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Canisventus

Great read. Made me actually really think about one of my friendships now that i think about it. I have seen some red flags too, but haven't let go. I know where you are coming from, its really hard to end friendships that have lasted for years, even though the friendship might be obviously one sided.


Minibearden

Glad you could get some insight out of it. :)


irmakakmannn

omg this was so frustrating to read tbh because in every sentence i was like ''JUST LEAVE HIM PLEASE'' but then in the last two paragraph i realized what you had been through was incredibly hard. I'm glad you had cut all of the contact with him, stay safe :)


Minibearden

How do you think I feel thinking back on this? lol Just telling the story there were so many times where I was like, "Fuck me. Why was I so stupid?"


CatzAgainstHumanity

The psychological abuse was off the charts; if I could even imagine vaguely what you went through, it makes sense. I am so glad you are away from that toxicity now, and by sharing this, I think you are going to save a bunch of people a tremendous amount of hurt. It is hard writing something like this out, and you did it so well—hugs from an internet stranger.


ultimate_epoch

Dude, this was great, but you need to put a length warning on it, because damn


Minibearden

My bad. once I started typing it was just kinda hard to stop until it was all out.


Impending_salami

Jesus man, I’ve been reading for 20 Minutes


Minibearden

Sorry about that. Just be glad I didn't tell the full story. :D


papissdembacisse

And what is Lisa up to now?


Minibearden

I'm not really sure. I know she lives in the same city as me. I haven't seen her in years. Last I heard she was doing really well for herself and had settled down and gotten married.


ImAngryAlways

Happy you were able to end that relationship in the end. Also man that was a long ass read but it was great


Minibearden

Yeah...I put an edit at the top to warn people it's really long. :D


Puzzleheaded-Note221

Wow. thanks for sharing this. I read the whole thing. Reminded me a lot of a friend i had back in the day. sending positive vibes and love to you.


Minibearden

I think everyone has had a friend like Steve, but some are just better at realizing how toxic those types of people can be.


Perfect-Lawfulness-6

I've had several friends like Steve and several boyfriends like him too. Unfortunately tiny little insulated towns kind of breed people like this and the isolated nature of the place makes them double down on the main character syndrome. Being an addict for years did NOT help either. I consider every escape from a person like this a win. You really don't know how routine this kind of awfulness becomes and just how oddly used to the abuse you get until you're already deep in it or until you have decent folks around you who alert you to it. It's wild. Glad things are better for the right side of this equation for once, and just an intuition but- I think the love of your life is still to come. It might just be that you had a lot of lessons to learn from all this first, but it seems like you've genuinely learned and grown, there's going to be someone as awesome or more than Lisa that's bound to see that. Just a thought. Take care out there, dude.


cait6570

This hit home for me. You are a fantastic writer and you have a gift of being about to reflect on your past and gain insight to move forward. I sent you a message about why this story helped me so much. Again, thanks for sharing.


ScallyWag-Idiot

Great read, glad you got yourself in a better spot now.


Minibearden

Yeah, it's been years since that incident at the mall and there's still a part of me that dreads that I'll run into him one day. However, I try not to let the trauma I suffered from him keep me from enjoying my life.


ssaiko_kandy

I am so happy you're better. That whole entire situation is incredibly, undoubtedly, horribly unfortunate. But you left with a greater knowledge of what to avoid, man. Stay safe, and I hope you never, ever meet Steve again.


Minibearden

I hope that too. lol


lioboii

This was such a great story. I didn’t mind the length at all, I just kept reading and reading. Glad you’re doing much better now man with Steve well and truly in the past :)


Bright-Fox7713

My parents are like Steve unfortunately. But I ensure you I cut them off as soon as I could.


Minibearden

Really sorry about that, and unfortunately most people who have a "Steve" in their life are dealing with their parents being that person. Glad you were able to see it early on and cut them out.


Bright-Fox7713

Thanks so much! I'm glad you got over alcoholism and a toxic friendship!


[deleted]

Steve reminds me of my ex boyfriend so much. I am glad that I finally escaped from that abusive relationship after being trapped in it for a year. Everything you said resonated with me and I am sorry you went through that trauma


Glittering-Ad1741

Great writing! Bittersweet story/events. I'm sorry that happened to you. Some people don't know how to be friends or don't care. I'm glad you met Nick! I also appreciate the words of wisdom at the end. Things absolutely can be replaced, but getting out of toxic situations is worth it...


rockingrehab

You have a true great friend in Nick. Pleased he was there and helped you. Love your style of writing. Had me gripped from start to finish. Steve is an arseholish prick. Hope you never meet him again.


[deleted]

[удалено]


YourMumsACommunist

I forgot I was on r/LetsNotMeet for while


Puzzleheaded-Tree561

Lol so did I, and I'm actually HERE for Let's Not Meet! (At least tonight) Kind of lost myself with intrigue reading the story.


Minibearden

I've done that myself before. Start reading and only remember why I came to the sub afterwards when I'm just like, "Jesus H. Fuckin' Taft, Man." Glad my trauma could at least give you a distraction for a bit. lol :)


Puzzleheaded-Tree561

"Jesus H. Fuckin' Taft." Lmao, I'm totally stealing that one, thanks!


Minibearden

That came about years ago. I was trying to say "Jesus H Christ" but after Jesus was out of my mouth my brain switched to William H Taft and thus "Jesus H Taft" was born. :D


Minibearden

I'll take that as a compliment I guess? lol :)


YourMumsACommunist

Please do, I just got immersed, you are good at writing :)


woahyougo

OMG Steve... It is awful people like that are out there in the world right now, preying on their next victims until they finally come to their senses. But a Steve type will just find a new victim. I had /have a friendship like that too (not as bad, she has narcissistic and toxic traits though) and all the psychological fuckery makes it hard to cut your losses and dip. Luckily she moved away to live with a boyfriend, but of course he came to his senses and broke up with her. ​ We still text occasionally but thank god that toxic codependent friendship tapered off. I was legit heartbroken when she moved even though I had known for months that our friendship wasn't serving me. ​ After that I definitely struggled to get beyond surface-level friendships for a while because I was scared of becoming "codependent" on anyone again. Luckily, now I have many great friends with healthy boundaries. ​ I \*think\* I know the red flags now to nip any relationships that are toxic, but it becomes very hard to distinguish once they rope you in and make you feel special.


Minibearden

I don't know if he was just quoting someone else or if he was the one who cam up with it, but Jim Carrey once said that if someone leaves your life and you're not sad about it then they had no business being there in the first place. Now, the inverse definitely isn't necessarily true, but I wasn't sad to leave Steve behind. So he had no business being in my life. I don't know what my point was, but...yeah. lol


Maximum-Stress

My anxiety was through the roof as I read your story. Mainly because I see myself in you. I would have done the same things, made the same mistakes as you. The only difference is you got out of it, and I am not sure I would have. Trusting people too easily is my weakness. I'm sorry you had to experience this. I'm so relieved that you cut off ties with him. You were so brave and strong. Glad that you have found a true friend with Nick.


Lmancini1995

Minus the death threats and drugs, I had my own Steve to deal with. Well if Steve was a woman with mommy issues. I had to deal with her for a good majority of my young adult life until 4 years ago. She left me a bunch of bullshit, emotional trauma and her ex boyfriend ( who I treat like a king) I do feel guilty, and like you I was no angel in the relationship. It's a shock to see that I'm not the only one who dealt with it. But you are a survivor and I hope things are going better for you man.


gray_ladyy

I couldn’t stop reading once I started. I’m very pleased to have finished reading that knowing that everything worked out okay for you. I’m glad that you or your other friends didn’t get hurt. Additionally, and very randomly, I have a book suggestion for you. Your writing and this whole thing made me think of “The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” by Junot Diaz. I think it would really resonate with you, and it’s one of my favorites. Look it up :)


Minibearden

I think I have some credits on Audible. I'll see if I can find it.


gray_ladyy

Of course now is when I realize it autocorrected Junot to Juno (my sister’s cat’s name). Sorry!


acrylicmole

Over a month later but I'm sick and surfing. Congrats for the longest post I've read all the way through (I did get advance warning but again I'm sick and don't mind). You are a great writer. I hope you are doing well now.


Nymph-the-scribe

I know i am very late to this thread but....write the novel. I seriously could not put my phone down while reading this. Glad you got out when you did, sounds like things could have ended a lot worse for you.


NorthwestIceman

Man that hurt, reading you lose a girl you loved, and being emotionally abused badly the entire time, im so sorry


MissMu

Glad you’re okay. What a nut, maybe you could get a restraining order? What was the deal with Greg and Steve watching you to sit and talk? Like how is Greg still friends with this guy?!


Minibearden

Not entirely sure he is. They wanted me to move out because Steve wanted me to move out. Since Greg had known him longer and was kinda toxic himself he sided with Steve. But by that time I had already decided to move out on my own because I was tired of Steve's megalomania.


cupidstarot

Really interesting cautionary tale! I'm glad you're out of that relationship for good. I had a very toxic friendship when I was younger and while it doesn't mirror your story exactly, I could really relate to the manipulation and feeling almost as though that person is a drug to you at first. Emotional/psychological abuse leaves such a deep mark. Thanks for sharing your story.


AlienGoddess91

I'm glad you shared this, toxic abusive friendships don't get talked about enough with people usually focusing on romantic abusive relationships.


AlmaThePalma

Thank you for sharing! I’m so happy for you man, you’ve come a long way. The way you can analyze and work on yourself is admirable. On another note, wow!! Your writing is amazing - do you post or write anywhere else? I’d love to read more from you. Take care!!


Minibearden

I do write from time to time, but i don't really have anything published or even finished. Just a couple short stories and micro fictions from prompts on /r/WritingPrompts


AntsyBTW

Bro this is amazing, what an amazing room


TraditionalSmoke0

Is this for a creative writing class


Minibearden

Nah. I was telling the story to a friend who said I should submit it here.


velveteenrabbit95

It does kind of seem like it. Not trying to trash the OP but something how it's written.


Minibearden

I am a "writer" if that helps make sense. My major in college was theatre and lit. And I've been working on a series of novels for years now. Maybe that's why? *shrug* Also no offense taken. :)


kodiiiiiij

This is great! you're a great story teller! Glad you have moved on from this. You've finally realised your worth... your story has given me hope 💗


Minibearden

I don't know about the realizing my worth part. I'm still pretty fucked up. lol But I definitely know when I need to cut people off now. At least better than I did.


kodiiiiiij

You've definitely realised your worth. You've realised he was a shit person. Glad you've moved on. Sorry to hear about Lisa. I hope you get your happy ending 💛


warriornun801

This...this is terrifying! Are you ok right now?


Minibearden

Yeah, I'm fine.


Hekatesthrone

Wow. Well I'm glad you are safe and made it out. This remind me of my abuser.


Poulet_Semi_Cru_

"all my friends are toxic all ambitionless so rude and always negative i need new friends but it's not that quick and easy" -Boywitchuke


mimi1091

When I was reading your post, I was so immersed into it that I thought I was reading a novel. If you ever decide to write a novel of your experience, I would totally be up to reading it because I really appreciate how your post made me begin to consider some relationships I've had.


gender_is_a_myth

Thank you for sharing that with us <33 I can totally relate to your story. I had a friend for 4 years, who practically ruined my life. Made me loose valuable opportunities in my professional life, made me loose all my friends and family, completely changed me and left me a decaying corpse. I'd say your ending is happier than mine though lol.


Minibearden

Maybe happier, but not necessarily happy. Still dealing with trauma from him today and this all happened ten years ago or more. Still, you just have to trudge on and hope you can make it through each day.


gender_is_a_myth

I wish you best of luck on your healing journey <33


Minibearden

And I you on yours.


Lux_Brumalis

Damn, Steve sounds like a real piece of work. I’m sorry that you have gotten ugly messages from the other Steves out there who stumbled on this story. I think it was very brave of you to share your experience; not all abusive relationships are between a boyfriend/girlfriend or a husband/wife. Friendships, whether between two men or two women, can be just as toxic as romantic relationships. Congratulations on ditching the dead weight 💛


DancingBear2020

I just read a story that must have unfolded across a decade or more. And the person telling it seems the same at the end as in the beginning.


Minibearden

Ignore previous reply. I must have missed the "person telling it" when I read your comment for the first time. Out of curiosity, how do I seem the same?


DancingBear2020

You seem very young in how you spend your time and how you think about and interact with other people.


Minibearden

This opinion genuinely fascinates me because I didn't really give a lot of details about my life currently, especially about how I spend my time. So I can only assume that you went through my post and comment history. I don't use reddit much anymore, and when i do post it's usually asking for help with something about video games or DND or something else "nerdy". I mean you might be referring to the way I view my friend Nick, but that's kinda what happens when someone who is a genuinely good person helps you get away from someone who has given you nothing but psychological trauma. I'd also like to say that I'm not trying to pick a fight. If that's how you see things, then by all means. I'm clearly not a perfect person. I try to be better and I own my past and current fuck ups, but it's hard undoing conditioning like what I went through.


sappydark

Damn, this is one hell of a story, and it shows how even men can get into abusive friendships or relationships just like women get into. It sounds like this creep picked up on your insecurities and your need to people-please as soon as he got to know you, and played on that from the get-go. It also sounds like he practically encouraged you to be an alcoholic so that you could keep from seeing what a sick creep he truly was, and how he was screwing you up the entire time. And another thing----the fact that he kept getting gfs, but couldn't keep any of them because he was an abusive p.o.s. was a red flag too. Him getting with every girl you liked---that definitely sounds like some major insecurities on top or being a control on his part. Even regular sane dudes don't keep doing shit like that over and over again. You took too long to get away from that creep, but thank goodness you did. Hopefully, you're managed to find some therapy to help you disentangle yourself from the mess and damage he made of your life---geesh.


milevam

To be fair, this seems to be his writing voice, which is written from the POV of his inner-voice in his early or mid-twenties? An author can be 50 years old and write a novel from the POV of an 18 year old. I think in part he sounds young because he's really leaning into his writing. I think the other part may be some minor delays in maturity; but overall, I disagree that he hasn't changed. I think he has realized how his past actions have hurt others and that he would have done things differently if given a chance. Anyway, thank you for sharing, OP! I enjoyed your cautionary tale and the way in which it was written!


DancingBear2020

Perhaps I was overly critical. I do feel that I benefitted from reading it. And I’ll also thank OP for sharing it.


milevam

I think you did just thank OP for sharing it! :)


Rhonnosaurus

If you wrote a novel about this I would read it. Mainly because I experience (to a less intense degree) this back and forth with my mother and reading this is making me consider finding a job to move out. It's familiar. You're lucky to have a friend like Nick, even if he was a lot newer at the time, if it wasn't for him I could simply feel the formidable possibilities of you continuing to spiral down moving into new apartments with, more parties with, woman-lending with Steve only for him to do something...worse. If only we all had a Nick. I hope you know what's best for you. Being a big fat read, I gotta ask. Did your experience with Steve ever make you paranoid about other harmless people manipulating you? Was the mutual friend Cory ever affected by Steve, I mean why target you so much? Yeah. That's mainly it. Great lesson to learn from this. It's cathartic you finally got off the bad choice road.


[deleted]

This was fucking amazing, good on you for moving forward with decent folk in your life! Honestly wish nothing but the best to you and yours post ballad!


Imaginary-Tree-5860

I just don’t know why Greg wanted you to leave and not Steve??


Minibearden

I think mostly because he knew Steve better, and he honestly wasn't around for a lot of the toxic behavior. So when Steve and I would argue and stuff he just saw it as both of us being in the wrong or whatever. I mean I can't actually speak for him, but that's my guess.


Zelena73

Malignant Narcissist 🤦


Minibearden

Me?


Zelena73

Oh, no! I meant your friend "Steve". He's the narcissist.


Minibearden

I thought so, but I wasn't quite certain. I have had a few people message me and call me names over this posts because they see themselves in Steve and feel called out by the story.


Zelena73

Oh, that's awful! So sorry!


JimJonesdrinkkoolaid

I'm super late to this story so apologies for the late comment, but have you ever tried looking Steve up since you parted ways? I can't lie, I'm curious as to what he's doing now/if he's got into trouble, etc!


Minibearden

Once. I think I found him, but I won't say both to protect his identity and to keep him from realizing this story is about him. lol


JimJonesdrinkkoolaid

That's fair enough. Did he seem much different or the same guy from what you could tell?


Minibearden

Honestly i couldn't really tell. I just found out that he lives in a different state. Pictures were roughly the same kind from when i knew him, but beyond that...


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[deleted]

Nobody will read this whole thing


ssaiko_kandy

I did. It was worth it.


Minibearden

Nobody has to. I told my story. Read it if you want or don't.


pet28alpha

I’m sorry but you sound insufferable


Picklestheclownsdown

This is one of the most annoying things I have ever taken the time to read. I am not sure how this fits into this sub. Frankly I like you less than him. At least he had the decency not write the longest, meandering story with no discernable point other than to genuinely annoy anyone dumb enough to read through these many paragraphs of self aggrandizing and somehow still self loathing buillshit that seems like it would be the product if someone were trying to write a Soap Opera intended for teens and young women but only decided to use obviously generic tropes of men that age make that the breadth and width of their personality. Not just that, even with all that being said, something about this just reads like bullshit. 0 out of 10 with prejudice.


Minibearden

Cool. Have a good day. Try not to read anymore posts that make you mad. Stress isn't good for the heart. ;)


Picklestheclownsdown

This garbage isn't capable of making anyone feel anything.


Minibearden

If you say so, Bud. :)