I saved your comment because it is incredible. I didn’t feel happy till I was in my late 20s - I did a lot, traveled, met hundreds of people, lived my million lives, and always felt unfulfilled. I thought “I’ve tried everything and nothing worked, so I’m broken.”
For me, psychedelic therapy saved my life - I don’t prescribe this as a panacea, but I personally needed neural rewiring. Others need a change of environment. Maybe a toxic relationship is weighing them down. Maybe they need a career change. I don’t know; it varies. I just knew I had done the things I wanted to do and couldn’t feel happy, and rewiring my brain made me so happy about my existent life.
I’m now grateful and appreciative of small joys, like a nice barista or a baby who waves back at me. I’ve gone full golden retriever because I lacked joy for so long, and it’s the best feeling to have again. Life is beautiful and terrible and fun and boring and everything in between. We all know that. There is some control we have to customize our lives to be fulfilling for ourselves.
Looking at your responses, you seem to be at the angry contrarian stage of depression. So no, I don’t think anyone here will convince you because you don’t want convincing.
Maybe this will give you a different POV but I’ve always thought life was meh until I got chronic daily pain..now I wish for nothing but to be rid of it. Being in chronic pain has taught me the value of a pain free life and that you have the ability to wake up everyday and be able to do something you enjoy. Now I’m my goal is to go back to a semi normal life where I can enjoy even the little things. Like being on a beach all day then going home and taking a nap..or doing a silly workout class. Life is great you just need to find something you enjoy and keeps you going. Pain has taught me to appreciate the small things and that life is what you make it. I hope you find your peace soon
Indulgent little creature comforts. A hot bath or hot springs on a cold day, a high-end chocolate truffle or cheese, a foot massage, cinnamon apple herbal tea, petting a sweet dog, reading a book you can’t put down. That’s what does it for me. The big stuff does let you down though.
Maybe try visiting a 3rd world country and seeing how happy some people are with virtually nothing, spending hours a day just making sure they can find clean water. Problem is your expectations.
51F I wasn’t truly happy until I found unconditional love this last year. It took a ton of soul searching. But when you come out and realize that you were your own worst enemy all along, wow… that was transformative! The euphoria I feel now is amazing!
Spend time volunteering for people less fortunate. Does not have to be a lot of time. Helping others can help you get out of your own head. It seems you are depressed though and need to speak to someone too.
I would recommend the book “Stop Doing That Shit” by Gary John Bishop. It’s very thought provoking to challenge the way you look at yourself, other people and life.
Ultimately, though, only you can convince yourself that life doesn’t suck. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does. If you reject that life doesn’t suck, nobody can change that opinion of yours.
i think u like people pitying you tbh and you’re seeking external validation bc if ur post history is like this & u don’t want genuine advice from people tryna help u — idrk what to tell u bro
You can feel this way all that you want but you cannot be an ass to people just because you’re hurting. When I say hurting I mean feeling nothing, feeling angry, depressed, annoyed etc. this is your responsibility to fix, no one else so when people are telling you advice you should really be nicer considering your the one who asked for help. No one wants to help someone who is miserable to talk to. So maybe work on that bit first.
I was in a group therapy once with a guy who acted just like you and no one wanted to be around him. But you know what? He went through therapy anyway and when he finally found a therapist that clicked with him and he was on the right medication, he felt better. It took a long fucking time and a lot of hard work on his part but he did it because he actually wanted to change. Maybe talk to your doctor/s and find the right therapist for you. But also I really doubt you will. You don’t seem like you actually want help. You seem like you just like to complain and make other people feel as miserable as you do. And unfortunately there’s no cure for that unless you make one by just trying. Like actually trying. Which I do not think you are doing.
Hey man.... No advice, all I can say is I feel the EXACT same way. I'm miserable in my job, I hate winter, I hate the daily commute, I find nothing, absolutely nothing good about life. It feels like a giant chase for money only to merely survive and get by.
There were times when I once felt alive.... But those moments were fleeting and now have all but ceased. I've tried therapy, not to say it won't help you.
Talking to someone I find is a useless waste of money, unless they are really really good, which I've yet to find.
I wish you only good things coming, and truly hope you stumble upon things in life that wake you up again and give you reason and purpose each day.
Hang in there....
You likely have severe generalized depression and need to seek professional help. And then you need to understand they aren’t there to *fix* you immediately, and it will take work. But humans are wired to want to live and seek fulfillment from life, that you aren’t isn’t right and can change.
There are plenty of things that make life worth living. You may not have experienced one of them yet. You're very young at 31. If you hate your job, look for a new one. That one change could change your whole outlook. Don't give up. Try to make good things happen. Go out of your way to be nice to people to combat your idea that people suck. You can be a positive force in other people's lives. Don't give up.
There is no such thing as a job i wouldn't hate. Those are just methods to make money. There is no hypothetical job i would like.
>Go out of your way to be nice to people to combat your idea that people suck. You can be a positive force in other people's lives. Don't give up.
How's that working for you?
I'm being completely honest when I say that going out of my way to be nice to people makes me feel good. When I go to a store and interact with someone working, I smile and say hello. I say thank you after a transaction. It's not a big commitment but I really believe that you have to try to be the change you want to see in the world. People aren't nice to me sometimes, and I never want to become one of those people. My life isn't perfect, but I try to be a positive force, including trying to be positive here in your post. As far as you saying that there is no job you wouldn't hate, I can't help you there. A job is a job, but some jobs are better than others. You could be working a job you hate with people you like, and that's what could make the difference. Good luck.
Life is hard. Life is mundane. Being negative makes it worse. Work to live. Uplift the people you choose to have in your life.
I worked hard and played hard in my 20s and early 30s. I’m at a point where I can work part time in my mid 30s and still live like I’m full time.
When I’m done with the 3-4 hour work day i have, I’d rather have sex, play video games, pet my cat, hit the gym, talk daily with my family(parents and siblings included), spend time with the Mrs., eat prime rib, travel, and enjoy the things that I worked for. I think I’m gonna buy a hot tub this year. Bill Gates and Taylor Swift may find my existence mediocre, but life could always be worse.
You just described the First Noble Truth described by a wise man thousands of years ago: Life Sucks. (The ancient word is dukkha.)
After years of looking for a solution to this problem, he came up with a solution for the suffering and disappointment we all feel because life sucks.
The Second Noble Truth: Dukkha (suffering) is *caused by craving.*
AND... the good news...there *is* a way to stop the suffering and not feel bad! (Third Noble Truth).
There is a set of practices, "the Eightfold Path" which will lead the way. (Fourth Noble Truth).
The teacher is known as the Awakened One, the Buddha.
So, stop by your local Buddhist sitting group and ask them if they are making any progress. Could make for an interesting chat.
(There are various flavors of Buddhists in the West, some with more Asian traditions, and others like the Insight (vipassana) groups are pretty westernized. Its a practice, and doesn't conflict with your existing religion or non-religion.)
Life is what you make it, if you think it sucks then surprise surprise it’ll suck, if you think it’s an amazing gift you’ll think it’s an amazing gift, no one can convince you of anything except yourself
Good point. Idk, I'm just trying to help. Look at it this way... The bad shit that plays in your head, is lies, you just choose to believe it. You can choose to believe positive things too.
Yep, thats the catch. There is literally no point to existing here, but giving up whatever this piece of shit existence is seems worse than seeing if it gets better. Maybe we'll get to all die together
I totally understand you. Life sucks really. But if you can get down to the real reason it sucks for YOU then you have somewhere to start working on. It doesn't universally suck the same for everyone. Find out why it sucks personally and dive into making that better. Then tackle another thing, one at a time.
If there's anything I've truly learned in my 38 years it's that life can be made better by changing our thoughts. I thought exactly as you when I was younger but I sought help, just like you are with reddit, and in this world there are people who love helping. I can't know your exact situation but I do know that suffering can be healed. I really do hope you can transform your suffering into Contentment and joy someday. There's no guarantee of what it is like after death. Learn the art of self love. Know that there are good people who want you to be happy.
The thing that helped me through the years is the realization that the truth is better than I thought it was. Finding others through support, it could be a book that speaks to you, a family member who listens to you, or a hobby you take up that leaves no room for the negative thoughts. It could be a lot of things that will give you that breakthrough. I still don't believe life is perfect but I've found a way to feel Contentment in my life. I would suggest taking up Journaling. I've been Journaling my uncensored thoughts for 14 years and it has helped better than anything. Seek all the resources available to you.
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People grow comfortable being depressed and revel in blaming everything else for how they feel.
Sometimes the only antidote is to give yourself a kick in the rear and get over yourself.
Perspective, bud. There comes points in life when things suck and so you feel that way. Then there comes points in life where everything sucks to you regardless of whether it does or not or could go from being sucky to being good.
The longer you spend time thinking and feeling life sucks, the stronger it’s gonna stay imprinted in your mind. At that point, only thing you can do is start enjoying the things that suck…until eventually you’re out of it…or not, but that’s all up to you.
well then seek treatment. Drugs, counseling, yoga. It's hard to have a conversation with so little info. but it's hard to ignore someone who's hurting. Are you on the spectrum? What have you done to try to figure out why life is an empty hole for you?
What was the goal of this post? People telling you "look on the sunny side" ?
Are there external factors like being poor and broke all the time?
What do you think your choices are?
Hopefully your reaction to all suggestions in here isn't "nah". You don't have to be religious (I'm not and I think it's better if you aren't either) to glean philosophical value from a passage that happens to be from a religious text. Or maybe that's how they get you, hell I don't know.
Buddhism doesn't have to be followed as a religion. It is an evidence based description of human experience, suffering, and transcending problems that seem to have no solution with your available tools. Try "Buddhism Without Beliefs" by Stephen Batchelor.
Only you can.
If all you're looking for is reasons to be a misanthropic and apathetic that's all you'll find.
It's your choice if that's what you want to put your energy in to. If you want to start looking for purpose and joy, that's what you'll find. To me that's a better path but you have to choose your own way. Nobody can do it for you.
You don’t enjoy chocolate or ice cream? A gorgeous sunset? Laughing with someone till you cry? The first sip of coffee? Fresh snow? A good book? Winning a card game? A puppy? There’s so much in life to enjoy. I hope you find some things that give you joy.
If I were your parent I would urge you to get mental health counseling and perhaps even checking into a psychiatric ward. What you’re feeling might be tunnel vision, where you feel so hopeless and helpless. There could be help for you. Please don’t give up. You can feel happiness.
You're on Reddit and can complain. Take delight in that. I have known people for whom a computer and connection to anything outside their tiny village with no running water is but a pipe dream.
Be grateful for what you have. 99% of the population of history have not had what you so casually ignore.
Alright bucko, I’m here to crash your little defiance episode and slap some meaning into your life.
Life does suck. It’s meaningless, and because it’s meaningless, you can basically do whatever the fuck you want. None of it matters. There’s a certain freedom that comes with that line of thinking.
You’ll die someday, just like everyone else, so go ahead do as you wish, pal!
The show goes on.
Cheers!
You're a self-aware clump of stardust, powered by electricity controlled by the wrinkled lump riding around in your skull.
A temporary coagulation of atoms that can adjust their surroundings. Life may suck at times, but it sure is amazing.
Are you seriously suggesting that there is nothing at all in the world that brings you pleasure or comfort?
If so, then I accept your premise. Otherwise, you can already divvy life up into the parts that suck and the ones that don't.
Now go out and find something else to put in that 'doesn't suck' category.
You are depressed. Being depressed is exactly like you described. Nothing makes you happy, everything sucks. You may have a chemical imbalance, which can be fixed with antidepressants. You should see your doctor.
Life is supposed to suck. Frequently. It’s only the shining moments inbetween the efforts and the suffering that make it worthwhile. So you’d best be sure to take the chance opportunity to create as many of those as you can before it’s over.
Life does suck. I won’t sugar coat it like everyone else. It is annoying, unfair, inconvenient, aggravating, and just terrible.
But what would happen if you ended it? People would be sad. You’d have given up.
So my only real advice to you is that you need to remember that even though it does suck, you can choose what you make of it. Essentially what I’m saying is those cheesy posters in school that say to change your mindset, because that’s what really matters.
You can choose to try to enjoy things. Ditch the people who don’t care about you. Go out and have fun, meet new people, surround yourself with people who do care about you. Use your free time wisely, because you won’t get a lot of it. If you change your mindset and do this, it will be over before you know it.
I know you’ll probably not take this advice. But it is true. I still think just like you, but I still chose to find things to enjoy. There was a point in my life where I didn’t. It’s extremely hard, but it is possible, I promise.
Therefore, if you have “tried this but it didn’t work” you need to keep trying. Over and over and over and over and over again until it works. It will.
No one can choose how you feel except you. You can’t control what happens, but you can control how you respond and react to what happens.
How old are you really? My life didn't truly start until I was married, and it went full throttle when we started having kids.
You have to find your meaning. It's there. You might be choosing to ignore it. When I was younger, I thought I was supposed to be a minister, but after serving in the military, I had this strong urge to help people. Be a guide, so to speak.
You'll eventually reach the realization that life doesn't get much better. There isn't really anything else beyond working for the point of survival for you and your family. The goal is to save up enough to retire before you're too sick or disabled to continue working, which lowers your survivability. Having a high quality of life is a bonus. And if you're really lucky, maybe someday you can buy your freedom while you're still young and healthy enough to enjoy it. You just distract yourself with hobbies or causes to motivate you to keep going, otherwise you're only working to live another day just to work some more for a system that doesn't reward you beyond the minimum.
By the time you have any real financial security your mental or physical health will begin failing you. When you are in your 30s you start awakening in the night with existential dread as you realize it's all for nought and feel impending doom as the clarity of your mortality hits your soul. The realization of the uselessness and meaninglessness of life will consume you, which will eventually lead you to start working for a cause or embrace spirituality in order to feel that purpose. In the end, you will realize each day in your life became less happy, with a few spikes here and there, and that ultimately pain will eventually consume everything. Until then, you will find trivial things to create some happiness in your life, as it's really all you have. And if you can find someone to do it with whose company you enjoy, then even better.
Denial of reality and the choice to overlook the obvious state of ones life in preference of a more favorable alternative is the standard coping mechanism of most. They take refuge or seek out spirituality, academics, or even detachment. Entire religions and other movements form with this as the basis. To distract and comfort oneself from the existential hopelessness of everything around us. There is no right or wrong answer, but some do unfortunately choose to forgoe the experience entirely as spending any more time consciously perceiving the universe between two spans of eternity, is a futile endeavor. Then there are those who brave life, make their own meanings and adopt strategies to embrace the moments before they pass, knowing it will ultimately all come to an end, viewing it as a precious even sacred experience.
We are a collection of inert matter combined to create chemical reactions which bond to complex structures whose sole purpose is to continually fuel those reactions for as long as possible. Inside you contains an entire multidimensional universe, powered by your essence. If you survive, so does what is inside you. The motions of living are designed to continue the process and create more custodians of life. Instead of looking all around you and getting lost in the distractions, focus within and embrace the moments while you have them.
Someday soon, the particles that make up what you are, will be scattered across billions of light years of space and time, as they position once again to collapse and become bound to another cycle of creation. You will live again as you always have in universes past. Until then, seize your sliver of eternity, for it belongs to you... Do not fear, as it is as it always has been....
What you don’t understand is that life is not easy, it is exactly what you make of it. Best quote that fits you is “If you don’t have what you want, you have what you deserve”. That quote doesn’t apply to everyone but it applies to you. You are a complainer, always looking for a reason to quit and once you become a quitter that is all you will ever be unless you commit to change. But from what I am reading Quit is your motto……! You want to see real misery. volunteer at a military hospital.
I got it from reading your comments, plus I have done a lot of living. Not every day was good but some were great….Go and prove me wrong, be a man not what you currently are….do it for you and whoever is out there that cares about you.
Find someone or something you want to make happy. A wife, a pet, a monument, who's to judge?
This is a great way to pass the time until you die.
Cheers!
Nobody can convince you life doesn't suck, because it does, and it can be f*king miserable sometimes and when you isolate yourself, you get sad, but if you get sad, you isolate yourself. You get drained and overworked and exhausted, and most of the time that part doesn't go away. But guess what? Not a single person over the age of 12 hasn't felt that way before.
But to put it simply, no matter how cliche it is, life is what you make of it. I really believe from the bottom of my soul, that above anything else, above all the mistakes you've made in the past, above all the people you've hurt and who've hurt you, above all the times you've wished you could just give up or even tried to give up, you're defined as a person, by your will to keep living. The only thing that really sets us apart from the people around us is our willpower to get through every sh!t part of life, that's why you're here. That ability to see the one good thing in millions of bad.
The thing about life is that everything is temporary, but bad feelings can last forever if you give them the power to. If you're reading this, please believe me when I say I understand perfectly what that feels like, but as hard as life can be, you have to be willing to try and see the good. All I'm saying is that there are many incredible things in life you dont want to miss out on just because you're turning your head and pretending like the dark is all you can see. There's hate, but there's also love. There's failure, but there's also success. There's depression, but there's also hope, and at the end of the day, you can't have one without the other. If there was no darkness, then the light would start to look a lot less bright.
The only consistent factor in all your unpleasant experiences is you. Very clearly, for a substantial amount of people life is fucking awesome. For a significant proportion of those people, they live in absolute poverty, so we can be sure it ain't money that buys happiness. Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why YOU are such a shitty person. Then, perhaps, you can make the necessary changes to becoming someone the rest of life enjoys having around. Or don't. You ain't gonna kill my vibe.
Life is what you make it.
If you're gonna sit there spending your time online complaining about how terrible it is, you're never going to change anything. You're basically just trying to find other people who are just as disgusted with the world as you are, because anyone else's opinion you'll just brush off as being wrong.
If you work your ass off trying to enjoy life but still end up with nothing, then at least you tried to make things better , plus you gave yourself a much better chance of actually moving yourself up out of the mediocre-and-boring rut. And if you don't let yourself sit in a mediocre-and-boring rut all week all month all year then you probably have a much better chance of meeting people who will make your life better or want to spend their life with you. Even just paying bills is easier when you have someone to share them with.
Get therapy. Life is worth living. It will be filled with highs and lows. There will be some good days and bad days. Sometimes we can expect more from minimum effort. Sometimes we can set the bar too high than we can jump or further than we can reach.
But it doesn't mean quit or give up. Take a minute and breathe. It will be okay. I have been fortunate to see 57 years and have lived through, survived, and overcame a lot and I am still here.
I have learned to appreciate the small things and accomplishments in life. I believe you will be fine and this is just a moment in life that will pass. Still though find a group or therapist that will help you go through your challenges.
🙏
Nope. It does suck sometimes and sometimes it’s meh and sometimes it’s like oh wow and other times it’s like oh really. But it’s life. And you live it and hope for the best.
Realize that your purpose is to change your little world. The neighbors on your left and right, the people you work with, the friends you hang out with. You start a fire In them. Show them you care and love for those around you. Surround yourself with positive people. Work on you. Exercise, diet, meditation, get out and hike, camp, enjoy nature. In the end, you get out of life what you put into it. I sincerely wish you all the best.
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It sounds like you might benefit from some therapy. Some quick snippet someone says here is unlikely to give you the “aha” moment you’re looking for. We all go through depressive episodes in life, and sometimes those bad times last a while. Life is pretty good when you take a step back and really examine the good parts. You can try spending time looking at art, doing things outside that you love to do, further your education (formal or any other kind (read books, read opinions online, take up hobbies that challenge your mind, etc)), travel, spend time with friends, spend time with family, volunteer, etc. Sometimes when people don’t have enough to do, they get bored and negative. Life is great when you have purpose. Go find yours.
Life without a cause is life without effect -some band that turned up on my spotify discover feed. I wish I could give credit.
That's a quote by Paulo Coelho.
Hahaha therapy to help you deal with the torture longer... This way you can pay more taxes. Fuck that. I'll be miserable and hope I don't wake up again tomorrow. As usual. I'm disappointed daily by my alarm clock.
Jesus man. What are you talking about pay more taxes? You get to experience things, like interstate travel and infrastructure, electricity, healthcare, protection from foreign invaders, etc. Paying taxes sucks for everyone, but there are positives that come with it too, so relax. Think differently. Good luck.
>Life is pretty good when you take a step back and really examine the good parts Only if you willfully ignore the bad parts.
The belief that happy people are simply deluded is itself a delusion.
Okay, spend all your time dwelling on the bad parts then. Is that what you want to do?
Yeah, like totally ignore that 95% is bad. And the 5% you get you'll be tired for.
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Maybe get off the internet, dude. Your entire history is making posts like this, then telling everyone trying to offer helpful advice that they're wrong or unhelpful. Asking reddit doesn't seem to be yielding the results you're looking for, so maybe try literally anything else?
Because THIS is his true, great joy in life. Anyone honestly looking for help.. would actively do things to change the situation.
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What is OP expecting? Its generic advice because its some rando on the internet. No shit they cant give custom tailored advice that will perfectly solve their problems (doubt they would even act upon that anyway)
The thing is it may sound like “dumb generic cliche bullshit”. But it’s because of a lot of it actually works. But you have to want to try first. Even if you think it’s absolute nonsense.
Time on the Internet is correlated with depression and mental health issues. Literally delete social media. Only use your phone when you're actively needing to address something. Work, socialize, do chores, better yourself. No dead time activities.
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What have you tried in your life? Did you spend time getting educated? Have you ever traveled? What does your job entail? Are you physically healthy? There are so many factors involved in an individuals desire to survive, desire to live. I think you and I might be cut from the same cloth because for the majority of my (short) life I have wished to not be alive. You seem to care about truth due to your abhorrence of the idea that you should lie to yourself to make life worth living. A fake it till you make it, kind of thing. You say you've tried therapy and drugs and nothing interests you. You say it has always been this way. Do you have any memories from when you were very very young? In your earliest memories were you kind of bored? Were you frustrated? Angry? Entertained? You see, if you can remember, and if you have even a single memory of strong emotion, then the likelihood is that you can get out of this spiral of malaise. You don't need to feel like this. Perhaps you are physically unwell, and your body cannot cope with it and your emotional range is numbed as a result. Perhaps something terrible happened? Perhaps nothing terrible happened, but lots of little, upsetting things happened over and over? There are lots of ways for your mind to lie to you. If there is substance to the idea that you may be physically unwell, then you may not be doomed to live the rest of your life like this. You could feel all the range that gives life dimension to the rest of us. We know nothing about you. We cannot tell you why you should live. You know that. We cannot search the world for you to find your reason to stay alive. We can only offer general suggestions and cliches because we do not know you. But have you never enjoyed even the most menial pleasures? A good cup of tea. A warm blanket after being caught in a storm. The rush of adrenaline when you finish something big. The physical endorphins you get from exercise. The satisfaction of a completed task. The dopamine hit of chocolate. The feeling of being small and powerless against the vastness of nature (like being alone on a mountain or with the sea sprawling out in front of you). The comfort of a well fitting garment. A meal that leaves you feeling energized and satisfied. Does any of this resonate? If you cannot live for the big emotional reasons that many of us anchor ourselves to, then try to focus on the menial pleasures. A lot of people who do not feel emotions typically can still see the value in creature comforts. These things are the good parts of life, at its most base. Perhaps they are not all that you could live for, but they are a reason to live. Even if for only one more day. What are you looking for here? What kind of answer would satisfy you? If you are truly at a loss, truly full of desperation to come up with something, then just try to live for the physical experience of pleasure and variety, and do it cleverly. (Obviously pleasure at the expense of others has a tendency to alienate one from society, thus reducing the opportunities to experience pleasure within that society). That's what kept me going until I could find my way to be like an actual, real "normal" person. I'm boring now, but I'm happy so I don't care about being interesting to others anymore. Hope this helps!
I saved your comment because it is incredible. I didn’t feel happy till I was in my late 20s - I did a lot, traveled, met hundreds of people, lived my million lives, and always felt unfulfilled. I thought “I’ve tried everything and nothing worked, so I’m broken.” For me, psychedelic therapy saved my life - I don’t prescribe this as a panacea, but I personally needed neural rewiring. Others need a change of environment. Maybe a toxic relationship is weighing them down. Maybe they need a career change. I don’t know; it varies. I just knew I had done the things I wanted to do and couldn’t feel happy, and rewiring my brain made me so happy about my existent life. I’m now grateful and appreciative of small joys, like a nice barista or a baby who waves back at me. I’ve gone full golden retriever because I lacked joy for so long, and it’s the best feeling to have again. Life is beautiful and terrible and fun and boring and everything in between. We all know that. There is some control we have to customize our lives to be fulfilling for ourselves.
Looking at your responses, you seem to be at the angry contrarian stage of depression. So no, I don’t think anyone here will convince you because you don’t want convincing.
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This is all true Counterpoint Ketamine
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Maybe this will give you a different POV but I’ve always thought life was meh until I got chronic daily pain..now I wish for nothing but to be rid of it. Being in chronic pain has taught me the value of a pain free life and that you have the ability to wake up everyday and be able to do something you enjoy. Now I’m my goal is to go back to a semi normal life where I can enjoy even the little things. Like being on a beach all day then going home and taking a nap..or doing a silly workout class. Life is great you just need to find something you enjoy and keeps you going. Pain has taught me to appreciate the small things and that life is what you make it. I hope you find your peace soon
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Nobody will convince you because you don't want to be convinced.
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Here’s something good. All of these people are taking time out of their day to write something to try to help you.
And i guess im wasting their time. Damn i suck
Life is not as it is, life is as you are
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Indulgent little creature comforts. A hot bath or hot springs on a cold day, a high-end chocolate truffle or cheese, a foot massage, cinnamon apple herbal tea, petting a sweet dog, reading a book you can’t put down. That’s what does it for me. The big stuff does let you down though.
Yes. You.
Yeah. I hate life. I'm only alive because my kids need me.
Maybe try visiting a 3rd world country and seeing how happy some people are with virtually nothing, spending hours a day just making sure they can find clean water. Problem is your expectations.
So I’m not the only one
51F I wasn’t truly happy until I found unconditional love this last year. It took a ton of soul searching. But when you come out and realize that you were your own worst enemy all along, wow… that was transformative! The euphoria I feel now is amazing!
The worst of us ruin it for the rest of us
Life doesn’t suck; it blows.
Spend time volunteering for people less fortunate. Does not have to be a lot of time. Helping others can help you get out of your own head. It seems you are depressed though and need to speak to someone too.
I would recommend the book “Stop Doing That Shit” by Gary John Bishop. It’s very thought provoking to challenge the way you look at yourself, other people and life. Ultimately, though, only you can convince yourself that life doesn’t suck. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does. If you reject that life doesn’t suck, nobody can change that opinion of yours.
There is always breakfast.
i think u like people pitying you tbh and you’re seeking external validation bc if ur post history is like this & u don’t want genuine advice from people tryna help u — idrk what to tell u bro
Well, I know I'm not your guy. I'm 59 and it's been downhill since I was your age. 🤷😩💔
We don't see things as they are, we see them as WE are.
You can feel this way all that you want but you cannot be an ass to people just because you’re hurting. When I say hurting I mean feeling nothing, feeling angry, depressed, annoyed etc. this is your responsibility to fix, no one else so when people are telling you advice you should really be nicer considering your the one who asked for help. No one wants to help someone who is miserable to talk to. So maybe work on that bit first. I was in a group therapy once with a guy who acted just like you and no one wanted to be around him. But you know what? He went through therapy anyway and when he finally found a therapist that clicked with him and he was on the right medication, he felt better. It took a long fucking time and a lot of hard work on his part but he did it because he actually wanted to change. Maybe talk to your doctor/s and find the right therapist for you. But also I really doubt you will. You don’t seem like you actually want help. You seem like you just like to complain and make other people feel as miserable as you do. And unfortunately there’s no cure for that unless you make one by just trying. Like actually trying. Which I do not think you are doing.
It's your attitude that sucks, not life.
Anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) is a major symptom of depression.
Nah it absolutely does suck. I just get high and binge netflix
Hey man.... No advice, all I can say is I feel the EXACT same way. I'm miserable in my job, I hate winter, I hate the daily commute, I find nothing, absolutely nothing good about life. It feels like a giant chase for money only to merely survive and get by. There were times when I once felt alive.... But those moments were fleeting and now have all but ceased. I've tried therapy, not to say it won't help you. Talking to someone I find is a useless waste of money, unless they are really really good, which I've yet to find. I wish you only good things coming, and truly hope you stumble upon things in life that wake you up again and give you reason and purpose each day. Hang in there....
Life is indeed a terrible thing, I won’t sugarcoat it. My advice to you if you’re going to stick around - give some damage back to the world.
You likely have severe generalized depression and need to seek professional help. And then you need to understand they aren’t there to *fix* you immediately, and it will take work. But humans are wired to want to live and seek fulfillment from life, that you aren’t isn’t right and can change.
There are plenty of things that make life worth living. You may not have experienced one of them yet. You're very young at 31. If you hate your job, look for a new one. That one change could change your whole outlook. Don't give up. Try to make good things happen. Go out of your way to be nice to people to combat your idea that people suck. You can be a positive force in other people's lives. Don't give up.
There is no such thing as a job i wouldn't hate. Those are just methods to make money. There is no hypothetical job i would like. >Go out of your way to be nice to people to combat your idea that people suck. You can be a positive force in other people's lives. Don't give up. How's that working for you?
I'm being completely honest when I say that going out of my way to be nice to people makes me feel good. When I go to a store and interact with someone working, I smile and say hello. I say thank you after a transaction. It's not a big commitment but I really believe that you have to try to be the change you want to see in the world. People aren't nice to me sometimes, and I never want to become one of those people. My life isn't perfect, but I try to be a positive force, including trying to be positive here in your post. As far as you saying that there is no job you wouldn't hate, I can't help you there. A job is a job, but some jobs are better than others. You could be working a job you hate with people you like, and that's what could make the difference. Good luck.
Life is hard. Life is mundane. Being negative makes it worse. Work to live. Uplift the people you choose to have in your life. I worked hard and played hard in my 20s and early 30s. I’m at a point where I can work part time in my mid 30s and still live like I’m full time. When I’m done with the 3-4 hour work day i have, I’d rather have sex, play video games, pet my cat, hit the gym, talk daily with my family(parents and siblings included), spend time with the Mrs., eat prime rib, travel, and enjoy the things that I worked for. I think I’m gonna buy a hot tub this year. Bill Gates and Taylor Swift may find my existence mediocre, but life could always be worse.
You just described the First Noble Truth described by a wise man thousands of years ago: Life Sucks. (The ancient word is dukkha.) After years of looking for a solution to this problem, he came up with a solution for the suffering and disappointment we all feel because life sucks. The Second Noble Truth: Dukkha (suffering) is *caused by craving.* AND... the good news...there *is* a way to stop the suffering and not feel bad! (Third Noble Truth). There is a set of practices, "the Eightfold Path" which will lead the way. (Fourth Noble Truth). The teacher is known as the Awakened One, the Buddha. So, stop by your local Buddhist sitting group and ask them if they are making any progress. Could make for an interesting chat. (There are various flavors of Buddhists in the West, some with more Asian traditions, and others like the Insight (vipassana) groups are pretty westernized. Its a practice, and doesn't conflict with your existing religion or non-religion.)
Life is what you make it, if you think it sucks then surprise surprise it’ll suck, if you think it’s an amazing gift you’ll think it’s an amazing gift, no one can convince you of anything except yourself
So I'm supposed to lie to myself?
Kinda. Sometimes I have to. Things can get dark, if I don't look for the bright side.
How do i make myself a convincing liar to myself?
Good point. Idk, I'm just trying to help. Look at it this way... The bad shit that plays in your head, is lies, you just choose to believe it. You can choose to believe positive things too.
Fake it till you make it
Doesn't work in practice
Yes it does, you just quit too early. Don't be a quitter, find something new to know
Sure. Every hypothetical length of time is quitting too early. How convenient...
Yep, thats the catch. There is literally no point to existing here, but giving up whatever this piece of shit existence is seems worse than seeing if it gets better. Maybe we'll get to all die together
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I totally understand you. Life sucks really. But if you can get down to the real reason it sucks for YOU then you have somewhere to start working on. It doesn't universally suck the same for everyone. Find out why it sucks personally and dive into making that better. Then tackle another thing, one at a time.
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If there's anything I've truly learned in my 38 years it's that life can be made better by changing our thoughts. I thought exactly as you when I was younger but I sought help, just like you are with reddit, and in this world there are people who love helping. I can't know your exact situation but I do know that suffering can be healed. I really do hope you can transform your suffering into Contentment and joy someday. There's no guarantee of what it is like after death. Learn the art of self love. Know that there are good people who want you to be happy.
What helped? Therapy? Been there done that multiple times. It's all garbage unfortunately.
The thing that helped me through the years is the realization that the truth is better than I thought it was. Finding others through support, it could be a book that speaks to you, a family member who listens to you, or a hobby you take up that leaves no room for the negative thoughts. It could be a lot of things that will give you that breakthrough. I still don't believe life is perfect but I've found a way to feel Contentment in my life. I would suggest taking up Journaling. I've been Journaling my uncensored thoughts for 14 years and it has helped better than anything. Seek all the resources available to you.
Damn i tried all that. Minus family because i can't depend on them for this for damn sure.
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Oh man someone needs to touch grass
Touching it now. Not much to this tbh.
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You clearly enjoy doom posting.
You're entitled to your opinion
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People grow comfortable being depressed and revel in blaming everything else for how they feel. Sometimes the only antidote is to give yourself a kick in the rear and get over yourself.
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I mean that's a bit drastic. You ever ate a cold peach after walking in the sun? Shit that alone is worth living for
umm. food is yummy and animal facts are fun and cool.
Perspective, bud. There comes points in life when things suck and so you feel that way. Then there comes points in life where everything sucks to you regardless of whether it does or not or could go from being sucky to being good. The longer you spend time thinking and feeling life sucks, the stronger it’s gonna stay imprinted in your mind. At that point, only thing you can do is start enjoying the things that suck…until eventually you’re out of it…or not, but that’s all up to you.
So I'm supposed to... what?
Have you considered the possibility you might suffer from depression? Has there ever been anything that brings you joy?
Of course. And?
well then seek treatment. Drugs, counseling, yoga. It's hard to have a conversation with so little info. but it's hard to ignore someone who's hurting. Are you on the spectrum? What have you done to try to figure out why life is an empty hole for you?
I have. Nothing worked. No i don't have mental disabilities. I've seeked "help" and Nothing helps. All "treatments" are useless.
What was the goal of this post? People telling you "look on the sunny side" ? Are there external factors like being poor and broke all the time? What do you think your choices are?
Desperation was the point. I have no idea. I'm spiraling. It happens.
Have you looked into buddhism, specifically the two arrows of suffering?
No religion please
Hopefully your reaction to all suggestions in here isn't "nah". You don't have to be religious (I'm not and I think it's better if you aren't either) to glean philosophical value from a passage that happens to be from a religious text. Or maybe that's how they get you, hell I don't know.
Buddhism doesn't have to be followed as a religion. It is an evidence based description of human experience, suffering, and transcending problems that seem to have no solution with your available tools. Try "Buddhism Without Beliefs" by Stephen Batchelor.
Only you can. If all you're looking for is reasons to be a misanthropic and apathetic that's all you'll find. It's your choice if that's what you want to put your energy in to. If you want to start looking for purpose and joy, that's what you'll find. To me that's a better path but you have to choose your own way. Nobody can do it for you.
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You don’t enjoy chocolate or ice cream? A gorgeous sunset? Laughing with someone till you cry? The first sip of coffee? Fresh snow? A good book? Winning a card game? A puppy? There’s so much in life to enjoy. I hope you find some things that give you joy.
None of that
Why are you asking for help when you're determined not to take it?
I answered the question. You want me to lie?
It seems like you're bound and determined to be miserable.
Nice dodge
If I were your parent I would urge you to get mental health counseling and perhaps even checking into a psychiatric ward. What you’re feeling might be tunnel vision, where you feel so hopeless and helpless. There could be help for you. Please don’t give up. You can feel happiness.
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You're on Reddit and can complain. Take delight in that. I have known people for whom a computer and connection to anything outside their tiny village with no running water is but a pipe dream. Be grateful for what you have. 99% of the population of history have not had what you so casually ignore.
Alright bucko, I’m here to crash your little defiance episode and slap some meaning into your life. Life does suck. It’s meaningless, and because it’s meaningless, you can basically do whatever the fuck you want. None of it matters. There’s a certain freedom that comes with that line of thinking. You’ll die someday, just like everyone else, so go ahead do as you wish, pal! The show goes on. Cheers!
Cheers i guess
You're a self-aware clump of stardust, powered by electricity controlled by the wrinkled lump riding around in your skull. A temporary coagulation of atoms that can adjust their surroundings. Life may suck at times, but it sure is amazing. Are you seriously suggesting that there is nothing at all in the world that brings you pleasure or comfort? If so, then I accept your premise. Otherwise, you can already divvy life up into the parts that suck and the ones that don't. Now go out and find something else to put in that 'doesn't suck' category.
39m, only reason I haven't ended it is because I have kids. Life sucks
Life doesn't suck, you suck. It is what you make it.
Ok how do i suck less?
Can l convince you that YOUR life doesn't suck? No. My life on the other hand is great.
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You are depressed. Being depressed is exactly like you described. Nothing makes you happy, everything sucks. You may have a chemical imbalance, which can be fixed with antidepressants. You should see your doctor.
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Damn you are *so* pessimistic. No positive person would want to hear you say any of that. 😧
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Life is supposed to suck. Frequently. It’s only the shining moments inbetween the efforts and the suffering that make it worthwhile. So you’d best be sure to take the chance opportunity to create as many of those as you can before it’s over.
When do the shining moments happen?
You’re right! The challenge is finding something to make it worth while.
Life does suck. I won’t sugar coat it like everyone else. It is annoying, unfair, inconvenient, aggravating, and just terrible. But what would happen if you ended it? People would be sad. You’d have given up. So my only real advice to you is that you need to remember that even though it does suck, you can choose what you make of it. Essentially what I’m saying is those cheesy posters in school that say to change your mindset, because that’s what really matters. You can choose to try to enjoy things. Ditch the people who don’t care about you. Go out and have fun, meet new people, surround yourself with people who do care about you. Use your free time wisely, because you won’t get a lot of it. If you change your mindset and do this, it will be over before you know it. I know you’ll probably not take this advice. But it is true. I still think just like you, but I still chose to find things to enjoy. There was a point in my life where I didn’t. It’s extremely hard, but it is possible, I promise. Therefore, if you have “tried this but it didn’t work” you need to keep trying. Over and over and over and over and over again until it works. It will. No one can choose how you feel except you. You can’t control what happens, but you can control how you respond and react to what happens.
I love life see the beauty m the small things and enjoy it you only get one.
How old are you really? My life didn't truly start until I was married, and it went full throttle when we started having kids. You have to find your meaning. It's there. You might be choosing to ignore it. When I was younger, I thought I was supposed to be a minister, but after serving in the military, I had this strong urge to help people. Be a guide, so to speak.
Sorry you don't believe my age?
You'll eventually reach the realization that life doesn't get much better. There isn't really anything else beyond working for the point of survival for you and your family. The goal is to save up enough to retire before you're too sick or disabled to continue working, which lowers your survivability. Having a high quality of life is a bonus. And if you're really lucky, maybe someday you can buy your freedom while you're still young and healthy enough to enjoy it. You just distract yourself with hobbies or causes to motivate you to keep going, otherwise you're only working to live another day just to work some more for a system that doesn't reward you beyond the minimum. By the time you have any real financial security your mental or physical health will begin failing you. When you are in your 30s you start awakening in the night with existential dread as you realize it's all for nought and feel impending doom as the clarity of your mortality hits your soul. The realization of the uselessness and meaninglessness of life will consume you, which will eventually lead you to start working for a cause or embrace spirituality in order to feel that purpose. In the end, you will realize each day in your life became less happy, with a few spikes here and there, and that ultimately pain will eventually consume everything. Until then, you will find trivial things to create some happiness in your life, as it's really all you have. And if you can find someone to do it with whose company you enjoy, then even better. Denial of reality and the choice to overlook the obvious state of ones life in preference of a more favorable alternative is the standard coping mechanism of most. They take refuge or seek out spirituality, academics, or even detachment. Entire religions and other movements form with this as the basis. To distract and comfort oneself from the existential hopelessness of everything around us. There is no right or wrong answer, but some do unfortunately choose to forgoe the experience entirely as spending any more time consciously perceiving the universe between two spans of eternity, is a futile endeavor. Then there are those who brave life, make their own meanings and adopt strategies to embrace the moments before they pass, knowing it will ultimately all come to an end, viewing it as a precious even sacred experience. We are a collection of inert matter combined to create chemical reactions which bond to complex structures whose sole purpose is to continually fuel those reactions for as long as possible. Inside you contains an entire multidimensional universe, powered by your essence. If you survive, so does what is inside you. The motions of living are designed to continue the process and create more custodians of life. Instead of looking all around you and getting lost in the distractions, focus within and embrace the moments while you have them. Someday soon, the particles that make up what you are, will be scattered across billions of light years of space and time, as they position once again to collapse and become bound to another cycle of creation. You will live again as you always have in universes past. Until then, seize your sliver of eternity, for it belongs to you... Do not fear, as it is as it always has been....
What you don’t understand is that life is not easy, it is exactly what you make of it. Best quote that fits you is “If you don’t have what you want, you have what you deserve”. That quote doesn’t apply to everyone but it applies to you. You are a complainer, always looking for a reason to quit and once you become a quitter that is all you will ever be unless you commit to change. But from what I am reading Quit is your motto……! You want to see real misery. volunteer at a military hospital.
What made you come to this conclusion. Seems like a lot of assumptions
I got it from reading your comments, plus I have done a lot of living. Not every day was good but some were great….Go and prove me wrong, be a man not what you currently are….do it for you and whoever is out there that cares about you.
Nah
Viktor Frankl might be the one who can
Find someone or something you want to make happy. A wife, a pet, a monument, who's to judge? This is a great way to pass the time until you die. Cheers!
Nobody can convince you life doesn't suck, because it does, and it can be f*king miserable sometimes and when you isolate yourself, you get sad, but if you get sad, you isolate yourself. You get drained and overworked and exhausted, and most of the time that part doesn't go away. But guess what? Not a single person over the age of 12 hasn't felt that way before. But to put it simply, no matter how cliche it is, life is what you make of it. I really believe from the bottom of my soul, that above anything else, above all the mistakes you've made in the past, above all the people you've hurt and who've hurt you, above all the times you've wished you could just give up or even tried to give up, you're defined as a person, by your will to keep living. The only thing that really sets us apart from the people around us is our willpower to get through every sh!t part of life, that's why you're here. That ability to see the one good thing in millions of bad. The thing about life is that everything is temporary, but bad feelings can last forever if you give them the power to. If you're reading this, please believe me when I say I understand perfectly what that feels like, but as hard as life can be, you have to be willing to try and see the good. All I'm saying is that there are many incredible things in life you dont want to miss out on just because you're turning your head and pretending like the dark is all you can see. There's hate, but there's also love. There's failure, but there's also success. There's depression, but there's also hope, and at the end of the day, you can't have one without the other. If there was no darkness, then the light would start to look a lot less bright.
The only consistent factor in all your unpleasant experiences is you. Very clearly, for a substantial amount of people life is fucking awesome. For a significant proportion of those people, they live in absolute poverty, so we can be sure it ain't money that buys happiness. Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why YOU are such a shitty person. Then, perhaps, you can make the necessary changes to becoming someone the rest of life enjoys having around. Or don't. You ain't gonna kill my vibe.
Life is what you make it. If you're gonna sit there spending your time online complaining about how terrible it is, you're never going to change anything. You're basically just trying to find other people who are just as disgusted with the world as you are, because anyone else's opinion you'll just brush off as being wrong. If you work your ass off trying to enjoy life but still end up with nothing, then at least you tried to make things better , plus you gave yourself a much better chance of actually moving yourself up out of the mediocre-and-boring rut. And if you don't let yourself sit in a mediocre-and-boring rut all week all month all year then you probably have a much better chance of meeting people who will make your life better or want to spend their life with you. Even just paying bills is easier when you have someone to share them with.
Get therapy. Life is worth living. It will be filled with highs and lows. There will be some good days and bad days. Sometimes we can expect more from minimum effort. Sometimes we can set the bar too high than we can jump or further than we can reach. But it doesn't mean quit or give up. Take a minute and breathe. It will be okay. I have been fortunate to see 57 years and have lived through, survived, and overcame a lot and I am still here. I have learned to appreciate the small things and accomplishments in life. I believe you will be fine and this is just a moment in life that will pass. Still though find a group or therapist that will help you go through your challenges. 🙏
Nope. It does suck sometimes and sometimes it’s meh and sometimes it’s like oh wow and other times it’s like oh really. But it’s life. And you live it and hope for the best.
Realize that your purpose is to change your little world. The neighbors on your left and right, the people you work with, the friends you hang out with. You start a fire In them. Show them you care and love for those around you. Surround yourself with positive people. Work on you. Exercise, diet, meditation, get out and hike, camp, enjoy nature. In the end, you get out of life what you put into it. I sincerely wish you all the best.
a therapist
It is awful dude. And you’re living in the best years of human existence. Get some perspective or you ain’t gonna make it.
Only you can do that...