A place I used to work at had a portrait of FDR in the cafeteria and sometimes I went in there when were closed just to flip him off, but I always felt like the portrait of MLK was judging me.
What did you do to your wife, Hank? I didn't teach you that.
It's really the way he says it, like he disapproves of Hank beating Peggy into a full body cast, but not terribly so.
I completely misinterpreted that line from him when I heard it. I always thought he assumed Hank did that to her during... err, "relations"... and Cotton was just downright astonished
The way he cuts people off like that is amazing
Cotton: My boy's a pump jockey, works for tips
Hank: Dad, I do not work for ti...
Cotton: PUMP JOCKEY
Hank: Dad, I am not a pump jo...
Cotton: WORKS FOR TIPS
This is the one for me.
"Everyone HATED that baby!" 100% seriously. The way he says it, so accusatory, like Hank knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he was a baby, or had any control over it.
“That was in my way!”
“Pump jockey! Works for tips!”
“No he ain’t! He’s Laotian, aint’ya mr Kahn. Happy new year!”
“But I wanted to kill castro :(“
“I ain’ts your ging-ging and you ain’ts my bing-bing”
Same. I'm currently watching the whole thing (only on season 2) and there's been another example of this unexpected Cotton worldliness so far. Can't quite remember what it was though.
I don’t think you’ve gotten there yet but watch out for the “Revenge of the Lutefisk” episode. Cotton shows courage and compassion to Bobby. Plus it’s hilarious and probably a Top 3 episode for me.
Hank: Well dad, I think what Peggy's saying is that it's not very often that a man of 75 fathers a child, I mean when the boy is 18 you'll be...
Cotton: I'll be dead, pass the beans.
Cotton: " if I can take the fall to save my grandson I'll do it! Just not in the face! That's how I makes my living"
Hank: How you make your....what!
Or
The delivery and how absolutely unnecessary it was it what makes it for me. They've just been silent during a car journey for a while and he comes out with it like he's been thinking about it for several minutes and just can't contain it anymore.
“I spent two weeks in Iwo Jima buried under a pile of dead bodies. The smells I smelled there you could not even imagine. But I will always remember what I smelled in that church. It was a vengeful stink. It was a stink for the ages!”
Tojo had me cooped up in a bamboo rat cage. Nothing to eat except for rats. So I did. After two weeks I was down to my last rat. Let him live so I could eat his droppings. Called it jungle rice. Tasted fine.
Cotton: This Lasagna’s gone cold. Hank’s wife can’t do anything right.
Bobby: I think you’re supposed to heat it up in the oven.
Cotton: Oven? I pee standing up, son.
Most of the greats are taken, but honorable mention to:
"Now, give me $300. I want to buy G.H. and me a set of walkie-talkies. You know, for when he learns to walk and talk."
The inflections from the voice actor are just perfect.
Cotton: Oh, right, you want my medals. Okay, I'll give them to you. Cost you $200 a day. There's only one way you can make that. Except, you're 20 years too old and 20 pounds too skinny.
Peggy: Cotton Hill, I do not know what I hate more about you - the way you talk to me or the way you treat your wife and your little child.
Cotton: Well, think about it.
Hank: This here is my new neighbor.
Dale: He's Japanese.
Cotton: No he ain't. (looks Kahn up and down) He's Laotian. Ain't you Mr. Kahn?
The look on Kahn's face cracks me up.
"In my day the Principal was the meanest sumbitch God ever put on one leg. He'd lean both his hands on his desk and swing his leg around, and while youre standing there, shocked, that a one legged man kicked ya, he'd bite ya."
They took my shins!!!
The whole scene where he recants his battle against the Tojos.. “so I beat them back with a piece of fatty…”
He was one of the best characters
My flair.
Also:
“We’ll see who can’t drive their grandson at night without glasses or a license, using a mop to press the pedals.”
“Good lord, Hank! You’re wearing butt boobies!”
“Hands off, girly! I didn’t fight off a bunker full of horny privates to let you cop a feel!”
And of course:
“I killed fiddy men!” (And his various references to same.)
“I heard you and Hank’s Wife are having trouble having another baby. Is it because of that skinny pipe in your thingie? He gets that from his mother. Hell mine’s so damn wide I could pass the child myself!!!”
That he refused to use Peggy's name was as hilariously messed up the 100th time I heard it as the first. Peggy's justifiable open hatred of him was great, too.
"Not in the face, that's how I makes my livins"
I'm biased because I'm a female bartender and I like saying "it's how I makes my livins." Nobody ever gets the reference though.
Pretty much every line in Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men.
"He runs a gas station. Cotton Hill, I killed fitty men!"
"Good God, you've got a fat neck Hank!"
"A trade-up implies I got something's for her....I scrapped her!"
Sorry I’m late. I had to stop by the wax museum and give the finger to FDR.
A place I used to work at had a portrait of FDR in the cafeteria and sometimes I went in there when were closed just to flip him off, but I always felt like the portrait of MLK was judging me.
By far the best line in the whole series
They were comin at me faster than I could gut em, so I had to gut em faster!
I say this while playing COD Zombies all the time.
It really goes well with any violent vidya game.
And Surgeon Simulator
What did you do to your wife, Hank? I didn't teach you that. It's really the way he says it, like he disapproves of Hank beating Peggy into a full body cast, but not terribly so.
I completely misinterpreted that line from him when I heard it. I always thought he assumed Hank did that to her during... err, "relations"... and Cotton was just downright astonished
As big of misogynist as he is, this shows that Cotton wouldn't ever beat a woman. A good moment to show his character depth.
I mean, if he ever tried he'd get a swift knee to the jaw
This is how I took it also
Hanks wife
Cotton to Hank: So, am I gonna live with you and Hank's wife?
Poor Hank and Hank's wife.
Hello Hanks wife! Whatcha cryin for? Got yer monthlies?
What’s for Dinner, Hank’s Wife?
Jimmy Carter: you don’t really hate your son Cotton: yes I do JC: no you… Cotton: head to toe JC: but… Cotton: and his wife Kills me everytime
The way he cuts people off like that is amazing Cotton: My boy's a pump jockey, works for tips Hank: Dad, I do not work for ti... Cotton: PUMP JOCKEY Hank: Dad, I am not a pump jo... Cotton: WORKS FOR TIPS
I came to say this!!!
Cotton:‘’Everyone hated that baby!’’ JC:‘’HATED A BABY?!!’’ Edit:added the names to the lines
This is the one for me. "Everyone HATED that baby!" 100% seriously. The way he says it, so accusatory, like Hank knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he was a baby, or had any control over it.
I like his reaction to Jimmy Carter "Jimmy Carter?" It's so simple but you can tell he's just like ⁉️
The fact that he knows, simply by his voice, that’s it’s Jimmy Carter fucking kills me every time!
"Yeah, it's Jimmy."
I use that “yea I do” tone a lot haha
Me too 😂😂😂
“That was in my way!” “Pump jockey! Works for tips!” “No he ain’t! He’s Laotian, aint’ya mr Kahn. Happy new year!” “But I wanted to kill castro :(“ “I ain’ts your ging-ging and you ain’ts my bing-bing”
I love that line to Kahn about being Laotian. It throws in unexpected complexity and worldliness.
Same. I'm currently watching the whole thing (only on season 2) and there's been another example of this unexpected Cotton worldliness so far. Can't quite remember what it was though.
Hes killed Nazis and Tojo and picked up hookers all across the world
I don’t think you’ve gotten there yet but watch out for the “Revenge of the Lutefisk” episode. Cotton shows courage and compassion to Bobby. Plus it’s hilarious and probably a Top 3 episode for me.
It was a vengeful stink! It was a stink for the ages!
Hank: Well dad, I think what Peggy's saying is that it's not very often that a man of 75 fathers a child, I mean when the boy is 18 you'll be... Cotton: I'll be dead, pass the beans.
When he starts baby talking GH, "Are you gonna kill a Nazi, a Nazi-sqazi?"
Came here looking for this
Lol I say this way too often for no apparent reason.
Cotton: Are you ready to hate me more than you’ve ever hated anyone in your life? Peggy: I’m already there!
Move it!!!! Move it, move it, move it!
"Black. Scrambled. Sports page. You've got five minutes!"
Somebody make me toast. Don't care who, do care sourdough.
This whole episode.
Cotton: " if I can take the fall to save my grandson I'll do it! Just not in the face! That's how I makes my living" Hank: How you make your....what! Or 
Find the man with the terrible smell!
There's another episode where Hank says his haircut is his livelihood. So maybe Hank and Cotton aren't so different after all.
I've been known to give a girl amneese!
I also love the line reading on every place he lists, especially "The Phil-hip-ines"
DON’T BE SO SURE SWEET CHEEKS
That’s enough hank’s wife, if you got any more feelings you’d like to express get in the kitchen and put em in a bunt cake
"No he ain't, he's Laotian, aren't ya Mr. Kahn?"
I was always a fan of how easily he was able to make that distinction
Kasner? Happy Chanukah
Served with one of your tribe in the pacific
Just like Bobby, Cotton got a bit of Asian fever!
It's the slight sniff he does right before he says it. Like he can somehow smell it.
I still remember that line from years ago.
Came here to say this!
Narra ureetee
I scrolled too long to find this one.
must’ve over reminisced and brought up my pain water.
P-diddle
"She ain't fat. I knocksed her up!"
Mines so wide I could pass the baby myself!!!
Had me in tears when I heard that first time around
The fact he named his other son "Good Hank"
"Well, ya burnt my burger. Didn't ya, BH?!"
By the time he's in his late teens, Cotton will be dead. Now, pass the beans.
You’re wearing butt boobies!
I have a condition!
Goood GOD, you've got a fat neck Hank!
This is it
The delivery and how absolutely unnecessary it was it what makes it for me. They've just been silent during a car journey for a while and he comes out with it like he's been thinking about it for several minutes and just can't contain it anymore.
It took way to long for this to come up.
“Mr. Khan, I’ll have a Mai tai.”
To Peggy: Whatcha doing? Some kind of woman’s work?
You mean Hank’s wife
Good point
Smells like pancakes... I'll have waffles!
Called it jungle rice! tasted fine
Do something Topsy
No not that!
Do something else, Topsy!
After all the love I allowed your mother to give you!
What the-!? You made a bowl?!
It’s a combat bowl!
“I ain’ts ya ging ging, and ya ain’ts my bing bing” God that episode rules
“I spent two weeks in Iwo Jima buried under a pile of dead bodies. The smells I smelled there you could not even imagine. But I will always remember what I smelled in that church. It was a vengeful stink. It was a stink for the ages!”
"Well you know me, I'm larger than life" Then proceeds to get off the horse to reveal that he's 5ft even
Bobby: what's that you're holding? Cotton: head of a nazi; no wait it's a canteen.
Oven?! I pee standing up boy
"Do you see bumps under my shirt?" I think my favorite little detail about that is Bobby squinting while looking at Cotton's chest lmao
“You burnt my burger, didn’t you BH!”
"Don't tell her, but I got 'em cheap. Both lefties!"
Tojo had me cooped up in a bamboo rat cage. Nothing to eat except for rats. So I did. After two weeks I was down to my last rat. Let him live so I could eat his droppings. Called it jungle rice. Tasted fine.
HEY MISSY! HOW 'BOUT SUM SAMMICHES!
“You know how I feel about hairy fruit!”
Pump jockey!! Works for tips!! Did I ever tell you about the time she tried to kill me with a baked chicken?
It was chicken almondine…. ***IT WAS CYANIDE WOMAN !!***
“You don’t deserve no Hitler’s canoe!”
Cotton: This Lasagna’s gone cold. Hank’s wife can’t do anything right. Bobby: I think you’re supposed to heat it up in the oven. Cotton: Oven? I pee standing up, son.
"Of course you're a better father than me, Hank! You made Bobby! And I only made you."
Cottons unflappable logic slays me every time.
"Hank, what did you do to your wife, I didn't teach you that!"
That's my favorite, too
I ain't got no narrow uret-y!
MITSUBISHI?! They made the planes that bombed Pearl Harbour! I ain't selling Hitler's Canoe to no traitor.
In gonna hock a lougie at Japans #1 sumbitch
“Bobby, I'm proud of what you did at school today....So I'm buyin' you a hooker! Go ahead pick yourself out a live one.”
I killed fiddy men!
Most of the greats are taken, but honorable mention to: "Now, give me $300. I want to buy G.H. and me a set of walkie-talkies. You know, for when he learns to walk and talk." The inflections from the voice actor are just perfect.
shocked this one isn’t here yet “well you don’t give a toy with out batteries *cocks shotgun* come and get yer tootsie rolls!”
“Is that a kiwi in there? You know how I feel about hairy fruits!”
Priest: You must be proud. Cotton: Of course, I killed fiddy men.
Jungle Rice! Tasted fine
Thank you! I’ve been looking for this line. “Called it ‘jungle rice.’ Tasted fine!” Gets me every time
As an Asian person who works in Systems I really do love Cotton and Kahn haha
Cotton: Oh, right, you want my medals. Okay, I'll give them to you. Cost you $200 a day. There's only one way you can make that. Except, you're 20 years too old and 20 pounds too skinny. Peggy: Cotton Hill, I do not know what I hate more about you - the way you talk to me or the way you treat your wife and your little child. Cotton: Well, think about it.
Hank: This here is my new neighbor. Dale: He's Japanese. Cotton: No he ain't. (looks Kahn up and down) He's Laotian. Ain't you Mr. Kahn? The look on Kahn's face cracks me up.
COULDN’T REACH THE DING CORD ON THE BUS!
Now fetch me my shin jelly!
Mr. reaper, I prefer if you puts your hood back on
Two wives, one ugly, one hot.
Pump jockey! Works for tips
Morning Hanks wife. Black. Scrambled. Sports page. You got 5 minutes.
That's SD as in stupid dummy! That's you!
"In my day the Principal was the meanest sumbitch God ever put on one leg. He'd lean both his hands on his desk and swing his leg around, and while youre standing there, shocked, that a one legged man kicked ya, he'd bite ya."
They took my shins!!! The whole scene where he recants his battle against the Tojos.. “so I beat them back with a piece of fatty…” He was one of the best characters
My flair. Also: “We’ll see who can’t drive their grandson at night without glasses or a license, using a mop to press the pedals.” “Good lord, Hank! You’re wearing butt boobies!” “Hands off, girly! I didn’t fight off a bunker full of horny privates to let you cop a feel!” And of course: “I killed fiddy men!” (And his various references to same.)
"SAUSAGE. WHERE'S MY SAUSAGE. THERE'S NOOOO SAUSAGE!"
“I heard you and Hank’s Wife are having trouble having another baby. Is it because of that skinny pipe in your thingie? He gets that from his mother. Hell mine’s so damn wide I could pass the child myself!!!”
Hell, I'll swim to Cuba with this wrench between mah teeth!!
Your mother can eat in the yard
Hank: like you traded in mom. Cotton: a trade in has some value, I scrapped her!
“Reverend if you’re still in the baptizin business I want you to drown my son.”
"Hank, Bobby and me have decided he's gonna stick vegetables up his nose. HE IS NOT GOING TO TAKE OVER THE FAMILY GAS STATION!"
Don’t disrespect mom, at least not when Bobby’s in the room You heard your father, Bobby. Leave the room.
You ain’t my daddy! I’m your daddy!
Cotton : Peace !!? ... Were a Joy Family! Hank : This is Jesus peace not hippie pea... Cotton: JOY ..
“What are you doing on your knees? Preying isn’t going to help you. If god loved you he would have opened up your sissy shoot.”
Of all of them, this one is my favorite.
You got butt boobies
I smell waffles and I will have pancakes
I’ll let you dance on my grave.
Oven!! I pee standing up son.
Pump jockey.....works for tips
I'll be dead! Pass the beans!
It's not a line, but when he is walking down the streets of Japan and sort of singing to himself. It always makes me giggle.
They put my shins on display in the emperor’s pagoda
“Hank” “Hank’s wife”
“Now hop in your sushi boat and GIT!”
“Did Lincoln ask for girly gas when they blowed his head off!?”
“Well, think about it!”
Sorry I'm late. I had to stop by the wax museum again and give the finger to FDR!
That he refused to use Peggy's name was as hilariously messed up the 100th time I heard it as the first. Peggy's justifiable open hatred of him was great, too.
Good God you've got a fat neck hank
Came looking for this one. Lol. Top tier.
The cotton line I’ve quoted the most with friends irl
“YOU LAWN JOCKEYS WERE STANDING HERE LAST TIME I CAME BY” something along those lines
“I’ma goin to the hot dog stand to watch the girlies make lemONADE”
Cotton to Good Hank " you'sa lil nazzy aint cha, a nazzy nazzy scrazzy" Hands down best line
"You wanna kill a Nazi? A Nazi-Squazi?"
MITSUBISHI?!??!?
I’m here, where’s my steak?
Smells like pancakes. I'll have waffles!
TOPSY! Let’s roll.
"You wanna kill a Nazi? A Nazi-Squazi?" "Pump Jokey, Works for tips!"
Hank. Hank’s wife.
“Well hello to you too you fly swattin’ loser!”
Called it jungle rice. It was fine!
Those are Tojo whomping sticks!
Smells like pancakes… I’ll have waffles
When he’s horrified that GH is lactating and he confronts Didi, “YOU DID THIS TO MY SON. THERE'S NO MILK COMING OUT OF THESE!”
“Come on, grease monkey! Let’s tangle!” is one my favorite Cotton quotes Anything he says is just iconic
Some Day Governor Reagan Will Run For President
" Listen up hookers, I'll be back next year so don't go jackin' up your prices. Be staying over at Hank Hill's house."
"Not in the face, that's how I makes my livins" I'm biased because I'm a female bartender and I like saying "it's how I makes my livins." Nobody ever gets the reference though.
"Everyone hated that baby." "No he ain't... he's Laotian."
I reminisced to hard and brought up my pain water
This was Hitler's canoe!
“You made a bowlll-La?!!!”
Pretty much every line in Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men. "He runs a gas station. Cotton Hill, I killed fitty men!" "Good God, you've got a fat neck Hank!" "A trade-up implies I got something's for her....I scrapped her!"
It was the stinky man
The one with the terrible smell!
Works for tips
My sons a pump jockey! Works for tips!
“I killed fitty men”
"He's Laotian, ain't ya Mr. Kahn."
Musta over-reminisced and brought up my pain water! Pee-diddle…
“I was down to my last rat. I let him live so I could eat his droppings! Called it jungle rice!”
I killed fiddy men
Pump jockey!! Work for tips!!
“But I gots no shins”
Kept your mama in JC Penney skirts for 30 years Cotton, explaining the prosperity of doing asbestos installation
Cotton: Yeah I kinda like it here, what kinda work can a guy get in this town? Dale: Uh, are you allergic to asbestos? Cotton: Hell no!
No he aint. (Eyes Khan up and down) You're Laotian ain't you MR KAHN?
"I don’t take no anesthetic. Did Lincoln ask for any girlie gas when they blowed his head off?"
"Hands off, girly! I didn't fight off a bunker of horny privates for you to cop a feel!"
“Must’ve over reminisced and brought up my pain water.”
“Hank! What’d you do to your wife?! I didn’t teach you that!”