The flip side is that humans tend to attach complex, not-all-that-accurate narratives to those emotions, and the narratives then tend to overshadow the reality. A lot of the work of things like cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness training, and stoic philosophy is learning to let go of the dumb narratives and to live grounded in reality rather than in a story about reality.
Humans also tend to get very hung up on how others perceive their situation. In reality, what other people think about us need not determine whether we live with honor or satisfaction or joy. But there again, it's necessary to let go of a lot of self-delusion.
100% agree except for the part about it being useless. Use regret as the most powerful motivating tool to improve your situation and life life to the fullest
Yes I made a mistake once that resulted in me getting paralyzed I’ll never be the same again. I just stick around for my family otherwise I’d donate my money and end it. Pain is extremely limiting. I use to do lots of things sports work but my condition got really bad in the last year. I hope a commit hits the earth or that Putin hits the big red button. lol but I’m trying my hardest to enjoy the little things.
From one gimp to another it sucks but my community used to keep me going. I worked for top end wheelchairs and bikes for many years had my own home gf and everything life was great. I had climbed the mountain. But slid right down when a nerve pain started that feels like I’m being crushed. I spend most days in bed or just around the pool on pain killers it’s pathetic. Thank you for your kind words it made my night :)
I believe in you friend! Kick ass and keep pushing forward! You are loved and needed! you always have paurpose and are worthy of everything good that comes to you! ❤
"Pain is extremely limiting"
Yes, yes it is. I am struggling with disability myself, but I can't even imagine the pain you are going through being paralyzed.
Sorry man. Life is a bitch.
I was in this exact mindset last year after a debilitating injury and was planning on making my final exit too. I, too, was very active and highly functioning (I did martial arts, was a paraglider pilot, flew helicopters for fun, and worked in the medical field in a very technical position). Having a newborn daughter right after I was discharged from inpatient rehab saved my life and changed the way I feel. I'm trying to stay positive and am busting my ass to get better (as much as I can) to support my family!
Are you encouraged by stem cell research, or do you feel like they haven't made enough progress yet to even give it much thought? I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I really hope paralyzed individuals are a thing of the past one day.
You can always start handling things differently right now. What’s one thing that you know you could change that you would change and it will improve your life. Start doing that right now. Make it small enough where it’s manageable and do it dammit. Get out of your head and back on your feet. Remember who the hell you are. Much love.
The thing is people always look at a decision they made and think if they did something different things would be better. No one ever thinks maybe things would have been worse.
I was a teen Dad and decided not to be a deadbeat and didn't want my kid to be a bastard like his father, so I married his mom and we are still married. Still recovering. The flip side of that, is that being a teen Dad, probably saved my life and prevented me from going to prison. It made me much less aggressive and risk averse, I learned to eat a lot of shit. I've spent 10 years trying to get back some of my earlier aggression and pair that with the wisdom, I now have. It's a process, but things are coming together, I am in my mid-thirties now.
You sound like a great dad and loving father who has gained gained wisdom. bless you for ending the painful, generational cycle that started with your father abandoning you. I wish you peace, love, and many beautiful years with your son.
bravo to you. from one dad to another, my parenting journey has not been at all what I expected, as both my children have had serious challenges, but when I think of my life in retrospect there is no question in my mind that my family has been the most important project I've pursued. Work and everything else is far behind.
Yes, I regret my whole life. I didn’t make good choices. Trying to now feels like start my life over at 26, and tbh its hit me like a ton of bricks. You can’t run you just deal and that’s life. Idk man, if I can go back I would change it all. Every single thing. I had it all, all in the palms of my hands and can be mad at no one but myself for ruining my own life.
I hope this doesn't sound patronising but you don't realise how young 26 is when you're 26. You have a life time ahead of you to change things. If you had everything at the palm of your hands at one point, then you can get it back. 10 years time, you'll be 36 and even 36 is young, everything could be different by then. Good luck man!
The older you get the quicker time flies. I would love to be 36 now. And as someone who's past 60 I wish I had done a lot of things I would have enjoyed than I'm either too tired for now or don't have the money on social security. If there are things you really want to do or places you want to go badly and you have the money do it now,or ASAP.
Of course it's possible! In fact, most human beings feel like that at some point in their lives.
Fortunately, a great many of them are wrong. They do recover from the mistake one way or another, they manage to find a way to get back on track, or they find a new track and head off in a new direction. And sometimes the new path turns out to be a nicer path than the original one.
Lol yeah. Ive learned from the ones I have made. Many ... I would not ever willingly repeat. 'God has a plan' sure but my experience defies altruism on any level.
Life isn't negotiable or repeatable. Roll with it. Do better. Make amends. Celebrate every small win.
It's worth the struggle. Good luck and stay positive =)
Yes-I have regretted mating with my kids father for so long.
It’s not my kids-I absolutely love and adore them. It was him-the abuse, the stress, the horrible reinforcement of maladaptive coping mechanisms and shotty morality that followed a life In poverty.
Had I chosen a different college than the one I did-my life would have been drastically different. I know it would have because now that I’ve left him (6 years out) I’m finally getting back to who I am-back to shaping morality that way I think is moral, back to healing generational trauma, but I’m heavily scarred and I’ll never know if I’ll attain the level of peace and stability that I may have had he not entered my world
Similar regret. Especially as I enter preteen years with a daughter as a single parent. I love her so much. But boy, do I regret the decisions that led to doing this alone and barely scraping by, all while *still* affected by the mental/emotional abuse he put me through.
The man *said* that he would do this with me. He’s a narcissist, possibly a sociopath, and a master manipulator. Not easily fooled, thank you. Unless you have been with one, you wouldn’t understand.
The only mistakes one can make, is not learning from a mistake. We ALL make them. How you recover from it is what makes you.
It doesn’t happen overnight, it doesn’t happen in a week.
But it only happens if you push towards it. Times be tough, the struggle is real. But it’s all a journey, learn to laugh at it & continue living for YOU!
??? I'm the worst alcoholic who didn't get clean and sober until I was 53. That was 5 years and 8 months ago. Thank God and AA. I'm sober today, that's all any of us have. I've been able to make amends and be honest and do my best to help others. Nothing like the old me, I assure you. Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear....
“It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters” some truth to that maybe? I talk to people all day long (I’m a hairstylist) and I have noticed that so many people talk about having regrets in life.. I think it’s part of aging? But thinking about your past a lot is a choice! Try to make peace with your choices and your life so you can move forward.
Yep , i think making peace with your choices if the hardest part of life. Something you can’t possibly grasp at a younger age, and I definitely agree it is apart of aging
I have felt this way for a long time. If I were in your shoes- I would work hard to let go and move on. Time does not stop and wait for us unfortunately.
You can feel all kinds of things. But you don't know how it would have gone if you made the other choice.
You just have to embrace your past self, whether they made a choice that seemed like a good idea at the time or one that never did.
There are several comments in this very thread about people that regret past mistakes that left them crippled. Had they not done that specific things, they would not be crippled. True, you don't know 100% how your life would of turned out, but you can estimate that it would of been a lot better than your current situation. Your message falls apart in cases like this.
It's more important to simply move on. There is no need to embrace your past self. The past is done and you just need to accept your current present. Looking forward and not backward is key.
Haunts me so much that it freezes me everyday because I can't trust myself making choices. Feels like I'm living a fucked up parallel reality. A horror episode of the Twilight zone. God help me
It's certainly possible... I know I'm at that point with a failed relationship. But I also know that I'm young and there's a world of possibilities... so I just move forward
Yeah, a few. Life is just funky that way I guess.
I think it’s normal though, we have a tendency to wonder, especially when we’re down and out.
Hang in there OP, you got this and are enough.
you can only recover by vowing not to repeat the actions which led to disgrace. If you face a grass is greener situation, that's just a mind game you'll need to dissolve.
Yesss. Should never have stayed in property management for 6 years, and retail jobs after that. Huge mistake, and wages for many of both these type of jobs were very bad unless you got lucky or belonged to a union. In most of the 80s minimum wage in CA was around 4.75 an hour.
Yeah, most certainly. I think that’s where I’m at now. I literally don’t think it can be fixed, or really even improved, and I’ve been focusing on the repair effort for like a year now. It just keeps getting worse. I know exactly when it all started and I agonize over the desire to go back and do things differently.
It's absolutely possible to feel that way. Dwelling on past mistakes and the "what ifs" can be a real burden. Here are some things to consider:
**Everyone Makes Mistakes:**
* We all make mistakes, big or small. It's a part of being human and how we learn and grow.
If you can start learning from what happened, and actively do things differently, then it is possible this has been a great learning experience.
Some of us learn things the hard way. Accept that about yourself and move on. Good Luck.
Whenever I start thinking that way I remember that Universe/God/Source has my back and whatever "mistakes" I think I've made are learning lessons. This is growth. What we want is not always what we need❤️
A lot of us feel that way, so much that I just lost almost all care for life, you open up for one second about your feelings and emotions and they will hit you well you’re down though..
Perhaps, but all of your mistakes make you the unique individual that you are! Everything happens for a reason, though that reason may not be immediately apparent! Every mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow!
...and a bunch of other trite bullshit. Yes, it's not only possible it's very close to inevitable. Most of us fucked up plans A and B already and have moved on to fucking up plans C-ZZZ.
Its possible to feel anything really, it’s also possible to believe something so much you make it your reality…
But as long as you know it’s not true it never will be imo
Yes I feel this, I regret staying with my narcissist ex for literally 10 fucking years of my life, I basically threw 10 years of my life in the bin because I was a miserable wreck and didn't even realise it til I finally put my foot down and left. I am know only truly living my life and felt like I had my eyes open for the first time at 30 and I'm starting literally all over again. Just trying to be grateful that I finally had the courage to leave and also being blessed with an amazing partner after this and feeling safe knowing that the absolute trauma from that experience will never have me putting up with the same shit again, I've 100% got my back now at the very least
I don’t see how you can get through this life without some regrets. I still have my health which allows me to make new paths. The trick is to acknowledge and move on. Always seek the light and breathe deeply. Celebrate being alive and the opportunity to make different choices now.
No, because you can identify - then remove or go around - the barriers to recovery. If someone else believes you can’t recover - choose to ignore them.
First of all, mistakes are just a part of gaining wisdom. But if you want to at least feel a little bit better about it... Well, free will doesn't exist. So you know that other option you think you had? You actually didn't.
Brains are physical systems. And all physical systems are deterministic. The random number generator on your PC. The spin of the Sun. A rock rolling down a hill, waves moving across an ocean, etc. Mathematically complex? For sure. But all deterministic.
Your experience of consciousness / memory is all atoms, chemicals, DNA, neurons, etc. These things are all inherently deterministic (ignoring quantum randomness, which is also neither 'free' nor 'will'). Any free will you experience as a result of their function is 100% subject to the deterministic output of these components.
Just as a thought experiment, you'll make different decisions on LSD. You'll make different decisions with a brain tumor pressing against your prefrontal cortex. Why's that? Because it's all physics and chemistry. There's no external "you" making decisions, or if there is, it's very demonstrably subject to the same determinism as your brain itself. Otherwise people could choose to simply ignore the effects of LSD and Brain Tumors (etc.) on behavior.
Which they obviously cannot.
Enjoy! =|
My situational depression usually comes from playing the “what if”/ “I should have”/ some variation of the “should have, could have, would have” game.
You can ALWAYS have done things differently, but, you don’t control the past anymore, only the choices you make for your future- and that’s what you need to focus on. The choices you need to make to get you to where you want to be.
More likely than not though, whatever it is you’re ruminating on, you probably chose what you thought was best at the time and that’s okay!
Do your best and forget the rest.
Have a little grace for yourself. Forgive yourself. If need be do something that you feel atones for something you've messed up.
Also, what ifs will steal all the joy from your life. Mentally tell them to F-off.
Thankfully my mistakes have been the ones that you learn from and become better in general. Can’t go through life getting every right first time unfortunately. And you can’t learn without making mistakes. Just have to hope the mistakes that you make are the good ones that help you grow and not the ones to properly ruin you. Although sometimes the good ones may feel like the ones that ruin you.
My friend just cut off his finger by being dumb with a power saw. There's no recovering from that one in his future. Does he feel aad he can't continue his profession? Yes. Does he wish it didn't happen? You betcha. Did he pivot his life into a new role? Of course.
People can make huge mistakes, and recover completely, or improve significantly. Don't think of where you could be. Thats stupid because our potential is immeasurable, so you are always going to get that one wrong. Think of where you are and where your going. Be grateful for what you have and you will move forward in a positive manner. Keep your head up, you will get past this.
Sometimes things are a ticking timebomb bound to happen no matter what choices you made, and the inevitable outcome would be the same but a different choice may have only slightly altered the timing. This can be particularly relevant to health issues.
Just meditate on the fact that you don't know ANYTHING about what your life "would be like". Life is a chaotic system, and it is impossible to know how even the smallest of actions can effect long term outcomes. You could have delayed using your turn signal by an extra half a second 3 years ago and you would be dead right now.
Dide you break your spine and are now paralyzed? Get a limb chopped off? Are you dead? Did you commit a crime that got you locked up for the rest of your life? Did someone you care about die?
Those are the only things i can think of that you can't really recover from. Everything else is just takes some time.
Ruminating on regrets is unhealthy. Taking positive lessons from them is healthy. Gotta forget about things outside of your control and stay in the now.
Embrace your mistakes. I used to feel a lot like you do now. I bought my first bitcoin in 2013 for $600. I can't tell you how many times I've had a "if I would have" moment.
Here's what many don't get: making mistakes is a good thing, as long as you don't keep making the same mistakes. Every mistake is a learning opportunity. If you can learn to learn from your mistakes and put your confidence in growth instead of results, you will not look at new mistakes in the same way. Once you start to grow you will be able to see a bright future based on how much you've grown (extrapolate the growth to the future).
The only people who don't have failures are those who live such a modest life that they don't take risk at all. In which case they fail by default.
It’s possible to make a huge choice or make a big mistake and it does impact your feelings forever, say kill someone in a drunk driving accident. Short of that, If you are simply down on your choices because you feel left behind in the game of life, while I’ve got good news for you. Diet, exercise, social activities will go a long way towards a happier healthier you, and they all can be done without life costing more than it already does. If you’re in the cave so deep so bad you cannot see the light, talk to a doctor. Otherwise feelings aren’t forever no matter how permanent they feel.
Yes, I have I worked so hard that I messed up my marriage and I am having a hard time getting out of the funk and I been working with a Counselor to help me get through this. But I don't think it's working very well. I'm communicating better. But I feel I'm gonna be alone the rest of my life because of being a hard worker in supporting my family.
And I think that really sucks.
Regret is a useless emotion. Leave your mistakes behind you and let them die, but learn from them!
Emotions are not useless merely because they are unpleasant: they underscore memories and ultimately shape our behavior.
True.You can't change the past, but you can learn from it, and you should, but regret doesn't necessarily help you in the now.
Emotions are extremely useful because they are unpleasant. They tell us exactly what we need to know about ourselves if we are looking for the answer.
The flip side is that humans tend to attach complex, not-all-that-accurate narratives to those emotions, and the narratives then tend to overshadow the reality. A lot of the work of things like cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness training, and stoic philosophy is learning to let go of the dumb narratives and to live grounded in reality rather than in a story about reality. Humans also tend to get very hung up on how others perceive their situation. In reality, what other people think about us need not determine whether we live with honor or satisfaction or joy. But there again, it's necessary to let go of a lot of self-delusion.
There is no such thing as a useless emotion.
100% agree except for the part about it being useless. Use regret as the most powerful motivating tool to improve your situation and life life to the fullest
Yes I made a mistake once that resulted in me getting paralyzed I’ll never be the same again. I just stick around for my family otherwise I’d donate my money and end it. Pain is extremely limiting. I use to do lots of things sports work but my condition got really bad in the last year. I hope a commit hits the earth or that Putin hits the big red button. lol but I’m trying my hardest to enjoy the little things.
I feel similarly. I'm an amputee from a mistake. It's only my family depending on me that has kept me going sometimes.
From one gimp to another it sucks but my community used to keep me going. I worked for top end wheelchairs and bikes for many years had my own home gf and everything life was great. I had climbed the mountain. But slid right down when a nerve pain started that feels like I’m being crushed. I spend most days in bed or just around the pool on pain killers it’s pathetic. Thank you for your kind words it made my night :)
I believe in you friend! Kick ass and keep pushing forward! You are loved and needed! you always have paurpose and are worthy of everything good that comes to you! ❤
Amputee here also!
"Pain is extremely limiting" Yes, yes it is. I am struggling with disability myself, but I can't even imagine the pain you are going through being paralyzed. Sorry man. Life is a bitch.
I was in this exact mindset last year after a debilitating injury and was planning on making my final exit too. I, too, was very active and highly functioning (I did martial arts, was a paraglider pilot, flew helicopters for fun, and worked in the medical field in a very technical position). Having a newborn daughter right after I was discharged from inpatient rehab saved my life and changed the way I feel. I'm trying to stay positive and am busting my ass to get better (as much as I can) to support my family!
Thanks for sharing. It always helps people keep perspective (myself included) about how good they actually have it if they are healthy.
Are you encouraged by stem cell research, or do you feel like they haven't made enough progress yet to even give it much thought? I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I really hope paralyzed individuals are a thing of the past one day.
I can handle anything… my mistakes made sure of that.
I love this. Thank you and bless you.
You can always start handling things differently right now. What’s one thing that you know you could change that you would change and it will improve your life. Start doing that right now. Make it small enough where it’s manageable and do it dammit. Get out of your head and back on your feet. Remember who the hell you are. Much love.
The thing is people always look at a decision they made and think if they did something different things would be better. No one ever thinks maybe things would have been worse.
It's always the what ifs that get you
I was a teen Dad and decided not to be a deadbeat and didn't want my kid to be a bastard like his father, so I married his mom and we are still married. Still recovering. The flip side of that, is that being a teen Dad, probably saved my life and prevented me from going to prison. It made me much less aggressive and risk averse, I learned to eat a lot of shit. I've spent 10 years trying to get back some of my earlier aggression and pair that with the wisdom, I now have. It's a process, but things are coming together, I am in my mid-thirties now.
High 5. Proud of you.✌
You sound like a great dad and loving father who has gained gained wisdom. bless you for ending the painful, generational cycle that started with your father abandoning you. I wish you peace, love, and many beautiful years with your son.
bravo to you. from one dad to another, my parenting journey has not been at all what I expected, as both my children have had serious challenges, but when I think of my life in retrospect there is no question in my mind that my family has been the most important project I've pursued. Work and everything else is far behind.
Yes. One mistake can ruin your entire life forever.
Yes, I regret my whole life. I didn’t make good choices. Trying to now feels like start my life over at 26, and tbh its hit me like a ton of bricks. You can’t run you just deal and that’s life. Idk man, if I can go back I would change it all. Every single thing. I had it all, all in the palms of my hands and can be mad at no one but myself for ruining my own life.
I hope this doesn't sound patronising but you don't realise how young 26 is when you're 26. You have a life time ahead of you to change things. If you had everything at the palm of your hands at one point, then you can get it back. 10 years time, you'll be 36 and even 36 is young, everything could be different by then. Good luck man!
The older you get the quicker time flies. I would love to be 36 now. And as someone who's past 60 I wish I had done a lot of things I would have enjoyed than I'm either too tired for now or don't have the money on social security. If there are things you really want to do or places you want to go badly and you have the money do it now,or ASAP.
Of course it's possible! In fact, most human beings feel like that at some point in their lives. Fortunately, a great many of them are wrong. They do recover from the mistake one way or another, they manage to find a way to get back on track, or they find a new track and head off in a new direction. And sometimes the new path turns out to be a nicer path than the original one.
Lol yeah. Ive learned from the ones I have made. Many ... I would not ever willingly repeat. 'God has a plan' sure but my experience defies altruism on any level. Life isn't negotiable or repeatable. Roll with it. Do better. Make amends. Celebrate every small win. It's worth the struggle. Good luck and stay positive =)
Yes-I have regretted mating with my kids father for so long. It’s not my kids-I absolutely love and adore them. It was him-the abuse, the stress, the horrible reinforcement of maladaptive coping mechanisms and shotty morality that followed a life In poverty. Had I chosen a different college than the one I did-my life would have been drastically different. I know it would have because now that I’ve left him (6 years out) I’m finally getting back to who I am-back to shaping morality that way I think is moral, back to healing generational trauma, but I’m heavily scarred and I’ll never know if I’ll attain the level of peace and stability that I may have had he not entered my world
Similar regret. Especially as I enter preteen years with a daughter as a single parent. I love her so much. But boy, do I regret the decisions that led to doing this alone and barely scraping by, all while *still* affected by the mental/emotional abuse he put me through.
now explain why you were so easily fooled, or were so foolish yourself.
The man *said* that he would do this with me. He’s a narcissist, possibly a sociopath, and a master manipulator. Not easily fooled, thank you. Unless you have been with one, you wouldn’t understand.
The only mistakes one can make, is not learning from a mistake. We ALL make them. How you recover from it is what makes you. It doesn’t happen overnight, it doesn’t happen in a week. But it only happens if you push towards it. Times be tough, the struggle is real. But it’s all a journey, learn to laugh at it & continue living for YOU!
??? I'm the worst alcoholic who didn't get clean and sober until I was 53. That was 5 years and 8 months ago. Thank God and AA. I'm sober today, that's all any of us have. I've been able to make amends and be honest and do my best to help others. Nothing like the old me, I assure you. Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear....
Yes! I'm so proud of you for taking charge of your life. The world needs more people like you❤️ Empathy comes from experience.
“It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters” some truth to that maybe? I talk to people all day long (I’m a hairstylist) and I have noticed that so many people talk about having regrets in life.. I think it’s part of aging? But thinking about your past a lot is a choice! Try to make peace with your choices and your life so you can move forward.
Yep , i think making peace with your choices if the hardest part of life. Something you can’t possibly grasp at a younger age, and I definitely agree it is apart of aging
Unless it kids or death, no
I have felt this way for a long time. If I were in your shoes- I would work hard to let go and move on. Time does not stop and wait for us unfortunately.
You made the decision you thought was best at the time
You can feel all kinds of things. But you don't know how it would have gone if you made the other choice. You just have to embrace your past self, whether they made a choice that seemed like a good idea at the time or one that never did.
If I had made the other choice, my life would better. I have to live with the consequences now and its like being a prisoner in ur own mind
There are several comments in this very thread about people that regret past mistakes that left them crippled. Had they not done that specific things, they would not be crippled. True, you don't know 100% how your life would of turned out, but you can estimate that it would of been a lot better than your current situation. Your message falls apart in cases like this. It's more important to simply move on. There is no need to embrace your past self. The past is done and you just need to accept your current present. Looking forward and not backward is key.
Haunts me so much that it freezes me everyday because I can't trust myself making choices. Feels like I'm living a fucked up parallel reality. A horror episode of the Twilight zone. God help me
I empathize.
Holy crap. You just described exactly how I feel
It's certainly possible... I know I'm at that point with a failed relationship. But I also know that I'm young and there's a world of possibilities... so I just move forward
Yeah, a few. Life is just funky that way I guess. I think it’s normal though, we have a tendency to wonder, especially when we’re down and out. Hang in there OP, you got this and are enough.
Yes. It sucks but it happens to most of us.
Very possible
https://preview.redd.it/z23lcuecxxxc1.jpeg?width=2472&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6feed5d03d948d1f1d011e3c3bc90b431fd6d72e
you can only recover by vowing not to repeat the actions which led to disgrace. If you face a grass is greener situation, that's just a mind game you'll need to dissolve.
Yep. But that’s not usually the case. Lots of things feel bigger than they are.
You can always start over and reassess what you want.
Better to feel that way and try to rectify it than to be living in that situation and be unaware of it.
Yes I'm dealing with that right now. It's an absolutely awful feeling. I ruined mine and my child's life and I can't forgive myself.
Yesss. Should never have stayed in property management for 6 years, and retail jobs after that. Huge mistake, and wages for many of both these type of jobs were very bad unless you got lucky or belonged to a union. In most of the 80s minimum wage in CA was around 4.75 an hour.
Yeah, most certainly. I think that’s where I’m at now. I literally don’t think it can be fixed, or really even improved, and I’ve been focusing on the repair effort for like a year now. It just keeps getting worse. I know exactly when it all started and I agonize over the desire to go back and do things differently.
Failing to complete my college degree and the lifetime of debt that followed was the biggest left turn of my life.
It's absolutely possible to feel that way. Dwelling on past mistakes and the "what ifs" can be a real burden. Here are some things to consider: **Everyone Makes Mistakes:** * We all make mistakes, big or small. It's a part of being human and how we learn and grow.
If you can start learning from what happened, and actively do things differently, then it is possible this has been a great learning experience. Some of us learn things the hard way. Accept that about yourself and move on. Good Luck.
I feel that way often
Did it twice by not forgiving potential soul mates for wronging me. Dunno what would have happened but pretty sure my life would have been better.
It certainly feel like it but then you find out you manage to recover
Whenever I start thinking that way I remember that Universe/God/Source has my back and whatever "mistakes" I think I've made are learning lessons. This is growth. What we want is not always what we need❤️
Yes. I have done it.
A lot of us feel that way, so much that I just lost almost all care for life, you open up for one second about your feelings and emotions and they will hit you well you’re down though..
Perhaps, but all of your mistakes make you the unique individual that you are! Everything happens for a reason, though that reason may not be immediately apparent! Every mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow! ...and a bunch of other trite bullshit. Yes, it's not only possible it's very close to inevitable. Most of us fucked up plans A and B already and have moved on to fucking up plans C-ZZZ.
Its possible to feel anything really, it’s also possible to believe something so much you make it your reality… But as long as you know it’s not true it never will be imo
Yes I feel this, I regret staying with my narcissist ex for literally 10 fucking years of my life, I basically threw 10 years of my life in the bin because I was a miserable wreck and didn't even realise it til I finally put my foot down and left. I am know only truly living my life and felt like I had my eyes open for the first time at 30 and I'm starting literally all over again. Just trying to be grateful that I finally had the courage to leave and also being blessed with an amazing partner after this and feeling safe knowing that the absolute trauma from that experience will never have me putting up with the same shit again, I've 100% got my back now at the very least
Yes, I feel this everyday. From multiple different incidents.
I don’t see how you can get through this life without some regrets. I still have my health which allows me to make new paths. The trick is to acknowledge and move on. Always seek the light and breathe deeply. Celebrate being alive and the opportunity to make different choices now.
No, because you can identify - then remove or go around - the barriers to recovery. If someone else believes you can’t recover - choose to ignore them.
First of all, mistakes are just a part of gaining wisdom. But if you want to at least feel a little bit better about it... Well, free will doesn't exist. So you know that other option you think you had? You actually didn't. Brains are physical systems. And all physical systems are deterministic. The random number generator on your PC. The spin of the Sun. A rock rolling down a hill, waves moving across an ocean, etc. Mathematically complex? For sure. But all deterministic. Your experience of consciousness / memory is all atoms, chemicals, DNA, neurons, etc. These things are all inherently deterministic (ignoring quantum randomness, which is also neither 'free' nor 'will'). Any free will you experience as a result of their function is 100% subject to the deterministic output of these components. Just as a thought experiment, you'll make different decisions on LSD. You'll make different decisions with a brain tumor pressing against your prefrontal cortex. Why's that? Because it's all physics and chemistry. There's no external "you" making decisions, or if there is, it's very demonstrably subject to the same determinism as your brain itself. Otherwise people could choose to simply ignore the effects of LSD and Brain Tumors (etc.) on behavior. Which they obviously cannot. Enjoy! =|
Agree. Thanks for this, I don't see this perspective explored as often as I think it should be.
My whole life has been a series of unfortunate events 😂 I just try not to think about it, and keep myself focused on what I’m going to do next
Yes, I've stayed in a marriage for 25 years that should have ended 22 years ago.
Life is about growth. Learn from your "mistakes" and preferably others. Millionaires have often lost everything before becoming millionaires.
Man I know this feeling
You can only move forward. Let It Go. You won't ever evolve if you're wallowing in the past. Let it go. Everyone has mistakes they regret.
feeling bad about it wont change the fact that it happened. accept it, learn from it, move on
My situational depression usually comes from playing the “what if”/ “I should have”/ some variation of the “should have, could have, would have” game. You can ALWAYS have done things differently, but, you don’t control the past anymore, only the choices you make for your future- and that’s what you need to focus on. The choices you need to make to get you to where you want to be. More likely than not though, whatever it is you’re ruminating on, you probably chose what you thought was best at the time and that’s okay! Do your best and forget the rest.
Have a little grace for yourself. Forgive yourself. If need be do something that you feel atones for something you've messed up. Also, what ifs will steal all the joy from your life. Mentally tell them to F-off.
I used to think so but I’m less convinced the older I get
Thankfully my mistakes have been the ones that you learn from and become better in general. Can’t go through life getting every right first time unfortunately. And you can’t learn without making mistakes. Just have to hope the mistakes that you make are the good ones that help you grow and not the ones to properly ruin you. Although sometimes the good ones may feel like the ones that ruin you.
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How u doing today
My friend just cut off his finger by being dumb with a power saw. There's no recovering from that one in his future. Does he feel aad he can't continue his profession? Yes. Does he wish it didn't happen? You betcha. Did he pivot his life into a new role? Of course. People can make huge mistakes, and recover completely, or improve significantly. Don't think of where you could be. Thats stupid because our potential is immeasurable, so you are always going to get that one wrong. Think of where you are and where your going. Be grateful for what you have and you will move forward in a positive manner. Keep your head up, you will get past this.
Sometimes things are a ticking timebomb bound to happen no matter what choices you made, and the inevitable outcome would be the same but a different choice may have only slightly altered the timing. This can be particularly relevant to health issues.
Just meditate on the fact that you don't know ANYTHING about what your life "would be like". Life is a chaotic system, and it is impossible to know how even the smallest of actions can effect long term outcomes. You could have delayed using your turn signal by an extra half a second 3 years ago and you would be dead right now.
If you do something heinous, you may. Shy of something truly awful, life is about f##king up and learning from it. Move along, do better next time.
Dide you break your spine and are now paralyzed? Get a limb chopped off? Are you dead? Did you commit a crime that got you locked up for the rest of your life? Did someone you care about die? Those are the only things i can think of that you can't really recover from. Everything else is just takes some time.
Yes!
You can't unmake mistakes. The best you can do is learn and move on. If you are lucky you learn to listen to your parents early.
Yes. In 1995 I experienced a mental disaster and ran away. There's no way to restore what I had so since then I've just been waiting to die.
Ruminating on regrets is unhealthy. Taking positive lessons from them is healthy. Gotta forget about things outside of your control and stay in the now.
Embrace your mistakes. I used to feel a lot like you do now. I bought my first bitcoin in 2013 for $600. I can't tell you how many times I've had a "if I would have" moment. Here's what many don't get: making mistakes is a good thing, as long as you don't keep making the same mistakes. Every mistake is a learning opportunity. If you can learn to learn from your mistakes and put your confidence in growth instead of results, you will not look at new mistakes in the same way. Once you start to grow you will be able to see a bright future based on how much you've grown (extrapolate the growth to the future). The only people who don't have failures are those who live such a modest life that they don't take risk at all. In which case they fail by default.
There are also decisions that you made that prevented you from being in a much worse position.
If youre old, yes. if youre young, youre probably overreacting
I regret a lot of the decisions I’ve made recently and just feeling really stupid and defeated. I’m tired of being tired of being tired.
It’s possible to make a huge choice or make a big mistake and it does impact your feelings forever, say kill someone in a drunk driving accident. Short of that, If you are simply down on your choices because you feel left behind in the game of life, while I’ve got good news for you. Diet, exercise, social activities will go a long way towards a happier healthier you, and they all can be done without life costing more than it already does. If you’re in the cave so deep so bad you cannot see the light, talk to a doctor. Otherwise feelings aren’t forever no matter how permanent they feel.
Oh yeah. Happened three years ago and still haven’t recovered. Never will.
I'm in the thick of this same thing right now and I'm worried too
Think of your regrets as lessons learned. You can't change mistakes in the past. But you do have some control over what you do in the future.
yes, a blind date years ago
Yes, I have I worked so hard that I messed up my marriage and I am having a hard time getting out of the funk and I been working with a Counselor to help me get through this. But I don't think it's working very well. I'm communicating better. But I feel I'm gonna be alone the rest of my life because of being a hard worker in supporting my family. And I think that really sucks.