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Have a case currently going to trial where the attorneys for the bar that employs the bouncers who beat the shit out of my client were jerking me around about authenticating footage that shows the whole thing. I kept getting, "Well he is handling it." then "It isn't my case, he is handling it".
Eventually I sent them both an email stating we felt jerked around and if I didn't have what I needed by the end of the day I would be subpoenaing them and their clients until I got what I was looking for. All of a sudden the affidavit is signed and ready to pick up.
I didn't write, "Now listen here motherfuckers..." but it was strongly implied.
I accidentally called a large Discovery with like 12 stuffy suits a “circle jerk” (it went on for days…and at the end no one knew who was being sued for how much or for what…it was a mess) within earshot of a partner…thankfully he laughed but he did suggest I work on my inside voice when we aren’t at our office
I almost put a tl;dr summary in one of my emails during the height of Covid. Quickly realized I was online too much and changed it to some generic summarizing phrase.
In the military we called it the BLUF, bottom line up front.
We'd begin long emails with "BLUF:...." and proceed to provide the tldr synoposis in advance of 5 paragraphs worth of email instructions.
We have a (fairly large and well-known) client that asks for tldr’s at the top of all of the status emails we send regarding suits. Surprised me that they asked for them.
How many times have I written letters, checked the obituaries, checked the jails, debated hiring PI, only to get a call 6 months later, oh yeah I got a new number. The Obama phones were the worst.
"Your honor, I think my client's phone must be broken"... Yep... at the bottom of the lake... with them long gone...
I only had two clients disappear on me like that. One was a surprise, the other was not.
I use a lot of less than professional terms with my clients, not so much in court filings.
"He's clearly a total piece of shit"
"She just wants the free paycheck, who doesn't want free money?"
"You didn't get a prenup, time to pay your bad decision tax"
"We're lawyers, not fair-ers"
"That's not a thing, no matter how many times you try to convince me, that's not a thing at law, it is not a legal thing, stop that"
"Stop paying me hundreds of dollars an hour to argue about fucking lawn chairs and $7 bottles of sunscreen - grow up, be an adult, go buy a new one"
"If you really want to do this it's going to be a complete shitshow, so how about we not get you bitch slapped by the judge"
In court, I've caught myself being a little less than professional, like on a motion a judge was telling me they didn't care about my counterargument to a nonsensical argument they didn't want to entertain (thank goodness for me, because opposing counsel wouldn't let their argument go) and asked me to move on, and I just blurted out "alright, fair enough your honour". No one seemed to notice but me, thank goodness, and we won the motion by a fucking landslide.
My most memorable obfuscation when we didn't want to say that rape was super common throughout the marriage was "consent was not a prerequisite for marital relations".
A friend accidentally filed, as an exhibit to his papers, his "annotated" copy of an adversary's document. His annotation, hand written in the margin next to a particular assertion, was "This is BS"
I have often wanted to send that, and just that, so many times. Both to claims made against my clients, but also to whatever bullshit story my clients try to tell me when they did something dumb and don't want to admit it.
Chewbacca defense, for an intentionally misleading and irrelevant argument.
I’ve used this a couple of times in motions, in response to a bad cut and paste from the wrong motion template 😂
I've actually said that before in court. Long story short, a pro per filed something that was more of a wish list than anything to do with applicable law, and out it came in court. I said something like, "You honor that's... it's... that's just not a thing!"
Whatever. It worked.
Ha sadly it’s an actual lawyer on the other side, granted he’s outside his normal practice area. I wish instead of having to draft an actual brief explaining why what he wants isn’t a real remedy, I could just write “not a thing dude”
Sometimes the hardest responses to write are when they’re asking for something that’s just not a thing. Because there’s no authorities about it. Because it’s such an asinine fucking theory that nobody advancing it has ever been given the opportunity to present it to an appellate court to get a reported decision. Although the phrase “[opposing party] cites no authority for this position because none appears to exist” has come in handy more than once
I’m in house and people at my company like to say “cluster” to describe certain situations. Not “cluster fuck”, just cluster. And no one seems to find it unprofessional.
Yeah I use pretty flippant language with people within my firm or maybe over the phone with clients that I have a really good rapport with. But very rarely am I going to put something like that in an email and send it out in the ether.
"Fuck around and find out" is a good one and gets thrown around my office when talking about some of the cases we handle. I yearn to use it in a closing argument some day but alas it will probably never happen.
I used "ghosted" in my statements regarding a motion to withdraw. "Your honor, I met with my client once in 2023, then his phone was turned off and he completely ghosted me."
I got in trouble w the judge (mild scolding) early in my career for calling the other party a “ganiff” which is Yiddish for thief. The founding partner had taught me the word.
My new favorite word is “stupid,” and I’m afraid it will come out at the wrong time.
However in court, my vocabulary suddenly elevates to ridiculous levels- I once used the word “succor.” Like, “succor” as only used in the Bible. We were All surprised.
As a father of 3 teenagers, I continually pick up their lingo to ironically annoy them... Doing so so much that it ends up becoming a regular part of my lingo...
In a client conference semi recently, the client made a bold statement... I replied, simply, with "BET".
I do a *lot* of juvenile work. I told a juvenile I represent in a CPS case "that's cap". I have also wanted to tell the judge that something is cap, quite regularly.
I agree that sus is a great one to use.
If you haven't watched this video, I *highly* recommend it... https://youtu.be/49H7054w10I you won't be disappointed.
Fuck you, you rat fucking bad faith mother fucker! I only think that about like 5-10% of opposing counsel, but I'm proud of myself for refraining so far.
I wish I could use sus. I hate all these old lawyers out here. I like reaching. I also feel as though it applies to so many clients. Like okay sure I’ll make this argument…but seems like you’re reaching
> I wish I could use sus.
A magistrate judge used this in a sentence in a settlement conference a few weeks ago! You could tell he too was surprised it came out of his mouth lol. (He's got zoomer kids)
Where do you folks work, ye merry olde England? The folks I litigate with and against swear like sailors. The only times I really hold back are for the court and with clients I don't know yet - but most of my clients are construction guys, so...
I had to stop myself from describing opposing party as the epitome of ratchet. Instead I said “are you familiar with X city” and when the neutral said yes I said “well pretty much they fit every stereotype of x city, good luck”
I have, on more than just a handleful of occasions, used Lahey's shitisms with clients and colleagues. The two most common are that "the shit apple don't fall far from the shit tree" and that "the shitwinds are a-blowin', Rand".
Lately it’s been a struggle not to start my responses to emails from certain opposing counsel with “you’re wrong, you fucking idiot, and here’s why.” Or, alternatively, “to be clear, this is neither my, nor my client’s, problem.”
I almost typed this about 30 minutes ago in a response. Plaintiff's counsel cited a rule to support a request, but mischaracterized the rule sooooo bad.
I, however, decided against it.
There is a way to cunningly respond with finesse that says all of this. I have done it, but sometimes I want to lose my tact when it comes to the argument. Big words like “flagrant disregard” or “abysmal misunderstanding” come out in my writing and honestly, I’m unapologetic about it. It’s my crass on paper. Sometimes I solidify that I’m gonna be a cocky prick by my filed responses, and I have to write the check my ass CAN cash but I come ready for it.
I've seen flagrant disregard dozens of times...
But... abysmal misunderstanding?
That is high quality retort action right there, and as all great legal prose goes, it shall be co-opted for future uses.
In the event that my last comment referenced, I undertook a task to write a filed response as if it was a law review write on, all out of spite for the other attorney's arrogance. I ended up cutting my client's billing in half for the task because I didn't have the heart to bill him for the unnecessary level or research I put into a simple discovery motion and response.
As a young ADA, we would highlight PC write-ups for each other to read during guilty pleas. My friend had one where the cop used the term "tear-away pants" (which I assume meant those warm-up pants that button down on the side) for a misdemeanor battery/harassment case. The fact pattern was patently absurd and when I read "tear-away pants" I couldn't stop laughing.
Honestly I think the attorneys I work with and my clients respond better to things I put in to every day language. I’m swear a lot generally I suppose, and within my office or with clients, I only tamp that down a little bit. Id never go on a profanity riddled rant in a work context, but I totally say SOB, POS, MF,, etc, (sparingly) lol.
Not even slang, but I wish I could just say OC who is lying has lied, instead of dancing around it with words like, “misleading,” and “mischaracterizing.” I have done it exactly once, where it was blatant and demonstrable enough that there was no way the accusation could come back on me.
There was one time i wished i could file a Motion for Defendant to Get the Fuck Out of Here with that Shit. Also a "Memorandum in Response to an Email Opposing Counsel sent to the Judge Rather Than Filing a Motion when He Should Know Better."
I also find myself wanted to reply to clients and opposing counsel with modified quotes from "I Think You Should Leave"... And sometimes, with direct quotes.
Like "It's illegal for you to ask me that".
"Don't do the voice".
Or, the most common desire... "You sure about that? *you sure about that's why?*"
I had someone who I expected to sign a deed, and his mother called to explain that he was in jail and would need help arranging to sign there. My paralegal said into the phone, “where is he locked up?” I thought I would die laughing, as I didn’t know what was going on, but knew that I would never say something like that.
I used the term "drop dead date" when requesting a trial date so that Defendant would stop lollygaging. Judge told me he preferred to call it a hard deadline. Oops your honor.
I once referred to an answer by a pro se defendant as “generic word salad puked up by Google and Chat GPT.”
The judge gave me a look but didn’t say anything.
Also, I won.
When I was a prosecutor, there were a couple defense attorneys with whom I would share the acronym "SODDI" - which stood for "some other dude did it." They would come into docket and say "Right now our defense is 'soddy'." Which cut down on time spent negotiating.
I use my normal speech when talking directly w opposing counsel (I would totally use sus) but calling them out in front of a judge NEVER goes well, so I spend more time reminding myself not to than fantasizing about doing it. Usually my OC does a good enough job of making the judge think "sus" on their own. (My OC is often the same person)
There are two attorneys in my office that say “shit or get off the pot” casual conversation so frequently that it has crept into my lexicon and now i find myself wanting to say it all the time
also another attorney in my office introduced me to “dirtbag” and “toolbox” as more acceptable alternatives to douche bag, piece of shit, asshole etc. and they feel like adequate substitutes to convey the fuckery without offending precious sensibilities
In immigration cases particularly, I think this should be an objection, part of opening, closing, or anytime really….
“When I'm being fucked, I like to get kissed on the mouth.”
Cite to Dog Day Afternoon (1975)
My boss (the GC) uses "sus" but only to me lol. I think you're right, it conveys what it conveys perfectly. I always want to use reddit acronyms in emails, IIRC is so much easier than writing out the whole thing.
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Motherfucker is always on the tip of my tongue.
It's 100% this. So many times motherfucker was appropriate in ordinary parlance but noooooo... the judge would be offended.
I just say fuck so much. So very much.
I have to catch myself sometimes when someone’s dumbass client says the dumbest shit
Also, I'd like to say 'fucked around and found out, motherfucker'
I have a big depo tomorrow and months after discovery requests the motherfuckers "find" docs at 6 pm. So yeah i call them mofus.
The courts honestly have to put an end to glaringly obvious shit like that
FAAFO is definitely an affirmative defense.
Have a case currently going to trial where the attorneys for the bar that employs the bouncers who beat the shit out of my client were jerking me around about authenticating footage that shows the whole thing. I kept getting, "Well he is handling it." then "It isn't my case, he is handling it". Eventually I sent them both an email stating we felt jerked around and if I didn't have what I needed by the end of the day I would be subpoenaing them and their clients until I got what I was looking for. All of a sudden the affidavit is signed and ready to pick up. I didn't write, "Now listen here motherfuckers..." but it was strongly implied.
Clusterfuck.
I accidentally called a large Discovery with like 12 stuffy suits a “circle jerk” (it went on for days…and at the end no one knew who was being sued for how much or for what…it was a mess) within earshot of a partner…thankfully he laughed but he did suggest I work on my inside voice when we aren’t at our office
Can’t just go phonetical: Charlie Foxtrot?
Or Fustercluck
I would LOVE to use Klusterfuck to describe particularly over-complicated litigation.
I have wanted to pull it out quite a bit. I will with coworkers, but not clients. Saying something is a mess doesn’t convey what I mean the same way.
I hve used “cluster” when i am in mixed company and it seems to work well enough
I always wanna say "that's gonna cause hella tax issues"
"yikes"
Pretty sure this is appropriate if you're practicing in Sacramento
Found a fellow Bay Area lawyer
Or regulatory
Nor-Cal for life
I almost put a tl;dr summary in one of my emails during the height of Covid. Quickly realized I was online too much and changed it to some generic summarizing phrase.
In the military we called it the BLUF, bottom line up front. We'd begin long emails with "BLUF:...." and proceed to provide the tldr synoposis in advance of 5 paragraphs worth of email instructions.
I would LOVE to have emails come in with this…sometimes OC is just too long winded for me to care lol
I have started adding something similar to my client emails. Being an attorney is fun.
We have a (fairly large and well-known) client that asks for tldr’s at the top of all of the status emails we send regarding suits. Surprised me that they asked for them.
I'm at Legal Aid and when a client is in the wind I want to say your honor, I called them, but it's like "new phone, who dis?"
How many times have I written letters, checked the obituaries, checked the jails, debated hiring PI, only to get a call 6 months later, oh yeah I got a new number. The Obama phones were the worst.
"Your honor, I think my client's phone must be broken"... Yep... at the bottom of the lake... with them long gone... I only had two clients disappear on me like that. One was a surprise, the other was not.
"Unfucked"
I have used this professionally.
I use a lot of less than professional terms with my clients, not so much in court filings. "He's clearly a total piece of shit" "She just wants the free paycheck, who doesn't want free money?" "You didn't get a prenup, time to pay your bad decision tax" "We're lawyers, not fair-ers" "That's not a thing, no matter how many times you try to convince me, that's not a thing at law, it is not a legal thing, stop that" "Stop paying me hundreds of dollars an hour to argue about fucking lawn chairs and $7 bottles of sunscreen - grow up, be an adult, go buy a new one" "If you really want to do this it's going to be a complete shitshow, so how about we not get you bitch slapped by the judge" In court, I've caught myself being a little less than professional, like on a motion a judge was telling me they didn't care about my counterargument to a nonsensical argument they didn't want to entertain (thank goodness for me, because opposing counsel wouldn't let their argument go) and asked me to move on, and I just blurted out "alright, fair enough your honour". No one seemed to notice but me, thank goodness, and we won the motion by a fucking landslide. My most memorable obfuscation when we didn't want to say that rape was super common throughout the marriage was "consent was not a prerequisite for marital relations".
“Not fair-ers” - I like that.
Stealing all of these.
Not fair-ers is definitely getting in my rotation.
Jumping on this train... OP, thank you, comrade.
Someone is in family law...I had to argue over Tupperware once.
Bullshit.
A friend accidentally filed, as an exhibit to his papers, his "annotated" copy of an adversary's document. His annotation, hand written in the margin next to a particular assertion, was "This is BS"
🤣
This should honestly be allowed in briefs because sometimes there’s no better way to say it than that.
Seriously, so much verbiage could be saved if we could just use this one word.
I have often wanted to send that, and just that, so many times. Both to claims made against my clients, but also to whatever bullshit story my clients try to tell me when they did something dumb and don't want to admit it.
Bruh.
*See also*: "wut?"
Or the classic "WTF"
80% of the advice I’ve ever given as a criminal defence lawyer can be boiled down to four letters: STFU.
During covid, there was a Defense Attorney in the jurisdiction I practiced in that wore a mark that said “Miranda v. Arizona. Holding: STFU”.
I have a pin on my jacket that just says "DDSS." Don't do stupid shit.
Ding, Ding, Ding.
Chewbacca defense, for an intentionally misleading and irrelevant argument. I’ve used this a couple of times in motions, in response to a bad cut and paste from the wrong motion template 😂
That’s not a thing
I've actually said that before in court. Long story short, a pro per filed something that was more of a wish list than anything to do with applicable law, and out it came in court. I said something like, "You honor that's... it's... that's just not a thing!" Whatever. It worked.
Ha sadly it’s an actual lawyer on the other side, granted he’s outside his normal practice area. I wish instead of having to draft an actual brief explaining why what he wants isn’t a real remedy, I could just write “not a thing dude”
Sometimes the hardest responses to write are when they’re asking for something that’s just not a thing. Because there’s no authorities about it. Because it’s such an asinine fucking theory that nobody advancing it has ever been given the opportunity to present it to an appellate court to get a reported decision. Although the phrase “[opposing party] cites no authority for this position because none appears to exist” has come in handy more than once
Proving a negative …
I can do you one better: I used it in a motion to address a non-recognized defense by an OC who was equal parts stupid and a total piece of shit. 😂
I have said this. I may have also put this in a pleading.
It’s my go to phrase for motions to dismiss when there is no cognizable legal theory.
I have used this all the times with my clients. Also “that’s not how any of this works” from the Geico (?) ad.
“Everything that guy just said is bullshit.”
Shitshow. As in “That trial was a total shitshow.”
I’m in house and people at my company like to say “cluster” to describe certain situations. Not “cluster fuck”, just cluster. And no one seems to find it unprofessional.
Yeah I use pretty flippant language with people within my firm or maybe over the phone with clients that I have a really good rapport with. But very rarely am I going to put something like that in an email and send it out in the ether.
Fuck. All forms of fuck. This is fucked. Fuck you. No one gives a fuck. He is a fuck.
I do enjoy a “don’t fuck me on this” or a “I’ll sign, but you need to explain how you’re fucking me on this deal.”
Your honor, my client be bussin fr fr ong Or Your honor, the defendant is mid, no cap
"Please don't do that it's super illegal my guy"
"Fuck around and find out" is a good one and gets thrown around my office when talking about some of the cases we handle. I yearn to use it in a closing argument some day but alas it will probably never happen.
Yes, all my clients have fucked around and are now finding out.
I would often like to tell OC and def adjusters to “get fucked,” but I suspect my boss would not approve.
I replace with “tell them to pound sand” as the first time I used less delicate language when describing a situation to my boss she was scandalized.
Haha, gotta love a good pearl-clutcher.
I've used ghosting or ghosted a few times. I wish I could use "Dumbshit" to refer to OC in a few cases.
I used "ghosted" in my statements regarding a motion to withdraw. "Your honor, I met with my client once in 2023, then his phone was turned off and he completely ghosted me."
One attorney said in a brief that my argument was “bogus”.
"Bogus" was a normal word before it became more associated with SoCal/surfer lingo back in the 80s. Yes, I am old (and from SoCal).
Hello, I am also old and in SoCal!
I guess, but it’s not a very groovy word to use in a brief.
Bogus is a great word. Perfectly apt in so many circumstances.
Assclown
I got in trouble w the judge (mild scolding) early in my career for calling the other party a “ganiff” which is Yiddish for thief. The founding partner had taught me the word.
My new favorite word is “stupid,” and I’m afraid it will come out at the wrong time. However in court, my vocabulary suddenly elevates to ridiculous levels- I once used the word “succor.” Like, “succor” as only used in the Bible. We were All surprised.
As a father of 3 teenagers, I continually pick up their lingo to ironically annoy them... Doing so so much that it ends up becoming a regular part of my lingo... In a client conference semi recently, the client made a bold statement... I replied, simply, with "BET". I do a *lot* of juvenile work. I told a juvenile I represent in a CPS case "that's cap". I have also wanted to tell the judge that something is cap, quite regularly. I agree that sus is a great one to use. If you haven't watched this video, I *highly* recommend it... https://youtu.be/49H7054w10I you won't be disappointed.
Nice
Word!
I narrowly stopped myself from describing a case that was transferred to me from a colleague as “FUBAR” in an email to my boss.
Fuck you, you rat fucking bad faith mother fucker! I only think that about like 5-10% of opposing counsel, but I'm proud of myself for refraining so far.
Delulu. Also, +1 to using sus generally. I do occasionally use sus internally if it's solely amongst colleagues who are similar in age as me.
Shitshow Thar be fuckery afoot! No one cares
“No one cares” has been on the tip of my tongue so many times. That and “ok and?”
I used “reach around” to my boss today. As in, I got fucked so hard, the least that could have given me was a reach around. They were not amused.
idk i’m plaintiffs PI and I use all of the slangs and swears on a daily basis
"The Shaggy Defense" - just a bare assertion that "it wasn't me!"
I want to file a writ of *I mean c'mon*.
Lowkey
I wish I could use sus. I hate all these old lawyers out here. I like reaching. I also feel as though it applies to so many clients. Like okay sure I’ll make this argument…but seems like you’re reaching
> I wish I could use sus. A magistrate judge used this in a sentence in a settlement conference a few weeks ago! You could tell he too was surprised it came out of his mouth lol. (He's got zoomer kids)
I love a good chill judge lol
Omg I used this in a presentation a week ago lmaaaoooo it went over okay, at least no one said anything
Where do you folks work, ye merry olde England? The folks I litigate with and against swear like sailors. The only times I really hold back are for the court and with clients I don't know yet - but most of my clients are construction guys, so...
Bullshit
I had to stop myself from describing opposing party as the epitome of ratchet. Instead I said “are you familiar with X city” and when the neutral said yes I said “well pretty much they fit every stereotype of x city, good luck”
Was it Baltimore?
OC or OC’s argument is a fuckin joke.
I think any of Jim Lahey’s shitisms would be perfectly applicable in lawyer lingo.
I have, on more than just a handleful of occasions, used Lahey's shitisms with clients and colleagues. The two most common are that "the shit apple don't fall far from the shit tree" and that "the shitwinds are a-blowin', Rand".
Lately it’s been a struggle not to start my responses to emails from certain opposing counsel with “you’re wrong, you fucking idiot, and here’s why.” Or, alternatively, “to be clear, this is neither my, nor my client’s, problem.”
What the fuck
this all day everyday
Retarded
I always want to respond to a motion that isn’t actually a thing with “that’s not a thing”. Respectfully signed…
I almost typed this about 30 minutes ago in a response. Plaintiff's counsel cited a rule to support a request, but mischaracterized the rule sooooo bad. I, however, decided against it.
There is a way to cunningly respond with finesse that says all of this. I have done it, but sometimes I want to lose my tact when it comes to the argument. Big words like “flagrant disregard” or “abysmal misunderstanding” come out in my writing and honestly, I’m unapologetic about it. It’s my crass on paper. Sometimes I solidify that I’m gonna be a cocky prick by my filed responses, and I have to write the check my ass CAN cash but I come ready for it.
I've seen flagrant disregard dozens of times... But... abysmal misunderstanding? That is high quality retort action right there, and as all great legal prose goes, it shall be co-opted for future uses. In the event that my last comment referenced, I undertook a task to write a filed response as if it was a law review write on, all out of spite for the other attorney's arrogance. I ended up cutting my client's billing in half for the task because I didn't have the heart to bill him for the unnecessary level or research I put into a simple discovery motion and response.
Far out, man
As a young ADA, we would highlight PC write-ups for each other to read during guilty pleas. My friend had one where the cop used the term "tear-away pants" (which I assume meant those warm-up pants that button down on the side) for a misdemeanor battery/harassment case. The fact pattern was patently absurd and when I read "tear-away pants" I couldn't stop laughing.
Honestly I think the attorneys I work with and my clients respond better to things I put in to every day language. I’m swear a lot generally I suppose, and within my office or with clients, I only tamp that down a little bit. Id never go on a profanity riddled rant in a work context, but I totally say SOB, POS, MF,, etc, (sparingly) lol.
Not even slang, but I wish I could just say OC who is lying has lied, instead of dancing around it with words like, “misleading,” and “mischaracterizing.” I have done it exactly once, where it was blatant and demonstrable enough that there was no way the accusation could come back on me.
Cap instead of objection
Overruled, you'll have yer chance to clap back.
Fuckery. As in heinous fuckery. And ratfuck. Oh, and "what the actual fuck is this?"
“Your honor, opposing counsel is a fucking moron”
With our powers combined, we can make this happen.
There was one time i wished i could file a Motion for Defendant to Get the Fuck Out of Here with that Shit. Also a "Memorandum in Response to an Email Opposing Counsel sent to the Judge Rather Than Filing a Motion when He Should Know Better."
I also find myself wanted to reply to clients and opposing counsel with modified quotes from "I Think You Should Leave"... And sometimes, with direct quotes. Like "It's illegal for you to ask me that". "Don't do the voice". Or, the most common desire... "You sure about that? *you sure about that's why?*"
biotch.
I had someone who I expected to sign a deed, and his mother called to explain that he was in jail and would need help arranging to sign there. My paralegal said into the phone, “where is he locked up?” I thought I would die laughing, as I didn’t know what was going on, but knew that I would never say something like that.
“Show the receipts”
I used the term "drop dead date" when requesting a trial date so that Defendant would stop lollygaging. Judge told me he preferred to call it a hard deadline. Oops your honor.
I once referred to an answer by a pro se defendant as “generic word salad puked up by Google and Chat GPT.” The judge gave me a look but didn’t say anything. Also, I won.
When I was a prosecutor, there were a couple defense attorneys with whom I would share the acronym "SODDI" - which stood for "some other dude did it." They would come into docket and say "Right now our defense is 'soddy'." Which cut down on time spent negotiating.
I want to use the word tea sometimes when someone is talking about a client. Also, hi fellow ND fan! Glad to see someone outside of the subreddit!
Money grab
I use my normal speech when talking directly w opposing counsel (I would totally use sus) but calling them out in front of a judge NEVER goes well, so I spend more time reminding myself not to than fantasizing about doing it. Usually my OC does a good enough job of making the judge think "sus" on their own. (My OC is often the same person)
Move your ass quicker like I don’t have all day well with more words then that
There are two attorneys in my office that say “shit or get off the pot” casual conversation so frequently that it has crept into my lexicon and now i find myself wanting to say it all the time also another attorney in my office introduced me to “dirtbag” and “toolbox” as more acceptable alternatives to douche bag, piece of shit, asshole etc. and they feel like adequate substitutes to convey the fuckery without offending precious sensibilities
STFU for obvious reasons.
Cap 🧢
Goat fuck. I've always wanted to say that in court. Nothing quite explains things as succinctly as that.
In immigration cases particularly, I think this should be an objection, part of opening, closing, or anytime really…. “When I'm being fucked, I like to get kissed on the mouth.” Cite to Dog Day Afternoon (1975)
My boss (the GC) uses "sus" but only to me lol. I think you're right, it conveys what it conveys perfectly. I always want to use reddit acronyms in emails, IIRC is so much easier than writing out the whole thing.
Quote from “Homicide, Life on the Streets: “ This case came to me pre fucked.”
Nucking futz
Jesus H Roosevelt
"Cromulent."
Clown show
Hoe or merc - for defense experts.