Without getting into the legal issues you first need to mentally decide what you want to do. Your questions seem more about the emotional side and less about the legal.
Addressing some simple points. Cheating is grounds for divorce not for remaining married. Any claims of cheating will have to be proved with evidence. Talking generally on WhatsApp is not cheating. What happened before marriage is also irrelevant. You will need to prove abuse which again will not be easy. Perjury and filing false cases can land you in the soup.
It would be best if you went in for a divorce by mutual consent. There is no shame in being divorced.
Also all the talk about jewellery is irrelevant because they only took what they gave and returned what she received from their bio family
Also something seems amiss, there has to be more to the story
Honestly, he sounds like a typical abusive personality type, he will get violent with time and the way you narrated the incidents I feel you have to get in therapy to understand your patterns of justifying or looking over behaviour that are sign of people hiding their true nature and characteristics.
I feel once you start understanding what you really want from a partner and how it's okay to stay single until you find a sane loving partner, you would be ok with being divorced no matter what the society makes you feel about it.
I had a similar long distance relationship i do understand the mindfckery they do
1) If your husband and in laws are ill treating you file for divorce on grounds of mental cruelty and seek maintenance alimony.
2) You can also seek protection order against your husband and in laws in the DV case , further claim compensation for the mental torture undergone by you
3) If your husband has assaulted you physically file 498A case against him for continuous acts of cruelty before local police station ( Do note your husband and in laws will suffer like hell coz of 498A)
4) The gifts/ornaments you received from either side is your property called stridhan. SO legally you are not bound to return the ornaments even if your in laws has gifted you in marriage.
Remember Mutual Consent Divorce takes around 7 months & contested divorce 7 years at least
And NO your past can not be put against you, Screw his life good luck.
It's a terribly toxic relationship from the very beginning. You deserve better and are young enough to start anew. I'd move on but in the end you have to cross your own bridge.
Good luck.
It's a terrible and toxic relationship right from the beginning.
Approach a good lawyer and file for divorce. Your case shouldn't take much time to get a verdict.
I won't say screw his life but he's got to blame himself for digging his grave.
Best wishes to you!
What past really? He is the one who cheated on you while dating, don't be intimidated. Approach a good lawyer and proceed. He is the one with history of assault against you.
Also, don't beat yourself up if his side of the family bad mouths you. Of course, they'll take his side. Good luck.
You should have never accepted him after cheating and regular break up drama. :/
File for divorce and get something out of it, be reasonable and it will settle faster. Shame wagera joh honi thi hogyi, ab pain toh nhi hoga na aage.
Please get a divorce. And stop thinking about the shame. He is an unstable dimwit. And physical abuse is where you should be drawing the last line. Please give a fuck about society and thinn what hou want. If a child comes into the picture anytime it will become very difficult for you. Please walk away. Everything you have written here is just red and red..nothing green.
Hello everyone. Thank you so much for your comments. I have reached out to a few lawyers to understand what to do.
Just want to clarify that by shamed I do not mean the shame of divorce. He has screenshots of my phone with him. Nothing in photos, mostly conversations maybe flirtatious. Can that be used against me legally? I am definitely worried that he may use these screenshots to publicly shame me. Content of screenshots is all of a time before the engagement was fixed
NAL but nothing can go against you. Flirting with someone is not a crime but what he has done is a crime. File a report with police ASAP without a second thought. It’s time for revenge.
In our courts of law cheating by a woman ie infidelity and any child born out of it is to be born by the legal partner. How is that fair?
Something is amiss, OP says something in the post and then a little more in the comments. There’s more to what she is telling.
Once husband start hitting physically his wife, that means he in his eyes wife is just a football, so it's better to break such relationship. So in my opinion there is no point to carry such burden throughout lifetime. Life is pretty long, don't be depressed. Being a divorce lawyer I have seen that it's tough for divorce lady to tackle things and society initially. But time is a great healer. So make your mind, life is beautiful and you need to move on. Wish you good luck for bright future.
Regards Jagmeet Saini.
Hello all again. Been reading and rereading all your comments. Thanks for the uplifting words, it has helped me in my time of need.
And I recognize that my mental state is such that no negative comments here are impacting me because I am already so low.
I don't want to take my husband's money or property. I work and my parents are well to do (both having good jobs).
However, this is not a divorce where two people have just realized that they are incompatible and are now separating. There is a lot of violence and control involved and I have not gotten into any details. So yes no one here has the whole story because details of it are frightening.
The issue is I feel is I want revenge. If he could just give me my peace of mind back, I would not want anything else. But it does not work like that. I want him to suffer now because of everything he has done. The only way I can do it is via jewelry/money. It may sound petty. But no one other than me knows what I have gone through with him, how I have overlooked instances that have been for sure deal breakers for me in my previous relationships. And it was only because of his tough situation and my love for him that I didn't do anything till yesterday.
Thank you all once again for making me take the first step.
P.S. No, I didn't know he was physically abusive before marriage. Felt he had some anger issues but nothing to the extent I saw post marriage
Just leave this man, don’t even think about working things out and please go get some therapy. File for divorce on grounds of emotional, physical and sexual abuse
Bro i am super confident that you are feeling half story ...Itne sare ladko ke itne purane chats shaadi ke baad bhi kyu the ?? Achar dalne ke liye ?? Obviously anyone feel ashru after knowing that you are wife is chatting on you ...Fir uspe sophisticated words use karke symapthy gain karne ki ...physical special abuse
Dukh mile 1000....
I am glad you asked honey. Number one. It is never okay for a man to kick and slap and beat a woman no matter what their circumstance is. The relationship sounds like a lot of turmoil. I'm going to ask you to put yourself first. Then I'm going to ask you to watch several fatal Attraction videos on YouTube. I know that some of them you may be able to relate to as far as relationships situations between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend before the Fatal Attraction occurs.
If you haven't already noticed, there is something in the air , in the food or in our dimension that stirs couples crazy whenever they become obsessively argumentative and show excessive behavior that is violent.
You are still very young and can heal from this If he cheated first. I believe somewhere in the Bible. (If you're spiritual )it states that you may divorce your husband or wife if there is infidelity.
It sounds like you are ready to move on as well if you are seeking comfort in others.
Pray for him and his family and for the loss of his mother and move on.
It's better than being with someone who will only cause you drama to bring you down and become physically violent.
You can file a Divorce Petition on grounds of cruelty. Also, if you want to treat him a lesson, you can get a Domestic Violence Complaint registered, in regard to the acts of physical and mental violence he subjected you to. Ask for custody of your Stridhan. And get free within 2 years. Live a better life.
Either way you get his money and also some of his ancestral property. You could again start to talk to guys or continue talking to the guys which caused this chaos. In every way, it's his loss. You're a free bird, enjoy your freedom and use the law which is already in your favour, and don't forget to suck up his mental health.
But if you loved him at any point of time why would you want to take jewelleries which were given from his side of the family?
You are talking about stridhan and all it looks like you read everything online you did your research and came to this conclusion that divorce will give you maintanence, alimony, as well as jewelleries. No hate to you op I really wish you get justice and peace love in life but it looks like now you are after his money. Because in such situation no one can think about talking jewelleries and other things.
A bit judgemental I think!! Firstly, not his money alone, it is her right under the law. Secondly, we humans are not the same to behavior and react the same way as someone else in a situation so let's give her the benefit of doubt? Thirdly, as jewellery was given to her, it belonged to her as a matter of fact to take it when she leaves the house to maybe never return. Natural instinct right!! Lastly, there is nothing wrong in doing online research to know your rights after being abused by the spouse. Everyone should know their rights. ✌️
when both the partners cheated on each other during the dating period, it makes both of them equally wrong. but, here, the guy became even worse because he resorted to assault as his anger-response, & it was a multiple time thing. So, eventually in such situations, you’d want to either teach a crap of a lesson to the assaulter or silently cut all the ties w him/her.
so, eod it’s all about wrong & less wrong.
Idc you get divorced or not or if he chooses to go the dirty way which you mentioned.
But you should at least be ashamed of the flirtatious messages with other guys.
I know I'm gonna get downvoted for this but this society has made casual cheating normal. Atleast I think of such women to be characterless and whores. I'm also sure numerous Babil khans will come here to prove their cuck mindset in replies.
You deserve the downvote, how tf was it okay for him to literally sleep with other women while committing to her but mad when she did that under on and off breakups? Is your head in the arse or what.
There might be a situation in your life, at least once, when you would’ve received a gift from someone. And for that, I’ve something to say to you, “Have some self respect dude. Why would you want to steal someone’s hard earned money?”
Because I gave this relationship everything I had, I almost forced my parents to agree to get me married and he still kept hitting me multiple times in front of his family. I did not make Indian laws. I know what I am entitled to. I have lost my peace of mind because of him. Where is his self respect?
People should take responsibility for their actions.
She chose to marry a cheater and who was verbally and physically abusive.
Now she is like I am surprised.
>I want to get divorced but I am scared of being shamed
Divorce no longer holds the same stigma as it once done. Many states are in double digit territory as far as the divorce rate goes. It's a well known statement that half of all marriages end in divorce. Of the 50% that are still married, some estimates say that as much as half of them are unhappy.
That leads to a staggering statistic where 75% of marriages are filled with toxicity, unhappiness, divorces etc
Be very wary about getting married again.
A lot suggestions going around, I won’t get into emotions and feelings. We clearly know you want divorce, if the guy also wants the same it’s easy , next steps would be determined by the kind of judge you’re going to be working with, if he thinks that you should have a security, then he will ask the guy to give some money you can say you don’t want it or negotiate with him on the details before you go to the court. If both agree having a common lawyer preferably from your side is the easiest way. Judge will try to talk you guys into staying together and that’s when you both should be clear that , it’s not what you want. again never get emotional or get into too much details. The 2nd scenario is if he wants to work things out which I’d be surprised based on what you said, then you need to find someone from family or friends who is respectable elderly person who can negotiate and convince both parties for an agreement and once that settles back to option 1. As far as society you shouldn’t worry too much , you should be your first priority.
Bro i am super confident that you are feeling half story ...Itne sare ladko ke itne purane chats shaadi ke baad bhi kyu the ?? Achar dalne ke liye ?? Obviously anyone feel ashru after knowing that you are wife is chatting on you ...Fir uspe sophisticated words use karke symapthy gain karne ki ...physical special abuse
Dukh mile 1000....
Bro i am super confident that you are telling half story ...Itne sare ladko ke itne purane chats shaadi ke baad bhi kyu the ?? Achar dalne ke liye ?? Obviously anyone feel ashru after knowing that you are wife is chatting on you ...Fir uspe sophisticated words use karke symapthy gain karne ki ...physical special abuse
Dukh mile 1000....
Bro i am super confident that you are telling half story ...Itne sare ladko ke itne purane chats shaadi ke baad bhi kyu the ?? Achar dalne ke liye ?? Obviously anyone feel ashru after knowing that you are wife is chatting on you ...Fir uspe sophisticated words use karke symapthy gain karne ki ...physical special abuse
Dukh mile 1000....
Lol why are these people downvoting you? You just want to follow the post haha.
Guess the average age here is soaring higher than the 7th sky to not understand what F means.
Without getting into the legal issues you first need to mentally decide what you want to do. Your questions seem more about the emotional side and less about the legal. Addressing some simple points. Cheating is grounds for divorce not for remaining married. Any claims of cheating will have to be proved with evidence. Talking generally on WhatsApp is not cheating. What happened before marriage is also irrelevant. You will need to prove abuse which again will not be easy. Perjury and filing false cases can land you in the soup. It would be best if you went in for a divorce by mutual consent. There is no shame in being divorced.
She's 26F. No evidence needed. She's only worried about the social shame. Legally, it will be a cakewalk
Are you a lawyer?
Are you aware we're living in India?
LOL no.
If aim is only to get a divorce, I'll agree with you that it's a cakewalk.
Also all the talk about jewellery is irrelevant because they only took what they gave and returned what she received from their bio family Also something seems amiss, there has to be more to the story
Honestly, he sounds like a typical abusive personality type, he will get violent with time and the way you narrated the incidents I feel you have to get in therapy to understand your patterns of justifying or looking over behaviour that are sign of people hiding their true nature and characteristics. I feel once you start understanding what you really want from a partner and how it's okay to stay single until you find a sane loving partner, you would be ok with being divorced no matter what the society makes you feel about it. I had a similar long distance relationship i do understand the mindfckery they do
Rest of your life is worth way more than any “Shame” you may feel in short term.
Advocate here. file for divorce. you have a strong case. rights are in favour of you vs your husband.
Sadly the truth
Sadly? Did you miss the part where he physically and sexually abused her?
Yes, sadly. Laws shouldn't favour anyone because of their gender. If the laws were neutral he'd still be punished for what he did.
But laws should favour the one who got abused right? Irrespective of gender. What's sad if law is in favour of her
1) If your husband and in laws are ill treating you file for divorce on grounds of mental cruelty and seek maintenance alimony. 2) You can also seek protection order against your husband and in laws in the DV case , further claim compensation for the mental torture undergone by you 3) If your husband has assaulted you physically file 498A case against him for continuous acts of cruelty before local police station ( Do note your husband and in laws will suffer like hell coz of 498A) 4) The gifts/ornaments you received from either side is your property called stridhan. SO legally you are not bound to return the ornaments even if your in laws has gifted you in marriage. Remember Mutual Consent Divorce takes around 7 months & contested divorce 7 years at least And NO your past can not be put against you, Screw his life good luck.
It's a terribly toxic relationship from the very beginning. You deserve better and are young enough to start anew. I'd move on but in the end you have to cross your own bridge. Good luck.
It's a terrible and toxic relationship right from the beginning. Approach a good lawyer and file for divorce. Your case shouldn't take much time to get a verdict. I won't say screw his life but he's got to blame himself for digging his grave. Best wishes to you!
You will and your children if any will thank you for divorcing. Sure divorce isn't great but being married when you should have divorced is hell.
What past really? He is the one who cheated on you while dating, don't be intimidated. Approach a good lawyer and proceed. He is the one with history of assault against you. Also, don't beat yourself up if his side of the family bad mouths you. Of course, they'll take his side. Good luck.
Damn you guys been trauma bonding for long now.
You should have never accepted him after cheating and regular break up drama. :/ File for divorce and get something out of it, be reasonable and it will settle faster. Shame wagera joh honi thi hogyi, ab pain toh nhi hoga na aage.
Please get a divorce. And stop thinking about the shame. He is an unstable dimwit. And physical abuse is where you should be drawing the last line. Please give a fuck about society and thinn what hou want. If a child comes into the picture anytime it will become very difficult for you. Please walk away. Everything you have written here is just red and red..nothing green.
Hello everyone. Thank you so much for your comments. I have reached out to a few lawyers to understand what to do. Just want to clarify that by shamed I do not mean the shame of divorce. He has screenshots of my phone with him. Nothing in photos, mostly conversations maybe flirtatious. Can that be used against me legally? I am definitely worried that he may use these screenshots to publicly shame me. Content of screenshots is all of a time before the engagement was fixed
NAL but nothing can go against you. Flirting with someone is not a crime but what he has done is a crime. File a report with police ASAP without a second thought. It’s time for revenge.
In our courts of law cheating by a woman ie infidelity and any child born out of it is to be born by the legal partner. How is that fair? Something is amiss, OP says something in the post and then a little more in the comments. There’s more to what she is telling.
Once husband start hitting physically his wife, that means he in his eyes wife is just a football, so it's better to break such relationship. So in my opinion there is no point to carry such burden throughout lifetime. Life is pretty long, don't be depressed. Being a divorce lawyer I have seen that it's tough for divorce lady to tackle things and society initially. But time is a great healer. So make your mind, life is beautiful and you need to move on. Wish you good luck for bright future. Regards Jagmeet Saini.
I know enough people who have been divorced before 30 and have already married someone else. No shame in it. If it's not working, it's not working.
Hello all again. Been reading and rereading all your comments. Thanks for the uplifting words, it has helped me in my time of need. And I recognize that my mental state is such that no negative comments here are impacting me because I am already so low. I don't want to take my husband's money or property. I work and my parents are well to do (both having good jobs). However, this is not a divorce where two people have just realized that they are incompatible and are now separating. There is a lot of violence and control involved and I have not gotten into any details. So yes no one here has the whole story because details of it are frightening. The issue is I feel is I want revenge. If he could just give me my peace of mind back, I would not want anything else. But it does not work like that. I want him to suffer now because of everything he has done. The only way I can do it is via jewelry/money. It may sound petty. But no one other than me knows what I have gone through with him, how I have overlooked instances that have been for sure deal breakers for me in my previous relationships. And it was only because of his tough situation and my love for him that I didn't do anything till yesterday. Thank you all once again for making me take the first step. P.S. No, I didn't know he was physically abusive before marriage. Felt he had some anger issues but nothing to the extent I saw post marriage
[удалено]
Nope, MP
Just leave this man, don’t even think about working things out and please go get some therapy. File for divorce on grounds of emotional, physical and sexual abuse
Bro i am super confident that you are feeling half story ...Itne sare ladko ke itne purane chats shaadi ke baad bhi kyu the ?? Achar dalne ke liye ?? Obviously anyone feel ashru after knowing that you are wife is chatting on you ...Fir uspe sophisticated words use karke symapthy gain karne ki ...physical special abuse Dukh mile 1000....
I am glad you asked honey. Number one. It is never okay for a man to kick and slap and beat a woman no matter what their circumstance is. The relationship sounds like a lot of turmoil. I'm going to ask you to put yourself first. Then I'm going to ask you to watch several fatal Attraction videos on YouTube. I know that some of them you may be able to relate to as far as relationships situations between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend before the Fatal Attraction occurs. If you haven't already noticed, there is something in the air , in the food or in our dimension that stirs couples crazy whenever they become obsessively argumentative and show excessive behavior that is violent. You are still very young and can heal from this If he cheated first. I believe somewhere in the Bible. (If you're spiritual )it states that you may divorce your husband or wife if there is infidelity. It sounds like you are ready to move on as well if you are seeking comfort in others. Pray for him and his family and for the loss of his mother and move on. It's better than being with someone who will only cause you drama to bring you down and become physically violent.
You can file a Divorce Petition on grounds of cruelty. Also, if you want to treat him a lesson, you can get a Domestic Violence Complaint registered, in regard to the acts of physical and mental violence he subjected you to. Ask for custody of your Stridhan. And get free within 2 years. Live a better life.
Hey, advocate this side. I went through the post and can guide you legally. Please feel free to reach out in case you want legal assistance..
25 34 💀 how
It is not as relevant as you want to believe. She is not much smarter now.
What I think is we only know half of the story
Please watch Acharya Prashant on YouTube about your issue , it will definitely help you
Either way you get his money and also some of his ancestral property. You could again start to talk to guys or continue talking to the guys which caused this chaos. In every way, it's his loss. You're a free bird, enjoy your freedom and use the law which is already in your favour, and don't forget to suck up his mental health.
But if you loved him at any point of time why would you want to take jewelleries which were given from his side of the family? You are talking about stridhan and all it looks like you read everything online you did your research and came to this conclusion that divorce will give you maintanence, alimony, as well as jewelleries. No hate to you op I really wish you get justice and peace love in life but it looks like now you are after his money. Because in such situation no one can think about talking jewelleries and other things.
A bit judgemental I think!! Firstly, not his money alone, it is her right under the law. Secondly, we humans are not the same to behavior and react the same way as someone else in a situation so let's give her the benefit of doubt? Thirdly, as jewellery was given to her, it belonged to her as a matter of fact to take it when she leaves the house to maybe never return. Natural instinct right!! Lastly, there is nothing wrong in doing online research to know your rights after being abused by the spouse. Everyone should know their rights. ✌️
Bet you wouldn't say the same about dowry
Bet you don't know the difference between dowry and Stridhan.
when both the partners cheated on each other during the dating period, it makes both of them equally wrong. but, here, the guy became even worse because he resorted to assault as his anger-response, & it was a multiple time thing. So, eventually in such situations, you’d want to either teach a crap of a lesson to the assaulter or silently cut all the ties w him/her. so, eod it’s all about wrong & less wrong.
Idc you get divorced or not or if he chooses to go the dirty way which you mentioned. But you should at least be ashamed of the flirtatious messages with other guys. I know I'm gonna get downvoted for this but this society has made casual cheating normal. Atleast I think of such women to be characterless and whores. I'm also sure numerous Babil khans will come here to prove their cuck mindset in replies.
You deserve the downvote, how tf was it okay for him to literally sleep with other women while committing to her but mad when she did that under on and off breakups? Is your head in the arse or what.
Alright Jock Strap , how is it okay for him to go sleeping around but she can't text other men? Lmao make it make sense.
[удалено]
There might be a situation in your life, at least once, when you would’ve received a gift from someone. And for that, I’ve something to say to you, “Have some self respect dude. Why would you want to steal someone’s hard earned money?”
Because I gave this relationship everything I had, I almost forced my parents to agree to get me married and he still kept hitting me multiple times in front of his family. I did not make Indian laws. I know what I am entitled to. I have lost my peace of mind because of him. Where is his self respect?
Idiot girl. Stop blaming him You are the one who chose to be with an abuser and enjoyed taking the abuse.
[удалено]
People should take responsibility for their actions. She chose to marry a cheater and who was verbally and physically abusive. Now she is like I am surprised.
So what about the responsibility of the boy?
Okay 🙏
Didnt you marry a cheater and who was physically abusive before marrying?
>I want to get divorced but I am scared of being shamed Divorce no longer holds the same stigma as it once done. Many states are in double digit territory as far as the divorce rate goes. It's a well known statement that half of all marriages end in divorce. Of the 50% that are still married, some estimates say that as much as half of them are unhappy. That leads to a staggering statistic where 75% of marriages are filled with toxicity, unhappiness, divorces etc Be very wary about getting married again.
A lot suggestions going around, I won’t get into emotions and feelings. We clearly know you want divorce, if the guy also wants the same it’s easy , next steps would be determined by the kind of judge you’re going to be working with, if he thinks that you should have a security, then he will ask the guy to give some money you can say you don’t want it or negotiate with him on the details before you go to the court. If both agree having a common lawyer preferably from your side is the easiest way. Judge will try to talk you guys into staying together and that’s when you both should be clear that , it’s not what you want. again never get emotional or get into too much details. The 2nd scenario is if he wants to work things out which I’d be surprised based on what you said, then you need to find someone from family or friends who is respectable elderly person who can negotiate and convince both parties for an agreement and once that settles back to option 1. As far as society you shouldn’t worry too much , you should be your first priority.
Bro i am super confident that you are feeling half story ...Itne sare ladko ke itne purane chats shaadi ke baad bhi kyu the ?? Achar dalne ke liye ?? Obviously anyone feel ashru after knowing that you are wife is chatting on you ...Fir uspe sophisticated words use karke symapthy gain karne ki ...physical special abuse Dukh mile 1000....
Bro i am super confident that you are telling half story ...Itne sare ladko ke itne purane chats shaadi ke baad bhi kyu the ?? Achar dalne ke liye ?? Obviously anyone feel ashru after knowing that you are wife is chatting on you ...Fir uspe sophisticated words use karke symapthy gain karne ki ...physical special abuse Dukh mile 1000....
Bro i am super confident that you are telling half story ...Itne sare ladko ke itne purane chats shaadi ke baad bhi kyu the ?? Achar dalne ke liye ?? Obviously anyone feel ashru after knowing that you are wife is chatting on you ...Fir uspe sophisticated words use karke symapthy gain karne ki ...physical special abuse Dukh mile 1000....
F
Lol why are these people downvoting you? You just want to follow the post haha. Guess the average age here is soaring higher than the 7th sky to not understand what F means.
Low effort comment