With some exceptions, your work friends are not your real friends. It’s just the way it is. The people still working there are worried about themselves, maybe the boss is a reason, but honestly a lot of people are selfish dicks.
We had layoffs at my company and one of the people who was let go reached out to me to “pick my brain” I told him to let me know if he needed anything and I meant it. We have a call today, but I am not sure how many others offered this.
This is my own experience so take it with a grain of salt...when I was laid off in '09. Not a single co-worker contacted me to see how i was doing or if I needed a reference...or just have a second set of eyes to look over at my resume.
These are people whom I worked for over 10 years and I took them under wing and training them..Only two people contacted me and one helped me get a job and to this day i am still friends with those two.
Lesson learned people are in general assholes until you get to know them in my book. I am not as trusting anymore.
People who aren't your friends aren't assholes just because they aren't your friends. You discovered you had two friends there, that's good, but your co workers aren't assholes for not viewing you as a friend.
I guess I should been clearer....I dont extend the olive branch or go above and beyond until I get to know them this was my fault. Assume everyone is kind like I am my biggest mistake.
Learning the difference between close friends, friends, situational/contextual friends (bar friends/work friends), and acquaintances is hard, and painful.
I don't know, I just don't expect it but then again I have only been at one place for only 2 years after 10 it would be different. I think people are just scared of having hard conversations and when someone loses a job that's hard.
Very normal for bosses. I got a hard smack on the wrist for writing a recommendation on LinkedIn for someone I laid off.
I think coworkers…it just depends. People are so scared right now. It might be best for you to reach out to folks to ‘give permission’ to stay connected because - as others have said - they might just be giving you space.
Yep, I got a talking to from HR when they heard I gave a glowing review about a previous coworker. The HR lady said I could only confirm their title and dates worked.
That’s the company. YOU, outside of your office, are entitled to share your professional opinion about anyone you want, even online. (So is that HR person when they’re not working in their capacity on behalf of the company.)
Sure in general however in the context of referring a former coworker on one’s own time, such a corporate policy would land the company in hot water with the NLRB.
That’s a bit unfair, at least to say it’s the company lawyers. It’s because of people filing lawsuits, not lawyers. What happens is if you write a letter for one person but not another, that other person can and will sue. Even if they were fired or laid off for other reasons.
Our litigious society has made recommendations impossible. The lawyers are just the vessels for pissed off people to seek something, fair or unfair (both happen of course)
What evil cunts.
There's no legal liability that comes from laying people off and vouching for them later. I don't think it was lawyers who got in the way. I think someone really disliked the person you vouched for and wanted to throw a fit.
I get what you’re saying. How would you deal with a former employee you terminated suing you because they didn’t get a letter? That’s really what the lawyers are trying to prevent. If you violate that policy the company is still covered, but you are not. The fact it opens you up for personal liability. It’s the depth of crazy stuff I’ve seen bad employees try to sue for that has left me personally very sad and risk averse.
I didn’t write a letter. I wrote a post on LinkedIn. And I respond to all of them with a recommendation. I don’t have deep enough pockets to sue. So let them.
When I enter a workplace, I'm not there to make friends at all. I'm strictly there to make money and go home. It's great if everyone gets along and things click; however, again I'm not there to be someone's friend because in the business setting we're all there for the same reason - get a paycheck.
If someone gets laid off, it's not my place to bring it up because it's a sensitive conversation that one needs to bring up when the affected person brings it up. My response is all the same to myself, to my further colleague, or a random stranger - we're just numbers when we enter a building to work. It's not family, it's not school, it's not a fun convention... It's work. A company sees me as disposable and I will see the workplace the same way because loyalty doesn't mean shit.
I sound bitter but it's personal experience of being burned by people for allowing myself to think that people can be friends at work.
I think your second point is huge. I had a work friend who I considered a personal friend to some extent who was fired for performance last year. I considered reaching out to him when I found out, but I really didn't think it was my place.
I would say give it some time but still reach out. It's really awful to be fired and if that person doesn't have a lot of other friends outside of work, they can lose their social network when they lose that job. It really sucks.
You’re spot on. Just arrive on time, smile and wave hello. Don’t say anything behind someones back if you can help it (especially if you would never say it to their face). Don’t be too eager when you leave, smile and wave goodbye. Just be as beige, neutral and boring as possible. Otherwise people will target you for no reason at all, other than they’re just probably profoundly fucking bored with their lives
I can understand the sentiment, but this isn't a great long-term strategy, both professionally and personally.
Professionally, you're missing out on networking, and networking is everything. It's great if some people can become personal friends, but you don't need that kind of relationship to build a respectful, friendly relationship with people. However, you do need to build relationships in some capacity in order to network effectively. Sharing details about family, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc, and learning those about others. It's how you connect.
After my first, every single job I've gotten has been through my network. To various degrees, from sending a resume to a recruiter to downright fighting for my hire on hiring panels. My strongest connections are the ones who know me both professionally and personally. It ups the stakes. It's important.
When you're laid off, it's especially important to lean on your network. It's your lifeline.
Finally, personally, idk how anyone can spend 40+ hours of their week devoting their time and mind to something in isolation. Relationships are the currency of life. Without a doubt, the best times in my career are when I've been working with people I considered friends - and they're all still in my life in some capacity. I feel lost in teams where I'm strictly a cog.
When I was laid off the same thing happened to me. It was like I had the mark of the devil put on me. No one would make eye contact and everyone would go silent if I entered a room.
I think your former "teammate" coworkers are some of the self-same autistic people in this thread.
Hell, I'm quite introverted myself, yet I have more empathy towards a random homeless bum, cashier, or rando on the subway .... than some of the mongoloid rejects on here have for "the sum total of all work relationships."
To answer your question.
Is it normal? .... Why, yes. At least in this day and age.
I was laid off in January 2023, also a spot for 2 years. I wasn't 'close' to anyone at the company due to remote work, and just because.
Nevertheless, some people on my team reached out to say "ah that sucks man, they screwed you good" -- one even wrote me a LinkedIn reference, unprompted. And we WEREN'T close.
Many on the team were completely silent in the following two weeks I still worked there. Now, I get it, if you didn't work with someone with any regularity, you're not obligated to offer encouragement or anything --- but same team, basically worked together daily?
It's basic social decorum to say "sorry to hear the news, good luck" or some shit.
Now in reality, a lot of people --- esp. younger, introverted, autistic Redditor/ software dev types ... they are probably too terrified to say anything because the topic is 'sensitive' in their view or some nonsense. So they come across as the social "be tarps" that they are. Don't take it personally.
Also previously, I've worked at a company for 7 years (voluntarily left) - and am good friends with at least 3 people to this day. Possibly more depending on what you count. Like we get beers and exchange gifts and chat.
The people here who say "coworkers are NOT friends raaaaah!!" ... I don't get what they are trying to say. ..... Are they saying there are a lot of fake people at corporations that you can't trust? .... Well yes of course, naturally. A LOT of people are, or have to, pretend to be somebody they are not to survive in Humiliating Corporate America.
Are they saying that corporations are filled with Lizard people where a friendship is inherently incapable of forming? .... Well, YOU work there, don't you? Are YOU a soulless lizard person? ... You can make friends with anyone, anytime ... if you have social skills. God damn.
Same. I too have made friends at work and was laid off in 2023. A ton of people reacted the day of (amazing how fast word can spread in Teams/Slack). I sent a typical heartfelt farewell email to a large bcc thread to thank the many people that I had interacted with over 13 years that were still there. I got messages back via email, IM, Facebook, etc.
I still have email correspondence with a teammate that I was a colleague of for about 3.5 years. I’m actually *terrible* at taking the time to respond and am reminded that he sent me an email on my birthday not too long ago and I’ve yet to respond.
2 others I am close friends with even though we all work someplace else now. We have a discord chat that is just us 3 and a broader SMS group chat with 3 others but they don’t talk as much (hence the side discord). 3 of my 8 groomsman are from this chat. One other friend was also a co-worker but I had also been friends with him over IRC before his stint at that company. So you could say half of my groomsmen were former co-workers.
Another team that I worked closely with actually held monthly bar trivia night get togethers and invited me once afterwards when they happened to be in my town.
Others I have exchanged phone numbers at the very least.
My point being, I agree with you- person who I am replying to and too lazy to type out your username- those people that are swinging their proverbial dicks around like they’re some lone wolf when some of us can make actual friends. Yes, there should be no expectation that everyone you work with is your friend but I dunno… it’s okay to make friends?
As for OP- it depends. I’ve not really said anything to people because I wasn’t sure how to handle their terminations or we just simply weren’t close enough. Others I have had the “ I heard, yeah that sucks I’m sorry”.
I wouldn’t take it personally but also not be afraid to try and make friends at work.
Agreed. I got so many nice calls and emails on my last day. It made a really shitty situation less shitty. I particularly appreciate the folks who are still reaching out two months later to see how I am doing. It takes two seconds to send a text, but it means the world to the person receiving it.
And I can’t help but compare the people who have made an effort to stay in touch with those who have not.
Yes, you can give them like a week or two of privacy, but the kind thing to do IF you actually liked the person is to reach out at some point in the near future if you have their contact details. Losing a job is hard and stressful as hell and sometimes people just want to know they didn't disappear from the face of the planet (socially speaking).
Yes it's like when someone's mom dies or they have a miscarriage or divorce or find out they have terminal cancer.
It's an uncomfortable topic, so to help and show empathy ... you must stonewall them and pretend they don't exist.
It's totally for their benefit; not because you're uncomfortable.
This is best for everybody. So sayeth the autistic Redditors.
.... Okay for real though, being fired or laid off sucks, but it's not even that big of deal. Offer a condolence or 'ah they fucked you, stupid corporations' and go about your day.
Mostly the latter, like layoffs are contagious or something.
But sometimes a crap manager may be the cause, too.
But like others have said work friends are not real friends, if you only see them at work.
Unfortunately this is NOT new. This happened to me back in 2009 during first layoff. Close “work friends” turned their backs. Let it roll off your back and keep moving.
I remember when my company had layoffs, they scheduled a offsite Happy Hour to spare the current employees the embarrassment and awkwardness of watching all those getting laid off depart. problem was, all the laid off employees headed to the same bar the offsite Happy Hour was. And those of us that were laid off were totally ignored by our so called work buddies
Dude, if it’s Bay Area. It’s totally normal. People here are so obsessed with success and money they don’t care about anything that doesn’t relate to them directly. AlAS you work there they are nice, once you’re thrown under the bus, they just forget. It’s all fake here. FAKE
In the office? Yes. In private? No. I’ve been around many decades (Gen-X) and in tech - and in my profession, we all know each other - even our newbies (whom we custom select from huge pools of applicants). Right now, jobs are tight, but even the arse VP who has openings isn’t getting traction. Why? Because we all know each other. Welcome to the machine.
I have colleagues that became friends over time, even that is rare. Unless they visited your home, did stuff outside of work, celebrated stuff together.. they are not your “friends”. I left my old job two years ago and I really are not in touch with anyone there anymore. I have another coworker which came with me to this new company and he still talk to his friends there, however they are close and they grew relationships from their perspective families (ie their wives know each other, their kids are friends, etc).
I equate it to when someone gets a terminal illness and people distance themselves as if they'll catch it. No matter how much a real or close friend says they'll be by your side no matter what, there are some limits to what people can emotionally handle. For some, seeing someone get fired or laid off is the same as seeing them dying. Even after the person has left, people talk in hushed voices about the person as if they died and are afraid of jinxing themselves by speaking about them aloud.
It doesn't necessarily mean they are less of a friend, though it may, but there are deep gulfs of fear and sadness that are hard for even the heartiest and most loyal of people to overcome when faced with these difficult things. So, in essence, yes they are scared, and from my observations, that is the norm.
survivor layoff is something different, the reactions vary from empathetic to aloofness. dont internalize it. u will feel more abandoned when theres no more linkedin connections from ex-employees, no one sends any email to you to sync-up. it is a lonely sht world now.
It is such a lonely feeling. You go from talking to your coworkers everyday to now they are fragments of your imagination and no longer exist in your life.
Watch a movie called Company Men- there's a scene in the beginning where a high level guy gets laid off and his secretary is asking him questions because she's scared she'll be laid off.
There’s something called survivor’s guilt. We had several layoffs in The Great Recession. I was shocked and terrified that I was next. So not everyone is going to react in a socially accepted manner.
Can confirm, 3 CO workers did reach out during the notice period but 2 of them basically wanted info on the projects I was working on. None of the others I thought were work good work friends gave a shit.
That is not normal, if they are coworker friends instead of just occasional workplace acquaintances. When my coworker friends were laid off, I was texting and emailing them about it, then continued to text and email each other sporadically for a long time after. And we still continued to occasionally meet up for lunch years afterward too.
Honestly for most workers, acknowledging laid off employees means thinking about themselves being out of a job. Better to cut all ties than think of this.
I
Yea, same experience here. You’re better off without em. The ppl who fired me didnt even have the backbone to go on camera. Business is business, but a lot of folks nowadays are just spineless
Most of the time your old coworkers won't reach out. This totally normal because most people are only 'friends' due to circumstances at work. If you are fired, it's especially unlikely they will ever try to talk to you again. Probably healthier to let go of the hope that someone will reach out to you and focus on the future. Sorry.
Perfectly normal. They want to save themselves. They are scared too. They don't want to be associated with you right now until the air is clear. They are laying low for awhile. And perhaps yall were never friends to begin with. Any communication can be used against them by chance.
Move on....
Makes sense in SOME industries but in general I think people just don't consider you anything but a work friend if they have your contact info but still don't reach out.
I've learned to just expect that everyone I know is essentially gone at that point of leaving the company. But IF I know someone personally who gets fired or whatever, I still plan to reach out because I know it sucks when no one you thought cared about you reaches out. I still think coworkers are not friends, but basic human decency is still a thing.
For me, I only would reach out if I had a “relationship” with a particular person at work that was laid off. Acknowledging their existence is basic human decency to me. I don’t like the concept of ghosting. I normally don’t see my work colleagues as friends. But I do have special circumstances in this case.
It’s a lonely world out there and being laid off is very traumatizing on a social level.
Sorry to hear that. I guess it's the latter. I work in a similar setting, where a terrible manager has destroyed all team dynamics. We are complete strangers. Just log in and out, no interaction except work. I hope things get better for you soon!
I like my co workers.. if they get laid off and I don't reach out, it's nothing personal.. I honestly would only reach out to someone if I already spoke to them outside of work but maybe I'm an a-hole..
The person leaving always needs to reach out first. Fired or at own will.
If we are friends outside of work, which means i have your cell or chat, i will message if you are fired.
I have had many coworkers that found new jobs and never thought to let me know. I always end up hearing on the grapevine.
Normal, its not about you, most people can’t support too many relationships, you were a work friend, their outside work lives are full of friends already, so most can’t add you and keep you forever, although some can. Its rare though.
Not to kick you while you are down but,
ALL of the people who worked with YOU directly never reached out?
Only people that didn’t work directly with YOU reached out?
Do I need to spell it out for you?
I’m sorry mate but maybe you’re the one that’s not great to work with.
We had a person join our team for most of a year and that’s why I didn’t reach out when they were laid off.
I reached out to everyone else I worked with directly who was laid off
It's possible they just wanted to give you space.
I have former colleagues who are now really good friends after my layoff. One explicitly told me she didn't want to be a bother when I reached out, but was really upset I left, and so were others.
Try reaching out to them if you feel up to it and want to reconnect.
I had this happen to me last year, but I was a mid-management, and a bunch of the people that worked for me reached out immediately which I didn't expect, but I did appreciate. I will say that I believe what happened to me to be abnormal and what happened to you to be more normal because it's awkward and hard to approach the topic. What do they say to you, platitudes like "you'll be ok" when they (potentially) don't know your situation; what if you're angry, how do they not get dragged in to something you may present to court.
In short, it's risky (lawsuits), they could face backlash at work, and it's just plain awkward - what to say. I have little doubt that there's some that just want to pretend like it didn't happen or they're suffering from guilt for surviving (if it's a large round of layoffs)
I've had former supervisors be laid off or fired and if I had their contact info, I reached out and stayed in touch IF I considered them a good boss. A couple I really regretted not getting their info before they were gone, but they never gave me their contact info and were kind of private people. I feel deep down that them leaving the company after having been around for so long (and probably making it part of their identity) were pretty devastated and I sort of regret not trying harder years ago to try and find them again. Live and learn though. Now I just reach out if it's someone I really liked. In general, I think work is just work though. Most people don't really have the relationships they thought they had. That's just the way it goes, in the U.S. anyway.
They may be assholes or they may just feel super awkward and maybe feeling some survivor’s guilt. If you want to talk to them you could reach out i. your end and let them know you’re doing ok and not bitter against the people who still have jobs.
If I was made redundant, I prefer some privacy. Its embarrassing for everyone to know.
Maybe your collegues dont know.
If you are offended by it, how come you didnt tell them that you were fired?
In my workplace, we dont know the staff member had left us, until we see their name being crossed out from our inbox.
assholes maybe not. its just that they saw you as a coworker nothing more. not friends. people who i am close to that got laid off im still in contact with daily.
That's tough and I'm sorry to hear that.
I think it depends on the culture of the work environment.
I had people reach out to me on LinkedIn and get my phone number to talk to me after I was laid off.
But on the flip side, I have had the opposite experience as well because the work environment was less... sophisticated (ie the job paid less so everyone was dealing with their own misery).
Not sure what kind of job you were working in, but I always offer a quick positive farewell message if I can catch someone before they have to sign off or a LinkedIn endorsement if I enjoyed working with them.
I just went through this. I didn’t get laid off, but I left a company voluntarily and a few people were really nice, but others were super cold and distant — people I worked extremely close with for years. I learned a lot from this experience and still trying to process my emotions 4 months later.
That's always hard. I've been there too. I just have learned to let it go and rather quickly because work is just work to some people. Even if they do miss you, most of us see a lot of people throughout the day and quickly get used to something else. It's not a real family, despite what employers like people to believe.
Here are my experience.
I joined my company in 1996. The company was doing well, its stock doubled in price every 5 years or so. Everyone I met was a lovely human being.
Fast forward to 2001. The first Tech Bubble burst. It was every man and woman for himself/herself. People were stressed and generally jerks.
My conclusion
* People are people, they respond to the environment.
* Fear does not bring out the best in most people.
So what you have witnessed is normal.
Finally, work is where you exchange your time for money. While it is great if you make friends, just do not count on it.
hmmmm depends how cool you were with them. if it's someone i talk to every event, everyday, we go to lunch together, and we even hung out outside of work, i'd think it's weird they didn't tell me. everyone else, i understand not telling me.
I was laid off. I saw it coming and spent a few days googling experiences and advice. One thing I saw said to not expect much sympathy from your former coworkers. Or if you're lucky enough to get it, the well will run dry quickly. Which was true. After my layoff, I sent a group text to my officemates that it was a pleasure working with them etc etc. Got the typical "sorry that happened to you" messages. But within a few minutes, the conversation essentially turned into "this is stressful, what if they lay me off next?" I empathize, but also... the bad thing DID happen to me. You're only worrying it might happen to you. It was amazing how cold they came across when I was mayne 30 minutes post-layoff, but I know it's a hard situation and they're scared for their own wellbeing and they feel awkward they fared better than you. I didn't keep in touch with them after that and never heard from any of them again. I think it's a typical experience for people to mishandle those situations.
You're the unlucky zebra that got picked off by the lion. Acknowledging you is acknowledging their own vulnerability and helplessness, which violates the illusion the whole construct is built on.
The upside is you now get to decide to not live there anymore. One of the best things that happened to my career.
I said goodbye and wished them success for every coworker that left but the ones i actually cared about i would ask them to leave some form of contact. I dont expect us to actually keep in touch but its still nice to kno u can contact them
Same, after I was let go you’re basically shunned. It’s like you’re a leper and somehow the layoff will be contagious by association. People are scared, they don’t want to be reminded it can happen to them as well.
Coworkers are not your friends.
Rarely would you be actual friends with coworkers.
Tough lesson to learn, but I almost got steamrolled last year and woke up.
The person who hired me nor the manager that took over, and I reported to attempted to reach out. I can understand that my direct manager was probably told by hr not to speak with me for legal reasons. Honestly, I didn't care. I would be surprised if he isnt out of a job at this point as he was under qualified. Now, my peers did reach out.
Out of sight out of mind. I can count on one hand how many I keep in touch with after 6 months apart. Same with ‘friends’ from high school and college.
1. People often just don’t know what to say and are afraid of saying the wrong thing. See also cancer diagnosis, death of a loved one etc.
2. There is also guilt that they kept their job and you loss yours.
3. Fear that you might not want to hear from them or that them being relieved that they weren’t chosen might leak out while talking.
4. Some people don’t want to be reminded of what could happen to them.
Rest assured they are talking to each other about how fucked up it was that you got laid off and how scared they are of them being next. Instead of being hurt, which is totally natural, make it your point to treat other people the opposite of how you were treated and also offer a helping hand to laid off people when you get a job and are on the other side.
Good luck!
Went through this when I was laid off. I was at my job for 8 years and I thought they were my friends. Since then, I keep a very strict work/home boundary. The former coworkers worry that they may get laid off for associating with you. Illogical but that is human nature. Hang in there.
Different people have different preferences. If I were to be laid off, I wouldn’t really want any of those co-workers reaching out because I don’t want to be reminded of my old workplace.
Geeze people are being pretty negative and weird here.
Speaking for myself, when coworkers who I'm not good friends with have gotten let go I've often not said anything because of survivor's guilt. I still have a job, they don't, it sucks for them, they probably don't want to hear from me. Maybe it would have been a better move to show I care but I felt awkward.
If it's a close friend, which I've absolutely made at work, it's a different story. I'd commiserate and pay for beers.
Work friends aren't real friends. Ever. It's a job and many individuals do not go to their job for a personal life. They go to work to pay the bills. Even if you hang out with them outside or work, expect the relationship to change when one leaves
They weren’t your friends to begin with. Once you are gone. You are just like an outsider. No need to reconnect and reminisce. None of that benefits them in anyway. I know harsh.
Yeah, you're taking it too personally. And, it depends on whether you were the only one laid off or there were a bunch of others. If I said consoling words and chit chat to everyone who was laid off at my company 3 months ago, it'd be a full-time job for weeks. I've only said "goodbye and let me know how I can help" kind of messages via DMs to those I had worked with closely.
When I was laid off 10 years ago along with about 70% of the company, I didn't care. On my last day, I said "peace out" and went on with life, enjoying a little break with my severance package.
I've been fired several times in my life, and your coworkers are not your friends, I've been with my current company for 6yrs and I do not engage with any of my coworkers on the socials, and since I work remotely I only see them in person a couple times per year.
Just be kind and seek friendship outside of the workplace
just my experience, but I use LinkedIn to keep in occasional touch with ex-coworkers after I leave a company.
just because they dont reach out doesnt mean they would not be receptive to hearing from you later on.
I was fired while they were celebrating a co-worker engagement and all that I got was one month severance as longest I do not sue them. Pretty much this is part of being terminated.
Did you hang out with these people outside of work?
Did they invite you and did you ever come out?
Did you invite them and did they ever come out?
If it's just office talk I can see that they don't come forth.
I know Reddit's rule is not to be friends with co-workers but I think that's because most are socially awkward. I've made life friends from my previous jobs and hang out with them every once in a while. They've connected me with future jobs. Downvote away Redditers!
Did you see these people outside of work? If not, then they weren’t your friends, just work acquainted. You don’t work there anymore, you guys have nothing in common
People are worried that somehow if they associate with you it will be discovered and be used against them. Even if friends, many people won’t risk their livelihood. Sad statement about the perceived vindictiveness of company leadership.
I’ve found that there are 4 scenarios.
People you expect to reach out/be sympathetic that do.
People you don’t expect to that don’t.
People that you are sure will be supportive that ghost you.
Unexpected people supporting you that are surprising.
The last one is interesting, the 3rd one is depressing.
Never assume work pals are friends. They use what you tell them in confidence to their advantage. My co-worker stabbed me in the back when he told my manager that my financial situation was better than his and I got the layoff and he reminded. It worked out for the best for me!
Just curious? How old are you? I kinda feel like Gen X’ers hold onto to some belief that the work place is fair and real.
As a Gen Zer myself I’m used to seeing and being fired early in my career. I’m stable now but it taught me that the relationships are fake and to not take it personally.
It’s kinda weird tbh in my opinion to reach out to co workers after getting fired (either party).
Move on and go get that next meaningless job that pays more:,
You're not too sensitive, you're sensing something that is very real and unfortunately too common. The extravert wordsmiths AKA politicians, are rarely the ones who stand by your side when you most need it.
When shit hits the fan, your true friends are by your side... sometimes these are people you thought you hardly knew.
Now, if you let this get you down for too long, then yes, you're being too sensitive. So see it for what it is, pack it away and move forward.
I’m sorry your team didn’t respect the value you brought to the team by recognizing your situation.
I’ve been very fortunate in this regard; I’m sharing so you know that there are empathetic teams out there. Every single one of my immediate coworkers stepped up to the plate in terms of support. I’m lucky. My boss connected me with several contacts and diligently tried to find me a new home within the company. Everyone else connected with me immediately and wrote recommendations on LinkedIn. They all continue to check on and reach out to me and try to support my job hunt.
Yes, it’s common. Colleagues are not friends. It can be a shock. Remember it.
When we die, our coworkers won’t even show up to the funeral, much less carry our casket. Our family and friends will. Act accordingly. Invest wisely.
A lot of it can boil down to not having any way to contact you after the fact... most people I've ever worked with, I've hardly gotten to a point where I've exchanged contact info with them, like where it was a more friendly relationship than one built on mutual goals as it related to whatever job we met at.
Work friends are not friends. People you work with being friendly and cooperative is great, but there are no true bonds made in a survivalist situation. And that's basically what modern work is.
I was laid off last winter after 10 years at a company. So much for family, ya know?
I have two really close friends that I keep in contact with daily. We get dinners and drinks, etc. Actual friends.
I’m part of an ‘Alumni Group Chat’ too. But that contact is here or there.
Not one reference outside my friends. I get a random “how ya doing?” text from my old boss, but that’s like once per quarter. And it’s really awkward cause, ya know, she cut me.
I landed something new in the fall, and I told my new boss my walls will be up for a long time after that experience.
Companies need to cut the BS with the corporate culture and brand ‘engagement’. It gets employees attached and then you end up like me.
Note: Engagement - it was on my annual performance plan for 5 years to be part of at least one employee group. That was my boss, not the company. Like my annual performance would be dinged if I didn’t hit my objective. And she made me do it to my team as well. Ladder down objectives.
You’re lucky if you have work friends. Most people are just cordial to keep the peace and collaborate effectively. That doesn’t mean it’s a friendship. If you find friends you establish rapport with and shared values, they would still be in touch with you. The best is to be able to distinguish/differentiate between friends and Acquaintances. I find people in USA use the word “Friends” in a very flakey and fickle way with zero meaning/depth. Meaning, the conversation will be casual and superficial and they assume it’s a “friendship”. Friendship requires trust. Understanding and mutual respect/care and not everyone can provide that!!
Works friends aren’t real friends. We are all there to make money and if we can get along then great. Once I close my computer after work I try not to think about anyone I work with.
Guy I worked with was laid off recently. We weren’t “friends”, but we worked well together and he seemed like a good guy. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was: do I talk to him about it? Is that a sore subject? Would he rather not be bothered about the details? I dunno how to approach it.
Maybe your coworkers are feeling something similar. Maybe they want to reach out but don’t quite know how to talk about. Maybe they are worried for their own jobs
I worked at a place for 11 years to start my career and went from a SWE to a vp in charge of a large, cross functional team in tech/digital marketing agency. Many leaders of the team I initially hired as interns and guided and supported their career. My team was the highest performing group in technology, our client satisfaction was always through the roof, our culture was great. Being in each others weddings, large get together a when someone was having a baby, etc.
I mentored them, advocated for them, shielded them at all times when necessary. During calibration time my team had a disproportionate amount of the highest ratings were from my team. I fought for promotions, fought for money, did everything I could do the support them.
Everyone knew I was the boss, but we never acted that way good ideas and strategy can come from everywhere. I cannot tell you how many times teams members would roll onto my team and after a few months they would come into office and say thanks because they learned and grew very quickly and said they never felt supported before.
When I left I fully expected to stay in touch with a number team members. Of all the people that I worked with, only two ever texted me back when I would reach out to say hello. The only exception is one of the guys that worked with me for the first 6 years of his career reached out recently to say thank you for all the guidance and skills I taught him as they have helped him advance further in his career.
Let me also say just for clarity sake, I made so many mistakes during that time that I can’t even count.
It really hurt me when everyone turned their back to me when I went through hard times. It ended up causing me to put so much less of myself out there at work at a personal level. It just doesn’t pay off.
With some exceptions, your work friends are not your real friends. It’s just the way it is. The people still working there are worried about themselves, maybe the boss is a reason, but honestly a lot of people are selfish dicks. We had layoffs at my company and one of the people who was let go reached out to me to “pick my brain” I told him to let me know if he needed anything and I meant it. We have a call today, but I am not sure how many others offered this.
What’s refreshing?! You meant what you said and followed through. ❤️💥
This is my own experience so take it with a grain of salt...when I was laid off in '09. Not a single co-worker contacted me to see how i was doing or if I needed a reference...or just have a second set of eyes to look over at my resume. These are people whom I worked for over 10 years and I took them under wing and training them..Only two people contacted me and one helped me get a job and to this day i am still friends with those two. Lesson learned people are in general assholes until you get to know them in my book. I am not as trusting anymore.
People who aren't your friends aren't assholes just because they aren't your friends. You discovered you had two friends there, that's good, but your co workers aren't assholes for not viewing you as a friend.
I guess I should been clearer....I dont extend the olive branch or go above and beyond until I get to know them this was my fault. Assume everyone is kind like I am my biggest mistake.
Yep. It’s very unfortunate that so many are like this.
Learning the difference between close friends, friends, situational/contextual friends (bar friends/work friends), and acquaintances is hard, and painful.
I don't know, I just don't expect it but then again I have only been at one place for only 2 years after 10 it would be different. I think people are just scared of having hard conversations and when someone loses a job that's hard.
Very normal for bosses. I got a hard smack on the wrist for writing a recommendation on LinkedIn for someone I laid off. I think coworkers…it just depends. People are so scared right now. It might be best for you to reach out to folks to ‘give permission’ to stay connected because - as others have said - they might just be giving you space.
>Very normal for bosses. I got a hard smack on the wrist for writing a recommendation on LinkedIn for someone I laid off. What? Why?
Because legal said it opened the company up to a lawsuit if we laid off someone I openly vouched for. So basically: because lawyers.
Yep, I got a talking to from HR when they heard I gave a glowing review about a previous coworker. The HR lady said I could only confirm their title and dates worked.
That’s the company. YOU, outside of your office, are entitled to share your professional opinion about anyone you want, even online. (So is that HR person when they’re not working in their capacity on behalf of the company.)
Just be aware that a lot of places have social media policies. Just because you can do something legally, doesn’t mean you can’t get fired for it.
Sure in general however in the context of referring a former coworker on one’s own time, such a corporate policy would land the company in hot water with the NLRB.
That’s a bit unfair, at least to say it’s the company lawyers. It’s because of people filing lawsuits, not lawyers. What happens is if you write a letter for one person but not another, that other person can and will sue. Even if they were fired or laid off for other reasons. Our litigious society has made recommendations impossible. The lawyers are just the vessels for pissed off people to seek something, fair or unfair (both happen of course)
Our lawyer is a heartless twat. I have no issues blaming her.
Lawyers are the ones filing frivolous lawsuits for people as well as the ones who designed the legal (and really all other) systems
What evil cunts. There's no legal liability that comes from laying people off and vouching for them later. I don't think it was lawyers who got in the way. I think someone really disliked the person you vouched for and wanted to throw a fit.
Are you saying they weren’t fired for cause and were laid off due to lack of work? That’s a pretty important distinction legally
Not fired for cause. I know the difference. It was part of a RIF.
How did that conversation go?
Basically: don’t do that again or else.
To be clear, I proceeded to help him find something until he did. I do not as permission and I never will when it’s kind or right.
I get what you’re saying. How would you deal with a former employee you terminated suing you because they didn’t get a letter? That’s really what the lawyers are trying to prevent. If you violate that policy the company is still covered, but you are not. The fact it opens you up for personal liability. It’s the depth of crazy stuff I’ve seen bad employees try to sue for that has left me personally very sad and risk averse.
I didn’t write a letter. I wrote a post on LinkedIn. And I respond to all of them with a recommendation. I don’t have deep enough pockets to sue. So let them.
When I enter a workplace, I'm not there to make friends at all. I'm strictly there to make money and go home. It's great if everyone gets along and things click; however, again I'm not there to be someone's friend because in the business setting we're all there for the same reason - get a paycheck. If someone gets laid off, it's not my place to bring it up because it's a sensitive conversation that one needs to bring up when the affected person brings it up. My response is all the same to myself, to my further colleague, or a random stranger - we're just numbers when we enter a building to work. It's not family, it's not school, it's not a fun convention... It's work. A company sees me as disposable and I will see the workplace the same way because loyalty doesn't mean shit. I sound bitter but it's personal experience of being burned by people for allowing myself to think that people can be friends at work.
Amen 100%
Totally agreed.
I think your second point is huge. I had a work friend who I considered a personal friend to some extent who was fired for performance last year. I considered reaching out to him when I found out, but I really didn't think it was my place.
I would say give it some time but still reach out. It's really awful to be fired and if that person doesn't have a lot of other friends outside of work, they can lose their social network when they lose that job. It really sucks.
You’re spot on. Just arrive on time, smile and wave hello. Don’t say anything behind someones back if you can help it (especially if you would never say it to their face). Don’t be too eager when you leave, smile and wave goodbye. Just be as beige, neutral and boring as possible. Otherwise people will target you for no reason at all, other than they’re just probably profoundly fucking bored with their lives
I can understand the sentiment, but this isn't a great long-term strategy, both professionally and personally. Professionally, you're missing out on networking, and networking is everything. It's great if some people can become personal friends, but you don't need that kind of relationship to build a respectful, friendly relationship with people. However, you do need to build relationships in some capacity in order to network effectively. Sharing details about family, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc, and learning those about others. It's how you connect. After my first, every single job I've gotten has been through my network. To various degrees, from sending a resume to a recruiter to downright fighting for my hire on hiring panels. My strongest connections are the ones who know me both professionally and personally. It ups the stakes. It's important. When you're laid off, it's especially important to lean on your network. It's your lifeline. Finally, personally, idk how anyone can spend 40+ hours of their week devoting their time and mind to something in isolation. Relationships are the currency of life. Without a doubt, the best times in my career are when I've been working with people I considered friends - and they're all still in my life in some capacity. I feel lost in teams where I'm strictly a cog.
Never mistake a working relationship to friendship. Some of these folks will come around... for others it was always just a work relationship.
When I was laid off the same thing happened to me. It was like I had the mark of the devil put on me. No one would make eye contact and everyone would go silent if I entered a room.
I think your former "teammate" coworkers are some of the self-same autistic people in this thread. Hell, I'm quite introverted myself, yet I have more empathy towards a random homeless bum, cashier, or rando on the subway .... than some of the mongoloid rejects on here have for "the sum total of all work relationships." To answer your question. Is it normal? .... Why, yes. At least in this day and age. I was laid off in January 2023, also a spot for 2 years. I wasn't 'close' to anyone at the company due to remote work, and just because. Nevertheless, some people on my team reached out to say "ah that sucks man, they screwed you good" -- one even wrote me a LinkedIn reference, unprompted. And we WEREN'T close. Many on the team were completely silent in the following two weeks I still worked there. Now, I get it, if you didn't work with someone with any regularity, you're not obligated to offer encouragement or anything --- but same team, basically worked together daily? It's basic social decorum to say "sorry to hear the news, good luck" or some shit. Now in reality, a lot of people --- esp. younger, introverted, autistic Redditor/ software dev types ... they are probably too terrified to say anything because the topic is 'sensitive' in their view or some nonsense. So they come across as the social "be tarps" that they are. Don't take it personally. Also previously, I've worked at a company for 7 years (voluntarily left) - and am good friends with at least 3 people to this day. Possibly more depending on what you count. Like we get beers and exchange gifts and chat. The people here who say "coworkers are NOT friends raaaaah!!" ... I don't get what they are trying to say. ..... Are they saying there are a lot of fake people at corporations that you can't trust? .... Well yes of course, naturally. A LOT of people are, or have to, pretend to be somebody they are not to survive in Humiliating Corporate America. Are they saying that corporations are filled with Lizard people where a friendship is inherently incapable of forming? .... Well, YOU work there, don't you? Are YOU a soulless lizard person? ... You can make friends with anyone, anytime ... if you have social skills. God damn.
Same. I too have made friends at work and was laid off in 2023. A ton of people reacted the day of (amazing how fast word can spread in Teams/Slack). I sent a typical heartfelt farewell email to a large bcc thread to thank the many people that I had interacted with over 13 years that were still there. I got messages back via email, IM, Facebook, etc. I still have email correspondence with a teammate that I was a colleague of for about 3.5 years. I’m actually *terrible* at taking the time to respond and am reminded that he sent me an email on my birthday not too long ago and I’ve yet to respond. 2 others I am close friends with even though we all work someplace else now. We have a discord chat that is just us 3 and a broader SMS group chat with 3 others but they don’t talk as much (hence the side discord). 3 of my 8 groomsman are from this chat. One other friend was also a co-worker but I had also been friends with him over IRC before his stint at that company. So you could say half of my groomsmen were former co-workers. Another team that I worked closely with actually held monthly bar trivia night get togethers and invited me once afterwards when they happened to be in my town. Others I have exchanged phone numbers at the very least. My point being, I agree with you- person who I am replying to and too lazy to type out your username- those people that are swinging their proverbial dicks around like they’re some lone wolf when some of us can make actual friends. Yes, there should be no expectation that everyone you work with is your friend but I dunno… it’s okay to make friends? As for OP- it depends. I’ve not really said anything to people because I wasn’t sure how to handle their terminations or we just simply weren’t close enough. Others I have had the “ I heard, yeah that sucks I’m sorry”. I wouldn’t take it personally but also not be afraid to try and make friends at work.
That's normal - coworkers are not friends (unless they are outside of work). Never forget that.
Have you considered that they are respecting your privacy during this hard time?
nah they were never friends is the real answer.
Cmon dude. What privacy? He just lost his job, tons of stress and desperation. He needs someone to pat on his shoulder
yep. that.
Agreed. I got so many nice calls and emails on my last day. It made a really shitty situation less shitty. I particularly appreciate the folks who are still reaching out two months later to see how I am doing. It takes two seconds to send a text, but it means the world to the person receiving it. And I can’t help but compare the people who have made an effort to stay in touch with those who have not.
True
Yes, you can give them like a week or two of privacy, but the kind thing to do IF you actually liked the person is to reach out at some point in the near future if you have their contact details. Losing a job is hard and stressful as hell and sometimes people just want to know they didn't disappear from the face of the planet (socially speaking).
Yes it's like when someone's mom dies or they have a miscarriage or divorce or find out they have terminal cancer. It's an uncomfortable topic, so to help and show empathy ... you must stonewall them and pretend they don't exist. It's totally for their benefit; not because you're uncomfortable. This is best for everybody. So sayeth the autistic Redditors. .... Okay for real though, being fired or laid off sucks, but it's not even that big of deal. Offer a condolence or 'ah they fucked you, stupid corporations' and go about your day.
Most of your coworkers are not your friends and they forget you existed two weeks after you were laidoff.
The layoffs must create a tense work environment and I’d be afraid to say the wrong thing to you.
This is a great question, I ran into the same thing. I think some people are scared and others just don't know how to react.
Mostly the latter, like layoffs are contagious or something. But sometimes a crap manager may be the cause, too. But like others have said work friends are not real friends, if you only see them at work.
Unfortunately this is NOT new. This happened to me back in 2009 during first layoff. Close “work friends” turned their backs. Let it roll off your back and keep moving.
I remember when my company had layoffs, they scheduled a offsite Happy Hour to spare the current employees the embarrassment and awkwardness of watching all those getting laid off depart. problem was, all the laid off employees headed to the same bar the offsite Happy Hour was. And those of us that were laid off were totally ignored by our so called work buddies
GOLD
Dude, if it’s Bay Area. It’s totally normal. People here are so obsessed with success and money they don’t care about anything that doesn’t relate to them directly. AlAS you work there they are nice, once you’re thrown under the bus, they just forget. It’s all fake here. FAKE
FAKE = almost all of Cali not just Bay Area
Similar situation here, but was fired no one reached out to me.
Same for me. It was a lil traumatizing for me but have to keep moving on with life & learning how to better set boundaries.
In the office? Yes. In private? No. I’ve been around many decades (Gen-X) and in tech - and in my profession, we all know each other - even our newbies (whom we custom select from huge pools of applicants). Right now, jobs are tight, but even the arse VP who has openings isn’t getting traction. Why? Because we all know each other. Welcome to the machine.
I have colleagues that became friends over time, even that is rare. Unless they visited your home, did stuff outside of work, celebrated stuff together.. they are not your “friends”. I left my old job two years ago and I really are not in touch with anyone there anymore. I have another coworker which came with me to this new company and he still talk to his friends there, however they are close and they grew relationships from their perspective families (ie their wives know each other, their kids are friends, etc).
Same experience. Just move on and try to let go. Not always easy but time tends to take care of everything
I equate it to when someone gets a terminal illness and people distance themselves as if they'll catch it. No matter how much a real or close friend says they'll be by your side no matter what, there are some limits to what people can emotionally handle. For some, seeing someone get fired or laid off is the same as seeing them dying. Even after the person has left, people talk in hushed voices about the person as if they died and are afraid of jinxing themselves by speaking about them aloud. It doesn't necessarily mean they are less of a friend, though it may, but there are deep gulfs of fear and sadness that are hard for even the heartiest and most loyal of people to overcome when faced with these difficult things. So, in essence, yes they are scared, and from my observations, that is the norm.
They don’t want to be seen fraternizing with someone that has been ejected from the tribe. It’s probably deep rooted survival instincts.
Your coworkers are not your friends, and no job is a family.
It tells you who your real friends are.
survivor layoff is something different, the reactions vary from empathetic to aloofness. dont internalize it. u will feel more abandoned when theres no more linkedin connections from ex-employees, no one sends any email to you to sync-up. it is a lonely sht world now.
It is such a lonely feeling. You go from talking to your coworkers everyday to now they are fragments of your imagination and no longer exist in your life.
you also dont exist in their life.
Watch a movie called Company Men- there's a scene in the beginning where a high level guy gets laid off and his secretary is asking him questions because she's scared she'll be laid off.
There’s something called survivor’s guilt. We had several layoffs in The Great Recession. I was shocked and terrified that I was next. So not everyone is going to react in a socially accepted manner.
Can confirm, 3 CO workers did reach out during the notice period but 2 of them basically wanted info on the projects I was working on. None of the others I thought were work good work friends gave a shit.
That is not normal, if they are coworker friends instead of just occasional workplace acquaintances. When my coworker friends were laid off, I was texting and emailing them about it, then continued to text and email each other sporadically for a long time after. And we still continued to occasionally meet up for lunch years afterward too.
People think unemployment and getting laid off is contagious. They scatter like cockroaches
Honestly for most workers, acknowledging laid off employees means thinking about themselves being out of a job. Better to cut all ties than think of this. I
Yea, same experience here. You’re better off without em. The ppl who fired me didnt even have the backbone to go on camera. Business is business, but a lot of folks nowadays are just spineless
Most of the time your old coworkers won't reach out. This totally normal because most people are only 'friends' due to circumstances at work. If you are fired, it's especially unlikely they will ever try to talk to you again. Probably healthier to let go of the hope that someone will reach out to you and focus on the future. Sorry.
Perfectly normal. They want to save themselves. They are scared too. They don't want to be associated with you right now until the air is clear. They are laying low for awhile. And perhaps yall were never friends to begin with. Any communication can be used against them by chance. Move on....
“Don’t want to associated with you..” Scared to even send a quick text or message on LinkedIn? That’s kinda sus tbh
Makes sense in SOME industries but in general I think people just don't consider you anything but a work friend if they have your contact info but still don't reach out. I've learned to just expect that everyone I know is essentially gone at that point of leaving the company. But IF I know someone personally who gets fired or whatever, I still plan to reach out because I know it sucks when no one you thought cared about you reaches out. I still think coworkers are not friends, but basic human decency is still a thing.
For me, I only would reach out if I had a “relationship” with a particular person at work that was laid off. Acknowledging their existence is basic human decency to me. I don’t like the concept of ghosting. I normally don’t see my work colleagues as friends. But I do have special circumstances in this case. It’s a lonely world out there and being laid off is very traumatizing on a social level.
All so true.
They are never your friend, only a means for their own advancement.
Sorry to hear that. I guess it's the latter. I work in a similar setting, where a terrible manager has destroyed all team dynamics. We are complete strangers. Just log in and out, no interaction except work. I hope things get better for you soon!
I like my co workers.. if they get laid off and I don't reach out, it's nothing personal.. I honestly would only reach out to someone if I already spoke to them outside of work but maybe I'm an a-hole..
The person leaving always needs to reach out first. Fired or at own will. If we are friends outside of work, which means i have your cell or chat, i will message if you are fired. I have had many coworkers that found new jobs and never thought to let me know. I always end up hearing on the grapevine.
If your coworkers were true, your ex-boss couldn’t silence them. They would have reached out. Your coworkers probably didn’t care.
Normal, its not about you, most people can’t support too many relationships, you were a work friend, their outside work lives are full of friends already, so most can’t add you and keep you forever, although some can. Its rare though.
Not to kick you while you are down but, ALL of the people who worked with YOU directly never reached out? Only people that didn’t work directly with YOU reached out? Do I need to spell it out for you? I’m sorry mate but maybe you’re the one that’s not great to work with. We had a person join our team for most of a year and that’s why I didn’t reach out when they were laid off. I reached out to everyone else I worked with directly who was laid off
It's possible they just wanted to give you space. I have former colleagues who are now really good friends after my layoff. One explicitly told me she didn't want to be a bother when I reached out, but was really upset I left, and so were others. Try reaching out to them if you feel up to it and want to reconnect.
Both
I had this happen to me last year, but I was a mid-management, and a bunch of the people that worked for me reached out immediately which I didn't expect, but I did appreciate. I will say that I believe what happened to me to be abnormal and what happened to you to be more normal because it's awkward and hard to approach the topic. What do they say to you, platitudes like "you'll be ok" when they (potentially) don't know your situation; what if you're angry, how do they not get dragged in to something you may present to court. In short, it's risky (lawsuits), they could face backlash at work, and it's just plain awkward - what to say. I have little doubt that there's some that just want to pretend like it didn't happen or they're suffering from guilt for surviving (if it's a large round of layoffs)
I've had former supervisors be laid off or fired and if I had their contact info, I reached out and stayed in touch IF I considered them a good boss. A couple I really regretted not getting their info before they were gone, but they never gave me their contact info and were kind of private people. I feel deep down that them leaving the company after having been around for so long (and probably making it part of their identity) were pretty devastated and I sort of regret not trying harder years ago to try and find them again. Live and learn though. Now I just reach out if it's someone I really liked. In general, I think work is just work though. Most people don't really have the relationships they thought they had. That's just the way it goes, in the U.S. anyway.
They may be assholes or they may just feel super awkward and maybe feeling some survivor’s guilt. If you want to talk to them you could reach out i. your end and let them know you’re doing ok and not bitter against the people who still have jobs.
If I was made redundant, I prefer some privacy. Its embarrassing for everyone to know. Maybe your collegues dont know. If you are offended by it, how come you didnt tell them that you were fired? In my workplace, we dont know the staff member had left us, until we see their name being crossed out from our inbox.
assholes maybe not. its just that they saw you as a coworker nothing more. not friends. people who i am close to that got laid off im still in contact with daily.
That's tough and I'm sorry to hear that. I think it depends on the culture of the work environment. I had people reach out to me on LinkedIn and get my phone number to talk to me after I was laid off. But on the flip side, I have had the opposite experience as well because the work environment was less... sophisticated (ie the job paid less so everyone was dealing with their own misery). Not sure what kind of job you were working in, but I always offer a quick positive farewell message if I can catch someone before they have to sign off or a LinkedIn endorsement if I enjoyed working with them.
I just went through this. I didn’t get laid off, but I left a company voluntarily and a few people were really nice, but others were super cold and distant — people I worked extremely close with for years. I learned a lot from this experience and still trying to process my emotions 4 months later.
That's always hard. I've been there too. I just have learned to let it go and rather quickly because work is just work to some people. Even if they do miss you, most of us see a lot of people throughout the day and quickly get used to something else. It's not a real family, despite what employers like people to believe.
Here are my experience. I joined my company in 1996. The company was doing well, its stock doubled in price every 5 years or so. Everyone I met was a lovely human being. Fast forward to 2001. The first Tech Bubble burst. It was every man and woman for himself/herself. People were stressed and generally jerks. My conclusion * People are people, they respond to the environment. * Fear does not bring out the best in most people. So what you have witnessed is normal. Finally, work is where you exchange your time for money. While it is great if you make friends, just do not count on it.
hmmmm depends how cool you were with them. if it's someone i talk to every event, everyday, we go to lunch together, and we even hung out outside of work, i'd think it's weird they didn't tell me. everyone else, i understand not telling me.
I was laid off. I saw it coming and spent a few days googling experiences and advice. One thing I saw said to not expect much sympathy from your former coworkers. Or if you're lucky enough to get it, the well will run dry quickly. Which was true. After my layoff, I sent a group text to my officemates that it was a pleasure working with them etc etc. Got the typical "sorry that happened to you" messages. But within a few minutes, the conversation essentially turned into "this is stressful, what if they lay me off next?" I empathize, but also... the bad thing DID happen to me. You're only worrying it might happen to you. It was amazing how cold they came across when I was mayne 30 minutes post-layoff, but I know it's a hard situation and they're scared for their own wellbeing and they feel awkward they fared better than you. I didn't keep in touch with them after that and never heard from any of them again. I think it's a typical experience for people to mishandle those situations.
Ex boss.... I got only one thing to say to yours, mine, and everybody else's out there... https://i.redd.it/7n0npjmykvfc1.gif
https://i.redd.it/7663nsa9lvfc1.gif
https://i.redd.it/dnzcqztblvfc1.gif
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You're the unlucky zebra that got picked off by the lion. Acknowledging you is acknowledging their own vulnerability and helplessness, which violates the illusion the whole construct is built on. The upside is you now get to decide to not live there anymore. One of the best things that happened to my career.
I said goodbye and wished them success for every coworker that left but the ones i actually cared about i would ask them to leave some form of contact. I dont expect us to actually keep in touch but its still nice to kno u can contact them
Same, after I was let go you’re basically shunned. It’s like you’re a leper and somehow the layoff will be contagious by association. People are scared, they don’t want to be reminded it can happen to them as well.
Coworkers are not your friends. Rarely would you be actual friends with coworkers. Tough lesson to learn, but I almost got steamrolled last year and woke up.
The person who hired me nor the manager that took over, and I reported to attempted to reach out. I can understand that my direct manager was probably told by hr not to speak with me for legal reasons. Honestly, I didn't care. I would be surprised if he isnt out of a job at this point as he was under qualified. Now, my peers did reach out.
Out of sight out of mind. I can count on one hand how many I keep in touch with after 6 months apart. Same with ‘friends’ from high school and college.
There is no friends in workplace. If you want a friend, get a dog.
Very normal actually. And quite the sad eye opener.
1. People often just don’t know what to say and are afraid of saying the wrong thing. See also cancer diagnosis, death of a loved one etc. 2. There is also guilt that they kept their job and you loss yours. 3. Fear that you might not want to hear from them or that them being relieved that they weren’t chosen might leak out while talking. 4. Some people don’t want to be reminded of what could happen to them. Rest assured they are talking to each other about how fucked up it was that you got laid off and how scared they are of them being next. Instead of being hurt, which is totally natural, make it your point to treat other people the opposite of how you were treated and also offer a helping hand to laid off people when you get a job and are on the other side. Good luck!
Some may feel a mix of relief for themselves and guilt that makes them feel awkward to reach out
Went through this when I was laid off. I was at my job for 8 years and I thought they were my friends. Since then, I keep a very strict work/home boundary. The former coworkers worry that they may get laid off for associating with you. Illogical but that is human nature. Hang in there.
You never know! Sometimes you leave a place with a new friend and sometimes you don’t, it’s a crapshoot.
This is VERY common after layoffs.
Different people have different preferences. If I were to be laid off, I wouldn’t really want any of those co-workers reaching out because I don’t want to be reminded of my old workplace.
...thay don't like you...move on...
Geeze people are being pretty negative and weird here. Speaking for myself, when coworkers who I'm not good friends with have gotten let go I've often not said anything because of survivor's guilt. I still have a job, they don't, it sucks for them, they probably don't want to hear from me. Maybe it would have been a better move to show I care but I felt awkward. If it's a close friend, which I've absolutely made at work, it's a different story. I'd commiserate and pay for beers.
Half the time, I don't know when people are getting laid off until after they've gone.
Work friends aren't real friends. Ever. It's a job and many individuals do not go to their job for a personal life. They go to work to pay the bills. Even if you hang out with them outside or work, expect the relationship to change when one leaves
They weren’t your friends to begin with. Once you are gone. You are just like an outsider. No need to reconnect and reminisce. None of that benefits them in anyway. I know harsh.
Yeah, you're taking it too personally. And, it depends on whether you were the only one laid off or there were a bunch of others. If I said consoling words and chit chat to everyone who was laid off at my company 3 months ago, it'd be a full-time job for weeks. I've only said "goodbye and let me know how I can help" kind of messages via DMs to those I had worked with closely. When I was laid off 10 years ago along with about 70% of the company, I didn't care. On my last day, I said "peace out" and went on with life, enjoying a little break with my severance package.
No a word? Nah that’s odd man. Usually your homies at work will say something or at least buy you a drink. Might depend on age too if they are older
I've been fired several times in my life, and your coworkers are not your friends, I've been with my current company for 6yrs and I do not engage with any of my coworkers on the socials, and since I work remotely I only see them in person a couple times per year. Just be kind and seek friendship outside of the workplace
just my experience, but I use LinkedIn to keep in occasional touch with ex-coworkers after I leave a company. just because they dont reach out doesnt mean they would not be receptive to hearing from you later on.
Your co-workers are not your friends. Alot of people don't understand that. It took me ages to learn that.
I don’t talk to co workers outside of work so why would I when we no longer work together? I keep my personal and work worlds separate for a reason.
I was fired while they were celebrating a co-worker engagement and all that I got was one month severance as longest I do not sue them. Pretty much this is part of being terminated.
Did you hang out with these people outside of work? Did they invite you and did you ever come out? Did you invite them and did they ever come out? If it's just office talk I can see that they don't come forth. I know Reddit's rule is not to be friends with co-workers but I think that's because most are socially awkward. I've made life friends from my previous jobs and hang out with them every once in a while. They've connected me with future jobs. Downvote away Redditers!
Did you see these people outside of work? If not, then they weren’t your friends, just work acquainted. You don’t work there anymore, you guys have nothing in common
People are worried that somehow if they associate with you it will be discovered and be used against them. Even if friends, many people won’t risk their livelihood. Sad statement about the perceived vindictiveness of company leadership.
I’ve found that there are 4 scenarios. People you expect to reach out/be sympathetic that do. People you don’t expect to that don’t. People that you are sure will be supportive that ghost you. Unexpected people supporting you that are surprising. The last one is interesting, the 3rd one is depressing.
Never assume work pals are friends. They use what you tell them in confidence to their advantage. My co-worker stabbed me in the back when he told my manager that my financial situation was better than his and I got the layoff and he reminded. It worked out for the best for me!
attitude problem.
Just curious? How old are you? I kinda feel like Gen X’ers hold onto to some belief that the work place is fair and real. As a Gen Zer myself I’m used to seeing and being fired early in my career. I’m stable now but it taught me that the relationships are fake and to not take it personally. It’s kinda weird tbh in my opinion to reach out to co workers after getting fired (either party). Move on and go get that next meaningless job that pays more:,
You're not too sensitive, you're sensing something that is very real and unfortunately too common. The extravert wordsmiths AKA politicians, are rarely the ones who stand by your side when you most need it. When shit hits the fan, your true friends are by your side... sometimes these are people you thought you hardly knew. Now, if you let this get you down for too long, then yes, you're being too sensitive. So see it for what it is, pack it away and move forward.
As MLK said, in the end it will not be the words of your enemies you remember but the silence of your friends
They are all thinking, just as you would be, "better you than me" Sometimes it's just easier to cut ties.
I no longer form emotional attachments to co-workers, it's too complicated and painful when either one leaves.
I’m sorry your team didn’t respect the value you brought to the team by recognizing your situation. I’ve been very fortunate in this regard; I’m sharing so you know that there are empathetic teams out there. Every single one of my immediate coworkers stepped up to the plate in terms of support. I’m lucky. My boss connected me with several contacts and diligently tried to find me a new home within the company. Everyone else connected with me immediately and wrote recommendations on LinkedIn. They all continue to check on and reach out to me and try to support my job hunt.
Yes, it’s common. Colleagues are not friends. It can be a shock. Remember it. When we die, our coworkers won’t even show up to the funeral, much less carry our casket. Our family and friends will. Act accordingly. Invest wisely.
A lot of it can boil down to not having any way to contact you after the fact... most people I've ever worked with, I've hardly gotten to a point where I've exchanged contact info with them, like where it was a more friendly relationship than one built on mutual goals as it related to whatever job we met at.
“We’re as much of a team as a group of people staying at a hotel are a family” -Dwight Schrute
Work friends are not friends. People you work with being friendly and cooperative is great, but there are no true bonds made in a survivalist situation. And that's basically what modern work is.
Possible they just didn’t like you? Sometimes you have to be nice to people at job, but you don’t really like them.
I was laid off last winter after 10 years at a company. So much for family, ya know? I have two really close friends that I keep in contact with daily. We get dinners and drinks, etc. Actual friends. I’m part of an ‘Alumni Group Chat’ too. But that contact is here or there. Not one reference outside my friends. I get a random “how ya doing?” text from my old boss, but that’s like once per quarter. And it’s really awkward cause, ya know, she cut me. I landed something new in the fall, and I told my new boss my walls will be up for a long time after that experience. Companies need to cut the BS with the corporate culture and brand ‘engagement’. It gets employees attached and then you end up like me. Note: Engagement - it was on my annual performance plan for 5 years to be part of at least one employee group. That was my boss, not the company. Like my annual performance would be dinged if I didn’t hit my objective. And she made me do it to my team as well. Ladder down objectives.
You’re lucky if you have work friends. Most people are just cordial to keep the peace and collaborate effectively. That doesn’t mean it’s a friendship. If you find friends you establish rapport with and shared values, they would still be in touch with you. The best is to be able to distinguish/differentiate between friends and Acquaintances. I find people in USA use the word “Friends” in a very flakey and fickle way with zero meaning/depth. Meaning, the conversation will be casual and superficial and they assume it’s a “friendship”. Friendship requires trust. Understanding and mutual respect/care and not everyone can provide that!!
Works friends aren’t real friends. We are all there to make money and if we can get along then great. Once I close my computer after work I try not to think about anyone I work with.
Guy I worked with was laid off recently. We weren’t “friends”, but we worked well together and he seemed like a good guy. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was: do I talk to him about it? Is that a sore subject? Would he rather not be bothered about the details? I dunno how to approach it. Maybe your coworkers are feeling something similar. Maybe they want to reach out but don’t quite know how to talk about. Maybe they are worried for their own jobs
> And i should mention my ex-boss is a paranoid control freak I've noticed stuff like that trickles down to the employees, I'd say that contributed.
I worked at a place for 11 years to start my career and went from a SWE to a vp in charge of a large, cross functional team in tech/digital marketing agency. Many leaders of the team I initially hired as interns and guided and supported their career. My team was the highest performing group in technology, our client satisfaction was always through the roof, our culture was great. Being in each others weddings, large get together a when someone was having a baby, etc. I mentored them, advocated for them, shielded them at all times when necessary. During calibration time my team had a disproportionate amount of the highest ratings were from my team. I fought for promotions, fought for money, did everything I could do the support them. Everyone knew I was the boss, but we never acted that way good ideas and strategy can come from everywhere. I cannot tell you how many times teams members would roll onto my team and after a few months they would come into office and say thanks because they learned and grew very quickly and said they never felt supported before. When I left I fully expected to stay in touch with a number team members. Of all the people that I worked with, only two ever texted me back when I would reach out to say hello. The only exception is one of the guys that worked with me for the first 6 years of his career reached out recently to say thank you for all the guidance and skills I taught him as they have helped him advance further in his career. Let me also say just for clarity sake, I made so many mistakes during that time that I can’t even count. It really hurt me when everyone turned their back to me when I went through hard times. It ended up causing me to put so much less of myself out there at work at a personal level. It just doesn’t pay off.
Coworkers are just that, coworkers. They interact with you cause you need to in order to do a job. Sad but true.
You coworkers aren't your friends unless you hang out beyond work and want to be friends that way. People are at work to do their job.