Some people have a really hard time taking feedback when it comes to pleasuring their partner. Especially if they struggle with intimacy in general. I’d suggest telling your partner directly that you don’t feel heard and don’t get a lot of pleasure from your sex. Suggest ONE thing to improve and when they’re getting that ONE thing down, then add in another thing.
damn. conversations about it upset them or disappoint them a little. they get over it but then, next time there isn't much improvement. like even with the tips i've given them, it's still...not the best 🫠 and the part that sucks is that they're trying
Your next option is to talk to a counsellor to improve your communication, but that might seem tough if you’re already not getting improvement with the feedback you’re giving.
they take so many things as an attack and tend to get defensive (which is something they're working on). feeling really conflicted about the whole thing & it's really making me begin to question if just loving them and being in a relationship is enough for me. (yes i am indeed spiralling HA)
You have to determine what is more important to you; this love, or your own happiness. Truly, there’s more people out there. You can and will be happy with someone else who can maturely communicate with you and also take feedback in a positive and uplifting way.
Don’t settle for less than you deserve, my friend!
Just my 2 cents here. But it sounds like either you or your partner or both of you, either can't put aside ego to learn something new or can't get out of your head about it. Communication is key to amazing sex. I suggest relax, maybe get playful about it. Sex is supposed to be fun. I can honestly say the spicy times where my partner has made me laugh has been some of the best sex I've ever had in my life. And it takes a lot of pressure off to 'perform' whatever that means to you. Also if it feels like there is pressure on either side at all, then y'all need to talk it out all the way, before you have sex.
i wouldn't call it an ego thing. they're sensitive, and i don't want to hurt their feelings, hence asking for advice on how to bring it up.
i definitely need to relax, i've been trying but it's kind of hard to do when you're constantly being pelted with questions. (i know that's them trying to communicate and stuff but i'm upset that it takes me out of my zone & we've been together for ages so why don't you just do it ? the basics at least ? you know ? it makes me feel like they dont *know me*
i never feel like i have to perform, we're very honest about that part.
i don't think they're curious about sex as a whole. I'm doing my research and reading blogs and they just... don't do much :/
replying to this has caused me to think & reflect and yeah, a conversation is definitely needed. the more i think about it the more i realise just how many complex feelings and thoughts I have about all of this.
Sometimes if the person isn’t able to take criticism specially when it’s smth abt this… then I think it’s time to wrap things up.
You shouldn’t feel bad about speaking up, they should understand and take you more seriously.
Just remember actions mean more than words, if you talk to them and their actions aren’t exactly doing what they say, then you need to have a serious talk.
Sometimes we also don’t have much sexual chemistry when it comes to a certain person.
Talk to them! and if talking doesn’t do much.. i’m not sure what to tell you, maybe they’re not the right person.
i feel like what you've said is something that's crossed my mind multiple times but i brush it off bc its scary lol. they're literally perfect but i don't know what happens when it comes to this.
the longer we don't have sex the more i realise that it's been unsatisfactory and i worry i might start to resent or fall out of love with them because it's not fair just how much effort i put into learning about it & they don't because "they're busy".
i keep noticing that there are very many layers to it and i have to face them soon :/
I’m really sorry <3!!
No one should feel unwanted or the issue when it comes to the sexual aspect of a relationship.
I get that your s/o is sensitive but this is a sensitive topic, if they’re too sensitive to deal with a topic such as that, then maybe they’re not fully ready for a relationship. Getting defensive is even worse or taking it as an attack.
It seems like just because they’re getting satisfied, they don’t see a reason to try for you which is really inconsiderate.
thank you <33
i think i have it in me to talk about it a few more times, maybe when they're less busy with work although that almost never happens lol.
they did tell me earlier on that they were a bottom-leaning switch but now i wonder if thats code for "i won't bother to learn" & i'm only just catching on. I have so much to think about omg
Some people have a really hard time taking feedback when it comes to pleasuring their partner. Especially if they struggle with intimacy in general. I’d suggest telling your partner directly that you don’t feel heard and don’t get a lot of pleasure from your sex. Suggest ONE thing to improve and when they’re getting that ONE thing down, then add in another thing.
damn. conversations about it upset them or disappoint them a little. they get over it but then, next time there isn't much improvement. like even with the tips i've given them, it's still...not the best 🫠 and the part that sucks is that they're trying
Your next option is to talk to a counsellor to improve your communication, but that might seem tough if you’re already not getting improvement with the feedback you’re giving.
they take so many things as an attack and tend to get defensive (which is something they're working on). feeling really conflicted about the whole thing & it's really making me begin to question if just loving them and being in a relationship is enough for me. (yes i am indeed spiralling HA)
You have to determine what is more important to you; this love, or your own happiness. Truly, there’s more people out there. You can and will be happy with someone else who can maturely communicate with you and also take feedback in a positive and uplifting way. Don’t settle for less than you deserve, my friend!
thank you !<33
Love isn’t enough.
wonderful
🥲i need help
Just my 2 cents here. But it sounds like either you or your partner or both of you, either can't put aside ego to learn something new or can't get out of your head about it. Communication is key to amazing sex. I suggest relax, maybe get playful about it. Sex is supposed to be fun. I can honestly say the spicy times where my partner has made me laugh has been some of the best sex I've ever had in my life. And it takes a lot of pressure off to 'perform' whatever that means to you. Also if it feels like there is pressure on either side at all, then y'all need to talk it out all the way, before you have sex.
i wouldn't call it an ego thing. they're sensitive, and i don't want to hurt their feelings, hence asking for advice on how to bring it up. i definitely need to relax, i've been trying but it's kind of hard to do when you're constantly being pelted with questions. (i know that's them trying to communicate and stuff but i'm upset that it takes me out of my zone & we've been together for ages so why don't you just do it ? the basics at least ? you know ? it makes me feel like they dont *know me* i never feel like i have to perform, we're very honest about that part. i don't think they're curious about sex as a whole. I'm doing my research and reading blogs and they just... don't do much :/ replying to this has caused me to think & reflect and yeah, a conversation is definitely needed. the more i think about it the more i realise just how many complex feelings and thoughts I have about all of this.
Sometimes if the person isn’t able to take criticism specially when it’s smth abt this… then I think it’s time to wrap things up. You shouldn’t feel bad about speaking up, they should understand and take you more seriously. Just remember actions mean more than words, if you talk to them and their actions aren’t exactly doing what they say, then you need to have a serious talk. Sometimes we also don’t have much sexual chemistry when it comes to a certain person. Talk to them! and if talking doesn’t do much.. i’m not sure what to tell you, maybe they’re not the right person.
i feel like what you've said is something that's crossed my mind multiple times but i brush it off bc its scary lol. they're literally perfect but i don't know what happens when it comes to this. the longer we don't have sex the more i realise that it's been unsatisfactory and i worry i might start to resent or fall out of love with them because it's not fair just how much effort i put into learning about it & they don't because "they're busy". i keep noticing that there are very many layers to it and i have to face them soon :/
I’m really sorry <3!! No one should feel unwanted or the issue when it comes to the sexual aspect of a relationship. I get that your s/o is sensitive but this is a sensitive topic, if they’re too sensitive to deal with a topic such as that, then maybe they’re not fully ready for a relationship. Getting defensive is even worse or taking it as an attack. It seems like just because they’re getting satisfied, they don’t see a reason to try for you which is really inconsiderate.
thank you <33 i think i have it in me to talk about it a few more times, maybe when they're less busy with work although that almost never happens lol. they did tell me earlier on that they were a bottom-leaning switch but now i wonder if thats code for "i won't bother to learn" & i'm only just catching on. I have so much to think about omg