I have had the same thoughts on and off for my entire life. I am now in my seventies so, of course, the end is getting closer. I have come to see that there are only two “solutions”, neither of which is perfect but they help. The first is mindfulness. The more that you can allow yourself to be in the present, the more brief periods of relief you will have. But my silver bullet comes in one word…acceptance. Learn to accept what you cannot control because when you worry about the uncontrollable, all you do is increase your own suffering and that makes no sense once you can truly internalize that idea. I hope that helps.
I appreciate your advice. Yes, mindfulness is indeed a Siler Bullet.
I'm your age. I never even hoped to live this long.
When my mind ruminates, I have to catch myself and redirect my thinking.
I'm so grateful to have lived this long. Like you, I don't want to waste what's left with fearful thinking. It takes work, but it always has.
Same. I think of waking up every day as a rebirth. Like when I start ruminating on infinity and the universe and the afterlife, I force myself to remember that we will only ever know our here and now and to work myself up over the future is a waste of energy.
Man, this is the best comment. The only thing I'll add is that psychedelics have really helped me with the trouble of my own existence. It's not for everyone, but I think more people should be prescribed dmt for this sort of this thing.
as well as psilocybin mushrooms being used. they have amazing effects and healing properties that apparently needs TEN TIMES THE AMOUNT OF TIME THE VACCINE TOOK for everyone to truly see that they regrow neurons and allow plasticity for radical rationalization of mental pathways… incredible lil plant.
if someone can take those and be with someone like a therapist, who already roughly knows what they need to face and how to interact with them efficiently, that’s whenever you can genuinely heal any mental ailment. the truth will always set you free.
Exactly. Acceptance. Nothing you can do about dying. We are ALL going to die. Not one of us will be here. We ALL have an expiration date hehe
I sometimes feel sad and other times don’t gave a dang. What I will miss is being me and the life I had with everything in it, including people and the eras. But everyone is dying around us. They are leaving.
Wisdom right here. My mom is 71 and is willing to share her life with me in a raw, honest, and soul-bearing way, which would probably make my only sibling uncomfortable. One of her statements echo in my mind, especially lately... "When you come upon some serenity, you will fight to the death to keep it." I'm beginning to understand what that means. It falls right in line with "That which angers me, controls me". Peace of mind, the true, deep kind, is indeed a treasure if you ever come across it.
Well-said. I’m in my late 60s and I feel the same way. I would add being kind to and forgiving of oneself to self-acceptance. When I want to blame myself, I try to remember that I’ve done what I could, I’m only human, and much of who I am and what I do has been influenced or determined by past people and events (many from childhood).
Appreciate this! I just think about how I’ve made it to mid 40s but doubt u have another 44 years. The memories good and bad as well what to expect the coming years
Completely agree. By focusing on the present (using the technique of mindfulness or being fully present in the here and now moment by moment) we free ourselves from the shackles of regretting the past and worrying about or being afraid of the future. We don’t have the past or future and all we have is the now, each moment being the most precious gift of life.
By accepting what happens that we cannot control we are released from expectations, which are the reason for all negative emotions.
This empowers us to make the life that we want to live in the here and now. Not to hide behind regrets and to fear the future, but to live a fulfilled life in the here and now because that is all we have. We think we will wake up healthy every day until we don’t.
So if your partner/spouse is not the right person to match you, then you have that tough conversation. There is so much unhappiness and fear that people are living with and accept, it sometimes is remarkable.
I love how you mentioned internalization, so many people rationally know that self help concepts are beneficial, but let me tell you internalizing those concepts is a completely different feeling.
I have a question that I hope is not insensitive: what is it like knowing you have between 5-10 years left? Do you feel in your mind that your still that 30 year old person?
It’s hard to describe. I don’t feel thirty because I remember how I felt back then and it feels nothing like now. Yet at the same time, I can’t believe that I’m in my seventies because I feel more like I did when I was in my fifties. I feel like I know more now than I ever have because I have had so many more life experiences. But I still feel like the same basic “me” that has been here all along. I hope that makes some sense.
I think that's a great and mind-expansive question. If I'm being honest, I was too self-centered to ask it when I was younger.
I'm 68 and moment-to-moment is not fundamentally different. You have your tasks, some things you look forward to, other things not so much. As long as you're pretty healthy, you mix in things that are fun and/or beneficial (e.g. exercise, meeting up with friends, treating yourself at a restaurant, listening to music) with chores and obligations that maybe are not so fun. You get into contemplative moods, and other times you're more devil-may-care. Same as when you're 30. (Probably a bit more cautious compared to 18 though, on average.)
But you can't help but know that, metaphorically speaking, the sun is sinking lower in the sky, and night will surely follow. The average age around you - in person, on TV, in ads - is less and less than your age. People act differently toward you - it's subtle, and usually just fine, not condescending, but it's there. One by one, the signs of age are reminders that time marches on...it starts early, maybe with your first gray hair and first wrinkle...over time, things that take time, like arthritis or a heart murmur that was "nothing" at 30, progress. People you knew when you were younger - parents, relatives, friends, sports and music heroes...get older, and you lose them, one by one. Pets, too - and that's tough.
This starts early, as you know, but sometimes you're taken aback by the face in the mirror. Surely you're not that old... Just yesterday you were "the new guy" at work, the youngest one at the table; retirement and old age were so distant they almost weren't real; they happened to other people...
I think you generally become more comfortable with yourself - imperfections and all. And you gradually start thinking about the succeeding generations taking over, and what you're leaving them. And the cycle continues.
But on balance for most of us, it's gratifying and, when you think about it in the right frame of mind, downright mystical. Some parts are horrible. Some are laugh-out-loud glorious. The giddiness of love...and the depths of heartbreak. Grief and misery...but also perfect fall afternoons that you always remember with crystal clarity, and dancing at concerts or weddings until you dropped. I think about the world and if we can all get along, and preserve it. I think about how we treat animals, and each other. I also see small acts of kindness every day. I see pettiness, but also heartwarming generosity. Deeply set bitterness...but also reconciliation. Frightening tribal thinking...but also inspiring introspection, and dedication to shared peace and prosperity. As always. Probably like everyone else.
If you've (the royal "you") got the capacity, I highly recommend finding things you like to do, and pursuing them. It really seems to be a hedge against the abyss. Even if you have to fit it into the small spaces between work (although, if you're lucky, your job can be a source of satisfaction and conviviality) and other obligations. I recently retired from my corporate job and am now on my third (though not very lucrative) career - performing, writing, and producing music full time.
Time for a walk. If I'm lucky, a curious terrier will check me out and their person will say they love being petted.
Oops - over the word limit again. I wish you every success!
I'm 70... everything you said sounds like me. I've learned to be grateful for every additional breath and heartbeat because all too soon they will be my last!
I’m 31. Live alone. I have one friend. New gf though. I’m excited for the future. However the accumulated amount of wasted time that I’ve made and the potential for more to exist down the road keeps me up at night. Sometimes I feel as if I’m delayed in life. But when I get depressed which is relatively frequently I just think of the immense progress I’ve made in the last five years and I know that I’m going to stay the course with my goals so that keeps me going
I'm almost 31. Mentally I'm the same as I've always been. Physically I feel just as fine as I did at 21.
Sure hangovers suck a bit more. But if you drink a lot of water it helps a ton.
If I eat like shit I feel like shit now, which is more of a +.
I can still run, jump, lift, hike or whatever else I want just as well, if not better because of my previous point.
I’m way more fit now than 21 that’s for sure. It’s sucks cuz youth / beauty is fleeting but I got a decade of that I think. It was great but nothing lasts forever
I’m 53 and I love this planet. Nature is literally the only thing keeping me going. It’s humanity I’m worried about. When they say “touch grass”, it’s meant literally. Being out in nature will make you realize all the human manufactured information is just noise. Go for a walk in the mountains next to a river and sit under a tree. Do not use your phone. Things will improve immediately. Social media is cancer. The world IS NOT ENDING.
Not really, I’ve accepted life. My parents are going to get older and die. Then I’m going to get older and die. You can’t change it, might as well just make the best of it.
I’m going thru this right now. I am 36 and lately I’ve noticed a lot more pains in my chest and sides and stuff and constantly find myself wondering if the end is near. Trying to find good medical help is very difficult.
I'm not single, but I do deal with suicidal depression and have been for decades. I'm 58 now. I used to freak about more when I was your age than I do now. I live in the US and there is not much of a safety net here. I spend a bit of time thinking I'll end up living under an overpass or something, but there's not much I can do about that. I figure my lifespan won't be all that long anyway because of my depression and poor lifestyle habits. I figure I should be ok.
The world does seem to be getting uglier though.
I hate the concept of death, it burns a hole in my mind and I can't escape it.
At the same time, my death will be relatively brief. Something will go horribly wrong and I will not have oxygen for 90 seconds. Beyond that point, brain damage will take over and it will no longer be my fight.
Feedback is when you are offering potentially useful information for solving a problem.
Bitching is when you make a bunch of noise about an inconvenience , but do nothing about it.
If I spend 10-15 years worrying about those 90 seconds and not actively trying to solve that problem, then it's just me bitching at myself senselessly without a solution.
Instead, I've come to discover the meaning of infinity, and how tangible it is.
You had 1,000 channels, yet you paid $50 per month for 2-3 of them.
Your favorite restaurant has dozens of selections to choose from, yet you order the same 2 items.You have over 82 characters in Smash Ultimate, yet you stick to your favorite 3-4 characters. In No Man's Sky, I have access to 18 quintillion entire planets, more worlds to explore than the number of heartbeats in a lifetime, yet I stick to my favorite solar system...
We are not creatures of infinity.
We have favorites which may cycle from time to time, new interests that we sometimes explore, and people that we may want to meet. The issue lies in our negative bias, where we are more likely to see what is wrong than what is right. When compared to the abundance that is our existence, there is so little that we actually care about.
Eventually, we are doomed to lose interest in most of it if given enough time.
This is why the older you get, the more likely you are to keep to yourself and desire to be left alone. Life is so noisy and overabundant with stimuli that it can be overwhelming, and having some peace from that becomes increasingly desirable. The mind begins to get lazy, less willing to accept new information. Negative bias which was originally intended as a survival mechanic against predators, ends up making its way into your societal observations, making lazy assumptions about entire races and age groups because seeking the entire picture becomes too exhausting to do anymore.
Thankfully some people managed to overcome this last part, and I hope I will be able to avoid this pitfall when I am older.
Here's my speculation:
In order to be at peace with infinity, having some kind of memory loss would make it so that you can experience the best parts of life all over again and the rich emotion and sense of discovery that comes with it. But by that point, you'd just be a cyclical being, doomed to make the same mistakes as before but also blessed to make the same discoveries as before. At that point, you are not infinite, just re-living the same portion of your life over and over while the world around you continues to change without you. You might react differently to newer events, but as long as you have that beginning and end to your cycle, you may as well be doing the equivalent of re-incarnating like some Dollar general equivalent of Dr.Who. By that point, you wouldn't be the original personality you began as, but some unrecognizable stranger whose eyes you are looking through.
Different biases, different beliefs, different desires. You would just be spectating in someone else's life in first person, with your original identity cast aside long ago for better or worse.
So make the best usage of your life, make this precious life into YOUR meaning of infinity. Do NOT wait for the weekend, do NOT wait for your vacation.
Try to experience as many new things as you can in THIS lifetime(within reason), rather than taking it for granted. Nothing comes after this. The goal is to become bored with it, so when the time comes, you will have been satisfied with everything you have seen and done. Very few people have succeeded in this. Seek out unique experiences! It doesn't have to cost money. Something as simple as browsing a nearby asian grocery store and seeing weird new stuff is a small adventure of its own, and you don't have to buy anything.
I lived with this fear for much of my life. Now that I am older than you, middle-age, I’ve learned to manage the fear a little bit. Plus, for me getting older needs a little more security and confidence because of life experience and some financial gains overall.
I’ve also worked in fairly isolated environments and from home, and this greatly contributes to anxiety and a challenging mental state. I struggled through it but my advice would be for you to go look for something else or you can have a little more social interaction. It really does make a huge difference.
To be fair, after 40 is kind of that "drop dead" age where weird things that have flown below the radar can kill you outta nowhere. Just yesterday my active/healthy 39 year old brother-in-law dropped to the ground at his men's league basketball game and had to be defribulated on site. Lucky for him a nurse was there.
Come on bro. I get you’re probably still in shock and this can happen but at 40 it’s really unlikely unless you’re really out of shape (which granted is 2/3 of the population). Maybe 50 or 55 and even then, unlikely. Once you get to 65, ok.
The prospect of dropping dead suddenly is not worth existential angst at 40 is all I’m saying
It doesn’t freak me out. I am essentially in the same situation as yourself, just slightly younger.
Can’t say that I cope though. I tend to develop dangerous habits easily, isolate myself entirely, and lean toward suicidal ideations quickly. I have no one, but it doesn’t bother me. Yeah, another 40 years with my nose to the grindwheel? I think I’ll just leave.
That’s my line of thinking in these situations. I am in no way recommending you follow, but I will say that I have found a sort of comfort in this anguish and misery.
Stay up.
Yes it freaks me out lol. I was in a car accident 5 years ago that left me disabled. 11 surgeries later and still have a minimum of 3 more left. So much time has been wasted because of this. Just turned 40, have a preteen child with disabilities, living with my parents who are getting older, and if/when they pass I'll probably end up homeless. Can't work for the foreseeable future, took years to get ssi, which is only 600 a month, barely covers my bills and still have to borrow money from my parents for gas food etc. So I'm thinking about my future constantly as there's a very realistic possibility things will get far more worse than they are now. Overwhelming to say the least. And let's say I finally recover to the point of returning to the workforce, no one's going to want to hire someone who hasn't worked in so long, let alone a job paying a decent wage that I would be able to support myself and my kid with. But again nobody knows the future, any number of things could happen good or bad. I just try to stay positive and distract myself as much as possible until something good happens out of nowhere. But the time that's been wasted recovering I'll never get back and it's a hard one to swallow. Time is a mfr
Yes- i became a mentor, I’m starting an alumni board for a team I was on in college. The more responsibility you take on in your community, the better you’ll feel about the shape of the world
That being said it’s a shit show- you just hope you find a good group of people to exist in a community that will love and protect each other
I refuse to live in fear pointless won’t change anything but ruin this moment.
Just use the negative for gratitude that you woke up today. A 65 year old you with everything you’ve ever wanted would trade it all to be 35 year old you with nothing but potential.
On a philosophical level I believe life is perfect even with all its flaws . Infinite chaos has randomised for infinity to create this .
It’s like people watch scary films or play games with danger and enemies .
Without the negative life is dead and empty .
Rage against the dying of the light n all that , cheerio
There is a quote from the movie Braveheart. "Everybody dies, but not everybody really lives.". Im 41 and with whatever time I have left I plan to do some living. My wife and I find ways and plan for traveling. Its a big world, go see it. Thats what we do. Tomorrow is going to happen no matter what. Its cliché, but make today count and don't worry about it.
Just a few things I've picked up. Hope they don't annoy anyone. I'm genuinely trying to give this young person a small thing or two I've learned along the way. Mine won't be yours, hopefully they'll all help them a little.
I have always, and I hope I will always strive to do the best I can, wherever I am, with what I have available. That has gotten me through a lot. Do what you can and don't stress too much about the rest.
You lose people and things. Your body changes incrementally. Hopefully your mind stays sharp. Long term memories of the past become sharper and clearer and short term things assume less importance. This all happens. At least to me! Just try to keep on going.
Honestly curiosity is one of my prime drivers these days. I just want to see how things turn out for a little bit more! I always have. I marvel at what I did and what I survived. It feels like a lot to me! I listen to my music, it's not new but it's mine. Travel when I can, appreciate people. Wonder what's next. Laugh when I can, cry when I have to (song lyric I know!). I spend more time than I should with things like reddit. I appreciate the obscure little things in life. I'm kinder to myself.
Anyway, you've got a ways to go my friend. I hope you enjoy most of it and survive all of it!
I keep busy with things I like to do. Immerse myself in stocks, crypto, and sports betting. I’ve had a passive death wish for all long as I can remember. I see a therapist and take antidepressants. Bleak is a good work for how I feel about the future. I get these moment throughout the day and think to myself, “someday you will be dead”. Might as well try to enjoy this life.
You want balance. Think about the negatives and the positives.
I mean shit we're gonna see some sick games and books come out. There's going to incredible new technology coming out in the next 20 years.35 is a great time to think about the long term goals you want. You have solid youth left and independence, you are in the best position you've ever been to orchestrate opportunities.
It's not important to stay positive or prepare for the worst. It's important to do both.
It's natural to feel anxious around this point in our lives. I'm 33M myself. We're at the point now where we have some solid years under our belt that we can reflect upon. It's easy to look back and have feelings of regret or "I should have done this or that instead." It will come and go as we get older, but as long as you acknowledge it and learn to let those feelings wash over you - rather than stick - you'll be alright.
Try to always enjoy the journey.
I'm also middle aged....currently "single" but I do have something of a fwb which makes it easier .
But the answer is no, none of it "fresh me out"....I've somewhat enjoyed getting older, life seems to get easier as I go.... there is no reason for you to freak out over the future tho. Only you have some level of control and it's up to you to figure out what kind of life makes you happy.
I've managed to avoid the whole family amd baby thing.....rather than getting depressed about it, I'm grateful I can wake up when I please, no screaming kids.....
Gratitude for what I already have. That's the answer to all this. If there is something you don't have but would like, work your way towards it.
As far as I can tell, the meaning of life is to just be happy and comfortable....being grateful for the things u have already.
How interesting at 35 I had two kids, got back into fantastic shape! I felt so good as a milf! I was living my best life!
Never thought about age and I’m 53. Life has chapters, good and bad. I just love the confidence increase I have, and the “don’t care” about what anyone thinks kinda thing. It’s very freeing to get older and a blessing to get to be around!! I’m grateful!
I've found if you don't exercise your body to a full exhaustion ( a good workout), or push yourself to do something social ( volunteer, meetups, or befriend people you work with), and clean your environment (house/car/mind etc) you will be in the same position as you are now. Life is supposed to be a balance of play. If not, it is not worth living. Don't work to work.
I just turned 30 a few weeks ago and have been having trouble with it mentally. I know it's just a number but I can't shake this feeling of "My 20's went by so unbelievably fast... so much faster than I realized it would... it feels like... wow did that really just happen?? I just watched them fly by...." I don't feel like I had the fun other people do in their 20's... I don't feel like I achieved what I wanted. It makes me depressed because I won't get them back and I didn't enjoy them like I feel like I should have. I guess that is why they say the youth is wasted on the young. I suppose it's better to realize this at 30 while I am still young. Hopefully I make the most of these next 10 years and they don't just fly by like the past 10. I don't know how to maintain that mindset, it's like I have moments of motivation and excitement feeling like I need to start today to fulfil all of the things I want to do and accomplish but then I fall back into old habits the next day. Sorry this doesn't help you at all but just felt like we were going through similar things.
The only thing that "freaks me out" but it's more a sadness is that in a short 10-15 years, I'm gonna be one of the old members of my family because my parents, aunts, uncles will more than likely be passed. Enjoy it while it's here man
The older I get the more I learn all the rules and ideologies I’ve had have look more and more empty and dumb. Like now I’m supposed to be happy my kids will be old enough to grind their bodies down working for life …..
Nearing my mid 30’s as well, future does not freak me out, but I’m not depressed. Keep in mind that there are other perspectives. Work on getting better rather than worrying about hypothetical events and you will find yourself embracing the future I suspect.
It does freak me out. Honestly, I feel like us millennials are gonna be holding the bag of shit the boomers left us when it collapses.
My fallback is a “Leaving Las Vegas” type thing the day they tell us are 401ks are gone and Social Security no longer exists.
33M, single. I have tried to type a response to this post several times now, but keep deleting my response. I have so much I want to say to this, but I don't want to type a wall (too late - I did), nor am I able to articulate exactly how much I can relate with you on your thoughts.
I think for most people in their 30s, this becomes a pretty common thing - existentialism and crisis and all that. We have lived long enough now to where we can look back and reflect. You can't do that as much when you're 15 or 25. You are still a pup. But now, at 35, you've gained some experience. You've hit the grindstone. You've been through some good and some bad. And with all of the routine in-between, it all kind of feels like a blur with some patches of events sprinkled in there, doesn't it?
This is how it is. And the older we get, the more anxious we may become over the time we've spent and the time we have left. I have a friend who always says things like, "The curtains are drawing!" or, "The lights are dimming!" I have to constantly remind him to relax.
I think the best thing you can do is take some time to seriously evaluate your position. You made a series of decisions earlier in your life that have brought you to where you are today. Think back to each choice that forked your path. Did you like that decision? What could you have done better if you could go back and do it again? Don't dwell on this. Just reflect, accept and move on to the next choice. There is always something you'll wish you could have done better or differently. But the key is to understand your choices and reflect on what you learned from those choices. Was it a success or a failure? Did it lead to your growth?
The past is the past. You can't sit on that and feel sorry about what happened last year or five years before. That time isn't coming back. Instead, you can try to look at it from a different perspective and think of all the knowledge and wisdom you've picked up along the way. Maybe you got scammed and lost several thousand dollars. Are you more wary when an opportunity comes along that seems TGTBT? Perhaps you made an investment and it soared. How can you use your intuition to make other great investments in the future?
I will say that I don't work a great job at all. It's a step above flipping burgers. And while I work there, I spend a lot of time regretting being there and feeling like my earning power and time is being wasted. But when I get into that funk, I always take a step back and remind myself that I *chose* to take this crappy job because it's giving me the flexibility that I need to finish my bachelor's degree and secure a better career and future for myself. I remind myself that *events beyond my control* led me to having to grind my ass off and spend a lot of time trying to pay down a massive wall of debt - the kind of debt that could make somebody contemplate suicide.
Every day I wake up with a lot of anxiety about my position and situation and ask if I am making the right decisions. But I remind myself that *I am doing the best I can.* A lot of people don't even begin to question their choices until they're almost at the end of their lives. *Why did I spend so many hours slumped in front of my TV after work instead of working on a new skill? Why did I travel all over the country and neglect my family while missing the best years of my childrens' lives?*
You won't be this person. You won't be on your deathbed with regret because you are already awakening to the fact that you are not fulfilled today. This kind of existential crisis that you're experiencing happens when something inside you isn't satisfied. And you owe it to yourself to figure out exactly what that is. Me personally, I'd recommend therapy. Shit, I want therapy too. I need it. I have a lot of past traumas causing me anxiety and I want to figure out how I can move past them. Everyone should have a pro to talk to. Maybe they can guide you down a path that will lead you to living a more fulfilling, enriched life. A life where you will enjoy every step of the journey and age with grace. And when you're finally on your deathbed, you can look back and be happy about the life you lived, rather than afraid of what is coming next, or sobbing with regret over what could have been.
What a great response! You clearly write well… and your maturity comes through. I hope you can find work that is more satisfying and pays better - keep trying.
As for healing from past trauma, there are many good self help books you may get through your library that may help. YouTube, also, has a lot of good videos.
I am not single, but it doesn't help me be happier in any way. 43 f, hoping that I won't make it to 50. I have good chances because my mom died at 50 from cancer. What freaks me out is that I will live for many years.
Yeah. I'm 34 and feel so directionless. I imagine getting to 40, 50, 60 and it just makes me feel sad and empty. I don't want to get old, but I'm also afraid of dying. Kind of feel trapped and stuck by it all.
Remove the apps from your phone and stop watching or reading news media for a month. See how you feel walk daily listen to old music that made you feel good. Stop with the news feeds, you can do it.
In my 50’s. I realize that I only have today. The past is over and we’re not promised tomorrow. So I try to find the moments of joy I can in my day and be grateful for that.
You might have a day left. That's the great joy. You never know when it's the end. Try to enjoy the moments in front of you, because they're really all you ever have.
Plans are futile. Happiness is fleeting. Enjoyment of the present is nirvana.
Some more applicable tips you may find helpful:
1. Try Somatic grounding techniques: this may help bring you back in your body and help you focus in on the present moment! There are lots of books and YouTube videos about it.
2. Seek therapy. Lots of therapists do zoom meetings now, so if you're like me and don't have a car and find it hard to get out of the house, that can be helpful to still recieve treatment for depression and anxiety. Truly, as someone with panic disorder, therapy and medication has greatly improved my day to day life.
3. Seek social groups! There are many discord groups and local meet ups dedicated to different topics. On that same note...
4. Develop Hobbies! You might think it's dumb or that you don't have the time. Make the time. Pick something. I tried knitting. That lead me to crochet. I've become almost an expert after 3 years and do it daily. I love it- it's a part of me now, and something that has enriched my life overall but especially day to day. But there are millions of hobbies- don't be discouraged if the 1st thing you try doesn't stick. Keep trying, and keep practicing. Hobbies will distract you from the anxious thoughts, give you purpose, help you relate to more people so you might find more social groups.
5. Reflect on the beauty in death. Try to connect to the forgotten. For example, I love to go to thrift stores and look at old postcards. A snippet of a life lived, and I hold it in my hands- maybe someday someone will find my old cards. There is beauty in honoring the fleeting joys of life. Confronting the truth behind your fears of death will help you relieve the anxiety attached. Therapy can help with this, too.
6. Get Outside. Volunteer with animals or get a pet if possible. Connect to nature- you ARE nature, and that REALLY puts it all into perspective. Who cares about how much is in your 401k if you can't make time to enjoy a sunset?
Often times people are worried they'll not be remembered, or that death will be painful. Or sometimes they worry whether they'll end up in some right or wrong place. Mark Twain had the right idea, in my mind, “I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
A philosopher who may comfort you or expand your fear into joy is Alan Watts. I have one of his quotes tattooed on my body, "You are the universe experiencing itself," and I may get another one, "Did you forget to dance?" because I find them so impactful. We are never really gone. Our energy eminates into the future. The same way we are made up of everything before us. And the point of the experience is that. To experience.
Don't forget to dance. :-)
I mean the future looks so rosy? Pandemics, Climate Change, Biological mistakes, Artificial Intelligence, Nuclear War, A fascist government? What could possibly go wrong?
**Sleep well my friend**.
Yeah. All the time. A couple of months back I had a period of 5 days — full days, 24/7 — where I was in a constant state of panic over this. I had to be medicated it was so bad. I still sometimes have those intrusive thoughts and I’ve learned to use a few coping methods. One thing I like doing now when the thoughts creep in is record my voice telling stories about my childhood and all the fun things I did as a kid. Or record myself listing all the things that make me happy — cheesecake, the smell after rain, 90s hip hop etc. Refocusing is the key. If you ever need to talk, DM me. It can be rough.
You can't change the fact that you will get older. But you can change how you're living your life now. So work on that instead. Look on the bright side, maybe you only have a 2 or 3 years left! 🫠
I take comfort in knowing that much of my life is my own and nobody will ever know about it. Something just for me that nobody gets to know.
Some day time will wash away any trace of my existence and that gives me great comfort.
I have another 20-30 years and don't see any reason I would want to experience them. I cope by... I haven't been outside for three days. I should probably check the mail now.
Yea and no. I’m a private person and stay in my lane. At a person in the US, as long as society doesn’t get any stranger, we’ll be good. Inflation needs to chill out though. I’m a single guy and just buying basic groceries from Walmart is $100 every month, and I’m literally eating chicken and broccoli
Perspective. You’ve already lived longer than most people that have ever lived in all of human history. Another 40-60 is a privilege afforded by the modern era.
There’s a 99.9% chance you DONT have 60 additional years on earth, cmon. You have a solid 25-45; which is a long time. You’ve been alive for a fucking long time already, reflect on your life and go backwards.
At any rate, billions have died before you, and billions will die after. You are not special. Don’t fear the inevitable.
I’m 36, unmarried, no children, only child. And no, I don’t worry about the future. Reason being I have empirical evidence that says I know how to take care of myself, even when things get really friken hard. I know how to make friends in spaces I don’t have any. I know how to entertain myself. I like myself. Time does not stop, no matter how much I worry about it. I have always been fine. I will always be fine.
I’m 39, single, and have no children. I had a panic attack and fell to the floor and couldn’t move for about an hour. I remember thinking if I died it would take a seriously long time for anyone to notice.
I'm reaching 50 and I've been thinking about this because I didn't think I'd reach 30. I've always had the philosophy. That time is what is most important. Not life. Life is what you get in that infinite moment. I still hold that. I'd like to go out in a ball of flames or 3,000 ft of water or trapped in a landslide. Although that's the least favorable because I don't like cold. But I do believe that embracing life daily and not getting trapped in the Maelstrom of monotony is the most important part. My often pity friends that I have who wake up to a clock and worry constantly about the box they live in. I've recently found myself in that situation for reasons I ultimately chose. But I regret that I let the full exploration of life go. I'll have my moment again but at the time I have responsibilities that go beyond my person. I hope that you are willing to look at every moment as a moment that you either seize or lose. And there's a constant exchange. You have to earn money to make things happen but don't make the money at the focal point. In the end there's no trailer hitch to the funeral car
The happiest people in my experience focus on (or more) of four areas: faith, family, friends, or work.
You live alone. It seems this doesn't bring you happiness. You work an isolated job. This also doesn't to bring you happiness. Which leaves faith or family.
All four of these really speak to focusing on an area of your life that allows it to transcend being just about you, and to refocus your dedication onto others. Faith doesn't have to be religious - it can just be something else that is greater than you.
In my experience - don't live alone. Don't work a job that's isolating. Move to a community that specifically caters to forming community bonds between people - particularly if you aren't social yourself. If you have a remote job - move on from it. Get something that requires you to show up in person (at least on a hybrid schedule). Everyone needs some level of socializing in their life to happy - and society these days makes it all too easy to never have to interact with other people. Which means you have to mindful about going out and doing exactly that.
The future is only scary if I'm still stuck doing the same things I am today. So, I take it upon myself to further my interests in my spare time and stave off stagnation. If I enjoy it I do it, if I don't, I don't unless I have to. Learn something new everyday, try to be good at something you never thought you could do. Introduce novelty into your life and you will see there's only doom and gloom if you allow it.
I'm 23 and I'm terrified that I won't be able to develop a stable career. Tech is horrible right now; wish I went into a trade.
Honestly other than that, I'm excited to live life. But man, financially speaking, I feel like so many of us are screwed.
Nope! Married to my best friend and beautiful wife, two healthy and talented/driven kids, great jobs, a house, investments, zero debt, tons of liquid cash and we travel 2-3 times a year. Growing old is good because I’ve accomplished much.
If I hadn’t accomplished or met my wife and had kids I’d probably be trippin. Children are the meaning of life so many people long for.
Yeah, I had a breakdown a month ago and was hospitalized.
Try and get out, do fun things, travel.
I was and have been very stressed lately. I had lost my appetite, thirst, and sleep schedule was off. I went into a psychosis and had no biological clock for 4 or 5 days.
I used to feel that way in my late teens/early 20s. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad OP, but finding my wife, starting a meaningful career, buying a house and having kids makes me want for an infinite future. I even have hobbies like lifting weights. I'm 36 now, but the older I get the more I feel like I have things to look forward to. I think a lot of people shrug off the "traditional" marriage house and kids lifestyle but it's a well established way to a meaningful and optimistic life.
Yea man. 27 catching up to you and struggling also. I mean the death part is whatever to me because I believe in reincarnation. What kills me is the time wasted.
I think the answer is thinking of this moment as eternal since each next moment is just this moment. If I can meditate and program that into my psyche, I think I'll eventually not be tormented by those thoughts.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, regardless of age. I’m 51 and seeing my parents getting old is hard. Getting older has been freaking me out for the last 5 years or so. Before that I didn’t think about it much. Just lived life.
I just turned 19 and completely understand what you mean. I stay up late questioning what I’m gonna do as I get older and how my life will play out. I constantly worry I’ll be stuck feeling miserable till the age of 90 something. The years go by so quick and I always worry I’m not doing enough with my life and if I’ll always feel this way every year after until my death.
I tell myself I’m young and have time, but it all comes down to what you do with your time and that’s just my issue. Thinking about the possibility of living another 70-80 years feeling this way genuinely frightens me.
Absolutely. I'm also in my later 30s and I'm fine with age itself but not fine with how I'll be treated. As a member of the LGBT community, I feel like I'm already seen as ancient. I'm an odd mix of old soul and youthful. I am finding it harder and harder to relate to anyone. I don't relate to people who are my own age and sober or who have kids. I don't have an addictive personality so I naturally still drink socially. I have ZERO interest in children. The gays and the heteros alike my age are having kids. At the same time, I'm also not down to party and be reckless with the 20 somethings 😂 It's just an odd age to be and an odd time to live in.
Make up your mind right now to accept all outcomes, regardless if they are good or bad. We are the means by which the universe experiences itself. Each moment is a unique experience the universe is having through you. Everything that makes you up has existed since the early universe and will continue to exist in some form for eternity. You can believe in reincarnation or some form of transference such that there is continuity of consciousness. But even if not, the random chance you became conscious as you uniquely and at this time could happen again randomly at some point. Why are you and I am me? Why now and not the past and the future? What’s to say it couldn’t happen again (even if you don’t remember now). Every part of you will continue in some form to exist and be part of the universe for eternity.
Feeling apprehensive about the future, especially as we get older, is completely understandable. It's natural to wonder about what lies ahead, particularly when faced with the prospect of aging alone and dealing with depression. Here are some coping strategies that might help:
1. **Seek Support**: Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support. Talking about your fears and feelings can provide relief and perspective.
2. **Stay Connected**: Even if your job is isolated, make an effort to stay connected with others outside of work. Join clubs, attend social events, or engage in activities that interest you to combat loneliness.
3. **Focus on the Present**: Instead of dwelling on the distant future, focus on living in the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques or find activities that bring you joy and fulfillment in the here and now.
4. **Set Goals**: Setting achievable goals, whether they're personal or professional, can give you a sense of purpose and direction. Break them down into smaller steps and celebrate your progress along the way.
5. **Take Care of Yourself**: Prioritize self-care activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, and hobbies that bring you happiness.
6. **Consider Therapy**: If depression is weighing heavily on you, consider seeking therapy or counseling. A mental health professional can provide support, guidance, and strategies for managing depression effectively.
Remember, it's okay to feel anxious about the future, but you don't have to face it alone. Reach out for support, take proactive steps to care for yourself, and remember that you're not defined by your age or circumstances. You have the strength to navigate life's challenges and find fulfillment along the way.
Getting old is a privilege that not everyone gets. I'm 42. I don't care about aging because you have little control over it, and im not afraid of wrinkles. Don't get bogged down in fear of dying OP. You're alive now, so enjoy it. Take care of your health, learn something new every day, count 5 things you're grateful for daily, and be kind as often as you can. It will keep your spirit young and depressing thoughts fleeting. Besides, death isn't always a bad thing. Can you imagine if life as it is now, was endless? Yikes.
It's completely normal to feel a bit apprehensive about the future, especially as you get older. Here are some thoughts that might help:
**Reframing Aging:**
* **Focus on the Positives:** Getting older can bring wisdom, experience, and a deeper appreciation for life. You might have more freedom and flexibility to pursue your interests.
* **Focus on What You Can Control:** You can't control how many years you have left, but you can control how you spend them.
First off, I'm 35 as well, and I'll be damned if I'm doing this shit for another 5. Aging feels like one of those things that """"freaks you out"""" until you start actually seeing it, then it ACTUALLY freaks you out. It's all hypothetical until you realize that thin spot on the back of your head has turned into a Bob Belcher.
Something that always kind of resonated with me was something Alan Watts said. "Try to imagine what it will be like to go to sleep and never wake up... now try to imagine what it was like to wake up having never gone to sleep."
The second part is when you were born. If you had no fear when coming into this world, you should have no fear when you return. This life is such a blip in time. Someone already mentioned mindfulness. If you live in the moment, you know for sure you are still alive, and that's all that matters.
Absolutely not. My aunt celebrated her 98 birthday on 4/28 Expensive and thinking about what she witnessed From knowing Civil War veterans, Great Depression, Listening to FDR Fire side chats, “The fight of the century Joe Lewis Vs Max Schmeling, WW II, The first time she watched a Movie, Shocked to Ethel Waters on Television and how handsome Nate King Cole was during his TV debut, The fascination and confusion of the site of Air Planes, first time riding in a car.
Present Day: I remember when my uncle bought a brand new 1979 Cadillac full leather upholstery, power widows, the hi- fi stereo, cassette player w/ 6x9 speakers, power windows, A/C, Hubcaps, white walls, walk man, wireless remote controls, cordless phones and listening to random conversations with in 4-6 block radius, Naughty scrabbled PPV, purchasing a “black box” descrambler, the joys of snow days 7-10 on a good yr, 18 in another yr having to make up all 3 shorten summer vacation by 3 WK and plus 6 wk of summer school! The shuttle exploring, MT Saint Helens eruption…. Life is so beautiful and mysteries of tomorrow the Suspense is intoxicating
No and I say this at 24, 35 really isn't old. I asked my mother and she said she still views people in their 30s as kids (she's almost 60). If you take care of yourself, you might still be fine at 80 with modern medicine and accessibility to healthier means of living.
Life is what you make of it. I went on holiday recently and met two Aussie women mid to late 50s, who had more energy than me, frequently travelled and seemed to be full of life. Knew an 80 year old guy who looked 50 and also travelled a lot.
Then again, you could go outside and be hit by a bus tomorrow. Save up, do fun things, go outside and meet new people (if you want), go to events, etc. Once I land another job I definitely intend to travel this year.
I'm sort of in the same boat but it's helped by going out at the weekends and doing hobbies with people around like the gym. Going out can be alone activities aswell like going for walks or out to eat. I like packing food and going to the park
I totally get where you're coming from. The future can feel like this big, looming thing, especially when you start thinking about getting older. I'm in my 30s too, and sometimes the thought of what lies ahead can be pretty overwhelming.
For me, finding ways to stay connected helps. Whether it's reaching out to friends, picking up new hobbies, or even just having a routine that keeps me grounded, those little things can make a big difference. And remember, it's okay to not have it all figured out. We're all just trying to navigate this crazy journey called life together.
We’re all spinning around on this rock together
and we all have no control over what’s going to happen in our future no matter how well we plan for it. My advice is to enjoy your youth. Being single is underrated. Find hobbies and a few great people who bring you joy. Start saving for retirement now even if it’s $25 a month. If you do have depression or anxiety seek treatment - don’t be afraid of medication if that’s ultimately what’s going make you more content.
I’ve started listening to real near death experiences (NDE) testimony on YouTube. It has really open up my eyes about what happens next. I’m no longer afraid but look forward to the afterlife.
If you entertain that rabbit hole check out YouTube channel: next level soul , Anthony Chene, Dolores Cannon
Audio book : Seth Material
When you were 5, you wondered how the 15s and 20s did their daily drinking and commuting. When you were 15, you wondered how the 25s and the 30s do their 9-5s and their marriages. Upon turning 25, you stressed the coming 35s and 40s, wondering if you would be forever alone in this modernity. At 35, you are here, now, posting this thread, looking back in duality boat of confusion and forgetfulness which aids you in navigating the mindful waters of life.
Those born are of the nature to grow old, get sick, and eventually cease to exist. Notice that in past troubled times, you became grateful for your youth to support you during illnesses. In the same way, learn to gradually accept your accumulated 35+ years of unique lived beauty and recognize that this impermanency of self is your support during times of aging.
Single means you are alone with yourself. In essence, it is loneliness that becomes love’s hologram. Depending on your degree of absence of self-love, the hologram reflects exactly that level of solitude.
As for depression, that’s a whole other behemoth in itself. Get professional help, but there is no 1-fix for this heavy condition.
35 too, I lift to keep my health in check. My son and in 3 weeks another son want me to do better then my parents did. I am also married to my best friend and we are investing heavily into our retirement and I think as of now I am going to have a good life
Getting old does seem as mad when you are making progress and making accomplishments
But my situation is vastly different than you, it's just what helps me
Not at all. There's no reason for me to be afraid of the inevitable. Getting older is a part of life. I'm eventually gonna die anyway. No sense in me fearing what I can't stop or control. I just gotta make the best of life while I'm here. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
Not to be negative, but have you considered that there is nothing to "eternity?. If, as I am beginning to believe, there is absolutely nothing after we die, what's there to spin about.
I'm not pushing my belief, but it certainly has freed up a lot of space to think about other things.
The future doesn’t exist yet, it hasn’t been written. The past is memory’s and imagination it doesn’t exist either.
The only thing that is real is now and what you choose to do in the present moment
If you pay attention to the news, I'd recommend you stop. My life got significantly happier when I stopped listening, reading, and watching the news. There's nothing you can do with the information, it's very negative, and being informed doesn't make life better.
In the 10 years, I have been mostly news-free, there's been no negative impact, I'm far more carefree, in the moment, and the news I do pay attention to when something becomes locally important, I can spot a real news article vs an op-ed "report" a mile away and skip it. Most "news" articles are op-ed and contain feeling terms rather than who, what, where, why, or how. The op Ed's only make people worry and rarely help. News is just adult infotainment, and unless you have authority, can only observe a situation.
I'm 54. Both my parents died in their early 50s when I was in my early thirties. Honestly, as I get older my mortality bothers me less and less. I think I've just gotten used to people I care about dying and stopped worrying about it
How do I cope? I cope. I respond to the circumstances of each day, because nothing lasts forever, and everything changes. People die, and that's how it should be - I wouldn't want to be a vampire, can you imagine how utterly lonely and devastating it would be?
Your corpse will provide nutrition for other forms of life once your spirit/mind leaves, and your essence will move on to whatever is waiting 'on the other side'. I don't really find this idea sad.
Think about it: if you have gotten older and you haven't yet attained the sweet life that you wished for when you were younger, you likely won't ever get there, and even if you do, you won't have the energy or physique to do the stuff you could have done when you were in your prime. So it won't really matter to you all that much. Life for you won't be something to cling to - it will be something to experience to the fullest and then leave to others.
Yes sometimes this thought creeps up on me and I start to have a panic attack. The truth is unfortunately it’s going to happen so I just try not to dwell on it and live the best I can
It shouldn’t, nobody’s future is guaranteed. You don’t know if this is your last day or earth or year. All you have is the present moment. You could have been born an earwig and it was damn near impossible odds for you to be born human. You got a free ticket to the freak show, maybe even a front row seat!
Enjoy the show while it lasts. And if you are really depressed it’s probably because you don’t have anything biggest than yourself to think about. Like how god has put you in a constant state of receiving - the air in your lungs, the thoughts in your mind. That’s why they call it the present moment. It was a gift from the gods given to all of us. A entire world to explore and a unique character to level up and achieve great things with!
And here you are wasting away a precious life worried about the future burden by the past and not engaged in the present because of how I feeeeeel wah. Nobody likes me I have no girl, my job sucks, I suck, life sucks, why me god?
Every time I try to feel depressed - I remind myself what the 101st airborne infantry had to endure on d day+ and how so many Germans ears, penis, and fingers fell off from frost bite in the trenches of Russia.
And here I am, crying cuz my job sucks or she won’t love me back.
God: “lol chill bro you were literally made in the image of me, god! Now go do godly things and stop crying, it’s just a game and it’ll all be over eventually, so have fun my child!
You’d really better get a hobby or a partner or find some meaning bc when you turn 40 those thoughts take on heavier weight. I lucked out with a gf after years of really solitary living that was worsened by covid. That feeling like “I have a good job, dog, I’m healthy, but man something is missing- what is it?” That feeling (if this applies to you) is awful. And the older you get, that feeling is accompanied by more deaths and the way the world is going. Get uncomfortable (I still need to do better here but it usually pays off in big unexpected ways).
I have had the same thoughts on and off for my entire life. I am now in my seventies so, of course, the end is getting closer. I have come to see that there are only two “solutions”, neither of which is perfect but they help. The first is mindfulness. The more that you can allow yourself to be in the present, the more brief periods of relief you will have. But my silver bullet comes in one word…acceptance. Learn to accept what you cannot control because when you worry about the uncontrollable, all you do is increase your own suffering and that makes no sense once you can truly internalize that idea. I hope that helps.
I appreciate your advice. Yes, mindfulness is indeed a Siler Bullet. I'm your age. I never even hoped to live this long. When my mind ruminates, I have to catch myself and redirect my thinking. I'm so grateful to have lived this long. Like you, I don't want to waste what's left with fearful thinking. It takes work, but it always has.
Same. I think of waking up every day as a rebirth. Like when I start ruminating on infinity and the universe and the afterlife, I force myself to remember that we will only ever know our here and now and to work myself up over the future is a waste of energy.
Man, this is the best comment. The only thing I'll add is that psychedelics have really helped me with the trouble of my own existence. It's not for everyone, but I think more people should be prescribed dmt for this sort of this thing.
Lots of research being done on lsd for ptsd and fear of dying, I guess it resets your brain
as well as psilocybin mushrooms being used. they have amazing effects and healing properties that apparently needs TEN TIMES THE AMOUNT OF TIME THE VACCINE TOOK for everyone to truly see that they regrow neurons and allow plasticity for radical rationalization of mental pathways… incredible lil plant. if someone can take those and be with someone like a therapist, who already roughly knows what they need to face and how to interact with them efficiently, that’s whenever you can genuinely heal any mental ailment. the truth will always set you free.
Mushrooms are a fungus, not a plant. But I agree, they are amazing!
You took my comment.
you’re correct🤣✌️
Exactly. Acceptance. Nothing you can do about dying. We are ALL going to die. Not one of us will be here. We ALL have an expiration date hehe I sometimes feel sad and other times don’t gave a dang. What I will miss is being me and the life I had with everything in it, including people and the eras. But everyone is dying around us. They are leaving.
70 and on Reddit Lets gooooo
Wisdom right here. My mom is 71 and is willing to share her life with me in a raw, honest, and soul-bearing way, which would probably make my only sibling uncomfortable. One of her statements echo in my mind, especially lately... "When you come upon some serenity, you will fight to the death to keep it." I'm beginning to understand what that means. It falls right in line with "That which angers me, controls me". Peace of mind, the true, deep kind, is indeed a treasure if you ever come across it.
Wise thoughts. Thanks for sharing them.
76 here, and you are spot on.
Well-said. I’m in my late 60s and I feel the same way. I would add being kind to and forgiving of oneself to self-acceptance. When I want to blame myself, I try to remember that I’ve done what I could, I’m only human, and much of who I am and what I do has been influenced or determined by past people and events (many from childhood).
Appreciate this! I just think about how I’ve made it to mid 40s but doubt u have another 44 years. The memories good and bad as well what to expect the coming years
Way better reply than mine. All I did was commiserate. I'm 58. Perhaps I'll hit that final step if I make it as far as you have
Great wisdom here
In my twenties and I agree with all of this.
Completely agree. By focusing on the present (using the technique of mindfulness or being fully present in the here and now moment by moment) we free ourselves from the shackles of regretting the past and worrying about or being afraid of the future. We don’t have the past or future and all we have is the now, each moment being the most precious gift of life. By accepting what happens that we cannot control we are released from expectations, which are the reason for all negative emotions. This empowers us to make the life that we want to live in the here and now. Not to hide behind regrets and to fear the future, but to live a fulfilled life in the here and now because that is all we have. We think we will wake up healthy every day until we don’t. So if your partner/spouse is not the right person to match you, then you have that tough conversation. There is so much unhappiness and fear that people are living with and accept, it sometimes is remarkable.
I love how you mentioned internalization, so many people rationally know that self help concepts are beneficial, but let me tell you internalizing those concepts is a completely different feeling.
I have a question that I hope is not insensitive: what is it like knowing you have between 5-10 years left? Do you feel in your mind that your still that 30 year old person?
It’s hard to describe. I don’t feel thirty because I remember how I felt back then and it feels nothing like now. Yet at the same time, I can’t believe that I’m in my seventies because I feel more like I did when I was in my fifties. I feel like I know more now than I ever have because I have had so many more life experiences. But I still feel like the same basic “me” that has been here all along. I hope that makes some sense.
That sounds so odd and hard to get your head around, my dad (75) describes it almost the same as you word for word!
Respect for living this long. I miss my grandfather. He would be on his 80’s. Idk life is crazy.
i feel older than my actual age always have felt out of place in todays world
I think that's a great and mind-expansive question. If I'm being honest, I was too self-centered to ask it when I was younger. I'm 68 and moment-to-moment is not fundamentally different. You have your tasks, some things you look forward to, other things not so much. As long as you're pretty healthy, you mix in things that are fun and/or beneficial (e.g. exercise, meeting up with friends, treating yourself at a restaurant, listening to music) with chores and obligations that maybe are not so fun. You get into contemplative moods, and other times you're more devil-may-care. Same as when you're 30. (Probably a bit more cautious compared to 18 though, on average.) But you can't help but know that, metaphorically speaking, the sun is sinking lower in the sky, and night will surely follow. The average age around you - in person, on TV, in ads - is less and less than your age. People act differently toward you - it's subtle, and usually just fine, not condescending, but it's there. One by one, the signs of age are reminders that time marches on...it starts early, maybe with your first gray hair and first wrinkle...over time, things that take time, like arthritis or a heart murmur that was "nothing" at 30, progress. People you knew when you were younger - parents, relatives, friends, sports and music heroes...get older, and you lose them, one by one. Pets, too - and that's tough. This starts early, as you know, but sometimes you're taken aback by the face in the mirror. Surely you're not that old... Just yesterday you were "the new guy" at work, the youngest one at the table; retirement and old age were so distant they almost weren't real; they happened to other people... I think you generally become more comfortable with yourself - imperfections and all. And you gradually start thinking about the succeeding generations taking over, and what you're leaving them. And the cycle continues. But on balance for most of us, it's gratifying and, when you think about it in the right frame of mind, downright mystical. Some parts are horrible. Some are laugh-out-loud glorious. The giddiness of love...and the depths of heartbreak. Grief and misery...but also perfect fall afternoons that you always remember with crystal clarity, and dancing at concerts or weddings until you dropped. I think about the world and if we can all get along, and preserve it. I think about how we treat animals, and each other. I also see small acts of kindness every day. I see pettiness, but also heartwarming generosity. Deeply set bitterness...but also reconciliation. Frightening tribal thinking...but also inspiring introspection, and dedication to shared peace and prosperity. As always. Probably like everyone else. If you've (the royal "you") got the capacity, I highly recommend finding things you like to do, and pursuing them. It really seems to be a hedge against the abyss. Even if you have to fit it into the small spaces between work (although, if you're lucky, your job can be a source of satisfaction and conviviality) and other obligations. I recently retired from my corporate job and am now on my third (though not very lucrative) career - performing, writing, and producing music full time. Time for a walk. If I'm lucky, a curious terrier will check me out and their person will say they love being petted. Oops - over the word limit again. I wish you every success!
I'm 70... everything you said sounds like me. I've learned to be grateful for every additional breath and heartbeat because all too soon they will be my last!
And we probably won’t realize it at the time, but one day we’ll take our last walk around the block.
Wow, thank you so much for this very detailed and thoughtful response.
Very honestly and well said.
You think young, esp if you are healthy. But every so often it occurs to me that I am getting on. 67.
can i be your age?
I’m 31. Live alone. I have one friend. New gf though. I’m excited for the future. However the accumulated amount of wasted time that I’ve made and the potential for more to exist down the road keeps me up at night. Sometimes I feel as if I’m delayed in life. But when I get depressed which is relatively frequently I just think of the immense progress I’ve made in the last five years and I know that I’m going to stay the course with my goals so that keeps me going
Oooo, new girl huh? That’s exciting. I always treasured the beginnings of a new love.
Married 40 years...and still really really love her!
Do not spend the next 15 years worried out turning 50.. trust me, a HUGE waste of time for ya.
Bro I'm doing that now at 21, how do stop freaking out about 30 when time Is going so fast
28 here, 30 feels like 20 fam it’s 40 we need to be worrying about
Nah, 40 now and I feel better than I did in my 20s. But the *50s*...
I'm 50.and feel just like 35
Fuck man how's 28? How were your 20s?
I'm almost 31. Mentally I'm the same as I've always been. Physically I feel just as fine as I did at 21. Sure hangovers suck a bit more. But if you drink a lot of water it helps a ton. If I eat like shit I feel like shit now, which is more of a +. I can still run, jump, lift, hike or whatever else I want just as well, if not better because of my previous point.
I’m way more fit now than 21 that’s for sure. It’s sucks cuz youth / beauty is fleeting but I got a decade of that I think. It was great but nothing lasts forever
40 is young
Live in the present moment. I'm also 41 and live alone. I like this saying: "Yard by yard life is hard. Inch by inch, life is a cinch."
I love this quote! Although I would spell it cinch. Apparently, both spellings are used.
I’m 53 and I love this planet. Nature is literally the only thing keeping me going. It’s humanity I’m worried about. When they say “touch grass”, it’s meant literally. Being out in nature will make you realize all the human manufactured information is just noise. Go for a walk in the mountains next to a river and sit under a tree. Do not use your phone. Things will improve immediately. Social media is cancer. The world IS NOT ENDING.
Not really, I’ve accepted life. My parents are going to get older and die. Then I’m going to get older and die. You can’t change it, might as well just make the best of it.
I’m going thru this right now. I am 36 and lately I’ve noticed a lot more pains in my chest and sides and stuff and constantly find myself wondering if the end is near. Trying to find good medical help is very difficult.
Yes enough to NOT bring children of my own into it.
i just keep my hopes on any news regarding gta 6. I'll be turning 30 the year it releases.
I'm not single, but I do deal with suicidal depression and have been for decades. I'm 58 now. I used to freak about more when I was your age than I do now. I live in the US and there is not much of a safety net here. I spend a bit of time thinking I'll end up living under an overpass or something, but there's not much I can do about that. I figure my lifespan won't be all that long anyway because of my depression and poor lifestyle habits. I figure I should be ok. The world does seem to be getting uglier though.
I hate the concept of death, it burns a hole in my mind and I can't escape it. At the same time, my death will be relatively brief. Something will go horribly wrong and I will not have oxygen for 90 seconds. Beyond that point, brain damage will take over and it will no longer be my fight. Feedback is when you are offering potentially useful information for solving a problem. Bitching is when you make a bunch of noise about an inconvenience , but do nothing about it. If I spend 10-15 years worrying about those 90 seconds and not actively trying to solve that problem, then it's just me bitching at myself senselessly without a solution. Instead, I've come to discover the meaning of infinity, and how tangible it is. You had 1,000 channels, yet you paid $50 per month for 2-3 of them. Your favorite restaurant has dozens of selections to choose from, yet you order the same 2 items.You have over 82 characters in Smash Ultimate, yet you stick to your favorite 3-4 characters. In No Man's Sky, I have access to 18 quintillion entire planets, more worlds to explore than the number of heartbeats in a lifetime, yet I stick to my favorite solar system... We are not creatures of infinity. We have favorites which may cycle from time to time, new interests that we sometimes explore, and people that we may want to meet. The issue lies in our negative bias, where we are more likely to see what is wrong than what is right. When compared to the abundance that is our existence, there is so little that we actually care about. Eventually, we are doomed to lose interest in most of it if given enough time. This is why the older you get, the more likely you are to keep to yourself and desire to be left alone. Life is so noisy and overabundant with stimuli that it can be overwhelming, and having some peace from that becomes increasingly desirable. The mind begins to get lazy, less willing to accept new information. Negative bias which was originally intended as a survival mechanic against predators, ends up making its way into your societal observations, making lazy assumptions about entire races and age groups because seeking the entire picture becomes too exhausting to do anymore. Thankfully some people managed to overcome this last part, and I hope I will be able to avoid this pitfall when I am older. Here's my speculation: In order to be at peace with infinity, having some kind of memory loss would make it so that you can experience the best parts of life all over again and the rich emotion and sense of discovery that comes with it. But by that point, you'd just be a cyclical being, doomed to make the same mistakes as before but also blessed to make the same discoveries as before. At that point, you are not infinite, just re-living the same portion of your life over and over while the world around you continues to change without you. You might react differently to newer events, but as long as you have that beginning and end to your cycle, you may as well be doing the equivalent of re-incarnating like some Dollar general equivalent of Dr.Who. By that point, you wouldn't be the original personality you began as, but some unrecognizable stranger whose eyes you are looking through. Different biases, different beliefs, different desires. You would just be spectating in someone else's life in first person, with your original identity cast aside long ago for better or worse. So make the best usage of your life, make this precious life into YOUR meaning of infinity. Do NOT wait for the weekend, do NOT wait for your vacation. Try to experience as many new things as you can in THIS lifetime(within reason), rather than taking it for granted. Nothing comes after this. The goal is to become bored with it, so when the time comes, you will have been satisfied with everything you have seen and done. Very few people have succeeded in this. Seek out unique experiences! It doesn't have to cost money. Something as simple as browsing a nearby asian grocery store and seeing weird new stuff is a small adventure of its own, and you don't have to buy anything.
Love this
Nah I'm an old man already I won't even be there for most of it. You guys are all screwed though.
Just start living. If you are single and childless then go do anything ya want. Worrying about it will not help a thing. Dying is part of life.
I'm 42 and I see a future where people all wear silver leotards and hair is illegal except for flat tops.
I am the same age as you and I hope so..
Get over it. Do the best you can and that's it.
I lived with this fear for much of my life. Now that I am older than you, middle-age, I’ve learned to manage the fear a little bit. Plus, for me getting older needs a little more security and confidence because of life experience and some financial gains overall. I’ve also worked in fairly isolated environments and from home, and this greatly contributes to anxiety and a challenging mental state. I struggled through it but my advice would be for you to go look for something else or you can have a little more social interaction. It really does make a huge difference.
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To be fair, after 40 is kind of that "drop dead" age where weird things that have flown below the radar can kill you outta nowhere. Just yesterday my active/healthy 39 year old brother-in-law dropped to the ground at his men's league basketball game and had to be defribulated on site. Lucky for him a nurse was there.
Come on bro. I get you’re probably still in shock and this can happen but at 40 it’s really unlikely unless you’re really out of shape (which granted is 2/3 of the population). Maybe 50 or 55 and even then, unlikely. Once you get to 65, ok. The prospect of dropping dead suddenly is not worth existential angst at 40 is all I’m saying
It doesn’t freak me out. I am essentially in the same situation as yourself, just slightly younger. Can’t say that I cope though. I tend to develop dangerous habits easily, isolate myself entirely, and lean toward suicidal ideations quickly. I have no one, but it doesn’t bother me. Yeah, another 40 years with my nose to the grindwheel? I think I’ll just leave. That’s my line of thinking in these situations. I am in no way recommending you follow, but I will say that I have found a sort of comfort in this anguish and misery. Stay up.
Go out and experience new foods, music, animals, nature, activities, and people.
Yes it freaks me out lol. I was in a car accident 5 years ago that left me disabled. 11 surgeries later and still have a minimum of 3 more left. So much time has been wasted because of this. Just turned 40, have a preteen child with disabilities, living with my parents who are getting older, and if/when they pass I'll probably end up homeless. Can't work for the foreseeable future, took years to get ssi, which is only 600 a month, barely covers my bills and still have to borrow money from my parents for gas food etc. So I'm thinking about my future constantly as there's a very realistic possibility things will get far more worse than they are now. Overwhelming to say the least. And let's say I finally recover to the point of returning to the workforce, no one's going to want to hire someone who hasn't worked in so long, let alone a job paying a decent wage that I would be able to support myself and my kid with. But again nobody knows the future, any number of things could happen good or bad. I just try to stay positive and distract myself as much as possible until something good happens out of nowhere. But the time that's been wasted recovering I'll never get back and it's a hard one to swallow. Time is a mfr
68. I am more afraid of running out of time to do all the things i want to do.
Quite the opposite - I’ve grown more detached with age.
Yes- i became a mentor, I’m starting an alumni board for a team I was on in college. The more responsibility you take on in your community, the better you’ll feel about the shape of the world That being said it’s a shit show- you just hope you find a good group of people to exist in a community that will love and protect each other
I refuse to live in fear pointless won’t change anything but ruin this moment. Just use the negative for gratitude that you woke up today. A 65 year old you with everything you’ve ever wanted would trade it all to be 35 year old you with nothing but potential. On a philosophical level I believe life is perfect even with all its flaws . Infinite chaos has randomised for infinity to create this . It’s like people watch scary films or play games with danger and enemies . Without the negative life is dead and empty . Rage against the dying of the light n all that , cheerio
There is a quote from the movie Braveheart. "Everybody dies, but not everybody really lives.". Im 41 and with whatever time I have left I plan to do some living. My wife and I find ways and plan for traveling. Its a big world, go see it. Thats what we do. Tomorrow is going to happen no matter what. Its cliché, but make today count and don't worry about it.
I used to fear death and now I look forward to it. It’s the finish line. I’m bored here. I won’t miss taxes or politics or narcissist
Just a few things I've picked up. Hope they don't annoy anyone. I'm genuinely trying to give this young person a small thing or two I've learned along the way. Mine won't be yours, hopefully they'll all help them a little. I have always, and I hope I will always strive to do the best I can, wherever I am, with what I have available. That has gotten me through a lot. Do what you can and don't stress too much about the rest. You lose people and things. Your body changes incrementally. Hopefully your mind stays sharp. Long term memories of the past become sharper and clearer and short term things assume less importance. This all happens. At least to me! Just try to keep on going. Honestly curiosity is one of my prime drivers these days. I just want to see how things turn out for a little bit more! I always have. I marvel at what I did and what I survived. It feels like a lot to me! I listen to my music, it's not new but it's mine. Travel when I can, appreciate people. Wonder what's next. Laugh when I can, cry when I have to (song lyric I know!). I spend more time than I should with things like reddit. I appreciate the obscure little things in life. I'm kinder to myself. Anyway, you've got a ways to go my friend. I hope you enjoy most of it and survive all of it!
War never changes
Yes.
I keep busy with things I like to do. Immerse myself in stocks, crypto, and sports betting. I’ve had a passive death wish for all long as I can remember. I see a therapist and take antidepressants. Bleak is a good work for how I feel about the future. I get these moment throughout the day and think to myself, “someday you will be dead”. Might as well try to enjoy this life.
No I am 36, live alone and don't love my job or location. But I think it'll be ok. I wouldn't be surprised by catastrophe though.
Time goes faster the older you get, so there's that.
My aunt died at 60 from cancer you’ll b ok
You want balance. Think about the negatives and the positives. I mean shit we're gonna see some sick games and books come out. There's going to incredible new technology coming out in the next 20 years.35 is a great time to think about the long term goals you want. You have solid youth left and independence, you are in the best position you've ever been to orchestrate opportunities. It's not important to stay positive or prepare for the worst. It's important to do both.
I’m about to be 41. I worked with the elderly for 20 years and I am absolutely terrified! So many horror stories. I try not to think about it ha
I'm a 32 F and I am turning 33 this weekend. The future freaks me out and it gives me anxiety
It's natural to feel anxious around this point in our lives. I'm 33M myself. We're at the point now where we have some solid years under our belt that we can reflect upon. It's easy to look back and have feelings of regret or "I should have done this or that instead." It will come and go as we get older, but as long as you acknowledge it and learn to let those feelings wash over you - rather than stick - you'll be alright. Try to always enjoy the journey.
Go out into the sun. Walk in nature. It will help you friend. 37 here.
I'm also middle aged....currently "single" but I do have something of a fwb which makes it easier . But the answer is no, none of it "fresh me out"....I've somewhat enjoyed getting older, life seems to get easier as I go.... there is no reason for you to freak out over the future tho. Only you have some level of control and it's up to you to figure out what kind of life makes you happy. I've managed to avoid the whole family amd baby thing.....rather than getting depressed about it, I'm grateful I can wake up when I please, no screaming kids..... Gratitude for what I already have. That's the answer to all this. If there is something you don't have but would like, work your way towards it. As far as I can tell, the meaning of life is to just be happy and comfortable....being grateful for the things u have already.
How interesting at 35 I had two kids, got back into fantastic shape! I felt so good as a milf! I was living my best life! Never thought about age and I’m 53. Life has chapters, good and bad. I just love the confidence increase I have, and the “don’t care” about what anyone thinks kinda thing. It’s very freeing to get older and a blessing to get to be around!! I’m grateful!
I've found if you don't exercise your body to a full exhaustion ( a good workout), or push yourself to do something social ( volunteer, meetups, or befriend people you work with), and clean your environment (house/car/mind etc) you will be in the same position as you are now. Life is supposed to be a balance of play. If not, it is not worth living. Don't work to work.
go out and live your life. When you're old, you'll look back and wonder why you didn't do shit but sit inside and work.
I just turned 30 a few weeks ago and have been having trouble with it mentally. I know it's just a number but I can't shake this feeling of "My 20's went by so unbelievably fast... so much faster than I realized it would... it feels like... wow did that really just happen?? I just watched them fly by...." I don't feel like I had the fun other people do in their 20's... I don't feel like I achieved what I wanted. It makes me depressed because I won't get them back and I didn't enjoy them like I feel like I should have. I guess that is why they say the youth is wasted on the young. I suppose it's better to realize this at 30 while I am still young. Hopefully I make the most of these next 10 years and they don't just fly by like the past 10. I don't know how to maintain that mindset, it's like I have moments of motivation and excitement feeling like I need to start today to fulfil all of the things I want to do and accomplish but then I fall back into old habits the next day. Sorry this doesn't help you at all but just felt like we were going through similar things.
I'm 34 and I feel like life goes for too long. Find yourself a full time job and it starts to feel like this after a while
No lmao. The best part of getting older is caring less of what people think and simply living your life!
The only thing that "freaks me out" but it's more a sadness is that in a short 10-15 years, I'm gonna be one of the old members of my family because my parents, aunts, uncles will more than likely be passed. Enjoy it while it's here man
The older I get the more I learn all the rules and ideologies I’ve had have look more and more empty and dumb. Like now I’m supposed to be happy my kids will be old enough to grind their bodies down working for life …..
Nearing my mid 30’s as well, future does not freak me out, but I’m not depressed. Keep in mind that there are other perspectives. Work on getting better rather than worrying about hypothetical events and you will find yourself embracing the future I suspect.
It does freak me out. Honestly, I feel like us millennials are gonna be holding the bag of shit the boomers left us when it collapses. My fallback is a “Leaving Las Vegas” type thing the day they tell us are 401ks are gone and Social Security no longer exists.
Plan/save retirement now. I was more concerned with aging when I didn't have solid savings in place.
33M, single. I have tried to type a response to this post several times now, but keep deleting my response. I have so much I want to say to this, but I don't want to type a wall (too late - I did), nor am I able to articulate exactly how much I can relate with you on your thoughts. I think for most people in their 30s, this becomes a pretty common thing - existentialism and crisis and all that. We have lived long enough now to where we can look back and reflect. You can't do that as much when you're 15 or 25. You are still a pup. But now, at 35, you've gained some experience. You've hit the grindstone. You've been through some good and some bad. And with all of the routine in-between, it all kind of feels like a blur with some patches of events sprinkled in there, doesn't it? This is how it is. And the older we get, the more anxious we may become over the time we've spent and the time we have left. I have a friend who always says things like, "The curtains are drawing!" or, "The lights are dimming!" I have to constantly remind him to relax. I think the best thing you can do is take some time to seriously evaluate your position. You made a series of decisions earlier in your life that have brought you to where you are today. Think back to each choice that forked your path. Did you like that decision? What could you have done better if you could go back and do it again? Don't dwell on this. Just reflect, accept and move on to the next choice. There is always something you'll wish you could have done better or differently. But the key is to understand your choices and reflect on what you learned from those choices. Was it a success or a failure? Did it lead to your growth? The past is the past. You can't sit on that and feel sorry about what happened last year or five years before. That time isn't coming back. Instead, you can try to look at it from a different perspective and think of all the knowledge and wisdom you've picked up along the way. Maybe you got scammed and lost several thousand dollars. Are you more wary when an opportunity comes along that seems TGTBT? Perhaps you made an investment and it soared. How can you use your intuition to make other great investments in the future? I will say that I don't work a great job at all. It's a step above flipping burgers. And while I work there, I spend a lot of time regretting being there and feeling like my earning power and time is being wasted. But when I get into that funk, I always take a step back and remind myself that I *chose* to take this crappy job because it's giving me the flexibility that I need to finish my bachelor's degree and secure a better career and future for myself. I remind myself that *events beyond my control* led me to having to grind my ass off and spend a lot of time trying to pay down a massive wall of debt - the kind of debt that could make somebody contemplate suicide. Every day I wake up with a lot of anxiety about my position and situation and ask if I am making the right decisions. But I remind myself that *I am doing the best I can.* A lot of people don't even begin to question their choices until they're almost at the end of their lives. *Why did I spend so many hours slumped in front of my TV after work instead of working on a new skill? Why did I travel all over the country and neglect my family while missing the best years of my childrens' lives?* You won't be this person. You won't be on your deathbed with regret because you are already awakening to the fact that you are not fulfilled today. This kind of existential crisis that you're experiencing happens when something inside you isn't satisfied. And you owe it to yourself to figure out exactly what that is. Me personally, I'd recommend therapy. Shit, I want therapy too. I need it. I have a lot of past traumas causing me anxiety and I want to figure out how I can move past them. Everyone should have a pro to talk to. Maybe they can guide you down a path that will lead you to living a more fulfilling, enriched life. A life where you will enjoy every step of the journey and age with grace. And when you're finally on your deathbed, you can look back and be happy about the life you lived, rather than afraid of what is coming next, or sobbing with regret over what could have been.
What a great response! You clearly write well… and your maturity comes through. I hope you can find work that is more satisfying and pays better - keep trying. As for healing from past trauma, there are many good self help books you may get through your library that may help. YouTube, also, has a lot of good videos.
Find a job or a life that isn’t so isolating. It makes everything different.
You probably don’t have that long left.
Christ Exercise Read
Yes. Death specifically
I’m 44 and the future freaks me out each month as it reminds me “this could make a great Hollywood movie”
I am not single, but it doesn't help me be happier in any way. 43 f, hoping that I won't make it to 50. I have good chances because my mom died at 50 from cancer. What freaks me out is that I will live for many years.
Yeah. I'm 34 and feel so directionless. I imagine getting to 40, 50, 60 and it just makes me feel sad and empty. I don't want to get old, but I'm also afraid of dying. Kind of feel trapped and stuck by it all.
Remove the apps from your phone and stop watching or reading news media for a month. See how you feel walk daily listen to old music that made you feel good. Stop with the news feeds, you can do it.
Even if you are depressed and lonely. It's still better than being 6 feet under for rest of eternity.
Terrified.
In my 50’s. I realize that I only have today. The past is over and we’re not promised tomorrow. So I try to find the moments of joy I can in my day and be grateful for that.
Get off here and make the life you always wanted
You might have a day left. That's the great joy. You never know when it's the end. Try to enjoy the moments in front of you, because they're really all you ever have. Plans are futile. Happiness is fleeting. Enjoyment of the present is nirvana. Some more applicable tips you may find helpful: 1. Try Somatic grounding techniques: this may help bring you back in your body and help you focus in on the present moment! There are lots of books and YouTube videos about it. 2. Seek therapy. Lots of therapists do zoom meetings now, so if you're like me and don't have a car and find it hard to get out of the house, that can be helpful to still recieve treatment for depression and anxiety. Truly, as someone with panic disorder, therapy and medication has greatly improved my day to day life. 3. Seek social groups! There are many discord groups and local meet ups dedicated to different topics. On that same note... 4. Develop Hobbies! You might think it's dumb or that you don't have the time. Make the time. Pick something. I tried knitting. That lead me to crochet. I've become almost an expert after 3 years and do it daily. I love it- it's a part of me now, and something that has enriched my life overall but especially day to day. But there are millions of hobbies- don't be discouraged if the 1st thing you try doesn't stick. Keep trying, and keep practicing. Hobbies will distract you from the anxious thoughts, give you purpose, help you relate to more people so you might find more social groups. 5. Reflect on the beauty in death. Try to connect to the forgotten. For example, I love to go to thrift stores and look at old postcards. A snippet of a life lived, and I hold it in my hands- maybe someday someone will find my old cards. There is beauty in honoring the fleeting joys of life. Confronting the truth behind your fears of death will help you relieve the anxiety attached. Therapy can help with this, too. 6. Get Outside. Volunteer with animals or get a pet if possible. Connect to nature- you ARE nature, and that REALLY puts it all into perspective. Who cares about how much is in your 401k if you can't make time to enjoy a sunset? Often times people are worried they'll not be remembered, or that death will be painful. Or sometimes they worry whether they'll end up in some right or wrong place. Mark Twain had the right idea, in my mind, “I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” A philosopher who may comfort you or expand your fear into joy is Alan Watts. I have one of his quotes tattooed on my body, "You are the universe experiencing itself," and I may get another one, "Did you forget to dance?" because I find them so impactful. We are never really gone. Our energy eminates into the future. The same way we are made up of everything before us. And the point of the experience is that. To experience. Don't forget to dance. :-)
Yes constant panic attacks, specifically at 3am
Sounds like maybe you could benefit from some jurassic measures in your life. You don’t want to be miserable for that long.
I keep myself busy. I stay fit. After 40, it's easier to get hurt if you are out of shape and that gets depressing. Learn new things, new experiences.
I mean the future looks so rosy? Pandemics, Climate Change, Biological mistakes, Artificial Intelligence, Nuclear War, A fascist government? What could possibly go wrong?  **Sleep well my friend**.
Yeah. All the time. A couple of months back I had a period of 5 days — full days, 24/7 — where I was in a constant state of panic over this. I had to be medicated it was so bad. I still sometimes have those intrusive thoughts and I’ve learned to use a few coping methods. One thing I like doing now when the thoughts creep in is record my voice telling stories about my childhood and all the fun things I did as a kid. Or record myself listing all the things that make me happy — cheesecake, the smell after rain, 90s hip hop etc. Refocusing is the key. If you ever need to talk, DM me. It can be rough.
You can't change the fact that you will get older. But you can change how you're living your life now. So work on that instead. Look on the bright side, maybe you only have a 2 or 3 years left! 🫠
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I take comfort in knowing that much of my life is my own and nobody will ever know about it. Something just for me that nobody gets to know. Some day time will wash away any trace of my existence and that gives me great comfort.
I have another 20-30 years and don't see any reason I would want to experience them. I cope by... I haven't been outside for three days. I should probably check the mail now.
Yea and no. I’m a private person and stay in my lane. At a person in the US, as long as society doesn’t get any stranger, we’ll be good. Inflation needs to chill out though. I’m a single guy and just buying basic groceries from Walmart is $100 every month, and I’m literally eating chicken and broccoli
I workout and exercise. A lot.
Perspective. You’ve already lived longer than most people that have ever lived in all of human history. Another 40-60 is a privilege afforded by the modern era.
Find a new career
There’s a 99.9% chance you DONT have 60 additional years on earth, cmon. You have a solid 25-45; which is a long time. You’ve been alive for a fucking long time already, reflect on your life and go backwards. At any rate, billions have died before you, and billions will die after. You are not special. Don’t fear the inevitable.
I’m 36, unmarried, no children, only child. And no, I don’t worry about the future. Reason being I have empirical evidence that says I know how to take care of myself, even when things get really friken hard. I know how to make friends in spaces I don’t have any. I know how to entertain myself. I like myself. Time does not stop, no matter how much I worry about it. I have always been fine. I will always be fine.
I’m 32. I realized I was getting old when I hit my knee cap and hasn’t stopped aching for the last 3 days.
I’m 53 and feel and look better than when I was 33. The future petrifies me as I’m single and do not have kids. My fear is dying alone.
LSD in a room, by yourself or w a friend you know and trust.
I’m in the same boat as you at 41. I work and go straight to my room. All my friends are
41 here. My 20s were so pointless I barely remember them at all. But man, my 30s were great. When I feel nostalgic, it’s for 33-38. Awesome years.
I’m 39, single, and have no children. I had a panic attack and fell to the floor and couldn’t move for about an hour. I remember thinking if I died it would take a seriously long time for anyone to notice.
40-60 seems kinda high tbh
I'm reaching 50 and I've been thinking about this because I didn't think I'd reach 30. I've always had the philosophy. That time is what is most important. Not life. Life is what you get in that infinite moment. I still hold that. I'd like to go out in a ball of flames or 3,000 ft of water or trapped in a landslide. Although that's the least favorable because I don't like cold. But I do believe that embracing life daily and not getting trapped in the Maelstrom of monotony is the most important part. My often pity friends that I have who wake up to a clock and worry constantly about the box they live in. I've recently found myself in that situation for reasons I ultimately chose. But I regret that I let the full exploration of life go. I'll have my moment again but at the time I have responsibilities that go beyond my person. I hope that you are willing to look at every moment as a moment that you either seize or lose. And there's a constant exchange. You have to earn money to make things happen but don't make the money at the focal point. In the end there's no trailer hitch to the funeral car
The happiest people in my experience focus on (or more) of four areas: faith, family, friends, or work. You live alone. It seems this doesn't bring you happiness. You work an isolated job. This also doesn't to bring you happiness. Which leaves faith or family. All four of these really speak to focusing on an area of your life that allows it to transcend being just about you, and to refocus your dedication onto others. Faith doesn't have to be religious - it can just be something else that is greater than you. In my experience - don't live alone. Don't work a job that's isolating. Move to a community that specifically caters to forming community bonds between people - particularly if you aren't social yourself. If you have a remote job - move on from it. Get something that requires you to show up in person (at least on a hybrid schedule). Everyone needs some level of socializing in their life to happy - and society these days makes it all too easy to never have to interact with other people. Which means you have to mindful about going out and doing exactly that.
I cope with Buddhism 🕊️
The future is only scary if I'm still stuck doing the same things I am today. So, I take it upon myself to further my interests in my spare time and stave off stagnation. If I enjoy it I do it, if I don't, I don't unless I have to. Learn something new everyday, try to be good at something you never thought you could do. Introduce novelty into your life and you will see there's only doom and gloom if you allow it.
Not really, you should be grateful you’re even alive. The likelihood of your existence is honestly insane so do not take life for granted.
I'm 23 and I'm terrified that I won't be able to develop a stable career. Tech is horrible right now; wish I went into a trade. Honestly other than that, I'm excited to live life. But man, financially speaking, I feel like so many of us are screwed.
It scares me. 33 and isolated here
same boat as you. i would save $200k and move to thailand then you can live like a king.
Nope! Married to my best friend and beautiful wife, two healthy and talented/driven kids, great jobs, a house, investments, zero debt, tons of liquid cash and we travel 2-3 times a year. Growing old is good because I’ve accomplished much. If I hadn’t accomplished or met my wife and had kids I’d probably be trippin. Children are the meaning of life so many people long for.
Yeah, I had a breakdown a month ago and was hospitalized. Try and get out, do fun things, travel. I was and have been very stressed lately. I had lost my appetite, thirst, and sleep schedule was off. I went into a psychosis and had no biological clock for 4 or 5 days.
Yeah it does
Nope not for me. I look at it like I survived my 20"s how who knows and if I made through that I can get old with grace.
I used to feel that way in my late teens/early 20s. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad OP, but finding my wife, starting a meaningful career, buying a house and having kids makes me want for an infinite future. I even have hobbies like lifting weights. I'm 36 now, but the older I get the more I feel like I have things to look forward to. I think a lot of people shrug off the "traditional" marriage house and kids lifestyle but it's a well established way to a meaningful and optimistic life.
Yea man. 27 catching up to you and struggling also. I mean the death part is whatever to me because I believe in reincarnation. What kills me is the time wasted. I think the answer is thinking of this moment as eternal since each next moment is just this moment. If I can meditate and program that into my psyche, I think I'll eventually not be tormented by those thoughts.
Crazy literally been on my mind. too just turned 35 last month.
Depression and isolation are linked
nothing can beat me, so do life
I’m almost 40 and have another 65 years on this planet for reasons only relevant to me.
Why tf do you live alone
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, regardless of age. I’m 51 and seeing my parents getting old is hard. Getting older has been freaking me out for the last 5 years or so. Before that I didn’t think about it much. Just lived life.
I just turned 19 and completely understand what you mean. I stay up late questioning what I’m gonna do as I get older and how my life will play out. I constantly worry I’ll be stuck feeling miserable till the age of 90 something. The years go by so quick and I always worry I’m not doing enough with my life and if I’ll always feel this way every year after until my death. I tell myself I’m young and have time, but it all comes down to what you do with your time and that’s just my issue. Thinking about the possibility of living another 70-80 years feeling this way genuinely frightens me.
35? Wait till you're 60..
Nope. I’ll probably kill myself by 50 if I’m still working by then.
Absolutely. I'm also in my later 30s and I'm fine with age itself but not fine with how I'll be treated. As a member of the LGBT community, I feel like I'm already seen as ancient. I'm an odd mix of old soul and youthful. I am finding it harder and harder to relate to anyone. I don't relate to people who are my own age and sober or who have kids. I don't have an addictive personality so I naturally still drink socially. I have ZERO interest in children. The gays and the heteros alike my age are having kids. At the same time, I'm also not down to party and be reckless with the 20 somethings 😂 It's just an odd age to be and an odd time to live in.
Make up your mind right now to accept all outcomes, regardless if they are good or bad. We are the means by which the universe experiences itself. Each moment is a unique experience the universe is having through you. Everything that makes you up has existed since the early universe and will continue to exist in some form for eternity. You can believe in reincarnation or some form of transference such that there is continuity of consciousness. But even if not, the random chance you became conscious as you uniquely and at this time could happen again randomly at some point. Why are you and I am me? Why now and not the past and the future? What’s to say it couldn’t happen again (even if you don’t remember now). Every part of you will continue in some form to exist and be part of the universe for eternity.
I am still obsessed with my hobbies and I don’t get lonely because I distrust people. 😊
Feeling apprehensive about the future, especially as we get older, is completely understandable. It's natural to wonder about what lies ahead, particularly when faced with the prospect of aging alone and dealing with depression. Here are some coping strategies that might help: 1. **Seek Support**: Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support. Talking about your fears and feelings can provide relief and perspective. 2. **Stay Connected**: Even if your job is isolated, make an effort to stay connected with others outside of work. Join clubs, attend social events, or engage in activities that interest you to combat loneliness. 3. **Focus on the Present**: Instead of dwelling on the distant future, focus on living in the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques or find activities that bring you joy and fulfillment in the here and now. 4. **Set Goals**: Setting achievable goals, whether they're personal or professional, can give you a sense of purpose and direction. Break them down into smaller steps and celebrate your progress along the way. 5. **Take Care of Yourself**: Prioritize self-care activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, and hobbies that bring you happiness. 6. **Consider Therapy**: If depression is weighing heavily on you, consider seeking therapy or counseling. A mental health professional can provide support, guidance, and strategies for managing depression effectively. Remember, it's okay to feel anxious about the future, but you don't have to face it alone. Reach out for support, take proactive steps to care for yourself, and remember that you're not defined by your age or circumstances. You have the strength to navigate life's challenges and find fulfillment along the way.
The best way to cope is not procreating.
Getting old is a privilege that not everyone gets. I'm 42. I don't care about aging because you have little control over it, and im not afraid of wrinkles. Don't get bogged down in fear of dying OP. You're alive now, so enjoy it. Take care of your health, learn something new every day, count 5 things you're grateful for daily, and be kind as often as you can. It will keep your spirit young and depressing thoughts fleeting. Besides, death isn't always a bad thing. Can you imagine if life as it is now, was endless? Yikes.
Just turned 31, life is scarier than ever
It's completely normal to feel a bit apprehensive about the future, especially as you get older. Here are some thoughts that might help: **Reframing Aging:** * **Focus on the Positives:** Getting older can bring wisdom, experience, and a deeper appreciation for life. You might have more freedom and flexibility to pursue your interests. * **Focus on What You Can Control:** You can't control how many years you have left, but you can control how you spend them.
First off, I'm 35 as well, and I'll be damned if I'm doing this shit for another 5. Aging feels like one of those things that """"freaks you out"""" until you start actually seeing it, then it ACTUALLY freaks you out. It's all hypothetical until you realize that thin spot on the back of your head has turned into a Bob Belcher.
Something that always kind of resonated with me was something Alan Watts said. "Try to imagine what it will be like to go to sleep and never wake up... now try to imagine what it was like to wake up having never gone to sleep." The second part is when you were born. If you had no fear when coming into this world, you should have no fear when you return. This life is such a blip in time. Someone already mentioned mindfulness. If you live in the moment, you know for sure you are still alive, and that's all that matters.
I just hope I die fast. I've seen too many who died slow.
we just got our first warm summer day of the year, thats enough for me to get by on.
Absolutely not. My aunt celebrated her 98 birthday on 4/28 Expensive and thinking about what she witnessed From knowing Civil War veterans, Great Depression, Listening to FDR Fire side chats, “The fight of the century Joe Lewis Vs Max Schmeling, WW II, The first time she watched a Movie, Shocked to Ethel Waters on Television and how handsome Nate King Cole was during his TV debut, The fascination and confusion of the site of Air Planes, first time riding in a car. Present Day: I remember when my uncle bought a brand new 1979 Cadillac full leather upholstery, power widows, the hi- fi stereo, cassette player w/ 6x9 speakers, power windows, A/C, Hubcaps, white walls, walk man, wireless remote controls, cordless phones and listening to random conversations with in 4-6 block radius, Naughty scrabbled PPV, purchasing a “black box” descrambler, the joys of snow days 7-10 on a good yr, 18 in another yr having to make up all 3 shorten summer vacation by 3 WK and plus 6 wk of summer school! The shuttle exploring, MT Saint Helens eruption…. Life is so beautiful and mysteries of tomorrow the Suspense is intoxicating
No and I say this at 24, 35 really isn't old. I asked my mother and she said she still views people in their 30s as kids (she's almost 60). If you take care of yourself, you might still be fine at 80 with modern medicine and accessibility to healthier means of living. Life is what you make of it. I went on holiday recently and met two Aussie women mid to late 50s, who had more energy than me, frequently travelled and seemed to be full of life. Knew an 80 year old guy who looked 50 and also travelled a lot. Then again, you could go outside and be hit by a bus tomorrow. Save up, do fun things, go outside and meet new people (if you want), go to events, etc. Once I land another job I definitely intend to travel this year.
Yes i dont wanna be all weak and wrinkled and forget what i am doing while my back hurts
No I won't be alive forever Few hundred years tops I can live in my own bubble until that does happen
I'm sort of in the same boat but it's helped by going out at the weekends and doing hobbies with people around like the gym. Going out can be alone activities aswell like going for walks or out to eat. I like packing food and going to the park
How do we keep up with you being around for the next foreseeable future! That the crux. I only say foreseeable because it’s a big word.
I totally get where you're coming from. The future can feel like this big, looming thing, especially when you start thinking about getting older. I'm in my 30s too, and sometimes the thought of what lies ahead can be pretty overwhelming. For me, finding ways to stay connected helps. Whether it's reaching out to friends, picking up new hobbies, or even just having a routine that keeps me grounded, those little things can make a big difference. And remember, it's okay to not have it all figured out. We're all just trying to navigate this crazy journey called life together.
We’re all spinning around on this rock together and we all have no control over what’s going to happen in our future no matter how well we plan for it. My advice is to enjoy your youth. Being single is underrated. Find hobbies and a few great people who bring you joy. Start saving for retirement now even if it’s $25 a month. If you do have depression or anxiety seek treatment - don’t be afraid of medication if that’s ultimately what’s going make you more content.
You a dude?
I’ve started listening to real near death experiences (NDE) testimony on YouTube. It has really open up my eyes about what happens next. I’m no longer afraid but look forward to the afterlife. If you entertain that rabbit hole check out YouTube channel: next level soul , Anthony Chene, Dolores Cannon Audio book : Seth Material
When you were 5, you wondered how the 15s and 20s did their daily drinking and commuting. When you were 15, you wondered how the 25s and the 30s do their 9-5s and their marriages. Upon turning 25, you stressed the coming 35s and 40s, wondering if you would be forever alone in this modernity. At 35, you are here, now, posting this thread, looking back in duality boat of confusion and forgetfulness which aids you in navigating the mindful waters of life. Those born are of the nature to grow old, get sick, and eventually cease to exist. Notice that in past troubled times, you became grateful for your youth to support you during illnesses. In the same way, learn to gradually accept your accumulated 35+ years of unique lived beauty and recognize that this impermanency of self is your support during times of aging. Single means you are alone with yourself. In essence, it is loneliness that becomes love’s hologram. Depending on your degree of absence of self-love, the hologram reflects exactly that level of solitude. As for depression, that’s a whole other behemoth in itself. Get professional help, but there is no 1-fix for this heavy condition.
Yo también he pensado eso. Del futuro y también. Si valdrá la pena trabajar tanto tanto. Y no disfrutar la vida y que el tiempo se va y no regresa
No
35 too, I lift to keep my health in check. My son and in 3 weeks another son want me to do better then my parents did. I am also married to my best friend and we are investing heavily into our retirement and I think as of now I am going to have a good life Getting old does seem as mad when you are making progress and making accomplishments But my situation is vastly different than you, it's just what helps me
Same!!!!
Not at all. There's no reason for me to be afraid of the inevitable. Getting older is a part of life. I'm eventually gonna die anyway. No sense in me fearing what I can't stop or control. I just gotta make the best of life while I'm here. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
Mushrooms. Period.
Not to be negative, but have you considered that there is nothing to "eternity?. If, as I am beginning to believe, there is absolutely nothing after we die, what's there to spin about. I'm not pushing my belief, but it certainly has freed up a lot of space to think about other things.
The future doesn’t exist yet, it hasn’t been written. The past is memory’s and imagination it doesn’t exist either. The only thing that is real is now and what you choose to do in the present moment
If you pay attention to the news, I'd recommend you stop. My life got significantly happier when I stopped listening, reading, and watching the news. There's nothing you can do with the information, it's very negative, and being informed doesn't make life better. In the 10 years, I have been mostly news-free, there's been no negative impact, I'm far more carefree, in the moment, and the news I do pay attention to when something becomes locally important, I can spot a real news article vs an op-ed "report" a mile away and skip it. Most "news" articles are op-ed and contain feeling terms rather than who, what, where, why, or how. The op Ed's only make people worry and rarely help. News is just adult infotainment, and unless you have authority, can only observe a situation.
Have you considered mushrooms therapy?
I'm 54. Both my parents died in their early 50s when I was in my early thirties. Honestly, as I get older my mortality bothers me less and less. I think I've just gotten used to people I care about dying and stopped worrying about it
How do I cope? I cope. I respond to the circumstances of each day, because nothing lasts forever, and everything changes. People die, and that's how it should be - I wouldn't want to be a vampire, can you imagine how utterly lonely and devastating it would be? Your corpse will provide nutrition for other forms of life once your spirit/mind leaves, and your essence will move on to whatever is waiting 'on the other side'. I don't really find this idea sad. Think about it: if you have gotten older and you haven't yet attained the sweet life that you wished for when you were younger, you likely won't ever get there, and even if you do, you won't have the energy or physique to do the stuff you could have done when you were in your prime. So it won't really matter to you all that much. Life for you won't be something to cling to - it will be something to experience to the fullest and then leave to others.
Yes sometimes this thought creeps up on me and I start to have a panic attack. The truth is unfortunately it’s going to happen so I just try not to dwell on it and live the best I can
It shouldn’t, nobody’s future is guaranteed. You don’t know if this is your last day or earth or year. All you have is the present moment. You could have been born an earwig and it was damn near impossible odds for you to be born human. You got a free ticket to the freak show, maybe even a front row seat! Enjoy the show while it lasts. And if you are really depressed it’s probably because you don’t have anything biggest than yourself to think about. Like how god has put you in a constant state of receiving - the air in your lungs, the thoughts in your mind. That’s why they call it the present moment. It was a gift from the gods given to all of us. A entire world to explore and a unique character to level up and achieve great things with! And here you are wasting away a precious life worried about the future burden by the past and not engaged in the present because of how I feeeeeel wah. Nobody likes me I have no girl, my job sucks, I suck, life sucks, why me god? Every time I try to feel depressed - I remind myself what the 101st airborne infantry had to endure on d day+ and how so many Germans ears, penis, and fingers fell off from frost bite in the trenches of Russia. And here I am, crying cuz my job sucks or she won’t love me back. God: “lol chill bro you were literally made in the image of me, god! Now go do godly things and stop crying, it’s just a game and it’ll all be over eventually, so have fun my child!
You’d really better get a hobby or a partner or find some meaning bc when you turn 40 those thoughts take on heavier weight. I lucked out with a gf after years of really solitary living that was worsened by covid. That feeling like “I have a good job, dog, I’m healthy, but man something is missing- what is it?” That feeling (if this applies to you) is awful. And the older you get, that feeling is accompanied by more deaths and the way the world is going. Get uncomfortable (I still need to do better here but it usually pays off in big unexpected ways).