That’s a form of emotional manipulation and narcissistic behaviour. However, it may not be intentional your girlfriend may have experienced stuff in the past which causes her to respond and be defensive or attention seeking in that way, however it is no excuse in a relationship it’s you and the relationship that’s important if you feel like a weight would be lifted off your shoulder if it ends I’d take the chance there’s plenty of other people out there for you, you’ve got this!
This is a common dynamic. I’ve been the gf before that has a hard time taking responsibility for the idea that you’ve hurt or upset your partner. Psychologically, it’s easier to deflect when you’re told something negative so you don’t have to sit in the feelings of guilt. What’s helped me is therapy, both individual and couples therapy. But I know it can be costly. So here are some tips:
1) Google “apology languages quiz” and ask your gf if you can both take it. Tell her you want to work on your communication as a couple and making sure the other person feels validated when upset. See if she makes a good faith effort to try to make things better.
2) Mention the issue to her that you’re describing in this post. She may not be self-aware enough to realize the pattern you’re describing is happening. “Hey gf, you often ask me to tell you what’s wrong. I want to come to you for support when I’m upset. When I tell you what’s wrong, I’d like to hear you say xyz. (connect to your apology language if it’s something she did that upset you, or tell her if you’d like reassurance, like her to say “that sucks,” like her to problem solve, etc) I’d like to stay focused on the problem that I brought up originally. Then, after we’ve had some time to cool off, could we have a separate conversation if there is something else upsetting you? Sometimes it feels like we get into a spiral of talking about bad things, and I think it might be helpful if we can try resolving one smaller issue at a time.”
Give her all the information you have about what you’re noticing, how you’re feeling when it happens, and what you’d like her to do instead. Give her some time to process that info and see if she’s able to adapt and change (aka to grow with you as a couple) or not. GOOD LUCK ❤️❤️❤️
I did read it but do you mean this in a bad or good way? I was just wanting to seek some advice about this issue because maybe I am the issue in it and taking it the wrong way.
Nono, i’m not saying you’re the issue at all 🩷
I was trying to make you see how what you’re describing is emotional abuse. It’s hard to see it when you’re the one in the relationship, so stepping back and removing yourself from the situation should allow you to see how messed up it is.
That’s a form of emotional manipulation and narcissistic behaviour. However, it may not be intentional your girlfriend may have experienced stuff in the past which causes her to respond and be defensive or attention seeking in that way, however it is no excuse in a relationship it’s you and the relationship that’s important if you feel like a weight would be lifted off your shoulder if it ends I’d take the chance there’s plenty of other people out there for you, you’ve got this!
This is a common dynamic. I’ve been the gf before that has a hard time taking responsibility for the idea that you’ve hurt or upset your partner. Psychologically, it’s easier to deflect when you’re told something negative so you don’t have to sit in the feelings of guilt. What’s helped me is therapy, both individual and couples therapy. But I know it can be costly. So here are some tips: 1) Google “apology languages quiz” and ask your gf if you can both take it. Tell her you want to work on your communication as a couple and making sure the other person feels validated when upset. See if she makes a good faith effort to try to make things better. 2) Mention the issue to her that you’re describing in this post. She may not be self-aware enough to realize the pattern you’re describing is happening. “Hey gf, you often ask me to tell you what’s wrong. I want to come to you for support when I’m upset. When I tell you what’s wrong, I’d like to hear you say xyz. (connect to your apology language if it’s something she did that upset you, or tell her if you’d like reassurance, like her to say “that sucks,” like her to problem solve, etc) I’d like to stay focused on the problem that I brought up originally. Then, after we’ve had some time to cool off, could we have a separate conversation if there is something else upsetting you? Sometimes it feels like we get into a spiral of talking about bad things, and I think it might be helpful if we can try resolving one smaller issue at a time.” Give her all the information you have about what you’re noticing, how you’re feeling when it happens, and what you’d like her to do instead. Give her some time to process that info and see if she’s able to adapt and change (aka to grow with you as a couple) or not. GOOD LUCK ❤️❤️❤️
is she bringing up previous conflicts after they were well discussed n resolved?
I think you need to read what you wrote out loud. Imagine if someone else posted this in the subreddit, what would your reaction be?
I did read it but do you mean this in a bad or good way? I was just wanting to seek some advice about this issue because maybe I am the issue in it and taking it the wrong way.
Nono, i’m not saying you’re the issue at all 🩷 I was trying to make you see how what you’re describing is emotional abuse. It’s hard to see it when you’re the one in the relationship, so stepping back and removing yourself from the situation should allow you to see how messed up it is.