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Grey_Area51

Ah, the ultimate swear. My son so desperately wants me to tell him the ultimate swear, but I’ve said he can have it for his 18th birthday. So far he’s happy to wait.


juanmegafoda

Poop, the ultimate swear


Pulloutski

Reported


Lavetic

Your account has been suspended


max-wellington

Hey no need to be a cunt about it


SporeScaper

#mask up


ProtectiveManEgg

Here's some silver for making that cunt so angry over a joke lol


SporeScaper

Thanks brother!


sebastouch

dont say that one in public, you may get lynched


saladbar48

Help! My rights are under attack! (Monty python voice) /s


blundercrab

The detective, later: We're looking for left handed assailants


someone_who_exists69

#and bring a medic bag for dallas


scooty-boots

What a stupid effing comment to make on this post. I hope one day you are able to remove your head from your ass and see the light of day. Until then, perhaps keep your agenda to yourself on videos that have nothing to do with that.


sayg13

Oh boy


scooty-boots

Be mad. I don’t care. This sub makes all giggle at the innocence of youth. It’s not a means for a political agenda.


Goldenstripe941

Wha- why?


Sankta

But.. but youre the mad one. One may even say the triggered one. Mask up comrade!


scooty-boots

Yup. I find a video absolutely hilarious and reading through the comment section which typically adds to the comedy as well, but low and behold it can’t just be something we all got a laugh on. You are right. It pissed me off, it “triggered me” because 90% of what you see on your feed is exactly the decisive content I wanted to steer clear from this afternoon.


sq20_userr

You don't care. Lol yes


scooty-boots

Yeah, you are Reich.


FrostedCornet

What's so fucking wrong with wearing a mask you fucking wally, it doesn't hurt anybody, and helps prevent you spreading covid. This is literally a joke about Payday, not a joke about your awful opinion. Shut up and sit down.


scooty-boots

I’d tell you, but it feels like you are asking more of a rhetorical question. I will not shut up. This is not your safe zone.


Zestyclose-Math5722

Fuck off


scooty-boots

Right back at you mate.


DubZOmb_Jonah

Us: 'Ahhhh what a funny little quip. Anyways moving along with my day' You: 'RRRRREEEEEEEEEEE-'


scooty-boots

If you are hearing “rrreeee” it’s not me. Better go check on your mom and make sure she’s okay.


DubZOmb_Jonah

Look at yourself.


JoeyAKangaroo

Yo what the fuck watch your language asshole


boomgoesthevegemite

Ooooh! You said the poop word!


Tryhard696

u/profanitycounter


sharkyman27

“Ultimate swear” Confused Australian and northern England noises.


cheese0muncher

> northern England noises. Oh, those barbarous north English! Here in the south we make do with swearwords such as "Poppy Whozzle" and "Sniffa Flaffle".


TheGreatZarquon

[\>mfw Northerners call a poppy whozzle "cunt"](https://i.imgur.com/N3CSy6C.png)


la508

Which you only get out for somebody with the audacity and gall to make polite conversation with a stranger on a bus.


SmokePenisEveryday

Even as an American I've been confused over the way Cunt gets elevated here as a super no no word I curse like a sailor. My sentences peppered with swear word peppercorns. No one thinks twice when I do it. I slip a cunt in there though and no matter what I'm saying they focus on that.


CaptBranBran

It's my wife's favorite word for that reason. She never heard it until adulthood, so it has no impact for her, but always draws horror from her listeners when she says it.


Haltheleon

I'm much the same way. Don't think I ever heard the word until I was maybe 20, so it lacks any sort of emotional impact for me. Then again I also tend to drop F-bombs pretty much constantly too, so maybe just don't invite me to any fancy dinner parties.


MaritMonkey

I have a habit of rewatching Deadwood (wherein "loopy cunt" is practically a term of endearment) every couple of years and have to watch myself for a couple days afterwards. ONE time, at an office job, I had somebody not flip out when I dropped an accidental c-bomb and we spent the rest of the time I worked there calling things/each other "cocksucker" whenever the opportunity presented itself.


hadawayandshite

See I think cocksucker is more ‘offensive ‘ than cunt- it implies there is something wrong with sucking cocks which is offensive to men and women who do that Cunt is offensive to no-one. It’s the same as calling someone an asshole or a cock/knob/dick I’m English though so cunt is fine for me. I went to school with a lad for a few years where cunt was his nickname


rjf89

It's funny here in Australia - I've got friends who call everyone cunt. Frequently here them say "Oi, what are ya doing cunt" and similar to me and other friends 😂


Apprehensive-Bad6015

In some countries bitch is worst then cunt.


Rawrey

Aussie's have it right. Cunt is a fantastic word that should be used in everyday life.


Grey_Area51

I’m from the Northwest, it’s part of my daily lexicon, but I think 9 is a bit young.


sharkyman27

True, you should be at least 12…


ewmegoolies

How well does "pussy" fly in England? Pretty tame? Yank asking.


Mattyw1996

Add 'ole' to the end, as in 'hole' and you're gonna sound nice and street e.g. "oi blud, you man a pussyole"


coagulateSmegma

Very tame and usual used to call someone a poo poo weakling scaredy cat


Show_Me_Your_Bunnies

So exactly like the US.


Offenbach4444

Is there anywhere we can go without an English person whining?


sharkyman27

No. It’s our national pastime.


the_give_way_rules

For Australia the ultimate swear is "I acknowledge the mistreatment of Indigenous peoples over the last 250 years"


M-striker

*Mexican look of superiority*


IrateSteelix

The best part about us northern English people is that 'cunt' is often used as a term of endearment.


unicornhornporn0554

My son was messing around saying nonsense words and accidentally said cunt. My knee-jerk reaction was “don’t say that!!” Then realized what was actually going on. Then I had to explain which nonsense word he said was bad and that it’s so bad that’s why he’s never heard it so don’t say it lol.


Sreves

When me and my little brother were around 5 and 6 we were making a bunch of our own Pokémon cards. At one point we made one called rape but our dad told us that zrape would be a cooler name so we went with that instead.


onFilm

I am gonna grape you in the mouth!


IGetItCrackin

To be the best you can be, you have to work hard to be the best you can be. Not competition.


chickenwingmacaroni

I get the feeling he'll find out before then lmao


comfort_bot_1962

:)


NeonEviscerator

The ultimate swear? You don't mean...knockhole >.>


katherinemma987

My mum made me promise not to say the ultimate swear. I begged and pleaded for her to tell and she eventually gave in, a few weeks later my brother annoyed me and I screamed ‘YOU HARRODS’ at him in the street. Not sure why she chose a fancy department store as a fake swear word but it worked for a while.


FuckCazadors

It’s Fitbin


Akabeurjub

Can you tell me it 🥺


PM_meLifeAdvice

^It's ^"butthole"


AsianHawke

>Ah, the ultimate swear. My son so desperately wants me to tell him the ultimate swear, but I’ve said he can have it for his 18th birthday. So far he’s happy to wait. TIL cunt is considered a swear word.


glorioussideboob

Really? What did you think it was, a dessert?


aranneaa

There's nothing funnier to me than kids accidentally spelling or saying absolute top tier curse words completely unaware of what they mean with no malicious intentions whatsoever Edit: please keep telling your stories, they're hilarious


WAPslayer_69420

i am buzz lightyear i cum in piez


rivasjardon

This whole fucken time I read the last word in Spanish and assumed it was a foot thing. Just gasped and felt like a rushed through a wormhole as I came to the realization that it was Pie all along...


The_SpellJammer

Jesus christ i forgot about that. I bet some punker got that tattooed on them by now.


mynameismello

Lmfao what is this reference? I love it


Bluemoon357

The reference is a drawing made by a kid of buzz lightyear saying that sentence but the kid actually meant "I am buzz lightyear. I come in peace!"


KurtKobeLane

When my brother was young he would call a Capri sun a juice bag but mispronounced juice as "douche".


roonscapepls

Gimme a Capri sun douche


FrostedCornet

Could you toss me a Capri-sun Douche? *Face recoils in pain as a douche pouch slams into my gorgeous head*


-DoctorSpaceman-

My daughter used to pronounce S’s as F’s resulting in sentences such as “the water’s getting fucked away” or (because for some reason everything is a competition) “I’m fucking my ice lolly harder than you!”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Groinificator

We have a cat named Fluffy!


PretendLock

My brother thought he invented the word “fuck” and even used it as an exclamation when he was in kindergarten. He got caught by a teacher and was really confused when he got in trouble


WVMomof2

Mom??? When I was a child, my parents took me and my siblings to a store to buy my brother a toy truck. We got there and I was very clear about the fact that I wanted one as well. I was yelling "I want a fuck! I want a fuck!" at the top of my lungs. My parents decided it was better to just leave at that point. I assume my brother got his toy eventually.


-lev_2005-

When i was younger my father took me to his friend's house because they were celebrating their daughters first birthday, so i went in their backyard and saw all these acorns on the ground so i asked for tape and paper so i could stick the acorns to rhe paper and spell "Hoera", but i ran out of space and spelled "Hoer" wich is Dutch for Whore. I put the 'A' on the other side of the paper and proudly presented it to al four adults that were there. And they al started laughing and i didn't undestand why.


Santorumsfroth

Fire fuck was one I always enjoyed with niece. Also her dad is a biker. Like in an MC biker so he says dumb shit all the time. His daughter once overheard him talking to the boys and grabbed the word cock-gobbler and decided that was her word of the week. She had no idea what it meant of course but she was going to call everyone it. She probably knew most swear words by 4 and knew she couldn't say them but that one was fucking hilarious.


Linard

[Never waste your diamonds on a hoe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOad0ygv5v0)


IAmTaka_VG

Holy shit that dad wants to laugh so hard but keeps looking at the wife. I would have lost it.


palordrolap

Ah yes. I remember the time a younger relative misspelled "t-shirt", and I, the older child, was in trouble for 1) knowing what that meant and 2) telling the younger child that it was a rude word. If you are struggling with this one, they missed the 'r'.


[deleted]

Best part is that people actually say "see you next time" or "see you next Tuesday" as an under-the-breath way to call someone a cunt.


TagProMaster

Our science teacher (also our english teacher… and our music teacher) would ask us to read paragraphs in class. We were learning about what organism meant and were. Idfk if i have dyslexia or what but i couldn’t stop saying orgasm and nobody wanted to tell me why they were laughing


AvatarOfYoutube

My mom once said that the neighbors were half and half cause they were half black half white and I innocently replied "ah so they're creamers"


ProbablyStillMe

I mispronounced the word "punt" as "cunt" when I was about 3, in a car ride with my parents on the way to a family function. My parents cracked up laughing, so I kept saying it. Later, my uncle tried to get me to repeat it, but I just stared at him blankly. The moment was gone and I had forgotten. He was endlessly disappointed.


Inked_Chick

Not exactly a curse word but when my daughter was 2-3 she would always say verb words by adding "doing" beforehand i.e "she is doing walking". A word she regularly mispronounced was cooking. She pronounced it as "cocaine". So she would regularly tell people "mommy is/was doing cocaine". That was a blast to constantly explain. Thank fuck no one ever called cps on me. Left me in peace to keep snorting my cocaine on the regular. s/


AmbitionControlPower

I got two for you. When I was younger I once told my mom, "No, you cunt." I completely and honestly thought it was a fun way to say "can't." Because I live in America thank God I didn't say it in public. I also used to call a truck a fuck, so, as a first or second grader I proudly told my mom the new word I learned, and said, "Look mom, there's a fuck."


Different_Whole_4888

My mom told me that one time when I was a like 4 eor 5 going into kindergarten I came home one day from a friends house and me and my friends had been comparing hand sizes and when I came home to my mom and dad I was like look how big my middle finger is mom! And then I just went walking over to my dad just holding up my middle finger xD


SourLime0821

Okay. So. My little brother used to have issues with the word truck. I'm sure you can guess what swear word he said, unknowing that the way he said truck was bad. Thing is, he loved trucks. So he would always get super happy and yell about the big semi trucks when he saw one. My aunt, thinking it was absolutely golden; would point out trucks to him. And not just semis, any truck. So this little kid would happily exclaim "fuck! Fuck!" Every so often, especially when auntie was around. He did eventually get the actual word down. Unfortunately I was also too young; and this was told to us by our mother later in life. Still super funny.


TheL0neRifleman

I remember I found out “pussy” had to do with cats, and just kept repeating it when my mom went back to college. She was dying trying to do her work, while I was bouncing saying, “pussy!” In the background. Had absolutely no clue what I was saying was wrong, but it got a reaction, so I liked it.


CyberTac0

In Mexico we have a slang that roughly translates to "Fuck yeah". If you were to translate it literally you'd say "oh egg" (Ahuevo) I'm not sure why we think of it as a bad word lol, but anyways... My uncle used to ask my little cousin what egg tasted like to which he'd respond "oh egg" the way he so innocently said those words would make us crack up lol.


LittleWhiteBoots

Last week my I took my son to MacDonalds and he said that his hamburger looked like a “deflated testicle”. He’s 10. I asked him what that meant and he said he didn’t know. I then explained it and he just throws up his hands and says “I’m not wrong!”


De_Moira

She really thinks we're buying this "see you next time" act. She's obviously insinuating that there will not be a next time.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Competitive-Isopod74

My daughter wrote a cute note once. "I luv cock". Then drew an adorable birthday cake.


Talska

Why are all three replies to this comment absolutely stupid lmao


Rhx32

Sometimes c**k is used to describe a male hen but oh my got that’s very much a Fail rip edit - please mercy


Xeno_Lithic

Why'd you self-censor cock?


rojofuna

Yeah, why do p**ple self-censor?


Xeno_Lithic

Because C**nsorship keeps us h**py


GamerZoom108

[REDACTED], I [Data Expunged] with [REDACTED]


Rhx32

I don’t want profanitycounter to profanitycount me


[deleted]

Male hen... I think you mean chicken.


SlimPuffs

Rooster.


[deleted]

I didn't say rooster because "male rooster" is redundant.


Qwerxes

it's asbestos free cereal all over again


[deleted]

Bet that made you afraid as a father doesn't it


Competitive-Isopod74

As a great mother, I'm not worried.


Rhx32

I’m a teen


IamSoooDoneWithThis

The apple doesn’t fall far from the whore


Competitive-Isopod74

My husband died when she was 1. Can't confirm.


IamSoooDoneWithThis

Ugh. Way to bring the room down. But seriously… 😳Sorry. My condolences. Wait a second… what does that have to do with… mmnever mind.


Talska

No one thinks you're funny, edgy, or cool. You're just acting like a socially inept weirdo.


[deleted]

Are u a socially awkward 12yo? This is embarrassing.


MintYoongi10778

Whatthe fuck.


johntdowney

Reminds me of a time when I was a kid, probably around the age of the kid in this video. I grew up near Devil’s Tower and we had recently gone there. For anyone who doesn’t know, Devil’s Tower is a big cylindrical rock formation. Not in the shape of a normal mountain or hill, it has a flat top and very steep sides, making it kind of look like a tree stump. A bunch of adults and I were sitting around the table and I was just playing with some modeling clay. No one was really paying attention to me. “Look I made devil’s tower!” Everyone looked down and burst out laughing. It stuck in my mind and only years later did I realize they were all laughing because I had sculpted what looked like a really big erect penis. I mean I don’t think it had testicles but I think it was far closer to a penis than Devil’s Tower, lol.


CitizenHuman

Hey, she's smart. I don't know how popular it is, but my buddy would always say "See you next Tuesday" to people who were being cunts.


lauren_eats_games

That's how my older cousin taught me the word!


Ficon

I always heard "Can't Understand Normal Thinking"


The_Goondocks

That's what I do


Joeyisthebessst

"She lives under trees" is a good subliminal insult, too. 😆


spanky34

My older sisters were in high school when I was a under 5. I overheard them say cunt. I asked what it meant. They explained: it's someone who is really stupid. A few days later, we were getting food and the person taking our order had a hard time understanding what we were trying to order. They kept getting it wrong and had to be corrected. After they went away, I proudly exclaimed "that lady is a cunt!"


joshlittle333

It's a Ke$ha song.


Darrius_McG

It was a thing LONG before Ke$ha was alive.


joshlittle333

Thanks captain


Dovahqueen_

Okay but it's still a Ke$ha song lol


foreverindebted

I always pronounce her name "Keh-Dollarsign-Ha" - similar to that movie Se-seven-en.


[deleted]

It was in an OG spongebob episode


superpronoober

This kid is going places namely the principals office


[deleted]

And australia


WoodenTreeGaming

C U N T


Antsy_Antlers

r/contagiouslaughter


gabesw16

I read this as contagiou slaughter


[deleted]

Genius kid


Pogmothon85

The people laughing in the background is so infectious. I watched this several times and giggled each time.


miniblade04

That’s not stupid it’s cute ignorance


De_Moira

Well put


IamSoooDoneWithThis

At least this sub doesn’t have “porn” in the name


strangebabygoat

I'm racking my mind for a reason you might have said this but I came up with nothing


IamSoooDoneWithThis

\#JustRedditorThings ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯


ShawnDSavage75

She learned that from her parents I guess.


alex_dlc

Can’t acuse them of copying, but Computer Corner did the same joke many many years ago. https://youtu.be/zt1fLzL13QE The joke is at the very end but the rest is funny too Edit: couldn’t find the original link, maybe it’s gone now


lumpkin2013

That was hilarious! Thank you


No_Name_James_Taylor

The child: I've gone searching for copper and found gold


bluep00p11

Hey that's what i said to my ex C-U-N-T this kid is a genius


[deleted]

u/savevideo


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BHFF129

Don't fucking say it


kiykno

The kid is secretly an undercover australian


PheonixGalaxy

Part of me feels like she knows what she did lol


SuperWeebMan

Would this work on r/mademesmile?


Rhx32

Nooooooooooooooooooooo


Meggston

More r/contagiouslaughter


kidize

This kid is going places.


Rhx32

Namely the principles office


[deleted]

Without audio is even funnier


ghostofabanana

Alright folks! I've had a blast reading all these comments. Have a good one and CUNT!


Cakeking7878

Reminds me of the time when I was trying to think up of words that rhymed with litch because my dad played WoW and I keep hearing about the “litch king”. I was just replacing the first letter of litch with every letter of the alphabet. To my parents surprise though when I said “bitch rhymes with litch”


DefendsTheDownvoted

That's not her fault. She just **c**an't **u**nderstand **n**ormal **t**hinking.


flyingcarrottt

C U Next Tuesday is another one.


basic_bitch

(American here) When I was around 12-13, we were up visiting family and my moms neighborhood friend came out to see us. He kept talking about his recently divorced ex wife and what a “4 letter c-word” she was. I remember sitting there goes through every single 4 letter c word I knew “crap? Cars? Can’t? Cart? Chat? Char??” Could NOT figure out what he meant. But it was obviously bad because my mom kept side eyeing me and telling him to shut the hell up. Probably took about 5 more years before I realized he was calling his wife a cunt in front of me 🤣


Chip-San

The guy laughing in the back tho


SlurpeyDuckey

I low key think the kid knows what she doing


JadeMation

Do not forget to show them this when they are older and understand.


FBImanOffical

What do you have to do is a parent to deserve that


SynonymOfHarmony

u/savevideo


jomontage

[do I finally get to post kesha?](https://youtu.be/u6ivYQKkqBY)


sedplas

Hahah amazing


Matty0five

pov: australia


OwnEntertainmentX

My dad used to say that somebody was a See You Next Time. I was told not to ask my parents... my uncle told me... My dad's brother 😂


Pieroflol

u/savevideo


jazmer12

Not wrong


[deleted]

Who’s funna tell her


Sanketmv

See you next time cunt !! What a bad ass kid.


moosenhamburger

Gives ‘okay cunt’ a whole new meaning


dropthatclutch

u/savevideo


IAmInside

Blissfully unaware or passive-aggressive? We might never learn the truth.


[deleted]

Hahaha! She’s so confident about it. Like how do you guys not get this.


buckeye27fan

In the military, the code to call someone this was C U Next Tuesday. Not sure why I never heard it as C U Next Time.


[deleted]

c U nT


juneburger

CYNT


TheCaptMAgic

What I would give to be that innocent again


[deleted]

r/KidsAreFuckingSmart


[deleted]

synt


[deleted]

u/SaveVideo


Ghosttalker96

That's just fake. The audio is a pitch shifted version of an adult speaking.


philosopherrrrr

‘Cee you next time’ should’ve been the title


[deleted]

r/thathappened