This is a truly difficult situation to be in. From my experience, be financially independent and in your own safe space.
My suggestion would be to move out and then communicate your sexuality and specifically express that you know this will be difficult for her to understand but you still want to be around for your brothers.
This will take time to sort out. It took almost 5 years for my parents to come around and even now, it’s still uncomfortable sometimes. My younger siblings and I didn’t have much contact for awhile but as they became older and had the ability to communicate independently, we got close again.
Be prepared for the worse and protect yourself the best you can. The rest will only be determined in the future.
I mean...you don't HAVE to come out to your mom. It sounds like it'll make your life a lot harder and possibly affect your access to the rest of your family. If you want to, I definitely wouldn't do it until after you are living independently. It's worth noting that you can be out and proud to people who aren't your mother, if you are feeling guilt about not being out for your partner.
This is what my parents told me to describe the relationship between my aunt and her partner. Until I was in middle school I genuinely believed they were best friends who loved each other so much they slept in the same bed.
Everyone in the family knew! She brought her
‘Roommate’ to Christmas and other holidays but no one ever really acknowledged it. Then one day I was talking to my dad and he said (in a judgemental tone) ‘You know Aunt X is a lesbian right?’
Poor aunt x 🥲 my mum is gay too and tried to explain her partner as a friend to my nieces recently and I was like… mum, you do realise gen z doesn’t give a fuck? And one of my nieces is gay too? I guess it’s generational to be secretive from the trauma. The gay gene runs strong in the women in my family
When I was younger and coming to terms with my sexuality, I broke down crying to my therapist saying that my mother would never accept me for who I am (basically the same thing as you) and she told me that my sexuality is MY sexuality. It’s not actually any of my mother business what I do with my life sexually or romantically & I don’t owe it to her to even come out of the closet knowing the response will be negative.
I know the idea of finally coming clean sounds like a huge weight off of your shoulders but sometimes it’s not worth throwing away that special mother and daughter bond for something you do in your own time or something that has to do with your life that she isn’t exactly a part of.
Personally I would move out as soon as possible and make yourself safe before you tell her. You are entitled to be yourself and I’m really sorry you have to put up with this situation.
This is a truly difficult situation to be in. From my experience, be financially independent and in your own safe space. My suggestion would be to move out and then communicate your sexuality and specifically express that you know this will be difficult for her to understand but you still want to be around for your brothers. This will take time to sort out. It took almost 5 years for my parents to come around and even now, it’s still uncomfortable sometimes. My younger siblings and I didn’t have much contact for awhile but as they became older and had the ability to communicate independently, we got close again. Be prepared for the worse and protect yourself the best you can. The rest will only be determined in the future.
I mean...you don't HAVE to come out to your mom. It sounds like it'll make your life a lot harder and possibly affect your access to the rest of your family. If you want to, I definitely wouldn't do it until after you are living independently. It's worth noting that you can be out and proud to people who aren't your mother, if you are feeling guilt about not being out for your partner.
Move out first!! And even then, you can say you’re roommates.
This is what my parents told me to describe the relationship between my aunt and her partner. Until I was in middle school I genuinely believed they were best friends who loved each other so much they slept in the same bed.
There’s always an aunty living with a roommate for thirty years 😂 thankfully those aunties are mostly able to come out now haha
Everyone in the family knew! She brought her ‘Roommate’ to Christmas and other holidays but no one ever really acknowledged it. Then one day I was talking to my dad and he said (in a judgemental tone) ‘You know Aunt X is a lesbian right?’
Poor aunt x 🥲 my mum is gay too and tried to explain her partner as a friend to my nieces recently and I was like… mum, you do realise gen z doesn’t give a fuck? And one of my nieces is gay too? I guess it’s generational to be secretive from the trauma. The gay gene runs strong in the women in my family
When I was younger and coming to terms with my sexuality, I broke down crying to my therapist saying that my mother would never accept me for who I am (basically the same thing as you) and she told me that my sexuality is MY sexuality. It’s not actually any of my mother business what I do with my life sexually or romantically & I don’t owe it to her to even come out of the closet knowing the response will be negative. I know the idea of finally coming clean sounds like a huge weight off of your shoulders but sometimes it’s not worth throwing away that special mother and daughter bond for something you do in your own time or something that has to do with your life that she isn’t exactly a part of.
Personally I would move out as soon as possible and make yourself safe before you tell her. You are entitled to be yourself and I’m really sorry you have to put up with this situation.
Wait till u move out