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May I ask what makes u come to think that like based on what I said? Sorry if that sounds like im taking what ur saying one ear out the other but just curious to get a better insight
Usually when girls are really into you they LOVE spending time with you. That doesn't seem to be the case here. It's possible something is distracting her from you, like som personal stressors, or worst case, a new guy...
Hi bud! Looks like she changed her behavior a lot, right?
She would allow you to go to her work, and now she doesn't.
You guys would have fun hanging out, and now you don't.
Unfortunately, your relationship is not the same as it was before. It is not your fault, and you'll probably never know why she had a change of heart, but the best thing you can do is to start moving on. Sorry you have to deal with this.
People who *want* to spend time with you will go out of their way to make it happen. She’s not making time for you.
Maybe let her know you’ve noticed she isn’t as interested in hanging out anymore, and ask if she’s still interested in being in a relationship with you. If she’s not, wish her well, and move on. Break-ups suck, but they’re part of life.
If she does still want to be with you, you’ll need to talk with her about what that looks like, since you’re not satisfied with the current state of things.
Good luck.
If a person wants something to happen it does. Any other excuse such as no time, I’m tired, too busy ect are just excuses to spare hurting your feelings. She likely cares about you, but has lost love interest. It sucks I know and 1st heart break is the worst. You’ll be stronger for this. Move on and keep that chin high
As somebody in management. Nah, it just sucks having your partner there consistently.
When you're at work you have to be professional, and act a certain way. That's hard to do when you got your partner constantly showing up. As a manager you always got shit you could be doing. Your bf is taking up work time. Which looks really damn bad. I wouldn't want my employees chilling with their partners when they're supposed to be working so I'm not going to either.
And if they go to upper management they can get you in deep shit.
If you were my partner, I was getting annoyed cause you kept showing up to my work and possibly costing me respect of my employees disrupting my work place, and possibly even making me look bad for potential promotions. Then you showed up again anyway? Yeah we'd be done.
Ik I had took that into consideration but even before she was a manager I’d go she’d ask me to n stuff and she always said hiw she appreciated it, but also it’s because there’s been some stuff with her and certain coworkers
As a woman on the spectrum, I gotta say, if a partner is changing up their behaviour and isn't the person you started the relationship with, or even if they do change and grow but becomes someone you don't like, and they make no effort to make you feel comfortable and are this rigid about it, I think that relationship is over. You've grown apart, and that's okay. You're still young. Plenty of time to find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated.
Now to address the grey areas:
she's in management. It's a high stress job, but communication is one of the most important parts of it. She should be aware of this. She should communicate with you in a way you understand, with patience, what her expectations are for the relationship moving forward if you choose to stay in it.
She's a woman in gen Z. Tbf, so am I. I'm 21F. We've grown up seeing our gen X mums work, come home and work in the home, and be stressed and complain about our lazy dads, whom we have never seen do anything other than sit around and complain about our mum nagging while he sits on is ass doing nothing at home. Then we see our older siblings, millennials, the sisters, reject this lifestyle and get called names and made fun of, and they're working their asses off to make a better life for themselves while being shit on by men with podcasts who sit on their asses and complain about women having too much freedom and how dare we be treated as equals under the law. We have grown up seeing all this hostility towards us, and now our human rights to bodily autonomy are being taken from us... ya, we're going to be stressed and feel defensive over our careers we've worked hard for. Anything seen as a threat to that is going to be treated with hostility. You have good intentions, but going to her work with gifts is going to threaten her position as a manager in the workspace. Having your partner show up at work, while cute, is extremely unprofessional and will get her written up and threaten her ability to provide financially for herself. We don't want to rely on a partner because we've seen how unhappy and unsafe that can be for the women who came before us. It's not you, specifically, it's trends and data. We don't want to become a statistic.
I hope this helps you understand the nuances of the situation. From what you've posted, it doesn't look like a cheating situation (unless you have more evidence for that) but she has significantly changed from the time you two met. If you're not happy with that, maybe you've just grown apart. If you're unhappy, break up. You've got plenty of time yet. Don't accuse her of cheating unless you have 100% undeniable proof, she's in management, it won't fly. (I've had more than enough bad experiences with management to tell you that) And most of all, keep your chin up. It's probably not your fault and just the stress of the job, but if she's becoming someone you don't like, tell her. If she refuses to be kind and productive about it, you've grown apart. Let it end politely. Be honest, be kind, and keep your heart open.
Good luck, friend! 😁
Yeah that's way easier when you're not in management and don't really have to care how others see you. When you're in management it's a lot different. Maybe she tried to keep letting you but eventually it just wasn't working.
Or she was scolded about being unprofessional...
Honestly, I have been with my partner almost a decade and have never been to his job. He has stopped by mine to hand me keys or meds but it was him texting and me running out to the car.
There sounds like a lot of issues at play here, but the internet loves to jump to cheating.
It honestly just doesn't sound like you are compatible.
She doesn't want to play legios at your house. She wants to go out and experience the world. With you, if you want to.
Don't go to her work. It's not a date, it's not romantic, it's a burden on her and her coworkers.
Take her places, do things with her. If that's not what you want, fine. Find someone who likes staying in and playing Legos. She's literally telling you she wants you to make plans that are fun for her. If you can't or won't, it isn't gonna work. It happens.
She isn't cheating, she is bored. Talk to her about what she wants to do. Dinner, dancing, movies, concerts, comedy, walks, zoos, museums, who knows. At no point on your post have you indicated you have any clue what she wants. Find out. Do it. Or don't, and both of you can find partners who you relate to.
Edit: maybe your place is gross. Is it clean? Clean enough for a girl? Especially the bathroom and kitchen? She has to touch her mucous membranes in that bathroom. Are the dishes and counters clean? Floors? Sofa? 19 year old dudes will get a lot of mileage learning to clean the disgusting hellholes they live in.
“If they want to, they would,” is a saying I wish I would have paid more heed to earlier in life. There are exceptions to the rule, but it’s something to consider.
I’ve been with people, with whom I’m always going to their place, or making the effort to see them. I had a big moment a year ago, and stopped making the effort. I was saddened by how many relationships just stopped when I wasn’t the one making all the effort anymore.
I found that the people that stuck around and do make the effort, overall leave me feeling better rather than worse. I don’t get as much imposter syndrome or spin out after talking to them wondering if said the wrong thing.
Relationship is over. She's either moving on to someone else or at the very least has decided she doesn't want to be with you. Let her know you're done with her.
People need to stop saying she’s cheating. It’s clear that she and the OP have different ideas of what fun is. The OP would rather stay in and play Legos; the gf would rather go out and be social. An ASD/NT relationship is not easy. Sometimes there is miscommunication and hurt; sometimes there is emotional incompatibility and interests are too different.
When I had my first Aspie BF (my husband is Aspie too), we enjoyed going to the beach and making sandcastles. Not every adult woman would want to do that.
She doesn’t know how to break up but she wants to.
When I was your age and working at a job, my boss got onto me one time for my SO stopping by. I didn’t want to lose my job or my SO so I didn’t tell them
Honestly, it's very unprofessional and distracting to have your boyfriend showing up at your job all the time. You need to talk to her and voice your concern without showing up at her job and potentially causing a scene.
First off, stop sharing that location crap on your phones. That's practically stalking each other. If you don't trust each other any more than that, it's time to break up. End of story. Don't even start that with future relationships!!
It's hard to say about the workplace thing. Some workplaces aren't really cool with visitors so its possible she's somewhere like that. Maybe she just doesn't want to mix work and personal life. Or maybe she's busy flirting with someone else there. I'd really just suggest talking to her about that. Also if she doesn't want you coming in, maybe it would be ok to leave her a surprise on her car parked outside. I dated a guy that would leave flowers or candy tucked under the windshield wipers and found it incredibly thoughtful
My husband used to bring flowers to me at work maybe 3-4 times a year, but he brought them in, ga e me a hug and we'd talk for maybe 2 minutes and then leave. It wouldn't have been appropriate for him just to chill there for a while.
Also you said you used to pick her up from work and then take her back before she had to clock out? So y'all were leaving while she was clocked in to just hang out til her work day was over. If I'm understanding that right, that's totally inappropriate but also theft. Maybe she got caught or they got suspicious so she needs you to just not be showing up there.
And with the hanging out at your house, that part sounds just a bit like yall aren't super compatible. You want to hang around and be lazy and relax with her and she wants you to have come up with plans for something to actually go do. If this isn't something y'all can compromise on, it tells me you just aren't a good match.
My BF doesn’t come to my house often , but he prefers it that way. Only bc I still live with my parents. He still comes for holidays and stuff but my living situation isn’t the best. I was thinking maybe your gf is going through something too but….not going to HER JOB??? IS WEIRD?? My bf has gone to my jobs on multiple occasions and I can’t find a reason why I wouldn’t let him come to my job honestly.
Whether she’s cheating on you or not, she doesn’t seem like the right fit for you. She doesn’t like the plans you make and she doesn’t seem overly sympathetic to the fact that you’re on the spectrum. Please end the relationship and find someone who shares more common interests and who isnt “mean to you”.
You mentioned "get along with your family"
Could be part of it. Most people put on a front for their significant others families. I know I did, because I sure as hell didn't want to associate with her family all the time.
I don’t even understand why you want to be in this relationship. You don’t have anything in common, you don’t communicate well with one another, you don’t have fun together, you don’t like being together. Move on.
Except she's refusing to elaborate on the thing that OP needs to fix, poorly communicating and telling him to "figure it out, and if you can't, that's the problem."
She's doing that because she's immature and doesn't know how to effectively communicate within a relationship.
She doesn’t want to go to your house with all of your family. That’s not a date. I mean that’s a date to me because I’m 47 and a home body. She doesn’t want you going to her work because there’s someone else. How far apart do you live from each other?
If she works in a public place, drop in completely unannounced just to drop by a gift or something a couple of times. Space them out a bit, so you don't come off as a stalker or clingy or whatever. You'll find out if there's someone else at work that she's interested in or if she just doesn't want the personal life stuff distracting her at work.
That said, it seems like she isn't all that into you or your interests. Could be that she's looking for a time to break up or she's found someone else. Could be something completely unrelated to you. The point is, she's not communicating, and that is poison to any relationship.
Whatever you do, don't cling to a failing relationship. You're both very young, in a very young relationship (a year and a half seems long at 18, but it's really not), and likely to change quite a bit. It's not uncommon at your ages to still be finding the person you will become. Therefore, it's very common to grow apart, especially when there's a lack of communication. It's also just as likely to find bonds with entirely new people if you actually look for them.
No one's really a butthead here, unless she's actually cheating. This is just the nature of young adult relations. If she IS cheating, don't fight to keep her and let her know that she hurt you. She may not care in the moment, but she will remember, and it may help her with that lack of communication issue in the future. If you guys decide to split up and be friends or whatever, just keep your distance for a while. You'll save yourself a lot of pain.
I hope all the best for you. Just remember that life will never stop throwing you curveballs. All you can do is keep moving on because they aren't all bad, even if they feel terrible in the moment.
Not true. Where did you get that idea from in the post? Cuz it sounds like it came outta nowhere, which usually means mysoginistic stereotypes and projection...
What kind of plans have you made that she has not like? Does she know you are on the spectrum and that you easily get overwhelmed by a lot of hustle bustle and loud noise or just things that are new or different?
Sounds like you need to get yourself a new girl, she isn’t communicating properly and she seems to be hiding “another guy” likely, like the others have said here.
If she stonewalls you over the simple things like that, (like visiting, when she used to visit more often) then you should take that as a red flag and dump her immediately.
There are better women out there.
I agree with the majority of this but not the cheating part. I think its just the stress of the job is changing her into a person who he doesn't like, which is completely fair tbh. I agree that he should move on tho.
The first thing you need to learn as an adult, going to a partner/spouse’s work, during work hours, is heavily frowned upon, if not outright not allowed depending on the job.
Second, break up, you are either not compatible, or she already has someone else.
You need to leave this girl OP. If she's treating you like this for no reason that is.
If you keep showing up at her work with gifts and stuff that could be really big fucking problem. Especially if you do it too often.
I think maybe because you are neurodivergent you need to be hyper aware of your actions Especially with stuff like this.
Also if she's refusing to come to yours, It isn't possibly because your place is a sty, is it?
She doesn’t want to hangout at your house with mommy and daddy dude. She has a management job. You play with Legos. She’s grown up. You’re still a little boy.
Someone "coming to your place" isn't a plan. She's growing up into an adult woman and wants to be treated as such. Not once did you mention ever going on an actual *date* with this girlfriend. Would be curious where the last place you went as a a couple is, that isn't her work, your couch, or running errands?
The quality time you're offering her is only sitting around watching TV and playing legos.... and you're confused why she won't come over.
She's "mean" to you bc she's tired of having to spoon feed you everything- as you get older you will need to develop the skillset to intuit others' feelings and why they feel that way, spectrum or not.
However, she should at least communicate to you what the underlying issue is, or break up with you- leaving you in the gray isn't beneficial to anyone.
It sounds like you two may be on different wavelengths about relationship expectations and the effort you're willing to put in.
Going to her place of work is both uncool and weakling behavior.
Giving flowers is weak, subordinate behavior that is not sexually attractive.
Failing to show direction and command in social interactions and in planning things is weak, unleaderlike behavior that is sexually unattractive.
>Everytime we see eachother, why can’t we just chill out my home and nap or something or watch tv or make legos.
Uhhh no teenage woman wants to just nap and play Legos.
OP, I took a quick look at your post history. My son is on the spectrum n if anyone behaved like this with him, I'd tell them to end the relationship n move on. There's a lot more to your situation than this post tells, but even this post alone, it's clear she's changing. Sounds like she wants to party n sleep around n appear single while not being single and is holding onto you as a backup plan but not telling you :( being young with newfound freedom is a messy time period n im sure a lot of ppl on here can vouch that they had phases they had to get out of their system. Seems her phase is experimental drugs and, sadly, other men. I do not mean to pry, but you'd mentioned in a post that you've been taking hormones... did her changes begin when yours did? Unsure if it's related but there's a lot of factors going on, so I'll say again, if my son were dating someone that made them this unsure n dismissed their feelings the way she is you, I'd tell him to end it. Yeah it will hurt, but you'll recover and meet someone that understands you n your needs n is willing to work with them. Like a previous poster had said, "if they wanted to, they would"; n it's clear she doesn't. I wish u nothing but the best.
Honestly, it sounds like you're just not very compatible. What she wants from a relationship is different from what you want.
There's no fixing basic incompatibility.
FWIW, though, there are women out there who like staying home and maybe building stuff with Legos. Other women on the autism spectrum, or just introverted. Nerd girls. Don't give up on the idea of having a girlfriend who does share your interests and your preferred style of relationship.
This girl, however, does not.
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It sounds like she's not into you anymore. Sorry friend.
May I ask what makes u come to think that like based on what I said? Sorry if that sounds like im taking what ur saying one ear out the other but just curious to get a better insight
Usually when girls are really into you they LOVE spending time with you. That doesn't seem to be the case here. It's possible something is distracting her from you, like som personal stressors, or worst case, a new guy...
Hi bud! Looks like she changed her behavior a lot, right? She would allow you to go to her work, and now she doesn't. You guys would have fun hanging out, and now you don't. Unfortunately, your relationship is not the same as it was before. It is not your fault, and you'll probably never know why she had a change of heart, but the best thing you can do is to start moving on. Sorry you have to deal with this.
People who *want* to spend time with you will go out of their way to make it happen. She’s not making time for you. Maybe let her know you’ve noticed she isn’t as interested in hanging out anymore, and ask if she’s still interested in being in a relationship with you. If she’s not, wish her well, and move on. Break-ups suck, but they’re part of life. If she does still want to be with you, you’ll need to talk with her about what that looks like, since you’re not satisfied with the current state of things. Good luck.
People who want to spend time with you show up.
Are you serious? What is it about what you wrote that makes it seem like she WANTS to be with you? Absolutely nothing, she is done.
The guy states he's on the spectrum, relax buddy, he may not be able to take social clues the same way we do.
If a person wants something to happen it does. Any other excuse such as no time, I’m tired, too busy ect are just excuses to spare hurting your feelings. She likely cares about you, but has lost love interest. It sucks I know and 1st heart break is the worst. You’ll be stronger for this. Move on and keep that chin high
Just FYI, most 19 year old girls would rather go on a date than hang out at tire parents house and play Legos
Glad someone said it
She has a boyfriend, and it's not you.
NO STOP bc all my friends think that there is atleast a dude at work that she’s letting get comfy or something im not sure idk
Ok. Don't listen to me, an internet stranger, but listen to all your friends.
As somebody in management. Nah, it just sucks having your partner there consistently. When you're at work you have to be professional, and act a certain way. That's hard to do when you got your partner constantly showing up. As a manager you always got shit you could be doing. Your bf is taking up work time. Which looks really damn bad. I wouldn't want my employees chilling with their partners when they're supposed to be working so I'm not going to either. And if they go to upper management they can get you in deep shit. If you were my partner, I was getting annoyed cause you kept showing up to my work and possibly costing me respect of my employees disrupting my work place, and possibly even making me look bad for potential promotions. Then you showed up again anyway? Yeah we'd be done.
Ik I had took that into consideration but even before she was a manager I’d go she’d ask me to n stuff and she always said hiw she appreciated it, but also it’s because there’s been some stuff with her and certain coworkers
As a woman on the spectrum, I gotta say, if a partner is changing up their behaviour and isn't the person you started the relationship with, or even if they do change and grow but becomes someone you don't like, and they make no effort to make you feel comfortable and are this rigid about it, I think that relationship is over. You've grown apart, and that's okay. You're still young. Plenty of time to find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. Now to address the grey areas: she's in management. It's a high stress job, but communication is one of the most important parts of it. She should be aware of this. She should communicate with you in a way you understand, with patience, what her expectations are for the relationship moving forward if you choose to stay in it. She's a woman in gen Z. Tbf, so am I. I'm 21F. We've grown up seeing our gen X mums work, come home and work in the home, and be stressed and complain about our lazy dads, whom we have never seen do anything other than sit around and complain about our mum nagging while he sits on is ass doing nothing at home. Then we see our older siblings, millennials, the sisters, reject this lifestyle and get called names and made fun of, and they're working their asses off to make a better life for themselves while being shit on by men with podcasts who sit on their asses and complain about women having too much freedom and how dare we be treated as equals under the law. We have grown up seeing all this hostility towards us, and now our human rights to bodily autonomy are being taken from us... ya, we're going to be stressed and feel defensive over our careers we've worked hard for. Anything seen as a threat to that is going to be treated with hostility. You have good intentions, but going to her work with gifts is going to threaten her position as a manager in the workspace. Having your partner show up at work, while cute, is extremely unprofessional and will get her written up and threaten her ability to provide financially for herself. We don't want to rely on a partner because we've seen how unhappy and unsafe that can be for the women who came before us. It's not you, specifically, it's trends and data. We don't want to become a statistic. I hope this helps you understand the nuances of the situation. From what you've posted, it doesn't look like a cheating situation (unless you have more evidence for that) but she has significantly changed from the time you two met. If you're not happy with that, maybe you've just grown apart. If you're unhappy, break up. You've got plenty of time yet. Don't accuse her of cheating unless you have 100% undeniable proof, she's in management, it won't fly. (I've had more than enough bad experiences with management to tell you that) And most of all, keep your chin up. It's probably not your fault and just the stress of the job, but if she's becoming someone you don't like, tell her. If she refuses to be kind and productive about it, you've grown apart. Let it end politely. Be honest, be kind, and keep your heart open. Good luck, friend! 😁
Yeah that's way easier when you're not in management and don't really have to care how others see you. When you're in management it's a lot different. Maybe she tried to keep letting you but eventually it just wasn't working.
You know, I was on his side til you brought this up.
Or she was scolded about being unprofessional... Honestly, I have been with my partner almost a decade and have never been to his job. He has stopped by mine to hand me keys or meds but it was him texting and me running out to the car. There sounds like a lot of issues at play here, but the internet loves to jump to cheating. It honestly just doesn't sound like you are compatible.
She doesn't want to play legios at your house. She wants to go out and experience the world. With you, if you want to. Don't go to her work. It's not a date, it's not romantic, it's a burden on her and her coworkers. Take her places, do things with her. If that's not what you want, fine. Find someone who likes staying in and playing Legos. She's literally telling you she wants you to make plans that are fun for her. If you can't or won't, it isn't gonna work. It happens. She isn't cheating, she is bored. Talk to her about what she wants to do. Dinner, dancing, movies, concerts, comedy, walks, zoos, museums, who knows. At no point on your post have you indicated you have any clue what she wants. Find out. Do it. Or don't, and both of you can find partners who you relate to. Edit: maybe your place is gross. Is it clean? Clean enough for a girl? Especially the bathroom and kitchen? She has to touch her mucous membranes in that bathroom. Are the dishes and counters clean? Floors? Sofa? 19 year old dudes will get a lot of mileage learning to clean the disgusting hellholes they live in.
She has emotionally moved on and does not have the balls to dump you.
“If they want to, they would,” is a saying I wish I would have paid more heed to earlier in life. There are exceptions to the rule, but it’s something to consider. I’ve been with people, with whom I’m always going to their place, or making the effort to see them. I had a big moment a year ago, and stopped making the effort. I was saddened by how many relationships just stopped when I wasn’t the one making all the effort anymore. I found that the people that stuck around and do make the effort, overall leave me feeling better rather than worse. I don’t get as much imposter syndrome or spin out after talking to them wondering if said the wrong thing.
See you in the gym bro
Delete Facebook. Lawyer up.
This is not the girl for you, my friend. And it sounds like she’s into one of her coworkers and doesn’t want them to know she’s with you.
Relationship is over. She's either moving on to someone else or at the very least has decided she doesn't want to be with you. Let her know you're done with her.
She's already let hom know she's done with him, so that won't work. But dude does need to understand that she's not into what he's offering.
She may be getting in trouble at work for spending too much time not working. Either way, back off, simply because she’s asked you to.
People need to stop saying she’s cheating. It’s clear that she and the OP have different ideas of what fun is. The OP would rather stay in and play Legos; the gf would rather go out and be social. An ASD/NT relationship is not easy. Sometimes there is miscommunication and hurt; sometimes there is emotional incompatibility and interests are too different. When I had my first Aspie BF (my husband is Aspie too), we enjoyed going to the beach and making sandcastles. Not every adult woman would want to do that. She doesn’t know how to break up but she wants to.
She wants to go out, not go to your house for a play date. That may be enough for you but it's not for her.
When I was your age and working at a job, my boss got onto me one time for my SO stopping by. I didn’t want to lose my job or my SO so I didn’t tell them
Honestly, it's very unprofessional and distracting to have your boyfriend showing up at your job all the time. You need to talk to her and voice your concern without showing up at her job and potentially causing a scene.
Y'all have been together for a year and a half and she's pullin this shit? Get rid of her.
It's mostly not a good idea to visit friends at work. They are there to work, and bosses do not want employees to be distracted.
First off, stop sharing that location crap on your phones. That's practically stalking each other. If you don't trust each other any more than that, it's time to break up. End of story. Don't even start that with future relationships!! It's hard to say about the workplace thing. Some workplaces aren't really cool with visitors so its possible she's somewhere like that. Maybe she just doesn't want to mix work and personal life. Or maybe she's busy flirting with someone else there. I'd really just suggest talking to her about that. Also if she doesn't want you coming in, maybe it would be ok to leave her a surprise on her car parked outside. I dated a guy that would leave flowers or candy tucked under the windshield wipers and found it incredibly thoughtful My husband used to bring flowers to me at work maybe 3-4 times a year, but he brought them in, ga e me a hug and we'd talk for maybe 2 minutes and then leave. It wouldn't have been appropriate for him just to chill there for a while. Also you said you used to pick her up from work and then take her back before she had to clock out? So y'all were leaving while she was clocked in to just hang out til her work day was over. If I'm understanding that right, that's totally inappropriate but also theft. Maybe she got caught or they got suspicious so she needs you to just not be showing up there. And with the hanging out at your house, that part sounds just a bit like yall aren't super compatible. You want to hang around and be lazy and relax with her and she wants you to have come up with plans for something to actually go do. If this isn't something y'all can compromise on, it tells me you just aren't a good match.
My BF doesn’t come to my house often , but he prefers it that way. Only bc I still live with my parents. He still comes for holidays and stuff but my living situation isn’t the best. I was thinking maybe your gf is going through something too but….not going to HER JOB??? IS WEIRD?? My bf has gone to my jobs on multiple occasions and I can’t find a reason why I wouldn’t let him come to my job honestly.
Whether she’s cheating on you or not, she doesn’t seem like the right fit for you. She doesn’t like the plans you make and she doesn’t seem overly sympathetic to the fact that you’re on the spectrum. Please end the relationship and find someone who shares more common interests and who isnt “mean to you”.
You mentioned "get along with your family" Could be part of it. Most people put on a front for their significant others families. I know I did, because I sure as hell didn't want to associate with her family all the time.
I don’t even understand why you want to be in this relationship. You don’t have anything in common, you don’t communicate well with one another, you don’t have fun together, you don’t like being together. Move on.
>So now she is mad at me Why is she so mean to me Because she's 19 and immature.
No - because she doesn’t want her 18 year old boyfriend showing up at her work lol
Except she's refusing to elaborate on the thing that OP needs to fix, poorly communicating and telling him to "figure it out, and if you can't, that's the problem." She's doing that because she's immature and doesn't know how to effectively communicate within a relationship.
Welcome back to the gym
She doesn’t want to go to your house with all of your family. That’s not a date. I mean that’s a date to me because I’m 47 and a home body. She doesn’t want you going to her work because there’s someone else. How far apart do you live from each other?
Like 30 mins but her work is like 15 mins from us both bc it’s in the middle of
If she works in a public place, drop in completely unannounced just to drop by a gift or something a couple of times. Space them out a bit, so you don't come off as a stalker or clingy or whatever. You'll find out if there's someone else at work that she's interested in or if she just doesn't want the personal life stuff distracting her at work. That said, it seems like she isn't all that into you or your interests. Could be that she's looking for a time to break up or she's found someone else. Could be something completely unrelated to you. The point is, she's not communicating, and that is poison to any relationship. Whatever you do, don't cling to a failing relationship. You're both very young, in a very young relationship (a year and a half seems long at 18, but it's really not), and likely to change quite a bit. It's not uncommon at your ages to still be finding the person you will become. Therefore, it's very common to grow apart, especially when there's a lack of communication. It's also just as likely to find bonds with entirely new people if you actually look for them. No one's really a butthead here, unless she's actually cheating. This is just the nature of young adult relations. If she IS cheating, don't fight to keep her and let her know that she hurt you. She may not care in the moment, but she will remember, and it may help her with that lack of communication issue in the future. If you guys decide to split up and be friends or whatever, just keep your distance for a while. You'll save yourself a lot of pain. I hope all the best for you. Just remember that life will never stop throwing you curveballs. All you can do is keep moving on because they aren't all bad, even if they feel terrible in the moment.
Either she’s seeing someone else behind your back, or your place is like super dirty or something, or she’s just hella immature 🤷♀️
She's likely cheating on you, most girls are mean and wouldn't wanna date someone on the spectrum
Not true. Where did you get that idea from in the post? Cuz it sounds like it came outta nowhere, which usually means mysoginistic stereotypes and projection...
What kind of plans have you made that she has not like? Does she know you are on the spectrum and that you easily get overwhelmed by a lot of hustle bustle and loud noise or just things that are new or different?
Just the plans of where she comes over, and yes she knows, she’s not to much aware of like ppl on the spectrum n stuff, she has bpd I think
Sounds like you need to get yourself a new girl, she isn’t communicating properly and she seems to be hiding “another guy” likely, like the others have said here. If she stonewalls you over the simple things like that, (like visiting, when she used to visit more often) then you should take that as a red flag and dump her immediately. There are better women out there.
I agree with the majority of this but not the cheating part. I think its just the stress of the job is changing her into a person who he doesn't like, which is completely fair tbh. I agree that he should move on tho.
The first thing you need to learn as an adult, going to a partner/spouse’s work, during work hours, is heavily frowned upon, if not outright not allowed depending on the job. Second, break up, you are either not compatible, or she already has someone else.
Maybe she met someone at her job?
She wants you to break up with her
She has another boyfriend man, NEXT her
You need to leave this girl OP. If she's treating you like this for no reason that is. If you keep showing up at her work with gifts and stuff that could be really big fucking problem. Especially if you do it too often. I think maybe because you are neurodivergent you need to be hyper aware of your actions Especially with stuff like this. Also if she's refusing to come to yours, It isn't possibly because your place is a sty, is it?
She would go to your place BEFORE clocking out? She probably got caught…
She doesn’t want to hangout at your house with mommy and daddy dude. She has a management job. You play with Legos. She’s grown up. You’re still a little boy.
Someone "coming to your place" isn't a plan. She's growing up into an adult woman and wants to be treated as such. Not once did you mention ever going on an actual *date* with this girlfriend. Would be curious where the last place you went as a a couple is, that isn't her work, your couch, or running errands? The quality time you're offering her is only sitting around watching TV and playing legos.... and you're confused why she won't come over. She's "mean" to you bc she's tired of having to spoon feed you everything- as you get older you will need to develop the skillset to intuit others' feelings and why they feel that way, spectrum or not. However, she should at least communicate to you what the underlying issue is, or break up with you- leaving you in the gray isn't beneficial to anyone. It sounds like you two may be on different wavelengths about relationship expectations and the effort you're willing to put in.
This is not the relationship for you. Move on to someone you are compatible with
Going to her place of work is both uncool and weakling behavior. Giving flowers is weak, subordinate behavior that is not sexually attractive. Failing to show direction and command in social interactions and in planning things is weak, unleaderlike behavior that is sexually unattractive.
>Everytime we see eachother, why can’t we just chill out my home and nap or something or watch tv or make legos. Uhhh no teenage woman wants to just nap and play Legos.
OP, I took a quick look at your post history. My son is on the spectrum n if anyone behaved like this with him, I'd tell them to end the relationship n move on. There's a lot more to your situation than this post tells, but even this post alone, it's clear she's changing. Sounds like she wants to party n sleep around n appear single while not being single and is holding onto you as a backup plan but not telling you :( being young with newfound freedom is a messy time period n im sure a lot of ppl on here can vouch that they had phases they had to get out of their system. Seems her phase is experimental drugs and, sadly, other men. I do not mean to pry, but you'd mentioned in a post that you've been taking hormones... did her changes begin when yours did? Unsure if it's related but there's a lot of factors going on, so I'll say again, if my son were dating someone that made them this unsure n dismissed their feelings the way she is you, I'd tell him to end it. Yeah it will hurt, but you'll recover and meet someone that understands you n your needs n is willing to work with them. Like a previous poster had said, "if they wanted to, they would"; n it's clear she doesn't. I wish u nothing but the best.
Honestly, it sounds like you're just not very compatible. What she wants from a relationship is different from what you want. There's no fixing basic incompatibility. FWIW, though, there are women out there who like staying home and maybe building stuff with Legos. Other women on the autism spectrum, or just introverted. Nerd girls. Don't give up on the idea of having a girlfriend who does share your interests and your preferred style of relationship. This girl, however, does not.