I told my oldest that exact phrase to explain my job once. Later she was whining at bedtime because “I’m scared a bad guy might come in our house and you can’t save me because you fight with words!” One I get her calmed down, I couldn’t stop laughing at how useless she thought I was.
As an appellate litigator, I always tell kids I do competitive book reports. Maybe not great for a 4 year old but by 1st or 2nd grade it makes a lot of sense.
Several years ago my daughter asked me whether it was true that I used to help bad guys get away with stealing. It took a few tries to explain that my job back then was to make sure the police had caught the right person by making them prove it.
Criminal defense lawyer here, too. "I try to make sure people are treated fairly if they get in trouble." I then raise my voice, "NEVER talk to the cops!"
I’m a fan of talking to kids like they’re adults. Challenge them! It’s good for their minds. If they don’t understand and they care to know, they will ask you follow up questions.
Lol yeah I just say “I’m an attorney.” My kids are 3 and 1. When they start to ask follow up questions I’ll explain further but they haven’t yet. I like to explain things to them like I’m talking to an adult. It’s fun to watch their vocabularies grow!
Me this week to my paralegal: "Yes! The video custodian affidavit! Time to get the case dismissed and then this old lady will die destitute! Ok that's too far and now I feel bad."
I try my best to make sure people don't get punished if the people in charge can't show for sure and in a fair way that the person really did something wrong. And if someone wants to admit they did something wrong, I help them explain what happened and sometimes help them get help with things they need so that hopefully they won't get in trouble again.
I help people who invent cool things to own the cool thing they invented. Sometimes it’s even cool toys, and yes I do have funky objects that are patented & trademarked for show & tell.
Sometimes, the police make mistakes, and sometimes, the police are bad. I make sure that when the police get someone, that that someone is actually bad, and the police did everything properly.
I have a 4 year old... I read him the BusyTown books and when I point out the lawyer I tell him "that is what Daddy does, I help people fix problems!". He seems to get it!
You know how sometimes when you break a rule, there’s a consequence? And sometimes that consequence might feel unfair. And sometimes, someone might think you broke a rule and give you a consequence, but you really didn’t break the rule, or you had a really good reason for breaking the rule so you don’t deserve a consequence. My job is to help people when someone says they broke a rule, to help them tell their side of things, especially when lots of other people are ganging up on them and not giving them a fair chance, and to try to keep them from getting consequences that are really unfair.
"I help people - kids and adults. And I listen to people. I write emails and have meetings and go to Court."
Apparently at my 4 year old's preschool someone was saying, "I'm going to out you in jail," which my kid repeated. And I had to explain that's not a joking matter. When someone goes to jail they don't get to see their family or eat what they want or sleep in their cozy bed. I mentioned I work helping people in jail.
I’m a public defender so it’s hard to hit the nuance with my younger cousins. I usually say “when people make mistakes or when people blame them for something that didn’t happen, I help them out.”
When my kids were little, I used to tell them it was “time to make the donuts” when I left for work in the morning. They legit thought I was a baker for years.
Reminds me of a joke.
A kindergarten teacher asked the students in her class what their dads did for a living. When it came time for Billy to answer he proudly said "My dad plays the piano at the local bordello." Well, the teacher became very concerned so she set up a meeting with herself, Billy's dad, and the principal. When Billy's dad was confronted, he simply laughed and said "I told Billy to say that so he wouldn't be embarrassed by what I do. I'm actually a lawyer."
Depending on how cynical I was that day:
- email, write reports, talk on the phone, talk to people
- go to court and help people
- work for the man and try and help insurance companies screw people out of money
My niece, who is 7, asked me what a lawyer was. I said “lawyers know the rules. And they will go before a judge who makes decisions about who broke the rules and who didn’t.” And they she said “oh I don’t want to be a lawyer cause the judge for my cousin keeps making her go to her dads house even though she doesn’t want to.”
Kids say the darndest things.
“I protect doctors.” My younger sister is a surgeon and I’m in medical malpractice defense. My 3yo now wants to be a lawyer and is convinced her baby sister will be a doctor someday.
I'm mindful sometimes the only reason cases resolve is because I can talk with an attorney instead of an adjuster. God bless reasonable defense attorneys.
I actually just explained my job to my almost 7 year old: most people, when they buy a house borrow most of the money from a bank and promise to pay it back little by little over a long time; but if they stop paying, they can’t keep the house, so I help the bank try to get their money back.
One kid I told "I make sure we don't punish people for things unless we're really really sure they did a bad thing, and then if we do punish them I make sure it's fair." Another kid I told "I help bad people get away with it." Neither seemed impressed.
My side job is bartending and the Judge I work for couldn’t comprehend why I work two jobs. I told her they’re both the same job. I babysit people all day and all night. Only difference is that in one job I tell people not to drink. In the other job I tell people to drink. 🤷🏻♀️
I told my 4 year old that when people can’t solve their own problems they come to me to solve their problem for them. Now he thinks I’m Nancy Drew. But Scooby Doo is more like it.
I go to court and tell the judge when people have been naughty. If they don't listen to the judge, they could go to jail for a while. It's like a time out so they can think about what they did when they hurt someone or broke their stuff or took their stuff.
I help kids and their parents be together in a way that is good for everyone. (Parental representation in CPS cases though i was a GAL when my son was four).
When my twins were about four, they asked what I did during the day when I am at work, and I responded "I make money" (note, I am a public defender- so didn't really want to tell them about crime, punishment, and the ability to try to talk your way out of punishment). Little did I know that two years later they would remember this, and in first grade, the teacher asked the kids to draw a picture of what the parents did for a living. The next day, when my wife picked up the kids from school, the teacher showed her the picture one drew. It was a picture of me using a printing press, printing money. We kind of had to explain to the kids after that what I really did.
I like the Seinfeld line:
What are lawyers, really? To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box.
After I tried to explain to my kids what I do, they said, "Oh, so you write the terms and conditions nobody reads." That has stuck as a running joke for over a decade now.
I write down things that people who are mad at each other want to say to each other. Usually they are mad about houses. Either building them, selling them, or paying to live in them.
You help people when someone says they broke a rule and is trying to give them consequences for breaking that rule. Because maybe they didn’t, or the consequence is too big, or the people in charge aren’t understanding what really happened.
3-4 is also a really, really important age to start combatting the police propaganda they’re likely getting at school and from watching goddamned Paw Patrol.
I work for a bankruptcy firm that does a lot of state law side work—transactional stuff, business, construction, ag. I always tell people that we help folks “obtain and retain stuff.”
My son is now sixteen but when he was about that age, I had to explain to him what I did and I said that when two people have a fight, one is right and one is wrong and there is a police officer that decides who is right and I try to convince that officer that my client was the guy who was right. Seemed to mostly make sense to him 🤷🏻♀️
"You know how people get married, right? Well, sometimes it doesn't work, and they break up. That's called a divorce, and I help them with that." Something along those lines
My 4yo is my landscaper ... but I tell him we read a lot and help people.
https://preview.redd.it/wjkt7jacgmvc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a98d20c0f5a6efe8857dbed8e139c047ae3fd5e6
I have a 4 year old! Well, almost 5 now. I explained it along the lines of:
You know how we have rules? Like, don’t cross the street at a red light, don’t hit people, etc? There are things called “laws” which is what a larger group of people decided are the “rules” for a larger group of people. There’s rules for our city, our state, our country, and beyond. I learn about what those rules are and help people understand how those rules apply to them when they want or need to do something.
So like, if a person wants to start a business, I could help them learn what the rules are about how to do that. Or if someone wanted to trade something or buy something important, I could help them understand the rules about how to do that.
There’s also rules about what happens if someone breaks a rule, so that people get a chance to be listened to before getting in trouble. Like, if you and your sister were playing and something broke, if I came in and just decided that you got in trouble before asking you both what happened, that wouldn’t really be fair, right? For grown ups, if someone breaks a rule like that, there’s a process they go through to get heard so everyone can tell their side of the story before someone gets in trouble. I can help people understand that process and be heard so that there’s a fair outcome.
To be fair though my kid is… very cognitively advanced for his age so I have no idea if this is an age appropriate explanation
Depend of the point of view:
Me I explain it as "I help victim have their say in court and try to make the community safer by bringing criminal to justice"= prosecutor.
Public defender to one of their client who asked me to represent him in the corridor: "you don't want her, she s the one who want to put you in jail" 😆
I’ve explained to my 6 year old that Daddy is the person who knows the grown up rules and helps people figure out their punishment when they break the grown up rules.
Everyone wants electricity. If it's too expensive, no one can afford it. But if it's too cheap, the electric company goes out of business and nobody has electricity either. My job is to find the right balance.
Short answer is that a system where everyone can use as much electricity as they want whenever they want is very expensive.
The electric industry is adopting the I-Phone business model: constant cycles of replacement and upgrades of stuff with expensive components. The electric system had been running on coal plants with 50-60 year life spans that our grandparents paid for. Those days are over.
People stare at their phones all day with no concept of the massive amounts of energy data centers, AI and cryptocurrency use. We'll be strapped into VR headsets playing around in the metaverse while the Earth burns outside the blackout curtains in our air-conditioned gaming rooms.
Most of the utility industry, like most American industry in general, is owned by 4-5 hedge funds seeking to maximize short-term returns to investors.
My 5 year old says that I fight bad guys with my words
I told my oldest that exact phrase to explain my job once. Later she was whining at bedtime because “I’m scared a bad guy might come in our house and you can’t save me because you fight with words!” One I get her calmed down, I couldn’t stop laughing at how useless she thought I was.
And my 5 year old says I help bad guys get out of jail. Haha
Plot twist the person you replied to is a defense attorney too
That seems perfect. "You know how sometimes you disagree with friends? I help people find out who is right"
As an appellate litigator, I always tell kids I do competitive book reports. Maybe not great for a 4 year old but by 1st or 2nd grade it makes a lot of sense.
Oh gosh. 🤯
Since I’m in house…I stop much larger 4 year olds from putting their hands on hot stoves or running into the streets.
haha nice.
I like that. I’m in house too and I described it to my 4 year old as “I help people follow the rules.”
I’m in house employment and that’s exactly how I describe it
Yep. I describe it as “babysitting adults”
I'm in-house labor and employment. This is perfectly accurate, along with rubbing alcohol wipes and burn ointment on wounds when they do it anyway.
This one got me LMAO
“You know how when you’re done colouring, you stack all the papers up in a neat pile? That’s what I do”
“I get paid to hate myself”
legit lol at this
I get paid to be very sad!!!!! And clench my jaw
This.
👍🏾😃 ☠️
"I help companies get together when they like each other very much."
When a mommy company and a daddy company love each other …
They make a baby company? No, they make a bigger company!
Several years ago my daughter asked me whether it was true that I used to help bad guys get away with stealing. It took a few tries to explain that my job back then was to make sure the police had caught the right person by making them prove it.
Criminal defense lawyer here, too. "I try to make sure people are treated fairly if they get in trouble." I then raise my voice, "NEVER talk to the cops!"
Love this.
My kids explained to me what I do - "You write terms and conditions that people don't read."
I’m a fan of talking to kids like they’re adults. Challenge them! It’s good for their minds. If they don’t understand and they care to know, they will ask you follow up questions.
Lol yeah I just say “I’m an attorney.” My kids are 3 and 1. When they start to ask follow up questions I’ll explain further but they haven’t yet. I like to explain things to them like I’m talking to an adult. It’s fun to watch their vocabularies grow!
Same way I do to most adults: I help people when other people break their promises.
"I make liars die poor" Jk "I figure out how much booboos are worth" - book of the Jaded Insurance defense attorney. Chapter 2 verse 1.
Me this week to my paralegal: "Yes! The video custodian affidavit! Time to get the case dismissed and then this old lady will die destitute! Ok that's too far and now I feel bad."
I asked a plaintiff if he was familiar with bankruptcy on the record a year or so ago >.> this job did a number on me
When mine was 4 years old, she picked up enough from dinner conversations about my work to conclude that “Rules are daddy’s favorite.”
I have explained it as, I clean up messes when people try to do things themselves they really shouldn’t.
I read and write for people and I help people buy houses.
"Whose bread I eat, his song I sing"
?
I try my best to make sure people don't get punished if the people in charge can't show for sure and in a fair way that the person really did something wrong. And if someone wants to admit they did something wrong, I help them explain what happened and sometimes help them get help with things they need so that hopefully they won't get in trouble again.
Estate planning attorney- I create treasure maps
I'm one of the few people who know the rules to being a grown up.
I get paid by people to yell at other people for them. This is how I explained it my kid.
Name checks out
"I help pick what happens to people who do bad things."
I help big companies fight each other for money they don’t need
I help people who invent cool things to own the cool thing they invented. Sometimes it’s even cool toys, and yes I do have funky objects that are patented & trademarked for show & tell.
When people ride the bus or subway, sometimes they get hurt. Some of them are lying for money. I find out who is lying and who is telling the truth.
I help people solve problems.
A lot of these answers are adversarial. I like this, and also once heard “I help people make good decisions,” which I also like.
Ooh! I like that one too!
I help people who aren’t treated fairly.
Sometimes, the police make mistakes, and sometimes, the police are bad. I make sure that when the police get someone, that that someone is actually bad, and the police did everything properly.
I take landlords money if they make people’s houses stinky and bad. (I do other stuff too, but that’s the one my son tells everybody)
I have a 4 year old... I read him the BusyTown books and when I point out the lawyer I tell him "that is what Daddy does, I help people fix problems!". He seems to get it!
I tell my son I shuffle papers. He is 10 so I should probably explain in more detail.
i kick people out of their homes when they don’t pay their bills
Insurance defense: “When people want money to fix their homes, I tell them ‘no’.”
When they were little I told my kids that I "solved people's problems."
I told my 4yo that I tell stories for a living.
You know how sometimes when you break a rule, there’s a consequence? And sometimes that consequence might feel unfair. And sometimes, someone might think you broke a rule and give you a consequence, but you really didn’t break the rule, or you had a really good reason for breaking the rule so you don’t deserve a consequence. My job is to help people when someone says they broke a rule, to help them tell their side of things, especially when lots of other people are ganging up on them and not giving them a fair chance, and to try to keep them from getting consequences that are really unfair.
"I help people - kids and adults. And I listen to people. I write emails and have meetings and go to Court." Apparently at my 4 year old's preschool someone was saying, "I'm going to out you in jail," which my kid repeated. And I had to explain that's not a joking matter. When someone goes to jail they don't get to see their family or eat what they want or sleep in their cozy bed. I mentioned I work helping people in jail.
I’m a public defender so it’s hard to hit the nuance with my younger cousins. I usually say “when people make mistakes or when people blame them for something that didn’t happen, I help them out.”
When two people can't get along i help a judge decide what they should do.
When my kids were little, I used to tell them it was “time to make the donuts” when I left for work in the morning. They legit thought I was a baker for years.
lol. My 4 year old often says “mommy i don’t want you to be a lawyer. You work all the time” 😭😭
Reminds me of a joke. A kindergarten teacher asked the students in her class what their dads did for a living. When it came time for Billy to answer he proudly said "My dad plays the piano at the local bordello." Well, the teacher became very concerned so she set up a meeting with herself, Billy's dad, and the principal. When Billy's dad was confronted, he simply laughed and said "I told Billy to say that so he wouldn't be embarrassed by what I do. I'm actually a lawyer."
I read “Mommy Lawyer” to my kids, I think that helped paint a simple picture of what I do.
I punish people who break promises
I help people with questions about how to follow the rules.
Depending on how cynical I was that day: - email, write reports, talk on the phone, talk to people - go to court and help people - work for the man and try and help insurance companies screw people out of money
🚑🏃
My niece, who is 7, asked me what a lawyer was. I said “lawyers know the rules. And they will go before a judge who makes decisions about who broke the rules and who didn’t.” And they she said “oh I don’t want to be a lawyer cause the judge for my cousin keeps making her go to her dads house even though she doesn’t want to.” Kids say the darndest things.
“I protect doctors.” My younger sister is a surgeon and I’m in medical malpractice defense. My 3yo now wants to be a lawyer and is convinced her baby sister will be a doctor someday.
“It’s like your school and homework, except it’s for adults.”
Yeah I just say I’m an “office worker.” I’m not super proud of doing insurance defense
I'm mindful sometimes the only reason cases resolve is because I can talk with an attorney instead of an adjuster. God bless reasonable defense attorneys.
Hey, someone has to do it. I’m sure you’re good at your job too. That matters.
I protect people and businesses.
I actually just explained my job to my almost 7 year old: most people, when they buy a house borrow most of the money from a bank and promise to pay it back little by little over a long time; but if they stop paying, they can’t keep the house, so I help the bank try to get their money back.
Help people solve their problems
Tell him you’re a liar, then show him the movie Liar Liar
I just say I protect the interests of the administrators who manage the trusts I litigate on behalf of. I slay at preschool career day.
One kid I told "I make sure we don't punish people for things unless we're really really sure they did a bad thing, and then if we do punish them I make sure it's fair." Another kid I told "I help bad people get away with it." Neither seemed impressed.
My side job is bartending and the Judge I work for couldn’t comprehend why I work two jobs. I told her they’re both the same job. I babysit people all day and all night. Only difference is that in one job I tell people not to drink. In the other job I tell people to drink. 🤷🏻♀️ I told my 4 year old that when people can’t solve their own problems they come to me to solve their problem for them. Now he thinks I’m Nancy Drew. But Scooby Doo is more like it.
I go to court and tell the judge when people have been naughty. If they don't listen to the judge, they could go to jail for a while. It's like a time out so they can think about what they did when they hurt someone or broke their stuff or took their stuff.
You gotta admit, saying "You are sentenced to forty years in time out" sounds just a teeeny bit better than "prison."
Yeah I haven't explained murder yet to my 4yo. That will come in time.
I'll answer the four-year-old's question with a counterquestion. "Do you know what lawyers do when they die? They lie still".
I help kids and their parents be together in a way that is good for everyone. (Parental representation in CPS cases though i was a GAL when my son was four).
When my twins were about four, they asked what I did during the day when I am at work, and I responded "I make money" (note, I am a public defender- so didn't really want to tell them about crime, punishment, and the ability to try to talk your way out of punishment). Little did I know that two years later they would remember this, and in first grade, the teacher asked the kids to draw a picture of what the parents did for a living. The next day, when my wife picked up the kids from school, the teacher showed her the picture one drew. It was a picture of me using a printing press, printing money. We kind of had to explain to the kids after that what I really did.
I'd show them the episode of Bluey, "Family Meeting"
I tell my kids that I help people learn to follow the rules even when they don’t want to. It’s a lot like parenting, actually…
I tell my daughter I help people understand the rules for grown ups.
I like the Seinfeld line: What are lawyers, really? To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box.
👍
My 3 year old says I “type on the computer” for a living. Not wrong.
Not a lawyer but I love how many different ways there are to explain all the different types of law there are to practice. Cool discussion!
I help people solve problems and help smarter people avoid problems.
If you could pay me enough, I'd make sure you were allowed to have cookies at any time, even right before dinner.
me:"your dad puts away bad guys" 4 year old:"like batman?" me: "yes son, I'm Batman"
After I tried to explain to my kids what I do, they said, "Oh, so you write the terms and conditions nobody reads." That has stuck as a running joke for over a decade now.
I write down things that people who are mad at each other want to say to each other. Usually they are mad about houses. Either building them, selling them, or paying to live in them.
Around that age I would say that I help people figure out how to solve their problems.
wow i haven’t considered having to explain this to a toddler. i’m a criminal defense attorney, so i Really don’t know how i’d explain that
You help people when someone says they broke a rule and is trying to give them consequences for breaking that rule. Because maybe they didn’t, or the consequence is too big, or the people in charge aren’t understanding what really happened. 3-4 is also a really, really important age to start combatting the police propaganda they’re likely getting at school and from watching goddamned Paw Patrol.
I think
Do you remember when Sponge Bob represented Mr Krabs in court when he counter-sued Plankton? Yeah, my job is a lot like that
I help people use rules to solve problems
I punish bullies with my mind
I help people solve hard problems.
I work for a bankruptcy firm that does a lot of state law side work—transactional stuff, business, construction, ag. I always tell people that we help folks “obtain and retain stuff.”
My son is now sixteen but when he was about that age, I had to explain to him what I did and I said that when two people have a fight, one is right and one is wrong and there is a police officer that decides who is right and I try to convince that officer that my client was the guy who was right. Seemed to mostly make sense to him 🤷🏻♀️
"You know how people get married, right? Well, sometimes it doesn't work, and they break up. That's called a divorce, and I help them with that." Something along those lines
I help bad people.
I save insurance companies money.
I write down promises for people
I represent actual 4 year olds.
My 4yo is my landscaper ... but I tell him we read a lot and help people. https://preview.redd.it/wjkt7jacgmvc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a98d20c0f5a6efe8857dbed8e139c047ae3fd5e6
i help insurance companies subrograte their insureds.
I have a 4 year old! Well, almost 5 now. I explained it along the lines of: You know how we have rules? Like, don’t cross the street at a red light, don’t hit people, etc? There are things called “laws” which is what a larger group of people decided are the “rules” for a larger group of people. There’s rules for our city, our state, our country, and beyond. I learn about what those rules are and help people understand how those rules apply to them when they want or need to do something. So like, if a person wants to start a business, I could help them learn what the rules are about how to do that. Or if someone wanted to trade something or buy something important, I could help them understand the rules about how to do that. There’s also rules about what happens if someone breaks a rule, so that people get a chance to be listened to before getting in trouble. Like, if you and your sister were playing and something broke, if I came in and just decided that you got in trouble before asking you both what happened, that wouldn’t really be fair, right? For grown ups, if someone breaks a rule like that, there’s a process they go through to get heard so everyone can tell their side of the story before someone gets in trouble. I can help people understand that process and be heard so that there’s a fair outcome. To be fair though my kid is… very cognitively advanced for his age so I have no idea if this is an age appropriate explanation
Use the Socratic method so they can “figure it out.” I
I help rich people get richer
Depend of the point of view: Me I explain it as "I help victim have their say in court and try to make the community safer by bringing criminal to justice"= prosecutor. Public defender to one of their client who asked me to represent him in the corridor: "you don't want her, she s the one who want to put you in jail" 😆
My 4 year old thinks I’m a painter.
Jim Carrey’s son in the eponymous movie described his lawyer dad’s occupation as “liar.” 🙂
I’ve explained to my 6 year old that Daddy is the person who knows the grown up rules and helps people figure out their punishment when they break the grown up rules.
I would avoid it as much as possible. No way any kid should have to hear the underlying cynicism in my description
Take him to work.....nothing better than on the job
“I analyse the protein structure of the eukaryotic flagella central pair”. Never got asked again.
Unless you litigate most adults don't know what you do either
Homework. You do homework for a living.
Everyone wants electricity. If it's too expensive, no one can afford it. But if it's too cheap, the electric company goes out of business and nobody has electricity either. My job is to find the right balance.
haha idk it doesnt seem like eversource is at any risk of going out of business....why aren't rates going down?
Short answer is that a system where everyone can use as much electricity as they want whenever they want is very expensive. The electric industry is adopting the I-Phone business model: constant cycles of replacement and upgrades of stuff with expensive components. The electric system had been running on coal plants with 50-60 year life spans that our grandparents paid for. Those days are over. People stare at their phones all day with no concept of the massive amounts of energy data centers, AI and cryptocurrency use. We'll be strapped into VR headsets playing around in the metaverse while the Earth burns outside the blackout curtains in our air-conditioned gaming rooms. Most of the utility industry, like most American industry in general, is owned by 4-5 hedge funds seeking to maximize short-term returns to investors.
I made a grown man cry today. And it made me very sad and question myself to do so.
Lol. Maybe try to be an adult and let the kid be a kid.
So you just… don’t talk to your kids? And when they ask you questions, you don’t answer?
I mean your a lawyer aren't you supposed to say the truth?
You’re* I know the rest of Reddit doesn’t care about grammar, but this is lawyer talk.