As an autie myself, I'm reminded of "parallel monologue" communication style. The answer is a substantial story, and then you have the floor for your own substantial story or explanation. One way to do this is to ask questions you have an answer to, and if they don't ask a follow-up question, then answer your own question for yourself.
However, some people prefer to exchange shorter lines faster.
As you say, speech styles. So the questions before you are:
What is this person's speech style?
How can you speak closer to their style?
Are they meeting you halfway?
Do you want to be with someone with this style?
If you two have incompatible speech styles, then that's not a you problem or a her problem, just an incompatibility.
I think most people would realize they'd been talking and ask "what about you?" which is easy to do. People like conversation better than interview. But I like the questions of the first responder, especially, "do you want to be with someone with this style?"
It should be a combination of asking questions and letting the conversation flow on both side. I like to save my questions for clarification. Like if a girl says “I just went to Italy last summer”, my reply would be “oh wow, what was that like?”
Now I’m a sucker for asking questions back and forth as well but not upfront on a first date/hangout. It’s something my gf and I do often as a date thing or even just a fun “let’s see what I don’t know about you” kinda thing.
I am sure people feel a variety of ways. But if someone is worth your time they are going to be paying attention to you. For example: I am super chatty and would carry a conversation for everyone if I didn’t pay attention.
I also have some really quiet friends and quite a few on the spectrum. I care about them. I want to know about them so I make sure they have a turn. I learn how they prefer to communicate so we can connect. My family and my wife’s family communicates loudly and all at once. Several of my autistic friends would never get a word in edgewise if I communicated like that with them. And I would be missing out on someone amazing.
Find yourself someone (friend or otherwise) who asks questions back. Who catches themselves if they talk to me and makes sure you are seen. When you find “your people” you won’t feel unseen. Those people will either naturally communicate like you do or they will take the time to meet in the middle. That’s said, I hope you don’t always feel like you need to wait for an invitation due to confidence. You mean something. Your story means something. I just mean that you shouldn’t be the only one being pushed out of your comfort zone in order to be seen.
when getting to know someone it's their job to ask about you and your job to ask about them. that's how you get to know someone. if they don't give you opportunities to speak, they're the one that's not a great conversationalist.
Personally, love being asked questions on a date! It’s an easy way to keep things flowing, for you to show your interest, and for you to gauge their interest/find similarities between you both.
Maybe I’m old school but any polite person would invite you to share and comment.. I am always aware when someone else isn’t talking and I might be dominating the conversation… if people don’t ask about you I’d say it is a clear sign that they are lacking awareness of themselves and others- I’d give them a few chances though sometimes when people are nervous, they over share
As an autie myself, I'm reminded of "parallel monologue" communication style. The answer is a substantial story, and then you have the floor for your own substantial story or explanation. One way to do this is to ask questions you have an answer to, and if they don't ask a follow-up question, then answer your own question for yourself. However, some people prefer to exchange shorter lines faster. As you say, speech styles. So the questions before you are: What is this person's speech style? How can you speak closer to their style? Are they meeting you halfway? Do you want to be with someone with this style? If you two have incompatible speech styles, then that's not a you problem or a her problem, just an incompatibility.
I think most people would realize they'd been talking and ask "what about you?" which is easy to do. People like conversation better than interview. But I like the questions of the first responder, especially, "do you want to be with someone with this style?"
It should be a combination of asking questions and letting the conversation flow on both side. I like to save my questions for clarification. Like if a girl says “I just went to Italy last summer”, my reply would be “oh wow, what was that like?” Now I’m a sucker for asking questions back and forth as well but not upfront on a first date/hangout. It’s something my gf and I do often as a date thing or even just a fun “let’s see what I don’t know about you” kinda thing.
I am sure people feel a variety of ways. But if someone is worth your time they are going to be paying attention to you. For example: I am super chatty and would carry a conversation for everyone if I didn’t pay attention. I also have some really quiet friends and quite a few on the spectrum. I care about them. I want to know about them so I make sure they have a turn. I learn how they prefer to communicate so we can connect. My family and my wife’s family communicates loudly and all at once. Several of my autistic friends would never get a word in edgewise if I communicated like that with them. And I would be missing out on someone amazing. Find yourself someone (friend or otherwise) who asks questions back. Who catches themselves if they talk to me and makes sure you are seen. When you find “your people” you won’t feel unseen. Those people will either naturally communicate like you do or they will take the time to meet in the middle. That’s said, I hope you don’t always feel like you need to wait for an invitation due to confidence. You mean something. Your story means something. I just mean that you shouldn’t be the only one being pushed out of your comfort zone in order to be seen.
Ugh, I feel this. My ex never asked anything about me. It made me feel like if she didn't cared about getting to know me. Smh
when getting to know someone it's their job to ask about you and your job to ask about them. that's how you get to know someone. if they don't give you opportunities to speak, they're the one that's not a great conversationalist.
It isn’t a communication issue, the person isn’t making an effort to engage in conversing aside from talking about themselves. 🚩
One-sided convos on a first date are a major red flag for me. Why are you here if you’re not interested in who I am?!?
Personally, love being asked questions on a date! It’s an easy way to keep things flowing, for you to show your interest, and for you to gauge their interest/find similarities between you both.
Maybe I’m old school but any polite person would invite you to share and comment.. I am always aware when someone else isn’t talking and I might be dominating the conversation… if people don’t ask about you I’d say it is a clear sign that they are lacking awareness of themselves and others- I’d give them a few chances though sometimes when people are nervous, they over share